100% Eat - The Best Hamburger Sandwiches Beer Could Ask For - Face Jam Vodcast #4
Episode Date: December 15, 2020Find Voodoo Ranger IPAs at New Belgium’s Beer Finder: https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/finder. | We learn which hamburger sandwiches pair best with Voodoo Ranger with a little help from burger and be...er expert Jeremy Dooley. | Find Voodoo Ranger IPAs at New Belgium’s Beer Finder: https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/finder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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All right, here we go. Jordan, what's the music?
I know, that's why I was a liar. Jordan, it's the music? That's when I was a liar.
Jordan's the fourth episode, which is the eighth week.
Eighth week.
The music is the theme song from Friends.
No, it's not.
No one told you that was going to be a thing.
No, we can't use this.
Can't use that.
Unusable.
Deep in the heart of Texas.
You didn't do enough claps.
I guess not.
Go, Michael. I thought he do enough claps. I guess not. Go, Michael.
I thought he was doing it.
What happened?
You asked me about the music, and I told you.
He bailed, dude. Yeah, go ahead.
I gave you two options.
Neither good. Good or usable.
Yeah, right. Was that it?
He burped. Okay, hang on.
He's burping back there.
Boop, boop. Here we go. Here we back there. Be-de-de-de-deet. Boop-boop.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Ready?
Pinky and the brain.
No, can't use that either.
Pinky and the brain.
One is a genius.
The other is insane.
Why are we doing this?
I don't know.
Because they won't sue us.
That show's been off the air forever.
Yeah.
No, they own us.
Also, like, WB.
Eighth week fourth episode.
That's not how that works at all.
Warner Brothers, bring it back.
Eighth week fourth episode. Eighth week fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Warner Brothers, bring it back. Eighth week, fourth episode.
Eighth week, fourth episode.
Eighth week, fourth episode.
Eighth week, fourth episode.
The chorus of the whole song.
That's the whole song.
I was waiting for something else.
Well, disappointing as usual.
Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we usually try every new fast food creation to let you
know if you need it.
But today, we are doing something different.
Thanks to New Ranger for making this show possible.
I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers.
Jordan, how are you?
Fine.
Thanks for finally getting to me.
I'm getting a little Kirk-like.
Yeah, I'm picking up some Kirk vibes.
Kirked up.
I ain't talking about. Yeah, you're like those late-season Kirks.
Hello.
Let's grapple.
Yeah, you're like Kirk in the last movie.
Come here, lizard person.
Right, I'm not a swift, but I'm powerful.
Try to overpower me.
I'm just going to lay on top of you.
Humans win.
Guys, we're back.
It's the last episode.
The last one.
Oh, man.
Can you believe it?
I'm going to miss this van.
What do you mean?
I'll never see it again.
No, this is our...
What do you mean?
He said last time we're blowing it up.
No, I didn't.
Eric said that.
Yes, he did.
No, I said we're not blowing it up.
Rewind it.
It sounded like this.
Hey, guys, we're going to blow it up.
No.
He said he wanted to sound like you.
Terrible impression.
You're annoying.
Not the first time I've heard that.
Guys, the last episode.
I would tell you you sound like a rat.
Eight weeks, look, sound, whatever.
Eight weeks, four episodes.
Voodoo Ranger has made it possible, thanks to me,
to get this man and do it
He's burned out
Passed out monkey damn. Oh my god. You know, it's it. Yeah done. Yeah, that's driving. Yeah, we're done eating. Yeah
He's a good loser. You know what cut loose, but you know what what we're not done drinking. I'm not hell
Yeah, it's open. I haven't had anything today. No voodoo ranger IPA. We've been waiting all day for this one
Oh, wow first drink of the day resistance Cheers buds
Cheers thumbs up all right. Well, that's's right The monkey is the driver Even though
Even though we're done driving
Even though we can't
He still can't have any
I mean someone has to steer
As we push
So it's kind of like
Makes sense to me
What do we
Push
I'm not doing anything
Yeah we pushed
Tony's the driver technically
I'm saying from now on
Yeah from now on
We're done
Right
After it gets blown up
No just in case
Because we have to move the van
I'm not moving anything
You don't have to He does Okay stop saying we then Say he It's like a royal we He have to move the van. I'm not moving anything. You don't have to he does okay
Stop saying we then say he it's like a really has to move the man. No roll my ass. All right. Well guys kiss my fingy
Well we're here on the last episode where are we we're drinking the van yeah, this is the
Your asshole was burned into that
It's true. I'm one with this seat
What mold has entered me we got the voodoo ranger IPA just the straight IPA. Yeah, what do you guys the og?
It's got some bite to it. Yeah
It's not as smooth as the others
No, it like puts up a little bit of a fight, but I think it's smooth and then it does like kind of eh
I think that's the bitterness of just that's why it's not you know, it's not juicy haze. That's a classic It's smooth and then it does like kind of eh. I think that's the bitterness of just, that's why it's not, you know, it's not Juicy Haze.
That's a classic.
It's a classic IPA.
It's just a straight up, boom, IPA.
Yeah.
They take this and then they amplify it with all the other flavors.
Yeah.
But this is just au naturel.
Yeah.
This is an Indian pale ale.
It's straight up.
Do you know why it's so bitter?
They put English lager and you fill it with hops so that way it would preserve as they
went along the aisle.
It doesn't matter to anyone.
The aisle?
I'm listening.
Oh, okay.
It was for when they were on the train.
It just tried to help you forget.
No, I felt like I was met with glassy eyes.
No, we all know.
You were met with fascination and wondry.
That was not how that felt.
Sparkly eyes.
Exactly how that felt.
It mostly felt like this.
And then you trailed off.
Tell us more, Eric.
No, no, no.
It felt like this.
No, it did not.
No, go back and watch the tape.
That is not what it looked like.
Yeah.
How old are you?
You can stick your finger in and turn it to the left.
What are you, like 40?
I'm so old I remember the Who Shot Mr. Burns thing.
He's 42.
And they had, it was Maggie.
Yep.
Because he wanted to take her long enough.
I mean, yeah.
Jordan.
We all know who shot her.
Jordan, you have to read the marketing copy.
Okay.
Monkey's losing it.
So yeah, what beer are we drinking?
Voodoo Ranger IPA.
Bursting with tropical aromas and juicy fruit flavors from mosaic and amarillo hops, this
golden IPA is perfectly bitter with a refreshing sublime finish.
Damn.
I mean, that's a great way to explain.
They pretty much nail it there. Should I exploit it or explain it? No, explain it. Okay. It's a great way to explain. They pretty much nail it there.
Should I exploit it or explain it?
No, explain it.
Okay.
It's a good way to exploit it, too.
I don't think, I'm just drinking it.
I'm not doing anything beyond that.
You know what's, it's tough kind of in a can
opposed to something in like a glass or whatever.
We're not getting a lot of the smell.
We're not getting, it's a lot of the-
I'm smelling it.
Right, but how often are you hanging out and going,
right now? Because every time it's this close to me
I'm going, oh, a drink. Yeah.
Okay. Are we getting that on?
Good. Great. On my good.
Great. You're stringing your
words together. Well, guys, here's the thing.
