All Fantasy Everything - The Beach (w/ Kurt Braunohler)

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbara Ann.Episode Guest:Kurt Braunohler (X @kurtbraunohler, IG @kurtbraunholer)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting The Beach. Our guest today is our good friend, stand-up comedian, podcaster, just general all-around wonderful dude, Kurt Braunohler. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is recording from the living room because he double booked the office with his wife, who is on a Zoom with the French embassy.

Whoa. I mean. Similar to what you're doing? You doing stuff we're in different places hey you're only in competition with yourself and you're a highly successful wife my highly embarrassingly successful well we were like well i've got a podcast to do and she's like i have a zoom with the french embassy i'm like i'll get my things. What situation would you ever have to speak to an embassy? It's only if I lost a passport. That's the only time I could imagine the embassy is worried about what I got going on.

The embassy reached out to her because they want to collaborate with her on a project about Napoleon Bonaparte. Clearly. Clearly. I think because they're mad that Ridley Scott has tainted the image of Napoleon. Oh, the French are mad. They're so mad about that. Also, he got like basic facts wrong, apparently. Yeah, I didn't love that movie.

I haven't seen it. I was really excited. I saw it in theaters even. Yeah, me too. And then I was like, like ah some of the battle scenes were cool yeah when that horse got exploded yeah i'm pretty sure we all thought that set the tone for the film it did not i saw it with my girl and we were both like oh shit is that one of the facts they got wrong it went went on to be a love story. Yeah, you can't explode a horse with a cannonball in real life.

Not in the first 10 minutes. That's the bar now. That's like, I still have Sour Patch Kids. They better all be exploding from here on out. Yeah, they're going to blow up all kinds of animals. You start thinking, they got stuff other than horses in France. We're going to see all that shit. Exactly. I'm going to blow up La Renard. That's a fox, right? you start thinking they got stuff other than horses in france we're gonna see all that yeah yeah yeah i got it from wayne's world sean were you gonna ask that's where i learned most of my french i didn't want to say anything because i also did

just like the super fun ground or whatever we were talking about we're hearing the same stuff david the super fun site super fun site yeah yeah that's everywhere we record it yeah you're a super fun living room dude i just snorted that was a crazy snort oh yeah this is a good start thinking of snorting joaquin phoenix makes noises like a horse sort of like pause at the ground before he goes and has sex with his wife that That was a cool part. Yeah, nobody else does that, right? Yeah, we don't do that. We don't act like a stallion before we have sex? No, we don't.

We don't pick dirt up like a bull. No, I do like little cat stuff. We've prepped ourselves up animal style in the bathroom before. You know, that's what... I do beaver stuff. i just pat her down with my you build a dam i build a damn pillows engineering really gets it going for you hey can you eat beaver tail is that meat in that tail i don't think so i know that there's a

canadian treat called a beaver tail which is like a pastry with like chocolate on it oh okay yeah it's just like a flat it's like uh like a fritter but it's flat and it's i think it's got chocolate on can you eat hold on hold hold please i'd be shocked if you could eat a beef i don't know what a beaver tail is if it's like all yeah why would you be shocked then well because i thought it was like all all uh the same it's all rubber and leather leather. It feels like a slapjack or whatever those things are that truckers carry. Not only can you eat it, beaver tail was a delicacy amongst mountain men.

Of course it was. When? A lot of things were a delicacy. I know. So was lady. When Giardia was big. Back in the glory days of Giardia, it was a delicacy. it's a great source of fat and this dude who still eats it to this day simply grills the tail over high heat cracks it open gross and then there's fatty goodness inside that's what i kind of was

figuring yeah they love eating it on alone oh yeah, yeah. Oh, you like Alone too? I love Alone. Man, I love Alone. Sending some emails to Alone, that's a good afternoon for me. That's exactly what you do to Alone. Oh, man. And then you cut in. There was one episode, and this isn't an Alone podcast, but I do want to say, I quote this a lot. There was this one episode where it was like, he was like six seven weeks in and he was really going

through it and he was like i miss my life i miss my wife and he starts crying and he goes i need my wife to tell me i'm her hero oh man yes i think about it a lot am i misremembered does somebody kill a moose Oh, man. Yes, I think about it a lot. Am I misremembering? Does somebody kill a moose on that show or an elk or something? That does happen, right? A musk elk.

A musk elk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Musk ox? Musk ox. And he kills him with a fucking pocket knife. Right. Just running up and like shiving him and then running back and then running over. It's crazy. That would take a while.

That shows like nothing and then it's something for five minutes and then it's nothing again. It's the perfect pace. It's real. It's like a reality show, right? Yeah, they film themselves and they're all alone and there's 10 contestants and then usually the winner goes like 100 days.

Yeah, and it's great because it's not like Bear Gryllis where they're not just And there's 10 contestants. And then usually the winner goes like 100 days. Yeah. And it's great because it's not like Bear Gryllis where they're not just like peeing on everything and drinking it, you know? Yeah. It's like really they're just like just trying to survive. It's great. The fact that they don't know when the other people tap out is such a brilliant twist on it. That's so smart. There was the last, I don't know, I think it was episode 10. It was a dude. It was a Latino dude. I think he was Mexican, but he was just like right up front. He's like, I'm not filtering my water. Fuck that. And then he's like, I don't need to. I live in Mexico. I just drink the water. And he's just like literally drinking it out. And no one else does that. And then at like the seventh week, he was like i'm gonna stop eating now he's like now i'm just gonna starve any fucking what like i can't say i can't say what happens

but i don't know i just did didn't i yeah that's all right he said most of one yeah is he the guy who was like he had survived a war or something like he'd come up to me i'm thinking of a different guy there's a lot of interesting backgrounds yeah there are a lot of interesting people. That dude who had like a massive heart attack. You know what I mean? That dude who survived The Widowmaker and then went out there on alone? Yeah. That was crazy. That was season one, right, I think?

I don't even remember. It's so deep now. Season one was such a shit show compared to the later seasons. My favorite is when they have the people who are so good. They had this one woman who was so good and she wasn't even like, she was going to win. Like she had a house, she had tons of food. She had so much food and time that she was like making ornaments for a house and stuff. And at one point she's like, I don't think I want to do this to my body.

I'm tapping. But like was totally fine could have won the whole shit and she was just like no my body's telling me this isn't right i don't want to do it anymore yeah and they're like oh man i love i love i feel like the person who gets that comfortable out in the wild like they're probably doing pretty okay back home too you know what i mean with it like that i feel like that person is like it's when the guys have the money on the line where they're like, this would change my whole family. Losing isn't an option. And then he trips on one of the fucking beaver traps he made in his ankle sprain.

He's like, I can't believe I'm going home in four days. He's not even a survivalist. He's just a guy who liked the Giants a lot more than he should have been. Well, hey, Sean Jordan A man who would do fantastic on alone Sean Jordan on Twitter Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram

Other than the Canadian Tundra Where can people find you? Seattle with you, September 23rd Definitely not September No, it's February 23rd, holy cow This might be Sir Isaac Lee. This would be

the last week of February. February 29th. This is February 29th. Arrowhorns over that first part then, Isaac. And New Orleans March 8th and 9th. That's right. Comedy on State last weekend in March with Kyle Kinane. Also

we have a release date for the special. It is March 21st. It's going to be on Patreon. It's called Girl Dad is what we landed on. And really what I'm doing is I'm going to put it up on Patreon for X amount of dollars. And if you want to buy it, that would be amazing. I self-produced it. Laura did everything. She directed it, edited the whole thing, all that stuff. So it's like a real homegrown type thing. And I'm aware that you support, everybody supports Fully already so much. So what I'm doing is I'm launching a Patreon page and I'm putting out a bunch of free content. So I'm going to do a podcast essentially where I listen to my first album track by track,

and then I go through and give a little like behind the bit type thing. Just explain where they all came from, any funny stories that might have happened to inspire the bits. I'm going to have some friends on there that you all know, kind of chopping it up with me. And then when the special comes out, the week of the special, I'm going to do the same thing for the special. So I'm going to chop it up, track by track, give you any like, you know, scoops, tidbits, whatnot. So, uh, that's all to come, but the Patreon page is launching today. It's absolutely free to sign up. You get free content. So I'll post about it. If you feel so inclined, sign up for it. I would be grateful. And you all are amazing. Brilliant. Anybody coming to a high note? You want to pump

up? Those are going to sell. It's tonight, but it's probably sold out. It's Young Zach Toscani. If you waited till today, hate to tell you, but you ain't getting tickets. There ain't another train coming. Ain't happening, baby. David Bordy is here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Not on

Twitter. Not on X. Sometimes rolling on X, though. No, no. If you recall, that's never been my I don't really like the way that it makes me feel not your drug of choice Molly even as well it's like

too much for me you know what I mean I'm like yeah I don't yep I'm with you yeah cool anyways yeah tonight you can watch the show royal crackers on adult swim and then it's streaming tomorrow on max and watch all those episodes uh there's some dates coming but i don't know what they are right now and may 5th i'm also doing a show for my birthday yeah uh in la

yeah you're gonna be there for a week no oh okay i'm gonna go in and come back out okay all right i was gonna say i'll come okay all right no i'm this is a text not a podcast yeah this is great uh anyways yeah watch that tv show you know it's so fucking funny i can't yeah i'm excited man thanks season two is crazy Kurt Braunohler is here Femme Noire continues where we have guests who have never been on All Fantasy Everything before Kurt thank you so much for doing this

thank you for having me at Kurt Braunohler on Instagram the bananas podcast where else can people find you? and I love my kid you and Megan and Chris that but yeah you and megan and chris right yeah yeah that's a podcast you can listen to with me and chris garcia and megan gailey where we talk shit on our kids i don't care for either of those people but i would for you i will for you thank

you very much thank you thank you two famously uh of the most disagreeable people in comedy yeah nobody nobody likes hanging out with those guys uh where can people see you uh do you think oh well thanks let me tell them it's uh march 1st uh i'm doing an hour at the elysian in the los angeles area oh lovely and then um bananas is doing live pod April 18th in Seattle, April 19th in Portland, May 3rd in Chicago, May 4th in Madison, May 5th in Minneapolis. And then I'm going on, I'm doing a couple of dates in Canada and in Grand Rapids on the Bert Kreischer tour, uh, in, uh, March, March, March 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th. Yeah.

