All Fantasy Everything - Words That Make You Sound Dumb (w/ Zak Toscani, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

Listen, we all know the GVG has plenty of words they think make them sound smart. Now it's time to find out a little more about the crew! This week, we are joined by Count Zakula himself to draft "Words That Make You Sound Dumb!" It's been a long time dumbin.   Shout out to Felipe Bauer! Check out his 4 hour supercut of the best moments of All Fantasy Everything here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AllFantasyEverything/comments/vn5kic/i_edited_an_all_fantasy_everything_greatest_hits/   Episode Guest: Zak Toscani @zak_toscani IG: @zaktoscani   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting words that make you sound dumb. Our guest today is a friend of the pod and a stand-up comedian who will come straight to your house and tell you jokes. You know him, you love him. We're so happy he's back. It's Zach Toscani.

I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey, and of course, our super producer, Marissa. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is unemployed. Out here. There we go. No, you get paid to do this. Take a little you time. Yeah, I'm taking some me time.

I don't consider this a job, dude. Well, there it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, how you feeling? You good? I'm great. I mean, this is literally day three.

This is, what is today? Day, Monday? Yeah, day three. Day three of unemployment. I've been calling it and anyone should feel free to use this. It's a fun little whimsical spin on things, and it doesn't always reflect the reality, but I think it does speak to the power of a positive attitude.

You're having a good time. I'm having a good time. I've been having a good time so far. And though I am unemployed, it brings to mind another word that perhaps rhymes. And I have done something, I believe the clinical term is portmanteau. I have taken two words and I have sewn them together, much like Dr. Moreau and his Island of Horrors. And I have done that to these two words. And again, feel free to use this if you'd like. But please do give me credit if you do find yourself using it fun employment uh-huh oh i thought you were gonna say pretty boy floyd no no no no we never said

pretty boy floyd that's on me that's on me that's on me uh it's been sick i cried on national television and uh now here i am on the cusp of going to Italy. Yeah. I'm becoming like a changed man. A changed man. Yeah, dude. You can get an earring. You can do anything over there.

I might get an earring. You can get one of those striped Venice shirts. I'm going to come back with a gondola. Oh. Maybe like a gold chain with some kind of charm. Yeah. Yeah. At least bring back a paddle.

If you don't get the whole gondola, at least bring the paddle back. I'm going to come back and be a full-time mask guy. Like Masquerade? Like Eyes Wide Shut with their big nose? Eyes Wide Shut, just full-time, feathered, glittery, rhinestone-encrusted. Those ones with the beak scream pervert to me. I don't know why. The long, long long beak that's crazy

yeah those that's what i'm getting one those feel perved out i'm gonna become a pervert i've decided uh i don't work for cbs anymore you know what i mean i'm i'm uh right on the doorstep of 40 i'm gonna become a pervert it's the time it's perfect because you have your book coming out is like uh the guide to perverts yeah yeah it's a gentleman's guide to being a frigging pervert. Next barbecue, let's all wear masks, dude. I'm going to get into pervert stuff. I'm going to buy a big snake, a big white milky snake. You should buy some kind of a rubber bat.

Yeah. I'm going to have a rubber bat. I'm going to have a closet full of feathers. Yeah. That's all pervy as hell. Easy on milk. Milk is perverted. It's a perverted thing.

It's for pervs. Easy on milk. A glass of adult milk? Yeah, because you're a perv. This just popped into my head real quick. Everybody who sent me a message about backing into a spot and how it's safer just save it i got i got a hundred i probably 150 messages such a bad thing to say who came at me

just save your save your goddamn finger breath there was so much like i was it was it was just so much just stop everybody was coming at me with this crazy and it's like okay backing into a spot they say is safer because when you pull out you're facing forward i don't floor it out of a spot in reverse i'm gonna i'm looking it's like the only reason backing out sucks is because you gotta wait for someone to do it and when i back out of a spot if somebody was waiting for me the reward is they get to pull into the spot no this explanation is for sure not going to get you any more dms yeah so you were thinking let me let me sort of engage yeah sort of engage i just couldn't do it all at once so i had to do let me tell them why they're wrong and i'm right

these people are backing in the spot so they got the time dude yeah you're like you're like trying to blow out a fire by putting more oxygen yeah you. You can't do it. You can't do it. I appreciated all the messages I got, and I consider the case closed between you and I. But, Sean, if you'd like to continue litigating it, Sean is available. No, I'm fine. I didn't read them. I'm fine. I read them all.

I replied to every single one of them just now. A linen shirt just got dropped off on my front porch from Bloomingdale's. I got to go get it. Keep talking. That's interesting. Put it on. You better put it on. Wow. What a sentence to be able to get to say that's cutting it a little close i assume that's going to italy you should have had that a while back what's he leaving on friday that's not bad a little close probably on thursday i suppose you could probably

get linen in italy huh oh yeah they love the place to do it i like all my straight from the linen houses there you know i'm from the linen countryside did you know if it's not from linen italy it's just uh cheap cotton shirt it's just joanne fabrics yeah that's like the best name to name check like see see somebody where'd you get that jacket it's joanne fabrics joanne's i just got it joanne's down the way how uh how was the octagon the other night david uh i don't think it was quite eight sides but it ruled it was really fun pretty gnarly i've only been to one of those or well two of them i guess it was a good time my buddy was announcing and he gave us he hooked it up and it was it's it's it's like it's more fun to watch than on tv it is stressful but it was yeah it was

a lot of fun it was a good time what was the energy that's what always freaks me out like all these dudes just looking around ready to go like so we were kind of in the ga but in the in in the in the front sections you could tell it was more like people who had trained with the fighters or like we're at from the gym and stuff like that back where i was it was like you know a dad and his daughter a few wasted couples yes some old people it was pretty good nice like any like any weird saturday night event it was fun though for sure it was a good time that was that's a good like any weird saturday night event it was fun though for sure it was a good time that was that's a good point the weird saturday night events we went to the

monster trucks and it was i for some reason i thought it was going to be groups of dudes and we were the only group of dudes everybody else it was like families and kids kids asleep i was like oh i i misread the ticket there was a lot lot more plush dolls at a big monster truck rally than I expected. We still talking about being a pervert? Uh-huh. I just got back. Plush dolls. Alcohol at Red Robin?

Yeah, we're talking about being a pervert. Wow. Wow. Did you wrap up your business with the back of the spotters, or are you still? It's never going to be wrapped wrapped up according to these messages you can't win with the with the backer into spotters well what i didn't consider was the pickup truck of it all i guess i guess there's something there but i drove a pickup truck for a while and i never backed in the spots but then again i once caved in the side of the lunch lady's car well yeah you weren't in your truck when you

did that no i didn't even have a bat you were upset you were upset with the portions was it like a tacoma or a ranger size or was it like full size ford f-150 okay yeah standard american steel standard issue yeah what was the lunch lady's car fucking creamed dude yeah yeah it was a smart car you just drove over it like a monster truck it just stopped existing it never existed it went back in time the car's the ancestor the guy who built the car now his picture slowly faded his wife was then alone in that family picture yeah that's that's a powerful enemy to make don't day linen linen shirt don't day let me see it's in my bedroom it's a

black linen shirt it's your sucker black linen yeah when you go to italy it's like blood in blood out you gotta go in with a linen shirt and you leave with a different one yeah you leave with a different one that's a linen exchange that's venice that's why let's not drop my investment opportunities david's got his money in liquid robotics and linen exchanges and linen exchanges one foot in the future one foot in the past you thought the needle exchange cut down on crime in your area no sir

Mars can we share the news I think now's the good time I think now's the good time to do it this episode in one other episode do good time to do it. Yeah. This episode and one other episode will be... Do you want to announce it? It'll be my last episodes of AFE.

The last ones with all fans and everything due to pending litigation between us and Marissa. You just said doo-doo. Doo-doo is what you just said. Based on... She's suing Sean for the amount of times he said Laker girls. The case has finally made it through the circuit court system. Hey, we're already in court.

And talking about lotion on skin. Oh my God. Think about all the damages I'm going to sue you for, Sean. She's got Juergens on her side. Yeah, dude. Juergens is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come get me, big lotion. Jeremiah Juergens isn't one to fuck with.

Don't say, come get me, big lotion. Don't say those words together. Don't say that three times. That's what I say. Don't say that three times. Every fight I've ever gotten, I just look at him. I go, come get me big lotion. I know that's not true because then a fight wouldn't happen. Something else would happen.

Something worse. If you lotion up before a fight, I would not fight that person. Absolutely not. One person's like stretching. The other person's like. where'd you get that bottle oh i keep it on me where'd you get that bottle i keep i keep that thing on me yeah hold my bottle real quick i'm gonna do this with my hands where'd you get that bottle are you buying them are you marissa we we we love you. Obviously, we've talked off air about all this and Sean's lotion-based behavior. No, but seriously, you're moving on to bigger and better things?

Yeah, I can't say just yet, but for updates, you could follow me on social media. I'm at Mars.Mel on Twitter or at MarsMel on Instagram. Yeah, I'm very emotional about it. I don't even know how much I could talk about it because i was even thinking like i don't even know how much i could talk about it without like crying because uh this show is like one of my longest relationships i have with like anyone i've hung out with you guys every single week for six years uh there's like no one i know better than like you guys for better or worse yeah the amount of hours i've listened to your voice it's crazy um but yeah seeing your whole like evolution over

six years and how much you guys have all grown it's been so amazing to witness uh and i'm so thankful to have been a part of it thank you i got a hat now i got a hat i have a kid homeowners a couple married well we love we love you so much it's seriously yeah you're amazing you're amazing yeah and it's also so cool to witness Ian meet his wife on this podcast. And what I like to think was their first date was on this podcast. I would agree with that. It was a Shrek-based date, but a date nonetheless. Yeah, that's some of the best dates.

Some of the best dates. Shrek's a romancer. Yeah, absolutely. Isn't that fast, dude? Now I wear neutral tones all the time. She doesn't even notice it, but I basically dress like Shrek. That's how it works. Yeah. Dude, you're getting in there on the ground floor well our friendship is not going anywhere

only only this aspect of our business relationship we love you so much we wish you the best of luck and all things uh and it it is sad that part's sad but we also know that like we're going to be friends forever so you know there's parts of it that aren't as sad. You know, it's just wonderful. I also plan to, I do have some plans to return to the podcast as a guest and also to produce some special episodes that I've been, has been in the works for several years now.

And as part of a class action lawsuit, again, joined with the Jurgens Corporation. And obviously, you're going to help us introduce our new producer, who's actually Metro Boomin. That would be crazy. Metro Boomin wants some more. Welcome to another place. But truthfully, it's Timbaland.

It is Timbaland. It's my fault. but truthfully it's Timbaland it is Timbaland well truthfully I think we could say that Isaac Lee will be the new producer if we can I'll edit it out which thank god also another super producer Isaac Lee we're trying to find someone who hasn't worked with Sean on a rap album before but ultimately

there aren't any producers who haven't I'm out here rhyming rhyming he's approaching this legal stuff like a guy getting ready for a divorce There aren't any producers who haven't. I'm out here rhyming. Rhyming. Rhyming. He's approaching this legal stuff like a guy getting ready for a divorce. He's just meeting with every lawyer in town. Spoiling the bunch. Spoiling the bunch.

Absolutely. I also learned that from Succession. It's a real bear hug situation. Yeah, it's a bear hug. Bear hug. It's a bear hug. You're not a serious person. It's a classic hug bear hug it's a bear you're not a serious person it's a classic kitty twister um but uh yeah mars we love you obviously we'll say more on your final episode but i mean much like we've needed time to process it i also think the all family will

need time to process it so it's a good point i wanted them to be able to truly savor these last few episodes you thought you guys were mad about backing into a spot. Yeah. Wait until you hear about backing out of a podcast. I still got it. Yeah, it never went anywhere. The show's over, but I'm still nice with it. Yeah, no, no, no.

That never goes away. You can handle the ball. You keep a pen in your pocket. I keep a pen in my pocket. I'll tell you who keeps a gripe in his, specifically about people who back into spaces. It's Seanis Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram.

Instagram? Which is where you keep your grandma pictures. It's just pictures of British grandmas. Sean, where can people see you? Besides the Trader Joe's parking lot. Fucking red-faced. Fred Meyer, dude. I don't go to Trader Joe's parking lot? Fucking red-faced. Fred Meyer, dude.

I don't go to Trader Joe's. May 25th, Migration Brewery. Come see Rob Hayes. It's in Portland. He's fantastic. He's absolutely fantastic. Rob is so funny. I'm not just...

He's so funny. Yeah, he's really all that right now. Very prolific, too. Tiny little story from Rob. Yeah. Me, Rob, and two other dudes. We were to Bridgetown like eight years ago. We were talking about shoes.

And I go, hey, let's go smoke weed. We go into their room. And I take a hit of weed. And I looked up at all three of these dudes. And I was like, I got to go. This is crazy. And I did. I did the thing I do.

