All Fantasy Everything - Screens (w/ James Austin Johnson)

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

We get right into this one, no time for dillying and/or dallying.Episode Guest:James Austin Johnson (X @shrimpJAJ, IG @shrimpjaj)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. All right, I'm running a backup thing here. Do you want me to clap or something? Hell yeah. No, no, thank you. You're such a professional. This is amazing. You don't do that. Isaac's against the clap.

I don't like it because it's not like you guys are going to be completely on time anyway. He's a big syphilis guy. Anti-clap. I'm anti-clap. Which one's the clap? Chlamydia? All right. All right, I don't like that. Anti-clap. I'm anti-clap. Which one's the clap? Chlamydia? All right. All right, I'm in gallery view.

This doesn't look that bad. This just makes me look super domestic. Yeah, that's good. That looks good. What are you talking about? You look good. I was sitting on the floor last week. Yeah, you were.

Everybody, can everybody record? I liked it. Yeah, but I'm like, you know, I'm representing NBC Universal, so I've got to maintain an image of opulence. I'm representing

the Crips, man. So, the peacock. That's why I got the blue on. You got to do the peacock crowd, right? That's true. Let me see. The Bloods and the Crips

and the KKK. The big CIA. Where's the love? Come on. Will, I am wondering where the love is what's wrong with the world mama people living like they ain't got no mama come on she only sang the chorus on that song they didn't give her a verse huh that was like her first that was her first break-in with him though right she wasn't even part of the band when that song came out that's yeah she's that was the fergie introduction when they went from like uh consciousness rap to like best buy commercial

nobody was more surprised than me dude really were you really into well no i just remember i was i remember that's the joint when they came out remember that was like their first hit and it was like oh these guys love karate and dancing and then seven years later you're like who is this babe yeah she knows right she knows these guys tommy mottola got a babe in there yeah she knows the filipino dance crew black eyed peas she's friends with them I saw them in concert in 2001 right after 9-11 because they were you know what

we need to get back on track we need to get behind the front baby they were like it was crazy they were in town because they were stuck in town because all the flight got shut down. Right. So they were there and there had been like this like B-boy convention in Portland, which sounds right.

One of the lesser B-boy conventions. But they were there, too. So they invited all the B-boys to the show. So like for me, like my like 16 year old ass was like loving it. I'm like, there's the black eyed peas. And then all these guys break dancing. And then we're back here. It was like this amazing concert days after nine 11 days,

huh? Yeah. Oh man. I, uh, I have a Bob Dylan hat somewhere for the album, love and theft. And it's one of those promo hats that,

uh, it's a reproduction, but it's, it's what the promo hat was. And it's like Bob Dylan, love and theft. And then on the back it says, In Stores, 9-11-2001. Because that was the...

That was the release. I love just thinking about the things that were released around then. I know Undeclared, the Judd and Tao show, follow-up to Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, that premiered on 9-14. And like, you know and was immediately canceled.

The blueprint came out on 9-11. The blueprint did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I woke up that day and I was like, my life is about to change. Yeah. Macy Gray wore that dress to the Grammys

or to the VMAs that said my new album dropped September 18, 2001 right on the front of it. I mean, honestly, though, if I look back, I wouldn't have played it any different. As far as how I did it, I think I nailed it. No, I think

all that, I mean, you know, fucking the kids are wearing bucket hats and stuff. I mean, it's like the 2001 is here to stay. It is so back. I didn, it's like the 2001 is here to stay, you know? It is. It is so back. I didn't move past it so far.

I hate it. That was the most awkward I think I ever was. 2001? 99 to 01 was just not a good run for me. What grade was that for you? I think it was like seventh, ninth grade. I was in ninth grade in 01. I was in ninth grade on 9-11.

I was really into the color yellow. You look good in yellow. It was weird amounts. You do look good in yellow. Weird amounts of yellow. I think we are moments away from throwbacks, throwback jerseys being back. Brother, if there was ever a trend I was in the pocket for,

bring them back. Now that I have disposable income, I'm going to be wearing your JCC jersey. I'm going to be wearing an Ian Carmel, Beaverton, Oregon, JCC basketball jersey. Would you get that? Every time you're recording another little bit of like it's four straight hours of the office every time you're recording one of those you think about the jersey that i'm just translating it out i'm like oh that's an elgin baylor college jersey i'm getting steve atwater i'm getting steve large i'm pretty close to getting some cargo

pants again that was kind of where i was right around around that. Cargo pants. I mean, I don't know if guys like us can wear cargo pants. I think an awesome 23-year-old in a crop top can wear cargo pants. I don't think we can. Just like a man. I know. It is where I'm like, what am I going to go to

the grocery store with cargo pants on? At the very least, you got a middle part. You got to do a middle part. That's the other thing about retro fashion is you can't use it to reclaim what you lost. No. Which is what I keep trying to do. Like, you can get what your dad had. You can get what your grandpa had.

You can't come back for what you left on the table. Yeah, you can buy a Sears brand camp collar long sleeve on eBay and look cool as hell. Totally. Because you weren't around. You weren't around in 1969 to be wearing those. Exactly, but...

Yeah. I can't go get a G-unit bralette for whatever the heck I really want you to. On that TikTok list? Youalette for whatever the heck I really want you to. On that TikTok list. You bring it up a lot. I really want you to get one. G-unit bralette. It comes up a lot, James.

Well, by now, surely you figured out that this is all fantasy and everything. Welcome to it. You know, the old intro there. Now I just completely killed all the momentum from that previous conversation. Keep it going. What were we talking about?

Dude, yeah. I can't go wear JNCOs right now. Give it to one of those G-unit bralettes or whatever. You should wear a G-unit bralette and JNCOs for your special whenever you record it. Where am I going to wear that to? Sioux Falls. And what hat will I wear, Ian?

There's so many questions. Do-rag. Yeah, leather. A leather bucket hat. I was wearing a hat for this, and then I looked at the gallery view on the Zoom, and I thought it's too many hats if I wear a hat. I like your hat, though.

That looks good. This is a cool hat. This is... Is it a one-one hat? No, it's just Bugs and Wile E. Coyote dunking. We were just talking about that two weeks ago. And this is Dunk It. And this is from the WB Studio store.

If you want to talk about things that I am scrolling endlessly to fall asleep on, like Poshmark and eBay and Depop, I'm definitely looking for Warner Brothers embroidered anything. Oh, that's a big, that's a big, it's a big community. It's a big genre. Yeah, it is. I had the Tigger, I had the striped shirt

that had Tigger embroidered right here and the R was like his tail. It was sick. I saw it on this like gang show about these dudes in Omaha. I was like, well, I'm going to get it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's gang adjacent, which is one thing I like about it. It has taken on a sinister edge since, you know, 1991. Yeah.

That's really weird. I think I had a Winnie the Pooh baseball jersey. Which is crazy, because of all the people playing baseball. Pooh Bear's not out there. He's a good catcher, I bet. Maybe D.H. Maybe Pooh Bear could get in there and D.H. I don't.

Listen, I love Pooh as much as the next man. I don't think that he was athletic. If you found out that Winnie the Pooh is a Bartolo Colon-esque starting pitcher who could give you eight innings, but you know what I mean, could get hit out of a game within like two innings other times. I think he could have been a stats wizard a la Jonah Hill in Moneyball. I think that is a poo place in baseball. I don't think he was on the field. Oh, we don't have the budget. Three, two, count.

Oh, brother. Sean has Jordan is here. Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean has a hurt neck right now. I'm sorry. Oh, father. Sean has joined us here. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean has a hurt neck right now. I'm sorry. I'm complaining. Sean is playing. You're not complaining.

You haven't brought it. You brought it up one time to let us know that your neck hurt. Giving out these weird like, oh, Christ's though. I just did one because I just move and it just did it again. It's and you got and you hurt your neck eating pussy. Is that correct? Yeah, bro. Yeah.

All day. Yeah. Good for you. It's my job. I like to? Yeah, bro. Oh, yeah. All day. Yeah, good for you. Like, it's my job. I like to think I'm not employed. I'm out here. I'm working. Young Mike Douglas. Yeah, you're putting nine to five at the pussy mines.

Yeah, you might as well take my job now. It's going to fall off at some point. Getting 40% of his calories from eating pussy. Man. It's a low-cal snack. Yeah. They say between that and breast milk, you never have to eat solids again.

Rice cake if I'm on a walk. It's bad for the enamel, but it's good for the soul. I don't use my teeth, so who cares? Today is the last day that it will benefit me tremendously if you go to my Patreon page and buy Girl Dad. The special has

been out for a week at this point. Today is the last day. If we get to a thousand sales, I will dye my beard jet black and do a set where I just put it on my Patreon page. I decided that today. I got to dye it jet black at some point. I've been wanting to do it for years. You don't have to. I keep telling Laura I'm going to do it

like a social bit. Do you want to look like Sebastian Gorka? I mean, what's the look? I want to do it and not bring it up and just have people. I don't know. I keep telling Laura I'm going to do it like a social bit. Do you want to look like Sebastian Gorka? I mean, what's the look? I want to do it and not bring it up and just have people... I don't know. I just want to see. It's going to look so crazy. I want to do it. You look insane. That was like Christian... That was private Christian college

hijinks. Dying your beard with Just For Men. That was like a thing that guys in the men's dorm at my Christian college would do. I want to do it so bad. We don't drink a handful of, a handle of Tito's and like, you know, drive around egging the sorority sister's cars or whatever. You know, they get some Just For Men and they dye it and they do a Facebook album of them doing homoerotic poses. And that's Friday. That's what I want to do.

That's the legacy you want to be a part of where i want to be involved yeah i want to be in there i just want to see what it looks like evangelical pranks pranksmanship i don't listen i i don't know how to explain this but i feel like if you dyed all your hair black you would look wet in a way that i did dye it black one time and i did look wet i did i have I never showed you photos of that? My senior party. You know your senior party that you have when you graduate? Me and Adam and Wilson and Nick and Big Tork Daddy all had our hair dyed jet black. Ridiculous looking.

I mean, what year was this? 2000. Year of our Lord. I mean, anything was coming out. Did you look like Tommy Wiseau from The Room? That wasn't long enough. It was long, though. Did you have facial hair or no? No, I had zits. Lots

of zits. Zits. Zits in college is tough. I was in high school. Zits in high school is totally great. Yeah, that's like reasonable. Way better than college. That's reasonable. I feel like zits in high school, you could still be hot. Yeah, you can. 100%. Plenty of people.

As long as you got a hemp necklace if you had a hemp necklace this didn't matter yeah when i oh god when i think of like girls i had a crush on in high school i'm sure the complexions are all over the place yeah yeah yeah this is why you're truly a feminist that's what makes me a feminist yeah my horniness is what makes me a feminist uh sean if you get to a thousand, will you complete the look? So jet black everything. I think then Oakley's.

And then I think like some sort of backwards Cabela's hunting hat. I got a whole plan where I want to do like a big wave Dave set and just put it on the Patreon page where I want to go and like just not say anything about what I look like and be big wave Dave

and just do a set where people think I'm like a struggling youth pastor. And I think I could do it at Helium. I think, you know, it's just a bunch of kids that go there now. Nobody would know. Nobody would know that it's Big Dick, Sean Jordan, and the motherfucking house. They'd be like, oh, it's... Will you spit Copenhagen into a can during your set, too?

Can you just, like, really go for it? Oh, I can't chew, man. Have you ever tried it? You ever tried it? Oh, yeah. No, I never have oh my god i know i i know we're not drafting highs today but i i would have to i have to put tobacco and nicotine as the worst high available that is like the worst high dude it's it's the the ob is miserable like nicotine poisoning is absolutely miserable uh The payoff, like, the, like, bang for your buck, like, how expensive it is to how long it lasts

to, like, what you actually get out of it. It's a terrible, it's a terrible deal. I'm not going to do that on this show, but you know what I'm talking about. A smoke, though, a smoke... You're free! Yeah. A smoke will get, it's, like, way less than chewing.

Like, if you chew, that is, to me, that's like way less than chewing. Like if you, if you chew, that is to me, that's like. Chewing is even, cause I've smoked, but I've never chewed. It's like a hundred cigarettes.

Especially if you do like not cope straight, but if you do like, like the bag, like Redman or Levi Garrett. Oh, not even a bandit. I know what you're saying. Like a full leaf.

Oh yeah. That shit feels, you feel like you're having a panic attack and you know no it's bad you you could barf at any moment it's just it's it's just this like i mean talk about trying to reclaim the like past of your father i mean seriously that's what it is it is pure nostalgia it's trying to impress your dad's friends from 30 years ago. I don't think anybody actually likes dipping. Now, does it look cool? Like as cool as smoking cigarettes?

It does kind of look cool. All of it looks cool. And that's where people, they don't give it the credit because it does. One of my first jobs in LA, I think, David, this is when we were living together. I did one day on baskets on FX with Zygote Fanaka. That is when we were living together. I think was 30 pounds i was i was skin and bone i was like so excited to make my scale for that my

600 bucks for that day i really needed it to make rent get get some brc burritos from antigua bread come on they were so good i mean they're so good i lived on that shit. I still have worms. I still have the worms from those burritos, but they keep me skinny. or something, but somebody called me to his trailer and I got called to the star of the show's trailer. It's me five feet down looking up at the... You know how when you're outside a trailer and you're looking up at the door, it's way up there like Rapunzel.

