All Fantasy Everything - SURPRISES! (A Surprise Draft w/ Shain Brenden, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Happy Thursday, fam! This week we just hop right into it and draft "Surprises!" You've been asking us to do something like this for quite a while now, so here ya go! We straight up picked this topic about 5 minutes before hitting record so we're all on equal playing ground! Now go surprise a loved one with something fun AFTER you listen :)    Guest: Shain Brenden @shainbrenden IG: @shainbrenden   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Venmo: @marissa-melnyk Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. maybe to Bolivia, maybe somewhere else. This week, we are drafting surprises, which surprise, Ian's not here this week. The reason we're drafting surprises, it's been asked for a ton by the listeners. And it was actually a surprise to our guests that we were going to do it. We told our guests about five minutes before the show started, which come on, how much of a surprise is that? This week, we are joined by hilarious comedian, mover and shaker, co-host of High Note PDX. We got Shane Brennan in the building. It's such a thrilling time. Love to be with him.

I am your host, Sean Jordan. Your co-host, David Borey. With us as always, hit that theme music. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that doesn't know what it's going to draft today. It's a surprise! Yeah, this is... Yeah. We had to call an audible.

I say we call surprises we uh the the founder of the feast had to the feast is a different podcast the founder of my favorite murder had to bail and rewrite a script uh ian had to ian had to um go to work unfortunately we were good about 10 minutes ago so on a, too, so you know it's important. We're already set up to go, and we figured why not do it. We had a topic picked, but what we're going to do is something I don't understand. So David is going to have to explain it to me, because we're going to draft some sort of surprises, and it's going to be in real time, right?

Yeah, so let me explain this a bit. David, you sound insane. You sound a lot like Marissa. This is Marissa's idea. I just told everyone to hit record, and we'll figure this out on the draft. But I would say many, many years ago, I either got either a response on the Reddit or a tweet. Someone suggested, and I wish I could find this tweet to credit this person,

someone suggested there should be a surprise draft where everyone comes in thinking that they're going to draft something, but then we flip the switch and in fact we draft surprises so everyone's on the same footing ground. We could see you guys come up with ideas in live time and it's just like,

we're just going to draft surprises. It's a surprise theme episode. So now this week it feels perfect because we had another guest set to cancel. Shane came in and now we're changing topics again. It just felt like the right time to finally do this topic. Chaos, basically. Chaos. This is what it is.

This week has been nuts anyway. So it's like, let's do it. I still don't understand it. We're distracting surprises. It could be up to interpretation. So any kind of surprise? Yeah, it could be like times that you've been surprised, times you've surprised people. Things that you find surprising?

Okay. I feel like David's already writing shit down. Fuck. That's why you're quiet over there. Don't worry about what I'm doing. Also, I don't know if the listeners, because I feel like if I was a listener of this podcast, I would think that every single week

you guys really think about a topic for a full week before doing the podcast. Oh, you're going to let them know about this now, huh? Yeah, let's not. Let's just, let's all step back from the cliff a little bit. We put in a lot of work. Put some air horns over yourself, please. Let's all step back from the cliff a little bit. We'll gloss over that. We put in a lot of work. Put some air horns over yourself, please.

We think about these topics for months in advance. We pour over them. You give your guests plenty of time to come up. Yeah, we don't hit our guests up while we know for sure they're still asleep in the morning, but one of us is awake because we have a two-year-old. We don't do that. No, no. What time do you wake up, Shane?

I mean, you know, whenever. I don't have a job. Let me answer for you. We went to John Wick yesterday. Oh, how was it? It was, dog. So, first of all, though, it was an 11 o'clock showing. No judgment here.

David, is an 11 o'clock showing too early to go to a movie i know i i but i said yeah she's shaking her head yeah dude 11 a.m 11 a.m oh yeah what you think that's too early you gotta go see john wick in the dark i had to well the next one was at 2 30 and you know you can't do that since you disagree disagree with me, we'll just keep it pushing. John Wick was fantastic. It was fire. I can't believe. That's how I know you guys are old. You should have loved it.

I was shooting you back here. I didn't have to be the boss of my fucking wife. No, we're done talking about that. It's all good. No, we're not. Don't worry about it. How was John Wick 4? How does it compare to the other John Wicks?

Because I heard someone say that this is the best one. It goes one is the best. And then I think four, then two, then three to me. Two and a half hours of choreographed just mayhem and kills. Four would be the best if there wasn't a John Wick one. You know what I mean? Like if there wasn't. I'm only saying John Wick one is the best because I got to give credit to the movie that started the storyline.

But this one was super good. 11 a.m. is too early for that kind of death and murder. I don't want to see a bunch of people get shot in the head before noon. And IMAX, too. So it's like triple the amount of people that we saw. Was it just you and like three other dads playing hooky? Who was that? What was the crowd like for Sean Wick at 11?

Me, Sean, and Jeff Tate. And then I was just like, yo, this is too early. And they both looked at me like, what are you talking about? It was early, and it was a half an hour away from my house. So even my wife was like, what are you getting ready for? I was like, I'm going to a movie. She's like, now? Where?

That was on me. I wanted to go out of town a little bit to get away from the riffraff like if you go to lloyd or whatever you might catch some kids that are going to be a little too talky the whole time like some you know some 19 year olds i wanted to get out to bridgeport which is where like the yuppies are grown and sexy go yeah it was it was uh i enjoyed myself thoroughly i had a hot. Finished that before I even got to my seat. Straight up. It was gone.

It is longer than you think it is. Both Sean and Jeff had to take intermissions and go to the bathroom and get pretzels in the middle of the movie. I'm washed, man. I can't be holding it for two and a half hours. What are you talking about? Couldn't be me, bro. Oh, man. I'm glad you guys had fun, though.

I had such a good time and then we did stand up in the mall last night oh yeah dog it was so we went back to the mall yeah it was in a different it was in an old in lloyd center there's an old dmv that some dude bought and now it's just like a creative art space so we did stand up in an empty mall in an old dmv packed it out it was a sold out show portland man you guys are really doing it yeah we move different bro you guys are really really doing i did stand up next to a tire shop last night hell yeah how'd it go so oh pretty good sold out so thank you to all the fv fans who were coming out my little brother was there the waitress was your rooster to feathers huh yeah the waitress was like what is your little So thank you to all the A&P fans who were coming out. My little brother was there. Oh, yeah, you're a rooster to feathers, huh?

Yeah, the waitress was like, what does your little brother like to drink? And I was like, fuck if I know, he's 11. He's obviously of drinking age. But I was like, I don't know what they like, Fireball? Whatever. Yeah, I was like, eh. It's not like Jameson and PBR, I don't think, for the kid. What is it?

No, he's also European. So I was like, what like what do you like he's like sometimes i like moscato i was like who where are you from classy and then he was like i like mezcal and i was like you just gotta get something that a comedy club has yeah something with a jim beam base maybe yeah don't don't complicate it too much give them a kind of liquor and a color you want it to be yeah nobody has a smoky mezcal does he like for net a lot uh i think so but that's also in san francisco it's like a big thing there yeah yeah hella bay thing and then malort's a chicago thing which malort holy buckets that shit it's been out of the midwest though i've been seeing it in denver sometimes and i'm like that's not okay it was there heavily in high plains last

year malort was all over the place all over the floor in my hotel room oh yeah in your hotel room it can't be good it's malt liquor liquor right malort i don't know what i think it's toilet water yeah isn't it just all the runoff from the draft like whatever's left in the bottom tray you just pour that into a shot glass and drink that shit no it's like a actual there's a process i used to do those you ever do them i just made that up i don't know i've never drank i've never drank that i think i'm in safe company here did you ever do like a new jersey turnpike or an la freeway shot you ever do those no that sounds like some sex stuff spill mat shot you ever do like a New Jersey turnpike or an LA freeway shot? You ever do those? No. That sounds like some sex stuff.

Spillmat shot. You ever do that? Oh, God, Sean. We used to. You worked at the bar. Look at Marissa's face. You worked. Yeah, isn't that what Shane was describing? That's what I was just saying, dude. Oh, God. Oh, is that what you were saying? I'm pretty sure I've heard about that on this podcast

before. Spillmat shot, that sounds. And you could like smoke in the bar, too, so there was like... It wasn't good, but it was free. Just steal the liquor. You're the bartender. That man who wants everyone to steal liquor, David Borey.

Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Not on Twitter. Am I right? No, no, no. The revolution will not be Twittervised. I respect it. now correct me if i'm wrong not on twitter am i right no no no not on twitter man the revolution will not be twittervised i respect it how uh so you're a rooster oh i gotta tell you this since i've been saying rooster to feathers so i talked to adam yesterday scott oh uh my manager yeah yes he said that he was at the lake or at the knicks game and he go i'll set it up to you like

he did to me he goes mich, Michael Bajordan was there. Guess who was sitting next to him? I don't know. Michael Jafox. Oh, yeah. It was like, just shout out to Adam if you're listening. Thanks for blessing. One of these Knicks games.

