A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - The Worst Things We Ate This Year

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Today, Josh and Nicole look back through the year and deliberate on the worst things they ate this year! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: http://youtube.com/@mythicalkitchen To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. How many of you have felt personally victimized by soggy sandwich bread? Ooh, good one. I'm adding it to the burn book. So if you're from Africa, why are you white? That's a great question. This is A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what?

That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show we break down the world's biggest internet debates and or have retrospectives on our year in food. The poker just came out of my nose. I'm your host, Josh Scher.

And I'm your host, Nicole Inayedi. And to answer the first question of the day, if I am from Africa, why am I white? So my family is from South Africa, which has a terribly racist history, Nicole, with racialized apartheid. But my family were Jews fleeing persecution from Eastern Europe in the 1800s. And they just went where they could. So that is why I am both white and have some sort of ancestral heritage from Africa. And? And what?

You're German, too. Oh, and I'm German. Well, yeah, yeah. But that's, you know, it's like who, well, yeah, I'm half German. I'm actually full-blooded German. Oh, you're, so your ancestors were German. Oh, really? Yeah, so my dad's side. Not Dutch. No, no, no, no. So there's a lot of Dutch people in South Africa, but there were a lot of Portuguese. There were a lot of Brits. there were a fair amount of Italians a lot of Indian people that actually sort of

formed a subculture called the Cape Malay yeah sure I actually do know that a lot of Zulus a lot of Xhosa Swatis South Africa

they call it the Rainbow Nation for a reason oh they call it the Rainbow Nation they call it the Rainbow Nation how many gay people are there how many gay people I don't know I met a couple of gay dudes

in Cape Town. They were really nice. They bought me drinks. But no, my biological grandmother was from Germany and then ended up in German Southwest Africa, aka Namibia, I believe. Oh, I've heard of that before. Then came to South Africa. So that, Nicole, is why I am from Africa and why history and families are complicated.

What does this have to do with the worst things we ate this year? Oh, it doesn't, but it was a fun, quippy little opener. But that's what we're doing today. Nicole, we are assembling our personal burn book of foods. We talked about the best things we ate last year. One of my favorite, this is an obscure shout out, Robert Sietsema of Eater New York. He does a list of the worst things he ate at restaurants every year and he pisses people off. Wow.

But it's such a fun read, and I look forward to it all the time. So we are going to... You're just such a misanthrope. Is that a good use of the word? Are we? I like to think that we take a generally positive, optimistic view of food here

in like an empathetic view, right? I think you definitely have misanthropic qualities. Yeah. And so do I. But yours are more amplified because you speak freely about them. I speak about my behind closed doors.

I like to yell it, you know. Yeah. Oh, I'm a white guy with a podcast from Africa and I'm mad. You're not from Africa. I'm not from Africa.

My family left in 1974 and I was born here. My mom did not have citizenship anyways. She became a citizen like much after I was born. Nicole, what is. Wait, wait, wait. You have not have citizenship. Anyways, she became a citizen like much after I was born.

Nicole, what is... Wait, wait, wait. You have South African citizenship? I don't think so. Is that what you said? Somebody reached out to me about throwing discus for the South African national team, though. So I could have done that. Sick.

But then... No one's ever asked me to do anything about the Olympics. But now they have a really good discus star named Gerhard De Beer, I believe. He threw it like Arizona. And so I couldn't do that. Also, I can barely get up out of a chair without my back hurting. That's right. Your back's a little stiff.

Picking the discus back up is a good idea. Nicole, what is one of the worst things you ate this year? Man. Should I start off with a bang? Start off with something so controversial that Nicole Jo Rogan will have to get us on the podcast to talk about it. Oh, my gosh. So Pfizer. So I let David cook once.

Ah! Roast his ass! Listen, do I love him more than all the stars in the sky and all the seven of each? He's going to sue you for libel when he finally passes the bar. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. The money will just come back to us, right? What's the point?

So I'm not saying that David is like bad at cooking. He's just not that good. Some would call the absence of good bad. Go on. He's just not like, like, listen, like I cannot like if you ask me like to set up a roth ira i don't know how to do that i'd call you bad with money outright i would say you're bad with money david knows how to do that okay gotcha like you know what i mean like can i do it sure will it be a little bit uh badly done maybe but i'm not good at it like ask me to open a cd i don't know what a cd is

you know what a cd is compact disc no i don't know no it's is. Maggie, you know what a CD is? Compact disc. No, I don't know. No, it's like a bank thing. Like, I don't know what a CD is, but David does, and he's going to do it. You know what I mean? It's about like money and banks and stuff. A certificate of deposit? I don't think so. God dang it. Oh, God.

I need to figure out what to do with money. You're also bad with money. I know. But so one time I was like, you know what? Let him cook, you know? let him cook you know let him cook and let him cook i did i did not help even one bit those are all his fun days and this is what he made it was sliced tofu with sliced eggplant okay already off to a crappy start because tofu is really hard to impart flavor into.

And then eggplant, you know, if you don't salt it. Those are two tough things to work with as a beginner. Exactly. He was a little bit, you know, like the finish line, the starting line was a little bit screwed up in the beginning. Yeah, yeah. And so he pan seared both of those with salt and pepper, fine. And then he has seen me add soy sauce at high heat. Yeah.

Kind of like do a little like a great technique. Yeah. So he did that and like it got a little sticky. You got to add it at the right time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bless him.

