A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - What Your Chipotle Order Says About You

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Today, Josh and Nicole will reveal your deep undiscovered truth by analyzing the components of your Chipotle order! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@mythicalkitchen To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Hey, can I get a burrito bowl with steak, brown rice, your corn, the red salsa, and then- Nicole, we're literally recording right now. You're supposed to order lunch like four hours ago. What does that say about me? That you're unprepared and don't know when to order lunch? No, no. The name of the podcast is, What Does My Chipotle Order Say About Me? Keep your horoscopes out of my barbacoa, Nicole. This is a hot dog is a sandwich ketchup is a smoothie yeah i put ice in my cereal so what that makes no sense hot dog is

a sandwich a hot dog is a sandwich welcome to our podcast a hot dog is a sandwich the show we break down the world's biggest internet debates i'm your host josh air and i'm your host nicole and iity and what you just saw there is a little bit of improv acting because we did indeed know that we were doing an episode about what your chipotle order says about you did you like it i thought i don't know i feel almost feel a bit either wooden or over animated you're not glib no but i think you play glib well okay did you see theater camp the movie no i'm watching it on saturday with my friend Erica. Are you really? Oh my God.

We're getting together to one of our houses and we're going to just have a big bowl of popcorn and we're going to watch Theater Camp together. Molly Gordon, Ben Platt, Ayo Edebiri, Jimmy. This isn't an ad. I watched it and I loved it, especially because Julia, that was like her life was growing up going to Theater Camp.

And I don't think I'm very good at reading any script or acting. I just like furrow my brow and go on everything. And I don't think I'm very good at it. But what I am good at, Nicole, is sucking down guacamole and grilled chicken from a fast food restaurant that is generally ordered through an app. Do you mean Chipotle? I do mean Chipotle? I do mean Chipotle. Yeah. So, okay. Chipotle really fascinates me because it is one of the most ordered items on all of Postmates, Grubhub, DoorDash, whatever freaking app that they're on. Gamers have gotten their own signature bowls. Courage Dunlop. Didn't he come here and do a whole Fancy Fast Food about it? We did a Fancy Fast Food about the Jack J.D. Courage

Dunlop bowl. That's so funny. And I don't remember what he got. I know he got double corn salsa, which is how I knew that I could trust him. It's double chicken, extra brown rice, tomatillo green salsa, extra roasted chili corn salsa. Well, let's start it right now. What do you think this says about Courage Dunlop? Where's the green?

Where's the green, Jack? I need a little bit of vegetation. You know, they say the corn, you know, they say the green tomatillo. No, I need the crunch. I don't think there's much crunch in this bowl. I think he's safe. But the double corn adds a lot of flavor. But corn, like sweet corn is, I mean, it's a very Mexican ingredient.

Of course, my, like, my ease is, or not my ease, but elote. It's starchy. Yeah, it's like starch on starch, though. It's still sweet and crunchy. What this bowl says about me is I grew up as a picky eater without any introduction to, like like complex foods or foods from other cultures, but I'm trying. And I love that about it. I love that about it. Do you know what I think Chipotle actually does? What? I think they get certain influencers and stuff,

and then they say, hey, our sales on the blah, blah, blah aren't as high as they used to be. Can you say you like this in your bowl? We'll see how sales go, and then we give you money. I don't think they did that with this because Chipotle certainly needs no help selling chicken and corn. I'm not saying this. I'm saying there might be something that they've done in the past. If they haven't, they should because it's a good idea. Put me on your marketing team, Chipotle. Here's the thing about Chipotle.

I started going to Chipotle first in 2006. I remember the first time I went. You remember the year you started eating Chipotle? Have you met me? My brain's all messed up. It notices things like this, but not like, you know, I don't know. Went to pick up your clothes. What?

And put them away. Oh, yeah. No, underwear is on the floor. Always. What? Continue. Don't talk to her. Anyways, I first went to Chipotle in 2006.

And back then, it was like, it was new. And it was exciting. Of course, it started in the 90s in Colorado, founded by a dude named Steve Ells, who is not from Mexico as you might have noticed by the name. No, it's totally fine. But I'm saying a lot of people consider

Chipotle to be like very whitewashed. It is. It is, but also they do things so much better than the other Mexican chains that would be considered whitewashed. Consider like Taco Bell when they started. Granted, they had a 30, Chipotle had a 30-year head start on Taco Bell. Yeah.

When Taco Bell started, they made something called the Bell Beaver. Yeah. It was a hamburger bun with ground quote-unquote taco meat in it. I love, I mean, I love Baja Fresh to this day. Baja Fresh, they do great work. Yeah, Baja Fresh is delicious. And I think it's kind of like a one-to-one. The only thing is you don't have that bar,

that subway-style bar to pick your own adventure. Yeah, Chipotle did a lot of incredible things. And there would be no Cava, if you know Cava Mediterranean Grill. Yes, sure, Cava. It's the Mediterranean Chipotle. Also, Chipotle tried to start a, quote, Pan-Asian Chipotle. Which I love. What was it called?

Called Shop House. They had one on the 3rd Street Promenade. Incredible. It was really good. You could get rice noodles noodles you could get brown rice white rice and they had like these thai curry-ish meatballs and they did fish sauce yeah i loved it i loved it but anyways so many of these restaurants they like owe their success i don't think there's any sweet green i was just about to bring up chipotle and so i have like a lot of love for what chipotle did and pound for pound i think a lot of their food tastes really good.

Some people will be like, it's tasteless. And it's like, no, just their rice is tasteless. Yeah. Which you're correct, but it's white rice with lime, salt, and cilantro in it. You know, but their beans, they are cooked really well generally. They are seasoned really well. People, there's a large trend on TikTok of it just happened to be mainly white folks who were uh getting a bay leaf in their beans and they'd be like writing to chipotle like

this fell out of a tree at chipotle why is there a leaf in my burrito bowl yeah that's whack yeah one you should probably take the bay leaves out of what you're serving before you serve them um but uh just deal with it point is like they actually do cook with a lot of fresh herbs and ingredients and they're making guac fresh on premises. Yeah, I love seeing it. I love seeing it whenever they're like, oh, we don't have any chicken. It'll be ready in, like, three minutes. Like, I kind of like that.

