100% Eat - Applebees Cheetos Boneless Wings & Cheetos Cheese Bites

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Applebees Cheetos Boneless Wings & Cheetos Cheese Bites so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about the food the whole entire... time, knowing it was going to be a good trip, supply chain issues, and a special Snack Attack from Jordan himself. Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/facejam) and Upstart (http://upstart.com/facejam). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation under the sun. It's always fun to let you know if you need it, you probably do. Thanks to Honey and Upstart for making this show possible. I am your host, your personal host, the host of hosts, Michael Jones, alongside my co-hosty host, coast, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Different after today, I can tell you that.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Today, we have been transformed. Last episode, I didn't want us to talk about the food too early. Wow. Uh-huh. But this time, let's fucking get into it. What? We were saying as we were driving, we're like, we should have fucking recorded this. Yeah, we just need to go beat by beat about what just happened.
Starting point is 00:01:01 And it doesn't surprise me that he says that. Yeah, no kidding. Because once again, as I've said- It's not because I forgot to do a haiku. As I've said before- What the fuck? As I've said before, but could not have been truer today, somehow I'm the most normal, level-headed
Starting point is 00:01:16 one here because I watched these three humans deteriorate inside of an Applebee's restaurant. There were screams. We had fun. We were having fun. There were screams. We had fun. We were having fun. There were slight convulsions. I bumped my head. I had injuries.
Starting point is 00:01:30 You gave yourself a concussion. I think I'm concussed. Things being thrown back and forth. Has this room always been purple? Yes. Jeez. That's right. So what are we eating?
Starting point is 00:01:39 Today, the big return. We're reviewing Applebee's Cheetos boneless wings and Cheetos cheese bites and spicy version right right right right so four things on the docks right off the bat my question is what do you think the cheese bites taste like
Starting point is 00:01:58 we'll wait dude we'll wait okay today Jordan he'd get it We'll wait, dude. We'll wait, okay? God. Today, Jordan would be like, he would get it from early season Jordan. I will say, I listened to our last Applebee's episode, which we'll learn more about in the facts section. That was the last episode where Nick did not dine with us. The golden days.
Starting point is 00:02:23 We decided maybe we should think about possibly inviting him. The world changed after that. In that episode, Jordan is reviewing the food, but then it's all the, well, every time I got another one,
Starting point is 00:02:40 the taste changed. That was the drink. The problem was with the drink where it was very weak at first. Here's the thing. He's trying to save face. Basically, that would not happen now. Correct. He would not say that.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Correct. He would punish them for the shape of the cup or something. Or conversely, reward them for an ergonomically shaped cup. For the very cool shape of the cup. True. True. Don't be unfair. I'm just saying.
Starting point is 00:03:12 I've seen some pretty good cups. All right. So it's Jordan then and Jordan now. I mean, really just, I think it would be a fight. I think it would be. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm very curious to see what this applebee's trip
Starting point is 00:03:25 has in store it's not about the destination it's about the journey this one was insane start to finish and and to further not only was it a journey we almost always go get the food yeah um but this is another one of the sit downs so we went So we went there. I haven't done a sit-down in a minute. It has been a bit. I think, was Friday's the last one? Big top! Maybe there was one after? No, no, no, no. It was, no, because we were going to eat at Friday's, but then we decided that, oh no, I'll just pick up the
Starting point is 00:03:55 food. And then we ended up not eating at Friday's. Oh, right. Did we go to the Red Robin? Oh, the Red Robin was that. That was the last one. Yep. IHOP. IHOP? IHOP. So there's a lot. There's like three episodes ago. There's not only do we miss a lot, but I
Starting point is 00:04:11 thought of one that didn't happen. Which has been occurring a lot. Wow, our first three-peat. What? This is it. No! Oh, man. But to further that, they're all closed. They're all closed.
Starting point is 00:04:26 They're all closed. So we had to drive 20 minutes to get there. This is every step of the way a journey. The one that we went to first was so close to us. It was perfect. It was down the street from us. And now it's gone forever. It's some seafood joint or something.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Yep. And so we could not go there. And then it was like, well, we can go south and sit in traffic. Yeah. Well, okay. No, well, let's look.
Starting point is 00:04:52 And it's not just south. It was south like west. Yeah. It was like we had to go on like two different. It's like, well, I guess we'll go to not the next city north, but the next city after that.
Starting point is 00:05:03 But the next next city is only a little bit further than the next city. In order to eat at Applebee's. To eat not just Applebee's, but the Cheetos, boneless wings, and Cheetos cheese bites. We went there for them. Sorry, Flaming Hot. We had a lot of conversation on the way up there. I said, hey, so here's what we're getting.
Starting point is 00:05:24 We have the regular version and the spicy version. so here's what we're getting we have the regular version and the spicy version of flaming hot both right he was getting there i think sorry he could just start there flaming hot version don't get shook though yeah jordan look i know it's difficult the branding was very important to jordan he said and even the way he said it i didn't understand because he said hot or like spicy or flaming hot. Yeah, because you just said spicy. I was like, well, is it spicy or is it flaming hot? I also felt like he looked at you and went, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:52 And then I said, wait, is there two levels? Like I thought there was a spice and he went, well, no, that's just what it's called. It's the branding is very important to him, I guess. Yeah. When you're talking about Cheetos, yeah. You gotta make it make sense. Hey, don't fuck around. I guess. When you're talking about Cheetos, yeah. You gotta make it make sense. Hey, don't fuck around. I guess.
Starting point is 00:06:08 As Jordan from day one on this podcast is very concerned about these kind of things. Just get it right. Cup shapes and... Get it right. You know, who's paying for what and where he went for middle school graduation and the food he ate after his grandma died.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I really like it a lot. I like it a lot. Again, from someone who was outraged about having factors that weren't the food. You then took us down memory lane and I'll never let go of it. But now you're better. Yeah. We did it. Yeah. Everyone. I'm cured.
Starting point is 00:06:38 Jordan's cured. I don't even know where to begin with this place. I don't even know. So the last time we went to Applebee's, it was the 25 cent wings. That was a long ass time. It was. It was like 2015, right?
Starting point is 00:06:54 Something like that. Yeah, 2015. He really did. In the midst of Bernie's first campaign. He really like hit his fucking head. He hit his head. Yeah. He's different now.
Starting point is 00:07:02 No, it's the particles. The tachyon particles. Jesus Christ. This is a... He was saying that at the restaurant. It was weird. and head yeah he's different no it's the it's the particles the tachyon particles jesus christ this is uh he was saying that it was really hit his head and then he kept saying it with his eyes rolling back uh so that's what we went to in applebee's that we just walked into and went nothing has changed it was far to get there and it looked exactly like literally every applebee's you've ever been to in your life except it said ut i feel like the same two people who were there when we went for the first applebee's episode were also there this one they also had a drive yeah the same the
Starting point is 00:07:37 same two people as in both the employee and the the bartender they both looked at each other and said guess we're moving 20 minutes north. Gotta go up north. The guy drinking a beer and an energy drink at the same time. Well, yeah, he's gotta go back to his construction job. That's what you do. Liquid lunch.
Starting point is 00:07:55 That's right. Gotta even out. So that was... We have to... We can't... I mean, where do we start? I don't know. I mean...
Starting point is 00:08:03 How far do we get into this? Because it's so insane. I mean, we do a little? I don't know. I mean. How far do we get into this? Because it's so insane. I mean, we do a little and then come back. Okay. I don't even know. Let's start everything before we got the food. How's that? That'll be what.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Hey, close your eyes. We walk through the door. Right. It's fucking empty. Empty. Absolutely empty. Ghost town. Also, as we're walking up, Eric says, I wouldn't be surprised if they don't even have it here.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Like, we drove all this way for nothing. But we walked in. Right next to it. Life-size cutout of Chester Cheeto. Greeted by Chester himself. He's loving it. Took a picture. You can go to atfacejampod.
