Aware & Aggravated - 68. Standards Keep You Safe. Stop Settling.

Episode Date: March 19, 2023

In this episode Leo talks about why you need to set standards and STOP dropping them. Your standards keep you safe and set the expectation for the experiences you're going to have. Standards are the ultimate protection and the way Leo explains this topic is truly life changing. You won't be the same after this one. ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE:https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi 👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/...📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positiv...Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/de... 🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY https://www.facebook.com/groups/85129... 💎 1-ON-1 COACHING AND MENTORSHIP*Taking on new clients again soon.📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS https://leoskepitemplates.com

Hi, friends. This week we're talking about standards and how they keep you safe because there's not been one time in my entire life when I have dropped my standards or crossed my own boundaries for something or someone and how to good experience. It's always bit me in the ass. So I'm going to teach you how your standards keep you safe and how to stop fucking up. But I'm not kidding. I've literally regretted every single time I do not act in line with my standards that I have for people or situations. Every single time I like not one, did it go good. And that's because your standards keep you safe and protect you from experiences you're not supposed to have and your standards keep you safe and protect you from people who are not meant to have access to you. And I've had plenty of experience with it. So put your seatbelt on, bitch. We got a lot to cover in this episode. But like I said, having standards and respecting them prevents you from allowing people to have

access to you that shouldn't be allowed to have access to you. Because what happens in those situations when someone is in your life that does not meet your standards, they're not going to know how to treat you. They're not going to know how to handle you. They're not going to know how to be there for you. And that goes for situations too, like there is standards you can set all over the board across your life. You got relationships, friendships, your job, basic things like being taken into consideration. That's a standard you should hold.

I 100% think that's the biggest one is requiring someone to take you into consideration, no matter what. Even if they're upset, even if they're pissed off, my feelings still matter. I still matter as a person. For you to get mad and throw me to the side, that's not gonna fucking fly. And if you can't do that, you're out. No way fans or butts. Because what happens when you allow someone to discard you because they're emotional or they're dealing with shit, you're discarded. There's no safety in that relationship, there's no safety in that experience, and there's no safety with that person, ever. So basically, your standards set up an expectation

for the experiences you're gonna have. And if you don't have good standards, your experiences are not gonna be good either. And one thing I wanna say really quick about settling is when you settle for something or you drop your standards or drop your boundaries for someone or something that sends you a silent message. And it's not a good one.

When you do not respect the standards you've set for yourself and you accept something beneath what you think you're worth, that sends you a silent message of that is what you're worth. You're not that valuable. So your sense of feeling valuable and your components and everything about you and especially the experiences you have are going to come from if you act in line with your standards or not. Stop fucking dropping them. I love you. I'm going to be rough with you because I love you. So with setting standards, it's really just about

wanting better for yourself and caring that you're upset by something and caring that something could potentially have set you. Like if you're hurt, that matters. And that will make you aware of the new standards you want to set. So a lot of people learn through contrast and that's kind of like how the universe is going to throw shit at you. You're going to learn a lot about what you don't want because it makes you aware of what you do want.

And if you have an experience that's like shit and you feel like you've been mistreated, you now know a standard to set for how you want to be treated. And then when you act in line with that, you get treated good. But if you keep settling for these Josh Moes, that treats you like shit, you're always going to have shit. No way around it. I do talk a lot about safety. So with standards, if someone hurts you, setting standards will prevent you from being hurt in that way. Again, this is in your control. Setting your standards is the only control you have over limiting the amount that you're

hurt. So when people hurt you, you can't control it. When people do things that upset you or bother you, there is no control over other people's actions, but there is control over what you will allow and what you choose to allow in Dictates the experience you're gonna have like I've kind of like worded this the same five different ways But you need to fucking him it like I need to make sure it hits because this is so important like standards Are your only safety? So if you have an experience that you didn't like or someone hurts you or does something to you and

Treats you a way that you don't want to be treated, they're basically showing you who they are and you need to act accordingly. You need to take into consideration what the fuck has just happened and ask yourself do I want this person in my life and if it's an experience and not a person do I want this experience again because if you are aware you don't like something and you do nothing to change it, the second time it happens to you is your fucking fault. It's your fucking fault. You want to play the blame game? You want to play the whole victim mentality? Nah, the first time it happens in your

hurt or upset and you do nothing. The second time it's on you and every time after that. And this applies to anyone. Literally I've cut off my own parents, friends, siblings. I've cut off everyone in my life for shit like this. I'm close with most everybody now. And like, we've repaired things, but no one gets a free fucking pass. No one. When it comes to you protecting yourself and showing yourself your value, everyone can come correct or get fucked.