Same. About Chipotle. Do you know what Panda Express, I feel like the same. Panda Express is out there. They don't have to wok fry all those things. They can make all that in a factory and put them in stores and pump and dump, fry, microwave, whatever. They're wok frying a lot of stuff in Panic! Fresh.

Which I love. I have a lot of love for Chipotle. Do I think that it is the best tasting food in the world? No. No one's saying that. That's not what the podcast is. No, but it's like become such a cultural mainstay because they did things so well. And also things that they don't do particularly well now are because they've gotten so successful. Sure, yeah. Right? It happens to every franchise out there, right?

No, the 12th Marvel movie probably ain't going to be as good as the first, but there's a reason that people are watching it, you know? Yeah. And that's okay. Are you going to ask me whenever I had my first Chipotle experience? When did you have your first Chipotle experience? Okay, my first Chipotle experience was, so after school, whenever we would have a gym, we would all mob over to Chipotle.

School, what year? I want to say if I was in elementary school eighth grade yeah you and i were on the same time okay um i don't know what year eighth grade was that would have been 2007 for you okay um so we would all i don't remember so we would all mob over in our little like beverly vista bulldogs outfits and we would go to chipotle the bulldogs too chubuesa Bulldogs. You were also a Bulldog. That's awesome. You had the iconic like Bulldog that everyone has.

We had the Fresno State Bulldog. I don't know what that is. I don't know if you know the Fresno State Bulldog. It's different than the Georgia Bulldog. But it's like a full body shot of a Bulldog.

Yeah, or it's just a full and it has like a collar with spikes on it. Yeah. And it's like angry. That was my school mascot. Oh my God. Okay, sorry.

Okay. So we had a friend whose brother worked at chipotle and he taught us a trick he's like hey if you ask for a soft taco but you say put it in a bowl they will give you more food than if you were to get a taco so we were a group of like 18 eighth graders going and getting enough food for a burrito bowl, but paying for it. You know what the most hilarious thing about all this stuff is? Because this happens all the time. They're like, this Chipotle hack. You go and you ask for single chicken and then you wait for them to put a scoop on.

And then you go, can I have a little bit more? they go do you want double chicken you go no and you just pressure them into doing it it's like that's just called harassing an employee yeah but this is an eighth grade i didn't know but but the funny thing about all that is people like i'm getting one over on chipotle that's like getting a coupon for something and like using it and being like i'm getting one over on carl's juniors. Like, no, they, they just want you to be there buying things because then you're going to come back and buy more. Like you're just adding to, you're not bankrupting this company. But I have a question. How much is a burrito bowl at Chipotle? $10?

Oh God. I have not ordered Chip. This is actually funny. I don't think I've ordered Chipotle outside of work in probably three years that's really funny i don't think i've done it and again it's like food that i love and fits my lifestyle very well in the sense that there's not a lot of other fast food you can go and just be like give me grains beans grilled meat and healthy condiments yeah but when you think about it i would guess 11 bowl... I would guess $11, $12 now. Okay, something like that. But a soft taco, $2. So us kids, 18 of us just going and getting a soft taco in a bowl.

That's my first... My first memory of Chipotle is scumming them. I feel like I remember exactly what I got the first time I went there. This is back when, for some reason,

I didn't like beans when I was a kid. Because I think I'd only had like bad bean burritos and I was like... Like soupy stuff? Not even soupy. They I think I'd only had like bad bean burritos. And I was like, this is... Like soupy stuff? Not even soupy. They're almost like dry and starchy when you microwave them.

Oh, sure. Yeah, it happens after they're soupy. I think I started loving beans when I started eating soupy beans. Because now I love soupy beans. But I went to Chipotle and they used to have... It was a separate menu item. They called a fajita burrito. This is before you could just be...

I see the menu in my head and I see exactly where it is. It's the same price as burrito, except it was fajita veg instead of beans. Despite the fact that you could get beans and fajita veg, but don't know why that was on the menu separately. They got a carnitas fajita burrito with white rice, hot salsa, corn salsa, fajita veg, lettuce. Cause I don't know, I grew up eating big bloated burritos, stuffed lettuce and all kinds of things. Sour cream and cheese. Oh, that was your first order. And I remember being blown away by the combination of hot salsa, corn salsa, and sour cream melding into the meat.

That was a taste that I never had before. Because, like, their hot salsa, when you eat it, one, it's pretty hot. Two, it's pretty freaking good, dude. It's really spicy and really good. They're like— It's my favorite salsa. It's the only salsa I get other than pico. The mild is, like, it's pretty freaking good. It's really spicy and really good. They're like, um. It's my favorite salsa. It's the only salsa I get other than pico. The mild is like really, really well done.

I don't like the mild. If you just eat it, if you erase your chipotle bias and just eat their mild salsa with a chip, it's a fan-freaking-tastic. It's been a while since I've had a, the mild salsa. Not the mild, the medium. What's the difference? So the mild is pico. One, they kind of, yeah, they stopped using real terms.

Also, they did the Starbucks thing, um, where Starbucks just started making up Italian words and like what they mean. Like macchiato at Starbucks is just a latte. Yeah, sure. And the cappuccino is also just a latte. Whatever. And cappuccino doesn't exist. At Chipotle, right, they have grilled steak, which is carne asada. And then now they have carne asada, which is grilled steak.

But with cumin and stuff. Yeah, with what they have deemed as like Mexican. Yeah. Which is like lime and cumin. Sure. Which is really funny. Also, their barbacoa. I was their barbacoa stan.