Ah, dude, that's a power move right there. Yeah, that's what we should have drafted. Anyway, man, this comes, what, April 14th? 13th this comes 13th 13th i think so april 13th april 13th so where can the folks find you you just saw me in alaska in dallas uh i don't think oh 421 come to high note comedy denver we have britney carney in from new york she's very very funny we're excited to have her she wrote for that damn michael jay on hbo do that and then other than that i don't think i have any dates immediately coming so how was alaska i haven't done it yet shame this is show business well how do you think it's gonna go yeah just answer though since we're doing crazy shit drafted surprises how was alaska i think it was great i mean i can't believe i fought all

those eskimos but you know what i got their treasure yeah and you know we'll figure out whatever that means kodiak bear slippers that you made ill-advised but you did it yeah one time somebody did like a few how was the show that didn't happen yet and he said that i like died in a plane crash on the way home and i was like x i was extra scared on the flight home it sounds like he predicted it what about uh what about royal crackers where are we at on that is that going to be fully out yet yeah it comes out uh all the first three episodes so it comes out april 2nd on adult swim and then the first three episodes streaming the next day on hbo max and after that one episode a week for

the rest of the season but you know we can say it now when this comes out we got a new season so don't worry it's coming back and the first episode is on youtube but when this comes out you can already see it so yeah it's really funny people like it uh i did press for the first time the other day it was a lot of like the same question over and over again with me and the voice of naruto but you know good time oh sorry she's on the show her name is miley she's a very nice lady we did international press together the other day wow what's that like like what are some of the main questions that they keep asking it's just like the same stuff over and over again so it's like what was it like working with jason the director what makes this show special could you

describe your character and then you just do that like for a bunch of different countries yeah so it's pretty cool it's like five hours oh yeah love it man uh that somewhat enthusiastic hell yes comes from our guest this week mr at. At Shane Brennan. I didn't look. I just figure you're my man 50 grand, so I should know this. At Shane Brennan on Instagram. At Shane Brennan on Twitter. Sure. At Shane the main vein on TikTok for all you kids out there.

You know it. It is Shane Brennan. How you doing, my friend? I'm good, buddy. I'm good. Doing this pod at this time is not too early. This is appropriate. This is the right time.

Going to John Wick 4 in IMAX at 11 a.m., that's a bit much. So this is better. No, it isn't. This is way better. Did you have a bad time? I had a great time. I sat next to you. I ate a glizzy.

I had a small popcorn sean's really good to go to the movies with is the thing too yeah shane dude shane swung for it man did you say i'm really good to go to the movies with yeah thank you that made me feel good yeah don't go off over that no well i just i you know send give them their flowers while they're alive man thank you i appreciate the compliment um yeah sh Shane got it, man. He looked more like a dad than any of us. He had his hands full. As I said, my glizzy was down before I hit the seat.

Yeah, he gargled that glizz, man, before we even got into it. They need to have some kind of a dog deal if you're going to go to matinees. Yeah, dollar off the dog. You know I'm getting a dog. It's 11 a.m. We got there so early he had to check the temperature on the dogs. That's how you know it's early. I go, you got dogs?

And he goes, let me see if they're ready. And then whenever someone says that, I'm like, well, they're probably not ready. But I'll take it. It wasn't the hottest of dogs, but at least it wasn't like old, like day old dog. Yeah, it didn't taste like a tan. Here's what's gross about me. I kind of like the day olds. It's 7-Eleven.

Give me that under the heat lamp all day. It's got that snap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a Slim Jim. Yeah. Dude, who are you talking to? I run the whole spectrum when it comes to hot dogs. I don't care.

I'll go to the grimiest gas station in Ames, Iowa, and just be like, what's at the back? Where's that? Where are the other hot dogs at? You can't live like that anymore, man. You're a child. Give me the members-only hot dogs. You should be around for your family. Shane the Main Bane, what do you got coming up? Playboy, what's happening? What's on the burner?

What's cooking? What's in the kitchen? How you living? So much. So much in the kitchen. It's day-old dogs. By the time this comes out, what, April? Come to High Note Comedy Portland, baby. You already heard of Denver. You already heard about Denver. That's going to be comes out what april come to high note april 13th i know comedy portland baby you know you're in denver you already heard about denver that's gonna be hot we got uh our boy sharpie chris charpentier charpentier headlining high note comedy that is april 27th the thursday i think

the weather's gonna be crispy it's gonna be nice outside maybe i'll have some shorts i've been doing a lot of leg workouts you know i'm trying to get the quads big. You didn't run that by me. You're a huge shorts guy, huh? No, because I'm built weird. I'm big up top, barrel, sturdy, and then down low, twigs. But I've been working on that in the off season. You're like Johnny Drama.

A little bit. Or Johnny Bravo, rather. You got a baseball body. Thank you, David. That's the nicest thing you've ever said. I'm fun to go to the movies with, and he's got a baseball body? I'm a hard game from the waist down, man. I'm self-conscious about my calves, or lack thereof.

I've peeped both of you guys' lower bodies. That's rad, man. This whole time, we never knew Shaneane was pocket watching i've been watching i've been lurking checking out the calves i told you about that dude that was fitting me for my suit before the wedding and he got down to my butt and my calves and he goes oh you do skateboard i go yeah look at the haunches baby i want somebody to say something like that to me man well you, you're a golfman, right? So you're going to have shorts on this summer, so you better get working. Do some calf raises.

Oh, I got some fun shorts lined up for the kids who come out to High Note. Believe you me, it's coming. I like that. Also, I love that the tailor knew that you skateboarded. He brought it up, which meant that you brought it up to him before getting fitted. So you guys are talking about skateboarding before. That's a good point. He brought it up, which meant that you brought it up to him before getting fitted. That's a good point. It's easy to run by and stab someone and then run away, isn't it?

No, yeah, I did. I mentioned it. How did it come up? It'd be tight if he just straight up said it, but yeah, no, I brought it up. Yeah, high note. what april 26th april 27th april 27th and then just watch for shane around town on the road killing shit getting it done out there moving and shaking doing some squats doing some deadlifts catch me in the gym you know i gotta i'm trying to lose trying to lose a gentleman's 10 before this comedy central thing

um oh what is that april so i think i can say i by now i better be able to but april 24th at los globos in silver lake or um are you saying that's his comedy central thing no thank you april 24th he goes no thank you thank you i mean i gotta listen to the god mike he's comedy central's god mike i can't just not do it if i don't have your blessing no i'm sorry i'm sorry april 24th at los globos and um yeah i think you know you'll be able to get tickets i bet it's free i don't i don't know how those things work it's probably free right i think they're usually free yeah los globos is fun too it's really red in there i've never been so or maybe i haven't i just maybe maybe we stumbled in there one night i don't know but to my knowledge

and then um yeah i don't i don't think i really have anything else coming up uh watch the late late show with james corden you only got about two more weeks left uh yeah that's crazy so get to watching uh listen to all fantasy everything and yeah just be uh be dope be excellent to each other come to high note comedy portland come to high note comedy denver now now that we got the pleasantries out of the way oh real quick can i say something real quick you sure can bud i'd love another pleasantry that i was a surprise pleasantry it's about high no comedy pdx what is that what are you gonna say now i'm not i appreciate and i love that the people that come to our show are are faithful and their return guests over and over again get them and i and without you there be no me and there be no there be no sean But here's the thing. How many times do me and Sean have to show you that as soon as we drop a link to the tickets, I'm talking the day we drop a link, this shit is over. This shit is sold out.

How many shows do we have to show you that if you don't pay attention, within an hour or two, the tickets are gone. Stop playing with us. Stop playing with High Note that way. When the tickets drop, you better get them. If you don't want to worry about producers being all in the video, come to

High Note Denver. All on the record. Come to High Note Portland. Come get jiggy with us. But I mean like where are the producers and we're going to be all on the on the show that's right always all right i'm sorry go ahead i said my piece uh that's fantastic that we are here uh not only to threaten people in the vein of the shug night it's on site did he die no no he's just in prison in the vein of shug knight uh but we are here to draft surprises i'm going to umbrella statement that surprises and it is also a surprise draft we're in we're deep in the metaverse so it is a surprise draft

uh and we're gonna get it done now before the first surprise is dropped on everybody, we need to figure out the order. We will determine the order with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the two of you. Check this out. That shit don't happen a lot. And we'll go on shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. We have a straight-up tie. Go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Scissors. Shoot. We have a straight up tie. Go again. Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot. Gentlemen. Scissors, cut, paper. David Borey wins the draft. David will determine the order

of the draft. Before we do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Surprise, Shane. You have to explain what it is oh you surprise surprise surprise surprise i like this i like hosting the game is a foot i gotta do stand-up i gotta do stand-up at 4 20 today it's an early day it feels like it's five o'clock to me right now surprise didn't know you were a villain all right it's like uh it's like uh when you're uh when you're going to

the uh when you're going to old fred meyer is that what it's like yeah and you and you and you're you're you're walking down the aisles right you're looking for for frosted flakes you're on the cereal aisle right and you turn down the aisle and you start at the very first row up at the top, right? And you're just going down the aisle, right? You finish the top shelf, you get all the way there. You don't see the Frosted Flakes, so you go down one more shelf and you go back down the same

aisle. You don't see it yet, so you go down one more shelf and you go back down the other way. I like what you're doing. Either Marissa just farted or she doesn't like what you're doing. It just seems like a very ineffective way of grocery shopping. You don't know how to shop, Marissa.

