A Hot Dog Is a Sandwich - What's the Worst Alternative Milk?

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Today, Josh and Nicole are comparing the top milk alternatives from soy to almond to new variations like pea and hemp milk! Leave us a voicemail at (833) DOG-POD1 Check out the video version of this podcast: http://youtube.com/@mythicalkitchen To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. What's your favorite alt-milk? Alt-milk? Like, it's got tattoos and those little snake bite piercings and it wears spike chokers and it kind of scares me but also kind of excites me. Gross. This is a hot dog is a sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What? Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show we break down the world's biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm Nicole Anaiti. And I'm your host, Nicole Anaiti.

Sorry, I just blacked out for a second. All these milks are making me thirsty. Oh, God, we are thirsty, milky boys today here. Milky boys. Milky boys. Because, Nicole, there's a war right now. There's a war being waged against the dairy farmers of America. Oh, God.

No, no, no. I love milk. And they hired. I actually do. I drink a lot of milk. I was raised on milk. I was raised drinking a big old glass of 2% milk during dinner. Oh, you were one of those kids?

Oh, my God. How do you think I ended up so beefy? Oh my god, that used to freak me out. Whenever I would watch like Full House and Little Michelle would like eat a ham sandwich with a glass of milk I'd be like, milk and ham sandwiches, those don't go together.

Yeah, Julia still does that sometimes. And there's that scene in Get Out where she's just like drinking a glass of plain milk. And sometimes I see that and I get a little freaked out. Sorry. It's been a minute since I've just had a whole glass of milk. Boy, I had one last night.

God. You had a glass of milk? Anyways, I love milk. That's cute. That's okay. Josh, don't be embarrassed. Well, I had a handful of chocolate chips. Oh, okay. So my mouth is filled.

You weren't just doing it. No. Can I ask you a question? Go ahead. Do you drink milk out, you weren't just doing it. No. Can I ask you a question? Go ahead. Do you drink milk out of the carton? All the time. There is nothing better than just opening the fridge and then just, just taking back a swig of cold dairy milk. It's the best. I'm a huge fan of dairy. My body was built to run on it. You know, my family comes from somewhere in central Europe and they're all just big beefy milky boys out there.

I'm a hardcore lactose intolerant girl. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. So this, Nicole, this is a sort of window into your culture today of alternative milks. They got like the corsets on

and they have like half their head shaved. I don't like this alt, alt milk, alt girl pipeline. I'm not into it. Why? I can be an alt boy. You can do whatever you want.

But don't put a label on the milks. I have like a necklace that's kind of like a spike choker. Yes, you do. I'll wear it to my heavy metal shows. I have a corset that I wear out. Do you really? Does that make me alt? You rock a corset?

Yeah, it's really cute. We're all alt today because we got two, four, six, eight, and I can't count alternative milks in front of us. But when we talk about about the war on milk, that is what the dairy lobby would want you to believe. And it's true that Americans are consuming less dairy. A lot of people think they're like wising up to the fact that maybe the human body wasn't exactly meant to process lactose. Mine sure wasn't. Nicole sure wasn't.

So the rise of alternative milks on the shelves have absolutely exploded, not only in grocery stores, but also in things like coffee shops. Oh, yeah. Or you may go to an expensive coffee shop now and be asked if you want macadamia nut milk, or as I call it, milkadamia. I love macadamia nut milk. But also, like, the default has become oat milk at Blue Bottle, I believe, as well as some other fancy spots. I don't even know if they're fine.

Which, to me, is very fascinating, right? some other fancy spots I don't even know which to me is very fascinating right so a lot of these that you see right here are products that exist

in other cultures already and then we've sort of put them into milk ass looking containers yes which is really funny

so for instance coconut milk right like you Thai food South Asian food there's a lot of coconut milk

freaking Brazilian food you know that stew moqueca you put the coconut milk in yeah but this There's a lot of coconut milk. Sure. Freaking Brazilian food. You know that stew moqueca? You put the coconut milk in? Yeah, but this is different than like canned coconut milk. Well, you want to know why it's different? Because let me read off these here ingredients. So coconut milk is the first one. And then you got organic sunflower, less thin.

You got gel and gum. You got sea salt. So a lot of these companies are taking what were already legitimate products and they're sort of like adding thickeners to try and give it the pour of actual dairy milk. Because like what do you look for in milk? Like why are you putting milk in coffee? What's the culinary reason behind it? So for me, it's to cut through the acrid strong coffee flavor

that sometimes I don't think is so pleasant on its own. Exactly. And like, what's the thing that's cutting through the strong coffee flavor? It's the fat, right? Yeah. It's fat. I mean, there is a very specific taste to milk. Milky flavor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think a lot of people who grew up on milk don't think it has a taste. But then if you really focus in on it, you're like, damn, that is milky. Yeah. Well, I do lactose-free milk. And I've noticed that lactose-free milk. What? Sweeter, right?

It is sweeter. I think the enzymes or something like something is just ground in there. Are they just not adding they're not adding supplemental sugar to milk?

