All Fantasy Everything - Food That Looks Better Than It Tastes (w/ Brad Williams, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

AKA liar foods.Episode Guest:Brad Williams @funnybrad (IG: @bradwilliamscomic)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things that look delicious, but aren't. Our guest today is the extraordinarily funny stand-up comedian, actor, bon vivant, person with something to promote, person with nothing to lose, Brad Williams. His new special, Starfish, premieres on Veeps on 12-21. It premiered on December 21st. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my good friends, Sean Jordan and

David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that forgot he wasn't yelling welcome at the top of podcasts anymore and did it again anyway. I was going to say, man, but it's fun when you, you know, you bring it back, give them a little taste. Falling back into old habits. Yeah, back to history.

Brad, I figured that everybody started, like, I listen to a bunch of podcasts and a lot of people start by yelling welcome. I've been yelling welcome for six years. I'm not saying I started it. I don't think I did. But I was like, it's time to change it up. And I fell back into old habits, man. I just love that there are some

people, because my wife does this, she listens to podcasts at like two times the speed so she can get through all the podcasts. I've heard about that. I've heard about that. Now I just know that when someone's doing that with you, all they hear is, welcome, welcome. Welcome to another brand new episode of Wild Famous Everybody.

By the way, that's how everyone thinks I talk before they see me. They're like, yeah, he talks like, he's got the lollipop voice, right? He's four feet tall. That's how that works. No, I'm a man. Balls drop. Yeah, balls down.

My voice is significantly higher than yours. Yeah, that's pretty true. But my balls stay pretty close to the vest, actually. Mine are up there still. No, you got huge balls. I thought that was your thing, Sean. Yeah, mine are up there still. No, you got huge balls. I thought that was your thing, Sean. David, yeah. They're big.

They're big. Sean has medically huge balls. He has like a problem. It's not a problem, David. Is it David? It's called a varicose. Is it David? Is that what you just said to me?

I go, it's one of those arrogant moves where I go, David, is it? And then I, you know. Okay, so you have medically huge balls. So that's great. Because on this show, we have a guy with a medically huge something and a guy with a medically small everything.

Not the guys you would think. And one guy with a medically small something. And it's up to the listener to guess which it is. There it is. It's not me. It's Isaac. the listener to guess which it is. There it is. It's not me. It's Isaac. I just got to put it out. Medically perfect nipples.

Medically tasteful nipples is what Isaac has. We do all have medically perfect nipples. I saw medically tasted nipples. Sorry, medically perfect nipples at Coachella this year. They were great. They're fantastic. Solid band. Medically perfect nipples. Side stage.

How are they going to do a live set? Because there's so much electronic in there, but they brought out a cello player. It was amazing. It was really beautiful. You were rolling. I was on a medically perfect amount of molly.

Brad Williams, at Funny Brad on Twitter. Is it at Funny Brad on Instagram as well? It's not. I'm one of those assholes that has two different monikers, so I'm sorry. You have to type in two different things.

Well, the podcast is over. Yeah. The podcast is over. Funny Brad on Twitter. Brad Williams comic on Instagram. And I'm not on TikTok because I'm a moron. Good for you, though, man.

It is. I ain't over there either, man. Yeah. Now, my stuff is on TikTok. It's actually why I'm selling out theaters all over this great land of ours, of which you can go to BradWilliamscomedy.com and see all the dates. Over 70 tour dates this next year.

I'm selling theaters out because people passed around my clips on TikTok. But if anyone says, hey, this is Brad Williams posting on TikTok, it's not. It's not me. Are there a bunch of fake yous? Is it a bunch of fake yous on there? Yeah, there's a bunch of fake yous? Is it a bunch of fake yous on there? Yeah, there's a bunch of fake yous. And if whoever has my profile photo ever asks you for money, do not

send. Not send. Brad will hit you up for money via Instagram. That's the DM slide. That's the best way to be on TikTok. Holy buckets. Yeah, you have a perfect situation.

That'd be rad. Yeah. Everyone just passes around my stuff. They do clips, and I'm very thankful for it. I'm glad they do, but it's not coming from me. There's one guy that it's like they took my Instagram handle, like Brad Williams comic, but then they put like an extra L in there. So it's like Brad Williams comic.

And, but no one reads that. So they all think it's me. Not me. Hey, it's you at the theater. Yeah, man.

That's, that's the matters. That's all that matters. If this guy starts touring, that's, that's a, that's a vaudevillian move. Yeah.

Some people have told me, they're like, but what if they're getting paid off your videos? And I'm like, guess what? I'm not paying for the advertising. So it's great. It's fine. It all comes out in the end. Did y'all know that that DJ, you know that marshmallow DJ who wears like the big... Marshmallow head.

Oh, it's a scam. Yeah. Apparently there are like several marshmallows. Somebody like figured it out where he was doing like a show in Dubai. And then like, there wasn't enough time for him to get to the show in like Tokyo or whatever. Yeah.

So it's just another dude playing marshmallows music. Good for them. Allegedly satire. You think this is the only David Borey? You don't wonder how I'm also coaching a roller derby team right now and having a cookout in Tampa? Yeah, come on, baby. I'm not even mad about that.

They played the music. He hit the point, point, point button and you're fine. Okay, you got to see a show. You got to see the guy in the funny hat. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Who gives a shit? You posted your selfie. You're good. Oh, we have

Pam Loschack joining us on the Zoom right here. Hi. Am I fucking things up by joining 10 minutes late? No, you're all good. I'm just jumping in. You're on the episode right now.

Do you have anything to promote? good? I'm just jumping in. You're on the episode right now. All right. Do you have anything to promote? Brad's new special Starfish premieres on December 21st, the shortest day of the year. Yeah, it's the winter solstice. Look at that.

Pam, the publicist coming in strong. Got the information correctly. Go see it. Hitman. So go to bradasacomedian.com. That's the website. bradwilliamscomedy.com. That's all the tour dates.

Go to beach.com slash bradwilliams to watch the special. It's called starfish. It's my fourth one. I really like it. I'm a big fan. So get it. And if you want to support me and more importantly,

support my daughter, who is an Asian dwarf baby. That's right. I'm a dwarf. My wife's Asian. We made an Asian dwarf baby. And I'm pretty sure if you put money in an Asian dwarf baby's pocket, you get to have it. So there you go. That's right. I think Sean used to game under that name, Asian dwarf baby. And I'm pretty sure if you put money in an Asian dwarf baby's pocket, you get to have it. So there you go.

I think Sean used to game under that name, Asian dwarf baby, right? That's what he used to play Call of Duty on. There's actually somebody on TikTok going by that name, spreading all my clips around. I'm fine with it. So that comes available December 21st.

Brad is so funny. Make sure you check that out. You're going to have a great time. We'll check him out on the road as well. Sean Jordan is here. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram. Sean, what is it on YouTube? Sean Jordan comedian. I got them all.

They're all different too, man. I got to uniform them. They're all different. What is it on the app that tracks sexual predators? Sean. That's your Sean Patrick. I got Sean. I was in there early. Can you believe I got my full name on the registry? I know.

It was crazy. You got in there early. Yeah, man. Sean, what's my website? SeanJordanComedy.com Go there for the dates sioux falls coming bend oregon i'm coming for you oh bend yeah going to bend for a couple days man phoenix gonna have a micro brun hit the slopes or what yeah probably i'll go skiing pizza french fry phoenix we're coming for you boise we're coming for you but this will be that'll be

announced by now march 23rd or no march 21st. And, uh, yeah, good. I'll go to my YouTube channel. Special is going to be out probably next month or whatever. So, um, yeah, Sean Jordan comedy on YouTube and just, you know, smile, man, have fun, enjoy everything. Lovely. That really petered out at the end. Didn't it start off with a lot of piss and vinegar and then just kind of was like, ah, go maybe after I get to like four things, I feel weird and I feel like I'm asking too much. So vinegar. It's like, go, maybe. After I get to four things, I feel

weird and I feel like I'm asking too much. So then I'm just like, have fun. Iceman, when are we dropping this one? This can go anytime. This could be on the 21st. We do early January. Or it could be early January.

Anytime. Shall we say the 28th shall we say the 28th 28th sure 28th 28th perfect David Borey

coolguyjokes77 on Instagram no longer on the website formerly known as Twitter but you can see him in person where can they do that what do I have in my head January 12th and 13th

I'm headlining Hilarities in Cleveland yes I love it I love it so much. January 20th. I will. Man, we're going to go out to eat. January 22nd through 26th, I'll be on the

Eric Andre Impractical Jokers Cruise. Yeah, dude. So come to that. January 26th and 27th, I'm at the Comedy Bar in Seattle. And then I don't know. If I can get off the leash, I'm at the Comedy Bar in Seattle. And then I don't know. If I can get off the leash, I'm going to come up there.

You want to come up? Come up. If I can get off the leash, I'm going to come. Is it a tight leash? Kind of. It's a leash of emotional obligation. It feels like you're whispering right now. The vacuum was going so I could talk a little louder a minute ago, but now I think everyone's listening. Sean Jordan's got himself a daughter.

Completely different. Sean Jordan's got himself a daughter. This is my goddamn house, I'll tell you. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. You can follow me all across there. The benefits of having a fairly unique name.

You can see me in person, folks, at the City Winery in New York City. It's going to be an amazing show. It's me headlining, and I asked some friends to come along. Shane Torres, Josh Gondelman, Emmy Blotnick. It's going to be a great show. That is a great show. Right?

It really is. City Winery in New York City. January 5th, I'm going to be a great show. That is a great show. It really is. City Winery in New York City. January 5th, I'm going to be at City Winery in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My first time returning to Philly since the Citywide special. They'll come out. They came out and they told me

they were there. They were like, I haven't seen you since... We haven't seen you since you passed around the yarmulke. I can't wait to kibitz about that with the Philly people. The next night I will be in Boston, Massachusetts January 6th, again at City Winery. Tickets to that are selling pretty well, so make sure you snag your ticket.