I'm sorry they don't do it that way in Canada. Marissa filled up the gas tank and she's doing drive-bys all day. Surprise! Everyone's getting it from Mars today. Full tank of gas here here's the here's like the meta aspect to it because ian's not here today i feel the need

to like be on camera to uh you know to kind of like square out the the zoom videos it's nice cool and now you guys are seeing more of my live reactions so you're asking me about it so that's why this is i love it that's true it's all a fun surprise. I like this. This is good. I'm here for it. Keep us honest. Your facial expressions are not hurting me at all. That's cool.

This is great. Now, with that being said, basically what it means, if you pick last in the first round, you pick first in the second round. With that in mind, David, what will the order of the surprises draft be? I think it's going to go Shane, David sean shane david sean exactly how i predicted it was going to go because i'm you know i'm pretty smart dude that's what she predicted shame can i just say when you told me about the original topic right what i was like i text you back and i was just like oh this is a tough one and he said don't worry you got it bud and i was like you know what if sean believes in me i do have it bud and i really took the time to come

up with some great ones but the world will never know. Surprise, you're never going to hear the dope shit I had written down about the old topic. Yeah, we'll probably use it for a different one, but cool. Yeah. Ben, your ideas are just going to never be heard, so that's fine. Probably not. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it.

You could wipe your little butt with it or whatever you need to do, but make a new list. Unless you put it on your computer, don't wipe your butt with your computer. But if you wrote it on paper, you can wipe your butt with it or whatever you need to do, but make a new list. Unless you put it on your computer. Don't wipe your butt with your computer. But if you wrote it on paper, you can wipe your butt with it. You know a child. Surprise is what we were drafting. We will

get to the first pick right after this short commercial break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at

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with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. And we're back. Welcome back to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, except, of course, for Assville, which Shane forgot to mention, where they discuss world affairs stock tips different sorts of financials don't talk about ass no i'm out no you know when we first started the pod

we had an uptick in a lot of uh listeners in brazil for like one or two episodes and then they i think they realized after like two episodes of like just saying what we thought it was about. Papi, they don't talk about us one bit. Nothing. This is a bunch of A-degree Portuguese dudes. Surprise. Not talking about yeeks at all, dude. Just a bunch of listeners with like great asses being like, no, I don't need this. I don't need to listen to this nonsense.

Anyway, what I remember, but what did I say? Order. Shane, go ahead and bless us with that first pick in the surprises draft. What do you got? Let's see. A surprise. See, where is his face, dude? Yeah, what's up?

Think on your toes. I think I'm going to have to go with being asked to be on a podcast and being given a certain topic. And then when you start the pod, everyone says that you're not doing that topic at all. And now you just have to make shit up on the fly. That's a good one. Thank you. Yeah. That's a decent pick.

I don't really have much to say about it because, you know. Right. It catches. I mean mean everybody can understand some of us train comedically all year so we don't really have to get ready we just stay kind of in the pocket so yeah I just kind of stay ready so but no I mean you know I get it but I understand that that was difficult for you I understand Shane does this last minute he's like what a gracious guest and y'all are just shitting on him is it because Ian's not here do you guys feel like you all need to pull the weight

and like dump on me because I thought we were friends she's doing the Grinch thing with her fingers yeah well just fucking knock it off well it's different than like it's different when David's mean to me do it. Just don't do it.

When David's mean to me, he means it. This is just us kidding. But like David actually... Don't do that to me because now people are going to believe that. No, I completely feel you. That is a big fun surprise. But here it is.

You get after this because you have to go do stand-up tonight. You have to do another pop-up show at a gym if I'm not mistaken. So you're have to be oh you're gonna have to don't tell you're doing don't tell right don't tell is a surprise within itself i'm surprising people with with comedy and laughter in places that they don't expect and you gotta put all those chairs in your car surprise it's so we put them in muck and then i'm just like well i can't lift as many light chairs as i thought I could.

No, I feel you. This is a pleasant surprise. It's fun. You're throwing a wrench in the system by having me do a little thinking on my toes here. You can get nervous, though. It's one of the scariest things, like getting nervous when you honestly don't know what you're about to say. It happens on podcasts. I like to stand on the razor's edge sometimes i kind of like you have you ever forgot straight up forgot what you were about to do when you were doing stand-up like

have you ever just done yeah that's how i do it so often any new joke it takes me like i'm gonna say it out loud like four times before i even know the beats of it. Or sometimes if it's an old joke, I'll start it and not remember where the punchline is and just have to like figure it out. Figure it out. It's fun. Saying it out loud to myself doesn't help at all. You're talking like say it out loud in a microphone. Yeah, in a mic. Yeah.

Saying it out loud to myself doesn't do anything. That's why like when people ask like, oh, do you practice stand up like in the mirror or any no what i also don't want to see myself you never know that last the last thing i want to do is watch my if i had to watch myself do comedy i would never do comedy oh god i had to do i did a show where this was like when things were starting to open back up and we were doing stuff indoors they had plexiglass hanging in front of the stage to separate one of those and i just you just watched no it was it was in portland at al's den you just saw a full-on reflection of yourself for 30 minutes sweating and i was just like i can't concentrate on the jokes because i just see my body oh i know what you're saying dude they had

that at um at um analog too the whole side of the venue was a mirror so you got a profile of yourself i hate that shit i didn't have you ever done it where they have like a camera on you and they're broadcasting you on a tv as you're doing stand-up yeah so you can just look up and see yourself on tv it sucks not cool all that stuff's so weird dude to see yours it's so much different than being an event a band i feel like not anyone a band but i feel like there's a little more vanity maybe in a musician where they like yeah because they look better and they just look cooler we just don't look like there's like it takes a lot of confidence to get on stage so like anything that

rocks it is like oh god yeah no i i never thought about that yeah it is crazy unfortunate when you have to see yourself and then some people think it's cool no i don't i wonder if that works with like with um exotic dancers if you will because there's mirrors all over and those motherfuckers like if that i think they're selling a different product yeah i wouldn't mind looking at myself if I was hot like that. You're very attractive. Everybody on this I'm not going to speak for myself. The three people

I'm looking at are extremely attractive, so I don't see why anybody would not want to see any of you. I don't think that I'm stripper hot. I'm okay with that. I didn't say stripper hot. I said extremely attractive. I didn't say hot. There's a big difference. No, y'all are hot. I i would yeah i'd get lost in my own image if i was working the poll you know i don't want

to be looking at the people staring up at me i'm i'm inspired by how i look too up here with stilettos on you know throw them on you just got to be it's about projection yeah i'm inspired by your first pick being asked to do a podcast and having the topic switched just before you draft fantastic way to kick it off my brother now david what do you got for your first pick let's hear it uh the dancing ability of shaquille o'neal he's so big that he shouldn't be able to be that nimble in light of a dancer and then you watch it like when he's like with the jabberwockies and stuff and like oh yeah like him popping locking think about how much muscle that's isolating yeah like he shouldn't be able to move that well he should like you know a

little joke about it absolutely not problems let alone like be so nimble shaq's like light on his feet yeah he is yeah he's got a good shimmy too he dances he makes a bunch of tiktok and ig videos dancing with his he don't he knows all the tiktok dances he knows all the tiktok dances he dances with his hips yeah old athlete still using his hips like that like come on man do you think you'd be more attuned to tiktok if you didn't like maybe secretly need it or think you needed it for work like if you shack has just like got a kid and he's just out there having fun so he's like up on tiktok do you think that's just because he's having fun and he actually enjoys it i think he's having fun oh i think that my reason against tiktok is a lot of like

grounded in a lot of uh shame about my silly job i don't know man i don't i don't think it's i think it's like really complicated if you're trying to pull that back that onion yeah yeah i do enjoy tiktok like do i want people actually come buy tickets to come see me i don't know the dancing ability of shack where did where was like his dancing ability introduced I think he's always our games bro yeah he's always kind of done it though but it's like I think after retirement he's sort of like what was the Jabberwockies thing no that was when he was in Miami right yeah that was like 07 or something like that when he came out with the Jabberwockies so it's like it's always kind of been on display he's just like shack is one of those

guys he's like a jamie fox to me where he i really think shack could do pretty much anything besides saying big shack fan huh i just think he can do i don't he can do it what can he do well he didn't do that movie uh kazam very well was that i movies you got? Shane? It's coming. I never saw that movie. I'll tell you what he did do was rap in the Foo Schnickens and it was fine. He was good in Blue Chips too. He was amazing in Blue Chips.

I heard Shane rap the other night. What? Shane's got track. Shane Brennan or Torres? If I heard Shane Torres rap, David, you would have heard about it. Shane Torres on a mixtape, dude. I would have been FaceTiming you. Why did you open with that?