It might be. I don't know. To the lactose-free milk? But it tastes so good. Do you get lactate brand milk? Not anymore but I'm in the Fair Life game right now

and I like Fair Life. Does Fair Life have lactose in it? It's lactose-free. I have no idea what Fair Life has done to their milk. Were they on Shark Tank or did I make that up? I didn't see them on Shark Tank.

Fairlife milk has – I drink a whole lot of Fairlife at home, but I will buy normal whole milk. For cooking? For cooking because if you ever see milk in a recipe, that means whole milk. Yeah, it's never 2% lactate. Then I get 2% because if I'm having like a bowl of cereal, then it's like, yeah, it's an extra 10 freaking grams of protein, which to me is fantastic. But speaking of other alt milks that exist in other cultures, right? Soy milk. Sure. I remember I grew up in, despite being Orange County, like a very diverse area. And we had like a lot of East Asian kids in our elementary school. And I remember a lot of them would bring just like silk soy milk that

they would get from Costco. Also, all of these brands, I just randomly purchased them. Like we're not saying like silk or like Planet Oat or Rice Dream or like the best or anything. I just purchased them randomly. 100%. And so like soy milk is something that isn't an alternative dairy milk, but soy milk… It's its own thing. It's its own thing.

It's existed in China for literally thousands of years. And if you ever have like fresh soy milk, like dim sum, they do the... Never had it, but I've always wanted it. Oh, fresh, fresh soy milk. It's so, so, so good. Rice milk. Like you're halfway to horchata. My father was a rice milk man all for his whole life.

Is he lactose intolerant too? Yes, he is. Interesting. Is that common among Juzians? I don't know. Maybe? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know either. Maybe.

I don't know. We have a lot of stomach issues. But he's hardcore lactose intolerant. Our house was always filled with rice streams, specifically the vanilla one. Oh, funny. But I just went with a regular enriched for the experiment. That's funny. That's funny.

And then almond milk. People think of it as a newfangled thing. Almond milk has been around for like a millennia. What? Yeah. So milk. What are you talking about? Milk comes from milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner almond milk is made. And you'll see it

Nicole, in like recipes from the Middle Ages. Oh, no way. It's spelled M-Y-L-K. Milk literally means to rub or express as nothing to do with dairy. So if you hear the phrase like milk up a poppy, you know. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, so almond milk has also been around for a long time. So these are hear the phrase like milk up a poppy, you know. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, so almond milk

has also been around for a long time. So these are not necessarily new things, but our dependence on dairy and the explosion of the dairy industry, especially after World War II

and its association with nutrition has left us here with all of these things. And now we got hemp for the hippies because you used to only be able to get hemp milk,

Nicole, at the weird stores where you thought you'd get abducted into a cult those were my favorite stores and you know why they were my favorite stores

because you almost did no because all the cashiers they got those little snake bite piercings oh my god and they got like the green hair I love hemp milk

I'll say out of this lineup right here my go to is hemp milk you have like do you actually stock hemp milk in your fridge?

Yes, I do. And you were using it. And Nicole, if you are pouring a bowl of cereal, what is the alt milk that you are using? Oh, well,

I don't eat cereal that much anymore, but when I used to, it was just OG milk. It was lactose-free milk. Why that over an alt milk? It tastes better. Yeah.

That's the truth. Yeah, I agree. It tastes so much better. Well, I had a go-to for a while, and this is more when I was eating like super, super clean, right, which is the dark ages that we don't like to talk about where I refused to hang out with people because I was like, I got to go to the gym on a Friday night. I can't go out to a bar with new friends. Or like if people were having an office birthday, instead of eating a cupcake like a normal person,

I would bring protein powder mixed with yogurt. And I was like, surely this is a normal reaction to have. But during that era, I was drinking a lot of almond milk because I was like, on the off chance that dairy is actually bad for you, causes inflammation, etc. Might as well drink almond milk. And so I was getting almond, breeze, unsweetened vanilla. And I think the advantage that some of these oat milks have over dairy milk is that they can just like

be flavored. Sugar. Vanilla. Oh, yeah. There's a high throwing flavor like candy flavors in there. There's a high concentration

of sugar or like even in oat milk, I think it's like they blend canola oil into it to make a creamy viscous liquid similar to cow milk.

Well, so the fascinating thing between like coconut, right, has natural fat in it. But they add fat, don't they, to this? Well, sometimes they'll add fat. Sometimes they'll add starch. Carrageenan. Carrageenan, which is, carrageenan is a natural coagulant or a thickener that is made from seaweed, I believe.

Yes, seaweed-based, yes. And has an upsetting early use in Japanese history. Not upsetting. It's okay. We'll go to it later. It's for personal use. Oh, like a lubricant? Lubricant, yeah.

It's not upsetting. No, it's not. Lubricants are not upsetting. Well, it's weird that it's in your food, you know? What do you mean? Not really, but I mean the Greeks used olive oil. Grow up, Josh. The Greeks used olive oil, and now I put it on my salad.

Can I drink any of these? I'm so thirsty. The point is, hear me out. It's weird. It's weird because oats don't have fat. They're just starch. Almonds are almost pure fat. And those two are now supposed to be somewhat equivalent because you're just blending them.