We see a theme. You like the wineries. I like the wineries. Once I grew the mustache, I started getting booked at wineries more often. The City Winery is, and I think they still do this, they will make you a bottle of wine that then they sell after the show. So you can go to Ian's show, get a bottle of wine with Ian's creepy mustache on it, and then you'll sign it.

You can have him drink it in the parking lot with you. That's his meet and greet. For an extra, probably 45 cents, I will finish the bottle with you in the parking lot. The gully water, right? The gully water as it were. I'm hitting the road a lot. I will be in

Fort Worth Hyenas Comedy Club January 19th and 20th. We will be Randy Butler, man. Randy Butler, Fort Worth Hyenas. Club, January 19th and 20th. We will be... Randy Butler, man. Randy Butler. Fort Worth Hyenas. It's my first time. Randy Butler? Randy Butler.

That's the guy that runs the club. This is how he talks. Hey, man. My wife's a waitress. She's hot as hell. I can't wait to meet Randy and his wife. We will be... What is the name of this venue again in Phoenix?

It's the Desert Ridge Improv CB Live. The Desert Ridge Improv CB Live. We were going to be there February 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, including doing a live in All Fantasy Everything, which is selling quick. I will be... Friday night, dude. That's going to be a late one.

Crazy. I will be at Zany's in Chicago one night only. I'm in town for a wedding, so I'm doing one set on February 18th at Zany's. I will be at New Orleans at Sports Drink March 8th and 9th, potentially with Sean, if he can get off the leash. I'm trying. I got it. If he can get off the leash.

I might just cut it. We'll see. March 13th through the 16th at, uh, at the punchline in San Francisco. And then I'm recording my special at revolution hall in Portland, Oregon on March 23rd. Tickets for that are going quick as well. I would really,

really love to have a full house there. And most importantly, please pre-order my book, t-shirt swim club, uh, stories about being fat in a world for thin people, uh, stories about losing weight, stories about all fat in a world for thin people uh stories about losing weight stories

about all that stuff uh there's a lot of sex stuff in there who loves sex there's sex in there entertainment yeah but you're just talking about other people like you're just talking about celebrities and stuff having sex right i'm just talking about speculating i'm just speculating on what it's like when celebrities have sex. Sex, death, and fat bastard all in one place. Free order helps so much. It's just pictures of honking butts. Yeah. It was wild.

It was hard. It's hard. Stop talking about the sex stuff. I had an erection the entire time I was riding it. Woo! Yeah, that's right. That really comes off in the prose. It comes through. It comes through in the prose. Enough about my literary erection.

We are gathered here today not to talk about that, but to fantasy draft. Now, is it food that looks delicious or is it things that look delicious? Are we doing food that looks delicious but isn't? That's how I interpreted it. Food that looks delicious but is it things that look delicious? Are we doing food that looks delicious but isn't? That's how I interpreted it. Food that looks delicious but maybe isn't as delicious as it looks. This is a very exciting topic. Because we kind of did. We did things that look delicious but aren't food.

We did that a while back. Oh, yeah. Tide pods and shit. Yeah, everybody hated how much of a visionary I was on that one. Lava. David drafted a motorcycle. He thought that looked delicious even though it's not food. We left off a sunset.

I was thinking about that like a week ago. Yeah, it looks like a cotton candy looking sunset. You know what I mean? Yeah, it does look delicious. Looks like a rainbow sherbet. Now, what I was saying before we started recording is that this might be the most upset that you guys get with me in the history of this show.

I woke up ready for you to piss me the fuck off. I did too. I feel like we have to emotionally prepare Brad for what's about to happen. I'm a real meat and potatoes Midwestern. It's gonna suck. A lot of stuff that some people think is good I think is putrid. So you're gonna draft

like Russell Sprouts with the... the okay never mind I'm trying to keep it gangster on it I'm trying to not he's going to draft the color green Sean was raised it's not his fault he was raised with the idea that vegetables were icky

and I say this with love and you know I love you the palate of a third grader yeah and I'm fine with love, and you know I love you, the palate of a third grader. Yeah. No. And I'm fine with it. A spicy third grader. Yeah, yeah. We'll see.

I tried to. I'm trying. I think we are right until like the fourth or fifth round. There's a proud country of people with the palate of a third grader, by the way. You ride for a lot of people, man. You're out here waving that banner. Yeah. Now, the way we determine the order of this fantasy draft, Brad,

is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. And throw on shoot. You ready? Yep. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissor, shoot. Damn.

Oh, Sean wins. A scissors against two papers. It's a natural victory. Sean is the winner of rock, paper, scissors. It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question.

It's like that game. Shoot the duck. You know that right where the duck it's like at the fair and it goes, it'll go across and then you shoot it. And it stops for a second. It goes like turns around. And then it stops for a second and it turns around and then you go and it stops and then it goes back it just goes back and forth and that's one of the

better ones I've had recently, that explanation. That's great. Some would say ever. Yeah, they would. It's better. I almost said that. Have you seen, there's a viral video of a corgi coming up some stairs. Have you guys seen that video? No. Okay, that's what I was going to use, but it goes all serpentine up the stairs. It's pretty cool. So your algorithm

is like hardcore fight videos and then cute dog videos? Uh-huh, and shoes and skateboarding. That tracks. That fully tracks. No, that feels right. It's completely sports fights videos now. It's all fights at like Raiders games and shit. And I watch them all cover to cover,

baby. I watch the whole thing. Do you guys ever try to fool your algorithm? You see too much of one thing, you're like, ah, this is just nothing but videos. Hold on, let me pull up some Neil deGrasse Tyson so I feel a little better about myself. All the time.

I'm writing a book about it. That shit is like... Because I don't linger as long on the smart shit yeah because it's not and they know when i type some shit and i typed in smart shit to the algorithm i go books books books books yeah do that like three times a month mine's pretty good right now there's it's there's a a few basketball ones there's only one hot girl and there's a few basketball ones. There's only one hot girl. And there's a parkour video, which is weird. And then like dude outfits.

I'm doing all right. The very first thing on mine is a fight in a bathroom. First thing on mine says female rap battle gone wrong. And I don't want to watch that. Yeah, I'll buy that. I'm not doing this to hide my stuff. I would be fully transparent, but my phone's downstairs. Sure. Sure.

You mean in your pocket? The first video is probably a porn star giving an interview. That's probably my first video on there. Reasonable. I'm guessing Sky Bree. Pam is sending you panic text messages right now.

Don't ruin the brand. You can't have people knowing. Do not mention my name. I sent him a text before. I was like, don't ruin the brand. Mention the porn stars. We don't want to find out that your algorithm is actually like kittens trying to

stay awake. It really is. A lot of that. No, yeah. Yeah. The first video is probably either that or something from WCW in the 90s. Hell yeah. That's a good, that's a good, that's a good setup.

Once again, the special is Starfish available 12-21, December 21st on Vapes. Sean, now that you understand how a Serpentine draft works, basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. What will the order of today's draft be? David, me, Brad, Ian. David, Sean, Brad, Ian. Hot corner.

I wanted to go first, but I don't want the back-to-backs in the second and third round because I'm going to be nervous by then. But I think I have a pretty solid one first, but I don't want the back-to-backs in the second and third round because I'm going to be nervous by then. But I think I have a pretty solid one first, but I didn't. Yeah, so anyway. Well, we're going to find out what your first pick is in a second after David's. But before all of that, we're going to take a very short break. Welcome back to All of Fantasy, Everything Already in Progress. Break.

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Fantasy draft. David, you have the first pick. What will that pick be? This is the first thing that's come to mind. I think we've all had them. It looks so good when you pull up or you get on Grubhub because you're drunk. That's really the main time that you get it. Every time I get it, I'm like, this whole thing is ass.

I'm taking a quarter pounder. It's not good. It's not good. Controversy with number one. It's not good it's not good it's not good stay on the dollar menu it's the most pre-packaged tasting burger in all of fast

food it tastes like they made all the things together in the same it's just like the bread spongy it doesn't feel like actual meat I'm always mad about it'm all every time i've gotten one of this it makes me kind of it makes me kind of bummed out while i'm eating it it's one of those foods where i can feel getting like i'm getting bummed while it's going in it doesn't

even really take a few minutes it's too much bad it's sad while you're eating it but it's not delicious it's not i take a double cheeseburger. We've gone to McDonald's together. The double cheeseburgers are the hot and spicy. It's too much. It's too big. It's big enough. You know what it is? It's big enough that it reveals all

of McDonald's flaws. Interesting. Does that make sense? The littler one, the double cheese g it's small enough that you're like oh this is bites but when it's all on a bigger scale you're like no this is all ass the bread is ass the condiments are ass you're saying like the the proportions are off for what mcdonald's does yeah yeah yeah but also it looks amazing because that's why i ever get it as you

look on the thing you're like whoa this is i'm about to also, it looks amazing. Because that's why I ever get it. You look on the thing and you're like, whoa, I'm about to go crazy. It looks like the platonic ideal of a burger. It looks like what they're eating in Riverdale. You know what I mean? Exactly. Yo, it looks like a Jughead burger from way back. Yeah, it's a Jughead burger. Or who was that? Popeye's best friend? Ho-Ho? Bimbo?

Wimpy, dude. Wimpy. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like a Wimpy-style burger, but that shit is not good, man. Wimpy. Wimpy. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like a Wimpy style burger, but that shit is not good, man. Shout out to our Gen Z listeners furiously Googling Wimpy right now. Yeah. They're like, no, that's a triggering insult that you can't call kids nowadays. He's the guy who's on your sweatshirt you're wearing right now, ironically.

I see the vision with this. This is a bold first pick. I know. I had to come out. You really backed it up though. I agree with you. I had a dream about the McDouble last night and I just You know

Are you okay? You know that actually means Dana might be pregnant. If you dream about McDonald's, your wife is pregnant. Wait, was she on a white horse? She was on a white horse. I remember like opening a fridge and there was a McDouble in there. And I was like, oh, I put it in the fridge, like in the dream. So if anyone wants to analyze that.