The cover of our mixtape is me and him. We're like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover on The Lethal Weapon, just back to back. That's who we are. That's our mixtape cover. I have heard Torres rap, but it's always super gross. You know when he does that? Where he's like, milk and poo milk in that new pan i'm eating your jizz it's like you're like it's four in the morning i'll be damned if it doesn't get me laughing every single time it's hilarious but it's so gross that's people how gross shane torres is he'll just be saying it's like in my butt you

dirty slut yeah yeah yeah like walk into like a plaid pantry i can always tell when he's had like the right number of like whiskey gingers because then he gets all he gets like boisterous texan starts talking nasty yeah yeah frisky frisky yeah shane's got shane's got bars man i mean i'm the one on spotify i'm the rapper that's on of the high north portland crew i'm the rapper who you can find on spotify i'm pretty sure rachel pulled my old mixtape up on spotify as well you have an old mixtape yeah i got a whole look i lived a life tape surprise i lived a life there it is big surprise do you is this okay that we talk about this yeah i'm fine with it i mean you know that guy's you know i left him in the past you know

but uh i think i think he left you in the past if we're being honest if i'm thinking about rapper shane i'm thinking of like a white fitted hat some type of a large striped polo shirt. Oh, yeah. Keep going. Is that right? Keep going. I can see that for sure. You're right there. They're like Air Force Ones. What color? Ooh.

White, and then the secondary color, the color of the check is the color of your polo. Bam, you know me well. I think you were nice like that. You know me well. I got the whole, I can see it. I really can see it. Where are you getting them colors you dyeing them or what

you know Sean texts me like somewhere out of sometimes out of nowhere I just well if you'd answer the question I could stop I don't know

I just you had like a Tuesday afternoon are you dyeing them I'm just you get them somewhere you dyeing them because if you're buying them I'll get them

I don't even know how to dye shoes so no I'm not very DIY get them somewhere? You dyeing them? Because if you're buying them, I'll get them. I don't even know how to dye shoes. So no. I'm not very DIY. You're not very DYE? Boom. What are we doing? There it is.

Bars. Bars. All right. Let me make sure I wrote it down. David, the dancing skills of Shaq, yes. Extremely surprising. Yeah. I'm going to hop in with the third pick, and I'm going to pick Surprise, Arizona.

You guys ever been to surprise arizona of course you know i've never been to surprise arizona so the reason i'm picking this the reason i'm picking this feathers in surprise arizona of course there is there's a i'll be there next week there's a toby j keith said roost in uh surprise so we were we took a trip to vegas one time this is one of the most surprised i've ever been we We took a trip to Vegas and it was back. I don't see them doing this too much anymore, but back when they used to have like smut magazines and they would have like smut flippers on the street,

like people flicking cards and stuff. Oh yeah, the card guys. They would hand you all these dirty magazines and stuff. So we filled our entire car with, my entire car with like centerfolds of these dirty magazines, like wallpaper almost. on every part of the the dash and everything in the back window we just had spread open magazines and we were in arizona and we were in we were at a grocery store and we were parked in the fire lane and this a cop came and knocked on the window and i rolled the window down and he he was like

he said something to the effect of like we're the surprise police and i was like window and i rolled the window down and he he was like he said something to the effect of like we're the surprise police and i was like what and i didn't believe him because i didn't know what town we were i did not know i had no idea and i go you're the surprise you're the surprise police what does that mean and he goes we're the surprise he said it again or something and i was like what are you talking about and then he said that we were in the fire lane and we had to move and i was like no why i don't know what you're talking about you're the surprise police then i think it took me a minute to put it together that we were in the town of surprise arizona and we had put some dirty pictures even over the knobs on the radio so like and he goes get that smut out of the windows

and then we thought it was like a stripper that's what i was thinking you sean jordan we're the surprise police just flipping smart cards no i had no no clue what it was uh because i think i think it was like properly before internet i mean well before it was like we were probably 19 maybe the 19 20 on the internet yeah at the oldest so i'd we were using a rand mcnally still so we just stopped in a town and had no idea like a thomas god yeah like an actual which that shit's fun man it yeah it's fun to like keep track of where you're at on the road and look at the road map and like i don't know i mean it's not convenient but it's fun it's fun to route it yeah yeah yeah just go

through and like old shit like that yeah well even before you would just get the big the flip open yeah like the big rand mcnallyally that went in the backseat mesh thing, where you're like, give me the Rand McNally. We're lost. Yeah. Anyway, surprise Arizona. I tried to get on this MTV show. Party Stories or something, they interviewed me.

I told them that story, and they were like, okay. That was it. So surprise Arizona. And then my next pick, i'm gonna pick i was very surprised when i found out that matthew broderick was the voice of simba i had no idea until i was a proper adult that that was matthew broderick right he's the voice of adult simba oh oh yeah and jason weaver did the music because you know there's a black person frying that chicken little black guy yep i remember him he was a saucy little dude big brother on smart guy he was the guy that sang like can't wait to be king and stuff yeah did he for

little little simba or big simba little simba Little Simba. Does Big Simba have any songs? Yeah, they do Hakuna Matata. He transitions into Hakuna Matata. There's like, did he sing in Can You Feel the Love Tonight? Didn't he sing on that a little bit? Even though she carried it mostly. But I just, I didn't know. Can You Feel the Love Tonight to me is an Elton John song. Let's see what they are.

All of them. I remember that. To me, it's an Elton John song. Let's see what they are. Yeah. All Elton. Yeah. I love that part. And Tamar. Tamar and Pumbaa, they had a verse on there, too. I remember that. Oh, did they? Shane, we're rappers, and it's called Bars.

They had Bars. Oh, my bad. I have a mixtape. Several tracks. Well. Several tracks. Oh, several tracks. It's on that piff.

You can still find it. Go i don't know if 5 000 people listen to my song but 5 000 devices have listened to my song so you know you gotta get a dat piff spot that's right yeah dat piff for sure yeah surprise me with what dat piff is real quick all night it was the premiere place for mixtapes all right they they had free mixtapes that you could download like every week there was so many mixtapes on there harris was hitting me with some of that stuff like oh i don't know around like 15 maybe he'd just he'd he'd send me like weekly mixtapes a lot of r&b in there i digress i was very surprised i'm talking about mixtapes from the rap not like tapes that you put together though like the rappers in the deep oh he was

sending you like fully made but okay fully on like yeah links to like these mixtapes that were coming yeah yeah yeah uh anyway i was very surprised that uh matthew broderick was adult simba's voice i didn't find that out honestly till like five years ago so that that shook me uh david round two next surprise hit me uh okay so this one is not this one is very personal uh fighting out doing stand-up comedy for the first time and it working oh yeah i didn't i didn't i didn't bomb my first time i didn't't bomb until like three, four, five times in probably. Weird flex. Cool, man. Good for you.

Can I tell my story, Shane? I'm sorry. Speak your truth. Can I tell my story, Shane? Speak your truth. Speak your truth, dude. Speak your truth. No, but I just like, man, I did it, and it was like, i don't really know how to explain it because nothing ever nothing in my

life has ever lived up to the hype or i've never felt that like safe and like this idea of like oh this is what you were looking for i never felt like i was gonna be okay more than after the first time that i did stand-up comedy and it worked yeah it's like uh i don't i don't like i'm not like prone to like i don't even i'm not like prone to like feeling that like i try not to like go too crazy on either one side or the other of anything but that was like i like walked to the back of the room and like i thought i was gonna start crying like i had to just like get to the car with my sister like it was like really fucked up it was that thing that you hear i don't know i've never had anything like that where you just first time and you think oh this is what i'm supposed to

exactly what it was i couldn't go to sleep i couldn't go to sleep i was like because i was sleeping in my mom's garage at the time and i was laying in my bed and i just like couldn't go to sleep i was like because i was sleeping in my mom's garage at the time and i was laying in my bed and i just like couldn't go to sleep and i was just like it was like my life had never seemed to have any type of direction before that and then i did this one thing and like all of a sudden i saw life for myself you know what i mean i remember like when i was young not like because i was going i was just like i remember being 20 and being like i don't know how this is gonna go till 30 like i just don't you know what i mean like i just don't even like yeah like it's so nuts and everything's so crazy i was like i don't even i just don't know how i can keep this going i i couldn't figure out a way to carve out a life for myself that i know exactly what you mean it's yeah yeah yeah yeah and then when you when then i did this thing and it was like all of a sudden was like potential or because i didn't go

to college i didn't i never had a good job or nothing so it was like oh here's this lane i could hit and make it work i'm gonna like go od on that and that's uh it was and it was surprising because i didn't even think it was gonna go good to be honest i thought it was i thought it was gonna gonna go bad yeah well yeah i think everybody well i don't know i'm torn i guess like secretly you think you're gonna be like a savant you think you're just gonna absolutely murder but then not the first time for sure for me when i got up the first time i i was like cocky up until the day of probably until i got there till I walked in and then you're like oh man I had no idea I was one of those like I didn't even write jokes I just had some ideas I'm like I got it man I'll just bullshit like you know the age old idiot thing when they first go up and they're like I'll just riff and it never ever ever works I got booed off stage or no I didn't but I like I finished early I had a gray shirt on I mean think about it and i had so much pit sweat that it soaked up so it was like so heavy that and it just started soaking up so it made like sweat circles yeah i like i was like it was insane and then i got