And then he shredded a little bit of cabbage and put on top like a little like salad and then just doused it in mayonnaise. Plain mayonnaise. And can I ask how the mayonnaise was applied? We had Kewpie mayo. So he squirted, he drizzled. Yeah, he was doing like an Okonomiyaki style, I guess you can say. And then just, you know, David can't eat food without something spicy on it.

So Chili Crisp was the choice for him. Yeah? A question? No, I'm sorry. Go on. Without something spicy on it. So chili crisp was the choice for him. Yeah. Your question? No, I'm sorry. Go on. Do you have a question? Well, I was going to say that if I were to have had all those ingredients, I feel like they would have ended up, it would have ended up pretty good.

That's something I'd eat. Yeah. It's not, listen, it's, it's not, it's not the worst. It's the worst thing I've had. Yeah. It's like bad. Like it was bad the way it was made. Have you ever had somebody make like a mac and cheese and they're working with the same amount of milk, cheese, and noodles that you would.

Let me tell you. And you eat it and it's awful. Yeah, the technique was a little off. But that's not to say that he didn't try. And I know he's listening to this podcast right now. And babe, I love you. But leave the cooking to me, yeah? Yeah.

David, I'm proud of you for getting out there and doing it. Am I a bad wife? No. You might be for other reasons. I don't know, but not for that. Dude, I was here when you took classes on how to be a good wife. Oh, remember that? They taught you how to make bread,

and you were like, I'm a professional chef. I know how to make bread. I don't need to learn how to make bread. My challah didn't rise because the yeast was dead. It's not because I don't know how to make bread. you were like i'm a professional chef i know how to make bread i don't even learn how to some teacher at all my holla didn't rise because the yeast was dead it's not because i don't know how to make bread remember that no it was it was to teach you shalom by it which means peace in the home yeah and you well you colloquialized it as good jewish wife class yeah yeah that too that too thanks dahlia shout out to dahlia for teaching me how to be how to impart shalom by it into my household so this is this podcast is the antithesis of Shalom Bayit.

Yeah, literally, this is how to be a bad wife. Sorry, I love you, babe. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So that was, so that was probably one of the worst things I've had. I wish I could have tried it. You probably would have liked it. All of the meals that,

because I've, those are fun little days when I come home and I'm like, hey, Jules, I have a lot to do tonight. A lot of the times it's the night before we do a last meal. Yeah. But not to say he hasn't made some good dishes. He's made some good dishes.

But this podcast isn't about that. No, no, no. This is about the bad ones. And I'll just be in. Julie will be like, I'll cook like I'll do it all. And typically it's some sort of fish and the fish she knows how to work with salmon. Right. She she mixes like miso with like honey and a little bit of butter and like puts it on the salmon

and bakes it. It's really nice. You know, that is a nice home-cooked dish with some steamed rice and broccoli. That is a perfectly good meal. But then if it's another fish

that she doesn't really know how to work with, like we had cod once and she just tried to bake it. Cod releases a ton of moisture and it was just this absolute cod soup. And she tried soaking it up

with flour because she's like, what reduces moisture in cooking flour? Like she has enough of the bones. She's watched cook food good. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, that's not on the list. And Julia, I love you to death. I'm definitely a bad fiance. I want to call myself out on one of the worst things I made this year

and it's because I had such high hopes for it. So, I will throw this out there that I was drunker than I thought I would have been and drunker than I should have been. I went to a craft beer festival and I took a party bus to get there.

By the time I got to the first craft beer tent, Nicole— A party bus, you say? I love party buses. Taking a party bus from Marina del Rey to Pasadena, which, for people who don't know, is the bottom left of Los Angeles to the very top right of kind of Los Angeles. So you guys all— It was like a two-hour party bus. You guys all met in Marina Del Rey. Yeah.

I drove from I literally drove an hour to get on a party bus to go two hours the opposite direction. That's really dumb. Yeah. So we drank and then we got to the craft beer festival and we continued drinking. And then I got home and I was like, I have the best ingredients to make a fantastic drunk food. And what I came up with, I had leftover Zancoupita, because I always have

leftover pita from the rotisserie chicken spot I order from. And so I made a pita pizza with a bag of chicken mole. Do you remember when I stole it from the kitchen? It was like on an episode of GMM. And I was like, hey, can I have this? Yeah, I do actually. It was a sack of mole that was like fine enough to where I thought it would be good on a pita pizza.

You tasted it before you took it home? No, but I tasted some of it when I took it home. Okay. And anyways, so it was a mole pita pizza with comte cheese, spicy mayo, kimchi, scallion, and sriracha. Those are all words we like. That's what I thought. This was just like

one of the most... Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? There was a spicy mayonnaise on there. Yeah, I got the mayonnaise on there. The comte cheese being like this very sort of light and nutty, right? It doesn't have that salty punch for pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's this light, nutty comté cheese with the chocolate and cinnamon in the mole with the probiotic punch of kimchi. And then, Nicole, just like a series of mayonnaises and sauces.

of mayonnaise and sauces. And it was so much of all the wrong flavors together that even me, in quite an inebriated state, was utterly sickened with the food, myself, the situation.

It was just terrible. I'm sorry. And I could have made it. What I literally did is I ate all of it, of course. I was about to say, like, I ate half it.

And I was like, no, looking back, you shoved that thing down. But then I waited an hour until I was hungry again. And then I just made pita pizzas with, like, Rao's tomato sauce and mozzarella. How much better was it? Oh, my God, so much better. And I made a little ranchy sauce to dip it in. And that made me very happy. But I flew so close to the sun.