And they were all just like, okay, man. And then I saw Rob maybe three years ago. Oh, no. It was at High Plains last year. And I saw Rob. And I was like, hey, man, what's up? He didn't remember me. And I was like, okay, man. And then I saw Rob maybe three years ago. Oh, no, it was at High Plains last year. And I saw Rob and I was like, hey, man, what's up? He didn't remember me. And I was like, remember smoking weed with a dude at Bridgetown who like bugged out? He goes, you're that white boy.

That's me. It's good that you have a calling card. Dude, he's so funny. Watch his Late Late Show set. It is killer. I watch it every time I'm in an airport. Come to that show for Rob. You're going to love it. And his late, late show set. It is killer. I watch it every time I'm in an airport. Come to that show. For Rob, you're gonna love it. And so anyway, that's it.

But he's so funny. You're gonna love it. Fantastic. David Boyce here. Hey, it's me. May 19th, come to High Note Comedy Denver with headliner Brad Sativa. Very hilarious. Always a pleasure. And then June 18th, come to the holly

no the dc improv dcm jamelle yon son and myself david borie we're gonna be wearing some outlandish hats it's gonna be wild uh watch royal crackers on hbo kiss your mother kiss your mother yeah yeah and i wish i could see i wish I could see David and Jamel together. That's a hell of a show. It's gonna be an energy no one knows what to do with. That was when we drafted websites.

Yeah, that was a good one. It's gonna be an energy found later at recessions, though. I believe we can bank on that. I think we can bank on that. Oh, you don't think I'm going back to recessions immediately after this show? I think we can bank on that. Oh, man. They might as well start a tab now. Zach Toscani is here.

Zach at Zach underscore Toscani on Twitter. At Zach Toscani on Instagram. At Snacks Toscani on, I mean, anywhere you need snacks. There's got to be a snack app, right, where you just rate snacks that you like? If there's not, I just figured out our parachute. Are we talking about people or food? Tell me the truth. I'm thinking food.

Oh, yeah. I mean, either way, I'm down for that website. Oh, 100%. I'm doing good, man. How are you? I'm wonderful. I'm wonderful. I'm here in Houston right now.

I'm going to enjoy some Vietnamese Cajun fusion later. That's what I feel like I got to try. Paul Wall is producing your stand-up show, right? Yeah, yeah, totally. He's doing a house show documentary. Yeah, Paul Wall. It's kind of a collab between him and the Ghetto Boys. They're on it as well.

So just kind of trying to bring in all the influences of houston yeah you got to bring the flavor of the city i get it totally just taking the heat temperature i wouldn't mind hearing a chopped and screwed shane torres album i would love that i saw i got to see uh i got to see shane in austin for moon tower i uh I tried to get on a standby flight a day earlier to go to Hawaii, and I didn't get on. And it was like 7.30 in the morning. I'm in Austin Airport. I'm like, it's too early to check in at another hotel.

And then I was like, oh, my God, Shane's in Austin. So I just drove. He was like, yeah, come on over. I'm at this hotel. We worked out. We ate some food. We went to a bunch of shows. I saw The Rib and The Bull at this hotel. We worked out. We ate some food. We went to a bunch of shows.

I saw the rib and the bull riding show. That looked amazing. Natalie Palmitas was in a trash bag and like a zombie makeup. And she was just housing this rib. And then she ripped off her clothes. And she had a bra and panties on with a fake dick. And then she was putting the dick in the barbecue and sucking. It was insane. See?

How about you write that, chat GPT? No one could ever beat live performance. It was crazy to watch. I was like, I don't know how I feel. It was so... She's also a force of nature. Oh, yeah. The visual of a woman in like,

it just looks like scary painting just eating a rib right next to Adam Ray. I was like, my mind can't do this math right now. If I had a dollar for every time I've had a dream like that. Didn't Shane have a big cowboy hat on too? He did. And his belt buckle, he didn't get the right kind of i just love it it just seems like buckle just seems like a shane ass thing no when he told me that's what they were doing i was like

oh man you guys are geniuses yeah dude cold stone cold stone steve austin shane torres uh where can people where can people uh ply your ply your wares flyer yeah so this is coming out whatever the work i'm looking for yeah that why i don't more well this is coming out mid-may so i'm gonna be currently it's gonna be me it's gonna be me um so i'm gonna be in colorado uh but yeah you can book me To perform at your house All your friends I'm pretty much doing like a Colorado, Northwest

Midwest, East Coast Down South So if you live in any of those areas I'm coming through So book my ass I'm going to Canada Got some shows in Toronto Montreal and Ottawa

Ottawa baby The senators Going to Canada. Got some shows in Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa. Ottawa. Ottawa, baby. The senators. The capital of Canada. Wayne Gretzky. I don't want to talk about hockey right now. What's going on with hockey?

The Avs just lost to the Kraken. Fuck. Kraken. They released the Kraken. Game seven. Stuff to lose to Las Vegas. Yeah. Seattle. Oh, okay. It's just stuff to lose to Las Vegas. Yeah. Seattle.

Oh, okay. It's just stuff to lose to a new team. Couldn't name a hockey player right now. A current playing hockey player. Sidney Crosby. Keith Kachuk. Kachuk. Kachuk. Kachuk.

I have to believe you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to shout out. Because he didn't ask for a shout out this is why i'm shouting him out let that be a lesson anyone felipe bauer if you're in tucson arizona go to graham family dentistry that dude he's an afe fan it got him through dental school he did a crown for me gratis my friend what now a crown for you and now a crown for you. And now a crown for him. A crown for a king, man.

We got doctors listening to this shit? Yes, we do. Those are expensive. I'm going to have to say DDS. They do a same-day crown. Dang. Molded. Crafted just for you. It was amazing. What's this guy's name? Sean's done some same-day crown. Felipe Bauer.

Felipe Bauer. That's a powerful name, too. that's a nice one he's cool as shit man they came they they did it on i think they're closed on sundays but they opened up just for me and then you opened up just for him yep exactly you know what i mean you got to do that for a dentist i mean i got fit i got cleaned fitted for a crown put the crown on in like two and a half hours it was amazing damn felipe bauer power hour dude yes and i didn't even have to do his podcast oh i want to shout out felipe as well he's the one that did a super cut a four hour long super cut of all the best moments of afp

uh i'll link it in uh the episode description if any listeners want to listen to it a dentist did that i didn't think a dentist would i gotta i now i gotta shout out felipe yeah felipe what's up you guys remember when i got stuck under that boulder uh in the desert to tucson yeah i went on that hike and a huge boulder fell on me while i was like about to saw through my own arm with a pocket knife like i was so close to doing it i had made peace with several different gods i was ready to do it felipe comes strolling through i hear a giggling off the distance he was listening to all fantasy everything on his headphones he came in there rolled the boulder off me with one hand kept it moving didn't even ask for a

picture all right now i to shout out Felipe. You remember when I got in trouble for killing all those stray dogs? Yeah. Felipe. Felipe switched the dental records. Yeah. Felipe knew the judge.

I got off scot-free. Oh, shit. It was the best carnival ever. He had a bunch of coyote teeth just set aside for such an occasion the canine dental records yeah csi canine dental record felipe's out here doing it yeah felipe ever help you out of a jam sean jordan yeah he uh i didn't i didn't want to say this but he was a sperm sperm donor. That's Max's dad. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Frozen pop. Thank you, Felipe. What happened? So what's the situation there? Your boys don't swim? No, never have. That's good. I don't think it's a big deal.

Yeah, we don't need to dive in. Yeah, they just kind of sit there, stagnant. Yeah, more of a track and field than in the pool kind of. Yeah, they never went to swimming lessons. You got pond boys, not river boys. That's nothing to be serious about. Yeah, it's freshwater. My boys are freshwater.

It's good, actually. I don't do anything now. They got snipped, which Felipe also performed my vasectomy. Thank you, Felipe. I appreciate it. With his teeth. He did it with a pair of dentures, dude. He got teeth.

Yeah, he just went, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. Made it fun. Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. He used his chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. Shout out to Felipe, dude. Yeah, man, he's got's got it yeah felipe rules and he's also the joker fuck that's twisted dude can you imagine if you were getting some dental work done free crown put in you know what i mean like you you get knocked out yeah what's like the scene right that everyone has a problem with where it's like the joker takes off the mask and that's when two or harvey dent realizes it's

the joker not when it's like clearly a bunch of fucking crazy makeup on someone with a mask let me just say about this about that if i may if i may say this about that wasn't like harvey dent justin like a a horrible explosion yeah pumped full of morphine you know what i mean like that's when you would just be like i don't know i think i'm tripping off this morphine totally half of your face is gone right no he didn't no no he didn't take any pain medication like in the movie he wouldn't take anything for the pain they said yeah but i mean your mind is still like i woke up today as one face i'm going to bed as two face yeah all i'm saying is

it's not as big of a hole as people think. Big lotion. You pull forward into the spot and don't back into it. You just so you can see it. Not as big of a hole as everybody was thinking. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram,

at Ian Carmel on Jewish Costco app. Where all the dogs are kosher, baby. Even the stray ones. You don't think I'm killing strays over there? Come see me at the Comedy Works in Denver, June 22nd,

23rd, 24th. I will be there, fresh off of several different European excursions, which you'll be hearing about, don't worry. That's crazy. The redacted part of this podcast, I will be talking about on stage in Denver. Your set is like 30 minutes talking about Italy, and

then 30 minutes to forget about I was talking about Italy. That's right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly right. And other than that, I don't really have anything going on watch royal crackers listen to all fantasy everything and uh just be excellent to one another attaboy yeah let's go to atlanta let's go to atlanta we're working i mean hopefully i i'm having dinner with my reps tonight oh yeah i got some wings i gotta get up there they got it they got uh oh god what is it what is that fast food chain saxby's in the carolinas no cookout they got some cookouts in atlanta and those are really good

cookout is fire cookout i've never even heard of cookout it's pretty man it's like seven bucks for uh you get a tray and you get like it's like all barbecue sandwiches and then the sides are like you can get a quesadilla is considered a side oh that sounds great they got hush puppies jalapeno poppers and they got like a ton of they got a cheer wine milkshake and it's fucking amazing that sounds so good dear lord i'm doing my research out here yeah dear lord where's the where's the best worst place you've eaten you know what i mean oh like the best bad for you place yeah oh you know like arizona really fucks with portillos so i had portillos like two times while i was there like a like a huge the sandwich with hot and sweet peppers like a side

of chocolate cake like a very like i am going to be here for about two hours a side of chocolate cake yeah i'm in here yeah they do just like they just do big pieces of chocolate cake of portillo do you remember when we went to the portillo when we were going it was like at the end of the towards the end of the tour and we'd done that Chicago show and the next morning before we drove to Columbus we went to that Portillo's drive-thru no I don't even remember that uh uh

is that when you got the is that when you almost shit your pants and got the cramp maybe you didn't almost shit your pants I almost shit my pants, but I didn't shit my pants. But then you got that cramp and you had to walk it off and there were those loose dogs.

You remember that? That was right when David started killing dogs. No, that was on the East Coast. This was Central. Sounds like what you say when you shit your pants. You don't want to say it. I got some loose dogs. We were like in Delaware when I almost shit my pants

and got the cramp. And the loose dogs? And the loose dogs. I was coughing up blood the whole time so what am i just i want a shirt that has that like loose dogs almost shit my pants delaware loose dogs for rent check check check no when we were leaving so like we had an insane night in chicago that went very late for a number of reasons yeah uh and the next morning on our drive out we swung through a portillo's drive-thru and got like hot italian beef i believe oh yeah that rang a bell for some reason that did ring a bell we got hot sandwiches in the morning that wet hot and wet oh yeah and then we had a much longer drive than we anticipated yeah for a couple

of those yes portillo's is like if you got a drive ahead of you and you portillo's you're really you're really betting it all on to go right for you yeah you're like let me get a hot cut let me get a hot beef and a hotter coffee like it was one of those situations oh i do remember this it was a long line too yeah it was yeah we stopped in the midwest somewhere to get like sausage you just saw like sausages on the side of the road though and they wouldn't let us use the bathroom remember that we went in and we're buying stuff and they were like no public restroom this place is family owned but not the business is also. We're patronizing the business. They didn't have an industrial toilet like that.

They sized us up. They knew. Oh, man. They saw us all sweating when we came in. As we walked in, they were shuttering the windows. Sweating on our way to buy sausage? Yeah. I legit saw somebody batten down a hatch, and I don't even know what that means.