Starting point is 00:08:35 You can see that picture. And then just know that. If they posted it. Yeah, we'll see if our social team gets to it. I don't know. Who does the voice for Chester Cheeto? In my head now, it sounds like. No. Doesn't sound like Violent Femmes. That's the bandicoot. Your don't know. Who does the voice for Chester Cheeto? In my head now, it sounds like... It doesn't sound like Violent Femmes.
Starting point is 00:08:46 It's the bandicoot. Your eyes lit up just now. I love it. I listened to that song on the way over here just to get in the spirit. There were so many people that put that song over a Crash Bandicoot level and I'm like, that's exactly what that is. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:09:02 In my head now, the voice is Stanley Tucci. I don't think that's who it is, but- Isn't he dangerously cheesy? Dangerously cheesy. Tell me I'm wrong. Am I wrong? No, no, you're right. It's Stanley Tucci.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Sure. Before he died. So there's a life-size cutout. There's the rhino and the Cheeto. Yeah. And then we take the picture, and then the server just walks up, and she's like, what did I just walk into? And it's like, there's no one here.
Starting point is 00:09:31 Don't even. What are you? You walked into your job, I assume. She sat us. Yeah, but she said it a little playfully. Yeah, she was like, uh-oh. I was like, we're having fun. Look at these couple of crazy guys.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And I said something like, we're here for the Cheetos. Which became a running theme because we said it a lot. We said it so many times. We were very clear. Taking pictures. Yeah. Saying that we're here for the Cheetos. Holding it up and showing and just going, Cheetos, Cheetos. Look at the Cheetos. We want them.
Starting point is 00:09:59 We see. We look at what we're going to have. We find out there's a Mountain Dew flavor. Michael is going to get it. Blue it is not a mountain dew flavor of wing no it was very confusingly said that i will i will concede and say for the first time ever i was wrong and i could have been more clear whoa and he and he accepted no he accepted it in the moment too because he went on great detail about what we were going to eat. And it was very much like, this shit on chicken wings, chicken wing.
Starting point is 00:10:29 And we're like, oh. And then he went, and they have some kind of Mountain Dew thing. They have a Mountain Dew flavor. And you and I, Jordan and I looked at each other and went, what the fuck? Why aren't we eating that? And he's like, yeah, they have it, but we're not supposed to eat it. And we're like, that sounds insane. Why would we not eat that?
Starting point is 00:10:43 And he was like, I don't know, because cuz we were doing the other thing and we just kept going Mountain wings Mountain Dew mountain is like Mountain Dew There's like a Mountain Dew flavor and he just kept saying it and then we kept going. What are you talking about? And then I finally went Mountain Dew the drink Like a liquid and he went yeah, oh now I see yeah
Starting point is 00:11:03 Absolutely conceded anyway. Yeah, because if there were Mountain Dew wings, I would have been fucking flipping out. There were not. There were not Mountain Dew wings. No, there was just a flavor of Mountain Dew, the drink that Michael got. When the waitress went to take our order, which is right away because there's no one else to wait on. She started writing everything down and I'm just going through the order.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Yeah. Eric's like looking at the menu and I'm going just reading four orders of this. Four orders. I'm watching her. She starts writing, stops, then starts scribbling. Yep. And then it was like kind of hits the mat. I was like, Eric, I think you need to stop.
Starting point is 00:11:35 So she goes, I need to get another pen. She walks away. She comes back. Go. Okay. Four orders of this. So it's four orders of the Cheetos regular flavor wings. Got it.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Bear with us, audience. Four orders of the Flamin' Hot flavor boneless wings. And then we did two orders of the Flamin' Hot cheese bites and two orders of the original Cheetos cheese bites. So four orders of wings. Yeah. Cheeto. Uh-huh. Four orders of wings. Flamin' Hot. Yes So four orders of wings. Yeah. Cheeto. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Four orders of wings. Flamin' hot. Yes. Eight orders of wings. Correct. Too many. I said too many. No.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Two orders of Flamin' cheese bites. Yep. Two orders of Cheeto cheese bites. Yeah. Four total. Correct. That is it. Presumably she wrote this all down.
Starting point is 00:12:20 To be fair, it's a lot of crap. Yeah. But very simple. Oh, especially when you write it all down. And they had a big ass, like, unfoldable menu for it. It was not this little, like, boop. It was the main attraction that they had. Chester at the front door.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Cheeto, Cheeto, Cheeto. This was not a, I don't know what that is. Stanley Tucci was there. Stanley Tucci himself, as a bird, was there telling you to order it. She takes her order, goes, okay, leaves. Comes back with presumably a manager. Would you say that she was a manager? She looked like a manager.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Okay. A manager or a friend? Yeah. I don't know. She may have phoned a friend. She has to wear a uniform to hang out. It could have been a woman in Applebee's cosplay. I cannot confirm that she was a man.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I'll tell you, too. Also, before she even left and came back with a friend, she walked away. We all looked at each other and said, what do you think we'll get? Yes, 100%. Because, I mean, the look of just pure bewilderment. Yeah, yeah. It was on her face. And it was like, okay.
Starting point is 00:13:19 And then she left. And so she comes back with her friend who's dressed as an Applebee's employee also. I would say, yeah, that's a good way to describe both of them. Both of them were dressed as employees. Just want to confirm, you guys want four orders of the Flamin' Hot Boneless Wings. Right. And then we said, yeah. And then I think Michael went, and four orders of the regular
Starting point is 00:13:47 Cheetos boneless wings the woman who was dressed as an Applebee's employee went alright yeah it was both I didn't know that this is new information and yeah hell yeah
Starting point is 00:14:02 so we got that so now we're going and We got that. Okay, so now we're going. Back on track. And I'll even tell you this, though. We're back on track. She walked away, and my first thought was, she's coming to make sure we want eight orders. That actually kind of makes sense.
Starting point is 00:14:15 It's like when you've got to break 100, the manager has to come over and do it. Clearly learned she didn't know about the other four. My next thought was then, did she have to check that four people made four food orders? I don't even understand what, just to make sure,
Starting point is 00:14:29 you're willing to spend over $30? There are four of you. I don't understand why she was there. We all looked at each other and looked at Michael and nodded knowingly like, good, we will receive this. Minutes,
Starting point is 00:14:44 minutes might be a strong word because minute might have passed. It all happened very quickly, I'll tell you. Because of the way this food is, I assume, manufactured and the fact that no one was there, it all happened very fast. A guy comes over. This is the most we talked about a restaurant experience before. It just didn't stop. It didn't stop.
Starting point is 00:15:04 A guy walks over. It really didn't stop. It didn't stop. A guy walks over. It really didn't. We were trying to talk about stuff. Start to finish. And it was just people showing up. We presume the guy who came over next is the cook? Someone in the kitchen. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:17 For sure. He walked over and he's like, guys, bad news. I don't have any of the original Cheetos flavor. I only have Flamin' Hot. And we went, oh, man, can we just get six orders of the Flamin' Hot instead so that way we have like a bunch of food. And he said, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Now, let me tell you about all my supply chain issues. And then sat down, not in a seat, but on a table. And I went, oh oh I thought this was over and he sat down and he's like let me tell you it had only just begun
Starting point is 00:15:49 he wanted to go through step by step so the truck comes on Monday the truck just came and they didn't deliver
Starting point is 00:15:57 the regular ones the first time I wanted to be the first one to try the regular he was excited about it he was all about it excited about it because
Starting point is 00:16:04 I don't know if you knew this or not, they've actually had the flaming version before. I had no idea. I didn't know, but they've never had the regular Cheeto. You're not in the industry. And that's what he's excited about, and the truck didn't have any. So now, he has to wait for the truck. It gets here on Saturday.