You're maximalist. Like Icarus. Yeah, I got my maximalist wings burnt off, just melted as I plunged into the ocean. Yeah, it sounds like something you eat if you really need to poop. Yeah, I think it probably did that. I think all the beers did it too. Cool. All the Kirkland Lights in the party bus.

Happens, happens. Shout out Kirkland Light official. No, they're not. Do I need, okay, is it my turn to say one more? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So this was one that we actually ate on another podcast. Oh, yeah. Do you remember when we did Business Wars?

Yeah, I told you that was one of the worst things I ever had. Yeah, let me tell you. So Josh and I were pitted against each other to debate which sandwich chain is better. It was either Subway or... Thank you so much for the interruption. What is it called? Ragdoll? I got a pepper bar. What did they call you? A sponge monkey?

Sponge monkey. Local sponge monkey. Josh Scherer interrupts Nicole. But this one, my sandwich of choice. Why did I pick this sandwich? The sandwich I chose was a tuna sandwich with American cheese. I might be wrong. Pickles, extra pepperoncinis, lettuce, olives, no tomato, Southwest sauce and sweet onion sauce.

And it was one of the more disgusting things that I've eaten in a long time. But let me tell you, when I was a kid, I loved it. But I don't really eat Subway that much. So me grabbing that sandwich and trying to prove to you that Subway was a better sandwich chain was pretty damn embarrassing. And I take it back. my sandwich was worse than yours but it's not to say subway is bad subway if you want you can make like over like what like 37 million combinations of subway ingredients like and you chose sweet onion sauce spicy mayonnaise tuna cheese and olives oh don't forget the extra pepper and that well yeah the pickles and the pepperoncinis which are the same thing no they and the pepperoncinis, which are the same thing.

No, they're not. You had triple pickles on there. It was triple pickled. I mean, they're pickled. Let me tell you. Olives are also pickled. Do you know what the thing is? The thing is, I used to be an extra pickles girl on my In-N-Out, but now I'm not because it's too much acid.

Interesting. The sandwich was too acidic. But also violently sweet from the sugar sauce. And too creamy. It was, everything was wrong with it. Everything was wrong with it. And don't forget, like, tuna is just mayonnaise, right? That is probably 40% mayonnaise to tuna by weight.

So you have all that mayonnaise and extra mayonnaise on top. Disappointing. But that's really big of you to be able to apologize to me. If you could just say I'm sorry for making me eat that right now. I am maturing every day and every experience just matures me in a direction of more maturity. If you could look me in the eyes and say,

Josh, I'm sorry. I understand. That was disgusting. I don't think I need to do that. I think it would mean a lot to our listeners as well. Why would I apologize to you? I'm apologizing.

I need to eat it. It's unpleasant. It wasn't like, it was pretty bad, huh? It was pretty bad? It's like if you just mix like Diet Coke lemonade and like mint iced tea and you're like, ah, this is my favorite. Like a thing that you do as a child, huh? It was pretty bad? It's like if you just mix, like, Diet Coke lemonade and, like, mint iced tea.

And you're like, ah, this is my favorite. Like, a thing that you do as a child, right? You're doing. Exactly. You're running the gamut on the soda fountain. And then you're like, mm, this tastes good. But then you realize that, no, that really tastes like vomit. Yeah, it was a childhood fave that turned into an adult horror.

Yeah. And I have to say, I'm glad I experienced it with you. Same. I will not outright apologize for your experience because you might have loved it. There's always the shot. Schrodinger's sandwich, right? I'm simultaneously enjoying it and not enjoying it before I put it in my mouth. And then I put it in my mouth and I find it is the worst combination of ingredients that could possibly be there.

I'm sorry. But I made a really convincing argument, didn't I? Yeah. Did you win? did they choose a winner? win? lose? business wars great podcast check out the quiz notes

for subway episode yeah winners? losers? I think what happened was we became closer we did as podcast hosts

and friends my sandwich had like steak and cheese but it was boring it was a little dry my sandwich was too crazy and Josh I'm sorry.

I accept. I accept your apologies. It's very big of you. I got one. I got a bad one. This is, and a lot of this, Nicole, is on me for, I'll tell you what. You apologized to me. That was big.

I will tell you that in this moment to me. That was big. I will tell you that in this moment, I wish I was more like you because you would have sent this back to the kitchen. You would have sent this back to the kitchen because you have self-respect. I do? Yes, you do. And I have none. I am overly apologetic. I'm like a weeping

sycophant over here. Just puerile. And I was at a fancy French bistro. the place where you spend $40 on a freaking hamburger with French fries. And people who know the spot know the spot, but I'm not going to name it because I have dignity. But anyways, they're serving with their house-made aioli for the French fries. And they serve the aioli.

And you can just immediately tell that it is utterly broken. Whoever made this at a French bistro should have been utterly ashamed of themselves. And it was one of those moments where, and I even tried, I dipped my fries in it and I didn't want to say anything. I was with Julia's mom and her brother and I didn't want to make a fuss. Sure. I've been there where you don't want to make a fuss. If I was two more drinks in, I would have straight up said, can you take this back to the chef and ask him if he was happy with it? But the aioli, oh, you would have said that? I would have said that. I would have said that, 100%. See, I would have never, ever in my life said that.

I would have just been like, I'm so sorry, do you mind if we can get another aioli, please? It would have been the same aioli. They're making one batch of aioli, and they screwed it up, and nobody had the result. How do you know that for sure? I bet that what you think, they make an aioli to order? No.