Yes? As you know,
I'm in tight with Voodoo Ranger.
Yeah, apparently. This is where we turn the paper over.
Yeah. I know what he's... I know exactly what he's going to say. I said, Voodoo Ranger, you guys where we turn the paper over. I know what he's
going to say. I know exactly what he's going to say. I said Voodoo
Ranger, you guys, listen, we're going to eat some
hamburgers. We're getting hamburgers.
Oh, we are sure going to eat some hamburgers.
Yeah. And it's
driving me cheeseburgers
if you ask me. And it means
going crazy. And so you have
to tell me, guys, if we're drinking
No. Not funny.
It's catching on guys if you're joking if you like that hashtag driving me cheeseburgers tweet
at face jam pod let us know and eric don't tweet at me if you don't like it make sure you tweeted
eric let me know it's driving you cheeseburgers at face jam pod let us know but guys i said voodoo
ranger what you got to tell me what the IPA goes with hamburgers.
You have to let me know how that is.
Do you know what they said?
I do.
I do, yeah.
It's a classic IPA that fits well with any food pairing.
Wow.
Keep going.
They probably said something like faint toasted bread malt pairs nicely with the hamburger bun.
But yet, cuts in nice with the pine and citrus forward flavors a classic combo
That simply can't go wrong. That's incredible. How'd you guys know oh we had we hacked her Twitter?
Yeah, we went into DM. It was me
He's the voodoo Ranger
living rangerously
So we've had we've had this beer.
It's a nice little beer.
I like it.
Of all of the beers that we've had, this is definitely the most straightforward IPA.
Yeah.
But also, maybe one of the lowest ABVs, which is only 7%.
I will say, at this point, I'll say welcomed.
Yeah.
Because it's like...
I can't find it.
Take your foot off the gas just a little bit.
When you're drinking nines all day, sometimes you got to dial down.
I'm a nine man.
Yeah, right?
Classic, hey, this is what-
Dialed it up to nine, this guy.
Soon, I'm going to be a one nine nine man.
By the end of this plus ultra, this is guys sucking down multiple-
You're going to be plus ultra.
Oh, I already am.
I'm plus.
I'm working on the ultra.
This is the ideal meal physique. You got something to be plus ultra. Oh, I already am. I'm plus. I'm working on the ultra. This is the ideal meal physique.
You got something to say about it.
Hold your tongue.
Try and rassle me.
Oh, boy.
Taking you down.
Try and move me, bro.
Try and move me.
Oh, man.
I have so much work ahead of me.
All right, guys.
We are going to be eating some crazy hamburgers today.
Why are they crazy?
What's so crazy about them?
They're not crazy at all.
This one doesn't have fucking cheese on it.
This is a job.
Okay, cool.
That's fucking pissing me off.
Guys, today we're going to three different hamburger places to get three different hamburger sandwiches.
We already went.
Hamburger sandwiches.
That's weird.
Just call them hamburgers.
I agree with you.
In-N-Out.
Classic double-double.
Dude, that's what their hamburger's all about.
That's what I'm saying.
What does the double-double mean?
It's double meat, double cheese.
Oh, double cheese.
Crazy.
So two slices of cheese.
We can take one off of this one and put it on the Whataburger.
No, then it'd be a double single.
Fuck the whole thing up.
I'm just going to angrily eat my Whataburger with no cheese.
It's gonna be so dry. Fucking so dry.
Well, speaking of the second place,
it is Whataburger.
He's mad because the
paper's not yellow. Yeah, if it's not yellow,
that means peasant.
The way you point.
Get this out of here.
This guy here, gone. I'm gonna flick it off.
We got Whataburger. Against my it off. We got Whataburger.
Against my better judgment, we got Whataburger.
We had to get something local, right?
You don't like Wubba Bubba?
What is there to like?
Did you call it Hubba Bubba?
No, I clearly said Wubba Bubba.
Yeah.
Clearly.
Yeah, grow up.
Wubba Bubba.
And then lastly, lastly, we had to get the standby.
Thirdly, we had to get the standby. Thirdly, we had to get the standby.
We had to get the Big Mac.
We had to get the third burger that everyone knows.
You can get these pretty much anywhere except for this one and that one.
So you can get this one pretty much anywhere.
If you live in the southwest, you can get that.
If you live in the midwest, you get that.
If you live anywhere, you get that.
Whataburger, they're busting out.
They're escaping the pen. They're spreading east. I meanurger, they're busting out. They're escaping the pen.
They're spreading east.
I mean, just by the looks of it.
They're making their way.
I don't know.
Dude, it's a sad looking burger.
Are you guys ready to start with a little bit of food?
Are you ready?
I think I've only ever had one Big Mac in my life.
What?
Really?
What?
Yeah.
He wasn't that exact.
Alright. You took that and you ran with it.
Let's get after it.
Monkey, do you have a sandwich or no?
Mm-mm.
Okay.
Yeah, so In-N-Out, they do little box burgers.
Why'd they put it in a donut box?
This is what they put them in.
I can't. That's what I just said.
Is this what they put them in?
Why would you take...
Yeah, it's in it, so yeah, it's what they put it in.
No, they took one...
He is not...
I'm set.
...helping me out.
...peacing everyone off here.
I'm set.
Okay, give me the box.
Yeah, I'm trying to.
Give me the box.
Guy.
Monkey.
Take one monkey, Guy.
Guys, and just so everyone remembers...
Oh, this is unfortunate.
...we're COVID tested.
Yep.
We've been making sure we're safe at every turn.
And we're doing it.
This is good stuff. I kept insisting that they run more tests on you, though.
No.
Of different varieties.
Normal tests.
Yeah, because I don't trust you.
Some kind of brain test.
So there's tomato and some sort of sauce on this.
Yes.
I believe it's mayo-based.
Yeah, it's a Thousand Island kind of situation. That's okay though. Thousand Island's fine.
The mayonnaise not coming off is
enraging me though.
I'm simply not having it. I mean,
listen, I'm a California cute boy.
This is my go-to
hamburger sandwich.
But, hang on. Yeah.
But you've gone out of your way to say that you think
P. Terry's is better here.
I absolutely think it is.
Okay.
So, take that, California.
I will say that the In-N-Out out here...
I got you.
Don't put your finger on my wrapper.
The In-N-Out this far east isn't as good as the In-N-Out back home. It loses potency, is what you're saying. But it's still good. It's still In-N-Out this far east isn't as good as the In-N-Out back home.
It loses potency, is what you're saying.
But it's still good.
It's still In-N-Out.
It's a spongy bun.
I'll say as a fellow California cute boy,
I think In-N-Out here is exactly the same as P. Terry's.
What?
They're the same restaurant.
They taste the same.
I think P. Terry out here is better think P. Terry out here is better.
P. Terry out here is better. He has no thoughts.
It's a salty burger.
That beef,
the beef patties, so salty, but
also so, like, charred,
kind of, that, like, oh, it's such good flavor.
It's what you would call a smash burger, right?
Like, they smash it down super hard. No, that's a different restaurant.
That's GameStop.
It's a type of, yeah.
What is with that Smashburger logo looking exactly like GameStop?
What is that?
I don't know.
So bizarre.