Are you ready to play 55,000 seat arenas? It's going to be crazy. Like, I don't know. I've never played an arena. I did a bit with Kristen at Radio City Music Hall once back in the day when Flight of the Concords was touring and she was opening for them. So we did like Kristen Charles,les a horse at radio city oh yeah and that's probably i think the biggest i've played and so yeah i don't know this is going to be crazy that's going to be wild i opened for chelsea handler once in like a 16 000 person

arena and that was fucking nuts because like the laughs just come down like they feel like they're so far away they are so far away yeah is it like even slower than doing a theater because whenever i do theaters like it takes time to get used to it you know where it's like you say it and then it's got to come back to you i feel like an arena would be even more of that is it does it feel slow to me does it feel like you feel it rolling out and coming back to you when i I do theaters? Yeah, for sure. Because I was asking Shane Torres about it because he's done a bunch of them. And he he was just like he's like people will still be coming into the space. So I keep that in mind and then just start fast and hard and just don't give up.

Like, you see how Shane has them bring him on uh bring him up on stage sometimes right no have the announcer be like ladies and gentlemen that can't believe he's here tom segura and then i can't believe he did that it's that's crazy tom segura would come to this show you fucking idiots like if he hits him right he does nailed yeah i don't think i could do that it'd be terrified but no it'd be terrified yeah because people it's like an immediate you're immediately dealing with a disappointment right off the bat yeah yeah yeah he's god bless uh awesome so where are you doing the uh podcast in portland the old church oh you oh that's gonna be beautiful i. I'm coming, baby.

All right. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Yeah, man. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, all those places. Pre-order T-Shirt Swim Club, 13 essays about being a fat dude. And then my little sister, a clinical

psychologist, comes in afterwards and responds to every chapter. Pre-order it anywhere books are sold. It comes out June 11th, but pre-orders help a bunch. As far as stand-up comedy goes, you can see me and Sean Jordan in New Orleans at Sports Drink, March 8th and 9th. You can see me at the Punchline in San Francisco,

March 13th through the 16th. Boise, Idaho March 21st. Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon March 23rd. As of right now, there are still some tickets available for the second show where I'm taping my special to me.

And then hopefully it'll be special to you too whenever I upload it on YouTube. I like it every time. It's fun. My special to me. It's my special to me i don't know how special everyone else is the title my special to me or is special to me special i i haven't named it that i'm just that's what i'm referring to it as so people don't be like where are you putting it up and so you don't ever like oh did somebody buy it no no it's just special to me so far the amount of people who act like uh who act like it's my choice where you know where

they're like who are you gonna i'm like i'd i'd be thrilled if somebody's like they're bidding oh yeah i'm like no i'm fighting over it i wish thank you for the confidence but it's uh who are you giving it to who are you allowing to where can i see it on your computer screen on YouTube whenever I upload it. Or whatever. Who knows? Truly nobody knows in this climate. Climate.

Like it's a political thing. But it's special to me. And then I've got another date to announce right now. I'm going to be in Burlington, Vermont. May 2nd through 4th at the Vermont Comedy Club doing stand-up comedy. And just taking in Vermont. I've never been, but I've heard it's pretty similar to Portland, and I'm very excited. The Vermont Comedy Club is fantastic. It's so fun.

I've heard so many good things. And you're lucky to go in May. You're lucky to go in May. That's exciting. As opposed to like a January. I've always been there in deep, yeah, deep January, deep February. I gotta say, I like that time of year in the winter, though. Yeah, it's fun.

It's fun. Yeah, for sure. But so cold. If you live here, you can kind of microdose winter that way. But I'll be there in May. Yeah, I'll be there in May with a light coat. Come see me, light coat, stand-up comedy. You should swim in some lake that some author swam in.

Yeah. stand-up comedy you should swim in some lake that some author swam in exactly yeah every lake in the northeast looks like an author swam there at some point my my wife is coming and she was because we're gonna go to uh uh providence where she went to school and then we're gonna go to new york for a couple days we're going down providence maybe dirty dirty people uh we're going to uh we were like doing a little road trip and she's like oh we can go to walden pond so she's actually very excited about going you were like i was gonna say that we i was gonna suggest walden pond i also want to see the uh indoor mall that buddy cianci had carpeted which is like a mob contract an entire indoor mall full of carpet i would that have you have you ever been to walden pond i never have so so i don't know if it's still

a problem but recently that like is in the summertime it's not huge it's not like it's a pond and so many people go there and swim that they were having like, like a death of like a lot of fish because people, so much piss, so much human. Changing the ecosystem. So just think about that. When you walk around it,

it's all piss. It's all piss. It's a piss puddle. But also, somewhere in there is Thoreau piss, and that's kind of exciting. That is beautiful. You're just adding another line to the long story of piss in that lake. Yeah, Thoreau. Thoreau probably shit in there, to be honest. I bet you hang up in there once.

Well, Ian, your plan was to go. You weren't going to swim. You were just going to piss in it, right? I was just going to drink it. I was just going to fill my cup. I was going to fill an algae bottle and just chug Walden piss. Like that guy on Alone. Those are all the dates

as of right now. Hopefully we'll have some AFE dates to announce here coming up in the summer and autumn. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That was me doing the touchdown thing. Come out and see it. I get it.

Out there on the road doing stand-up comedy. Or doing the podcast. But we're not here today to talk about chugging Henry David Thoreau's piss out of an algae bottle. But instead, to draft the beach. Yeah. I love this idea. I can't believe we haven't done it before.

Well, this is like the 376th or 7th episode. Haven't done the beach? That's crazy. It is crazy. I was thinking about it. Because I was just in Jersey. I was just in Asbury Park. Hometown, baby. And I was at the beach,

but it was so cold. It was so very, very, very cold. And everywhere right now is so very, very cold. Wouldn't it be nice? Yes. Wouldn't it be nice to sit down for this low hour and change and talk about the beach?

And just sort of like wish cast, you know what I mean? Get ready for the things to come. I was on a beach not three weeks ago, and I can't stop thinking about it. Oh, you were? Where were you? Port Nassau, the Bahamas. Oh, it was good.

You were at that. Kurt, you were at that like Sopranos beach where it's like winter there, and they go because no one's there so they can have a conversation. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, the Boardwalk Empire Beach. Yeah. Well, the way we determine the order of this draft where we talk about that seductive temptress, the beach, is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ooh, a scissor. A natural scissor against two paper. Sean Jordan, you are the winner of rock, paper, scissors. And as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft.

And what is that? That's a great question. Like walking up a staircase in a real tall office building because they have the platforms. It's not just like... So you walk up like nine stairs and then you have to pivot a little bit so you're kind of on that side for a minute.

Then you walk back up the other way about nine stairs. On the platform, you stay over there for a second and back up and over and up and over until you're at the top. Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. They get convoluted. Now, Sean, I thought it was a good one.

Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Kurt, you're going first. I'm excited for you to get the first pick. David, second. I'm going to go third. Ian, fourth. Back on the hot corner, baby. Back on the hot corner. The. Back on the hot corner.

The order is Kurt, David, Sean, Ian. And we're going to get to Kurt's pick right after we take a short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

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And we're back. Welcome to all fantasy everything one of trillions of podcasts i'll take the note i took the note i'm doing a new bit here there are trillions i only care about the ones i make money on that's right that's goddamn right which include you get a cut of uh you get a cut of kurt's two podcasts as well yeah i didn't want i didn't want to bring that up. It's up one point on the back end. Yeah, it is a silent partner. I just wanted them to be in business. You know what I'm saying?

Angel investor, no big deal. Big backyard on that podcast. George Lucas and Spielberg produced for each other all the time. Just kind of a friends thing. You know what I mean? Yeah. They called me up. They said, you don't have any kids.

We need your input on this project. I said, all right. I'll do it. All right. Kurt, you have the first pick. Okay. You are from a beach community. You're from Asbury Park. Yeah, I was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, but then my parents got divorced when I was two, immediately moved back to my mom's hometown of Asbury Park, lived there for a couple of years. And then we moved right across the tracks to Neptune,

New Jersey. But yes, so this is what I'm drafting first. A $5 bill to a six year old me to walk eight blocks, the length of Avon, which is where we used to go to the beach, my mom and I, from like the little, from like where the, there was like a children's area. Cause it was like, you know, covered by, it was like covered by a jetty. So there's less waves. We would always sit there. Eight bucks to walk up hot sand, walk underneath the boardwalk and then walk

underneath the boardwalk all the way, the length of the entire underneath the boardwalk and then walk underneath the boardwalk all the way the length of the entire Avon boardwalk to the candy store that was literally like an old Skiles candy store. You would walk in. Everything was like 15 cents for like a like a handful. And it was all in just little like jars and shit like it was 1956. Yeah, there were bootleggers everywhere. I mean, I cannot believe

that it was still like that. And then get like candy, like candy, candy orange slices and licorice and gummy worms and then walk back underneath the boardwalk by myself eating it. That's what I'm drafting first that is a phenomenal

pick was there saltwater taffy oh yeah there was saltwater taffy but i dislike saltwater taffy wow i have a whole bit about it in my like second special um of well yeah fuck saltwater taffy whoa okay i think it tastes like shit. Did it rip a filling out or something? It does not taste like shit. You need to watch it. You need to watch it, man. I also, in the pit, I go one step farther

and I say, fuck fudge. I say, fuck your saltwater taffy and fuck fudge. If I wanted chocolate to have the consistency of a loose shit, i'd eat somebody's shit okay wow all right well it looks like i drew back that one percent have fun with your two little podcasts now david cannot in good conscience continue to he's a moral man i can't be a partner to this slander.

Divest now, David. What if they made saltwater taffy that wasn't saltwater taffy? Like if it was a... Well, Sean, then it would be something else. The flavor. What if they made it into a car? What if they made it into a Snickers bar? What am I trying to say? That'd be great.

What if it was Jameson? It's different flavors though. This is a consistency thing then on the saltwater taffy tip, right? Yeah. I just, I don't, I,

yeah, there's some overall idea of it that I dislike. Ooh. Um, yeah. As a taffy stretcher from way back. I don't love it, but to each his own.

