All Fantasy Everything - Fictional Babies (w/ Megan Gailey, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: April 27, 2023You know we dabble in fiction and this week is no different. With a couple parents on the show today, we decided to draft “Fictional Babies!” This is perfect if you don’t want kids. And... if you have kids, then you get it! Guest: Megan Gailey @megangailey IG: @bettermegangailey Podcast: I Love a Lifetime Movie Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auctions drafts, video pre-rolls, and more. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode, we're drafting fictional babies.
Our guest today is a hilarious comedian who you've seen on Conan, The Tonight Show, and in a national commercial for Blue Diamond Almonds.
All right, Marissa, good credit.
She's the co-host of the AMB nominated podcast,
I Love a Lifetime Movie.
Returning to the show today, it's Megan Gailey.
Hello.
Hi, hi, hi.
She's wonderful.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel.
And joining me as always are my friends and comedians,
Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is in Alaska right now.
Deep in the heart of Alaska.
I'm not even deep. I'm in Anchorage. I'm barely anywhere.
Do they call it the upper one? Because you've taken a call on it in the lower 48, right?
That's how I talk up here as a native.
There we are.
Good to see you.
On video. Look at that that the land of the midnight sun
oh yeah is it
sunny out the whole time? I landed at 9pm
and yeah it was sunny till probably like
11
wow yeah it's great
I went to this bar that was just 7 bars in one
bar but they called it one bar
there was one room
that was just covered in bras and panties
and boxers it
was it was unsanitary i like it up here it is like we all know like two things about alaska
we're like is it sunny are the dogs racing apparently they saw some bears yesterday
well there's like oh we got coyotes
there's like a wildlife reserve in portland there's like a wildlife reserve i don't know
i haven't even done the show yet but it's uh yeah it's it's good it takes a long time to get here
i've just spent a lot of time in the minneapolis delta sky lounge in the last week like maybe more than i should have
i love it delta sky lounge though you do you do when your layover is in four hours yeah i love
the food i mean if you're drinking they got drinks there too they'll do like a risotto at the delta
sky lounge yeah i don't mind the layover i think it's fun i don't like a layover. I think it's fun. I don't like a layover. I want to go straight or I'm not going.
I like everything about airports.
Even since having a child, you like the airport?
That's wild.
Bro, well, if she's not there, yes.
Yes.
We've only taken her on a plane once.
And I'm like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
And it wasn't even that bad.
I won't do it again until she's like in school.
She we've talked about it at,
when we're flying to Michigan,
I was like,
I'm not doing this again for years.
She,
she don't need to go anywhere.
Like your guests.
You're never,
you're not going to see anything,
honey.
Yeah.
What about,
how are you going to get her to Sioux Falls?
How are you going to take her to Tommy Jack's and show them that you finally
made good. You can definitely bring babies in to Tommy Jack's and show them that you finally made good?
You can definitely bring babies
into Tommy Jack's.
I never stopped anyone
from doing it. Babies can buy their parents cigarettes
at Tommy Jack's.
Babies can go with unaccompanied
at Tommy Jack's. Let me get some Winston's. It's for my
pa. I saw a dude piss
his pants while he was playing pool. If that can
happen, then I can bring a baby into Tommy Jack's.
Oh, God.
Yeah, place is such a bummer.
The guy who's going to bring his baby into Tommy Jackson is Sean Jordan.
Sean is Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram.
What's up, Playboy?
Shonda Rhimes on the laptop.
Shonda Replay on the Rihanna songs.
What? Fort collins nobody came
i'm sorry about that dude i'm bummed out about that for you i got nothing coming up hang out
uh you know enjoy each other's company smile be good have fun live life it's all lovely
these are all lovely well wishes i got i got i don't think i have anything coming up go to my
website maybe i do maybe i don't david david board is in the cold cold heart of alaska he's currently riding
a moose yeah in the upper 48 we earn up here we call it home you guys you guys in the lower 48
call it wild country can you can you walk to russia i can see r Russia from my backyard, which you guys can probably see too.
I get why she's like that. I've been here for six hours, and I know why she's like that.
It'd be tight if they had internet in Anchorage.
It's crazy they can have a whole city with no internet.
It's crazy that I can pay for the internet and still have to use a hotspot on my phone.
That's crazy.
Crazy. I don't know how to write this off uh yeah no it's great it's it is really beautiful it's snowing and it was it was light at 9 p.m and i have to
fly out at 1 a.m so i'm thankful for my 26 hours in alaska oh no oh my gosh. This is so crazy. To New York. Great time. Great time.
To New York.
Oh, my God.
How many layovers?
You got, what, four layovers?
No.
To New York isn't too bad.
I just have to fly to Portland, and then I have an hour layover, and then from Portland
to New York.
You get to fly to Portland, brother.
Yeah.
I don't.
It's at 1 a.m.
I have to.
Woo.
Oh, Burgerville's going to be closed. Oh no.
So I hope you
enjoy this show Alaska because I worked
for it. Yeah you did.
It's going to be good dude.
You're going to end up there and then your boxes
are going to end up on the wall of that bar.
No way. No way. I have a firm
no leave my underwear anywhere policy.
Get them up there. Put them on the wall.
You know how many times I've walked out of Coyote Ugly fully clothed?
We were this close to going to Coyote Ugly.
We almost went to Coyote Ugly the other day.
Then we didn't.
We just stayed and watched Belly instead.
It's a good spot to bring people because you'll never see anyone you know.
Where can people see you applying never see anyone you know uh where can people see you uh applying the
comedic art uh june 18th come and see jamel johnson david bory my friend brian sullivan
from colorado come see us all at the dc improv you're gonna be going nuts that sounds fun oh i
can't wait i'm gonna go back to confessions recessions
the karaoke bar was called sessions
that place was sick you got big signs of beer recession sean was rolling dice high sean was
rolling dice low it was it was a good time at recessions i'll tell you that mengaly's here for god's sake
mengaly on twitter and then at better megangaly on instagram get him is there another megangaly
who you're better than there was there was and then this bitch got married and gave up the name
and then i and then i was going to take it.
And I go, no.
I think the message stands.
Yeah.
You're still the better Megan.
Yes.
That hasn't changed.
I actually haven't checked in on her marriage.
I don't know her.
But I do know she got married.
And I wonder if they made it.
I wonder if they made it through COVID together.
I'm going to guess no.
How did it seem?
I'm sure you scoped out her Instagram.
Shaky.
Shaky, yeah.
I was shocked she got married.
You were doing a lot of kettlebells in the garage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We all know the signs.
She joined CrossFit.
She starts learning Japanese. he takes a web animation class
so specific uh where where where can people see what you're doing oh gosh i wish this was coming
out before i had to go to san diego um so if you're in san diego you just missed me
and i bet i didn't have a good time this comes out april 27th so this is pert near may so pert
near may i mean you can come um to my son's one year birthday party it's three days after that
you're all invited there's going to be jimmy john's and pizza and in may i'll be in Indianapolis.
Yeah, no, it's going to be. It's so like people
from the West Coast didn't have
Jimmy John's. They're like, have you had this Jimmy
John's thing? I'm like, hey, I've had
that Jimmy John's thing.
Literally raised on it.
We had Jimmy John's, but not, I
want to say not until like high school did
we get Jimmy John's.
In LA it's like there's one
in pasadena and i drive to it like that's how much i need my fix la's fast food scene is so weird
because we have everything but like some of the stuff we barely have any of it like that one
there's only one harvey's oh yeah the one harvey's and every time i pass it i go god it looks good
you know like i want it but i'm always on my way to a show.
And it's like, can I show up with Arby's?
Is that too Indiana of me?
Every time I came back from the improv, that's when I would let myself go.
Because I was on the way back to Glendale, and I'd be like, I'm going to that Arby's.
That show sucked.
It is so.
Can I say, one of the first things I ever appreciated about you was hanging out when we were writing for the ESPYs and you talking about how much you love Jersey Mike's.
Love Jersey Mike's.
And I was like, yeah, this lady gets it.
She understands.
I have a joke about.
What's important in life?
I have a joke about Jersey Mike's.
And I was like, please let them reach out to me.
Still waiting.
Keep going, though.
Keep going.
My joke is that.
You can get a Jersey.
I ate it pregnant. And you're not supposed to and i was
like i don't give a you know like i'm not you're not supposed to eat you're not supposed to eat
summery sandwiches you're not supposed to eat deli meat it's like i don't you're not supposed
to eat deli meat and i'm gonna get 7 000 comments that are like you can and it's like yes bitch i
know i did um you're like you know you're supposed to drink. It's like all the rules that you're like,
take them or leave them.
Take them or leave them.
As far as my vices,
I put those in the same category.
I'm drinking.
I'm eating deli meats.
It's a bad day.
All I'm going to do in Italy.
You get good news, you get bad news.
You got to drink and eat a sub.
Those are the rules.
It's the celebration of the the rules. It's a celebration.
It's a coping mechanism.
It's delicious.
Having been like on late night and then also on show,
like one of the first things I did on Chelsea lately was mention Arby's on the show and they reached out.
They sent me a letter and some swag and two $5 gift cards.
Not one $10 gift card.
Two $5 separate gift cards.
Well, yeah, they don't make those.
They said that's one and a half Market Fresh sandwiches.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I Butterfinger reached out recently.
Let me get a Reuben with no fries.
Let me get a plain Reuben and a water.
Oof.
Being on network television is powerful for those those companies hershey's keeps sending shit
i got like we got sent 300 butterfingers what what and we have a button in our writer's room
that you hit and fresh twizzlers come what yeah i didn't know there were 300 butterfingers left
oh there's 300 butterfingers i got a big ass box in my office right now i got 50 butterfingers it's wild butterfingers even still doing like marketing because it's like we know
we're in it or we're not you're ubiquitous yeah i'm deep in the butter that's my favorite
crispy crunchy peanut buttery but you guys have so good you know what you're doing. Especially in a blizzard. Ooh. I got like a giant care package from Hawaiian Rolls.
Oh, what?
Oh, King's Hawaiian Rolls.
