Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #54 (Part 2): 25.5.1978 – Nineteen Seventy Gibb

Episode Date: November 14, 2020

Uh oh – The Pops has finally got some competition, as the pilot episode of Revolver crashes into ITV’s Saturday teatime schedule, so naturally Neil Kulkarni and Taylor Parkes have a look at it while Al Needham chivvys them through the opening shots of this week’s episode. Get ready for top-drawer critical analysis on disco strippers, late-Seventies jumper technology, a list of potential Oliver Tobias understudies, and razor-sharp criticism on whatever rubbish band photos are in the chart rundown this week…Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull-apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. The following podcast is a member of the Great Big Owl family. This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language,

which will frequently mean sexual swear words. What do you like to listen to? Um... Chart music. Chart music. Chart music. Chart music. Hey up you pop crazy youngsters and welcome to part two of Episode 54 of Chart Music. I'm your host, Al Needham, coming at you live and direct from Nottingham, the Plague City.

And with me today, as before, are my good friends, Taylor Parks and Neil Kukane. Boys, we're not going to fuck about, we've got a lot to wade through in this episode. Fucking hell. It's a banquet. Isn't it? It is. I half expect Adamant to come through a window on this episode. There will probably also be quite a lot of fucking about.

Yes. All right, then, Pop Craze youngsters. It is time to go way back to May of 1978. Always remember, we may coat down your favourite band or artist, but we never forget, they've been on Top of the Pops more than we have. Hello, welcome to Top of the Pops, and right now here's a rundown of the brand new Top 30. It's 20 minutes past 7 on Thursday, May 25th 1978 and Top of the Pops is now into its sixth year under the reign of Robin Nash and it's running like clockwork so much so that Nash who has already taken side jobs as the producer of the Basil Brush show Cracker Jack and the Generation Game is now three months away from taking over as

a head of variety at the BBC and still finding time to be executive producer of Top of the Pops, which he will be until 1980. In an interview with the Newcastle Evening Chronicle a couple of months ago, Nash claimed that, thanks to the charts and the regulations of the show, it practically schedules itself nowadays. So much so that he once set up an entire episode of Top of the Pops from a phone box in Corsica. In another interview with the stage, he claimed that there would be no changes to the format whilst it was under his watch. While we're in our 14th year and still

getting a 12 million audience, how could you change the format of Top of the Pops? I've always welcomed the thought that we would have some opposition in pop programmes from the other channel. If you are the only programme, the responsibility is enormous and you were put in an unfair position. The commercial stations have at times

produced some very good pop programmes, but none of them seems to have been sustained. I haven't worked on that side, and I know that advertisers are supposed to have no influence on a program, but advertisers bind to set times, and I've always had a sneaking suspicion that it is more difficult to sell time in and around a pop program. ITV, pop programs, they never really sorted it out sorted it out did they no never satisfactorily

odd little things that cropped up always got the time slot wrong usually and and you know just weren't as comfortable as top of the pops like he says it is running itself by this point and the presenters are just kind of airlifted into that format it's the presenters that raise any kind of oddities and not problems as such but weirdnesses in top of the pops yes um with a competent presenter who isn't going through um you know severe mental problems these shows tend to unfold quite predictably it has really settled in at this point yeah what a shame top of the pulse wasn't on itv though fucking hell the ad breaks that would add at least another two hours on an episode of chart music would probably for

the best however itv appear to be finally sniffing around top of the pops's patch because last saturday at 6 45 the, the Celebrity Square slot, they screened the pilot episode of a new pop show, Revolver. Set in a nightclub in Birmingham, run by Peter Cook, and featuring XTC, Kate Bush, Rich Kids, Steel Pulse, and Tom Robinson doing Glad To Be Gay, and saying that was the song they wouldn't play on Top Of The Pops. Clyde James, writing in The Observer, was very impressed indeed.

If the series maintains the standards set by the pilot, Revolver will be one of the rare rock shows worth following for the quality of the music, quite apart from the attendant social phenomena. of the music, quite apart from the attendant social phenomena. By comparison, Top of the Pops is made to look sanitised, anodyne, wet and dull,

with nothing except legs and coat to hint at sex, and nothing except Tony Blackburn's smile to hint at danger. The danger being that the strain on his facial muscles will induce the first known medical instance of a heart attack starting in the head. That first episode of Revolver, I remember watching that with my mum.