That was your first order. My barbacoa was my favorite thing there. It's well seasoned. I would always get a barbacoa soft taco in a burrito bowl. And I would load it up with everything other than sour cream. Let's analyze each other's childhood orders and then go. Okay. Okay.

So tell me yours again. No, you can start from the beginning. All right. So my order is a burrito. Sorry, fajita burrito with white rice, carnitas, fajita veg, corn, hot salsa, sour cream, cheese, lettuce. Okay. My. And I'm 14 years old.

270 pounds. Monster. I... And I'm 14 years old. My challenge... 270 pounds. Monster. I was, what, 13? Yeah, yeah. I was 13 years old, and I would get a barbacoa soft taco with brown rice, black beans...

Brown rice did not exist back then. It didn't? Are you sure? Positive. How positive are you? I'll bet you $100 that brown rice did not exist in 2007. Oh, my gosh.

Shake my hand before Maggie Googles it. I don't wanna. I'm gonna guess it probably came out in like 2011. Yeah, click on. No, Maggie, just click on the article. See when it was. I don't want to shake your hand. See when it came out.

Brown rice. What year did this article? Oh God. Dude, modern. Listen, I want to support journalism but like so many of them are getting rid of

their actual papers and then all their sites are fully unusable due to pop up ads it is crazy alright before we figure that out

okay whatever so okay if it wasn't brown rice it was no rice how about that okay how about okay so it was

so it was barbacoa yes black beans yes on a soft corn on a soft flour tortilla and then it would have corn, a red salsa, lettuce, cheese, guacamole on the side. And you're paying like five total dollars. Two dollars, $2.19.

Interesting. $2.19. I remember to see because you would get a quarter, and then you would use the quarter to pay for it. $2.19. Interesting. $219. I remember Titsy because you would get a quarter, and then you would use the quarter to pay for it. $219. Unbelievable. And then the guacamole on the side, one person would get, and all of us would share it.

Okay, so you were like 13 when you were doing this, so you were one of those kids. 2011. Wait, did I say 2011? Yeah, Nicole's a liar. No, I thought, I guess I just wasn't aware. I remember it being brown rice, but maybe I was wrong. It's not fair to say you were cheap because you were a child. I was a liar. No, I thought, I guess I just wasn't aware. I remember it being brown rice, but maybe I was wrong.

You were, it's not fair to say you were cheap because you were a child. I was a child. We were all cheap. We just spent whatever we had. But you were one of those children that delighted in adults thinking that like they were bad. You know what I mean? What do you mean? I don't know what that means.

Like you were a 13-year-old child walking into Chipotle with a bunch of other children trying to scam them. You had no shame as a child. Not only that, you wanted attention. Not really. Were you getting a lot of attention in the home? Yeah, so much. I was the last kid. You don't think I was? But getting attention for good things.

So you needed to get that validation for doing bad things outside. I think you're completely wrong. I think I was just following the crowd. I think I just wanted to be part of the crowd and part of the cool kids that got Chipotle for two bucks. From a taste perspective, though, what you've gotten might be, one, I think Chipotle. So you can get crispy tacos, soft tacos, bowl, burrito,

and then salad, which is also just bowl. Did you ever do the quesadilla and they would get mad at you? Yes, all the time. Well, quesadilla too. They would get so mad if you asked ever do the quesadilla and they would get mad at you? Yes, all the time. Well, quesadilla too. They would get so mad if you asked them for a quesadilla. Reasonably, they should never have allowed that. So you would ask somebody at the front of the line

and if you did that, so let's psychoanalyze some people. If you're one of the people who before Chipotle added quesadillas to the menu, because again, now Chipotle is a tech company. That's right. It's just app driven and that's the only thing they care about,

which a quesadilla being delivered is awful. Quesadillas are meant to have melted cheese, which tends to need to be hot. But anyways, when you used to go there, you would like fill your... No, what would you do? So the burritos

were at the front of the line with the warmer and then the cheese was all the way on the other side. That's what it is. That's the conflict. We've already talked about this on the podcast about the cheese placement of Chipotle and how it's wrong. Yeah, it should be earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Agree with that. So you would have to make the... But then they couldn't top the bowls. They would need two different cheese placements. Exactly. But why would you need to top the bowl

if you had melted cheese already? Well, they don't want the cheese to be melted. They want the cheese to be on the top because all the product shots show the cheese on top. Which is so stupid.

I think it's stupid. Which is why they brought K-Zo. Yeah, agreed. Yeah. Yeah, but if you were one of those people who inconvenience Chipotle employees. You're annoying. And this is back when people used to walk into restaurants and actually get stuff instead of just go to a separate area where there's stuff sitting in a bag.

I love going to restaurants. I do too. Oh, I loved eating in a Chipotle. They have all the Tabascos there. I love eating in a Chipotle. Oh my gosh, people used to steal the Tabascos. So much Diet Coke. So much Diet Coke. So much Diet Coke.

But if you're one of those people. Do you know the music was curated specifically? There was one guy who was the Chipotle music guy. And he like did an incredible job. They got like local artists,

not local artists, but they got an artist who did like, you know, it looked like, you know, pre-Hispanic Mexican. And I know it's all

kind of a sham and a farce and whatever, but Chipotle was just very paradigmatic in what a modern fast food restaurant should be. My Shazam was on 24-7 when I was in Chipotle. Their music was good. I remember a lot of like,

your sex is on fire. What are they called? The Kings of Leon. Kings of Leon. My peak Chipotle time in high school would have been peak Kings of Leon time, which was unfortunate for me because I do not like them. I love them.

But if you were one of those people who inconvenience Chipotle workers, you have like no regard for human decency. And I knew people in high school that did that and they delighted in watching, you know, somebody that was probably three years older than us. Yeah. Just like in community college. They're going to Saddleback. They're going to IVC.

I don't know if Maggie knows what the hell I'm talking about. I mean, when you're a kid, it's different, but when you're in high school, like, don't do that stuff anymore. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And so, and especially if you were an adult doing that, it was just like, you do not understand the rules of society. I didn't psychoanalyze you. It's your order.