That would be the best.
Because I like tweeted that I was going to make some sandwich when I was high.
And then they sent me some.
I was like, Kings, I know people are tweeting about you a lot.
Like you can't be sending this much stuff out.
Yeah, so I have like a King's Hawaiianaiian um water jug have you ever okay so damn it i i one time i've tried i've tried to
do this sneakily where i'm like i'm gonna tweet about this company so hopefully they said there's
some shit i did it with yerba mate i was like yerba mate rules i go where's the guy get a case
of this stuff and then i wanted them to be like we'll set it but then like 10 people were like
you get them at walmart bro and i'm like i don't want to fucking get it at walmart yeah you were too thirsty for it
did you say the brand or did you just say your ramate is just a thing like kombucha or like tea
i tagged i tagged him i had to search i found him on twitter but i was like yeah this because i had
i started drinking it during covid so rude cases a lot of people with links that i'm like you think
i wanted the link that's what i wanted you think I wanted the link? That's what I wanted? You think I can't
go find that? You think that was what was stopping me from getting a case
of this shit? You asshole.
I want it for free from Yerba Mate.
I have a daughter.
You got the wrong 23-year-old running
the social media account that day.
The next day, they would have
hooked you up. It was a tough
shift.
It was unfortunate. Now i can't do it
again i remember one time somebody asked me if i wanted to go to ted 2 for free and i was like sure
it was in portland and uh they're like yeah you just got to tweet about it so i waited till like
five in the morning and i tweeted out like thanks to whatever company ted 2 was great
and a bunch of people hit me up they're like i think you got hacked i go no i uh i tweeted that for a free movie ticket i blacked my way into a press screening of air by emailing the guy saying
like hey i work for the late late show can i get in i thought tuesday like a bad guy because i still
haven't seen it and it's been out for three days and i'm just sorry to michael jordan yeah i'm
sorry to his family i know that i've always shown support, even in the
darkest of times, and I'm just sorry
for not being there for you.
Mike Jordan has one line in that thing.
Yeah, he's not in it. I was hoping.
He's not in it.
No, I don't want to see a movie about Michael Jordan.
No. Well, we've seen that. He's a bad guy.
We've seen the movie, and it was excellent.
I went to The Last Dance
hating Michael Jordan, and we share a
birthday and then i came out of it going what i love him oh casual flex making daily we share
birthday february february 17th michael jordan paris hilton me okay big big hitters the movie
is the movie is good i left it going i think think Mrs. Jordan should handle Lamar Jackson's contract.
Like, we got to get.
He doesn't want an agent.
He needs a mama.
So let's get this mama on it.
If that's not all of entertainment, I don't know what is.
You think I want an agent?
Nope.
They listen. They listen.
They know.
Your agents listen?
No, they don't.
Yeah.
That'd be crazy.
I don't think they've consumed any media I've been a part of.
I feel the same way.
I feel like my agent has incidentally seen mine because she also reps Gordon.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, yeah.
My kid knocked over the Apple TV remote and it switched to HBO.
Royal Crackers airing now.
It's fantastic.
It's very funny.
Thank you.
I loved it.
I didn't write it.
I hated the writing, but I thought the voice acting was exceptional.
That's all you need, baby.
Exceptional.
We're going to be just fine.
But do watch it.
It's really funny.
Megan, did you say where people can come see you? Indianapolis.
Indianapolis, but it's sold out.
So you can't... Oh, you know what?
Another little flex. Well, but it's not sold out.
I'm opening for Jessel Knight, so it's sold out for him.
And it's race weekend. There's a lot going on.
This may be too far in the future, but I
will... Similar to race wars. I will
be in the Midwest
in September.
I don't really go a lot of places now that I'm a mom.
So I'm going to be back in Indy, Columbus, and Cincinnati at some point the end of September.
You're going to be going bananas?
I don't think I'm going bananas.
I think I'm funny boning it.
It's okay.
Listen.
That's okay. It's okay. Listen. Listen, that's okay.
That's okay.
Like, I think it's that club that's like, they call it Cincinnati, but you're in Kentucky.
And you're like, well, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Across the water, right?
It's by the aquarium.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe I'm going to Louisville.
I don't know.
Kentucky.
I love that aquarium.
Really?
And Cincinnati has a great natural history museum. I love that aquarium. Really?
And Cincinnati has a great natural history museum.
And a good zoo. Very fun.
Or is it the Columbus Zoo?
I think that might be Columbus, but Cincinnati's fun.
I'm going to Columbus, too.
So we'll see.
I've never been to Columbus, actually.
I'm hoping to swing in like a Cedar Point.
Swing up there to good old Sandusky ohio not the man not the man also probably not for you
huge test market for 40 ounce liquor varieties uh columbus really yeah they got they got all
kinds of 40s you'll never see anywhere else it's probably good that we didn't know that when we did our live show in Columbus. I was going to say,
I don't need that.
No, I purposely didn't bring it up.
We didn't need that.
We were already shut off in a cooler.
I don't think we needed anything else.
Throwing beers around the parking lot?
God, that was Buck.
My name is Ian Carmel,
at Ian Carmel on Twitter,
at Ian Carmel on Instagram,
at Ian Carmel on TikTok,
at Ian Carmel on Jewish 40 ounces of liquor app.
Conducted a Seder the other day.
Happy Passover.
Absolutely crushed it.
Can you say happy Passover?
Chag Sameach.
Yeah, happy Passover.
It's happy.
We escaped Egypt and the angel of death flew over our houses.
Congrats.
Yeah, it was rad.
It was rad.
Had gefilte fish delivered mid-dinner crushed it
but this is but this is weeks later this is april 27th this is the day the last late late show i
hope you liked it whoa this is the last this is the official day the april 27th this is the very
last day the last last late late show right the last last late yes i saw the promo last, late, late show, right? The last, last, late, late. Yes, I saw the promo. Last, last, late, late.
Okay, here we go.
Last, last, late, late.
It's over.
It's curtains.
Thank you.
Big guests on the last show.
You saw it.
I can't say who they are in case they drop out for whatever reason, and then it seems
weird that they're not there.
But big guests.
Big bits.
I'll say it.
I can't believe you guys got Jimmy Carter.
We got Carter, dude.
It's wild.
I can't believe you guys got jimmy carter we got harder dude it's wild i can't believe you
guys got billy carter we got we got jimmy and billy carter doing carpool karaoke
i was gonna say aaron carter but i think he recently passed
who was the party starter air Darren Carter. Darren Carter.
He had to keep that flashlight in his pocket so he could do that bit.
Darren Carter, the party starter.
That's so fun to say.
You ever seen him, John?
Uh-uh.
Oh, I feel like you would have crossed paths with Darren Carter, the party starter.
You didn't take his comedy class?
Because you definitely seem like a student of his.
Yeah, you seem like a disciple i
love it darren carter the part i think it's a fun name i'm gonna look him up after this yeah he
starts the party he does i'll be in denver the comedy works downtown june 22nd 23rd that uh that
region right there buy tickets come see me sean doesn't think anyone's gonna come see me i think
a lot of people are gonna go sean doesn't think you're very funny and you're very good at what you do and i'm excited that
you're out this is the actual i said when he does that i said no he's coming to your show
so people bought tickets in defiance and now you're right now you're fucking me all right
well i just can't hide my love and affection and appreciation for how good you are what you do
you're fucking me i'm sorry well maybe i'll just suck you off instead how about that huh i don't like this no i don't like this riff no i also don't like that it looks kind of like you're
at my house but you're not that makes me feel weird he is at your house he lied it looks it's
like sort of like my house i'm sorry it's so dark i feel like i'm hiding or something but yeah i'm
just sitting on the couch exposed brick i got exposed yeah you're
you're a man you're a fucking man i don't have a leather couch though i don't have a leather couch
though that's like my one man thing that i feel good for not having far be it for me to besmirch
the furniture at this condo but it's you know leather but it's a furniture i think a comedy condo you gotta have
leather so you can like clorox it yeah yeah it's gotta be hoseable yeah and i mean that no offense
to the club i mean that as an offense to comedians yeah i swear this is the only good comedy condo
i've ever seen there's some where you're just like when they send me a condo i go absolutely
not and they're like it's nice i. I go, it's not that.
This one rules.
I believe it.
I believe it.
And also, I got homies with, and he was super cool to let him crash.
I was like, yeah, this is great.
It's like we got an Airbnb.
It's fantastic.
And that's why Megan doesn't want to stay in condos.
Right, exactly.
I'm just like, yes, no, that's why I don't ever want to be there.
We got like five South Dakota dudes in here.
Because there will be a sprinkling of straight pubes, and then I have to look at the calendar
and see who they belong to, and it's like, I just don't want to.
Yeah, whose pubes are these?
Oh, Sean Patton's pubes.
Yeah, oh boy.
Yeah.
So I can't go on the road, you know?
It's just like, at my own house, I know whose pubes are here. I go on the road. You know, it's just like at my own house.
I know whose pubes are here.
I go on the road and I go,
Oh my God.
Strange.
All the pubes.
Oh,
I like that.
The pubes.
I,
Alaska's bringing weird stuff out of me.
Alaska's turning David into kind of an older Jewish guy.
And that's,
and finally,
which is something i've
always held in my heart as a hope but never thought to vocalize you know i've always wanted
big sunglasses yeah oh you gotta get some you gotta get some big fucking guy from up sunglasses
yeah yeah yeah is that jewish no i think he's just stylish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When do I get to be Jewish?
Give it a try.
Let's hear it.
Uh-uh.
Come on.
No, I don't think I can.
Say some Jewish stuff.
Yeah, say some Jewish stuff, Sean. I think you could just do a New York accent.
You want me to say some Jewish?
I don't know what to say.
Say what you think is like a Jewish thing.
What would a Jew say?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, this isn't a trap.
Send your food back.
Send your food back.
I feel like this is too expensive.
Can I pay less for this?
Oh, you picked the wrong one.
You picked the wrong one.
Yo, that was the one thing you picked.
That was your one.
