All Fantasy Everything - A Dead Musicians Happy Hour (w/ Adam Cayton-Holland)

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Today, we answer the age-old question: What dead musicians would you want to drink with?Episode Guest:Adam Cayton-Holland (X @caytonholland, IG @caytonholland)Support the show!Join the A...ll Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Dead Musician Happy Hour. Each of our contestants will be drafting five dead musicians who they'd like to get tanked with. Our guest today is stand-up comedian and author Adam Caton Holland. I'm your host, Ian. Not yet! Not yet! Nope. Sorry. Not yet! God damn it! I'm your host, Ian Carmel.
Starting point is 00:00:43 With me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where Adam Caden Holland doesn't know when to fucking talk. I'm not going to say anything for the rest of the pod, dudes. You better not, dude. That's all right, man. You're all right. I'm going to bring in a second microphone for me, though. What's happening?
Starting point is 00:01:22 Visual joke. I'm holding two microphones. Why do you have another mic on? You and Dana use separate mics? Yeah, though. What's happening? Visual joke. I'm holding two microphones. Why do you have another mic on? You and Dana use separate mics? Yeah, man. She doesn't want your stinking breath all over her mic. I get it. I got a lot of microphones. How come the other one's uncircumcised? I was going to say,
Starting point is 00:01:37 one of them's got a big bush. All I need is one mic. Oh, yeah, dude. I can make this podcast look like a press conference. You have four? Yeah, and there's another. And so in this next game, do you think that maybe passing the ball a few times would help?
Starting point is 00:01:55 Sean, now you grab something. That wasn't right. That wasn't an escalation at all. David grabbed a big water bottle and then you grabbed some cords, man? Come on, dude. Look at Laura's weird mouth. Stop doing that.
Starting point is 00:02:12 I'm sorry, Adam. Guys, I'm going to go. Shut the intro and this energy is off. No, this is definitely not on you. You guys want to see my butthole? Should we do that? Is that an escalation? Let's see it.
Starting point is 00:02:27 That's an escalation, right? And then Isaac, we'll see if Isaac can fit it seamlessly into the podcast or fit the podcast seamlessly into your butthole. Tastefully, I doubt it. I doubt it. Have you ever seen your own butthole? No, I don't think so. Once.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Yeah, I don't like it. Wow. Did you take a picture? Did you do the mirror thing? I looked at it in the mirror yeah why? because it's there man Mount Everest rules
Starting point is 00:02:50 what about you Adam you ever seen your asshole? of course I've seen my asshole well now I gotta see it David have you ever seen yours? yeah that's why I brought it up you've never looked at your own how am I the weird one now? I had read a sex book where women were supposed to look at your own? How did this make me? How am I the weird one now? I had read a sex book where women were supposed to look at their own vaginas.
Starting point is 00:03:12 And you're an ally. I've seen my dick. I know every move over there. Get away from that guy. It's harder to see it than you think. God, I would imagine, because it's down... Yeah, tell us where the asshole is, Sean.
Starting point is 00:03:30 A mere inch from the vagina. I don't think he even knows. He hasn't seen this. I don't think he even knows. What if you got a low asshole? Oh, no. Or what if you got a high asshole? That's an Irish trait, actually. It's basically across from your belly button. They're on a straight line there.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Your body is a fine, high asshole. They're connected via a tube. Yeah. If you push deep enough into the asshole, it comes out the belly button. A lot of people don't know that.
Starting point is 00:03:58 And vice versa. That's how you can feed twins in the womb. That's the only way twins can exist. With the one umbilical cord from the belly button to the asshole of the other one.
Starting point is 00:04:08 That's just science, guys. I think the medical term is from the rooter to the tooter. That's right. We had a barbecue place in Portland back in the day whose motto was from the rooter to the tooter. It's because they use every part of the pig, right? Every part of the pig.
Starting point is 00:04:23 And then they ended up in some kind of like a Jewish lightning conspiracy there. Go on. You wear a Jewish lightning? Don't make me guess what that is. Is that a racehorse from the 40s? David, why don't the two of you take turns guessing what Jewish lightning is? And Adam and I will tell you how close you get. Was that the scene they cut out of Greece?
Starting point is 00:04:46 Yeah, that's right. I think it was one of the original Joe DiMaggio Yankees. Yeah, it was Yogi Berra, Joe DiMaggio, and Irving Jewish Lightning Cohen. The first analytics man of baseball. It's an
Starting point is 00:05:04 old anti-Semitic nickname for insurance fraud. Jewish lightning? Yeah. It's pretty funny. What is it? Is it pretending like you got hit by lightning? You set the on fire to get your insurance. It's the old Jewish lightning.
Starting point is 00:05:21 Like a match. You guys started that, huh? Well, you know, maybe. I don't know. I want everybody listening to know I don't know. Yeah. I thought it was the Italians. I'm going to tune it so that sounded more accusatory
Starting point is 00:05:36 from David. You guys started that, huh? Isaac ain't here, brother. Okay? No, he'll hear this, though. I'm behind the wheel. If I decide to send it to him, I'm behind the wheel. I might just edit this myself, Isaac.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Wow, we're in the jungle right now. We all know that's a terrible idea. Jewish Lightning is also the name of the tattoo I have across the small of my back. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. Weird font choice, but pretty cool. Well, I saw it when I was looking at my asshole.
Starting point is 00:06:07 It's like Harry Potter. I didn't get it. It just naturally occurred there. The chosen one. Trait, but the chosen one. Hell yeah, dude. Isaac is in Bolivia right now, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:20 He had to go to Bolivia to take his dog to the doctor. Dog to the vet at 11. It is currently 1215 he took his dog to the doctor not the vet oh he took his dog to the doctor no that'd be crazy you're silly dude
Starting point is 00:06:35 can you do that if you have enough money like I know you're I realize you're an ENT but I'm very rich if you got enough money this dog has an ENT, but I'm very rich. If you got enough money, then... This dog has an E and an N and a T, so get in there. You've done those Christmas parties where they throw the bag at you, so you can do
Starting point is 00:06:53 a lot with enough money. You know those holiday parties or those corpets you don't want to do? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the only holiday... I used to do a strip club for a few years, but that I wanted. I wanted in. Yeah. Deal, yeah. If the money's ready, you can do anything. I used to do a strip club for a few years, but I wanted in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Deal me in. Yeah, it was a good party. I was with an unnamed famous the other day, and they were just texting their doctor random questions. They got it like that. Like, if you don't use it, you lose it and stuff like that? Where they're like, oh, hey, how many of these allergy pills should I take? Over the counter, texting their doctor,
Starting point is 00:07:25 getting an answer. It takes me... What time of day? Three? Three? You know, so daytime, but like...
Starting point is 00:07:32 Still fucked up. That's called concierge. That's like concierge service. Yeah. And if you get to be an old Jew man like you and I will, Ian,
Starting point is 00:07:42 you'll get there. My dad's got the same relationship. Hey, don't sell us short. I would love that. I would love... First of all, I would love to have the. My dad's got the same relationship. I would love that. First of all, I would love to have the concierge relationship. Second of all, I would love for you guys to become old Jewish men. I could see that. Yeah, David, if you get
Starting point is 00:07:54 there as well, you'll be able to text your doctor. Yeah, I like that. Because I'd be so pissed if my doctor was texting in an appointment if I saw him texting somebody else. That would be... I didn't think they'd saw him texting somebody else that would be yeah i didn't think they'd text oh i'd be fucking livid it's like i remember years ago this we
Starting point is 00:08:12 i had the same manager as somebody and they were texting her at like midnight and i was like what the fuck you guys talk outside of the prescribed hours. And then I fired her pretty soon after. Yeah. Cause she wasn't texting you. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, man. It'd be a tough, it'd be a tough,
Starting point is 00:08:30 I don't know. I get so nervous all the time. I'd be asking him too many questions. I feel like if you can text your doctor, they, you don't just text them random stuff, but I suppose pain pills over the counter. That's random.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Allergy. Or like headache, allergy pills. That is random. Cause they tell you right there. Famous merit this oh yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah they definitely were and i think money was no object but it's just an interesting thing that you can have it takes me it's like getting to fucking mount doom scheduling a doctor's appointment yeah i guess if my doctor was like it's's Selma Hayek, she wants to know how many claritins to take. Right, exactly.
Starting point is 00:09:07 I'd be like, oh, okay, okay, okay. No, fuck me. I'll put my socks back on. This is important. Yeah. That's who it was, right? It was Selma Hayek? Did she look at normal? It was Selma Hayek. Okay. It was indeed Selma Hayek. What were you and Selma doing? I always wanted to know, like, did she have, like, a normal email or, like, a...
Starting point is 00:09:23 What if it's just selmahayek at gmail.com? It probably is. Or it's probably selmahayek at aol.com. She's rocking Yahoo. Yeah, she's a Yahoo gal. Up to a certain point, though, I think that is. Or like until Gmail got big or whatever.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Right? Wouldn't people just do that? Like hit Johnny Depp at Gmail and it would just go to Johnny Depp? I've seen it before with somebody where it was like that's your email is just your name it like where it was you didn't think it was going to be that surprising level I'm talking about
Starting point is 00:09:56 I'm talking about obviously Penelope Cruz Penelope Cruz you know when you type in something in a Gmail now and like suddenly it'll recognize it as real I don't like that you know what I mean in something in a Gmail now and suddenly it'll recognize it as real? I don't like that. You know what I mean? This is in fact a valid thing.
Starting point is 00:10:09 And it'll give you the little bubble, even if they're not in your contacts, it'll be like an orange bubble with a J. And you're like, that's Jimmy Johnson's email. So some creep could just be doing this with every celeb and be like, Eureka, it's the one, and just fire off emails. Because I'm not hard to find.
Starting point is 00:10:23 I have a weird last name and only so many interests. It's a combination of two or three things you're going to get there. I'm the same way, dude. There's like three things I like in my last name specific. You're dead on, dude. I would try. I would try. Birder, Birder, Kate and Holland.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Yeah, I knew you would. But I mean, your email is not like your phone number. It's right on the, it's right on your website, right? Mine is, it's just right on the website. If you want to get a hold of me. Damn. It's like that. I'd rather no one ever got a hold of me to be completely honest.
Starting point is 00:10:58 My email address is david.boria.gmail.com. I had my contact me to my agent. And then I was like, you know what? My agent sucks. And so I just put my email and I've gotten so much work since I did that. That they did not. That they didn't want to get in for me. They just weren't opening those emails.
Starting point is 00:11:16 I guess not. And then you don't have to pay them though. Right. So it's just like, cool. I'll take these ones. Yeah. You just write old ACH old bird nerd for 2069
Starting point is 00:11:27 yahoo.com that was actually my second guess Sean Jordan 187.com Sean.Jordan 187 at gmail there it is gmail.com feel free Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram
Starting point is 00:11:44 I gotta okay so yeah I'm doing great man nothing coming up except the tour that we're going to talk about in a minute but I gotta tell you this so I'm at Madison shout out to everyone that came out of Comedy on State shout out to Courtney for the tour of the zoo Ian and David she wants you to go on it in May
Starting point is 00:12:00 so you have to do it more importantly Courtney we're in pending hangovers Courtney Cordova I was in until Sean so you have to do it. Courtney, we're in. Pending. Hangovers. Courtney Cordova. I was in until Sean said I had to do it. Now I want to move on. Dude, I pet a rhino. I don't have to do shit. A 4,000-pound rhinoceros.
Starting point is 00:12:13 You think we haven't pet rhinos before? Yeah, where do you think I've been? You're about Republicans in name only, right? That's right. Yeah. Yeah, Mitt Romney? What I got to get to. Heavy petting.
Starting point is 00:12:23 What I got to get to, and this struck me as so fun. Yeah, Mitt Romney? What I got to get to. Heavy padding. What I got to get to, and this struck me as so fun. Yeah, Mitt Romney jerked off Ian. Yeah, he jerked me off. I didn't know that. Charles Thurman tried, but the ages didn't line up before he died. No, I tried to get in there. I couldn't get a boner. I tried.
Starting point is 00:12:37 He was up for it, too. Surprisingly, he could. Mitt Romney. I big spoon McConnell. Mitch McConnell and I used to come out from the back, hold him for a while. He's so soft. Oh, I bet it's really soft and cold. I bet it's soft and then the skeleton is so at present.