Like literally kick rocks. I don't care what someone's attachment is to you. Oh, I'm your dad, I'm your cousin, I'm your best friend, I'm your sibling. So that doesn't give you a free pass and disrespect to me or to treat me like shit. And especially if they're your boss. Oh my god, because when there's a power dynamic like that, or someone's supplying you money or like you have to report to them in a job, they feel like they get this power trip and they can get away with shit. Uh-uh, nothing slides.

Nothing slides. I don't care who it is or what it is. It's gonna cause a lot of chaos in your life if you have not set standards before. Because people that are in your life right now have benefited from not having to act a certain way around you. So if you've just let everything go, when all of a sudden you stand up and you're like,

no, these are the new standards for how I will accept being treated, they're all of a sudden going to have to change their behavior. You're going to get a lot of push back and you're going to get a lot of shit and you're going to feel like you lose a lot of people and everything is just bad. Like why didn't I even set these standards? But it's going to weed out the people who will treat you good enough for you to keep them in your life. And when you start setting standards and you match them and you live by them,

you're gonna be a match to people who will meet them and have no problem with treating you the way that you want to be treated. You just have to weed out the bad shit and show how serious you are first. Like you have to fully disconnect from the person you used to be. And when you set these new standards and stand in them and everyone can bend to you now, there's people and energy is always flowing at you.

So you're always gonna be meeting new people interacting with new people, new people are gonna come in and out of your life. A lot are gonna come out, but the ones that come in and replace them with these new standards you have, you're gonna be the closest to people you've ever been, you're gonna feel valued beyond comprehension because these people are basically showing you

and sending you the message, you're worth treating like this because you set that standard. And for the people who have trouble setting standards and boundaries, I have a really big analogy and it blew the fuck up when I showed it on TikTok about setting a standard or setting a boundary or setting anything for what it takes to access you.

It's like if you go to a club, like you're going to a little nightclub, and a bouncer at the door tells you it's $10 to get in. What do you do? You pay the $10 or you get fucked. Like they're not letting you in. They don't care who you are. Their cover is $10 and you pay it or you don't get fucked. Like they're not letting you in. They don't care who you are. Their cover

is $10 and you pay it or you don't get in. You need to become that way with what it takes to access you. There is no ifans or butts. You pay the entry. Basically, people need to act correct and like treat you a certain way or they're not getting past the fucking door. Because if you let someone in a club who didn't pay the dues to get in there, they're not gonna be as invested. They're not gonna be like, okay, I should behave. If you just let a bunch of hooligans in who didn't do what it takes to access the club,

they're gonna go in there and run fucking wild and not know how to treat it. They're not gonna give a fuck, but when you set value on something and make people match it and pay it, it makes them act different. And it makes them respect you and respect the place that they're going into. And I know I'm using the analogy of the

club, but this all relates to your personal relationships and your relationship with yourself. So like when they're balancer at the door is like it's 10 bucks. It's not offensive if people can't afford it. You're just not of caliber to get in. If you can't afford 10 bucks to get into a club, you shouldn't fucking be going to the club anyway. But setting standards is not an attack on people. People are gonna feel like it's an attack. Some people are gonna walk up to the club and say, oh, it's 10 bucks to get in here.

Ew, fuck no, it's not worth that. Does the bouncer give a fuck? Does the bouncer all of a sudden get insecure? And be like, oh my God, no, no, you can just come in. You can just come in. No, the price is set. If you don't see the value in it, you don't see it. That's not what's in question.

So if you tell someone, this is how you need to behave to access me and to come and be a part of my life. Some people are gonna have pushback. Some people are not gonna see its value. Some people are not gonna see its worth, but the people who do see it will happily fucking pay it. When you see the value on the other side,

they have no problem doing what it takes to get there. So the day someone sees the true value in you, they have no problem doing what it takes to get there. So the day someone sees the true value in you, they'll meet any standard you have and they'll respect your boundaries because they see the value in you and they want to be with you or be close to you or be in your life. They want to have you in their life. And I just want to say I'm sorry to anyone who has not had someone in their life yet, basically say you're worth setting a standard or a boundary.