I had a weird journey. I woke up and I went to the bathroom. And then as I was going to the bathroom, I remembered last night that I had a dream that I peed blood. So when I was going to the bathroom, I was like, oh, awesome. And then I immediately got nervous. I was like, you peed blood last night. And then I was like, no, you didn't. That was a dream.

That's all those fight videos, man. I've been rewatching Breaking Bad. I'm on season five, episode 14 is what it was. And I watched a little bit of that before bed last night. Wow. Do you watch anything that calms you down? Fight videos. Like

all this stuff that seems like you really like is like not relaxing. I watch skateboard videos. Those calm me down. He's doing like the male version of when women go like everything causes me anxiety so I just listen to murder podcasts. And that calms me down.

That's right. Laura would straight up watch Forensic File, go on the road, and she's like, yeah, I watched like 15 episodes of Forensic Files where only women get murdered by guys. I'm like, why would you do that? Yeah, that's my wife. And I will not, I will never understand it.

She like, when scripted shows with fake characters are in drama. She's like, it's too much. It's just too much. And I can't. And then she goes right into a murder podcast where an actual person was murdered. Somebody with friends and family and not a trailer with their name on it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I think it might be to control this thing that they're thinking about all the time because like you know women will say like the whole that saying men are afraid of getting made fun of women are afraid of being murdered you know i think maybe

it's because it's this ever-present fear like in the back of their head that like it gives them some level of control over it to find like entertainment in it or something that's why I'm so relatable I'm afraid of both and that's called racism I'm worried the man who kills me is going to be like good job fatty and then he's going to take me out

make fun of you afterwards all my friends are going to be there laughing and I'm going to be like, no. And you're afraid the last thing you will have eaten was a quarter pounder. Yeah. Oh my God. If that's how it ends.

Wasted it. You don't like nuggets? You said only the spicy McChicken. I'm a nugget guy if I ever go. McDonald's? I'm a McDonald's fan. It's all kind of trash, to be honest. There is a level of like, and I hate to be the back in my day guy but the quality has gone down right because when when the dollar menu

started was when i really needed it like i have no money i think maybe your palate in like got a little more educated i think that too i mean did yours no my palate No, my palette dropped out of middle school. Well, let's investigate that palette here. Sean, it's time for your first pick. Peeps. Oh, what a good pick! They look every year, every single year, I'm like,

this is my year. They're making different ones now. They're making characters. They're all the colors. Every time, I'm making different ones now. They're making characters. They're all the colors. Every time, I'm just like, nope. You read the ingredients and everything, it's marshmallow. You're like, I love marshmallows.

Of course. They're great. You can put marshmallow on just a... You put marshmallow on a savory thing. I would argue, it makes it good. If you get a burger where they're like, there's marshmallow on this burger thing. And I would argue it makes it good. If you get like a burger where they're like, there's marshmallow on this burger. You're like,

I'm not saying no, I'm not hanging up the phone. I'll try that. I don't know how with peeps. It's like, they just, you would think that sugar and little crunchy candy pieces would make the marshmallow danker.

And it just, it just, I don't know. It just doesn't. For the longest time, for the longest time, I was convinced that I hadn't had a peep that was made before 1971.

They all do taste old as shit. They taste so old. When I was working at the Late Late Show though, we would get like promotional items all the time, right? Like they would send out, you know, like, cause they want you to talk about it in the monologue. You like be like, so peeps has released a peep that looks like OJ Simpson or like whatever it is, you know like so we like became friendly with the with one of the reps who was like you would like

send us this stuff right from the factory and they sent us hot off the presses peeps just like oh you got a piece fresh off the line fresh off the line just hatched a couple days ago they sent it to us i'm like i don't know i't like marshmallows, but which maybe that would be a good pick for me. But most people do. But I had a fresh peep and I was like, still no, not any better. Yeah, still disgusting. Doesn't taste any different than the ones from the 1970s. The Jim Thorpe edition peeps or whatever that they're sending out.

Back when peeps were peeps, you know? Yeah. Abbott and Costello meet peeps. Like, it's just, it's so bad and it looks so good. It looks like some Willy Wonka ass shit. Oh, yeah. It looks like a cloud. Triggered, Ian.

Oh, God. Very much triggered. You said that. Looked like some Willy Wonka ass shit with a dwarf on the chat. So triggered. I have to drive by that damn Timothy Chalamet billboard every day on my way home. They're making fun of my people, and yet they

don't even have the decency to cast us. Fuck you, Hugh Grant. Yeah. Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant. That's what they're doing? Hugh Grant is the... I don't know the term, but Hugh Grant is that guy? Yes. Hugh Grant is the Oompa Loompa.

You said it. I call him O.L. In the preview, there's just one. In Wonka, is there just one? Is Hugh Grant the godfather of all of them? There's tons of them. See, now we're going into Wonka canon.

We don't have to. There's tons of them, but I think Hugh Grant's the only one in the preview. You don't see any shots of an army of Oompa Loompas or anything like that. So between that and Disney recasting the dwarves, thank God I'm doing stand-up. I'm sure you know this, but I just listened to a podcast with Jason Acuna and Poncho Moeller, and they were talking about how Poncho, who he was, they took, what did he said? They took parts of his body and superimposed them, but not his face. Correct. Right?

That's fucking insane that they can. And then he doesn't get paid for that. No, because basically everything that the actor strike was he doesn't get paid for that. No. Basically, everything that the actors strike was about, they're essentially doing that with little people because they don't want to be offensive. Shout out to the Little

Revolution podcast. That's where you got that from. That's crazy to hear. I heard them on the Nine Club talking about it. That's their podcast, right? The Little Revolution? Yeah. So here's what you do, people.

Because this podcast is currently employing more dwarves than the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Here's what you do. If you want to support the Little People community, go to veeps.com slash Brad Williams. There it is. Get my special. And then you will be supporting the dwarf community and that's

what you tell people when they say do you donate to charity you're like yes I support the little people community consider that your carbon offset for seeing Wonka yeah but you're going to have a much better time watch Wonka only if you buy my special I saw Wonka

donate to the little people. Put C in the Big Hearts community. There it is. I saw Wonka. I've seen you do stand-up. I can tell you very confidently they're going to enjoy watching you do stand-up a lot more than they're going to enjoy Wonka.

Thank you, sir. And hopefully they enjoy me making this pic. Look at that. That was good. Hopefully they enjoy me making this pick. Look at that. That was good. Hopefully they enjoy me making this pick. I'm shocked that you guys didn't do this as a first round pick. I thought this was the

universal Christian McCaffrey you gotta take this number one. Here it comes. Fajitas. What? What? here it comes fajitas

what what fajitas that's crazy if you thought that was obvious I mean I'll hear you out here but I thought you were going to say pussy that's how I got my second round pick

I got fajitas fajitas you're at the restaurant someone walks by the waiter walks by got the sizzling plate it's just oh my god that's gonna be so good

it's gonna be so good and then it gets to your plate you order the fajitas and it's almost like they time it where right when they put the plate down it stops sizzling now it's not making the noise and the meat is ass and it's just not not good it's not which is weird because i love a soft taco love a soft taco right we'll eat that all day but for some odd reason the fajita meat mixed with the onions and the peppers that i don't know they're they're getting right before they expire i've never had a

good fajita always in that and that's my point it's not that it's not okay it's not that it's not good it's good fajitas are good but they're not as good as they look. They look on that sizzling platter amazing. I see what you mean. I see where you're going. It looks like it's going to be the best steak you've ever had. I think you've blown a hole in the fajita conspiracy a mile wide right here. Oh, yeah.

Big fajitas shaking in their boots. Up until this moment, I was like, what? It's dinner and a show. It's so much fun. And all a fajita really is is a do-it-yourself soft taco. They're exporting the work to us. They're offloading all the labor. That's all it is.

Can I say, though, I'm a basic bitch, so I do. I do. I feel special. Yeah. When they come out and it's sizzling, and I'm like, for me? And then they put it down. It's like king for a day. It makes me feel good.

The quality is not, it is lacking sometimes for sure, but I just like to feel like the man every now and again. Yeah, so that's the point. So if you write me and say like, no, fajitas are good. I'm not saying they're not good. They're good. They're just not as good as they look when

they come out on that sizzling platter. So fajitas, first round draft. Wow, this has been a crazy first round. It really has. Can I say something? Yeah. You've enchanted me. You won me over. It started, I started,

when you said fajitas, I almost left. I almost ran through the glass pane window behind me he was gonna cool it man it right out of his own door and by the end of it i'm like yeah and by the end i'm like this motherfucker like blew open the fajita conspiracy yeah buddy all right all right well now it's time for my first pick which isn't going to possibly measure up to the controversy. Yes. But I have to take what looks like the platonic ideal of something and is in truth the absolute worst version of it. I'm going to take the bane of my existence, the bane of any motel breakfast I've ever had.

I'm going to take the red delicious apple. Yeah. You know, absolutely. I was hoping you'd take it first. I hate to be that guy. You know where I'm at. It's like biting into a carpet sample. It's caged applesauce. I don't need it.

I wish. Applesauce is delicious. A red delicious apple is mealy. It's like cardboard. They call it the red delicious, which is obviously a marketing ploy. Sure. Because the Granny Smith is called the Granny Smith, which is like they named their apple after a grandma. Trust me, it doesn't taste like old ladies.

It doesn't taste like a grandma. It's like Greenland and Iceland. They're trying to trick you. They're confident. That's a confident apple name, right? And it's delicious. But the Red Delicious is over here saying, oh, no, we're red. We're delicious. It's red. I'll, right? And it's delicious. But the Red Delicious is over here saying, oh no, we're red, we're delicious. It's red. I'll hand them that.