What I was going to say about yours is that might be the single greatest collection of tastes that Chipotle has to offer. Corn, hot, sour cream, cheese, barbacoa. No sour cream. Oh, no sour cream.

Never mind. Completely bummed. Why no sour cream? Just dairy issues? I thought the sour cream looked too liquidy to enjoy. I love their liquidy sour cream. It was too liquidy. At that time, the only sour cream I knew was thick sour cream.

You know, like Daisy. Yeah. Daisy. That was the only knowledge I had of sour cream. You know, like Daisy. Yeah. Daisy, that was the only knowledge I had is sour cream. Your order is the Icarus order because you flew so close to getting the greatest thing

and then at the last minute when you need that sour cream to mix with the corn juice, to mix with the hot salsa, to mix with the barbacoa juices, you're just chickened out. I'll never be good enough for Josh Sharer

and it sucks. Josh Sharer and it sucks. Okay. Your order. Big boy. Big boy. Hungry boy. I think you were just hungry.

I was so hungry. You were hungry all the time. You were a growing boy. I ate three Chipotle burritos in one sitting. No, you didn't. I swear. Why? I swear to you.

To prove that you could or were you actually in front of people? Yeah, of course, of course. And like by this time, so, right, not that like weight is a valid metric to use. Sure, yeah. But I was like playing sports. And so at that point, you like need to weigh yourself. So you're like weighing, you know. Yeah, you're also expelling so much energy, I'm sure. Yeah, and like mass moves mass.

I was a big shot putter. And so I, you know, started off playing football, was a real big boy. And then I quit that because I hated the coach. And then I started playing basketball. I mean, I played basketball

my whole life. But I was like, I'm going only basketball and track at this point. So I'm going to lose like 40 pounds, drop down to like 220 for two years. And then I was like, well, I feel like I can get

a scholarship for basketball because there are, I feel like I can, I feel like I can get a scholarship for track because basketball coaches in college are not looking for six foot two, you know, centers. And so I regained 50 pounds. Wow. You fluctuate in like a year. And then I got my bench up a hundred pounds. So like, while I was doing this, I was just eating whatever I get my hands on. And Chipotle

back in the day, $8, you could get, you know, 150 grams of carbs, 50 grams of protein, and 1,000 plus calories. It was incredible, yeah. Yeah, and so once a friend, I don't know, didn't want their burrito or something. And so I was like, wow, I'll eat two. And somebody was like, think you could eat three? I was like, oh yeah, I bet I could. Also, they're rolled so bad. They're like diapers.

They used to be rolled better. They used to be rolled better. I will say that. It's quality control. Quality control loss. Oh, another thing. My friend's brother who worked there used to say mixing everything together was the best way to eat a Chipotle burrito. I disagree.

I like the pockets. I like the pockets too. All right. So we got our like childhood orders. Okay. Modern day orders. We have. I have it.

Hold up. Where did my Chipotle go? Oh, man. We got it. Okay. Boom. You want me to tell you what mine is? Put my fork on the dirty ground. Josh, I have a? Oh, man. We got it. Okay. Boom. You want me to tell you what mine is? Put my fork on the dirty ground.

Josh, I have a fork for you. Don't eat it. No, no, no. You got me too? You think I can eat three Chipotle burritos? No, no, no. I want attention. I have none in the home.

We don't need to do that anymore. We don't need to do that anymore. Okay? Okay. My dad's in Philadelphia trying to marry a political refugee again. Flash back to high school. Sorry, I just spit it, Rima. Okay, this is my order typically. Sheback to high school. Okay, this is my order typically.

She worked at the mall. That's cool. My mom never had a job. Really? Well, she used to work for the Shah of Iran second in command. And then she came to America. My dad's like, you ain't got to work no more. Take care of the kids.

And she's like, bet. Our lives are so similar. Bowl with guacamole, brown rice, light black beans. When I say light black beans, that means I want them drained super well. Steak, medium corn, hot red cheese and lettuce with a side of salsa. I picked pico today because I was feeling a little bit mild.

And a tortilla on the side. This is my order. The fact that you, I saw you put this order in because this is our legitimate like lunch. I'm eating lunch right now. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Nicole's on a lunch break. Please don't bother. Um, the fact that you ask for your beans well drained, go one of two ways. Oh, what is that? I saw somebody asked for the beans well drained. Okay. Well let's, let's break this down. Bowl is now the most popular thing to order. I never get a burrito. I never get a burrito.

I never get the tacos. I never do the salads. And that is because I think Chipotle changed from like a good restaurant with good food that people wanted to go to as like a treat, which is what it was for me like early on, what I think it was for a lot of people. I would love to see their data

on how bowls have started outselling burritos. Whereas now, this is like the quintessential healthy-ish, but still very filling, very, you know, caloric, but like relatively fresh foods. This is like the weekday lunch office order. You know what I mean? And so bowl, that makes sense.

Brown rice, it's a little bit healthier than white rice. Got a little bit more fiber from the chaff and all that being attached to it. When I go to restaurants, I normally order brown rice instead of white rice because I eat white rice at home because I'm Persian brown rice instead of white rice because I eat white rice at home because I'm Persian. Oh, that makes sense.

I have white rice so often like on Friday nights and stuff that sometimes I just need a change. I like brown rice for porridges at home. Oh, nice. I like brown rice porridge.

It's got more character to it. When I go to like Thai restaurants, I always get their brown rice. When I go to like Mexican restaurants, I get brown rice, which, you know,

isn't like the ideal one, but like a girl needs variety. I feel that. Your choice of condiments, I think, is great. One place where we differ, I get brown rice, which, you know, isn't like the ideal one, but like a girl needs variety. I feel that. Your choice of condiments, I think, is great. One place where we differ, I don't get pico at Chipotle because for some reason I want the corn to supplant the pico and I don't want the corn and the tomatoes. The corn is the best. To interact.