Same company?
I don't know.
No, they smash down the patty.
Gets it nice and thin, yeah.
Yeah, and that's how they get that kind of char flavor.
In-N-Out and P. Terry's, they've got very peppery, seasoned up burgers.
Yep.
Way more so than most fast food restaurants.
Definitely.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just had some of this beer with some of this burger.
He had a revelation.
Cut him off mid-sentence.
Really had salt in his senses.
I'm trying to think if I've ever had a beer with an In-N-Out burger.
Because most of the time it's...
That's a good question.
Yeah, I don't think I have either.
It's like the lemonade or the drink.
Like a milkshake.
Yeah, right?
Inside of it or driving.
I don't usually take it home.
You don't take it home and drink it with a beer.
Uh-uh.
Yeah.
But with this IPA, that's pretty good.
Pretty good.
It's all refreshing.
Yeah, it really elevates it.
I really like that.
Whoa, elevating. Mm-hmm. Like that YouTube song. It really elevates it. I really like that. Oh, elevating.
Mm-hmm.
Like that YouTube song.
What floor?
Fourth floor.
Oh, going up.
Going.
Eating right into the microphone.
Going down.
Whoa.
Jesus Christ.
You nasty.
Somehow when you spoke, it was nothing but lettuce is what I saw.
It was all green.
I saw that too.
Going down. It was all green. I saw that too. Going down.
It's his lettuce mouth.
I like lettuce on a burger.
It adds a nice crunch.
It's a nice like, I feel like I'm eating some sort of vegetable.
It's a lie, but it just gives it like a nice crisp flavor.
I mean, the point of having other ingredients is to like contrast like the salty kind of charred flavor.
I'm all about the balance.
And then it's like fresh, fresh juicy tomato that you can bite into easily.
And then crunchy lettuce for extra texture.
And I think In-N-Out Burger does that really well.
They're all there.
Now here's what I'm going to ask.
And it's going to lead us into our next burger.
How do you feel like the cheese does on this burger?
I love it.
Yeah?
I love that there's two slices.
I feel like one slice of cheese is mandatory for each patty.
If you're doing it two patties, you've got to have two slices of cheese.
It's crazy.
Because, again, I'm all about the formula. If you're doing a two patties Gotta have two slices of cheese It's crazy Because again
I'm all about the formula
And my burgers
And my sandwiches
Hamburger sandwich
You know I grew up
Nope
I grew up in a place
Yeah why are you
Hoagies
What are you doing
Sub sandwiches
Submarine sandwiches they say
They're big
Hogarths
On the east coast
And I know a lot of people
That are like meat meat meat meat meat
They want like 80 slices of meat.
I'm all about the consistency, the build.
I want meat, I want cheese, I want veggies.
You want some contrast.
I want it all evened out.
Yes, you should have the most meat,
but I'm like, okay, eight slices of meat
is four slices of cheese, or like 10 slices of meat.
I don't wanna eat a meat sandwich. I want it to dance on my tongue. You like 10 slices of meat. I don't want to eat a meat sandwich.
I want it to dance on my tongue.
You want a little flavor party.
Yeah, I want a flavor party
and maybe do a little bit of
sugar plum princess
or whatever it is.
Yeah, Nutcracker. We got it.
He's there.
The kid.
The Culkin
Yeah yeah yeah
Kevin
Remember that
Remember where she goes
Wait hang on
Hang on
Do that one more time
Yeah
Not the same
Not the same
Gotta say
It looks a little different
We probably could have
Gotten Macaulay Culkin
For this
If we would have
Thought to ask
That's true
He would have done it
He's a big fan
You are slamming down
That burger too
I'm amazed I took two bites And I'm stuffed His band is like Pizza party or something Yeah That's true. He's a big fan. You are slamming down that burger, too.
I'm amazed.
I took two bites and I'm stuffed.
His band is like Pizza Party or something? Yeah.
Shit like that?
Oh, it's like, what is it?
Pizza Underground?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like Velvet Underground, but pizza.
Yeah.
Pizza's a name for sure.
I know, because it made me hungry.
Yep.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
No.
Ah!
No.
Ah!
No. Oh! No. Ah! Stop. Just so this podcast isn't just Eric screaming. No No No No
Hey
Stop
Just so this podcast
Isn't just Eric screaming
Stop
Jesus Christ
The cheese is doing work
I'm not as strict
As Michael is
On cheese
Having to be like
So present
Let me ask you this
You would be fine
With a hamburger
Over a cheeseburger
Would you ever order
A hamburger over a cheeseburger Me probably I'd order a hamburger over a cheeseburger? Me, probably, I'd be fine with it.
But I'm curious to see how it plays with this
cheeseless hamburger. I bet it won't. And maybe I'll change my tune.
Speaking of a cheeseless hamburger. Ah, it's a white wrapper! The devil's color!
It's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches.
You said it's a white wrapper and I said it's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches. Yep, here you go. I'm sorry, what did you say? You said it's a white wrapper, and I said it's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches.
You can put it together.
You got it.
I don't get it.
He'll laugh later.
It's fine.
All right, let me know.
Text me later when you laugh.
There's chocolate?
Uh-huh.
Oh, wow, they're still warm.
There you go.
There you go, bud.
All right.
The thing I like about Whataburger is they're big.
These are fat burgers
They're big burgers
They're big buns
They're not like dense
But they are like spread out
They're thin
Yeah they're thin
But they're very
They're wide
They got a circumference
Now the difference in toppings here
Is that this has mustard right
Yeah
I love me some must
Really
Oh I love
Must is a must
Wow I love mustard
Wow
Ketchup I don't really give a shit about
The one thing I can do really give a shit about.
Mm-hmm.
The one thing I can do without on a burger is like onions.
What? I love onions.
Not into the onions.
Love them.
Depending on what type they are.
Onions, they're like little square.
Little diced ones.
Diced onions.
All right.
Grilled onions, best onions.
There's no question there.
But I'm fine.
I'm usually too lazy to go out of my way to be like grill my onions
I just order it as is
he's shaking your head
what's up
I don't get it
it's dry
yeah cause there's no
fucking cheese
that's why you don't get it
and that's why it's dry
it's the bonding component
apparently
by the time we hit
episode 4
after you bought this
piece of shit van
no it was a good van
that doesn't run
it kinda runs
that we had to fix up,
that could barely be towed.
We couldn't afford cheese
for the fucking cheeseburgers.
Tony did a great job.
So we got hamburgers.
Hamburger sandwiches.
It's crazy.
I'm almost not even going to count this.
I'm eating two burgers today.
It's probably because it's so fucking dry,
but it pairs really well with the beer.
I was going to say,
Michael, you're saying all this stuff, but you don't know how it goes with this IPA.
Ah!
Ah!
You almost tricked me with a tomato, too.
You okay, dude?
You choked the monkey.
Yeah, he's fine.
That's not a euphemism.
I did not do nothing to no monkey.
You don't want the tomatoes?
No, I don't like them.
Oh.
Did you eat them on the In-N-Out burger?
No, he took them off.
He took them off.
Okay.
Just making sure.
You want to see?
No, I'm good.
I mean, I didn't eat them.
Almost dropped it.