He opened the door and he's got a man bun before. We were talking about man buns and he's dipping. It was pretty awesome. I was like, this is what being a celebrity is. This rocks. Chewing tobacco. Chewing tobacco.

You've got full creative control. You're making your freak shit. You're just making the show you want to make and you're dipping in your trailer. And this is the man saying, hey, good job today. I might go get a pouch after this. I might go get a pouch after this. I haven't done it in 20 years probably

it's been yeah you try it Ian I'll try it I'll try and Boise with you in two days but no no no I'll do it after Saturday I'll do it on Saturday with you I won't say names but I remember in high school there were a couple girls who dipped and you were like oh it's like bro

I knew a couple of those have I ever told you guys this they were dainty too they were like, oh, it's like... Bro, I knew a couple of those. Have I ever told you guys this? I bet I have. They were dainty, too. They were like dainty, the ones I knew. Not the ones that I knew. They were brawlers. The country music hanging out with the trucks

and they lived in a slightly less suburban... I'm pretty sure the one had truck nuts. I was at a bar. Brawlers and G-unit bralettes. Crowbar, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I'm walking by the bathroom, the girl's bathroom, to go to the guy's bathroom.

A girl grabs me from the girl's bathroom, pulls me in, into a stall. I was like, uh-oh. And then she starts kissing me. Mouth full of chew and chew spit. The whole,

all the spit, and it went on me, and I was, because I was like, whoa! And then I just had like, it was crazy. Was she pranking you, or was she just like, out of her mind, just had like a, it was crazy. Was she pranking you or was she just

like out of her mind on fucking Copenhagen confidence? Yeah, she was just tore up I think. I don't know what it was, but it was You didn't know who she was? No. No, to this day, yeah. It was, I mean, if she was pranking me, it was hilarious. She didn't even go there. She was like all the additives have cut all these little

holes in the siding of my mouth and I need you to lick them shut. That was pure wildlife happening in there. Oh, no, my neck doesn't hurt anymore. Oh, no. Sean, so get girl dad right now. Where can they get a Sean? You go Sean Jordan slash Patreon dot shop.

There's links up all over the socials and everything, and I'll be actively posting about it all day today when this comes out. Let's dye that hair black, too, or just the beard? I'll have to run it by the boss, but if she I don't think she'll be cool with that. Everything. It's crazy to

just do the beard. Well, that's kind of... You gotta do the whole shit. Something wrong with having black hair? No, nothing. What's wrong with having black hair, Sean? Nothing, boys. Something wrong with that? Nothing.

Also, I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin tonight. Come see this black beard. Because I'll die while I'm in Madison. You think you can't have love and affection and a life? And a future? If you have black hair, what are you saying? Listen, I wish I had black hair. It's only for immigrants? Is that what you're saying listen I wish I had black hair it's only for immigrants is that what you're saying

yeah what is you don't want black hair if you're starting to thin up front because black hair and thinning up front and you got a pale scalp like me you really see the scalp with the black hair thinning there is nothing worse than a guy with black hair my hair is going to turn blonde

and no one's really going to notice how balding I am as my hair turns like Ed Begley Jr. straw color because that's what happens to red hair. Red hair doesn't gray. It turns like Trump. It becomes platinum. That's pretty, though.

It looks good. This whole panel, we all got our shit. We're all doing good. I'm doing the hair pills. That's the new thing I've been doing. I'm chomping the hair pills that's the new thing I've been doing are you doing the hair pills? I'm doing the hair pills and no side effects are you finding

are you are you finding results because I like it's getting thin here I've like fully grown all this back from like the from the bald spot to like mid, like that was really going away. And that's what the Rogaine, like the, what's it called?

Minoxidil really grows that back. Now the front where you're like, where you really can see it when you're talking to a beautiful woman and they can see how you're aging. That, you don't really get that back. You can take the, I take the other one too. I take both of them. The Propecia, that helps you hold on to what you got. So two different things. I just was like, I'm going to risk it. I'm going to take the, I'm going to take my, you know, my gender affirming hormones.

You know, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to give this a spin. People do it. We're in the industry. Your hair looks great. I'm feeling good about my hair. I don't have nothing weird happened. The man boobs are on me.

I'm not doing enough push-ups. That's my problem. I don't think it was the pills. I'm feeling good. You know what I mean? These are the things we do to look beautiful. You have to eventually. Eventually, you got to take care of yourself.

You think LeBron James isn't doing a little extra here and there to stay in the game at this age, you know? Oh, the hair game? I think it's been very well documented what he's doing. I think every part of the game. The he's doing I think every part of the game the hair game yeah that's just part of the does he have a piece or did he get a transplant he must have

some kind of fucking future shit yeah because it was gone gone and then a decade ago it is back he's yeah he's got he's also got access to technologies that we don't have oh yeah he's in Sweden

he's in Turkey he's got doctors that you can only go to by referral yeah that's a lot of doctors I got referral doctors I got a orthopedist if I was LeBron I'd just go bald I mean that's like he's got the height

to be bald. Why not? I would go horseshoe. I have a theory. I don't think he has the head for it. You don't think he has the head for it? I don't think he has the head for it. I think it's a lot. I think it's like a lot of topography

like a like a dented soup can type of situation. That actually makes a lot of sense. You know like a dented soup can type of situation that actually makes a lot of sense you know what i mean i think that he because like because otherwise of course he would have years ago why are we playing this game it's not like we were like oh his hair is so great you know what i'm saying he's not a beautiful man you know like michael jordan's not a beautiful man not like mich not like Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan was like beautiful. I think LeBron James is attractive. You know, I think he's like attractive.

I don't know if he's beautiful the way like Kobe went bald and he was beautiful. Right. Michael, beautiful. He's also not like a- Rex Chapman, beautiful. You know. He's also not like a style icon. He thinks he is.

He thinks he is. But like Michael Jordan was the coolest guy in the world. LeBron, it's kind of like a Drake thing where it's like, okay, you're very talented at what you do. I don't think you're a cool guy. Michael Jordan never had to tell us how cool he was. LeBron does a lot of

telling us. There's no shots of Michael Jordan posing with 300 bras. You know what I mean? Do you remember that Drake picture of him with 300 bras. You know what I mean? Do you remember that Drake picture of him with the bras? Talk about somebody double dipping in the shit you wanted to do. You don't just get to dress

like rappers you wanted to dress like in high school. It's insane. It's insane, bro. He just dresses like Cameron? That's fucked up. What are those clips he put in his hair where it's like flat here and then bushy on the side that he was doing for like a couple minutes there some guy he saw in memphis on summer break at his dad's house one time i'm like i don't even

know what he's referencing it was a guy who shouldn't have been out of the house and drake was like yeah that's awesome you don't get to do that. Listen, if I had money, I also want to buy a pink Range Rover. It would be great. Some things we just don't get. Man. You got to set your sights low for your coolness. You got to make sure that your coolness is attainable. Jeans and a t-shirt.

Yeah. Seriously. Stick to Levi's. On your come up, you need to just be wearing Levi's. And then if you move a little bit out of that it's not it doesn't break the bank but if you're just always going for something that you can't have I don't know

it's never going to work out right if that trajectory setting is so important early on that being said I'm dropping my nudes next week cool guy jokes 87 there he is you'll see same angle as Drake legs up. The craziest thing to take a picture of your penis.

Nothing crazy. Go to my Instagram. Watch Royal crackers on Max or H adult swim wherever you want to. That's it. And watch out for my nudes. Drop in. Hold. Holdy top to bottom well like brutally lit just like harsh harsh light it's gonna look like found footage my

shit's gonna look like insane angles my shit's gonna look like a kidnapping it's one of those nudes that's gonna take you like six you know 15 seconds to figure out like what wait what is this? My dick is going to look so distressed there's going to be like a religious extremist next to it masked. That's the nudes I'm dropping. Oh my.

Hold the AKs. Flags, I can't wait. Desert. Oh my. Golden AKs. Flags. I can't wait. Desert. Oh my. James Austin Johnson is here. Shrimp JAJ on Twitter, Instagram. Where else can people find you?

I'm on Saturday Night Live, of course. I'm really only on Twitter and Instagram. And then you can watch me on Saturday Night Live Saturdays on NBC I had a child immediately after getting SNL so I'm not doing anything else it's like my comedy

my comedy is SNL and then my personal life is my family and I wish I had more going on I wish I could say you know that's a lot world. I wish I could say, you know, world tour. I wish I could say the movie's coming out blank. I'm not doing any of that shit. I'm trying to think of

trying to think of relevant impressions to pitch at the table read because the impressions that I keep pitching are like, it's not right for what our program is. It's not right for what our program is. It's not right for late night.

What is the most like, just like missed the strike zone impression you've pitched? I mean, I've done Bob Dylan so many times at the table. I've done Bobby Flay a bunch at the table. That one's like kind of in the realm of like, could make sense. What are some other things that I keep like trying to make happen? That one's like kind of in the realm of like could make sense. Yeah. What are some other things that I keep like trying to make happen? I mean, at some point, J.K. Simmons is going to make sense for the show. But I've like that's like one that I've I don't know.

I've tried and it just doesn't make sense. I think because I'm screaming the F word every time I try. Are you doing a whiplash J.K. Simmons? It's basically whiplash J.K. Simmons. And it's just like that doesn't work for broadcast. Not even at midnight. So like, you know, is it weirdly shredded JK Simmons? Have you guys seen that? Oh, I love the Marvel.

It's amazing. Wasn't he kind of shredding whiplash? That black T-shirt made him look a little good. Yeah. He's yoked. It's crazy. I'd like to have a scotch with that guy. I bet it'd be fun. That guy rocks. I mean,

I've done it a million times. I do it in my stage act, but when I do J.K. Simmons, it's J.K. Simmons winning an Oscar for a Farmers Insurance commercial. And you know what? The Jaj fans, they've seen this before. So if you've heard this, babe, take the headphones out. Take the pods out. You don't need to hear it. But it's a, at Farmer's Insurance, there's nothing that we haven't seen. You know, it's that kind of thing. I just woke my son up. If I hear a scream, it's, you know.

I saw the live show last, what, this fall. It was dope, man. It was fun seeing you in town. Thank you. And I saw you doing some of your girl dad stuff. And I thought, why don't I have anything about the birth of my son? And I think it's because the birth of my son happened while I was trying to figure out how to play Joe Biden. Yeah. Immediately. I was doing the same thing. Yeah, you were trying to figure out your Biden at the same time.

He was doing his own work on Biden. He was trying to just sort of get in there and, you know, trying to wake the guy up and lower the gas prices in the APR while we're at it, you know? Get this goddamn inflation under control. I mean, what's going to happen? RFK, RFK in the Oval Office? You know, we'll see.

I think it's going to be Secretary of the Interior Aaron Rodgers. It's going to be a beautiful, it's going to be a beautiful four. Uh-huh, yeah. Secretary of the Interior, Aaron Rodgers. It's going to be a beautiful, it's going to be a beautiful four years. Kevin Sorbo is HUD secretary. That'll be cool. We do need Sorby back, though. Sorbo's out here throwing heat on social media,

dude. Oh, is he on Twitter? This is why I got to get back to Twitter. No, you don't. Well, Twitter's right-wing now, so all of the right-wing guys are the new to Twitter. No, you don't. Well, Twitter's right wing now. So all of the like right wing guys are like the new Twitter celebrities. So, you know, it's. But Hercules is right wing? Yeah, but he's out here saying like. I don't know anything about it.

He's got a save tweet that says, why should I pay taxes when it all goes to illegals? Abolish income tax. 13,000 retweets. Whoa. So many. Abolish income tax because of illegals. Abolish income tax. 13,000 retweets. Whoa! So many. Abolish income tax because of illegals. I love all of these, like, these, like, lacings and threads. Like, the beautiful web that we weave in, like, making connections to things is great.

I mean, Twitter is a horror show. It's really, really astounding every time I pop on and I'm like, okay, who is rising? Who is rising in opposition to sort of like the Musk kind of right-wing blue check kind of thing on Twitter?

And then you see the, who's the guy, Brooklyn Dad Defiant or something like that. You see the like, who's the guy, Brooklyn Dad Defiant or something like that. You see like the guys that are clearly just like PAC, like liberal PAC kind of Twitters. And those are equally cringe in like a completely different direction. It's really, it's a shame because Twitter was my favorite one. Twitter was my favorite one. Mine too.

I always hated it. And now it's become like this. It's just like, let them fight, I guess. Just too. I always hated it. And now it's become like this. It's just like, let them fight, I guess. Just like, yeah, stand back.

I just go on to tweet about basketball and shows. Now that's the only thing I use it for. I watch fights on there. China is from owning TikTok, but not the president case orbs. I don't even know what that means. Wait, you don't watch fights on YouTube.

I can watch fights wherever they're at. They're pretty much in all the algorithms now. So I got like a good comment fights. Or do you mean like watch fights on YouTube? I can watch fights wherever they're at. They're pretty much in all the algorithms now. Like comment fights? Or do you mean like watching UFC fights? Or like Taco Bell fights? Or parking lot fights? Yeah. Airport fights.