on stage possible scenario i drank a whole pitcher of beer out of the pitcher like an animal like i just i it was on stage no no afterwards i was so nervous i was so shook that i just uh i drank it it didn't even feel it and uh and i was like i was terrible but i was very much addicted because good or bad if you go do that if you go try that as soon as i got done anyways i was like oh i can do that so i gotta keep doing that because that's awesome it's like a feeling like there's not really i don't have any other live performance is like a different i mean i'd ask if sex was like that but you're not married so i'm not gonna obviously you wouldn't know come on now

come on now i appreciate it come on now look i've done a lot i've done a lot of both of those things and i still choose stand-up yeah over you want to talk about having purpose i feel you david i mean that i would that that story you just told that's a dope origin story like i would watch that pilot episode just to see oh thank you just to see where old boy's gonna go you know sleep in your mom's basement get on stage apparently killing the first time like some fucking weirdo must be saying it was it was it was uh i didn't yeah nothing had ever felt like like i felt it felt so good i was worried i had done something like it almost felt so good it felt like i had done something bad does that makes it like you ever done something real bad and you're just like

yeah like sex before marriage yeah like that yeah i know what you mean i've done a couple real a real bad thing or two where i was like whoa yeah like where you've done a real bad thing and you're almost like why are the cops here right now like why am i not immediately in terrible terrible trouble that's like what it felt like it was like disorienting like yeah i got all discombobulated i didn't know what to do so i just had to leave like i just like left and then i was in and then like nobody saw but my sister and she was like she was like you're gonna be really good at this and then i almost started crying i had to like run to the basement and just like like like decompress you know yeah yeah well i would watch that pilot but instead of watching that pilot i will watch royal crackers instead that's

what i will do you're welcome i'm out here i'm gonna do it doesn't exist i'm feeling sharp today i'm feeling hosty this is you're doing a good job you're doing a good job i don't ever feel hosty so this is fun what a surprise anyway uh shane bring it up two and three as it is a serpentine draft my friend get it i feel like david hit us with such real shit i think i'm gonna get extremely real on one of my next picks by the way i can't i don't know what my next pick is surprise surprise i gotta come with something of equal weight i'm gonna say uh hooking up with somebody and finding out the sex is good for the first time okay because it's always a risk it's always a risk you It's always a risk. You know what I'm saying? Because you're going in.

Look, thank God I'm married and I'm with my lady. Because it takes a while to get to know what somebody else likes. And it's been so long since I've been out there in the streets just being as dirty as Shane Torres. You should have done it in beds, dude. That's your first mistake. You should have went in the bed, not in the streets just being you know as dirty as shane torres you should have done it you should have done it in beds dude that's your first mistake you should have went into the streets you don't need to do it in the streets you could get a hotel i'm glad you guys are both married i'm not i'm not sometimes i i'm not jealous or envious of some of my single friends because i i feel like it's terrifying when i just looking to see how what what they

have to go through when they're just trying to like you know engage with someone and hook up or do anything like that and it's just like sex is for the most part terrible when you're hooking up with someone for the first fucking time you know so you know when it does hit that shit is it's like finding your purpose you know what i mean i wish you guys could see the smile that just came across shane's face like you know i'll remember he's like remembering all the first hits yeah like he's playing the greatest hits in his mind right now my jersey is high up in the rafters but i was an all-star baby you know you just remember those days after that mixtape dropped. The rap life was different from the comedy life. We'll say that.

I can only assume. Man, my rap life is the only life I know, so I'd love to be able to identify with you on that, but all I do is think about rap. I got the one song just because If It Ain't Broke, so I don't know if I'll ever put out song number two. No, I get that. The song number one should be enough for everybody. I get that. I totally

understand that. Dude, I swear to God, when I was... Ian ian asked me he's like before it came out he's like do you think it's going to be like the next thrift shop secretly and i go yeah secretly well then not like that but like just a crazy viral sensation because you're like you got to think that on some level about everything you do a little bit you know well i think you ended up more closer to mclemore than you might think uh i will i will say that about 5 000 listens closer you know i'm talking about 5 000 devices either way about every device i got i got all them devices proud of all of them that could be a million listens just like only on you know no i don't think that i don't think he works so numbers don't work that way

they literally track every time i'm pretty sure it's like devices so like if 5 000 different people play it why imagine 30 40 times a day on their phone i gotta be in the millions but i would i would understand why you want that rap song happened before pandy and then pandy kind of put me in a dark place so i didn't want to write like a dark rap song because i'm no no no that was like your em Eminem relapse time. How you doing all those voices? That's why they call it windowpane. I've been trying to figure it out this whole time. You know that's David's favorite rap lyric ever?

I bet so, I've heard. And then there was this song by the Ghetto Boys called Don't Wear a Mask that they released early, early 2020. That's not real. No, it's not real. No, no, no. Yeah, finding out that you uh that you hit the lottery the first time you lay with someone in the biblical sense as it were

uh third pick wait for who me oh yeah serpentine baby remember you gave us that totally dope explanation about looking for cereal on the top shelf, then the next shelf, and then the next one. Thanks. What is the top shelf? The top shelf is where the boobs are. The cereal boobs. Oh, okay. Surprise. Oh, I got a personal one.

That last one wasn't personal? No, that was, you know, I was speaking for a friend that was business oh fuck this is hard okay business all right all right it is all right i'm having a really difficult time yeah but it's fun it's interesting because i did like i'm sweating a little bit i'm nervous it's like you do that a lot you know stop it stop it stop it stop airing me out i'll air myself out yeah you're gonna need to with all that sweat man it's hard being a rapper dude come on hit me with something rizzy having uh being uh received like being on the receiving

end of a surprise party there you go that's a real thing that happened to me one time in my life and i always thought when i saw it in like tv shows and movies i was like how the hell like if you really know your friends and your people how are they able to just plan and plot and do this and then you just walk in and surprise like you you must not really be tapped in to your people and then it it happened to me. And, uh, how old were you? Oh, that was like 24. Who said it?

That wasn't like a girlfriend or like, yeah, yeah, it was, uh, it was, it was an X. And let me tell you the first time we smashed.

All right, calm down. Buddy. Top shelf. That's where the boobs are. Yeah. It was dope, man. A a surprise party i got all teared i cried and shit because it's like sweet because it's like all right it one i like a party two it's

just like oh when you realize that all these people are here for you and shit and they're like they put up banners and shit there's a whole cake and everybody's like singing happy birthday when you walk in and it's just like man that's it's it's a whole cake and everybody's like singing happy birthday when you walk in and it's just like man that's it's it's really heartwarming and then you know and then you get drunk you know and then people have to remind you i'm gonna have a surprise party later today i think yeah it's like two surprise parties man that's pretty good that's damn that is a good one it's never happened again and that kind of bums me out to know that the people in my life now don't care enough to try to give me that kind of feeling well i've never had i don't think i don't think that that's the way that you should look at that's the way it is you know yeah i don't

think that it's fair it's been almost it's been over 10 a decade since i've felt that kind of love from people in my circle but it was nice that it happened once you ever been part of a surprise party like planning one no I don't do that shit I just was this a couple weeks ago you were yeah with Mel we surprised Mel surprise police you just showed up on Mel and just, we were like, he thought he was going to get a drink with Sophie. And then we were like at this rooftop bar that's really fancy. Oh, yeah. I saw on IG.

That shit looked wild. Yeah. I'll take you there next time you come. Yeah. Hang you off the balcony, dude. Yeah, I've never had. Shout out to Mel. That's the Blasian homie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Big Mel. The first time I met him, i think it was at your place and when he walked in the room it felt like that spider-man meme of two spider-mans pointing at each other oh yeah you guys were two asians with black it black with two blazians with curl fades like you could see him like sniffing around each other i was trying to get each other's smell yeah and then finally finally mel was like hey uh what are you mixed with what are you next to it it was funny because he walked in and dave was like you guys know

each other right you guys don't know each other right she got a newsletter or something yeah in my personal life, I'm very racist. It's endearing, actually. I try not to go overboard. Man. David's been doing this nice, speaking of surprise, it's always nice to get a text message out of nowhere from one of your buddies. Come on, man. wear from one of your buddies come on but it's also always nice that your buddy starts to do a bit where he only hits you up out of the blue to be very mean to you with other comics that you know

that's like the only time i hit you up david's been hitting me up with pictures like other comics that go to denver to do shows he'll take a selfie with them and they'll both be just flipping me off or saying fuck curl fades or some random shit like that and i'm just like thinking about you too bud that's not are you talking about with blanford talking about with everyone okay girl fades no i mean katherine we were in montana first of all and we were having fun talking about our friend shane and then what do you want you want me to send a video of her being like i love shane much. He's such a nice guy. No, it's two in the morning. We're all

drunk in Montana. You're going to get a middle finger. It doesn't mean we don't love you. It's just how I talk. Well, there are other comics, too, that you've done this with. I'm just saying. It's a nice surprise. It's a pleasant surprise. I'm just hearing the term curl fade for the first time in my whole life.