Can I tell you why? You're just making something creamy. Why? They're blended and they look white, similar to milk. That's weird that we just consider that the same. I don't like it. Rice and hemp and hazelnuts, they have nothing in common. They're just creamy whites.

Some of these aren't even white. This is a beige. Yeah, white. This is a beige. Yeah, yeah. This is a beige. Can I just say this looks like a, what is that place? Home Depot. It looks like Home Depot where you want to pick out what color you want to. Now, this is true white and this is eggshell.

Exactly. And then this, yeah. No, this is all a little bit upsetting to me for no real reason. Why are you so upset by this? No, like, real reason. It's just the fact that we created such a massive monolithic demand on one product, dairy milk, and then, like, immediately flipped on it, and suddenly, like, every farmer of every crop was like, I can blend that and put it in a glass.

You know what I mean? It's very strange to me. I don't think it's that strange. I don't know. Is there anything else that we have seen? In this, there was a substitute good

not for dairy. Because you'll see this in any other thing. Ice cream, yogurt, all that. The coconut yogurt, which to me is just a bit asinine. Why the asinine?

I don't know, man. People that have non-dairy people deserve to enjoy the revels of yogurt. I agree entirely. I just, I find coconut yogurt like generally bad. Oh, I think it's good.

Not a coconut yogurt. I like Coco June. You don't like Coco June? Is that the one that's still got the chunkies in it? No, that's Coconut Cult. That's Coconut Cult, yeah. I love Coco June. I love that.

You did a nice little chia pudding. I don't like chia pudding. You don't like chia pudding? Chia milk. Has anyone made chia milk? Chia just gets really gooey. But, okay, well, you could use that milk. Quinoa milk?

I've had quinoa. I'm surprised I didn't buy quinoa milk. Oh, we're missing the quinoa milk. It's actually really good. I like quinoa milk. Should we get to trying these milks? I'm so ready. But can I make one suggestion?

Absolutely. Are you open to us putting two straws into one glass and drinking it like we're at an old-timey diner or soda jerk. No, I'm not against that at all. Yay! That actually sounds like a nice treat for me. Okay, okay. But the glass, I will say, is close together.

So if it gets awkward, we can just stop. Yeah, just look down. Just don't look at my eyes. Okay, no problem. Should we start with regular milk? Let's start with regular milk. Get a baseline. I did not take my lactate pill. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to be sick. Get over it. Okay. Are we going to act like we're... Do you have a date to the sock hop yet? Nicole, drink the milk. It's so good. I just had some.

It's delicious. It's a whole. I'm shipping off to war soon. We're the good guys again. Oh, no. I'm sure I'm going to miss you, Billy. God, I love milk. Oh, boy, I love me some milk.

It's so good. That's great. Okay, okay. We have the baseline for what normal dairy milk tastes like. Very fatty, coats the palate. Got that little bit of sweetness, little bit of bacterial funk. Lactonic yumminess. It's quite warm.

I don't think we had these in the fridge. Oh, I did not put them in the fridge. No, no. No, I bought them at like 1140, and it's what time right now? It's 134. Probably salmon. That's okay. You know, room temp to milk how you do.

Okay, okay. Let's try your favorite, hemp milk. Okay. I love hemp milk. We got to give like full tasting notes on these. This is okay. Well, if we're looking at color, bordering on like a forest green, there seems to be some particulates in there. Lots of particulates.

This looks like the color of every rich Brentwood mom's athleisure set now. It's just like vaguely earth-toned. The reason why hemp milk is so good is because it froths up whenever you have hot coffee. So it has a wonderful texture with coffee, which is why I think I use it so often. Well, that is a big benefit to a lot of these. And that's the reason they have to add, like, ingredients to them is because if you're using them in coffee shops, which is a big market for it, a wholesale market for it,

that they have to be able to froth to make cappuccini. Right, right, right. Try it. It's so good. It's so good. Also, there's— Oh, God. Why is it sour?

It's not sour. Oh. Oh, it's so earthy oh my god it's earthy and fascinating I've never had hemp milk before you've never had this before

no it's really nice actually oh my god it's so delicious I don't think it's even close to similar to dairy milk not even a little bit but I will say

the texture once it's warm and you pair it with coffee the first time I had it was at Groundwork Coffee actually and it changed

the game for me because I'm like, ugh, almond milk. Ugh, soy milk. I think I've flipped my thoughts on all these milks. Whereas at first, I was dismayed.

Bordering on outraged. You ever go down... Outraged. Outraged. Dismayed and outraged about the milk. Oh, yes. You are outraged.

Outraged. There's an aisle in the grocery store that almost has, like, a shadow cast upon it and nobody's ever in it. And that's the shelf-stable juice aisle. Oh. They got like all the old brands of juice, like Langer's pineapple. I love the Langer's pineapple.

That's like kind of grayish gold. And you're like, who's buying the $9 glass jar of juices? It's me. It's you. And if I can't find like my dole in a can because I'm making cocktails, I will suffer for language use.