Like if people just have treated you like shit your whole life, hi, we were late, hey Bestie Boo, but you gotta get like cut through it with the shit. You have to like really protect yourself because when you keep allowing people to get access to you who are not willing to do basic shit, like care about the way that you fucking feel, text you back, be considerate. You're only gonna have experiences with people who do not know how to treat you and will further the cycle of you feeling like shit about yourself and just in general. So that was a little tidbit for people who have discomfort and don't feel confident to

express boundaries. They're not gonna hurt someone. People are gonna get offended sure but who gives a fuck? They're not going to hurt someone. People are going to get offended sure, but who gives a fuck? They're not meant to be there. If anyone is offended by what you require to access you, they shouldn't have access to you. But my next point is when you truly see your worth and you truly see the value you have to offer and you can see how your presence of someone's life is something special, it's going to become very difficult and very uncomfortable to give someone access to you that you have to drop your boundaries and drop your standards for because it doesn't

feel good to feel like you're giving someone something valuable. That isn't worth shit. It's like giving someone yourself at a discount. That doesn't feel good. So if you struggle with setting standards and boundaries, your number one thing that will kick you in the ass and start doing it is start seeing your own value. And I have two ways that I've had to do this and the only ways I could find out to finally like feel valuable in the first is go on a fucking scavenger hunt by asking yourself if you met someone who is a literal clone of you. What about them? Would you be like, fuck, finally I met a friend like them or finally I met a partner like this. Make a list

and write down all of the traits that you would finally be so happy you found and all the traits that you could appreciate about having this person in your life. How would just their presence make your life better? How would you feel about yourself? How would you feel about life? How would you feel just having this person around you? And then when this person cares about you, the way that they love your clone, the way that they care for you, how does that make you feel? And when you get to experience yourself firsthand like that, your value is not going to be something you can ignore anymore. I don't care what you've been through. You're not going to be able to downplay yourself anymore. You're going to be like, shit, I am a little gift.

And the second way I started recognizing my own value and seeing it is experiencing myself through other people. So there's certain things that I do for people that I didn't realize made them feel so good. So I have a couple examples. One is like, one of my friends the other day, like I sneezed and I like

Spit when I sneezed and it got on my arm and she like discreetly like privately like got my attention to it And like got me to wipe it off without everyone else noticing like I have some fucking spit on my arm Like it's a normal fucking human thing to sneeze, but like she Made sure I wasn't embarrassed and like took care of it in private to protect me And the same thing goes when someone will like look at me and like do this to like let me know I have something in my teeth to protect me and make sure I don't look stupid like that Makes me feel so cared for and looked after that like you're protective of me You want to make sure I'm not embarrassed and you're always looking out for me

And then I realized Leo you do that for other people too So I knew how my friend made me feel and how safe and like cared about I felt just from these little acts. And I had to remind myself Leo, you do that for other people. You make other people feel that level of safe and protected with you. And when you truly feel how you impact others and what your presence is like in their life and the little shit that you do that's so important when you can physically feel yourself. Again, your value is undeniable. And I have a full podcast episode about this dynamic.

It's episode 15 of my podcast. It's on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. I'll put the link in the description. So if you want to hear more about that topic and more details and things like that, it's there. The title is how to actually feel lovable. So I break all that down there if you want to listen to it. So the next thing I want to talk about is feeling more confident setting your

boundaries. So a lot of people make a list of like all the things that they want out of a partner or a friend or like their job. And they do not feel confident or good enough to ask for those things. So one conversation I had the other day with one of my clients is I made her make a list of all like the ideal traits of the guy that she wants to date because she's looking for a relationship. So we made the list and then I said, okay, out of all the things that you just wrote about this guy, if this guy was standing in front of you, would you feel confident to be with him,

would you feel confident to go for him? And she almost started crying and said, no. So I said, okay, after you see confident to be with him? Would you feel confident to go for him? And she almost started crying and said, no, so I said, okay, after you see this list of everything you want to ask for from a partner, what would you need to do or change to feel like you deserve that? How would you need to behave? How would you need to transform? What would you need to do differently? With yourself, with your behavior, with everything? And this reveals all the things you need to do,

to finally feel confident to ask for the standards you want to set. Because it's nice and logical to be like, oh, I wanna ask for all these things. But if you don't feel worth asking for it, you're not gonna feel comfortable doing it. And you're gonna get into situations where you convince yourself, oh, like it's fine,

he's got a couple of these things, but like you're secretly insecure, so you're not gonna hold that standard so fucking hard, because you don't feel worth it. But when you get clear on everything you wanna ask for, when you see that you can offer it, you're gonna have absolutely no problem asking for it. It's just gonna be like a no-brainer.