You didn't even do a voice.
You just talked about money in your voice.
You're just complaining about the price.
Marissa, put that part about David talking shit about people where I said that.
No, no, no.
We're keeping this whole thing.
On the ads of the recording, a day after Passover.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
I'm going to have to tell Dana about that one.
Why don't you go, we escaped Egypt. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I'm going to have to tell Anna about that one. Why don't you go, we escaped Egypt.
Yeah, there you go.
Perfect.
Why didn't you just say too much tuna?
There you go.
Well-tread ground.
Instead, you got to.
He said this is too expensive in his own voice.
I'd like to pay less money for it.
Yeah, he didn't even tell us a product.
It's like, it might not even be too expensive.
It may be priced exactly right.
He was just like, I love gold.
I killed Christ.
Oh, I got stars in my eyes.
That was crazy.
How many points do the stars have?
You brought it down? You brought down.
Stars are who?
They got six.
Yeah.
Are you sure they aren't swastikas?
I don't like you appropriating gang culture.
I just can't do anything right this weekend.
I apologize.
Not in the last five minutes, though.
We'll say shalom to the Late Late Show
because it's gone forever.
And God, come see me in Denver.
Listen to All Fantasy Everything.
Be wonderful.
We are gathered here today not to talk about
Sean's views on the Jewish people.
No, no, no.
We are a skinflint and a thrifty bunch
but rather to draft
fictional babies.
A thrifty bunch.
A thrifty bunch.
Such a good topic.
Megan Gailey, this was your idea for a topic.
I've been wanting to do it forever.
For years.
I think I first wanted to do this when I was pregnant
and my sons almost won.
I guess you guys have really been out on me.
We finally made it work.
Sean thought you were Jewish.
Yeah, of course.
No, no, no.
Let's just stop that narrative.
People for sure have thought I was Jewish and I have to tell them Irish people can also fill in stereotype.
You know, I want to stay on the right side during this Passover celebration.
But yeah, there's just so many great babies in the world.
And I've got a baby and Sean's got a baby.
Remember, Sean has a baby before you cancel him.
And so I thought it would be a fun topic.
Sean's baby is talking so much, it's crazy.
We talked to her on FaceTime the other night
when he was hanging out with me.
She knows where all her parts are.
She knows what a peacock says.
I didn't know what a peacock says.
What does a peacock say?
He was like, what's a chicken say?
What's a horse say?
And he was like, what's a peacock say?
And I was like, oh, curveball.
And she got it. Peacocks make a noise is that i didn't know that that's peacock right
yeah yeah yeah i go what does a wolf do and she goes oh
wait are we still making wait are we still talking about how i said a bad thing no
no i was smart to try and detract from yeah nice yeah
she was talking so much it was crazy i just because i had they just it's like she's at that
age where every time you see her she's like way more yeah of a person she doesn't mention anything
about blood libel does she okay good okay i just want to see how far that goes i mean she did have a few things
to say about the deep state which i thought was weird okay okay yeah we have we have uh
we have zeitgeist playing most of the time sometimes it's on mute babies are born with
the third eye open and it's society that closes it so if they can see ghosts man
the only reason babies can't see seeing ghosts is because society tells them. Oh, yeah.
I can't see ghosts.
My favorite overpriced hoodies.
Oh, yeah.
That album was hit and miss.
But there was a hit on it.
That was okay.
All right.
Now, the way we determine the order of this draft
is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you, and we throw and shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Ooh, Sean wins. Sean wins. He rock paper scissor shoot oh sean win it's a natural one sean as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you
to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it's a serpentine
draft and what is that that's a great question i'm around a lot of mountains and it's like a
switchback when you're climbing a mountain when you you know you don't you don't go straight up the mountain because you'd be too tired so you
start and you go like all the way west or whatever and then you do a little you do a little turn and
then you go east a little bit you're gradually going uphill the whole time then you turn around
and then you go west again and then you know till you're at the top of the mountain you look
you're like we're to stop at the next mile
marker, I swear. That made me more confused.
Well, basically, luckily I'm here.
Basically, if you put fourth in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
Oh, wow. That makes total sense.
Yeah, thank you. See, that's exactly
what I was, just different ways.
We've played it together. Get to the same city.
Sean, with that in mind, what will
the order of today's draft be?
Megan, you're going first.
Yes.
It's your idea.
Thank you.
And I think you get first pick.
Thank you.
I'm second.
David's third.
Ian's fourth.
Megan, Sean, David.
Hot corner, Ian Carmel.
Megan Gailey.
I think I can get my first.
Megan, you have the first pick in the fictional babies all fantasy everything draft.
And we will get to that first pick right after
this short break.
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We're back.
Welcome back to all fantasy.
Everything.
The only podcast that has ever existed,
except of course,
except of course for,
I love a lifetime movie,
but that's it.
Those are the only two podcasts.
Only two of them. If you listen to podcasts, it's one of those two. There's not moreetime Movie. But that's it. Those are the only two podcasts. Only two of them.
If you listen to podcasts, it's one of those two.
There's not more than that. It's just us.
Megan, what will the first pick be?
Okay, I'm going to go
Best Baby Available.
My team needs a quarterback,
but I need just an
anchor. And I think this is
this isn't
my favorite fictional baby, but i do think it's
probably the best fictional baby does that make sense for sure so i am gonna go with the iconic
maggie simpson okay yeah big hit yeah yeah yeah i figured that was gonna be the first pick and um
i'm just not versed enough on the simpsons to have picked it and done it justice.
I mean, but she's like the one thing you can be versed on in The Simpsons, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's just so good.
And like, think about the show without her.
Like it really, you'd go, oh no.
And now having three kids is so crazy to me.
I have a friend who just had a fifth kid.
But like having three kids, especially crazy to me. I have a friend who just had a fifth kid.
But having three kids, especially after you have Bart, you go, we got to stop.
Or we got to keep going to fix this.
And I do wonder, did they ever address if Maggie was an oopsie or was she planned?
We don't know.
She must have been an oopsie. She feels oopsie. They're oopsies. With the age difference.
Because it's like, Bart and Maggie are.
Like, they were so stressed.
Like, I think.
I forget if it was Lisa or Maggie.
Like, they were so stressed.
I think it was Lisa being born.
Yeah.
Where he was, like, super stressed and didn't want another kid.
Because Bart and Maggie don't even interact, right?
No.
Really?
And they say.
They're like,
once you,
they say,
what's the saying?
It's like one is one,
two is 23.
You forget.
Like it's like three is one by Maggie.
They were like,
Homer doesn't even know Maggie.
Like,
do they interact?
Like,
she's,
she's also,
they like kind of hinted like Maggie is super duper smart.
Like,
uh,
Lisa,
like she saw like spells out like,
uh, Eagles MC squared with their baby blocks.
Right.
She escaped from the daycare center in that one episode,
like led like the,
that what was it?
The great escape thing.
Like dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
dun,
We definitely see her.
Yeah.
Like she,
she shot a guy.
She's out in the world.
Yeah. Yeah. She's got it. She shot a guy. She's out in the world. Yeah.
Yeah.
She's got it.
She's so cute too.
And like she's in.
Yeah.
I think what is maybe a sleep sack.
And I just like.
Just a.
A great outfit.
The binky.
She's just a classic baby.
And she's not a pain.
She's not crying.
She's not like.
We really don't ever have to worry about her diaper. Like she's just. She's a constant. She's not like, we really don't ever have to worry about her diaper.
Like she's just,
she's a constant.
She's sort of a North star baby.
She doesn't give them the typical baby problems.
Nope.
And I do appreciate that about her.
She's not teething.
Moving and shaking.
Yeah.
She's a steady hand.
She's a steady hand.
Great haircut.
I don't know where her and Lisa get that hair,
because Marge has got a very distinct haircut.
Did Homer, when he was younger, have spiky hair?
I don't think so.
He had brown hair.
He had brown hair.
Yeah, like a brown comb over.
A full head of brown hair.
They clearly felt imprisoned by the cactus hair.
Are you questioning the paternity of Maggie
and Lisa? Because it is like,
where did that hair come from?
If there was a dude across the street
who had like spiky hair.
Just washing a Camaro.
Well, Bart has it too.
He does. Yeah.
All three kids have spiky hair.
Is there ever anyone else on the show? It'd be funny if there was like somewhere just a little nod to a spiky hair is there ever anyone else on the show it'd be funny if there was
like somewhere just a little nod to a spiky haired grown dude who was like at moe's one time or
something yeah like that right he's just like marge she's like get out of here i told you never
don't call me at home what are you doing he's homer's son
maggie also has that rival the baby with the unibrow who she just fucking hates
is that a baby thing do babies have babies they hate i think so yeah because it's like yeah yeah
if a baby takes a toy from you one time i bet you're like i hate that baby or the parents hate
each other like my baby's about to go to daycare and i'm like please pick your friends wisely because
i'm gonna have to be friends with these parents and it's like i will steal him away like he may
be like this is my best friend and if his parents suck i'm gonna be like that kid sucks and that's
not your friend i heard him talking shit about you and then just trying to stay yeah exactly
like i don't want to have to i don't have to hang out with the terrible.
So yeah, he may just have to be friends with who I decide he's going to be friends with.
I feel like I'm being selfish or I'm going to be where I'm only introducing Max to my friend's kids.
She's not really meeting new... I don't want to meet any new parents, really.
I don't want to do that.
No, I saw my mom. She was friends with so many pricks because I was friends with was friends with their kid and like i don't want to do that no yeah we were at a birthday party last week and
i was like oh i don't like the parents here this is not my what is it is it that that is i always
wonder about that it seems hard because like my mom was never a big interact with other parents person.
You know what I mean?
She was like, I have a job.
I'm not talking to you.
That seems like it would be the hard.
You're at this party.
The kids are playing.
And then you just got to be in there watching them, talking to this dude about.
I'm bad at small talk.
Small talk is the death of me.
I'm terrible at it.
I can barely make eye contact.
I can't look at my best friends for more than 10 seconds in their eyes. So when I have to talk to a stranger, I'm always looking at the ground and stuff. I can't stand it. I can barely make eye contact. I can't look at my best friends for more than 10 seconds in their eyes.
When I have to talk to a stranger, I'm always looking
at the ground and stuff. I can't stand it.
I'm great at small talk,
but I'm coming with
Midwestern energy to
LA interactions.
We were talking to a man
at this birthday party, and he didn't know
what Fast and the Furious was.
It's like, dog,
you know what that is.
You lived in the factory that makes that.
There's been nine movies.
How do you not?
What are you talking about?
What did he know? I hate that.
I walked away.
It wasn't even like, oh,
let's see if there's a French film we can
connect on because there isn't
because i don't watch that shit so i just like i just was like oh i have to go look at a diaper
you know like that's the good thing is you can avoid you like that's why you have a kid
is so you can use them to get out of social interactions you can just go yeah you can just
go run after him and nobody's gonna be like yeah you you can all right all right she's getting
tired or right right right not rocks you know you can just yell anything and then excuse yourself
be careful and then walk away but yeah some of these la la people can't small talk they're so
bad they can only talk about the industry. That's it.
Yeah.
And I'm having a sneeze attack, so shh.
I'm watching this go down.
For everybody listening, Ian is having a vicious sneezing attack, and it's not funny. He sneezed like 15 times.
It's really a lot.
You're doing such a good job muting yourself.
Thank you.
Because one will sneak up, and then I'm like, there's no way he muted in time.
And then you have every single time.
I get that. That's impressive. I'm nice with it.
Yeah, you're not going to catch me stealing.
Do you think you're allergic to Sean's
anti-Semitism? I think that is
ultimately what it is, yeah.
I think I'm having
a drastic allergic reaction
to his. I wish I could do
something about that, but God made me how he made me,
how she made me, rather.
Sorry.
Okay, well, now I'm back on.
Okay.
That was nice.
Sean, feminist, what is your first pick?
The baby from Roger Rabbit.
Oh, no!
Damn!
Yeah.
He was high on my list.
That was the first thing that popped into my head he's high
it's so so fun every time i watch him i just i love the baby i love a baby that talks like a man
he's a professional i thought he had big hoop earrings like ving rames or something but then
i just realized it's like a ponytail it's like his hair in the back i always thought it was a
giant hoop earring in his ear and i was like that's crazy because he's smoking a cigar too but it's his hair so if anybody else
was confused about that like i was for most of my life uh anyway yeah he just rules man
who voiced who voiced that baby an old an old washed up hollywood someone was it i don't know
it okay we oh gosh we had the guy who did roger rabbit's voice
on a stand-up show one time that was pretty crazy it's a guy named lou hirsch that's the guy that
does a baby's voice amazing yeah absolutely that's exactly what you think she's a girl baby
um with her little pink bow i actually had hair very similar to this when I was a baby. You seem like you would be like a presence as a baby.
Were you a big baby?
Like a big on the scene baby?
I was a Maggie Simpson.
I was the youngest.
Yeah.
And had two older brothers.
So it was like, it was, I just like tons of bows.
Cause I was the first girl on my dad's side in 62 years.
And so it was just like a lot bows because i was the first girl on my dad's side in 62 years and so it was like a lot of masculine energy yeah so i had like so many bows so many dresses like personalized
bloomers that my mom would put over my diapers like it just went really hard in the feminine
direction for me also 62 years what a streak yeah yeah yeah that's wild it's do you like people they
see max and they just say like you know hey big guy and stuff like that and i never obviously
who gives a shit but i don't know like i'm sometimes i do just i want to be like well
maybe maybe i should give her a dress or something but i just dress her like i would dress like sweat
pants and a sweatshirt all the time.
Dress her like a left eye from TLC.
Oh, God.
I was showing pictures of her in the sweatsuit last night that David bought her.
Oh.
In the full sweatsuit.
Oh, that thing is icy.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
It's a pretty good sweatsuit.
Now I think baby Herman is a man, a boy.
But he does have a little pink bow yeah he might have been
playing a girl on like the the role he was in or something maybe it was like a baby girl that he
was supposed to be playing like in the movie when they were filming the show in roger rabbit you
know okay and then they like cut and then he smokes a cigar and he turns into like this guy
does the baby voice and then it's this and then it's this uh hersch did lou hersch from
brooklyn uh did the did the talking voice but just smoking a cigar just a pro a hollywood pro
you know what i mean a jobber probably has like a pretty nice house and then another one in palm
springs this baby you know what i mean not a star, not a name anyone knows, but just like steady working. Steady working.
Been working 50 years I've been in this game.
And nice house in Encino.
Pretty nice house in Palm Springs.
Oh, yeah.
That sounds like a dream.
It's all any of us want.
I know.
Been in SAG for decades.
Oh, yeah.
Health insurance.
Steady health insurance.
Yeah, that baby's taken care of.
I just enjoy him.
I thoroughly enjoy the baby. I always have.
Just that movie. Did you know his name was Baby Herman?
I don't think so. I learned a lot
of babies' names researching
for this.
Yeah, because I'd write down
the baby from or whatever and then I should
look up their name.
So yeah, man. Baby from Roger. Baby Herman.
Baby Herman. David Boyd, yeah, man. Baby from Roger. Baby Herman. Baby Herman.
David Boyd, time for your first baby pick.
Not even difficult.
First guy that comes to my mind.
All-timer, all-around player.
I'm taking Tommy Pickles.
Oh, yeah.
Tommy Pickles.
For sure.
Come on.
I mean, what's to say about the guy?
Yeah.
He's the best.
The ringleader. I'm trying to show her
rugrats because i want her to i want to enjoy the cartoons we watch a little bit and i love rugrats
she's not quite feeling it yet but i'm like i'm really trying to shoehorn it in there so i can
just re-watch it tommy's such an everyman yeah such an everyman a fearless leader, Jewish king.
Jewish.
Sorry, Sean.
We got to stop that.
I'm feeling like a Chucky Finster right now with all the sneezing and wearing these glasses, though.
I'm out here.
Chucky was also weird because he was all old.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
What are you doing over here?
Yeah, he was like a worry ward already and
like suzy carmichael like you guys you guys are wearing underwear not diapers like what are you
doing tommy is so cute like i do like seeing the baby's diaper there's something it's cute to see
the diaper yeah he's also slew footed all of the rugrats are voiced
by women i just looked this up the other day because i don't know i just i'd never looked
into it until we were watching it but yeah they're all like chucky tommy they're all
lil and phil they're all women and that's why he won't watch it
it's rugrats is great yeah that's a great fantastic it's perfect they're growing up
they're breaking out of the cage all the time the grandpa rules i mean we just talked about
rugrats the other day but it's it's so fun and tommy rules it's just such a fun baby
yeah all time number one yeah tommy pickles would be a good name for like that's that'd be a good
like for a rapper to put out an album under that name.
It's time.
Or just like somebody should call themselves
Tommy Pickles. It should be like an AKA.
It's perfect.
It's weird that it hasn't been.
It hasn't been used at all since that show.
Well, I'm struggling. I want to say
more about the show, but there's other babies
in the show.
I said one of them. That's my bad. I know, but Angelica, she's a full-grown to say more about the show but there's other babies in the show there are other babies i said
one of them that's my bad but like angelica she's a full-grown woman it's like go get a job bitch
like she's a ceo she's an exec i had a development meeting with angela pickles not three weeks ago
absolutely and it's also it's also like she must be her parents must not like care about her because
she should not be with the baby like it's like she should be in like tk like she must be, her parents must not like care about her because she should not be with the baby. Like it's like she should be in like TK.
Like she needs to be reading and writing and counting.
And she's just also at the house.
Well, I mean, her mom, her mother is working very hard.
And her father is, what does Stu do?
He has a job, right?
Her dad?
Angelica's parents?
We don't know Angelica. Her mom is like a big time. Yeah, I yeah i was gonna i don't remember well stew is an adventure right but he's not angelica's dad yeah that's tommy's dad true
yeah but angelica's dad is tommy's dad's brother right really okay i always thought that pickles
that would actually make a lot more sense if they're together because
because you can be like they're the same age and they're four years apart but when you're cousins
you go that's your demo yeah yeah older cousins so that's your crew now angelica's mom is charlotte
pickles who's like a business like cell cell phone, you know, like a pencil skirt. Yes, yes, yes.
And then the dad
is in prison.
She actually started Goop.
A lot of people don't realize they think it was a quid.
Well, she runs the business side of Goop.
Yeah, she's
all, yeah.
She's married to Drew Pickles,
who's like kind of a, he's an accountant.
That's his name. Yeah.
I always thought of him as like a bon vivant.
He has a job.
He's an accountant is what this says.
He's uptight and more mature than his brother, Stu.
Whose mom... Wasn't one of the moms like a lesbian,
but married to a guy on the show?
When you watch the show, there's one of the moms
yeah she has like a headband and the and like the the like woman symbol on her shirt i'm sorry yeah
uh what's her name the workout mom i think she just is into exercise i was just watching it the
other day and i was like i it's it's almost like somebody wanted to have like a same-sex couple in
the show but they just couldn't too early in yet too early they just weren't ready for it it's
because the mom is masculine and the dad's kind of feminine remember the dad's like real small
and sort of soft-spoken these are chucky's parents right i think that's the twins parents
this is a deville yeah sorry to keep yeah last name chucky's dad is his single father
oh right okay yeah doing the best
he can i'm gonna do a rewatch you know yeah i'm gonna get a rugrats rewatch i was thinking about
starting ozark but it's like i'm gonna do a i gotta do a rugrats rewatch it's dope dude it's
time for my first pick and my second pick back to back jacks the switch back on the mountain
switch back on the mountain kind of thing i I'm going to take baby Sinclair from the dinosaurs.
An iconic baby.
Not the mama.
That was the inspiration for this entire, yeah, yeah.
He's the baby.
Gotta love him.
Not the mama.
Not the mama.
Constantly tormenting his father.
Cute as the dickens.
It hits all the fictional baby points for me.