I also don't get cheese. I, for some reason, it does not fit the flavor profiles that I think Chipotle does the best. Okay. I think it obscures from it. Are you trying to eat some? What? Are you trying to eat some? No, I'm just pointing with my fork. I'm like a maestro. I'm like Gustavo Dudamel. Okay. I think it obscures from it. Are you trying to eat some? What? Are you trying to eat some? No, I'm just pointing with my fork.

I'm like a maestro. I'm like Gustavo Dudamel out here. You are Dudamel. The fact that you order your beans well-drained, that's the biggest aberration. That could go one of two ways. Why? Because that can mean-

I don't like a soggy burrito bowl. Nobody likes it, but these are the things that you deal with because we live in a society, Nicole. It's the reason when the cheese is at the end of the buffet that you do not ask to make them a quesadilla because they would have to go all the way back. These are things that you do. You don't ask people like, oh, hey, can you make my filet-o-fish extra crispy?

No, these are simply things that you roll the dice in life. You roll the dice in life and you get what you get. You are either happy or you are sad, which is why I am saying that this either means you are difficult or what I believe, because I've known you for years, Nicole, that you are discerning. You want what is best for yourself.

You want what is best for other people. And you also know it takes a second. It takes a second and an extra wrist motion to well drain the beans. And that is why

I respect you because you will go the extra mile to do that. I also like to take the tortilla and I wrap it around like a little chapati.

I didn't know that people are out here getting tortillas inside. That is a full burrito tortilla. I also like to take the tortilla and I wrap it around like a little chapati. I didn't know that people are out here getting tortillas inside. That is a full burrito tortilla? I normally don't eat all of it, but yes, I get a full burrito tortilla because the soft tacos are so tiny. Yeah, you just want a little noshy-nosh, which again, this is a very discerning order, and I think you have dialed it in. You have become a woman,

Nicole. Not a girl, not yet a woman, but yes, you now are yet a woman, and you know what you want in life, and you deserve it, and you don't care if you have to inconvenience somebody with an extra one second of thwapping the beans. I don't think that makes me high-maintenance at all, but, you know, you should see other people.

They're more high-maintenance than I am. Ugh! Ugh! What'd you get? Tell me what's in your order, Josh. This has become my new normal. Hashtag new normal. I am no longer.

I am now a svelte 210-pound man who still lifts for two hours every single day, but not in the eating three burritos mindset anymore. So now I get a bowl. I get brown rice because, again, I would prefer white rice, but like it's just it's one choice in your life and it's slightly healthier. It's like we

only have wheat tortillas in the house unless I'm like actually making tacos. But it's for like weeknight, you know, I want to make a little quesadilla. Is it snacky? Yeah, might as well be whole wheat even though it's the same amount of calories. Totally. So I get brown rice and then I get black beans. They are simply better than the pinto beans.

Yeah. I agree. The pinto beans are also non-vegetarian. Yeah. They're made with pork. They would always say, you know, the pinto beans have pork. Not pork juice. Because I guess they knew they were juice.

Yeah. What do you got? You know, Brandon walking into the yarmulke and it's kind of. Anyways. So and then I get chicken. And not only that, I get double chicken. You're double... Okay, I love double meat.

Double chicken always. Double meat people are my favorite. Yeah. I want a lot of protein. Again, this is utility for me and it's a good utility.

It's like my various bowls of slop that I consume. So this to me is utility and then I got corn salsa, hot salsa, sour cream, lettuce,

and then I'll get guac on the side except I think they just put it in there, which again, you roll the dice in life and it's fine. Yeah, yeah. How do you feel about sofritas? Sofritas? Yeah, do you ever get the sofritas?

There is a third Chipotle order that I used to get because I went through a time in my life where I went, I'm going to be a good citizen of the world. I'm going to stop eating as much meat. I would go meatless for like three days out of the week. And all the meat that I did eat would be like very well sourced to be from a community supported agricultural organization. This is when I believed in things.

And again, I still do believe in these. I just eat a pound and a half of animal flesh a day of suspect provenance. But when they introduced their sofritas, which is like, oh God, it's tasty. It's TVP. It's tasty. It's not even TVP. It's just tofu, isn't it? It's really good. Whatever it is, I love it. It's just crumbled tofu cooked with like a delightful

mixture of spices and chilies and tomato. Really good. And it's really well done. The corporate chefing team at Chipotle is very good at their job. Any problems that people might have tends to be at the store level, right? Burritos wrapped like diapers, tortillas not griddled properly, people got things going on, you know

what I mean? But the actual like corporate chefing team does an incredible job. I mean, Inside Eats. Watch Inside Eats on Food Network with Ryan Link. But yeah, so I used to get a lot of sofritas and with the black beans, with the rice, it is an unreal combo.

Yeah. They do a great job of that. Yeah. I think your order just says that, you says that you have a goal in mind and you want to be as sexy as possible. I want to be. It's so hard because I love going out and drinking and eating and my back hurts whenever I lift now and being sexy is a full-time job. Oh my gosh. Don't get me started. I'm Instagram

famous. Look me up. Did you see that video? Oh my gosh. What is this? She said I'm Instagram famous. You bum. You bum. Yeah, she said the f word too she's my she's my osman she's yeah she's my queen i listen i you reserve the right to get a lot of work done it's just sometimes you look like a duck you look like a sexy duck um just like a sexy duck she looks like a sexy duck you want to look like a sexy duck that's you're right i just don't find the ducks are like in my bottom five animals that I find sexy.

Number one, sloth. But anyways, no, girls with wide set eyes. Anya Taylor-Joy, sloth eyes, love it. Oh, yeah. What else? Chloe Bailey? Halle Bailey? Yeah, Halle Bailey.

Very attractive. Wide set eyes is what I want. What we're talking about, Nicole. Let's psychoanalyze various choices that people might get at Chipotle. Okay. Rapid fire. I think people that get things on the side like queso guac and, um, salsas on the side, I think they're genuinely good people.