I love saltwater taffy. You were a taffy stretcher? No,, I don't love it, but to each his own. You were a taffy stretcher? No, no, no. It's just like amateur. I would just buy a taffy and stretch it out. I mean, when they stretch taffy, though, I pay a lot to see people stretch taffy. They got a machine on the boardwalk in Asbury now where you can just watch it.

It's behind glass. It's just stretching that taffy. Yeah, I love it. These machines, man, taking our jobs. It used to be. It's like Steve Power. It was part of bouncing back from the Depression, that machine.

It was like a great public works thing. It was a new deal. And I think that's what I don't like about saltwater taffy saltwater taffy tastes like the idea of what candy should be from 1920 like when people were just like we don't really know what candy is and this was their first try and people like oh it's kind of sweet and awful to eat oh we'll take it no It's all we can get. You mean how we got on track? It tastes like how we got back to our greatness? Yeah, that's

how Taffy tastes. It was definitely candy designed to compete with a hoop that you hit with a stick. Exactly. I mean, that part is true. That's my bad. Have you ever been to the beach before? Nice. An's my bad. Jesus. Nice.

An urban hoopstick. I love saltwater taffy. I'm a huge fan of it. I love the machine. I love when you still see the roundest, oldest lady you've ever seen in your entire life stretching it. Which you get every now and then at the Oregon coast. I'll tell you what you get with your taffy when that happens is some good old conversation. That's what I'm really there to buy. That's what I'm paying get with your taffy. When that happens to some good old conversation. That's what I'm really there to buy.

The taffy is free. The conversation costs a nickel, a strangely rural accent at the Oregon coast. Like why you talk like this here? Ask the taffy stretcher about who's taking our jobs. That's a conversation. Nah, that conversation turns.

That's, that's where they, you don't want to pay for it anymore. Now the conversation turns. That's where you don't want to pay for it anymore. I love it like a cinnamon taffy. You know where it's a little translucent? That's a thrill, right?

All that being said, I also love a candy store. I feel like we're getting away from the heart of what you do. They are in malls, though, still. I go to malls. I was in a mall in Vancouver, Washington yesterday. And big candy store Big candy store Where it's like Choose your own

All the gummies You can pull the Sour fruit tape out You can cut your own measurement What was your go-to candy, Kurt? Weirdly I would get those like jellied like half orange slices with the sugar all over them yeah that's those and i would get gummy worms

and i would get um like you could get like loose loose like reese's peanut butter cups oh yeah baby and i'll get like one or one those. I don't like that they come wrapped. When I get a bag of minis, I want them all to be unwrapped. It seems like they still have the panties on them and you're like, what are you doing? I don't like that. He likes his candy commando. Free and easy.

Get this shit out. You know what I paid for. Spirit of 69 flowing through those things. How long was the walk back? And sub question, did you make it back with any of the candy? Or was it all gone by the time you got back? It would be all gone by the walk back. And it would usually be, because there were sections. And this is totally fascinating.

This is just as like the way the beach works. But when I was a kid, the boardwalk was like i don't know like 10 15 feet above the sand oh sure and by the time i left for college the sand was just right up to the bottom of the boardwalk there was no under the boardwalk anymore that's crazy isn't that crazy damn purposeful did they do that to like to to keep teens from getting up to activities under the boardwalk? Or was it like erosion? Because it's HJ City down there. I think, yeah.

So what they do to fight the erosion is that they have a big barge out, and then they suck sand and just dump it onto the beach. So then that builds the beach up. And that building, building, building up just raises the ground. So then you're upright against the bottom of the boardwalk but the walk would back would take like i don't know to me it felt like it was forever but it was probably a eight minute walk that's forever when you're a little kid that's like walking for an hour and a half now yeah like i feel like if something was an hour and a half away that's the equivalent be like no i'm gonna take a

fucking over not not to keep harping on it, but this is such a great pick. The incredible diversity of gummies that you would get at those beach where you're just like frogs. You know what I mean? Just like crazy. Army guys, sharks. That was, as a gummyman, that was always thrilling. Yes, and I would love the Coke bottles.

That's what I was going to say. Those are the best ones. That's a top tier candy. That's a top tier candy. Ooh, that's a good one. That's maybe the best candy out there the Coke bottles. That's what I was just going to say. Those are the best ones. That's a top-tier candy. That's a top-tier candy. Ooh, that's a good one. That's maybe the best candy out there. Cherries, Coke bottles. Oh, the Coke bottle gummies is amazing.

And then sometimes they would have other soda flavor ones, too. Oh, my God. You would get, like, the Sprite. It's like, this is a Dr. Pepper one. Oh, my God. What a thrill. How do they get the bubbles in the gums? Yeah.

Back when my body could handle sugar without my vision blurring, too. Wow, what a beautiful. Dude, I feel like I'm going to pass out sometimes. It's such a bummer. Is that because you slammed a Mountain Dew and went skating? Yeah, it doesn't work like you used to. I'm putting the same gas in a different car. What does it take for you to, Sean, you're still a regular sugar consumer. How much sugar does it take for you for you to, for Sean, you're still a regular sugar consumer.

How much sugar does it take for you to pass out? Well, I don't do sugar in the, pardon my ignorance. There's no sugar in your coffee if you just get coffee, right? Like there's no, okay. So I don't have a, I don't have a ton of sugar. I cut, I cut soda out, Sands Phoenix. I cut soda out like a month ago or something.

I don't eat candy like that really. So I don't really have a ton of i suppose i'm like barbecue sauce and all that stuff there's sugar right yeah chugging dues like up until pretty recently i still will get if i reward myself i'll reward myself with a mountain dew like maybe once a week so say i cut it out as to be not true i'm lied to you i lied to everybody but I have like one a week. I don't, does it feel like it doesn't feel like a good high.

It feels interesting. And I can't do it before. Like if I go skateboard, I can't do it before that. I have to do it afterwards. Cause I get, if I'm doing something physical that takes coordination, I get dizzy and I don't trust myself.

Oh, so it does. It does affect me, but if I'm just chilling, like driving, for example, something that takes no coordination, I'll just chug them out and do.

Chugging a dooski? You driving off doos? Sean, chugging a dooski. Yeah, dude. David Borey, time for your first pick. Not as specific as Kurt's, but this is always like the first part of the beach that gets me, that excites me so much.

I'm taking the smell. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Like when you're getting there and like when you're getting close and you start rolling down the windows, part of the beach that gets me that excites me so much i'm taking the smell yeah oh yeah absolutely yeah like when you're getting there and like when you're getting close and you start rolling down the windows and that's just that smell of the ocean and like that feeling of anticipation and like oh we did it we got to the you know what i mean because you yes you only start smelling it when you're right up on it like it's not like like living in the east side of los angeles you can't smell the ocean no you know that would be a cruel trick how often you get to the beach you're like well i guess i'm gonna like fly to florida or something i might go if it smelled like the beach in glendale

that'd be such a slap it's like the same smell everywhere though the beach in miami smells like the beach in nice france smells like the beach off of the coast of Oregon. It's just that same comforting put you in that zone. Like, I love it. I love that. Like, I love when you're, like, in a hotel or something near the beach and you sleep with the windows open. You can smell it. And you can hear the ocean. Yeah.

Yeah. Just, like, the sensory part of it is, like, so big for me. It's like the back of the nose that kind of hits you. And it's like that feeling of coming home. You know, it smells like your mom's house or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a weird, because it always comes in on a breeze.

Yeah. Because it's not just a stagnant. You don't ever get a stagnant beach smell. No. I mean, like sometimes you do a low tide, but that's a different thing too. Yeah. Right, right, right. For sure.

We're not talking about like pond stank we're talking about free flowing yeah it's not it's been yeah it hasn't been fermenting even pond stank in like low tide in a weird way smells good it does yeah you know what i mean like the way manure kind of smells good in a way where you're like i don't know why i like this but there's some primal about it yeah like, like your own farts where you're like, I like my brand. Absolutely. It's the fecundity of the ocean that you're smelling.

You're like, yes. Give me some of that fecunda cheese. Yeah, but yeah, the smell, man. That's what I thought California was. The first time I went to, I think san diego was the first time i remember going to california and the airport is like you kind of just smell the beach when you right when you get out of the airport i was like oh so everywhere in this fuck this is why we went to san diego when i was a kid and i thought that was all of california and then you go to barstow and

you're like oh yeah you go to fresno and you're like oh it doesn't smell like go to Barstow and you're like, oh. Yeah. You go to Fresno and you're like, oh. It doesn't smell like that in Barstow, bro. No. You think it's going to be like the beach, sun, and fun, and what it is is your dentist is in a strip mall. Yeah. Your dentist owed a lot of people in Michigan a lot of money, so we moved to Barstow.

Do you guys know on the stretch of the five, right around Fresnono where you pass that like uh i don't know billion acre cow factory shout out to clara kane she calls it cowshwoods yeah yeah i heard it from kane so it's so sad it's so and it smells so bad it doesn't smell like doesn't smell like manure it It smells like industrial strength manure. It's so upsetting. That's what Sioux Falls...