Starting point is 00:16:21 To see if he can get the original Cheeto. now this reminded him of the time where I don't know if you know this but one of the most popular menu items at Applebee's is the spinach dip the artichoke spinach dip and one time they didn't have it for a week and people were angry
Starting point is 00:16:38 the kerfuffle that went on with the customer coming in day in and day out to that Applebee's they kept going better luck tomorrow and went the spinach dip with the customer coming in day in and day out to that Applebee's, they kept going, better luck tomorrow. And with the spinach dip. And it was us. And we just kept going, yeah, uh-huh. It is just how fast can we get this done so you can go back and finish cooking our food?
Starting point is 00:16:57 Well, that's the double whammy, right? It was the classic, like, someone's talking to you and you're just trying to make it end, right? But be nice because you're also still sitting there. But added with the unusual, and also you're making my food. Why are you? Go, if you're here. Who's making my food? I think that, did I hear the Cheeto dust back there?
Starting point is 00:17:21 So that's, those are all the things that preceded us actually receiving our food. And it didn't stop there. No, so we'll have to get into the food when we get into the food. We'll take a slight break here. Welcome, this is a podcast where we talk about the fucking food.
Starting point is 00:17:39 When you tell your friends that it's a podcast about food but not really about food, don't recommend this episode. This is the one that I'm about. We don't have any celebrity teeth facts. Where's the timer? Oh no! Did we just start? An hour in?
Starting point is 00:17:53 I have a friend who listens to the show. Tacky on particles. A guy I know, Jason, who reached out to me and he just went like, hey, the Jessica Simpson's teeth thing like, not okay. He was, because I think other Jason, who reached out to me and he just went like, hey, the Jessica Simpson's teeth thing like, not okay. Like, he was, because I think like other people, they were trying
Starting point is 00:18:10 to eat while listening to this. Oh, I mentioned that too as we were talking about it. And he just went, fuck this. Don't blame us, blame Jessica Simpson. Yeah, it wasn't us, geez. God. And blame the less than two month old article. Yeah, no kidding. And anyway. She's still talking about it. It's crazy. And now it's than two month old article. Yeah. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:18:25 And anyway, she's still talking about it. It's crazy. Still talking. Now it's time for Jordan's haiku. She's getting more coverage than Chris
Starting point is 00:18:31 Christie. Why do they keep interviewing her about her teeth? Tell me more about Beto. Why are you still talking to Jessica
Starting point is 00:18:40 Simpson about her teeth? Our nation's future is at stake here! Yeah, but she's got these teeth. And now it's time for the facts. What? What happened to the haiku?
Starting point is 00:18:51 I told you I didn't write one. Yeah, but one I thought was a joke. You could do... You know what you could do? You had so much time to come up with one. You could do a flyku. Wow. Has he ever done that before?
Starting point is 00:18:59 I could read... Yeah, that's why I had a name for it. I know. Oh, okay. I was trying to give him more time. I was vamping. Let's see here. Because he won't do it bad. He just won name for it. I know. Oh, okay. I was trying to give him more time. I was vamping. Let's see here. Because he won't do it bad.
Starting point is 00:19:08 He just won't do it. That's the problem. Papa John's? Is that what we ate? No, no, no. No, no, no. We ate Applebee's. This one is so deserving of one.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Yeah, this one deserves a haiku. Do you want us to come back later? Read a couple facts. All right. We'll give you this one time. Yep. Because this is a weird episode. This is very bizarre.
Starting point is 00:19:24 This is a weird episode where we're focusing on the restaurant the one time. Yep. Because this is a weird episode. This is very bizarre. This is a weird episode where we're focusing on the restaurant the whole time. Alright. On to the Applebee's facts. Our previous Applebee's episode was released November 26th 2019. So
Starting point is 00:19:41 long ago. Where we ate the 25 cent wings and $1 vodka cranberry lemonade, it received an average score of 74. He gave it a 50? You gave it a 98. That makes sense. That's a real early episode. I remember them being very neutral.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Haiku. Write your haiku. So you can't multitask. And walk and chew gum at the same time. How many syllables is in tachyon particle? Probably too many to be in a haiku. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:20:17 When the average score was 74, you yelled out, that's as many as three wings. The price could not be beat. Incredible. Incredible wings. Wow. The price could not be beat. Incredible. Incredible. Incredible value. Yeah, incredible value. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Okay, here we go. Fact two. Applebee's and Chili's are the same place. There's nothing else to this fact. It is simply a fact. Thank you. So many people disagree. All of them wrong.
Starting point is 00:20:46 I don't even it's funny cause it's come up so many times this conversation and I'm sure I weighed in on it here and there regardless of the history like whatever I say now people go no you say what I just don't care I don't give a shit I don't fucking
Starting point is 00:21:02 care I don't fucking care I don't care what you think I don't care who cares I don't care. I don't give a shit. I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care. This has been... I don't care what you think. I don't care. Who cares? I don't care what the fuck... Who comments on it. Well, Taric... I don't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Shut up. Go inside a Sonic. Just like, I don't give a shit. This has been a fight with my wife for a very long time. And I write the facts, so it's a fact. Actually, this is a great time to tell you, we're taking out Barbara's facts right now. And I write the facts, so it's a fact. Actually, this is a great time to tell you, we're taking out Barbara's facts right now.
Starting point is 00:21:30 All right, fact number three. Let's stop fucking around. The largest and busiest Applebee's locations are both in New York. So if you're looking for an authentic New York experience, we recommend Applebee's. Tell them Face Jam sent you, and that we're walking over here nailed it classic a little new york little east coast michael coming out you hear that that's what
Starting point is 00:21:52 we're walking over here that's like coffee yeah we're walking did you hear how his accent his natural accent came out it was just his voice just moved up to his nose. It was weird. We're walking over here. Do you have a haiku yet? You've been saying that a lot, too. Were you posting that because you were typing this, or did you type this because you were posting it? I think I landed on this, and I went, oh, that's fun. I saw you yesterday saying,
Starting point is 00:22:17 I'm walking here. No, that came... This happened this morning. Right, but I'm saying it was recently in your brain, so you probably just said, I said that thing yesterday, now I'll put it in the facts. And it made me laugh, and I went, oh, that's fun. That's all. That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:22:33 On Veterans Day, veterans eat for free. We are not veterans, but one of us is not above stealing valor in order to eat for free. Which of us would do this and is also into January 6 stuff I'm just asking the question let me tell you this prison sentences are starting to roll out. Yeah, are you worried that one guy got 41 months? Are you concerned?
Starting point is 00:23:11 He was like the second guy to get 40 months. Damn, dude. How do you feel? Are you shaking your boots? I got dirt on somebody stealing valor at a shopping mall parking lot. Let me see what it says. shopping mall parking lot. Saluting in front. Salute the troops. Let me see what it says.