We're all in a pretty heated argument. Yeah. I'm going to ask him. I'll ask him. I was playing tennis at Xavier university once. And I really had to shit like, and I probably had like a set left to play. And I, I, I got through the set and then I was like, okay, my house is like 10 minutes away. I can definitely make it. I get in the car. I hit one speed bump. I'm like, not going to make it. I found a ground. The school was not happening. Right. So there's barely anyone on campus. I found a groundskeeper and I was like, I have to go

right now. I'm wearing all white. There's nothing I can do. He's like, there's one in the boiler room. And so I go in the boiler room and it's there is a toilet in the boiler room, but it's not. There's no walls. There's no it's just a free in between two boilers. And I had to go so bad that I was like, fuck it. I don't care care there's people working and shit and i was like sorry all right yeah now's the time i gotta feed that boiler i shut down that for sure you're the you're the boiler maker yeah i've been to house parties with a with a standalone toilet in an unfinished basement before oh yeah that shit like it's a midwest thing maybe but like you just go down unfinished basement in a toilet just in the corner yeah no nothing like a very midwest like they used to be the coal room or something so it's like

shit and i'm covered in coal dude it's like prison right that's it's crazy there's a wide open room with a toilet in the corner i wouldn't poop in that in a house party no no for sure i have you have you pooped at that in a house party people milling about no not people around not oh well people milling rocking about i will tell you this so there was um you know those bathrooms that have a for some reason it's a bathroom that has a toilet and a stall and but there's then that's it you know yeah yeah so they had one of those nutties and soup balls i don't know some night somebody dared me i didn't have to poop or anything but i just went in on the and sat on the toilet like i was pooping for half hour probably while all these dudes came in and just would look at me and i'd be like what's up bro and they just taking a couple

yeah a couple would stay and pee and and a couple got really mad and a couple just left classic nutty that is nutty but then i just go back out in the bar by the way i was like i was the guy that's taking a shit in there for a half hour it's nutty with a c faking oh no nutty's wasn't with a z the thing was you could put peanuts all over the floor so you get you get the you and i did you and i did stand up in such a location where remember in aloha oregon we did a show at that sports bar and you could throw peanuts on the ground dude yeah aloha aloha i'm sorry i know i know you're from you're from hawaii yeah so you have a certain way of saying it but so but the ridiculous suburb of portland is called aloha for some reason it's crazy yeah. Yeah, I remember that.

The guy. Yeah, that was such a. Anyway, whatever. Alohomora. Now we're dumb as hell. Yeah. We are gathered here today not only to discuss places Shauna sat on toilets or ridiculous names for Oregon suburbs, but also to fantasy draft the sequel to the acclaimed podcast episode. Hold on.

I'm going 38. Damn. Zach Toscani's third episode. Third of what is now 34. Well, this is the treacle dude. Counting this one. What we did.

We did. This is the track twice. So this is the tree. Yeah, that's right. Where does it make you sound smart? Episode 38 So this is the treacle. Oh, yeah. That's right. Words That Make You Sound Smart, episode 38. This is the cowboy back to the future. This is.

This is the one that goes back. Mary Steenburgen. She rules. Oh, episode 169 was Words That Make You Sound Smart, part two. And now this is Words That Make You Sound Dumb. Zach's 34th episode of All Fantasy Everything Chosen by the patrons by the way

The 323rd, chosen by God Yeah, God's a patron Chosen by Felipe She signed up last month Thank you I am just doing what I can I like you Now the way we

determine the Now the way we determine the order of this draft is through a... It's not a bad Kermit. It's not good. That's good. Pretty good. I didn't... You bailed. Why'd you bail on it?

I'll keep going. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of of you and we throw on shoot. Alright. Hi-ho. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh! Everybody threw paper! Somebody told me. I forget who it was. Somebody came

up to me and said, Ian. Can I talk to you? I'm so sorry. Somebody said Ian. Ian, fuck you they said ian i hate they said i hate to be a bother i see you there you're drinking espresso martini you're wearing a beautiful beautiful double-breasted suit and i hate to bother you but can i ask you something i was like yeah please please sit down you know and they're like i'm not going to sit down because i just want a second of your time when everybody throws the same why don't why doesn't that mean that you're the winner oh yeah why doesn't that mean you're the winner because we've done 380 episodes i've never thought about that's what i told them it's because we have because of a little thing called tradition

now here we go paper scissors shoot I never thought about that Alright, David wins, David throws a paper against two scissors David is the winner of rock, paper, scissors And David, as the winner It is incumbent upon you I'm going to do the rest of this in a Tom Hanks voice It's incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft And

Not as good Yeah, we missed Did we? Well, it's a serpentine draft and so i gotta before you do that i will remind you it's a serpentine draft and what is that what the hell is that yeah what was that impression sean well see if you can tell me after i'm done doing it it's kind of like if you're setting up all the chairs at a venue you're gonna watch a stand-up show and you got all these chairs you're gonna set up and you start setting them up in the front row and then you set them up right to left then you go one down and set them up all the way over the right to left to right then you

go one more down and all the way right to left one more down left to right until you have a whole audience worth the chairs you're just gonna watch the show tiny morgan freeman i don't know i don't know if this sounds like what you think it sounds like. Does it sound like Tiny Morgan Freeman? It sounds like Tiny Morgan Freeman. It was supposed to be Meatwad. Oh, okay. The bass for it is,

where's my whiskey? I'm going to get tore up. I'm going to get tore up. I don't go high enough. I think you've got to go a little higher for Meatwad. I think because I do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, that I used to think I was shaggy. Boom! No, that's a bad shaggy. When you talk about it's a bad shaggy,

I'll just get over here to the meat water pressure. You know what I'm talking about? Lying on the chairs up in the prison. You ever seen that Adrian Brody clip on SNL? Is he doing a bunch of bad impressions? He got banned from SNL for doing it. Where he announced Sean Paul.

I feel like that's what you just did. Did he really? No, I don't know what you're talking about. With like a dreadlock wig on, right? It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, it's insane. Did he really get banned from SNL for doing that?

As he should have been. Yeah, I think he did. Poor Sean Paul just wanted to see temperature. And then Adrian Brody's like, yeah i think he did poor shot paul just wanted to see temperature and then he wrote it like my next spec it was like we cut this you asked and we said no yeah oh i didn't mean to bum anyone out i was just trying to be i don't have a lot of impressions they're all good though i appreciate that shaggy one was bad we gotta live in the real world guys that wasn't the shaggy one that wasn't out on shaggy for years yeah i've been i've been doing the shaggy one for quite some time i'm

i'm gonna turn up and pass out on the hot sun yeah you remember that one that was that me what the first moonanites one. I'm doing it as hard as I can. I hope you can see this because I'm doing it as hard as I can. Yes, get tore up and pass out in the hot sun. I'm done with this red book. I was done with it an hour ago.

David, what will the order of today's draft be? Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. I think I'm going to go first. David. Then I think Zach, Sean, Ian. And then Zach, Sean, and Ian with our corner.

David, that means you have the first pick. In the words that make you sound dumb, the three-quarter All Fantasy Everything draft. And you are on the clock right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy

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I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it if you've heard a podcast it was all fantasy everything the only we are drafting words that make you sound dumb david borey you're on the clock okay i just want to start all this by

saying listen guys i understand language is three-dimensional a lot of people can pull off a lot of words that i can't and vice versa you know what i mean it's nothing's not for everybody just because i think this word sounds stupid doesn't mean it's dumb when you say it this is just how i feel the first one my ultimate just like what a boring way to get your fucking point across oh give it to me and it yes People say it all the fucking time. Epic. Dude, it's first on my list. I knew you were going to say that. I knew you were going to say it. It's first on my list.

God, it gets on my nerves. I get furious. I don't know why. I hate it. I don't know why. You better be describing a nine hour movie series or a poem from the year four. Some type of anthology disc set.

You better be FaceTiming me from Sedona, Arizona. The Iliad. The Iliad is epic. It's got to be the epic. Like, it's just, it got, I don't know who started it. I don't know when it got into the, like, the national vocabulary. But God, is it, it's just the most boring, it's the most boring way to describe something. If you met your wife in space, you can use epic.

Right, right, right, right. If you're telling me about, like, how you shot pool on Tuesday, it was not. What if the line was, like, really long, though tuesday it was not what if the line was like really long though was it epic nope i don't want to hear it at all for at least a few years and then maybe we can come back it's annoying like when used earnestly and ironically like when people try to like oh i know i'm using this word you're still like i don't i don't appreciate it actually it just is a bummer it's a bummer man i think the internet did it yeah i think it was like a it did oh i think a lot of my picks are tied to internet speak first of all

for sure oh did you go to tommy's house his house party was epic and you're like what happened you're like we all fell asleep in the living room you're like oh it sounds normal it wraps into that whole idea of people being like that was a movie and it's like you know movies used to try to imitate real life not the other way around right yeah yeah epic is really really annoying i need some shit to happen that is like have you have you had any truly epic moments do you think in your life i do but they've been they've been lessened because of everybody's saying epic all the time yeah i think i've had a few i think i've done a few things that were like perspective i mean yeah i yeah i think i have i've never i don't think i've done some

i've done some wild shit yeah yeah i've done some wild shit i can't there's a story i still haven't told even recorded because i don't I don't even want the danger that it's recorded. I've told you guys all before, but yeah, it was epic. We did it to a car. It was about a car. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, there's stuff. But then, you know, also, I was on TV. To me, I would consider that, but I still wouldn't use that word for some reason, just because it's used a little too much. I'm with you. That was going to be the first thing. It would have to, for me to say something was epic, would have to be like, I interacted with some kind of other dimension. Something that people would be like, I don't know if I believe you, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. I went into my closet and then i ended up fighting for a lion king yeah it was the lion the bitch in the wardrobe it should reveal something deeper about human truth that you didn't know before yeah yeah if i did ayahuasca or something sophie's choice was epic you know sophie's choice was epic it should it should test the limits of what people are capable of yeah yeah it's a tough one i think yeah epic yeah not much to it just no that's a great one good pick it's great i just feel bad ripping i don't want i don't want anyone to get bummed if they say whatever so these words you know it's not it's not that.

You're talking about people who back their truck into a spot and then describe it as epic? You don't want to get on their wrong side? I stopped. Now I'm going to get 100 more messages that I'm going to answer. I'll answer them all. That's the craziest thing. I'm still going to answer them

and I'm going to be cool about it, but just know that I disagree. I do think people are turning on epic. I do think if there was a way I'm still going to answer them and I'm going to be cool about it, but just know that I disagree. You're active. I do think people are turning on Epic. I think it, I do think if there was a way to trend it, it had its peak. And I think people have been like,

it's like the latest outliers. When do you think like five years ago, it felt like 2008 is kind of when it started getting used a lot. Like to me, I think 2008 to 2020 was like, that you know what i mean you know the shit they were like epic fail and all that shit that oh yeah epic fails yeah internet nails epic wins i used to like watching those epic wins an epic takedown of trump yeah like an epic yeah i'll still watch all that i mean whatever i think something's fun but you know like epic fails but i just call them fails you know it's seriously i already clicked i'm here zach time for your first pick my first pick uh

i'm gonna go this one i always just feel stupid because it's it's like i think of the moment first of all i could probably pick every word that i drafted for words that make you sound smart um and i could but i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that so mine is when you have to like get someone's attention you know like you're checking into a hotel, they're not looking and you have to go like, hi, that's my, that's a good one. No way to sound cool during that. Oh my God. Hi.

Hi. Oh, I feel so stupid. People think we have all this confidence or I guess I'll speak for myself. People think as a comic that you have all this confidence. I have almost, almost like the least amount of confidence in most situations out of anyone you know i bet and when it comes to getting someone's attention i'll stand there

until the business closes before i will say i'll just i'll just stand there it happened the other day someone at target and they looked at me and they go oh my god i'm so sorry and i go it's that's cool i'm just looking at the ground there's not a great way to get someone's attention. What do you say? Hey there. Hi. Hey. Because you either got to undersell or oversell it. If it's not hi, it's just like, hey. And then that sounds like fucked up.

I mean, I always wish I had the confidence to be someone who just starts in the middle of a sentence. Instead of going in and be like, hi i this is my name and i'd like to check in if you're just like i'm ready to check in how we doing here's my id go like you just start yeah no i don't have that either yeah that is pretty cool yeah hi is it feels so weird when you have to be like hi hello like hey i just uh didn't i don't want to. Oh, you do that face. And, you know, like, what am I going to stop? I'm not going to ask for this thing.

You ever hit a bell? Yeah. God, I had to do it when I was given blood like a month ago. I hate it, man. Just ding. There's no way to do it. Polite. It's like a horn.

You can mean well, but there's no. There's a good horn. Maybe. But it polite. It's like a horn. You can mean well, but there's... No, there's a good horn. But you can't do that with a bell. It's like a lasting ding. You can't like... Oh, yeah. You're talking about the little alert horn. You gotta... Yeah. Just a little pop-pop. Yeah, that's a good horn. Yeah, that's a good horn. There's like a... Maybe you didn't see it.

The light changed. Just so you have that information, you can do with it whatever you want to do. It's a tap on the shoulder, huh? Can I tell you this real quick real quick yep that's right go on there was i was going past the stop sign the other day and it really was my turn it was a real like low-key four-way stop like very busy there wasn't really a way to go out of turn and then i was going in this this kid probably 16 years old cut me off in a top-down corvette and he fishtailed around the corner, and I honked, and he flipped me up out the top of the, through the top of it, and I was laughing so hard, like, man, yeah, sure, and then he pulled off, so he took a right, and then he parked. He wasn't trying to get away.