Like you admire what they do. Yeah. I like what they do because I think that they like things on the side. You know, they're not all about what I need in front of me. They're considering things around them. And I really respect that. about what I need in front of me. They're considering things around them and I really respect that.

I know that I can never have as close a relationship with people who get no sauces on their Chipotle bowl and I've seen it done. It'll be like rice, meat, beans, cheese, sour cream, thin. I know people that did that

and I literally will look at that and be like, you and I do not have the same values. We don't view the world the same. There are all these delightful sauces. You chose none of them. What about the salad sauce? People that get a burrito bowl

and do the agave salad sauce. I think V does that. And honestly, it's something that is really holding our relationship back. Oh, really? I kind of love the sauce. I don't do it all the time personally,

but sometimes you just need to toss it in there. It's so sugary though. The vinaigrette's too sugary. You don't put all of it in there. Yeah, but still, you don't need to add sugar to Mexican food. It's good sometimes though. With the chicken, it helps.

Yeah, I like some kind of mole. What about people who get queso on their burrito bowls? Queso in a burrito, yeah, queso on the bowls. That happened recently with, I think it might have been Michaela. We're just psychoanalysts and coworkers now. I don't love. I don't love either. It's okay.

Cheese sauce on white rice. Well, there's something kind of homey about it. Have you ever grown up eating Campbell's soup over white rice? Never had Campbell's soup growing up. Man, that's good eating. I'm sure. Even sometimes the soup had rice in it and you put that on the rice. I'm sure.

I'm sure. You get the Uncle Ben's like the minute rice. Uh-huh. Then you microwave that. Then you pour the soup on it and the rice warms up. Then you pop that back in the microwave. And that's kind of what the cheese sauce

with the rice reminds me of. Crispy taco people. Have you ever had a crispy taco from Chipotle? Yeah. I went through a crispy taco phase. It's not good.

I disagree. You don't like it? It becomes, it's like Indian chaat because the taco falls apart immediately because they're trying to, if you've seen people

at Chipotle struggle to put things into a bowl or wrap things in a giant plate of a tortilla, when they have to put that in three individual crispy taco shells with tongs as there's a line of 100 door dash drivers behind them, it is impossible. So they kind of end up just slopping everything on top. Yeah.

And it gently falls in. It's like a half-constructed nacho plate. It's like putting a square peg in a round hole. Yeah. And it gently falls in. It's like a half-constructed nacho plate. It's like putting a square peg in a round hole. Yeah, but if you bash it hard enough, it'll get through that hole. You know what I mean? What about people that get chips on the side and they use it to scoop the burrito bowl?

I think very smart. They are homo... What's it called? Erectus. Don't raise your eyes when you say erectus. Why? No, which one of them started using tools? Habilis?

Habilis. Like Homo. Habilis. They're like Homo Habilis, where they've learned to use crude tools to improve their lives. And I think that works for them. People who order salads instead of a bowl, despite the fact that you can just get lettuce on a bowl.

Edgelords. Edgelords. You're not different. You're not better than us. Because you got a bowl. Edgelords. Edgelords, you're not different. You're not better than us because you got a salad. Power mix. Jeez. Power mix. You got a barbacoa salad?

Power mix. On that? Golly. Embarrassing. Anyways, leave us a review. Tell us what your favorite Chipotle order is and Nicole and I will psychoanalyze you on the next episode.

All right, Nicole, we've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time to find out what other wacky ideas are rattling out there in the universe. Well, it's time for a segment we call... Opinions are like casserole! Okay, let's... All right. opinions are like casserole. I want to do it. Okay, let's listen to our first opinion. What's going on, Josh? What's going on, brother?

I think the most important part of a meal is its ergonomics. I need to be able to handle whatever it is in a clean way. I'm not sure this is a hot take, but food's too wet. Sorry, Josh. It's bad. I disagree, bud. Too messy?

Bad. You need to be able to eat clean. Professional. Get in and out. Done deal. I'll wear gloves. It's like Steel Team 6. Wet foods?

Bad. Messy foods? Bad. We'll wear gloves if you have to. I fully... It's like Steel Team 6. Wet foods, bad. Messy foods, bad. We'll wear gloves if you have to. I fully, I, this man obviously has different tastes than I do personally, but his core idea of like ergonomics, like a food being designed to be eaten is a very smart idea. And I don't think he's saying that all foods need to be like handheld, clean, neat, yada, yada.

But there are certain things like a for instance a taco bowl like a tostada salad situation tostada salad okay you know what i mean uh that's like not a very ergonomic food because it's like well how are you supposed to well i believe i believe that it's not like how are you supposed to eat it do you break it off do you dip it in but then it's getting soggy at the bottom and then again if it's an experience that you enjoy, it's ergonomic to you, so I understand that. One of my favorite ways to eat food, probably my favorite way,

is like roti and subji, or rotli shak. Shout out to all the Gujarati homies out there. But you take a piece of bread, right, roti, and you have like a curry, a stew, like a subji. So what I was doing with the burrito bowl. What you were doing with the burrito bowl where you take bread and you pinch it and you eat the stew.

A lot of people who are not practicing eating like that, they'd find it messy. They'd find it unergonomic, et cetera. But if you don't eat that in your car, you know what I mean? But me and Julia eat so many of our meals that way. And I've pressured her into eating like this because that's how I like to cook.

You got a flat bread. You got a nice stew. Made a big old pot of lamb vindaloo this week and a bunch of condiments. And I was making my little logmez, your little perfect bites with bread. And so I think that to me is very ergonomic

but some may not find it so. I don't know how I feel about this because I just think it might just be food sensitivities. Like a matter of just like sensitivities. I think this person, if I had to guess, I'd say there's some sort of engineer and could be any sort of engineer. Recently, I went to a Hawaiian shave ice place.