Starting point is 00:23:30 It's like veteran parking or some shit. It's a picture of Eric in front of parking reserved for military veterans. And Eric just saluting. Saluting it. I'm saluting our troops. You're saluting in front of it. And also in small text underneath it says, thank you for your service.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Oh my god. Oh man. No American flags there though, so really are they patriots? I really hope you finish this because I'm on to the last part. Do you have a haiku yet? The original theme for Applebee's was drugstore. Which we
Starting point is 00:24:02 covered in our previous episode, but we at Face Jam believe they should revive this theme and become the leading healthcare provider in the United States. Pick up your prescription and some mozzarella sticks. Fuck CVS. Hell yeah. That would be tight. Imagine getting these, imagine you have a prescription to pick up and you got these
Starting point is 00:24:23 Cheeto wings. You could probably just have them put your meds in the food. Wow, like a dog? Like a dog. What? Unlike a dog, you know. Wow, where's my pill? Yeah, you know, but you're still,
Starting point is 00:24:34 you don't feel betrayed. You just, yeah, put it right in. Yeah. Spencer? Mozzarella sticks for Spencer? Yeah, you had the heart medication, right? Yeah. Okay, yep, this is your order up.
Starting point is 00:24:47 That's, I wonder. You say original theme. Wait, did you say heart medication or heartworm medication? Oh, no. Oh, no, Spencer, no! Yeah, the original theme. So it was like a themed restaurant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:58 As a drugstore? Yeah, remember it was like TJ Applebee's. No, I wasn't there. Where were you? Well, this guy wasn't. Yeah, where were you? I wasn't at the TJ Applebee's. No, I wasn't there. Where were you? Well, this guy wasn't. Yeah, where were you? I wasn't at the original Applebee's, Eric. No, no.
Starting point is 00:25:08 The last episode, we talk about it. We talk about- No, I stand by. He wasn't there. You are a different person. These tagging our verticals are fucked here. Fucking crazy. Yeah, I remember it was like TJ Applebee's elixirs and edibles.
Starting point is 00:25:24 So if we talked about this, why is it in the fax again? Because it's Eric. Because I want them. I thought about reviving it and having them be the leading healthcare provider. Also, it was just like, I reuse this. He re-listened to the episode this morning. Yeah. And typed out a transcript.
Starting point is 00:25:40 This is good. This is so good. Whoa, this guy's funny. Damn, this is a bunch of fucking slam dunks in this one. I hope this show's still going. Well, there was no haiku in that one, so here's one for Applebee's. Okay. Supply chain probs.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Flamin' hot, no regular. Mystery sauce curse. Mystery sauce curse. That's a good one. That was a mystery sauce curse. You're talking about the- We'll get to the mystery sauce. Oh, yeah. No kidding. The Bloomin' Onion a good one. That was a mystery sauce curse talking about the we'll get to the mysteries. Oh, yeah Security is compromised
Starting point is 00:26:15 Oh my god, I mean we're back to spitting silly, but I think we just continue right Then let us food started to arrive. I think we got to fire off into like telling people what the food is. This is like Prince's Bride. Oh, that's important. Yeah, Jordan, you should like.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Sure. All right. Here's Cheetos boneless wings. We're just going to blast through these. You got it. We're going to blast. Cheetos boneless wings feature crispy breaded boneless wings
Starting point is 00:26:40 coated in crunchy Cheetos crumbles and tossed in your choice of original Cheetos wing sauce or Cheetos flaming hot wing sauce. Okay. Spicy version. The cheese bites are Cheetos. Cheese bites feature fried cheese bites. I did I say cheese bites enough?
Starting point is 00:26:59 I knew you were going to like this one. Cheese bites coated in crunchy Cheetos crumbles. Toasted in your choice. It's the same fucking thing. It's the same fucking thing. Press material. Press material. Quote. I hate it already. I knew when I got it, I knew that you were going to like, oh my God, this is great.
Starting point is 00:27:17 I'm going to read it like Stanley Tucci. The unique pairing of Cheetos with fan favorites like wings and cheese bites is a match made in cheesy heaven. And we can't wait for all of our guests to have a bite, said Stanley Tucci, chief marketing officer at Applebee's. With wings being one of our most popular meals among guests, we know this exclusive menu sprinkled in Cheetos dust will be a huge hit. They called it Cheetos dust. I love it. I suggest pairing it with our new, all caps, Mountain Dew. Dark berry bash for the perfect combo.
Starting point is 00:27:56 He did that. Cheetos. Registered trademark. Cheetle? What? What the fuck is Cheetle? Don Cheetle? I don't know dude. Cheetle, registered trademark
Starting point is 00:28:10 and Flamin' Hot, registered trademark are registered trademarks of North America Inc. copyright This is in the press material? The fucking trademark This trademark and trademark and trademarks are trademarks. What the fuck is Cheeto?
Starting point is 00:28:29 Is that like the parent company you know who's thing you know it's not his typo That's true. It's straight-up copy-paste. Yeah, also the the marketing officers name is Joel Yashinsky I wanted to come back to that because that's a cool name. Yeah Nick is doing Cheetle research. Interesting. Don Cheetle. I'll also say getting the food. Applebee's is far now.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Yeah. Because there's not a close one. It's terrible. Cheetos dust now has an official name. What? The Cheetle. The Cheetle? The dust?
Starting point is 00:29:02 The dust is called Cheetle. But then you refer to it as a thee? I don't know. It's just what the headline said that Nick just showed me. Can I get the Cheetle on my food? Sir, we don't do that here. The term you're looking for is Cheetle. Cheetle is now defined as
Starting point is 00:29:18 that orange and red dust symbolic of true Cheetos fandom according to a news release from Frito-Lay and spokesman Chester Cheetah Also known as Stanley When you were gonna say the name I really thought you were gonna say Joel I was with you I'm like 100% it's Joel and then you hit me with Chester and I feel fucked up Oh no! Oh! The Cheetle!
Starting point is 00:29:48 We should get more Cheetle on this Cheetle is a horrible word Hey let me lick that Cheetle off your fingers Well our food was- Why did it need a name?! It was covered in Cheetle It's just called Cheetos dust! Well some of it was covered in Cheetle
Starting point is 00:30:01 Oh my god Oh fuck Some of it was covered in Cheetle. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. So, we get the food. So, then the food shows up. We get... We ordered six. We got five. we get,
Starting point is 00:30:23 we ordered six. We got five. We got five orders of flaming hot Cheeto covered wings. They are sat down in front of us and we go, wow, this is crazy. In a red display. It's just, the presentation was definitely lacking.
Starting point is 00:30:41 It was plate with Cheetos on it. Michael just kept talking about how it looks like a dystopian future where they go, do you want yellow or red? Red! It was like something out of Demolition Man. Or you say yellow, and they say, too bad, no yellow today. Here's supply chain delay.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Red! I really wanted yellow, because we've had red for a long time. Eat the red and drink the blue! The blue drink! And and drink the blue. You got your blue drink. And it was fucking blue. It was so blue. It was purple, but it wasn't purple. It was just that blue.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Oh, man. We look at these wings. There are ten on a plate. I feel like I smelled them first before I saw them. You kept saying that. I found the smell to be quite pungent there are 10 on a plate and there is so much not even just Cheetle crushed up Cheetos
Starting point is 00:31:32 yeah just like everywhere word of the day calendar they are everywhere Jordan just goes it looks like it's fucking garnish cause it's just piled in the middle right in the middle is just a bunch of it that they've dumped on it so we get five and we're about to dig in and michael goes we got five not even a minute she comes over with our six there's no fucking room she sets it all right and then she goes great anything else dude again like the food came out before the cheese
Starting point is 00:32:05 bites is that what they're called cheetos cheese bites I tuned it out it's not a you thing it's a cheetos cheese bites it's called semantic satiation so you get the clear the server
Starting point is 00:32:22 has completed their task and I'm leaving now unless you stop me, Tone. And she goes, anything else? And I go, yeah, the cheese. The Cheetos cheese bites. You started saying cheese like you would know what she was talking about. I literally, I didn't even say Cheetos. I did
Starting point is 00:32:37 say, I was like, the cheese. And she didn't interrupt me and I just went things, the cheese things. And she just stared at me, and I'm like, yep. We ordered it, and it was, oh, right. It was just like, uh. Oh, yeah, those are, uh. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Yeah, yeah, those are, uh. Yeah, okay, yeah. Sure. Those are coming right out. Sure. Left. And then we all went, there she goes to have it. To go make it now.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Then. Because she came back. Dude, again, another minute. again another minute yep she comes back and she goes so do you you want you want the cheese bites or the cheese sticks uh-huh and we said the cheetos and i was like to the cheeto the cheeto thing cheetos the cheese bites the ones with the cheetos it's let me tell you right now just the flaming hot you guys don't have the yeah you don't need to send them out i don't you guys don't have the regular guy in the kitchen. You don't need to send him out again.