I'm not sure how much cheese is going to save this overall because-
I'm with you.
I just don't get the Whataburger fascination from-
I love Whataburger.
Really?
Love it.
Now, this is also-
Why?
I am-
People can't come at me like, you had it growing up.
Nope.
You never had it before?
I never had it before in my life
Until I moved here
Love it
I love Whataburger
Now when you go to Whataburger
Do you get the cheeseburger
Or do you get like
Wacky jalapeno
Honey biscuit
Whatever
Eric
Yeah
Look at me
I got the double cheeseburger
I got the number two
Don't insult him.
The double Whataburger.
And they fucking pack it on thick.
And at 1.30 in the morning, I get it down.
Okay?
Because Whataburger, fun fact, open 24 hours.
Wow.
Not just late, forever.
Also.
Never closes.
Always serves burgers.
No matter the time.
4 a.mam You get a burger
And I do
Damn
And I get it down
I like it
I don't know
I just
Sauce monkey agrees
It's got the size
It's got the spice
Right
It's got
I like the bun
I feel like it's got a pretty unique bun
It's so big
It's big
It's huge
But I'm a big boy
You know
And it's helped me become a big boy
I'm a big man with big cravings.
Most of Whataburger has made me big.
But I like it.
I like it.
Mikey likey.
I will say, with the IPA, it does change the flavor.
Yeah.
I mean, it makes it-
I mean, it mostly makes the beer taste good.
Yeah.
Because the beer is doing a lot of the work.
Yeah, it's a lot of heavy lifting.
I like this even without the cheese, but it's inferior.
There's no question.
I mean, Monkey loves Whataburger, right?
It's not that I don't like the Whataburger.
It's fine.
There's other places you can go here.
I guess what I would ask is, Jordan, if you were to go to Whataburger,
would you get the cheeseburger?
Would you get the hamburger?
The number one thing I get is like they have a chicken tender
like
sandwich.
With the barbecue sauce.
Chicken strips.
The chicken strip sandwich.
Barbecue chicken strip sandwich.
He's just making noises.
He's like salivating.
This thing, it's like a homegrown.
Now he looks like Kevin.
I can at least say like I came into it about Whataburger. He's salivating. This thing, it's like a homegrown. Now he looks like Kevin. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I can at least say,
like, I came into it,
opened my eyes,
and I went,
I like this.
It just doesn't do it for,
and I know that it's like,
I get it.
We're from California, and it's like,
oh, we love In-N-Out,
whatever.
I get it,
because Whataburger here
is definitely really beloved.
Yeah.
But it just doesn't,
like, it's like getting
the burger at Jack in the Box
to me.
It's like there's so many
other things that I would get.
I don't know.
You can't explain it.
Wow.
I can't understand it.
I just like it.
Okay.
Okay.
Respect.
Okay, now are you guys
ready for the third one?
Let's do a large mac.
Are you ready?
Yep.
Burger.
Oh, no.
Burger me.
Oh, no.
Burger me, baby.
Oh, no.
I'm dropping.
Burger.
Oh, no. Making a mess., no. Burg me, baby. Oh, no. I'm dropping her. Oh, no.
Making a mess. Can I get a bag?
Yeah.
I just threw mine on the ground.
I know.
Okay.
Wow.
Man, I do like.
You know what I call this?
What do you call this, Michael?
Take out.
Nice.
This is the best.
If we're going back to the Chris episode, I'm talking about presentation.
Presentation.
Thank God we're not.
I was just thinking that.
We have a different guest today, so it's not a deal.
Don't worry about it.
They mastered it.
It's like the perfect little box.
This is literally perfect.
It fits snugly in there.
I don't think there's anything I would do to change what this is.
Do you want a burger?
Yeah, I do.
That's how it goes.
It's perfect.
Fill me up, dude.
We got the Big Mac.
Got the sesame seed bun.
We got the special mac sauce.
Special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions,
all on a sesame seed bun.
Hey, you sound like a commercial.
The third bun is totally unnecessary.
It's fine, but it's just there to make you a little bit fatter.
Can I divulge a secret?
Yeah.
I've never had a Big Mac before.
What?
In your life?
In my life.
How is that possible?
I always get the nuggets or a junior.
Or just a regular hamburger.
Can I make a prediction?
Yeah. I'm going to be underwhelmed.
Yeah. Oh, I can't imagine looking at this.
I can't imagine me eat this and go, this changed my life.
Here's where you're going to... That happened to that guy
in Super Size Me, though. You're going to be like,
I like the sauce. That's what you're going to say.
The sauce did just get all over my hand
and I don't like it. Whatever. It's
all over the place. Belongs in your face. Whatever.
No, that's not this one.
Take a bite, little hog.
It tastes like the regular, like, cheeseburger, but more.
Yeah, it tastes like the regular cheeseburger.
It's a lot.
There's a lot of bun in the middle.
Mm-hmm.
It has absolutely zero structural integrity.
Yeah, that's it.
It looks very good.
It's falling apart.
Yeah, that's what they do.
Mine's a fucking mess.
It's just the way it is.
You know, you open the box
and you go,
this is perfect.
And the second you take a bite,
it goes big shit.
Get the fuck back in there.
Every ingredient
fucking runs
in a different direction.
They just want to get away
from your mouth.
It's sentient.
It's really what it is.
It's a sentient sandwich.
And it doesn't want to die.
But I'm going to kill it.
You're a Mickey D's, oh, thank you.
You're a Mickey D's fiend.
I'm a fiend.
I'm a fan.
Although I will say.
Where's the Big Mac rank on your go-tos?
It's usually, food came out.
It's usually, I'm usually a big fan of either the quarter or the double quarter,
and then Big Mac's under that.
To me, it's like quarter pounder.
Yeah.
Why are you-
If I'm feeling the flair, I'll get the Big Mac.
That needs to be the flagship one over the Big Mac.
I think it's creeping up, honestly.
I don't think it'll ever replace number one because it's got a cool name.
Big Mac or McDonald's.
But it's weird because they're not McDonald's.
It's not a Big Mick.
It's a Big Mac.
I don't know where that A came from, but they snuck it in there.
And now, especially in the last, I don't know, year or two,
McDonald's decided in the year of the Lord, 2018,
they were like, what if we made some fresh?
Not all of them.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hang on.
We're not going to make all our burgers fresh.
But some of them.
We'll do the Quarter Pounder.
Big Mac, not fresh as far as I'm aware.
The Quarter Pounder is now.
So it's even better.
The Quarter Pounder really usurped the Big Mac once they started making it fresh.
Do you think that'll motivate them?
Wendy's been doing this for 40 years.
Maybe we should try it.
Yeah, right?
Well, I think it's time to give it a shot.
Mix it up here at McDonald's.
It's really good.
Well, I think it's time to give it a shot.
Mix it up here at McDonald's.
It's really good.
It's, I will say, and I'm going to crack open another one because, man, it's worth it to have.
Whoa.
With the beer.
Whoa, a little cracky. Like, hey, with the beer, that's a pretty good burger.
That is like.
You getting the sauce?
Yeah.
It's, there's something about this.
It's like a Thousand Island, right?
It's just like the.
Yeah.