Not with my dad, because if my dad had been there, it wouldn't have been on in the first place. He was in bed having a post-pub kib. And the main thing I remember from that is my mum tutting right the way through it. She didn't approve. What didn't she approve of? It was when Peter Cook started going on about Buddy Ollie and all the audience started booing.

She didn't not approve of that at all. Yeah. Suspect he would not get away with his intro to steal Pulse nowadays. No! But, you know, things change. It was very much tis was to Top of the Pops' swap shot, wasn't it? Yeah, tis of the was, if you will. But I remember a conversation about it,

because to me and my mates who were all 10 years old, it was the most dangerous thing we'd ever seen in our lives. And I distinctly recall me and my mates discussing in the playground the following monday tom robinson singing up against the wall and one of the lines was also if you're a prostitute that's all right with me yeah i've gone back and watched that episode it's not there it's like where the fuck did that come from i think at the time we thought i mean i did and i think my mates did as well that a prostitute was the same thing as a lesbian it is a very unruly show and uh you know a really good lineup

of bands yeah it's great and it's the even though a lot of the bands on it are crap because it's 1978 it's still great because it does that thing that almost no other live in the studio pop show has ever managed which is that the bands sound good like that there's an actual live sound that is exciting and clear and it has the atmosphere of a gig yes which you never normally like the tube couldn't do it the revolver does it. They just get a big warehouse. Presumably it's filmed in Broad Street. They just put a load of horrible kids in there and just put a load of horrible bands on.

And it works. It really works. And even, you know, with like a pissed Peter Cook operating at one-tenth power. Yeah. That's still great. Peter Cook's introduction to, I can't remember who it is he says hello welcome to Birmingham

the city that made lead poisoning the in thing I mean the thing about ITV's pop programs at that age was that they were either pitched as kids programs and in the kids program slot or they were on far too late and ITV never had the balls to put something on in prime time

until 1987 and the roxy and by then it was too late for me and possibly too late for pop music sorry possibly in fear of just the bm off that was top of the pops and being just accused of doing a rip-off of it but i i mean the episodes of revolver that i've seen the one thing i do notice is exactly what taylor said about the sound and and it's something it's startling how few pop shows get that right and and I don't think any lessons have been learned either because you know the worst sound of live music ever is BBC live sound coverage now like when you see a band from Glastonbury or fucking later the sound is just dreadful and it's just not in any way analogous to any live music experience I've ever had whereas Revolver stuff sounds raw stuff sounds not dirty as such but the guitars have power and the drums

have power why can't other pop shows get that right? That's Mickey Mouse for you. It's probably just that they miked it cheaply. Like, you know when you would get bootleg tapes of bands and stuff, and sometimes it would be like, oh, it's a soundboard, and they'd always be the shit ones, because someone would just run a line off the soundboard and it all sounded really thin and clean, and it didn't sound like a gig. Whereas if it was just somebody in the crowd holding a Walkman up,

you got a much better, more exciting sound. So I think it might just have been the technical limitations. They might just have dangled a couple of mics over the place and just got a more exciting sound from that that you get now where everything is a wire going into a thing and it's all... Yeah, yeah. I mean, Top of the the pops might have seemed sanitized

anodyne wet and dull to a 38 year old clive james but certainly not to 10 year old pop craze youngsters on the estate so you know fuck off clive james but thank you for endurance in any case revolver was put out in the summer of 1978 in the late night slot on Saturdays. And it lasted only one series, unfortunately. But before they left, they managed to get a good digging at Top of the Pops, didn't they? They got the Rizzillos on to do Top of the Pops and essentially took the piss out of the cardboard sets

and the kaleidoscopic look at the lights and people in dinner jackets operating the cameras and making the bands do what they want them to. Yeah, take that, BBC. Yeah, no, it's always great when ITV basically does a BBC sucks lol. Yes. Just there's a real sort of childish joy to it. Somehow Top of the Pops managed to wipe the dust off its shoulders