He parked, like, at his house, and I was like, holy buckets, the confidence. Corvette people are different, man. Dude, it was so funny. I mean, fuck him, fuck him but it was hilarious no you gotta wear that one yeah it's like the 90s corvette people have been just like the worst version of car people i feel like you mean corvette's the worst to judge i yeah in my experience it's like the people that want to be like maserati or lamborghini people but they don't quite have that income level yet right because corvette's like a cheaper yeah you know i mean it's like i i don't have a corvette i can't expect i can't afford one so i guess i can't really judge but but it is and then like people

who own a guy where you're like what's going on here yeah nothing to lose version of a sports car yeah like a miata guy wants to be a corvette guy and maybe that's worse i don't know we're talking about miata guys for like an hour in hawaii zach yeah yeah we really we really let them have it don't worry it's are they are they big in hawaii uh there's some they're honestly better than the mustangs like mustangs it's a very like you're a tourist if you're in a convertible mustang there's some good miata guys who are just like listen i lost a lot in the divorce dude no this is i needed this and i get that where he's just like man i just wanna i had this amount of money

club on sundays this is the this is the smallest thing they'll let me show up in. Yeah. I bought the kit to make it look like a BMW. I did three things. I did three things the day I bought my Miata. Very, very good. I did three things. Now listen to me. I did three things the day I bought my Miata. Okay.

One, I bought my Miata. You know that. All right. But the other two things, I looked in the mirror and I decided to stop living for Okay. One, I bought my Miata. You know that. All right. But the other two things, I looked in the mirror and I decided to stop living for tomorrow. There you go. When are you living for now? Today.

There it is. And then the kid's like, dad, can I go to sleep or go ahead and put $12 a regular and give me a tab while you're in there. I went and picked up my daughter from school in our brand new car and i said listen daddy's fun employed so things are going to be a little different from now on you're like you're just littering so like so casually out that just

out the top you're just throwing like full cups of soda out the back you and bags of fast food you hold the bottom of the bag and empty it and then throw the bag to make sure it doesn't scatter. Spread out the litter. It's not all dense and the animals can get it better. Oh, man. I bet your mom's new boyfriend, Rick, doesn't pick you up in a cool Miata, huh?

No, Rick's driver picks us up. Rick doesn't have time to pick us up. He's doing things, Dad. You ever throw an orange peel out of your car and then someone's like hey pick up your litter and you it's a fucking fruit and then they're like oh sorry a version of that yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely i was in san diego one time and i dumped i look back on this like of course you prick but i dumped a bunch of chips out the window on a real on a real main road that doesn't look like i i don't

know why i was a kid and i was done with it stop yourself from eating it were you like no sean you've had enough i didn't want the crumbs in the car so i was just like i'm gonna empty out the chips because they're not later but it was a lot of crumbs like the bottom third of a bag of big chips you know so i just dumped it out the window and then someone pulled up and gave me the business and i was like yeah it doesn't look that's sure you're absolutely right like i wasn't that is like a thing a kid would do like what's like what do you do i was probably 23 i wasn't a child but i wouldn't i wouldn't chastise someone for a chip dump yeah and i'm a chastiser i know you i was gonna say you might yeah birds birds would eat

those up you know yeah it's the middle of the road. The middle of the road. I don't care. Organic material gets a pass for me. I think so, too. Unless it's poop. There's something about throwing... If someone just dumps a bunch of apple cores at a stoplight, I'd be like, what are you doing? Yeah, there's a level of like, all right, but how much is enough?

Yeah. Like an apple core makes sense. A cup of chip cut. You're dumping out a third of the bag you put up you put a banana peel on someone else's windshield and you're like it's biodegradable what it's for the it's for the raccoon my mom my mom will take like loaves of bread i'm not lying i wish i was she'll take like loaves of bread and just put them in the front yard for the squirrels just just bread all over the yard but But then they'll eat it, right?

They will, but she'll throw the slices out. But I'm just saying, you drive by the crib and there's a loaf of sliced bread in the yard scattered about. I wonder if kids drive by and there's a tree underneath and they're like, oh, it's a sourdough tree. That would be tight. Put a bunch of hot dogs. Yeah, we planted

the hot dog tree as soon as we moved in it was actually max's placenta is really what kicked it all off now it yields a season's worth of hot dogs every year so instead of being embarrassed about the bread think in terms of how stoked those squirrels are yeah i'd be high even the bread house that's like think about the squirrels man you're right and the record mom you don't embarrass me you never would i just some things you do are ridiculous she doesn't know what a podcast is so yeah that was very direct yeah would she would your mother ever drink a pint glass of hot sauce or threatened to for years she would do it if i bet you if i was sitting there ready to do it i bet you she'd do it right next to me. Really? You think?

Yeah, I do. I don't understand what her motive would be in this situation. She can get there sometimes. She loves hot sauce too? No, she can get kind of gnarly sometimes if she wants to. Speaking of people who hollered at us on Twitter, did you see the one where somebody figured out exactly how much sodium you'd be taking in

if you drank a pint glass? I chose to forget the fact, but yeah. It was a lot. It was a lot. It was a lot. It was a big number. It was a big, big number. Big lotion, baby. Big number, big lotion. They can all get it. Hi is

Zach's pick. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. I think Loogie makes me sound stupid i don't know why i just yeah hawk a loogie i mean you can't it's kind of like you get the phrase but i'm not picking the phrase but just loogie like you know oh my god that was a loogie it just sounds so it's tricky because there you know what there's it's not like there's a more uh intelligent synonym there's a more accurate way to say it you could say like my thick and my thick viscous gut spit but no but where are we at my brain my brain my brain's not i must make a phlegm

offering yeah i guess you could say phlegm or mucus is way too gross though and mucus is too technical like there's not a good way to do it to describe it spit i guess you could say phlegm or mucus. Phlegm is way too gross, though, and mucus is too technical. Like, there's not a good way to do it, to describe it. Spit. I guess you're like, I had a thick spit. Yeah, I mean, it's off. Yeah, I don't think loogie sounds that dumb. Talking about your spit to me makes you sound dumb.

When you say hock-a-loogie, it makes you feel like you're speaking a different language for a second. Hock-a-loogie. Hock-a-loogie. Hock-a-loogie. Hock-a-loogie. Wock-a- Haka Lugi. Haka Lugi. Haka Lugi. Waka Maka Lugi. Yeah. It's like a fake Hawaiian song.

Haka Lugi is the place to be. Can you believe Bob Hope got away with this? This was only 30 years ago. Yeah. He claimed he was on the island of Haka Lugi. They didn't have SNL yet. Otherwise, they wouldn't have let Bob Hope on, but they didn't have it. There you go.

There you go. Yeah, loogie. I don't know. It just feels. It's stupid. The very act of talking about it makes you sound stupid. Yeah. There's another thing.

Maybe like, why am I doing it? Why did it come up? Like, why did I say loogie? This is a weird conversation. Also, like, you can have. I definitely do it a lot less the older I am. I feel like like when i was a kid i used to spit on the street like a lot as soon as it would come up i would spit it but now that i'm older i can feel it and i'll just be like oh i'm gonna be right back i'll go to the bathroom and then i go in the sink and right

let her in you ever try to keep it down where like i'll i'll do it oh you try to swallow it again no like i'll just try to keep the like that because when you're young you go like whatever but now i'll be like which sounds so much worse i like that you'll move the microphone for that but all your nasty lotion talk that shit goes right in there it's not your talk david it depends on where. Oh, you're going to hawk one. That's gross. It depends on where your line is, David. Okay.

A lot of people like lotion talk. You know where my line is? Yeah, it's right on the good side of lotion talk, baby. It's on the bad side. Whatever the bad side is. Do you ever keep a loogie in the chamber just to give your voice a certain texture? Just like have fun with it? When I get a bubble in my, you mean get a bubble in your throat?

You know, like a loogie in your throat. Like it gives you a kind of a raspy. Sort of talk like Minty Shaw for a while. Do I like dogs? The worst is when you're in an airplane and you have to hock a loogie. It's take off and you're like. You got to swallow it. I will fart.

I don't care on an airplane. I'll do it all. I don't care one bit. I've done planes. People talk about how they all i don't care one bit i've done planes people talk people talk about how they never crapped on a plane i've done it so many times i'll do this never crapped on a plane yeah that's insane everyone craps on a plane i don't think that's that crazy i i think farting a lot on a plane yeah yeah i'm not gonna do anything i'm not gonna make myself uncomfortable on a plane at all what whether that means not holding farts in

or whatever are you not one of those people who takes their shoes and socks off no that's crazy no i'm not well you just said you fart next to strangers yeah yeah i know i can't tell where the line is it makes me uncomfortable to keep a fart in the shoes that's just bananas no i'll fart on i take my shoes off but i have my i are clean you know i think that's okay especially on a long flight you can pop those i'm talking when people don't take the uh when people don't take the uh when they take the socks off yeah yeah it's like next to people you're like yeah you know they'll put their feet on your side of the clear divide that shit kills me that's that's unacceptable.

Because I also don't say anything. I feel like a coward because I don't speak up for myself. So I just let it happen. You know what you could do is you could hock a loogie on them. Yeah. Oh, man. That's a green light for fighting right there. If you spit on somebody, it's...

We're on World War 747, baby. Let's get it going. I don't know man like spitting on someone might it's like somehow worse than than sucker punching them you know what i mean spitting on somebody's pretty bad i've seen that go down a lot i won't get into but i've seen it happen i've never been spit on i got spit on one time i was playing street fighter 2 when i was about nine and this kid i just beat he spit on the back of my head and I turned around and for a nine-year-old whatever a nine-year-old's version of this is I lost it on him I just started you do a Hadouken I kicked him I was deep in Taekwondo at the time

so I was definitely trying to do some Taekwondo shit but I went nuts I went as crazy as I could go at nine years old yeah you see red for sure it was it was insane and then they so I did whatever and then obviously him and his friend were waiting outside of the arcade for us. So we had to call Smith's mom because we were too scared to go. I was like, I'm like, I'm not blacked out in a rage now. I'm nine. I can't hold on to that feeling. So if we go out there now, they're going to beat the shit out of us.

So we called Smith's mom. Yeah, you got to make a business decision. I was like, I think I got the drop on him for that second, but that's about it. I don't think it's happening twice. I could maybe beat this guy at speed chess, but if we got time to really think out our moves, this guy's got me.

He's been out there sitting on it for at least a half hour. One guy spit into my car in a Glendale-related alter altercation i just had to charge it to the game into your car into my car was it your fault from passenger side or driver's side he was the driver side but he was yeah he spit into my passenger side so it didn't land on me but it did get in the car and i was just like you know what i've gone it's gone too far it's gone too far dude i told you what was it my fault not initially you know what i'm asking i'm not saying like but i mean was it could it have been like let go earlier or was it like yeah for sure for sure well there's definitely like a level two of like i understand wanting to get your lick back but like at some point you're

like all right well am I just purposefully doing something stupid right now? Right. Exactly. The stove is too hot. I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here. Your next move is only escalation and it's in from spitting.

That escalation is like, I'm going to beat you until you're unconscious. Yeah. Right. And then, and then his move after whatever I do is only escalation. And it's like, all right, fine. You, you would. And now you're banshees. Now you're in a Banshee's event of sharing. Right, exactly.

I got to get out of here. Or beef. Or beef. Or beef. Man, that shit was so good. That was a great show. I mean, I told you that dude threw a whole soda in my car, like an open can of soda and just it was like everywhere.

And I was like, that was my fault. Dude, you got to keep like Zipliploc bag it's a hot sauce and you just pop a little hole and then you just oh i thought you meant like so we could take a shooter to calm down i gotta get my blood high let me come back down to earth i'm starting i'm starting to think about all these car related things that have been done and that i've it's man we were nuts for a minute did you ever do the lunch meet on someone's paint job oh yeah baby on cop car what i've heard i've heard of that i've i mean i've heard shit dude my buddy took a dump on my hood so i come out there's a big fat dump on my hood there's a dump on my hood i go immediately to his house i didn't know who shit on my car i go

straight to his house my buddy mike and i was like somebody took a shit on my car and he was and he didn't tell me six months later well six months later he goes you were so mad that day but i was the one that took a shit on your car give that guy an oscar i went straight to his house to vent and he was just like yeah that's that's crazy do you think if you didn't fuck with your paint yeah dude it was a baked on poop it baked on there for most of the day until i came out and then he told me the whole thing he goes yeah i had to do it i had to get up there and squat it was like two in the morning and joey had to stand guard and watch i lived with my parents funny oh god oh man i barfed on a guy's car at a party oh that's see that's yep from a roof that's a oh i bet the splat was just epic i think it was me and nick

it was definitely me chumps of it all everywhere yeah it seems like a thing nick just epic i think it was me and nick it was definitely me chucks of it all everywhere yeah it seems like a thing nick would do i think it was i'll go i'll go to the source on that one i'll just ask him i will say if you're gonna poop if you're gonna puke off a roof onto a car nampe is the guy you'd want to do with i don't think that guy would tell anybody no no way it was it was on our friend's car too i think whose house it was it was pretty funny one of us i forget who it was one of my buddies was gonna he was gonna projectile vomit he could feel it coming out of his i forget who it was but he goes hey check this out to the driver and he went to roll the window down but the window was like broken or something so it only rolled down

halfway but the puke was going to project so he just goes and like half of it just stayed in the car and joey was joey driving and joey's like dude i remember someone puking outside of uh ian's mom's uh rav4 right yeah oh on the way back from a wedding we were trying to get back to the airport from anthony lopez's wedding and yeah joey and shinderly just would not stop barfing and it got to the point and she was not aiming it out the road it was like going down it was going down the side of the car but it got to the point where like somebody was gonna miss their flight it might have been me it was me and it was you and you were you were uh trying to catch dinner or lunch with your dad or something before you left that's right

before i flew out. She just would not stop barfing. Ian was like, we don't have time. We're on the highway. We're going like 90 miles an hour. And she was like, uh. It could have been any one of us. That's the thing. Dude, my buddy,

last one, the first time we got drunk, we were like 16 probably. And we got back to my mom's house. And she figured out that we were hammered. So she comes downstairs. And my buddy, she goes, where's Nick? And she had tacos that she had made and Oreos that she had given us on a plate. And she goes, where's Nick?