Starting point is 00:12:56 You know what I mean? For sure. Soft, soft, soft bones. And there's a humidity. There's a wetness. Oh, yeah. He's got a climate. I bet it keeps. It's a wetness. He's got a climate. I bet it keeps... It's like memory
Starting point is 00:13:06 foam. If you rub your boner against his butt cheek, it keeps the impression of your boner. It's like Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns' body. I think he's like an underinflated inflatable couch with a skeleton in it. Now, we're selling merch
Starting point is 00:13:24 after the shows and this woman comes up she's like i want to follow you on instagram and it's her and her husband they're two like those older people that hang out and get hammered at comedy clubs they're trying to get it no they were i think they're just huge comedy fans but they like go to us the whole club knows them so she goes bill up where's your phone and he hands a phone and she's trying to open instagram and she's like i don't have instagram and she opens instagram and goes to the search page to find me all butts, all like young bikini butts. It was so,
Starting point is 00:13:49 it was his Instagram. It was his phone and she got it. And she's like, Oh, so gross. You probably jacks off to these. Probably does. Like,
Starting point is 00:13:57 yeah, probably. And then I just typed in Sean Cougar, Melon Jordan. So it was, it was a funny one. Did he unfollow you? He's like, I don't need any jokes in my algorithm.
Starting point is 00:14:08 He's like, I have this finely tuned the way I want it. He did. He did. It was hilarious. If I followed every bullshit account my wife wanted. What's with all these skate videos? What's with these fucking skate videos clogging up my butt feed? Everybody knows I come on here to jack off.
Starting point is 00:14:27 I have a pristine environment. There's better places. If you want fodder for that, Philip, you don't have to do it on Instagram, my friend. Let's not put value judgment on what people are jaying it to. Some people kind of like that, you know. Just a still shot?
Starting point is 00:14:40 Okay. I apologize. It's like the people who go soft core when there are other options. You know, some people just prefer the storytelling i have done that more recently than you think probably i doubt it let's take a guess let's take a guess as to how recently i'm saying three days ago okay three days ago i put it inside of eight um uh between me starting the podcast and right now, you can, I only got to hold the mic with one hand.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Yeah. Uh, no, it's probably three months ago. Okay. Oh, that's disappointing. Oh, when was the last time you guys did it? A little SCS. Softcore sesh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:15 Softcore ninth grade. Sometimes Hellraiser three has got a decent, decent one. That's a different story entirely. That's false. It's out of a movie. I mean, it's kind of softcore. Wild thing. That's kind of story entirely. That's false. It's out of a movie. I mean, it's kind of softcore. Wild thing. That's kind of softcore. Hellraiser 3?
Starting point is 00:15:30 Hellraiser 3 is so weird. It was like the first one I ever saw where I was like, whoa, I'm going to get that for later. Softcore is like Calabasas Car Wash and stuff like that. I know what softcore is. Red Shoe Diaries. Evidently, you don't. I knew what softcore was when you were
Starting point is 00:15:46 still saying queer as a fifth grader I know you were yeah I've been knowing also girl dads available buy it on patreon nobody's buying that you're like a grown up you could bring back saying queer and make it cool it is cool but like you could
Starting point is 00:16:02 just use it as its original intention quite queer yeah try it out It is cool, but you could just use it as its original intention. Quite queer. Yeah. Try it out. It's hard. I thought that, and then I heard you say it, and it was hard for me to not. Yeah, it's not good.
Starting point is 00:16:14 I'm just pausing until the next subject comes up. I'm sticking out of this one. I think so. Let's get you to weigh in. What do you think? Should I say queer in the uh sort of miriam webster definition right out in the world see how it goes i thought it queer we're gonna manipulate your audio so it does sound like you're interacting with us either way oh my audio yes absolutely
Starting point is 00:16:37 yeah well we needed what you just said i find that a queer decision there we go there we go Now we're in it. I was such a little... Two authors facing off. That's right. I was a tiny little nerdy kid and I must have read that word in like the red badge of courage or something
Starting point is 00:16:56 and I was like, fantastic, another arrow for my quiver. And I used queer in the traditional sense of the word. Sorry. A little boy saying that and I used queer in the traditional sense of the word. Sorry! A little boy saying that is like rife for bullying. You read that in a book! My older brother was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Starting point is 00:17:22 whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, you gotta relax. I love you. You gotta stop with all that quiver talk. We're taking away your books. We're taking away your books, Ian. They got me a Super Nintendo later that day.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Another arrow for my quiver. That's so funny. Should we talk about the all fantasy everything? You know what? Let's go through everybody's individual and then we will tell people about the tier. David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. That's it. Yeah, I'm not telling you. I'm not telling you my email.
Starting point is 00:17:58 I'm not showing. Royal Crackers. Available now on... Oh yeah, watch Royal Crackers on Max. Anything you need to talk about? Why are you leading me? Available now on... Oh, yeah. Watch Royal Crackers on Max. Anything you need to talk about? I thought you got a voice from a System of a Down guy on Royal Crackers. That was pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do alternate voices, too. It's always fun when they let me do the other ones where I'm like, no, you got a voice from one of the... From a guy in System of a Down voiced one of the... Oh, we got a voice from one of the, you do from a guy in System of a Down like voiced one of the, oh, we got a voice yeah, but I've done a rock and roll guy voice
Starting point is 00:18:30 on there too, yeah, I've heard that too, yeah oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we get weird ones in there, it's crazy it's awesome, yeah, so watch that I have something, wait, sorry what are you saying, what is Sean being coy about on your behalf, anything why are you saying? What is Sean being coy about on your behalf? Anything.
Starting point is 00:18:46 What are you doing? Stop doing that. Sean knows something. He knows something. I'm not announcing. When does this come out? Isaac's gone. Thursday.
Starting point is 00:18:55 This comes out next, this Thursday, day after tomorrow. Yeah, I'm not going to announce it until next week. Okay. He's pitching. He's pitching for the Rockies. Honestly? He could. After that D-backs game that was
Starting point is 00:19:08 hey you know what tickets are going to be cheap I'm getting a box this year tickets are cheap and you guys got plenty you know you got the nuggets there nothing to feel bad about I mean we did just lose to the Timberwolves that was kind of a bummer it was a worse loss than I thought it was going to be.
Starting point is 00:19:27 They smoked us. Yeah, and old boy did not ball out. I was worried about what's his name, and he did not ball out. We still kind of got smoked. Anthony Edwards. Yeah. Because, man, talk about a fun guy to watch. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:19:40 He's the best. He's insane. He plays strong. We haven't had a dark-skinned hero that big in basketball for a long time he's got he's got like scary he plays i'm scared of him he's got like simultaneously now this is like a grand hyperbole theater but he simultaneously has like michael jordan on the court potential and charles barkley off the court potential which is pretty wild off the court he's some of the interviews he does you're just like what the fuck i remember an
Starting point is 00:20:09 interview with him early on and they were asking him something about like pets like what type of pet would you like to have and he's just like and he thought for a while and he was like a lion i'd like to have a lion but then you could see him in real time being like but they probably wouldn't let i probably couldn't and he starts like unpacking the reasons why it's not a good idea for him and every thoughts dawning on him and you could see it come as if for the first time he's really
Starting point is 00:20:34 like why couldn't I get a lion and it was just a wonderful journey of YouTube it's fantastic I love I love a big personality on a sports star he's wonderful. I'm sick of all this humble shit. The media training.
Starting point is 00:20:49 No, be nuts, man. Yeah, go crazy. He had this dunk, and I won't be able to complete this story because there's a word in it that I can't say, but he dunked on John. You stopped saying queer? Queer. He dunked on Johnins so hard this year that like he gave john i think it was the
Starting point is 00:21:11 john collins dunk it might have actually been an earlier one this season so anyway he dunked on someone super duper duper hard uh and didn't see the dunk until after the game it might have been the john collins one and they showed him the footage for the first time after the game's over and he's watching it and there's cameras on him and he knows that and he sees the dunk and he goes oh and then little the word I can't say about the six foot ten guy he just dunked on fully on camera not being just he's so great even like, that's not even really like shit talking as much as it is just like. It's just a statement of fact. Just a statement of fact.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Because the way he yams it on people too, he's, there's no like, he just explodes. Yeah. It's not like fast break, like three steps, huge jump. It's just like step, step, yam it on you. Oh, it's nasty. Well, except for that, like SWat this season where his head was above the basket that's what I'm saying that when he ran the length of the court
Starting point is 00:22:11 didn't he say he's never jumped that high when he saw the clip yeah yeah I've never been in a position past the age of 10 where I was like a new jump height yeah yeah I unlocked a new jump height I didn't know I could do that I didn't even know I unlocked a new thing
Starting point is 00:22:27 my body can do like you've never jumped that high you play basketball for money like you were just holding back this whole time imagine having an extra gear to jump high Jesus Christ another one
Starting point is 00:22:45 of the man you I think you guys have another two seasons before him and Wemby become like actual massive hurdles on the way to the Wemby clips are getting scarier and scarier yeah I keep saying we need to kill him his body needs to be more
Starting point is 00:23:01 frail yeah does anybody feel like that I just think we need to kill him. You think he's going to take over like Xerxes or something? Yeah, he's too tall. He's too good. It's a whole other thing. He's got handles. You can't.
Starting point is 00:23:14 He's flexible. Oh, yeah. You see him doing yoga and that shit? He's light on his feet. He's got like Dhalsim flexibility. I think he just like, I'm sorry. He just needs to be taken out. And who's going to be the one to try to do that? You just talked about
Starting point is 00:23:27 a superhuman. You're going to go try to take him down? Dude, it's just the NBA is getting to freak level. Like we're talking about algorithms. My whole shit's just basketball clips. And so like every day there's something new that's like, and here's a seven foot eight kid who's 16 in Tennessee. There's just, they're all coming out. They're getting bigger
Starting point is 00:23:44 and longer and more skillful. It's insane. He's going to have an eight footer in five years. Here's one thing I think we do do. I think we keep it for Americans. Yes. I think we get these foreigners out of here. You're in the same town I'm in.
Starting point is 00:24:00 This is, this is Yoke City. You really want to say that? I'm afraid of his brothers. Oh my God. I sat in a steam room. I sat in, this is Jokic City. You really want to say that? I'm afraid of his brothers. Oh my God. I sat in a steam room. I sat in a steam room with the older brother. It's going to be like Easter Island. A lot of big crosses tattooed on their backs.
Starting point is 00:24:16 There's a bigger one. That's what's fucked up. He's bigger than Jokic, dude. That's what I'm saying. I was in the steam room and he came in. I was like, oh fuck. That's what I'm saying. Head to toe. Yeah, I was in the steam room and he came in. I was like, oh, fuck. That's the biggest man I've ever been around.
Starting point is 00:24:29 That sucks because also you can't like leave immediately now. You got to like, right? You got to like stay there somewhere. I tried to do a little small talk, but he wasn't having any of it. What is his name? It's like Strahinja. Strahinja or something. Yeah, something really scary.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Yeah. I don't think he has anything small. Just trying to pronounce it. What's your name? So what is your name? How are you enjoying Denver? How do you compare it? How do you find it compared to Sambor? He's just like puts me through a fucking ceramic
Starting point is 00:25:00 wall. Fairly serious question. Have they thought about raising the hoop at all? Or like doing anything different to basketball? Because at a certain point, they're just going to be able to stand there and put it in. Well, we still want children to be able to play it, right? We still need normals to be able
Starting point is 00:25:15 to be somewhat accessible. They extended the extra point back, right? Like they did that a few years ago. Have they ever thought about doing anything in basketball to make it harder than it currently is? Doesn't need to be done? Okay. They've started calling.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I mean, now we're getting into the weeds. Yeah. We don't have. I was honestly just wondering. The kind of thing you're looking for, they have not thought about.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Like rock and jock. I want some rock and jock stuff. One guy gets to be on a horse or somebody gets a gun. Oh, you want a 50 point? I want little things. I don't think it was a bad. I think it'd be great if that was real basketball
Starting point is 00:25:46 If there was like another hoop, if there was a 50 point shot One of the hoops goes back to the original peach bucket So they just have to have one quarter With the original peach bucket hoop It turns into rugby for like 5 minutes a game Like you can just travel How about this for an idea The amount of height
Starting point is 00:26:02 You have on the court at any given time Cannot exceed 30 feet. See? Oh, I like that. I like that. There's all these fucking math nerds on the coaching staff now. They've got combos ready to roll. They're going to moneyball this shit.
Starting point is 00:26:19 So you can have Wemby, but then you've got to have a couple of dudes who are like 5'3 out there. I like this. Working with them. That's a good cumulative height per team. You get Wemby and then like four Sharpies. You get what? Wemby and four Sharpies. Wemby and four Sharpies. Yeah, Wemby and four Sharpies. I mean, that's not a title.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Sharpie's athletic, so that'd be a good team, I bet. And he's mean. Yeah. He's got the fire. Yeah, he's got that little guy mean. I was on a show with him the other day. He's so funny. He really is.