Extremely cute.
Wearing a diaper diaper like you said
can talk a little bit catch phrases using his babiness to get away with a lot of shit he's
throwing stuff he's hurting people so much shit he's bonking people over the head with things
he's everything you want in a baby he hits his dad with a frying pan 15 times a day yeah it's great right on the face he's also
the best high chair baby um like he just he's like he's it's almost a throne like it's a high
chair but he is the king of that house because he is yes he's just like i sit on my throne and i
terrorize everyone yeah he. He knocks food over.
I love that.
And he's got,
she was great.
And he's got these big ass eyes.
How long was that show on the air?
I bet it was a lot shorter.
I think it was only like three seasons.
Yeah.
Does it feel like it was on forever?
But it wasn't,
you know,
his name was baby Sinclair before this research.
No,
I just did baby from dinosaurs.
I have no idea.
His name was babies.
And Clay,
cause he had that song. Remember i'm the baby gotta love me big brown eyes and really cuddly
you guys remember that that's right it's yeah dude that show was so fun
and the music video i'm the baby gotta love exactly it was at the same time as like part man
all the fox properties were getting music videos yeah oh do the part man you remember and there
was like the why don't they do those like movie tie-in songs anymore like they had the adams family
dude mc hammer one anything will smith ever did in the 90s. Dude, I wish I would
be as excited about something as
I was for the Rush Hour soundtrack to
come out. Like, you know what
I mean? It was so huge,
the soundtrack. You're
going to love seeing Chris Tucker in air
then. Oh, yeah. You think
me and Sean didn't watch The Complex the other
day where he went sneaker shopping to gear up?
Dude, it's him and B-Lo and Damon and it's fun
it's a fun one
alright so baby Sinclair
B-Lo? Oh Ben Affleck?
is that what you're calling? oh nice I like that
baby Sinclair from the dinosaurs
yeah
listen
I will
listen up alright yeah I hear you Yeah. And listen. I will. Listen. I'm listening.
Listen up, all right?
Yeah, I hear you.
There is first round talent on the board.
It's the second round.
Has he become overly ubiquitous, perhaps?
But.
No, he hasn't.
Stewie Griffin.
I know where you're going.
Stewie Griffin.
Okay.
Hits.
You know what I mean?
Stewie Griffin's first round talent.
I can't stand when people hate on Family Guy
Family Guy didn't change
we got older
alright
we became
we became dilettantes
we changed
it was
it was funny then
I
we changed
we changed
he's a
he's like a posh
kind of British
baby
and
he's funny
he's a funny
little guy
I still think it's
I still think it's a funny show
I still watch it like I still watch the new ones he's he's cute he's funny. He's a funny little guy. I still think it's a funny show. I still watch it.
Like, I still watch the new ones.
He's cute?
Yeah, whenever they make new ones, I throw them on.
Like, yeah.
Is it still funny?
I think so.
I never thought it wasn't funny.
Like, it got a lot of hate for a long time.
I was just like, oh, it's fine.
Like, it's not the best show, but it's fine.
I just think we got a lot. I think also it was one of those shows. Like, it's not the best show, but it's fine. I just think we got a lot.
I think also it was one of those shows where, and it's not the show's fault,
there were a lot of family guys, personality guys.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
That shit killed me, yes.
A lot of dudes quoting Stewie a little too much.
Blast!
And you're like, come on, man.
Right.
And it's like work. i don't want to hear that
shit yeah epic like epic fake on the internet stewie gets away with with it because he's a
cartoon baby that's sort of like the gimmick and the wink there you're a full grown real man
and so it's different energy yeah don't yell damn it woman when like i took i took the last
one why are you wearing a wristband that has stewie on it i know they sell them at hot topic
doesn't mean you have to buy them it's that it's that thing of like if stewie could see his fans
he would hate them all yeah right oh god yeah i've never thought about that he would loathe
his fans you know but it's like yeah stewie we're with you and we're we're sorry what your crew has become i think about this with comics all the time i'm like
can you imagine that comic hanging out with their fans like oh my god a lot of that there's a lot
of that not over here though thanks for coming to see me yeah oh yeah we're not here all night i love hanging
out with anybody who's gonna come see me i love it it's not about you guys i promise you
there's this episode where stewie's like older i forget what it is it's like looking at him in
the future and he's just sitting looking at bills like a 20 minute call to Larchmont.
Who do we know in Larchmont?
It's just very funny.
I don't know why it's so funny.
It's just like this stupid slice of like domestic life.
It's just like,
it is,
it is fucking funny.
It's crazy.
It's been on for so long too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like,
sure you get,
you're going to go through phases or whatever.
When a show has been on for 20 years, there's going to be a point where you didn't love it or what?
Fifteen years, however long it's been on.
But like, it's still fine.
Stewie crawled.
So Ted could walk.
Yes, absolutely.
Where it's just like, hey, we want to say mildly racist things.
You're like, just make it a not adult.
Like, of course.
Of course. OK, well, we had a baby. Let's do a not adult. And we're like, of course. We'll baby do it. Of course.
Okay, well, we had a baby.
Let's do a teddy bear.
Cute, cute little football head.
Cute little jumper.
He's fantastic.
David Borey, time for your second pick.
Wait, isn't it me?
I'm Tate.
No, Serpentine Dress.
No, because it's Serpentine Dress.
There's so long between I pick.
That's the problem with the first and here i thought i understood it
okay i'm really sorry cut it out cut this part out cut this part out i got confused about how
the craft worked if we're leaving in that shit i said then we're leaving this in for sure so
i uh i'm taking another another easy one i'm taking Bam Bam Rubble. Yeah.
Man, a few words. Yeah, that's a good one.
Speak quiet, carry a huge stick.
He was stronger than his father,
which is something I respect and reflect in my own life.
Because we all got to kill our dads, right?
Bam Bam is so cute, too like he's adorable the cute factor yeah and like why does he have white hair
he's one of those babies who's so blonde that it looks white he's a toe he's a toe head
is what we call them yeah yeah it basically just... He looks like baby Chris
Charpentier.
He does look like baby Chris Charpentier.
If you guys ever see pictures of Sharpie as a baby, he looks like
Bam Bam. No, I'm going to ask him
for one right after we do this. He also looks like he could grow
into Ryan Gosling. Bam Bam
looks like he might be a handsome dude later in life.
Yeah, Bam Bam is so adorable.
He doesn't say much. He just bam bam walks around yeah he's always
picking dinosaurs up i love that guy he's like he's got a fire outfit that he picked out he's
it's a it's a it's a really good kid's costume too like yeah a lot of these are popping up and
i go that's cute that's a cutie that's cutie. That's a cutie. He's like a leopard print.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like a little hat too,
with a little pom-pom on top of it.
You know he's going to have a six pack.
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah. He's going to be shredded.
He's going to be one of those 14-year-olds.
He's going to be like, oh, yeah.
Naturally shredded.
He's going to be like,
I just shredded from my life.
You see kids who have just been bodyboarding their whole life
and they're really impressive at it.
That's how he's going be like yeah there's like those girls that are like they're like five they're
five-year-old gymnasts and they have six packs i was like what happened yeah that's exactly yeah
that's exactly absolutely yeah bam bam yeah bam bam's gonna go to like he's gonna go to like UC probably like Santa Barbara
something like that
but like he'll end up making a lot of money
yeah
yeah yeah like he went there
because he was on
he was initially on the
wrestling team but he got an
injury and now he's studying athletic
training yeah
he's gonna own training yeah you know what i mean
he's gonna own he's gonna own like a rehab kind of place right right on the beach and he's like
la jolla i learned through my injury that there's life after sports now i'm helping other athletes
get there yeah yeah yeah he works with the chargers he has a a nonprofit, but it's called like Bro.
It's interesting because in the cartoon, him and his counterpart, who I will not name, are babies.
And in the live action, they're children.
It is a little different.
I know that it's difficult to have babies on set.
We've all seen the Nathan Fielder show.
But to just age them by six years, it's like, okay, wow creative license there yeah it's too big of a choice yeah i don't like it and he's a cute little boy too but
it it's like oh we were expecting i know we're i know we're living in a fictional bedrock town
but i was expecting a baby yeah it's part of the it's part of the charm of the flintstones
yes i love it bam bam baby this is tough bam bam sean jordan time for your second pick
it's already tough um we so so we can pick something that's a actual baby but in a movie
right i mean like a what like technically these aren't fictional babies because they're we can pick something that's a actual baby, but in a movie, right?
I mean,
like a,
what?
Like technically these aren't fictional babies because they're living,
breathing.
Yeah.
You know,
I'm saying though,
but like,
this isn't a fictional baby.
I'm about to pick it's a baby,
but it was in a movie and it was a character in a movie.
That's okay.
That's a fictional baby.
Right.
I'm just like,
literally it's a baby offset. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a baby actor's name
no it can only be daniel day lewis playing a baby
so the baby i'm going with is mikey from look who's talking oh yeah yeah that movie
changed the game where you're just like classic the perspective of a baby
voiced by bruce willis give me all of that you got these guys a sequel
yeah he's a genius and and i would even go so far as to say he's the youngest
fictional baby because we see him in utero we grow along with him yes that shit when when i didn't i had no idea what semen was or
any of that shit i remember watching the beginning of the movie like what the this is crazy what i
had no idea what was going on and it's just weasels into the eggs all the semen can talk
yeah it's so fun and then just a talking bait talking crews of babies telling jokes they do
the light bulb how many babies does it take to screw
in a light bulb what's a light bulb i i was like this movie is so funny so i was showing it to my
niece and nephew the opening scene is the sperm and and they're 9 and 11 and they go
they were like so freaked out they were few they were like scared
because it's pretty wild when you think about it.
They weren't as tough as we were.
It's just great.
I actually haven't seen it in a long time, but I always liked it.
It always holds.
Every time it's on, I poke a little bit of it.
You see a little bit of it.
The first one and the second one is good, too.
It's smart to have Bruce Willis voice a baby because he kind of looks like a big baby.
I go so far as to say the third one is great.
That's when the dogs are talking.
And John Travolta has become a private airplane pilot.
And he gets stuck at a cabin with the boss who's trying to seduce him.
And then the poodle and the mutt save the day.
Oh, gosh.
What's the third one called?
Look Who's Talking Now?
Oh, yeah.
I thought that was the second one.
Look Who's Talking To?
Look Who's Talking To.
Because Look Who's Talking To is T-O-O.
Oh, yeah.
And that's the little sister.
Yes.
Yeah.
Played by Roseanne?
I think so.
Voiced by Roseanne, I think so. The thing about Bruce Willis,
he always sounds kind of pillow talky
anyways. He's just, you know, he's just real
soft talking all the time. This is great for
a soft-spoken baby.
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Mikey from Look Who's Talking also
just had to look up the name. Megan, it is now
time for your second and your third book.
Okay.
Now, in the way of Sean, i thought this was a real baby the first time i saw it um and then someone had to tell me
this was actually a fictional baby and that is baby yoda oh yeah oh yeah grogu yeah yeah way up
on the list way up on the list and like i on the list. And like, I fought it.
Like, I was like, no, I'm not going to like care about this baby.
And then you see him.
You do.
You feel him.
We got a baby Yoda doll that was like on our, you know, when we were all buying weird stuff
during the pandemic, like it was just like, yep, we've got a baby Yoda doll that sits
on our mantle.
Like it was like a staple of home decor in our house and yeah it's the whole plot point of the mandalorian
hinges on on him and his survival still the whole wasn't he already old as a baby did i hear that
somewhere or am i am i crazy i think he's a baby but he just looks like yoda
yeah yoda's like whatever people are like whatever they are this is a baby one of them
you know what's one of baby yoda's like big hitter secret powers is the cute little noises he makes
they're so cute he is so cute like it's baby yoda is the thing where it's like you can see it with like any any really any
disney property where you're like i see you doing this trick that you've done before i see you
making a little baby character i see you doing bb8 i see you making this cute little thing
i see you make like the the little like puffin pot whatever those were called absolutely you
know what i mean that like lived on that rock island with luke skywalker you were making something so kids will think it's cute
yeah and will want to buy it and oftentimes it you're like your awareness of that doesn't work
and then they did baby yoda yep and and it was like okay you're doing it again but it's so
fucking powerful you yeah you're doing it the best you've done it i can't even resist this
love yeah yeah it's like you can't even be mad
it's irresistible it's a fucking big
it's like a whopper from Burger King
I know it's bad for me
I would also say the little hairs on him
are so cute he's got little baby hairs
and then his little mouth
his little mouth goes like
it goes down
it's like a little sad
yes he's so cute and it's like where
are his mom and dad like he is he's an orphan yeah and then you feel bad you're like he's so
cute and it feels like no one's taking care of him and then old mando comes in and you're like
yeah get his back do everything you can to help this kid oh i'm staring at his big eyes right now
i just love him i just looked him up.
Some of these human babies come out looking like that too.
Just like little weird hair, big eyes.
Maxine, when she was born, her jaundice was so gnarly.
I didn't even see it because I'm like, oh, she's perfect.
But then I look at pictures.
I was like, she is bright yellow.
It's crazy when you look back. Did they put her under a lamp?
No, we had to stay a few days and they checked her Billy Rubin
which what a stupid name for something
it's a name, Billy Rubin
I don't know what they were talking about
but they were checking her Billy Rubin levels
apologize to anyone out there named Billy Rubin
no it's a great name, it's a stupid name
it's a term for like
what gives you jaundice
it's called Billy Rubin
and to me me sounds like
it should be a name not just any listeners out there named billy rubin i like the name billy
rubin do you like the last name rubin i was i was wondering i felt it coming i do i do i i love i
love jewish people ian was the first one i met I'm pretty sure I worked at a comedy club before you met me
I can't have been the first
I didn't work at a good comedy club
I think it's so funny when people are like
yeah I didn't meet a Jewish person until I was 30
I don't think I did I was 27
that's how it was for me there was not a lot in Colorado
we didn't have any in Sioux Falls
but then I'm reading this book still by the way
but there's a chapter on Jewish Sioux Falls
that I haven't gotten to yet
we don't love being
the only Jew somewhere
yeah I mean there were
I had Jewish friends in Indianapolis
no one loves being the only anything
no matter how much you say we treated you like
one of us no one likes being the
only anything anyone
which is tough for me as the only Emmy winner on this podcast
but I'll go.
Damn. There he goes.
There he is.
Megan, time for your third pick.
Oh, now I get to go again.
It's like a mountain when you're going up a mountain
like a switchback.
You said that and I didn't get it.
This guy is so special
to me and
in a lot of ways made me want to be a mama.
And that is, I did not know his name.
His name is Baby Pink and he is the baby from Baby's Day Out.
Oh, I didn't know he had a name either.
I didn't either.
I mean, he runs all over what I think is New York.
Robbers are hostage situation.
He goes fully to the top of a active construction site.
And he is just, and the thing is, we know he's going to grow up to be bad because he's obviously the child of billionaires.
But at this point, he doesn't know that he's rich.
He's just,
he's just a baby trying to have a nice time.
Remember in the zoo when he like crawls into the cages and even the animals
love him.
Like he,
he's just so sweet and Laura Flynn.
Oh yeah.
You get,
you get a great Joe Montana and Joe Pantoliano
playing, like, gangstery guys.
It's fantastic.
Joey Pants.
That baby had it day out.
Oh, his name's Baby Bink.
I said Baby Pink.
My bad.
Baby Bink.
He's the lead of the movie, too.
Like, he's the title character.
He's in a classic cutie little baby outfit overalls.
He's got red little cheeks and
he's a little toe head he's kind of got um live action bam bam they could have cast him
but yeah i i just think to to take down three criminals as an infant is so impressive what an
idea for a movie like where it's like not like it's famously hard to shoot with children and they like, the main character's a baby, and we're going to put them in insane situations, and that's what the movie's going to be.
It worked.
It lost money.
That's crazy.
I thought it was huge.
No, its budget was $48 million.
It made $30.
It cost $48 million to make Baby's Day Out.
It lost a lot of babies doing it.
I guess there was talk that there was going to be a Baby's Day Out sequel, but it did not do well.
It's the same character.
The baby's like 15 and just walking around the city.
It's Home Alone.
You're not my real dad.
Yeah, this guy will sell me alcohol,
so I just take the subway and I go over there.
But there were two babies that played him.
Yeah.
Does it give you insane,
like have you seen it since you've had babies?
No.
Do you think it would give you crazy anxiety?
Absolutely.
It would give me,
but there's also a world where you're like yeah the babies do do
things that are like so crazy that i do think my baby could get away from a robber like yeah just
you'll look up and they're in insane places and it's like yeah i you got to think like a baby
and that's hard to do dude max was standing on the tank of the toilet thinking there's no they can think anything
they have no restrictor plate right on top of it on the tank of the toilet on the tank of the
toilet and i walked in i was like what the fuck are you what it's i yeah it's nuts she's taking
an upper decker dude prank we were i like, I don't even like these guys.
Go take a dump in their toilet.
Do it right.
Do it up top.
Fucking pranks, dude.
Sean, I'll prank you for your next pick.
I am going for Toby from Labyrinth.
I don't even.
Has anybody seen Labyrinth?
No.
No.
Oh, gosh.
It's one of my favorite movies of all time
But anyway so the whole point of Labyrinth
The Goblin King, David Bowie
And Jennifer Connelly
You guys have never seen Labyrinth?
Oh this baby is cute
Really? Well anyway
Not so cute as a man
She's like 14
She's babysitting her brother
And he won't stop crying and she's pissed she has to babysit him.
So she's like,
I wish the Goblin King
would come and take you away.
And David Bowie's the Goblin King
so he does come
and take the baby away
and he hides the baby
in the middle of his labyrinth
and she has to navigate
the labyrinth
to find her brother
and she has like 12 hours
to do it.
And if she doesn't do it,
then he gets to keep the baby
and turn him into a goblin.
But anyway,
it's just one of my,
I grew up on the movie. It's one of my mom's favorite movie you can clearly see david's bowie when he's
dancing he's got these tight ass gray pants when he's dancing and you could just see the bell end
of his penis plain as day it's crazy that it made it into the movie even um so i think that's why
my mom gives something for the moms yeah she's something for the david bowies too and the so the baby in the movie was
the child of the people who made the movie oh really so like kind of the original nepo baby
production on the film and gave birth to the baby and they were like let's write him in
yeah it uh yeah it just rules there's it's just cute baby cute ass baby but i
just love the movie i like the like david there's one scene where david bowie's throwing him up in
the air like 30 feet it's just fun it's a fun little watch he's just sitting there he's so
innocent he doesn't know what's going on he doesn't know he's been kidnapped and then he
might turn into a goblin and ultimately she saves him no goblin what do what is life like for
goblins in this movie does it look bad or would it like
be kind of fun yeah it's like david bowie's a goblin he looks hot as fuck right he's the goblin
king but he's not a goblin oh he's not a goblin he's just the king of the goblins he's the king
of the goblins they're the goblins don't look great okay but is no one gonna do it
what no one's gonna say goblin these nuts you'll say goblin 40 fucking times i'm sitting here
oh my god dude oh my god i did not even think about it i'm sitting over here going nuts
i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't even think about it i'm sorry for that
i can't i can't you just kept saying it you just kept saying it
I can't believe
how hard I was slipping
you said goblin 17 times
I'm just over here holding back
yeah well now I can't
say it again anyway Toby from Labyrinth
give Labyrinth. Give Labyrinth
the watch. All right.
David, time for your next pick.
I'm taking Jack-Jack from The Incredibles.
Yeah.
Crazy big watch.
Come on, great baby. I love a baby
with unlimited power. Yeah.
Adorable, classic, adorable
baby. I mean, just everything you need.