and carry on. And this week your host is Tony Blackburn. It's not been a good period for Tony, has it? He was moved out to the late afternoon slot on radio one last november which he was not happy about and he divorced tessa wyatt in the same month which he was even less happy about and two months ago he was ordered to take gardening leave due to quote a combination of flu throat troubles and personal stress. However, he's just made an appearance on the panel of new faces

where he took a shine to eventual series winner Patti Boulay and helped her to become the only performer to get a maximum of 120 points. Furthermore, he's just been interviewed in the Daily Express where he denied that he was getting too old for Top of the the pops on Radio 1

and said, I'd like to be here in 15 years time. Not necessarily as a disc jockey though. In 10 years time, I'd like to be in charge of Radio 1. Fucking hell, why stop there, Tony? Why not controller of the BBC? Let's have Michael Fish doing the nipple test in 1989. This is his first Top of the Pops gig in over three months.

He's only got five more episodes to go. Oh, bless. End of an era. End of an era. I mean, look, he's looking okay in his white suit with his black shirt um you know it is the year of saturday night fever i think we're meant to think tony manero who we've got our own he's not wearing that ironically is there he's not but i mean where tony manero is smooth and slick as a baby eel tony is

he's a hairy man yes you notice this and it's just which I hadn't noticed before you wouldn't think it but he's really hairy he's like Richard Keyes yeah I've never seen his arms Tony Backburn but I suspect

they're really hairy you know Tony Silver Backburn but you can see you can see though can't you the pain you can see it around his eyes

yes it's an enforced jollity now I can fucking feel it as well his heart's not in it now i mean he he's now that he's you know supped from the brackish well of heartbreak all this pop malarkey just seems a bit shallow and empty to him i think yeah this is the period isn't it i mean is this the period where he's kind of can't stop playing r and j stone's thrown it all away on his show he can't move on he's on valium he's well that was late 1977 but it's yeah i mean the saturday night fever outfit i mean fucking hell well saturday night fever outfit is a funny thing because as soon as a man puts it on you can tell something about him

right and you can tell by the way he uses his walk as well well most most men wear a white flared suit and a black shirt and medallion and they look obviously immediately funny even if they're not wearing it in a self-consciously humorous way you know or you don't have to like do the joke travolta pose like a tedious old prick at a silver wedding. Just putting it on is enough to make most men look funny. There's a tiny number of men who can sort of pull it off because they've found that mysterious balance between machismo and being a prick and genuine likeability, right? Lewis Collins could do it, but with a black polo neck instead of a...

Yeah, yeah. right? Lewis Collins could do it but with a black polo neck instead of a... I can just see Tony like an hour before this episode went out standing in the dressing room in nothing but a black pair of pants picking out which St Christopher medallion he's going to wear tonight using upon his resemblance to Al Pacino

and he ends up shouting Attica! Attica, at a bemused cleaning lady who's accidentally walked in. The thing is, Tony is not clowning here. No. Right.

But he's also not serious. This is his tragedy. He's too self-conscious to do Travolta impressions or make it into a comedy routine. But the message is clear. I am wearing this because I am not to be taken seriously.

It's this weird combination is what defines him. On the one hand, he's got this sort of elevated self-esteem, which makes him truly believe that he's a star with all the trappings. On the other hand, he has a total lack of pride and a constant willingness to sacrifice his dignity and be a clown without actually having a sense of humor it's a really odd combination it makes him very hard to hate but also very hard to like he's more an object of pity yeah i mean he's being pitted by a penniless unmarried failure in his late 40s, which, you know, that's quite something.

Yeah, but I mean, it's easy to pity him here because it's etched in his eyes, the Valium, the barbiturates. You know, you can see it. And I know, like, Tessa has not yet, perhaps, gone off with Richard O'Sullivan. He's spinning panto with him, though, Neil. That's as good as Yeah enough said

So what's his life at this point? He's been hanging off the back end of the cow But his life at this point yeah is that period of his life that he talks about in his wonderful poptastic book where he's you know just pulling people by telling them

about his big satellite dish but he still can't get it up for Barbara Windsor, you know. I think we're in that chapter of Poptastic called The Personal Crisis, The Bitter Price of Fame. The Wilderness. Yeah. But Saturday Night Fever with Tony Blackburn in it, I think would be a better film.