It's like a double, double, it's like a thing. It's a blend. island, right? It's just like the, it's like a double-double. It's a blend, yeah.
And you kind of like.
I'm making a mess.
Surprise.
I mean, like, listen.
Yes.
I'm an animal.
Yes.
But it is also the Big Mac.
Yes.
It's not all on me.
No.
Okay.
No, there's no structural integrity.
Yeah.
I agree with you.
It's a monstrosity.
Whoa.
That was some vitriol.
I've never had a burger do that to me before.
I hate it.
It didn't want to be eaten.
It ran away from me.
I'm telling you, it's sentient.
It doesn't want to die.
I think the thing that gets...
What are you doing? You're going back?
I'm trying it again with this cold, cold beer.
Okay, that's fine.
He's not drinking it. It's fine.
It doesn't matter to me.
I think what it is with McDonald's is that what do you think he's doing oh Mikey phone home McDonald's has a price point that is
weird to me where some of their stuff, their value menu stuff,
is like...
I'm cool with the price of their really cheap food.
Because that to me is where it ranks.
It shouldn't be that expensive.
But then you get a Big Mac combo,
and you're shelling out cash.
Yeah, you're talking about six-ish bucks.
For a Big Mac.
You could just get like a cheeseburger and then like another one and like make your own Big Mac for cheaper, I guess.
They do.
Their big thing now, for a while, they were riding the dollar menu.
Yeah.
And then times got tough.
So they ditched that.
And now it's like the double cheeseburger was like their standard dollar menu.
That's up to like a buck seventy now. Inflation. You know now it's like the double cheeseburger was like their standard dollar menu. That's up to like $1.70 now.
Inflation.
You know, it's crazy.
But what they do now is that, you know, I never get it because I'm a monster and I get whatever I want.
But they've got like two for three.
That's where you're going to get your savings, where it's like six things and you pick any of the two.
Oh, right.
You combine them in some way.
So you can get like a burger and fries.
I think you can get like a burger and maybe even a sandwich.
A chicken sandwich or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's some deals.
It's kind of like Taco Bell.
You really got to get the deals in order to get it cheap.
If you go to McDonald's, just order whatever you want, you're going to pay.
You're going to pay the money.
They figured it out.
They've been in the game a long time.
Yeah, they know what's cracking.
And I think that In-N-Out has-
They know what's crocking.
Jay Croc.
Ray Croc.
That's his name. I watched the movie about him. You has- I know it's Crocken. Jay Crock. Ray Crock. That's his name.
I watched the movie about him.
You talking about Keaton?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mikey K.
He saved the San Diego Padres, so he's a good guy in my book.
Michael Keaton or Crock?
Which one?
Which one saved the San Diego Padres?
He turned into a snowman.
I think it was-
Michael Keaton or Ray Crock?
I don't know.
You tell me.
Okay. Off track, but. You tell me. Okay.
Off track, but now we're back on track.
Speaking of telling us something, you got to read the top.
Who, me?
Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead.
You do it.
I'll do it.
Hang on.
Give me a second.
How many slices of cheese does Big Mac have?
Just one.
Yeah.
Which is, it's under par.
For as many patties and buns that it has.
Yep.
Really lacking.
The substitute there is that they go nuts with the mac sauce.
Yep.
They don't need to.
They do not need to.
They don't need to.
He did a thumbs up.
He said they don't need to.
And then, huh?
He was fucking pissed.
He's going bananas.
It's all over.
We should have installed that curtain.
Am I reading this line?
Yeah, the top. It's not a line. No, the line. It's a line. Yes have installed my reading this line. Yeah, that's all right. No the line
Line now that we have this van that Eric
Graciously got for us with the help of voodoo Ranger for the episodes and that doesn't run
Yeah, right doesn't run or roll good. You can just
Not even roll we could not even push it potentially theentially, the monkey can turn it on. We can't push that.
Monkey, does it work?
That does not answer the question.
That's the sound of working.
It doesn't answer the question.
Anyway, we wanted to bring in some of our friends to help us rate these foods.
No, it's fine.
It would never.
It's holding, dude.
Guys, there's literally no way it would fall again.
Cut to.
And wait. See? Well, this bar hasn't noticed since it would fall again. Cut to. And wait.
See?
Well, this bar hasn't noticed since it's the time.
Well, guys, someone walked by, and I thought they were going to shake the van.
Oh, someone's on the call.
Guys, it's our friend.
Guys, we're bringing in our friend Jeremy to help us rate.
Yes.
Jay Duels himself.
That's what everyone calls him.
That's his rap name.
Yep.
That's his gamer tag, actually.
Oh.
I mean, it is.
No, there you go. I didn't know that. I don't know if you're playing off of that, but no I had no idea been there done that well
He made that well. Let's say hi to Jeremy
Michael's throwing stuff
Hey, man. How are you? Oh look at that. He's already slugging it down.
Yeah, dude.
He knows what's up.
Well, I mean, I gotta.
Why not?
He's working.
I don't gotta, but I wanna.
That's a professional right there.
Contractually, you do gotta.
Oh, all right.
Well, Eric's coming to your house later, and he's going to make sure that they're all gone.
I didn't want to cheers you.
I just wanted to show Jeremy.
Oh, I thought you wanted to cheers me.
I was just showing off to my friend.
You want to cheers?
Okay.
All right.
Cheers.
Oh, you got the canned version? Yeah. Can you believe that? me. I was just showing off to my friend. Do you want to cheers? Okay. All right. Cheers. Oh, you got the canned version?
Yeah.
Can you believe that?
Yeah.
Jordan was jealous.
Yeah.
He saw that you had bottles and got like upset.
He almost left.
Yeah.
If Eric wasn't blocking my exit.
Jeremy.
A lot of.
Yep.
We brought you in because we know you know hamburgers.
That's what we know you know.
You're the burger guy?
He knows burgers and beer.
He's a hamburger sandwich guy.
Stop calling them hamburger sandwiches.
What's the problem?
They're just burgers.
They are sandwiches.
See?
But would you call it a hamburger sandwich?
Well, no, because I'm not a menace.
Right, there you go.
Oh, my favorite, the Big Mac sandwich.
What?
We call it a Whopper sandwich.
Shut the hell up. Did we eat one of those? No, that's true the Big Mac sandwich. What? We call it a Whopper sandwich. Shut the hell up.
Did we eat one of those?
No, that's true.
We didn't.
Jeremy, what we did eat was shocking to everyone.
What?
Was it?
He's losing his mind.
Jeremy.
He's got that look in his eye.
He's glossing over again.
Yeah.
Jeremy, the In-N-Out Double-Double.
What did you think?
As a Massachusetts man, what did you think of the double-double?
The In-N-Out original.
They got In-N-Out over there.
No, they don't.
No, they don't.
No, they don't.
They got no In-N-Out.
No, dude, there was parades when we got a fucking Sonic.
You think we got In-N-Out?
No way.
Wait, you're talking about the hedgehog? See, that's's a big Sonic got the key to the city the Hedgehog. No the restaurant
Oh see that's why I'm Sonic burger. Yeah, Sonic burger singing. Why don't you call it Sonic sandwich?