Starting point is 00:26:50 He really is. Ian, fire off a telegraph to Adam Silver right now. That's a very good idea. I weirdly have Adam Silver's email from before he was a commissioner. You were just typing it into Google and the bubble popped up? I was on an airplane with Chelsea. When I opened for Chelsea Handler, I was in a private jet with chelsea handler and someone she was working with was also had like gone to summer camp with adam silver and they were friends and she found out that i liked basketball and i
Starting point is 00:27:15 don't think she realized that he was the deputy commissioner of the nba to her it was like her friend adam who works at the nba and so she was like I'll send you his email so you guys can talk and maybe you can work together and I was like thanks I'm never sending him a fucking email he's the deputy commissioner of the NBA I'm a stand-up comedian what am I going to pitch him like a you know a Vine series like that have you ever thought about
Starting point is 00:27:38 a hair piece he is bald he bald as hell he's bald in his heart I just got to the part where if you've seen The Sopranos, don't listen Joey Pants finally got taken care of you gotta stop you don't know what people are
Starting point is 00:27:55 I said if you're not listening to The Sopranos or if you're watching this it's 25 years old if you haven't seen it the TikTokers are finding it all the young kids are on it suddenly it's weird anyway keep going uh David Moore will not be
Starting point is 00:28:10 no I didn't mean to it was hairpiece oh okay it's fresh on my mind sorry I watched it last night oh I'm frozen Ian's frozen guys we have to get it he got so mad at me he froze alright there he goes
Starting point is 00:28:25 I wasn't mad Adam Cadenholm is here hey guys that was when I was supposed to do it yes hello everyone I didn't know if I had frozen again it's Adam what is it what are your social medias
Starting point is 00:28:40 at Caden Holland that's god damn right C-A-Y-T-O-N-H-O-L-L-A-N-D at Caden Holland. That's goddamn right. C-A-Y-T-O-N-H-O-L-L-A-N-D at Caden Holland. So. Talk about your rivaling dad special. Why don't you? Oh, that's right.
Starting point is 00:28:54 I forgot about that. I put out a dad special called Wallpaper in January. Sean was so threatened. He immediately was like, I got to get an hour. I gotta put one out. I had a kid three years ago because I knew it was gonna happen. Yeah, I got a new special
Starting point is 00:29:11 called Wallpaper. It's on YouTube. Not behind some paywall because I'm not great. Oh, get me. Take me to task. People are loving it. It's out there. It's great and you should check it out. It's great. It's better than Sean's. Everybody loves it. I liked it. It's free.
Starting point is 00:29:28 It's taller. It's more handsome. Bori texted me. It was very nice. He's like, I actually watched you. It was really nice of you. I appreciate the kind words, man. Paywall has stopped David Bori from texting me any accolades about mine, so it hurts. Well, now this is awkward, huh?
Starting point is 00:29:43 It runs a faster 40 I have not watched your whole special yet Sean I'm sorry I don't expect anyone to watch it to be fair I watched Adam's like 6 weeks after his came out too it was wild if you've seen Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker you've seen Sean's new special just for the record
Starting point is 00:29:58 well I mean you've seen the key bit you've seen the hallmark bit save yourself 2 and a half hours and skip my new special. He says, there's two kinds of people and my daughter's neither of them. And then he goes into it. I don't know how we started talking about Sean's fucking special. Adam Caden Holland
Starting point is 00:30:15 has his own. It's called Wallpaper. It's the first hour-length one I've ever put out and I'm tremendously proud of it. And it's nice when you have full control over something, isn't it it or it's just like, OK, I get a final cut. I get all of that shit. It's great. I've never really had that before. And so, yeah, the thing you see on screen is exactly what I wanted you to see. And that's that's rare and great.
Starting point is 00:30:38 I don't think you need any of us knuckleheads telling you, but Adam is so fucking funny and such a wonderful stand-up comedian. And if you're looking for something fun to do for an hour, you can't find a better diversion than wallpaper. Where'd you shoot it? Here in Denver at the Bug Theater where we do our monthly Grawlix show. Kind of my home away from home. I love that.
Starting point is 00:30:59 I love that room. So I shot it there and they made it look real nice. Had the Nix brothers, my homies from back in the day, film it. They, they fucking put their spin on it. John Starks and Charles Oakley. You got it. You got it.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Those two have pivoted real hard and they're doing some fine, fine specials. Mostly, mostly TikToks, but this is their first full life. Yeah. No, that's sick,
Starting point is 00:31:21 man. Yeah. So that's what I wanted to plug. Thanks dudes. Of course, dude. That's going to be a wonderful, yeah no that's sick man yeah so that's what I wanted to plug thanks dudes of course dude that's gonna be wonderful nothing else to plug any live dates you wanna I'll plug our podcast
Starting point is 00:31:34 the Grawlix saves the world no no no no no no no no no no live dates I'm in LA soon I'm on LA 417 I'm at Hot Tub 418 I'm at Largo doing my one-man show, which is a whole different beast. So if you want to see my regular stand-up,
Starting point is 00:31:50 417, Hot Tub. Want to see the one-man show? Largo, 418. I'm excited for this trip. It'll be fun. I'm going to be in goddamn Austin. I'm so sorry. Austin's okay.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I wish I could be there. I love Austin. I'm very excited, but I'm not going to be able to see Adam Schoen. I really wanted to. It's alright. Just buy a ticket. I'm going to be in town for your 20th. This is not. Never mind. Let's talk about all my dates.
Starting point is 00:32:13 You had texted me and I was going to be out of town. Now I'm going to be in town for your 20... Is it your 20th year or your 25th year? No, not 25. I'm celebrating my 20th year in stand-up comedy this month in April. Isn't that fucking wild? I'm going to go. I'm celebrating my 20th year in stand-up comedy this month in April. Isn't that fucking wild? I'm going to go.
Starting point is 00:32:28 It's on the 13th, right? That's the one at the Lion's Lair. I asked you to do the ones at the Comedy Works. So yeah, I started at this dive bar called the Lion's Lair. It's a shithole. You guys would love it. And I started at an open mic there.
Starting point is 00:32:41 And so I was like, you know what? I'm doing my 20th anniversary. I'm doing two shows there. And I'm going to film it. And it's just like, you know what? I'm doing my 20th anniversary. I'm doing two shows there and I'm going to film it and it's just like, see what I get. So awesome. And I went in the other day to scout it and I was like, oh yeah, there's no lipstick on this pig. I thought through like nostalgia.
Starting point is 00:32:56 I'd be like, oh, this is so great. Within three minutes, I was like, this fucking shithole. But I'm so excited to film there. What was the last time you had been there? It had been 15 years since I'd been there. Once you escape that open mic, you'll go back to that shit. Do you remember your first set? Do you still have
Starting point is 00:33:12 a set list or anything? Do you remember what you did? I remember the first bit was very hacky. It was just like about having a hyphenated last name. It was just like, whichever parent dies first loses the name. So it's like a race for them to try to outlast the other type of thing. It was that joke.
Starting point is 00:33:29 That's your hacky joke. That's your idea of a hacky joke. Mine was about cum. What was your first joke about cum? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your take? How did you announce yourself to the world? It was like, this is my first time
Starting point is 00:33:45 i'm really i'm really nervous i feel like i'm losing my virginity so don't don't don't get mad if i tell all my jokes all over your stomach in the first minute that's pretty good again not bad that's good yeah first joke well bori come hang out that That's going to be a fun night. Yeah, I'll be there. Dude, is Tony still there? Tony who? The bartender. What this does, this is in the weeds. That's pretty tight, though. Yeah, Tony Shalhoub. I've seen a lot of crazy stuff at the Lion's Lair. I saw a couple of Vic G meltdowns. That place is great.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Yep. I did cocaine in the back room a couple times. Very fun. Oh, yeah. Very fun stuff. Come on, man. That place, yeah. That was the first place I did comedy in Denver as well. And then I did so well, Sam let me do
Starting point is 00:34:31 like two minutes on the Grawlix and you let me do five because I was doing well. So guys, your boy's always been a killer. No big deal. Good job, bud. Lion's Lair on Tuesday, Grawlix Friday night.
Starting point is 00:34:43 I blew through this town. Hell yeah. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Tuesday, Grawlix Friday night. I blew through this term. Hell yeah. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, all those places. Pre-order my book, T-shirt swim club.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Pre-orders help so, so, so much. If you're planning on getting it, why not throw a pre-order in there? You can pre-order from Powell's now in addition to all the other places, bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc., etc. What else? Oh, you can come see me on the road doing stand-up comedy.
Starting point is 00:35:13 I am going to be at Moon Tower Comedy Festival, April 17th through the 20th. Shane Torres will be there, too. I'm going to be at the Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington, May 2nd through the 4th. And on Comedy on State, May 9th through the 11th with David Borey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're both going to be there doing stand-up comedy. It's going to be a lot of fun. That's about it for plugs on that front.
Starting point is 00:35:38 That place figured it out. Oh, it's the best. It's crazy. They're bigger now, too. 80 extra seats. Every show was sold out. Granted, it was with Kyle, but it's like, man, they do it right. The entire
Starting point is 00:35:48 staff, everybody there. It's shocking to me how good that place is. Everyone who wanted to go see Kyle, come see David and I, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're gonna. We're basically just like Kyle. We're basically Kyle Kinnick. Yeah, we're of the generation that I started with a lot of guys who were just doing Kyle. We're basically Kyle Kinnick. Yeah, we're of
Starting point is 00:36:05 the generation that I started with a lot of guys who were just doing Kyle. Absolutely. Do you remember that when there's like a bunch of dudes who were just doing Kyle? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. We had a guy he would change his voice when he went on stage. Like he'd talk to him and he'd be like
Starting point is 00:36:21 Hi guys, I'm Josh. How's it going? And then he'd be on stage and he'd be like And then I found a Dorito under my couch and blah, blah, blah. I used to talk with Kyle about that. I was like, Do you think the good that you have put out into the comedy world outweighs the bad you have unleashed
Starting point is 00:36:36 in your copycat? And now I can safely say, for sure, undeniably. But for a while, Kyle was like, I don't know, man. I truly don't know. I didn't think I knew all that math I learned in high school. Then I tried to get a Dorito into the open mouth of a beer can. I figured, oh, it did need physics after all. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:52 I've heard that exact joke from somebody. That's somebody. Pretty good. Oh, yes. Okay. So, All Fantasy Everything, we're coming on the road. Do I? Sean, you were talking about the dates.
Starting point is 00:37:05 Do you have them in front of you or am I scrambling? No, I got them. I got them. My man. Hey, if they're all accurate, I'm pretty sure. So as of right now, the ticket link should be up probably by now. This comes out on, you don't care. They should be up by now.
Starting point is 00:37:19 I think so. They're launching them. Yeah, they should be up by now. We will compile them as soon as it comes out. We'll compile all the ticket links. I keep looking for them. Find the links in our, at least in my bio. now. We will compile them as soon as it comes out. We'll compile all the ticket links. I keep looking for them. Find the links, at least in my bio. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:28 I'll put them up. I'll get them all organized for all of us, and then we'll get a poster made. But Tuesday, June 11th, Bell House, New York. Wednesday, June 12th, Underground Arts in Philly. Going back to Philly. I can't wait. I can't wait. Thursday, June 13th, back at the Bell House.
Starting point is 00:37:45 So we're doing a Tuesday-Thursday punch at the Bell House in New York. Two scoops at the Bell House, two massive guests. So you're not going to want to miss out on that. Friday, June 14th, going back to the Black Cat, where Ian did the most embarrassing thing he's ever done in D.C. Saturday, June 15th, doing the Randolph Theater in Toronto. T-Dot, baby, we're coming up north. We're coming to the six for the first time. Finally.
Starting point is 00:38:08 Marissa's Ancestral Stomping Grounds. I've never been up there. I'm excited, man. The dudes that do another skateboard podcast I listen to, they're up there, so I'm going to try to get them out. Nobody cares. Sunday, June 16th, Somerville Mass. Somerville Mass.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Art City Armory. Somerville's in Boston, right? It's basically Boston. Basically Boston. Boston's that place where it's like Cambridge isn't technically Boston, even though I walked to... Yeah, it's that kind of thing. You just cross the street and you're in Cambridge. I'm getting a lobster. Yes. Ooh, Monday, we're
Starting point is 00:38:39 off. What am I going to do? Anyway, Tuesday. I bet I could guess. Some softcore porn, dude. Probably take the day off. I'm going to rent? Anyway, Tuesday. I bet I can guess. Some soft core porn. Probably take the day off. I'm going to run wild things in the hotel. Tuesday, June 18th, going to Pittsburgh PA at Bottle Rock at Social Hall, which I've heard amazing things about. Yeah, it's fun. I've never been to Pittsburgh.
Starting point is 00:38:59 It's going to be interesting. We're coming on a Monday or coming on a Tuesday at Pittsburgh. Show out. It's going to be all right. And then Wednesday in Lakewood, Ohio doing the Roxy at Mahal's Cleveland pretty much. I did the Roxy. I did Mahal's. That place rules. A little bowling alley
Starting point is 00:39:13 in there. Thursday, June 20th, we're going to be the Magic Bag back in Detroit, Rock City. And then Friday, June 21st. Yeah, we're going to the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Can't wait for that.