I think he'd be more sensible. He would keep the job in the paint shop. And he wouldn't piss about on bridges. You know, he'd just get his head down and concentrate on his career. And the whole film would be over in like 20 minutes. Yeah. But, you know, even in this episode,

he still, you know, I'll always like him for one thing. And you might remember, I think we did do it in chart music. His intro to Denise Williams is free on Top of the Pops. He really is happy that that record's made it. And I always felt with Blackburn that deep down he did care about and love music and he loved radio. Unlike, say, Noel or DLT or Bates or Savile, who merely see those things as vehicles to stardom. And you see it in this episode that, of course, he has his likes. He also has his dislikes.

And there's plenty of things in this episode that he just blatantly shows in what he says and his expressions, his opinions about him. But he's still got this thing about him the only interesting thing about him which is that he's not unsettling or loathsome like dlt he's not an actual madman like noel edmunds he's not objectionable as a human being but he's empty and sort of vapid to the point where it's authentically weird and almost entertaining in itself like when you think about it probably 68 percent of all the words ever spoken on radio and tv were a pointless waste of everyone's time but tony is something else again and i mean it always makes it he is the thinking man's dead air.

Blackburn, standing in front of a see-through drum kit, resplendent in a white suit and black shirt open to the chest with a medallion over the top, welcomes us to the show and whips us straight into the top 30 to the sound of If I Can't Have You by Yvonne Elliman. Born in Honolulu in 1951, Yvonne Elliman was encouraged by her high school music teacher to relocate to London and pursue a music career, which she did in 1969. Once there, she plied her trade around the bars and cafes of

central London, and in 1970, she was spotted in the Pheasantry Club in Chelsea by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, and immediately cast as Mary Magdalene in the concept album Jesus Christ Superstar, with Ian Gillan as Jesus and Murray Head as Judas. It's hard casting. as Judas. It's hard casting. While Jesus Christ Superstar became a touring show with Elliman reprising the role of Jesus as Bit on the Side,

she had her first sniff of the charty arse when a mashup of I Don't Know How to Love Him and Jesus Christ Superstar a duet with Head got to number 47 in January of 1972.

At the same time, Elliman relocated to New York for the initial Broadway run, where she met and later married the record producer Bill Oakes, who went on to become the president of RSO Records. After two solo LPs and four years in Jesus Christ Superstar, by which time she was being asked to touch afflicted audience members by the stage door and

receiving letters from all over the world addressed to Mary Magdalene, including one from her own mam. She became a backing singer for RSO's newest sign-in, Eric Clapton. Can you imagine that though? Like, Yvonne, Yvonne, I'm afflicted.

Come over here. Finally, in 1976 she became a chart regular in her own right when Love Me, the title cut from her fourth LP, got to number six in December of that year, spending six weeks in the top ten. This single, the follow-up to I Can't Get You Out of My Mind, which got to number 17 in October of 1977, is her contribution to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever, but it's not the original one.

The Bee Gees had written How Deep Is Your Love With Her In Mind, but Robert Stigwood, head of RSO and her husband's boss, demanded that the Bee Gees' own version be used. So she was given this, another Gibb Brothers song, which had already been used as the B-side to Night Fever. It entered the charts at number 21 a fortnight ago, the same week that it got to number one in America, knocking Night Fever off the top. Then it soared 11 places to number 10 after an appearance on Top of the Pops,

and this week it's jumped six places to number four. Before we get stuck into it, we've got to go through the chart rundown. The usual crop of interesting photos for 1978, I'd say. Well, plastic Bertrand thinking, hang on, surely a man made of plastic would have at least a vaguely symmetrical face. And also, how come my song is the same as white overalls by lad dusseldorf strained through the gaps between ludoprix teeth uh what else oh andrew gold yes midway through the

oh you han jesse d Dee Jackson, dressed as Super Milf, but what a great, I shouldn't say that because I found out she's actually 23 in that picture. Oh God! But her real name is Deirdre. That is a great record though. Yes. Who else is in it? Raffaella Cara,

because nothing says Euro sophistication like a sequined see-through top and a blonde wig. And John Paul Young doing very little to dissuade mistaken potpickers that he's the one no one can recognise out of Led Zeppelin. Not realising that doing that little will only perpetuate that confusion. He does look like the bastard son of Robert Plant and Mickey Mouse, doesn't he?

