100% Eat - The Best Hamburger Sandwiches Beer Could Ask For - Face Jam Vodcast #4

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

Find Voodoo Ranger IPAs at New Belgium’s Beer Finder: https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/finder. | We learn which hamburger sandwiches pair best with Voodoo Ranger with a little help from burger and be...er expert Jeremy Dooley. | Find Voodoo Ranger IPAs at New Belgium’s Beer Finder: https://www.newbelgium.com/beer/finder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 At Mila, our partner is the planet. Until June 30th, every Mila dishwasher purchased supports the planting and preservation of Canadian forests through the Mila Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit mila.ca to learn more. All right, here we go. Jordan, what's the music? I know, that's why I was a liar. Jordan, it's the music? That's when I was a liar.
Starting point is 00:00:25 Jordan's the fourth episode, which is the eighth week. Eighth week. The music is the theme song from Friends. No, it's not. No one told you that was going to be a thing. No, we can't use this. Can't use that. Unusable.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Deep in the heart of Texas. You didn't do enough claps. I guess not. Go, Michael. I thought he do enough claps. I guess not. Go, Michael. I thought he was doing it. What happened? You asked me about the music, and I told you. He bailed, dude. Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:00:53 I gave you two options. Neither good. Good or usable. Yeah, right. Was that it? He burped. Okay, hang on. He's burping back there. Boop, boop. Here we go. Here we back there. Be-de-de-de-deet. Boop-boop. Here we go. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Ready? Pinky and the brain. No, can't use that either. Pinky and the brain. One is a genius. The other is insane. Why are we doing this? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:01:15 Because they won't sue us. That show's been off the air forever. Yeah. No, they own us. Also, like, WB. Eighth week fourth episode. That's not how that works at all. Warner Brothers, bring it back.
Starting point is 00:01:23 Eighth week fourth episode. Eighth week fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Warner Brothers, bring it back. Eighth week, fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. Eighth week, fourth episode. The chorus of the whole song. That's the whole song. I was waiting for something else. Well, disappointing as usual.
Starting point is 00:01:36 Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we usually try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. But today, we are doing something different. Thanks to New Ranger for making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? Fine. Thanks for finally getting to me.
Starting point is 00:02:00 I'm getting a little Kirk-like. Yeah, I'm picking up some Kirk vibes. Kirked up. I ain't talking about. Yeah, you're like those late-season Kirks. Hello. Let's grapple. Yeah, you're like Kirk in the last movie. Come here, lizard person.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Right, I'm not a swift, but I'm powerful. Try to overpower me. I'm just going to lay on top of you. Humans win. Guys, we're back. It's the last episode. The last one. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Can you believe it? I'm going to miss this van. What do you mean? I'll never see it again. No, this is our... What do you mean? He said last time we're blowing it up. No, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:02:37 Eric said that. Yes, he did. No, I said we're not blowing it up. Rewind it. It sounded like this. Hey, guys, we're going to blow it up. No. He said he wanted to sound like you.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Terrible impression. You're annoying. Not the first time I've heard that. Guys, the last episode. I would tell you you sound like a rat. Eight weeks, look, sound, whatever. Eight weeks, four episodes. Voodoo Ranger has made it possible, thanks to me,
Starting point is 00:03:03 to get this man and do it He's burned out Passed out monkey damn. Oh my god. You know, it's it. Yeah done. Yeah, that's driving. Yeah, we're done eating. Yeah He's a good loser. You know what cut loose, but you know what what we're not done drinking. I'm not hell Yeah, it's open. I haven't had anything today. No voodoo ranger IPA. We've been waiting all day for this one Oh, wow first drink of the day resistance Cheers buds Cheers thumbs up all right. Well, that's's right The monkey is the driver Even though Even though we're done driving
Starting point is 00:03:46 Even though we can't He still can't have any I mean someone has to steer As we push So it's kind of like Makes sense to me What do we Push
Starting point is 00:03:53 I'm not doing anything Yeah we pushed Tony's the driver technically I'm saying from now on Yeah from now on We're done Right After it gets blown up
Starting point is 00:04:00 No just in case Because we have to move the van I'm not moving anything You don't have to He does Okay stop saying we then Say he It's like a royal we He have to move the van. I'm not moving anything. You don't have to he does okay Stop saying we then say he it's like a really has to move the man. No roll my ass. All right. Well guys kiss my fingy Well we're here on the last episode where are we we're drinking the van yeah, this is the Your asshole was burned into that It's true. I'm one with this seat
Starting point is 00:04:26 What mold has entered me we got the voodoo ranger IPA just the straight IPA. Yeah, what do you guys the og? It's got some bite to it. Yeah It's not as smooth as the others No, it like puts up a little bit of a fight, but I think it's smooth and then it does like kind of eh I think that's the bitterness of just that's why it's not you know, it's not juicy haze. That's a classic It's smooth and then it does like kind of eh. I think that's the bitterness of just, that's why it's not, you know, it's not Juicy Haze. That's a classic. It's a classic IPA. It's just a straight up, boom, IPA.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Yeah. They take this and then they amplify it with all the other flavors. Yeah. But this is just au naturel. Yeah. This is an Indian pale ale. It's straight up. Do you know why it's so bitter?
Starting point is 00:04:59 They put English lager and you fill it with hops so that way it would preserve as they went along the aisle. It doesn't matter to anyone. The aisle? I'm listening. Oh, okay. It was for when they were on the train. It just tried to help you forget.
Starting point is 00:05:09 No, I felt like I was met with glassy eyes. No, we all know. You were met with fascination and wondry. That was not how that felt. Sparkly eyes. Exactly how that felt. It mostly felt like this. And then you trailed off.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Tell us more, Eric. No, no, no. It felt like this. No, it did not. No, go back and watch the tape. That is not what it looked like. Yeah. How old are you?
Starting point is 00:05:29 You can stick your finger in and turn it to the left. What are you, like 40? I'm so old I remember the Who Shot Mr. Burns thing. He's 42. And they had, it was Maggie. Yep. Because he wanted to take her long enough. I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Jordan. We all know who shot her. Jordan, you have to read the marketing copy. Okay. Monkey's losing it. So yeah, what beer are we drinking? Voodoo Ranger IPA. Bursting with tropical aromas and juicy fruit flavors from mosaic and amarillo hops, this
Starting point is 00:05:55 golden IPA is perfectly bitter with a refreshing sublime finish. Damn. I mean, that's a great way to explain. They pretty much nail it there. Should I exploit it or explain it? No, explain it. Okay. It's a great way to explain. They pretty much nail it there. Should I exploit it or explain it? No, explain it. Okay. It's a good way to exploit it, too.