I thought Reddit. I thought Reddit was where you go to watch fights. Uh-oh. Do I got to start going to Reddit? I don't go to Reddit. Reddit, dude. Reddit, forget it. I'll go there for the fight videos.

If a cool young person saw us, they would be like, these guys go to Reddit. Reddit, dude. Reddit, forget it. I'll go there for the fight videos. If a cool young person saw us, they would be like, these guys are on Reddit. This is like who Reddit is for, is these guys. Absolutely. Yeah. I only go to one Reddit.

Well, there's two. There's one I found that's just like pictures of big statues, and I'm into that. And then one for Starfield, the video game. And that one's pretty useful, too. There you go. But I'd be on Reddit. I don't be on statues. And I'm into that. And then one for Starfield, the video game. And that one's pretty useful too. There you go.

But I'm, I'll be on Reddit. I don't be on Reddit. I'll get on Reddit. I'll be, I'm on there. So nothing else. So watch you on Saturday Night Live and then just keep an eye on your socials for any pending live dates they can see you at.

And you know what? It's shrimp jabs right now. But like my, my, my team has informed me that I've got to change it to something easier, but my name is too long to make it my name. So I don't really know what's going on. If you have a suggestion, you know, hit me up because I would love a different handle. I think the era of shrimp is over. That was, you know, around 2020. I think I've moved on from that time period. Obviously, I'm on the hair pills. I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm eating salad. You know, I got to be a different guy now. So if you've got a tip. You know what I think? I think Ride the Wave, I think it should be Sexy Red Jadge. Sexy Red Jadge. Come on. Yeah. Come on. Now you're opening

up to a whole new market. I bet it's open. Red Jadge. Come on. Yeah. Come on. Now you're opening up to a whole new market. I bet you it's open. Red Jadge of Courage. Red Jadge of Courage is good. Come on. Come on. Come on. Jadge, Jadge, Jadge you are? You should be Jadge Reflex.

Jadge, Jadge you are. You can tap into that. No Jadge Reflex. No Jadge Reflex? Oh, man. Oh, man. There's a lot of options. There's a hot pile of gold right there.

Now there's too many good ones. It's a different problem, but it's still a problem. I just took all those. So you can talk to me. Talk to me later if you want. Wow. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, all of those places.

You can still preorder my book up until its release date, at which point you can buy it. T-shirt swim club. Preorders help tremendously a book about just being fat that i wrote with my little sister uh so get that and then i am uh going on the road a bunch when does this come out after portland for sure next week in two weeks in two weeks thank you super producer isaac i will be at moon tower in austin texas uh april 17th through the 20th i will be at uh the vermont comedy club in burlington may 2nd through the 4th i will be at comedy on state in madison wisconsin may 9th through the 11th with oh yeah my dear friend david boring we'll be there together'll be there together. That's a hot show. That's a hot show. Physically, it's going to be warm there.

Physically, very hot. Hopefully, there's some breeze off the land. In Madison. Does it get hot in Madison? I think it does. It gets humid. I know summer gets hot. It's so wet in Wisconsin. It's wet, wet. It's just a lakey,

wet state. Water, water everywhere. Dairy and water. Just wet culvers all over the state. You go outside and you go, oh no, it's milky out here. It could be milky weather coming in. They need the water because they drink so much milk and beer that they're just incredibly dehydrated.

They really need to replenish their fluids. They'll let you know that that's what they drink, too. Milk and beer. It's their whole personality. They don't have anything else going on. They got the Dells. The Brewers. Also, I swear to God, we're going on a tour at some point.

We are. Those dates will be confirmed soon. I probably will have them next. Well, they're all confirmed, but when they go on sale. Oh, in June, right? Yeah, in June. I probably will have them next well they're all confirmed but when they go on sale we'll let you know yeah in June if you come into Nashville or Brooklyn you never know James Austin Johnson might be

available might want to hop on be in Brooklyn twice baby we would love to have you we'll double down in Brooklyn the 13th we'll be in Brooklyn I guess I'll say the dates right now. Okay, so here's the dates that I have

that are confirmed. June 11th. You can't buy these yet, but just mark them down on your calendar. Save the dates as it were. June 11th, we will be in Brooklyn, New York at the Bell House. June 12th, we will be returning

to the scene of the crime. Going back to Philly, baby. For the very first time, we're be returning to the scene of the crime going back to Philly baby for the very first time we're going back to Philadelphia we are going back to Underground Arts in Philadelphia wait is this the same venue? same place?

same place? same venue another unreleased episode baby you think I'm gonna get less buck this time? I don't think so I love Underground Arts in Philly it's hot down there

and you know what? it is hot but not milky it's hot down there. And you know what? It is hot, but not milky. It's hot down there, but it's fun. I got flowers sent to me last time. I'll get a milky down there. You'll get a milky? I'll get it. I don't know if we want to be on record

saying you're going to get a milky. No, there's a Reddit page. You have a family. It's a whole different thing than you guys have been following. All right. Old RV milk over here. Then we are

going right back to New York. The 13th we'll be back at the Bell House. We're giving you two scoops in New York. So we'll be back in Brooklyn. The 14th we are going to Washington, D.C. Again, returning to the scene of the crime. We will be back at the Black Cat

in Washington, D.C. I like that. Same. I love that venue. We'll be back there. Well, you know what you got to do to hit all these dates? You got to take the Acela.

That's exactly, I think, what we'll do. You got to take the Acela. We'll hop on that train again. Best train in America. If you're going Philly, Brooklyn, Philly, Brooklyn, D.C., it's the best train in America. High speed.

Guess what? If you can't afford first class you're in business class literally the same as first class yeah it's i love the acela i love the acela i'm about to do my whole i told my reps the other day i said get me an acela tour i want to get on the acela i don't even give a shit about the shows i want to sit in a nice chair i want to watch I want to watch the Chesapeake Bay. I want to see the Atlantic. I want to see these boats for these people who spent their money wisely in the 90s when money meant something. You know what I mean? I want to see their wealth, and I want to go get a microwave cheeseburger in the cafe car, and I want to go sit back down and read my book.

Oh, yes. It is a beautiful existence on a train. I love the Acela train, man. This is like the thing that I became. This is the thing I have become. I'm with you. That's final form shit, though. Sure. It truly is. The 15th, we will be somewhere in Toronto.

We don't know yet. We do not know where yet, but I do believe we will be in Toronto on the 15th. Yes, baby. And for sure but I do believe we will be in Toronto on the 15th yes baby and then on the 16th we will be in Somerville, Massachusetts

which is basically Boston a place called Arts at the Armory nice Arts at the Armory whatever the whatever the fuck that means and then

the next week we will also be in the Midwest and then here are our dates as of right now the 18th Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the Bottle Rock Social Hall Bottle Rock is great we will also be in the Midwest. And then here are our dates as of right now. The 18th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the Bottle Rock Social Hall. Bottle Rock is great.

Yeah. Sorry. Bottle Rock is really fun. The 19th, the Roxy at Mahal's in Cleveland, Ohio. Been there, love it. The 20th,

the Magic Bag in Ferndale, Michigan. Going back there. The 21st, King of Clubs in Columbus, Ohio. The 22nd The Parkway Theater in Minneapolis,

Minnesota. And then we might be trying to hit Chicago somewhere in there too. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Stoked, baby. You should do the Den. You should do the Den in Chicago. I love the Den also. I love the Den. Yeah, it's den in Chicago. You know, the den also.

I love the den. Yeah. That's a fun thing. And I know a good little B and P right around the corner. That would be lovely. It's where I stayed last time. I played the day. I'm excited boys.

It's going to be fun. It's going to be a good old time. So come to all those dates. That's where you can see me. That's where you can see us. That's where you can see us together. Now, my friends, it is time to draft screens. Sean's neck hurts so bad.

I feel so bad for you. I'm sorry, but Vienna does kill. Don't apologize. I just see you and I'm like, I know that exact feeling. It's so stupid because you're like, it's going away in four hours. It's gone. It's here now. It's here now.

Oh, I hate it. I hate it when the body hurts. Come here. We can say it's gone. It's here now. It's here now. Oh, I hate it. I hate it when the body hurts. Oh, come here. We can say what's up. Hi. What's happening? Hi. Hi.

Say hi. Oh, man. You say hi. It's so crazy how much he looks exactly like the two of you. I think he's primarily Becca, but he looks a little bit like me. He's got the rapscallion-ness, I think, comes from me. Just waking up in the morning, got to thank God? Just after nap time, what happened?

Yeah, he just, he, I don't think you went down for a nap at all, did you? No nap? Ooh, you're in that territory. No nap. Okay, go to mommy. Oh, man. Go to mommy. I don't want that to start happening.

I'm so scared of that day when Max stops taking naps. See, normally with a nap, I've got like two hours to do my podcasting. Absolutely. And he did not go down for a nap. He may just be popping up occasionally. I just saw him back there. I love him. Yeah, he's back.

He's getting in the house. He's popping up on our screens. And we're going to see which screens get taken in this draft. There he is. I liked it. The guy knows what he's doing. I'm out here. You know what I mean? What have we done?

12, 13 of these? The way we determine the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, Sean wins! A natural victory. A scissors against two papers.

I'm excited about it. Sean, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's like when you're scrolling through on your phone. So like you're looking for an app on your phone and you have like the multiple, you know, the areas on your phone where you can just like scroll. So you're like, where's Venmo at?

I forgot. And you thumb, you keep thumbing to the right. And you're like, oh man, you get to the last page and you're like, I don't see the Venmo app at all. You examine the whole page and then you go all the way to the left. You can't find Venmo. Then you keep, you sit on the last page for a minute. You examine the whole page and then you go all the way to the left. You can't find Venmo. Then you sit on the last page for a minute. You're like, ah, where is it? Then you go back all the way to the right and then you find Venmo.

You hit somebody $20 for dinner last night and then you make it very obvious that you're paying them back for dinner because your Venmo's public for some reason still. I don't know why anyone's out there making it public, but it is because you want everyone to know that you threw down on dinner. Right? Basically what it means, if you pick fourth you want everyone to know that you threw down on dinner. Basically what it means if you pick fourth in the first room, pick first in the second room.

Okay, I gotcha. I gotcha now. Yeah. And, you know, for the people who are buying drugs on Venmo, you don't have to use the emoji that corresponds to the drugs that you're buying.

I'm calling everybody. Leafs? Yeah, the leaves, the mushrooms, the snowflakes. You don't need to do that anymore. I live in Colorado, so it is confusing when a lot of my friends on there are paying for Fresh Pow. Fresh Pow Pow. Thanks for the lift tickets.

I mean... Icon pass. I think I've said this before. I used to live with a dude that's slaying out of the crib shout out he listens but he'd you know he'd open text say his government name and his social security number no but he'd be like hey I planted those trees and you're like if anyone from the government's looking at your phone

they know you didn't plant any trees and all that stuff where you're like just say you got the weed man call off the call off the raid this guy's just a big harbor this guy just planted 40 pounds of trees in his backyard we just sorry six months investigation down the tube because this guy likes to plant yeah i've only been an atf for like six months sorry i can't read between the lines yet officer but i'll get uh neck god jordan what will the order of today's draft be neck god oh because of my hurt

neck. Man, I thought I... No, no, that's not why. That's not why. That's because I'll be given neck. Yes. I'm going to go... Probably could have got this later, but James might take it. What's the order?

Holy cow. I'm going to go four times in a row and then I'll just feel like letting you guys pick up the strap. I'm going to go first. Nobody's ever thought to do that. I'm going first. Then James. James Austin Johnson.

Then Ian. Ian. Oh, fuck. Then David. Hot corner. All right. All right. I can handle that.

Okay. Well, Sean, it's time for your first pick. Low these 45 minutes into the podcast. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. We're going to get to that pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by schedule 35.

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what I'm sorry about. I'm sorry I interrupted you because it was rude and I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner, but I don't regret having interrupted you, but I'm sorry it came to this due to my lack of foresight. When we say screens, it's exactly what you think. Screens. I just took the word. Screens. Yeah, we took the word.

There's nothing you're missing. Screens got some definitions in the dictionary. I don't think we're talking about mammograms. I don't think we're talking about going through the metal detector at TSA. Like a screening process. No, I think we're talking about the departures now departing LAS. Yeah, the screen that you probably fiddled with to call up this very podcast. Okay, well then that changes it a little bit. Well, or not.

I mean, David drafted a ball pit when we drafted fast food menu items. It's open for interpretations. Go ahead and fucking bring a goat into the studio. You know what I mean? Because we drafted fast food. I switched my first pick as we were talking. But I'm going to pick arcade games.

Good screen. The arcade game screen. Do I have to pick a specific game? well I already know you mean the one where the Aerosmith Bay shooter where you launch CDs of people that's what you mean right? the Steven Tyler stand up arcade game

if you weren't playing that what were you doing with your quarters? that one was everywhere what was that game called? something revolution? I think it was called sweet emotion could have been crying it was called dude look like a lady revolution x dude revolution x revolution x the aerosmith arcade game revolution and then there was a hellraiser 3 monster that ended up throwing those same cds i'm picking if i had to pick it's street fighter 2 and dr mario

the best arcade games ever but uh just a just a stand-up arcade game screen. That, to me, you could hit it as hard as a 12-year-old can hit something. Usually didn't break. That was a plus. You know, right height. You were doing something dope. Spending your own money. Little bit of it. You know, just a good screen.