But there's 90 different combinations. There's pineapple, orange, pineapple, guava, pineapple, orange, guava, all this stuff, mango nectar,

and then it's not even the Jumex. I love me some Jumex juice nectar. You know Jumex nectar? It's a Mexican brand. You got to go to the... Is it pronounced

Jumex? Yeah, maybe. It's probably Jumex. Jumex. Me-mex. You gotta go to the Is it pronounced humex? Maybe. It's probably humex. Humex. Mimex. I love it. But there's so many of those why not just treat these like juice? The man asks himself.

So now I'm kind of in. Which one's this? Almond milk. Hemp milk, fantastic earthy flavor. Okay. Almond milk, very neutral. I love the flavor of almonds. Very neutral. Wait, give me the almond milk. It's Khalifa Farms almond milk.

Oh, this is so almondy. It is very almondy. Do you say almond? Almond. It's very almondy. What do we got? Almonds. Okay, so yeah, there is.

There's 40 almonds in each class. There are... Do they make that claim? No, I just said it. Okay, because no, there is a legal definition of what can and can't be considered almond milk. And frankly, it needs to be stricter. Like almond beverage. Right, because some almond milks will...

And somebody did like an audit on the industrial almond milk producers. And they found that like... If you took homemade almond milk recipes, right, they might use this. I'm just spitballing numbers here. I don't have it off the top of my head. But it might be like 40% like almond to water by weight. Okay. And they were finding out that you go to these industrial processing facilities, it's like 5% to 10%. Really?

Like it was significantly fewer almonds. And then they're just beefing it up with cheap chemicals like sunflower lecithin. Like does that taste pretty almondy to me. Calafia Farms is a good brand. Right? But I think. Is it Calafia Farms? Isn't it Calafia? Is it? I've been calling it. Just read it. Read the letters on it.

The letters are the clue to how you pronounce it. Calafia. You act like nobody could possibly know. I thought it was Mia Khalifa. See the letters? The letters are like a code. They'll give you a little clues on how to say things. Mia Khalifa, come on the show.

Let's drink almond milk together. Unsweetened original ripple plant-based milk. So I got this because it's a little wacky and wild. It's made out of plant. What plant? Pea plant protein. Oh, this plant-based milk. So I got this because it's a little wacky and wild. What? It's made out of plant. What plant? Pea plant protein. Oh, this is pea protein milk. Okay, so pea, most people consider English garden peas the green ones.

That's not what it is. Water-pea protein blend. Water-pea protein vegetable oil. Pea is similar to a bean. Mm-hmm. It's fascinating. This is yellow. This looks like the cow got into an onion patch.

Pretty close dead ringer for milk, though. Is it? Drink it. What do you think of the almond milk? I didn't care for it. It's got that slight… Almond milk is just almond milk at this point. I need the vanilla in it, man.

I need the flavors. I don't need the vanilla in it, but it just is. It exists, and I'm okay that it exists alongside the milk. Almonds have like a deceptively stringent flavor. Right? It's kind of got that

there's what's the poison in almonds? Cyanide. It tastes like cyanide to you? Hold on ripple plant-based milk. It's pretty damn good, right? They bleached this a little bit

to not make it upsettingly yellow. It is quite yellow. But I guess a lot of cow milk would actually be yellow if they were grass-fed. Yeah. Is that a thing? If the government was like...

If the government let us... We took their milk! We took their milk! Josh, we don't have enough straws for this. What? Just reuse your straws. I don't want to reuse them. I'm reusing the milk straws.

Don't you hit me! Sorry. Rice milk. Just drink from the glass, sicko. Oh, my God. They have added. This literally tastes like the bottom of a Rice Krispie bowl. That is the best thing I've ever tasted.

No wonder my dad loved it so much. Oh, my God. This is. How much. Wait, can you hand me like the pea protein milk? Oh, me? Yeah. They didn my dad loved it so much. Oh my god. This is how much wait can you hand me like the pea protein milk? Oh me? Yeah.

They didn't even call it milk. This is just rice dream rice drink. And when you read dream and drink as a verb it's funny like

do rice dream yes rice dream do rice drink yes rice drink rice dream and rice drink. Oh my goodness. Okay so

if we're just looking at like say sugars this has 30 grams of carbs in a cup. The rice dream. Yeah, and then the pea protein one has zero. Well, let's look at, like, oat. What's another? Give me the hemp.

Give me the hemp. The hemp tasted healthy. Me? Yeah. How many grams of carbs in there? 19. 19 grams of carbs, some fat. Yeah, this just has 14 grams of added sugar, which makes it

delicious. No wonder Morris was slinging the rice so much. Our parents' generation had, one, I think that 90% of what people have told you about diet is complete BS, and all you have to do is just, like, eat more fresh produce and whole grains and, like, love yourself. Like, that's it. It's just like eat more fresh produce and whole grains. And like love yourself. Like that's it. It's a lot simpler. You don't need to micromanage nutrition labels. Just kind of go on. We'll do that for you. However, our parents' generation were so not clued in to the idea that maybe putting like corn syrup and sugar in everything was bad.