Starting point is 00:33:27 I don't know if you talk to the kitchen, but we do. We're on a first name basis. Dude, I wasn't going to be surprised if the guy came out again to tell us. Just because he's like, anyway, well, I'm out of here. So then she's like, believe it or not, it's the same dust. Oh, Cheetos cheese bites. Yep. Got it. And off she goes problem and i mean we
Starting point is 00:33:47 we had lost it at this point oh because we had already taken a bite of our food at that point so we all went oh no the food itself is maybe the crunchiest food i've ever eaten that isn't like an apple. And you don't have a good history with apples. No, no. Hopefully this doesn't make you sick. I'm definitely feeling weird. The breading is so thick. And this is not
Starting point is 00:34:20 how the 25 cent wings look. Yeah. They're totally different. These were covered. They're totally different. Yeah. These were covered. They're red and brown and then covered and crushed up stale Cheetos, which Nick just started going, well, if they don't have Cheetos,
Starting point is 00:34:36 why don't they just go, we should just go get Cheetos. Just go get Cheetos and then make, and then you just make these. Go to Walmart. Yeah. Just go to the Cheetos. He saw fucking Sam's as we were leaving.
Starting point is 00:34:44 And he's like, just buy them wholesale at the Sam's. There they have Cheetos there. I definitely know they have Cheetos there. It's like, all right. What I mean, it's not hot. It's not doesn't taste like I would say it's flaming hot as much as flaming Cheetos are. I don't even think it's that Flamin' Hot. I don't think at all. You guys are getting dangerously close to reviewing the food. Not reviewing. No. Just talking about.
Starting point is 00:35:10 Very. No. First bite. So. What? Michael gets his drink. And it's the bluest thing we've ever seen. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Ends up later with a refill. Oh, she comes back with it. And I was just like, well, I definitely didn't ask for that. Shell shocked. Yeah. So then we all had our straws. And we all had a sip. She puts she comes back with it, and I was just like, well, I definitely didn't ask for that. Shell-shocked. Yeah. So then we all had our straws, and we all had a sip. She puts them down and walks away, and I go, who's drinking this?
Starting point is 00:35:31 I'm not drinking this. So we all had a sip of it, so we all had the Mountain Dew as well. It's melted Popsicle in flavor. And then she returns with our cheese bites. Yay. We thought. I mean, she did. She sets them down. I mean mean i saw it coming yeah oh
Starting point is 00:35:47 sorry right yeah and i'm just going she returns with our cheese bites they are just the cheese bites no cheetle anyway no not a not a cheetle or a cheeto to be seen that's where the yellow comes into the story not a a cheetle. They are very yellow. She puts them down and it was so past the point. We just went, yep, there they are. There they are. You need anything else? We'll say, best thing we ate.
Starting point is 00:36:15 Oh, hey. Tipped her 20%. She sets it down. We eat the cheese. I pick one up. I dip it in the sauce. Nobody was really paying attention. We eat the cheese. I pick one up. I dip it in the sauce. Nobody was really paying attention. We were like... Maybe it was like a horror
Starting point is 00:36:31 strategy looking... It looks like a Chipotle mayo. That kind of color. Because that's what I thought it was going to taste like. Michael said I jumped like... He didn't just jump. He took a bite and the way he squirmed was like it was like a bug was in his pants you were trying to get away from it it was
Starting point is 00:36:52 he climbed up the back of the booth you were standing on i was fucking floored by the flavor i was just so confused i was like what's wrong with Eric? I could not believe what I was tasting. None of it made sense. It was like taking a bite of an apple and it tasted like steak. It was fucking crazy. We recorded Michael having it. Well, then Jordan had it.
Starting point is 00:37:18 And you had a similar not as exaggerated reaction. Yeah, I mean, if Eric hadn't told me it was the sauce, and I went for it, I probably would have reacted the same way. I would have been like, what the fuck? We had the heads up. We had the heads up.
Starting point is 00:37:31 So then before I tried it, I was like, record it. Record me trying this. And so we have a video that won't get posted at Face Jam Pod. I'll see if they can get it posted. Maybe the internal news. That's good stuff. This is my genuine reaction to the sauce. Again, knowing, according to Eric and Jordan, it was fucking weird.
Starting point is 00:37:49 And you were not wrong. No. It was like, why? What? The weirdest thing I've ever tasted. Ever tasted, period. And it's like, why is this coming with the non-cheat old cheese bite? What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:38:00 How does this pair with this at all? We have been trying to figure out what the flavor is since we tried it and still can't land on it. I need to analyze it. Jordan kept talking about doing experiments. Yeah, putting it under a microscope, Jordan kept saying. Tachyon particles. He kept saying tachyon particles and he had little slides of glass. Well, it's because at that point, we were noticing the music that was playing.
Starting point is 00:38:22 And at one point, this weird country song was playing. Oh, it ended. It stopped and then went back to the middle of it and started playing again. But they liked that part. And we were like, did somebody hit like 30 seconds back on it? They really liked that part, dude. And then I was like, these aren't Cheetos dust. They're tachyon particles.
Starting point is 00:38:39 We were flowing through time. We really were flowing through time. Things were different. It was so weird. We gave one of these cheese bites with the dipping sauce to our security guard. And he was fucking floored. And then later came screaming into our room. I know what it is. I know what it is.
Starting point is 00:39:01 We were all talking about it tastes like this. It tastes like that. For me, it tastes like that, like for me It was like tartar sauce with soy sauce. That's not incredibly far off It was to me- Which is fucking weird when it just gets slammed next to some cheese bites But there was still something about it that I described as nautical. Also then he wouldn't stop eating it Uh, I needed to know. So he said it was like the Bloomin' Onion sauce Yeah, he busted it and they all screamed at him. We all screamed at him. Have an update. He has sent it was like the Bloomin' Onion sauce. Yeah, he busted it. We all screamed at him. Have an update.
Starting point is 00:39:26 He has sent me pictures of the Bloomin' Onion sauce. I don't care! It doesn't look like that! Here's the other thing. It doesn't look like that. Here's the other thing I said. I don't give a shit what you're saying. Jordan's going out to yell at him.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Jordan is about to be escorted from the premises because he is the security guard. He's out getting... Well, now he's out getting Bloomin' Onion Sauce! We're defenseless! He ran away, he knew we were coming. Here's the thing that bothered me. He was trying to convince us and I was like, I don't give a shit what you're gonna say. We've all had the Bloomin' Onion Sauce!