Yeah, Jack-Jack rules. Yeah. Saving the day. Yeah, just like a hyped up Bam Bam. adorable classic adorable baby i mean just everything you need yeah jack jack rules
yeah saving the day it's like a like a hyped up bam bam oh i guess so jack jack is a cute name
too yeah like bam bam jack jack they're both super strong one of those cute baby names that
you know like he'll when he's an adult when he's 13 he'll be like it's jack now yeah yeah or austin or something it's like a kennedy baby name
yeah jack is jack is like if you name your kid jack he's gonna have a lot of money
oh i know a lot of babies named jack a lot and they're all doing better than me
yeah because it technically it's john jonathan and they're John, and then they're Jack?
Or am I wrong?
Is that what it is?
My cousin's Jonathan, and he's Jack.
Now I think that's where Jack comes from.
But people are just going straight to Jack, too.
Yeah, now they are.
Full Jack.
Full Jack, no.
Oh, you can't do that, though.
He's got to have.
Or Jackson.
I know some Jacksons.
Oh, yeah, shit.
I wasn't even thinking.
Oh, I know a Jackson with an X from my hometown.
Wow.
How's he doing?
Jill?
He loves the Carolina Panthers.
Well, they got the number one pick, so Jackson's living large.
That took you so long.
I think he was trying to find something nice.
Listen, tell him to enjoy Frank Reich
okay I mean I don't know
no yeah
you know he's just a great cartoon baby
I love I love babies with
powers that's always fun
in anything you take when you
make the most powerful character of the baby
because they're so reckless
what about a
raccoon who has it and he came out on top baby in this climate oh my god what with what with what
with what with inflation and everything yeah come on man i fought three raccoons yesterday thanks a
lot thanks a lot joe somebody would wake that guy up he's also like he's really classic because he's sometimes just in the diaper.
Which is how I think of baby.
Yeah.
A really common theme that I'm noticing now is like the one hair sticking up.
That really like is a go to production design.
Yeah.
For fictional babies just have hair sticking up.
It reads baby.
It reads baby hard. up. It reads baby.
It reads baby hard.
Yeah. It reads baby hard.
It reads baby hard.
He's a redhead. He's a little redhead too. Oh, Jack
Redhead. Yeah. It's time for my third
and fourth picks with my
third pick.
I'm going pure
pure cute metric.
This is a pure cute pick. This is a pure cute pick.
It is a picture that can melt my heart just by looking at it.
I'm going baby Grinch.
Oh yeah.
What a good move.
If you haven't seen it before,
look up baby Grinch.
It is somehow maybe the cutest baby that has ever existed.
I do think for non-fictional babies, parents.
David disagrees.
Did I do it wrong?
You look at Baby Grinch?
This baby looks like an old ass man.
He's all furry.
Look at him.
So Baby Grinch really embraces the um double
chin triple chin uh thing that a lot of babies have but i've taken pictures of babies before
and had parents be like hey don't post that not because i don't want my child's identity
sealed but because the baby has multiple chins no really you're a pompadour?
Baby Grinch does have a little pompadour.
Yeah, he's fat.
He's a little chunker.
Baby Grinch, he's chubby.
He's got a dashing little haircut.
And he looks skeptical.
His mouth kind of looks like a butthole.
Yeah, yeah.
He's perfect.
He's perfect in every way. That's great, man. I did not see that coming. Yeah, yeah. He's perfect. He's perfect in every way.
That's great, man. I did not see that coming.
Yeah, give me Baby Grinch.
And with my fourth pick, I'm going
the far opposite way. I'm going
taking a pick
to symbolize something
that is so taboo
in society.
It can barely be talked about. I'm taking the ugly baby from seinfeld
oh good job we teach kramer walking in like
you never see the baby all you really see are the reactions to the baby sometimes sometimes
a baby is ugly. Yeah, dude.
As it should be.
Yeah.
It just happens.
There's ugly babies.
Oftentimes they don't grow into ugly adults.
No.
Usually they grow into be hot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because it's just, they got crazy parts that just need time to, you know, come together, work together.
But every now and then you see, you see like an ugly baby and you just gotta you you can't acknowledge
it except in hushed tones later yeah yeah you can't you can't bring it up i don't i honestly
don't even like talking about it with i just it's weird putting it out there sometimes where i'm just
like i can just keep it in i can i know what i think oh yeah i don't need to tell anybody i need
to talk about it i'm like i think all babies are cute and my friend was like
yeah but what about so-and-so's baby and i go you got me there you know like there's exceptions
but even like sometimes the baby is so ugly it is cute because you're like what's going on
yeah you're such an ugly little weirdo that it's like an old retired mill worker when they're just born you're
like oh yeah like a thumb oh my god you ever see a baby where you're like it looks like that dude
smokes cigarettes like the baby's not sleeping through the night and looks like it like those kind of babies
well there's also baby acne and so sometimes you'll just my baby had really bad baby acne
and we would still take him places you know it's not we're not gonna hide him
and i would be like he wanted to get out of the house he asked for the sunlight
he feels good he's like thinks he has a good personality so like he's happy to be here
he's made peace with it he's made peace with it yeah he thinks he has a really good personality
you didn't say he has a really good i mean yeah he thinks he has a girl to be seen yeah somebody
one time commented on maxine's bags under her eyes they just came up straight up and they're like
my god she looks tired and it's like fuck yourself my God, she looks tired. And it's like, fuck yourself.
A baby with bags is so funny
because it's like, what are you tired from?
Yeah.
I was like, Max, you can go to sleep.
I know.
Like the first cold my son got,
he looked like a hungover public defender.
Like it was like, what have you been through, honey?
You've been poring over documents all night?
What are you doing? This is crazy. Oh, God. You're wearing a black
suit jacket and blue pants?
You got dressed in the dark.
You got dressed in the dark.
Yeah, I love it. I love an ugly baby.
I'm just glad somebody talked
about it. Yes. David, time for
your fourth pick.
I am taking their twins is that allowed?
I think so
did you guys watch the
Proud family?
no
I didn't have the same political views as I do now
so I would have watched it
I'm taking BB and CC Proud
from the Proud family
I'm pretty sure named after BB and CC Winans, which is very funny.
One had a big giant afro.
The other one had cute afro puffs.
Just your typical mischievous cartoon babies.
You know what I mean?
They were always getting in trouble.
Was that an adult's cartoon?
It was an adult's cartoon, or it was a kid's cartoon i watched it mid-range
solange did the the did the song for it you guys never see the proud family penny proud very cute
tommy tommy davidson was the dad great show proud family i really have it sounds't I've never even heard of it You and I will always be
Like 10 years ago or when
Was this? 2001
So long time around in 2001
Making music? Now obviously
We're three white people saying we have not seen this
Show it's pretty messed up
I would like to say that it was not marketed
To us because seeing these babies
I would have loved to connect with them.
It was on the Disney Channel.
I thought it was really popular.
Maybe not.
I was post Disney Channel by 2001.
Oh, yeah.
You got out Johnny Tsunami era.
Yeah, I was out by then.
I was like, I'm too old.
I probably took a 10 year break.
And then when I was a nanny again i like went back in and so i sort of know the 20 the the trump era i know that disney
channel oh like sweet life on deck sweet life on deck right yeah like later that was when it was
all because i know because of my little brothers that was when all the disney shows were just about dating it was like all these kids were just like
in relationships i just remember seeing them and being like oh i'm gonna get to la and get
so many acting jobs and it's like i've never even sent a disney audition and i'm like
i can't play like i can't play the sassy neighbor? How do you get in there?
I have a beard.
I think that was my first mistake.
I think you would be a great Disney actor.
I would love to be an adult who the kids yell at.
You know what I mean?
Like in their lab where I'm just stupid and they yell at me and they're smarter than me.
I'd like to be a frazzled teacher.
Like something.
I want to be like the smart guy who owns a store.
Like they go to, they come to
my milkshake shop.
You could do that for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because in
Johnny Tsunami, they go to like a falafel
shop.
Even like the kids are.
That movie's confusing.
That movie's confusing.
BB and C is from the Pratt family
Sean
time for your pick
I'm gonna go Ike from South Park
oh
Canadian Ike
old flapping head
let me tell you being up here in Alaska
there's a lot of head flappers around
I'm sure
we're produced by of head flappers around. I'm sure. Oh, my gosh.
We're produced by a head flapper.
She, Ike needed like the helmet.
You know, you've seen the helmets.
Yeah.
Did Max have to wear the helmet?
Uh-uh.
No, my guy either.
What's the helmet for?
To shape their head.
So it's something where it's like, I think it's, I think doctor, it's cosmetic.
Like they definitely, there'll be babies that they're like, they need this.
And you don't want your head to be super flat.
But if you're a girl, it's like, you're going to have hair cover.
Like, it's just not, my niece has a flat head and no one knows.
Max has a big ass bump on the top of her head that still freaks me out where I'm like, is that all right?
The doctor's like, it's just, it's not a, it's not a, it's just like a woof like that and the doctor's like heads they're weird man it's not a you know it ain't
nothing but heads can be weird they're weird man thanks for coming to skateboard doctor
they're weird dog heads they're weird man babies don't have kneecaps
oh that's why they're so good at crawling?
Yeah, I guess they just don't have them.
When do you get your patellas?
I don't know.
Maybe when you declare for the draft.
Max never crawled?
Yeah.
That's it.
I mean, if you declare for the draft.
Yeah.
I got my patellas when I got beat into the crypts.
They just gave me a couple.
I love that, to go back to the character,
his voice is always like a field recording
of an actual baby talking.
You know what I mean?
Sometimes he'll swear.
It's so funny hearing a baby go like,
fuck off.
That's the character where it always feels like
somebody recorded an actual baby on their iPhone, right?
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it sounds like it's a a i think a lot of times it is a real baby talking yeah yeah it's awesome i yeah south park's another one i never they to me they
always get it right they they always they just don't miss to me with south park i love it we're
learning a lot about your sensibilities.
I just,
I don't,
I don't not like a lot of stuff. Were you originally going to take Ike
before you made these anti-Semitic remarks?
Or Ike Broflovsky?
I'm just trying to make up for it.