By your own logic
Alright, well the Sonic burger in Massachusetts may be hot stuff
But what we got we got got In-N-Out.
Jeremy, what did you think
of the Double-Double
with the Voodoo Ranger IPA?
So it was a burger in a sack.
It does come in a sack.
Well said.
It does come in a sack.
It was one of my,
that's one of my favorite
fast food burgers,
the Double-Double.
I love it.
I think it's a good balance of everything.
I think all the flavors.
I've had In-N-Out burgers that are just the meat and cheese, and it's still good.
All their flavors are on point.
The sauce on there is always ideal sauce, the In-N-Out special sauce.
Paired with this guy, it was perfect.
That's a perfect meal. That would be my choice to go with you can't you can't
Because that's the order in which we are written on the sheets. Oh, I got things to say about the other ones
That's a tease that's a little
Kind of situation I like the new little teaser what we were saying about the double-double
Jordan in my side kind of situation i like the new little teaser what we were saying about the double double
jordan and myself is that uh the like not a lot of times i've had in and out with a beer it's usually getting in and out and getting the lemonade getting a soda not really taking it home
and going ah i'm gonna crack open a beer with this thing like no have you got usually you're
just having a soda with it.
Or like a shake if you're adventurous.
The apolitans.
So what do you think? Having it with a
beer, it's really changing it up, right?
Having it with a beer
kind of transforms it a bit from like a fast
food setting to like
a cookout.
You know what I mean?
Good point.
You say, I made this myself. You know what I mean? Yeah. Good point. Good point. You say,
I made this myself.
Yep.
You could trick someone.
Yep.
Yep.
My friend Rodrigo's Tio,
he made this in his backyard
and we're drinking
all these Voodoo Ranger IPAs
and it's good stuff.
That's a little
taste of back home for you.
That's what it's like
back in Sandy.
Okay.
That's what it's like.
Okay.
And he's right.
I think it transforms it
into a cookout.
It's good stuff.
I was hoping you could relate.
I don't know. How would I relate? Oh, that's right. I think it transforms it into a cookout. It's good stuff. I was hoping you could relate.
I don't know.
How would I relate?
Oh, that's right.
How would I relate to you in any way?
What the hell are you talking about?
So the In-N-Out Double Double, it had, Jeremy, it had cheese.
It had everything you wanted.
It sure did.
But here's two slices of cheese.
Two slices of cheese.
Now, what about the What a burger hamburger sandwich okay uh i don't i don't like what a burger hamburger yes i don't like
three versus two i'll tell you where it gets really high points um i was eating these burgers
and drinking voodoo Ranger. Yeah.
And I was drinking a lot of Voodoo Ranger.
You're doing too much.
The more I had, the better the Whataburger became.
Oh.
Yep.
Whataburger.
Just get shit-faced.
Yeah.
But isn't that what it is?
That is what it is. It was the best of them in terms of, like, drunk food.
Like, if you're looking for something after you've had a lot of Bev's,
and you're like, drive me to a Whataburger.
It's good.
Dude, in the Whataburger episode, we talked about how it's the best place to go
after a night of drinking on your way home.
It really is that 1.30 in the morning.
Or 4 a.m.
I want a chicken.
Give me the cheeseburger.
It's that. Give me the stuff. Give me the fries!
Oh, the fries. What do you think of the fries?
It was that feeling of like you're eating it, you're going, I don't know if I like this, but it's big.
It's very big.
It's a big boy.
It's gonna soak up a lot of stuff in there.
Yeah, it's pretty spongy.
The onions are pretty fierce too, in the Whataburger sandwich.
Yeah, those are full on just diced, like, fuck you, here's onions.
Yeah, they're chunks.
Little chunks.
What do you think of the mustard?
There's a lot of mustard in that sandwich.
It is mustard forward.
You're right.
There's a lot of fuck you onions in an ocean of mustard.
I love it.
You're speaking my language.
Fuck you onions.
If Eric didn't skimp out, we would have got cheese, too.
It wasn't me.
Fuck you.
No, it's onions.
There was no cheese in the onion. It's crazy. me fuck you There was no cheese
It's crazy. There was no cheese this guy. He's running a fucking sham show here dry. She was dry
It was nice. Yeah, I couldn't afford cheese. I'm sorry. I've been scrimping and saving
Anything the roof keeps falling on me? What do you mean?
Clearly scrimmed Incredible man isn't this van? He's very clearly scrimped. Jeremy, can you see this incredible van?
Isn't this awesome?
What a great van this is.
No, he can't see the whole thing.
From that one angle.
No, I can see a wall and part of a window.
Jeremy, it doesn't drive, and it can't be towed because one of the wheels doesn't spin.
Well, it can be towed.
Oh, really?
Yeah, well, you just have to put, like, front dollies.
You gotta put four more wheels on it and lift it off the ground to tow it! Cause that's what we did!
So you got a room with an engine
attached to it? Yeah!
Yeah, but the engine doesn't do anything.
It's not really a feature. God damn you.
He's gonna put a curse
on you. That's why we couldn't afford cheese.
But, Jeremy,
lastly, the
last one, the main event of this
trio, the McDonald's Big big mac what did you think
uh the big mac uh-huh sandwich oh man shut up that was off mic he didn't hear that
despite how much i love the double double the Big Mac out of those three burgers is the only burger I ate completely.
Whoa.
No way.
You thought we were like,
oh, why do we have him do the In-N-Out first?
Because then, oh, dude,
I don't know where he's going to land now.
This is incredible.
Yeah.
The coin is up in the air and it's spinning.
I wanted to try to pace myself, right?
Because I was like, you know,
I don't want to suck down the whole double-double
and then the Whataburger comes out
at like nine feet in radius. You don't know what suck down this whole the whole double double and then I can then the water burger comes out at like nine feet in radius
And uh, but and so I put them all down about half eaten and I was like man that double-double that was awesome
That tasted so good. Let me dig into this Big Mac
It was something about it
like the the balance of a Big Mac is so good. The pickles and the sauce.
And, like, I love pickles.
And it's very pickle heavy, a Big Mac.
Very pickle heavy.
Very much.
With that Big Mac sauce.
But, like, when you really just taste them side by side, the Double Double and the Big Mac,
I feel like the Big Mac doesn't taste as good.
But the overall Big Mac experience.
Yeah, no, he's experience. He's right.
The Double Double, I think, is a better tasting burger,
but the Big Mac has like a sprinkle of crack on it.
There's something about it.
I don't know what it is.
It's probably almost certainly some sort of performance enhancement drug.
They sprinkle on the Big Mac, and it just sucks you in.
It makes you eat it.
Yeah.
But where I will take points off for a Big Mac. And it just sucks you in. It makes you eat it. Yeah. Yeah.
But where I will take points off for a Big Mac is when you eat,
when I ate the Double Double and had the beer with it,
I said I felt like I was at a cookout.
I feel like I was having a burger and a beer.
When I ate the Big Mac and had the beer with it, I felt like someone left a Big Mac here and also I've got beer.
He's kind of found both of them.
It's not really
a natural pairing.
Kind of a raccoon situation
where you're just like,
oh, I went to the dumpster
and look what I have.
You're kind of scrounging.
A Big Mac.
Yeah.
Because you know
no one made that.
No.
You know what I mean?
In and out,
you can be like, wow.
It tastes too much
like a McDonald's burger.
That's a great way to put it.
A Double Double
tastes like a, it really does taste like a cookout burger. It's something different way to put it. A Double Double tastes like a,
it really does taste like a cookout burger.
It's something different.
It tastes like somebody made it.
A Big Mac tastes like an idea.
A Big Mac tastes like when you think about McDonald's,
it's like, oh, that's exactly what,
oh, I get it.
Now I know exactly what it is.
And I think that's what the video game Control was about.
Similar.
I played it all the way through.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
No, it was about the gun.
Whoever has the gun is the director.
Oh.
The hell?
Oh, I missed that.
Talking about Big Mac.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought whoever had the Big Mac was, oh, I guess the confusion.
I think it's open to interpretation.
Oh, okay, cool.
We'll open it.
Jeremy, what did you think about the structural integrity of the Big Mac?
Because I found it to be the sloppiest of all of the burgers.
Oh, really?
The Big Mac, for me, I think held up in a creepy kind of way.
Like the video game Control.
Shut up.
Like a floating toilet.
Almost like it coagulated together and it could not be unbounded.
Or like it wasn't real.
Yeah.
It's an idea.
It was an idea.
I mean, you're right.
A Big Mac is essentially if someone vaguely described what a burger was to a robot.
That's what a Big Mac is.
That's a great way to put it.
It really is.
But, like, you know, because an in-and-out double
double is like a like a cookout burger you know when you wait a little while it does all kind of
become a little messy in the middle the tomatoes in there so that kind of like breaks down into
like red goo and then there's the sauce and everything the big mac was just like this is
the pieces i've i pieces I'm made of.
If you come back in a week, that Big Mac looks like that.
It's like forged.
It simply is forged.
It is not made.
It's the plastics involved.
That might be the crack, too.
I think maybe that's the thing that keeps you coming back,
is you love the plastics.
That's what it is.
Respect that.
Just like bioengineered food.
Yep.
But Jeremy,
Jeremy,
listen,
we've heard,
he's getting serious.
We've heard what you had to say about all three of these in the voodoo ranger IPA.
And they helped us buy this van.
They helped me buy this van.
And I need to know now,
what is your number one?
Which one was your favorite going with this Voodoo Ranger IPA?
If you're going to pair it with a beer.
This beer.
I don't think a Big Mac is a good choice.
Wow.
Interesting.
If you're going to pair it with seven beers, I think Whataburger is a great choice.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. I think Whataburger is a great choice. Okay, okay.
But if you're just hanging out, having a beer,
just sitting down enjoying a burger,
I'm going to go with the Double Double as the good one to pair with it.
I think that is...
This guy's rooting.
That's a hell yeah.
We were doing 92 Arsenio bullshit.
Yeah, Arsenio.
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Remember that?
They're dogs.
Jeremy...
Bill Clinton was on that show.
I was five, you're dogs. Jeremy... Bill Clinton was on that show. You were 12.
He voted for Bill Clinton.
Sucker.
Jeremy, thank you so much
for joining us in the Face Jam
Voodoo Ranger van, which I bought
and I want to say...
Shut the hell up.
Stop it.
That's why it sucks.
You have helped us so much. We're buying why it sucks. You have helped us so much.
We're buying it next time.
You have helped us so much in deciding which is the best burger to go with this beer.
Thank you.
Anyone, any final words for Jeremy before he goes?
No, I'll see him tomorrow.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Oh, how about-
Always good to see you.
Off Topic was good, Michael.
It was good.
I don't know what that is.
It was a good show.
You don't know what Off Topic is? Not in this universe. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm crossing the stream
This is more whole season three or whatever
This is like
What's what's the Marvel show with the nerds on TV big big
And then the movies like fuck you you don't count
Make your little show, nerds.
You don't count.
Fuck off.
Which one is the MCU and which one is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Are we Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?
We're strictly 616, so don't worry about it.
There it is.
That was nerdy.
Yep.
That's what I'm here for.
Nice.
Well, Jeremy, thank you for joining us, and we'll see you next time.
Bye, Jeremy.
Bye.
Thanks for bringing burgers and beer. Bye. You're welcome. Yeah, enjoy those. Okay next time. Bye, Jeremy. Bye. Thanks for bringing burgers and beer.
Bye.
You're welcome.
Yeah, enjoy those.
Okay, cool.
Bye, Jeremy.
No, he's already gone.
He's gone.
He's gone.
Don't facilitate his lies.
Don't you.
Don't.
He's trying to trick you.
He's already gone.
He can't hear you.
Why would you say that?
What the fuck?
So, Jeremy helped us decide.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, I thought maybe his input would sway you.
He didn't.
He said something.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. We don't have to listen to it. It didn't. Yeah, I thought maybe his input would sway you. He said something.
But now, it didn't sway the monkey.
But now it's freaking out.
But now it's the part where you read the middle part.
Can you hand it to me? Mine's on the floor.
Oh, shit. Mine, too. How'd I get down there?
We've gotten guest input, and we've had long enough to think about it. It's time to rate which of these hamburger
sandwiches he made me say it
goes best with Voodoo Ranger
IPA. It worked!
Now I sound like a crazy person. Yeah, I mean, you're just formatting. He wrote it. So you said true. Yeah, make sense hamburger sandwich format
Yep, he did right
Vodcast burgers format. Yeah
Did you also tell them not to get the cheese we're alone in the van I sure you pointing to no
There's no one out there.
Yeah.
He's pointing to nothing.
He's pointing to like some bar stools.
It's another camera.
I thought maybe he was talking about Tony.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Okay.
Rank your third to first, Jordan.
Let me know what burgers are your third.
Your third.
Hey, let me see you.
Start with the third.
Let me know what your third is all the way to your first number one.
What the hell?
Sounding like Jeff Daniels Jr.
There's a rapper that I like named-
Zoom, zoom.
There was a rapper that I like named Def Janules, and I thought that was a very clever name.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good stuff.
All right.
Number three, the Big Mac.
It's a mess.
It's a regular ass McDonald's a regular-ass McDonald's hamburger, barely a hamburger sandwich.
Number two, and not by much, because it's almost like 3A, 3B,
Whataburger was dry.
I don't know if cheese could have saved it.
Mustard all over the place.
So much mustard.
So fucking big.
Yeah.
As big as my head.
For the ocean of mustard.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was like a globe and the Pacific Ocean was the mustard.
Because it's the world's largest ocean.
Just fun fact.
That was a fun fact.
Marianas Trench.
He really liked that.
I was going to blow right past it until he started laughing.
You got to stop and drink it in.
Guess what?
Number one, you'll never see this coming.
It's the double-double.
That's right.
Cheers.
Cheers to In-N-Out, California.
That's right. Palm trees and burgers.
That's what it's all about.
Um...
I dare you to disagree.
I'll do that now.
Number three,
I gotta say, with the beer pairing,
I'm gonna have to say
it was the Big Mac.
Big Mac was... It's already so liquid as it is
You know I like the sauce
I like the combo
I don't think you need that third piece of bread
In the Big Mac
But it is what it is
They're never going to get it out of there
It's weird because it's almost there for structure
But it doesn't do anything
It's a fucking mess
And then it goes skedad. It's great until the second you bite it. And then it goes, it skedaddles.
It does skedaddle.
It's funny how we said it was the best looking one
presentation wise.
Yeah, it is.
Until it was not.
And then you take a bite out of it
and it's like, this looks like I threw it up.
Well, that's the thing.
Even with the three buns,
they slip and slide in three different directions.
Yeah.
That's the issue.
It's tough.
It really skedaddles like you said.
But what I'm going to say is,
number two, good burger, good with the beer. We weren tough. It really skedaddles, like you said. But what I'm gonna say is number two,
Good Burger, Good with the
Beer. We weren't reviewing Good Burger with
Kenan Mitchell. However, second
place
In-N-Out. Wow. No.
Wow. I mean, yes, this is my
review. Uh-huh. No.
Wrong. No cheese.
And still, Whataburger came
through. It was banging.
It was big.
It was oniony.
How?
Mustardy.
Is that?
It's flavorful.
What is wrong with you?
And while you sit here and say, Texas, Texas, you love Whataburger, that's you guys with
In-N-Out.
Yeah.
I can't trust.
I can't trust it.
You grew up on it.
Don't disagree.
It's injected into your veins.
It's good burger.
I don't think it's the best burger.
It's the best burger we had today.
I'm saying Whataburger.
You know what I mean?
I mean, you got you, you got Jeremy.
His vote doesn't count.
It sways towards us, but I'm Whataburger, and you're In-N-Out.
Yep.
And we have said what comes.
We have to come to a consensus.
But I don't think we should have the monkey vote.
So what does it say?
I don't think.
What does it say? It says, does the monkey vote. So what does it say? I don't think. What does it say?
It says.
It says, does the monkey vote?
And I say.
I say no.
He says no.
I say.
I say we get someone else.
I say democracy, you know, let it live.
You know?
This is for RBG.
Uh-huh.
Is it?
Yeah.
Monkey gets a vote.
Ruth Conda forever. So I say we throw it to the monkey. If he? Yeah. Monkey gets a vote. Ruth Konda forever.
So I say we throw it to the monkey.
If he says Big Mac, we're fucked.
Yeah, then I don't know what we do.
All right, well.
Then it's a draw.
What do you say then?
Do you say Big Mac number one?
No.
Do you say Double Double number one?
Whoa.
So that means. He's tired of shaking his that means are you saying Whataburger number one?
Whoa.
He's going ape.
He's going ape in the front seat.
And now I will say the same.
This is rigged.
Well, I'll say the same bias I accused you of 100%.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
He's such a fucking homer.
I'm right down in the middle.
Never had In-N-Out.
Never had Whataburger.
No.
It is what it is.
I can't trust any of you people.
No, but there you have it.
The winner.
I mean, I have to say, the winner of this one.
It didn't even have cheese on it, and it won.
I know.
I know.
It was that good.
It was that good.
It's a travesty. Yeah, it's that good. That he Is that good? It was that good. It's a travesty.
Yeah, it's that good.
That he didn't have cheese.
Yep.
Wow.
That's a really incredible episode.
That's pretty crazy.
Look at Jordan's face.
Yeah, he's so mad.
This is the last episode, too.
He's steaming.
There's no coming back from this.
Guys.
He's got to sit with this.
Late at night, he's going to be screaming.
Oh, I'll be screaming.
Grappling with the sins of his past.
Guys, look around.
I'm gonna miss the van.
Look around.
We had some good times.
So, what are you thinking?
A C4 or TNT?
No, for what?
Huh?
Are we gonna blow it up?
No, we're not gonna blow it up.
What do you mean?
We're gonna keep it.
You said we're gonna blow it up.
We're gonna fix it.
No.
I want to drive it off a cliff.
No.
TNT in the van.
Cliff.
No.
Yep. That's cool. And then we're gonna drive it around. There's just no way we can drive it. We can push it off the cliff. No, we can drive it.
But the one wheel's not going to spin.
Careful, it's not in neutral.
What are you doing up there?
He's trying to figure out how to put it in neutral.
We're going to die.
If it's in neutral, it's not going to push.
We've got to get Tony back out here because we've got to move it.
Yeah, neutral is as good as park.
Guys, look.
Look around.
Look at what we did.
Yeah.
Look, Face Jam's been going for about a year now, right?
Yeah.
True.
We accomplished something pretty crazy.
In that year, it's 100%.
They said it couldn't be done.
They said it could.
Everyone was against me.
Everyone said, Eric, there's no way you can do it.
We're against you, for sure.
Everyone said, move your mics away from your mouths.
Everyone said, Eric, there's no way you can do it.
I agree, Eric, you can't do it.
Turn them down.
Turn that monkey.
Turn them down.
Everyone said, Eric, you can't do it. Turn them down. Turn that monkey, turn them down. Everyone said Eric.
Eric, you can't do it.
You couldn't get the van.
But you know what I said?
I said Face Jam is worth it.
And only the most incredible sponsorship and partnership with Voodoo Ranger,
we could do something that's so off the charts incredible.
Guys, look around.
It's the Face Jam voodoo ranger
van we did it four episodes of awesome incredible content with friends with food with beer awesome
really had a great time with beer was beer was the best beer was good yeah the beer was my friend
yeah i had a great i feel like i lost some but i
gained some along the way gained a lot along the way there was what do you mean there was
we made some new friends tony we we had talking about you said you were friends with him well
no you made him no you made new friends are you saying no no no i know tony the monkey
the monkey made new friends yeah tony's my friend Yeah, Tony's my friend. Tony's my guy.
He's my tow truck guy.
It's fine.
We made new friends.
Who has a tow truck guy?
Old friends coming in.
Jeremy.
Chris.
The other one.
Oh, Alfredo.
Lindsay.
Even your ex was here.
She was a good guest.
And I thought Lindsay was great.
She was a good guest.
Guys, we started strong.
We ended strong.
And I just want to say Face jam is a great show that we
have a lot of fun doing
and hey honestly that's
true cheers cheers to my
empty beer cheers guys
and that's awesome thank
you voodoo ranger for
helping us get this van
helping me get this van
yeah I think that'll do
it next time can we get
more help and less Eric
what's yeah they should
just excuse me good van
give them what what voodoo ranger not wearing the producer anymore if you more help and less Eric. What? Because I think we'd have a really good van. Give them,
what, Voodoo Ranger?
You're not wearing
the producer hat anymore.
I don't know if you
thought you were.
What an idiot.
Little idiot.
He doesn't even know
where it is.
So yeah,
just give us the money
next time we'll do
a better job.
No, this was a good job.
Well, we'll see.
What happens if I pull this?
No, no.
No, don't.
Do not.
I'm going to die.
All right, guys,
thank you for our
four episode run
and we'll see you. No. I can still do it. I'm still in shape. We right, guys. Thank you for our four episode run and we'll see you.
No, I can still do.
I'm still in.
We'll see you guys next week.
I got to get out of here.
Episode of FaceCam.
Bye.
Everyone say bye.
Bye.
Bye.
The monkey.