Starting point is 00:39:56 And even if I can't tell you exactly what it tastes like, it doesn't taste like this. It doesn't taste like this. This is like something I've never had before. It's wild. It's insane. He's like, yeah, Bloomin' Onion. Get out of here.
Starting point is 00:40:08 He said it was like the Big Mac sauce. He said it was closer with the Big Mac sauce. It's not as savory. It's very sweet. Jordan said it was like tartar sauce, but with soy sauce mixed to it. In fact, he just said it just now. But I'm just like the, the color is so... Tunes me out.
Starting point is 00:40:26 I can't... No, it's like a sauce I've never had in my life. Fucking insane. You can't come to me and tell me it's like something I've had before. Exactly. And I'm just... And it didn't come... Go away.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Stop it. It didn't come, like, fully mixed, because it was kind of like... No, Jordan started stirring it. That, like, orange is red. Well, he just kept eating it and eating it. At one point, you were like like what are you doing like a white swirl and I was like maybe it needs to be mixed more and I'm doing
Starting point is 00:40:52 experiment over to me too and he's like get that sauce I went absolutely not well I don't I told you he was like put the flame and hot oh yeah cuz then you guys start dipping the wings in it him and Nick they became like like sauce siblings oh yeah and then he went cheers and he's like you gotta get that in Yeah, because then you guys started dipping the wings in it. Him and Nick, they became like sauce siblings. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:05 And then he went, cheers. And he's like, you got to get that in there. And I went, I do not. I absolutely do not. I've eaten it twice now, and I'm done. It's not good. The Flamin' Hot wings, for the record, neutralizes it. The flavor of those is stronger than the flavor of the sauce.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Very strange. And the final experiment. This was my favorite. To make it happen. This is where the con the sauce. Very strange. And the final experiment. This was my favorite. To make it happen. This is where the concussion happened. We started, yeah. So we're like, oh, what if we put the cheese. The Cheetle.
Starting point is 00:41:34 The leftover Cheetle, the cheese bites, the Cheetle-less cheese bites in the leftover Cheetle from our Cheetle-covered. I need a glossary. Flaming hot boneless wings, immediately Eric goes to it, and you hear, it, like, squishes like a bug. It was so...
Starting point is 00:41:55 That's the sound it made. And, like, I was diagonally across from Eric, and I heard it that loud. I heard it and looked up, and Eric was just, like, frozen with his, like like fingers on it. And he's like making a face that's like. I was looking down when he did it. I heard the noise and looked up and he was just making that face of like.
Starting point is 00:42:13 It was like he stepped on a bug with his foot. Yeah. He doesn't want to look at his foot because there's bug guts on it. That's the face you were making. And Michael goes, was that you? And I fucking lost it. And for some reason they have pictures at head level and i went backwards and hit my head on i think that was the point that i said that i was in the normal one yes oh that's what i lost you guys are all turning the goop and he just kept
Starting point is 00:42:38 saying tacky on tacky on so uh anyway i'm gonna wake up in the middle of the night and be like was that a dream yeah so we ended up oh that was the other thing where it was like you're gonna wake up and you're gonna go you're michael it's like no things are different it was like it was all a dream it was so we went for four things the two versions of the cheese bites the two versions of the boneless wings we got one thing we got the flaming the boneless wings. We got one thing. We got one. We got the flaming hot boneless wings. That's it.
Starting point is 00:43:08 And then the Mountain Dew, which we didn't go for. No. But, hey, they had it. They had it. They had it. And you're getting a refill whether you ask for it or not. Drink your blue. We've got too much of it.
Starting point is 00:43:22 This blue is getting dangerously close to all the red. It's going to make purple. We don't need that. of it blue is getting dangerously close to all the red let me tell you at a glance this table there were so many things I said I went this right here is face gym oh yeah the tables the foods weird people are being weird the restaurant everything everything is boneless and or like the wings and the cheese bites at glance
Starting point is 00:43:47 were only different in size. They were just all little shaped blobs. Some had meat. Some were red. Some had cheese. But if you look at it One was just Cheetle.
Starting point is 00:43:57 If you looked at it it would I don't know again how to describe it where it's like that scene in Hook where they pretend they're eating food and the food appears and it's just all mushy it where it's like that scene in Hook where they pretend they're eating food and the food appears and it's just all
Starting point is 00:44:07 mushy colors. Not just like, oh, this looks bad, it's not appetizing, but it's just like here's your food mush color. Here we are, four grown adults in the middle of the day going, more mush! I need to wash it down
Starting point is 00:44:23 with blue! None of it looked like food i don't like i don't like when people find articles online and then quote tweet it and go like we're turning into idiocracy or whatever because that's not where i feel like idiocracy is what we just did is what idiocracy is about it is like in like a babyfication that yes it is all for it was like baby it was all like eat your nuggies it's red nothing will hurt you don't need tea no it's a little crunchy but you'll be okay is so, like, it's the place where when you order, it feels like they'll go, welcome to Applebee's, I love you. They pat me on the head. Because the food itself, the idea of breading the chicken wings
Starting point is 00:45:19 in the Flamin' Hot Cheetle is something that you do in middle school when you crush up the bag and you put it in your sandwich. It's the idea that you have when you are nine for, if I could invent any food in the world, it would be Cheetos on hot wings. Hey, guess what Joel was doing?
Starting point is 00:45:36 He was nine. His dreams have come true. It's so fucking crazy. And there is no one at Applebee's at 245 on a wednesday and if these all close i think we might be better for it i do want that i want that to stay open forever because what a fucking experience what a curse for everyone i mean again everything can be seen through the lens of this show right we can never truly have a bad experience because no the worst because we'll make this show right like people go truly have a bad experience yeah because no the worst because
Starting point is 00:46:05 we'll make this show right like people go to a restaurant they fuck their food up they're mad we get our food fucked up who cares yeah we get a story we got an hour but not only was it that right of like this is crazy we left and i just kept going i i feel like we should call someone i think those people are just confused in there. The number of times we had to tell multiple people what we ordered and basically didn't get any of it. I just kept going, I'm worried. I'm worried. And then you go, I'm tipping 20%. Oh, I'm tipping 20%.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Absolutely. I was like, she didn't earn it, but she does deserve it. She needs it. For what we were doing on this show, 20% is like, yeah, you got it. Dude. You got this. It was unbelievable. It was crazy.
Starting point is 00:46:51 It literally never stopped from start to finish. No, it was, we walked into a ghost town and it was like, whoa. And then ghosts served us. To explain it too, I'll tell you, right? Like, I don't know how long this podcast has been going because I don't have a timer. It's impossible. What we have described
Starting point is 00:47:07 literally never stopped. In that stuff kept happening but it was so fast. You can talk about 45 minutes from sitting down to leave. I'm not talking about this is what happened over two hours. This was like 40 minutes. It was basically as long as it just took
Starting point is 00:47:24 us to tell you what happened. Like, you basically were sitting across from us. Because every single thing we said happened, and then we were done. The food took 14 seconds to make, and it was just like, wow, here we go. Wow, oh my God. And then the ride home was just like, wow. Home. What just happened?
Starting point is 00:47:46 I live here now, but it was like, what the fuck was that? I like this talking about. Someone help those people. Like calling 911 and being like, somebody at the Applebee's needs help. Can you describe them?
Starting point is 00:47:57 Just go and order the Cheetos. You'll know. Sir or madam, I cannot. That is, I need a professional to go in there. I don't know if they need pens. I don't know if they need regular Cheetle dust.
Starting point is 00:48:12 They need something. They need help. That's what Nixon was like. So when she went back and got the second pen, was it just a straw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She should have been writing it all down. I mean, hey, everybody in there was very pleasant.