Yeah,
or is this kind of like a makeup pic?
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say i didn't know what to say i thought it
was gonna be funnier now i'm gonna feel
bad i'm gonna text you later and
apologize i guarantee you do not do
that it's not going to do anything this
is so much fun
anything we should apologize to you
yeah everybody knows race baiting is fun
yes
oh man yeah ike uh just a little head flapper and i like it i prof losky
megan time for your fourth and then your final picks okay great so my fourth gosh this
this is a guy that i've like loved since I was a child,
and it is Pee Wee from Bebe's Kids.
No way!
Are you kidding?
It's funny because you're frozen, David, but you're freaking out.
There's no way I couldn't get that in the fifth.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
God damn it!
No, it's a great pick.
Tome Oak is a fantastic voice for a baby.
It's so good.
And his diaper always has flies around it.
It's like the baby that they're just like, yeah, he has shit in his diaper.
And we're at an amusement park.
It's just so.
When they're rapping and he goes, taking a dump can be so relaxing.
And then he poops and he goes, ah, Bebe's kids, straight jacking.
Yo, I can't believe this happened.
I'm so sorry.
I love it when someone gets a pic stolen.
It's a great pic.
It's a great pic.
Bebe's kids.
Remember when HBO just had the rights to like four things and it was like
baby's kids radio fire and then like a new saturday night movie and so it was like i
watched baby's kids probably a hundred times i've seen it so many times it's so good
and like i really love that you picked that but fuck me that fuck what a crazy four movies you
just said that's i've never heard those movies they were like okay we got the budget can we get
and they were like no um oh yeah he loved las vegas they go to vegas at the end he's like
yeah vegas my kind of town oh god what a good baby yeah that's kind of yeah he i mean he's
sort of like the black version of the baby from uh who framed roger rabbit it's sort of like the
same vibe yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but also with a bunch of poop in his diapy so much poop and
and and the youngest you know has siblings but like oh my god the end of baby's kids is like so
tough you know when they like go home there's no food and then he goes back oh when it sets in
yeah when it sets in what's going on yeah these kids got real real at the end it does watch baby's
kids again it's been a long time That's definitely one I should be up on
It does, it's a family staple
Like my little brothers grew up watching it too
It's just because it was one of the DVDs we had
God, man
I gotta pick a fifth
I'm so sorry
I'm really
I'm really torn on my
Final pick
Before we get to my final pick.
Well, before we get to your final pick, let's take one last short break.
Okay.
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And we're back.
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It's time for Megan Gailey's final pick.
It's the fictional baby's draft.
Oh, you look so, that's awesome.
Tension is a heavy pick.
Okay, so I was gonna go with one cultural icon.
I'm gonna switch to a different cultural icon
because this one actually meant more to me.
I actually think this like changed the shopping world forever.
And that is a Cabbage Patch Baby.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's just like, that was the original Tickle Me Elmo of,
that created Karen's was the shop for the Cabbage Patch Baby
and just like white moms,
like out of Toys R Us.
And they came out of the ground
and everyone wanted that.
My brothers had one,
like it transcended gender and class.
Like you just needed a Cabbage Patch Baby.
They look so 80s to me.
There's something about that face
because my older
siblings had them i never had but their faces just it just reads it screams 1981 to me they're
just so i feel you the cabbage patch kids they're cute they almost look they almost look evil
yeah they're like so cute they look evil yeah i we eventually had like enough that i took a a blue pen and put freckles
on one because it was like that time you know you wanted a doll to be reflective of you
and i had freckles but then it just had like blue dots all over it and it did not look like me
yeah they're little they're funny they're funny. They're funny.
Remember?
I mean,
their hair was leaves.
Like when they're coming out of the patch,
it's so wild.
They're an actual cabbage.
Yes.
And cabbage is gross.
Sean,
you were born as a cabbage,
right?
Yeah.
You Irishman.
Right away.
There you go.
Little Irish potato cabbage.
Just so you don't feel so bad do
you remember their little their little cloth bodies yeah like it was like they had that big
plastic head and then weird floppy cloth bodies yeah weird almost like what backpacks were made
out of yes like those wrestler buddy bodies yeah man talk about wrestling buddies for like an hour
last night yeah i had an ultimate warrior shirt on and boy do we talk about about wrestling buddies for like an hour last night yeah i had an ultimate warrior
shirt on and boy do we talk about the wrestling buddies so wait did their head come in a thing
of cabbage and then you had to attach to the body or how did this work no it was like cabbage yeah
yeah so like that like the body was underneath the ground oh okay What a fucking weird thing. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, duh.
I didn't know that.
No.
Huh.
Huh.
All right.
They were out there, though.
Cabbage Patch Baby.
Sean Jordan, your final pick.
Can I do this?
Can I pick Baby from Dirty Dancing?
Yeah, I think so.
Megan says no. Megan's face says no i don't have to no it's a it's no it's technically a fictional baby i don't i don't want to bum you
out because it's not a i thought i mean no when you said that i thought you meant the baby who
was the aborted baby no jesus i was like wait because there is a baby in that movie
i'm not a monster no i no i'm just saying baby from Dirty Dancing.
It was fun.
It was like one of the ones that popped in early.
It'll be a fun one.
I also love baby from Dirty Dancing.
It's a fun ass movie.
I've been talking about babies all that like that process.
I've been working it into the stand up because we had some, you know,
they were like, we just had a tough time getting pregnant.
So anyway uh baby
from dirty dancing nobody puts her in the corner i'll allow it wait laura got pregnant yeah i got
a kid dude we gotta talk more yeah i got a baby you bought her something that's crazy
ian bought her i didn't buy her icy sweat i bought her a ton of shit. You bought her the high chair, the car seat,
and something else that I didn't want to buy.
I did your whole list.
That's a lot.
A car seat's expensive, so is a high chair.
It was like a lot.
Wait until she gets of age.
I'll buy her a gun.
Yeah, I'll buy her a gun.
I'll buy her a gun right now.
She's got guns.
She doesn't need more guns.
We don't need more guns.
We don't need more blankets.
We're stocked up.
I'd like to thank you again for taking Jennifer Gray pre-nose job.
I do what I can. We don't all wear capes.
I'm out here just letting everybody know.
You keep supporting the Jewish culture.
You do indeed. You do indeed.
Jennifer Gray, Jew with a Jewish nose.
And you, Tucker, and I appreciate that.
You've done a lot of work. It's not where we start, it's where we end up
and I think the journey's been so important for you
much like the Jews exodus
from Egypt
I gotta thank the woman upstairs
for helping me on my journey
David Bort, time for your final pick
I mean, Pee Wee
I really thought I could get it last, that's crazy
I'm taking Boss Baby
Yeah
Totally, I never saw it
He's a boss, he's a baby
I think at least three movies now
There's a TV show
He is
It's Alec Baldwin, right?
Yeah
But Boss Baby I'm taking the fictional baby it's Alec Baldwin, right? Yeah. I mean, it's a tough...
But Boss Baby has killed no one.
I'm taking the fictional baby.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I'm taking the baby who just wants to be a big brother
or a little brother.
It's an adorable movie.
I'm taking Boss Baby.
I've never seen it.
Yeah, I gotta watch it.
I've read the book.
Wait, is that true?
Is there like a kid's book?
No.
That's fucking hilarious.
That's so funny.
Never mind the final pick.
The final pick of the draft.
I am going to take the dancing baby from Ally McBeal.
Oh, wow.
Oh, Uga Chaka.
That was huge.
The CGI baby had the culture in a fucking chokehold.
There were news stories on that baby.
Yeah.
We were going nuts for it.
We were going nuts for Ooga Chaka.
I can't stop.
I can't dance like that when I'm drunk.
It's not a bad way to dance.
I think you imprinted on that baby like early.
I think it was just like, oh, all right.
They're good moves.
Sure, sure, sure.
Smooth.
It's like you're a wine mom dancing at
a train concert kind of yeah that baby was that baby likes a jam band for sure that's that's the
drops of jupiter dance yeah just that baby out at the string cheese incident show maybe maybe
hey so sister oh they are just back from the atmosphere that baby That's the final pick Mars do you have a pick
I'm taking from the Mario Kart series
I'm taking baby Mario
He's fast
He's got a better power up than Mario
One of the best players in the game
In my opinion
We also have baby Groot on the board
Yes we did
Another cute baby
Another very cute baby.
That's just not my baby. In my
pantheon of babies, he's just not up there.
No, for sure.
We'll let a Gen Z guest
take baby Groot or something.
I'm too old
for baby Groot.
That's why I didn't pick him, but it was
a famous baby.
Along Sean's pick, the baby
from the movie Bringing Up Baby, who's like a little
jaguar cub. It's pretty cute
and fun, but that movie's from the 30s.
I also love
Baby Oscar from Ghostbusters.
Totally. He was
my sixth man for sure.
I wanted to take the baby.
Yeah. Three men
and a baby. Yes!
That's a good baby too. That's a a baby yes that's a good baby too yes that's a good baby
that's a good baby movie that's a great baby babies we didn't take the babies we did take
megan you went first you took maggie simpson grogu baby yoda baby pink from baby's day out
peewee from baby's kids and the cabbage patch baby sean you went second you took baby from the
baby from ro Rabbit, Mikey
from Look Who's Talkin', Toby from Labyrinth,
Ike from South Park, and Baby from
Dirty Dancin'. David, you went third. You took
Tommy Pickles, Bam Bam, Jack Jack,
BB and CC from the Proud
Family, and then Boss Baby.
I went last, and I took Baby Sinclair
from the Dinosaurs, Stewie Griffin,
Baby Grinch, the Ugly Baby from Seinfeld,
and the Dancing Baby from Ally McBeal. That seinfeld one that's that's the sneaky one that didn't even i didn't even
you sneaky you sneaky mother so far this episode sean and then you just knocked it all down
i tried i tried i just can't get past it there's some things I just can't get past you're sneaky
oh I didn't like that
I didn't like it at all
we want to hear your picks
unless you represent the anti-defamation league
and then maybe skip this episode
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