Aware & Aggravated - 84. Feeling Like You're Not Doing Enough

Episode Date: July 9, 2023

In this episode Leo talks about  feeling like you're never doing enough and how to navigate it. He breaks down a few new perspectives and teaches you how to flip your mindset so you can start seeing the value in yourself regardless of how much you are or aren't doing. Podcast episode to assess if you're actually doing enough: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrQQ9VXN9uQ&t=41s✅ FOLLOW ME HERE:https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi😁 WWLD Submissions: https://forms.gle/sNtQjjwvXUisfdgh9🗳️ Vote on the topic for my next podcast episode: https://forms.gle/zLYrqARubCaLTKzT7👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/...📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positiv...Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/de... 🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY https://www.facebook.com/groups/85129... 💎 1-ON-1 COACHING AND MENTORSHIP*Taking on new clients again soon.📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS https://leoskepitemplates.comBusiness Inquiries:[e-mail]

I feel like you too far away from me. Come on, be a gimmick, Keith. All right, that feels right. Hi, friends. This week we're talking about feeling like you're never doing enough. No matter how much you do, you always got that voice in the back of your head, making you insecure

and worried that you're not doing enough. So, we have a lot to cover in this episode. Hold on to your little panties, cause I'm not the blown away. I actually had a whole different podcast plan for this Sunday, but I had an experience over the little 4th of July holiday with one of my friends who's in a band and we had like a long deep conversation and it triggered this whole topic coming up. So this is the perfect time to hit it and do it justice. So I got some things to break down. Then

I'm going to tell you his experience and how I got him through all that. But let's just jump right into this. So the reason you feel like you're never doing enough is because you don't see the value in what you're already doing or what you already have and contribute. So basically you're real good at seeing what you're not doing. You're not good at seeing what you are doing.

And you seeing how what you're doing is valuable and you seeing how your presence is valuable is so much more important than people realize because it doesn't matter how much you do. It does not matter if you do everything in the world. If you don't see the value in it and if you don't recognize how it is good and how it is enough, you're never going to feel like it's enough. Even't recognize how it is good and how it is enough, you're never going to feel like it's enough. Even if everyone around you is completely fulfilled and satisfied, if you can't fathom that you actually are doing enough and if you can't see the things that you're doing

are valuable, it's never going to matter. You're always going to feel like you have to do more. If you don't see it, so this episode I I'm gonna teach you how to goddamn do that. So a lot of us have childhoods where your value and being good is only reflected to you when you're doing and working and achieving things and providing things to others. Like a lot of our parents teach us,

A, shit head, you're only like of use when you're being of use. You have to be doing things to feel good and to feel loved and to not be working and achieving and doing all these things and being perfect. It means you're worthless and it means you're useless and it means you don't deserve anything. So that's a big dynamic. I've had to crack in my own head for my own childhood and I'm going to talk about it like it's you too because y'all get me we're the same people but that's

something I struggled with for a long time is feeling like I was just worthless if I wasn't constantly doing things doing more doing better and contributing as much as I could like I would exhaust myself doing it but basically if you relate to what I'm saying we were taught you have to earn love. You don't just get love. You have to do things for it. You have to show and prove that you are worthy of being loved. And that's what the whole doing more and constantly beating yourself up to be doing extra comes

from. Like you're trying to show and prove your of use and that you're worthy of someone caring about you. But the thing to get with this is that is conditional love. If you only get love from someone and you only feel cared about when you're doing things and you're achieving or helping or providing and being of use, if you only feel love during that

and love is dependent on that, that's conditional love. And I hate to say that because it's going to make a lot of people realize the way that their parents love them was actually very much conditional. And most love is conditional, unfortunately. But this little explanation kind of makes everything make sense. Like why you have this need of constantly just doing more, even if you're exhausted to the bone and you're like sitting on the couch, you have that thought in the back of your head, I'm like, oh, I could be doing this right now.

I could be doing that. Like God forbid you take a minute to rest. Your brain is beating you up. It all makes sense. But the thing I got to go one step deeper with is the reality is you're just insecure in your attachment with people. You're insecure in the love that you get from people. So if you look at that, you're insecure in your attachment with people. You're insecure in the love that you get from people. So if you look at that,

you're insecure in your attachment with people. What you want is to feel secure and to feel close to people and not feel disposable and to feel worthy of their love. This is the goal. So doing a lot, constantly proving yourself, constantly working, constantly achieving things is one way of getting to that. You're basically short-cutting the need for security and safety and your connections with people by achieving all this shit and doing all this shit because that's what you think gets you there. That's just one way to get there is what you have to see. So what you actually want is not to stop wanting to do things all the time. What you want is security and your attachments with people.

That's what's going to make you feel like you don't constantly have to be doing things. And this is where I kind of want to tie in what I said at the beginning. You feel like you constantly need to do more because you're not aware that what you're currently doing is very valuable. You're not seeing that. You're just seeing the void of how much more you could be doing to get you to that goal of closest and safety.

You see, with that, I just wanna say you're not crazy, you're not weird, you're not toxic, you're not insane, like nothing's bad. It all makes sense why you feel the way that you do, why you feel like you constantly have to be doing more and why you don't ever feel fulfilled no matter how much you do. Like it all makes sense. But now I want to jump into the example of the conversation that I had with my friend. I'm going to name him Billy. Why did I just come up with the

name Billy? Where's me go? Billy go. Let's just say Billy, because I don't want to like air my friends business out. So we'll just go with Billy, okay? so my friend Billy is in a band and He opened up and was honest with me about feeling insecure and like he wasn't doing enough in the band And he said he didn't feel valued by the other members and he was very anxious about His position in the band like he was feeling very disposable and his whole in the band. Like he was feeling very disposable and his whole, I need to be doing more was fueled by his insecurity and his attachment

and his place in the band. He thought he was just gonna be booted out if he wasn't like, rise into the occasion, which is a very valid concern and a very valid point. You need to be aware when you're not doing shit, when you're not contributing or when you actually aren't good enough, you need to be aware when you're not doing shit, when you're not contributing, or when you actually aren't good enough, you need to be aware of it.

So you can get your shit in check and actually secure your place in that spot. But Billy was explaining to me how he would go into these spirals and would panic and freak out and have these anxiety attacks and would just not be able to get out of his head when he felt not valued by the band. So I said, would you feel like you need to be doing more of?

And he talked about songwriting and coming up with ideas and coming up with production for videos. And basically he felt like if he wasn't doing everything in the group that he wasn't valuable or valued and he felt disposable. So he was constantly beating himself up that I need to be better at songwriting. So we'd spend all these hours and stay up late every night like trying to perfect his songwriting skills to get that skill and maximize it so it could be good and he could like earn his place.

Then he's racking his brain trying to think of ideas and pitches for like videos and everything that goes into the band and then producing music. He was trying to do it all. But in that process of trying to become perfect at every single thing, he was not seeing what he was already doing for the band. So before you try and go start doing more, you need to recognize what you're already doing because he saw no value in what he was already doing. And this is what I had to help him see.

And this is what's going to help a lot of you when I start breaking down the little things that are very important. So for the band, they have team meetings every single day. And they'll meet up and they'll talk about everything going on. Billy is always the one bringing the energy and making sure everybody's on time, making sure everybody's with it and like in a good mood and ready to execute at the meeting and talk. So basically he's trying to manage everybody and he's being like a little manager and he is a manager for the group in a way.

But he's a big contributor to the meetings and when it comes to songwriting and music and everything going on, like he's perfecting his skills for his position in the band. So he's got his one skill set. Like you got the drummer, the singer, the guitarist, everybody else that's in, I don't fucking know how much goes into bands. Okay, but there's like a lot of different members in the band. They all do different things. He's perfected his own skill. He is the best at the instrument he plays. And he does see how good he is at the instrument that he plays. Like he spends the time and has spent the years putting in the effort. He knows his skill in that.

But he lets everything else that he sees that he's not doing discount how good he really is at playing that instrument. So what I had to help him see is you already fill the spot of the one instrument the whole band needs you to play. Okay, you're great, you're good at that, but he still didn't feel valued. So I said, okay, this is where I had to reflect on his own value for a minute. When you go to these team meetings in the morning and you guys are all getting together, for you to be looking out for

everyone and making sure everyone's there is one thing. Everybody feels supported and cared about. The second thing, when you bring the energy and when you're uplifting and you're in a good mood and you're ready to get everything going, when other people walk into the room and they feel that energy, you lift the whole room because one person might walk in not really feeling it. But when you got that one guy that's always just like boosts in the mood and has the energy, it like seeps into you when you get more in the mood. It's like, okay, like I had to show Billy, he's such a key component to the band and everybody's ability to function because it's not just at the meetings that he

brings the energy. He brings it with rehearsals, he brings it with the shows, he brings it with everything. So I was like, even if they don't need your instrument for every single thing in the band and you're not getting solos and you're not getting all these things, you still are a huge factor for the band. Like as small as bringing the energy, that allows everyone and helps everyone execute their roles and feel good. And I was like, you're such a big component to making sure everybody else can execute. And once he saw

that, he really was like, oh, fuck, like he had to think for a second. When I pointed out the value he does bring, like he thought the only value he could bring is with these little minute things But that's where you got to understand a lot of the value you bring to something might just be the way you make people feel and That's more valuable than anything because like if Billy wasn't there Bring it up the mood all the time people would not be as good as what they're doing They might not get as much done. They might not feel as happy about it. Forcing him to recognize the value he brings just in that made him instantly feel a lot more secure. In his place in the band, we also had to go into the look that he brings to the band. We got the vibe, we got the energy, but he also brings a very specific look and he ties in the look of the band.

He's a very key, what's it called? Symbol or like icon, like the way he looks and his image brings a lot to that band. And I had to assure him so many times, like you're not disposable at all. Like you do all of these things and you provide all of this value. As an outsider, I saw it and he just didn't see it.

But as soon as I started pointing all these things out, he felt an immense relief from all the pressure he had on himself to constantly be doing more and feeling scared he was gonna get like booted or left behind or feeling not valued like recognizing the value and what he was already doing that he wasn't seeing got him that feeling of safety and security and like got him that feeling of safety and security and like relief. So that's where I say, before you start trying to do more constantly, spend a little bit of time and reflect on how good what you're doing already is

and how much value you're already bringing. And that goes for work, that goes for school, that goes for relationships, that goes for everything, friendships, like anything that you feel like you have to do more with, just take a second to look at what you're already bringing to the table. Because I'm sure it's way more than you realize. And a lot of people don't vocalize things.

Like these members in this band, never once told Billy, thanks for being in a good mood. Or I didn't feel like really like doing this today, but you being in a good mood brought me up and made me want to rehearse today or play this show. Like people are not always going to validate it. So that's why I'm a big promoter of like flipping into the other perspective and imagine like yourself from like a different standpoint

because you'll be able to actually see how much just your presence means and how much that benefits people. So even if Billy showed up one day and didn't even touch his fucking instrument, just being there and bringing the energy and bringing the vibe is enough to make him still be seen as valuable by everyone,

to be comforting, to be in tune, to check on people. Hey, you need a water, you good, is everything good? is it tuned, is everybody set up, is anybody need anything? Just that. Makes people feel so cared about and supported and they're not just gonna throw you away because you don't do everything on the board. But that's kind of the delusion you'll trap yourself in is that you're not doing enough

when you don't see how what you're currently doing is more than enough. So this made Billy feel a lot better, but then a new issue presents it itself where he's still felt like he wasn't doing enough. Like he knows what he's capable of, and he doesn't feel like he's executing that. So that's the next topic we're hitting. When you feel how much you're capable of and what you're able to give and contribute, and you feel like you aren't doing it. Do not make this mean something has gone bad or that you're not good enough in XYZ.

You're not able to do everything all the time. And if you actually are doing a lot, but you feel how much more you have to give, you are going to feel a big discrepancy. Like, you aren't doing enough. It's not that you aren't doing enough. You're not maxing out your potential, but the thing is, you're not able to max out your potential all the time.

You can't do everything all the time. You can't give 110% all the time in every area. Like if Billy was over here really trying to give 110% for every stance and every position in the group, it would take away from his ability to give 110% at his one instrument and his position in the band. You can't try and do all of it. Like you have to become selective with what you're going to contribute and what you're going to give and what you're going to do. But with that, when you feel the discrepancy and you feel that you have a lot more to contribute, you're just not doing it yet. That also does not mean you are not already doing a ton.

And that's why I brought up before seeing the value in what you're already doing. It's going to make you feel better because you're not going to be able to give 110% all the time and you might feel all this potential in you. But it's a process of learning how to get it all out of you, like me with my podcast. There is so much more I want to be doing and providing and I just feel everything inside of me and I want to do so much more. But when I feel that, I do not let it discount what I'm already doing. I work more than anyone I know. For me to sit here and stress out and beat myself up for not doing enough, dude, like you're doing a ton. And like I said, it's a process for you

to get to a point where you're fully expending everything you have in you to give, that's a process to work up to that. And while you're working and learning how to actually get it all out of you and contribute as much as you can, you have to take care of yourself in the process so you can contribute all that you feel that you have to give. You have to take care of your goddamn self. Can't just be beating yourself up mentally, what's that gonna do? Nothing, it's gonna hold you back and hinder your ability to do that.

If you're constantly burning yourself out and trying to go 120% every single day on everything, that's not taking care of yourself. You're burning yourself out with the thing that you're trying to contribute before you even know how to fully express it and like fully give it all. Like, chill girl. But that's the thing where it gets very uncomfortable when you feel the discrepancy of like, this is how much I want to give. This is all I'm giving right now. Don't make it mean anything bad. Don't get upset. Don't get pissed. Like, it's a full process of learning how to do it. And just because you feel like you have more to give, it doesn't mean you're not already giving a fuck ton. You're already doing so much more than you realize.

And I'm sure after this episode, when you start thinking about my scenario with Billy and you start seeing how the things you are doing are 10 times more valuable than you initially thought, you're gonna feel a lot better about this. But that's a big thing to comfort you on the process. Is to start seeing the value and what you are doing. And that's a big piece of motivation that people miss out on, but this feeling of having more to give,

you can use that as an opportunity for motivation and to uplift you and drive you and push you forward, or you can look at it as a way to discount and devalue everything you're already doing because if you feel all this that you have to give and you use that to look at your reality and say okay well this isn't good enough that's not good enough and you start attacking everything you're doing because it's not at the level you feel yet that's gonna make you not want to do it like when you talk yourself out of it and you tell yourself you're not doing enough, that's a mischance of motivation. This feeling you feel of how much you have to give this overwhelming just like, I want to be doing

more, that can become the biggest sense of motivation. But you might be fucking yourself by using it to discount what you're already doing or shame yourself with it. Like, ah, this is what you could be doing This is all that you're doing. Stop looking at it like that. You have an endless stream of motivation and energy in you When you feel like you have more to give. So stop using it as a way to beat yourself up Like use this feeling of wanting to do more To boost you and motivate you and keep you moving, bitch, because you've got a lot to give Every single one of us does.

You just have to work on and learn how to give it, because the way you're doing it right now might not be the most efficient. And you might not actually be able to give and do all the things you feel because you don't know how yet. You might have to go through this, do what you can and do the most you can

to learn the new ways to do it and get a new positions. Basically, what I'm saying is wanting to do more and feel like you need to do more can be uplifting or damaging. You pick how it's going to go and how it's going to feel by how you look at things. Now I want to talk about the reality of you can always be doing more. You can always find something else you could be doing. There is always more work to be done. But with that, you get to choose how much are you willing to push it? How much are you going to give into that? And how much are you willing to like force yourself to do more and more and more? You can always do more and it's never gonna end. So you

get to choose what you're gonna do and how you're gonna do it. If you're already doing a lot and you are tired and you notice yourself and you're on the couch or just like laying in bed thinking of all the other things you could be doing, you're telling yourself, oh this is the waste of time, you could be doing XYZ, you can get ahead, you can this, you can that. You have to evaluate, is that productive or not? Is actually getting up and doing all of these things productive or is resting for a minute productive so I can do more. That's where you have to see what is worth putting

your energy and effort into. Like there's always more to be done, but is it a strategic decision to constantly be doing more? Like I said with my podcast, there's so much more I want to be doing with my podcast, with my social media, with everything. I have so much inside me I want to give, but for right now, while I'm on this process of building and putting things out there, is it a good idea for me to keep pushing myself because I feel like I can do more and burn myself out in every area and constantly just like freaking out and having anxiety and forcing all these in every area and constantly just like freaking out and have an anxiety and forcing all these things to happen and forcing myself to do all

this shit and not relax. Is that a good use of my time and energy or is doing what I'm currently doing and just executing on that perfectly and allowing myself to rest so I can be better at what I'm doing now. Is that a better idea or is exhausting myself? A good idea. Because if I exhaust myself and I never let myself rest and I'm trying to do 100 more things plus what I'm already trying to do, all that's going to happen is what I'm already currently doing is going to start to diminish.

It's not going to be as good because my energy is forced and all these other things that I feel like I need to be doing more. You know what I mean? What I see is what I'm doing right now and what I'm currently giving and sharing and working on is the stepping stone and that's part of my journey to get to maxing out my potential at the level that I want it. This is all part of it. I can't keep trying to like jump it and like skip and like hurtle everything. This is all part of the process. I have to do all this little tedious shit and do all the work that I'm currently doing. Even though I feel like oh I can be doing more, I'm aware of all these things I can be doing. Is it productive? Is it actually gonna get me further ahead or we'll just buckling down

and like maximizing everything I'm already doing. get me further. It's that. It's doing everything I'm doing now and allowing myself to rest and allowing myself to Perform efficiently at what I'm currently doing That's enough and that is what's gonna get me where I'm going trying to rush everything and speed everything up Babe, you have plenty more time to be all that you want to be and give all that you want to give. And I know there's the whole like you could die tomorrow. So be it! I'm tired. No, but I'm serious. There's so much pressure about how I'm going to do everything right now.

You don't have to do everything right now. And your sense of urgency and feeling like you have to do all these things will diminish as soon as you start to look at and recognize the value and everything you're currently doing and how it is such a big piece and how you are making progress. Even if you are aware, you could be doing a thousand times more. Is that realistically humanly possible to push yourself like that? No, so let it go. And like I said, sometimes you really aren't doing enough.

And if that's your concern and that's your worry, I have a whole podcast episode about that. It's episode 64, it's on Spotify and it's on YouTube if you want the video version. But in that episode I talk about how to like check yourself and see if you're actually doing enough. Because a lot of the times people will convince themselves they're doing a lot and they're really not. Or you're not doing what you actually need to be doing. You're just convincing yourself you're working when you're actually doing enough. Because a lot of the times people will convince themselves they're doing a lot and they're really not.

Or you're not doing what you actually need to be doing. You're just convincing yourself you're working when you're not. So I made a whole podcast on how to weed all that shit out. But if you listen to this and then you go listen to that, you're gonna be on your way and you're gonna be doing better than you were and you're not gonna have this incisive fear and worry and panic of like, oh my god, I'm not doing enough. What's so bad?

Genuinely. What's so bad? Genuinely, what's so bad if you weren't doing enough? Like we talked about in the beginning of this with the whole conditional love thing. You're gonna lose people. Do you really want people in your life that you have to perform for like a little fucking circus monkey? Do you want the love from people who expect you to constantly be doing things? Do you want the love from people who expect you to constantly be doing things? Do you want the love from people who force you to prove you are worthiness? Because if I feel like I constantly have to achieve things and be working on everything and like doing more and more and more and exhausting myself to make you like me, I'm good, Guru.

I'm really okay. And I was going to end this episode, but there's one more thing I want to talk about. And this is kind of like off the cuff, but I did talk about in the beginning with the relationship thing and the conditional love. When you eventually meet someone who you do not have to prove anything to and you meet someone that you cannot contribute anything to. You need to get ready for that. So people in my life, there is nothing you can do for me that will make me love you.

Like I do everything on my own. I am fully self-sufficient for people to come and feel like they have to provide to me, to get my love. It's not gonna work because I don't need you to do anything for me. What I need from people is their presence, their support, their comfort, their energy, their uplifting positivity. Like, I need the sad shit too. I need you to be real with me and I want us to sit down and fucking

bitch about our problems together and just smuck a little blank. And like, I need people's presence and if you don't even recognize the value in your presence when you meet someone who is self-sufficient you're gonna feel so crippling the insecure because you have no way to prove your abuse to them and you have no way to feel worthy of their love you feel like you haven't earned it but that's one thing I want all of you to think about and just imagine right now. Like imagine you met someone who came to you and said, I love you just for being you. And I love you for how you make me feel.

And I love you for the way that you care about me. Imagine someone just said that shit to you. And not that you do anything to make them feel this way. Just your presence is comforting and uplifting. And all of that. It's the things you don't actually putting effort into that make you so valuable. And that's what I want to shake everybody

and make everyone see. Like my friend Billy, he didn't understand how him just being himself and not trying to force all these actions and be all these things and do all this shit like him just being him brought so much light and so much value to everything and everyone like that's what you really need to see so that's how I'm gonna leave this episode off look for the things that you provide that you aren't actually putting effort into. So you know how to look at all the things you are doing.

Look at the things about just your presence and the things that you're not actually putting effort into. That are good. And you're gonna realize, woof, damn, I ain't gotta put that much energy out and that much effort out because all these things are actually really great. I don't even have to try.

If this episode was helpful for you and you liked it, leave it a thumbs up. If you're watching it on YouTube, leave me a comment too. Let's talk. It will listen to the audio version on Apple podcast and Spotify. Five stars rating. Thank you very much. I'll send you an invoice. The link to the podcast episode I talked about a minute ago is in the description, along with all of my social media if you want to follow me. So, everything you need for me is in the description. Merge my app, social media if you wanna follow me. So, everything you need for me is in the description, merch my app, social media is everything. Just go take a little gand or go look sea.

Keep up with me. All right, that's all I got for this episode. Everyone, stay safe, take care of yourself. I love you so much, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.