Every salad dressing I grew up eating. So much corn syrup. Were you a wishbone household? Yes. Oh, dressing I grew up eating. So much corn syrup. Were you a wishbone household? Yes. Oh, was I a wishbone household? It was like eight cents cheaper than the other ones. Yeah, I was a wishbone household.

Yeah, me too, me too. But like Catalina dressing, French dressing. It's just corn syrup and food dye. Jesus, age Christ. That is sugar. It's pure sugar.

This is pure sugar. How long would it take if you took Catalina dressing, put it in a pot, turned it on high, how long would it take to read Hard Crack Caramel Stage? 40 minutes. It would, right? 40 minutes.

It would get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all sugar. Yeah, yeah. Unreal. This rice milk is delicious. It's so good. Well, okay, it is, but it's also just bad horchata at this point.

But isn't bad horchata still pretty damn good? Yes. Yeah, yeah, it still pretty damn good? Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty damn good. Put a cinnamon stick in there and I'm a happy man. Oh, my God. So good. Wow, wow, wow.

Yeah, wow. Rice Dream, you've done it again. Well. I would legit put this on my cereal. This is the best tasting one, but probably just because it's filled with sugar. Rice Dream used to have really great, or was it So Delicious? So Delicious used to make a rice milk ice cream bar. Oh my God.

But it was an ice cream cookie sandwich with rice milk. So imagine this flavor but frozen and creamy. It was one of the best things ever. Sugar notwithstanding, that is by far the most pleasant taste that's left in my mouth. Right, right, right, right. The actual, did they toast the rice beforehand? It feels toasted. It's delicious.

I don't think so. I don't think they go to that. God dang, what a treat. Next up, cashew milk. Cashew milk. Nobody talks about cashew milk. Now we're pushing. Now we're pushing.

Fat. Cashews are fattier than almonds. Don't have as much cyanide. Meg, you see what poisons in a cashew? Oh, cashew fruit is incredibly poisonous. Is it? Oh, it makes your mouth numb. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cashew fruit, it's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cashew fruit, it's yeah, yeah, yeah. Are all nuts just kind of… Cashew's getting… No, I'm talking about code URICHIO. Oh, my God. Yeah, in the raw processed state. What's up with all these nuts filled with poison? Maybe they're saying don't eat me.

Yeah, that's probably it. I love… Well, cashew is used a lot in vegan cooking because it does emulate creaminess quite nicely. Cashew milk, what do you think? It's good. It's okay. Way better than almond milk. It is way better. I'm going to taste the almond milk actually for good measure. I'm guessing this has a similar amount. Wait. Jesus. Oh my god. Wait.

This is like... Pretty good, right? It's pretty good. It is only 25%... Sorry. It only has 25 calories for a cup, which is like low for anything. That's crazy for cashew. Maybe it doesn't have too much cashew. I don't think this can have much cashew in it.

They're adding vitamins and minerals to it. And then a bunch of gums. Yeah, this is kind of similar to everything. God, how are we – we have beaten God. We've beaten God with all of our chemicals. We've done it. You always say this. Oat.

I don't like oat milk anymore. You don't have to drink it. No one's forcing you to be here. We've done it. You always say this. Oat. I don't like oat milk anymore. You don't have to drink it. No one's forcing you to be here. Yeah, you are. Okay, so oat, you're getting a lot of carbohydrates because, again, oat is just a starch. But also, also, also, starch and fiber can, I think, be used in place of fat for certain recipes. You're right. Wow, that's so good.

In terms of milk and... I miss oat milk. I haven't had oat milk in like six months. Shoot. So good. It's just residual oatmeal liquid. That's all it is. That's real nice.

But it's so good. They've done a really good job. Yeah. Okay, so if we're looking at calories, and again, this is just like to figure out what they're actually putting in this. There is like a fair amount of sunflower oil in there, which is really interesting because rice. I don't know what oat farmers are doing right now or how they're doing or how rice farmers are doing. Probably pretty good. They make oat milk, which is to say using an emulsifier like lecithin to add sunflower oil into it to give it the fattiness.

The actual flavor of oats is less pleasant than the flavor of rice. Yes, this is fair. This process on rice, and that's by far the best milk we got. And they got to repackage it. They got to make rice milk sexy again. But rice dream and rice drink, Nicole. And that's the important thing. Not only does it dream, but it also drinks. Yes.

I'm sorry. It's too boomery. I know. They need to amp it up. We got to get the kids drinking rice milk. It looks like Jamie Lee Curtis should be doing an advertisement for rice drink right now. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Soy milk, right?

The classic. Soy milk, classic. This is a delight. I remember trying it for the first time when I was a child and just thinking like, wow, what a delightful drink. Josh. Yeah. Do you think soy milk is just regular milk? Don't say, don't, don't.

Nicole, do not. Do you think that soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself? It's been a while. I knew she was going to say it. Okay. That's been a while. I knew she was going to say it. Okay. That's pretty neutral. Definitely has a flavor. Don't know what that flavor is, but it's really good.

People should start drinking more soy milk. Does it give you boobs? Yeah, soy milk gives men boobs. No, that's a myth. They say that soy increases estrogen levels. It has high levels of estrogen, but it actually has high levels of something called phytoestrogen, which are plant estrogens that don't interact with the body the same. Again, none of this is complex, right?