Now, I gotta say something embarrassing here. I did not know that Dr. Mario was also an arcade game. To me, it's like a Game Boy game. They had cabinets of Dr. Mario? They still got one at Ground Control. They did a year ago. When I think of who has arcade cabinets, you know,

Mortal Kombat. The names that come to mind are like Namco, Neo Geo, Sega. I don't think about Nintendo having cabinets, but I do. They did, right? Well, they had Mario. They had Donkey Kong for sure. Donkey Kong had

that was like one of the biggest ones. Castlevania Versus. I have played a Castlevania Versus cabinet in Denver, David. Was it a DMV? One Up or whatever. Whatever is the main disgusting one. whatever is the main disgusting one. Whatever is the main disgusting one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arcade games, that's one of those things that, like, even though we have stopped paying attention, has continued progressing in a weird way. You know what I mean? Well, that Dave & Buster's, bro, that was crazy when we were there. They're like, there's the technology route where they're doing insane shit at Dave & Buster's and then there's like the

heads where there's like a whole subculture of like arcade cabinets yeah Street Fighter guys King of Kong you know there's still headlines about Billy Mitchell and the other dude still coming up where they're still

Steve Weeby they're arguing still about who forby. Weeby. They're arguing still about who for real is the King of Kong. I mean, that's never gone away. Well, I looked up the other day

the World Championships for Dr. Mario. I think they're in Columbus and it's like November 18th and 19th or something. You need to clear your schedule. As soon as they shoot me the details, I'm going.

I already cleared it with the boss. As soon as they shoot me the details, I'm going. You're just like somebody walking out of there is like, I just got smoked by a dude in a dyed black goatee. Oh, it's a goatee now.

I thought it was going to be a full beard. You upped it to a goatee without asking. I thought it was a goatee too. If you're dying black, it's got to be a goatee. Here we go. Thousand sales, dyed black goatee. You heard it straight from Shrimp Jej. What are you going to wear? Huh. What are you going to wear? Huh?

What are you going to wear? Oh, if you're going to, because you can't, you gotta, if David can give me one of those 50 cent tanks, I'll wear one of those. I'll do.

I'll wear just a groin cup. It's all house shoes, whatever we need. Like you're still at the top of your game. Dr. Mario. Why? It's because I,

I don't know if you know this. Sean either believes he is or has proof that he's the world record. I beat the world record, but not on... I looked at the world record and I beat it one night, but I didn't record it because you had to record on VHS at that time. You got to be rolling. But I did. They play on 11 medium, and I

just met one of Adam's friends in Denver, but she whipped me a couple times. So I got some work to do, but yes, I believe I could win this. I believe I could win this world championship. You could be streaming yourself playing Dr. Mario and talking about your kids and stuff. You know what I mean? We'll see.

Yeah, do that. Anyway, the road to Columbus, man. X-Men was always a dank one. Simpsons, Ninja Turtles, all those like the big Simpsons is great. Oh, yeah. The four-player ones that are in like widescreen are incredible. I mean, all those like the big oh Simpsons is great the pano screen the four player ones that are in like NBA Jam

widescreen are incredible yeah Battletoads Battletoads is always good yeah yeah I mean it's gotta be a cathode ray tube though

it's gotta be it's gotta be the like the uh the convex screen behind some glass it's gotta have that pawn shop kind of feeling to it.

Totally. You know what I mean? A little lip where you can set the quarters up is nice, you know? Does it hurt? Do you hunch? When you go to a barcade now, I mean, you're looking down at the screen, right?

Oh, you do a power stance. If I'm going to go play Dr. Mario Street Fighter, I get in the hole, jacket comes off, beer goes in the, they have cup holders, obviously, at all these, and then I spread the legs to like

a pretty wide stance because I want to feel like I'm looking right at it I don't want to bend at all yeah I feel like I'm part of like I'm going on the tubes bro it's so funny you said this I just I cleared out that Dave and Buster's card we had when we were in

Phoenix I just me and my girl just went to Dave and Buster's on Sunday spent like $30 on the fucking Luigi's Mansion game. Yeah, dude. Because we kept dying and I was like, put the card in, put the card in. I don't give a fuck, put the card in. Because we got the vacuum going.

That is where you're just like, money's spent, put it in. And then she was like, it's not working. And then I was like, we've been here for 40 minutes. I spent all that money. It is fucked up. It's a good Don, though. It is. Do you guys remember

that Dragon's Lair game? Yeah. Impossible. Impossible. The hardest thing. It had like almost Disney movie animation. Don Bluth.

Don Bluth Company. The primary competitor to Disney. Yeah. Yeah. And it was just memorizing the path. Don Bluth and Walt Disney.

Those two guys. Those are the two guys the path. Don Bluth and Walt Disney, those two guys. Those are the two guys. Well, Don Bluth animated for Disney. I mean, Don Bluth is in the credits of like Sleeping Beauty and shit. So he learned at Disney and he's the only person in that time who mounted a production company that rivaled Disney.

I mean, I thought about it. I mean, in the 90s, I mean, Thumbelina, Troll in Central Park, fucking Rockadoodle. All of these movies were as big, like in theaters as these Disney movies, but their crew instead of Disney with like the,

the army of Burbank, you know, fascists who are making those movies. Don Bluth is doing that with like four dudes working, you know, 3000 hour weeks, you know, to pull off the secret of Nim. Don Bluth is doing that with like four dudes working, you know, 3,000 hour weeks, you know, to pull off the secret of NIMH. Don Bluth is a real one.

That movie fucking ruled though, dude. The secret of NIMH is incredible. Oh, it's so good. Was that with the mice? Nicodemus, yeah. Just watched it like a year ago. It's a very freaky movie with mice in it. Super freaky.

I love brave mice, dude. That's one of my favorite genres. Red Wall. Love Brave Mice. We should be drafting Brave Mice right now. We should draft Brave Mice. Should we switch it up? He's a Brave Mice, right? We'll stick with the screens. I'm prepared. I'm ready to go.

I don't want you to be upset when I take Fievel first round. I celebrate the whole Mouskowitz family. I appreciate you taking five yeah but what what about when I when I bring you know

300 people from Redwall Abbey who are literally cutting people's heads off and stuff I don't know if y'all read those books oh are you kidding me

Ian's a huge he loves Redwall I know about Redwall okay I don't read I had my book next to me I had my first edition copy of Redwall next to me yesterday because Netflix owns Redwall.

And I was like, let me get a meeting with Netflix just to see what are they going to do with it? It's a great IP. And, you know, no one's really set it off in the right way. And I hope that they do. During the pandemic, I got like all the Brian Jock books. Yeah. And I read like six of them. I got six deep,

but I got past Alamanda Strom, Martin the Warrior, Mossflower, everything, man. Love them. Man, oh man. I have very vivid memories of being a constipated, anorexic freshman in high school,

reading Martin the Warrior on a toilet, just hoping, hoping I can shit for the first time in 12 days, waiting for a miracle of your own, waiting for a miracle. And it just, you know, it wasn't meant to be.

I am somewhat out of my depth. Bookwise. You might enjoy the brave mice, the brave mice, the brave mouse literature of Brian Jakes. I doubt it. It's good shit. It's good,

man. It's violent. It's vegan. It's good. There,'s good, man. It's violent. It's vegan. It's good. The food descriptions are amazing. They're always eating leek pies and whatnot. Oh, yeah. The long, florid descriptions of vegan feasts is a great element of it.

They are violent. Because they eat cheese, too. They do eat cheese. Oh, they do eat a lot of cheese. But where from? There are no cows. No, they're veg. They do eat a lot of cheese. But where from? They're vetch. Who in the community is committing that milk for the cheese?

I don't know if it's rat cheese or what. Is this mole milk? Is this vole milk? Badger, just sort of a lactating badger that hangs out at the Abbey, hooks everybody up. Well, we need to go get a glass of wine and talk about Redwall

some other time. Let's save this for when I do Largo in a couple years. We'll really get into this. I'll see you there. We'll do two nights, just two people talking about Redwall. It is time right now for your pick, though. Okay. So, I'm alright. I gotta pick a screen

and the screen that I'm picking, this is what I believe to be an incredible screen that's gonna make it all the way to the end. Is that right? It's a screen. They all make it to the end. Yeah. You keep it. So you're putting together your team. This is your list of five. This is my list

of five. Alright, well first, I'm gonna go with a TI-83's screen. Damn! I'm gonna go with a TI-83's screen. I'm gonna go with a TI-83's screen because The 83 or the 83 Plus? Wow. If it plays Phoenix, it goes.

Just the thought of handing my TI-83 off to another kid, the kid who's got the cord, whatever kid's got the cord, and he's gonna transfer the four games that that exist for the ti-83 so i can get through bio just get me through bio i gotta have where they like snake what were the games no it was they had like mario brothers at least in my school there was a bunch

of really good ones the homebrew community for the ti-83 was it was it was incredible but phoenix is the one that stand out the Galaga Space Invaders type game is the one that really stands out and I just remember the magic of that screen now the other thing that I love about it is like the way that it catches light and reflects it back that calculator

screen it's now that technology that's in like the Kindle paper white how you can look at a Kindle paper white with the brightness all the way down. You can still read it in the dark and shit. You can read it on the plane. I love the way it catches the light and sends it back. It's energy efficient.

It's green. I got an AOC shirt in here somewhere. She would love, she'd love that shit. I've got a, I got a, I got a t-shirt of her senatorial portrait because I, you know, I Googled beautiful woman. And that's the first image that came up as AOC senator portrait. I, you know, I googled beautiful woman and that's the first image that came up as AOC's senator portrait. Well, you're a feminist.

Because, oh, here it is. Fuck yeah. Sometimes I wear this to, sometimes I wear this out to eat in suburban Nashville and I just get a lot of nasty looks. Just,

apparently she came to an SNL after party the other day and where was I? Where was I? Where was I working on your craft? Home with a baby. Yeah. I mean,

I think I was home with a baby. I don't, I don't think I was doing the work. I definitely wasn't out doing the work. Alexandra. Alexandria. For those, for the,

for the young listeners, it's a Texas Instruments am I right? Texas Instruments it's a calculator it's a graphing calculator that you had to get when we were in high school

maybe you still do yeah a graphing calculator they gave us we rented them or whatever for the year they would give us one we didn't have to buy it I had to go buy it

oh I had to buy it too yeah you needed parabolas yeah those cosines for umbrella math those asymptotes I mean how else I had to go buy it. Oh, I had to buy it too. Yeah. You needed it for Parabolas. Yeah. Yeah. Those cosigns, you know, those asymptotes.

I mean, how else were you going to learn if you didn't have a Game Boy to be fiddling with the entire lesson? You know what I mean? Also, if you wanted to play Pimp Wars. Pimp Wars. Fuck! Holy shit! I haven't thought about Pimp Wars in decades.

Which one is, what is that? What is Pimp Wars? It was like a GTA 3 style. Like, cause I was right, for me in high school, GTA 3 came out in high school too. So it was like right around the same time. It was like a RPG for Pimp Wars. Yeah.

Because as you know, it's not easy. It was buying drugs, selling drugs, like all that stuff. How do you shrink the Grand Theft Auto 3 experience down to a TI-83 calculator? You make it a Final Fantasy game. You make it like a role-playing game. You're walking around a map a little bit. You get into a little instant fight.

You have to make a choice. Do you stab the guy? Do you shoot him? Do you run? That kind of thing. I was a perfect Christian. I was a perfect little Republican boy. And I was so afraid to play the drugs and gang games. I was afraid of going to hell. But the gameplay was so good. I had to give it a spin in study hall. I had to see what was going on. I had to put down my drawing of Goku, my freehand drawing of Goku and see what was going on. I had to put down my drawing of Goku, my freehand drawing of Goku,

and see what was going on on the pimp wars. Just out of a respect for the craft. It was too fun. That's solid. I remember feeling like I was in college. I get my hands on a TI-83. I'm just like, well, this is what college is like out here with these big dog calculators.

It felt nice. And a nice squishy. It was squishy in a nice way. Remember squish in that screen? I like that about it. Oh, yeah. It was squishy. Squishy, like a breast. It was squishy in a nice way. Remember squish in that screen? I like that about it. Oh, yeah. It was squishy. Squishy.

Like a breast. It was a smooth ride for sure. Great first pick. TI-83. TI-83. Time for my first pick. I'm going... I gotta go with one of the game...

Like an absolute world changer. I'm going with the iPhone screen. Yeah. Oh yeah. Someone had to say it. It's an insane thing. It's maybe it's a, it's a,

it's a left tackle. You know what I mean? It's not, it's not bells and whistles, but oh boy, this thing, the leap from, and I,

not to say I'm not nostalgic for the other old phones, but what you're able to do on something like this and just like bop around and like draw on it and like you just how intuitive it is. It was it's amazing. Also, the subject of the movie Blackberry, which was great last year in a lot of ways. It's a fun movie. You ever watch the

return of Jay Baruchel? We needed him back. We needed him back. We needed him in a crazy wig and good in it. We needed him back. We needed him in a crazy wig, and we got it. You ever watch the Steve Jobs, when he dropped the iPhone, like the whole two-hour iPhone reveal? It's amazing. Oh, like the press conference?