Like if you don't have all these things that I'm asking for, get away from me. And that's one reason I'm so damn cocky, with how picky I am with relationships, because I do not ask for anything. I cannot offer I can offer a fucking lot So what the fuck do I look like going and dating somebody who can't offer me the same? That's degrading to myself If you want to talk like real life. If you want to be real

I know that's kind of like sad and people don't like to face that reality But it's the goddamn truth when you can offer everything you ask for, no one is allowed to shame you for asking for it. Sometimes people are like, oh my god, Leo, like your standards are really high. Like, do you think you'll find that person? And I have no problem saying, I don't know. I don't know if I'll find the person that's a match to me

and can like match my standards, but I'm not dropping them for anyone. I'll be alone before I devalue myself by settling and getting with someone who can't offer what the fuck I offer That's not fair. I will never do that to myself. I Promise myself I never would and I fucking won't when you look at it I like a transaction like that make sense. I feel confident asking for this shit. Why should I settle? Why should I?

In what world bitch? And I don't care if people think that I'm an asshole. Like, plenty of people try to date me. People are constantly in my fucking DMs. When I go out, people are constantly trying to like flirt with me and like, do shit. Like, I used to never get hit on. But now all of a sudden, everybody wants to hit on me. And when I'm not impressed, some people get upset. I'm polite and I'm respectful, but I set my walls up.

As soon as you take it to fucking flirty and I'm not interested in you, let's shut that shit down. and let's not do that. Let's not go there. So I have absolutely no insecurity about demanding certain standards and certain things from people, whether it's a friend or relationship, a job, a boss, a manager, anything. I know what I can offer. I feel the value and I know what the fuck I'm capable of and how I care about people. And when you get very clear on that you have no insecurity. You will never not feel valuable when you see

it in your god damn self. And I also have a full podcast episode about feeling valuable, it's episode 11, it's also on Spotify and Apple podcasts. All my video podcasts are only episode 40 and up, but episode one through 40 is on the audio version. I will also link that one in the description, but if you struggle with feeling valuable and you need help seeing your own value I've got you but I do have a random little piece to insight that I want to share and it's my favorite analogy for everything. And the analogy is giving a crack head a Birken. A Birken is a $10,000 purse. It's the most expensive handbag in the world, one of them but like they range they start at like 10 grand and they go up to like $10,000 purse. It's the most expensive handbag in the world, one of them. But like they range, they start at like 10 grand, and they go up to like $300,000.

Yeah, for a purse, I know. I don't make them, don't attack me. I'm just using this as the example. So it's like you have this very valuable thing, and you give it to someone who does not know how to appreciate it and does not see the value in it. You think if you give a Burkin to a crackhead, they're not just gonna throw it the fuck around

and beat it up and not know how to treat it because they are not able. They don't have the capacity to appreciate or even the knowledge to understand the value of that item. So I look at it like I'm a fucking burk in, who my whole life has been given to a bunch of crackheads because people have never known how to treat me.

I've always felt like I wasn't valued or appreciated until I started setting these standards And then I matched up with people who value me beyond like ways I've ever felt But it's very unfair and it's kind of stupid on your end to give yourself A brick and to a crackhead and then get mad at the crackhead for them mistreated you and just throwing you around if you see someone Can't appreciate you don't fucking give them access to you, because who's gonna get hurt? You, you bitch, me, we always. But in the same sense, if you give a burk into someone who knows the value in it, they're gonna cherish the fuck out of it. They're gonna take care of

it like nobody's business. They're gonna literally value that item and be so delicate and careful with it. And they're going to make sure they do nothing to risk it. A crackhead is just going to toss you the fuck around. And one level deeper with that, if someone is not used to having valuable things, they have a certain way of treating shit. So when they get something valuable, they're just going to treat it how they are used to treating things. They don't understand value. They don't know how to treat anything different. If they've only had low value shit before, they're going to wreck anything valuable they get because they don't know how to treat it. They're standard for how you behave and how you treat things is set low. When you give them something high, they're not gonna know what to do with it. They're gonna treat it how they've always treated it and not think that they're devaluing or abusing it. So if you meet someone who's only used to have a

mediocre-ass people and you're someone special and you get together, they're gonna treat you like your mediocre as fuck and that is something that makes me question my values so many times. I was with people who have only been with average normal people. I'm a very fucking special person in so many ways. And these people would treat me like I was average because that's all they were used to. They didn't understand what the fuck to do different. They didn't even know how to see it. They just felt like I was special, but they didn't know what the fuck to do about it. And being treated poorly by people who weren't shit made me question my own value.

