A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - Our 10 Best Thanksgiving Tips

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Today, Josh and Nicole are going through their top 10 tips for planning successful Thanksgiving dinner for your friends and loved ones! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: http://youtube.com/@mythicalkitchen To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Don't forget this Thanksgiving season, self-love is the greatest form of love. Bah, bah, bah. Too much talk about self-love, not enough talk about self-basting turkeys. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich.

A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's biggest internet debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole. I love stuffing Thanksgiving. Sorry, I gotta do that again. No, when your parents came here from Iran, they were like, what's the most American middle name we can give her?

And it was, Nicole, I love stuffing Thanksgiving, I'm sorry. No, we have to do it again. We have to do it again. Okay, fine. Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show we break down the world's biggest internet debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Anaidi. Oh, I thought you were going to give yourself a long fictional middle name like you did in the failed take that we just had. And I'm your host, Nicole.

Why not cranberry sauce? Why not cranberry sauce? And that is effectively, Nicole, the topic that we're talking about today. We wanted to take a break from all of our vitriolic debates about whether or not a corn dog is a cannoli. That's right. To actually give people some salient cooking advice. That's right. We have compiled 10 of our greatest Thanksgiving tips.

We sat there on our, on our pooters, short for computers. Yeah, I'm familiar with pooters. What else could a pooter be confused for, Nicole? I don't know. You know, you eat a big Thanksgiving meal, you sit down in the toilet and what's coming out that pooter? Oh, pooter is butt. I don't know. But no, we got Thanksgiving coming up. Yeah, we do. You know, we got a big NFC West matchup with the 49ers playing the Seahawks. Yeah, Jerry Rice is on the 49ers. I'm glad that you know that.

And his son, Brendan Rice, is on the USC Trojans. But speaking of football, Thanksgiving is the Super Bowl for food. That's right. People got to cook a lot. That's true. We have a lot of cooking expertise. I would say we have a large amount of it. And I think we have an ethical obligation to lend that cooking expertise to people to make their lives better.

That's right. What do you think the biggest pitfalls during cooking Thanksgiving dinner are? I think people just get really caught up in the in the the whirlwind that is thanksgiving they want to impress everybody they want to make their homes nice and open and welcome to everybody and they have maybe like 45 things going on at one time when honestly the human brain i've heard on tiktok can only can only concentrate on four things at one time and like how can you do that when you got potatoes that are, you know, that are boiling away,

a turkey that's cooking, you got to baste every 15 minutes and then you got to open up the can of cranberry sauce. You got to make sure your things are seasoned properly. It's really hard to manage. Yeah. They hold on too tight.

People hold on too tight. You got to, Bruce Lee, be like water. You know what I mean? You got to be fluid. You got to move with the groove. What I'm saying is if this is up your alley, drink a little bit, baby. That's my first tip, number one.

Your number one tip. Number one, start cracking the cocktails, 10.30 a.m. You can make one of them breakfast cocktails. My most successful Thanksgiving dinner ever. I was drinking French 75s. That's a mixture of gin, lemon juice, simple syrup, and champagne. I was drinking French 75s at 10.30 in the morning. By the time Thanksgiving dinner rolled around, we didn't care what the food was.

So your first Thanksgiving tip is to be drunk. Yeah, that didn't make our official list. No, it did. Did it really? It's number nine, but you're going off the path a little bit. So we wrote here, get people drunk. Oh, yeah, that was number nine.

Or not drunk. You can be drunk on conversation as well. The point is, the meal, listen, there's a lot of people that don't drink.

There's children that, listen, there's people who just don't drink for any amount of lifestyle reasons. But yeah, no,

you can be, it's about vibes is what I'm saying. Okay, so you're saying set the tone by being easygoing. Lower your actual expectations

and this goes for anything in life. I think one of the plagues of modern society is that we all have such high expectations that you want to change the world, that you want to be famous or rich or whatever. No. People used to be happy

if they knew how to lay bricks. Well, I don't think they're happy per se for laying bricks, but you know what I mean. Do you think happiness is a new thing? Is like a new modern thing? Being happy? The way that we consider happiness and comfort is a new thing? Is like a new modern thing, being happy? The way that we consider happiness and comfort is, yeah, it's very, very new for modern society, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so what I'm saying is lower your expectations to what like an 1830s sorghum farmer would have had.

You know, if you have a baby born without tuberculosis, like, wow, oh my God, you did. So, you know, if you have food on the table, you should be grateful is what I'm saying. Thanksgiving is more about vibes. Be like water. Don't hold on too tight. So, is the baby with tuberculosis getting it like in the hospital

or was born with tuberculosis? I don't know how people got tuberculosis back then, but they were always getting tuberculosis. Oh my God. They always had it. Yeah, it was wild.

If you look at death rates like a hundred years ago, it was just like, tuberculosis is like 16%. It was crazy. Shut up. Tuberculosis. Oh, my God. They always had it. Yeah, it was wild. If you look at death rates like 100 years ago, it was just like, tuberculosis is like 16%. It was crazy. Shut up. Tuberculosis, massive. And so, you should be grateful you don't have tuberculosis and that you're drinking French 75s on the morning of your Thanksgiving dinner.

That's tip number one. So, number one, Josh says vibes. And if your vibe is drinking, do it. Do it. Do it. Okay. Yeah, what's an actual more practical cooking tip for people? Okay, since we're not married to this list in terms of order,

let me see what's next. Here's a good one. Ain't no shame in the canned food game. Canned sweet potato and canned cranberry sauce are your saving grace sometimes. Yeah, that's another part of holding on too tight. People being like, I got to cook literally everything from scratch. Oh, yeah.