It's not complex? No, I'm saying— Sounds pretty—you said phytoestrogen. No, but I'm saying eat a balanced diet. If you want to get big and strong and have big old manly packs, get under a bench press. Have some milk. And do it until you hurt. And then eat some protein and live a normal life.

That's all you need to do. It's not complex. It's not the soy. Just hard work and determination and suffering is the key. Suffering is the key. Right? My headphones died today in the key. Suffering is the key. Right? My headphones died today in the gym.

And you suffered? And I was hitting, well, I normally don't hear my own suffering, but I was doing like, I'm really trying to go back to basics, so I'm hitting like long like pause sets, right? I don't know what that means. So like three second eccentric. So instead of just like bouncing and slamming it off the chest, I'll like try and lock out and I'll try and row the bar in my chest over the course of three seconds. So I'll go like a one, two, three decline, two second pause on the titties and then really try and isolate the peck.

And my headphones died. And so I could hear my own noises and I would just go. And it's just a long, it is just a, Oh, my God. If I could have controlled it, I would have done something manly. It was like... That's pretty manly, though. But it was just a death groan. Yeah, it was a groan.

So, anyways, the point is, it's not the soy isn't preventing... The milk's making us crazy. Suffer more. I cannot stress your body is only growing because you are making it suffer coconut milk

hey we should do this straw thing like we did in the beginning and people think that's bad no we must I think as a culture still somewhat collectively believe

in the idea of noble suffering like I don't know you want to do good things they take hard work and it's not always fun. Okay, come on. Jesus Christ. No!

I had to spit it back in the cup. That is hard work. Is it just the coconut milk? Well, the thing is, it doesn't even taste like coconut. It doesn't taste like coconut at all, which is very strange. It tastes kind of like

a little bit rancid and sour. I don't like it. Josh is drinking it straight from the carton. Josh, this is your carton now. Yep. So are we going to take this, Maggie? Like, even for cooking,

I wouldn't use this because... So you get a can of coconut milk. The ingredients is coconut milk. Right? Like, with this, I wouldn't use this because – so you get a can of coconut milk. The ingredients is coconut milk, right? Like with this, you're getting all the – Josh is upset. The all-milk industry, it's so opaque with how much of the thing they are adding in there. That would be akin to if you bought whole milk and you had no idea if it was 10% milk and 90% water, or if it was all milk, right? Like, that's the

analog here, which makes it really tough to actually, like, even taste the character of certain things. But I've come away from this with an answer for what I think the best alternative milk is, and it's one that I really didn't expect. Okay, say it on three.

One, two, three. Ripple. Oh, you got the ripple. I think ripple, I think pea protein milk has... Can I see the bottle real quick? Sure. I'm so sorry. I've drank so much milk.

Eight grams of protein for one cup. Suddenly my interests have peaked. I'm really into the texture of it, the flavor of it. Maybe not the look of it, but that's okay. I'm willing to bypass looks. Yeah, if you sort of thought that that was just fancy, raw, unpasteurized, grass-fed milk, that's a pretty pleasant color. It's like the yellow Kerrygold butter.

Yeah. This is a really great product. It's like the yellow Kerrygold butter. Yeah. This is a really great product. Colostrum. Colostrum. Ripple plant-based milk is really great. Got a lot of protein in there. To me, this Planet Oat oat milk, like... You like it.

I like it too. I really do like it. Great mouthfeel. Also, I love the taste of grain. Me too. I love that earthy. Even the hemp milk, it started off a little bit sour, but it gets really nice.

The rice, really great. Yeah, so if you're out there and you're one of them girls who got like the rings in place, like they got the piercings now

where there's not even a place to pierce. They just kind of like stick it in them. A dimple? Yeah, or not even dimple. Oh, dermals? Dermal,

yeah, you got like one of them. I like dermals. You know, or like, we wear like cat ears. They put the jewels on the teeth now. Some of them got that.

And you can't process lactose or dairy milk. Hope you learned something today. Sporked found the best soy milk, the best oat milk, the best almond milk, and more. Check out Sporked.com for their official ranking of the best milk alternatives. All right, Nicole, I've heard you and I'll just say now it's time to find out what other wacky opinions you're having out there in the universe. It's time for the segment we call... Opinions are like casseroles.

Baby, you're going to win the singing portion of today's pageant, I swear I'm like Jojo Siwa Let's listen to that first opinion Hello, Josh Hello, Nicole Hi And hello if you have a special guest I feel like y'all don't get enough recognition

So hello, special guest I wish like y'all don't get enough recognition So hello special guest I wish we did I'm Rachel from Texas And I just I had a question for y'all So me and my fiance I recently got engaged And we're getting married soon

And I just wanted to ask What do you think Are the best and worst foods to have at a wedding? Got a lot of thoughts. Yeah. So we did something like this on a show called Aprons Off that we did like a year, two years ago. Didn't get a lot of views. We're proud of the work that we did. Very proud of it. And I am a strong believer in sushi bars at weddings because sushi bars are sexy and they're cool and it's fun watching someone make sushi and feed you. Do I think I'm in the minority? Absolutely. I'm going to go ahead and do that thing where Nicole, you know, kind of puts herself up here and I'm down here, right? A little piece of trash. Taco bar?