We have a meat packaging plant in my hometown. I was like, man, they do that in California, too. I guess they do it everywhere. It's so jarring when you do see it for the first time. It's a shitty drive, anyways, let's be honest. It's one of the worst drives. Oh, LA to San Francisco on the 5? It is a lame drive. It's the worst drive. I've taken it a billion

times. It always sucks. But you know what doesn't suck? The smell of the beach. There it is. That's the fucking man right there. Excellent pick. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. Well, yeah, I'll keep it In that same vein let's just go

Let's go sunsets Nice sunset at the beach Mr. West Coast right here Yeah I know man I was over here I almost started drafting the lake Cause that you know Where I grew up And then I started making picks I'm like these are different

This is a different vibe drafting the lake The lake is great the lake is great but it's different the lake is fantastic the lake has a beach but we don't consider that beach the lake the lake beach a beach right we're talking about the coast here the ocean beach is how I thought

if we draft the lake that's a whole other that's a whole different thing because it's lakes are great but they're not the beach I'm not wearing any denim right now. Next time you're on, let's do the lake. But yeah. Anyway,

just as sunset man, like watching it and you know, I've, I've, it's not like I've seen a million, but I've seen a handful where like you just watch the sun go. And you know, when you can see something,

the only way you can actually notice it move is to quantify it is when you have it like actually disappearing in front of you. And it makes you feel so small, but not in a scary way or me. It makes me feel small, but not in a scary way. It's because it's such a beautiful thing. Makes me feel so peaceful. Makes me think again, not in a scary way, but what is the point of all this? Maybe there's something else who's to say, sorry to get so deep, but that, you know, when you're sitting there, you're so relaxed and, uh, and uh with them yeah not step on other picks but it uh yeah just a sunset man looks like you could eat it looks fucking great it's the best time of the beach too when it's like it's the end of your beach day and you're like yes i'm gonna go for one more run i'm gonna get i'm gonna get back out

in the ocean one more time before we pack it all up you know what i love that like or if you're staying yeah yeah or it's or it's like and you're having a drink dust and it's like you're having a drink watching it go down yep yeah it's like the one time in my life where i'm like i will have one of those ipas you know what i mean like be excited about it i don't want it in an old hog mill in the guts of portland i want it on the beach yeah i want like, I'll have one of those obnoxious beers right now. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You drink it slow and you look at it.

Yeah. You did the perfect IPA face. That's what it is. That's what it is. Has anybody ever seen the green flash? No. You know, every time I look for it,

my great grandma used to tell me about it, and I've never seen it. I don't know what it is. What is it? There's supposed to be, right? Yeah, go ahead. You go. Supposedly.

No, nobody tell him. I want to know. The moment that the sun drops below the um the like the horizon site the horizon uh there's like a flash of green and i i don't know i don't i think it's probably just your eyeball doing something weird yeah um but people swear by it especially people in the bahamas people swear by it, especially people in the Bahamas. They swear by it. I was just in the Bahamas. Yeah. Fuck.

I feel like it's one of those from Mallrats, the thing that Ethan Suplee is trying to do. I could never do it either. You got to focus your eyes the right way, and then the shit pops out. The magic eye. Maybe that's the green thing. I like that you're giving him Suplee on that last name. You're making him sound exotic. He should have a call with a friend.

I think it's Suplee. Everybody says Suplee on that last name dude you're making him sound like exotic like he should have a call with the french i think that i think it's suplee everybody says he says i think he says suplee suplee yeah hell yeah dude uh anyway yeah that green flash should really be the cherry on top but uh the sunset just we saw in costa rica like the one time i've been international we're on a catamaran last day of the trip sunset. We're all watching it. And right when it dipped below the horizon, they played, this is how we do it. And it's just as loud, as loud as it could be.

And I was just like, Oh my gosh, there's dolphins, dolphins in the surf. And I'm like, hell yeah. That's so funny. I'll send you guys the footage later.

Who played at the boat? yeah the dudes the Costa Rican dudes well we didn't charter but like whoever runs the catamaran business they were just like we know what you Americans want to hear he knew exactly there's a lot of people who are great at their jobs

that's like that man cause he owned that inn he had done many chartered cruises he'd seen many Americans get misty eyed and he's like okay he tried like a few songs that didn't work didn't work didn't work finally that's amazing and you know me well enough picture me and Adam

right Adam Newarth right next to me picture me and Adam like that's exactly he also read you guys because he's had like he's like he'll look at the crew he'll be like that's a jimmy buffett that's a jimmy buffett crowd i need to play a jimmy buffett song maybe it's a closing time crowd you know what i mean maybe it's like a nine-inch nails like right when the sun dips it's like terrible lies all kinds of crowds but we were a montel jordan crowd i was expecting you to say some kind of

bob marley song right there. That's the, that's the type of Davidson. That's how you know, that guy is like paying attention. He really, because I can't think of a song. I would have rather he it's perfect.

Anyway, the sunset. Well, that's the next, I mean, that's an excellent. That's amazing. That's a great.

All right. I'll send it to you later, dog. I still got it. If I don't got it Adam's got it anyway time for me to do my first and second picks as it is a serpentine draft I am going to take this is something we've talked about on this podcast before it kind of

an ineffable idea but it's beach tired motherfucker that was gonna be my second pick. It's the best feeling in the world. The beautiful tired you get after a long day at the beach. You know, you roll in there, not too early, around like 10, 11 o'clock, lay down the

blankets, soak up the sun, get in the water a couple times, maybe have a couple of those obnoxious beers. You know, you're having this great day, sun starts going down, and you are that kind of like completely and beautifully spent that you get from being just like kind of sun tired yeah you're sun tired you're water tired you feel great like you feel amazing and then ideally you go in you take a shower and then you sort of vibe on that feeling yeah ideally i've had it where i don't take a

shower and it's like oh man that one's a little rougher if you got like sandy salty trunk you gotta get that sand out of your crack yeah yeah if anywhere at least out of your crack yes that is interesting put on some white linen then you're really living i have heard about this i as a like i you know i grew up surfing and so i never would shower after getting out of the water because we would just continue. We would just go about our day. And still to this day, you know, I'll shower like much later in the day, but it'll be hours. And it just simply doesn't bother me. Every I'll in fact, I'll just sometimes I'll just like lick my arm, be like, yeah, we still got it.

Salt still on the skin, baby. Are you out there in like a shorty or something? Or is sand getting in there or no? Yeah. Stuff gets in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can surf? Yeah, I grew up surfing. It's the most...

I skate. I've been skateboarding for 20, 30 years. Whatever. Yeah, I skate. I bring it up. But I don't have the upper body, man. I can't stand up on a surfboard. I can't pop up. And I feel like such a coward. I bring it up. But I've never I don't have the upper body, man. I can't stand up on a surfboard. I can't pop up. And I feel like such a coward. I feel like you should talk to Okay, this is good that we're bringing this up.

Kurt, I think you should talk to Sean because you're tall as shit and you surf. Yeah. And I always thought it was like a height thing, but I think you You're taller than me. I'm 6'2". You're about 6 four right six four yeah man I would if the if the occasion ever arises

it would be a dream to stand up on a surfboard and a tall person would be the one to be with if it ever happens where we're out there it's like he's dating on tinder like if you can give me a pointer it'd be amazing I've definitely surfed I've definitely surfed those beaches that are just you, on the coast right outside Portland.

Yeah. I see people surfing them. I just, yeah, I don't got it, man. It's so nice. It's so pleasant. Can't do any pull-ups. When have you, how recently have you tried to pop up on a board kind of thing, Sean? It's been a few years.

Yeah. Five years, probably, since I was in the position of surfing is it core strength mostly to like get up what is the wobbly man i can't i can't like i just don't get it i don't know i'm sure there's something i'm missing there's got to be something clicking the only actually the arm strength isn't really what you need for the the pop-up the arm strength is what you need for the paddles you know know, and surfing is 95% paddling around. And that is the tough part. And that is what's exhausting about it.

And as an old man, I'm just like, oh, no. I like I have to quit everything if I want to, like, continue surfing. That's how skating I can barely walk when I go skate. I feel. Yeah. It sucks. Getting older sucks. that's how skating I can barely walk when I go skate I feel you it sucks but yeah that beach tire you get the day you go surfing

you know what I mean it's just a really really lovely feeling to feel like you completely used your body that day and even you can throw some toxins in there and you still feel good at the end of it absolutely you're out there ocean and amount. This next pick is in Oregon.

Ask pick. Kurt, I'm sure you can relate to this as well. But this is a dreary beach. I like a bad. I'll go ahead and make my pick, Sean. Oh, no, I was. I was just saying. I'll go ahead and make my pick.

I hope that wasn't your pick. I was just saying. God. That wasn't your pick. I was just saying it's a different beach. That's what I'm saying. I am going to take... Isaac, would you put just like that damn son,

where'd you find this? Except him saying betrayal over where Sean said my pick for me. Thank you very much. Isaac, over everything Ian has said, put like a deflating air horn. Over everything he's said kind of the whole time. No, the whole time. The whole time.

Leave the rest of it. It's too much. It's punitive. I'm going to take a bad weather beach. Yeah. I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't. I wouldn't care if you did.

You can make every single one of my picks for me. I'd love you until the end of time and back. But yes. Yeah, go ahead. I love a bad weather beach. I love getting bundled up, having like a beach house. Cause you can get it on the low.

Cause it's February. Yeah. And like the clouds are rolling in. It's stormy. The rain is like lashing the windows. You're in there all cozy. You got a fire going board games. That's a PNW ass pick.

I like, I love, I mean, it's kind of far. did you ever go to ocean shores did you guys ever go to ocean shores down in oregon no in washington it was just like i don't know every time we went to ocean shores as a kid i felt like it was it's just like a resort kind of like a like a i don't even know what to call it because i was a kid like, I get, it's like a town. Yeah. It's like a beach town.

That one specifically. But the Oregon and Washington, the Pacific Northwest beaches are like dotted with these little beach towns all the way up and down the coast. For us, it was like we would go to Manzanita. Okay. It's like the little island, which is where we would go and like hang out there. And it's just one, you get like dramatic sunsets that way too. Cause the like sky is like full of clouds and that. And they're earlier. So you can kind of like everybody experiences them.

Yeah. Well, and sometimes there's a little sliver right under the clouds where you don't even know it's possible that it could get sunny. And then the sun will go just under the clouds just before the ocean and blast the whole shit with sun. And that's just where you're like, holy buckets. And then and then that you know the waters are a little more turbulent it's it's it's dope and then go ahead no please please nope nope i'm not gonna talk i won't do it and

then like the sand when when it starts to rain on the beach and the water droplets hit the sand and like coagulate it just like in a little like in a little contact lens and then the contact lenses like accumulate until it's all just wet slurry yeah oh I love it so much that's great that was great I gotta go to the beach today not today right I live in Denver

you can see whales from the Oregon coast like just the beach you can see whales that feeling of being warm and safe and sheltered when the weather is like especially bad is such a beautiful cozy feeling and in order being like in oregon washington to a lesser extent i guess northern california to southern california the beach feels like cheating you're just like this is paradise but up in the like where the weather's worse like. You're just like, this is paradise. But up in the, like, where the weather's worse, like, there's this feeling of, like,

this is as far west as you can go. This is the end of the line. Yeah. I love that about the beach. It feels like the end of the world. Every beach. You're like, this is the edge of it. This is the edge.