I got to make my orange zest star anise cranberry marmalade. Oh, yeah. Is that a personal anecdote of yours? I did that one year and I was like, hmm, worse than ocean spray, baby. Yeah. I mean, like it's one of those things like if it's broke, don't fix it.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it's already a perfect product, you can jazz it up a little bit. No one's going to hate you if you take cranberry sauce that's in a can and you jazz it up a little bit. That's cool.

Pop a little sherry vinegar in there. Make it taste a little bit new. Utilize modern canning and modern food technology to make your life a little bit easier. Speaking of terrible times in history, the Napoleonic Wars, Nicole. Oh, please, Josh. One madman coming off the optimism of the French Revolution,

despite the brutality of the Jacobin regimes. Napoleonic Wars were actually a big... What's the word I'm looking for? I don't know. Deal? Napoleonic Wars were a big deal. The Napoleonic Wars really shifted the paradigm in food production and consumption. That's right.

Because he was like, we got to feed all these troops going on their murderous rampages around Europe. And so canned foods. The Napoleonic Wars were in vain unless you eat canned cranberry sauce this Thanksgiving. Oh, also isn't like, I've never been a green bean casserole kind of girl, but isn't it all canned stuff other than the French's onions?

Absolutely. Green bean casserole traditionally is three canned, even the French's fried onions, they basically come in a can, right? Sure. That's three ingredients. It's cream of mushroom soup, condensed, do not uncondense it. That's where the flavor is. Canned green beans.

And this type of stuff I have made from scratch before, but I kind of made it from scratch to try and taste like the canned stuff because it's good. But I was like, surely with fresh vegetables, it's going to taste better. No, it tastes about the same. Green beans, it's just salty and boiled. Lean into the canned stuff. Know where you want to put your efforts you can't put

your efforts nicole if you got like nine friends in your group hey okay they can't all be your best friends of course not you know no sometimes you gotta just not respond to six of their texts and then you take the three you know that you're really close with and you know you focus on those relationships it's the same with Thanksgiving. And are the three friendships the, like, dishes? Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, so my recommendation, like, turkey, right?

Number one. Okay, yeah. It's the star. It's the star. Yeah. And a bad turkey is terrible. Yeah. And sure, it can be saved with gravy. But number two might be gravy.

Mm-hmm. Turkey and the gravy, that's important. Okay. You know, and then three, stuffing. I choose stuffing as my third. So those the gravy, that's important. Okay. And then three, stuffing. I choose stuffing as my third. So those are the three that you would. Yeah. The rest of it, it's all window dressing, not window stuffing because it was left outside the bird.

Don't put windows in your turkey. I think the three most important things to have on a table are turkey, gravy, and mac and cheese. Oh. We're a mac and cheese family. Oh. Well, that gets us to another rule here, Nicole. What's up? Because we wrote one about the mac and cheese and we're We're a mac and cheese family. Oh, well that gets us to another rule here, Nicole. What's up? Because we wrote one

about the mac and cheese and we're going out of order because I forgot that I legitimately put get people drunk as our official guidance. That's borderline inappropriate

and irresponsible. We had something about traditions being malleable. There we go. Traditions are malleable. Here's the thing. Mm-hmm. We got,

in my family, Nicole, we grew up on green bean casserole some sort of sweet potato some sort of mashed potato stuffing turkey and then cranberry sauce nice mac and cheese deserves nay you deserve to have mac and cheese on your thanksgiving table why don't people do that i don't know nobody does that it was i believe in my internet chronological history, I believe there was a single white

who had tweeted, mac and cheese does not belong on the Thanksgiving table. And then many, many black people came out and said, hey, this is, mac and cheese

has been on our Thanksgiving table for a long, long, long time. Yeah. Open yourself up to it. Mac and cheese is the best food.

It's great to feed a crowd. Sure. You can pre-make it the day before, pop it in the oven, and it is abjectly delicious. Yeah. But you can make your own traditions. Yeah.

I mean, like, come on. Like, I'm not white. I'm not black. I'm a Persian Jew whose family came here in 1990. All of our dishes have a twang of Persian in it. For example,

we don't do stuffing. We stuff the bird with rice also known as to deli which translates into into the stomach so we do like a rendition on stuffing but it's a little bit persian our cranberry sauce david's aunt makes this ridiculous cranberry sauce with um what is it's cranberries it's saffron it's cranberries, it's saffron, it's barberries, and it's this sour, sweet, delicious cranberry sauce that we put on top of everything. And even sometimes some people put a saffron in their mac and cheese. So traditions are malleable and you can do whatever you want. It's up to you to create that dish.

I'm getting inspired right now. I'm trying to game plan my own Thanksgiving now. Okay. And when we're talking about malleable traditions, I want to eat everything with a tortilla and salsa. Like that's just how I enjoy eating my food. You've seen me eat. Yes. I turn everything into tortilla with some sort of salsa or roti sabji, as you'd call it in Hindi, right?

I just want a flatbread and I want saucy meats and I want something acidic on it that's well spiced. Okay. Smart. Why am I not doing that on Thanksgiving? The one day of food. The one day that you should be celebrating food. And now I kind of really want to do this. I want to make mole. I want to have, you know, flour tortillas. I want to take a whole bird and cook it in pig's lard like carnitas, you know, a little bit of orange on a little of cola um i but the point is you don't have to be beholden to all the things sure you might have family members that like hey this has to be on the table and respect that but another tip we did write down nicole is don't experiment on thanksgiving okay yeah i have a boat so does

this run counter to that does this run counter to that well well listen there's a tiktok of a fine lady who's responsible for the you know beautiful spread and everything and she looks at her daughter and says don't experiment on thanksgiving and she's right like don't do anything crazy that you've never done before i mean you can you can experiment here and there if you have the knowledge and wherewithal how to experiment it's like like saying, oh, are you pointing to yourself right now? You got wherewithal to experiment? Ain't no experiment. I'm a professional. I'm not saying

leave cooking on Thanksgiving to the professionals, but if you are willing to experiment, maybe leave it to someone who's cooked a lot before. Okay, no, no. Here, let me rephrase that a little bit. Before we say anything else, hold hold on your cadence during this podcast is one of the most entertaining things i've ever listened to in my life you sound very different today well that's because we're

actually talking about cooking and i don't have to think a lot so i can just let it flow out and i just let it flow like are you noticing how josh is talking flying out of my mouth almost like he is going up in infliction and then down in infliction. Almost like he is a robot of sorts. And I've never heard you talk like this with a microphone in front of you. All I'm saying is I'm very passionate about it. It's incredible the way you're talking today. Slow roll your experiments.