And I point the bathroom, not even thinking. And the doors half open. She opens the door. And he's pooping and puking at the same time. She's like, here's your tacos and Oreos. And she just sat him down. That's the worst thing you could be handed while you're puking at the same time she's like here's your tacos and oreos and she just sat him down that's the worst thing you could be handed while you're puking here's a taco it's like someone puked on a tortilla oh god yeah dude oh man that was fun fun little trip

down memory lane loogie was the reason we were talking about that time for my first and my second picks i can't believe i'm gonna get these back to back i'm gonna take them as a package oh all right i'm taking them as a package uh so i'm gonna say them both right now i'm taking uh-huh and uh-uh oh yeah i love i just say it i didn't even think about that yeah that's the original ying and yang you know i mean i still like uh-huh is a fun one just because when something i don't know when something weird have you like that's when someone's a little cheeky but yeah it's when someone's telling you a story and their story it's like white rotter rafting and your oar is not uh and uh-huh

like oh no like you just don't. I feel like if I have to pick one that's stupider, I think it's nuh-uh. Yeah. Nuh-uh, stupid. Because that's the one where you're like, nuh-uh, you said. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh comes in handy every now and then. We're like, like you said, a skeptical uh-huh.

Like, uh-huh. Right. It can be good. But I know what you're saying, though. Or just to lead someone to affirmative listening. But nuh-uh. Yeah, that's always just like, you're wrong. You know you're wrong.

I still, I can feel myself when, if I'm lying sometimes, I'll say uh-huh. Like, if somebody asks me if I've heard whatever in the news lately, that comes up a lot, where someone's weird about their head, I'm like, uh-huh. I'm just like, no, I haven't.

Because I have to say, I have to be like, like go in on this because if they ask you if they if they pull your card then you're gonna look like an absolute moron so you gotta say uh-huh just the right way and you have to just an answer that invites no further interaction don't ask me anything i don't want any follow-up after uh-huh. No. You saw Peter's Labyrinth, right? Did you make it home all right last night? Uh-huh. Anyway, that was a pretty good game. She's not mad, is she?

Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. Yeah, yeah. Nuh-uh. Hey, you didn't cheat on me when you went to San Francisco last week. Nuh-uh. Uh-uh. Nuh-uh.

Nuh-uh. You know they got that Transamerica building, and that's a trip to see in real life. I'll tell you that. But nuh-uh. Nuh-uh no i didn't cheat and no like we still do it we'll do it in the group thread but it's like when you're a kid you know uh we're going whatever we're going you can't come to the movie no oh you said that i just love it right yeah no it's just the three of us no it's a vestigial limb from like an earlier time it's just like we should have left that in grade school but for some reason it sticks with us in

our dumbest moment i hear my nephews say it because they're you know eight and five and so they're right at that age where i'm i'm gonna go play video games you can't come no uh tyler peed the bed last night no no i didn't no it's like i can say no with an extra syllable that makes it so much more power. Very adult. Yeah. No. Yeah. What the fuck even is it?

Where do we get that from? Say that to a TSA agent when they're like, step in here and stay in your head. Put your hands up. Go. No. It's funny because there's not. But then there's also. Yeah.

Which I would say are different. Yeah. What would they do at the TSA if they were like step through and you go no i mean i suppose they just give you the one thing maybe yeah what if you did it in court like sir do you recognize the man sitting uh to the left the stenographer is like how the fuck do we spell that i don't know how do you plead to the charge of wire fraud no the tweedle dom and tweedle d of language uh-uh and uh-uh oh man uh-huh and uh-uh john time for your second do you plead uh-huh or nah-huh to the charge of spilling buffalo wing sauce on the floor mat of my mazda miata do you plead is there a third this uh i mean i feel bad because this well i'll save that one for later

um i'm gonna say irregardless well that's not a word it is a word i looked it is a word they didn't they like just add it or something i don't know i look you just said you looked it up and then you said didn't they just did but i've been called on this before where it's like i look something up and then somebody proves me wrong you just can't get over stacy halal's one woman show uh-huh i don't is it a word it's a non i'm pretty sure well all right it says non-standard let's oh wait it is a word people do use i did look it up but let's we don't have to go with that we can go no no no no no it's here it's a word yeah it's not considered a real word by most dictionaries because it's insane but people

say it all the time like if you've ever had call center jobs or those kinds of jobs that is where you were going to hear that word at least once a day and it's shocking i've heard i've had those jobs my whole life until four years ago and i've heard that word more more times than i care to admit and it's just the dumbest sounding word go ahead what are you saying what are you smirking about i guess no uh isn't a word either you're all right all right yeah i mean neither is uh-huh it's all irregardless always just it's the end of a pepsi slogan yeah irregardless is always a guy trying to pretend to be smart so he's like yeah i i definitely know i went to the clinic i got checked i'm definitely clean irregardless for uh the hippie but i feel like

and i'm not throwing because i'm i figured out a long time ago my lane and words that i can use in my lane so i don't try to use words that are outside of my, I don't try to use the irregardless. I never even thought about it because I'm like, ah, you don't know exactly what it means. So just don't do that. And I don't do that. I've changed texts my whole life. I've rewritten papers for things like that before you could type them, before you could write them on a computer.

Because I'm like, if I don't know for sure, then I'm not, I'm just not doing it. So it kills me when you hear somebody and you're like. You're not somebody who throws caution to the wind. Yeah mean i thought i knew what that meant if we were drafting phrases trust me my friend that was the first thing i thought of but i thought i knew what that meant i thought i had a handle on it i thought i was current with the slang but yeah irregardless it's just i'm just like to say different with different ways to say it just figure one out don't use something that you don't know what it means for sure different ways to say it just figure one out don't use something that you don't know what it means for sure it's a double negative right regardless because it means the definition of irregardless is

regardless right yeah yeah it's insane i don't know why you would want to put that extra ir how's it start i don't know why you'd want to throw it on there. Regardless of the fact that regardless is a perfectly good word, people use irregardless. Damn. Yeah. There it is. Yeah, a little flair on it. Irregardless. It would be a fun word to say, hear E40 say.

Shout out to PDX, brochure light. Irregardless. Irregardless. Yeah. What was the other one? What was the one that tweet? Pascal Siakam, right? Yeah.

Pascal Siakam. Man, shout out to E40, man. I can't believe they kicked him out of that game. That was crazy. They kicked him out of a game? Yeah, one of the Warriors games. Did he not do it? What?

He wouldn't sit down. Isn't he courtside? I think he was got on a little of that pascal siakam yeah he might have been on some of that pascal you might have been on some of that uh what's his wine company called earl stevens he's got a bunch of booze now dude and he's got all those sausages because he's the goon with the spoon he's got a whole line of products he's amazing you ever have slurricane? It's pretty tasty. I'm not going to go to you for what's pretty tasty, cups of hot sauce.

Earl Stevens selections. That's his winery. I bet it's tasty. I bet it doesn't taste boring like adult wine. It's not for children, Sean. I don't think it's for adults. I think it's for that sweet spot. He has a wine called Proposcato.

That's not a kind of wine. He's got Mangoscato. I'm interested. I like it. Dude, I think it sounds fantastic. I remember I drank his 40 once and it was nasty. I bet. It was bad.

What was the 40? I never had the 40. Function Red Blend Moscato. Wow. I never had the 40. i didn't like it at all can't imagine it was any good because none of them are truly good i don't yeah i don't mind in oral english and that's like probably the best one or colt 45 mango scotto with a little bit of soda on the rocks i bet you it's delicious yeah i think you're probably right when you say on the rocks you mean you're soda on the rocks i bet you it's delicious yeah i think you're probably right when you say on the rocks you mean you're sitting on some rocks when you're drinking by the beach yeah right by the airport yeah yeah in vallejo i mean yeah i'm at chrissy field next to golden gate

bridge yeah i'm sitting by the rocks i'm in girardelli square and i'm drinking some mango moscato mango scotto on the rocks. If anybody from the Earl Stevens Corporation is listening to this, feel free to send us all some mango scotto, some crop of scotto. If you want to watch me slam something, go on and send it. I don't want to see you slam mango scotto

like it's your quinceanera. I want to see Sean drinking a bloody mango scotto. There's two ways to live and I live on the slam side. So if you want to see somebody slam that mango scotto mango scotto yeah i think it's got a lot of scotto and mango scotto i'd rather have chop a scotto but you know whatever i'll take either well beggars can't be chosen well i'm begging and i'm choosing give me that give me that mango scotto chop a scotto irregardless zach it's your second pick my second pick i I'm going to go with a word that's very personal to me.

Theater. When I say it, I feel fucking dumb and stupid because I say it wrong. I add an extra R. I can never fix it. I try to think I'm like theater. He does. It's crazy. Oh, yeah.

I guess you do. Yeah. I never thought about that. try to like i'm like say it like peter theater theater theater theater theater but i'm always like theater and people are like huh theater damn that's like talk about knowing someone for a long time and then somebody hips you to like a speech pattern thing you're like i can't believe i never noticed that that is like just how you talk though yeah it's like sam elliott and tombstone i think that's how he'd say it i just let it go i mean i remember what a year whatever into knowing you i asked

about it one time and i think i don't even you were just like i don't know that's just how i say it and i don't even notice anymore it's hilarious i prefer it variety is the spice of life seriously it does sound fine when you do it that's the thing about all these words is some people can pull this shit off. Well, the way I feel about you saying thirder is the way I feel about Cincinnati putting chili on spaghetti. It's like, you know what? God bless the fact that it's an option out there. Sure, go for it. I can spice up my life with a different option.

It can make things a little bit more interesting in this workaday world i'll take it that's i think that's you coming fresh off of work though you get back to italy you're gonna be like it's pronounced theater it's actually pronounced theater my good man it would put a little more fun on it though like sometimes zach and i would go on a date. We'd go to Fuddruckers or whatever, and then we'd be like, ooh, then we can hit that theater up afterwards. Yeah, we'd go to Fuddruckers. Fuddruckers and hit the theater.

Guys, it's pronounced buttfuckers. Buttfuckers. Boy, I'd love to know the oldest person that made that joke, because we made it every single time. Everybody does. How could you not? It's right there. I'll take the number one. to know the oldest person that made that joke because we made it every single time. Everybody does. How could you not? It's right there. I'll take the number one.

I think the first person. The colossal butt fucker. A fourth pound butt fucker burger with two strips of bacon, please. I think the first person to make the butt fucker joke was the second person to see the Fuddrucker sign. It was the guy who owned it and was proud of it. It was John Fuddrucker. Yeah, it was like the guy who owned it and was proud of it and then john fudrucker and then it was like it was like the it was like the guy who founded it showed the idea to his wife

and she's like you know this sounds like butt fuckers right yeah people are going to call it butt fuckers see i know you've been homeschooled because someone would have told you this already and he said that's a feature not a bug betty oh yeah dang betty fuddrucker you know actually darius rucker is involved with the fuddrucker oh yeah he cut out the fudd because he wanted to make it on his own accord yeah he didn't want people to know he was he didn't want people to know he was a nepo baby what if it was elmer fudd and darius rucker were the people behind fudd ruckers man you walk in a bar and those two were hanging out what do you do oh man i just grab a chair dude soak up that game my mind got blown when i realized that rucker park

and darius rucker that's the that's the same family his family is of rucker park oh really i didn't know that yeah i didn't know that either oh i didn't know they were from new york yeah damn man he came a long way from us thinking his name was hootie yeah is that true that's true yeah i'm pretty sure it is true like that's yeah his uh his lineage is like i don't know if that was like his grandfather maybe a great-grandfather or something was the the rucker in that i'm on it i'm on it that's so cool because if there was one guy i could never imagine going to rucker park hold my ball they should play a lot of hootie at like uh rucker park pickup yeah the b-sides dude it fits peter david time for your second third picks all right my second pick is another one uh another

one of these internet speak things that have come to life but i just like bro when you say it in real life it kills me every fucking time i'm saying a hashtag oh god i can't do it i can't do it when you talk to somebody they're like hashtag whatever oh it's crazy when you when someone says it you're just like are you you know i'm here i wish i didn't start this conversation with you and i know this is how it was gonna go it's one of the worst lineages of twitter and that's saying something yeah it's just so brutal you know and being being someone who was born before the internet it to me i'm always like i

think of pound sign the pound sign yeah me too i don't i don't think of like i never thought of that these kids probably don't that i never never even crossed my mind they don't think of it as a pound sign because they've never well because hashtag it was it was pound or it was hat like it wasn't hashtag that's like that's a twitter thing right that's a twitter thing yeah like it was just a hash yeah hash mark or whatever so a word could become searchable. Yeah. Right. But gosh, when people say it in real life, it's always something that you wish they didn't hashtag. Or it's like something that's like really. It's a trauma dump sometimes.

