Bonanas for Bonanza - Re-Release: Bonanas For Bonanza Episode #2 Live at Peecast: “Death on Sun Mountain”

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

SUBSCRIBE TO THE ANDY DALY PODCAST PROJECT AT PATREON.COM/ANDYDALYPoet Laureate of the West, Dalton Wilcox, is back with episode two of his podcast, Bonana's for Bonanza. Dalton is joined by Mutt Taylor, Sally Jespa, Shunt McGuppin, Cubby Lauderbourne, and incompetent publisher of books, Russell Schein. Dalton and crew go in depth about Ben Cartwright's many dead wives, cattle theft, silver miners, and other goings-on on the Ponderosa. Plus an amazing performance from The Journeymen! Featuring: Matt Gourley, Betsy Sodaro, Mark McConville, Paul F. Tompkins, Jeremy Carter, Tony Thaxton, Daniel Michicoff, Shannon Locke, and Scott Passarella.Merch: redbubble.com/people/ADPodProject/shopMail: PO Box 9407 Glendale, CA 91226Email: [e-mail]’s website: andydaly.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heart and stroke. toe. You're about to listen to the re-released Bananas for Banza episode, which was recorded live at the the theater at the Ace Hotel in Los Angeles as part of the 2018 Pcast Blast podcast festival. This is Andy Daly. Hello. Here on this free feed I'll be re-releasing all the back episodes

of Bananas for Bananza one every other week. If you want to hear new episodes, add free, please subscribe to my Patreon at Patreon.com slash Andy Daily. The entire Bananas for Bananza Archive is also waiting for you there and you can access lots and lots of bonus content. So do thatthe West, the one and only, Don't Will Cox! Well, well, well, look at this goddamn room full of mother fucking city slickers. Well, well, look at this goddamn room full of mother fucking city slickers! Every goddamn one of you is a goddamn city slicker by definition because this is a fucking city. Is that so hard to understand? You're in a city, everything you do here is by definition city city slicking.

You may say to yourself, I don't think I'm slicking. Well, fuck it, you're in a city. It's sliicking. These are dangerous levels of city sliicking that are going on in here. But we shall persevere nonetheless. Look at all those suds, the bitches up there. Ha ha ha, damn. It's you, I like the least. Well, folks, for those of you who don't know me, I am the poet laureate of the West.

That's a big round of applause for poetry. You don't hear that often. I am America's four most most celebrated chronicler of the wit and wisdom of the West. I am also the author of the very good book. You must buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and other poems and observations humorous and otherwise from a life on the range. If you thought that was good, I'm also the author of the equally good follow-up.

You still have to buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and even more poems and additional observations, humorous and other words from a life still being lived on the range by Dalton Wilcox who also wrote the last book. It is not uncommon for an author to have to read off of a piece of paper the title of his book which he cannot commit to memory no matter how hard he tried this afternoon. Not uncommon at all. Folks in addition to those things I just told you about myself, I am also an aspiring podcaster. I've taken two bites at

that apple with a podcast called The Witten Wisdom of the West, which was the best podcast of all time. But it did not get picked up to a regular series because of, steady-sliking. I have also made another pilot which was titled Bananasa. Well guess fucking what? This is unprecedented folks, but we have had a chance to make a second episode of Bananas for Bananza. And it's happening live tonight here in this very goddamn room! And you're here for it! You probably figured that part out. All right. We're gonna do it now. I mean, that's fucking unbelievable and really exciting and incredible because Bananza's is the greatest god-dam greatest goddamn television show that ever flickered across the television.

And I am bananas for it. See, that's where the title comes from. Now you get it. Folks, if there's one thing you know about me, it is that I'm a collector and chronicler of the West and author of those two books that I mentioned and all the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, th, tho, that's that's tho, tho, tho, that's thoan, that's that's thoan, thoan, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thus thus thus thus that's that's thus, that's that's that's that's that's that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's than, that's that's thoan, tho an bough, a poet, poet, laureate of the West. That's one thing. If there's two things you know about me, the second one is that I am very unfortunately plagued by vampires. And also mummies, and Frankenstein's, and invisible men and women, and creatures from lagoons of all colors.

All colors and creeds. Yes, folks, I'm just one of those guys that is constantly being attacked by monsters. And because of that, I am hyper-vigilant about monsters because I have to be. And so I just want to get something out of the way in case I seem a bit rattled tonight. The fact is, I'm away here tonight, I encountered a werewolf. Yeah, that's the appropriate response. A few people over here expressed outrage and concern. That's right. A goddamn were a damn were a quick. I'm going to tell you what happened real quick. I was cutting through a parking lot and I seen a fella, regular looking fella, who is all hunched over and coughing and wheezing, just like they do before their fangs pop out. And I put my

hands on my six guns, which are not allowed in this theater, terrible judgment. And I walked right up to him and I looked him right in the eyes and he said to me, allergies. Just like a fucking werewolf. Chapter and verse. So I put a silver bullet in his heart. But here's the scary part. It's not even a full moon tonight. So I put a silver bullet in his heart, but here's the scary part.

It's not even a full moon tonight. Those motherfuckers are turning into wolves whenever the goddamn pleas. You let that sink in! Well, all right, folks, with that unpleasantness out of the way. I think we ought to get right on to discussing episode 2 of Bonanza. What do you say, folks? But at us for Bonanza! And man, oh man, I have an incredible panel for you tonight.

I mean, in case you were worried that all these chairs were going to remain empty, they're not. I thought to myself, should I fuck around or not? And I decided, no, God damn, I can't afford to fuck around. I got a second bite at the apple. This shit's got to be good. So I brought an incredible panel here tonight. Ladies and gentlemen from the only good country western band in the world. Mutt Taylor is here tonight from the Journeyman.

Mutt Taylor... Oh shit. God damn it is good to see you! Oh, son of a bitch! Yep! Damn it is good to see you! Oh, son of a bitch. Yeah! That's Mud Taylor. He didn't come here to fuck around either. Fucking around even even in my vocabulary.