Starting point is 00:39:28 Hit in Chicago for the first time in a very long time. Yeah. I just met a couple people from Zany's when I was at Comedy on State. One of the managers is someone that runs a club. So anyway. They rule. And then the Parkway Theater, Saturday, June 22nd in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Closing it off.
Starting point is 00:39:45 And yeah, man. I couldn't be more excited. I love all those places. The Parkway was so rad last time. It won't be 30 degrees when we're standing out selling T-shirts this time. We might not even have to sell them outside this time. That would be good to sell them inside. Yeah. And I think we're going to have some merch, right?
Starting point is 00:40:02 Some tourist-specific merch. We won't have the Sklars gumming up the works trying to get in on the theater, kicking us outside this time. Come see your favorite fellas on the road. It's going to be, it takes a lot to put this together. It does. Nobody's going home. Nobody's going home. I'm not going home.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Hell no. No. That extra day, I mean, I'm going to army crawl to Pittsburgh. I think from DC or wherever the hell we are. We're going to be, uh, you know, we're,
Starting point is 00:40:29 uh, other parts of the country, West coast. I know Atlanta. We, we want to come so bad. We're figuring it out. We will come.
Starting point is 00:40:37 And the West coast to an easy punch. Like I don't think this, the hard one to figure out is this one, all the East coast and Midwest. Cause they're all so close and packed in and all that. We'll be coming later on in the year. Um, but yeah, come on out. We, we can't wait to meet everybody.
Starting point is 00:40:50 We love it so much. The live shows are, if I can say so myself, incredibly fun. It's going to be a blast. And we're very excited to see you. I'm taking this entire month off of drinking just to gear up. Not like that's going to be the point. It's so funny. I decided a couple days ago. Wait, wouldn't it...
Starting point is 00:41:09 Never mind. I was just kidding. Yeah, he'll still have May and mustard juice. Yeah, I'll get back in the spirit. Seems like May would have been a good... I decided like two days ago, like, all right, April, dry April. I haven't done that in a long time. And then the next day, I go to a surprise wedding reception. I was like, oh, man, all right, April, dry April. I haven't done that in a long time. And then the next day I go to a surprise wedding reception.
Starting point is 00:41:26 I was like, oh man, what a true test of, and I didn't, but I felt like such there. Everyone's like, what are you doing? Come on. And I'm like, this is, this is it. You got to look in the mirror and be like, I have to be able to keep it together when I say I'm going to. It was tough, you know? But anyway, I'm no worse for wear.
Starting point is 00:41:42 I did. Thank you. I appreciate it. And then like, like, like we, like in the group chat, you did all that cocaine. Yeah, you're doing elephant legs a blow. I didn't say anything about that. No, sir. That to me isn't sober. Sober is alcohol.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Sherlock Holmes did cocaine. It's fine if you do it. A lot of James Martin. Made him smarter. I just want to say to your fans, they don't need to hear it, but I've seen your guys' live show numerous times. It's so damn funny see these dudes
Starting point is 00:42:06 on the road live that's a killer tour I co-sign go see AFV live come on it means a lot man thank you ACH gave us the
Starting point is 00:42:14 AFV CS god damn CS CL co-sign is what I was thinking fuck yeah I thought you said AFV CL
Starting point is 00:42:22 it's like all fantasy everything boner pills I for a second thought it was seal of approval and I'm like how do you spell seal sign is what I was thinking. Fuck yeah. I thought you said A-F-E-C-L-S, like all fantasy everything boner pills. I, for a second, thought it was seal of approval, and I'm like, how do you spell seal? I thought maybe you spelled it with a C for a second. P-S-E-A-L. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:34 Yeah. We're getting here today not only to debate once and for all how seal is spelled, but also to fantasy draft dead musicians who we would have liked to get some drinks with. We're calling it the dead musician happy hour.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Can I ask you something? Nine inches. Dude, thank you. Man, I love being friends with all of you so much. Do they have to have been somebody? Can they be a sober person? So like if this person, so like if you just like, I just wanted to get some drinks with them. It does factor in, but there was a couple where I'm like, I think so too like I just wanted to get some drinks with them it does factor in
Starting point is 00:43:05 but there was a couple where I'm like I think it factors in I think so too I just wanted to know if it was like and also I did some digging and some of them
Starting point is 00:43:12 I can't get a an amazing read on just because I I don't know you don't really get you just gotta go out vibe dude you just gotta go
Starting point is 00:43:19 how you feel about it alright I am I am question though happy hour can we only drink Question though, happy hour. Can we only drink with them during happy hour? Is it done?
Starting point is 00:43:29 Is it four to seven? I was just trying to make a fun little name for it, but I think this is all nice. I think it starts at happy hour, but it doesn't need to end there. Unless you're a bad date. Unless you're a bad date. They might fucking ditch you
Starting point is 00:43:45 nerd rarely do they say hey Sean happy hour's over and I'm like well rarely do I leave it's like oh well then I'll stick around for all the regular hours after that one cool the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors
Starting point is 00:44:00 play between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. A paper against two scissors. And a victory that flies in the face of God, but she won't mind.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Thank you. David Borey, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's kind of like Newton's cradle. Am I saying that right? Is that what that thing's called? The ball, like the seven
Starting point is 00:44:32 balls, right? They're on people's desks at like the insurance company where you take one on the end. I didn't know that's how it was called. I looked up balls swinging on a desk and I was like, this is going to be an interesting answer. How far down? You did it on an interesting answer instagram and it really messed up his algorithm it was pretty close because i was like i'm gonna type this in and see what comes up and it was like the second response the first one wasn't even
Starting point is 00:44:57 anything crazy but the second one was like those you know you take that one ball you drop it and all the energy goes through the four other ones and the other one kind of goes up and stalls and then comes back and uh i think it just goes i think it just goes i don't i think it goes until you stop it i don't think it like peters out but anyway just back no i think it peters does it stop yeah it is called a new cradle right it is indeed okay wayne newton see i thought it was Jacob's Ladder. No, wait, I was thinking of Jason's Lyric for a second. I was going to be like,
Starting point is 00:45:27 no, that was a sexy movie. Are you talking about that softcore porn, Jacob's Ladder? Jason's Lyric, I am. Do you think that did make the rounds on the VCR? You're out of your mind.
Starting point is 00:45:35 That is a softcore porn. That one was adult, where I was like, well, this isn't even fun. I'm not thinking about that stuff. Basically, what happens is you pick fourth in the first round,
Starting point is 00:45:44 you pick first in the second round. with that and jason's lyric in mind what will the order of today's draft be david david adam sean in back on the hot corner wait a minute wait a minute uh david you have the first pick in the dead musician happy hour all fantasy everything fantasy draft before we get to that we're going to take a short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies.
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Starting point is 00:51:07 The only podcast that ever existed, except of course. The Grawlix Saves the World. The aforementioned. Where we did 100 pushups for seven days in a row and I thought I was going to die. It was my idea when I did that and it was one of the hardest things I've done
Starting point is 00:51:21 in the last 15 years, including having to do my pushup game. Ever since that episode, I haven't done 100 every last 15 years, including having a push-up game. Ever since that episode, I haven't done 100 every day, but I still do way more than I did. And people fear me now. That's true. It's harder than you think. I've seen them on the street before. They don't like it.
Starting point is 00:51:36 You have a horrifying resting energy. Well, I ripped all the sleeves off my shirt with that resting energy. So I got the guns out, and then I just got this resting fucking fuck you face. You don't talk to me in Denver unless I ask you to. My fucking fuck you face. You wouldn't mind actually turning your camera off. I think it would make this podcast a lot easier.
Starting point is 00:51:56 You got it, dudes. You got to have us back on soon. I would love to come back on. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Anytime. Anytime. Anytime. My challenge was a squatty potty challenge. Yeah. Wait, what's that challenge?
Starting point is 00:52:13 Where you do a handstand on a squatty potty every day? We sent Ian a squatty potty in the mail as a surprise. He didn't know what the strange package was that he received. And then we received the same packages. And then for a week, all of us tried a squatty potty. And we reported our results back. You guys don't squat? You guys tried to squatty potty and we reported our results back. You guys didn't squatty potty? Not prior to this. Oh, yeah. I was
Starting point is 00:52:31 early adopter. Yeah, it's pretty legit. It's pretty fun. Have you got a nice one now? The problem I had was it was white and plastic and shitty and it just makes your bathroom look junky. Yeah, you get a wood one. That's the way it is. We ended up getting rid of all of them and now I'm taking and it just makes your bathroom look junky. Yeah, you get a wood one.
Starting point is 00:52:47 We ended up getting rid of all of them and now I'm taking low def shits again. You're not clearing the pipes? You stopped flushing, huh? I don't know. It just aesthetically wasn't working. The white ones look bad though. They have like colored ones and wood
Starting point is 00:53:04 ones. Yeah. Because I also have wood uh whatever that's not it's interesting when it's like the middle of the day and you know the squatty potty is like somewhere and then you know your partner goes to the bathroom then you go in and you're like oh the squatty potty is there so they're just talking like you just know it and that's interesting to know i'm not saying it's bad to poop but it's you know you just know like that you can't help it sometimes. We're like, okay, so you just pooped. All right, cool. So she wasn't putting a checkmark on the chart you have on the wall?
Starting point is 00:53:32 I got my wife checking it out. I'd come out and be like, Lori, you ain't got no stickers up there. You gotta take a dump. I'm full of stickers on the chart. Do you want your treat at the end of the week or not? How do I know if you don't have seven of these? I'm going to eat all the gummies if you don't start shitting in there. This is crazy.
Starting point is 00:53:48 If you want the land before time on VHS, you're going to earn it. Laura, if we want to watch the movie, we both have to shit three times in this week. You know how this works. You married me. Yeah. It was in the vows. I wish. You wish?
Starting point is 00:54:02 Do you wish? I do wish. One last thing. Wish granted wish one last thing I would like it if we keep tabs on each other's bowel movements from here on out and reward each other with VHS cassettes at the end of each week should we reach our goal I never did it as a kid and I said
Starting point is 00:54:19 even when I was a child I said I'm not gonna make my kid go through that or me or my wife. Oh, oh, buddy. Okay. I mean, I'll talk to you. I'll talk to you when the time is right. It's definitely something that you keep tabs on.
Starting point is 00:54:33 I plan on having that kind of thing for my kids. Should that happen? Oh, I thought you just said that you didn't want my wife. Oh, well, no. Wait, what are we talking about? We're talking about you wanting to make a chart where your wife logs for shits. Oh, no. God, no, I don't want to do that. Was that not clear?
Starting point is 00:54:48 No. That's exactly what you were saying. I got lost in the forest a while ago. I thought we were on the same roof, too. I think we all were. That's why everybody was like, what are you talking about? Well, we were, but then it got serious.
Starting point is 00:55:01 No, I don't actually want to do that. I'm in the forest. I feel like somebody needs to hit the reset. I don't know. I don't know what to do that. I'm in the forest. I feel like somebody needs to hit the reset. I don't know what's going on. It's time for David to pick which deceased musician he would like to get hammered with. I'm sweating.
Starting point is 00:55:14 You're on a list now, bro. Shitlist. You're on my shitlist. That's the birth name. It's the shitlist. David Boyd, time for your first pick uh do we get to pick a time period for this or is it just now i think paint a picture baby okay so this artist used to do concerts solely for women in the early 70s so i'm picking after one of those with his manager
Starting point is 00:55:45 Shep Gordon in him, like the after party for one of his women's only concerts. A notorious party animal before the car accident. I'm taking Teddy Pendergrass. Just we would all be in furs. It was a different time, so we would straight up be
Starting point is 00:56:02 doing cocaine. Yeah. Drunk. With a bunch of 70s ladies i think it would be amazing he was known for partying and if you watch that supermensch documentary his the way he signed with shep gordon because shep gordon came up to him he's like i have more drugs than you i have more women than you i can out party you and at the end of the party i'll be calling a cab for you or whatever and then they partied for like three days hi that's how he signed him yeah that's how he signed him fuck yeah so come on man and teddy pendergrass if you see him when he was young
Starting point is 00:56:35 it's just i'm gonna have a cool sexy guy party dude you know what i'm saying cool in the 70s there's about the sexiest guy at the sexy guy party. Nobody was sexier. I'll say that. Who's sexier than Teddy Pendergrass? It's about as hot as a dude can get. He was real fucking hot. I just Google him and him. He's very hot. That's a good looking man. And cool as
Starting point is 00:56:58 fuck and soulful 70s. Oh man, the voice was so... And it seems like the kind of party where it would be cool to be sweaty. And I need that. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody's sweaty in a cool way.