You forget that it didn't even kind of exist before he did that. And then you watch this whole thing, and everyone in the crowd is like, whoa. I remember when it came out, it was like, they might as well have dropped a new type of mansion. I was like, I will never. Yes.

Yeah, same. That's never going to be. Never. I'm never going to. What the fuck are you? I don't have an, I don't have an MP3 player. Well, when the iPhone comes out,

when the iPhone comes out, you're not thinking about, oh, I'm going to sign mini mortgages every year for this thing for the rest of my life. you're not thinking about oh i'm gonna sign many mortgages every year for this thing yeah you're not thinking about the banking aspect you just you just see it and you go i can't have that that's not for me exactly i remember not seeing one like i don't think i saw one until they got to like the second generation well i never saw one of those first ones i don't think i ever saw anybody with them.

They didn't have towers back home. So a couple of kids in Sioux Falls, the closest tower they had was Sioux City. You had to get a different area code. So a couple of kids in Sioux Falls would have iPhones and they did not get service. They couldn't even use it as a phone, but they just wanted one.

So they'd be like, I got an iPhone, but they couldn't use it. It was wild. That is crazy. It always seems silly to me. And if you do this and you're listening no no shade on you i never understood that i gotta have it the first day kind of i didn't either but no but yeah i can wait a year or two or whatever i think i got i'm not even a big italian i have like a pretty low i'm a pretty low screen time guy sounded like you were

about to say i'm not even a big Italian. I'm not even a big Italian, but I do love my iPhone. I do, but I'm not a big Italian, but I do love my iPhone. The I is for Italy. The Italy phone? I'm going raw right now. I'm going no.

I'm going no case. I hate it. I have a real tiny little like barely see it scratch on the front and that's really all I got and I don't know how long I can do it for but I'm trying how long have you been raw?

our producer says he's a ramen as well he's going raw too you guys are nuts I got it because I have a controller that like turns this thing into like a portable like game pad and it works. It works better if I don't have the screen on it. Um, and, uh, I, I, I'm in Nashville. I'm living my like Nashville life. I live Nashville life one week at a time. You know, I'll come out here on like an SNL break for like a week. I come to my house. I feel like a person who lives in

the real America, you know, the January 6th America. And, you know, I have milky, milky America. Milky America. And I've got my and my phone is just

raw dogging life. It stresses me out even hearing it. I don't even like taking it off to clean the case. Like every now and again, I'll be on the couch and take the case off. I don't even like doing that. You don't like seeing the little cookie speckles everywhere, the little like dirt and dust and food and crap that collects inside your OtterBox. No.

I've got an OtterBox, David. I've got one and I pop it in sometimes. When I got a Mophie, you gave me a lot of shit, man. Well, you had a big phone. You gave me a lot of shit for that Mophie I had. Is that a fake case?

It was like the self-charming. I remember one time we were sitting on the porch smoking pot and you were like, you think you're so cool with your Mophie phone? I didn't even know it was like a type of guy to be. What is the Mophie? Is that the one that like extra charges? Is that the one that has like a little

battery pack in it? David, notoriously, for a while your phone would be dead quite a bit. So it was great that you got the Mophie, the charger pack. I'd still rather it be dead. David, you were living your life at that point. I was not yet living my life. I wasn't even buying my own cigarettes.

I was sneaking into Solomon's room and grabbing Camel Blues. I was going next door to Kyle McCullough and stealing Camel Wides off his junk-filled porch. Solomon, let me get one. He's like, oh, all right. Solomon always had a lot of cigs, though. Yeah, let me get one. He's like, ugh, alright. Solomon always had a lot of cigs, though. Yeah, Solomon was my mom

and my brother and my husband for a few years. Same, same, same. Same. Same for you. David, it's time for your first and your second picks. Oh, my first, I don't know. I'm taking real, I took like an active screen.

I'm taking the F took like an active screen i'm taking the fremont experience in vegas oh shit over the the dome screen yeah that goes down like four blocks this is the first time the first time i ever went to vegas we went to fremont street first and it was the first like spectacle like they they have jets going down it. And it's like daytime at nighttime. And it just blew my fucking mind. This is not the sphere. This is another Vegas. We don't want to say pics. That might come up later.

This is old Vegas. Old Vegas. Like downtown Vegas. Yeah. This is not Zappos Vegas. This is pre-Zappos Vegas. I think Zappos Vegas bleeds downtown Vegas. This is not Zappos Vegas. This is pre-Zappos Vegas. I think Zappos Vegas bleeds into it.

Okay, okay, okay. When Zappos did the Life is Beautiful festival, I think there was a venue there. But anyways, yeah, it's just such a spectacle and you walk under in it and you know, sometimes they throw the flags up there. There's a family.

There's a whole family doing the full body zip line above head. Great time. Heart attack cafe right there. Heart attack cafe right there. We'll guess your weight and then we'll give you a burger that's going to double make you feel bad. Yeah, exactly. Which is one of America's most odious business plans. Yeah.

It was. We all were down there for... We're trying to kill you. Let us be very clear. It was Conegas we all went down there and saw. That was the only time I've ever been there. We got the Hen Rock and drank it out of the styrofoam cups. That was Las

Llegas. That was Las Llegas? I was so drunk because we had been separated at that point. We got down there finally. I think our Uber took longer. We showed up and I was like, I have to leave. Is that what happened? No. We took two separate Ubers.

And then I think Ian and Sam and them got there first because me and you were together. And then right when we got there, they're like, we left. This sucks. We're like, well, I'm going to hang out for a little bit. I've never been here. I love free. And then we saw that Beetlejuice. There was like a guy doing Beetle or something right yeah being beetle yeah it's

just like we went cheap vegas i love it we went there after we went to that japanese restaurant and i was too full of beer and beef to just be in the world and i was like i have to leave it was tight yeah yeah and then we all reconvened in central Las Vegas. Or no, on the real strip. I love it. Shout out to Binion's. A de-beefing? We need you stateside for a de-beefing stat.

I was de-beefed, and then I was able to kick it a little bit more. Okay. The Fremont experience is a great pick. Yeah, man. Straight up. The Fremont Experience is a great pick Yeah man, straight up And then for the second my second pick, I am taking

This is fun This is a good category man Oh! 1550 Broadway in Times Square the Viacom building Only giant screen I've ever been on Oh hell yeah Above the

for the half hour. Nice. I didn't even see it in person. Saw a lot of pictures. Amazing. Your face in Times Square. Ooh, could beat that.

I used to have credit at the liquor store. Big day for me. That's a huge one, man. That's massive. That was like, it's like the first time I ever seen anything like that. It was just me smiling.

Crazy. It's your Taisha. I ever seen anything like that. It was just me smiling. Crazy. It's your Taisha. It's your Taisha moment. No, I'm going to see my name in lights. No one's going to stop me. You'll see. I will go far. Taisha.

Yeah, it really was a big day. So yeah, 1550 Broadway. And then like just going there and having had meetings there and like, cause like, you know, when you first go to New York, you have like the Viacom meeting where you, and you go in there and you're like, Oh, this is so crazy. It's New York. And then like a year or two later, your face is up there.

Pretty crazy. I remember when them, uh, when them, when they, I remember when they brought me in, I remember when they brought me into like, uh, it was to MTV. Like when you're first doing that first round of general. Yeah.

And this was when like guy code was on and they were like, so do you have any like crazy stories? And I think I told, I told them some that ended up just, I think being like way gnarlier than what they were looking for. Yeah. You're like, he has a really bad drinking problem.

And like, uh, one night after his dad died, we went out and I just kind of cradled him in my arms in the bathroom as he vomited. Like that kind of shit where I was like, so I was bleeding from my forehead because I tumbled down the stairs because I was drinking seven and seven out of a Britter water filter pitcher. Anyway, like the cops on my landlord came and then they left and I ran to my landlord's house. Cause I said, I was going to kill him for calling the cops. And my friend had to lure me back into the house with imitation crab. And they were like, cool. We'll let you know. Not for guy code,

but yeah, maybe the new team. We'll hit you up for a true life. I had that. My first general ever was at Viacom and it was some like 25 year old. I did the same thing. He's like, or,

you know, he goes, what do you want to do? I was like, I just stand up and you just see him he just turned on all the fucking meetings where I would go all the way to

Santa Monica on the bus to be like I just want to do stand up I just want to do stand up why the fuck are you here and then I come home and tell James I don't think they liked me I went into Comedy Central I don't think they liked me.

I went into Comedy Central. I don't think stars liked me. Jason Bateman's production company doesn't want to help me become a stand-up comedian. Before I knew, I didn't know you were supposed to bring them ideas. I was at a general for Comedy Central and they're like, what do you want to do? And I was like, if you guys got any hosting jobs, that'd be dope. Like, whatever.

I just asked them to hire me as a host. Yeah, put this naive child who you just met into the rotation for representing the network. I could do it. I think I got it, bro. I've never seen a camera, but I bet I got it. I think my first general was

NBC casting. And I remember going to Universal City to meet the casting person for NBC. And I think it was in January and I had like no idea what to say. I was very naive. Clearly the stink of Tennessee is still very strong on me. And I'm like, what did you do for Christmas? And the guy looks at me like for a second, I go, or Hanukkah. I'm like, I'm so evangelical Christian that I can't imagine there are other holidays. So Christian that you don't imagine their other holidays.

So Christian that you don't, you forgot that there are Jews running Hollywood. So Christian. And I'm like, oh man, I gotta become a little bit more worldly than this. Post that. Universal City, though,

very good general meeting. You could get there on the train. Yeah, that's an easy one. You know what I mean? All crazy bars generals go pretty good. Oh, I loved it. That was when I first came to LA. I lived in the universal city, like Vineland and Ventura. The Vineland Ralphs, you know, was my Ralph. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That was a great kind of like, that wasn't the first place I lived in LA. First place I lived was Park La Brea, but I moved back to Tennessee immediately after. Wow, you were in Park La Brea.

I was in Park La Brea for half a year to finish college. And when I came back to LA permanently, I was in an apartment complex behind that Ralph's in Universal City. To this day, I love Universal City. I love City Walk. Did you live with Rivers and West in that? No. No, these are some other dudes. These are YouTubers.

These are the people who would go on to... Very nice. The people who created what a YouTuber is. You know what I mean? Those 2009 guys, before it really became what it is now. The only media that anyone under 31 has consumed ever, you know what I mean? Oh God. Yeah. You see these stories like of college professors being like, I talked about the matrix and nobody knew what I was talking about. But then

when I talked about, um, PewDiePie, uh, playing, playing, uh, super monkey ball, Banana Blitz on Twitch or something like that. That's what Paris, Texas is to the people who will be our congresspeople. Dude, I'm out of the loop. I'm done. I know. I mean, you stick with what you're doing because it's better than what they're doing. I'm just hoping we can ride the tidal wave, you know what I mean, until we die. We'll see. They may all... Boys, boys, boys.

That's what we're hoping to do. My chest shrunk up for a second there. It's tough, but it's okay to age. It's okay to be old. That said, I am on the hair pills. We're all capable of physical labor still. We'll be all right.

I don't know. This neck problem is kind of getting to me. I don't think I can break bricks anymore. We'll have to bring you to the woods and let you die. Yeah, you should try missionary next time, I think. No, I do it like tripod style. Time for my second pick. I'm going to go with the Nintendo Switch.

Oh, yeah. The Switch. It's a pleasant screen. It's a pleasant little screen. It's here. And it can serve multiple purposes. If you want it to be here, it can be here. It can also interact with your big screen.

Go to the big screen. Go to the big screen. Did I pick a second one? You did. Yeah, you gave us a second one. Times Square and Fremont. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you picked us a second one. Times Square and Fremont. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, you picked two urban screens. You picked two public spaces, you know. Oh, yeah. A man of the people. The Nintendo Switch, you know, it makes sense in coach. It makes sense in first class. You know what I mean? It makes sense on the big screen.

It's lovely. It's adaptable to wherever you want to be. It has changed. I remember I took a flight from London to LA, and I was so deep on a game of Civilization 6 that I was upset when the plane landed. I was just like, I need 13 more hours, please. I can't go back to regular life right now. It has changed travel for me so drastically to now where I'm like, kind of pretty... I haven't brought it on the last few trips because I've had to get work done.

I was going to say, is it still going everywhere pretty much? No, not now because I've really had to like I'm like I have to use that time to write like on airplanes and stuff. But it's been I just love it. It's just lovely. It really the Zelda games that they put out on are wonderful. There's a lot of independent producers making games for it that are great. Yeah, Breath of the Wild. I just love it.

I love the Switch, man. Good pick. Maybe I'll buy one for V&L. I've been dancing around getting one for a long time. I can't. By the way, I don't want to get back into video games. It seems like a good way to do it because you do it when you travel. It seems fun to have on the road.

Dana has one too. My wife has one. We're both switching to them. It's great. Hit me up in the comments with what Switch games you want to play. Smash. Smash the like, dude.