I mean, this, it was not like broken, not like under-season, not a little bit loose. Like this was broke. This was broke ass. And five people at a very reputable French restaurant would have seen this, had to pass through at least five different eyes from somebody doing expo to the chef, to the sous, to come to the waiter, whatever, saw this and said, this is fine to put on somebody's plate.

And it is like utterly embarrassing. And I'm not saying that just to crap on restaurants. Maybe it was maybe the expo heat was really high and they just left it there. No amount of heat could have done what happened to this aioli. Wow. Somebody messed this up like hours ago and nobody had the wherewithal to say, hey, and they didn't got to do it again. They didn't like immersion blend it or anything.

They could have tried. But sometimes broken is broken, right? You can't just immersion blend the thing. What I would have done, what I would have done, and I would have been fine with this because my experience would have been the same. I would have told somebody, hey, we got service in 10 minutes. Run your ass down to Ralph's. Get a thing of mayonnaise. We're going to put garlic, Dijon, and lemon juice in it.

And we're going to save this. Why do all of our stories revolve around mayonnaise? I am a mayonnaise boy! Oh my gosh, there's so much mayo in everything we're talking about. And everything else. And you and I, and Nicole, we've talked about this place. This place, the burger is one of the best things I've ever had in my life. It's a little salty.

You say it's a little salty. I've had seasoning issues there too. If somebody could control somebody, like what's the French word for like a leader somebody who seems like a chef. Yeah. Chef. If there was like a chef to just say

that's right that's wrong. It would just be the food would be so good and I would go there all the time. How important was this aioli to you?

So important. It was the metaphor. It was the metaphor of the aioli. I see. You know how bad it was. It was. I'm sorry. Brutal. The fries are great. I don't even know how bad it was? I'm sorry. Brutal.

The fries are great. I don't even like shoestrings like that. But you could have had ketchup. I asked for ketchup. I got ketchup. I wanted A.O.E. You know what? This podcast, I love this podcast because we're learning how we communicate. Like when something goes wrong. I stew. I stew. I sit there and I stew and I let it fester inside me until it comes out on a podcast. Gosh. Learn so much about our emotions and how we handle them.

I think I'm a hardcore deflector. I don't realize until it's too late. What else should I talk about? Oh, here's a great one. I love, there's a little Spanish restaurant by my house that i walk to oh and i love going to this place i go often it's like me and david's like go like read a book i don't glass of orange wine i don't read you like scroll through tiktok with a glass of orange wine i don't have tiktok on my phone you scroll through and what do you do what do i do if you're not

reading you're watching tiktoks whoa it's 2023 what are you doing i talk to people like face to face i ask them how they are drink wine and ask them how they are they talk back actually people are dying for connection i think they really are no i noticed that they're foaming at the mouth to just have a human yeah to to talk to them you know i love talk no i'm saying i i'm shaking my head in reverence. I love talking to people. Yeah, yeah. So I went to this little Spanish spa. I love it so much. Adore it. But I went with my girlfriend who is, you know, she doesn't eat any of the bad stuff, you know, like seafoods and porks and stuff like that. Oh, like the…

She's kosher. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Gentile foods. Yeah, yeah. And let me tell you, I love those foods a lot. I love them all. But, uh, there was this one item on the menu, you know, it's a paella.

We're at a Spanish place, paella for two, sign me up. Me and my girlfriend, we go. And, and, but the best part about the paella is, like, the seafood. And then also, like, the sausage. You know what I mean? Paella is a bad dish to eat if you're kosher. 100%. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah horrible but um you know they of course had a vegan option and we want the vegan option and they wrote in the comments of the restaurant it said can be made with either seafood stock

which is a no chicken stock which is also no or... Those are not the same. I was a little perturbed. I'm like, oh, I know vegetable stock, but they had water as an option. And I'm like, why water? But whatever. We ordered it anyways, and it was a vegetable paella made with water. Oof. And it was

not good. Oof. The restaurant itself, I love. Everything is good there. Their membrillo with manchego is great. Their bocadillos are great. Their jamon is great. I love everything there. But this damn vegan paella

made me want to rip my hair out. And I had to pretend like it was good a little bit so my friend wouldn't feel bad. You know what I mean? That's a classic case. And this happens in a lot of restaurants. A classic case of you shouldn't have tried to make this vegan you should have made something else yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah and also like i mean i'm sure i'm sure they could have come up with like i don't know it could have been seasoned a little bit differently there could have been throw some veggie bouillon in there yeah i don't know chemicals in there yeah veggie make it taste

nice veggie broth instead of water. Up in the salt. Up in the pepper. Something. But, like, my friend, we saw it a good time because who cares what the food's like when you have great company, right? And a nice bottle of red. But, oh, my gosh. It was really disappointing because I'm like, hey, it's great. And then we ate it.

We're like, this is bad. Yeah, that was pretty disappointing. But I will go back to that Spanish restaurant all the time because I love it there. And I go like once a month on a date. You never take me nowhere. Well, because you live in Sherman Oaks now, Josh. I come to the valley. It's nice up there.

There's parking everywhere. Come to the west side. Ugh, gross. The west side is not gross. I'm such a hipster, athleisure-ass people. You wear athleisure every day. No, I don't. Yeah, you do.

What do you mean? I'm wearing jeans. And I wear jorts. Weird. What are you doing wearing jorts? Jeans and Vans. Dude, I don't wear athleisure. Anyways.