It's red as hell. I do like them. I know it's bad. It's so difficult. I like the specificity that you said, like in the hotel lobby, in the fruit bowl, you know. Those are the worst fruits, though,

right? I fall for it. Yes. The bananas are trash in there. Yeah. Cause they do, they prop it up so well. And you're like, Oh yeah,

no, I don't need, I don't need to make my own waffle. Let me just get it. Yeah. But Brad, you're walking by this bowl and you're like, and like,

it catches your eye and you're like, Oh, what is that? The, the, the very apple that the children in the fifties placed on their teacher's desk to win their affection. This platonic version of like,

it's like the Ninja turtles, uh, pizza of apples, you know, where it's like, that's what I want. And then you go and you buy it. And again,

it just tastes like a heavy, hot sigh. It's awful. I'm with you completely. Yeah. Go with the granny Smith. Go with the honey. Chris, honey, Chris, much better. Probably the best. Almost every other apple. I'm with you completely. Yeah. Go with the Granny Smith. Go with the Honeycrisp.

Honeycrisp. Much better apple. That's probably the best apple. Almost every other apple. I mean, I can't think of another apple that I spit out, but if I accidentally take a bite of a Red Delicious, you know, if you just, whatever, you grab an apple and that's what it is, it just ruins the next couple hours at least. I'm an envy apple, man.

I've said that on the record before. That's my favorite apple. Envy. If you see an envy in man. I've said that on the record before. That's my favorite. If you see an envy in the store, do yourself a little favor there. Fiji's, Honey Crips, they're both real dang good. Did you just call them Honey Crips? I sure do. Honey Crips. Well, I mean,

are they red? Are they blue? The scariest Crip is the one that can wear red. Every now and again you see a crip with like a red belt or something when the rest is blue when do you see what are you talking about

I think I saw some bloods in the town center the other day that is the most old man shit I've ever heard I saw some bloods in the town center I tried to go back and take a picture to send to Harris I was walking by and I was like those look like bloods they were like decked out. Sean saw your radar went off.

Your radar went off for those teens? It was like they were dressed like they were in like colors. And I was just like, no way. But they were eating, I swear to God, eating donuts and drinking coffee. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And then I walked back around and they were gone. So maybe I imagine it. Maybe I conjured it up.

Sean, those are just black people. No, I'm telling you. Head to toe red. Head to toe red. Bandanas. Red flannels. Red Air Force Ones. It was a blood situation. It could have been Santa's elves.

At the Clackamas Town Center? At the Clackamas Town Center. The Clackamas Town Center. The Clap-Emamas Town Center. Mr. Clackamas Town Center. The Clap-Em-Up Town Center. That's what they call it. It was crazy. Jesus Christ. It was crazy.

Yeah. Time for my second pick. I'm telling you. I'm going back to something that for my entire life has personified, maybe that's the wrong word, signified a platonic ideal of food. There's so much meaning laden in this food.

The imagery alone conveys strong feelings, feelings of warmth, family tenderness, and then you actually taste it and you're like, what the fuck is going on here? I'm drafting the Thanksgiving turkey. Well, no, I can't go with you. Whoa. I see where you're going, but yeah, I like Thanksgiving turkey.

You ever had a fried turkey when they bust that shit down? I'm not drafting a fried turkey. Or a smoked turkey. I'm not drafting a smoked turkey. And what's the one they're doing now where they splatch? What's it? Spatchcock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is exactly my point. You just brought up three counters, each of which make turkey good, none of which are the Thanksgiving turkey. I've had a fried turkey only on Thanksgiving.

I'm not doing it in February. But when I say Thanksgiving turkey, I mean the big bird that is placed on the table with like the little crowns on the feet that like the whole,

like the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving turkey feet that like the whole like the norman rockwell thanksgiving turkey that thankfully people are freeing themselves from the bone dry now yeah like thanksgiving you gotta have water while the turkey's in your mouth as turkey that it looks so good on the table it tastes so dry and so bland off the table if you're spatchcocking that shit is moist and delicious if you're smoking it it's great mean If you're spatchcocking, that shit is moist and delicious. If you're smoking it, it's great. Mean. What is a spatchcocking? You cut up.

Oh, sorry. Go ahead, David. Yeah. Oh no. I was just going to say you pull out the spine, right?

And then you, so they split it apart and they open it up. So it just makes like flat. Cause of the fat content in the breasts and the thighs are different. They cook at different speeds and like have different moistures. So that like allows them to like cook, I think, more evenly. Okay. You know what?

You convinced me. And I think it's kind of like my argument with the fajitas. We're not saying it's not good. We're saying it looks amazing. It looks amazing. It looks like a painting. And then you bite into it. It looks amazing. It looks like a painting and then you bite into it. Right, exactly.

And you're like, this is not my beautiful wife. So I've heard this argument about tomato soup and why tomato soup is not great. It's because whenever you say, oh, tomato soup is so great, when you dunk the sandwich into it,

I'm like, no, see, you're adding to it. You're adding to it. So when you say the Thanksgiving turkey, normally people say, no, I love turkey. You pour gravy on it. You got cranberry sauce. It's like, no, no, no. You're adding to it. Exactly right.

I will say. Might as well be a saltine. I have had some good just straight turkeys. Like before the spatchcock, obviously everybody knows I experiment with my poultry. But it's like, I'm not documented. You know, I get wet and wild. Your reputation precedes you. Yeah.

But I, it's not a lot of times, but I have had a few times where they did it right. I don't know what right is. Maybe they kept basting it or whatever. It's just the dry thing, right? That's what our main gripe is. It's the dry thing. I just don't think it lives up to how beautiful it looks. That's fair, though, because you could make it look beautiful.

I've also had it look amazing, and it was pretty bad, so I got you. And Ian, I think we have one of the first times, and this happens in every fantasy draft, where right when you're about to say something, you take the pick. Now, I was

going to say a version of this. I was going to say a very specific type of turkey, which is the turkey leg at the Renaissance Fair. Oh, that's good. That's separate. You can take that. You can take that. Okay. That's why I picked that. The turkey leg at the Ren's Fair. Kind, that's good. That's separate. You can take that. You can take that. Absolutely. That's why I picked that. The turkey leg at the Ren Fair.

Kind of like the fajitas where you see other people with it. Someone's walking around. It's a roast turkey leg. There's coloration on the skin. You're like, that's going to be awesome. And then you take a bite

every time. Ass. It's just ass. This is such a good pick. I've never got to experience it. I want to. I've been to the Ren Faire. I didn't get one. It might as well be a solid block of salt. You might as well

be eating a block of salt like a horse. Yes, and it's specifically the Turkey Lake at the Renaissance Faire. If you come to me and be like, oh no, I go to the ballpark. They do this roasted turkey. I'm not talking about that turkey lake. I'm talking about the turkey

lake at the Renaissance Fair. Always bad, but looks amazing. Right. I'll tell you this. The one at Disneyland isn't much better. The one at Disneyland, which looks, again, beautiful, is just a big, overly salted piece of meat.

Are they designed like do they design the bone to be kind of like a handle or I mean is it like manufactured? Do you mean they like God? Well that's what I'm asking. He means she. Did she design it as such? Them. They like shave off the bone so yes the

leg bone is the handle and you'll see people walking around with them and you're like, I'm going to get a turkey leg. And then you do and you regret it after the first bite. I'll be honest. First chance I get, I've never been presented with the opportunity. First chance I get, I'm still going to do it. You got to go to the Ren Faire. You got to try it.

My wife and I almost went to a Ren Faire for our first date and then I bailed on it because I was like, I don't think we could do that for our very first date. You know why? I don't know we could do that for our very first date you know why I don't know it feels like a more I gotta we gotta know each other better because it's so horny maybe I'd like to go now but yeah it's horny in there

I went to my first one this year it's there it's horny in there I hear it's horny there it's a bunch of women in corsets boobs up their tins so many boob jokes I got a beer and the lady swiped my card in her titties. That just like is further proof

of my theory that like the kids in high school who were having the most sex were like the theater nerds. I don't think that's a theory. I think that's proven. As a theater nerd. Look at that smile. Look at that smile. Look at that smile.

I don't even know you can do that. That works on Zoom? I just learned I learned whatever Yeah, anyway. You can get fireworks and shit to come up in your background.

After you saw the bloods, you learned about emojis? If they weren't bloods after you saw the bloods, you learned about emojis? If they weren't bloods, if they weren't bloods, I will be damned. I really think you saw Santa's elves having a pre-shift meal. Hey, man, this isn't Fox News.

Santa can be black. I don't act like I know a lot about much. I'm just a humble country skateboarder. I'll put it on Crip that they were bloods. Put it on Crip. See what happens when you now develop

an app that's just like you take a photo of a black person. Like, is this the Crip? And then you just take a photo. Bloodfinder. BLUD, that's how it's spelled. We talked about a long time ago being like a Google Maps thing, but how long it would take to like crip walk from somewhere

or like army crawl somewhere. Crip walk was in there. If we ride a bike, it's going to be 15 minutes, but if we crip walk, it's actually seven. Sean! Yeah. It's time for your next pick, huh? If we ride a bike, it's going to be 15 minutes. But if we crip walk, it's actually seven. Sean. Yeah. It's time for your next pick, huh? Baklava.

What? Oh, interesting. Baklava to me. So I've only had it a couple times. I think it's really tasty. I hated it. I tried it twice. We lived in Glendale.

There was this place right up the street. And I was like, it's got to be good. Are you talking about the baklava factory? Yes. Yes. Because the first time I went in there, I got some and I was like, there's no way that's what all the fuss is about. I have to have gotten some bad baklava. Then I went in there again and it was worse.

It's just not good bread to me. And it's so crumbly and it gets everywhere. But it looks worse. It's just, it's just not good bread to me. And it's so crumbly and it gets everywhere, but it looks amazing. It looks, it's shiny. It looks so sweet. You guys like it. You guys all like it.

I think it's so good. It's so good. I don't, I'm not a baklava man, but I also don't think it looks, you're Jewish, right? I'm Jewish.

Yeah. I'm a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just,, right? I'm Jewish. Yeah, I'm 100%. Yeah. Yeah, I had such high hopes, and I just... When you get the good that's crispy on the outside, soft on the inside,

it's got the honey in it, the pecans, the risotto. Come on. No, I know. Yeah, I mean, I could... To be fair, I could try it. I could give it another shot.

I'm sure I will at some point. My wife, when I was going over my list last night, she did not agree with this pick either. She likes baklava. To me, to yourself. Baklava is like pizza, where even bad baklava is good. I kind of feel the same way,

where it's like, yeah, it's still baklava. Yeah, man. I just didn't. You know, that's how it goes. Not even a little bit. I find it a little too... I almost think it's too sweet. Yeah, you can't have a lot of it

for sure. Yeah, but maybe that speaks more to me and my proclivities with it. My dessert proclivities. Is it, with baklava, is it kind of like a one type or are there a bunch of different baklavas? This I don't know. I have no idea.

I don't know if it's like cheesecake where you can get like that's what I'm asking different fillings and stuff but the stuff I had there was like nothing on it it was just like a bad croissant almost that's unfortunate that's a pleasure

there's different kinds of baklava according to a cursory search on google but i don't know that you'd enjoy any of them david time for your second and then your third picks uh my second pick this is man i've gotten burned by this shit about four or five times now uh you know i love going to fancy seafood restaurants whenever i get the chance and i like going and i'm always like it's seafood wow out get the whole. And I like going, and I'm always like, it's seafood, wow, wow, get the whole branzino, whatever, right?

But this isn't, branzino isn't my pick. I always see them carry this by, it's like a thick, manly cut of fish that you're like, this is going to be hearty and delicious. And it always goes down bad. I'm taking the swordfish. Whoa.

I fucking, it looks so good. I'm taking the swordfish. Whoa. I fucking, it looks so good. I can't. I don't. It's dry. It's mild. I don't, I've never had a cut of swordfish I like. And I think it looks amazing. You a big swordfish guy, Ian? I like swordfish.

I like swordfish, but I it is dry. It's dry! It dries out pretty easy. It's temperamental. What's amazing about when they bring it out, what's the preparation of a swordfish that makes it look so dope? It's like cutting the steaks, kind of, and it

looks like a steak, and it's like, I love a tuna steak, right? Love a tuna steak, and you think it's going to be that kind of, like, sort of complex flavor, like and even no matter think it's going to be that kind of like sort of complex flavor like and even no matter how it's seasoned or whatever it just tastes like dry not good fish

every time every time I'm having the response where my first response was no but then as you started talking about it I'm like yeah it's always a bummer I've weirdly had no, but then as you started talking about it, I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm coming around. It's always a bummer.

It's always a bummer. I've weirdly had, when I, weirdly. I see your face and you're having a tough time. When I was, when I was on that meal delivery service, where the one I was on, when I was like losing, like the way where the swordfish was one of the options. And you caught a lot of it. And I ate a lot of swordfish and it was like losing like the way where the swordfish was one of the options and it would come and I ate a lot of swordfish and it was like

good and it was not overly dry but I do feel like when I've eaten it in restaurants it is very dry which is strange I just have never liked it well good well now

you gotta have your third pick. All right. Where do I go third? Oh, this is easy, man. I've seen this at like multiple people's houses for events and stuff. And don't get me wrong. I love the presentation. I appreciate a strong presentation.

This is usually very colorful. A lot of interesting textures going on. But every time I have it, it just tastes like you mixed three, four bad things together. I'm taking Jell-O salad. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like it either.

I didn't even think of that. But I don't like it. Yeah. Ian passed out. No, I see. It's a common theme happening here, I think, is that like not all this stuff is like, I don't think that's bad, but it doesn't look nearly as it doesn't taste nearly as good as it looks to me. It looks amazing. It looks like it should be great.

And then whenever I have jello salad, I'm like, I wish that I had all these things separately. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's like a party with a bad group of people where you're like, I like all you guys, but here right now with these chilies, we're having a bad time. It looks like something that somebody's bringing to politics.

Yeah. Someone ordered the fajitas. Yeah. Rick is wasted. It's 2 politics. Yeah. Someone ordered the fajitas. Yeah. Rick is wasted. It's 2 p.m. It looks like food they would imagine in Hook, and it doesn't taste quite as good. Exactly that. Exactly that.

Good reference there. You're doing it, Peter, and then it's nasty. That scene, by the way, that table, you can just analyze the table in Hook because it's all turkey legs. I was going to say there's turkey. Oh, you're right. There's all my weird Jell-O frosting pies that look good that were probably horrible.

That you know were bad. You know that shit was bad. We have a recipe for a really good Jell-O salad, but it's not the kind you're describing. It's like a more simple, it's like a jello walnut fruit that is like pineapple. It's phenomenal. And I'll make it for you.

All right. And I think you'll like it. I think you'll like it. I've been hurt before, man. I've just been burned. I'm going to be so gentle with you, me and this jello salad. I mean, please just kiss me first

because usually they just slam it right in. But yeah, jello salad I mean please just kiss me first because usually they just slam it right in but yeah jello salad man and I appreciate the mold I think it's great put more shit in molds yeah absolutely I'm for it put more shit in molds

I'm saying more molds 2024 jello eggs those are off the chains like you get little jello yeah they're just big pieces of jello. Huge, thick pieces of jello. Those are dope as shit. You mean you like jello? Yeah, I like jello.

I also will say that, and I have to disclose this, gelatin is like my least favorite texture. I don't really like it as a texture in general. Texture thing? That makes sense. Well, yeah, that's why they put so much sugar and fruit in it to make it palatable because if you have

nothing worse than if you get that gelatin texture meat. If you ever have a meat that's like ugh. I was talking about me and my buddy, we make weird food sometimes. We were talking about trying to make hog's head cheese and I was like, I think I

can't i think it's too far i think it's i like i like that stuff i like those weird gelatin he meets it's a frenchman in me we've talked about this i doubt this is gonna be on anyone's list because it doesn't look good but like boiled ham you like boiled ham i don't like boiled anything it's like a jelloey ham i don't know if i've had the pleasure oh i used to work at the cheese island playboy at hy-vee and i tried all of it like all the gnarly meats that you see i'm just like yeah i tried them all once head cheese all that shit head cheese is the one yeah hogshead cheese that's the one we were we were talking about making it last year over christmas and it was just like uh it's too too much. A bridge too far for me.

I like terrines. I like head cheese. I like all that stuff. Really? I mean, hey, you're a freshman. Menlo, fallout stuff. You like that? All of that.

Yeah. Sean, what don't you like, even though it looks like you might? I'm going to go the treat route again. Runts. Oh, runts are bad. I don't like runts either. Yeah. They look so fun

every and that's another one that lets me down I know that's two like three treats I'm sorry for doing this but yeah runts are just not I just can't do it I don't I don't like them at all even when

they're crunched you crunch them up and even when you get the apple or whatever I'm like no I don't like it yeah because it looks like it should because they're likeed you crunch them up and even when you get the apple or whatever i'm like no i don't yeah i don't like it yeah because it it looks like it should have because they're like runs are shaped like fruit so like it looks like it's gonna have a little tart flavor in there and it doesn't just straight wheat and it's just too much can i just can i just take a moment to defend the honor of the banana runt oh man i mean that's the first one i thought of it tastes like medicine to me oh they get pitched by the side so quick, dude. Watching somebody get the banana runts out of a pack of runts is so quick.

I love a banana run. I celebrate the entire catalog, by the way, but I do love a banana run. You're wrong. No, I wish they shaped all the other runts like bananas and just didn't have them be banana flavored because the banana runts are the most fun to eat. It is.

Yeah, it bends a little so you don't have to brute force crunch it. You can kind of get it in between your teeth and the top tooth gets the apex of the bow or whatever and then the bottom two teeth, you know what I mean? It crunches the arch. I've never heard anybody talk about munching candy in such detail. That was so specific. That's so specific. That's so specific. But they crack. They don't hurt your teeth. But then they're banana. So that blows.

I like them. And there are millions of us. It's two strikes. There's one million of you. There's at least a thousand of us. Worldwide, there's one million of you. Worldwide, there's one million of us who enjoy a banana run Brad what do you enjoy

or not enjoy I'm going to keep the fruit theme going but I'm actually going to say a fruit grapefruit absolutely dude thank you oh you think a grapefruit looks good Sean you're going to stand on that

I just saw someone juicing grapefruits at a show two nights ago. They were making fresh grapefruit juice. They were juicing a grapefruit. Yeah, they were squanching their grapefruit right in front of me. It looks so good. It looks like it's going to taste like an orange

and I love oranges. I love walking to a breakfast spot and they have that fresh orange juice machine. You see the whole oranges getting put in. Hell yeah, I'm there all a breakfast spot and they have that fresh orange juice machine. You see the whole oranges getting put in. Hell yeah, I'm there all day. But if you just replace the oranges with the grapefruits, I'm out. But they look amazing.

And I think it's like. Do you think it's because they look like they're going to. Pink is like associated with sweet. I feel like they look like they're going to be so much sweeter than they are. Yeah. And then it's just bitter. And for the people that are going to argue with me and say like, no, you take a grapefruit, you put some sugar on it. No, no, no.

You're adding to it. I'm just saying it's just the grapefruit. I love a Paloma drink, but I hate a grapefruit. So, yeah. fruit i love a paloma drink but i hate a grapefruit so yeah and i think it's is it gary goldman's line where he's like grapefruit you separate the words like great amazing fruits awesome grapefruit horrible like yeah like he has a joke like that yeah much better than what i said i hate i mean i i got full disclosure i do like grapefruits. I do. I eat them like oranges. I like everything grapefruit flavored.

I like to drink squirt. Yep. Yeah, squirt's great. Squirt. Fresca. Yeah, I can handle a fresca for sure. All those. And you know, and grapefruit and tequila mixes so well.

Amazing. Amazing. Just the actual grapefruit. No, I'm Perfect. Amazing. Just the actual grapefruit. No, I'm out. I'll tell you the truth. I don't even like sugar on it. I eat it straight up. It's gross. You eat it with a... What do you do? You eat it with a fork?

Dude, I peel it like an orange and I eat the wedges. I didn't know they split into wedges. I didn't know that. It's just like an orange okay yeah except tastes horrible i get it listen i get it i know i know that i'm the weird one here it is i'm with you on that where i'm like the color is delicious the color looks amazing yeah it's probably the fruit i eat the second most often but yeah i it does taste like i do understand intellectually with it what you're saying and it's it's all it's all it's on me i want i shouldn't want my food to hurt me that's the

problem i gotta work on did either one of you acquire the taste or you just always liked it man i don't think i i don't think i really fucked with it as a kid but i remember as a kid i kind of liked grapefruit juice because I was like, this tastes crazy. You know? And then, yeah, so maybe over time, but yeah, but I get it. That's, you're right. It does not look like what it tastes like. Fair play.

Time for my third pick. And I'm going to take cakes that look like stuff. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. So essentially it's gross. It is gross, dude. Oh, yeah. Fondant's gross. Fondant, right? Fondant is gross. Fondant. That was my next pick. I plucked it. I can't believe it made it to

the third round because they look magical. You look at those cakes and you're like, oh, to live in this age where anything is possible. You know what I mean? Like, a cake looks like a car or like whatever. Like, it's a basketball like that should be part of the contest is like because fondant i feel like it's cheating because

you can make it all you make whatever with fondant it should also have to taste good it's like covering a cake in fucking modeling clay yeah well that's not impressive yeah sure technically you can eat it technically you can eat it but it looks the fact that you know it's cake and then when you see them cut into it when they do the reveal and everything you're like get the fuck out of town here's a question for you I'll give you 10 grand for a piece of that what do you what would you rather have a dry

turkey that's a real turkey or like eat a cake that looks exactly like that dry turkey at the cake okay okay because it's still sugar and stuff okay I can peel away the... And that's the whole point of the cake is that as we've seen on multiple types of TV shows, they can make it look like anything.

So they make it look delicious. But then what they have to do is just so much... Yeah, I love that. The frosting, it says like modeling frosting and it's like, no, that's not frosting. No.

Yeah. It's, it's so bad. It's less good baking and more just bad art. Like more than anything that happens to have cake inside of it. Like, yeah, for sure.

I understand. I understand why we're also ensorcelled by it. Trust me. I'm like, I'm the front of that line, but when you break it down, it's like, for sure. I understand why we're all so ensorcelled by it. Trust me. I'm the front of that line. But when you break it down, it's like, what are we doing here? Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, you took my pick. No A-hole. I'm a fucking prick.

He's an F-ing A-hole, dude. I'm an F-ing A-hole. We're going to get to my fourth pick right after one more short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age.

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insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care, self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there, it's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to

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Everything already in progress. We're here with standup comedian. We're here. We're here with, hold on. Let me do this like a radio show. We're here with funny man, Brad Williams. Hey, everybody. We're here with funny man, Brad Williams. Hey, everybody, we're here. Now, if you did it like the radio show,

then you have to go full in like, all right, everybody, we're back. We got stand-up comedian Brad Williams in the studio. Brad Williams is a midget. Cowbell, cowbell, cowbell, cowbell, cowbell. I just did a press where they just didn't know anything about me so they were like david we hear you're from mobile alabama and i was like what no and they're like okay all right they fucked up too because i called in this is a weird story

i called in to do the press the the number they gave me, and I won tickets. So I called in trying to do press. This was in Kansas City. I called in trying to do press and they pick up and they're like, you're the 10th caller. You want tickets to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Who is this? And I'm like, David? I thought you were going to say you want tickets to see yourself. You want tickets to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra? In Kansas City when I was calling to do press. You know how early it is?

It's like 5.30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. And they didn't give me the tickets. So here's the sad part, David, is based on the fact that it was Trans-Siberian Orchestra and it was Kansas City. Here's how much I travel and do shows. I think I know the show you called into.

That's hilarious. I think it was the Johnny Dare show. That sounds something like that, yeah. In Kansas City because he knows one of the guys in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. That's so good.

You called in. Yeah, it was crazy. The look of it. I was like, this is nuts. I'm going to text him because that's awesome. I'm going to relentlessly mock him for that. It's the one trans thing they're okay with in Kansas City.

There he goes. I'm on the road too. Oh yeah, everybody. okay with in Kansas City. There he goes. I'm on the road too. Brad's newest special, Starfish, is available on Veeps. Yes. Currently. It was available on December 21st.

We chose December 21st because it's the shortest day of the year. Yep, hitting that joke again. So go watch it. Enjoy it. So now I got to come up with a pick after he stole my cake. Oh, no, no. I get one more pick. I get one more pick before you do.

Serpentine. Serpentine wrap. I'll make it a quick one. I'm taking the star fruit. An actual piece of fruit. I get it. It's one. I'll make it a quick one. I'm taking the star fruit. Yeah. An actual piece of fruit. I get it. It's fine. It's tolerable.

It looks like alien candy, dude. It looks so good. It looks like a wizard would give it to you before an important quest. It's amazing. If you get stabbed by it at work. You'll know when it's time to eat it. Yeah. It looks magical.

It looks amazing. It's also like a late fruit. Like it's not one of the main fruits you know about when you're a kid. You know, you think there's like apples, bananas, pears, whatever, whatever, whatever. You're 15 going to like a Japanese grocery store for the first time. And you're like, what the fuck is this? A star fruit? Pardon my ignorance.

It grows like that? Yeah. Did we always have those in the States, or is that like a newer thing? Like, did my grandpa, could he go get a starfruit? I mean, I think he called them Cambodians, but yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure

now, like, it's gotten more popular. I think. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was, like, always kind of around, but now it's more popular. And I almost think it's like an Instagram fruit where it's like, no, it looks good in the photo. But then it doesn't taste good at all. Get a kiwi. Get a kiwi.

You're fine. A kiwi clear star fruit easily. Kiwi is a delight. Kiwi is a delight every time. Yeah, you're good. But you see a starfruit it's just it looks magical it looks like something it looks like this is about to change my life it's like it's like finding out a new color exists and then you bite into it and you're like oh it's a dull yellow yeah it's it's also one of those things that on paper i will always sign off on like i don't know what passion fruit tastes like,

but I've had so many beverages passion fruit flavored. Yeah. Nobody does. Nobody knows what a passion fruit tastes like. So you're looking at it. You're sitting at breakfast. You're looking at a menu and you're like, well, I'm at least going to read about the fruit salad.

And you're like, grapes. Sure. Pineapple. Yeah. Starfruit. Starfruit. Exactly. Maybe I will. Okay. Maybe I will.

Alright, Cleveland Best Western. Maybe I will get it. There's so many of those fruits where it's like, I know what Bacardi thinks those fruits taste like, but I don't really know what they actually taste like. Sean's like, limon. I'm a big

dragon fruit guy, sure. Do you guys have raspberries? I don't know what he says this is going to taste like. Yeah, because we've all picked a lot of blue raspberries in our life. How did that even come up that we started saying blue raspberry? Because it's like an early

90s thing, right? Nothing was blue raspberry until the early 90s. The first ones I remember, the blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers, and you're like, oh, right. It was a hot flavor for a minute. Yeah. But what's the blue?

We have raspberries. Like, what if they did this with other fruits? What if they're like, all right, and it's purple apple flavor? Yeah. Well, you remember they tried purple and green ketchup? You guys remember that? Yeah, I remember that. I do remember that. I couldn't even, it's like one fry in the green ketchup, You guys remember that? Yeah, I remember that. I do remember that.

Couldn't even, it's like one fry and the green ketchup. And I was like, I almost puked. And it's just ketchup. I don't know. I told you the color green, man. He has a diversion. Yeah, it was just veggie ketchup. Brad, time for your next pick.

I came up with my next pick. And now this, once again, I have to specify what we're talking about. We are not talking about foods that look good, taste bad, that they look better than they taste. Feels like you're about to start a riot here. Yeah. This thing is good, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. Oftentimes, it's not as good as you think it's going to be. Oftentimes, it's prepared table-side. They prepare it right in front of you,

and it looks like it's going to be amazing, and then it's fine, but it's not what you think it's going to be. It's a dessert. It is Bananas Foster. Bananas Foster. Oh, okay. It's a dinner and a show again.

What is Bananas Foster exactly? It's bananas. It's caramel. If you have to ask Sean, you can't afford it, buddy. Yeah. And it's fire. It's bananas, caramel, fire. I think that's going to be all good.

And the show is great. You see the stuff and the big flame goes up the table and everyone goes ooh, it's great. It feels like you just don't like being lied to. That's what I'm getting out of this. Do you? Do you want to be lied to? No. For our listeners

and for Sean, Bananas Foster is a dessert made from bananas and vanilla ice cream with a sauce made from butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, dark rum, and banana liqueur. The butter, sugar, and bananas are cooked, and then alcohol is added and ignited. The bananas and sauce are then served over the ice cream. Yes. So like

I said, it's fine. It's good. But when you have all the show and the ignite and the big fire, you think it's going to be way better than it actually is it's like soggy sweet bananas yeah and it just the flavors

to me don't really work I'll take a banana split over bananas foster any day of the week bananas fucking suck so you don't have to sell me I love bananas but you know what? The split thing, you're right, and the amount of fire involved, you're like, well,

surely that's going to be amazing after that. Sometimes also, it tastes too boozy. And I like booze, but I'm like, you know, I don't want my dessert to taste like that. I don't like eating booze. I don't want food to taste like booze. Does it caramelize? I mean, is that like the fire? Does it do something?

It does? That's the idea. Like creme brulees? Yes. All right. Now, it's from New Orleans. You can prove us wrong. You can prove me wrong at Sports Drink,

March 8th and 9th in New Orleans. Bring me a banana sposter. I'll eat it. Great pick. Sean, time for your fourth pick. All right, let's do it. It was going to happen. Sushi. Fight you. Great pick. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Alright, let's do it. It was going to happen. Sushi.

I understand. No. Okay. I understand. I'm going to come to your house. I am not saying just me. I mean, I don't like seafood at all. I hate it. So, of course, with this one, is the biggest gap because sushi looks perfect to me.

You don't think it looks perfect because it looks, it tastes exactly like what it looks like. It's like one of the few things that tastes as good as it looks. It does what it does. It does what it says on the tin. When I see a sushi roll, it's like, you know what it tastes like. I am sorry. I do apologize. But it's just for me. And I, you know, if you are somebody who doesn't like seafood i feel like this is the biggest gap because again i'm not saying sushi doesn't look absolutely it looks like almost the best food you could get every time i see it that's why i tried it so much because every time i see it i i'm like i i have to like this is why i think it's psychosomatic with you yeah I heard that last

night I went to Holman's last night after this show I heard that wow really I don't even understand the reference I'm just smiling because I want to hang out with my friends Simon was in town I went and had a beer with him but anyway yeah yeah that'll happen because you it doesn't even taste seafood

no it's not like crazy it's because you know it doesn't even taste seafood-y. No. It's not like crazy. It's because you know it. It's not crazy seafood-y. What's the one without seafood? Is it California roll? That's a sushi with no seafood, right? I mean, fake seafood, but yeah. Okay.

I've tried it. I've tried it. I think I've tried sushi that's like just rice and cabbage. I don't know. There's the egg one. There's the tamago, I think it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's that one. Tamago, I don't know. There's the egg one. There's the tamago, I think it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's that one.

Tamago, I say. Now there's even spots that do like, they'll do steak sushi where they'll wrap steak and rice. See, now here, now we're starting to talk a little bit. I feel like now we're negotiating and this is fine.

I don't know why we couldn't open up negotiations earlier. That would be great. That's what you say, but you still gotta like all the sites the sauces and the rice then and shit i i think i do i trust that's why this is hard you don't even know what you like you don't know you're in the woods i was ian and i when we were in canada i had i had raw beef right it was fine like i feel like raw beef that's venturing in

tartar kind of yeah basically yeah well. It was more like carpaccio. Oh, okay. Still good. Like I'm at carpaccio, I feel like nose sushi. So I went to that part. No, no. See? That's how I know you're out of your element.

It's so different. It's so different. Either way, it looks amazing and I fucking hate it. So there we go. I don't think it looks amazing because it looks exactly what it tastes like. You bite. There's no lie going on there. It's pretty.

It's I'm saying like the colors. To me, it doesn't taste like that. But the colors and the presentation and it just looks so beautiful and fun to eat. And then it's just fucking. But see, this is just because you hate sushi. Like, I don't like this. I don't like mushrooms. So I didn't put any mushroom stuff on this list

but mushrooms don't look dope they look like shit this is what he does and then it's only his opinion and you don't even get to play you're walking down the street being like look at those beautiful mushrooms yeah I like mushrooms Sean

but they don't look they don't look good. Sushi looks like Chris Hemsworth to me. Tastes like Steve Buscemi. You are backwards and upside down. You're all out of sorts. That's why I waited. I wanted to take it first, second, third, and fourth.

I'm revoking your fifth pick. Let me have it. I think the fifth one, I think it will hit a little harder. David, is that your fourth? I didn't want to do it last because I knew everybody would be pissed. Yeah. David, time for your fourth and then your final pick. All right.

Okay. So my fourth pick, and maybe in you guys, I'm sure people will send me recipes or whatever. Maybe there's a good version of this. Every time I've had it, it's the most boring. I eat it and I'm like, why did you take the time to make this? You took time to bake this? This sucks. I'm taking zucchini bread.

Oh, see, I enjoy zucchini bread. I don't like it at all. It makes it quite a bit. I don't like it at all. Every time I'm like this, this, it looks very good, but I'm like, why? Why'd you do it? I just went through a full range of emotion in about a second and a half.

At first, I'm like, fuck you, zucchini bread's good. And then I thought, wait a minute. When I have zucchini bread, I always put butter and honey and everything else on it to hide the flavors. And that goes, and that's my own rule.

So it's like, yeah, I'm, I'm with you. Zucchini bread, bad. Now my wife does things where she does, like she mixes other things into the zucchini bread that add the flavor and

hide the flavor. But that's great. But cause then you feel like you're cheating and you're eating vegetables. But yeah, I agree. Zucchini bread is bad. I'll say this about zucchini bread. I enjoy it. But every time I'm eating it,

I'm wishing it was a different kind of bread. That's what I'm saying. That's it. I'd be happier with a pumpkin bread or with a banana bread, of course. Yeah. Any of those ones. You have a banana bread.

You're not like, I wish this was zucchini bread. No. Exactly. You're on that one time. Even a bad banana bread, like from the store or some shit, you're still like, that's pretty good. How's it so moist still? It's amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But zucchini bread, I'm just always like, this is not. Great thing. And it looks good. It looks good. Yeah.

I think you touched on some bread because I feel like I'm eating a vegetable when I do that. And that's me justifying how much I like zucchini bread because I'm like, ah, it's a vegetable. I'm killing it with, but it's sweet. So, yeah. Great pick. David, your final pick. And this one is this is gonna go at Sean I think

this is gonna go at Sean I've been in scenarios with this food so often so many of my trash friends especially when we were kids like the whole 17 to 25 era a lot of dudes eating this stuff always looked like a good trash food to me but I could never

it tastes so bad to me but I could never get it tastes so bad to me I'm taking Vienna sausages oh I can't do it I get it I'm pretty sure I love those but I don't know exactly what they are I love them but I get it

I love them too you pop the top they're like a tiny little can. It's going to sound like I'm lying. We had those in Holman's last night. I swear to God, we had them with like Texas toast and hot. I swear to God, we had them in Holman's last night. They're fantastic. It always looks like something.

Listen, man, I've seen the can. I'm always like, this looks like where I should be. You know what I mean? This looks like. About 2000% of your daily sodium intake in one of them. Yeah. This looks like something I should be behind. I should love it.

I just don't like them. Totally get it. Like, I love them. I want to get mad at you, but it's like, nah, I totally get it. Cause I know it's like. Cause you know, it's trash. It is trash. You know what's, you know, what's interesting about this pick but it's like, nah, I totally get it. Because I know it's like... It's trash. It is trash. You know what's interesting about this pic is it's like...

I think the general populace are like, it looks disgusting. But we know ourselves that we know we like food that looks disgusting, but it isn't. That's what I'm saying. But then you've done one more cycle on it where you're like, you know what? I actually don't like it. It's a constant

like you're... It's the cartoon show where it's like, well, I think this, but he thinks that I think this. So I'm going to think this that he won't think that I'm thinking. And it's just that's the Minnesota. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

I know who I am. I know where I'm at. And I know that on paper I should be into it's I I know who I am I know where I'm at and I know that on paper I should be I should be into it and I and I've always and when you see people eat Vienna sausages because they're so bad when you see people eat them they are loving it yeah they're having the best time ever just getting sexy with it slow as a bitch. Looks like a commercial. Juices are going everywhere. And it just... Slow as a bitch.

I used to house two cans on my break at Best Buy, dude. Because there was a Winco next door and you could get a parking lot. Slurping them down, dude. The parking lot part really brings it home. Like Kimono P're eating bugs. You don't even have utensils, you're just... Yeah, exactly. Yeah, man, Vienna sausages. I just can't...

Sean, I'm reinstating your final pick. I appreciate it, brother. So, let me know if I can do this. I have a backup if I can. I'm taking... I would like to take TGI Friday's Frozen Isle Buffalo Wings. Why I'm taking that is because the presentation

on the box. So, when you pull them out of the box, they obviously don't look dope because they're frozen nuggets. But on the box,

they look, and I probably once every other month I get fooled by this. When Laura's like, when she goes out and is like, I put Max to bed, I'm like, I'm eating what I want to fucking eat tonight. And I'll make these.

And they're horrible. And she's like, again? You were so upset last time and you're like, fuck you. I try a lot. Because every time I'm like, they look so good. I fall for it so much. And I'm like, you can't church them up with enough hot sauce or ranch to make them even palatable. I bet they glisten

on the box. On the box, they look great. Because I'm not complaining about going to Friday's ass wings. Those are dope. I like those. Yeah, Friday's is good. I will allow it. And I think you could almost put that with all frozen food on the box.

Looks like the greatest thing ever. There is one thing that exactly holds up as advertised. Dofer's lasagna? Okay, so there's two things that exactly hold up as advertised. I was going to say the White Castle frozen sliders.

Those look pretty plain Jane on the cover. But they taste exactly like White Castle. Shout out to Trader Joe's pot stickers as well. Okay. Oh yeah. I mean, there's a few things.

There's a ton of shit, man. That's another draft. That's actually frozen. Yeah. I'll stand by frozen foods all day, but like that, you know,

the Friday's wings specifically, they just, they're dripping. They got like the flavors too. Like you want, what do you want? You want honey barbecue. You want garlic. You want hot. And you're like like how you all of them i like how you hit your bedroom

voice when you said what do you want the whole tone shift like even your shoulders kind of cocked a little bit you want it tonight you want to eat these in the bathtub eat these in the tub it's your day the things that come out of your brain sometimes are the opposite of the things that come out of my brain. Like you narrating the TGI Friday's wings to eat in the bathtub. That's never even crossed my shit before. You want to eat these in the bathtub?

Well, you know, I was served breakfast in the bathtub by my mother into high school. Man made gummo sadder. Are we just going to gloss over the fact that he just said that he was served breakfast in the bathtub? Brother, we know it. It's crazy.

We know it. It's nuts. I took baths well into high school and my mom would set my breakfast outside of the door and eat it in the bathtub in high school. Brad, he did this after he lost his virginity. Yeah.

That is the... The only thing that's lame about that is that it's your mom and your grandma. Because if you have staff... I wasn't old enough to have a live-in yet. If it's down for you, then that's like the height of decadence.