James, it's time for your second pick. Okay, my second pick. The second screen. We've talked a lot about video games and gaming screens. And I want to get a little bit away from that. I want to say something that holds a lot of weight for me, but isn't actually good technology. I'm going to say the rear projection big screen that my brother bought for 50 bucks.

Oh, yeah. At the turn of the millennium. I remember my brother. Yeah. My brother came home and he had this giant cabinet. It was a huge screen and it's rear projection. It's, it's a, it's a red, a green and a blue, and they're shooting against a mirror and the mirror is shooting the image at this nasty screen. And it's like, it's the equivalent of a drive-in movie theater. It's not powerful. It's kind of dim.

Like, every light in the house has to be off. Like, put some tape over the smoke detector because it's making it so we can't watch Meet the Fockers. You know what I mean?

It's that really dim rear projection big screen. 4.3, not 16.9. It's 4.3. It's that really dim rear projection big screen. 4'3", not 69. It's 4'3". It's a big square. And that was how I was watching The Matrix every night. This is the screen. Every night of sixth grade, I'm watching The fucking Matrix.

Because we had like four DVDs, right? DVDs were expensive. DVD player was expensive. You know, what did we have we had the shawshank redemption we had the matrix we had casper van deen in the omega code we're christians you know we had and we had meet the parents you know we only had like four movies so i'm just watching those over and over again uh and that base that's a good that's a good bait movie based you got them all covered. It is, right?

A personality as a sixth grader. Oh, and Keanu Reeves in Hardball. I forgot about that. We had Keanu Reeves in Hardball. Oh, just in case you wanted to soften up and get sentimental for the night. Exactly. Yeah, you want to cry when G-Baby dies.

You throw Boondock Saints in there and I'm riding with you all the way. Boondock Saints. Man, that was a... Boondock Saints was heavy rotation for me back in the day. That was a moment. Five DVDs a day.

Also, what dreams may come for whatever reason. Yeah, why? That's wild. Interesting. I think I saw it at Best Buy for $5, and I was like, I got $5. You know what? It's visual.

I mean, Cuba Gooding Jr., Robin Williams, on paper, I understand why you make that move. It's a... It's like a... It's very visual. Yeah, it's like a painting. You're making the leap from VHS to DVD. You really want something that's spectacular.

And your options are limited in 1998, 1999, 2000. I mean, there's really not a whole... Best Buy for $5, they were. Yeah. Yeah. Watching The Matrix every night sounds kind of fun, actually. I could probably do that for a couple months. Man, I loved it.

I loved it. I would go to school and I'd just say stuff like, there is no spoon. Sounds kind of fun, actually. I could probably do that for a couple months. Man, I loved it. I loved it. I would go to school and I'd just say stuff like, there is no spoon. And I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25. You sure didn't. It worked out for me. You didn't find your trinity until later in life.

That's okay. No, I didn't. No. Was that thing heavy as fuck or what? Yeah, it was heavy as fuck. It had to be. It had to be. It was heavy as fuck or what? Yeah, it was heavy as fuck. It had to be. It was heavy as fuck and empty at the same time.

It was like all of the projection equipment is in the bottom of it. So it's in this giant cabinet. And then from the projector to the screen, there's nothing because that's where the light's going to be traveling. So it was this, when you would look inside it, you'd be like, there's nothing in there. Why is it 600 pounds um but that's that's where we were at before we had these true flat screens you know what i mean that was right there with you did it uh did it just kind of die there like my stepdad had a version of that and he chopped it up with an axe to get it out of the basement because he

couldn't move it he could just he was like it's done nobody can move it no one's gonna come over here to help i don't know how we got it down here. Chopped it up with an axe. Oh, my God. No, I mean, I don't even remember what happened to it. I think we moved out of the house. I bet we left it in there when we moved out of that house. That's definitely a leave behind.

Yeah, it's a leave behind. It's a basement fridge. Yeah. You know what's funny about this is that these retro screens are now collector's objects that are impossible to get and go for thousands of dollars. Wow. You should have held on to your old screens. Maybe not the rear projection ones, but the other ones.

I got an eMac in the shed. One of those old colored Macs. You remember the ones that were blue and orange and green and stuff? You'd get like the Oh yeah, IMAX. Feels like you're out here saying pics. Oh, well, no. Well, anyway, I got a vintage something in the shed over there that I'm just hoping one of these days it's worse. I'll just be lugging it around. Sorry,

I didn't mean to say a pic. Alright, so my second, that's the rear projection big screen. Rear projection. Now it's Sean, time for your second and third pics. You can take the F-formation thing you got in the shed if you want. No, I don't want to. I just wanted to throw it out there. One of those sneaky ones.

I, so this is going to be my first pick. It'll be my second pick though. I'm going to pick the, the ultrasound screen. Oh, okay. That's, that's, it was fun. And it was like one of those. I mean, it's awesome. It's just so cool.

They just did an ultrasound on my ankle showed me the fluid and stuff where i was like kind of shitty graphics yeah well dude yeah the graphics should be better right now but it's just so wild though that wow wow wow wow yeah yeah they let so specifically one time they saw what they thought was going to be a little heart defect in in young miss maxine so it was during like deep covid and they let me in. It was the only time they ever let me in for an ultrasound. And then they did the ultrasound and they found out everything was okay. And I was like, did you let me in here because you thought there was going to be a problem? And they were like, yep, we figured she'd need you if there was going to be an issue.

So I don't know. It was probably one of the happiest, most relieved I've ever been in my whole life when they were like, yeah, she's good. And I just remember the ultrasound screen. So it was just cool. It's amazing. Fun to see. Magic, baby. My problem with the ultrasound screen is when you're a kid, when you're far from having your own child, and someone

shows you the ultrasound printout, you're like, who gives a shit? You look at it and you go, what the fuck am I looking at between you, me and the wall look look that's his face and you're like no it's not this is shit

this is the shittiest picture I've ever seen taken of anything that's a picture of Velociraptor yeah yeah that's a storm front what the fuck am I looking at they do those mock-ups of what the kid is gonna look like did you get one of those where they're like this is what she's probably gonna look like and they like make up a face based

on the ultrasound that shit's terrifying that's what they do they give you the it's in color and it well it's kind of color but they're like this is what we project your face to look like and you're like bro what is that setting you back? did they get close?

now that you saw it is it close? not really I could show you I'll see if I can find it later but she's all mashed up against a placenta wall or whatever it just looks like Treat Williams it doesn't it's just a picture of Treat Williams may he rest in peace yeah no it wasn't

it wasn't on but the ultrasound what a sweet answer sweet sweet answer and then we're gonna go not sweet well we're gonna go sweet in a different way this is a real sugary little answer I'm picking the remix machine the soda remix screen

okay freestyle yeah where I can just go pick my own where I can make my own peach mellow yellow forget about it that was a crazy innovation oh my god we had one at the call center I worked at in LA

every break I was getting something grape grape cream soda I mean it was just all over the place vanilla coke I wanted to feel like I was drinking rum and coke so I go get a vanilla coke sometimes that's a crazy reasoning go get a vanilla Coke sometimes. That's a crazy reasoning for getting a vanilla Coke. What are you doing?

I need to think I'm getting liquored up for the second half of my shift. So I'm going to go. Oh, man. That was one of those like, you know, like the future being here turns out to be like, oh, we need to find greener power sources and we have like new ways to fight diseases. But what you were looking forward to were like the Jetsons things. And that was one of those Jetsons ass things where I was like, oh, we can make our own soda now. Like, yeah, that was like problems. But I'm excited to solve the problem.

Me not having a peach mellow yellow. You know, the problem I didn't even know I had can't do anything about hunger but we can do something about flavor you know we can cure I mean that's really where it starts that's the base of hunger is flavor yes so we conquer that

then we move on to the lesser problem I still get hella stoked when I see one. Have you ever made anything heinous on there? I was just thinking, dude. You know, all the Cokes. None of the Cokes are that good. Like a peach Coke, an orange Coke.

I don't think Coke needs any other flavor. Orange Coke. Don't sleep on orange Coke. Actually, I'm going to amend this. Orange Pepsi, I think, is really where it gets going. But in Germany, they had a drink called Spetzi

that was basically cola mixed with orange cola. Like orange soda. So it's the cola flavors with the orange. And it's great. And that's what I would do at any fountain. I would get some orange Fanta and then the rest of it would be cola.

And that tasted crazy. I think citrus can cut through all that Coca-Cola bitterness shit. You know what I mean? The citrus can really go somewhere with it. A little squeeze of lime, squeeze of lemon in the Coke is not a bad way to go no it's

not at all like lime coke and lemon coke came out i was into that big time yeah yeah i'm remixed that you can't there's not a ton of ways to screw it up for my money i mean it's all you know i was gonna say coke is like the worst you do like a blueberry ginger ale i kind of want to go find one and try to make the grossest thing possible. That wouldn't be that bad. They usually don't have blueberry on there. So usually what you're getting. Everything cuts well with ginger ale, though. You'd be surprised. Yeah, lime and ginger, you're halfway to a mule.

Come on. You know what I mean? That's delicious. You want to feel like you're getting drunk at work? Getting drunk at work is a lot of ways to do it. We got to get ourselves. A little trip to Moscow. Book a flight.

One-way flight. Cross the Bering Strait on foot to get there. Yeah. You'll die. You'll die of a mysterious illness in prison five years after,

but you know, he shouldn't have said that shit about Putin. Falling out of a window, but at least he had a beautiful Moscow mule on the trip down. I love Putin.

We all do. Oh, yes. That's a just in case. Hail. Just in case. what a great ruler just covering the base of Russia and now America of everywhere he wants

hopefully they go back and look at this we should be so lucky we loved you first man we were on the ground floor don't you forget remix machine baby we'll take you to one oh man we should have drafted world leaders Yeah, dude, we were on the ground floor. Don't you forget. Remix machine, baby. We'll take you to one. Oh, man, we should have drafted world leaders. Oh, shit, Putin number one.

Putin number one. Putin, Xi Jinping, Xi Jinping, and Donald Trump. It's equal. For me, it's Putin one, Putin two, Putin three, four, five. Oh, there's multiple Putinsins I know Bolsonaro's out of office

but I can't I'd like to throw him in their honorary draft come on, bees up Bolsonaro some pretty blue eyes man, that guy's eyes you can't deny that smile where's the Bolsonaro impression get that on the

I'm not working on it. Bolsonaro. They don't need me playing non-white people. Jair Bolsonaro. David, you don't want to see me in brownface. I don't think that's happening on that show anymore. David, you don't want to see me in brown face. I don't think that's happening on that show anymore.

I mean, I personally, but I would rather you have a long, fruitful career. So for that sake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. James, time for your third pick. Okay, my third pick. All right, so I've said a TI-83. I've said the rear projection, big screen. And I want to take this before it gets away from us and before somebody else says this.

And I know it's a little adjacent to the rear projection screen, but I'm just going to say it right now. I think this is like the best screen. This is the cathode ray tube. This is the tube TV that we all watched for the majority of our lives until plasma changed everything. The tube TV, you press the power button and it goes. that we all watched for the majority of our lives until plasma changed everything. Yeah. Uh,

the tube TV, you press the power button and it goes, and it never stops that noise until you turn it off again. And when you turn it off, it goes like the image like swirls into like back into the abyss again. It's literally, it's gas trapped in a tube it's like it's a crystal ball that we have shot light into and it like it's it's it's so those tvs are so goddamn heavy i love it i i missed it

i miss when we respected tv enough to treat it like a piece of furniture it was it was literally like well what do we put it on? We don't have any furniture that can hold this thing up. But you remember when they were cabinets? We're going to look at the ground. Now we get pussy-eating neck looking up above the fireplace. Story of my life, bud. It's like, what can we put up there?

Either a basketball hoop or our main screen. You know what I mean? It's up there. And this is what people think is normal. They love craning their neck up above a fireplace at the screen, even though TV should be at eye level. Everyone agrees TV

should be at eye level. I think the people in the McMansions, I don't know how they're building these living rooms, but people want to lay back and they want to look up. Let's go Nashville. Every now and again you slip into it. They want to lie down there and they want to look up. Oh, let's go, Nashville. Every now and again, you slip into it. They want to lie down there, and they want to look up above the fireplace,

and that's where they want their TV supposed to be. They want to see TV all the way up there. They don't want it down here. I get it. There's certain things. You got eight kids. You're a breeder. You got too many kids,

and you don't want the fingerprints all over the screen. I get that. But I don't think man was meant to look up at a tv like that i think we're supposed to look at tv it's it's the gutter we're we're poisoning ourselves we're we're looking down we look down at the tv the tv's below us and this is what we're spending all our time on and i don't give a shit i'm gonna watch the corner of the floor all night. James is standing up for everybody listening too. He's standing up.

It's proving a point right now. I think we were meant to look down at the TV starting with Al Roker in the morning all the way until Conan O'Brien sings us to sleep at night.