I mean, you can put it together. Yeah, expect to be surprised with that a few times tonight. Curl fade this, curl fade that. It's getting spread. Yeah. Some other people might be bringing up your curl fade by the end of the night. Who's to say? It's not the best curl fade. I say Jason Tatum has the best curl fade

in the game. Yeah, that's pretty high up there. Yeah, it's up there. What's pretty high up there. It's a good crow fade. It's a nice crow fade. Alright, getting a surprise party. David, what do you got? Round three. This is so hard. Thanks, Mel. This is so hard.

It's not as hard as I thought it would be. Honestly. Really? I'm having a tough time. The first two came out easy. I mean, Shaq's dancing was perfect. What are you talking about? That's what I'm saying.

The first one came out easy. The second one had to work. And now this third one, I'm going to say like, this is a very specific thing but like have you ever had it when somebody exhibits a skill that you've never seen before so we were it was my buddy's birthday and we went we went to uh we went to this bar to go dancing and this guy that we don't we know him but we don't know him all that yeah we know him he just busts out swing dancing yeah like it's crazy great and everybody was like what the fuck man and he was like oh yeah that's what i did over pandemic and like that's always like when you see a friend that

you didn't know had this whole gear and you see them go into that gear it's like the most exciting you know what i mean that's wild because don't you need a partner to swing dance don't you need women yeah he's dancing with women he wasn't just like it was like and it was like he didn't say anything he knew we were going to the roxy the whole night for soul night he knew he didn't say anything oh i bet he was stoked all night to bring we just walked in we just walked in and he was boom on the floor and you're like whoa or it's like the first time no because you had talked about skateboarding i feel like nunchucks are like a lot of people when they give me a pair of nunchucks they're like we i knew that that was coming before i saw it

it'd come up in a couple conversations i bring up my skills more than i think i do and then what do you just have a lot of skills you got a diverse toolkit no i know what you mean i've seen my buddy paul we were at a wedding and he just started he's like a great dancer and but none of us we're just all like none of us are good at that stuff and we're at a wedding and he just starts actually dancing and then we all just stopped and watched him and we're like no uh yeah we all suck at this dude or you have a friend who can just like you didn't know but they speak mandarin that's crazy not mandarin but it's like when someone's like fluent in french or something and you're like stop yeah yeah yeah i was surprised i was surprised to find out that uh like canaan is a pretty good roller skater.

Is he? I didn't even know that. He can stand on skates. He doesn't look like a guy who should be able to roller skate. And he has his own skates. I'm sorry to put all his business out there. I can't wait to chop this up. Kyle, if you're listening, you know you look like you can't roller skate.

He doesn't look like a roller skater. Meanwhile, I'm out there just doing the cross. Like, I'm out there. Yeah, dude. The sneaky skills aspect is. Yeah. Seeing a friend this way. It's like so fun because you're also like, look at my friend.

Being supportive. I like that. Yeah, you got to. It's not all just middle fingers at two o'clock in the morning, Shane. In Montana. In Montana. That's a good one. I like that. You would have liked liked that bar that's also what i was thinking about you would have looked it they had like uh mermaids in a tank what it was like it was a crazy bar right did you check

no it was like it was like the bar bought up to i guess to a pool and it was totally clear and they had ladies and mermaid suits like swimming around oh shit in montana where in montana was this uh new bear uh great falls great falls okay i gotta check that out all right i'm gonna bring it up with three and four uh my third pick is going to be one of the most like shocking kind of relates to your stand-up pick david but one of the most shocking things that i've ever felt is the first live show that we did all three of us in austin that there was a line around the block remember that that surprise to me was some because i was scared is the wrong word and nervous is the wrong word but i was i was so afraid of being like let down for any expectation that i had built up

for myself of anybody being there not that if there were five people there if there was one person there it would have been dope but the fact that there was the line around the block and there ended up being a couple hundred people there i've never like i'm getting goosebumps now i've never felt like that had never happened to me before nobody had ever turned out to see nobody ever bought tickets to me the the one time that happened was when i was leaving portland we had our going away show but that that was you know that was kind of like a a gimme like more of a party than anything i never had anybody buy a ticket to see like something i was a part of and they appreciated like that so that was crazy it was also like it was also like i had never yeah i had never i had done shows where

there was a line around the block it was never for me so like when we were walking up and people recognized this it was like that was what is going on like you know what i mean like they're like hey guys and i'm like oh no no hannibal will be here later or whatever yeah yeah no dogs outside i'm not i don't even smoke weed dogs out there you want me to go get them i'll maybe get a picture that's that's what here can i get a picture i'm like sure give me the phone i'll take it and they're like no you go ahead and get in there um that still blows my mind now when people want a picture i'm offering to take photos all the time another thing about this austin show though is i feel like and correct me if i'm wrong mars but i feel like it was one of

the first times that you like got in and because you organized the whole thing like you got our pics got the drinks and everything brought them up to us it was it was so gnarly because we were drafting cocktails and the idea was at every cocktail I would get that cocktail from the bar and bring it up to you on stage. David thought we were going to drink 15. At least five drinks deep. It was so much fun. Plus we all had our own up there drinking.

That's wild. But it was also... We have since learned that maybe that doesn't help a live show be amazing for anybody who wasn't there. Everybody who was there had a great time. But yeah, it's like there's a better way to do it now. But at the time, that was like, I'd never done anything like that.

I had done plenty of big shows, but I'd never been the reason anybody was there. I didn't even know people came to podcasts when that happened. Like, are you kidding? I thought it was some goof i like yeah i just did it because ian was like hey you want to come on this thing i'm doing sometimes that's what i want in no way did i think would there would be shows that people would go to and stuff like that i was on a plane with spike lee on that trip so i'm out that was doing it it was crazy so just yeah just that that feeling uh and my fourth pick uh uh we're gonna get to it right after this short commercial break oh this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way

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may apply and we are back welcome back to all fantasy everything i'm about to make my fourth pick shane shane why is your face all weird you don't like this don't say my name with that tone raise raise raise your tone fix it hey hey curl fade curl fade all right i'm done man i don't usually get to see marissa's face when it happens curl fade my fourth fix is gonna be the ending of the movie seven that shit was surprising i was just gonna take the movie you piece of shit damn it that was tell me that was surprising damn it of course god damn it God, let's get a family. That was most of the time in a movie you're like, oh, sure. I did not see that coming at all. If you haven't seen Seven, spoiler. It's been years.

He cuts off G-Pal's head, and it's in the box, and it's insane. Because they don't show it to you. They use your mind. What's in the box? I remember that. What's in the box? Don't come around here. John Doe has the the upper hand that shit chills me to the bone still because you're like damn morgan freeman has to admit that this lunatic got the drop on him for real

and then i don't know it's just so and then the double surprise when he's like become wrath and then he does it you're like damn he did do he made his masterpiece he did it like you know just the worst the worst ending but such a good movie it just surprised the shit out of me that i know we've discussed enough no yeah probably on the movie seven but i'm just saying you still pick a movie dog it ain't it ain't nothing like that yeah i'm gonna pick the movie i was gonna pick anyways okay i thought i thought i thought you were upset that he picked seven like you were also gonna pick that that no i was hoping we could all pick from different categories. But that's a lot.

I understand. It's all fantasy, everything. We know who we are. A movie was going to come out. Yeah, I'm surprised it took this long, honestly. Probably going to be from 1990 to 98. Yeah, there's a good chance of that. Probably some type of a blockbuster.

Something that we say we watched watched on like a sunday afternoon yeah dude yeah always a movie just old enough that i don't understand any references at all there you go have you seen seven uh actually i haven't i i knew of the spoiler already though so it's fine okay seven's a good one it's a good i mean you probably haven't seen them too have you ever heard of the show seventh heaven yeah no that's a spoiler boom look it up um anyway ending the movie seven david what he got number four anything the usual suspects oh a couple spacey joints unfortunately when you put it together and you watch him and he sees all the stuff in the room and you're like no no no no

he's like a great bill you mean when chas like as soon as as soon as space he leaves and chas is kind of glancing around the room and he's like wait wait what what and then you cut to the dude he goes guys are so say and then you see like the shot from the ground up where he loses the limp as he's walking yeah you know the craziest part about that i heard it in a lox lyric before i ever saw the movie and i just never what's on he said uh uh last day when he says set you up like kaiser and walk straight at the end i just never knew what he meant yeah and then i saw and i was like oh marissa have you ever seen the usual suspects? I had started it and then I fell asleep.

That's okay. I get it. I get it. Nice. But I, yeah, here has a crazy ending. That's worth watching.