Starting point is 00:06:09 I don't think, I'm just drinking it. I'm not doing anything beyond that. You know what's, it's tough kind of in a can opposed to something in like a glass or whatever. We're not getting a lot of the smell. We're not getting, it's a lot of the- I'm smelling it. Right, but how often are you hanging out and going,
Starting point is 00:06:25 right now? Because every time it's this close to me I'm going, oh, a drink. Yeah. Okay. Are we getting that on? Good. Great. On my good. Great. You're stringing your words together. Well, guys, here's the thing. Yes? As you know, I'm in tight with Voodoo Ranger.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Yeah, apparently. This is where we turn the paper over. Yeah. I know what he's... I know exactly what he's going to say. I said, Voodoo Ranger, you guys where we turn the paper over. I know what he's going to say. I know exactly what he's going to say. I said Voodoo Ranger, you guys, listen, we're going to eat some hamburgers. We're getting hamburgers. Oh, we are sure going to eat some hamburgers. Yeah. And it's driving me cheeseburgers
Starting point is 00:06:58 if you ask me. And it means going crazy. And so you have to tell me, guys, if we're drinking No. Not funny. It's catching on guys if you're joking if you like that hashtag driving me cheeseburgers tweet at face jam pod let us know and eric don't tweet at me if you don't like it make sure you tweeted eric let me know it's driving you cheeseburgers at face jam pod let us know but guys i said voodoo ranger what you got to tell me what the IPA goes with hamburgers.
Starting point is 00:07:27 You have to let me know how that is. Do you know what they said? I do. I do, yeah. It's a classic IPA that fits well with any food pairing. Wow. Keep going. They probably said something like faint toasted bread malt pairs nicely with the hamburger bun.
Starting point is 00:07:41 But yet, cuts in nice with the pine and citrus forward flavors a classic combo That simply can't go wrong. That's incredible. How'd you guys know oh we had we hacked her Twitter? Yeah, we went into DM. It was me He's the voodoo Ranger living rangerously So we've had we've had this beer. It's a nice little beer. I like it.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Of all of the beers that we've had, this is definitely the most straightforward IPA. Yeah. But also, maybe one of the lowest ABVs, which is only 7%. I will say, at this point, I'll say welcomed. Yeah. Because it's like... I can't find it. Take your foot off the gas just a little bit.
Starting point is 00:08:24 When you're drinking nines all day, sometimes you got to dial down. I'm a nine man. Yeah, right? Classic, hey, this is what- Dialed it up to nine, this guy. Soon, I'm going to be a one nine nine man. By the end of this plus ultra, this is guys sucking down multiple- You're going to be plus ultra.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Oh, I already am. I'm plus. I'm working on the ultra. This is the ideal meal physique. You got something to be plus ultra. Oh, I already am. I'm plus. I'm working on the ultra. This is the ideal meal physique. You got something to say about it. Hold your tongue. Try and rassle me. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Taking you down. Try and move me, bro. Try and move me. Oh, man. I have so much work ahead of me. All right, guys. We are going to be eating some crazy hamburgers today. Why are they crazy?
Starting point is 00:09:08 What's so crazy about them? They're not crazy at all. This one doesn't have fucking cheese on it. This is a job. Okay, cool. That's fucking pissing me off. Guys, today we're going to three different hamburger places to get three different hamburger sandwiches. We already went.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Hamburger sandwiches. That's weird. Just call them hamburgers. I agree with you. In-N-Out. Classic double-double. Dude, that's what their hamburger's all about. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:09:31 What does the double-double mean? It's double meat, double cheese. Oh, double cheese. Crazy. So two slices of cheese. We can take one off of this one and put it on the Whataburger. No, then it'd be a double single. Fuck the whole thing up.
Starting point is 00:09:42 I'm just going to angrily eat my Whataburger with no cheese. It's gonna be so dry. Fucking so dry. Well, speaking of the second place, it is Whataburger. He's mad because the paper's not yellow. Yeah, if it's not yellow, that means peasant. The way you point.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Get this out of here. This guy here, gone. I'm gonna flick it off. We got Whataburger. Against my it off. We got Whataburger. Against my better judgment, we got Whataburger. We had to get something local, right? You don't like Wubba Bubba? What is there to like? Did you call it Hubba Bubba?
Starting point is 00:10:13 No, I clearly said Wubba Bubba. Yeah. Clearly. Yeah, grow up. Wubba Bubba. And then lastly, lastly, we had to get the standby. Thirdly, we had to get the standby. Thirdly, we had to get the standby. We had to get the Big Mac.
Starting point is 00:10:28 We had to get the third burger that everyone knows. You can get these pretty much anywhere except for this one and that one. So you can get this one pretty much anywhere. If you live in the southwest, you can get that. If you live in the midwest, you get that. If you live anywhere, you get that. Whataburger, they're busting out. They're escaping the pen. They're spreading east. I meanurger, they're busting out. They're escaping the pen.
Starting point is 00:10:46 They're spreading east. I mean, just by the looks of it. They're making their way. I don't know. Dude, it's a sad looking burger. Are you guys ready to start with a little bit of food? Are you ready? I think I've only ever had one Big Mac in my life.
Starting point is 00:11:01 What? Really? What? Yeah. He wasn't that exact. Alright. You took that and you ran with it. Let's get after it. Monkey, do you have a sandwich or no?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Mm-mm. Okay. Yeah, so In-N-Out, they do little box burgers. Why'd they put it in a donut box? This is what they put them in. I can't. That's what I just said. Is this what they put them in? Why would you take...
Starting point is 00:11:22 Yeah, it's in it, so yeah, it's what they put it in. No, they took one... He is not... I'm set. ...helping me out. ...peacing everyone off here. I'm set. Okay, give me the box.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Yeah, I'm trying to. Give me the box. Guy. Monkey. Take one monkey, Guy. Guys, and just so everyone remembers... Oh, this is unfortunate. ...we're COVID tested.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Yep. We've been making sure we're safe at every turn. And we're doing it. This is good stuff. I kept insisting that they run more tests on you, though. No. Of different varieties. Normal tests. Yeah, because I don't trust you.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Some kind of brain test. So there's tomato and some sort of sauce on this. Yes. I believe it's mayo-based. Yeah, it's a Thousand Island kind of situation. That's okay though. Thousand Island's fine. The mayonnaise not coming off is enraging me though. I'm simply not having it. I mean,
Starting point is 00:12:12 listen, I'm a California cute boy. This is my go-to hamburger sandwich. But, hang on. Yeah. But you've gone out of your way to say that you think P. Terry's is better here. I absolutely think it is. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:26 So, take that, California. I will say that the In-N-Out out here... I got you. Don't put your finger on my wrapper. The In-N-Out this far east isn't as good as the In-N-Out back home. It loses potency, is what you're saying. But it's still good. It's still In-N-Out this far east isn't as good as the In-N-Out back home. It loses potency, is what you're saying. But it's still good. It's still In-N-Out.
Starting point is 00:12:51 It's a spongy bun. I'll say as a fellow California cute boy, I think In-N-Out here is exactly the same as P. Terry's. What? They're the same restaurant. They taste the same. I think P. Terry out here is better think P. Terry out here is better. P. Terry out here is better. He has no thoughts.
Starting point is 00:13:08 It's a salty burger. That beef, the beef patties, so salty, but also so, like, charred, kind of, that, like, oh, it's such good flavor. It's what you would call a smash burger, right? Like, they smash it down super hard. No, that's a different restaurant. That's GameStop.
Starting point is 00:13:24 It's a type of, yeah. What is with that Smashburger logo looking exactly like GameStop? What is that? I don't know. So bizarre. Same company? I don't know. No, they smash down the patty.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Gets it nice and thin, yeah. Yeah, and that's how they get that kind of char flavor. In-N-Out and P. Terry's, they've got very peppery, seasoned up burgers. Yep. Way more so than most fast food restaurants. Definitely. Are you okay? Yeah, I just had some of this beer with some of this burger.