Cool. Thank you so much. And I had Dole Whip on the bottom, shave ice on top. I got like lychee and like something called blue vanilla and what's it called? Like tiger's blood.

It's like strawberry colada, I think. But anyways, this was so piled high as many shave ices are. It's like strawberry colada, I think maybe. But anyways, this was so piled high as many shave ices are. It bothered you? It bothered me because I couldn't eat it. The bowl was too small.

This was too big. I was knocking ice off onto the table. It was not an ergonomic food. Okay, this is all just Larry David coded. I like can't with you guys. I am, yeah.

Like I take a lot of inspiration from my Jewish grandfather, Larry David. This is so Curb Your Enthusiasm conversation-esque. I cannot. We live in such an abundant society that we can make vanilla. Nicole, vanilla is like what, the stamen of a flower?

Yes. Literally, the world had to be pillaged to get to be able to then grow in Madagascar and Tahiti and Mexico and export all around the world. And we made it blue and put it on ice. And I'm mad about it. Cause a little bit of spilled onto the table at Brian's shave ice and Sherman Oak shout out to Brian. He was there and he was pretty mean. Drove a big truck.

It's kept looking wistfully out the window. B I get it. Next opinion, please. Is there such thing as chocolate shaved ice I don't even probably make it chocolates but it's just gonna be like you know that wouldn't be good huh sugar syrup and

chocolate extract that wouldn't be good and brown food coloring I don't think it'd be good it's like chocolate flavored soda it's just like worse than you want it to be yeah hi I need you guys to settle a debate that me and my husband have that's our job it's about ice cream cake

he believes that it is i know she's a ice cream in the shape of a cake whereas i personally think that it is just a cake like with the icing and the the crunchies if we're talking about a Carvel. So I'd like your opinion and maybe if you could settle this debate for us. Thank you. Love your podcast. Divorce that bum, honey. You are right. No more D word. It's not nice.

I thought that's what she was asking. Should I divorce my husband? What are we talking about? Is ice cream cake just ice cream that could be layered with sauces and nuts and whatever in the shape of a cake? Or is there actual cake, like the baked good, in there? And I have strong feelings about this. Typically, yeah, there's cake. Typically, but does it have to be?

It doesn't have to be, no. If you bought an ice cream cake and there was no cake in it, it was merely ice cream and shit. I would care. You would care? I am the one who knocks. Oh my God. I would get so mad at that. I have gotten mad at that.

At who? At where? Like Brian Flanagan because he ordered it. No, I don't know who ordered it, but it was at a mythical event. It was mine. It was just like ice cream.

Was it yours? It was my first month here and they said, hey, for your birthday, you get a drink of your choice and a cake of your choice. And I got a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake and Negronis. And Baskin Robbins doesn't put cake in their ice cream cake. Are you sure? I'm not positive.

I don't order. I'd probably rather just have like a nice slice of cake and a nice bowl of ice cream. I don't know if you like get much better when you layer all this stuff together and let it sit in a freezer for nine months. But that said, I really, really am bummed out when it's just like ice cream that is frozen into the shape of the cake. I need the cake in there. I don't care that much.

The ice cream melts into the fluffy pastry. Yeah, it's pretty special. Oh, God, that's good. It's special, but I don't think it takes away from just having a slice of ice cream either. What do you mean a slice of ice cream? Yeah, ice cream should be scooped. Should be. Ice cream should be scooped. Should be.

That's why, you know the term like scoop of ice cream? Like how many scoops of ice cream do you want? Like stuff like that? That's the reason. Okay, well. You don't get a scoop of pizza, you get a slice because pizza is best served sliced. What? You should not slice ice cream.

But you can, but you can. Yeah, and I'm mad about it. Have you ever seen the Ben and Jerry's videos where they slice the pints in circles and then you make sandwiches out of it? Yeah, I think that sucks. I think you're stupid. I think that sucks. I think you're stupid and you're sensitive. I think you have too many sensitivities. I think you need to grow up.

Did that help your solution? Did that help your problems? Are you and your boyfriend going to stay together now? I really freaking hope so. She's got a boyfriend on top of her husband now. Now I understand why they're getting divorced. Now I understand why they're getting divorced. Josh and I are hanging on by a damn thread right now.

We're close to breaking up, so I'm just kidding. Never. Josh is my best friend. Get me out of here. Josh is my best friend. We're not going Josh is my best friend we're not going anywhere hey Nicole hey Josh my name is Sophia I'm from Texas just finished up my last final

and I'm graduating from college that's fun and I have a really weird meal that I used to have as a child growing up my great aunt would always make scrambled eggs with salt and pepper. Okay.

And I would always eat them with Doritos. Yeah, girl. Doritos. So I would literally scoop up the scrambled eggs with the nacho cheese Doritos. And I always thought it was normal. It is. And I still eat it to this day because I think it's really good. But I'd want you guys' take on that

anyway love you guys I think you're awesome and y'all have a good one thank you what did you study? it's not live it's a message what a delight congratulations on taking your last final

it's a big step we're both college dropouts we love to see an educated woman. Long horns. I love that you have that connection to it with your grandmother. I love that it can remind you of home. Especially you're in college. You're in a foreign environment. A lot of people can be sort of detached, you know, from their roots.

And I love that you have crunchy, cheesy, violent, day glow orange Doritos with soft, supple, salt and pepper scrambled eggs. This sounds delicious. To keep you rooted. No honestly it sounds great. I'm sad I didn't do this as a kid. You are two ingredients away from some Midwest dish they probably call breakfast taco casserole. You know what I mean? It's given those vibes.

You add like I don't know some Jimmy Dean sausage. Oh my gosh. Who was one of our guests we've had? Raw Dog? The writer of Raw Dog? Yeah, Jamie Loftus. Jamie Loftus. Catalina dressing and Doritos and ground beef, right? And cheese.