Starting point is 00:57:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the headline here saying Tyrese was set to star as R&B singer Teddy Pendergrass in a biopic. That is hilarious. I don't... It's from 2019. Oh, and then COVID wrecked it for him. Yeah, he's since made some moves that maybe are irredeemable.
Starting point is 00:57:31 But the point is, yeah, man, Teddy Bennegrass would all be in furs, would all be sweaty doing 70s drugs. I'd have lots of chains on. My hair would be processed. After an all-lady concert? Yeah, I'd be doing this dance. First of all, that's insane.
Starting point is 00:57:46 He did all lady concerts just straight up. Would he then go tour back around and be like, alright, men can come this time. Of course not. Is that what you want to go to? An all dude R&B show? Listen, it's not my pick yet. You'll find out.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. If he did too short, it's fun for the ladies. I want to go to an all-dude party with Dave Matthews, who isn't dead yet. It's in the future. Whatever Dave Matthews is dead.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Adam's waiting for Tank to die so he can draft an all-dude Tank concert. It's like, I love scat, man. And no girls to bring us down. We can just do what we want to do. No, you just dance exactly how you want to dance. Just a bunch of sweaty, wet, coked up dudes listening to Teddy Pendergrass.
Starting point is 00:58:35 There are musicians where you could ban women and none of the women would know that it was happening. You know what I mean? Neither were the dudes. Yeah, like a saliva concert or something. When we went to Las Vegas, there were definitely sections of women who were not into it. You know what I mean? Neither were the dudes. Yeah, like a saliva concert or something. When we went to Las Vegas, there were definitely sections of women who were not into it. Like, I remember by the end of that concert, there was like dudes sitting up and women whose feet were tired sitting down. And the dude is just like crying to Big Pimpin.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Sitting there like, man, he's not Drake. Yeah. Yeah. Not at all. Not at all. But yeah, Teddy Pendergrass, a cool 70s bacchanal.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Wonderful pick. Adam Cadenholland, time for your all dude concert pick. Teddy Pendergrass when he circles back around six months later is for the dudes.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Teddy had a market twice. Teddy had a market twice. That've had to hit a market twice. That's just good business. You know, I couldn't come the last time he was in Cleveland, but the dogs are out tonight. A lot of fights at the Pendergrass show tonight. Oh, yeah. Everybody's swinging at the Pendergrass show tonight.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Bro, I'm here to see Teddy, not to throw hands, but I'll do it. I mean, I'm just saying who's opening up the pit to close the door oh that's such a close the door that's such a weird image that's fucking great
Starting point is 00:59:56 oh man oh man mine's not not as soulful as that but definitely more thug passion than that. I'm going Tupac. Okay. First pick.
Starting point is 01:00:09 He was absolutely. I feel like, yeah, I think a lot of us may have taken that. But fuck, man. It's just like golden era of hip hop. It's Tupac. What I like about it is that you know it's going to start really, really fun. And you don't know where it's going to go after that. In a lot of ways.
Starting point is 01:00:29 The volatility of Tupac. The anger of Tupac. It's like I want to see where this fucking night goes. It also could be with anybody. That's what I was going to say. My main benefit was going to be like, you don't know. Chris Farley could pop in. Who knows?
Starting point is 01:00:42 100%. Janet Jackson could have showed up. What if Suge pops in? What's their relationship in the fucking moment? 100%. Janet Jackson could have showed up. What's their relationship in the fucking moment? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's exciting. Snoop would have been in there. I was thinking about this pics, and I was thinking about Hit Em Up. And at the end of the song, Hit Em Up, when he starts losing his fucking mind on that track.
Starting point is 01:00:58 And at the very beginning of it, he's just kind of making fun of Mobb Deep. When he drops in, he's like, Mobb, you little young-ass motherfucker. No one wants you to have sickle cell or some shit? He did. It's very funny. Cl making fun of Mob Deep when he like drops and he's like you little young ass motherfuckers you have sickle cell or some shit clowning Mob Deep and then by the end of that he's just like fuck you die slow it just gets so ramped up that I
Starting point is 01:01:18 feel like a night with Tupac would be like that bar on Hit Em Up you know the thing about the Tupac though I feel like it could also go the other side, and you didn't even realize it, and now you're at a sweet jazz club. It could. Sure. Yeah. I feel like it could go
Starting point is 01:01:33 either way, or he goes to a slam poetry reading. He wasn't like that. He was more like that than he was the gangster version, like the actual him. It kind of depends on when... I don't know. I don't view that. It kind of depends on when you caught him. He was doing both. Yeah, and there's no doubt he's a renaissance,
Starting point is 01:01:51 sophisticated dude with interesting tastes, like a smart, smart guy. So I see what you're saying. It could go any which way. But you want fuck your bitch in the clique you claim. I do. I fucking do. And I want 40s, and I want the sort of iconic fucking Tupac. I want that. I want a dangerous
Starting point is 01:02:08 experience. I don't want the affiliates. You want Tupac. You don't want anyone else on Death Row. I don't want Suge. I don't want Suge. You don't want Mussolini and Gaddafi there? You don't want all the
Starting point is 01:02:23 outlaws with you? Thug Life Immortals? Maybe the guy who raps like a 1940s gangster. That guy can be there. I got to get that Vagaband here. Formula A to K for it. That guy? Yeah. I want that guy around because when we go to Jack in the Box
Starting point is 01:02:38 at 2 p.m., I want that guy. Let me get a little bit of egg roll. Let me get a chicken sandwich at Tom Hads a chicken sandwich yeah you sit him back driver's seat and he orders for the whole car orders run through him jalapeno poppers in a big jack and then I want it all for free too give it to me at the window
Starting point is 01:03:01 are there guys like that? It's like almost the way that Marvel was like back in the golden era was just running out weird mutants where it's like this guy turns into an eraser, you know, like where there's rappers where they're like, yeah, his whole thing is he raps like a 1930s villain. There was a guy who just talked about fire. That's crazy. Drag On? Jidenna rapped about being classic all the time. I mean, he had that song, Classic
Starting point is 01:03:32 Man, but he rapped about it, too. He didn't just sing about it. Drake hopped on that one guy's song who rapped all weird. He was like, huh? What? Black Boy JB? Drake hopped on a lot of guys' songs who are no longer here. And I have no conspiracy about it.
Starting point is 01:03:50 You know, somebody sent me a message the other day. Shout out to Pain in the Ass. I forgot about that guy. I forgot about the... I feel like we talk about him more than any other outlet. I think we do, but it's been a while. I believe that. I don't think anybody needs...
Starting point is 01:04:03 I don't think he needs to come up. I never painted the ass. Smiley is the guy's name. That's on Over the Top. There's this dude, Smiley, who raps real weird. Anyway. There's one other element of Tupac I want to introduce to this whole challenge, which is that
Starting point is 01:04:21 the mysterious death, the mystery around the death. So like in this scenario, in this draft, I wonder if you can talk to these people about the death a little bit. You know what I mean? Oh, Ghostpac. Well, I mean, it's pretty much been solved. Yeah, what's the deal? That guy Keefy D did it.
Starting point is 01:04:38 He came out and, yeah, it's like... The guy they thought did it, right? I mean, for years. Isn't that... He's also been saying he did it. For years and years and years. But then they finally just, they were like, okay, so you're done. I forgot to tell you guys this.
Starting point is 01:04:55 I thought insane, I sort of diffused an insane road rage incident today. Today? Today, before the podcast. These two cars were like so I saw them one stop behind the other and this guy got out
Starting point is 01:05:10 and walked up to the car in front and then got back in his car. No, that's always scary. And then they were driving and then they like turned into my neighborhood down the street I turned down and I turned in behind them and then they both stopped in the middle of the road and one dude hopped out of the back car with a fucking machete. Whoa. No way. A machete and one dude hopped out of the back car with a fucking machete.
Starting point is 01:05:26 Whoa. No way. A machete. And the dude hopped out of the front car with like a pipe. Oh. And you didn't just drive around? God bless you. I couldn't get by him, but I was far enough back that I hopped out where I was like, I can get back in my car if I need to. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:43 And I was just like, wherever this is going. I rapped, we're all in the same gang. I got two tickets to Teddy Pendergrass tonight at the forum. If you guys want to calm down. They were like, I was just like, not worth it. Not worth it. Where you guys are taking this?
Starting point is 01:06:04 You're like, you don't want to ruin your day. And then the one dude got back in his car and the other guy was still standing there with a machete and I'm like he's not worth it man don't let that guy ruin your day there's no way this is going no way think I had two hours where is this going to be in two hours like what are you going to be the happiest happen
Starting point is 01:06:19 and then he ended up being like you know he calmed down he put his machete away and then came to talk to me and he was a nice guy is not the right word but nice enough he came and I think he came to thank me for kind of like yeah but dude it was fucking nuts this is the third time
Starting point is 01:06:36 this has happened a day I keep trying around I lose my head like maybe get rid of the machete man Jesus Christ at the stoplight the I keep driving around. I lose my head. Like maybe get rid of the machete, man. Jesus Christ. At the stoplight, the demeanor was probably, they got out and like, do you want to pull over?
Starting point is 01:06:50 I have a weapon. Do you have a, it's almost like they figured it out. Like let's get out and handle it with weapons. Like the jets and the sharks or something. Ian's neighborhood's always nice for this. Yeah. Pull the Ian's. He'll be on Bill's lane.
Starting point is 01:07:04 He'll keep this from going too far. But afterwards, the guy with the machete said some crazy shit like, nothing to live for, ready to die. He said that to me? Yeah, he said that to me. That's not good. No. That's not good.
Starting point is 01:07:15 That's tough. He looked like he kind of, I mean, my neighborhood has recently become, you know, gentrified. But surrounding areas and my neighborhood itself have a long history of not being that way. And I think this guy was a throwback to that era. I mean, he had a catchphrase. That guy had a machete and a catchphrase.
Starting point is 01:07:35 Yeah. Watch out. In his work truck. That's... Anyway. It's got the company on it, bro. You can't be that hard to find. Hey, who's the guy with the machete? Ian, good job. Good job, bro. You can't be that hard to find. Hey, who's the guy with the machete? Good job. Good job, dude. Thank you. You really...
Starting point is 01:07:48 Those guys could have fucked up their lives right then. Sounds like they might do it tomorrow. They might meet up again. But yeah, you're like, dude, you're going to fucking machete a guy? Or beat another dude with a pipe? For what? A yellow light? Anyway. Who's in the wrong?
Starting point is 01:08:04 That part I couldn't see yeah you relate to the late to the fight you may have just driven onto the set of double dragon the movie they may have just been filming a double dragon scene there were a lot of cameras and uh a man who did appear to be jan de bont wasond was furious with me. Oh, sure. I recognized him and I was like, well, I didn't know he lived in the neighborhood, but fun to see. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. I think I got to go Prince. Oh, interesting. I think it's a.
Starting point is 01:08:36 Prince never drank. Yeah, he was a Jehovah's Witness. I looked it up. It said he used to party. That's what I was asking. I mean, I heard he's through parties Harper said he went to he used to drink and do drugs that's the whole
Starting point is 01:08:49 reason I asked because I didn't think so either and then I looked it up because it's like who wouldn't want to hang out with Prince and so I don't know what capacity he would do it in but if he was even having a drink then I you know then I get to say that I'm hanging out with him I mean it just seemed I don't know every story I've seen cause I was doing my research on this.
Starting point is 01:09:09 It was like, he would drink minimally. He did drugs, but he would have like a glass of wine at a club. Maybe that's fine. I mean, that's all I need, but I get to be around it. And so when I was a kid, we went to, um, Paisley park. My mom made my, I told you, my mom made my stepdad drive us up to the gate and try to get into his... It's crazy to think about because we went and buzzed the buzzer. He felt violently ill after a few drinks. Well, that's him. If he's just having
Starting point is 01:09:34 the one. I'm just being around the environment. I just think it would be so funny. He's probably fun. You ask him what he really thought about Morris Day and the time. Once he passes out, you can week into Bernie's Prince all around town. That's kind of fun. What door doesn't open
Starting point is 01:09:49 in that situation? I was thinking private party style. Prince in. Yeah. It was an interesting one. I honestly thought he maybe drank a little bit more. But just being in the party, being in the party environment, being at his house,
Starting point is 01:10:05 like being, I mean, after like you hear the story about like Eddie Murphy and shit, what? I can't pick him. You can pick them. I just saying this guy didn't drink. It's a weird pick.
Starting point is 01:10:17 You also hear stories about Prince though, going into like some small club in Minneapolis. Cause he's bored or whatever. And just be like, I'll just get on stage and shred with these dudes tonight. Like, or just dropping in on like Radiohead when they're in Minneapolis. Like, I'm coming on for a song. That'd be amazing to roll with Prince through that.
Starting point is 01:10:35 I guess if Prince is your designated driver, that's pretty fun. Well, no, I thought he drank more. I didn't know it was going to be this controversial. I thought he was more of a party. I mean, I did. I thought I did. I thought I did. I looked into it enough. I didn't realize it.
Starting point is 01:10:48 I didn't, I didn't see that if he had like a glass of wine, he got violent. Every source I'm seeing is this, that like he would sometimes he hated scotch. He never drank beer. He would sometimes have a glass of red wine, but he loved pills.
Starting point is 01:11:00 Well, I can switch it up. I don't want to do pills. It's your thing. I can switch it. I can switch it up. I don't want to do pills with someone all night. It's your thing. You want to do pills with Prince all night? I can switch it. I can switch it. All right. Shall I switch it? No, no, no, no, no. We can take him off the board. I don't want to be the person who bullied you off the block.
Starting point is 01:11:14 I'm just saying, let's have all the information out there. I just think it'd be fun to hang out with Prince. I don't think I'm splitting the item by bringing that up. I feel like everybody would want to hang out with Prince. So I suppose I'll do the bulk of the drinking on that. Great. So we're doing the musicians who would everybody would want to hang out with Prince. So I suppose I'll do the bulk of the drinking on that. Great. So we're doing the musicians who would have been fun to hang out with draft. Great.
Starting point is 01:11:30 If you're going to do this the whole time, I will switch it. I will. What are you talking about? What are you talking? You made your pick. All right. Okay. We'll do it the whole time. I will. I'll put some. I'll put some lunatics on for the other four. It would have been. It would have been really fun to go out for a night with Prince.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Yeah. You end up at the SNL after party and that's like the beginning of your night. Well, even like in the new... Yeah, his happy hour is 1am. That's when the happy hour starts at 1am with Prince. Yeah. In the We Are The World documentary, they said he wouldn't show up because he was out at the bar all night. I guess I just assumed he was like
Starting point is 01:12:02 out kind of partying, not just chilling. You remember they said they were trying to call him like at the bar he was at and that's why they had sheila either like she was again uh for the we are the world the night that they were recording it they had sheila either like as bait almost you found out later because they're like hey we don't have a verse for your line for you we just kind of thought you were gonna get prince here we thought he would come they hope prince would show up yeah. I guess he was just at some bar all night being like, nope, nope. And then he actually didn't show up. So I kind of assumed he was partying.
Starting point is 01:12:30 But I would have been right there next to him, hanging up the phone, kidding. Be like, whoa, no one's going to drink this wine. I'll drink the whole bottle. What do we do? I'll pour it on the phone. You're never going anywhere tonight, Prince. Unless we go to an SNL after party. A couple of Midwestern boys getting after in the big city.
Starting point is 01:12:45 All right. That had a lot to do with it, too. It's funny thinking that me and Prince are both Midwestern boys. A couple of flyovers. Yeah, I see the similarities. A lot of people do. Time for my first pick. I'm going to...
Starting point is 01:13:00 Ideally, this has happened in Las Vegas. Late 50s, early 60s. i know where this is going of a gun and i'm not i don't want the chairman go ahead and give me dean martin oh the funny one baby yeah and he was he was the drinker too right like he was the one that didn't drink a lot i mean that's why that's was he the one that i thought he was the one that did oh i'm just confused no he's the one that did. Oh, I'm just confused. No, he's the one that I mean, they all drink a lot. They all kind of fake drunk on stage.
Starting point is 01:13:28 But like Dean Martin notoriously didn't drink a lot. He drank. He drank a lot. He didn't drink on stage. Well, none of them really drank. He's not an alcoholic, though. Yeah, he drank. He would he would have drinks.
Starting point is 01:13:39 He would go out. But he was not like a fall over drunk like the rest of them. And that's why I think it would be the most fun. It'd be a fun night. Martin. Yeah. He's also the funniest. He's like standup,
Starting point is 01:13:51 but Jason, I mean, he would do standup shows. He's a fucking and, and very cool. It's, it's rare to pull off like funny and cool. And I think that guy is,
Starting point is 01:14:00 is both of them to a T like you don't get cool. Dean Martin, man. That's a great i'm jealous that choice yeah it would be it would be a black martin and lewis man he knew how to have a laugh he was fun he was charming yeah he was i watched the holiday special with him and his daughter and you know another another person who might get named later but they had that holiday special together and it was great i watched. I've never really seen him do anything until just this last year.
Starting point is 01:14:26 I watched that whole thing. It ruled. Yeah. He's, he's fantastic. He's a, he's a, a handsome gentleman wearing a suit.
Starting point is 01:14:34 Oh, again, a, every door opens. You bow tie in it. You like undone bow tie in it with them. I'm getting, I'm going all the way.
Starting point is 01:14:41 I might do, I might do like maybe a no tie situation, you know what I mean? Like with a double-breasted suit kind of thing. Because I don't want to step on his tuxedo corner. I'm not in a rat pack. I'm just hanging out. I'm back there with Joey Bishop just being like,
Starting point is 01:14:58 how the hell did we get here? What are we doing here? This is nuts. What are we doing here? What are you, me, and Peter Lawford doing here? Look at that. Sammy Davis Jr. just took his eye out and polished it. This is amazing.
Starting point is 01:15:09 Fucking awesome. Do you ever drink apple juice? It's a deep cut, but Kiss Me Stupid. It's like a Billy Wilder film with Dean Martin in it. It's so good, dude. He plays a Vegas. He plays himself. He plays like a Vegas singer songwriter trying
Starting point is 01:15:25 to drive to LA. His car breaks down and he has to like pull over and climax Nevada, which is the name of the town. And it's just like this really small American town. And he goes into the house of like the piano teacher in town. And basically his wife falls for him. And he just like takes this dude's wife and it winds up being okay like she's happier and the piano teacher wants this other woman but it's basically like Dino comes to town and just steals this dude's wife and takes her to Hollywood it's fucking amazing
Starting point is 01:15:54 it's amazing good flick I gotta watch that what's it called it's called Kiss Me Stupid it's a Billy Wilder film and you watch it and you're like I cannot believe this came out in 1960 whatever because it's wild the shit they're getting away with love it hell yeah Dean Martin first pick
Starting point is 01:16:12 not a crazy drunk this is just sitting having a couple drinks chilling out yeah I didn't really pick a crazy drunk either so I like where you're going it's fun that you know just kind of a mellow you know my guy barely drank at all actually if you dive into him i got one glass now i'm gonna take somebody who got fucking after it with my second pick i'm taking freddie mercury
Starting point is 01:16:33 he's still on the board that's such a good pick a man who could party a man who was known for throwing insane parties at his house with just alcohol, staying up until nine in the morning, straight through crew kind of guy. I feel like he would sit at the piano and sing like, and I'm not close to him in this situation. I feel like it would have been really hard to be close to Freddie Mercury, but I'm here for one night only. You know, I'm just getting it after it for one night only. Freddie Mercury, consummate entertainer, both of us getting drunk, both of us in tank tops at the end of the night, mustaches, you know.
Starting point is 01:17:10 He realizes we kind of look the same. He gives me some of the clothes. Maybe that's how you guys even hit it off. Maybe that's how we hit it off. He thinks, am I looking in a fatter mirror right now? He says that, and I'm like, oh, Freddie. And then we hit it off from there. Oh, it's like a fun house.
Starting point is 01:17:24 Yeah, and then we do cocaine off that mirror. Yeah. Maybe he takes you upstairs. He puts you in one of his outfits and he's like, be me for an hour. I need a fucking break. Yeah. You gotta go Freddie Mercury. You get a cosplay for that.
Starting point is 01:17:35 For a little bit. Freeing around the party. It'd be great. Like that episode of Party Down. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Totally.
Starting point is 01:17:41 Calls you darling a bunch. It would be fun. I bet. I bet we would drink chartreuse or something weird like that at first. And then we move on to the harder stuff. Totally. Calls you darling a bunch. It would be fun. I bet. I bet we would drink chartreuse or something weird like that at first. And then we move on to the harder stuff. Yeah. Yeah. What is chartreuse?
Starting point is 01:17:50 It spills out into the pool for sure. That's a veranda. That's a pool. Oh, yeah. That's a whole mansion situation. You're in the water. What is chartreuse? It's like a digestif or an aperitif, whichever one of those two things.
Starting point is 01:18:04 I don't think I've ever had either one of those, a digestif or an aperitif. Is Malort one of them? I say digestif. And I just want to... I feel a lot of listeners are like, it's not di, it's di. It's digestif. Digestif. And aperitif. Malort is one of those, right?
Starting point is 01:18:20 I will never back off this corner that it is however I said it the first time. Oh, I agree. I just wanted to create division amongst AFE Nation because now there's the Dye and the D-Guys and we all know which side is right. The D-Guys, dude. The D-Boys. They're all welcome at the Teddy Pendergrass show.
Starting point is 01:18:36 The Dye Boys, D-Boys. Everybody. As long as there's no girls. They can join Dean Martin and the... Shit's going south. The Dye and the D-Boys are here. This ain't good. Get Pendergrass to the helicopter This shit's gonna blow up Man there's hard nipple guys And big arm guys
Starting point is 01:18:53 I don't know what we're gonna do They're all gonna run into each other We also got big nipple guys and hard arm guys Everybody's talking The whole town They've all been drinking for days Every dude's here fuck every sweaty guy in Ohio
Starting point is 01:19:07 made it out tonight oh man Sean time for your second pick well this guy got fucked up ODB it'd be fun to have a night with the old dirty bastard he was on my list the kind of night at a certain period in my life would
Starting point is 01:19:22 have been like yeah let's whatever anything you take me around we probably have a limo at a certain period in my life would have been like, yeah, let's whatever, anything. Let's you take me around. We probably have a limo. Who knows who's going to be there. Maybe it was when none of the other Wu Tang members were like hanging out with him.
Starting point is 01:19:33 So maybe it was just me and him and some lunatics, or maybe they were all there. We were like a Grammy's after party or something. Who's to say, but it would have been awesome. Well, I know that baby, you like it,
Starting point is 01:19:44 Ross. So that makes sense. Yeah. As raw as you can get it. I think best case situation is like, he just got out of fucking jail. There's a concert that night. He surprises the Wu by showing up and jumping on stage.
Starting point is 01:19:58 You're with him. You're in route for that whole fucking ride from jail to the venue, doing whatever he's doing. That'd be amazing. Yeah, we want to see what he's up to. I would be kind of scared. That's what I'm saying, kind of where you're just like, okay, but if you
Starting point is 01:20:15 match someone, whatever level they're on, I guess for me anyways, that usually goes away. Not like I've hung out with absolute lunatics, but if you just get to where they're at, then I'm like, all right, I feel fine. I feel like we're on par. And if you're not scared, why should I be?
Starting point is 01:20:30 It's all right. It's a weird place to get to. But when you get there, whatever, you just match the level that you're at. With Prince, it'd be a little more sexual, I feel like. A little more sexual.'d be a lot more sexual. Might be a little cleaner. There isn't a more sexual
Starting point is 01:20:53 situation than probably hanging out with Prince, right? I mean, I can't imagine one. Prince is sexual at the DMV getting his license taken. That's just like the whole thing is fucking. How do you be with sexual? That's just like the whole thing is fucking. ODB was sexual too though. So it'd be, you know, I'd run the gamut.
Starting point is 01:21:11 But yeah, there's like, is there like video of him like hanging out the top of a limo or something? It's what I'm thinking of when I think of the night with him. When he takes the limo to get his welfare check with MTV? Maybe.
Starting point is 01:21:22 That was way late stage though. I feel like I was all dirty bastard. He also smelled bad notoriously. Really? Yeah, like other guys at Wu-Tang said that. He would just be out partying for a long time so he'd be stinking.
Starting point is 01:21:38 Which I think is hilarious. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me at all. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me one bit. If you would have said notoriously smells, then I would have been like, oh, shocking. Did you guys listen to Open Mic Eagle's podcast, What Had Happened? You ever listen to those?
Starting point is 01:21:53 Yeah, I do. It's with some producer about ODB. It was actually kind of surprising. He kind of was like an art prank dude. Going to get his welfare in the limo. The dude was saying when he met ODB, he was like,
Starting point is 01:22:07 I want to do something like that's like a prank I want to do. And it was like, finally like MTV wanted to roll around with him. And he's like, yeah, this is the perfect fucking opportunity. But he kind of not saying he wasn't like in the moment and pure id and shit like that,
Starting point is 01:22:19 but he had things he's like, this would be cool to do. This would be fucking cool to do. And he wanted to just like put on a spectacle with it i like that even better right yeah yeah yeah you don't accidentally like it whatever the picture is painted but you have to have it together a little bit to be that successful i mean you know there's there's a lot in there that wasn't just like a lunatic but it would have been yeah it would have been fun to get hammered with him i'll tell you that adam time for your second pick.
Starting point is 01:22:46 I don't know if this is a great or horrible pick, yet here it is. Mozart. I like him. I would like to get hammered with Mozart. Granted, all I know of it is Amadeus. What I saw in the movie Amadeus looks pretty fun to me. And I know he was like,
Starting point is 01:23:07 he was huge and he was coveted in every medieval court. So we're, I'm not even medieval. It's like 1700s. So you're just rolling around and I don't know, European carriages, horse-drawn carriages going from Vienna to Paris to play with Mozart. Sounds good.
Starting point is 01:23:25 And I know he died penniless. So he was just burning through it. Can't take it with you, baby. Yeah, exactly. So like all the frilly outfits, all the high courts of Europe, rolling with Mozart, getting hammered. That sounds fucking great. I like that.
Starting point is 01:23:43 I like that a lot. I like that a lot. On a a lot. He was a tiny little guy too. So just this little dude getting like fucking half cocked, full cocked, jumping on a piano. And I think people couldn't stand him. Like they wanted to hear him and then they were just
Starting point is 01:23:59 like, get this fucking guy out of our kingdom. I mean, he also notoriously stank. Did he? No, I don't know. It's the 1770s. Everybody stank. Everybody. Nobody smelled good. He enjoyed billiards, dancing, kept pets. He liked recreational horse riding.
Starting point is 01:24:16 He had a startling fondness for scatological humor. See, so I think you get along. We get along with together. And I do feel like you can just, it's kind of fun to just watch somebody burn it all down sometimes. And I feel like you would just sit there
Starting point is 01:24:31 and he's not threatening. He's a little guy. So you wouldn't be like, I'm not at personal risk. Let's just get hammered and watch Mozart burn this bridge and never perform here again. You might have to like get in a couple of fights on his behalf where you're like, we got to get Mozart out of here.
Starting point is 01:24:46 But even back then, I just feel like if you just kind of like grab someone's collar and slap them a little bit, that's the extent of the fight. It's not going to get... I said good day to you, sir.
Starting point is 01:24:54 Like, it's just enough of that. Throw a golden bird cage and everything stops, you know, just like... This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35,
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Starting point is 01:26:41 That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't... I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that. Like those things that I want that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know it sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are
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Starting point is 01:28:39 Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash all fantasy. David, time for your second and third picks. My second pick, I'm taking Andre Lewis Hicks. I'm taking Mac Dre. Oh, yeah. Gosh, he was. Mac Dre, I almost want early, like too hard for the radio. Mac Dre, 18 mega reps till I'm 80 though.
Starting point is 01:29:03 No, I actually want him when he was eating pills. So post-96, pre-2004, Mac Dre, the height of fizzle dance. He's fucking everybody from the Bays out there. So E-40s out there. It's everybody partying. Oh, man. People still, he's still like a legend out there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:24 It's like crazy how much people love Mac Dre. So like he, I learned in this was like the unfortunate part of making this list, how young a lot of these folks were, but he was like 34. Yeah. I didn't know that. I thought he was like 45, 50. I really thought he was older than that. No, they killed him in Kansas city.
Starting point is 01:29:43 Yeah. He used to rob banks or allegedly with the romper just uh interesting it just be man that's about is fun i feel like there's no parties i would want to go to now like all my parties are like you know what i mean like i don't want to resurrect this person and have them come out have them come out for a beer with me right now no you know it's always like i'm thinking their time period yeah yeah for sure for sure i mean that's part of the fun of it like they know the lay of the land especially if you're talking someone like mozart i don't know what was going on they could show you a good time exactly you're dropped into their world it's their happy hour
Starting point is 01:30:19 it's not yours exactly exactly and i'm just with it. I'm not trying to do it. No, let's change this to just these people have to come to whatever sad happy hour we have planned. They have to come on the rest. Yeah. You get everyone Bill and Ted style and then you're like, we're going to Top Hat, guys.
Starting point is 01:30:38 IPAs are only $6 tonight. You're going to love this, dude. It's stout month at vine street club and i really think they're doing some flavor profile shit over there it's gonna rock your world oh yeah this one's peanut butter you can get a gator burger they do gator burgers dude they do elk sausage be playing all their music on touch tunes right in front of them be like how you gonna handle this at happy hour? Smash cut to Kate and Holland getting choked on the floor of a brewery.
Starting point is 01:31:12 You ever done that to someone in front of a musician? Played one of their songs in a bar? I've never had the opportunity to do that. It'd be interesting. It'd be rude, right? What do you mean? I don't know. I can't think of anyone who's on the level that they'd be hanging out with me. But if you just went and played their song at a bar,
Starting point is 01:31:26 like somebody where nobody knew it was them, maybe that level. I would not make that move. No, I wouldn't either. But what's your third pick? I have a hard out of two. Oh shit.
Starting point is 01:31:39 Okay. I'm taking a 67. I'm taking earth a kid. Oh, I don't know why. It just seems like that would be a good night out. Yeah. I don't know much about her.
Starting point is 01:31:52 Good, fun. I know that she was an activist in a lot of really cool ways. Like when AIDS was new and all. Like she was really anti-Vietnam. Like she has that quote about the hippies and shit like that. I think she was just like kind of a good time entertainment person that just I want to hear her talk to me. I want to hear what she sounds like drunk.
Starting point is 01:32:14 Can you imagine smoking a cigarette with like a martini that, you know? Oh, man. I feel like she's the type of person who would smoke and be like, I love smoking. It feels good. person who would smoke and be like i love smoking yeah with people who smoke cigarette only when they're drunk every now and again like yeah yeah so i had to google that fuck yeah now i know exactly what you're talking about yeah that's amazing yeah cat woman but she's she's sultry i would also do old earth a kid though because I think she got her first gold record in the 80s or some shit. I don't think that's the wrong time to get her.
Starting point is 01:32:50 She would be theatrical like that. Yeah, I think it would be a lot of fun. I think it would be a very eclectic group because she was kind of open to everybody. I think it would be a good night, man. Just like a New York night. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly. Adam like a New York night. Yeah, yes. Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
Starting point is 01:33:08 Adam, time for your third pick. Okay, I'm torn. We'll see if this other one remains, but I'm going to go first. I think Tom Petty. Oh, that's a good one. I figured that was on your list, Ian. I forgot. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:22 Just like maybe the Allman Brothers get involved, and it's just kind of a fucking backyard, southern house party type of party that I think could be a lot of fucking fun. I think you'd wake up the next morning, and you'd be like, I had 22 beers. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:33:41 And moonshine. Yeah. Oh, that would be fun. I feel like it wouldn't like I was looking this up Petty famously toured around with a confederate flag back in the day during one tour
Starting point is 01:33:54 and he like apologized for it he's like I didn't fucking he's like I just grew up around that shit and I thought it was just like the backdrop and I rocked it on a tour and I was
Starting point is 01:34:02 that was dumb of me my bad and I was like good on you Petty like at least just like own it it was stupid fucking hillbilly shit and I rocked it on tour and I was, that was dumb of me, my bad. And I was like, good on you, Petty. Like, at least I own it. It was stupid fucking hillbilly shit and I didn't realize the way it was making me look. So I feel like that alone means that they're not good old boy assholes.
Starting point is 01:34:17 It's just like, it'll be a good fun hang. I think just in the fun ways. I think just where you end up like throwing records off of his back porch in Malibu and taking pot shots at him. You know, like some kind of hunting. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Going out on the four wheelers.
Starting point is 01:34:32 Or just like, what's that movie? Throw Mama from the Bus or whatever. Throw Mama from the Train. Where they throw the plates off the roof. It's like the dishes are done, man. Don't tell Mom the babysitter's dead. Don't tell Mom the babysitter's dead. The dishes are done, man. Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead. Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead. The dishes are done, man.
Starting point is 01:34:46 That'd be pretty fun. Yeah, Tom Petty'd be great. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. I can just feel it in my bones that I think it'd be a blast to hang out with Joe Cocker. I don't know a ton about Joe Cocker, but anytime you see it just looked like a loose cannon, and his voice is beautiful to me.
Starting point is 01:35:11 It's so beautiful. I didn't realize that, but it's so beautiful to me. He just looks fun. He just looks great. If you just look up young Joe Cocker, he looks like a lunatic. Yeah, it just seems to me like it would be an absolute blast and he maybe is one who'd be like doing shots with me i don't see a lot of people doing stuff like that where he'd be like he was a drinker for sure yeah he'd be like line him up knock him back you know bottle put just leave the
Starting point is 01:35:37 bottle that kind of dude uh right yeah and then he you know i'd get just as buck as he got. A Brit? I didn't know. You didn't know he was British? No, I had no idea. You never heard him talk? It's always wild when you hear him talk because you're like, whoa. Yeah, no, I never heard him talk. See, these are the kind of things you could get to know about him over the course of the evening.
Starting point is 01:35:58 Oh shit, you're British? I wouldn't even figure it out right away because he'd be doing that Joe Cocker sing talk for a while. Then we'd get into mellow. I'd be like, well, you're British. I didn't even figure it out right away because he'd be doing that Joe Cocker sing talk for a while. Then we'd get into Mellow. I didn't know that. Then he gets a little drunk. He starts talking about his mom. Suddenly he sounds real British. His mom, as it were.
Starting point is 01:36:15 His mum. They lived in Crawford, Colorado when he passed. He had a ranch out there. Is Crawford is boring? I have no idea. If Boring and I don't. Yeah, I don't even... If Boring and I don't know it, I don't think that's where it is.
Starting point is 01:36:28 It's probably... 70 highway miles southeast of Grand Junction, it says on here. Oh, that's deep, baby. Yeah. That's deep, deep. That's like you don't want
Starting point is 01:36:37 anybody to find you. That's like by New Mexico or something, right? Yeah, Boring and I don't fuck around over there. No, not at all. Yeah, well, me and Joe would talk about it. The Cocker District? We'd be down there of a fuck around over there. No, not at all. The Cocker District? We'd be down there at his ranch getting blasted.
Starting point is 01:36:50 Sweating. Yeah, dude. Pouring sweat. Time for my third pick. I'm going way back. I want to hit either New York or New Orleans with this guy. I'm taking Cab Calloway. I figured.
Starting point is 01:37:05 Ian, your picks are so classy. You've got very classy picks. I want like a spooky, just sort of eerie night out and like, you know what I mean? Like in those early jazz clubs with Cab Calloway just doing blow and like pounding drinks. I think it would be so
Starting point is 01:37:21 much fun. Many of the moochers there. Many of the moochers there. Right. Exactly. She's a red hot hoochie coocher. Minnie the Moocher's there. Minnie the Moocher's there, right, exactly. She's a red hot hoochie coocher. She is a red, it's known. It is known and it is celebrated. You look up the saxophone player as a ghost, you're like, I knew it. I knew it.
Starting point is 01:37:37 I just love his entire vibe, man. It's so, and his voice is so great. It would be amazing to just like start at like a concert at the cotton club watching him you know what i mean and then just being like where does this guy go afterwards yeah you showed me who he was i didn't know we were watching it was one of the youtube nights but you showed me a few times cab calloway that's why i think i was like yeah i bet i bet he's getting on the list yeah wearing zoot suits i only know the one song, but boy, do I love it.
Starting point is 01:38:06 He's got some great ones. St. James Infirmary, his take on that too. Yeah, he's amazing. It's time for my fourth pick. And I'm going to take... Okay, I'm going with Janis Joplin. Damn. Oh, yeah. I didn't think he was going to go this late.
Starting point is 01:38:24 Yeah. Whiskey. I didn't think it was going to go this late. Yeah. Whiskey. I didn't think so either. I thought that would be a first pick for one of us for sure. But then it didn't go. Then I was thinking I could get it last. But there on. Got to get Janice. Just drinking whiskey.
Starting point is 01:38:36 Obviously a tragic passing at the age of 27. So many of these, you know, a lot of these people. I know, man. Problems with alcohol. But so do non-singers. So does everybody. Janice Joplin, I think like in San Francisco with Big Brother and the
Starting point is 01:38:49 Holding Company, just putting back whiskey all night. And again, you're like, I hope she sings. If we ran it, if me and Joe Cocker ran it to you and Janis Joplin, I think we'd have to take a back seat, my friend. What if your pick was in San Francisco? You're like, but St. Louis
Starting point is 01:39:05 during the Cardinals game. Dollar beer night at a Cardinals game. And they're playoff bound, so there's an energy in that. Stan the man Musual is winding down his career. Come on. I guess who would have been? When did Stan Musual play?
Starting point is 01:39:22 Musual? He's probably done by then. No, I think you're right. He might've been done by then, but he was done by then. He's 50, 60s, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:30 Yeah. Yeah. Stan the man though. Stan the man. Where? Yeah. Me, her Salt Lake city,
Starting point is 01:39:36 1997. I think it just would have been fun, man, to catch some of that, like authentic San Francisco. For sure. You know, just like getting tanked, wild abandoned. It just would have been fun man to catch some of that like authentic san francisco for sure you know just like getting tanked wild abandoned it just would have been amazing i think it would have been fun to also she had kind of like a you know as far as i could tell a good energy
Starting point is 01:39:55 sure it would be fun to be around maybe not when she was hammered i don't know but you never know it'd be fun to see san francisco during that time i mean that would be amazing buddy i thought about it. I'm sure you have. I don't know. You were just talking about YouTube nights. My wife and I will watch lots of, like, 90s videos. And there's lots of San Francisco bands.
Starting point is 01:40:14 Come on. Counting Crows, like, Third Eye Blind Jews. And I just get nostalgic for 90s San Francisco. I was like, I wish I could just walk around San Fran then. I can't even imagine the 60s. North Beach still rules. I like the whole place. The whole city rules. Yeah, I love it.
Starting point is 01:40:31 My little brother's in the city doing music. He's having a good time, but for sure. Yeah, I'm into the whole place, man. But I was like, you know, because I did the Punchline, and I was in North Beach. I'm like, this doesn't feel tainted by like tech money the way maybe some of the other places do so much it's still like a
Starting point is 01:40:51 little bit frozen in that old italian san francisco feeling right right um sean time for your fourth pick uh i'm just gonna live out a personal fantasy here. I'm going Lisa Left Eye Lopez. It would just be the cross-color Arab TLC on the TLC tip. I get to hang out with all of them. I get to see what T-Boss is like, probably. Or I'm just with Left Eye, and we're just going bananas in Atlanta. I don't even know where we're going. We're just out partying. She was a party animal, and I would be there for her.
Starting point is 01:41:23 Bananas in Atlantis. Can I ask you, Sean? You sure can. She's in the bar. She's a party animal and I would be there for her. Bananas in Atlantis. Can I ask you, Sean? She sends you to the bar. She's like, get us some drinks. What do you bring her back? What a great question. What year would I say? It would be like 93? Because I can't... Pre or post Crazy Sexy Cool?
Starting point is 01:41:40 Pre, I think, is what I'm going. So she's still really young. Well, yeah. Either. Okay. Even like waterfells. I can't because I can't do a vodka Red Bull. I don't think it was around yet. That's what I would say if it was like now. It'd be like a vodka Red Bull.
Starting point is 01:41:56 You would get her, you would bring her back a vodka Red Bull? I think so. Now, I don't know. Interesting. Yeah, I guess she's like if you're, she's what? She looks like a vodka Red Bull. To me, she's like a personified vodka Red Bull. But at whatever 96 is equivalent of that
Starting point is 01:42:12 would have been like a, like a, I don't know, maybe like a hurricane slushy thing. I don't know, man. She's not doing whiskey. Could have been like a 7 and 7 or some gin and juice maybe. I think it's like a cocktail of some kind, right?
Starting point is 01:42:29 I get her something that sounds like I get her something that seems like a cocktail for adults, but I get her like a brandy and Dr. Pepper or something. Yeah, like a sea breeze or something. It could be like an Incredible Hulk or something. I don't know if those were around either. Alizé was around. It could have been like some sort of Alizé drink.
Starting point is 01:42:46 Alizé was around. Alizé was around. So there we go. Some Alizé. I think I'd probably bring back some Alizé and maybe some Henrock and see how that went down. If she didn't want any of the Hennessy, I'd obviously handle it myself. But I think she'd probably partake. That's a really good question, though.
Starting point is 01:43:01 Yeah. I'm bringing her a Seabreeze. What's a Seabreeze? Grapefruit juice? Yeah, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice, and vodka, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:10 Yeah, she probably fucked with that. Lime. I'd say get away from our table, but then I'd act like I brought it, but yeah. What are you doing over here?
Starting point is 01:43:18 Why don't you go back and sit with Cab Calloway, Jackass? At the end of this, all four of us are sitting at four tables in the corner of the bar just being like, what are they doing?
Starting point is 01:43:28 We all get cast out. We don't have to hang with any of these fucking people. What the fuck are these four doing here? Adam, time for your fourth pick. Oh, fuck. It's getting down to four and five. Okay. This is just because I'm real curious about the scene. Selena. Selena. This is just because I'm real curious about the scene.
Starting point is 01:43:45 Selena. Selena. Oh. Anything for Selena. Because I'm curious about the scene. Yeah. I want to see the scene. I want to see the tour bus.
Starting point is 01:43:55 I want to see the throngs. I speak Spanish. I love that part of the country. I just be on the bus fucking watching Selena. Like Texas? Yeah. But like into Mexico.
Starting point is 01:44:04 Like driving into Mexico. Right driving into mexico right right right right you know absolutely uh you're dancing back with background to bitty bitty bomb shirt off wasted i've puked on myself her manager's not around you're like let me manage you they're like who's this creepy 43 year old who's hanging around Selena all day trust me let me manage you absolutely yeah I just think
Starting point is 01:44:33 everything's from the movies but I just I like all that I saw and I want in on that world and there's something to be in on like a phenomenon as it's happening like at the height you know what I mean at the in on like a phenomenon as it's happening. Like at the height, you know what I mean? At the height of like a phenomenon. It's some T-Swiss shit.
Starting point is 01:44:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me be a fly on the wall. Yeah, definitely. I wonder if she drank. Did she drink in the movie? She was only 23 when she died. That's so crazy. I feel like her brothers did.
Starting point is 01:45:00 Like people around, the party would be there. The party's definitely there. And I've partied in Mexico a bunch of times. People love me down there. I'll tell you what, I just, I get, I fit in,
Starting point is 01:45:11 I fit in with the, with the hardcore Mexican partying. I know how to do it. I've done it before. I'd love to do it again. And I feel like, uh, I'd be a nice addition to the tour.
Starting point is 01:45:23 Man, I fit in. I can get drunk too. So, you know, don't worry about it. That would be great. David, time for your fourth and then your final picks. Okay. Fourth pick.
Starting point is 01:45:36 I just know we had a reputation for a little bit. I love the time period. I'm taking Ray Charles. Ooh, that would be too much fun like a old industry party like a like a straight up music party man i think that would be a good good time everybody's over there he's making fun of stevie wonder i don't know why but in my head he had a beef with them yeah or he's like you know stevie can see right and i'm like ray bartender two more ray you are killing me tonight i bet they ended up getting along but there had to be a minute
Starting point is 01:46:15 where he was like sure you doing my thing even though obviously yeah being blind isn't a thing but it's like come on well because yeah because, because Stevie Wonder was famous from when he was a kid, right? He was little Stevie Wonder. And then Ray was already an adult. So I bet he's like, this fucking kid's doing my shit. I don't know. That would be fun. And then lastly, just for the fucking sheer insanity of it, Keith Moon.
Starting point is 01:46:41 Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, come on, man. That guy. Didn't he drive a car into a pond? He was going nuts. I think he did. That's what they say anyway. He drove a car into a lake.
Starting point is 01:46:52 He was the Who's original drummer. Oh okay. But he died like not long into it right? Yeah. Almost immediately I think. He died 1978. Which is kind of a sign that you know he was really going for it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:08 He's the guy that every annoying music fan is like, that's the best drummer of all time, and they will not hear anything other than Keith Lewis. Didn't he start trashing hotel rooms? He's the guy who started that. Like the first time that happened, you would have been like, what is going on? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:23 We got to pay for that, Keith. We got to talk about Keith, guys. We have a meeting about Keith. Keith, it's not the lamp's fault. Yeah. I never thought about the first person to trash a room. What an uncouth thing to do. It was Mozart, dude.
Starting point is 01:47:38 Yeah, it was. Grand Hotel. Yeah, Keith Moon. That's my final pick. I want a crazy rock and roll style. You know what I mean? Grand Hotel. Yeah, Keith Moon. That's my final pick. I think it would. Yeah, good job. I want a crazy rock and roll style. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:47:49 All the bad stuff. Man. The destruction of hotel toilets and plumbing costs as much as $500,000. He blew up the toilet and the plumbing is so gnarly. He blew up a bunch of shit. Did he blow up his drums on TV? Yeah. Yeah, he was... He's known for blowing shit up? That's crazy!
Starting point is 01:48:13 Adam, your final pick. I'm just going with this because I'm fascinated by the man and I don't know how fun it would be, but I think it would be fun. Kurt Cobain. I'd like to get down with Kurt Cobain for sure. I know... What city? Washington State? Are you going in but I think it would be fun. Kurt Cobain. I'd like to get down with Kurt Cobain for sure. What city?
Starting point is 01:48:28 Washington State? Are you going in Washington? You going to Yakima? Are you going LA? Maybe. No, I don't want to go home with him to Aberdeen. By the way, if you drive into Aberdeen, it says come as you are on the sign, which is pretty fucking odd. It's spelled U, which is crazy. And it's spelled C-U-M, yeah, which is like, Kurt would have liked that one. No, I know
Starting point is 01:48:43 he has a good sense of humor, and he was odd and he was smart. And so I would like to be drinking with Kurt pre, pre, nevermind. Like after Bloom or whatever, after that one. Bleach, after Bleach, between Bleach and nevermind. Hanging around Seattle, drinking with Kurt Cobain. That'd be a wild ride. Plus, you know,
Starting point is 01:49:07 Dave Grohl is coming around and he's funny. He's fun. He's got stories for days. He's picking up the energy. Like the Cobain whisperer. I don't think it's all sad. I think it's actually pretty funny. And I bet you Cobain talks shit with the best of them.
Starting point is 01:49:19 Oh, I could see that. I could see that. When Cobain puts on like a Daniel Johnstone record and makes you listen to it and stops everyone from talking, that's when, you know, that's when, oh shit, you just said his name. I can't remember.
Starting point is 01:49:32 That's when Groh rolls through and he's like, yeah, come on guys, you know, gets the party going. Come on, we're eating hot dogs. Let's do it. Alright, Dave, you old knucklehead. Fantastic. Sean, your final pick. Another just is foreign for me, but Whitney Houston. I just just want to sit I want to party with her I think it'd be fun for her and Left Eye
Starting point is 01:49:48 to be at the same table to me it'd just be a blast and I just I can't imagine being around someone like Whitney Houston I just I can't it'd be crazy and if you put the whole table together it's pretty nuts everyone's be like Joe Cocker's here?
Starting point is 01:50:04 that's alright I think everybody would get down with it. So I just, yeah, Whitney, man. And Joe Cocker's here? I didn't think about this as a team. That's interesting. No, me neither. That's crazy. I like that. I don't know that I would have wanted to hang I don't know if she would have wanted me there. The problem is
Starting point is 01:50:19 when you make it a team, nobody wants to talk to me anymore. Yeah, I'm saying. If I'm the one weird guy, it makes sense. Now they're a super group. They're traveling Wilburys this year. You're out of the picture. Yeah. They're the highwaymen.
Starting point is 01:50:33 For my last pick, I'm taking this pick. It's almost like the whole night would be fun, but I know mopping it up, throwing some carbs in after it would be a lot of fun. I'm getting cheese egg and Welch's grape with a Notorious B.I.G. There we go. New York City? New York City? In New York City, ending the night.
Starting point is 01:50:54 You know. They said it. He chronicled it for you with Big Papa. That's the night. End of the whole thing. We're having a good time. That's a dream come true, my friend. We're having a good time. It's a great way to end the evening. The Notorious B.I.G. is my final pick. Isaac is not with us. I think his number one pick probably would
Starting point is 01:51:09 have been... I have no idea. I don't either. He'll put it in. We just tell him. I'll be like, hey, man, throw it in. Alright, this is Isaac from the future. My pick would have been Sinead O'Connor. Just to recap really quick because I have a doctor's appointment in one minute.
Starting point is 01:51:28 David, you went first. You took Teddy Pendergrass, Matt Dre, Eartha Kitt, Ray Charles, and Keith Moon. Adam, you went second. You took Tupac Shakur, Mozart, Tom Petty, Selena, and Kurt Cobain. John, you went third. You took Prince, the old dirty bastard,
Starting point is 01:51:41 Joe Cocker, Lisa Liftye Lopez, and Whitney Houston. I went last. I took Dean Martin, Freddie Mercury, Cab Calloway, Lisa Liftye Lopez, and Whitney Houston. I went last. I took Dean Martin, Freddie Mercury, Cab Calloway, Janis Joplin, and the Notorious B.I.G. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone in the AFE subreddit,
Starting point is 01:51:57 the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. The AFE should slack it. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie O. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats and more important than all of that, tune in next week to another
Starting point is 01:52:08 brand new episode of all fantasy everything. Shaklackin! that was a hate gun podcast

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