Yeah. Or something really old where it's like hashtag winning and you're like, what the fuck's going on? Winning. Right? Yeah. That shit. I mean, I can't pick that as a word because it just doesn't sound stupid as a whole but that killed me that whole thing i was brought into this this has

nothing to do with james corden so i don't want to like just in case anyone's like trying to guess who it was for i was brought in to help write tweets for somebody during an award show. Like they brought in a few writers and the talent and one of their friends just sat in the back drinking wine. And it was like, they had just discovered hashtag jokes. So they just kept shouting the whole time. Like hashtag lame hashtag, like,

like hashtag, sorry, not sorry. Like hashtag, like all this stuff the entire time and they didn't take any of our jokes they also didn't really tweet anything they just kept yelling hashtag whatever it was can we redact it if you tell us who the talent was it was uh who i love who i absolutely love and like i think her friend, I forget one of her friends, but another slightly famous person. All right.

It's crazy that Ndamukong Su had just found out about hashtags and he called you in to write. I guess that's an Oregon thing, right? Yeah. Big time Oregon connection. Yeah, it was me, Ndamuk kong su amine matt bronger because he's like honorary yeah damn we we include him in there uh it was uh chuck closterman who now lives in portland matt greining matt greining the professor from and one

kyle canane canane wasn't there oh he didn't live in oregon at the time were the shins there are they from here the shins were there i don't think the shins are from oregon i think they're from yeah right or modest mouse modest mouse they're from new mexico modest mouse is is uh who i'm thinking of modest mouse is from issaquahsaquah, Washington. Fuck me, dude. Fine. The Goonies? Were the Goonies there? Yeah! A story I already gave. The Goonies were there for sure.

Kevin Love. Yeah, hashtag. It just is always. Yeah, terrible. God awful. This is kind of weird. Tell me if I can do this. I'm taking douche and then any word other than bag. Yeah. Oh, like douche nozzle.

That's specifically that one. Oh, I need it. That guy's a douche drain. It's like, what are you trying to church up? Douchebag that's where you decide to bring your flair for speaking into the word douchebag you know that came to a head it was deadpool brought that shit to a head i remember thinking because guess what i've always kind of thought ryan reynolds kind of a douchebag i like kind of a dude kind of a douche i like ryan i always thought i think he's fine but he's

kind of a douche bag i don't think i he's a guy who would say douche nozzle is what he is here's what i heard i heard um um workaholics i heard they used to have a whiteboard in their writer's room and any word that they thought was good that got played or whatever uh they would write on that and it couldn't be in a script like moving forward after they wrote it on there i say it because i think douche nozzle was one of those things but it's an interesting concept to be like man the internet can wear out a word so hard that you have to be like well we all right so we're done with it then douchebag is just perfect that's the thing about it it's like two syllables you know what? Two syllables, hard consonants.

It's what we need. It's like when you go to a place that's doing too much with cheeseburgers or pizza. You know what I mean? Where it's like they're putting too many toppings on it. They're getting really silly. It's like, not that peanut butter on a burger is bad, but every now and then they're like, it's got peanut butter and habanero jam on it. And they're just doing too many things with burgers.

I just want some American cheese. Give me my douchebag give me a good burger douche bag is a perfect fucking well-made burger we don't need the bells and whistles i feel like uh and let's let's have a discussion i feel like douchebag a while ago was was in danger of being like that i feel like for a minute it was right around when kanye said it it was like it was too much everywhere and and uh now that has gone away and it's fully back it's just an early one it's like one i i don't know if you're our generation or around our age you probably adopted it in middle school it's like the last of the words you can still say from middle school really yeah it is the last of the ones the last of the words you can still say from middle school really yeah the last of the ones i still say that might that that's a good point where you're like

yeah everything else was uh was bad so yeah you just remember kids really locked watched on the douchebag too because it's like it's referencing something nasty but it sort of isn't quite a curse. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you, I think you can say douchebag in school. I could never. I don't think I've ever gotten in trouble for saying it. You could probably say it in school.

It's like one of those ones you would hear adults say, or I would at least. Yeah. So, yeah. Anything douche that's not bag is just, it's brutal. It's always, it just just said what are you doing it's been nozzle is the worst one nozzles the worst the worst one but it's like and i hate to i hate to you you're also wearing one of those beanie hats that has a visor on it like it's a when people tried to figure out and i think maybe this is going away too but people tried to figure

out new ways to swear. They'd say like, I guess I don't want to maybe say other picks, but there's just a bunch of these. I could, I could say a few there. They're comedy tropes where I'm like, if I hear, if I hear it in a standup set,

it just almost turns me off to the whole thing. There's like different combinations of those words. You know, I don't want to say them in case. I don't, I don't like there's phrases. There's phrases of the time yeah zach's trying to reconnect right now we can flop the order for uh for the first time in the

history of doing it we i don't care i don't think we're gonna you know yeah we're gonna three though yeah we could also throw to an early break maybe oh no there's the producer there's the we're all just like let's talk dudes you know we're gonna take that we're gonna take that early break i'm gonna throw it over right now we'll be right back this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm gonna hit you we're gonna talk about some life insurance stuff real quick now 40 of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.

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could save. That's policygenius.com. And we're back. We're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. Zach has returned. I am here. He is here. He wandered the desert for 40 years.

Big time. Returned to us. What desert? With wisdom. Mojave. Nice. That sounds epic. You're a douche nozzle.

Welcome, Brack. Welcome, Brack. Welcome, Brack, everybody. Welcome, Brack. Welcome back to the 50cc motocross in the Mojave Desert, sponsored by Red Bull. Yeah, bro. I can do that i can sure you get there oh yeah host some red bull events you did sideline commentary for like a monster thing once you got us like on the floor for the street league you remember that oh yeah yeah and we were watching

motocross like in the dirt shit was crazy was that for the dew tour dew tour not mount not mods yes the dew tour but yeah you had like your passes were on the floor like nija doing kickflips behind us it was tight welcome back to the dew tour my name is ian carmel welcome back to the dew tour ant kissing event my name is ian carmel we've got a bunch of guys who are gonna go try to give their aunt a saucy kiss all right first up First up is Kyle Bradford. Kyle's aunt is only three years older than him because his mother comes from a large Catholic family. Kyle's going to go in there and give his aunt a romantic kiss.

Let's watch. No one wants it. How'd Kyle do? He didn't do bad in my brain. Kyle gave his aunt Danielle a wet sloppy kiss right on the mouth. No one wants it. How'd Kyle do? He didn't do bad in my brain. Kyle gave his Aunt Danielle a wet sloppy kiss right on the mouth. The chemistry is off the charts. Let's go to a replay.

Much like most of my life, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I've heard of a French kiss, but that looks more like a Dutch kiss, if you know what I'm saying. That's a Dutch kiss right there. Yeah, that's because they're related. That's because that's because there's two floodgates are open there there he goes two lifts you know what if they had real extreme sports huh and kissing and kissing competition didn't we talk about on this podcast like kissing your boss as i don't know if that was a power move or something but at the end of the day if you had to kiss your boss goodbye like

bye thank you bye bye i think speed shitting could be another okay oh dude some some guy in chicago was asking me if i'd open up for his curling club i might have to do that yeah you definitely should do that and then curl welcome back to a loose toilet and unfurnished basement we're uh we're here at the do-tour speed shitting championship in tucson arizona sean jordan is gonna see how fast he can take a huge shit yeah man i mean shitting's funny so i'm gonna laugh this whole interview but like i really think i'm gonna take a quick shit he has been building up his hot sauce levels thoroughly slowly through the event so we're really expecting a lot from him sean you've been chugging squid ink and eating loose spaghetti yeah i think i got a real firm skinny shit so it

should come out real quick oh Oh, squinting. I just thought of that in like a bathroom context. I think it's going to be like real long, real solid, real skinny, and real loose. So it's going to come out, and it's going to be quick. And I'm going to speed on the shit. It's going to be great. I'm going to change colors after I admit this from my body.

And as soon as I win, I'm going to make out with that dude's aunt, and it's going to be tight. A true multi-sport athlete, Seanordan i'm like jordan baby uh zach time for your third pick my third pick is authentic how the how the fuck would i know if something's authentic oh you go to that place for mexican is it authentic why what what am i gonna grill them that's a good it does come up it does come up from a lot of i don't even dip my feet in that bathtub it's like if someone asks me if i go to a mexican door whatever and they're like how was it i'm like i would i would never go into the that territory of telling somebody it was authentic or not

i never say it but i do fall for it a lot oh yeah oh yeah yeah somebody tells me the place is authentic i'm like i'm going man yeah right i'll let you know firsthand that's that's the one i'll go to whenever somebody tells you about some authentic shit it always feels like they're like giving you like a hookup like yo don't don't tell anybody but this place is authentic right this this oh dude you gotta if you want mayan food this is the most authentic and you're like i i don't can that even apply no it isn't it's in soup balls and it's not authentic there's nothing authentic there except bowling alley food yeah there's pitfalls to it too oh somebody told me about like an authentic lebanese place and like the food was

fine there was no music and i ate on a car table that that doesn't bother me the food was fine yeah it wasn't like amazing no it wasn't no no i if the food was amazing i'll eat it out of a trough i don't give a fuck it would be funny if you were like the food was fine and they're like yeah that's authentic for for lebanon that's that's how it is in lebanon i think so. You know what else bothers me, too, is when someone talks about, yeah, it was real authentic barbecue or whatever. And you're like, I mean, I can find somewhere in Portland

that I would think if I never had a pina, I'd be like, it's fine. It's great. I don't know. I've had some trash barbecue in some places. But I've also had some really good barbecue places in places that aren't notorious for having it and i've had shitty barbecue in kansas city i mean it happens you know kansas shitty there it is speed shitting dude speed shitting world cup fill it up i think

actually if i'm talking about food i've been the most disappointed in going to a place where i was like this is subpar all sushi yeah it's no no no no it's uh barbecue yeah yeah i've just had so many places where people are like that's pretty good and then you're like no that's shit my standards are i mean yeah i don't know it takes a lot for me to really be like that sucked italian is kind of like that too like yeah i i think driving through tucson it was like crazy joe's authentic italian i'm like i because anybody could say it right right you just put the flag on the on outside of the restaurant you know yeah just be garbagio italian that's good too totally i love a garbagio just like we we can't even tell you what we serve just get in here yeah i would love if there was an italian place called garbagios and they were just like yeah mine's mostly mozzarella sticks

and spaghetti garbagios it's exactly what you think it is garbag is can i twizzle your pasta yeah you see me this pasta twizzler when like in like 80 years are people gonna have like you know how like um poor people food from like generations ago is kind of like high-end food now oh yeah like is bowling alley food in 70 years gonna be be like, oh, man, people used to do this. Like, wow. They used to eat mozzarella sticks with hands pulled from little balls, public use balls. It's a really upscale Totino's pizza with ranch. Yeah. And this place is really authentic. They crunch up barbecue chips and put them on top.

Yeah. This place does a ramen brick that is like, it's like what your grandparents used to eat when they were stoned playing Madden 2004. Put the extra money down for the ranch Somalia. You're going to want him. These, these dudes will fight behind you.

It's like, it does. You feels like you're there. This guy went to study in San Diego for like four years. And before you move on, hike up your skirt and show your hidden valley to him okay i hope that dave matthews talk wasn't like actually on the show authentic that's perfect

Sean Jordan yeah it's a good one literally oh yeah I mean it's not it's not hilarious but it's just like David Cross had a bit about it I mean 15 years ago on an album so I'm not trying to snake that but it's

ever since I heard it it's like yeah okay it's I've never i can't do it i don't ever ever say it just because it's never i don't know it just it always makes it doesn't it can't work it once again though there i do i do know some people who when they say it it sounds cool i'm thinking of a comic who i'm not gonna say but when she say it, it sounds cool. I'm thinking of a comic who I'm not going to say, but when she says it, it sounds kind of like, it just like makes sense. You know what I, do you guys know, do you guys know Lisa Traeger?

Yeah. That's like how she talks. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's like, it was literally insane. And you're like, yeah, that doesn't seem crazy to me, but other people say it and I can't stand it. So I get it.

It's one of those things that has taken it it's one of those things that has taken it's one of those words that has taken on its cultural misappropriation if that makes sense you know what i mean like it's more for hyperbole than anything now i think i just did one of those uh-huhs because i didn't want you to ask me do you hear me i didn't even know i was doing it and right as i did i was like shit you don, you don't know what he's talking about. Don't act like you do. And admit it to everybody who's listening. Admit how stupid you are.