Taquito bar. Just taquitos. Just a bunch of taquitos. Oh, really? I like taco bar. My thing about weddings, there are all of these things in life in general that we're sort of locked into these

social scripts. You go to a wedding and then there's the speeches and then you eat a salad and then there's like a little bit of dancing and

then you go back and they go eat your dry chicken breast and then there's a cake and like nobody really cares, at least in my opinion, about

any of these sort of main course meals. Kill it. Kill it with fire. Yeah. You are having like a cake. And nobody really cares, at least in my opinion, about any of these sort of main course meals. Kill it. Kill it with fire. You are having a party. Why does there need to be... Structure?

Not even structure, but just like a plated dinner. It's so archaic to me. Well, for me, the reason why we did it is because we thought it would bring an air of class to the party. That was the thought process. Nothing says class like steaks tenderized with bacon soda out there. I agree with you. I agree with you. I think an all out food party is the best.

Buffets and past abs is the way to do it. I think sit down is archaic and class smash. Just go have fun. It's your wedding. Enjoy it. Life is short. Do whatever you want. No noodles, though.

They get messy. They get on people's clothes. Appetizer section is always the best section of every menu. Stick to Appy's. People can make a whole meal out of it if anyone professes. It's your wedding, damn it. Crab Rangoons. Less of a food opinion and more of a genuine question.

Okay. What do you all do with the little wing tips to rotisserie chickens? I've been trying to figure it out because I hate food waste, but also they're pretty goddamn inedible. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it. What a great voice.

A voice for radio A great voice Hopefully you have a face For television Should I say what I would do? Yeah what do you do? I would either nibble on them A little bit Or I'd give them to a dog

Or I'd make stock But let me tell you That is the order of operations Cause I never make stock No No I don't make stock either I attempted to save my onion scraps And put them in the freezer in like a little, not a bag, but a Ziploc-y situation. It's not going to do anything.

I already know. That's not my personality. I'm not a broth girl. Yeah, I don't know, man. If you're trying to like make yourself feel better about food waste by taking rotississerie chicken carcass and boiling it so you get some calcium from it, get a little bit of collagen, right? But then you're still throwing all that into ultimately a landfill. You're not eating the bones, potentially. So the wingtips, yeah, you nibble on them because assuming you're getting your rotisserie chicken from a place that seasons them well, which is kind of doubtful because most places don't, I will say Costco has a pretty damn well-seasoned rotisserie chicken.

Have we done a best rotisserie chicken? Spork did it, and I ate so much chicken that day, and Costco really holds up. The highest concentration of seasoning is likely going to be on the wing tips because it comes to a point. So it's not like a breast where you have less surface area to meat depth. There's no meat depth. It's all surface area, baby. So you're getting all the marinade. So what you're going to do is you're going to pop that in your mouth like a sunflower seed and just kind of suck on it all day.

That's what I do with them. Hey, Josh and Nicole. First of all, I love you all so, and I want to be your best friends. You can probably do it. My opinion is that this is something I grew up on. My papa taught me this, is that anytime you have waffles or pancakes or French toast, anything you eat syrup with, you have to have a piece of cheddar cheese to dip in the syrup. Also really good to dip your bacon or sausage, but cheddar cheese is the one that I have had people say I'm weird for doing.

I just want to know, you know, you think this is a good one? Because if you don't, you need to try it. It's delicious. Thank you. Bye. Dipping cheddar cheese. I'm speaking. I'm just kidding.

I'm just clarifying. It's cheddar cheese in the maple syrup. Oh, you mean the thing that she just said Yeah yeah that's what we're talking about Sorry Nicole I interrupted that banger Right there that brilliant idea You know Nicole's about To write a thesis over here And I'm here interrupting what a bad co-host

Yeah Nicole Do you have any additional thoughts No I'm a bad co-host sometimes I'm sorry I'm not perfect. If I was, the world would not be ready. Silly grandpa. Grandpa's so silly. Yeah, he probably fought in a war, I imagine.

Most grandpas are of that age. There's no reason it wouldn't work. For the same reason, you know, a little salty snack. I would say that pancakes, waffles, French toast, french toast right the three genders they're all great we love them they all unite you know um but they're all soft and squishy right just like humans you know and so if you're having bacon or sausage you get that additional kind of meaty texture is that i think works really well girl what french toast a girl? What? Is French toast a girl? French toast, waffles, pancakes,

the three genders. I don't see why that's confusing. There's no girl. It's just French toast. I refuse. I refuse to be baited into this conversation. I don't understand.

Anyways, French toast is my favorite. Take that what you will. But what? What about taking French toast and then putting cheddar cheese in it and rolling it up and then dipping it in the syrup. Well, I think they want the cheddar dipped in the syrup as like a bit of a reprieve, like a salty bite to cut through all the sweet.