Slow roll them out. Do like a, what do they call it in like tech? Beta. Do a beta. Beta test, right? You think I know anything about that? I don't know anything either. them out do it like a um what do they call it in like tech beta do a beta beta test right you think i know anything about that i don't know anything either but no i'm saying if you got a new tradition if you got a new experiment you want to put out into the universe you want to put on your thanksgiving table one at a time do it gradually right you don't need to shock the entire table so say for me right i might simply

add a new spice to that turkey i might rub it down with a little bit of chile right it's still a whole roasted bird i'm not gonna cook it in a whole vat of pork fat it'd be cool i'm also gonna that'd be really cool all right oh i got a fryer it was just like slow confit a turkey i would that work though because then you're overcooking the breast confit i think you're willing i think you're willing to sacrifice a crappy breast for the rest of the payoff. You know what I mean? You shred the breast and then you put that in mole? Ooh, I'm getting ahead of myself and I'm not following my own rule.

Which is right. You don't have to do it all at once. Robot Josh. You can slowly add these things into your repertoire because that's what cooking is, right? Sure. You slowly add things into your repertoire. You remember. You learn one dish and then that stays in the back of your mind for forever

and then you learn another what's it called whenever you like know something really well and oh you like adapt endemic knowledge oh yeah sure i don't know i said that it's just a word i said stephen king what about him he writes books yeah he has movies i just wanted to shout him out real quick no stephen king he said something once that uh kind of hit me a little bit hard he was like okay like how do you have time to write all these books how have you written all these books and he's like if you write one page a day which does not take long if you want it to be good that's a different story but if you write one page a day a year later you just have a whole book 365 pages if you write one page a day, a year later, you just have a whole book. 365 pages in one year.

If you learn a new dish this year for Thanksgiving, you make that part of your tradition. Next year, even the year after, you do another one. Five to ten years, suddenly, wow, you have a whole new Thanksgiving tradition. You know what I mean? And I think that's kind of beautiful. And that's the malleable way of cooking. Okay, this feeds into another one of our Thanksgiving tips, which is lie to people.

Lie to people. This is my favorite one. Tell them about lying to people. Yeah, so what we have here in our notes is use box mashed potatoes, add one fancy ingredient, store-bought dinner rolls with an herb butter brushed over top. It's pretty self-explanatory, man. People don't need to know all your secrets. People don't need to know everything that you're doing.

If they say, oh my gosh, these are the best mashed potatoes I've ever had. What did you do? And they're boxed. It's no one's business that they're boxed. I'm going to throw out a little corollary here. If you go to a restaurant and you see something that says house-made chipotle aioli, what do you think they're doing in the back to achieve that?

I think they're taking mayonnaise and taking chipotle peppers and blending them together. I agree with that entirely. Yeah. If it tastes really good, are you going to be mad? I would never be mad. I'd never be mad. They're technically not... I don't care that much when I go to a restaurant. I just want to dip my tater tots in something good. I literally don't care

if restaurants do that. If anything, I respect them for not doing, like, BS labor. I went to a French bistro recently. Not to be named, but it's the one you're thinking of. Yeah? The one by my house. I know which one. The one that I normally like, and you say you don't really like it. And I'm like, sure, they have some seasoning issues and some consistency issues, but, you know, sometimes

the food's good. And then you're like, yeah, but are you really... Like, their burger costs, like, $40. Like, you know, sometimes the food's good. And then you're like, yeah, but are you really? Like their burger costs like $40. Continue with your story. So I got the burger, which was lovely. But French fries are supposed to come with a house-made aioli. And this is a French bistro, right? Their aioli should be thick and luscious. And it was broken.

Oh, really? Broken, runny, raw yolk, separated oil, raw garlic. Salt didn't even emulsify into it because it just rested at the bottom. And I said nothing. It could have been. I have a feeling somebody trying to make it just broke it. Point is, that is a house-made aioli.

Putting chipotles into a mayonnaise, I wouldn't say that's house-made aioli. You're stretching the truth a little bit. Technically, you mix those two things in-house. That's great. But I would have much rather had chipotle peppers mixed with best foods mayonnaise than somebody trying, I assume, their best to emulsify an aioli themselves.

So this is to say, mashed potatoes, I think where they're won and lost are the flavorings you add to them. You want roasted garlic, go for it. And if you can save an hour of your life by just mixing the boxed stuff with milk, which again, the boxed stuff is just cooked potato that has been dehydrated.

If that was in a fancy restaurant, that would be molecular gastronomy. Totally. We took all the water. Nicole, we took all the water out of the potato and we replaced that with pure butter and milk so we could inject even more dairy flavor. Like, that's molecular gastronomy. Congrats. You are Grant Ackett

of Alinea for using box mashed potatoes. But, you know, throw some smoked gouda in there. Throw some chives in there. Throw some roasted garlic. And then if people say, are these homemade? You go, yes. Also, who are you and how did you get into my house? Yeah, I like keeping secrets

from people, too. What are other good things you can lie about? Other than food? Well, yeah, sure. Let's go down that rabbit hole. No, I don't want to. It's Thanksgiving. Come on.