Well, don't add it, my friend. Also here to discuss this episode, ladies and gentlemen, another wonderful cowboy poet, our dear friend, Sally Jespah! Sally Jespus here. Hi y'all, oh shoot! Oh shoot! Oh shoot! Oh shoot!

Oh, how are you? Oh, shoot! Oh, shoot! Thanks for having me! Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for having me! Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for having me. I thought I wouldn't have anybody else, except for the rest of the guests.

Have yourself a seat here. Oh, thank you. Oh, you look fantastic. Oh, this is the biggest the theater I've ever seen! Yeah! It's huge, isn't it? It's too big. I think it's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I too big. I think it's structurally unsound. Look at these cityfolk, wearing shirts with slogans I don't understand. Yeah, the wardrobe out here is unacceptable.

That does remind me, this comes from the Mutt-Taylor Collection at Buffum's department store, it's tighten the saddle and loose in the paddle. I think he's talking about his dick. All right folks. Oh shoot! Ladies and gentlemen also from the journeyman, please welcome Shut McGupe! It's good to see you this Yuletide season. Let's get naked and have is excited to see Shuntbergupin. Look at that handshake, that's straight out of the west. That's so you check if they've got daggers in their sleeves.

You're damn right. You notice none of us is sitting with our backs to the exits. We're not dumb. Ladies and gentlemen, also from the God damn journeyam Journeyman, here comes Cubby Lodderbord! Ha! Ha! Ha! Howdy!

Howdy! Howdy? Howdy? Howdy? All right. Be nice to Cubby. He's simple country folk. Well, that's a pretty good panel. Bartle

Beam-Oka he wanted to be here tonight but it turns out he is just too damn old. He called in old. He said he did. He did. He said he did. He said he said he said he did. He said to the telegram saying I'm too old. Stop. He says I caught a look at my driver's license and if these numbers are right, I ain't going anywhere. It was somehow printed in a real scratchy telegram writing. Yeah, yeah, well that's hell. Because he's a real old cowboy bottle of people, okay. Anyway, he's not here, we don't need to talk about him.

You might notice we've got one more chair left here tonight, and this is my pride and joy, folks. This is my absolute pride and joy. You might know if you've listened to either of my other two efforts of making a podcast that my books, the titles of which I'll spare you, were published by an incompetent publisher of books. And now you can't just invite this guy to come on a Dalton Wilcox podcast because he will not arrive. He don't like me very much because from time to time I point out to him how incompetent he is. But so you've got to kind of snooker me to come in here.

Well you're not going to believe what we did this time. Tell me. Because this son of a lives, he literally lives in New York City. That's how much of a city slicker this son of a city. Oh shoot! Literally New York City. What a sucker. Yeah, it's almost as bad as this bullshit West you're living in. Here's what we did. I had a couple of my boys tell him, we're taking you to your wife.

Apparently, his wife went missing, he thinks she was kidnapped. So we said a couple guys there tell him, we're kidnapping you and bringing you to your wife. And they drove them all the way out here nonstop to Los Angeles for New York City with a whole lot of speed. There was a lot of speed involved. That sounds like a plot to a smokie in the band in the. Well now, ladies and gentlemen, he is in the wings right now. Take the blindfold off and the air plugs out and push them on out here. Push out here.

Ladies and gentlemen, incompetent publisher of books, Russell Shide! Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Oh, yeah! Dalton, what is this? Well, you idiot, you got fooled again. Have a seat. Sit out, we'll explain it all to you. Where's my wife? Well, you idiot, you got fooled again.

What is he? to you. Where's my wife? God only knows. Is she, is my wife coming out here? I don't fucking know where your wife is, man. Dalton, what? I don't know why you insist the first of all.

They didn't need to throw a bag over my head and put airplugs and a blindfold on. If, if, we're taking you to your wife, why wouldn't I go? They taped up my wrists? Yeah. We've been driving for three days straight. I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think of that.

See, I hired the guys to do this mostly based on just, the first question. Are you willing to drive non-stop from New York to Los Angeles on speed? And then I didn't ask any other questions. So they might not have been the best guys. But you're here in one piece, which is a surprise. You're a disturbed person. Come on now. I think you, I used to think you were just crazy. But now I think you're actually evil.

That's absurd. He's laughing. Why would I look at you? Russell, I'm here... Where, what's going on? Look, it's a bunch of your wives! That's, that's cruel. That's cruel. That's cruel. We'll let you say your thing in a bed about your wife, because I know she went missing. Say my thing. Well, she went missing a while ago, isn't that correct? That's, that's, that's, that's you? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why, that? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? that? that? that? that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th? Why? Why? Why? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Why, why, why, why, why, why, th. Why, why, th. th. Whything in a bed about your wife, because I know she went missing. Say my thing. Well, she went missing a while ago, isn't that correct? Yeah, that's what the police usually say is, okay, say your thing. Well, 9-1-1, yeah, what's your thing? Yeah, what I'm trying to tell you is this is your opportunity to put the word the word the word the'd like to find her right okay definitely the people that showed up to see you

are the people I want on the case is there a reward oh that's a good question I believe we've never asked that before you've gotten a reward for this wife there is a reward I'm hesitant to say the amount in front of these people well let's be perfectly clear what you're thu-I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. to to the to the to to the the to to the the to the the to the to the the to the the the. the. the the the the. the. I'm the. I'm the. the. I'm the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. theeeeeeeeeeea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. that's thea. that's that's dollar amount on your wife. You're going to tell us now the precise value in dollars of your wife. I'm dying to hear it. Thanks for the moral lecture, Thomas Aquinas. What kind of an asshole would know who that is? He's got a point. I'd like to throw my hat in the ring though, I am part bloodhound for sex. Part bloodhound for sex? Is that what you said? Yeah.

So you might partly find her and then fuck her. Yeah, well just like a real bloodhound. Okay, then, uh, no deal. It'll probably work, though. All right, how much does it cost to find your wife? If there is anyone that has information, if you have information leading to my wife's whereabouts, I can offer $10,000. Oh, that's all I have. Whoa. Well, the publishing house hasn't been doing so well lately. We recently had a big failure. Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. all I have! Whoa! Yeah.