Starting point is 00:13:51 He had a revelation. Cut him off mid-sentence. Really had salt in his senses. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a beer with an In-N-Out burger. Because most of the time it's... That's a good question. Yeah, I don't think I have either. It's like the lemonade or the drink.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Like a milkshake. Yeah, right? Inside of it or driving. I don't usually take it home. You don't take it home and drink it with a beer. Uh-uh. Yeah. But with this IPA, that's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Pretty good. It's all refreshing. Yeah, it really elevates it. I really like that. Whoa, elevating. Mm-hmm. Like that YouTube song. It really elevates it. I really like that. Oh, elevating. Mm-hmm. Like that YouTube song. What floor?
Starting point is 00:14:28 Fourth floor. Oh, going up. Going. Eating right into the microphone. Going down. Whoa. Jesus Christ. You nasty.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Somehow when you spoke, it was nothing but lettuce is what I saw. It was all green. I saw that too. Going down. It was all green. I saw that too. Going down. It's his lettuce mouth. I like lettuce on a burger. It adds a nice crunch. It's a nice like, I feel like I'm eating some sort of vegetable.
Starting point is 00:14:58 It's a lie, but it just gives it like a nice crisp flavor. I mean, the point of having other ingredients is to like contrast like the salty kind of charred flavor. I'm all about the balance. And then it's like fresh, fresh juicy tomato that you can bite into easily. And then crunchy lettuce for extra texture. And I think In-N-Out Burger does that really well. They're all there. Now here's what I'm going to ask.
Starting point is 00:15:25 And it's going to lead us into our next burger. How do you feel like the cheese does on this burger? I love it. Yeah? I love that there's two slices. I feel like one slice of cheese is mandatory for each patty. If you're doing it two patties, you've got to have two slices of cheese. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Because, again, I'm all about the formula. If you're doing a two patties Gotta have two slices of cheese It's crazy Because again I'm all about the formula And my burgers And my sandwiches Hamburger sandwich You know I grew up Nope I grew up in a place
Starting point is 00:15:53 Yeah why are you Hoagies What are you doing Sub sandwiches Submarine sandwiches they say They're big Hogarths On the east coast
Starting point is 00:16:00 And I know a lot of people That are like meat meat meat meat meat They want like 80 slices of meat. I'm all about the consistency, the build. I want meat, I want cheese, I want veggies. You want some contrast. I want it all evened out. Yes, you should have the most meat,
Starting point is 00:16:16 but I'm like, okay, eight slices of meat is four slices of cheese, or like 10 slices of meat. I don't wanna eat a meat sandwich. I want it to dance on my tongue. You like 10 slices of meat. I don't want to eat a meat sandwich. I want it to dance on my tongue. You want a little flavor party. Yeah, I want a flavor party and maybe do a little bit of sugar plum princess
Starting point is 00:16:35 or whatever it is. Yeah, Nutcracker. We got it. He's there. The kid. The Culkin Yeah yeah yeah Kevin Remember that
Starting point is 00:16:48 Remember where she goes Wait hang on Hang on Do that one more time Yeah Not the same Not the same Gotta say
Starting point is 00:16:55 It looks a little different We probably could have Gotten Macaulay Culkin For this If we would have Thought to ask That's true He would have done it
Starting point is 00:17:01 He's a big fan You are slamming down That burger too I'm amazed I took two bites And I'm stuffed His band is like Pizza party or something Yeah That's true. He's a big fan. You are slamming down that burger, too. I'm amazed. I took two bites and I'm stuffed. His band is like Pizza Party or something? Yeah. Shit like that?
Starting point is 00:17:10 Oh, it's like, what is it? Pizza Underground? Yeah, yeah. It's like Velvet Underground, but pizza. Yeah. Pizza's a name for sure. I know, because it made me hungry. Yep.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Ah! Ah! Ah! No. Ah! No. Ah! No. Oh! No. Ah! Stop. Just so this podcast isn't just Eric screaming. No No No No
Starting point is 00:17:26 Hey Stop Just so this podcast Isn't just Eric screaming Stop Jesus Christ The cheese is doing work I'm not as strict
Starting point is 00:17:36 As Michael is On cheese Having to be like So present Let me ask you this You would be fine With a hamburger Over a cheeseburger
Starting point is 00:17:43 Would you ever order A hamburger over a cheeseburger Me probably I'd order a hamburger over a cheeseburger? Me, probably, I'd be fine with it. But I'm curious to see how it plays with this cheeseless hamburger. I bet it won't. And maybe I'll change my tune. Speaking of a cheeseless hamburger. Ah, it's a white wrapper! The devil's color! It's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches. You said it's a white wrapper and I said it's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches. Yep, here you go. I'm sorry, what did you say? You said it's a white wrapper, and I said it's the M&M of Whataburger sandwiches. You can put it together.
Starting point is 00:18:09 You got it. I don't get it. He'll laugh later. It's fine. All right, let me know. Text me later when you laugh. There's chocolate? Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Oh, wow, they're still warm. There you go. There you go, bud. All right. The thing I like about Whataburger is they're big. These are fat burgers They're big burgers They're big buns
Starting point is 00:18:27 They're not like dense But they are like spread out They're thin Yeah they're thin But they're very They're wide They got a circumference Now the difference in toppings here
Starting point is 00:18:36 Is that this has mustard right Yeah I love me some must Really Oh I love Must is a must Wow I love mustard Wow
Starting point is 00:18:43 Ketchup I don't really give a shit about The one thing I can do really give a shit about. Mm-hmm. The one thing I can do without on a burger is like onions. What? I love onions. Not into the onions. Love them. Depending on what type they are.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Onions, they're like little square. Little diced ones. Diced onions. All right. Grilled onions, best onions. There's no question there. But I'm fine. I'm usually too lazy to go out of my way to be like grill my onions
Starting point is 00:19:05 I just order it as is he's shaking your head what's up I don't get it it's dry yeah cause there's no fucking cheese that's why you don't get it
Starting point is 00:19:13 and that's why it's dry it's the bonding component apparently by the time we hit episode 4 after you bought this piece of shit van no it was a good van
Starting point is 00:19:23 that doesn't run it kinda runs that we had to fix up, that could barely be towed. We couldn't afford cheese for the fucking cheeseburgers. Tony did a great job. So we got hamburgers.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Hamburger sandwiches. It's crazy. I'm almost not even going to count this. I'm eating two burgers today. It's probably because it's so fucking dry, but it pairs really well with the beer. I was going to say, Michael, you're saying all this stuff, but you don't know how it goes with this IPA.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Ah! Ah! You almost tricked me with a tomato, too. You okay, dude? You choked the monkey. Yeah, he's fine. That's not a euphemism. I did not do nothing to no monkey.
Starting point is 00:19:56 You don't want the tomatoes? No, I don't like them. Oh. Did you eat them on the In-N-Out burger? No, he took them off. He took them off. Okay. Just making sure.