It's like the twist ending. If you ask somebody like, what's the, what's the twist ending in cinema? They'd say that that's like the big one, right? I don't know. I'd probably say that's like,

I don't know if i'm big cinema i think that i'm right so i'm gonna say that also got harlem knights is a good movie david's got a harlem harlem knight shirt on you've never seen harlem knights watch harlem knights the first half of the movie some of the funny shit you'll ever see in the second half is just good it's all good great anyway i digress uh shane the main vein, coming at us with his fourth and final pick to round out the entire surprises draft. You've been a good sport, man. This has been a wild one.

I mean, listening pleasure. I want people to have fun when they're listening, be surprised themselves. I feel like I'm just now getting into the mode of it, swing of it so me too it's like it took a long time shouldn't have left i'm surprised it's almost over yeah there you go you see that see what i just did you can count that no i'm not counting that i'm not okay i was i mean you could well this is tough because i can either bring up i can stay in the movie lane like you guys did, but just attack it in a different way.

Or I can go with my heart and do kind of a callback to the last time I was on this pod when you guys did the live one. Oh, God. When Drake stole your life? That was... If you don't take this, you have two picks left.

I do? Yeah, you got your fourth and fifth pick. Oh, okay, four and five. All right, well, I'll go with this. Yesterday when we went to go see John Wick at 11 a.m. too early, I saw a trailer for, I think it's the last installment of Fast and Furious. I highly doubt it's the last, but continue. Okay, well, I'll just say this.

I'm surprised that movie has gone on for this long. There you go. I would not have seen that coming. That is perfect. That is some of the most surprising shit. How? How? If you would have told me after the first one that, what's the old boy's name?

He died in an actual car crash? Paul Walker. Paul Walker. No, Paul Walker. This is going to go on to like 10 of them and the lead in this first one he won't be around also ludicrous and tyrese you don't know them yet but they're gonna be in space first of all yes i did and then like and then it's like at one point in time they're gonna fight a submarine i think and oh dude they jumped the towers in dubai they

haul a bank vault Across downtown LA I would have been like What What the fuck Are you smoking How They have Helen Mirren

And Brie Larson I mean Oscar winners It's Yeah Crazy I don't think anybody Could predict the

Nobody really knew Who Vin Diesel was Before Fast and Furious Started No I'm going to A Fast and Furious Themed birthday party Tonight And I'm only seeingious started. I'm going to a Fast and Furious themed birthday party tonight.

I'm always in one movie, but I'm very excited for it. Do you have to get dressed up like a character? Or a vehicle? No. You've never seen one? You've never seen any of the Fast and the Furious movies? I've only seen the first one. That's arguably the least

Fast and the furious movies yeah is there anything you think i should know going into this party like any references that i may have missed not having seen nine of them or eight of them paul walker says the second one it's just family and corona really yeah you're getting everything else kind of rock john cena jason statham it's like it's i remember the first one when we went because we went to the premiere to kind of like i don't know voyeuristic like we just went to watch all the dorks that we thought were there like all the car dudes back in sioux falls because they were at the movie theater parking lot with their hoods

popped and we went i guess kind of like ironically at the time now i realize it's a great movie and they're all great movies but at the time we went to just be dicks and make fun of people and I still had a good time but I never in a million years would have thought like yeah this can't wait till nine more of these till they're getting every famous person like they have the rock is probably the most famous movie star on the planet and his main tent pole is Fast and the Furious it's just it's crazy to think about when that first drop that ruin it took me years to recover to to get my credit score back to to good because i was in college and i went to go see that movie with some buds and they had all the cars in the parking lot and later on that week me and my roommate and two of my other friends went to go buy ridiculously overpriced cars.

Like, I bought an Evo at one of those places in Mitsubishi Evolution. Oh, you were one of those guys. At one of those places where it's like, good credit, no credit. It's fine. Just come on in. And it was just like, do you have a down payment? I was like, how much should I put down? The guy was like, don't worry about it.

We're going to make sure that you're covered. And I drove that shit off the lot. And then got i pulled up in my parents house like yo look what i got my dad was just like what was your apr i was like what i don't know he just says all i gotta do is pay 475 a month and i'm good he's like do you got insurance i was like what do you mean i'm on your insurance he's like no you're not i had that car for like i had that car for a smooth like four months and then they just came and took that shit on the college campus just took it from me dog it was great you know what i always wondered about the evo was it actually a fast car or was it one of those

cars the kids just say are fast i remember my boy man aren't i peter great that's so he had a picture like he almost got to a fight somebody take a picture of him on someone else's eva because i remember he put the picture on my space and was like you know i look sexy on the evo and i was like but like everybody like that whole time period i just remember everybody having real opinions on what cars were fast but never seeing anybody drive them well the thing is none of them are just fast as is off the lot you got to do a bunch of tuner stuff to it and i just didn't do any of that because i didn't have the money but i was like everybody just saw this movie they saw this evo i have an evo i'm gonna make so many friends at this school it didn't do any of that because i didn't have the money but i was like everybody just saw this movie they saw this evo i have an evo i'm gonna make so many friends at this school it didn't happen

so many new friends i'm gonna hit the knots me and my friends oh dude my buddy all of a sudden after that movie came out only knots i had in that car was the energy drink that looked like a fucking nos tank that's all i had in there we we knew some car guys so like my buddy had an acura and he had nos tanks in it straight up like actual blue nos tanks and we you know it probably this wasn't whatever we were hanging out and he goes do you want to go drive do you want to go drive and hit the nos i'm like yeah and i definitely wasn't in driving condition how about that so you were driving he let me drive it so the freeway was right there it was like three block the freeway the interstate you know um so we got on and i'd never i honestly didn't really believe it and then he like he turned the you know and you could feel it just

like kicked in a little bit it wasn't crazy but definitely feel it we went like 110 that was the fastest i've ever gone in a car and it was nuts it felt cool i'm not gonna say it didn't feel tight yeah i didn't believe i didn't believe in that i like yeah it was just so much stuff in that movie when you were like it was like it made all these car people over because i feel like people used to be influenced by movies more than than they are now yeah sure you know what i mean like that shit came out and it was people's personality like immediately yeah what we there was the car shop it was excessive auto sports i think but i'm i might have told you guys what a great name yeah dude i'll shorten it up a little bit but what long story adam and i were out like just

causing ruckus one night we flipped some kids off because we used to just do that to get kids to chase us you know and um these kids chased us and it was pretty sure these kids called some other kids because by at a certain point there were two cars following us and i'm like how did that happen so we ended up going down this dirt road kind of scary for a minute because we almost did get boxed in then we turned around ran lights we're really trying to ditch these kids and i ended up having to like go through this ditch and i got high centered on like a sewer canal and it popped a hole in my muffler and so they were sitting there and i was like i'm sorry whatever and the kids like whatever don't talk shit and they just drove away thought it was all done i went to get my car fixed at excessive like a week later and the kid sitting in the lobby he goes you look

familiar and i was like yeah my buddy and i we flipped you off the other night and you chased us all around town and uh he goes oh yeah don't do that and i go no i'm probably not gonna do it too much anymore but it was funny how civil we handled it in the we were just in the waiting room at this auto body shop and he goes oh yeah that sounds right i'm like yep sorry are kids still that reckless with cars? You remember like... Yeah. We were crazy, dude. It's the same. Like, just like getting in cars and then like driving around trying to find people and shit. We used to like... I feel like cars, it's less of that now. It's less time in your car because your kids are more organized because they know what's

going... Like, they know where their friends are going to be. Right. Yeah, you're not just cruising around looking to get into some shit anymore, I think. That was the thing. Because we would like... We'd just get a 30 and roll around you know what i mean or like booze cruise yeah we would i remember i would i would always want to race people but i didn't have a fast car so i'd always get beat but then i'd be the kid who's going like 80 down a residential to like

trying to pass that person not like none of this is good but i'm just saying we were lunatics now that I've gotten older like man this is how I know I'm an old man we just got some speed bumps in the neighborhoods and I'm so I'm jealous of other streets other blocks around my neighborhood that have speed bumps

because I don't have them on mine and I just see these kids zooming up and down my street and i'm just like i'm just shaking my fist quietly in the window in the front of the house oh you don't know how many times like little dickheads man yeah you know what nonsense kids play on the street i say shit like that now i'm like there's kids that play on the street okay dude last summer when i was walking walking max around the hood cars had whipped by me you don't know how many times my hands went up in the air.

Just ready to be like, I hope they come back around. I got some words. That was all I was going to have were some words, but I had them. I wish these kids would just slow it down. Just hot box in a parked car. You don't need to go speeding anywhere. Just do it old school. Roll the windows up.

I know you can just down the sun. Sound like an arc. Let's just cool it while we're ahead. And hit us with number five. Close out your picks. Shane, the main vein. I was surprised to find out that

I was surprised to find out that Drake wasn't hiding his son from the world. He was hiding the world from his son. He really had to bring him up, huh? I don't think I'll ever be able to do this pod again without bringing up Drake at least once. I think when Pusha T and him were having that, they were battling going back and forth, and Pusha dropped the bar that Drake had a kid.