Well, the publishing house hasn't been doing so well lately. We recently had a big failure. What was that? One of them chicken soup for the soul type books? How many people you're meeting in heaven? Was it Michelle Obama's book that tank so bad for you? Yeah. Yeah, my, my, I did not get the chance to publish the former first ladies book. I was dealing with an unwanted second volume of horse poetry.

And recipes. Thinly veiled tales of murder and several repeated recipes. Thinly veiled tales of murder and several repeated recipes. Thinly veiled tales, yeah that's right, thinly veiled tales of murder and several repeated recipes. And not to mention 80 blank pages. That's right, folks can write their own poems. They could have done that anyway. Not without paper, idiot. Well, I'm here, I've dragged you out here tonight, number one, to ask you to try again to push those books that might not already wrote and that you already published, but also to tell you, we've got a real good chance of getting bananas for bananas to pick up to a regular podcast and when it is, there ought to be a companion book, don't you

think so, folks? Whoo! Hia! Everything you've just said could have been covered in an email. A what? I don't write emails. I don't even know what it is. I've never heard of it before. That's the first I've ever heard of email. How do you know it's written? Because. All right, folks. Now in the first episode of Bananas for Bananza, we talked about the first episode of Bonanza.

Is this the... are you kidding me? That's this? Yeah. You're doing more of that? Yeah. You're doing more of that? Yeah, you're goddamn right we are. Bananas for Bananza, episode 2 live. That's what you're here for. So it got picked... Some of these episodes. 431, they made 431 episodes of Bonanza, and we're gonna do 431 episodes of this podcast right here. That's the plan.

That's good. You know, there's also no cure for blindness. These statistics are alarming. The amount of work that went into 431 episodes of Bonanza. Yeah. People are still walking around with sticks. What? Yeah, what? What are you telling me someone picked up this podcast? Well, I'm telling you we've got a second chance at it, if we do a real good job tonight.

We'll get a chance to make more episodes of Bananas for Bananza? What you learn from the first one that you're going to do differently now? Oh, nothing. Okay, that's what I thought. Except apparently this one has to be like half as long. Uh, uh... It's a step in the right direction, I suppose. That's a problem. At some point, somebody from some where it's going to tell us when it's th's th's th's the time it's th's th's th's th's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi thi's thi. thi. to thi. to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thee thi. thoooooe. thooe. theee. thoooooooooooooooe. Oh that's that. I'll take care of that person, don't you worry. Oh yeah, you better take care of a decent chance that'd be a vampire. Did you just say you're gonna murder someone? No, I said I'd take care of him. Ah!

Just burn me with a cigarette. Well, you're lucky he didn't burn you twice. That's right. Did you know, it's really hard to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make their to make to make to make to make to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to make eye contact with people because cowboy hats getting away. You're also wearing sunglasses indoors at night. I see why you don't like him. Yep. And I like pretty much everybody. Really? No. I didn't think so.

Hey, Sally, before we get to the meat, the meat of what we're here for, you couldn't join us last time because you had an audition for a dance truth. How did it go? For a dance show? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh? No. Oh? Oh? Oh? You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're also also also th. You're also also also also also also also th. You're also also also also also th. You're th. You're th. You're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. You. You. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You're also th. You're also th. You're also th. You're also thooo. You're also thooooooooooooooooooooo. You're also the the th. You're also the th. You couldn't join us last time because you had an audition for a dance truth. How did it go? For a dance show? A dance truth. Oh yeah you wanted to be a fly girl. That's right. I was trying to be a fly girl. Turns out that show's not a thing anymore. Which is a big-time bummer because I hired Rosie Perez to help me out and she did awesome. I can do some cool moves. I think that might have been unethical for her to accept it offer to help you out to get part of a thing that doesn't exist anymore. You would think she would tell me but she could have mentioned it. She just took my $13,000 for two hours. Jesus Christ.that's more than he's paying to find his wife.

I know, I know, think about it. I guess I'm in the wrong business. I should have gone into cowboy poetry. Yeah, you should have. Well, it sounds like Rosie Perez took you for a room, and she was right. All right, folks. It is time to discuss episode two of Bonanza, which is titled Death on Sun Mountain. God damn!

This episode of Bonanza has absolutely everything. Not only is it a thrilling examination of the food supply for silver miners. But there's also Indians, bare knuckle brawls, an exciting shootout and a good-hearted whore. Oh. So they managed to pack in tedium, racism, and sexism. That's what you call it. I call it damn fine television.

Now, if you don't know what Bonanza is about, it's about these fellas that live out on a ranch called the Ponderosa. It's Ben Cartwright, he's their dad. And th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and their, and their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their the. Soo, their their their they, they's they, their, their, their, their, to live out on a ranch called the Ponderosa It's Ben Cartwright and he's their dad and then it's the three fellas you got Adam Haas and little Joe And they're all birthed by different mothers because Ben Cartwright just buried one after another this is hellish He just buried one wife after another. He's a notorious sex barrier. Yeah. He was burying his sex deep into their sex. Yeah. And then they all died. He better quit fucking.

Yeah. Well, The cart rights out there in the Ponderosa have themselves a problem in every one of these 431 episodes. And that is, out there in Virginia City, there's city slickers, mining tycoons and miners who are trying to strike it rich on the Comstockload. I did a little research. Yeah, it's just a little culture clash between the ranchers and the whole show is about. All right. I want to show you a clip from this episode of Bonanza.

The episode starts where the cartwrights have found out that the Paiute Indians are stealing their cattle. And they cut, and by the way, the plot of this episode is fucking complicated. The Paiute Indians are stealing... Are stealing cattle off the ponderosa and the cartwrights confront the puyuts. And in this clip, y'all, there's several things I want you to observe. Number one, the writers of this show really know how to write Indian dialogue. Oh my God. Number two, Bed Cartwright really knows how to talk to an Indian. And number three, they did a fantastic job of casting Chief Winamooka. Those are the three

things I hope you'll appreciate it. We watch this clip from Death on Sun Mountain. Now we can't see it because the screen is directly above our heads. Yeah, that's bad. That's a problem. You might want it, we might want to come and stand up and watch. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to talk to talk to talk to talk to to talk to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk to talk to talk to ta tok tell tell tell to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to is directly above our heads. Yeah, that's bad. That's a problem. We might want to come and stand up and... I'm not missing this. Oh, it's a good idea. I like what you're doing. It's like a picnic.