Yeah, I'm going to roast myself on this one again. Okay, so, so, so, so. I love shrimps, right? And I love cooking for people. I love hosting little parties. Yeah. I held a party in March for the Eurovision finale, and we made a lot.

I hate Eurovision. and we made a lot. I hate Eurovision. Why? It's the worst show ever. It's just a cross between politics, pageantry, and music. It's incredible.

It's the worst thing I've ever seen on television and I've seen The Swan. You know, people are like, why is Australia in Eurovision? Why is Azerbaijan

in Eurovision? Just deal with it. So I made foods and drinks from all different countries, right? We had Armenian khorovats. Armenia is also in Eurovision. We had Armenian khorovats. Armenia is also in Eurovision.

We had Armenian khorovats. What's khorovats? Khorovats, kebab. Oh, okay. Armenian kebab. I had a bunch of Spanish wines. We had Pim's Cup from England. We had a real gay old time, right? What's Pim's Cup? It's just like a liqueur. Just stop asking questions. What do you mean? And then Portugal, Nicole.

Oh. Portugal. We made, I made camarão ao alho camaral al alio is that i don't know portuguese anyways i made the garlicky shrimp thing oh yeah yeah um and i was like in aioli or whatever down gambas al ajillo but in portuguese um i tried to make that and i was russian and there were a bunch of people and people started coming over and i seemed to finish the shrimp i was like we're gonna cook it for two minutes and the garlic butter boom poured out crusty bread we're good cook it for two minutes. And the garlic butter, boom, poured out. Crusty bread.

We're good. And I forgot them in there for like 10 minutes. And instead of doing- Not in broil, no. It was like in a pot. But I was just trying to toss the raw shrimp. In the oven? No, I made this just like buttery,

white wine, garlicky sauce. And my goal is to put the shrimp in there, let them steam for like two minutes and then pour all of that out in a bowl. So all the broth was around it and they were perfectly cooked. And I left them in there for like 10 minutes oh no and instead of like tossing them i was like well people will still surely eat them because they're not as sophisticated as me i know

these shrimp are overcooked people are dumb and so i took that shrimp and i put it in a bowl and it was like three pounds of shrimp and they were all ruined and i tried to eat one and they were we had like 50 people there dude it was nuts we were all chanting for Finland we were like cha cha cha cha cha cha cause Karja the Finnish artist Karja

he should have won Lorien's good from Sweden too Tattoo is a good song but I utterly hammered these shrimp and nobody ate them everybody all the chicken khorovats

were gone you know our brion krut that was gone well brion krut when I see a brion kr, I'm crooting over there. Preach to the choir. Oh, my God, we made vareniki from Ukraine.

I love vareniki. God, they were good. Those were gone. And not a single person ate more than one shrimp because they were hammered. And Julia won't throw away leftovers. And so we're just staring at these overcooked shrimp in my shame for a month. They were in your fridge for a month? Dude, she won't throw them away.

Shrimp older than three days? Dude. Get me out of here. What are you talking about? I don't know what to tell you. Like, I can't throw things away. Or she'd be like, where'd that go? I was going to eat it.

I was like, you were not going to eat the month-old shrimp. It wasn't a month, but it was several days. And I had to be like, hey, I'm going to toss these. So that was a bummer. That was a fun thing for me. Okay, I got a good one. What's it? Okay, one time

my mother-in-law she had a she had a filming at her house because she went to her house for video shoots photo shoots

I will not link it here because I don't want you to know where she lives but one time she brought us like a bunch of like crafty

and I said I don't want this crafty she's like take it and I'm like okay was it like little croissant sandwiches? I was like, yeah, like just gross stuff.

Yeah. And then there was this one cookie. There was this one cookie. It was advertised as a soft chocolate chip cookie. Let me tell you, nothing about that cookie was soft. It was hard as rocks. It was harder than the same table. I feel like I've had the worst of the worst chocolate chip cookies in the world.

It was the worst. And they're still pretty fine. It tasted like chalk and sugar. And it was the worst. Me and David looked at each other like, we need to throw this away. And then, again, this is throwing away thing. People just don't want to throw things away. This should be put in the trash can.

Putting that in your body does no good for anybody. Exactly, exactly. But it was the worst cookie I've ever had. Do we know the provenance of this cookie? Where it came from? From Crafty.

No, but the Crafty surely got these cookies from like a factory or someone. Crafty.com, bro. I don't know. Damn. I don't know.

Capital Foods. I don't know what it was called. But it was the worst cookie I've ever had and honey, I've been eating cookies for a long time. That was a bad cookie.

Oh, man. That's where I'm going to end. That was Oh, man. That's where I'm gonna end. That was fun, though. That's where I'm gonna end this conversation. That cookie was pretty bad. Listen, uh, chicken breast. At every wedding that I freaking went to, this was my year of weddings. Julie and I went to three weddings in New Jersey. That's it?