I still think about how Sean answered, what is a touchstone? And you were like, a touchstone of something that was. The Rosetta Stone? What what was words to make you sound smart that was the same one where i was like i don't like the dichotomy of this prison cell to be fair i didn't actually think i was giving a good definition but i also don't know what dichotomy means still i'd better i mean barely i don't think i could use it in a sentence i think you could i don't think so try using in a sentence for real what does dichotomy mean hi hi what does dichotomy mean i don't know i don't have a room here we met on tinder and now i said all i put in my profile was dichotomy could you please explain to me what it means yes that picture is of me 10 years ago that's neither here nor there

i'll be leaving as soon as i have this word defined uh is it i don't know is it like juxtaposition at all is is it like between two things yeah but they're like opposites right like the dichotomy of the godfather versus sleepless in seattle would it be like similarities or like what's similar about them or what i think it's more of like the dichotomy of the uh i'm trying zach this is me this is i'm pouring it out there peanut butter versus the ice cold jelly unless you guys don't keep jelly in your fridge i keep jelly in the fridge yeah i keep jelly in the well until i mean once it's open i keep it in the fridge yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't keep it you can no no nobody out there keeps it in the cupboard after it's open that i would turn into water be

jelly water sounds sexy i'm gonna start doing it sounds kind of sexy when i say it does kind of sound sexy and you guys let it take a bath take a bath in the silence it sounds sexier so let me see that generally was hey laura get home it's jelly water night oh okay that's how you got the first one all right no it's actually a long process thanks felipe shout out time for my third and fourth picks with my third pick i'm taking how come oh no space in between there was this kid in in elementary school he's in prison now yeah he used to combine words all the time into one words and how i was one of them how come i'm not combining these words i'm taking this as a two-word word and i'm sorry how come how come i'm not combining these words i'm taking this as a two-word word and i'm sorry how come how come you're just gonna shit right in my face i say it daily how well how come

i remember that reminds me of an old ian carmel joke where you talk about the why comes you know like why come why come we don't have our like like, there's BET, but there's not white entertainment. Why come? Why come that is? I just, like, how come is perfect? There's not an ounce of fat on that word combination. Right. But.

I get it. It does sound dumb. You know, it's crazy. Now I can't even think of how I would use it. We're going to. How come? How come? Yeah. What am I using it for? Oh, you're use it. We're going to. How come? How come?

Yeah. What am I using it for? Oh, you're going to leave me? How come? How come? How come? How come? How come? How come you don't have any mustard in here?

Oh, there we go. There we go. All right. Stroke averted. I just had to bring it to neutral. I had to bring it to it. You had to throw mustard in there. If you had to play your game.

You equalize it with mustard. Pour a little salt on there. It's fine. Yeah. How come there's a straw in this miracle whip? Yeah. Because I'm drinking it. You said Pour a little salt on there. It's fine. How come there's a straw in this Miracle Whip? Because I'm drinking it. You said you were going to the coast. Just open your fridge.

I drink Miracle Whip in a bathrobe and watch Entourage when I think you're on the coast. I know you live here, but tell me when you're coming home and it's unexpected. It's just how come it feels like it's leaving words out. I feel like somebody used to have a bit about that where if you just type in why into google the questions that come up versus how come it was like the questions were like i think i want to say it was matt lieb if i remember correctly but yeah i remember it's so funny it's a really good bit is a really good bit how come i owe taxes this year how come pluto is not a planet how come when i flash someone and then nothing else

how come i can't sleep how come airdrop is not working see these are all these this is just my search history when you When you plead, but you were found, you're going to be like, how come? How come? How come? You take it to the court of how comes. That's the appeals court. If somebody doesn't understand the verdict, that they're off, they just don't get the verdict.

How come? You can leave. Of all the ones, this is the one I probably say the most. Oh, I say it. I'm sure I say it, too. I'm sure I say it, too. I know what you mean. It almost doesn't sound certain.

No. It's just like any other. If I would ever. It's this weird efficiency. It's just removing words. It's like, how come it is that? But really, come? How come?

The come part is weird. Why? We're just saying why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. How did it come to be that? That's like what we're saying. Is that what you're short? That makes sense.

How did it come to be that you don't have any mustard? But we're saying, how come you don't have any mustard but we're saying how come you don't have any mustard right yeah how come when the government does this it's okay but when i do it it's not yeah how come how come how come how come tell me how come uh so that is my third pick. And my fourth pick is is all. Oh, like this dude is all. Or is all I did was. So he was all like throwing mustard

everywhere. I was all like, bro, I still got to finish my food. I don't want to get out of here. No. How come? How come I? How come I'm getting kicked out of the bar? It's all I did. It's all i did it's all i did was take his shot because i thought it was my shot and now how come i gotta get kicked out of the bar it's a man especially if that is all it has an s yeah is all's it's all's i did all's i was trying to do was talk to her man that's all i was trying to do all's is all this is all it was it it feels like it has a silent apostrophe s at the beginning

is all i was trying to do all's can be your word if you want all zaws all i wanted to do is find out what owl tastes like and now can't go back to the zoo how come that's fair yeah how come how come she can go back to the zoo she killed the owl all i did is eat it it's all i did was eat it all i did is eat this dead ass owl also i want to do is love you how come you don't it's all i want to do is have some fun until the sun comes up over santa Boulevard and you're telling me I can't. How come? How come?

Why? No, that's a good one. Yeah. The is all. How come? Is all. Is all. Double header.

Sean Jordan, have you a fourth pick is all. This is pretty specific to me, but sorry. Sorry makes me sound stupid all the time i say sorry what i say sorry when i don't do anything wrong exactly yeah i say sorry i hate it when i say it when i didn't do anything i have been working on it but i say sorry like someone runs into you all the time and it makes me sound like a baby yes dude for i mean at a comedy club at a bar anywhere uh like i'll say it in my car believe this or not I'll say it in my car. Believe it or not, I'll say it in my car sometimes if I feel like I'm inconveniencing someone too much.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm working on it. I say pardon me now, but I can't say pardon me in an email or a text. You know what you should try is perdoname. That could be a new you. That'd be saucy. Perdoname, Sean. That's aggressive.

Perdoname, senora. Then I'd apologize for them if they'd look at me if i said that i'm sorry i just fucking around i look at the ground and i turtle up and like i get real uh submissive when i say sorry all the time i you know yeah probably just gonna be that way forever because i'm i'm as old as i'm gonna be it's hard to make changes when you're 41 i'll probably just be that way but well yeah right i hope i don't die you do it right you're not even halfway done yeah but i just feel like i'm the person i'm gonna be i'm not you know i'm just like not that assertive or whatever and i'm working on it but i just feel so dumb when i say sorry for nothing at all i didn't do a thing and I'll say sorry. I'm looking forward to the day when you're like working through it.

So you go back into someone at an airport and you go, hey, I said sorry, but you bumped me actually. So I'd like to take it back. I wasn't sorry. Dude. I mean, I told you about that guy on the airplane when like that girl was in the aisle. And then after a half hour, he goes, can I help you?

And I go, you guys are both bugging me. Yeah. I just said it like a five-year-old. And then 10 minutes later, I apologized to that guy probably 15 times before the end of the flight. I was touching him. I was looking at him. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I was touching him. He's just looking at me like, who is this idiot? All I was trying to do was help. All I wanted to do. I said, I'll do myself. How come you're so mad? I said,

sorry, bro. I, here's what I like. Sorry. When someone kind of like, they'd be like, you can,

I don't know. Like they have a lot of, it's usually customer service and a customer will have some like tension in their head and they'll kind of come hard or come hot at the customer service person. And the customer service person and the customer service person's like yeah we'll get you on the next flight and they're like i'm sorry i didn't mean to yell yeah that is a nice one yeah that's i'm sorry i just yeah or some guys are just like

sorry i'm a fucking prick and you're like oh at least you know it yeah yeah yeah when you walk up with it it's kind of easier. I've never. I've just had it out of my, like, where I've just been, like, so frustrated and taken over by that. And then later on, I'm like, what were you doing? You know? Yeah. I'm sure I've got like that, but I don't. It's not.

I don't really. I can't think of a time. It's not. Yeah. It's usually just me apologizing for like touching someone in an airport it comes up in airports a lot because it's so everyone's just so in their lane and

so worried about where they're going and shit and so I just always do you think also because you're drunk out of the airport it's like heightened well then they go away then I'm just floating then I don't care at all I'm stoked I stopped all the voices you know Well, then they go away. Then I'm just floating. Then I don't care at all. I'm stoked.

I stopped all the voices, you know? It's like walking to that bar. You kept the beasts at bay. Shout out to East Bay. Yeah. Dude, I wish. Shout out to East Bay. East Bay, dude. They kept me swimming in Carl Canai.

That was the only place. That metro and the mall in Sioux Falls were the only two places I knew where to get Carl Canai anyway someone put a nickel in me when they talked about East Bay my fourth pick is gonna be LOL oh yeah it was on the list I'm a ha ha

man you know my father was a ha ha man his father was a ha and by God if i have a son he's gonna be a haha man i don't i don't like typing lol is this the first i don't like it has made it as a as a text i i feel like an asshole when i type lol yeah i do it sometimes still but it makes me feel like a asshole or lmao or lmba do y'all have rules on if you're actually laughing or not like i won't i'll send haha if i'm actually laughing otherwise i won't send it or if i'm like giggling to myself i won't just send it when i'm straight faced answering a text if i don't

want to expand on why i think it was funny because i'm like it's usually like if i'm a rough if i'm rushed or something that's when you're gonna get it doesn't always need a response sometimes you just like that i sent you guys that text today that kid from sioux falls whatever but just a haha and it's like yeah if i give you uh just ha ha then it's like hey i acknowledge what you did and yeah i see it if i give you like eight then it is like oh man you really got me yeah yeah i'll hit you with the i'll hit you with the caps ha ha i'll hit you with the all caps for sure that's like that is how you know it people do it with the lol like lol and you're like i didn't like i don't even know you can't extend it i had a roommate who used to ingest like making fun of these people. He would always say Lola cost.

And it was like, Oh God, God, God damn. That one sucks. Or doing it for the lulls. You're just doing it for the lulls. You're like,

shut your mouth. You're just talking for the computer. Yeah. It's like, I think internet talk is, you know, cause we're all of the age of like, we remember pre internet talk.

So it's very, I remember when it started. I remember, you know, you'd all of the age of like we remember pre-internet talk so it's very i remember when it started i remember you know you'd hear a girl say omg every now and again i think the only one i really do in my life is brb and i do it so random like very slimly i heard you say brb yeah i guess i haven't heard that i'll use the bathroom brb but when you say brb you mean big ricky bucket, right? Yeah, yeah. That's Big Butt. That's your speech center name is Big Ricky Bucket. So you go fill the toilet real quick.

I'm going to rip up that bathroom. You mean Butt Ripping Bandito. Mind if I tear up your bathroom real quick? Don't worry. Toilet's going gonna be center of the storm nothing happened in there you're gonna have to return your shit box after I'm done with it

I'm gonna use your bathroom BRB butt ripping bandito I'll be right back I'm gonna tag your mirror accordingly with this tag marker that I brought from home he just went and tag someone's bathroom bathroom graffiti survives every generation oh my god it's not as offensive as it was when i was a kid though no i feel like it's a lot more uplifting than it was in like now people are doing like tagger

names and shit it's no more like i saw one today at the gym that just had like a tally mark and it said boobs butts and guts i was like no that's civil engagement i love those very democratic of them to do absolutely that dates back to ancient greece that's beautiful that's the census yeah those ones are the same thing carved into the parthenon yeah and the answer has always been butts by the way it's butts is always one. Test of time. I wonder if that person ever comes back and checks on it. You know, where they're like, oh, guts. I bet he comes back a lot and checks on it.

Maybe votes, stirs the pot a little bit. Oh, wow. There's a shift happening in America right now. So the butts people feel the heat? Oh, the butts people feel the heat, bro. Trust me. Butts feel heat. I think guts people feel the heat oh the butts people feel the heat bro trust me butts feel heat i think guts people feel the heat i mean guts if you want that's a lawless bunch yeah i'm a guts guy oh man yeah that's weird we're all guys yeah everybody yeah you got guts to be

all right guts to be man yeah uh david time for your fourth and then your final picks fourth pick okay so this is a difficult one because this is a series of things that i don't like people doing in general but i picked and this one might not be the right one but this is the one word in this in this in this round of i don't like when people just use one spanish word oh i did it earlier and i didn't and i didn't i didn't know which one to pick so the one that i think of a lot it comes up a lot at like restaurants and stuff it's like queso or they're just like pass me the queso instead of cheese and it's like shut the fuck up right dude you know people at nitwits used to order queso with they'd order chips what would they do they'd be like chips with cone queso is what they'd say so they'd order chips with with cheese be like you but

do you know what i mean when somebody does the one and it's it's just like what what are we doing it's a guy going to mexico on spring break and he's like i got amigo locked in i'm just gonna drop that in every conversation yeah they're gonna love it bonyo oh bonyo was bonyo was also a possible one there i'm gonna hit the bonyo necesito shitter where's the bonyo and it's like and i'm sorry if spanish people love it and i just didn't i misread the the thing like that could be it too man i i once went on a mission trip to mexico and we went to a water park and all i had in my brain was nadar unconjugated to swim that's all i so i was just telling people, oh, Nadar. Yeah, Nadar a little bit.