Starting point is 00:20:03 You want to see? No, I'm good. I mean, I didn't eat them. Almost dropped it. I'm not sure how much cheese is going to save this overall because- I'm with you. I just don't get the Whataburger fascination from- I love Whataburger.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Really? Love it. Now, this is also- Why? I am- People can't come at me like, you had it growing up. Nope. You never had it before?
Starting point is 00:20:24 I never had it before in my life Until I moved here Love it I love Whataburger Now when you go to Whataburger Do you get the cheeseburger Or do you get like Wacky jalapeno
Starting point is 00:20:33 Honey biscuit Whatever Eric Yeah Look at me I got the double cheeseburger I got the number two Don't insult him.
Starting point is 00:20:45 The double Whataburger. And they fucking pack it on thick. And at 1.30 in the morning, I get it down. Okay? Because Whataburger, fun fact, open 24 hours. Wow. Not just late, forever. Also.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Never closes. Always serves burgers. No matter the time. 4 a.mam You get a burger And I do Damn And I get it down I like it
Starting point is 00:21:09 I don't know I just Sauce monkey agrees It's got the size It's got the spice Right It's got I like the bun
Starting point is 00:21:17 I feel like it's got a pretty unique bun It's so big It's big It's huge But I'm a big boy You know And it's helped me become a big boy I'm a big man with big cravings.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Most of Whataburger has made me big. But I like it. I like it. Mikey likey. I will say, with the IPA, it does change the flavor. Yeah. I mean, it makes it- I mean, it mostly makes the beer taste good.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Yeah. Because the beer is doing a lot of the work. Yeah, it's a lot of heavy lifting. I like this even without the cheese, but it's inferior. There's no question. I mean, Monkey loves Whataburger, right? It's not that I don't like the Whataburger. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:21:54 There's other places you can go here. I guess what I would ask is, Jordan, if you were to go to Whataburger, would you get the cheeseburger? Would you get the hamburger? The number one thing I get is like they have a chicken tender like sandwich. With the barbecue sauce.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Chicken strips. The chicken strip sandwich. Barbecue chicken strip sandwich. He's just making noises. He's like salivating. This thing, it's like a homegrown. Now he looks like Kevin. I can at least say like I came into it about Whataburger. He's salivating. This thing, it's like a homegrown. Now he looks like Kevin. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Yeah, yeah. I can at least say, like, I came into it, opened my eyes, and I went, I like this. It just doesn't do it for, and I know that it's like,
Starting point is 00:22:35 I get it. We're from California, and it's like, oh, we love In-N-Out, whatever. I get it, because Whataburger here is definitely really beloved. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:42 But it just doesn't, like, it's like getting the burger at Jack in the Box to me. It's like there's so many other things that I would get. I don't know. You can't explain it.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Wow. I can't understand it. I just like it. Okay. Okay. Respect. Okay, now are you guys ready for the third one?
Starting point is 00:22:56 Let's do a large mac. Are you ready? Yep. Burger. Oh, no. Burger me. Oh, no. Burger me, baby.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Oh, no. I'm dropping. Burger. Oh, no. Making a mess., no. Burg me, baby. Oh, no. I'm dropping her. Oh, no. Making a mess. Can I get a bag? Yeah. I just threw mine on the ground. I know.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Okay. Wow. Man, I do like. You know what I call this? What do you call this, Michael? Take out. Nice. This is the best.
Starting point is 00:23:24 If we're going back to the Chris episode, I'm talking about presentation. Presentation. Thank God we're not. I was just thinking that. We have a different guest today, so it's not a deal. Don't worry about it. They mastered it. It's like the perfect little box.
Starting point is 00:23:37 This is literally perfect. It fits snugly in there. I don't think there's anything I would do to change what this is. Do you want a burger? Yeah, I do. That's how it goes. It's perfect. Fill me up, dude.
Starting point is 00:23:50 We got the Big Mac. Got the sesame seed bun. We got the special mac sauce. Special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, all on a sesame seed bun. Hey, you sound like a commercial. The third bun is totally unnecessary. It's fine, but it's just there to make you a little bit fatter.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Can I divulge a secret? Yeah. I've never had a Big Mac before. What? In your life? In my life. How is that possible? I always get the nuggets or a junior.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Or just a regular hamburger. Can I make a prediction? Yeah. I'm going to be underwhelmed. Yeah. Oh, I can't imagine looking at this. I can't imagine me eat this and go, this changed my life. Here's where you're going to... That happened to that guy in Super Size Me, though. You're going to be like, I like the sauce. That's what you're going to say.
Starting point is 00:24:36 The sauce did just get all over my hand and I don't like it. Whatever. It's all over the place. Belongs in your face. Whatever. No, that's not this one. Take a bite, little hog. It tastes like the regular, like, cheeseburger, but more. Yeah, it tastes like the regular cheeseburger. It's a lot.
Starting point is 00:24:54 There's a lot of bun in the middle. Mm-hmm. It has absolutely zero structural integrity. Yeah, that's it. It looks very good. It's falling apart. Yeah, that's what they do. Mine's a fucking mess.
Starting point is 00:25:07 It's just the way it is. You know, you open the box and you go, this is perfect. And the second you take a bite, it goes big shit. Get the fuck back in there. Every ingredient
Starting point is 00:25:15 fucking runs in a different direction. They just want to get away from your mouth. It's sentient. It's really what it is. It's a sentient sandwich. And it doesn't want to die.
Starting point is 00:25:24 But I'm going to kill it. You're a Mickey D's, oh, thank you. You're a Mickey D's fiend. I'm a fiend. I'm a fan. Although I will say. Where's the Big Mac rank on your go-tos? It's usually, food came out.
Starting point is 00:25:38 It's usually, I'm usually a big fan of either the quarter or the double quarter, and then Big Mac's under that. To me, it's like quarter pounder. Yeah. Why are you- If I'm feeling the flair, I'll get the Big Mac. That needs to be the flagship one over the Big Mac. I think it's creeping up, honestly.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I don't think it'll ever replace number one because it's got a cool name. Big Mac or McDonald's. But it's weird because they're not McDonald's. It's not a Big Mick. It's a Big Mac. I don't know where that A came from, but they snuck it in there. And now, especially in the last, I don't know, year or two, McDonald's decided in the year of the Lord, 2018,
Starting point is 00:26:17 they were like, what if we made some fresh? Not all of them. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on. We're not going to make all our burgers fresh. But some of them. We'll do the Quarter Pounder. Big Mac, not fresh as far as I'm aware.
Starting point is 00:26:27 The Quarter Pounder is now. So it's even better. The Quarter Pounder really usurped the Big Mac once they started making it fresh. Do you think that'll motivate them? Wendy's been doing this for 40 years. Maybe we should try it. Yeah, right? Well, I think it's time to give it a shot.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Mix it up here at McDonald's. It's really good. Well, I think it's time to give it a shot. Mix it up here at McDonald's. It's really good. It's, I will say, and I'm going to crack open another one because, man, it's worth it to have. Whoa. With the beer.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Whoa, a little cracky. Like, hey, with the beer, that's a pretty good burger. That is like. You getting the sauce? Yeah. It's, there's something about this. It's like a Thousand Island, right? It's just like the. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:04 It's like a double, double, it's like a thing. It's a blend. island, right? It's just like the, it's like a double-double. It's a blend, yeah. And you kind of like. I'm making a mess. Surprise. I mean, like, listen. Yes. I'm an animal. Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:14 But it is also the Big Mac. Yes. It's not all on me. No. Okay. No, there's no structural integrity. Yeah. I agree with you.
Starting point is 00:27:20 It's a monstrosity. Whoa. That was some vitriol. I've never had a burger do that to me before. I hate it. It didn't want to be eaten. It ran away from me. I'm telling you, it's sentient.
Starting point is 00:27:34 It doesn't want to die. I think the thing that gets... What are you doing? You're going back? I'm trying it again with this cold, cold beer. Okay, that's fine. He's not drinking it. It's fine. It doesn't matter to me. I think what it is with McDonald's is that what do you think he's doing oh Mikey phone home McDonald's has a price point that is
Starting point is 00:28:02 weird to me where some of their stuff, their value menu stuff, is like... I'm cool with the price of their really cheap food. Because that to me is where it ranks. It shouldn't be that expensive. But then you get a Big Mac combo, and you're shelling out cash. Yeah, you're talking about six-ish bucks.
Starting point is 00:28:24 For a Big Mac. You could just get like a cheeseburger and then like another one and like make your own Big Mac for cheaper, I guess. They do. Their big thing now, for a while, they were riding the dollar menu. Yeah. And then times got tough. So they ditched that. And now it's like the double cheeseburger was like their standard dollar menu.
Starting point is 00:28:44 That's up to like a buck seventy now. Inflation. You know now it's like the double cheeseburger was like their standard dollar menu. That's up to like $1.70 now. Inflation. You know, it's crazy. But what they do now is that, you know, I never get it because I'm a monster and I get whatever I want. But they've got like two for three. That's where you're going to get your savings, where it's like six things and you pick any of the two. Oh, right. You combine them in some way.
Starting point is 00:29:01 So you can get like a burger and fries. I think you can get like a burger and maybe even a sandwich. A chicken sandwich or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's some deals. It's kind of like Taco Bell. You really got to get the deals in order to get it cheap. If you go to McDonald's, just order whatever you want, you're going to pay.
Starting point is 00:29:15 You're going to pay the money. They figured it out. They've been in the game a long time. Yeah, they know what's cracking. And I think that In-N-Out has- They know what's crocking. Jay Croc. Ray Croc.
Starting point is 00:29:24 That's his name. I watched the movie about him. You has- I know it's Crocken. Jay Crock. Ray Crock. That's his name. I watched the movie about him. You talking about Keaton? Yeah. Yeah. Mikey K. He saved the San Diego Padres, so he's a good guy in my book. Michael Keaton or Crock?
Starting point is 00:29:37 Which one? Which one saved the San Diego Padres? He turned into a snowman. I think it was- Michael Keaton or Ray Crock? I don't know. You tell me. Okay. Off track, but. You tell me. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Off track, but now we're back on track. Speaking of telling us something, you got to read the top. Who, me? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. You do it. I'll do it. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Give me a second. How many slices of cheese does Big Mac have? Just one. Yeah. Which is, it's under par. For as many patties and buns that it has. Yep. Really lacking.
Starting point is 00:30:07 The substitute there is that they go nuts with the mac sauce. Yep. They don't need to. They do not need to. They don't need to. He did a thumbs up. He said they don't need to. And then, huh?
Starting point is 00:30:18 He was fucking pissed. He's going bananas. It's all over. We should have installed that curtain. Am I reading this line? Yeah, the top. It's not a line. No, the line. It's a line. Yes have installed my reading this line. Yeah, that's all right. No the line Line now that we have this van that Eric Graciously got for us with the help of voodoo Ranger for the episodes and that doesn't run
Starting point is 00:30:35 Yeah, right doesn't run or roll good. You can just Not even roll we could not even push it potentially theentially, the monkey can turn it on. We can't push that. Monkey, does it work? That does not answer the question. That's the sound of working. It doesn't answer the question. Anyway, we wanted to bring in some of our friends to help us rate these foods. No, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:57 It would never. It's holding, dude. Guys, there's literally no way it would fall again. Cut to. And wait. See? Well, this bar hasn't noticed since it would fall again. Cut to. And wait. See? Well, this bar hasn't noticed since it's the time. Well, guys, someone walked by, and I thought they were going to shake the van.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Oh, someone's on the call. Guys, it's our friend. Guys, we're bringing in our friend Jeremy to help us rate. Yes. Jay Duels himself. That's what everyone calls him. That's his rap name. Yep.
Starting point is 00:31:22 That's his gamer tag, actually. Oh. I mean, it is. No, there you go. I didn't know that. I don't know if you're playing off of that, but no I had no idea been there done that well He made that well. Let's say hi to Jeremy Michael's throwing stuff Hey, man. How are you? Oh look at that. He's already slugging it down. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:45 He knows what's up. Well, I mean, I gotta. Why not? He's working. I don't gotta, but I wanna. That's a professional right there. Contractually, you do gotta. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Well, Eric's coming to your house later, and he's going to make sure that they're all gone. I didn't want to cheers you. I just wanted to show Jeremy. Oh, I thought you wanted to cheers me. I was just showing off to my friend. You want to cheers? Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Cheers. Oh, you got the canned version? Yeah. Can you believe that? me. I was just showing off to my friend. Do you want to cheers? Okay. All right. Cheers. Oh, you got the canned version? Yeah. Can you believe that? Yeah. Jordan was jealous. Yeah. He saw that you had bottles and got like upset.
Starting point is 00:32:11 He almost left. Yeah. If Eric wasn't blocking my exit. Jeremy. A lot of. Yep. We brought you in because we know you know hamburgers. That's what we know you know.
Starting point is 00:32:23 You're the burger guy? He knows burgers and beer. He's a hamburger sandwich guy. Stop calling them hamburger sandwiches. What's the problem? They're just burgers. They are sandwiches. See?
Starting point is 00:32:34 But would you call it a hamburger sandwich? Well, no, because I'm not a menace. Right, there you go. Oh, my favorite, the Big Mac sandwich. What? We call it a Whopper sandwich. Shut the hell up. Did we eat one of those? No, that's true the Big Mac sandwich. What? We call it a Whopper sandwich. Shut the hell up. Did we eat one of those?
Starting point is 00:32:46 No, that's true. We didn't. Jeremy, what we did eat was shocking to everyone. What? Was it? He's losing his mind. Jeremy. He's got that look in his eye.
Starting point is 00:32:57 He's glossing over again. Yeah. Jeremy, the In-N-Out Double-Double. What did you think? As a Massachusetts man, what did you think of the double-double? The In-N-Out original. They got In-N-Out over there. No, they don't.
Starting point is 00:33:15 No, they don't. No, they don't. They got no In-N-Out. No, dude, there was parades when we got a fucking Sonic. You think we got In-N-Out? No way. Wait, you're talking about the hedgehog? See, that's's a big Sonic got the key to the city the Hedgehog. No the restaurant Oh see that's why I'm Sonic burger. Yeah, Sonic burger singing. Why don't you call it Sonic sandwich?
Starting point is 00:33:37 By your own logic Alright, well the Sonic burger in Massachusetts may be hot stuff But what we got we got got In-N-Out. Jeremy, what did you think of the Double-Double with the Voodoo Ranger IPA? So it was a burger in a sack. It does come in a sack.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Well said. It does come in a sack. It was one of my, that's one of my favorite fast food burgers, the Double-Double. I love it. I think it's a good balance of everything.
Starting point is 00:34:07 I think all the flavors. I've had In-N-Out burgers that are just the meat and cheese, and it's still good. All their flavors are on point. The sauce on there is always ideal sauce, the In-N-Out special sauce. Paired with this guy, it was perfect. That's a perfect meal. That would be my choice to go with you can't you can't Because that's the order in which we are written on the sheets. Oh, I got things to say about the other ones That's a tease that's a little
Starting point is 00:34:40 Kind of situation I like the new little teaser what we were saying about the double-double Jordan in my side kind of situation i like the new little teaser what we were saying about the double double jordan and myself is that uh the like not a lot of times i've had in and out with a beer it's usually getting in and out and getting the lemonade getting a soda not really taking it home and going ah i'm gonna crack open a beer with this thing like no have you got usually you're just having a soda with it. Or like a shake if you're adventurous. The apolitans. So what do you think? Having it with a
Starting point is 00:35:12 beer, it's really changing it up, right? Having it with a beer kind of transforms it a bit from like a fast food setting to like a cookout. You know what I mean? Good point. You say, I made this myself. You know what I mean? Yeah. Good point. Good point. You say,
Starting point is 00:35:25 I made this myself. Yep. You could trick someone. Yep. Yep. My friend Rodrigo's Tio, he made this in his backyard and we're drinking
Starting point is 00:35:32 all these Voodoo Ranger IPAs and it's good stuff. That's a little taste of back home for you. That's what it's like back in Sandy. Okay. That's what it's like.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Okay. And he's right. I think it transforms it into a cookout. It's good stuff. I was hoping you could relate. I don't know. How would I relate? Oh, that's right. I think it transforms it into a cookout. It's good stuff. I was hoping you could relate. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:35:46 How would I relate? Oh, that's right. How would I relate to you in any way? What the hell are you talking about? So the In-N-Out Double Double, it had, Jeremy, it had cheese. It had everything you wanted. It sure did. But here's two slices of cheese.
Starting point is 00:36:01 Two slices of cheese. Now, what about the What a burger hamburger sandwich okay uh i don't i don't like what a burger hamburger yes i don't like three versus two i'll tell you where it gets really high points um i was eating these burgers and drinking voodoo Ranger. Yeah. And I was drinking a lot of Voodoo Ranger. You're doing too much. The more I had, the better the Whataburger became. Oh.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Yep. Whataburger. Just get shit-faced. Yeah. But isn't that what it is? That is what it is. It was the best of them in terms of, like, drunk food. Like, if you're looking for something after you've had a lot of Bev's, and you're like, drive me to a Whataburger.
Starting point is 00:36:50 It's good. Dude, in the Whataburger episode, we talked about how it's the best place to go after a night of drinking on your way home. It really is that 1.30 in the morning. Or 4 a.m. I want a chicken. Give me the cheeseburger. It's that. Give me the stuff. Give me the fries!
Starting point is 00:37:07 Oh, the fries. What do you think of the fries? It was that feeling of like you're eating it, you're going, I don't know if I like this, but it's big. It's very big. It's a big boy. It's gonna soak up a lot of stuff in there. Yeah, it's pretty spongy. The onions are pretty fierce too, in the Whataburger sandwich. Yeah, those are full on just diced, like, fuck you, here's onions.
Starting point is 00:37:25 Yeah, they're chunks. Little chunks. What do you think of the mustard? There's a lot of mustard in that sandwich. It is mustard forward. You're right. There's a lot of fuck you onions in an ocean of mustard. I love it.
Starting point is 00:37:35 You're speaking my language. Fuck you onions. If Eric didn't skimp out, we would have got cheese, too. It wasn't me. Fuck you. No, it's onions. There was no cheese in the onion. It's crazy. me fuck you There was no cheese It's crazy. There was no cheese this guy. He's running a fucking sham show here dry. She was dry
Starting point is 00:37:51 It was nice. Yeah, I couldn't afford cheese. I'm sorry. I've been scrimping and saving Anything the roof keeps falling on me? What do you mean? Clearly scrimmed Incredible man isn't this van? He's very clearly scrimped. Jeremy, can you see this incredible van? Isn't this awesome? What a great van this is. No, he can't see the whole thing. From that one angle. No, I can see a wall and part of a window.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Jeremy, it doesn't drive, and it can't be towed because one of the wheels doesn't spin. Well, it can be towed. Oh, really? Yeah, well, you just have to put, like, front dollies. You gotta put four more wheels on it and lift it off the ground to tow it! Cause that's what we did! So you got a room with an engine attached to it? Yeah! Yeah, but the engine doesn't do anything.
Starting point is 00:38:32 It's not really a feature. God damn you. He's gonna put a curse on you. That's why we couldn't afford cheese. But, Jeremy, lastly, the last one, the main event of this trio, the McDonald's Big big mac what did you think uh the big mac uh-huh sandwich oh man shut up that was off mic he didn't hear that
Starting point is 00:38:58 despite how much i love the double double the Big Mac out of those three burgers is the only burger I ate completely. Whoa. No way. You thought we were like, oh, why do we have him do the In-N-Out first? Because then, oh, dude, I don't know where he's going to land now. This is incredible.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Yeah. The coin is up in the air and it's spinning. I wanted to try to pace myself, right? Because I was like, you know, I don't want to suck down the whole double-double and then the Whataburger comes out at like nine feet in radius. You don't know what suck down this whole the whole double double and then I can then the water burger comes out at like nine feet in radius And uh, but and so I put them all down about half eaten and I was like man that double-double that was awesome
Starting point is 00:39:35 That tasted so good. Let me dig into this Big Mac It was something about it like the the balance of a Big Mac is so good. The pickles and the sauce. And, like, I love pickles. And it's very pickle heavy, a Big Mac. Very pickle heavy. Very much. With that Big Mac sauce.
Starting point is 00:39:53 But, like, when you really just taste them side by side, the Double Double and the Big Mac, I feel like the Big Mac doesn't taste as good. But the overall Big Mac experience. Yeah, no, he's experience. He's right. The Double Double, I think, is a better tasting burger, but the Big Mac has like a sprinkle of crack on it. There's something about it. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:40:13 It's probably almost certainly some sort of performance enhancement drug. They sprinkle on the Big Mac, and it just sucks you in. It makes you eat it. Yeah. But where I will take points off for a Big Mac. And it just sucks you in. It makes you eat it. Yeah. Yeah. But where I will take points off for a Big Mac is when you eat, when I ate the Double Double and had the beer with it, I said I felt like I was at a cookout.
Starting point is 00:40:34 I feel like I was having a burger and a beer. When I ate the Big Mac and had the beer with it, I felt like someone left a Big Mac here and also I've got beer. He's kind of found both of them. It's not really a natural pairing. Kind of a raccoon situation where you're just like, oh, I went to the dumpster
Starting point is 00:40:51 and look what I have. You're kind of scrounging. A Big Mac. Yeah. Because you know no one made that. No. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:40:57 In and out, you can be like, wow. It tastes too much like a McDonald's burger. That's a great way to put it. A Double Double tastes like a, it really does taste like a cookout burger. It's something different way to put it. A Double Double tastes like a, it really does taste like a cookout burger.
Starting point is 00:41:07 It's something different. It tastes like somebody made it. A Big Mac tastes like an idea. A Big Mac tastes like when you think about McDonald's, it's like, oh, that's exactly what, oh, I get it. Now I know exactly what it is. And I think that's what the video game Control was about.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Similar. I played it all the way through. Are you sure? Yeah. No, it was about the gun. Whoever has the gun is the director. Oh. The hell?
Starting point is 00:41:31 Oh, I missed that. Talking about Big Mac. Yeah. Oh, I thought whoever had the Big Mac was, oh, I guess the confusion. I think it's open to interpretation. Oh, okay, cool. We'll open it. Jeremy, what did you think about the structural integrity of the Big Mac?
Starting point is 00:41:45 Because I found it to be the sloppiest of all of the burgers. Oh, really? The Big Mac, for me, I think held up in a creepy kind of way. Like the video game Control. Shut up. Like a floating toilet. Almost like it coagulated together and it could not be unbounded. Or like it wasn't real.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Yeah. It's an idea. It was an idea. I mean, you're right. A Big Mac is essentially if someone vaguely described what a burger was to a robot. That's what a Big Mac is. That's a great way to put it. It really is.
Starting point is 00:42:23 But, like, you know, because an in-and-out double double is like a like a cookout burger you know when you wait a little while it does all kind of become a little messy in the middle the tomatoes in there so that kind of like breaks down into like red goo and then there's the sauce and everything the big mac was just like this is the pieces i've i pieces I'm made of. If you come back in a week, that Big Mac looks like that. It's like forged. It simply is forged.
Starting point is 00:42:51 It is not made. It's the plastics involved. That might be the crack, too. I think maybe that's the thing that keeps you coming back, is you love the plastics. That's what it is. Respect that. Just like bioengineered food.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Yep. But Jeremy, Jeremy, listen, we've heard, he's getting serious. We've heard what you had to say about all three of these in the voodoo ranger IPA. And they helped us buy this van.
Starting point is 00:43:17 They helped me buy this van. And I need to know now, what is your number one? Which one was your favorite going with this Voodoo Ranger IPA? If you're going to pair it with a beer. This beer. I don't think a Big Mac is a good choice. Wow.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Interesting. If you're going to pair it with seven beers, I think Whataburger is a great choice. Okay. Okay. Okay. I think Whataburger is a great choice. Okay, okay. But if you're just hanging out, having a beer, just sitting down enjoying a burger, I'm going to go with the Double Double as the good one to pair with it.
Starting point is 00:43:54 I think that is... This guy's rooting. That's a hell yeah. We were doing 92 Arsenio bullshit. Yeah, Arsenio. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Remember that? They're dogs.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Jeremy... Bill Clinton was on that show. I was five, you're dogs. Jeremy... Bill Clinton was on that show. You were 12. He voted for Bill Clinton. Sucker. Jeremy, thank you so much for joining us in the Face Jam Voodoo Ranger van, which I bought
Starting point is 00:44:20 and I want to say... Shut the hell up. Stop it. That's why it sucks. You have helped us so much. We're buying why it sucks. You have helped us so much. We're buying it next time. You have helped us so much in deciding which is the best burger to go with this beer. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Anyone, any final words for Jeremy before he goes? No, I'll see him tomorrow. Oh. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Oh, how about- Always good to see you. Off Topic was good, Michael. It was good.
Starting point is 00:44:42 I don't know what that is. It was a good show. You don't know what Off Topic is? Not in this universe. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm crossing the stream This is more whole season three or whatever This is like What's what's the Marvel show with the nerds on TV big big And then the movies like fuck you you don't count Make your little show, nerds.
Starting point is 00:45:07 You don't count. Fuck off. Which one is the MCU and which one is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Are we Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? We're strictly 616, so don't worry about it. There it is. That was nerdy. Yep.
Starting point is 00:45:18 That's what I'm here for. Nice. Well, Jeremy, thank you for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Bye, Jeremy. Bye. Thanks for bringing burgers and beer. Bye. You're welcome. Yeah, enjoy those. Okay next time. Bye, Jeremy. Bye. Thanks for bringing burgers and beer. Bye. You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Yeah, enjoy those. Okay, cool. Bye, Jeremy. No, he's already gone. He's gone. He's gone. Don't facilitate his lies. Don't you.
Starting point is 00:45:32 Don't. He's trying to trick you. He's already gone. He can't hear you. Why would you say that? What the fuck? So, Jeremy helped us decide. No, he didn't.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yeah, I thought maybe his input would sway you. He didn't. He said something. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We don't have to listen to it. It didn't. Yeah, I thought maybe his input would sway you. He said something. But now, it didn't sway the monkey. But now it's freaking out. But now it's the part where you read the middle part.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Can you hand it to me? Mine's on the floor. Oh, shit. Mine, too. How'd I get down there? We've gotten guest input, and we've had long enough to think about it. It's time to rate which of these hamburger sandwiches he made me say it goes best with Voodoo Ranger IPA. It worked! Now I sound like a crazy person. Yeah, I mean, you're just formatting. He wrote it. So you said true. Yeah, make sense hamburger sandwich format Yep, he did right
Starting point is 00:46:13 Vodcast burgers format. Yeah Did you also tell them not to get the cheese we're alone in the van I sure you pointing to no There's no one out there. Yeah. He's pointing to nothing. He's pointing to like some bar stools. It's another camera. I thought maybe he was talking about Tony.
Starting point is 00:46:32 It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Okay. Rank your third to first, Jordan. Let me know what burgers are your third. Your third.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Hey, let me see you. Start with the third. Let me know what your third is all the way to your first number one. What the hell? Sounding like Jeff Daniels Jr. There's a rapper that I like named- Zoom, zoom. There was a rapper that I like named Def Janules, and I thought that was a very clever name.
Starting point is 00:46:57 That's pretty good. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff. All right. Number three, the Big Mac. It's a mess. It's a regular ass McDonald's a regular-ass McDonald's hamburger, barely a hamburger sandwich.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Number two, and not by much, because it's almost like 3A, 3B, Whataburger was dry. I don't know if cheese could have saved it. Mustard all over the place. So much mustard. So fucking big. Yeah. As big as my head.
Starting point is 00:47:31 For the ocean of mustard. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a globe and the Pacific Ocean was the mustard. Because it's the world's largest ocean. Just fun fact. That was a fun fact. Marianas Trench. He really liked that.
Starting point is 00:47:52 I was going to blow right past it until he started laughing. You got to stop and drink it in. Guess what? Number one, you'll never see this coming. It's the double-double. That's right. Cheers. Cheers to In-N-Out, California.
Starting point is 00:48:06 That's right. Palm trees and burgers. That's what it's all about. Um... I dare you to disagree. I'll do that now. Number three, I gotta say, with the beer pairing, I'm gonna have to say
Starting point is 00:48:22 it was the Big Mac. Big Mac was... It's already so liquid as it is You know I like the sauce I like the combo I don't think you need that third piece of bread In the Big Mac But it is what it is They're never going to get it out of there
Starting point is 00:48:38 It's weird because it's almost there for structure But it doesn't do anything It's a fucking mess And then it goes skedad. It's great until the second you bite it. And then it goes, it skedaddles. It does skedaddle. It's funny how we said it was the best looking one presentation wise. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Until it was not. And then you take a bite out of it and it's like, this looks like I threw it up. Well, that's the thing. Even with the three buns, they slip and slide in three different directions. Yeah. That's the issue.
Starting point is 00:49:00 It's tough. It really skedaddles like you said. But what I'm going to say is, number two, good burger, good with the beer. We weren tough. It really skedaddles, like you said. But what I'm gonna say is number two, Good Burger, Good with the Beer. We weren't reviewing Good Burger with Kenan Mitchell. However, second place
Starting point is 00:49:12 In-N-Out. Wow. No. Wow. I mean, yes, this is my review. Uh-huh. No. Wrong. No cheese. And still, Whataburger came through. It was banging. It was big. It was oniony.
Starting point is 00:49:28 How? Mustardy. Is that? It's flavorful. What is wrong with you? And while you sit here and say, Texas, Texas, you love Whataburger, that's you guys with In-N-Out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:38 I can't trust. I can't trust it. You grew up on it. Don't disagree. It's injected into your veins. It's good burger. I don't think it's the best burger. It's the best burger we had today.
Starting point is 00:49:47 I'm saying Whataburger. You know what I mean? I mean, you got you, you got Jeremy. His vote doesn't count. It sways towards us, but I'm Whataburger, and you're In-N-Out. Yep. And we have said what comes. We have to come to a consensus.
Starting point is 00:50:01 But I don't think we should have the monkey vote. So what does it say? I don't think. What does it say? It says, does the monkey vote. So what does it say? I don't think. What does it say? It says. It says, does the monkey vote? And I say. I say no.
Starting point is 00:50:09 He says no. I say. I say we get someone else. I say democracy, you know, let it live. You know? This is for RBG. Uh-huh. Is it?
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah. Monkey gets a vote. Ruth Conda forever. So I say we throw it to the monkey. If he? Yeah. Monkey gets a vote. Ruth Konda forever. So I say we throw it to the monkey. If he says Big Mac, we're fucked. Yeah, then I don't know what we do. All right, well. Then it's a draw.
Starting point is 00:50:33 What do you say then? Do you say Big Mac number one? No. Do you say Double Double number one? Whoa. So that means. He's tired of shaking his that means are you saying Whataburger number one? Whoa. He's going ape.
Starting point is 00:50:54 He's going ape in the front seat. And now I will say the same. This is rigged. Well, I'll say the same bias I accused you of 100%. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. He's such a fucking homer. I'm right down in the middle.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Never had In-N-Out. Never had Whataburger. No. It is what it is. I can't trust any of you people. No, but there you have it. The winner. I mean, I have to say, the winner of this one.
Starting point is 00:51:17 It didn't even have cheese on it, and it won. I know. I know. It was that good. It was that good. It's a travesty. Yeah, it's that good. That he Is that good? It was that good. It's a travesty. Yeah, it's that good. That he didn't have cheese.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Yep. Wow. That's a really incredible episode. That's pretty crazy. Look at Jordan's face. Yeah, he's so mad. This is the last episode, too. He's steaming.
Starting point is 00:51:33 There's no coming back from this. Guys. He's got to sit with this. Late at night, he's going to be screaming. Oh, I'll be screaming. Grappling with the sins of his past. Guys, look around. I'm gonna miss the van.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Look around. We had some good times. So, what are you thinking? A C4 or TNT? No, for what? Huh? Are we gonna blow it up? No, we're not gonna blow it up.
Starting point is 00:51:54 What do you mean? We're gonna keep it. You said we're gonna blow it up. We're gonna fix it. No. I want to drive it off a cliff. No. TNT in the van.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Cliff. No. Yep. That's cool. And then we're gonna drive it around. There's just no way we can drive it. We can push it off the cliff. No, we can drive it. But the one wheel's not going to spin. Careful, it's not in neutral. What are you doing up there? He's trying to figure out how to put it in neutral. We're going to die.
Starting point is 00:52:12 If it's in neutral, it's not going to push. We've got to get Tony back out here because we've got to move it. Yeah, neutral is as good as park. Guys, look. Look around. Look at what we did. Yeah. Look, Face Jam's been going for about a year now, right?
Starting point is 00:52:22 Yeah. True. We accomplished something pretty crazy. In that year, it's 100%. They said it couldn't be done. They said it could. Everyone was against me. Everyone said, Eric, there's no way you can do it.
Starting point is 00:52:33 We're against you, for sure. Everyone said, move your mics away from your mouths. Everyone said, Eric, there's no way you can do it. I agree, Eric, you can't do it. Turn them down. Turn that monkey. Turn them down. Everyone said, Eric, you can't do it. Turn them down. Turn that monkey, turn them down. Everyone said Eric.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Eric, you can't do it. You couldn't get the van. But you know what I said? I said Face Jam is worth it. And only the most incredible sponsorship and partnership with Voodoo Ranger, we could do something that's so off the charts incredible. Guys, look around. It's the Face Jam voodoo ranger
Starting point is 00:53:05 van we did it four episodes of awesome incredible content with friends with food with beer awesome really had a great time with beer was beer was the best beer was good yeah the beer was my friend yeah i had a great i feel like i lost some but i gained some along the way gained a lot along the way there was what do you mean there was we made some new friends tony we we had talking about you said you were friends with him well no you made him no you made new friends are you saying no no no i know tony the monkey the monkey made new friends yeah tony's my friend Yeah, Tony's my friend. Tony's my guy. He's my tow truck guy.
Starting point is 00:53:47 It's fine. We made new friends. Who has a tow truck guy? Old friends coming in. Jeremy. Chris. The other one. Oh, Alfredo.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Lindsay. Even your ex was here. She was a good guest. And I thought Lindsay was great. She was a good guest. Guys, we started strong. We ended strong. And I just want to say Face jam is a great show that we
Starting point is 00:54:07 have a lot of fun doing and hey honestly that's true cheers cheers to my empty beer cheers guys and that's awesome thank you voodoo ranger for helping us get this van helping me get this van
Starting point is 00:54:16 yeah I think that'll do it next time can we get more help and less Eric what's yeah they should just excuse me good van give them what what voodoo ranger not wearing the producer anymore if you more help and less Eric. What? Because I think we'd have a really good van. Give them, what, Voodoo Ranger? You're not wearing
Starting point is 00:54:26 the producer hat anymore. I don't know if you thought you were. What an idiot. Little idiot. He doesn't even know where it is. So yeah,
Starting point is 00:54:33 just give us the money next time we'll do a better job. No, this was a good job. Well, we'll see. What happens if I pull this? No, no. No, don't.
Starting point is 00:54:41 Do not. I'm going to die. All right, guys, thank you for our four episode run and we'll see you. No. I can still do it. I'm still in shape. We right, guys. Thank you for our four episode run and we'll see you. No, I can still do. I'm still in.
Starting point is 00:54:47 We'll see you guys next week. I got to get out of here. Episode of FaceCam. Bye. Everyone say bye. Bye. Bye. The monkey.

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