But I'm saying you need salty and meaty. So I would not see cheddar cheese as a perfect facsimile of bacon or sausage. However, I'm interested in trying it because I'm open-minded unlike Nicole. Yeah, I'm clothes-minded. I only think about clothes. God. Did you like that joke? That was a good joke.

Actually, I did like that. Thanks. Hi, guys. My name is Hannah. I listen to your podcast all the time whenever I'm driving anywhere. Thank you. And my unusual food opinion is that when you're making shepherd's pie, the best sauce to put over the meat and or veggies is condensed

tomato soup. Okay. Not a cream soup, not a tomato sauce that you made yourself, but a condensed tomato soup. It's very good. You guys should try it. Thanks. Bye. Someone cooked here. This Hannah. Someone cooked here. This Hannah.

This smart person is that you being Marlon Brando no I'm not Marlon Brando you know I'm kind of my own it's pretty good you know it's a pretty good Marlon Brando

I like it you come to me on the day of a podcast recording asking us to make a shepherd's pie pretty great idea though pretty great idea I grew up on a lot of shepherd's pie

I did not well neither neither condensed tomato soup remember the story one time I told you about condensed tomato soup Pretty great idea, though. Pretty great idea. I grew up on a lot of shepherd's pie. I did not. Well, that's pretty good. Neither condensed tomato soup. Remember the story one time I told you about condensed tomato soup? Nicole didn't know you had to uncondense it. She's a culinary producer. She doesn't know how to uncondense milk. I said condensed milk.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Nope. Got to do it. Ketchup. Ketchup often goes inside of a shepherd's pie. Does it? You can top a meatloaf. My white trash South African

Jewish mother would, that was one of the few things she cooked, and she would put ketchup in it. So I associate with ketchup. I know a lot of like cottage pie, shepherd's pie, or just like a nice beef stew with a potato top. But I'm talking about like the garbage person version. Something that I'd make. Ketchup went into it. And so you kind of want that sweetness.

It's kind of nice. But yeah, condensed tomato soup, you're getting the sweetness, the acidity, not as much sweetness, more condensed tomato flavor. I think that is very smart. And also, it's going to rain tomorrow. What should I cook? I don't know. You don't want to even like revel in the joy of bantering back and forth about what we could possibly cook in the rain?

You know, two culinary professionals who have spent a lot of time. We? I'm not cooking with you. No, but I'm saying you don't even want to like. Yeah. I'm going to matinee with Peggy. Oh, thanks. What are you guys at? What are you seeing? No, we're actually going separately, but like it's.

Love, Lies, Bleeding. It's playing at one theater in Burbank. I did see that, but we're seeing Funny Girl. What's that? It's a musical. Oh, a matinee musical show, not a movie. Yeah. Okay. You should make enchiladas.

I don't want to do that. You should make reservations. No, it's raining. I don't want to leave the house. Oh. Can I tell you what I'm going to make anyways? Why don't you start with the beginning, saying this is what I'm going to make. Why do you have to fake a conversation with me to make yourself feel better?

Nah, it sort of makes me feel like I have an upper hand, like I know something that you don't. Is that what it is? Is that what it is? David does that to me all the time. Alright, so you know moqueca? No. Alright, so it's like a Brazilian shellfish stew with like tomato. Okay. So you know moqueca?

No. All right. So it's like a Brazilian shellfish stew with like tomato. Okay. What's the game show where they have to like guess the words fast? It's like a pyramid. The pyramid game? Is that what it's called? Probably.

Catchphrase? I don't know. All right. So I was thinking about like what's a grilled cheese tomato soup sort of, you know, play that I can make. But then I thought about pão de queijo, right? And that's basically a self-contained grilled cheese. Yeah, it is.

You know, so then I thought, well, how could I, what tomato soup could I pair with pão de queijo? And then I thought to Brazil, and I thought, like, well, they got this sweet soup. And I was like, I can basically turn that into a bisque. So I'm going to make sort of like hybrid coconut milk, seafood, and tomato bisque. But then I realized, I said, Josh, tomato bisque. But then I realized, I said, Josh, don't you have toasted

cassava flour, aka manioc, in your pantry? And I said, yes. And so I'm going to put that on. I'm going to do some quick sautéed collards in my little moqueca flavored bisque. In the bisque? Well, like on top of the garnish. Maybe even on the side as just

a little accoutrement. Okay, now we're talking. And then I'm going to dip the pão de queijo in this here soup. Are you done? That's the end of my story. And on that note, thank you so much for listening to Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We've got new episodes every Wednesday. We got new audio only Wednesdays every episode.

If you want to be featured on Opinions or like Castor Rolls, hit us up at 833-DOGPOD1. So if people are listening to this podcast and we're just like, hey, if this is your first time you might wonder when are we coming back what do you mean like Wednesdays like I feel like people know

everybody in the audience raise your hand if you know the schedule by now everybody knows I counted it I don't think everybody knows I think they know

the schedule or nobody knows the schedule because we just live in this sort of chaotic void of content these days. You know what I mean? Bye. Have a good weekend. Because you're listening to this on a Friday.

Statistically, that's true for some people.