This is it. You can't run any further than this. And it's like, I don't know, there's something very primal about that in a gorgeous way i don't know i really love that like a bad weather day because you're like you're like the next thing the next land is russia or japan and i mean it's just when you think about it like that it's not it's not like crossing from nevada to arizona or whatever you like that is japan the next land oh it's Well, it's also because you realize it's like, oh, this is what it is.

We're like on the little part. Yeah. You're at the start of like what this all is. Yeah. The little part. And that you're like in this little, you know, this little strip, this little transition

that's not the land and not the ocean. You know, that's like the in-between place. And like it's a transitional space. And like I think when you're in transitional spaces in your life, you know, like after a breakup or something like that, or you or you leave a job and it's like a scary feeling. But then like also opportunity is like right in front of you. And like that kind of feeling is the feeling of the beach as well. Man, let's all get a beach house together, guys. Absolutely. Let's go. Are you telling I've been? Yeah, that's like going to trip to me.

Right after that, I taped the special to me going to the Oregon coast for a few days. Just to impress. Yeah. I also love when the weather's bad it's you don't not go to the beach yeah you still go but you're just like you're like wearing a fleece that you bought at the beach that day that says like cannon beach on it or whatever you know what i mean you're like out there all like triple bundled up and the wind is just like howling it's such a great feeling man i love it i got in the water last time I was at one of the Oregon situations like that. I got

fully in, head under and everything. That's the best feeling. I thought my feet were going to, I thought they were done. I thought I did permanent nerve damage. When I was walking back, I was like, I can't feel them anymore. Yeah. Say permanent nerve damage three times fast. Permanent nerve damage. Permanent nerve damage. Permanent nerve damage.

That was the name of my, yeah, I had a band in high school. Hardcore band, right? No, we were just a folk kind of... Jazz trio? Sean, Mr. Permanent Nerve Damage himself. Time for your second pick. I'm going to go Play and Catch. Damn it!

Yeah, that's a great pick. The Chris Sharpentier special. It taps in America when he's out there. like damn it yeah that's a great pick the chris sharpened to your special he's oh sharpie does in america when he's out there saying out of the water oh man yeah yeah that's a good pick i had that on my list too it is so fun you know frisbee or football are the preferred catches but uh baseball is baseball yeah just i know i don't know the myths you know like for that you got to have three things. For Frisbee and football, you just need the one. Amen.

Fun to have a little Nerf ball. You can get a little wet and then really, like really make it fly. Get that Frisbee catch into the wave. Woo. You're not scared to sacrifice the body. That's the great. Yeah, I'll go over to the middle for the beach.

No, not in the national championship game. Hang me on the drive. I'm Ed McCaffrey Jr. Jr. Always figuring out how to do a new type of game where it's like some sort of weird paddle or it's a curved thing or it's like a slingshot. And you're like, what is, how the fuck does this work? And you're like figuring it out.

It's fun. Yeah, beach game technology is, those guys just keep innovating. The rest of the sports world is like, we're set with our four major sports and the beach is just like, no, there's a little trampoline. You use a cricket ball, a trampoline and highlight mitts.

I'd love it. If I saw some people throwing highlight on this crazy, my nephew. Now it's, it's cool again to like go with a new generation of kids because my nephew is like playing like flag football. And then you go to the beach and like he's so stoked to hook a football around and do all the diving and stuff. And then you can be the old guy playing quarterback. Yeah.

I love it. All-time QB. All-time QB. I'm not running. Not on this shit. There's just something about a football. I'm not splitting the atom here, but even in Phoenix, we're in the pool. Just something about having that ball.

Everybody wants to throw the football around. It's just fun. You can have a casual conversation and just throw the football around. How weird is it? Anytime I see someone with a football. That you don't have pants on right now? Completely nude. From the waist down. down completely and that this shirt is leather you can't tell on camera leather t-shirts yeah we're leather t-shirts now i want like anytime i see someone tossing

a football around even if it's two 13 year olds in the neighborhood. I don't, but I want to throw up the diamond. Oh, yeah. I want to, but I don't want to be like the creepy dude who's like, can I play catch too? But like every time I see it, I wish it was a universal truth that if somebody throws it up, you got to throw it to them. And that's just part of being alive

in the world. And maybe this is a sad thing. I feel like when I was a kid, there were always dudes who would do that if you were playing catch outside. I did a lot. When you were playing catch with a friend, you'd always some dude would, hey, hey. Or like if you're playing baseball or some shit, some guy would come and throw a couple pitches or something. I feel like maybe we got to be the guys to be those guys now. I think we got to.

Okay, you're right. I think you're right. You want to be like the dude who's like, let me get one hit off that cigarette. I don't smoke anymore, but let me just get one hit off it it's the same thing but more wholesome you know yeah yeah i mean i will if it's organic and i have done it where like if the kid looks at you or something you'd be like toss it over here and then because you get to be like go long and you can see them light up but they're like oh because you can throw it a little farther than that other like whatever nine-year-old so you just have them go long

like yeah i think i've done that recent last few years probably toss it here go long uh corollary absolutely and as a kid you were always just like yeah being an adult might be all right yeah i seem cool you're like yeah i could do that that guy doesn't have diarrhea over his mortgage payment right now he's doing he's doing all right all right and he's probably walking away feeling the same thing still got it jake yeah this is how we do it siri play montel jordan beach is also the only place you get that fucked up game where you get the tennis ball and the

velcro mitt the velcro oh yeah that is that is that is because there's always sand in it yeah why I always remember those with sand in it and you go to some kids house and be like yeah we take that to the beach yeah then you gotta like brush it out if you ever want to use it the tennis ball gets wet one time

it ain't sticking the ball looks like a bad afro. It's all misshapen. Yeah. Shout out to that game. Fantastic. Fantastic pick. David, time for your second pick. So this did go bad on me one time, but I don't care because it's always,

especially like for when I was a kid, right? Because I could swim. A lot of the adults I went to the beach with could not. But I'm picking going just a little too far out. You know what I'm saying? That feeling where you're like, oh! Tempted fate. And you're out there and you're looking around.

You're like, I can't. It's just the best. It's like, and you feel it. You're like, I'm in this bitch. You're talking about feeling small. I am in the fucking ocean. Like you can't come. Like as the waves are taking you and you're like, I'm in this, bitch. You're talking about feeling small. The fucking ocean. Like, you can't, like, as the waves are taking you and you're kind of, oh, my feet aren't even there anymore. Yeah, you're getting that, like.

You know what I mean? You're not even getting hit by waves at this point. You're just riding that, like, little, the undulation. Yeah, a little too far out. I could feel myself getting nervous. Is that weird? Yeah, you're a little nervous. It's in my stomach.

Like, I just did it in Bahamas. In the Bahamas where there was like you know there's the buoy line and then like i just like a little bit past well yeah and then like a little and now i'm like out behind the buoy is oh man you gotta show them you're not a mark you're out there past the buoys which is crazy because i did it in hawaii too when me and zach when i went to hawaii with zach but then in hawaii there's just also like an old woman swimming across the current like 30 yards so crazy just like that's what that's her exercise is just she just free swims in the ocean she gets in and every day yeah but for me a little too far out i love it that is one thing i would love to like i that's why i want to move to the beach and i want to free swim

in the ocean every morning as a person ever yeah when you see them you're just like fuck that's the cool i saw in nice france one time this old guy where you were like you're just like you're like that's what this old frenchman does you can just feel it you're like he does this every day he goes out to the beach he free swim he had those little like the gloves you know the free swimming gloves and it was just like man that shit is that shit is like you're right that's a life that would be great just i sweet i free swim every day those people have boiled life down to a consummate you know what i mean they got all the bullshit out of it it's just the good stuff they live by the beach they swim i bet they have like two like two

glasses of wine you know like throughout the day awesome beautifully god but one is like right before they go free swimming yeah yeah loosen up because they're still because they're still a bad boy you know what i mean well they toast to neptune before they get out there but yeah going out just a little too far. I love that feeling. I like that. What a phenomenal pick. Kurt Baranola, time for your second and your third picks.

I'm going body surfing. Ooh. Yeah, dude. Come on. I didn't go regular surfing because it limits who can access it. Body surfing, everybody's going body surfing. Oh, yeah. Everybody's loving it. Everybody's sitting in that little space where you're just like you get the pull you start

getting pulled towards the wave right before it's about to break and you're pushing against it with your feet and then it's just the jump and like the two paddles and then you get picked and when you get really picked up and you ride all the way into the to the like actual sand sand on your face you're like now i look i just went from looking like the coolest person ever to the dumbest person because you got to now pick up just stand up and inch a deep water like you're covered in sand god that shit feels like flying man also when you, when I was a kid, at least, the trunks, like, I feel like oftentimes they would pull your trunks down. Yeah.

You're like, oh, no. My butt's out. I'm like the Coppertone baby. But it feels like you do it and you stand up and you're going to strangers like, did you see that? And then you run back in before they can answer. A little bit of snot. You're like a pure eight-year-old forever. You know you know you're just like there's no being cool in that scene

yeah oh yeah there's not that's a great pick i love rolling up on the beach like a fat little sea lion i love just a little sea lion exactly that's and that's how you feel you're just like i'm a master of the i am one of poseidon's children you know one of the prongs of the pitchfork baby i just watched up yeah that's a great feeling sometimes you get your ass kicked by the wave too oh yeah you're like that was a little strong and you come out like coughing but it's just a minute it's just the right amount of danger to make you feel alive. Yeah. Oh, man. Fuck, that's a good one. All right, my second, my third pick, I'm going sand drip art.

Okay? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good pick. In a sand castle setting. Oh, yes. So, like, dripping the sand across the top,

making little, like, drip castles. I've never even thought of that. Oh, yeah. It's the best. It's so awesome. It's so awesome. Because now I bring my kids to the beach.