I think we were meant to look down at the floor. Cathode ray tube too heavy on the ground in the wood grain cabinet you better be talking to God if your eyes are up looking all the way up there that's for one thing and one thing only

you know okay Zora Neale yeah man I'm with you those things are fun tv sneaky cabinets sometimes the crt the original the original crt yeah oh i mean if you drive through brentwood and nash nashville area like four or five years ago when all the whites were really scared of crt whatever think tank made them afraid of there being books about Martin Luther King or whatever in middle schools. There were lots of signs in wealthy neighborhoods, the gated communities, there'd be political signs that say, stop CRT or CRT with a Ghostbusters

line through it. And in my head, I'm driving through and I'm like, why do these people hate the cathode ray tube? It's clearly the superior technology. It's the best way. It's nice and backlit. The scan lines are beautiful. It makes a Super Nintendo look like a PlayStation 2. Super Nintendo pops on a cathode ray tube. I'm going to teach all my kids about CRT.

Yeah. And CTE. And CTE. CC Music Factory everybody's good I'm teaching lessons on every week in a different CC stay away from OPP yes it's true if you're not down with it

I'm actually not down with other people's and that's totally understandable yeah I wasn't down with it other people's parental rights yeah I'll stay in my own kitchen time for my third pick. I'm going with it. It's an aforementioned. I'm

going with the Las Vegas fear. Yeah, dude, I want to see it. I'm sorry. I brought it up. I knew that it was going to come up. I should have kept it locked. I'm glad you said it. It's fucking insane. It's insane to see with your own eyes it's why i know the outside

of it is technically several screens but also the world's largest screen account is is in there too but like i have you been because it wasn't there it wasn't there when we went for your that was the last time i went to vegas it wasn't there yet i did the sphere is less than a year old right right it just started last year that's like the newest thing any of us can think of. It is. It's the newest thing. The Sphere is the newest thing. I saw it last summer when I went to Vegas to do a show. It is wild.

Yeah, I did Kimmel's Comedy Club. It is the worst. I had an okay time because it was NBA Summer League, so there were a bunch of cool, like, fun comedy people in town. They're on Christmas. Yeah.

We couldn't have had more different experiences, and I still didn't have a good time. Imagine, just speaking of Kimmel, imagine kicking back in the sphere. It's just you and your best buds, and you're just watching some Kimmel clips. Yes. You're just watching some people getting

pranked on Hollywood Boulevard. Him sitting down with Mariska Hargitay. Just having some light. Tell me about love. Tell me about love after 50, Mariska. Let me hear. Weave me a tale, Mariska Hargitay.

Weave me a tale. Sing me a song, piano man. I love the sphere. Godzilla-sized Mariska Hargitay. I don't believe the sphere is real because until I see it, that's how crazy it looks. When I see it on the internet, I'm like, I don't think so.

I got to see it. When you see it on the internet, that's what it's like. I know, but that's crazy. And it's nuts that we did it in the city that the most people are on drugs on. I know this is like everybody's like five minutes of local crowd work before they start the stand-up set.

But like it is wild that like this place where people go to do like hallucinogenics and all this shit. Like there is a giant eye and it looks like an eye. And you walk around a building and then it's like peering at you. Does it move? They can do action. It can move, right? The screen. it can do whatever that's stressing me out

I don't know if I'd be able to handle it I mean I I took one tug of a pretty mid joint before Dune 2 and I I almost had to call my dad to pick me up and I'm I had to go into that thing dry I had to go dry

intense though Hans on the score but fuck me I didn't I me up and I'm going to go into that thing dry. I had to go dry. It was intense, though. It's too intense for me. Fuck me. When it ended, I realized I was like clenched the whole movie. Yeah, yeah. Yuck, your jaw hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't realize... No, I'm going next week.

When you watch Dune 2, which by the way, great movie. It's like if we're talking about what is a good movie, Dune II is a great movie. But you forget what Star Wars brings to the table. Like, when you're watching Dune II, you're like, when I'm normally watching this stuff, a little droid comes up and goes, oops, I pooped my pants. Like, we're used to a little bit of levity, a little bit of fun, you know. Somebody comes on with three eyes and goes,

don't forget, we're all just doing, we're all just doing lightly racist accents from the SoCal area. You know? Space Armenian comes on the screen. Yes. Yeah, Dune 2 is just all intensity the whole time it's it's great and those people are gonna those people are beautiful and they're gonna get oscars and all that kind of stuff uh but um uh i'm the

whole time i'm waiting for a droid that looks like a trash can to tell me everything's gonna be okay you know what i mean it's not coming it's gonna sexy, wet droid. It's gonna look like a fucking dildo. A milk droid? It's gonna be a milky dildo droid that's wearing Karl Lagerfeld. Yes! It's gonna make out with Florence

Pugh for 45 minutes. The closest thing we get is Javier Bardem being a religious fanatic. That's as close as we get to like any sort of levity in it. And that didn't make me feel better. No, I mean, there's,

there was almost no, I mean, it was no, it wasn't enough relief. It might as well have been Anton sugar. You know what I mean? It was the same level of intensity. And you know,

I'd like to see in the spheres fucking dude too. That'd be fun. Well, I don't think I could handle that. David, it's going to be time for your third and fourth picks, but first we're going to take a short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.

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quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to

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Visit betterhelp.com slash allfantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash allfantasy. Hey, we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. Super producer Isaac is no longer here, so we can say cuss words now.

Fuck. Poop. Shit. Hell. Tit. Yeah, so be ready. Strap in. Heck. Sean. You guys all just got bigger. Did you say peck? Yeah, I said heck. P-E-C-K? Cheese and rice.

David, it's time for your third and fourth picks, as it is. So my third pick, I'm taking a video game it's the only video game screen that ever gave me so much envy because i got a game boy fairly early yes i was so proud and i pulled up to school and some motherfucker pulled out he had like the pack where it had the kit and like the extra magnifying thing on it. I remember that big thing. I'm taking the Sega Game Gear. It was fucking Game Gear, man. Fucking backlit? It's fucking backlit in color?

How is Nintendo even standing chance? I'm playing Wario World like a loser? He's playing Echo the Dolphin. He's underwater. A fucking Ninja Gaiden? Oh, yeah. Battery life. Battery life. Six double A's.

Six. Six double A's that last less than three hours. No kid can afford that. No kid can afford that. That is insane. I did not know the battery because I had a Game Boy, but fuck was I jealous of the Game Gear, man. I had one. I plugged it in a lot of times at home. You had a Game Gear?

Mm-hmm. Playing, like, Sonic at home? Yeah. God, on the go, Sonic was insane. Showing people that you had it, that was the best. Go ahead. I saw that thing, and I was like, well, how? If a Game Boy does this, how does this technology

also exist? That's what I felt like, because it was was like the Game Boy was definitely a diet Super Nintendo. This was just a little Sega. It was a little Sega. It was just a little Sega. It really was. And it was- As they said at the time, Sega does what Nintendo don't.

Man. Yeah. They were a genius. True. True. As a Dreamcast guy, true. And Sonic. Sonic was cool. Soniccast guy true and sonic sonic was cool sonic was cool it was cool we loved sonic but who's still around who's still around that's true

that's true i just i just dumped money to luigi's mansion two days ago yeah wasn't tails and knuckles mansion no it wasn't it was mario mario's been around mar Mario's been there for you. Mario is the high school sweetheart who's kept it tight. You got to hold on to her. Sonic is in movies still. Sonic is still doing movies, but I feel like that's like propped up kind of by the studios. I think so. But I mean, Mario, they also just had the Mario movie. That was a really big deal.

Big bang. Yeah. It was fun having a Game Gear, but it was just me showing that I had it. I think I only played Sonic, and I did plug it in. It was plugged in all the time, which took away a lot of the... Yeah, you had to

plug it in. You truly had to plug it in. Where's the outlet? They're not on the bus, dude. So you can't play it. Game Gear. Excellent pick, Dave. Time for your fourth pick it may seem like we're speed running these last 15 minutes you're correct I'm sorry guys uh so my next pick listen I know that sometimes people expect me to make the wacky pick sometimes I do it sometimes I don't when we pick this as a fan of the west coast offense I offense. I have to take a screen pass.

I have to take a screen pass. Come on. A little shovel. A little shovel. Love it. On Madden, when it works, the screen. Ooh, a screen on a screen.

You get your big hosses out there. Come on. You thought it was a deep ball. No, sir. The secondary bit. You blitz. You blitz. You fools. Go to bed. Now, TJ Husamanzada's the secondary bit you fools you fools go to bed

now TJ Husamanzada is going to take it to the house okay so the screen pass that qualifies for this game I think so that's the only one I'm going off book for in making it weird but the screen pass

i hey man it's beautiful when that defense gets overly aggressive you got to teach them a lesson get your hand out of the cookie it is it's just a little slap on the wrist yeah you don't know where i'm coming i'll pick you apart all day with a screen pass you don't fucking know me i well i mean my secondary is is very good but maybe uh in Three yards at a time, man. I'll get you there. That's a first down. Oh, no. Now it's mine. Now you did your back-to-backs.

What was my other one? I just did one. Game gear and screen test. Oh, yeah. Game gear and screen test. Yeah. That was my third and fourth? Yeah.

Yeah. You only have one more? Okay. I'll be able to get my fifth. If the mask is off and I got to get my shooters open. Yeah. Come on. What are you doing?

I'm taking a screen in a basketball. Come on. I love the screens. Big man, do some work. James is boiling. Pick and roll. James is like, I want to talk about tube TVs. A center coming up to the top of the key.

Come on. That Chris Paul didn't have anything to do? No, his only job. This was me in 11th grade THPRD set and screen I'll set a screen for you Tony Hawk pro party dude what's THPRD Tualatin Hills Parks and Recreation

yeah don't worry I'll be wearing the throwback next wow I just gotta shout it out man one of the fundamental building blocks of watchable basketball, the fucking screen.

It's that kind of podcast, baby. James, time for your fourth pick. Been a minute. Fourth pick. I mean, there's been a lot of video game discussion. This feels a little redundant to say, but this one, this is me

sincerely speaking from the heart. This is a very important deal for me. Now, when I got a Game Boy Advance, I think I got it as part of some Easter money that I might've gotten. I think the Easter was what put it over the lip. There was some, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Let's talk about your Easter money a little bit. Some of us believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, okay? Also, calm down, Game Gear. I wasn't getting paid. Yeah, yeah. I bought that with Okay. Also, calm down, Game Gear. I wasn't getting paid. Yeah, yeah. I bought that with meals. I bought that with paper route money.

You want $750 of paper route money? I'm saving Christmas money. I'm saving Easter money. I think I needed like $40 to clear however much the Game Boy Advance was at the time. After you pay the bookies back, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I'm missing one of those toes still, but I got the Game Boy Advance was at the time. After you pay the bookies back, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm missing one of those toes still, but I got the Game Boy Advance, and I remember getting it, and it was ice blue, and it was really important to me. I had one game for it, which was Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, isometric from an angle, but it was incredible graphics, so much better than the Game Boy Color I'd borrowed from somebody named Cameron at church.

I had the Game Boy Advance, and I bought it. I at church. You know, I had the Game Boy Advance and I bought it. One of the first, I think it was the first system I ever bought for myself. Very, very important to me. But I'm not talking about that screen. As much as I loved it, as much as I love clicking the on button, as much as I love clicking the on button and hearing that, you know, like as the Game Boy logo appeared pink and purple, you know, and it gave me the little click and a little ping. Loved all that. Very important to me. I'm not talking about that screen. I'm talking about

the Game Boy Advance SP. Oh, the SP. I traded it in to EB Games in the food court of Opry Mills Mall. I got the Game Boy Advance SP. This is the one that came out like two years after. And I got a discount trading in my, this was the biggest, this is the biggest investment I had made at this point was this Game Boy Advance. I have to give it over to this pimply dude talking about the Phantom Menace. And he gives me, he gives me the Game Boy Advance SP. Now this one was clamshell. It opened, it opened this, and it was front lit. It had a light along the sides that lit the image from the front. And it wasn't the backlit of a Game Gear. It was more energy efficient, had a rechargeable battery. and I'm playing my Game Boy Advance game and I was like, holy shit. I was like, I didn't even realize. I'm like, I've got pussy eating neck

trying to like crane it under every lamp, trying to like get the light to catch it so I can see what's going on. Now I don't even worry about that. Now I can play this under the covers, babe. I'm not waking up in time for school, babe. I'm under the covers playing Golden Sun, The Lost Age. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

My favorite screen is the Game Boy Advance SP. It was so important to me, and I love that blue front light. I can't forget it. Did you already say it? It's probably special. It's probably Japanese

abbreviation style for an English word. And I think it just means special. What color was your clamshell? Cobalt. Cobalt. Cobalt blue. Beautiful cobalt blue.

There's a new Twitter handle, Cobalt Blue. Cobalt Blue. I worked at a game, oh God, GameStop for a while. GameStop. We did, long after the heyday of the Game Boy SP, Advanced SP, we were still doing a lot of business in that. Because diehards. Right. Diehards.

You had one you used to play Pokemon on, right, James? Oh, yeah. I since have become like, you know, when you get expendable income, the industry starts going your way. I've got 20 goddamn Game Boys in the other room. You kidding me? I've got ones I don't even touch.

I've got ones that are sealed in the box. I got Game Boys for my Game Boys. That's really beautiful. This is who I am now. Unfuckwittable. And, you know. Because this is who I really am. This is who I really am.