Starting point is 00:48:29 They were great. And for this show, I loved them. Everybody had a great attitude. I don't know that they should have. Then we left and they went, another happy customer. We did it. It was wild, dude. And this has been the food podcast.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Where we actually talked about the food for once. Truly. If anyone can find out about that sauce. God. Yeah, I said specifically, I was like, I don't want to ask her. Because we were talking about it also. Like she would have never. She would have said.
Starting point is 00:49:01 She would dip her finger in and go, let me try it. It's like Outback No Oh man Jordan after all the food we ate And we only got one thing What do you say? In a way we got so much more
Starting point is 00:49:17 They were wings They were very crunchy Very strange though They weren't like Cheeto flavor They were just kind They were very crunchy. So crunchy. Very strange, though. They weren't like Cheeto flavor. They were like just kind of mildly spicy, and I thought they tasted weird. Give me those 25-cent ones. Also, I wish I could articulate what Jordan's doing right now. He's got his fist put together under his chin like he's cowering from a ghost under the blankets.
Starting point is 00:49:41 I'm trying to revisit the mood got the jibblies this is so good what a fucking insane this is insane fucking for the experience a hundred
Starting point is 00:50:00 wow 20% tip on that. For the food, I wish I could rate those cheese bites, but not part of it. 39. Just a 39. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I say the most shocking part about that was when we were sitting there and Jordan
Starting point is 00:50:21 goes, the cheese bites are the best part. And I just looked at you and I was like, they are? I thought they sucked. Compared to the wings. I mean, you're not wrong, but I'm just like, this is not as good as a mozzarella stick. You fucked up on mozzarella stick. Yep.
Starting point is 00:50:37 I wish you would have brought a mozzarella stick. I wish you would have brought, oh, here's a hint. Fucking marinara sauce. What the fuck is this fish goop? I said it doesn't taste like fish, but it's something a fish would like. Jordan said that it tasted nautical. Nautical. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Dude, I was thinking that. Also, they look like tater tots. They did not look like cheese curds at all. Oh, we brought them back here, and we had another friend who tried them, and she just kept going, they look like tater tots. They look like tater tots. They look like tater tots. These are tater tots. But I was going to say, I looked up the fucking cheese bites, the cheese curds, the regular thing. They're not on the menu online, and you can't find out what the fucking sauce was.
Starting point is 00:51:16 So I think somebody's just fucking around back there. Do you think that's like, it's like a good burger situation where someone in the back is just making their own sauce? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the chef who's now our friend is like wait till they get a lot of this sauce he's gonna love this help um yeah i mean i what else is there to say it's elvin said that's what we said is what i ate um they were so it was like somehow i will say that the chicken wasn't dried out no but. But it was such a dry, crunchy layer to get to the middle. With the stale Cheetos.
Starting point is 00:51:48 It was like so bizarre. The 25 cent wings were definitely better. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't hot at all in any way. Blue drink. Melted Otter Pop. I mean, again, experience, incredible. Food rating.
Starting point is 00:52:12 30. Wow. You went lower than Jordan. That's incredible. Well, he liked the cheese thing. That's crazy. 34. That might have been it.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Okay. And so that's the rating. And I want to say, too, I have this other side job that I do sometimes. And so I work with this other group of animals. And we had. You have other friends? I didn't say they were my friends. Let me be clear.
Starting point is 00:52:36 I did not say that. So I don't know that I've ever said it on this show. I had a. Put the mask back on. He's friends with that guy. I'm friends with... So I have the... I was over there before we started.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Delighted to see a bunch of people in the office. And I went, Here ye, here ye. Have I got a deal for you. I didn't know the term cheetle yet right and i was like who wants some applebee's boneless flaming hot cheeto wings long silence it was like everyone turned long silence and got well i feel like we have to try. Excellent. We'd be stupid not to. Excellent answer. Ran over here, got him, brought him back. Again, he returns.
Starting point is 00:53:30 I put it in the kitchen. They all started eating. I was like, great, I'm going to go to the bathroom. You eat it. I'll find out. I come back out and dude, like, I mean, granted, there's a bunch of people over there, but they were almost all gone. Gremlins.
Starting point is 00:53:41 I walked out, right? They're boneless, but somehow there were just bones left behind. There were stolen bones. It was just hand bones. When I put them down, I said, I hope you don't want saucer dressing because there isn't any. So I came out and I just like, I didn't poll everyone
Starting point is 00:53:57 but there were like four people there at the time and I went, consensus? Consensus? And two people went, they went, uh went pretty good. Pretty good. And then I got like acceptable. And I was like, it feels less than a pretty good. Yes, it does.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Yeah. Then one of the pretty goods went back and said, actually, I would go to say, I would, I would go and order that. What the fuck? And I went, I went interesting. Interesting. So it ranged from we liked it, it was good.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Now granted, this Gremlins, and the food was just dropped at their feet. Yeah, right. Gremlins suck. Like you would feed a Gremlin. So again, there is something to consider. They didn't have to go through the journey or pay for it or do anything. It's just like, food's here! It comes rattling out of a cage.
Starting point is 00:54:43 You put it in the trough and they come running. Knowing that their opinions are going to be higher just because of that. But it ranged from not bad, acceptable, to I'd order that. And I went wild. And then that came over to yours. If you yourself work in video production, and someone can drop them off at your feet and you can hit you can pause on adobe premiere to go go scurry over and then eat them with your little gremlin fingers
Starting point is 00:55:14 this might be the food for you if you are a regular human being 34.5 i agree i agree so this is gamer food i'm just to say it to you today. Gamer food. You guys were not regular. Big time gamer food. They have a special Mountain Dew gamer fuel. Just call it gamer pellet. You feed a hamster.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Let me get some gamer grub. All right. And that's the food. God damn, dude. It was crazy. Okay. Hey. Yeah, we're a're hey yeah we're a food podcast we're a food podcast and speaking of that uh we have a special snack what from jordan sweers i sent it in jordan what will you tell us more about what you have here? I have brought today a new concoction from Icy.
Starting point is 00:56:07 We have talked about this on the show before, and Jordan got it. They are new blue raspberry and cherry flavor cram-filled cookies. So they're Oreos, but the filling is Icy flavors. This is Icy brand, so they're making it themselves. And as far as I can tell, this is not available to the public yet. No. Because I've been looking for any facts or press material about it. I've typed in Icy Cookies, and there's just an old Reddit thread about,
Starting point is 00:56:39 anybody remember these from the 90s? But it says new. So you're telling me what we're dealing with here is a jam exclusive. It is a jam exclusive. And also, I even went on their Instagram and was looking at. Oh, he did his research. Looking at their pictures. Imagine if you wrote a haiku.
Starting point is 00:56:57 I was busy. Do your homework before the extra credit. I was looking at their pictures to see if they would post anything about it. Didn't find anything. But look at. Everything is pretty normal, and then there's a random... What the fuck? What? Whoa.
Starting point is 00:57:17 I'm going to take a screenshot of that. That's pretty incredible. I'd like to point out the advertisement on the tray here. Pop and fizz of a classic Icy Yeah, I don't Did they pop or fizz? No, they were ice I mean, I say the biggest things about slushies I'm realizing, whatever you want to call them
Starting point is 00:57:36 as an adult, which I guess I didn't remember because I drank them as a kid and then a long gap of my life why would I drink these? Right They're fucking sour, dude. Yeah. My kids super into them. All of them, doesn't matter. Like, some are like so and so sour.
Starting point is 00:57:51 And then I'll get one that's like, piña colada. It's like, oh this one's just- Why is the piña colada sour?! They're all terrible! They're all sour! Smell it. Just smell it. Holy crap. Woah!