So you only went to three weddings? No, just in New Jersey in a six-week period. We went to, like, you know, we didn't go to as many weddings as you because you just know more people. But we went to a lot of freaking weddings. And went to like, you know, we didn't go to as many weddings as you because you just know more people, but we went to a lot of freaking weddings and every single chicken breast we had and everyone, Nicole,

everyone has a chicken breast for the main dish. No, that's not true. The salmon, the salmon's just a chicken breast. We always have,

it's either fish. The steak is just a chicken breast. It's chicken or fish. It's chicken or fish. It's chicken or fish or a vegetarian option. Or sometimes

it's just a sirloin steak why stop it the past appetite everybody loves the apps nobody likes the mains i went to a wedding listen this is a piece of crap move on me and i don't care because listen food waste is sort of zero sum there's gonna be the same amount uh whether i ate the apps or whether i ate the main course i by the last wedding of the year, I refused to touch any of my main course plated dinner. I did not do it. I did not do it, but we got, they had a whole seafood tray, like a whole seafood raw bar during the appies. They had somebody carving prime rib during the appies. They had a dim sum bar during the appies. Prime rib, dim sum, shrimp cocktail,

oysters. That's a hell of a meal. And then what, you're supposed to sit down and eat a baby green salad? Let me tell you what we have to do, Josh. For your wedding, let me bestow a little bit of wisdom upon you. Hit me with it. Don't do a sit-down dinner. We're doing none. Good. Oh, my God.

That's what I was going to say. There's going to be food on the outskirts and people can just eat as they please. Literally, just have, yes, just have your appetizer stations go in the whole night. Don't stop the party. Yeah, correct. That's what we're doing. Don't stop the party. Yeah, correct. That's what we're doing. Don't stop the party. We're partying the whole night.

And I have mandated, I don't exactly know what we're doing for food yet, but at least one whole animal being cooked live. Huge. Yeah. Are you trying to do like an animal sacrifice at your wedding? A little bit. It's just good luck. It's bad luck if you don't.

How many animals did you sacrifice? I don't feel comfortable stating this on the podcast. Anyways, yeah, but just every boring chicken breast with under-seasoned mashed potatoes in. Cooking chicken breast is hard enough and cooking it— Patty pan squash. Patty pan squash. Why are there so many patty pan squashes? They're so pretty. Yeah, but they don't taste good.

Who—the flowers that are to be pretty. Big wedding. The brides, you know, and grooms, they're supposed to be pretty. supposed to be pretty i don't need the squash you know how they have big pharma big wedding dude wants you to invest in patty pan squash dude honestly patty pan squash lobby is out there killing it you got any more rapid fires did you say you wanted joe rogan to be on this podcast or something did you think the patty pan so so squash man that's crazy tell me about yeah according to studies in 2023 if you google that google the patty pan good it looked as though patty pan squash was making a comeback according to big wedding yeah it looks like we got the numbers

here it looks like patty pan squash is linked to heart disease and minors. It's crazy. You know, that was deemed inconclusive. Yeah. You watch MMA? You should totally do it. Because I think everyone could benefit. I think just like everyone could benefit from doing it. Can you pass that? Thanks.

Because it's like it's not even. It's just about like. I got to give it a. It's just about discipline, you know. Give it a rope. You know. Yeah. You want to do a cold plunge? I did one this morning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah's about discipline, you know? You gotta give it a... You know? Yeah. You wanna do a cold plunge?

I did one this morning. Yeah, it's sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long do you last in the cold plunge? That's sick. Yeah, I killed a deer once. Oh. In the cold plunge.

Oh. Like, drowned it? Drowned it? Well, they say... Sick. If you Google this, but I'm pretty sure I heard... They say it's actually the most ethical way to kill a deer. Sick.

Yeah. Because one time I just put one in the sauna for a couple hours and it didn't like that. That makes sense, man. Where'd you get this from? Are you vaccinated? I'm waxed and waxed. All right, Nicole. We've heard what you and I have to say.

And now you know what time it is. Sorry, I had a cough. It's time to freaking clear your throat and find out what other wacky days are rattling out there in the universe. It's time for a segment we call... Opinions are like... Before we get to your opinions, we want to read your opinions about us. This is everyone's favorite, Nicole. The reviews are in.

The reviews for Review a Review, the segment where we review your reviews are in. They say this is their favorite segment on the podcast. Please go review us on Apple Podcasts. It really helps us out. How unclear. But this is from Moonkey42. One star, not great. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Are they saying that we say mmm too much, or are they just wanting to give a one star and leave a cryptic message? Mmm. Either way, I give this three stars out of five

because it made me think, right? But please don't let that incentivize you to leave negative reviews. We really only want positive reviews. If you have anything actually constructive, you can DM either Nicole or I on Instagram and we will not read them or change because fundamentally,

you can't change. This is as good as we're going to get. I give this three and a half stars as well. And I wish... You know my reasons. I wish we were better than we are. Believe me, no one wishes we were... You wish you were better than you are? I wish we were better at this, of course. Better at what? Podcasting, making people happy. I wish we

were better. And, you know, we just can't because people don't change. I think we're doing just fine, Josh. Where's the lack of self-confidence, dude? Nicole, I shot thousands of free throws. I never got better. I shot thousands of free throws. I never got better.

They still are like 58%. It's like Shaq level. It's like Shaq level free throws. Everybody knows. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you practice. But everybody knows who Shaq is. But so what? Who cares?

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Wayne Gretzky said that. Shaq missed a lot of free throws. All right, first opinion. His hands are too big for the ball. Josh, Nicole, I desperately need your help. What is it, little Susie? My name's Alexi.

I'm originally from Texas. Stuck in a wall? And I need your help finding what food I had. I don't know what it's called. I don't know where to get it. So in college, I would go to a clusaria and I would always get the sweet fried plantains and they'd serve it with like mushed beans and kind of like refried something and like a white mayo like sauce. So that's like 10 times better than mayo. And've tried looking on the internet for what it is, and I can't find it. I know exactly what the F it is. And it was so good.

So, please mobilize your army of mythical kitchen fans, and please tell me what this sauce is so that I can recreate it. Thank you. Esta crema salvadoreña. What's that? And cacique, I believe,

makes a crema salvadoreña. It is simply a Salvadoran style of cream. And the reason you can't... Like jocoque? Like jocoque. Well, no, for real. Like jocoque is a very regionally specific type of crema that is made in Mexico, right? Because, I mean, El Salvador is obviously it has its own culture, but it's like a relatively small country in Central America.

And Mexico is a gigantic country, right, that bears a lot of similar history to a very different history in certain ways, of course. But the point is, there's a lot of regional different styles of various soured creams. Okay, that makes sense. I'm going to Google it, but Cacique makes a lot. Yeah, Cacique makes crema salvadoreña. What's the difference between this versus, like, crema? I couldn't tell you from, like,ery standpoint because like nobody makes their own sour cream out of raw dairy product, right? Yeah.

But I agree with you that Salvadoran breakfasts are some of my favorite things. There's a hunk of salty hard cheese on top of very liquidy black beans, which I love. And then sweet plantains, a couple fried eggs, and then crema salvadorenia just sitting in a puddle. And it is so, so, so good. It's my favorite type of crema. Oh, great. I've never tried it before. It almost tastes like buttery and salty.

It is just so good. And it's quite liquidy, but also thick. Like it doesn't mound, right? Like American sour cream does. Yeah. Yeah, crema salvadorenia, dude. Nice. You did it, Josh.

You saved the day. Yay! it, Josh. You saved the day. Yay. Go, Josh. You did it. If you want to, one of my favorite Salvadoran dishes is, it's called salpicón. Salpicón. Salpicón. Sounds familiar.

It's this like, almost like a pickled cooked beef and radish. It's just a super vinegary chopped beef and radish salad. And it's like refreshing and still meaty and hearty and so good. Absolutely love Salvadoran people. What is... I meant Salvadoran food. I like Salvadoran people too.

I always want to get loroco y queso papusas but I'm scared of loroco. Why are you scared of loroco? I don't know what it is. Loroco is a flower. It's like a squash blossom but it's a Salvadoran thing.

Yeah, it's my favorite papusa. I'm going to get it next time. Yeah. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I still just love frijoles and queso pupusas. Me too. I love pupusas in general. Nicole, Josh, love you guys. Just wondering, when you thought on these blue zones,

I was raised as a Seventh-day Adventist child in the church, and nowadays when I eat normal food, I think about, huh, these people living in them blue zones, AKA La Melinda are living till forever. Should I revert back to what my childhood told me to do?

Let me know your thoughts. Love you. Bye. Nicole, do you know what the blue zones are? I know that there's a Netflix documentary about their specific zones in the world where people have lived a long life, like they have longer longevity, and it's directly correlated to their diet. Right? That's at least the working

hypothesis they have. It started off as a book. It's one of Julia's favorite books, and she made me read it, and it is really fascinating. A lot of this stuff, it's very true. I won't call it like scientifically dubious, but it's based on anecdotes, right? And it's based on large swaths and regions

and various different types of people. But when you're talking about the Seventh-day Adventist diet, I believe it's vegetarian and I believe it is a lot of like non-processed foods. They eat a lot of like nuts and beans and stuff. And so many of these similarities in these places are people have active social lives, they have physically active lives,

and they like eat a lot of fresh produce. Nice. Yes, do that. Do that. I'm reading a fantastic book called Food Politics by Marion Nessel. Marion Nessel, long-time academic and communicator about food policy issues and also nutrition. And one of the things that I

would always say is like, hey, nutrition science seems to be changing all the time and it's confusing and hard. The 80s said low fat is good. Now people are saying low carb is good, yada, yada. But Marion Nestle said something that kind of really messed me up. The entirety of human history until like World War II was how do we feed people enough food? That was the that was the that was nutrition science, right? It was like people are malnourished and we need people to work in factories and work the farms. We need to feed people more food. And then suddenly it became like, hey, we have a lot of food. Obviously, hunger is still an issue. That's a distribution problem. Sure. But now we are suddenly in the

weird place in human history where it's like, how do we stop killing ourselves with food? And she said, nutrition science hasn't changed in the last seven years. All we've been saying the whole time is eat more fresh produce, eat fewer animal products. Yeah. And that's it. All the other stuff is window dressing. And it's because media thrives on controversy and new headlines. Right.

And so if you're saying, like, should I eat less meat and go back to like less processed foods while I live longer? I ain't a doctor, but like, yeah, probably. That's been what the science has been saying for a long time. So random. It's where a lot of Seventh-day Adventists live. So crazy. So I just Wikipedia it because naturally. And it says Sardinia, Italy, Okinawa Prefecture in Japan, Nicoya Costa Rica Ikara Greece and Loma Linda yeah I went

to the Nikoya Peninsula I went to Papagayo on my honeymoon ah it was very nice I don't see a lot of old people well they hide them uh but no if you're like if you're asking the question should you get more physical exercise have a healthier healthier social life, eat more vegetables? Yes. Absolutely. Do all those things. I try to do all those things. The problem is my social life revolves around drinking a specific poison. Alcohol?

Bleach. Yeah, alcohol. So my healthy social life, I think there could be healthier aspects to it. Should we do a little, like, Blue Zone, um, like, um, trip? Like, go to all the Blue Zones? Go to all the, yeah. Yeah, let's start with Loma Linda.