It was amazing. was yeah as far as like battles in my lifetime that beat because i think i still think pusha he did he did get him and i'm saying it was like i'm super famous to grassy video let me make sure i got it so you're saying drake wasn't hiding his son from the world he was hiding the world from his son correct is that your pick all right i just want to make sure i word worded it right oh yeah push it back to it though push you got him you got it you got it it's also like what do you mean he's a baby he doesn't even know what's going on in the world that doesn't that's not the time to hide him no i feel like that was a cop-out but i'd oh 100 neither here nor there um no fantastic david what do you got? Number five?

All fantasy, everything. Surprise. Well, it's just because it was like. Oh, like what it's become? Completely. Yeah, it was just, we were at, it was at Bridgetown, and me and Ian were kind of drunk talking about the new Kendrick Lamar album, and Ian was like, he was like hey i'm gonna

have this new podcast when i get back to la i i think you should be on it sometimes and i was like okay and he explained it to me and i was like oh okay whatever dude you know what i mean like you just don't think anything like i was like yeah fine sure and when we just kept hanging out and then just like it i what are we like seven eight years later like how long you guys been in it what's never i've never had a nicer surprise in my whole life then because what about your daughter i wasn't surprised we definitely tried for it for that um but we like and it just it was so cool because it was such a fun organic thing still is like we're and people say it but like it's maybe

it's a little more rare than I thought that people are actually friends and they do something like this but it's nice to actually be real friends and then do this together it's fun it's the best it's the longest job I've ever had besides stand up yeah dude yeah and

that's the thing too it's definitely the longest i've ever done anything but it doesn't feel it feels completely natural because you do all yeah you do all kinds of other stuff while you're doing this because it you know barely takes any time which is tight and it's also because we always do it like this especially since pandemic especially since pandemic is like i really don't feel and that's why i like it so much i don't feel the the size of it right i just feel like i'm catching up i get to see everybody and then we're done and that you know what i mean i don't really yeah i don't i don't know how many people list i don't either i don't i mean it's what does it matter. I don't either. I mean, it doesn't matter.

It's fun. It's the best. I never did want to. I don't care. When we do live shows, it's always still a trip to me because I'm like, fuck. This is, I don't know. I'll stand outside for hours. Anybody who comes to a show.

When you guys did Rev Hall, was it like two nights or whatever it was? And sold it out? That was fucking nuts. Yeah. Well, Carville did stand up one of those nights yeah yeah yeah sold it out but yeah what the packed house for afp is insane it'll never be lost on me ever ever ever ever thank you thank you thank you i just spent i say i can say thank you for like another hour fantastic my last pick is going to be how much how easy it is for me to cry i didn't see that coming when i was an adult i didn't see that i was just gonna be i mean not bad it rarely is it a bad cry i just cry i'm i just cry at all kinds of happy stuff all the time all the time when did

that start happening i don't know man i can't really pin it uh you know because you were like you were like a gangbanger for most of your life. Thank you. Thank you. That's a bold statement. You were out there. I love that you said gangbanger. Gangbanger.

I'll take that. I was banging. And now you just cry. Like, that's a good. The arc of that is very interesting to me. Could be some deep, deep trauma in there. But who's to say? Didn't deep deep trauma in there but who who's to say uh didn't you cry yesterday at john wick that's wild no did i i don't think i did i think

you might have i don't think i did spoiler alert sean cried at 11 a.m at john wick oh yeah you too coward i'm gonna drive for a half hour it was was so far. Shut up. I'm sorry. I'm going to eat at Lizzie and some popcorn and hang out with my buddies and watch John Wick tear up Paris, dude. Paris is never going to be the same. That movie didn't even happen in real life and Paris is different. I'm telling you. John Wick. Anyway, that rounds out the draft. Marissa, what's a big surprise?

Hit us. Yeah, I was trying to think of like a nice, pleasant surprise in life. And what I really love is when you order some fries and then they accidentally like throw in an onion ring with your fries. Dude. How do you do this? That's good. That onion ring has never tasted better. Oh my God.

That is incredible. That's a good one. Yes. That's a good one. That's perfect. It makes me wonder like how often are they doing it on purpose just to brighten your day or how often it's actually like an accident when they're taking out the

fries I want it to be on purpose sometimes dude who doesn't just well I told you Adam and said this but Adam and Joey used to go through subway and they'd get their whole sandwich and they'd put their hand over their face and be like and one banana pepper and then they just have this person put one banana pepper to surprise them on the sandwich that's like russian roulette but with your

sandwich but like a good one yeah in your mouth like a good russian roulette we don't you know you get a banana pepper to the dome instead of a bullet that's a great pick uh yes or like uh similarly like if you order chicken nuggets and they throw in an extra nugget. Oh, God, dude. That happened to B-dubs the other day. They give me like two extra wings. I don't know what that feels like. That would be dope. Oh, this is unrelated.

I just had Wingstop for the first time because one just opened up near me in Canada. They only started opening up like last year in Canada. Wingstop is incredible. I had such great wings there. No one told me that Wingstop was good. Marissa, we've talked about Wingstop. You're on board. We've talked about Wingstop is incredible. I had such great wings there. I love it. No one told me that Wingstop was good. Marissa, we've talked about Wingstop. You're on board. We've talked about Wingstop probably a hundred times with you.

I guess I thought he was more like a Buffalo Wild Wings sort of tier, which I don't even know what that tier is. I just thought he was like some kind of like lower tier chain, but I was very impressed. Buffalo Wild Wings is subpar to Wingstop. Yes. I will say that wingstop kind of dropped the ball a little bit when they started to dabble in the chicken sandwiches that's brand new though that's like a month old they're back though don't do that to them i'm just saying stick with what you know all right uh let me recap here so to uh to recap the draft

shane you went first you picked being asked to be on a podcast and having the topic switched just before you draft hooking up with someone and finding out the sex is good getting a surprise party you're surprised that the fast and furious is still rocking and you are surprised that drake is hiding his son from the world oh wait you're surprised that drake wasn't hiding his son from the world but he was in fact hiding the world from his son no the other way you are surprised that drake was not hiding his hiding the world from his son from the world, but he was in fact hiding the world from his son. No, the other way. You are surprised that Drake was not hiding the world from his son, but in fact he was hiding his son from the world. No, I think you just said it.

Okay. David, you went second. Oh, yeah, you did it. Sorry. David, you went second. You're surprised at something a lot easier to say, which is the dancing abilities of Shaquille O'Neal. Doing stand-up comedy and finding out that it worked right out of the gate. Someone showing a skill that you had no idea that they had sneaky skills if you will uh the ending of the usual suspects and in general all fantasy everything fantastic i went

third i picked surprise arizona and there are snitch cops uh matthew broderick being the voice of adult simba uh our first live show, extremely surprising to me, the ending of the movie Seven and How Often I Now Cry. I don't think we left too much on the board or we left everything on the board because everything can be surprising in its own right. Yeah. You care. I think we did it.

Shout out to Shane for being on the show. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, guys. Thanks for having me. That was really fun. Yeah. You know what? I'm surprised that you guys over the years have allowed me to be a part of this with you guys and hang out.

You guys have been doing this for seven, eight years. Seven years. I stumbled on this pod before I moved when I was still living in LA and before I moved to Portland before I knew you guys. It still living in LA, and before I moved to Portland, before I knew you guys. So it's surprising to be here and have friends that will text you at 2 a.m., flipping you the bird, and getting to know you guys.

Let me cook. Sorry, cook, cook. Let Curlfade do his cooking. And I'm just saying, I'm surprised that you guys are the homies now, and I love you guys, and thank you for letting me do your pod. This is great. You guys are dope. Damn.

I'm surprised you're not worried about getting an S-curl on those headphones. Bitch. Yeah. Marissa cut out everything Shane just said because he's weak. Yeah. I'm not surprised that Dave is an asshole. It's cool. All right.

No, back at you, man. It is great. The love is real. I'm thrilled about it. That's going to wrap it up. shout out to everybody who rocks with us shout out to everybody on the all fantasy everything patreon shout out to everybody on the all fantasy everything subreddit uh anybody rocking with us listening shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to uh everybody having fun on this well i guess it's a thursday but we're recording on a friday shout out to everybody having fun on this. Well, I guess it's a Thursday, but we're recording on a Friday.

Shout out to everybody putting positive energy in the world. Saturday, Sean. It's what day ever it is, dude. It's a Saturday. Well, I think it's... It's definitely a Saturday. I saw John Wick on a... Does it hurt more that it was a weekday at 11 a.m.? Yes.

I digress. Shout out to Haji Beach. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Frank Yoshen. And more important than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of... But you know what?

Shout out to Ian, too. He's missed. Shout out, Ian. If you listened to the whole episode, if you listened at all, thank you for everything you do. Yeah, man. You're the shit,

and I love you to pieces. That being said, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clack-handy! again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything shakalaka that was a HeadGum Podcast.