Starting point is 00:58:02 It smells just like the icy flavor. That's fucking... Sure does. Sure smells like an icy. That's fucking crazy. Isn't blue raspberry like a made up flavor? The cherry one. It's just raspberry? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Try the cherry. Try the cherry. It's just two red flavors but they didn't want to make two reds so they're like, ah, make it blue. Oh my god, that's even more potent. It's so strong. That's insane. I wanna talk about pungent smells, man.
Starting point is 00:58:21 How are these fucking real? Well, I'm gonna tell you how they're real is because it's probably the same fucking so strong that's insane how are these fucking real well I'm gonna tell you how they're real because it's probably the same fucking syrup that goes in the cup that just went in the cookie they actually probably didn't do anything so I don't know when these are available to the general public
Starting point is 00:58:38 I'll tell you when, never baby I don't know if these are a test thing but jam-sclusive here we go mine's popping and fizzing I don't know if these are a test thing, but... Jam-sclusive! Here we go. Mine's popping and fizzing. Why is it doing that? This is not good.
Starting point is 00:58:54 This is very bad. Why would you want these? This rules. It tastes like an icy. The aftertaste is metallic? Oh, man. How much mercury is in this? Right?
Starting point is 00:59:05 I feel like I'm ingesting metals. Your tongue is blue! Your tongue is so blue. No! Get it out! To be fair, that might have been from the Mountain Dew. I gotta try a blue one. The cherry is so weird. Nick is convulsing as he continues to eat them.
Starting point is 00:59:24 The cookie part is like a vanilla cookie. Yeah. I feel like it would be better if it were not that flavor. I mean, what? Chocolate? Probably chocolate. Maybe graham cracker? What's the other flavor?
Starting point is 00:59:38 I don't hate this shit or chocolate. I don't hate blue. I mean, I don't like it. Here, finish mine. Blue is marginally better. Squirming like a bug in his pants Slithered up the wall backwards there slithered up the wall some reason It's all crumbly like an on your fingers, and you just it was just in my face. Why is mine? Why did they put pop rocks in it? I don't know
Starting point is 01:00:04 Why did they put pop rocks in it? I don't know Your tongue is blue. Yeah, the red is worse Now I see why you said you don't hate the blue and I went who's not good The red was bad, but I feel like the blues only like margin. It's not as bad slight improve slight improvement. Oh man, this is not good. I know a couple of gremlins that would love it. Oh, they can have it. What the? This is also gremlin food! Usually.
Starting point is 01:00:35 We do one bite review for Snack Deck. Sometimes I'm cheeky and I sneak another bite. I don't want any more bites. I'm just holding because we're both holding cookies. Take a picture of what we won't eat. I look like Joe Perra in the Rock episode.
Starting point is 01:00:51 Also, it's impressive how exactly similar your bites are. Jordan ate exactly the same amount. I'm done here. I've learned enough. Would you like to hold some iron? Okay, so give me a score. What the hell? 20. No, dude.
Starting point is 01:01:07 20. No, 15. 15? They suck. These are awful. I'm going to go 17 because the blue is just a little better.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Let me see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Average score of 16. They suck. Dude, Icey's going bankrupt as soon as these hit the market. I mean, if you want something wild, these are wild. Okay, I see he's going bankrupt. I mean if you want something wild these are wild I will tell you that they are not lacking in flavor, but they're lacking in good if you can if you can somehow buy one You have a friend where you can split it in half this bag of them. There's so many there's like 30 cookies
Starting point is 01:01:43 I do I do want to check real quick. Hey, Nick, thumbs up or thumbs down? Oh, wow. Thumbs down from Nick. Thumbs down from Nick. I mean, really? I was preparing for him to go. Yeah, he's our closest gremlin.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I thought he was going to go like thumbs in the middle. This guy was, he ate all his wings and was scraping the Cheetos off his plate into his mouth. He had two more plates of wings and he's like, let me scoop all these Cheetos. He was scraping the plate. off his plate into his mouth. He had two more plates of wings, and he's like, let me scoop all these Cheetos. He was scraping the plate. Oh, my God. Like when cheese melts to your plate, and you just can't get enough.
Starting point is 01:02:12 He just went. That's my friend. Oh, man. If you want to send us snacks, you can. You can send it to FaceJam, care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Guys, don't forget the Face Jam Voodoo Ranger Road Trip video is out now.
Starting point is 01:02:30 Boom. You can check out our trip to Fort Collins, Colorado, the Voodoo Ranger Brewery. It was a lot of fun. It was a great trip. All month long, we'll be having new Road road trip eats and van exclusives coming out so follow at facejam pod for all of that information
Starting point is 01:02:48 we also have some new stuff coming out store.roosterteeth.com 100% eat Christmas shirt and the monkey
Starting point is 01:02:57 elf on a shelf both out now the monkey elf on a shelf is a shirt. Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Not an actual monkey, but no. Maybe. Put that on your shelf. Throw that together. So we have that, which I'm very excited about. And then we also have the 100% eat ass variant coming out on Black Friday. It will be a black shirt with the pink lettering. I forgot to actually bring you guys your shirts.
Starting point is 01:03:27 We got them finally. You got them? I don't believe them. No! I made you something special. That really sums up America. It's red, white, and blue, and I don't want it. Where's the white?
Starting point is 01:03:38 I think it's the cookie. Eric, I thought you were trying to save America. No, that was you. So, hey, if you weren't there save America. No, that was you. So, hey. If you weren't there on January 6th, eat this cookie. Hey, let me know. Let me think further from the microphone because I'm putting the cookie towards you. Me thinks the lady doth protest to me.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Yeah, you got it. I don't want this either. Stop doing it. Stop. Here, this one's unbitten. Fine. Ready? Whoa! Whoa!
Starting point is 01:04:06 Whoa! That's so cool, Dad. How are you going to read the text on your phone? He's regretting it. He's like what Nick says every episode but doesn't mean. Why is he turning red? He's getting cool and angry. He's making, now his face is squirming.
Starting point is 01:04:24 It tastes so weird. It's too much. It's all bad. his face is squirming. It's too much. Why does it pop and fizz? Ices don't do that. They're not supposed to. Now he looks like he's getting sick. Last thing, there's a Face Jam promo from the 22nd
Starting point is 01:04:40 to the 29th of this month. Buy any Face Jam item and get the yellow acrylic cup. Free. What? That's a good cup. Use code FJCUP21. FJCUP21.
Starting point is 01:04:55 When is that from? From when to when? From the 22nd to the 29th. So that's right now. Yes, it is. If you're a faithful jammer. So if you want to get that stuff, you can order any of the stuff that we just talked about. That cup is $100.
Starting point is 01:05:07 That's a good cup. That's a good-ass cup, dude. Watch out about the plastic straw, though, because if you leave it out, your kid will chew it. And then it's hard to bend back. A lot of cup talk on this episode. End this. It tastes terrible.
Starting point is 01:05:23 My mouth is terrible. Yeah, your mouth is terrible. Hey, let's just end it. Eric equals poo. It's just tongue color. It tastes terrible. My mouth is terrible. Yeah, your mouth is terrible. Hey, let's just end it. Eric equals poo. It went back to normal. They canceled each other out. You're not normal. All right, rate and subscribe and tell a friend about the show where we eat food that we sometimes get,
Starting point is 01:05:36 and then we rate it. Oh, yeah. We're very low percentage get on this episode. Oh, man. 100% eat, not the get. 25% get. Yeah, just right around that. Goodbye.

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