Be a little bit, you know, in terms of like food stuff. No, like to your romantic partner. No. Can I tell you what? I do not know what shoes go with which outfit for Julia. But then every time she goes, What shoes do you like more? These shoes are these shoes. I've always pointed left. Is that true? Yeah, so she'll

hold them and I always point to the left. Interesting. It's just easier now as a reflex. And she always looks great. You know what I mean? You're the worst. I don't know. Me and Annalise are looking at you like, huh? That was a shock. Oh, wow. That's the big salacious relationship thing. You can't be honest? I am honest. No, it's not that I don't know. Me and Annalise are looking at you like, huh? Oh, that was a shock. Oh, wow. That's the big salacious relationship thing?

I am honest. No, it's not that I can't be honest. I don't know which would look better. I am a dummy. But she needs confidence. What's one thing I like about in my relationship? Oh, my God. Those are so much better.

They look beautiful. You're beautiful. I love you. What's one thing I like about in my relationship? Hmm. I tell David I'm ironing clothes and I'm honestly on Instagram reels. That's my big lie. I'm scrolling, babe.

I'm always scrolling. I'm not ironing stuff. I'm scrolling. I do that with pooping. I just sit there for a while. You know, I have like, i'm going in there in good faith to poop but sometimes i can't but i need to do it because i'm on a schedule you know there's something wrong with my brain i don't know if any people are out there that know but but i just sit

i sit pantsless yeah just shirtless i scroll shirtless pantsless yeah i take off all my clothes to poop i know this is weird but josh is part of thanksgiving yesterday in the parking lot that he takes off his shirt to poop like george costanza we all knew this about me right does anybody not know this and i literally was shocked my favorite thing is when i wear shorts at the office because i take off all my clothes but when i wear shorts i don't have to take my shoes off all your clothes in the work Yeah. That's why I wait for the big stall. Do you take off your socks? I don't wear socks,

but no, but, uh, no, well, I'll take off my hat to take off my shirt. Then hat comes back on. But the best thing,

if I'm wearing pants, I take off my shoes because the pants won't fit over it. But if I'm wearing shorts and this is real, I just get shoes on, but then the shoes give you more traction to grip the floor. I learned so much about you every day. Yeah. Add some fresh herbs to box stuffing.

Oh, yeah. That's nice. You should definitely do that. Okay. Let's see what else we got here. Okay. Sides reign supreme. Focus your energies on making the best part of your dish.

That was you because I just said turkey is the best part, and you should focus your energies on that. Nicole, explain yourself. This is turning into a vitriolic debate. It's not vitriolic. What's vitriolic about this? My mouth is dry. I forgot to put stuff in my cup and I want to drink it.

Here, you can have some of my ice water. Wait, is this just spit? What's in this? You can have some of my ice water. I'm going to drink the spit. Oh my God. Okay. So I was thinking about how you construct like a plate of turkey dinner.

And whenever you think about it, like a turkey, like the turkey isn't like the biggest part of your dish. When you look at a plate holistically, what? You're not going to eat a whole turkey leg. If you're the guy who takes the turkey leg at Thanksgiving, I hate you. If you're that person. Is that you? Got it.

Who do you think it is, Nicole? Like, like, and just, you just go to town. You don't even bother to share the oyster part with anybody. Like, ugh, I hate you. But yeah, it's like an eighth of your plate, and then everything else, that means there's seven eighths left of your plate to make really special.

So when you think about it, the gravy is really, really special. You should probably season it really, really well. The stuffing is going to be really, really good. You should take care of really, really well. The stuffing is going to be really, really good. You should take care of that. I have salad at my Thanksgivings. I don't know if you do salad. You don't do salad at your Thanksgivings?

We always have salad. Somebody's always like, somebody should make a salad. And I'm like, don't. Or like greens or like a cooked piece. I have several cooked vegetables. Yeah, cooked vegetables, roasted vegetables. Like those things are just as important as the turkey.

The turkey is the centerpiece. Don't get me wrong. But whenever you look at an actual plate of turkey dinner, it's not the biggest part of the dinner. It's everything else that makes up the total of the dish. So concentrate on those things, put a little bit of effort into them. I love that you're going by the geographic size of the foods on the plate as to like their importance, right? Yes. So like when people are like, look how big South Dakota is.

It deserves just as much representation as Ohio. It's like, well, no. Ohio has like 30 times the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I feel about this. Is that not how I feel? The sweet potatoes are South Dakota. They're big and they're just there. No, I do do love sweet potatoes i'm trying to think of the worst side but all the sides are

great all the sides are good because if all the sides weren't great they wouldn't be on my plate i only serve things that i love the salad but we we can kill that um no that's a good point because well i was gonna say one of my things is um turkey you should focus on it you know i but but now i'm gonna renege i'm gonna renege i'm going to recant officially okay i'm going to recant and i will say the turkey it's important you should focus on it but you should only focus on two things on the turkey and that is salt and wet oh this is this is one of your this is one of your tips. Self-basting turkeys. This is cool.

Self-basting turkeys. A lot of people don't know this. What a self-basting turkey is, is just a wet brined turkey. So the reason it's self-based is because there's fat, salt, and water injected into the bird meat. Really? And then when you bake it, the fat in salt water, which is to say like broth, because it's been inside a turkey, comes up from the meat and cascades over the bird.