So the beach is all about. And there is just like that section where my kids set up. And it's just that's where I spend the majority of my time digging holes, digging holes, and then drip art around the edges. And then, boom, water comes, washes it away, start over. Yeah. of my time digging holes digging holes and then drip art around the edges and then boom water comes washes it away start over yeah and it's that is you could just do that forever it's so pleasant yeah you're like antonin gowdy you know what i mean it's that weird like sort of yeah yeah what a great feeling boy i hope his first name is antonin or else i'm gonna people are gonna fucking

call me out see i can screw it up nobody'd call me out. See, I could screw it up. Nobody would call me out. Anthony. There we go. Have you ever seen, you know that YouTube guy, All Gas No Breaks? Yeah. So have you ever seen the one he does in Michigan for like 4th of July? There is one. So it's a guy.

Oh, I have seen. They are going nuts. It's so crazy. Yes. They're going so crazy yes they're going crazy and they're all drinking it's just like fourth of july on some weird michigan beach on a lake and this dude is like i don't know 20 and he's doing drip art right and uh and then like everybody just hammered and this blonde girl's just like oh this guy look at, look at him. He's such a fucking artist. And then he cuts to him and he's like, actually, both of my parents are artists. Yeah.

Kind of where I get it. And it's just like, it's just drip art, dude. It's just you dripping dirt onto the ground. That's all you're doing. It actually is a studied, it is a studied and composed approach. Oh, it's so funny. It's one of the funniest things. Both of my parents are artists.

My medium is lake sand. I'm doing an installation at Lake Erie later this summer. It's going to be beautiful. Can't you surf on some of the Great Lakes? Is that true? Yes. I have surfed Lake Erie. Nice.

Out of Cleveland or what? Out of Cleveland. or what which what was the cleveland yeah yeah yeah i did it on jonah ray's uh tv show the oh that's right the travel show nice hidden america is that what it was called yes yeah yeah yeah uh trip art fantastic yep david borey Time for your third pick. I'm taking this and this is, it hasn't even happened. We've kind of touched on it a couple of times in this, but I'm taking the, and this happens to kids. It happens a little bit with adults, but not really. I'm taking the beach community.

Like, you know, when you're a kid and you just meet some kids you've never met and then you spend six hours building sandcastles together until it's time to go home and you never see them again yeah and it's like that happens with kids a lot but i feel like the beach specifically because everyone's so packed in so tight you know what i mean that it would just like every time when i was a kid and i really and even sometimes as adults i feel like something about the beach you're more inclined to talk to people or like you ever have it where like you're playing catch and they're playing catch and then it mixes a little bit now you guys are all yeah like all that type of shit it's just like it's like i feel like so many other places we're really not inclined to talk to other people anymore and like it feels

like the beach is like not that as much because no one's pissed nobody's right yes everybody's in a good mood nobody's pissed you're just down to talk to people uh if you're with your girl this happened with me and my girl in the bahamas you know i'm talking to old couples yes dude you know what i mean a couple of people with like a stanley tumbler yeah white wine yeah they're drinking it's 11 a.m that's not my that's not my issue their kids aren't here who cares you know what i mean oh where are you from like yeah just that the something about the beach makes you really open to talking to people when we were in italy uh on our honeymoon we were like that like because you especially like when we were on the amalfi coast where it was like you know very beachy you would talk to these old couples and they'd be like so

what are you doing here you know like oh we're on our honeymoon and they would look at each other and smile and say so are we for about 35 years now you know and then all of a sudden this old couple amazing amazing yeah and the beach brings that out. God bless it. I love it. I love it. Beach buds at every age. That's a great pick. Also when you're a kid, you need friends at the beach.

You don't need them. Sometimes you can just throw yourself into the ocean, but it's like, you don't have your regular crew at home. So all of a sudden you're like, alright, I need somebody to bury me in the sand. And I can't just be my little sister right right exactly that yeah i i love that about the beach man uh excellent pick man this is making me crave the beach in a big way in a big way uh sean jordan we're gonna to get to your third pick, but first, we're going to take another very short break.

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slash all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. We are drafting The Beach with our friend Kurt Braunohler. It's time for sean jordan's third pick as he approaches the green let's see how he sets this up uh for my third pick i'm gonna pick

passing out for a while oh yeah that was on my that was on my list i love just one of those you know an outside nap is can be kind of sketchy sometimes but i feel like the beach it just happens it's just going on the sun beating down it couples in with like you know just the relax how relaxed you are and then just shutting your eyes and actually getting some sleep for i don't think i've ever fell asleep for a long time half hour maybe but yeah it is crazy and you wake up you're like i was fucking sleeping i was dreaming so i know i was sleeping you know what i like about the beach too is like i don't know about you guys i'm a big I'm usually a big blanket person. Like I need something covering me.

Yeah. Yes. The beach is just out in the open. Yeah. It's like a great feeling. Especially to go from wet, lay down to dry off. And then all of a sudden you doze off. Maybe you got like a hot.

The sun's beating down. You wake up and your trunks are dry. Yeah. It's different if you go take a nap on one of those dreary beaches. If you're just in a bathing suit and you're sleeping out there in a hailstorm. That's a different situation. You're mad at God in that situation. You're challenging.

You're Captain Dan out there taking a rest. But there's like, not when it's like a winter time, but when it gets a little inclement in the day while you're at the beach and it's a little windy and you're a little wet. But then you wrap up in a bunch of towels and then you fall asleep on the beach just wrapped up in a bunch of towels. Like that is an amazing feeling.

Yeah. I love constructing a little apparatus sometimes, too. Like you put a towel over a beach chair and put your head under that or like something. You kind of dig a little bit of hole for your back. So you're down in there. You know, I've never thought about that make it like a sleep number match yeah yeah yeah get your little nook build your little nook zach tuscani's good about that when we were in hawaii he did that all the time yeah he's a mad scientist when it comes to leisure he is a beach baby zach's good at the beach it's crazy he ever lived in ohio yeah i don't think i don't

i think he rejected it i don't think he likes well that's back when he drank i mean it's he was like a different person the stories he tells you're like no you did you know it's weird if we were talking yeah this is like a whole stand-up comedian very very funny but anyway yeah he's uh he's got the beach wired yeah all right pat but take them, take a little nap, passing out for a minute, take a little cat nap. I love that. Time for my third and my fourth picks. Uh, I'm going to go with fruit,

dude. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love fruit, dude. Always showers. Any beach commerce.

Love it. Right on time. You're laying on the beach. Dude walks by. He's got pineapple spears. He're laying on the beach dude walks by he's got pineapple spears he's got mango with a tahin he's got like everything you want like a healthy delicious maybe you got some coconut water in there i don't know how big this dude's cart is this is big it's surprisingly big it's like mary poppins bag there's a lot of stuff in there i don't see it a lot in

the oregon coast but on california you see it almost every time you're at the beach yeah and it's just such a welcome uh the east coast version is a italian ice guy okay yeah that's right it just hits on the beach man it hits different than on the freeway you know like oh yeah i always like a like a pineapple spear but on the beach it's like it feels like i'm in a drink you know yeah it's like you're depleted you're like i need that yeah there's like salt in the air too so the salt goes with the sweet a little bit it's so delicious and you're like i need that sugar cherries eating cherries at the beach spitting them in the sand spitting those seeds in the sand you know you're not supposed to but you don't care no we it's gonna grow a cherry tree on the beach and if it does thank god for the

cherry tree on the beach inspirational story fine cherry tree beach you guys are saying the same thing yeah that's a great pig but yeah just the just just it's also good if you bring fruit from home but there's something about that dude where he shows up with this look good because at least in like i don't know i when i go to the i'll bring like apples i always forget to buy tropical fruits so when that dude shows up with the tropical fruits you're like yes you're just in there you're like yeah i miss kansas crunching into an apple i do wonder thinking about what nebraska's old line is gonna do this season uh but i'm like yeah i will remind myself that i don't like guava that much roll up dude complicated i get it yeah yeah

guava is a complicated fruit it's good In Brazil I really got a love for it It's a little musty though I think you gotta get it right on time I think you're right about that Fruit dude And then I'm gonna go immediately to Bad stores This is a

Like Venice area Where you get the t-shirt that says This is the gas tank for a sex machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly right. Female body inspector. Two feet down. Yeah, I'm with the bitch.

Armed and hammered and Mount Andumi. Yeah, dude, the Big Johnson shirts, the Macon Bacon shirts, all that stuff. But less fat, I'm taking. But those as well. But, like, I'm talking about, like, this is a little part of like oregon coast kind of thing too but you get these little beach towns where you walk in there and you're like sure i'll buy like a tiny little alligator wearing a shirt that says you know what i mean like gold beach on it or whatever they they they also sell the sweatshirts the trinkets the doodads all those

little things that are part like a consummate part of especially a beach weekend for me yeah if not a trip to the beach but like popping in there and just seeing all the bad like little are you talking about maybe a piece of driftwood with four porpoises jumping out of it come on goddamn right i am goddamn right i am yes driftwood art yes yeah weird necklaces dude that like leave your neck stained like yeah you can't really wear after the beach because none of your mainland friends will get it exactly there's so many dudes like that at like our high school they'd be like no i got it on the pNL. It's like, who gives a fuck? I know it's like such a special memory to you.