But if you are in the hands of a crackhead or someone that is used to having an average shit and you're something special, do not ever question if you are special, you fucking are, you feel it, you know it. Get the fuck out of their hands, get into someone's hands who knows how to treat something valuable and knows how to treat something special. That's what's going to make you feel special. So that's what I'm saying with the standards. This is fully in your control. Stop giving yourself to crackheads. You're a book. Now, I'm going to hit this from a little bit of a spiritual angle and vibrationally and university, you know, that. So if you're in some manifestation, say no to anything that doesn't meet your standards set standards. It's what the universe brings

into your life and makes you a match to. But the whole thing with being a match, like I said, you need to get clear on what you want and what you need to do to change to become competent and asking for it. And be like, yeah, I fucking deserve that shit. I demand it. Like you need to make enough changes

and rise to become a match, something that you want. And you have to have the level of confidence where you're like, yeah, that's mine. I have no qualms about asking for what I'm asking for. I fucking deserve it because I am XYZ. When you make yourself a match to it, the universe will have no problem giving it to you. But when you have insecurity about it, you ain't getting a bitch.

But with the manifestation thing, say no to everything that comes up that does not meet your standards. Every single thing that comes up, a person and opportunity, anything. If it does not meet the standards that you have, say, no, give the universe or God or whoever you believe in, the only option is to bring in what the fuck I'm asking for. I'm not accepting shit else. Stop accepting things beneath your standards or that's all you're gonna get. And one thing I like to do when I get something or an opportunity that

is lined up when I'm asking for something and it's not quite my standards, I use it as a tool to like strengthen my standards. I'm like, okay, what is this person or this thing making me aware of that I do actually want? What is it making me aware of that I don't want? Because if you think you don't want, you can just flip it and that's what you do want. So if you don't want someone short, I want someone tall. It makes you aware of what your standard should be. And I hadn't experienced recently

that I talked about in episode 66 where I wasn't sure if I was dead set on a certain standard and being presented the opportunity and paying attention to the way that I felt when I got it I wasn't fully satisfied. So instead of talking myself into being happy with what I did like about it It wasn't fully what I wanted and what that did was give me solid fucking confidence that no This is a full standard I want to set and I'm not fucking budget on it. It's not something that's negotiable. So when the universe is throwing you shit, don't think that you're only worth that or

better is not gonna come. You're being tested and prepared and being made certain of what you do want. And the last thing with that is when you let someone in your life that is beneath your standards, they're taking the place of someone to come in who does meet your standards. Get them the fuck out. Stop being scared of being alone, you will be just fine. When you spend time alone, you recognize your own value.

So stop letting people who are not up to your standards take the space of someone who would be. You have to keep that space open or you're not a match to it. Why the fuck would they just come in like you're not gonna get? The universe like throwing you a thousand fucking people and you just like have to wait with the one that you're not happy with until the next one Comes along then you can jump to it You just got a jump for the shit jump off the fucking ledge as soon as you realize where your ad is not what you want jump and Watch what catches you

It is very scary. It's fucking terrifying, but settling devalues yourself. So you really have no option. It's your relationship with yourself and telling yourself, I actually am worth this and I'm going to settle for this or jump. And every single time I have jumped, something better has caught me. So my last little tidbit I'm gonna throw in this episode is actually something I talked to a friend about last night and it's about loving someone too much and he was talking about how he just loves people so much and he keeps getting hurt and I had to explain to him

the same thing that I've had to realize in myself when you are capable of loving someone to like a high magnitude and you really care for people, it's a fucking burden that you're going to have to learn to live with. Loving too strongly and being too good of a person is a fucking burden because you cannot give that love to everyone. When you give love that is special, like I said to someone who can't appreciate it or isn't worth it, who gets hurt? You the burden of loving too deeply is just one you have to live with you have to become very selective with who you allow access to that love

You have to make sure this person is safe for you to give this love to because you're giving them a part of you If you give someone a part of you that is deep and very because you're giving them a part of you. If you give someone a part of you, that is deep and very valuable. You have to make sure those are safe hands for you to lay that into. Because when you lay that type of love onto someone who can't accept it or isn't worth it,

like I said, you get hurt. So back to my main point of this video. Your only control with if you get hurt or not is your standards. Stop settling. All right, I think I'm done yelling at you. I or not is your standards. Stop settling. All right, I think I'm done yelling at you. I hope this episode was helpful. If this episode did help you,

don't be afraid to share it with a friend, or share it with some people that you care about because this is like the most loving shit you could do. And leave me a comment on this video, and let me know what you thought of it because I love hearing what you guys have to say. And if you're listening to the audio version of this podcast, leave me a five-star rating.

Thanks, it helps a lot. Other than that, all of my social media is in the description if you're listening to the audio version of this podcast, leave me a five-star rating. Thanks and helps a lot. Other than that, all of my social media is in the description if you want to follow it. And everything else you need for me to, my merch, my everything in the description. Check it out. But thank you guys so much for watching. Everybody be safe and take care of yourself. Stop fucking settling. Hold your standards.

Love you. I'll talk to you guys next Sunday. Hold your standards. Love you. I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.