Yep. All right. That's slightly awkward. Oh, I didn't need to bring my chair. Blocking the audience view of it. Roll the clip, Cody. And this is it. They just stand there frozen. No.

Oh, look at that a technical problem. You knew it was going to happen too. Yeah, like a Swiss watch being smashed with a hammer. How much does that cost? To smash a switch watch with a hammer? Yeah. It didn't do it for free. Gosh, let me save you the trouble. I'll give you a thumbnail sketch of the scene, okay?

Okay. Red man, bad, white man, thun' that. Hey, what the fuck is that? Well, look. You know how they say the best laid plans of mice and men can sometimes go awry? So can the half-ass plans. Who's they who say that? Oh, who's they who say that. Yeah, where that quote come from do you think? I believe it came from Birovimo Cahey. It came up with that. You trying to catch me knowing a Scottish poet? All right folks. Because I don't. Which Scottish poet don't you know?

None of them. I'll tell you right now, a few great quotes from this scene that we cannot watch. I'm assuming we won't be able to watch any of the four scenes I have queued up for us to watch. No, probably the other three will work just fine. Maybe that first scene is haunted. Could be, could be. Listen to what Ben Cartwright says to this Indian. And this will give you an idea of how, what, how skilled he is. Me, Ben Cartwright. Completely wrong. Chief of Ponderosa. Totally wrong. He says to Chief Winamaca, the Washio antelope Herds have fed the

Paiutes since the long ago Dream Time. How I wish we could enjoy Lorne Green saying that. But he does kind of say it's slower and with like an affectation that's not good. He says it slowly and poetically. And then Winamucca says, even now, Winamucca is called woman by my young man around the council fires. Winamucca is no woman. He thinks of his people.

Tough luck, ladies. Yeah. Boy, I really thought he was going to be able to watch those clips. Guess I'm going to describe the episode. Here's the deal. The pie-endians are stealing the cattle off the Ponderosa. Why? Because the antelope thatudanians are stealing the cattle off the Ponderosa. Why? Because the antelope that they normally live on are being hunted by the miners.

Why? Because there's a son-of-a-bit city slicker. Whoo-hmm? Well, but, uh, named Mark Burdett, out there in Virginia City, who is hunting the elk to sell it to the miners for like $10 a pound which is apparently I feel back then is like a million dollars. Yes that's right. It was. It was. Did I say elk come in and a little? Yeah I was going to say did the elk hunting impact the antelope in some way? And is this the same Mark Burnett who produces survivor and apprentice? I had the same question friend because I was going to say, I to say, I to say, I to say, I to say, I to say, I to say, I to say to say the to say the the to say to say the the the the to say the the the the the the to say the the the the the the the th to thiers, thi thi the the the to to to the to to to to to to to the miners, the the to the miners, the miners, the miners, for the miners, the to the miners, the miners, the miners, the miners, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiners thiners the the the the the the the thein the thean thean thean theananananananananananananananananananiners, to to to to to to to the minors impact the antelope in some way? And is this the same Mark Burnett who produces Survivor and Apprentice? I had the same question, friend,

because I was gonna say that some bitch nose. I hate to tell you, it's Mark Burdett. I'm annoyed that I paid attention and retained that knowledge. Why do you hate to tell us that? You like correcting people, corduroy. Yeah. For the folks at home he's wearing a corduroy jacket. Oh, they heard him walk in. Mark Burdett, who as we've established went on to produce the apprentice. Thank you. Mark Burdett, who as we've established, went on to produce the apprentice. Thank you. Has an evil henchman fellow by the name of Early Thorn. Early Thorn.

Early Thorn. What a great name that is. Is it a hot name? Yeah. It's a good name. What's early thorns background? Well, I'll tell you all about it. Well, I can't answer that aspect of it, but I'll tell you what the... Because this episode... look...

There's so many scenes and so much dialogue in this episode. Anything you might be curious about, I guarantee they cover it. So this episode contains multiple scenes and a lot of dialogue. Yeah, I thought it was going to be all bare and Uncle Brawls and Cowboy and... But Early Thorn broke Mark Burdett out of prison by killing a prison guard. And that is why Mark Burdett is now indebted to Early Thorne and can't tell him to do shit. I zoned out for all of that while watching it. I know.

I had no idea. I had no idea. I really thought we'd be able to watch the clip, watch the clip, watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch I really thought we'd be able to watch these clips. Who watch these? Go on and try one more time to watch that clip? How are we looking? Just give me a thumbs up or down. And it's thumbs down.

We're going to to kill the slaves. Well, did you get a thumb. Yeah, it was a the way down. A little minutes? We're working on it. Oh, it's just, we know what the problem is, it will only take a couple minutes to fix. It's a time issue. You got somewhere to be? What? At home in New York? Good luck. We're doing you a favor, keeping you out of God damn New York. What's going on in New York these days, by the way? My life where I live. Not being here. Here's something I'm going to tell you right now. Right now we're in two more minutes. Two minutes.

Two minutes. The character Mark Burdett in this episode is played by an actor named Barry Sullivan. Now, you go ahead and look him up on the computer. I'm good. He has been in a million television shows, like literally a million television shows, but in every one of them, he's only in one episode. Nobody ever had him back. They didn't have him back once. And here might be what-

I know a guy like that. I don't think it's who you're thinking of either. This guy I know really well. It can't be. But I think I know why. Because this son of a bitch, if you scroll down to the movies, this son of a bitch starred in a movie called Planet of the Vampires. Oh boy. Right?