So it's like pre-injected with these things and you buy it pre-injected and pre-brined. Yes. And so it's not the basting, but basting, we did this when we tested Thanksgiving turkey myths, basting does help. Of course. But the best thing you can do for any poultry is to salt it a day ahead. I would

say brine, dry brine. A lot of people seem to be intimidated by that. Cover that beezy in salt, man. That's the only thing that matters is the salt penetrates. It makes it juicier. It makes it flavorful. Make sure your turkey is salty and wet because so many turkeys are dry and unseasoned. The herbs that you're adding to the outside of that skin, don't do squat. The lemons you are shoving up its hole to perfume it, don't do squat. You want salt

and you want wet and self-basting turkeys will get you there. Also, side note, Popeye's sells turkeys? Did you know this? No, get the hell out of here. What?

Popeye's sells Cajun turkeys that you can buy for $99. Why the hell am I not doing that every year? I don't know, but again, get a self-basting. I'm not saying the Popeye's ones are self-basting, but they are pre-seasoned, probably wet brine too. Ooh, that's good.

That's good. What else do we got here? What else do we got here? Nope. Okay. This is a good one. I said practice. Practice, yeah.

That's how you get good at cooking. Yeah. In that video when the woman says, don't experiment on Thanksgiving, I believe the issue was she used a mac and cheese recipe that had cream cheese, a real BuzzFeed tasty-ass macaroni recipe. If you want to

do that, do it on your own time and practice. If it's really good and if you'll stand by that dish, serve it on Thanksgiving. If not, that's great. You just get to eat it for a weeknight dinner and your shame is your own practice practice is an important part of Thanksgiving

and I made a really incredible it was a Chinese American themed Thanksgiving dinner really my brother and I tag teamed it and we did like five spice

roast duck but the thing that I made was you know the almond cookies you get at Chinese restaurants made a crumb crust out of that and then I did a red bean bottom

and then I did a custard like a what's it called oolong tea I did a red bean bottom and then I did a custard, like a, what's it called? Oolong tea custard top. Okay, nice. And I just wish I would have practiced. I wish I would have practiced and known that the cookies

are simply too sandy because the fillings are great. The cookies were just kind of too sandy to be a good crumb crust and I would have just rather used vanilla wafers or something. And so practice would have taken me a long way on that.

That happened to me too. Actually with pie, I was making, it was the first time I was at David's big family Thanksgiving and I was really intimidated. They're like, oh, you're the baker. What are you going to make? And I asked my mother in line, like, what's your favorite pie?

She said, coconut cream pie. And I said, great. So I made it and it was just not that good. I wish I practiced that more too. Well, this feeds into number eight. Oh, yeah. Outsource dessert. Outsource it.

If you're hosting Thanksgiving. Hire someone on Fiverr. As someone who bakes and has a children's cookbook, like, you know, just maybe, I don't know. Sometimes outsource dessert if you're doing other things. Take a load off of your own back. Can I talk bad about an ex on this podcast? Bad about an ex?

Just don't use their name. No, but, but like she said she loved baking pies and everyone said she was very good at baking pies and that seemed to be part of her identity. But every year something would go terribly wrong with the pie and then she would be incredibly, this isn't talking bad about her, but then she would just be like

incredibly stressed, you know and then the pie would never be good and then people would have to sort of like lie to her and say the pie was good. And it's just, there's too much that can go wrong with baking. It's going to make your life worse, you know. Especially because the ovens

are at so many different temperatures. It's like, it's a recipe for disaster if you're making like a custard filled something. Just leave it to the professionals. Call 48, 24 hours ahead of your bake. Like call them 24 hours before, 48 hours before. And just, it's something just to check off the bucket list. You know what I mean?

And again, you should be too drunk by that point to care. Or you can lie to people and say, yes, I made this blackberry pie that has the Kirkland sticker still attached to it. You can do that, right? There's one more. You can do that. Right. Um, one more, there's one more.

I trying to think, uh, the Chicago bears, Chicago bears, Justin Fields, right. They were like, we don't even know if he's the quarterback of the future.

And who do they have as backup? Nicole, um, uh, Pablo De Laurentiis, Tyson Bajan. Listen, and I'm,

I went to a D two school, but it's like, if you're not sure about your quarterback, Tyson Bajent Listen And I'm I would have never Said that name Went to a D2 school But it's like If you're not sure About your quarterback You might want to have A good backup

You know what I mean The 49ers They brought in Sam Donalds Former number one pick You know what I mean So all I'm saying is Have good backups That's why the Eagles

Have Marcus Mariota And people who get That reference Will laugh at me Anyways The point is He has nerve damage In his throwing hand and he can't throw a spiral. And the point is, if you're worried about not being able to execute any dish, have a backup. Have a backup.

If you can't cook a turkey, have a backup ham sitting outside. Isn't that like extra work, though, for them to do? Buy a can of gravy. Oh. If you're worried about your gravy breaking Have a can of Heinz Homestyle Sitting in your pantry That's a good idea You don't have to buy a backup for everything

That's a good Okay okay You buy a backup right You're not going to spend money On a backup safety Buy backups are the important things Nicole You're right Backup quarterback

Have a good slot corner Who can play outside Sorry I am so Keyed into football man Birds are rocking Gotta flip the hat forwards For good luck So should we tell them What our ten tips are Sorry, I am so keyed into football, man. Birds are rocking. Got to flip the hat forwards for good luck.

So should we tell them what our 10 tips are? I can just go through them really fast. Yeah, run through the 10 tips. Okay, they are not in the order that we said them. They're in the order that I have written down. Okay, practice, number one. Don't experiment on Thanksgiving, number two. Except do if you know what you're doing.

If this is your first time making a turkey, get the self-basting kind or just get the Popeye's one. Sides reign supreme. Lie to people. Use canned foods. Have backups. No Tyson Bajent. Outsource dessert. Get people drunk slash have good vibes. Trade for Josh Dobbs.