It's like the most precious thing. It's like, this is who I am. And they're like, get it off, asshole. I wear the spirit of Aloha with me everywhere. This puka shell necklace will live with me forever. I'm different now. i wasn't nice to kids that wore those to school either so i guess i'm talking all that no we give the kid out of yeah i was mean to i was like no no they ain't gonna fly that we made fun of shane

in our mid-20s for making a move like that early 30s for me so you know that's interesting because like in in jersey on the shore in jersey like as teenagers that was like part of the style in the 80s and 90s so you would wear like i had like you know like shell chokers right and like that's what like just dudes like cool dudes would wear shell chokers yeah like all the time there were some hot boys wearing like the hemp necklaces with a shell on them when i was in high school right over there right over where trach would be right there dude like a hemp necklace and then a blown glass mushroom pendant yeah exactly their mom is mormon their dad is somehow even more mormon and they're standing there rocking but they listen to a lot of sublime a lot of it yeah uh 311 they show back up to school and they're like yeah my dad let me pierce my labre on the coast like all right uh i'm talking about that stuff i'm talking about a

beer koozie that you cannot get rid of that makes it through six moves with you like it's haunted it just shows up yeah uh but i just love those stories every beach town has like at least one of them you know yeah and seaside in oregon or like canada beach has like 35 of them it's crazy yeah but uh that is my those are my picks oh yeah third and fourth sean jordan time for your fourth pick i like a dog going crazy in the surf That's what I like just a dog Tearing ass up and down the beach I think that's real fun to watch it's like the purest Joy

It's way more that they're just like Holy shit Like they didn't even know it was real until they got there Like we know about the beach when we're Growing up you know whatever however old you are Dogs are just like what no It's the best it's just watching them just rip ass and no one's mad about it like a i don't know like a little golden

retriever or something hairy they can like shake it off i just i love it man oh they love it so much and it's like like where else can they do that there's just seagulls waiting to be chased they can run forever. Everyone's petting you. Everyone's stoked you're there. You can't like, no one's yelling like, hey, get back. It's like, just go. Yeah, go.

You're not going to run all the way to like Huntington. You know what I mean? You're going to come back to me. There's like other beach dogs too that they make friends with. Yeah. It's fun to see. No one's bringing out their Rottweiler. It's usually pretty cool. Like beach dogs out there ready to play this was i i was in ventura

uh at at a beach and and a ceremony like a memorial ceremony was happening kind of like over towards and like honestly a little late in the day for the memorial ceremony to start up on the fucking beach in the summertime. Okay. Late in the day. Like, you should do that. If you're going to have a memorial, like, do it at like 8 a.m. That's a sunrise on the beach.

Yeah. This is 11 a.m. I'm there with my kids. And they start throwing rose petals down. And they're throwing rose petals on the beach and like talking about this person who we're having the memorial for. And my daughter, Olive, is like, she's like, they're littering. And she's like, they're littering, Dad. And I was just like, no, no, no, they're not.

They're not in this case. And I'd like pull her back. But then while they're doing it and they're like talking about this guy, this this golden retriever runs up and takes the biggest shit, right? Like right where they're throwing all of their rose petals. And then the owner is so embarrassed and the owner runs up and like picks it up into a bag. But then literally,

I just, I'll never forget this, puts it in the bag, grabs it, and then just yells at the people who are having the memorial. Got it. And then walks away nice of them though I'm glad he cleaned up after his time

oh yeah they're just like no Stephen was a big dog shit guy so it's all good oh that's so funny yeah that's great I mean I can't imagine the scenario for a human but if you showed me something that i didn't know existed that was just perfectly made for what i want to do like run around and get buck and a little bit of water like they they can be in as much water as

they want yeah it's uh yeah it's not like jumping off a dock where they're in the lake like they can just kind of dip their feet in the bathtub a little bit. I love my cats, but the idea of bringing them to the beach does. That's the exact energy I don't want. Leave that shit in the house. I am one of the most stringent. I am one of the most...

I love cats so much. I'm a big cats over dogs person. Not that there has to be a dichotomy, but that's who I am. But when I see a fucking cat in the wild on a leash. I'm a big cats over dogs person. Not that there has to be a dichotomy, but just that's who I am. But when I see a fucking cat in the wild on a leash, I'm like, get that the fuck out of here. What are you doing? He doesn't want to be here.

No, the cat doesn't want to, there's a cat on a leash dude who hangs out at the black elephant coffee. Yeah. Near where Kurt and I live. And every time I go there to write, I'm like, I'm not getting any good jokes out today.

Not with a cat, not with a cat not with a cat leash dude yeah um david time for your fourth pick so this is this is similar to sean's pick but it's a little different i'm taking uh just weird wildlife but like not dogs like you ever been on the beach and you've seen a pelican oh yeah or like if you're out swimming and you see like a little school of fish darting around or like when i was in hawaii we saw a sea turtle go by or like or like or if you're lucky enough whales just like any like why it's like it's the wildlife that you feel like you never never see so when you interact with it at

the beach it's like that much more special, you know? Dana and I did a little trip to Mexico. We saw two sea turtles fucking on the beach. Yes! Sean's favorite genre. I don't know. Do sea turtles have sex like the turtles in the zoo? Because if they did, it'd be the funniest. Did they sound like

an old man moving a couch? They weren't making any noises, unfortunately. They were just looking at you yeah they were rolling around on the beach like he was like take notes what's that and i want to fall in love oh steve chris isaacs that's not chris isaacs is it yeah and uh is it chris isa Pretty sure. I would bet you. I'd bet. I'd go up to $10 on that.

Is it something game? Twisted game? Something game. Maybe Twit. Wicked game. Lover's game. Wicked game. Wicked game.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, that video was way too informative for me when I was like eight maybe when I saw that video. I was like, whoa. That video was so horny. These turtles were... Anyway, these turtles were doing that on the beach.

That's what they were listening to. Yeah. I love it. I love seeing the weird. I'll get seals sometimes just poking their heads up out of the water while I'm surfing. Come on. When they're just like back there, like, oh, it's just great. And you're just like, you've just been underneath me?

And you look at it and you're just like, oh, my God, it's such a dog. It looks exactly like a dog. Yeah. Yeah. What a beautiful little visitor that they've given us to play in the ocean. I know. Yeah. So many animals look fucked up. If there were like fucked up animals

that came up to you while you were surfing, that would be a bummer. Like an angler fish or something? Yeah. He's just excited, but he looks fucked up. Instead, you get sea puppies just checking you out. Not that blob fish. What do we got?

What do we got up here? We got, is it all the sea lions that are on the docks on the coast? Right? Just like the tons of them just going like, oh, like it's so fun to look at them. They're just beached. Dolphins, I've seen dolphins a few times. If you go to Carpinteria, you see elephant seals in Carpinteria. It's a long drive from redondo but i'll go

long drive from redondo to carpentaria but yeah big just fucked up looking big old weird dick-nosed animals they're fucking crazy god's least favorite child just hang out and they make such horrible noises the worst noises you went to, if like you went to hell and that was the first creature you saw, you'd be like, yeah, okay, yeah. Here I am.

I deserve this. Satan's forbidden trumpeter of the apocalypse. Yeah, weird wildlife. That's a great thing. I love seeing that weird shit out there. Sometimes you'll see like, like elk on the beach in oregon where you're like get out of here that's this isn't this isn't for you that's kind of also great though it's just like oh my world's colliding

you know yeah my work friends meeting my home friends yeah it is like that yeah man that is always intense when the word like less so with stand up, but like when I was like call center jobs, when they would meet the people that didn't work at the call center, you know, I'd be out with like all my call center friends. Oh, yeah. Some of my real friends, not real friends, but my other friends that show up and you're like, oh, oh, that's the fun part. Views and opinions. You ever see somebody from work and you're like, whoa, I didn't know you were a juggalo. Yeah. That's my best work friend. I had no't know you were a juggalo. Yeah. That's my best work friend.

I had no idea. He was a juggalo? Yeah. Some of my work friends, I didn't know they didn't live at work. I was like, what are you doing at the grocery store? It's crazy. It's like seeing a teacher outside of school. Yeah.

You're like, you don't exist. What are you doing? You lived in the school bunker. Yeah. Plug yourself into the wall next to the big paper cutter. Kurt, time for your fourth and then your final picks. Fourth pick is gonna be

it's gonna be Beach Shade. So like a tent or a umbrella. What are you, a sheik? You bring out a tent? Oh yeah. I've never even thought of that. Oh, that's New Jersey and California beach lifestyle. Like the one I've never even thought of that oh that's New Jersey and California beach lifestyle

like the one I've been using recently is a Shibumi where it's just like one arch and then it's just like this fabric that flows behind you and it just makes like this it flaps a little bit but it's just like a perfect shade and it's easy to set up

put up in like 30 seconds bit, but it's just like a perfect shade and it's easy to set up, put up in like 30 seconds. And like when it's so, so, so, so hot on the beach and you're like kind of panicking because it's just so hot. And then you just like cruise in under that shade and sit down in the sand. And then all of a sudden everything feels doable and functional and like I can stay here all day long. Love it. Love it. Yeah, a little beachhead. It's crucial. Shibumi. Shibumi. Ah, that's fun to say.

Shibumi and Redondo. And it makes like a little angled... Oh, you gotta go to Barstow, bro. They've never even seen it. So it makes like a little angled like it goes down to the ground kind and then that part just kind of flaps a little bit. Like if you had to, you could crawl out the back of it. So I also have one that has like a little angled, like it goes down to the ground kind. And then that part just kind of flaps a little bit. Like if you had to, you could crawl out the back of it. So I also have one that has like two little things that are on the bottom.

So it holds it down. So there's no flapping. And I can't remember the name of that one. But it's also like just super stretchy material. So it's like people can see through it and underneath it. So it's not blocking anybody's view. And just, you know, shade because I'm a ginger. I burn fast.

I mean, it's a no matter what. It's good to not have the sun be beating. I mean, it's just a skin. I want to have the fun burn, not the I can't move my legs burn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, these guys, they'd go to Lake Okoboji.

Specifically, my buddy, Koo, shout out. He listens. He went and he just didn't put any sunscreen on, sat at the lake for like 12 hours and his feet were it looked like someone held an iron on his feet they were so blistering he couldn't walk and i'm like no man not that it's not what we're shooting for no exactly that's why we get the shibuya dude and then final final pick i'm gonna I'm going to flip the script now for my final pick. Uh-oh. I'm talking. Mountains. I'm talking New Year's Eve polar plunge at the beach. Oh!

I've never done it, but that does sound fun. It is. That does sound fun. It is so awesome. It's the best way to do a New Year's Day. I love it, love it, love it, love it. And I don't do it enough but i would like that to be like a you know something i do all the time like being a like being a swimmer like being a swimmer just like yeah i do the new year's polar plunge

yeah i swim in the ocean every day my chakras are aligned are you talking new year's eve new year's day where you're day new year's day morning oh that feels good and then you're a little hungover and then you just like jump in you come out and you're just like i am no longer hung over yeah yeah i have gone to the beach on new year's day hungover it's a good feeling it's a good feeling i went to the beach and weirdly i don't know why now in hindsight seems really weird. I went to the beach on New Year's Day and I put money in the ocean and let it flow away. Oh, that sounds fun.