A lot of cheese. Yeah, you're almost there, baby. Yeah, honestly, add some meat to that. Add some cheese. Bake it all together. Top it with Doritos. You know? Pass it down to your children.

And may they too graduate from college. She didn't say she went to the University of Texas. She's just from Texas and went to a university. Yes. What college do you think she went to? I don't know anything about colleges in Texas. Abilene Christian.

I don't know. That's my guess. Rice. There's a university called Rice? Yeah, it's probably the best school in Texas. Well, UT is great,

but Rice is like a very academically rigorous school. I know that Texas... It's like a Harvard of Texas. Texas Longhorns are orange, right? Burnt orange, yeah. Okay. Not Whataburger, though. No, you got Texas... It's like a Harvard of Texas. Texas Longhorns are orange, right? Burnt orange, yeah. Okay. Not Whataburger, though.

No, you got Texas Tech, you got Texas A&M. I've been to Texas A&M, College Station, weird place. I walked like six miles to a bar once. I had to sneak out of my hotel room past our coaches.

We tunneled under a fence and showed up just dirty and cut up to this bar. All right, next opinion. This is Brett from the metropolis known as Lincoln, Nebraska. Go Huskers! You two are immensely informative and entertaining.

Thank you. I maintain that the BLT is the perfect sandwich for lunch. It's just enough to keep you going through the rest of your day, but not so big that it leaves you feeling too full and fighting the whim-whams in your afternoon meeting. You say the whim-whams? That said, it can be made better.

The next time you make a BLT, swap your sliced tomato for some pico de gallo. It takes the BLT to a whole nother level. You're welcome. One, this man's is absolutely correct in terms of the BLT being a lighter alternative to say a giant Italian hoagie which is going to put you down

like a tranquilizer dart in the middle of your day no no no you need that little lanyard you need that little nosh of just a BLT it's light it's refreshing got some veg in there yeah can I tell you something about BLTs I have them once a year I don't know why

no there's no date I I have them once a year. I don't know why. Like what date? Yeah. No, there's no date. November 2nd? No, no, no, no, no, no. I have like maybe one a year. And it's just, it's just such a naughty sandwich for me being a Jewish American girl. A sandwich made of pure bacon is like a sandwich made out of pure sin.

Turkey, turkey, bacon BLTs do not hit. No, it doesn't work. There's something so harmonious about the white bread, the tomato, the crunchy lettuce, and that beautiful bacon with a schmear of mayo. I don't love an avocado on it.

Me neither. Me neither. The mayo does what an avocado should do, but better. I used to be an avocado person, but just mayo on it. Oh my God.

And then you season the tomatoes with salt and pepper. It tastes so good, but I can't have it more than once because I feel really bad. I had a weird craving for a turkey bacon, specifically BLT, the other day. And I bought a pack of turkey bacon

and I made it and I was like, this is perfectly fine and now that's out of my system. And never will I probably do it again. It's an incredible sandwich. Underrated. Beautiful and so simple. And to his point, I don't know that I've ever had a quote like upgrade to a BLT that I've thought upgraded it. Beautiful and so simple and to his point, I don't know that I've ever had a quote like upgrade to a BLT

that I've thought upgraded it. Like for instance, I don't think I want the flavor. Cilantro is my single favorite herb on the entire planet.

I use it in so many dishes. I don't think I want that flavor in my BLT. I don't think it's necessary. I don't think it, it's like a lateral shift.

Like anything spicy, sure. Put some hot sauce in your mayo, like a lateral shift. Like anything spicy, sure. Put some hot sauce in your mayo, chipotle, whatever. Like a spicy condiment is great. So I'm breaking down the elements of pico here. Yeah.

Tomato, onion, jalapeno, jalapeno, and lime, salt, cilantro. Onion,

I don't want. Onion takes away from lettuce. I don't think it takes away. The lettuce should be the crunchy. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't. Well, let me tell you, I'm a big tomato. I'm a tomato sandwich girl, too. I like white bread, tomato and mayo, too. So anything else is just intrusive. Also, our man earlier talking about food ergonomics, tomato slices sitting on slices of bread. That's what you want. Sure. Pico de gallo, that's fallen out of your sandwich. Unless it's yeah, unless you really pack what you want. Sure. Pico de gallo, that's falling out of your sandwich.

Unless you really pack it in there, in the center. But if you were doing like a BLT hoagie, which are never as good as a sliced bread BLT, because BLT should be on sliced bread. Yes. It's like having Italian deli meats on sliced bread don't taste right. That's got to be a hoagie. So I don't know that I agree with this, but I love

that you found that for yourself. Thank you for reminding me how delicious BLTs are. Next time, I kind of want to see if I can make like a layered pico. Sliced tomato, thin sliced onion, thin sliced jalapeno, whole cilantro leaves. Layer that so it's ergonomically friendly. Okay. Cut it, slice it, see if I enjoy it because I might. Anything's possible.

Love onion, love jalapeno, love friendly. Okay. Cut it, slice it, see if I enjoy it because I might. Anything's possible. Love onion, love jalapeno, love cilantro. Well. And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We got new audio-only episodes every Wednesday

and a video version here on YouTube every Sunday. And if you want to be featured on Opinions Are Like Casseroles, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 833 dog pod one why what did i do did you get those girls gone wild commercials you'd be watching tv

home alone when you were a kid and like 10 0 1 p.m hits and you're trying to watch like i don't know like nickelodeon or something or Or like you switch to like ESPN. And it's like, these co-eds are naughty. They're 18. They were learning about civics in high school one year ago. And now they've gone wild. And I was like, is this what adults consume? And surely this is normal.

We've really lived the same life. For more Mythical Kitchen, check out our other videos. We cook on the internet too. It's pretty good. Sometimes they blur out the nudity, but sometimes there'd be like a star. Do you remember that? They're really bouncing.

The girls would be going wild. They're just like bouncing gold stars everywhere on your screen. Yeah, I sure do. Giant 800 number just flashing at you. We'll see you next time.