Yeah. And it's not time for me to pick my fifth, right? I got to wait. No, I'll go. Not quite yet. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then your fifth pick. All right, I'll hop through them. Third or fourth one.

I know you're not a fan of this, Ian, but I like the self-checkout at the grocery store. I like that. I like the choice. I like it. Yeah. I don't. If I have my druthers, I'll never go through another cashier ever again. I love you.

I want you to have your druthers by the way. I know you do. I love you and your druthers. Yeah. I know this is one thing that we differ on pretty hard is that you're not a self checkout guy. I love it. I like the D I like the quickness of it.

I like getting huffy when people suck at it. Cause they all suck at it. It's like people forgot how to read all of a sudden. I like getting up there and proving a point. Like when someone's taking a while, I like getting my shit done before they can get... If someone goes up before me, Hudson's around,

I get up next to them, yuck, yuck, yuck, I'm out getting their receipt before they even got their debit card out. I love it. That's also because you paid the price of bananas for steak. You know, 4-0-1-1. That's the banana number. Always gonna be. It is. It's the same everywhere.

Hey, enjoy them while they're here. They're taking them away again. They are. I hope my guns aren't next. They were here to keep cashiers from fucking unionizing and keep wages down, man, trying to automate pretty decent jobs.

I don't know if they'll go away in time for that unionization to happen. Biden, Biden seems to be the one time in this century that unions are a thing. So, I mean, I don't know how much longer we got Biden for realistically. I mean, this is the only time the FTC has done anything ever in our modern era. It's like, say what you will about Biden. And maybe I do. I do. In private. In private, I do. But you can't deny that this is the first time anyone's ever done things like block Spirit and JetBlue from

merging and shit like that. This is the only, I mean, does he really help it? No, but he makes a tweet and he says, I stand for UAW. Sean Fane. And everybody. You doain. And everybody. You do it.

Stand together. Stand tall. And firm. Unions. Believe in it. Believe in unions. Railroads. We're not going to have it for very long.

We're immediately going to move into the Trump model, which is like, we're liquidating Milwaukee to a very good Saudi friend of mine who has a very tall hat. I don't know a lot about him. And he's recently killed a number of journalists. He seems like a really great person. He's got a lot of money. We like that. So we're giving him Milwaukee. And this is great. These are the kinds of things that we're doing now. And when you look at Biden, this was someone who let people advocate for wage. I don't think we'll be doing that anymore. Frankly, I think

we'll be doing surf. I think we'll be doing surf. Now you live, you live in a little grass and you say, Lord, we'd like to have real meat tonight. And he says, I don't think so. So we'll be moving on to that very shortly. Get ready for it. But I mean, if you enjoy your union, I mean, this seems like the last time that that's really going to be a thing. Get your stickers while you can. Get the sticker while you can. Get the baseball cap. You know, my SAG, I stand with striking SAG workers. My hat came the day we signed that terrible deal. I waited so long for that hat and then I already found out like, oh, what did they do? They got the exact inverse of the WGA

deal. Great. Awesome. I'm optimistic. You'll be wearing the hat again soon. Don't worry. We'll see. worry Sean and your final pick now that you've drafted union busting self-checkout lens true arch capitalist that you are

yeah I know what all that means so we'll just move past it Apple CarPlay you love this shit the stand-ups friend you get in a rental car you got the CarPlay you know where everything is You love this shit. Whoa. Wow. Love it. The stand-up's friend. The stand-up's friend. You get in a rental car. You got the car play.

You know where everything is. I love it. I got it in the whip in the Elantra, and it is sickening. It is so dank. You just do it all from right there. A screen made for an Elantra. Yeah, man. It really is.

Oh, because you can drug deal on it? Huh? Oh, sorry. Nissans are drug dealer cars. Excuse me. Well, this is a Hyundai, dealer cars there's some stand up bit who's the stand up who has a bit about the pictures that they use

like when you're playing music and it's just is it chris fleming that maybe where it's just the most insane picture you've ever seen of like you're listening to like a beyonce song and it's her from like austin powers gold member yeah like that picture of her and jay jumping into the ocean song and it's her from like Austin Powers gold member. Yeah, like that picture of her and Jay

jumping into the ocean. Yeah, and it's like, that's the picture when a Beyonce song comes in? I'm forgetting who has the bit, whoever it is. That's so funny. But yeah, you're listening

to a Steely, you put on a Steely Dan song from Spotify and the image that comes up is like the inside of a grand piano for some reason. Like, it's like an image that we show to an alien

in a time capsule. This is what music is, where we are. Yeah, man. Apple CarPlay all day. You're the maestro. That's a great answer. James, your final pick. Okay. My greatest screen of all time has got to be the Kindle Paperwhite.

I'm aging. I'm older. And what do I want to do? I want to read in bed. And there's nothing better than the Kindle Paperwhite. I mean, if I'm not, if I'm just on the subway, you turn the brightness off and it just catches the light and it looks like the page of a paperback. And that's great.

And I can blow it up if I need it bigger that day. If I'm having a good eye day, I can make it smaller. And then when I'm in bed, it's got this soft white glow. You know what I mean? I can reverse the polarity on the images. I can have the black page with the white lettering. That really helps me nod off. You know, you can't do better.

It's copy and pasteable too you can highlight you can highlight you can look up definitions instantly and you can the the ppi is great the p the pixel per inch you know i can really i can do a lot with that little screen and i think they can run doom you know guys are always trying to figure out how to run doom on something, you know, with a with a close runner up pregnancy test. That's the close runner up is the pregnancy tests that have the pixels on them, which you see some of those these days. But I got to go with the Kindle Paperwhite. I really haven't found a better screen. It doesn't hurt my eyes.

Such a gorgeous screen. It's a gorgeous. I'm like I'm still like a paper book guy, but my wife has a Kindle paperweight and it's, it's just as very pleasant to look at. It's, it's pleasant to look at. And you know what? It's black and white. You know what else you can look at on a Kindle paperweight? That's that's perfect. Manga. You're reading manga. Sometimes you're reading Dragon Ball. You're reading berserk. You know what I mean? One punch, man. You get it from the library, go straight to the Kindle. You're reading Berserk. You know what I mean? One Punch Man.

You get it from the library. Go straight to the Kindle. You don't even have to buy the shit. You get it from the government. Very nice. Get your Kindle Paperwhite, folks. Kindle Paperwhite. Best thing Amazon ever did

besides ruin all economies for the rest of time. Thank you for getting on my train. Here we go. Self-checkout and Amazon. That's what we're talking about. Time for my final pick. I'll give it give it to amazon i don't give a shit i'm supposed to be lefty or whatever but i'm fucking that kindle they knocked her out of the park we can't acknowledge that they fucking unbeatable yeah slap those shackles right on my wrists take me to the

fucking guillotine but put a kindle Paperwhite in the head bucket. Yeah. I'm staying in. I'm getting back in the car with Sean Jordan and I'm taking up the backup camera screen. Oh, yeah. Backup camera. Love it. Life changing. Dang, that is the... How did we do it before? Love it. I don't know. I mean, I was the best at it, but I don't know how I did it.

That thing, even with the, where it's like you got this much room where it's, you know, they put a little grid out there for you and it. That thing, even with the, where it's like you got this much room, where it's, you know, they put a little grid out there for you and everything. That little red thing, come on. Nothing gives me more pleasure. You know what I love is backup camera shenanigans. I was just, we were just shooting

and we were in a Sprinter for a week and every time everybody would unload the van, they'd do some funny stuff for the people inside the van. That's pretty tight. Great time. Oh yeah, you put on a little show in the back of the camera. A little soft shoe. I love it. Oh, yeah. Hanging some balls.

Yeah. We got some moons. We got some moons. We also mooned the state of Kansas. Beautiful. Have any of us ever been called into a general to pitch original series exclusive to a backup camera?

That seems like something one of us series exclusive to a backup camera. That seems like something one of us went in for a meeting for. I just wanted to stand up. I think they wanted me to do it for BET Plus, actually. They're like, it's only going to stream. But, you know, we'll give you a little bit of money.

What Yellowstone would have looked like through beth dutton's backup camera oh that's a show uh david your final pick the final pick of the draft i've never been better at a screen than this i'm taking the loaf and jug convenience store cash register circa 2008 i was a whiz you got your palm malls you got your cappuccinos you got some subway with my eyes closed how was your day what are you doing oh you got a camaro that's pretty cool i don't know about the broncos payton hillis is great i was a fucking whiz i was nasty on it I could I could have done some spins if I wanted to it was a touchscreen it was a touchscreen cash register and I was nuts I love that when somebody knows exactly what they're doing throw a car wash in there it was crazy

did you have a gun David I? I had the gun for scanning the stuff, but I could also I knew the codes and shit for everything A gun gun, did you have a gun gun? At work, no I don't know, I don't understand the bit, sometimes I don't get the bits No, he's asking if you had a gun gun

A gun gun? A gun gun from episode one yeah morally but i yeah man i was a whiz on it i was nasty at it it was like yeah it's besides stand-up comedy it's the most competent i've ever been at work it's beautiful to that, like feeling a mastery. Yeah, where like I knew it inside and out and I could do even weird shit. You know what I mean?

I got the cup of ice for free usually, but my manager's there. I'll go back and double charge you for a cup of ice. I can do it all. I can do it all. Yeah, you can multitask. That's the whole thing. You do something with the other hand if you had to. I can call my roommate, tell him I'm going to be late supper i can i can fucking i can do anything on this bitch yeah i was amazing splitting checks on our old spaghetti factory like software kind of thing where i'm like

just like doing it all quick it was just a very fun fun to have a mastery of a job where it's like yeah it's not the hardest job in the world but it's also not the easiest and i got it down straight up i remember i'd look at other people on the register and be like, come on. Shave about 0.8 off of that. You know what I mean? First day Steve over here, been here for five years. I'm Cat Williams. I'm running a sub 4.3 on this thing.

I can't believe he then went out and kind of did it. 4.9 is far away from sub 4.3, though. Right, but he's. It's fast. He's in his 50s now. It's fast, but yeah. It's also, that's not a laser timed. That's true.

Who was ever timed in a laser, though? Shout out to Steve Reed, the fastest guy in my high school. He ran a 4.4 with the wind, baby. That's just 40-yard dash. I ran a 5 something. Yeah, I ran a 5.7. Yeah, I ran a five seven. Wasn't even good for linemen. No.

I think senior year I ran a five five, and I was like, well, that's as good as that's going to get. I think I was coming around five eight, dude. Yeah. I mean, but like for a big guy if you for offensive linemen though it's like if you're breaking a six nobody's pissed where am i running in what i played division three or uh 3a colorado high school football now the linemen run like four four sixes or some shit it's i mean the kids have gone crazy yeah that was the final pick the loaf and jug convenience

store cash register. To recap, Sean, you went first. You took the arcade screen, the ultrasound screen, the Coca-Cola freestyle screen, the self-checkout lane screen, and the Apple CarPlay screen. James Austin Johnson, you went second. You took the TI-83, the rear projection big screen television that your brother bought for $50. The Catho Ray Tube original granddaddy of them all television. The Game Boy Advance SP and the Kindle Paperwhite. I went third. I took the iPhone screen, the Nintendo Switch, the Sphere, a screen in basketball, and the backup camera screen. David, you went last.

You took the Fremont Experience in Vegas. 1550 Broadway in Times Square, New York City. The Game Gear, the screen pass in football, and the loaf and jug convenience store cash register screen. That was a good one. It was a good one, boys. Who did we leave on the board here with this one? I got everything I wanted.

The Doppler radar screen, like at a weather channel. I always enjoyed that one. I think it interacted with this one. I thought the I got everything I wanted. The Doppler radar screen like at a weather channel. I always like enjoyed that one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. General green screen I had. I also had McGregor Square, but that's like a Denver specific one. Okay. Oh, bathroom mirror TV just because it's so calcified in time

to when that was like a luxurious thing to have. Yeah, the Jumbotron. That was Jumbotron. That was one that I was thinking of. Oh, yeah. Yeah, celebrity lookalike time, waiting for that NHL timeout to run out or whatever. Yeah. American Airlines headrest.

Oh, come on. That was big. The first time you got on a plane that had those, you were like, okay, it's all different now. It's all different. Yeah, when it all became that, and then even Frontier had them, and you're like, okay, it's all different now. It's all different. When it all became that, and then even Frontier had them, and you're like, oh, we all get to watch? I got on a Delta flight the other day

that had one of the OG screens. It felt like one of the first ones, and it was like, boy, we've really come a long way. Yeah, basically. Maybe you appreciate present day. We want to hear your super producer Isaac bailed on us, dude. He had to go improve himself fast

an unannounced bounce unlike Isaac no he told me he let me know an unannounced bounce we love you super producer Isaac and he told me that if no one takes it by the end his pick would have been the Kindle well I got bad news for you brother blew it it's off the board I got it

shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos. But we want to hear your ideas. Hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter. All fancy podcast at gmail.com is our email. Shout out to everyone. The AFE Patreon, where you can get bonus episodes, video content, auction drafts, mailbag episodes, live episodes, which will be germane to us going on the road here pretty soon, and all sorts of other wonderful

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