You didn't have La Piscina? No. Because of piss in a pool? That's how you remember it. Oh, yeah. Nadar? Donde Nadar? Listen, we can Comer or we can Nadar, but if we Comer, we can't Nadar for treinta minutos, guys. I'm going to need to Dormir if we Nadar

too late. Raphael Nadar. Then I'm going to have to Lamar Lam we nadar too too late rafael nadar yeah then i'm gonna have to lamar lamar i'm gonna have to call lamar i miss him oh my god that's uh thinking about somebody just doing the base level no accent no conjugation like hola don't day nadar how much are tickets to the agua park would you say quantos would you say would you say what it's it's a number quantos money de agua park yeah i don't know what it is but it's like but also i've gone to other countries and it does seem like if you're at least trying people seem to be generally not a lot nicer to you about it. So I wonder why.

I don't know why this one gets on my nerves so much. But it fucking does. Because you're racist. I don't think so. It feels the same as when tourists come to, well, what can I say? I'm visiting. There's a group that rides the line for me. There's people that show up to Hawaii that are aggressively white,

and they'll always be like, mahalo. And you're like, oh, get out of here. Man, can I tell you, Hawaii for a week with Zach and I hated the tourists. You just really, when you see us outside of our element, you really are like, go fuck these people. you see us outside of our element you really are like go fuck these people yeah he sat next to two tables worth of just terrible tourists for that one dinner at the resort yeah this guy talking to his i think father-in-law about football games that had already happened this season yeah he's just like he's just breaking down football games that everybody saw you're just

like this is your vacation dinner table talk yeah everybody at this everybody at the table all the dudes wearing baby blue under armor shirts like that oh yeah every single dude athleisure wear tucked in what the baby blue are you doing like the baby blue i like the baby blue no not on a not on a pale white you don't want the baby blue i like a baby blue on me baby blue is a tough pull for me it's a tough color to pull off oh man i got a big baby blue hoodie we've gone over this a million times on million times and uh it's just one of those things yeah nobody's mind's gonna change don't take it personal i just wanna wear baby blue you think i'm good too you anyways uh yeah so that's that one

and then my last one is also like a grouping it's like a group of terms that people use that's never super out of date rap slang is always so tough to swallow yeah like it's like just don't but the one i'm taking right now is bling when people call it bling singular like oh look at all that it's like still and you're still you're like, like, oh, look at all that. It's like. Still. You're still. You're like, are you kidding me? Look at your singular bling. Oh, I like your bling. I like that bling.

Ooh, bling. Oh, God. Yeah, it's terrible. It's just rough, man. It's just really, really rough. Wait a minute. You guys got married? Let me see that bling.

I got to see that bling. Yeah. And it's like, listen, I don't think I'm that cool, people. I don't want you guys to think let me see that bling i gotta see that yeah and it's like listen i don't think i'm that cool people i don't want you guys to think i'm like an elitist here but oh that that one that one really gets me every fucking time i realize i don't sound amazing all the time i hope that's not the vibe that's coming across but listen i think if you just work on the shaggy impression i I've been working on it since I'm 14, my man, since Boom Bastic came out. And you still don't know all the words?

Come on. No, I never. You know, there's a part of me where I don't want to look them up. You know all the words to Informer by Snow, but you never bothered with the real reggae song? Those were written on the bottom of the screen. With Shaggy, I know my version of what i think the words are and i never looked them up because i'm like i don't want to ruin me being able to sing the song when it comes on i still don't they come well somebody who knows the words see and what i was it was like written in the box she says i'm mr rule but that's not what he says

touch me on the back she says i'm mr Mr. Roo. Romantic, reggae, fantastic. I always thought it was written in the box. I know you did. I'll teach you one day. Man, that song's dope. You know, I feel like the whole Snoop talk of the early 2000s was heavy on this.

Like the little shizzle and all that. Also, watch that. Bro, thousands was heavy on this like a little shizzle and all that also watch that you bro you don't know i don't think you know what nizzle means but stop saying it to me for real right oh god i haven't heard yeah i'll slap the taste out of your shit like oh my god that would be wild i feel like especially now it's not like watch for you to say that to me right god that seems insane oh anyways bling bling there it is don't say that either i mean you could say it yeah i'm saying there's people who make it cool i'm just what i get what i get annoyed by i'll probably start saying it a lot more than i'm not gonna love that no

is that your final pick my final pick is a word that i say a lot and every time i say it i cringe inside and it's tight oh i really you know what i mean it doesn't sound dickish when you say tight though i say i like it but it never it always feels like a little in my head it feels like someone's like oh yeah and then you know then yeah we just went on this whirlwind and then we got married and i'm like oh tight like it just feels like i'm really minimizing their because i don't know what like i could be like that's fantastic that sounds amazing because it makes you sound like the thing is dumb not like a dickhead so like it because i feel that way about most things i say when i'm like god this makes me That's fantastic. That sounds amazing. The thing is dumb, not like a dickhead. I feel that way about most things I say where I'm like, God, this makes me sound stupid.

But I don't think you sound like a dickhead at all. I think it sounds very endearing and fun. This lobster came from... There's kind of a shore in Connecticut where it's warmer waters than normally. And so we kind of hand-sourced those. And I'm like, oh, tight. That does sound tight.

I'll let you know how it is since tight is out. kind of hand source those and I'm like, oh, tight. I'll let you know since tight is out. How is everything, gentlemen? Tight. It was very tight. You don't know how many times I've had to stop myself from answering like an adult question like that. I just want to be like, this is super tight, bro.

Taxes are in order. Tight? I know I've said that to someone before I feel like that's okay here's your final amount you'll be like ooh tight saved about four grand that's tight oh man

your taxes are in order Sean Jordan your final pick it was going to be something different but this one since we were just talking about it but pisser that still happens all the time back in the midwest when people like ask where the pisser is for using using it yeah yeah when people like where's the pisser and it's just like like wicked pisser huh yeah maybe that's what i thought you meant i'm just gonna no i get you there's boston people who say like wicked pisser oh i'm talking like with bathroom you know like when we

work the door at the comedy club dude they just come up and they be like where's your pisser i'm like fuck you sound stupid it just sounds so stupid there's it's like the dumbest i'd rather have somebody use the singular spanish or just say shitter or something it just sounds so crazy because the shitter's funny at least where's your pisser excuse me where can I put all this piss and whatnot? Man, I've been hanging on to this piss the whole show. I think it just sounds too powerful for you. Shit, sorry. That's a strong stream. I'm sorry.

That's a strong stream. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. No, don't say... No, I was kidding. I was doing it. Where's your goddamn pisser? Yeah, if somebody grabbed me by the collar and meant it then sure but nobody ever did that they tried to be cool like if somebody came up and slapped me they just looked at me someone where's someone go on to google maps right now and look pissers near me and see

what comes closest pisser to my bad dude i always feel weird when i use bathroom when i use bathroom as like a verb like i have to go to the bathroom i feel like a four-year-old lopez will still say restroom lopez will stand up in the crib he did it the other day he'll be like i'm gonna use your restroom i'm like i don't have a restroom this ain't i'll say that this ain't a bathroom that kind of spot isn't it weird that you do everyone does that little announcement like yeah they get out of the they're like, I'm going to use the bathroom real quick. Like anyone was going to be like, oh, they're leaving. Where'd Lopez go? Is he hanging out in our bedroom?

I haven't seen him for a while. Sometimes I feel like it's almost like a low key, a declaration to make sure nobody's going to walk in on you. Cause it always sucks getting walked in on, you know? Maybe you're like, I'll be in the bathroom. So don't bother. I'm going to go in there and I'm'm gonna go in there and pee yeah so unless you want to see my big smoking hot yeah i'm not gonna be in the toilet i'm gonna pee on the door facing the door so if you open the door you're gonna see me you can get a good profile it makes me feel like maybe people don't

even listen so you could just be like hey i'm gonna dig through your stuff real quick i'll be right back well that's good dude you feel insane i feel so crazy when i go into another adult's bedroom don't you feel crazy when you're in someone's room oh yeah i don't like it yeah i don't like it either it feels like max sometimes she'll go into like personal they'll go max like go into their room and i'm like god damn it it's like you have to go get somebody from a dangerous area or something i got you ever have it where they have like a really nice room so like their master bathroom doesn't even have a door so you're just like oh i'm like peeing in your doesn't sound like a nice room to me it sounds like a shithole nice room nice room's got doors where i'm from you go to rich people's houses man it's not a lot of doors

yeah it's different setups sound like they're stupid to me put a door on your shit you're looking for the word veranda just go into a rich person's house this place is a dump put a door on your shit what a terrible setup you only got like eight doors in this fucker this is stupid you got a stupid crib time for my final pick the final pick of the draft yeah get it i'm taking supposed oh yeah that one gets me too man i'm supposed to you're supposed to supposed to it's always supposed to supposed yeah dude yeah every time i feel like i'm like a there's got to be a better way to say this it's also part of supposedly which is like often a very dumb thing to say supposedly a lot of people say supposedly they'll put a b in there yeah i

heard that it's just it's just a room full of traps supposed yeah yeah fuck you i won't do what i'm supposed to supposed to because you're supposed to that's why supposed supposed supposed why did why would i even pay a bench warrant because you're supposed to if we get pulled over on the way to tucson We'll get arrested if you don't. Yeah. That's my final pick. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah. I'm going to say when people talk about having haters.

Oh, that's on my list, too. Oh, that's on my list, too. Yeah. I said it to my haters. Like, if you have haters, it's probably because you're dumb. Yeah. Damn, get them. Nobody has haters. No, I think people have haters for sure.

Yeah, but not the people who think they do. Yeah, hearing people talk about it is always like, what are we? I don't know, man. That's hilarious. Yeah. We're live at Subway right now. No, that was on my list too. That's funny.

Yeah. Yeah, specifically hearing people talk about said haters. You're not going to hook me up with extra tuna? Oh, because you're a fucking hater dude you're a hater anyone with an i heart haters like bumper sticker a hat you know oh you just have people who feel about you in a justified way based on your behavior remember that one they're like i don't know man i think it's weird that you want to be a personal trainer without any kind of like schooling right i think it's weird that you're a life coach amateur yeah i'm more i'm more of a concerned individual than a hater i just study body fats bro diet

excellent pick excellent pick to recap david you went first you took epic hashtag douche nozzle queso and bling zach you went second you took hi the urger authentic lol and tight sean you went third you took loogie irregardless literally sorry and pisser i went last and i took uh-huh no uh how come is alls and suppose you just sound like a kid like a four-year-old i love that i don't let that break down a lot you know i had i had masterpiece on mine but i feel like david with epic it's so close yeah i know what you mean though i can't call something oh that's their masterpiece how can i say i don't mind it when british people say brilliant even though they say oh yeah i was thinking about that earlier today i think it's great brilliant. I had Redondo on the list.

To me, that's like, she sounds so stupid. Redondo. Redondo is like the dumbest sound in the world. Female. Oh, yeah. When a guy says females,

you're like, get out. I got to get out. I do like guys keep standing up and going like, man, that's a female. I do like it when Ice Cube does it on Friday. Subversive? I don't know what this means. I don't know if something's subversive.

Swag. I think swag is down there. I used paradox two times yesterday, and Laura's like, you should put that on the list. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Damn. You're on home. You're on home.

Twice. Unless you got two ships. Your wife is a sniper, baby baby she hit you from the bushes with that one she's tom barringer i feel like it was after the second one and she's like maybe put that on the list we didn't even have a topic yet so like i used it twice yesterday the second time i was like i don't think i'm using paradox right this is the second time today and then like last night before she went to bed she's like throw that on the list well hit us up we want to hear your answers

that was an authentic epic episode of all fantasy everything go ahead and share that with hashtag all fantasy everything don't be a douche bag all right be tight we gave you some lols it was like you were in a theater or comedy uh

irregardless of the fact that we use literally right or wrong, we're not sorry for giving you a pisser of an episode. I don't know if I can do this. Go for yours. Do it. You got it. You're killing me. I'm questioning myself and it makes me say,

how come is all I'm supposed to do is use all these words in a recap? Part of me is saying, but the rest of me is saying uh-huh uh what have i not used yet i fucking get i like you and you short out you too much queso on my chip and i'm saying hi to a feeling anxiety right now uh i tried to bling this up but it was a epic hashtag failure. Dude, that was great. I think I used a couple of them twice.

I feel like a dude nozzle. Oh, yeah. I thought that was your magnum opus. That was fantastic. That was great. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcasts at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit,

the AFE sheslackity, the AFE Patreon for holding us down. If you're on the upper tier of the AFE Patreon, make sure you send us your address because we will have your AFE Patreon exclusive trailblazing hat. Yeah. So what I'll do, I posted about it yesterday, but I'll, as soon as we know or whatever maybe even now i'll just email everybody individually ask for your address and then uh that way i can compile them so if you would i will ask you for your address how about that perfect perfect perfect perfect shout out to super producer marissa on the ones and twos shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to haji beats and more important all of that, tune in again next week to another

brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast