All Fantasy Everything - Chips (w/ Troy Walker, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

Can't believe we haven't done this one yet.   Episode Guests: Troy Walker @TroyWalkeresq (IG: @troywalkeresq)   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel) Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan) David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87) Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)   Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting chips. I can't believe we haven't drafted this. It feels like a day one. It's a day one.

It feels like a day one. Our guest today is the comedian, the writer, the gentleman, Troy Walker. I'd say Bon Vivant. Bon Vivant, Flaneur. I'll like a day one. Our guest today is the comedian, the writer, the gentleman, Troy Walker. I'd say Bon Vivant. Bon Vivant, flaneur. I'll take Bon Vivant. Gadfly? I don't know what it means.

I've been to France, but I don't know what it means. A flaneur is just someone who moves effortlessly through life, flaneuring from thing to thing, I think. Are you hitting us with that Italy talk? That's French. I think flaneur is French. And that man dropping that French is Ian Carmel. It's all costing me, baby.

I haven't made a lot of use of my Babbel subscription. You got to get on the Babbel. You got to get on the Rosetta Stone. You got to get on Sean Jordan and David Borey, who are here as well. Come on, this guy. Can't be stopped. Can't be stopped. Can't be stopped.

Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is fantasy drafting chips and is in person. Yeah, man. It's rules and short shorts. Got a lot of thighs showing. Yeah, it's out. A lot of thighs. Guys out, thighs out.

It's feeling fun, man. Yeah. They say that's what they're doing now. You gotta have thighs out if you're wearing shorts. Although, who knows? Maybe the kids are like, you also see them in big baggy denim shorts now. I can't even pretend to know what they're doing. Dude, i don't wear shorts you don't wear shorts you don't own any shorts i don't own any shorts no shorts no sandals don't own any sandals i'm with why no shorts what about flip-flops absolutely not those are the worst

you ain't wrong why no shorts though i don't know I just I don't really I never really liked them I don't know why It gets so hot in Denver The city that you're from In the summer Yeah I know But I You know

I'll be fine I got jeans So like if you're in like Barbados What if you're going on vacation? Yeah A fine linen short? Oh man You don't wear jeans to the beach

Don't hit me with that You know I'm trying to think Of the last time I went to the beach That's more of a city guy. I like cities. Stop. We're roughly the same age. You never had a short set in the 90s?

I mean, I had shorts like when I was like a little kid. I think that's how I know I, you know, was like, this isn't really for me. They are. Hey, let me see your ankle. Dude, I got beat up in a Sean Kent short set. I'm ashy. No, it's not. I know that.

I'm not ashy. That was a black question. I just want to see it. That was a black question. I just want to see him. That was a black question. I just want to see him. Please use your ankle. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me.

Get those ankles out. No, I just want to see him because like. You got nice legs. Your legs are kind of pale. Well, you know, I don't know. What do you want me to say? What does he say then? They would be pale.

No, I know. This is just. You know a guy for 13 years, you think you knew about his short situation. You've never seen me wear shorts. No, no, I'm going through my mind now. I've never. It's all Kaiser Soze-ing back at Kaiser Soze in your head right now.

Every moment, you've never seen him wearing shorts. That's fucked up. I will say the beach, I could take or leave the beach. Really? I don't love it. I like the ocean. I could kind of take or leave the beach. Is it the sand? It's the beach. I could take or leave the beach. Really? I don't love it. I like the ocean. I could kind of take or leave the beach. Is it the sand?

It's the sand. It's the sand. But what about, but like, let's strike out LA's trash ass beaches out of it. Destination beach? I do like a destination beach. Get you to Wall Lake and Sioux Falls, South Dakota,

playboy, it'll change your whole world. I don't think I would. I bet I would like Wall Lake. Broken glass everywhere. That's because you don't drink four low-closers smoked meth. What? That's because you don't drink

four low-closers smoked meth. You've never been to a beach and seen a fight on the beach and you got to go to Wall Lake. That's your beach memory you gave him to get him on board? I used to wear a white hat in the lake at Wall Lake.

Wall Lake. I'm not going to any body of water that's two syllables. They closed it because there was too much cow poop in the lake one time. Oh my god. Is that a closeable offense? I didn't give a rip.

I'd have been like, whatever. Probably human poop in there. I don't care. It's the lake, dog. I feel like how many people said, well, I don't give a rip about that exact problem. That's how they got all that cow poop in there. Everybody but the commissioner who closed it, and they were replaced shortly thereafter.

I do give a rip. I give a big rip. I've never pooped in open water. I give 12 rips. I think we should give rips. These people elected us to give rips. I don't know if I've told you guys this before, but I, so we were at the Washougal River in Oregon one time, and I was with Big Tork Daddy and his wife Amy, and and I had to poop and I knew I had to poop. There

was no bathroom. We're like in the middle of nowhere. So I went over to a different part of the water and I pooped and I didn't, I'd never pooped in water before. So I didn't know it was going to float. So it floated right up next to me. So it was right next to me. And then they came over and they were like, what's going on over here? I was trying to shoo this poop away. And then right as I was happening, the only time I've ever seen a water snake in my whole life, that happened about two feet to the right of my poop. And I was like, there's a water snake. And then they were both just so stoked about that that they didn't see the poop.

So I just pushed it away. God sent a distraction. It was crazy, dude. Because of your good works. You don't think it's going to float, you know? I do think it's going to float because I pooped in a toilet. Right. It doesn't always float in the toilet.

There's a lot of different stimulus. It's not crazy to feel like pooping in a lake would... I don't know why, but I thought it was going to go down. He didn't poop in a lake. To be fair, you pooped in a river. And that is if you're going to poop in a body of water. So it would go down. Yeah, because if you poop in an ocean

it will just force it back up onto the shore right you don't want to poop in a river so that other people have to deal with it later damn straight

yeah exactly so they can see it when they're canoeing when they're setting up on the river they should look up upstream and be like nah that's a river pooper

for sure look at that like a message in a bottle and I was screaming all of my ex-girlfriend's names while I was doing it. Pouring broken glass.

Hey, I have a question. Nine inches. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What's the question? Did you walk up to a point where you could just kind of casually sit? Or did you go out to where you were waiting? I was neck deep.

And you went, oh, okay. Did you do standing poop? Did you tuck your leg? Whoa. I think I was standing up. standing up did you spread the cheeks no it's really hard to do because standing no cheek spread is why did you do a wide stance yeah it's hard to poop when you're not on it you know it's like peeing your pants when you try to do it you can't do it you know what i mean it's hard to speak for yourself this was like your version of like those women that give birth in like a river. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a poop midwife with me.

It was the same impetus too. Yeah. He didn't take any painkillers. She was like, you worked so hard for this. You deserve it. Enjoy this. Wait, but you didn't spread your cheeks? I can't remember.

I don't think so. Did you take your trunks down? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't going to get all caught in the puke. But I mean, you took your trunks down and you didn't spread cheeks. I don't think so.

I might've needed my hands above me so you didn't spread cheeks. I don't think so. I might have needed my hands above me so I didn't look insane. To ward off an attacker. We'll be back with more Weekend Edition right after this. Smart shit, dude.

The man who pooped in River, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel and Jordan on Instagram. Hello. Sean in Denver. In Denver. Colorado having great sets.

Having great sets of the Comedy Works. Having a good time. He's a funny guy. Having a good time. He came off the hinges last night. That was wild. It was fun, man. I'm tired of the jokes. I'd like you to just switch it up tonight. I'll switch it up tonight and I'll do the same. I'll kill it just as hard with different jokes. I don't think that's true. I will be

in Minneapolis in the middle of August. I don't think you're going to do it. Figure it out. And I don't think you're going to do great in middle of August I don't think you're gonna do figure it out and I don't think you're gonna do great in Minneapolis either I don't think anyone's gonna come and I think you're gonna do a bad job I love you to pieces

and I'm thrilled that we're friends I'm just I love you too are you doing Sisyphus? it's not the no I'm doing the comedy corner but I don't know the exact dates

18th and 19th maybe so when you're there it's just gonna be a corner yeah ooh there he goes there he goes

I'm doing this new thing where I like try to bring so you have something to like rise up you know what I mean you're in a bad mood because you got two bunk line bikes today

I did get two bunk line bikes in a row I'm in a great mood but I'm trying to do that thing where I'm like I don't believe in you and then you like overcome and people

are cheering for you you know but then I explain it afterwards preach bro preach bro you'll be in Minneapolis yeah you know

come to High Note Portland next month we got Curtis Cook last Thursday in July, you know, come to High Note Portland next month. We got Curtis Cook last Thursday in July, whatever that is so come to that, that'll be dang David Bord is here Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram That's me

Where can people come see you? Nowhere yet, but it's just because my tour flyer's coming out next week but I don't have all the dates I don't know right now David keeps dancing around finishing that jerky. Just finish it. It's bad jerky. It's good, dude.

No, it's not. It's not good. I like it. It's pretty bad. Take a pill and smoke it. It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Oh, it's really soft.

Why is it so soft? It's good, dude. That's gross, right? Don't you smoke sausage? That's gross. Yeah, it's weird. Tell them. It's nasty.

It's hard for me to say something that I don't like something from Oregon. That's gross. Yeah, it's weird. Tell them it's nasty. It's hard for me to say something that I don't like something from Oregon. That's a little too soft. That's a bad sausage. It's a little too... It feels like a rolled up piece of bologna. Yeah, I don't like it at all. Whatever.

It's not your fault, Sean. No, you didn't do it. Whatever. Fuck you guys. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It feels like my... Yeah, get the thigh.

It's not your fault. We're all two thighs out. There's too your fault. It's not your fault. It feels like, yeah, get the thigh. It's not your fault. We're all two thighs out. There's too much out. It's only getting more thighs. That's why Troy's doing those shorts. He's fucking Jesus on the cross for the rest of us. Too much meat on the sanguine. He's dying for our sins.

Pull it back. Put some Giro Deo on it for God's sake. Speaking of soft sausages, you know. There he goes. The man is on fire. Troy Walker is here. Troy, what are your socials? I don't have a computer with me right now troy walker esq that's on instagram and twitter fantastic where uh you you are here in denver right now you're from denver from you are the jimmy kimmel writers uh comedy weekend yeah are you gonna do are you gonna be doing more though

where can people see you do stand-up? I'm headlining Comedy Works on Sunday. I don't know. This won't be up by then. But they will have seen it and had a great time. But I will also be headlining Comedy Works on July 30th. This will be up before then. Go. Absolutely go.

I will be headlining them. And you'll be wearing shorts on stage. Absolutely not. That is a faux pas. We got'll be wearing shorts on stage. Absolutely not. That is so faux pas. He's promising right now. We gotta hit you with some shorts. You look like you got good legs.

You do look like you have good legs. That's why I wanted you to take your calf out. I would love to see you in shorts. I know an ass question when I hear an ass question.

It wasn't an ass question. Don't do that to me. I'm not trying to put you in a corner. I think you might have nice legs. I mean, I don't know. They're fine.

I bet they're great. How do you judge that? I bet you have a thigh. Do think you might have nice legs. I mean, I don't know. They're fine. I bet they're great. How do you judge that? I bet you have a thigh. Do you have like sort of a thigh globe over the knee? Like that kind of muscle? That's what I bet he has. Yeah, I think that's what I have. Like it looks like it's fast.

You know the thigh globe? You know the thigh globe? I do. Yeah. I don't have it. I have a big knee surgery scar. Well, you do. He's got some thigh striations going on.

Don't worry about me. I've been in the gym. I have not been on the picket line. I go to the gym. I protest there. So do you feel compelled to go to the picket line? I feel compelled morally and by my guild's rigid picketing standards. I've been out there.

Are you required to? You got to. Is it three shifts a week you're supposed to, right? Yeah. We've been doing almost every day. Really? Yeah. Not for the whole four hours. Well, you're supposed to really i yeah we've been doing almost every day dude really yeah not for the whole four hours well you're you're like actively on strike yeah yeah yeah my show's over that's what i was gonna say like do you feel compelled even though you're not like technically still gill still huh i'd have gone to italy i went to italy and i haven't been

picketing since i got back from italy but i've been gone i've been home home for like two days. They would have found me dead in the middle of Little Italy. Little did they know me. I eliminated some little middlemen who didn't do diddly. Oh, my God. Whoa. That's the top? Good job. What song is that from?

It's a big pun song. Yeah. Have you been eliminating a middleman? I just blanked. You struck out. You struck out. I was like, what? Whatever you just said.

I said, have you been eliminating a middleman? Oh. Yeah. Eliminating my middleman? I went to the Middleman Jewish Community Center for preschool and kindergarten. Is that interesting? Nope. All right.

We're moving on. I find it a little interesting, actually. I actually do. There was a big pool. We had an Olympic-sized pool. I find I like Jewish children. Yeah. Jewish children, they're precocious.

Yeah. They'll tell you what they think. You're Jewish, right? A hundred percent, Barm. That's what I'm everything. Wow. Back in person. We got one out. Ben, Jewish children, they're precocious. Yeah. They'll tell you what they think. You're Jewish, right? 100%. That's what I'm everything. Wow, back in person. We got one out. I feel like I like Jewish community centers. I've done stand-up there. They're always good. It seems like

they're having a good time with the JCC. They're always great. If they have a cafeteria, it's usually got pretty good food. I had my first knish at the Portland Middleman Jewish Community Center. Get out of town. And the best steak fries I've still ever had in my entire food. Really? I had my first knish at the Portland Middleman Jewish Community Center. Get out of town. And the best steak fries I've still ever had in my entire life.

Really? Yeah. They used to be Red Robin but they started switching up on me. Did they really? That shit's trash now. Nah, man. Remember though?

99? That shit was going crazy. Crazy. We used to go to Red Robin in high school and they had to lose money on our table. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The amount of free refills on soda and steak. The bottom was steak fries. And you're like, can we start with the fries? Can you get those going right now? Yeah. That's the thing. You got to bring out a few baskets.

Yeah. I'm going to get the burger, but I want the fries as an appetizer right now. A bunch. Now. We went before Monster Trucks a few months ago. We just went and got loaded at Red Robin. Before Monster Trucks. Before we went to Monster Trucks, me and Kyle and Posse got

loaded at a Red Robin. It was sick. Great. We'll be back with more Weekend Edition right after this. Trying to get us that sort of like NPR demographic. We're getting them with all the thigh talk. ASMR radio. We'll be back with more Week in Edition after this.

Micheal Morris has an excellent... I'm talking! What is it? It's not fresh air. There's one big NPR show. They hit me up one time and they wanted me to do an interview about my dad. And I told them some stuff. This American Life? Maybe, yeah. But then they're like, essentially, they were like, it's not rough enough.

Like, I didn't have a tough enough time with my dad. And I was like, I was a piece of shit. I was like, he's terrible. The stories you've told about your dad have been pretty rough. They're not great. What the fuck are they looking for?

I don't know. I told them quite a few. They ended up going to Idi Amin Jr. They make me feel bad. Yeah, dude. It was funny. I was like, well, he was pretty bad.

What are you talking about? Well, let's do it like, welcome back to this american life i'm ira glass today a story in three parts fatherhood part one sean jordan with a story about growing up in sioux falls south dakota with his father and that is what i assume is a good ira glass i think it's an okay ira glass impression one's pretty solid yeah it's all right right yeah the pause is that. I think it's an okay Ira Glass impression. I thought it was pretty solid. It was alright, right? The pause is that solid. It's almost like an Obama impression. I'm just going to do it. Is Ira Glass

kind of black? I don't think so. I'm just going to do it. Is he? Oh, I'm thinking of Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah, yeah. He is. Malcolm Gladwell, I think, is like half Jamaican. Who isn't these days? I know. You're telling me, buddy. You're telling me, yeah, he is. Yeah, Malcolm Gladwell I think is like half Jamaican. Who isn't these days?

I know. You're telling me, buddy. You're telling me, Bumper Claude. A little crazy bald head over there. I'm Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram,

at Ian Carmel on TikTok. Follow me on there. I'm posting. That's where it's going., at Ian Carmel on TikTok. Follow me on there. I'm posting. That's where it's going. I'm on there. My agent told me that if you don't have TikTok followers, these clubs can do whatever they want to you. So now I've got like 4,000 TikTok followers. Man, that's such an agent comment.

Can I terrify you? Terrify you. But it's like, I mean, shoot me straight. Shoot me. Tell me exactly what's going on. Because then I immediately join TikTok followers. You got 130 of them? If you had one, I'd be one of them, baby. I'd be one of them.

Yeah, I got to work on it. Yeah, me too. I don't have one. I don't have a TikTok. I'm a loser, dude. I race remote control boats at the park I'm not those two sentences

don't make any sense that's a winner that's a winner's thing I saw those boats yesterday tell that to Tinder you got a little something called a fleet sitting on your kitchen counter

I have no problem telling that to Tinder because I'm going to bet there's lots of young women who would love to race boats in the park I got some messages to tell you otherwise

I was laying on David's floor going through withdrawals yesterday morning, and he was talking about his boat fleet. And it was pretty fun. It helped me work through. I had such a rough morning yesterday. It was crazy. It happens every single time I come here. I get two bucks the night before, and then the next day is just,

I was worthless yesterday. Denver will remind you. It will. And we also went to a really nice restaurant in all of our athletic shorts. And it said right on the door, no athletic shorts. And Ian's like, let's see how tight

this policy is. And it wasn't. It wasn't. It didn't give a shit at all. In fact, the man serving us gave us his card as we left. Like he wanted us to come back

or like hang out with him later or something. I thought his name was Ian because it had the tall letters. Yeah. His name's Lon Double L. Oh. Lon?

That's tight. I think it was Lon. It might be Elon. There's a dude at Comedy Works named Stetson. There's a guy who works there

named Stetson. Stetson? Yes. I went to high school with a kid named Stetson. Dude, that's a name. I feel like I'm running. Oh, maybe he blocked that out.

I don't know what he's doing. Is that your fault? Isaac, put your horns over that, please. There's a Stetson Bennett in the NFL, or at least he's a college football player. I feel like you run into more Stetsons here than maybe Portland, Oregon. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

You guys are in Aiden Town. Yeah, big time Aiden Town. Or like an Ashton. There's a lot of Ashtons. I know boy and girl Ashtons from Portland. I feel like there's a lot of Emilys up there. Yeah, Emilys. Yeah. For sure.

What? I'm just going to keep looking at you. What the fuck are you looking at? I don't know when this drops, but in case it's before July 7th, 8th, or 9th, come see me at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Las Vegas, Nevada during NBA Summer League.

During the day, I'm going to be watching Scoot Henderson just dunking on people for the Portland Trailblazers. Maybe still at this point. And at night, I'll be doing stand-up comedy in Las Vegas. Famously, a great place to do stand-up comedy. Oh, it's known for it. Yeah, you'll be, you'll be earning your trip.

It's going to be a very weird room because there'll be a few people who are there to see me because I know that because of Summer League and they're coming. And then there's going to be a lot of people

who are there because you can't technically gamble while you're at the club and they just need two hours off the very cold floor. I just can't, I can't sit at the buffet for two more hours.

Yeah. They're going to be smoking cigarettes while they wait for their 9 p.m. flight. I've eaten so many shrimp. There's a whole crowd of people looking into the distance, thinking about what they lost. Yeah. Oh, I've done that club. It definitely feels like a bunch of guys

like, oh God, I've got to tell her. There's no hiding this. There's a lot of people in the audience with texts that have been typed out but not sent. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm hoping it'll be slightly less rough than Christmas. But I have no idea. I have nothing to say to you about that.

I would like it for you, but I can't promise you. I have no idea. By now, I mean, for God's sake, we can say we're going to be at High Plains, right? When are they announcing that? Yeah, I think so. We're going to be at High Plains. We've been telling people in person, so we're going to tell people on this now. Sorry, Karen and Adam, if we're not supposed to tell people we're at High Plains. We're running by them tonight.

We're going to be at High Plains. We're going to be at the 10th High Plains Comedy Festival. It's going to be at the 10th High Plains Comedy Festival. It's going to be fantastic. I don't know. I think we're doing a couple of live AFAs and a stand-up show.

Yep. It's going to be great. It will be great. It's going to be fun. I'm going to make the same mistake that I always do. Get a little too tore up

the night on the flight in. Have a worthless, rough morning the next day and then I'll be on point for the rest of the show. I promised myself that I wouldn't get drunk. You just sat.

Boy, I'd like to think that, but you promised yourself you wouldn't get drunk. What? During the show? Super high planes. Yeah. This year. I wouldn't get super drunk at high planes this year. This morning I made that promise to myself. Sure. We'll see. Wow. Well, I won't during the shows. And in a couple of months you'll be

breaking that promise. Yeah. It's been two months since I've been drunk in Denver. It's probably changed. I haven't done ketamine in years. You know, it sneaks up on you here. The altitude isn't helping you. The altitude does. The ketamine sneaks up on you. All of it.

The price of the drinks. The drinks are like dirt cheap. Oh, I know. It's insane. You're like, at this rate, I can't afford not to wake up in a gutter. I need to fill my glass with this alcohol and fly back to California. We were gathered here today not to talk about

binge drinking at comedy festivals, but to fantasy draft chips. Yeah. Something we've been circling for a long time. I can't believe we haven't drafted.

It does feel strange. It feels strange. And I felt bad because you hit us with like quite a few other options. There were some great ones. But we've done like two of those

that you hit us with and I just wasn't right there ready to figure out which ones we hadn't done. So that was why I was like, look, this one's easy. I know chips. I woke up today. I was like, it was very, I felt rude in the text. I hope you didn't take it that way.

I just, no, no. It was just not the right time to figure out what we'd done and what we had. We'd been drinking last night as well. We were knee deep in some pizza logs. I was worried that I had made a mistake. I was like, oh, maybe that was like a list of all the things they've done already. And then I just was like,

I would like to do these things you've done already. You guys were like, um, Troy's in it. Let's do chips. We haven't yet accidentally redone something. I'm waiting for that to happen. It's going to happen.

Where we like just completely spaced that we did it. You know, when you said you've never worn shorts, there was a second where I was like, is this guy even a chip guy? But now it's good to know you are. Oh, I'm a chip guy.

That is a worry because chips and shorts go hand in hand. Hand in hand. It's all my middle school bullies will tell you. But chips and jeans can go quite well. Yeah. You got a lot more space to wipe the chip crumbs. Chips go with everything. Chips go the chip crumbs. Chips go with everything. In the summertime. Chips go

with, you know, being in your, yeah, no pants. They do underwear. I've brushed chip dust out of my chest here several times. All the time. Don't you want to feel free? They don't make me feel free. Shorts don't make me feel free. They make me feel exposed.

Okay. I don't like it what do you mean exposed like these little thighs right here yeah look at this look at all this picking that up on the microphone on that thigh slap there you go there you go there's beef you guys are serving yeah too much i don't what if i can't keep up come on i'm serving all the beef i'm the bear it's like christmas dinner they got a prime rib on every table right now yeah you got three italian hot beefs right here. Come to the David Borey annual foot races at High Plains this year.

Oh, I'm running the foot races back. Are you? Foot races? We've told it so many times. Are you kidding me? Why would I not run them back? I need to know about these foot races. David just organized his apron, barbecuing, organized foot races at the park. It was sick, dude. Okay, yeah.

I need to do this. Steven AJ got way too serious. You're going to be out there running in long pants. Yeah. All right. Yedoye was running in pants. Was he? He was.

Steven had jeans on. Yedoye was going crazy. Yeah. Well, him and Steven both took their shoes off at one point. And we're like, you guys are serious right now. And then Steven did the race. Yeah, Steven got a little too excited. He was like, alright, race wars! Black

guys versus white guys! That sounds very Steve-age. Yeah, and Caden Holland was like, we can't do this in the party. The High Plains race wars, that can't happen. I've never been in a situation where I thought that was the answer.

All right, race wars. Oh, we're having an argument? We've been dancing around it. Let's just say it. All picnic, we've been dancing around it. Let's just say it. But Steve's never been in a situation where that didn't feel like the answer.

He did that to me at a Wendy's once. Yeah, exactly. He was like, all right, race wars. White guys and a cheeseburger. They're like the frosting machine's broken. He's like, all right, race wars.

If white guys were going to field a foot racing team, I don't think the stand-up comedians is the roster I would pluck this from. Jeff Tice was our front runner for sure. Everybody else was very far behind. Out there, Kyle Kinane getting limbered up. I feel like Dan Soder could be sneaky fast. Yeah, Soder might be fast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's long. He turned 40 today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't even go and post on a little Instagram. Happy birthday, Dan Soder. Happy birthday, Soder. Yeah.

Soder Pop. And if you want to see some heat, you know, come to these races. Yeah, absolutely. We'll race them against any black guy. Any Puerto Rican. It's crazy what you say. I almost laughed.

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't like it anymore. I just imagined Soda listening to this. I'm lighting a cigarette. We will race Dan Soda against Denny Black, man. Soda's like, dude, what? I'll put my eye tie against Denny Black, you guys. I will put my, he's tall, he's rangy, he's got long legs. Can you say eye tie?

I don't know the words. I think so. I think we can say eye tie. Didn't you say eye tie? What does that mean? Well, we'll hear about it. What is it? I don't even know what it is.

You said it a bunch of times now. Sure. Hi, Talion. I will rate. Is he Italian? No, I don't know. Oh, yeah. He's probably Soviet.

It's kind of like if they're not Jewish or Middle Eastern, I don't really know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We appreciate that. He's what we call Aurora White. He's Aurora White. That's very general. Where's Peja Stojakovic from? Peja Stojakovic?

I think he's from Aurora too, right? The way we determine the order of the draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Left-handed in-person rock, paper, scissors. Sean's going left. David's going left.

Troy's going right. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors. Sean's going left. David's going left. Troy's going right. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. It's an odd man out. It's an unad. It's a perverted victory. It's a paper against two scissors.

David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's an excellent question. Like riding your bike down the road, man. You just go on the right side a little bit. It is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's an excellent question. Like riding your bike down the road, man. You just go on the right side a little bit.

You take a nice little cruise. Then you veer over to the left. And then you cruise on the left side a little bit. And you veer back over to the right. Cruise on the right side a little bit. Just kind of back and forth until you get where you're going and feel great about it.

Ripped from the headlines. Yeah. Ripped from the... Sean and I rode little line bikes over here. It was great. It was pretty cute. Oh, that's literally what happened. Yeah. It was pretty cute. We had little line bikes over here. It was great. It was pretty cute. Oh, that's literally what happened. Yeah.

It was pretty cute. We had a cute little bike ride. It was cute. Ian got recognized when he was getting his bike. Somebody was like, is that the comedian? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody said that?

Yeah. I think that's what they said, right? They did, yeah. A guy from Wyoming. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. Now, with that in mind, David, what will the order of today's fantasy draft be? Ooh, I'm going David, Sean, Troy, Ian. David, Sean, Troy, what will the order of today's fantasy draft be? Ooh, I'm going David Sean Troy Ian.

David Sean Troy Ian. Hot corner! Which means, David Bore, you have the first pick in the chips. All Fantasy Everything Fantasy Draft. David Sean Troy? Yes. Yeah, okay, David Sean Troy Ian. And David, we will get to that first pick right after this short break.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best this short break. two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a

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Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. The only podcast that has ever existed. Except, of course, for Morning Edition, which we'll be back with more of.

Welcome back. Right after this. And Lotion Talk. No lotion. Lotion is the second break. We've taken a break on Lotion Talk. We have taken a long break

on Lotion Talk. Some in-person Lotion Talk coming up. Long break on L talk we have taken a long break on lotion talk some in-person lotion talk coming a long break on lotion talk david boy we have to forward this just to marissa you talking about lotion i was like chop up sean talking about lotion and email it to marissa and text it you know it's a sneaky little treat instead of milk in your cereal lotion i hate that i don't care i hate your gross right it's awful it's like i love you but i hate it wait what kind of lotion specifically no no no i have to know give it more runway on that david i have to know you know it doesn't matter it's nasty it's nasty there are ones that are less

nasty than others sure i'm glad you asked it's a milky lotion any sort of milky lotion in your cereal i mean i thought your answer was going to be better. I thought you had like a specific brand. I thought you were like, he doesn't even use it. He's from South Dakota. I don't really know. They don't sell it there.

I don't lotion a lot. Have you ever lotioned? I lotion my face. Yeah. I lotion my elbows before bed now like a concerned mother. Well,

his curfew is 11. I think that raccoon got into the weeds. I can't see what I'm doing. Where is he with my car? I told him. Well, his curfew is 11. I think that raccoon got into the weeds a little bit. Every night, I'm like doing it. Where is he with my car? I told him. He's been distant lately.

Can you talk to him? Absolutely. David Boyd, every chip is in the pantry right now. I know. What's the first pick? That's like, when I went first, I was very confident, and then now I'm thinking about it, it's like, it's almost like there's more ways to blow it. There's too much freedom right now. There's almost more ways to blow

it. I think, though, I'm going to have to go on my heart, and I'm going to have to do the thing I put on the paper first. I'm saying cheddar and sour cream ruffle. Oh, that's a good chip! That's a good one. First pick. Oh, it's my favorite chip on the planet is it oh it's so good there's some you tell me about it no go for it you picked it so good it's amazing

i i don't have much there's something about biting into it there's that sensation where it immediately it's like it feels like if you saw queen live yeah you know that show's opening like the lights come on and the music starts and you're fucking in it also someone about eating orange food makes you feel kind of naughty yeah yeah i did not expect this to go first it is a great chip are you you're gonna take it first absolutely best chip on the planet troy what's your opinion on the sour cream i love the sour the cheddar and sour cream ones. You're right about the orange

because you know it's... You're really leaning into these are bad for me. Yeah, you're having a fucking chip. These are an unnatural color. Also, I got some ones, but straight up, I don't need no dip. Absolutely not. You can. If you do, though, it's a real fun little chip.

Oh, it's crazy with dip. Because the Flavor Blast alone, just on the chip, is insane. And then you throw it in a dip, forget about it. Careful, that's how you got Maxine. That's how you do the insane Flavor Blast over here. The Flavor Blast alone. Well, the Flavor Blast alone. The Flavor Blast alone would have killed him. Coming out later.

Yeah, dude, those are, yeah, fantastic. Who's kidding who? Yeah, dude. Those are, yeah, fantastic. It's also the best way, in my opinion, not to, I mean, listen, Ruffles has been said, so I'm not saying Pixie. No, we're taking different kinds of, like, okay. This is the best way to have a Ruffle, in my opinion. Oh, my gosh. Come on.

Yeah. Come on. And it's like, you know what I love about chip flavors? It's two things you never, you wouldn't think to put those two things together in the wild. No. If you saw somebody in the house, you're like, I'm making a sandwich. I got some cheddar and sour cream. It's going to be amazing.

They do kind of feel like they happened by accident, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like a mad scientist. Oh, somebody fell down and ripped something into something else. Also, I hate sour cream. Yeah, I don't like it either. And you still like these chips?

I don't like sour cream either. You don't like sour cream? I hate it. There's something else I hate that we'll talk about later, I'm sure, that I love it on a chip. I like Polish. Yeah, I like a Polish chip, but boy, do I. Yeah, man, sour cream blows, if I'm being honest. What?

I love sour cream. I don't like it. No? No. Yeah, I, sour cream blows, if I'm being honest. What? I love sour cream. I don't like it. No? No. Yeah, I love it, too. When you're eating a burrito and you get a sour cream vein in there? Makes me want to barf. No, I always tell them no.

I throw it away. No sour cream, no guacamole. No guacamole? I don't like avocados either. I'm sorry. You're a fool. You're a fool. I like you, but you're a fool.

They're gross. They are gross. It's one of the hardest things about living in California. They put it on everything, and you don't have a choice about it. Yeah. Sometimes they go through like- It's called California style, Troy. Grow up.

It's avocado ice cream, bro. I can't stand it. And the worst part is you'll look on a menu, and it'll say smashed avocado, which is just like an extra middle finger right in your face. You can't even take it off. You can't even take it. We're going to smush this into every part of this, you idiot. It literally falls off a tree in the neighborhood.

I know, I hate it. It just ends up being part of the bread, and then the whole thing's gross to me. I don't use this word a lot, but this might be treason. Yeah. It is treasonous. This might be treason. Avocado's dog shit. I can't stand it.

Yeah, it's bad. Dog shit? It's bad. I'm going to shoot you with a gun. Literally, it is the consistency of dog shit. Yeah. His sets have been too good. His sets have been too good.

You know, yours must have been too, because you're both riding fucking heaters right now. What are you talking about? We're both riding heaters right now. You guys are literally the first people I've ever met who don't like guacamole. Can't stand it. I hate it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

I won't even eat it, to be polite. Like, if somebody spends a day on guac, I'm just like, no, I'm not even going to try it. I hate it. I can't stand it. I won't even eat it to be polite. If somebody spends a day on guac, I'm just like, no, I'm not even going to try it. Some people will be like, oh, it's hella spicy. I made a spicy... I know you like spicy. I'm like, nope, not spicy guac. I will spend 20 minutes scraping avocado off of anything I get.

If I forget, or even if it's free, you go to a place and they go, oh, we got free sandwiches or whatever. I'm not eating it until the avocados off of it. It's got to go. It sucks. It sucks. I like you guys, but this sucks.

Jesus. Sour cream and cheddar. I think we just got to move on. Sour cream and cheddar has been the first. Yeah, we got to get it. Otherwise, it's going to get. Is your pen working? Did it die on you?

The pen died on me. Does anyone. Is there. Do you have an extra pen? Excuse anyone... Do you have an extra pen? Excuse me. Do you have an extra pen? I'm sorry. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Yeah. Is it me? It's Sean Jordan's pick. And he's going to take those guacamole chips? God, no, dude. They have them too, don't they? Yeah, they do.

Definitely. They're good. I'm going to take taco Doritos. Love them. Oh, is that the classic? The classic taco? The the classic taco flavor one really that's a deep cut yeah well you know second to sour cream and cheddar easily my favorite chip taco doritos taco doritos you mean nacho doritos no he doesn't know the taco flavor is very specific it's like an old school it comes in a very like old school branded bag it does now they read they redid the

branding so it's like in the old school Doritos bag. That's the original Doritos. It looks like it's like bottom half is orange, top half is white, and then it's got Doritos and the funky letters or whatever. I don't remember seeing them for a long time. I feel like I've seen them lately. Yeah, they didn't have them for a decade probably. Did you grow up eating those?

Yeah. They've always been my favorite Dorito. I know that we'll talk more about that. I feel like I taste meat when I eat them. I love it. That's the good that puts me off a little bit. That's the good part. It's like beef powder. This is me being trash where I'm just like, I want to taste beef on my chips.

But there's like a beef powder. It's like powdered beef. Yeah, dude. Give it to me. Here's a real question. My mom used to hang out with a Jamaican lady and she did it and everybody went nuts. You ever make Dorito nachos? Sure have. Definitely. Put some actual tacos. But you don't like guacamole. and everybody went nuts. You ever make Dorito nachos? Sure have. Definitely. Yeah, man.

Put some actual tacos. But you don't like guacamole. Yeah. You fucks. Or sour cream. What's on those nachos? What's on the nachos you guys like? You're making dry Dorito nachos?

What are you, hot chips? Like a fucking serial killer? Ooh, a hot tray of chips. Yeah, I killed my stepdad and then I made some Dorito nachos. Fucking psychopath. What are you talking about? Beef, cheese, I killed my stepdad and then I made some burritos and nachos. Fucking psychopath. What are you talking about? Beef, cheese, and hot sauce.

Beef, cheese, salsa. There's salsa, onions. No, no, no. It feels like you're just trying to... We can't blow by him. We can't blow by him. A man who doesn't like salsa? The guac boys are beefing now. No salsa? No, I don't like salsa.

No pico? Nope.ac boys are beefing now. No salsa? No. I don't like salsa. I don't like salsa. No pico? Nope. The fuck are you eating? Bad stuff. You know he's eating cream corn with mustard. This shit looks like soft serve. I'll put a little dollop

of mustard in corn. I think it's great. Come on, man. Who doesn't like pico? It's just tomatoes and... He's an animal. I don't know how you... Somehow,

you've been like my best friend for like 15 years now? 12, 13? A long time. And you still manage to surprise me with your diet every now and then. I hate it. My God, no salsa. I'm the person that will like

dip a chip into the chunky salsa and slowly pull it out so no chunks get on the chip. So you want to dip your chip in tomato juice? Kind of. When you say it like that, that sounds so gross. If it was your world, you had a cup of V8 with a bag of chips. You would dip the chips in the V8.

V8 is disgusting. What? Tomato juice? It tastes like gasoline. What is it disgusting, Sean? Taco Doritos, beef, and cheese, and hot sauce. those aren't disgusting and that jerky that you

were snacking on that shit's nasty it was a silly texture that shit's nasty it was like biting into cheese it was an unserious texture for a

for a piece of jerky taco Doritos taco Doritos taco Doritos of all the Doritos on God's green grocery store well I don't think

she would mind that I chose tacos first. There you go. That's my fucking right. We don't all wear capes. I'm just out here, you know. Taco Doritos, no salsa. Salsa is such an essential part of taco.

I don't even know what to say to this guy. No salsa. Say it to the thighs, playboy. There's so many varieties of salsa. I know. There's so many. There's a different one for whatever. It's one of the best things.

It's like. I don't like any of it. It's Spanish for sauce. That's how broad it is. Yeah. There's a different one for whatever. It's one of the best things. It's like, I don't like any of it. It's Spanish for sauce. You know, that's how broad it is. Yeah. There's like one kind of sour cream. Guacamole is always kind of, but like, there's so many kinds of salsa. Nope.

I mean, you can do a lot with guacamole if you're paying attention. Absolutely. You can throw it in a dumpster. You can throw it in a garbage can. You can throw it on the street. Really innovative work in the guacamole business. Oh my God. Have you been to the Northeast?

They're doing crazy guac tech up there. Crazy guac tech. Now I'm never going to the Northeast. Some of the guacamoles coming out of RISD right now are like earth shattering. It's the Rhode Island Institute of... Nope, I don't know. The Rhode Island...

Salsa Design. Yeah. The Rhode Island Institute of Salsas and Dips. They do a great work. Troy, it's time for your first pick. Taco Doritos, which have beef powder

on them, are off the board. I got to go Funyuns. Funyuns? I got to go Funyuns. Day one, huh? Yeah. Funyuns.

First round. Funyuns. First round Funyuns? I thought I could get those later. I like it, but that's a wild move. That's crazy. Man, I love Funyuns.

I do too. Overall, I hate Funyuns. So that's another thing. Well, no, look, but that's a wild move. That's crazy. Man, I love Funyuns. I do too. But I hate onions. So that's another thing. Well, no. Look, I got a whole... I'm telling you. I got a... But I, you know,

I have other Doritos flavors. Like, I don't know how deep we can go. You might not have to this. Well, we're going five picks. We can go as deep as you... Yeah, yeah. We can get all the way to the bottom of the dip. I'm sticking with Funyuns.

I love Funyuns. Funyuns. Dude, they're amazing. I got your back completely. I also like Funyuns. They're one of the most fun chips to eat because they're in a little circle. They're phenomenal. The texture's cool.

They're crispy, and then there's nothing inside. The texture's cool. It tastes like you get like that. I'll have to give you credit on that. The texture is cool. Onion powder. You get it on your fingers. Yeah.

I don't know how to explain this, but every time I eat Funyuns, I get that feeling of like, who do I think I am? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know how to explain this, but every time I eat Funyuns, I get that feeling of like, who do I think I am? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know how to explain it. They always feel like a wake-up call to me.

Yeah, like, whoa, you bought Funyuns? Yeah. Let's reassess. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, stand up, go take a shower. Yeah.

All right. Touch five things, taste four things, smell three things. That really works. That really, if you're having a panic attack, that's things, smell three things. That really works. If you're having a panic attack, that's like a great little strategy. Yeah, man.

I'm with you. I love them. They're fun to eat. They got an interesting shape. It's great. It's the thing. You ever get one that's like the perfect size to go right in your mouth? Because some of them are way too big. You have to eat them in chunks. Well, yeah, like the smaller ones, the flavoring's even more dense. You get a little extra onion flavoring.

Yeah. A little extra intense shot of onion flavor. I love you. I respect you as a colleague and as a comedian who I admire. I find that a Funyun is a first-round pick. I find it shocking. Same. Honestly, quite frankly,

crazy. I hate to say I-ties and the following word in the same podcast, honestly quite frankly crazy I hate to say I ties and the following word in the same podcast dirty guac lovers I don't think you should be tossing that around South Dakota it doesn't feel good

it did sound bad it sounded really bad Sean saying dirty guac lovers put it on a zip drive and put that in the safety deposit box under David and Isaac. Just derail his presidential campaign in 15 years. Well, well, well, Mr. Jordan. Yeah, man. Funyuns are ill, dude.

Funyuns are ill. I like a Funyun. Yeah, they're great. But it does feel like a reality. And that's not to speak on your pick. For me, it's a reality check. It always is. Here's what I'll say about.

It's always like the fifth day of me eating really bad in a row. Yeah, I'm never like, oh, sick. I finished all these Funyuns. Yeah. See, but that's why I think they're essential. That's why I think they win. Because they're a rock bottom. Because they are.

And yeah, you're talking about unhealthy food. I don't think I've ever bought a big bag of Funyuns before. They're always the little bags. Oh, buddy, I've ever bought a big bag of funyuns before they're always the little bit oh buddy i've definitely bought a big bag of fun really oh yeah oh yeah what did they say to you look man i was an unemployed comedian for a long time you have to sign a release yeah what do you say what do you say when you pull up to the counter with a huge bag of funyuns? You're just like, doctor? I say I'm about to go play some Zelda. And you already knew that. You already knew.

I just say law school is really tough, so I think I deserve these. You got to let them know. Well, yeah, they're going to take my degree back after this podcast. Yeah, absolutely. You're done. You're done. They're going to be like, no, we can't be affiliated with. It's truly over.

It is time for my first and second picks, as it is a serpentine draft. And with my first pick, I got to take Cool Ranch Doritos off the board. Yeah. That's reasonable. I got to go get it. It is my first love as far as chips go. I fell in love with them when it was a Cooler Ranch Dorito. At some point, they decided to drop that ER.

It's just a Cool ranch Dorito right now. It's my favorite shell on a taco at Taco Bell. If I have to choose between the two. Yep. Really? Yeah. And also what I love about this chip, and if I'm building out my entire draft here, strategy-wise, it's not a flavor profile you're going to find on a lot of other chips.

I agree. It is true. Chips don't commit to ranch because it's like, hey, we're putting trash on a lot of other chips. I agree. It is true. Yeah, there's not a lot of like... Chips don't commit to ranch because it's like, hey, we're putting trash on a trash can. Yeah. Doritos gets away with it because they've been doing it for so long. They started it.

They started it. But can you imagine like if 2023, that didn't exist and then a chip brand came out with ranch flavored chips? It does seem where you'd be like, well, that's... I wouldn't even buy those. Like Biden would have to talk about it. Well, you know what else is like after a month cool ranch doritos is

it's a flavor that seems like it wouldn't work but it works so well it even works with flaming hot like the flaming hot cool ranch doritos whoa but it does what it does we'll get there we'll get it it'll be coming up again we might get there there soon. We might get there soon. But it does. It worked together. They're phenomenal. If you're doing one of those, I'm pouring a bunch of chips, like if you throw just a Cool Ranch in

with a handful of other chips, that's a delight. That's a good look. Yeah, but that's also like, you want to talk about hitting bottom. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, when you're just, yeah, it's like,

I'm in my apartment alone playing chip games. Yeah. That's like somebody mixing pills, man. I locked my cats in another room so they didn't have to watch me do it. Maybe I'll feel something when it's ranch. I'm just going to take all these chips and leave a note for my family. The chips are on the note. I did the best I could.

Written on a chip? I'm only one man. God damn it. I tried a cool range. Doritos, a real team player. It's like a great, it's like,

it's a facilitator. You know, it's the Koliokic. It's been a Koliokic of chips. You can put any chips around it. I'm not going to take that. No, it's the Nikola.

You can put any chips. Funyuns are the Yokes. You guys are both nuts. Funyuns are the Allen Iverson of chips. It's taco Doritos. You're talking like it's a fever nuts. Funyuns are the Allen Iverson of chips. It's taco Doritos. You're talking like it's a fever dream. Funyuns are the Allen Iverson of chips.

Cool Ranch Doritos are the Nikola Jokic. Powder blue. Everything you just said is Portuguese. They're powder blue. I do like the blue bag. Well, you're familiar with Portuguese now. They're powder blue. That's my first. They work well with anything.

If you have a Cool Ranch Dorito and you put four other chips around it, it's going to make it work. When was the last time you did that, Ian? It's been a while. He's like, I've got a wife. I've got a wife now. He's like, I think it was around Nagano. I was watching Apollo, Anton, Onos.

Christy Yamaguchi was on the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a high time in Beaverton, Oregon. I can't do it anymore. I've got a wife now and I want to keep her. Yeah, I would have to wait until she was out of town for a long time. And then I'd still have to go do it. Yeah, that's like day four.

There'd have to be a trash pickup in between her coming home and me doing it. I've taken stuff out of the house when like if Laura's gone. I've taken garbage and thrown it in a different, like a public garbage. And I'm like, I don't want her to know exactly how much Buffalo wings I ate. Yeah. She can't.

And then you put one of them in the regular ones. Okay. So he had some, I have done that. Seriously. She's not going to believe that I had none, but I don't want her to know. And I had 40.

The perfect crime. Yeah, dude, that's sad. I did do that. I did do that. I did do that like three months ago. I did that with B-dubs. Anyway.

The aforementioned for my number two pick, Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Yeah, totally. Fuck. Yeah. The crunchy ones. Those were... I really thought I could get it second. That was an insane thing when that happened.

Solid. Yeah. They are... Didn't the government have to like come out and say they're addictive or something like that? Isn't there like something in the flavor? Because the kids were just going crazy with it. There's something about that just like a little bit of spicy.

And then the only way to calm it down is to eat another one. It's a good amount of spicy. It's a good amount of spicy. And I love, I prefer a crunchy Cheeto. That's my preferred kind of Cheeto. That's the one I'm taking here. I don't even know if they do Flamin' Hot Puff. I'm sure they do. They do.

Do you know that weird Flamin' Hot Fries? You ever had those? Those are weird. Flamin' Hot took off took off i don't want it without naming others but it's like it's everywhere yeah yeah it's like oh yeah technology is huge it's like the timothy chalamet it is it's in everything season i invest in movies blockbuster franchises absolutely a lot of people like david how do you have so much money i'm flaming hot rich yeah yeah oh you got you got into flaming hot early yeah i'm flaming hot rich you saw that company they just made a movie right flaming hot just came out i saw flaming hot courtside in the nba finals it was next to drake yeah yeah apparently they're recording together yeah big big chain yeah

he was wearing those mischief boots right yeah i don't want to be that guy i heard flaming hot bufu diddy i don't want to be that guy i'm not that guy i like you when you're not that guy flaming hot cheetah it's just a champion and again if you like you were saying if you eat that with a cool Ranch Dorito, you're having a great time. Yeah. Number one chip of mean teenage girls.

It really is. They really are. You got a bad shirt, a Flamin' Hot Cheetos enthusiast will tell you about it. Absolutely. You're going to hear about it on a bus. You're going to hear about it while you're feeling good about yourself,

walking somewhere. Immediate mood swing. You're going to hear about it while they're eating good about yourself, walking somewhere, immediate mood swing. You're going to hear about it while they're eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos, one at a time. With a chopstick. You ever see people eating Cheetos with a chopstick? Oh, no. I've never seen that.

I've never seen that, but that's insane. I used to drink them. Like, I would, you just tip them back and get one. Sean, that's not the same. First of all, he tried to slide that in like that was the same thing. Sean said he'll drink a pint glass of Flamin' Hot Che that was the same thing Sean said he'll drink a pint glass of Flamin' Hot Cheetos

for five dollars he said he'll do it I gotta pay five bucks I'd do that for sure are you drinking coffee? I gave him my coffee this is wild I've never seen you drink

I saw you drink coffee one time it was right when we met and you got I asked you if you wanted a coffee and you to be nice you were like sure

and then you told me you're like I don't really drink coffee but you know it'll be fun to be hyped this afternoon. Go fast in the tank. I love it. Troy, time for your second pick.

This is a tough one. I didn't realize it was going to go back around this way. Serpentine Rift. I feel like I have to go Chili Fritos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was in high school, the cool guy move was to get chili cheese fritos

with chili and cheese yeah oh yeah you do that or put like the 7-Eleven nacho cheese in the bag that's what I'm saying

yeah all those kids got kids now we used to yeah they do some of them have grandkids I bet yeah

we used to go to 7-Eleven we wouldn't necessarily always get the chili cheese fritos but what we would do is fill up a big gulp cup with a nacho cheese in the chili. That's too much cheese. The guy working there, unless it's the guy who owns it,

he's like, yeah, fine. Adam used to take the bag out of the dispenser. He would take the bag out and drain it sometimes. If it was on empty, I was like, you know how to do that? Of all the bags, I want a slap.

Chili cheese Fritos are great. I mean, that's a bunch and chip. They're phenomenal. The flavor's good. They work with all kinds of things. They're the only chip that has a pie. Yeah, Frito pie. Frito pie. You're the only one that works with walking Fritos. I don't know if that's a metric

for anything, but I get it. I think versatility. I think in any draft, versatility is what you're looking for. I wouldn't call that a versatile chip. I mean, I guess if it shows up in a pie. It shows up in a pie. No, that's an extreme chip. Your draft so far is painting a picture of sadness.

Were you about to say sadness? I wouldn't say necessarily sadness. None of us are going to be winners after the end of this. As much as I would say sort of like solemnity. Like it's you enjoying these chips. Other people aren't there.

You know what I mean? You're not pouring. You're not like, hey, I brought chili cheese Fritos like to a party. You're saying my high school GPA is making more and more sense. Yeah.

You're like, oh, there's that one seven there's that d average these are like video game chips exactly what you were saying these are like the room like later on i will know i ate these chips in this room right it smells like the ghost of the good time i was having lingers in the air their clutch man everybody loves fritos you know they can play in different roles. They can be at a party. You can eat them alone. You can put them in a pie.

You can put like nacho cheese. There's all these different things you can do. The pie is crucial. Three big chip things. These are like crucial things. I feel like if you brought chili cheese Fritos to a party. I'd be pissed. Some people would be, I think.

I wouldn't be hyped. I'd be like, Ian brought a $65 bottle of wine. Yeah, but you know what? Troy brought me some chili cheese Fritos. He knows I already have them. But I think you would find, I think like there'd be a lot of people who are like, ugh. But then you would have like four people

who would come up to you later at that party like, you brought the fucking Chili G's? Good on you. Yeah. Come here, man. Oh, they'd be gone by the end of the party. People would talk that shit. They wouldn't get, you know, they're not flashy.

They're not flashy. But their stats are consistent. They have Gordon on the bag. Are you kidding me? Chili G's Fritos aren't flashy. No, they're not. It's the flashiest Fritos. They're't flashy. It's the flashiest Frito. They're not flashy.

You're going crazy. I don't think they're flashy. Yeah, they're flashier than regular Fritos, but regular Fritos are like an 85 Volvo. I'm going to kill you. Regular Fritos are the opposite of flash. We're going to find out with Sean in a second.

You're just mad. Chili cheese Fritos are like regular Fritos with just a little bit of gold. They just got a little money. We're going to stay in the Frito boat for my second pick. We're going Frito scoops. Oh, okay.

The structural integrity is astonishing, just because we're already talking about it. Scoops are a good chip, but they do require dip to be a good chip. I'm a condiment guy, and I love a dip, except salsa, except the gross dips.

I'm just saying. They're made of chip dip. They're made of chip dip. Do you know? Except salsa and guacamole, you know, gross shit. What dips do you like? Name a few dips.

Almost anything. So like a French onion dip. You don't think he's a French onion from way back? All the bean dip you can handle, like that spicy bean dip. I'm inspired by Troy's presence here because I'm currently building a case. You like a French onion dip? So like if I get some Frito scoops, you know, right in the middle of the aisle,

they have those cans of different kinds of bean dip and whatever. I'll get the spicy bean dip and I will kill the whole thing. What do you think is the bonding element of a French onion dip? Onions? Sour cream. Sour cream. Well, that's what I'm saying. French people.

No, I'm sorry. I retract. It's odd. I think sour cream blows. I just hate it. But I do like sour cream stuff. I hate onions. I hate onions.

But I like a French onion dip. All right. Yeah, I don't know, man. I hate tomatoes like ketchup. You know, you need like an artificial aspect. Yeah, I need him to know I need him to make it bad for me. Don't do that.

I like how Troy's doing it. You need some artificial stuff. Yeah, I need some words on the back of the bottle that I can't pronounce. You need to cut something and then eat it. I need some phosphates and some chlorides or whatever. Throw those in there.

I need something to level out all this nature. Yeah. Dude, nacho cheese, you can just fill that little boat up with all the nacho cheese that can fit in this.

Oh, it's so good. I do like the way your tongue can kind of fit in it if you just pop one in your mouth. Yeah, you can go down on it if you want. But they do require dip to be good. Yeah.

Yeah, they do. They don't win a championship on their own. But yes. And I'm saying that going in like, yes, it does require dip. I like a Frito. No, I could have like four. Oh, yeah. I love Fritos too.

I like a Frito, but they need to be chilled. The only good thing about Fritos is they, I know for sure, I'm not going to have a lot because they suck. So I'll just have a few, whatever. Because they're chilly cheese. The only good thing about Fritos is they're not going to bear it. I mean suck. So I'll just have a few, whatever. Because if they're chili cheese, I mean, that whole bag. I prefer a chili cheese over a regular, but I'll eat a regular Frito.

I don't like the regular ones. It's like, maybe it's because I think I had the chili cheese ones first. And so if I have a regular one, I just go, man, this is like before the Fritos got a job you flunked

this is like when they were struggling yeah dude Fritos scoops scoop me up David Vorey you took the cheddar and sour cream ruffles with your first pick it is now time for your second and your third pick this whole thing is going crazy it is I did it is pretty nuts dude

there's so many front runners that are still out there. You rats brought me into this maze. I'm the mouse who's going to find the cheese. Cooking that one up for a minute. That was a good one. About 90 seconds. I'm taking Kettle Brown. Oh!

Kettle Brand Black Pepper Chip. Yeah, dude. Those are so good. You're a rich man. What? It was a rich man. What? Kettle brand black pepper chip. Yeah, dude. Those are so good. You're a rich man. What? It was a rich man. What?

I didn't like it because you pointed. I came a little hotter. I came a little hotter than I meant to. He did point. You're a rich man. I did that. It felt like. You're a rich man. I pay taxes.

You've been lying to us this whole time He's a dirty guac boy And you're a rich man This is a rich chip as well right Kettle brand chips are the only chips I've ever ate Where I felt like the medium could be elevated I see what you're saying Like you eat kettle brand chips

And you're like oh maybe chips are fancy Yeah Like when you get them with a burger at a nice restaurant. Like, oh, this comes with a lobster roll. Yeah, yeah. It is the kind of chip that comes with a lobster roll. In like LA, they come in like, it's like, oh, these goes with like a $25 sandwich.

That's what I'm saying. That's the chip that comes with that. It's almost like, you're almost in your head, you're like, maybe these are fancier than fries. They're not. No, they're not. But they want you to think that for a second. You're like, I bet these are like good for me, actually. Yeah. They got the color. They're not. But they want you to think that for a second. You're like, I bet these are good for me, actually.

They got the color of the grease. They're not hiding it. They're not bleached. No, it's greasy. These are greasy chips. Yeah, I love it. Even the coloring on the bag and everything, the styling, it's more sophisticated. They seem like they got that double crunch.

It is more sophisticated. It looks like a Lord of the Rings book. Yeah, it's not, yeah. It's like when someone's staging an apartment to sell it. It's like, oh, it's like, this is a dangerous conversation. We're all going to leave you being like, the chips are good for you. Yeah, you're like, okay, like, am I down payment? And you're like selling me on that.

It's the chip equivalent of a bar that has exposed light bulb light. Definitely. Definitely. The pepper flavor in it is always very vibrant. It's vibrant. It's a good scene. Yeah. That's a great chip.

Thank you. Thank you. That's a really good pick. I thought it was a good move. Yeah, those black peppers. But you are. Those are two ridged chips. Oh, yeah.

And then next, I mean, I can't believe it's still in the pool. I got to take. I'm so nervous. Baby, come on. We're outside. I got to take Lay's barbecue chips. Oh, yeah. And then next, I mean, I can't believe it's still in the pool. I got to take. I'm so nervous. Baby, come on. We're outside. I got to take Lay's barbecue chips. Oh, fucker. That was your clutch.

That was where I was going. That was where I was going next. Come on. For a while, they had the deal with KC Masterpiece. Yeah. Oh, man. That's where I was going next. Those were the, like, you would go to go to like a summer camp or sometimes like practice or

my mom would get them for the house. Like those big variety packs of Lay's with all the different like Lay's brand chips in it. Oh, there was always one row would like empty out first. It was those barbecues, man. It's the textbook barbecue chip. That's the one. That's the barbecue chip that everybody gets.

There are, there must be others. Like I'm sure Carol has one. Yeah, they're everywhere. But that's the one. Oh, dog. I've gone od i've like made a burger put barbecue sauce on it and then put barbecue chips on absolutely yeah yeah it's thin something about how thin they are they're just the right amount of flavor i mean come on yeah they're the kind of chip that like

you look up and you're like oh i ate the ate the whole bag. The whole bag. Yeah. The big bag. Yeah, the big bag. The one that says family size. I watched every episode of the other two. When you eat it, it's like you will never have your own family size. Right, right, right. That's what you should call it. You're not going to get a family size. Maybe you should call your family size.

Dude, that's so rad. Your family's worried about you. Lay's barbecue chips. That's a lot of salt, Sash. It is a lot of salt. That one wasn't as funny. It is a lot of salt. My voice, after any, I shout so much on stage

that by three days into a comedy weekend, I sound like a fucking three-pack a day. Old Jewish waitress. What can I get you honey listen we've got tongue on the menu in case you didn't know that sort of thing T-U-N-G-U-E not a lot of people know that

not a lot of people know that did you spell tongue and then say not a lot of people not a lot of people know how it's actually spelled. Alright, yeah. John, time for your third pick. Harvest Cheddar Sun Cheddar. Ah, fuck! Very solid. Legends are falling.

That's a hit. Those are ones that That's getting me deep cheddar on my list. Legends are falling. Very solid. Yeah, that's a hit. Those are one that also make you feel like you're rich. They feel like a rich chip where you're like, oh man, these are great. That's it. Right?

These are rich chips too. I got money chips. You're in a subway so you feel like you're doing something. Yeah. They are. You're like,

oh, I got a veggie delight and I'll take the sun chips. They do for some reason make me feel like they're good for me just because of the bag and they're called sun chips. Are they multi-grain? Yeah. Is that good?

They ain't good for you. It was good in the 90s. They're multi-grain and then they like what the flavors are. It's like, oh, it's like harvest. Yeah, yeah. Harvest. They put harvest in there. So it's being like hella cheddar.

Who is it that has that? Somebody had that stand up. Yeah. Somebody has like a phenomenal bit about like. Really funny. Yeah just being like hella cheddar. Who is it that has that? Somebody had that stand up. Yeah, somebody has like a phenomenal bit about like Really funny. You can't harvest cheddar. It was Jared Logan.

It's Jared Logan. It's Jared Logan. He has a phenomenal. Yeah. And he mentions another chip in it which might come up later. Tight. Yeah, harvest cheddar.

Sun chips. Love them. Yeah, you can't harvest cheddar. Jared Logan is so funny. He really is. Yeah, it is a good chip. Love it. It does feel a little bit better for you. Yeah, it is a good chip. Love it. It does feel a little bit better for you.

Yeah. It is a great put it on a sandwich chip, too. Oh, come on. I'll put that in the... Right under the mayonnaise layer, in my opinion. The mayonnaise, I could have a whole sandwich just mayonnaise. You're so weird. I can't.

You're so weird. It doesn't make any sense. I hate what you say. I've done it. I've done it where I've had like a roll and I'll just put, I'll just like put mayo on a big bite, take the bite. And then I'll just put more mayo on it.

Like a King's Hawaiian sweet roll. Laura has never seen this, but like I'll take, I'll take the squeeze mayo and I'll just dump a bunch on. I'll take a bite and I'll dump a bunch. There's no Rosetta stone to what you eat. There's no, like there's no common uniting document where I'm like,

oh, this makes sense of everything. It's the reason you can't trust a man who flies no flag. I put mayo on sandwiches with a spoon just so when I'm done, I can eat the spoonful of mayo. No, you're fucking cookie batter the mayonnaise? Ha, ha, ha. You're cookie batter the mayonnaise. That's how they got Capone.

Cookie battered his mayonnaise. That and syph got Capone. Cookie battered his mayonnaise. That and syphilis. Troy, time for your third pick. Can I get away with Cheetos Puffs? Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to go with the Cheetos Puffs. Yeah. I love those.

They get stuck in my braces, so I'm not thrilled about them. You don't have braces. I know. I did, though, and they did get stuck in my braces. They're hard to chew. They're delicious. See, but I did, though, and they did get stuck in my braces. They're hard to chew. It's my issue. They're delicious. See, but I think that makes them fun to eat.

I like putting them on my tongue and then letting them disintegrate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a really fun thing to do. You can do that. You can like bite them in half and like then do that. It's like great. It always feels like I'm eating packing peanuts. Yeah. Which is fun.

Yeah, but that's also like fun. It's a feature to me, right? Remember when you go like Costco as a kid and get like that big jug of them? Oh my God. With like the screw top. It was like, oh, it just looked like your parents were like bad at their job.

They might have been. I mean, like we probably shouldn't have been eating jugs of anything. Yeah, jugs. Jugs of orange. That fucking cheat is a pervert, that guy he's a sex pest for sure what the fuck is up with that guy's sliding into dms it ain't easy jester cheetos he's talking to your girlfriend hide it that dude slides in your girlfriend's dms with two eyeball emojis yeah that guy's wearing a leather jacket that somebody else's boyfriend bought.

He looks like he's living in a motel. Yeah. He's the first guy you see wearing your hoodie after you guys break up. Yeah, exactly. It's just an IHOP, like...

That happened to me. I left a shirt at a girl's house one time and then a guy showed up to the bar I was at wearing it and I was... They had to take me, they had to pull me out of there. He would have killed me, but I was ready to go to bat for it.

What shirt was it? It was a Mr. Dibs shirt back in the day. Mr. Dibs. He's a DJ, one of the Rhyme Sayers guys. Oh, right on. It was a super dope Mr. Dibs shirt. I wish I still had it. Anyway, chips.

Yeah. Sun chips. And also, Chester Cheetah had like good remember when they used to make like good like product tie-in video yes yeah it would be like like the cool spot games were really good and the chester cheetah games were great they were basically like leisure larry right you went around trying to have sex with women nothing what was the catch it ain't easy being cheesy I thought it was put him on the glass dump him out that was his daytime slogan

Chester Cheetos says dump him out yeah it was that or I'm DJing over Chester Cheetos says I gotta call my PO Chester Cheetos on Raya for sure. Cheetos Puffs. It's time for my third and then my fourth mix.

My third and my fourth mix. Let me go to the list here. Oh, I can't believe it's still on the board. There's some hitters on the board. There really is, man. There's a lot of chips in the world. I'm going to go with the, oh my God, fuck. You got something to go with the, oh my God, fuck. You got something to go with the, oh my God, fuck.

Oh my God. All right. I got to go with the, I don't want, if I say the word Tim's Cascade, does anyone know what that means? I don't. I am going. Give me those stripes, baby. Tim's Cascade. Eat it.

Tim's Cascade jalapeno chips. Do it. Tim's Cascade jalapeno chips Chip. Do it! The Tim's Cascade Jalapeno Chip. Yes! Put them on the fucking board. E-N-W. It's the fucking, it is the king

of the jalapeno chips. It's the first one I ever had and it still knocks any of the other ones out of the box. It is so good. This dude is spitting. The bag is aesthetically pleasing.

Red and white stripes. It's gorgeous on that. Oh yeah, no, I do know those ones. Yeah, they look like they're- I know those. Yeah. Great.

They look like they'd have cotton candy in them. Right. They kind of look like they would, but instead, they hold a world of flavor and spiciness. Those are a pack NW chip? That's a pack NW chip. Really? But I think they made their way. It's got the Washington State on the bag.

Yes, it does. Oregon and Idaho, too, I think. Those shits are- That's a- Yeah. Good on you. They've made their way across the nation now. Like hopefully if you haven't had the pleasure track,

track down a Tim's cascade jalapeno chip. It's so the crunch. There's like a structural integrity of that chip. They don't just give up. No, they don't just give up. They make you work for it. No sauce.

No sauce. No, they're spicy. They're how they're just so good. It is. That's a great, I love a jalapeno chip. I love the reward you get

when you eat them. They're harder. You know, you can't eat quite as many. No. Tight crunch. It's a tight crunch. It's a tight crunch. It's a tight crunch in a Tim's Cascade. And then... That was fantastic. I gotta stay true to life. It's the fourth round. This is where I can start going more... Sure. You know, from

the chest and from what I think is going to maybe get taken before. I am taking, going back to the kettle chip, from Salem, Oregon, by the way, I'm taking the New York cheddar. Yeah, man. That's a newer one, right? No, that's an old one.

What are they doing to the cheddar in New York? I don't know. They're harvesting it. That's where you can harvest it. But it is intense. I like that. It's like a cheddar like it's been smoking. It's right in the subway. It's all deep yellow too.

It's deep yellow. That's an Ivan Carmel special. My dad would bring those home. And I don't know if the New York branding worked on him because he's from New York. And he's like, finally, somebody who understands me in this house. But these chips, finally. Only the cheddar gets me.

But like, it is an intense, it's uncut. It is an uncut cheddar experience. Cheddar that was in a Scorsese movie cheddar uncut cheddar experience I think that cheddar was the bartender

in a Scorsese in Mean Streets he was a Mean Street and he wasn't an actor Scorsese just saw him working and he was like you gotta be in the picture

because him and Scorsese were doing coke in the bathroom at Studio 54 uncut cheddar it's the it's the uncut cheddar experience, which you can actually see me in.

We're playing the rock. You'll be playing the theremin. Uncut cheddar experience. Yeah, so the kettle chip New York cheddar. All right. Kettle chip intense. Yeah, man. Those are great.

Troy, we're going to get to your fourth pick, but first we're going to take another very short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35 now microdosing is an absolute game changer I have never heard a bad word about it and like we said this episode of all fantasy everything

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So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That that's 15 off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything already in progress we're having a great time we're drafting chips i just drafted the new york cheddar kettle chip and it's time for troy's fourth pick man this is a very tough one for me i have so many like favorites that are still available.

But I think I'm going to go with another deep cut. Do you guys know the Hawaiian brand chips? Oh, yeah. Like the barbecue, the luau barbecue. Hawaiian luau barbecue. Yeah. Yeah, there's like a pineapple. That's the purple bag, right?

The purple bag. Yeah, it's like, yeah. I love those. It does. It makes me feel like I'm being a little more exotic with a barbecue chip. Well, there's a guy surfing on that. Or there's paddling. Yeah.

Yeah, there's like hula girls. Again, you're like, this is a healthy trip. It's an international treat. It's a sexy bag. It's a sexy bag. It's a sexy bag. It's great. And it's a nice purple.

It's like a periwinkle bag. Yeah, it's like you're saying. It's like elevated the barbecue chip. What are you narrating my Wednesday night? The periwinkle bag. It's an elevated barbecue chip. The Lays barbecue is one end of the spectrum. And then you're like, well, maybe today.

Yeah. Maybe today I'm going to have this one. Yeah, like Lays is Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah. I just got signed. Yeah. Lays is Los Angeles and the Hawaiian Luau's the Honolulu.

Honolulu. Yeah, you know. Wrecked flight. They're both, you know, they're both tropical, but one's just kicked up a little bit. Four hours from the coast,

baby, we're doing it. Yeah, those are fantastic, man. That's my trick. I ate a lot of those in Hawaii with squid poke. Oh. Whoa. I fucking love squid poke.

Squid poke. That's your dude you went to high school with, right? Yeah, Squid Poke and New York Chatter. We haven't talked to him yet. He's an investment banker now. We flew to Hawaii to have a conversation and then we both left. Squid Chatter cleaned his life up. Squid Poke cleaned his life up.

Yeah, he really got it together. I know, last time he was training for the Kumite. I don't know what he's got. I don't like seafood, though. i can't do the squid poke seafood blows too i'm like any seafood we are no seafood we're right in line with each other my friend yeah i think it's a bad line maybe well no i mean because you're from that too but i was gonna be like maybe you gotta be from like a state that's just a rectangle but you're from here so you know yeah seafood rules i love that's just a rectangle, but you're from here, so you know.

Yeah, seafood rules. I love it. You're a baby. You're both babies. Grow up. I don't like this, dude. It's amazing. You guys are babies.

You miss me with all of it, unless you're talking about tuna. I do like tuna fish. I'm going to kill you. You like tuna fish because you can put mayonnaise in it. No one looks at you with scamps. I like sriracha. You know what's weird is I also like, but it has to be out of the can. I can do like tuna out because you can put mayonnaise in it. No one looks at you with scamps. I'm sriracha. You know what's weird is I also like, but it has to be out of the can. I can do like tuna out of the can, but I can't do like.

It's gonna be chicken of the sea shit. Yeah, I can do that. I can do the chicken of the sea one, but I can't do like. I put it in a big bowl of mac and cheese. I make my own tuna mac. Yeah, like ahi, like ahi tuna. I can't do't do it i can't i hate it it's too fishy i've tried i've tried yeah i've gone to like to like sushi places in la and get my like you know beef yakitori skewers and whatever and then someone would be be like, you got to try this ahi tuna.

What if they cut the ahi into the shape of a dinosaur? Would that help you guys even? What if it looks like a dino nugget? I'm not saying it would hurt, but I know this. I've tried it. I'm just like, this is better than other sushi I've had.

I fucking hate you guys. Sean? I'm staying in Trash Alley and I'm going to go pizza flavored Pringles, baby. Oh, that's solid. Love them. Love Pringles. Love the container. Obviously, I'm not splitting the item by bringing that up. They're just so dope.

And the pizza ones, it's like the first pizza chip I remember, where it's just like, okay. It was the last pizza chip. It might be the only pizza chip that's out there. There's got to be different. Well, shit, maybe it's just like okay pizza favorite it was the last pizza chip it might be the only pizza chip that's out there there's gotta be different is there well shit

maybe it's the only one but also it's like pizza what what flavor is that because pizza is not a flavor so there must be like a tomato in there

a cheese yeah they got a lot going on if you eat them yeah they're moving it's a complex it's a complex flavor structure

love it and my thing with Pringles obviously you can just get like a stack of them and eat it like a little sandwich it's dope once you pop you can't stop nor would i want to you do the duck thing they really hit us with that propaganda they really did when they were like pringles is the chip of the cool hip youth right yeah i'm cool i'm young i eat pr eat Pringles Are those chips in a bag? Bogus What are your chips? Whole slices of potatoes?

Because mine are just mushed up Leftover Mine are culinary particle boards Fucking boomer chips in a bag I eat mine in a tube, bro They use the exact same process to make paper. It's the same factory.

It's the exact same thing. I feel like the 90s, all they were trying to do was sell us Pringles and Waffle Crisp. Yeah, and Super Soak and Snackwells. Snackwells was not as good as they looked. No. Anyway, yeah, Pizza pizza flavor Pringles.

David Boyd, time for your fourth and then your final picks. I got to get weird. Yeah. Four. We're in there deep. Yep. I'm taking Guerrero brand Chicharrones. Oh, no.

You don't know. I thought I was going to be able to get that last for sure. Oh, baby. I got a little bit of fat on the back? Come on, Bubba. Do they have a little hot sauce thing in the bag? Yeah, you shake it in the bag. Oh, man.

That's a party. We used to go. That's a party. What? They have hot sauce in the bag, you say? Yeah, dude. And you shake it up, like shake them up, Fries? You put, wait, wait. And you shake it up, like shake-em-up fries? You put...

Wait, wait. It sounds like a Southern rapper's song. I got hot sauce in the bag. You don't remember? It was the... You remember the Shaq Pack with shake-em-up fries? You guys remember that? The Hillary Clinton thing?

Yeah, it was. She was quoting Beyonce. You guys remember the Shaq Pack with shake-em-up fries where you put the cheddar powder in the fries and shake them up? I only remember you saying it. Oh, man. I actually don't remember that. Shack Pack with shake-em-up fries.

Essentially, you just open the hot sauce, shake them in the bag. I think I get the idea. I think I've made it part of my life to never buy Shack brand new things. There's a bag of hot sauce in there. That's a good coat of lip balm. Shack is selling it? He doesn't seem to have the highest standards.

I don't know. Icy Hot still works. I how it does still work i do like icy hot although that's fair i'm a biofreeze guy shout out to damian lillard for now for now all right big spender my man's got some dough i don't even know what-freeze is. I guess somebody has health insurance. I do too. Thanks, Zag. Yeah, I like bio-freeze. Dude, we used to go, like, we would go fishing, me and my dad, or anytime we would go out on the boat, bag of pork rinds. Every single time. So fucking good.

The Mexican ones specifically, man. I just fucking love those. Oh, they're so good. Yeah, the pieces that have that little bit of fat on the back. Yeah. Ooh, that's good. They're crackling. Come on. God, that's so good. Come on the pieces that have that little bit of fat on the back. Yeah. Ooh, that's good. They're crackling. Come on.

God, that's so good. Come on. You must like pork rinds. I think so. I don't really think I've had too many, but they're just salty chips, right? Aren't all chips salty? No, I'm not going to do it. I mean, there's not a lot of chips I don't like.

I mean, I probably would eat a shrimp-flavored chip if they had it. Oh, they have them. Do they? chip if they had oh they have a day they do they got shrimp cocktail you see what they've been doing up north in canada they go crazy yeah ketchup chips well now we're saying stuff britain too britain has all kinds of crazy flavors yeah yeah they don't know what biscuits are yeah get your shit together england yeah i blame brexit yeah yeah yeah where do you come down on the side of pork rinds counselor you know i used to love him as a kid i i haven't had him in a really really like i probably haven't had him since i was like eight yeah it's probably good for you so i don't know

for the best yeah i'm already on the line i don't know if we need to add the pork and rind. Yeah. Into your Frida. Yeah, it does sound sexy. Yeah. David Boyd, tell me your final pick. It's polarizing, but I got to take it. Last pick, salt and vinegar. Wow. That was going to be my last. What kind?

Yeah, what brand? What brand? I think the Lay's because they're thin. You almost don't want too hearty of a chip with that flavor. You need kind of like a lighter situation yeah yeah with like fish and chips or whatever i think i like them because i'm a contrarian so i made myself like them where it's like oh nobody likes these and i was like i'm going they're like they're like the wine of chips where you're like no thank you the first time you drink it you're like no not this

but then you like start to develop your palate you know three years later you get an apartment in Napa it's a challenging chip

and it's a chip that makes you work for it it's adversarial for sure they do grow on you they fuck my mouth up so bad they do

fuck your mouth up dude all these little cuts you don't know you have it's like I put Tank Abbott in there for like 15 minutes. It hurt.

Salt and vinegar. Sean, your final pick? I'm going... I'm going to bookend it with Doritos. I'm going salsa verde Doritos. You son of a bitch. That's where I was going.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I wasn't going to do that, but it feels nice to... Oh, that's brutal. ...to bookend it with some Dorito Dorito

and then trash in the middle. Yeah, that's not the first time you've made that combo. Yeah, those salsa verde ones, they'll get you, boy. They're spicy. They're really good. Is that the green bag?

They're really, really good. Oh, them are good. Those are really, really good. It's not even, I have a, I think that's my fourth favorite Dorito. Yeah, see,

I'm not criticizing your pick. No, no. I know what you mean. I'm just sharing my thing. Yeah. We'll talk. Yeah. As soon as we get everything else out there,

I can tell you my opinions. We can go Dorito ranks. Yeah. Troy. He took what I, he took where I was going. He's a prick. He really took where I was going.

And I'm honestly, I'm a little shaken up right now. But I think I got to little shaken up right now. But I think I got to, I think I got to go sour cream and onion. Yeah. Sour cream and onion ruffles. Ruffles.

I can't believe it took this long. It's amazing that it lasted this long. I think the sour cream and onion ruffles are better than the sour cream and onion layers. Because I think that the sour cream and onion flavor works better in a ruffle. It fits to the ridges.

You get more. You need the ridges. It fits to the ridges. You get more. You need the ridges. It fits to the ridges. It's too relenting a chip. Yeah. It's too relenting a chip. I just like the ridges, man. The ridges are great. The ridges are great, but it holds more flavor. Remember the whole ruffles have ridges. Ruffles have ridges. Yeah. It is a good

dipping chip. The structure's there. Got the body. It's got a nice body. The structure's there. Got the body. It's got a nice body. Sour cream ruffles got a slamming package. Yeah, built like a brick shithouse. Sour cream. You get it at the combine, dude? They're going to fucking ice it up.

It's going first round. It's got a good body. I heard sour cream and onion ran a 4-2 A lot of off-field issues Didn't I ask you guys if I could run like a Didn't I say that one time? Like I thought I could run like a 5-second 40 or something like that You can Can I run a 5-second 40?

For sure He can run a 5-second 40 second 40 100 cool i'll take it all right see now i just want to go race in the street i'll race i'm dead serious i'll race right now when we did it i so when we raced we got done and blair was like i can't believe you guys are all racing that's how people snap their hamstrings because we just go straight from like nothing to like a dead sprint. Literally people eating barbecue to run in as

fast as they can. And I did. I raised Jeff and I was trying as hard as I possibly could. And I was like, I could feel it. He's got longer legs, got a wider gate than me. I'm just saying challenges on the table. Sean Jordan. No, no, no. We'll save it for High Plains. Let's table this for high play.

No, that's a rematch. I'm going to need to get some action up on this. If the strike ends, I might not be able to beat you. You might ask. That's a good point. Yeah, I'm going to make race odds. I don't think it'll be over by then. You guys were betting, right, last time?

Don't worry about what we were doing. My final pick, I can't believe we haven't represented this entire field of chip and I'm going to take my favorite the Juanita's tortilla chip yeah ooh okay is that available everywhere

it's definitely in Oregon it is fucking the clear bag with the red and green stripe yeah I mean I think that's a lot

of tortilla chip bags but it's the yeah I mean yeah yeah those are perfect yeah it is yeah there's like the chips are like fatty salty I think that's a lot of tortilla chip bags. But it's the, yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, those are perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Yeah.

There's like, the chips are like fatty, salty. They melt in your mouth. Restaurant style. I love a fucking, I love, put any, I like every salsa. I'm the opposite of you on that. Me too. Yeah, me too. Me too.

When I go to a place with a salsa bar, I act irresponsibly. Put it in something that looks like an ashtray, I'm going to dip it. Absolutely. Yeah, when I go to Chipotle, I tell them, give me all of them. The whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fire up the entire symphony. I want to hear the whole song. Give me my cook seat. That is the final pick, the Juanita's tortilla chip.

I can't believe we haven't taken tortilla chips, but that just speaks to the strength of this draft class. To recap, David, you went first. You took cheddar and sour cream ruffles, black pepper kettle chips, Lay's barbecue chips, Guerrero brand chicharrones, and the Lay's salt and vinegar chip.

Sean, you went second. You took taco Doritos, Fritos scoops, Harvest Cheddar Sun chips, pizza-flavored Pringles, and salsa verde Doritos. When's dad coming back? Troy, you went third

and you took... Why can't I read my own handwriting? Because you're dumb, dude. I'm not dumb! Oh, of course. Troy, you went first. You took Funyuns, Chili Cheese Fritos, Cheetos Puffs, the Hawaiian Luau brand barbecue, and the sour cream and onion ruffles.

I went last. I got Cool Ranch Doritos, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Tim's Cascade Jalapeno Chips, New York Cheddar Kettle Chips. Did I say Tim's Cascade Jalapeno Chips? Yeah. New York Cheddar Kettle Chips. And then finally, the Juanita's Tortilla Chips. That's a sauté. That's a smoker.

We left some good, we left some really good picks on the boarditas tortilla chips. That's a smoker. We left some good. We left some really good picks on the board. We did. You guys remember the Idaho potato skins chips? Remember those? I don't think they make them anymore. TGI Fridays does them now, but there used to be a whole. It was the Keebler.

The Keebler company would make the potato skins chips. And they were, you remember those? So good. They don't make them anymore. So I couldn't pick them. I have to send a shout out to the blue diamond it's like the blue diamond brand nut fins just because they're like nice yeah they're not that's the name of the thing they're not good but they're made out of almonds they're just not good they're not good but if like you want if you're like i need to eat something crunchy

but i don't want to eat anything super bad i got no flavor they got no flavor but they're crunchy yeah i know you're talking about this draft but like're crunchy yeah I would never pick them in this draft but like I do I'd fucking go through them sometimes yeah I don't I didn't know if it counted as a chip

but the pizza combos man oh yeah pizza combos so good sure yeah what's the difference are those crackers

that's a cracker what's a combo a combo's like a weird hard pretzel a combo's a dumpling yeah what is a combo a dumpling yeah I think it's a cracker, I think. What's a combo? A combo's like a weird hard pretzel. Congo's a dumpling. Yeah, what is a combo? A dumpling. I think it's a pastry, technically.

Shout out to nacho cheese Dorito. Shout out to the spicy sweet chili Dorito in the purple bag. Ooh, yeah. That's a good Dorito. I don't want a sweet Dorito. The spicy nacho Doritos

are off the chains. I love those ones. Which ones? Spicy nacho. Oh, yeah. Spicy nacho's great. The spicy nacho Doritos are off the chains. I love those ones. Which ones? Spicy nacho. Oh, yeah. Spicy nacho is great. The Havocorn chip with those tiny bags that have soy sauce in them, those are good. God, everything else on my list kind of got taken. We kind of killed it.

I thought there was a ton more, and then I looked at my list, and I was like, no, not really. Would Gardetto's rye chips have counted? Just the bag of rye chips? I think you'd get away with that. The word chip is right there. What about Chips Ahoy? That was on the table for me. If you picked Chips Ahoy, I would have beat you with this notepad.

I'm not going to lie like I didn't write down blue chips. You write that down on every draft list, though. Yeah, that's the thing. That's how they all start. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon,

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Oh, no. We can still hang out. Yeah, for sure. Shout-out to the Shaslackity. Shout-out to the AFV subreddit. Shout-out to super producer Isaac. I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know. Somewhere back in

California, putting this together. Shout out to... Hold on. I want to get this part right. Isaac, delete what I'm about to say. DudeIDK. How can I shout you guys out the best? DudeIDKStudios. You don't want your name in here? Nick and Morgan. Nick and Morgan.

At Dude IDK Studios Isaac put air keep all that in Isaac keep it on I knew the Nick and Morgan part I didn't know the I know I need to know how the sausage is made

especially leave it all in a special big shout out a special massive shout out to Dude IDK Studios in beautiful Denver, Colorado and a mega shout out

my first time ever doing that to Nick and Morgan. Seriously, thank you for letting us do this. Thank you so much. This was so fun to do. I farted in your chair once. Not once. This guy, though. I'm reminded of that feeling that I used to get when we'd

go to HeadGum and just slam coffee because I feel dizzy, right? I've just been sitting here, but I'm like, I'm dizzy. Yeah, I drink that little bit of coffee. I feel nuts. And you drink a nitro cold brew. I'm going to punch a cop. Let's go find one. It's fucking pride. We can punch cops, right? I don't like that.

Shout out to Sansu Carmel who came to Denver not for the shows to help my sister pack but shout out to her anyway. Shout out to Frankie O shout out to Sid the Dude and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything

Shacklackity! that was a hate gun podcast