Right? Right. Now if you pick up somebody's resume and it says that he's been to a Planet of Vampires, you don't hire that motherfucker. What if you have a concept of movies? Would that make a difference? Not to my knowledge. Would you think this is this guy's travel history? Oh, I see you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you've you've you've you've you've you've you've you've you've you've thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right th. Right th. Right th. Right th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the thean thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th difference? Not to my knowledge. Would you think this is this guy's travel history?

Oh, I see you've been to the planet of vampires. Did you get a sticker for your steamer trunk? That is what I'd ask him right before I stuck a stagle wood in his heart. Before you murder them. Kill the vampire. Well, we've got a little time here, Cubby, how are think think thin' thin' thin' thi thi thi thin'a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th a little time here. Tomato murder. Puh. Cubby, how are things going over at the Mazda dealership? I know you're... Right.

I put you in a CX7 for just $12,000 down. That is, again, more than he'll pay for his wife. Now, look, it's not that I have more money than that. This is the most I can give. No, it is just just just just just just just just that's just that's just that's just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that I that I' that I' that I' that. This is the most I can give. No, it's just you value your wife less than a Mazda CX7. You're characterizing, what is this the new title for your book? Rosie Perez. You're mischaracterizing this.

You must value your wife at a higher cash value than a Mazda CX7 or a dance lesson from Rosie. Yeah, I think that you've got to figure out how to make it special your offer. Get a loan, sell your house, because she's not going to want to come back when she hears $10,000. I promise you that. I'm not trying to pay her to come back. I'm, you should.

Have you tried that? Yeah. Because I'm going to tell youthat yeah Because I'm gonna tell you something here's a thing now that woman is gonna Remember how much you offered to get her back and what's gonna be happening is is if you get into an argument three years down a road? She's gonna remember how much you paid to get her back and that's gonna keep coming up. Why why don't you go back to sleep? Because I crushed up some madderole before I came out here. How long have the fight been cat to be since the washo antelope and dear holy shit! Oh boy! I know we got a hold on a bunanzo with a horse on a saddle and a range full of cattle out.

Sick and without food. What say you in a mucker? The Wausau antelope herds have fed the payute since the long ago dream time. The diggers of sun-mopped made antelope, while the pots of the payute are empty. They are but three-head, the weakest of the pond to o'erosa hurt. Tuqua cannot see his people starve. What's a matter of you, Tukua? The cartwrights let the payute starve? Why didn't you ask us? The payoer is a man. He does not beg. Even now, Wenamaka is called woman by my young men around the council fires. Whenamaka is no woman. he thinks of his people.

The ways of peace are good ways. All right, that'll do it. Well, wait a minute, let's not go anywhere. Let's watch the day. I want to go right into the next clip, because it's been a little time between. Here's what happens at the very end of this scene, Ben Cartwright says, we're going to Virginia City and we're going to settle this thing. Why? Because these guys just need to get involved in shit.

And when they get to Virginia City, this is how the show tells us what a crazy, fucking city, Virginia is. This is the very first thing we see of it. Let's roll that second clip. That was John Sutter's California. All right, let's go. Virginia City. This is... Here we...

Here we... You think, you see what? All right, there you go. What a crazy fucking tower of babble is their own their skin. All right, there you go. What a crazy fucking Tower of Babel is Virginia City. You got a goddamn Chinese guy talking to an Indian and Chinese language. There's no way that Indian is picking up any of that, right? Stay out of Virginia City! Let's not watch anybody.

Dalton, I gotta ask you, all right. I feel like, as you're watching this show, yeah, okay. You don't really know the difference between reality and things that are not reality. I don't understand what you're saying. You seem genuinely mad at the Chinaman. Yeah. Well, what the fuck is he yelling at that red Indian for? Now, first of all, I'm beginning to see the hierarchy in your mind. But they also...

Well, the one is a noble savage, and the other is a catamomah. Let's, let's, let's... Are there ghosts out there? Are there ghosts out there? You know it's a TV show. It's all pretend. What are you, which are you saying is a TV show? Bonanza. You know it's not real.

Well, is it? No, it's not. But is it? But no, it's not. Well, there really was a Virginia city. There really was a chief Winnamaka. There's such a thing as Chinaman. Sounds like a show to me. Sounds real to me. We agree. I. th. th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi thi the the th' th' th' th' th' th' that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thatat that thathea. Which that that that that that that thi. Which thi. Which thi. Which the. Which the. Which thea thea'a'a' toanananananananananananananananananananananannea tha- the. Which the. Which the. a thing as Chinaman. Sounds like a show to me. Sounds real to me. We agree.

I don't think you do. All I'm saying is stay out of Virginia City. To who? Virginia! From that train song. Stay with me. I have no choice. I can get out of this one. That one guy from the train band who sings Meet Virginia, met Virginia in Virginia City. She broke his heart. He stayed and said, Get Out of Virginia City. Stay with me. Let me go.

Let's move on to that third clip. We should move on to the third clip. Oh oh all right. Here we go that's little Joe and that's early thorn right there. Oh yeah now we got a barrenu-nuckle ball. Here we go. Now watch how this the bare-nuckle ball, you're gonna like this. This is good filmmaking. Check this out. Oh, stay down little Joe, stay down. He won't say down.

He's a cart ride. Get up! Ten, nine. Check this out. Here we go. Oh, all right, cut off the clip. That's good filmmaking. He punched all tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha. He tha. He tha. He tha. He thuuuuuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu tho. thoom. thoom. th. th. thoom. This is thoom. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. the right, cut off the clip. That's good trill making. He punched all of us in the face.

Ha ha ha! And now we're mad! We're mad at an early thorn, right? You can feel it in the pit of your stomach. We want to go out here. We might just, we might just, we might just do that. You should.

May I say that that little Joe Cartwright is a hunk? Oh, well. He's hot. Yeah. Did you see the part where he is propositioned by the whore? Oh, I watch that 20 times. She walks out of the Bucket of blood saloon with two fellas. They obviously had a three-way right? The bucket of blood saloon. The bucket of blood saloon.

The bucket of blood saloon. And she's got two fellas with her. Now the obvious connotation there is it was a three-way. For sure. And I guess that just ended up on the cutter rim floor because it's a busy episode. It's a three-way at least. I mean we know there were at least three people if not a whole possum. You're under the impression they filmed the three-way. Oh yeah. Oh for sure, for sure. And then cut it for time? It's very clear when you watch it. The way they walk out of there it's obvious we were meant to have seen the three-way. Sure. But they just didn't have the time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time. the DVD extra. By the way, Sally, this might be a good time. I have literally no idea how long we've been out here. Oh yeah, you want...

You could tell me it was an hour and 20 minutes I wouldn't be surprised. You can tell me it's a day and a half. I'm more inclined to agree with that one. Those are the only two Bonanza to write a poem. Well, that's beautiful. And we are so lucky to have a true cowboy poetry reading here tonight. Thank you. All right, well, take it away, Sally just. My poem is titled If I Could. If I could go back to to 1959 and see you for the first time, I would. If I could go to undergrad and study mathematics, I would.

If I could graduate with honors, then get into a good grad school to study engineering, I would. If I could then get hired to work at SpaceX, I would. If I could create a friendship and gain the trust of Elon Musk so I could then use a bunch of his equipment without him asking what I'm doing, I would. If I could somehow discover a way to mess with the space time continuum, I would. If I could somehow discover a way to mess with the space-time continuum, I would. If I could pull a Doc Brown and create a time machine using a Delorian that needs to go 88 miles per hour with 1.21 gigawatts in order to travel back in time to 1959, I would.

If I could land on the set of Bonanza and pretend to be a background extra, I would. If I could approach him with confidence as he sucks on his cigarettes in between takes and tell him that after we wrap, I want to wrap my legs around him, I would. I would. If I could have just two hours with young men's to the tip in the the the, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, in, and, in, and, in, and, and, and, and, in, and, and to to to to to to to to to to to to to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, in, in, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the legs around him. I would. If I could have just two hours with young, hot Michael Landon, he has permission to do absolutely anything he wants to me. I'm talking anything. Even if it's him whipping me and being mean to me like that one guy in that movie franchise that a bunch of older women are horny for I would.

If I could kiss young hot Michael Landon goodby as I step into my Delorian and speed away then disappear leaving young hot Michael Landon questioning his sanity. I would. If I could, I would. questioning his sanity. I would. If I could, I would, but I can't. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

That is absolutely beautiful. Thank you. You're going to get that in the city. Huh? I mean honestly that's the best one of these I've ever heard. Okay, see that? There's not a non-horny eye in the house. I second that. After listening to that, that was beautiful, Sally. I hope I made everybody a little hard and a little wet. That's a beautiful goal and beautifully stated. Saw Michael Landon, he's fucking hot. It truly blew my mind. There's a reason they call him Highway to Heaven. Ah! What's the reason?

Okay, stay with me. Oh boy. There's this woman named Heaven and she's in a band called Bus. Stay with me. And that bus goes up to heaven, right? Let me go. Let me go. Yeah, in my opinion, he's a little too pretty for the country.

They would have uglied him up. Oh, yeah, get him scar. A few other things I want to point out about this episode, because I have to believe time is wasting. It's getting away from us. The whor's name is Glory, which rhymes with Horry, and that's not a coincidence. These writers are operating on multiple different versions. Also the idea of like a glory hole.

Yep. That's nasty. Little Joe rhymes with Little Ho. Does that mean anything? Don't be ridiculous. That's so dumb. Uh, there is only, oh no, there's two instances in this episode where a woman gets hit. And, uh, that makes a two for two episodes of Bonanza where women get hit. We might as well keep a run andand-tally of that.

At one point, Mark Burdett hits her and then she says that she's glad it happened, so I don't want to hear from any feminists. I bet you not any danger. And then later, Early Thorn hits her and Mark Bredet says, don't you hit her again. Because that's his job Uh, I don't think we need to play the last clip But look look folks because you guys have been pretty good tonight. Well, here's what I'll do. Why don't I do this? Well, go around the horn and, uh, tell me your impressions of this episode of Bonanza, then we're figuring out the format of the show? Well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-uh, thu, thu, thu, thu, uh, uh, uh, thu, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, thu, uh, thu, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-, th-uh, th-uh, th-uh, th-uh, th-uh, thuh, thuh, this? Well, go around the horn and tell me your impressions of this episode of Bonanza. The worst figuring out the format of the show. Oh, I'm not supposed to touch you now?

Are we on? I didn't realize we were on touching terms now. We are. We're just a couple of, just a couple of pals. Yeah, just a couple of re-poaks. old hitching post. That's you and me pal, hot damn. Hey you know what can we watch the trailer for Planet of the Vampires? Did you bring the trailer for Planet of the Vampires? No? Well then you're probably not going to see it. What do you think everyone's, I think everyone's okay. Oh, it's here I think everyone's okay.

Oh, it's here! Let's prepare for a landing, right? Okay. In a 40G gravity atmosphere, strange thing happens to man's body and mind. Barry Sullivan and Norma Bengel take you into the most fantastic science fiction adventure ever filmed. Emergency, emergency, emergency, conditions desperate, little chance of survival. Help us. Mark, look! What have you got? The Gelliot?

Bert, get me a fix on this right now. Wes, Brad, controls. Planet of the vampires. Planet of the vampires. Harboring a form of life worse than death. Planet of the bloodless, creatures who take men's bodies, but attack like vampires. I'll tell you this,

if there are any intelligent creatures on this planet, there are enemies. In this outer space world, the living dead try to escape into life. Salas. Oh, just his body. And I'm just one of many beings on this planet. And we're fighting to survive.

It's imperative that our race continue to exist. We arranged for several of you to kill each other so that we could take over your bodies. This might be the whole movie. You are our last chance. No, never. Will all of us give up our lives to save our own race? Yeah, get them, get them, get them. That's not the end.

All right, that'll be an eye stopping. It's described as eye stopping. That movie is going to stop your goddamn eyes. That looks real good. All right. Well, folks, stay away from the planet of the vampires if you can at all help it. All right, let's go around the horn real quick. Let's get some impressions from you this episode of Bonanza. If I had a pick between watching that movie or the second episode of Bonanza,

I'm going to pick the second episode of Bonanza. Hot damn. Thanks, Cubby. I want to pick the second episode of Bonanza too, because that movie just looked like everybody like that fellow was hiding that scrambled eggs on his face, another fellow was hiding a steak in his shirt. I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Is that a trade of vampires hiding food? that thii that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that that that that that that that that that that that that that their that that that that that that that their their their thi. Is that that that that their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Is their. Is their. Is their. Is their their. Is their is their is their is their is thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thi. thiii. thiii. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. today. thee. thi thi. thi Is that a trade? Because I don't know. Oh yeah, a vampire will definitely hide food. Son of a bit. Absolutely. If you're... Why, to what end? To what end? They don't eat food? That's right. Why are they hiding food? Well, as a matter of god-dam famahed. It has happened to me on multiple occasions that I'll be in a restaurant and it's taking my food so damn long to get to the table that it's got to be a vampire. Do you have any evidence that's not first-person anecdotal? Vampires hide food so humans can't eat it,

so they come out for food at night, fucker. The humans come out for food at night. Yeah, because they're hungry. So like vampires come out at night, the humans are also, now it is time for us to feast on food. If their food has been hid from the day at night, them's hungry, they're going to go out and get food. So during the day they just sit around the empty food houses, saying maybe at night they'll be food outside. It's like the opposite of a mouse trap where you put cheese on it, this is what you take it away and people go looking for it. It makes sense. Yeah, I think you're having a hard time understanding this on purpose. A vampire will hide food during the day so that night you've got to come looking for it, now he can get you.

And he'll hide eggs on his face. Just like in that movie. I have a question. Fine. What is Bonanza? Because at the end of the episode they refer to it as something. Well you're right. And that, I don't know what it is. So Mark Burdett dies and, sorry, spoiler. The natural causes? No, as a matter of fact, he is shot to death by early thorn because he tries to defend glory. Oh, I thought maybe they were going to wrap it up, six feet under style, and you'd see

how everyone, everyone's going to have to die in their old age. I have not seen that show. Yeah. Don't spoil it. Six feet under? Yes, you. In the end Adam says he came here to strike at which find a bonanza and now he's dead and she says oh he found it he found his bonanza just as he died and that's better than never finding it at all his bonanza was love. Oh. The love of a horror. A bonanza is a hadza is a thananza is a h. Oh! A binaza is a had-a. A that. A that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. thi th. th. th. th. thi- thi thi thi thi- thi- th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th. I th th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. thi th. thi thi thi the thi thi thi the thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi at all. His bonanza was love. Oh. The love of a whore.

Manza is finding silver in the ground. Oh, okay. You find silver. Oh, okay. Which you guys would know of any one of you had ever found any silver. All right. OK, look, here's what's going on. OK. Did you have a reflection?

You asked a question, is that your reflection? What is a banana? That's fine. What are your thoughts about this episode? Bonanza, Russell Shine? I guess, not having seen the episode, but having seen episodes of Bananza over the years. My review would probably be this is dated garbage that should be flushed down a toilet................... the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, the, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. t. t. toge. t. true. true. true. true. truly, truly, truly, truly, that should be flushed down a toilet. Are you describing yourself?

Come on now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was like, uh, yeah. I mean, you just lobbed that one up and I had to. No, I sure I did. All right, Mattelor, any reflections on this episode of Bonanza? Godfather 2, the Empire Strikes Back, Bonanza Season 2, with enough set.

Here, here. All right, folks, I'm going to read you a poem. A poem, today's the poem, waltzahmaheim's. Because it's getting to be Christmas season, and I thought to myself, oh shit. What do you think is the official start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to to to thought to myself, oh shit, I once wrote a poem about Christmas. What do you think is the official start of Christmas season? Christmas season? Seems to start about August. It's since December 15th. Yeah, right.

So you're saying it's getting to be that. It's almost Christmas season. It's getting to be. I believe Christmas season begins midnight on Christmas Day. This poem is called Ebenezer Wilcox. A round of applause. It worked. See, now what I do is I edited out the part where I demanded it. All right. Don't forget to edit that part out too. That's gone too, and so's what you said.

It was Christmas time out in the West. The time of year cowboys liked the best, but I had had a real hard year and was not filled with Christmas cheer. I'd lost 20 head of cattle to a vampire attack and a mummy had been posing as my ranch hand Bobby Jack. I was feeling set upon, overwhelmed and very weary, all of which is the opposite of feeling Christmas cheery. And I know what happens when a man feels this way, when Christmas comes and he is not gay. So I kept my ears out for those three Christmas spirits. If a ghost tried to come at me, I'd damn surely hear it. And sure enough, a ghost, a ghost, a ghost, a ghost. The thing next to vampires and mummies and various other monsters that a cowboy fears the most. It came a haunting me about things in my past, like the time I ran over a Mexican family

because I was drunk driving too fast. Yes, he came in the form of Sheriff Ben McBride saying, Boo, come with me and vehicular homicide. This ghost had a warrant for the crime of hit and run, and he got the action end of my Smith and Wesson gun. I was trying to bury him when the next ghost did appear. Sorry, you're burying a ghost. That's not part of the poem and the next line is not going to rhyme with it. What you said?

Got that point. Uh-huh. The ghost of Christmas present in the form of Deputy Geer. He had come to haunt me about burying Sheriff Ben. So I hit him with the shovel and began to dig again. The ghost of Christmas future like a real nice guy. But after that, a strange thing happened. Don't address it to me.

I mean, read it if you're going to read it, but don't... After all that stress and fear, those Christmas ghosts had done their job. I was smiling ear to ear. I told it. I told it. I told it. I told to them. I told to the to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to fear, those Christmas ghosts had done their job. I was smiling ear to ear. I told a boy to buy me the biggest goose in town. He turned out to be a ware cat, so I had to gun him down. Now you're mashing up monsters so you could kill people? It's complicated, but there's something about he kind of looked like a cat. But it's shaping up to be the greatest Christmas

of them all. So from the heart of the West comes a cheerful cry. Merry Christmas one and all. You see that? You see that? Now you've got to admit that's a damn fine poem. And that's dedicated to the loving memory of Sheriff Ben McBride and his deputy gear and I didn't catch the other guy's name. All right. Dalton, I'll give you this. Yes. You're walking around free. It's amazing. Where, you got this. Yes. You're walking around free. It's amazing.

Well, you've got to keep moving. And speaking to keeping moving, ladies and gentlemen, I said at the beginning of this episode, well I didn't say it but I meant to. That if you behaved yourself, you'd get a musical performance at the end of this show. And even without that warning, you wouldn't behave yourselves anyway. Well folks, can you believe this? Holy shit, goddamn, this is really exciting. You are about to hear a goddamn musical performance by the God damn Journeyman!

This is really going to happen. Who's coming out to the stage now? We got Titzs Hanra Hand, and Thumper Collins, and Bruce Calhoun, and Pris. How are you doing? I'm going to go make sure that there's no brown M&M's in the green room,

okay? Fine with me. Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Schott, Is that it? Are we saying goodbye to you? Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute, hey, that son of a bitch! He done tried to escape. Well that was dumb, I was gonna give him a ride back to New York. Oh, will.

All right, folks, let's enjoy the journey. You all ready to go? Christmas is the season of giving. A little bit more of a shit than in July. Oh, I've been taking steps to quit in July. Oh, I've been taking steps to quit in cigarettes, but mama I'm gonna smoke your hand tonight. Christmas is a season of giving. A little bit less of the syphilis than you'd like. Well, I've been taking care, not to touch you there.

But maybe I'm going to trim your tree tonight. Old Reverend White, tiny Tim and all the women of the night is a club. Old Reverend White's tiny Tim and all the women of the night is a glow with virgin snow. We'll have high-grade glow this Christmas is the season of giving. Oh, that's Christmas. It's the season of giving. Oh, that's nice. Little bit more of the love that just sportier wives

Tina and Pearl of Maria and Yuki and Kimmy and Krammy and Zoo From now on our troubles will be out of Spies, the season of giving. Oh, it's a Christmas. Christmas is the season forgive Oh, it's a Christmas is the season lives. Yeah, Christmas is the season gives.

Gotta give it some Christmas is the season Yeah. Gotta give it some Christmas as the seas are alive. Comey, Lauderdaugh! Whoon? Tits Hound. Let's take it back. Christmas is the season of giving. It's Christmas is the season to die. It's Christmas is the season of God. It's Christmas in the season to touch you there.

Christmas in the season. Oh, Christmas is the season. I can say good to touch you there. Christmas in the season. Oh, it's Christmas. Let's take it down a little bit. Now, folks, Christmas is a season to give, and that's why I want you to take a look to your right. Now, take a look to your left. And everybody's the same all around, whether you've got brown eyes or blue, green eyes or two or one. If you've got a one-eye person sitting next to you, God bless you,

you, you won. Look under your seat. And what else is, season is the Christmas of given, and that's why this song is free for you here here to you here to you here to you here to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you, to you, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the th. to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, and everybody, and everybody the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the. the. the. the. the an the an thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean. And, the an the of given and that's why this song is free for you here tonight And on the super ego podcast feed you can download the studio version for free Spread it around with your family and friends your kith and your kin and you and yours this holiday season Shunt you look like a million dollars you look fantastic my dear old friend Remember that time we stole gold Porsche's and did cocaine? You know this is the holiday season it's the time of year where everybody is reminded that this is the season the trees go into dormancy and that death is always just around the corner and life is a fleeting thing. Also so are bunions and corns. Well I happen to be wearing a ribbon tie and that's half the way to an invitation

to unwrap me and put me under the tree, friend. I'm wearing a pair of underwear and I ain't worn anything underneath my pants since 2002. Let's take it home! Christmas is the season of my game. Everybody! Christmas is the season of life. From the wings, come on! Christmas is the season I will hurt you. Oh, yeah. Christmas is the season of night.

Oh, yeah. Christmas is the season of birthday. Oh, yeah. Christmas is the season of evening. Oh, that's Christmas is a season of night. That's Christmas is the season of evening. Oh, that's Christmas is the season of mine. That's Christmas is the season of mine. Let's call!

Christmas is athe season of my last home. Christmas is a season of you. Oh, it's Christmas. Christmas is the Christmas. Oh, it's true. Sean McGovern, Bruce Calhoun, Chris Monroe, Kids Henrahan, Thumper, Cumber, I'm Mutt Taylor, and that there is one Dalton Wilcox. Well, total piece of shit.

Now what I need you to do is get in toucest.com and all the pisscast blast people and tell them that you've got to make Bananas for Banza a regular podcast. podcasts. Because there's 429 more episodes of Bonanza and the idea of people not knowing what's in those episodes keeps me up at night. I want everybody to know everything about the exploits of Adam and Hoss and Little Joe and Ben Cartwright and all them Red Indian savages. They're native Red Indian savages, whatever we're calling them these days. Folks, I just have one final special message to say before I cede the stage to whatever bullshit comes next. And that is, if anybody out there is a god- goddamn monster. I keep a stick of wood down my pant leg and my six guns

are filled with silver bullets and I do not sleep it's a problem I don't fucking sleep if you're a monster I'm coming for you good night folks good night thank you Sally Jespah thank you Russell shine he's a real good sport thank you to the the journeyman's good night! Smas- the seaespa. Thank you, Russell, Shine. He's a real good sport. And thank you to the Journeyman. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of living. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of life. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of living. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of giving. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of life.

Oh, it's Christmas is the season of giving that. Oh, it's Christmas in the season of giving them. Oh, it's Christmas in the season of night. Oh, it's Christmas is the season of life. It's Christmas in the season of life. It's Christmas in the season of life. Here we go! Come on! Christmas is the season of life. Oh, it's Christmas in the season of life.

Good night, everybody. Thank you very much. And all that's Christmas in the season of life. Good night everybody, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Good night at the hotel.