But like, or if your lady does it, then it's like, dude, amazing. But the fact that it's your mom just makes it sad. I was 15,

16. You know, I can't have my lady do it. You're so much older than you would think. Yeah. It's just, anytime, anytime you mix parents,

bathtub, and any age after four. Volatile mixture. Volatile mixture. Volatile mixture. Admit. It's very, very easy to get the numbers wrong. I took three baths, I don't know, a week or whatever, a few weeks ago in a hotel. I took three baths in one day.

Baths aren't the problem. Baths are delightful. Baths are wonderful. When you add the element of your mother just like, I left your food outside the problem. Baths are delightful. Baths are wonderful. When you add the element of your mother just like, I left your food outside the door. Dope. Thanks, Mom. I don't like the idea of eating while bathing

either. No, that's awful to me. Awful, awful, awful, awful. I have stopped doing that. I no longer entertain that. Did the steam from the tub kind of get... It feels like the tub steam and smell, it would all get mixed together in a way that would make it good. That ship has sailed, but the bath

ship is firmly docked. Brad Williams whose new special Starfish is available on Veeps right now. It's time for your final pick. Alright, my final pick I feel bad because I'm a Southern California native born and bred and I'm a Southern California native,

Gordon Bread, and this is a Southern California staple. Get it. And it is something that you see every time you walk out of any event in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, yes. No way.

Yep. The bacon-wrapped hot dog. Oh, that's not what I thought you were going to say. I. No way. Yep. The bacon wrapped hot dog. Oh, that's not what I thought you were going to say. I can't go with you. I cannot go with you on this one. From a street vendor. I like bacon. I like hot dogs.

I've made bacon wrapped hot dogs in my home that are amazing. But the bacon wrapped hot dog from the lovely people south of the border that are outside every sporting event, and they're clicking their tongs. So you see, it's kind of like the fajitas argument, where it's sizzling, it's bacon, it's the whole presentation,

you're like, and you're all in, oftentimes you're coming out of a concert or an event, you're drunk, and you're just like, this is going to be awesome. And then you take a bite. The bacon is somehow, even though it was on a grill, not cooked. It tastes like oil

and it's just a horrible experience. I understand what you're saying. Man, if there's not one thing I love, I'm half-coxed coming out of fucking a Ja Rule concert, and they got one of those bad boys for me. Yo,

I'm going in. I'm going in. I've only ever had them full-cocked, so I can't give an accurate... I've been so hammered every time I've had one of those that I cannot give an accurate reading.

I haven't really had one. Which, to be fair, speaks to why maybe the quality could not be amazing. They know you're going to be hammered. You're hammered. And let's face it, you're leaving an event that probably had food at it. So you're hammered and you're starving. That's the combination. They just

look so good. I've got fooled so many times. I'll probably get fooled again. I'll fall for that trick every time they want to play it. Now, Sean, I think you thought I was going to say Dodger Dog, which you could also put on this list.

That's not what I thought. I'll say what I thought you were going to pick. It's just a skinny hot dog. I've only had Dodger Dogs one time in my life, and it's one of my best memories ever because I got fired from Hulu when I lived with Ian. It was the first month I could afford to pay rent. They fired me, so I paid the actual rent. And then I was scared to tell him. And I told him like four days later. And he was like, it's all good, man.

I got you. And then later that day, he's like, just stay home. Came home, took me to a Dodger game. We got probably the best seats you could possibly get in like right behind the batter's box. And I had four Dodger dogs for free. And they were, to me, they were like the best food in the world. I almost started crying just now.

So I have a great memory of Dodger dogs, but I liked, I liked Dodger dogs, but again, it might be the, uh, you're eating the entire environment of being at Dodger stadium with a great friend.

The sun's going down. It's the whole thing. What did you think he was going to say, Sean? Uh, I thought you were gonna say that like cantaloupe with spice on it I don't like that oh I love that come on that's just good

yeah I cannot do it which is odd because I'm a spicy boy dude I put so Tahin saved my breakfast the other day because I was at a hotel and they had

the hotel breakfast for free and they had bagels which I toasted one and they had salmon and I was in the Pacific Northwest so I was like okay this can be good that's solid but then put the tahin on the salmon on the bagel.

I like the moves you're making. I like the moves you're making. That's basically like a bootleg, like locks, you know, when you do it like that. Put it all together. It was great. But yeah, the bacon-wrapped hot dogs, specifically from

outside a stadium in Los Angeles. I don't know if they do this in other cities. I don't know if they do the bacon-wrapped hot dog in other cities, but specifically, bacon-wrapped hot dogs, specifically from outside a stadium in Los Angeles. I don't know if they do this in other cities. I don't know if they do the bacon-wrapped hot dog in other cities, but specifically, bacon-wrapped hot dog outside a stadium in Los Angeles looks amazing. Very LA. Time for my final pick, the final pick of the draft. I'm taking something that over-promises and under-delivers every single time I've had it. A food with a name so delightful,

it could almost be a sex act. I'm taking the Turkish delight. Oh. I don't think I've ever had Turkish delight. It looks amazing. Yeah. It looks magical. It's like the food that the kid is lured.

Yeah, I don't think I've had one either. In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the kid is like lured in with Turkish delight. Yes. And every time I've had it, I'm like, for this? You went, I mean, he was lured into the wardrobe because it was a whole fantasy world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what he was enthralled by. Like, I just, it just has never delivered... The name Turkish Delight makes it sound like it's going to be some forbidden delicacy. Yeah.

You know, that kind of thing. And it's just kind of fine. It's always kind of a letdown. Yeah, what is it? I've never had it. It's like... Pull it up. It's a candy thing.

But I don't... It's like a... It's almost like a gelatinous... It's always covered in powdered sugar. It always tastes like rose water is one of the big flavors they do. It's like one of those things where it couldn't decide

if it was hard or chewy. It's like a... It's chewy. It's usually soft. It doesn't crack. It relents under the teeth. You know what I mean? It does, but it's not like a gummy bear.

It's got a little more structure than that. Am I wrong? It gives more than a gummy bear, whereas a gummy bear, you have to slice through this. You can sort of soft chew through, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't sound...

I just always want it to be better. It's based on a gel. See, that's already... I'm out. like I just always want it to be better than it is it's based on a gel see that's already I'm out yeah I'm out yeah yeah yeah what's really going on here

is this was probably a candy that was invented in the 1400s or whatever you know what I mean or like right or the 1500s

it hangs around because of tradition but it's not actually good it was fucking hitting it for its time you know what I mean

it was like a it was like the fastest runner in the in the in the 19 time. You know what I mean? It was like a, it was like the fastest runner in the, in the, in the 1932 Olympics, you know what I mean? Like people in, and now we got stickers boys.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's Mordecai three fingers Brown, like throwing the, you know,

it's like, wow, before they integrated the leagues, he was good. And now it's like, okay. Uh, Turkish delight is my final pick. That's great final pick of the draft Isaac do you have a pick I do I'm gonna take

the eggs benedict which is oh that's wild let's fight it looks great it looks amazing it is great and you bite into it and you're just like this is just a breakfast dish like this is just the same as any other breakfast dish I've ever had. It's a poached egg. It's fucking, it's a little slice of ham. And it's a little biscuit thing. But then you can get like a lobster Benedict sometimes. They got crazy Benedict.

That's a different dish. I'm talking about the eggs Benedict. I like the eggs Benedict. It's so disappointing to me. The hollandaise. You know what? It's good. It's just disappointing. When you're hollandaise. You know what? It's good. It's just disappointing.

When you're focusing on the ham one, I do understand a little bit more what you're saying. It tastes like McDonald's churched up a little bit and then you charge $18 for it. So the money's getting you now, too. Who hurt you?

So how do you know who? Who this man? Super Bruiser Isaac. I'll fuck up a Benny. With a controversial pick. Isaac, you come in, it's the only thing you said on the whole podcast. Honestly, listen, I wanted to take the Turkish Delight, but I knew Ian was going to take it.

So I needed to think of something. And I just remember freshman year of college in New York City, having Eggs Benedict for the very first time at a brunch place. Sounds like that should be a great memory. It should have. You're saving it just by saying, I was going to take Turkish Delight. Now that I know that you were fast on your feet, you're like, oh,

crap, I got to think of something. I get it. So you are forgiven. Just know that you're wrong. You tried. Listen, we've all done stuff we don't agree with today. I am... Brad, I am with you, by the way,

on the hot dog outside of the stadiums. It's... The thing about it isn't how it looks. It's how it smells. To LA natives. It smells so intoxicating. And I'm like... You smell it the minute you walk out

the door of the... Of the Staples Center. Yeah. Yeah, I'm calling it Staples Center. It's not Crypto.com. I'm always going to call it Staples Center. They're going to have to change that name in a month anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I'm calling it Staples Center. It's not Crypto.com. I'm always going to call it Staples Center. They're going to have to change that name in a month anyway.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the best part. We should put in a bid for that. We should. The All Fantasy Everything Dome. AFP Arena.

They're hanging the in-season tournament banner at the All Fantasy Everything Dome. We got the numbers, right? To recap the draft, David, you went first. You took the McDonald's quarter pounder swordfish jello salad zucchini bread and Vienna sausages

Sean Jordan you went second you took peeps baklava runts sushi and the TGI Fridays frozen buffalo wings only one bad pig only one in there Brad Williams whose new special starfish is available on Veeps

to watch right now go check it out took fajitas the turkey leg at a renaissance fair grapefruit bananas foster and the Los Angeles

bacon wrapped hot dog sold from a grill on a shopping cart I went last and I took the red delicious apple the Thanksgiving turkey

cakes that look like stuff, starfruit and Turkish delight all great picks except for Suzy we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you so much for holding us down the patreon where you can find bonus episodes

auction drafts, mailbags, access to our exclusive merchandise, live episodes, and of course, Isaac's very tasteful nudes. That's right. Tasteful. Tasteful. Tasteful. Soft lights. Yummy. Hard dicks. They're yummy. Tasteful nudes. I like Turkish Delight. These are tasteful.

These are tasteful. Exactly right. But much like Turkish Delight, scented like rose water. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shlackity. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac

on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.