I think we should start with the Okinawa Prefecture. Okay, but... Just eat a bunch of sweet potatoes. Yeah. I feel like cultures that eat the most sweet potatoes are the healthiest. We eat sweet potatoes.

Eh, not enough. On Thanksgiving, covered in marshmallows and butter. Hi, so my husband and I are having a heated debate right now. Divorce him. He's a bum. Over if a bowl of cold spinach

with nothing on it, just plain spinach, is a salad. If I hear him in the background, I'm going to die of laughter. I say a salad must have three ingredients to be a salad. Otherwise, it is just ingredient. What say you? I'm curious.

It's a salad because it's leafy vegetable in a bowl that you eat as is. But macaroni salad is... Anyway, I decided to call the experts in on this to save our marriage. Thank you. Bye. I'm sorry. I said she should divorce you. I didn't know you were in the room.

One, two, three. Divorce him. What? Oh, I didn't know. What is the question? Is a bowl of plain spinach a salad? With dressing? There was no dressing implied.

It was just literally a bowl of spinach. A bowl of spinach eaten with a fork. And she is positing that it needs to be three ingredients in a salad. I agree. I agree. I agree. So I witnessed a coworker who, looking back, could have had some disordered eating anyways, but they would eat just a bowl of plain kale with straight balsamic vinegar on it as like a lunch. And they'd be like, I'm eating a salad. I would look at that and say, that's not a salad at all.

I mean, and that's two ingredients. But if you literally look at, you can go back to history. If you look at the origin of the word salad, right? It literally, salad meaning salt. It was salted vegetables. So the condimentation of these vegetables, I think, is intrinsic to salad hood. Condimentation. Right?

Okay. That makes sense. So once you put a dressing, if you put a dressing on spinach, sure, that's a salad. Right? It's probably not a great salad. I don't even like raw spinach at all. Me either. Unless it's cut.

Woodsy. It needs to be like super. Like a chiffonade. Yeah, it needs to be finely cut. You can throw it in there. But as far as like a main green for a salad. No, I think my favorite main green is probably just romaine. Really?

I love romaine. I have romaine in my house 24-7. Give me some dressed butter lettuce, man. I really love butter lettuce. But all dressings are too heavy for, most dressings are too heavy for butter lettuce. It just weighs it down. Yeah, it's got to be like a light vinaigrette on a butter lettuce. Like a Dijon vinaigrette I think works really well.

How often? Almost like a, fair amount. I make Dijon vinaigrettes like most, like I probably make a Dijon vinaigrette on a butter lettuce. Like a Dijon vinaigrette I think works really well. How often? Almost like a... A fair amount. I make Dijon vinaigrettes like most... I probably make a Dijon vinaigrette like two nights a week. Twice a week. Which is nine times a month. And that's a fair amount to make Dijon vinaigrette.

It's just the easiest... It's like a very plain salad dressing. Or a romaine lettuce or kale or baby green... Not baby greens. Little gems. Little, yeah. We started selling little gems in stores now. Those are our big three. Or baby green. Not baby greens. Little gems. Little, yeah. We've started selling little gems in stores now. Those are our big three.

They're good. But yeah, just plain spinach in a bowl. Decidedly, not a salad. Not a salad. Divorce has gone through. Yeah, the gavel has hit the table. Hope you don't have kids. Trust issues for life.

Well, that. Is that what divorce does? I don't know. I had to go to court-ordered counseling after the divorce, and I don't remember what I learned. We did a lot of puzzles in there. Is that why you hate puzzles now? Maybe.

Sorry. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's also... It just got deep again. Well, on that note, thank you so much for stopping by. Hot Dog is a stand-up. She got new episodes out every Wednesday, audio, and then every Sunday on the video.

But this one isn't on video. This one isn't on video, which is cool. You're just listening to us. I look so ugly right now. I look hot. Well, I look hotter than you've ever seen me look right now. Like, I walked in and everybody in the office said, wow, Josh, you are smoking hot today. Like, who is, is that Audrina Patridge?

Is that a person? Yeah. That was, like, considered hot by society standards? Oh, my God. Audrina Patridge? Is that a person? Yeah. That was like considered hot by society standards? Oh my God. Audrina Patridge from the hills? Who is that? Why did that name come into my mind? She's from the hills and she had dark brown hair and bright green eyes and thin lips.

She's a blonde now. She was huge on the hills. Okay. So yeah, she's like a person that people would have said is hot. She was best friends with Lauren Conrad. Okay. Heidi Montag and Whitney Port. I loved Whitney Port.

Who's the one that's married to Jay Cutler, the football player? Is that Whitney Port? No. Whitney Port was my favorite of that whole crew. You're a Whitney Port girl. I'm a Porter. You're a Portishead? I'm a Portishead.

I love that. Love Portishead. Oh, yeah. If you want to be featured on Opinions Right Write Cast Rules, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833-DOGPOD1. Portishead got that one really sexy song. I'm so tired of playing, playing with my bow and arrow. For more Mythical Kitchen, check out our other videos.

We launch new episodes every week. No, it's like, it says something about like, I keep just thinking of man. I feel like a woman, but it's not that. No, I know, I know, I know. But it says something like, something about wanting to be a woman or something. Yeah, I was singing it. Well, yeah, but get to the chorus. Give me a reason to be a woman.

I just want to be a woman. And it's like, pow. And called Glory Box. The best place that's on. Great album. Okay, bye everybody see ya