And traditions are malleable. Who would have thought Josh Dobbs out of Tennessee, you know, six years, seven years, something into his career. He's out there.

He looks great. You know, Cardinals, they didn't know it was up. And that's the real message of Thanksgiving. You're always a contender in the NFC West.

Happy Thanksgiving. We're grateful for you. Go Birds! All right, Nicole. birds all right nicole we've heard what you and i have to say now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the universe well it's time for a segment we call opinions are like green bean casserole I hate when you do that. But, Nicole, before we get to their opinions, I want to read your opinions about us.

This is everybody's favorite segment, Review a Review, where we take one of your Apple podcast reviews and we review it ourselves, turning the turntables back to the turn right on you. But please leave us reviews on Apple podcast. We love them. We love that. This is from AMD Roger L. They've given us reviews on Apple Podcasts. We love them. We love that. This is from AMD Roger L. They've given us two stars out of five. Not great.

Not enough intellectual content. They fancy themselves an intellectual. Hey, debate me. I love funny stuff and I enjoy discussions about food. And I even like a little quote unquote silly now and then. But this podcast is 90% just plain silly. I'm sure they have knowledge about food, thank you, but it turns into what sounds like two middle schoolers giggling and talking about whatever pops into their heads.

To be fair, doesn't sound like you're being quite fair there, AMD Roger L. I've only listened to 3.5 episodes, but I cannot continue. Okay. I think this podcast heals both of our inner child sometimes. And this is our hour to just talk about stuff that excites us and makes us feel good. And if that sounds like middle schoolers giggling and talking about whatever pops in their heads,

it's because that's what it is. And I enjoy doing that with you. And even though there's some you know moments where we're like super intellectual or maybe more you than i but like super intellectual and all about like the facts and stuff there's moments like that but the moments i personally cherish as your co-host are the moments where we're just giddy and excited around talking about things and i think it heals our inner child and that is worth more than the intellectual stuff because you can get that from any podcast our inner child, and that is worth more than the intellectual stuff

because you can get that from any podcast. Our greatest fear is not that we're inadequate. It's that we're powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. And when we let that inner light shine, we allow others to do the same. Marianne Williamson, inexplicable presidential candidate. I think that's one of the things that we really pride ourselves in

is sort of allowing that silliness to come out. And I also believe, though, that we do hit a lot of intellectual topics we try I mean we had a whole discussion about how migration patterns affected fish mislabeling in the industry but I love that we're not only that and this is going to sound very aggressive

but stupid people think I'm stupid does that track like there's some people like somebody once said now we shouldn't flame some people like um somebody once said it now we shouldn't flame joe now screw it somebody once said joe rogan is a stupid person's idea of what a very smart man is okay i mean and i think people who think joe rogan is smart would think i'm stupid i'm not saying joe rogan's not smart i have no idea um but all i'm saying is i i think stupid people hear me talk and go you're stupid and then smart people hear me talk and go like oh

there's a lot of smartness framed within a guise of silliness, a guise that I very much cherish. And I think we are a little bit intentional about that. There were times when we thought the podcast was getting a little bit too stuffy and it was me just soapboxing, you know, and so I'm glad that we can have a fair amount of silliness and maybe you listen to the wrong 3.5 episodes or maybe our podcast isn't for you. And that's absolutely fine. That's totally okay. So I give this review four stars. Honestly, I would say four stars. It was actually pretty well reasoned and thought out. I think

a little bit of editorializing there and I don't like the to be fair, but because I feel you're not applying that fairness to everything within that statement, but not a bad review. AMD, Roger L, thank you for letting us know. Let's get into some Thanksgiving opinions. Do you also think your inner child is being healed no i i have my inner child is locked up in a basement chained away i haven't cried in like 18 years i refuse to allow

myself to feel get back in there inner child you're not needed I'm gonna make you so happy one day That you have no choice but to cry That's my goal for 2024 Make Josh happy cry Waiting for it Hey Josh and Nicole My name is Lauren And I have a food mystery for you guys

My favorite Thanksgiving side dish Is cheese pie It's a family tradition that I've never heard Of anyone else doing It's a family tradition that I've never heard of anyone else doing. It's not cheesecake. It's a savory pie served with the meal. Hell yes. And you eat it with the turkey and stuffing and stuff.

It's a homemade traditional double pie crust filled with sliced cheddar cheese and baked for like 40 minutes. That's it? It's the most delicious combination of melty cheese and flaky pie crust and it goes so well with a bite of Thanksgiving turkey. Oh my God. I was wondering if

Josh's encyclopedic brain might know if this actually has historic roots anywhere. I've been told it's a family tradition that originally came from Wales, but I can't find anything similar online. I've never met anyone outside my family who does this or has even heard

of it. Did someone in my family just make this up in the past or does it have historical roots somewhere? Thanks, guys. You're my favorite podcast by a mile. Love you. Bye. Lauren, I love you. Please go back to our Thanksgiving tips. Number five, lie to people. Seems like maybe your family is lying. Definitely what happened. Definitely what happened. I don't know. I think this might be a lie just to make you guys feel good. Like my family is like, oh, like, you know, your mom is like a part Spanish.

I did a DNA test. 99% Persian. Not a single speck of Spaniard in me. I've never heard of this. But what it immediately reminded me of is like briand croutes don't know oh oh briand croutes sorry you needed to know the original french pronunciation um but no i mean uh so a lot of french traditions then got sort of passed over to england yeah um because there was a lot of just royal court sharing so a lot of like

british high society had a lot in common with french aristocracy and the food certainly became part of that um brie en croût is just a wedge of brie or a wheel of brie that is baked inside of a pastry crust and one of my favorite things is within general emigration patterns and diaspora is you take the traditional foods in one place and then you kind of replace them with like more blue collary type things or at least things that are blue collary to us. This is just like American brie en croûte, which I think is fascinating.

It's like eating meatballs with iceberg salad in New Jersey. My problem is if it's just cheese and pie crust, I feel like there needs to be something in the middle like to give it some like... So when she initially said cheese pie, I thought it would be like there needs to be something in the middle to give it some like... So when she initially said cheese pie, I thought it would be like there'd be an egg and maybe a flour sort of binding it, which would just give it effectively like a quiche, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought. But then she just said sliced cheese and homemade pie crust, and I'm like, huh. Because I have no idea what would happen. Because cheese at high heat, obviously it's going to separate into oils and proteins and all that. Yeah. But if you just put enough of it in there maybe it doesn't maybe it doesn't i don't know maybe the pie crust steams and sort of insulates it in a way i've never heard of this um

but i was recently researching uh an obscure regional american pie because hear me out sweet potato pie is a thing so i thought why not white russet potato pie? Found out it is a soul food dish coming from Chesapeake Bay region. No way. Baltimore, Baltimore, Maryland. That's my intent at a Baltimore accent. But yeah, I really want to try that out. I really want to try out cheese pie.

It sounds fun. No, but I wish I had a better answer for you. Sounds like fun. Yeah, Brion Crute. That's my guess. Josh. Nicole. Hi, buddy. It's the day after Thanksgiving.

I'm slightly hungover from drinking 120 proof whiskey all night. That's the way to do it, baby. I got to go to work at my normal time of 8 a.m. It is currently 7.50 and I'm sitting in a car in my driveway. Oh, my gosh. I'm also just going to be late because I'm going to have a big fat breakfast burrito to help with the hangover. Man's got his head on straight. I'm going to lose a little credibility for this given that my

burrito of choice is a chili vernet burrito which is made with pork. Yum. The worst food undeniably at Thanksgiving is ham in any form except bacon if you use bacon. Bacon is bacon. Bacon is God. But ham is the worst meat on the table.

Bar none. Turkey's the best. I said what I said. I just don't really like pork chops. It's just not good. Turkey is better in every form and every situation. Ground turkey, turkey lunch meat. It's all better. Anyway.

Alright. Love the show, guys. Nicole, you grew up not eating pork, so I'm curious about your... We never had ham at our Thanksgiving table. I did have ham at an Easter one time at my ex-boyfriend's house. Wasn't that great? But I said, so good!

Hated it. So I don't love ham in general. I grew up hating turkey and loving ham simply because I never had a turkey that was cooked properly. But now, and I will gladly eat a ham on Easter, on Christmas, because to me those are ham holidays. Whereas to me, Thanksgiving is a turkey holiday exclusively. So to me, ham don't fit quite right with the rest of the things. Gravy on ham is really weird to me.

I think ham needs a sweet sauce. I made something called a Jezebel sauce once that was like marmalade and horseradish and mustard and vinegar

and it's so good. Put that on ham. I love honey baked ham. You do good work. You do God's work. You are missionaries proselytizing the message of ham

and I love that. But food is contextual, right? To me, Thanksgiving is a turkey holiday. That's thyme. That's sage. That's gravy. That ain't pineapple and maraschino cherries. Save that for Easter.

Yeah, sure. You know? But as far as just disliking pork in general, pig meat is maybe the best meat. Lamb is number one, but pig meat's pretty close for two. I think beef is the best meat. I think it's beef, chicken, turkey, pork, lamb. Beef, turkey. You got turkey

above pork. You don't like lamb at all? I don't love lamb. It's probably the least amount of... That's like the least meat I eat. Oh, God. I eat so much lamb. But no, I think a lot of people have been overcooking pork for a long time. Yeah, because FDA guidelines or USDA? USDA

guidelines initially had pork being 160 degrees, which is fully well done because of the big trichinosis outbreak in the 1970s. And then recently, I believe 10 years ago-ish, they lowered it back down to 145 which is the proper cook temp for a pork chop but also i respect your opinion look at you with your food

knowledge i'm very smart we are a very intellectual podcast josh i think you're really smart um we do that every day i debate you every day all the time why is she refusing to debate me? All I do is debate you. Are you debating me about debating you? Oh, gosh. Hi, guys. It's Christina calling in from Detroit, Michigan. We know we love you. I love that voicemail. It sounds so nice.

Thank you. Also, I'm pretty sure this is the closest I'll ever come to talking to you guys in real life, which is very exciting. Okay, so I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't like their food to touch. I know, I know. But I will say that there are a few things that I do appreciate when they touch. Some foods are meant to go together. Thanksgiving dinner, meant to go together. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes, meant to go together.

Kentucky Fried Chicken food bowl, meant to go together. One weird combination that I love together is Caesar salad and mashed potatoes. You need to get the perfect bite. I wouldn't mix them together, but I would take a bite of Caesar salad and a bite of mashed potatoes and it's delicious. And I would love if you tried it

sometime. And that's it. Hope you guys are well. Talk to you soon. Or not. I don't know. Bye. I like when all my food touches like an orgy. Yeah. Who knows where the pleasure is coming from? The salmon is touching the cucumbers. It's touching the rice.

It's just pleasure, baby. No, I agree with you. You know, both about group sex and about food. Sorry. Nicole's caught up in giggly fits. I need to know more about christina's dislikes when it comes to food touching because i hate this is a thing i've recently thought about oh really what could it be i hate when people serve braises on top of purees

so for instance for instance like a braised short rib with like nice demi or gravy whatever served on mashed potatoes i love that the gravy if you fork down atised short rib with like nice demi or gravy, whatever, served on mashed potatoes. I love that. The gravy, if you fork down at the short rib, it's just going to mash the potatoes with the gravy. It's already mashed. I don't want it mashed together. It's already mashed. I want those served entirely separately, like an Indian curry with, you know, the various sides.