I like that. Did you have a good year that year? I did have a good year that year. All right. And it works. That explains that Louis Vuitton sea turtle I saw. Yeah. A little light work. A lot of money off Kurt's podcast

Dave time for your final pick my final what do I want to do my final pick the picnic oh yeah you brought the food you were ready this is going to be awesome you're ready you're like this is gonna be awesome

you're out you're playing for a while and then it's like 2 3 p.m like the highest point of the sun you're like oh fuck we have those sandwiches yes you know what i mean or like whatever whatever it is that you had on the cooler because the cooler is always a bitch to bring down you know like because the start of the beach is hard where you're like i just want to play but you got to get yourself established put the umbrella in drag the cooler you're like is this even fucking worth and feel like a father of five walking through the airport yeah yeah yeah you're like is this even worth it what do we got three bottles of wine and then when you when it's time to crack it open like oh man or like when i was in hawaii i bring that up a lot i feel like this episode me and zach before we would go to the beach we would go to like one of those hawaiian

gas station type things and get a bunch of poke and then just go a bunch of poke like just like different type stuff and then like go play in the beach hard and then come and like oh shit we have that on on the shore right now and come out and eat it all tired oh man right before that beach nap that's the it's a good feeling one of my favorite when we were in hawaii dana and i did like this big hike and then we went to this grocery store and got a bunch of that poke and just went and sat on the beach and ate it hawaii fucking rules so good yeah hawaii is amazing we're really splitting the atom here i know yeah it's like paradise over there you guys heard about hawaii out there

don't go yeah the i associate those lays barbecue chips with the beach for some oh yeah there's a little sand in the bag yeah a little bit little bit. Yeah. That's all right. I don't mind. Yeah. I don't care. I've been eating sand all day. Yeah, man. The beach picnic is just, or lunch, I guess, at the beach is just all it. But then you realize, too, you're like, it's like where you feel like you need the food

because you're like, I got another half day. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I got to charge up. I need the calories. I'm going back out. Yeah. yeah tightly wrapped in saran wrap sandwich it was so prepared it was so a jersey mike sub oh get the fuck out of here come on come on dude my brother has a this again this is river not ocean but like uh he's got a boat. This is your brother River, not your brother Ocean.

This is my brother River. River, River Carmel. Ocean's my sister, dude. Come on. But we go to Jersey Mike's and then go on the boat, and then you're cruising on the boat all day, and then four hours into it, got those Jersey Mike's, and you're like, oh, shit.

Yeah, everyone forgot. Your brother at your bachelor party your brother was really selling me on the idea of getting a boat the man i was like he was like he was like this dude he's spitting like just the way he explained it it was like yeah this is this is all right he lives that life too he means it he where he's like you know i can feel it i can pick up the kids you know know, get dinner, get some Jersey Mike's, get on the boat, have dinner on the boat. Like, he actually, he's doing that all summer.

He, like, is living that boat life. That's another place I could go. He's got, like, kind of a... Oh. Like, party barge is the best way. Like a pontoon? Is a pontoon boat? A pontoon boat.

I love a party barge. I love a party barge. the best way. Pontoon boat. There's a pontoon boat? A pontoon boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love a party barge. I love a party barge. Delightful. Come on. Just the right size. You know, it goes pretty quick, surprisingly. It can move pretty quick, but it's not like a.

Any boat you can dance on. Oh, yeah, you can dance on them? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Can you take it out in the river? Oh, yeah, it's in the river. Yeah, yeah. In the Columbia, the Willamette.

Right on the Columbia. It's dirty. Oh, my God. I wouldn't want to yeah. It's in the river. Yeah. Yeah. In the Columbia, the Willamette. It's dirty. I wouldn't want to be in the ocean in it, but you can be. No, no, no. Yeah. Definitely on the rivers.

Oh, that's nice. But my dad, we had a boat growing up and we would take that thing fucking into the Pacific ocean and fish crazy. Oh yeah. He's a, he's a diver,

right? Yeah. He's a big time diver. Yeah. Diving Carmel. Diving Carmel. Diving Carmel. Sean Jordan, your final pick? A little basic, but I love it.

I just like finding seashells. I like seeing seashells. Yeah, that's great. It really makes me feel cool. Like when you find a whole seashell and you're like, gosh, I don't know, it makes me feel like an absolute little kid. I get excited about it. I'll still bring them home sometimes.

Oh, yes. Yeah, just be like, I don't know. I found it. You keep it for X amount of days. I'll send my mom a seashell every now and again if I find it on the coast. She's all the trashy things you can collect. She collects the seashells as one of them. She loves it. Put it on your

put it on your windowsill for some reason. Let little know I travel. Yeah. Put it on your desk at work and just look at it. Take me back. Beach stuff makes me feel like that. When you see beach souvenirs,

I do get that, like, take me back. Yeah. With my final pick, I'm just going to take drugs. Yes, it is. Yep. Just the drugs plus ocean. Smoking weed? Smoking weed at the ocean is amazing.

I wish I smoked weed. It makes me like, because there's something, when I see people smoking cigs at the ocean, I'm like, stop it. That sucks. That's a bummer. But if people are smoking weed, it's so much different. You're like, yeah, man, get it. It's not hurting anyone anyone the smoke doesn't smell rancid i i think it's fantastic just smoke

a little weed go be in the water for a minute it's such a beautiful feeling and then mushrooms at the beach not in the water but at the beach one of the first times i took them uh like i just sat on the beach and had this incredible you know where it makes like all the most simple things seem complicated and profound and i was just like mushrooms at the beach will make you cry maybe it made me cry i was sitting there and i felt like i was like this is where the first creature crawled on the land you know having those kind of thoughts and just like it was it was just a very beautiful experience is it uh Is it too sensory? Why not in the water? Is it too much? I've never done mushrooms.

The amount of mushrooms I was on, I was hallucinating a tiny bit. I don't want to be in a situation where I could drown. That was it. I have surfed on acid. Whoa! It was really amazing.

I'll tell you what, it was amazing. We had, we had taken acid on the Brooklyn bridge and then I called out of work because it was, we took it at night, obviously. And then I called out of work in the morning from an ATM.

I had like go into an ATM vestibule, put my coat over my head and then be like, I'm so sick to come into work. And then we got on the A train, headed out to Rockaway. Cause they used to have, I had a bungalow,

like just like a quarter block from the beach, uh, on beach 91st street in Rockaway. And, uh, and I got my surfboard and my buddy sat on the, on the beach and I surfed. And it,

I remember dropping it on a wave and just and i had never the sound of the water like tinkling onto my board as i was like cruising down the line was like it just sounded like crystals smashing into like a harpsichord it was like the most amazing experience oh that's beautiful that's what i like to hear and then got dehydrated i had stabbed a police horse you know the day went on from there but there were beautiful moments. Yeah, drugs at the beach, man. Mushroom, acid, weed. If you're doing anything outside of that,

you're having a different beach experience. I guess cocaine and if it's Miami Beach. I like being hammered at the beach. Oh, yeah, yeah. A couple drinks, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. I like being buzzed. Yes.

I like being too stoned. I don't want to be drunk at the beach. No. I guess I've never been like stumbling. Catch a little buzz is a good feeling. What a lovely draft. This one really is.

This was so great. Super producer Isaac, do you have a pick for us, my friend? I sure do. I grew up near the beach. I grew up in the South Bay. You guys are talking about Redondo. I used to live in Redondo Beach. Growing up, we used to go to Dockweiler

State Beach in El Segundo. You know Dockweiler. I left my wallet there one time. It's one of the few beaches in California where you can have a bonfire. So I'm taking bonfire parties at Dockweiler Beach. I can't believe it went this far it was on my list but i've never done it favorite red man method man i've done it so many times it's it was

like formative high school memories going to birthday parties you know bonfire you know a little bit of weird little bit of you know you know a little little something, something. A little bit of lean? Is that what you were going to say? Lean? No. He's much younger than us. He's drinking Pro-Mathazine, hanging out at the bonfire, dude. You know Zeke. Chopping and screwing a Beach Boys song on his laptop. A little bit of lean. That was a good time.

Yeah, that's a good pick, man. That's a great pick. Beautiful pick. Well, to recap, Kurt, you went first. You took the candy store, specifically walking to the candy store with $5, $10, buying candy, no saltwater taffy, no fudge, walking back, and then body surfing, sand drip art, beach shade, and a New Year's Day polar plunge. David, you went second.

You took the smell, going a little too far out in the water, beach buddies, weird wildlife, and the picnic lunch. Sean, you went third. You took sunset, playing catch, passing out for a little while,

seeing a beach dog, and seashells. I went last. I took getting beach tired, having a bad weather day at the beach, the fruit dude, bad stores, and drugs.

That all makes me want to go to the beach so bad. Two of those, any two of those. I'm like, yeah, let's go to the beach. Isaac, could you put a kind of twangy sublime guitar underneath me reading back? Because it does sound like the end of that sublime song where he's like, shout outs to the Riff Kids. Here's that to you. Shout out to Lou Dog. Shout out to everyone in Redondo. Here's that to you. Shout-out to Lou Dog.

Shout-out to everyone in Redondo. You know, like that kind of thing. Redondo. If you say Redondo the right way one time, we'd just be like, Redondo. Redondo. Redondo. Redondo.

Redondo. Redondo. Redondo. We want to hear your pick. Send us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout-out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything. we want to hear your pick send us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the

all fantasy everything patreon where you can get mailbag episodes auction drafts live episodes bonus content pre-roll content video footage of our just beautiful faces and of course Isaac's tasteful nudes tasteful

there's one the series coming up with a well-placed conch shell, which I think you're really going to go crazy for. Shout out to everyone. It's on your face. You'll see it. It's on my face. It's kind of a Magritte. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Shaslackity,

the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the all fantasy everything shaslackity the AFE subreddit shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos shout out to say to Carmel shout out to Frankie Ocean shout out to Sid the dude shout out to Haji Beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of

all fantasy everything shaslackity! That was a HateGum Podcast.