I want the short ribs completely separate from potatoes or whatever puree. That's nuts. If it's rice. Puree. If it's rice, different story. Rice absorbs and doesn't just turn into a mush. What you're saying is nuts because a demi-glace is just a gravy. So mashed potatoes and gravy don't go together? But don't put the meat on there.

Then give me a separate bowl of mashed potatoes. Because when you have to fork the meat, you mash the gravy and the potatoes. Josh, it's already mashed. What are you saying? No, I'm saying I hate mash the gravy into potatoes. Gosh, it's already mashed. What are you saying? No, I'm saying I hate when you like blend gravy into potatoes accidentally. The gravy needs to sit atop the potato and act as a flavor contrast. So hard, Nicole. I'm going so hard. I'm going so freaking hard.

I'm going so hard into that very short rib. What are you talking about? Okay, well, maybe use a spoon. You're so so hard into that very short rib. What are you talking about? Okay, well, maybe use a spoon. You're so aggressive. Relax. Just use a spoon. What is the fork? The magical fork.

Don't use the fork. Use a spoon. Just give me two bowls. Just give me two bowls. Well, yeah. Too many dishes. This isn't about that. This is about Caesar salad and mashed potatoes.

Oh, my God. Ew, I would never do that. No, what she's chasing and she's correct. She's crazy, but she's correct. No, I'm down to put Caesar dressing on mashed potatoes. Oh my God. Ew, I would never do that. No, what she's chasing and she's correct. She's crazy, but she's correct. No, I'm down to put Caesar dressing on mashed potatoes, but the lettuce, the wilty lettuce with the hot potatoes. That's what she's trying to get to. She wants Caesar dressing.

She wants that garlic. She wants that acid. She wants the pepper. She wants the Parmesan cheese. Just put it on the potatoes. But also, so I cooked a thing the other day. I called it bubble and leak. Instead of bubble and squeak?

But I used leaks. You're so funny. I was talking about a fun weeknight dinner I made for the person I love. So what I did is I took leaks. I sliced them pretty frigging thin, right? And then I hit them with a little bit of butter. Sauté like deglazed it in milk. A little milk deglazing.

You deglazed it in milk? Yeah, whatever. And then I boiled down the leaky milk. And then I cooked potatoes. And I just like siphoned those off. Not siphoned. What's it called? Sifted. I sifted my potatoes like I was painting for gold in

1849 California. Tammy with a Tammy. Yeah. And then I put that into the leaky milky butter mixture and mixed it all around. So it's almost equal parts potato and leek. And so you get like vegetable chunks framed by the potato. And that was really nice. And that, that, that is what she's after with the Caesar salad.

Vegetable chunks framed by potato. Salad dressing. That's a good food. And when people are like, oh, I don't like hot salad. Grow up. I don't love hot salad. I microwaved my salad today. It was too cold. Well, it's because this room is so cold.

This room is so cold and the salads were in the room. I'm freezing in this room. Take the chill off of your salad. Not everything needs to be too cold. Well, it's because this room is so cold. This room is so cold and the salads were in the room. I'm freezing in this room. Take the chill off of your salad. Not everything needs to be ice cold. Okay, take the chill off of your salad. The best salad in the world, which is the Olive Garden salad, is ice cold. I don't like that. The Olive Garden salad would be better if they let it sit on top of the breadsticks for three to four minutes before serving.

Absolutely. Nicole, the aromas would freeze. Josh, you are the man who literally talks about contrast all the time. You're like, I love it whenever the cold sauces over the hot tacos with the camarones. That's you, man. You talk about that all the time. And you have the audacity to say that the salad needs to be the same

or similar temperature to the breadsticks. The breadsticks are hot. The salad is cold. You eat them together and then you have a good time. And I can't believe you said those things about the short rib. It really pissed me off, Josh. The breadsticks are hot. The salad is cold. You eat them together and then you have a good time. And I can't believe you did. You said those things about the short rib. It really pissed me off, Josh.

It really pissed me off. You pissed me off, Josh. Nicole, you're at the Olive Garden. You got a bowl of minestrone. I haven't been to Olive Garden in 23 years. The breadsticks are going to get to room temp. It's such a light bread with so much dough conditioner. That's going to get to room temp in about three, four minutes, right? Josh, you're angering me.

I'm going to take my mic and walk away. I'm about to my mic is over my shoulder. You should be on your fourth Diet Coke by that time. I don't drink Diet Coke. What are you drinking at the Olive Garden? Iced tea, unsweetened. Oh, God, that's fun. All right. On that note, this

wouldn't have been a podcast without a Thanksgiving fight, just like middle schoolers do. Well, thank you so much for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We've got new episodes, audio only, coming out on Wednesdays. And that old video drops on YouTube on, what's the other day? Sunday. I think so, yeah. Sabbath. Black Sabbath.

Yes. If you want to be featured on Opinions on Casseroles, hit us up at 833-DOGPOD1. The number again is 833-DOGPOD1. And Josh, I'm thankful for you. Did you know that Black Sabbath, before the band existed, was the name of a song by a band called Coven? Say it back. Which is really interesting. And even though a lot of people credit Black Sabbath for inventing the heavy metal genre.

Okay, don't say you're thankful for me. Just say what you're thankful for. You really have to go back to Helter Skelter by the Beatles, which of course inspired Marilyn Manson to commit gruesome murders.

Thank you so much for stopping by. We got new videos out on Mythical Kitchen channel every week. Nicole, I am very thankful for you too, and I'm very thankful

for all of them. We're thankful for you. Big thankful time. Thanks for watching and listening