Yeah. Oh, and there's the one and only BG's publicity shot used yet again. Yes, that one, yes. So often that the slide never went back in the drawer for about five years and now it's all scratched and dirty like the Thames TV ident in about 1982 i've got a chic looking like they've fallen over or there's just been a mild earth tremor x-ray specs um it's a different photo this time the one before where they look like they were outside of a cat food factory because

they're mainly in blue they look like they're standing outside a hospital to receive some applause. We've got, Champ 69, we've got Jimmy Percy caught in mid-Belm. We've got a photo of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in non-Foe 50s clothes. Looking like they're having the photo taken at someone else's wedding. High Tension,

eight members. Rose Royce, nine members. Michael Zega in a bowler hat looking like a member of a Clockwork Orange-inspired brass band. They're going to go off to give Brighouse and Rastrick a good toe-choking at some point. Half of Radio dressed up as glam Santas. And, of course, five smiling Yvvonne elements in a kaleidoscope effect which makes it look like yvonne element has just punched you in the face you've been wanting to do for ages got this smile on her face going oh yeah i really fucking wanted it you've asked for that

you cunt don't fuck with hawaii yeah it's there's generally a lot of hungover men of about 30 standing in front of neutral backdrops, neither smiling nor frowning. With the sense of open lager cans just out of sight by their feet at 11.30am. I find myself deeply, deeply covetingters, a big wicker white chair. That's an emblem of sophistication I think has been lost. Always reminds me of that first Al Green LP. You know, sitting on a big white wicker chair. You've made it.

Yeah, well, the Black Panthers, Eldritch Cleaver with a spear and a shotgun and Sting with two page three lovelies. So, Yvonne Elliman, when she was in London to appear on Top of the Pops the other week,

she turned up for an interview with Record Mirror brandishing an armful of tins of mushy peas. They were for her husband who came from Nottingham and he couldn't get them in America because America's a fucking backward nation. So I don't need to add anything more about yvonne element or a song because she's fucking skill yeah what a woman i didn't know what you said earlier al about um she was originally kind of gonna do how deep is your love

yeah thank god she didn't not i'm sure she would have done a good version of it but yeah imagine a world without the bgs version of that It wouldn't be a life worth living, really, without that amazing record. Other than the Bee Gees version of this song, and it's vastly inferior. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. We've talked before about bands who knew

how to get a steer from the right people, but the Bee Gees, they always seem to know who to place their songs with. Yeah. To get the most out of them. And this is a prime example. Yeah, and I don't think I'd have liked a Bee Gees version of it.

It wouldn't quite have been as frantic and as enjoyable as this version. But, you know, it's the year of 78. We keep calling it 78. It is 1970 Gibb, isn't it? I mean, they just absolutely bossed this fucking year. It's 1970. Hey, hey, hey.

I mean, it's crazy. march 78 you know they've got number one and number two in the american charts with night fever and staying alive they're right as producers on samantha sang's emotion at number three their brother andy is at number five with love is thick in the water that's like four songs in the top five of the American chart. Yeah, and Shadow Dancing was the biggest selling single in America. It's crazy. From December 77 to May 78, Barry Gibb co-wrote five out of six US number ones. Yeah. I mean, they're bossing of this year.

And it's, you know, I know it's intensely associated with Saturday Night Fever, which we're obviously all conscious of in this year. But for me, it was probably the Bee Gees more than anything that came out of that as dominating this year more than Saturday Night Fever, which we're obviously all conscious of in this year. But for me, it was probably the Bee Gees more than anything that came out of that as dominating this year, more than Saturday Night Fever, which after all was an adult film

that we couldn't go and see. You know, so, you know, the soundtrack is absolutely starting to turn up in virtually every house that I know. Definitely. I mean, we'll talk about the film later on, but the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, fucking hell,

is practically a Bee Gees greatest hit LP on one side. And the other side, they might as well call it Now That's What I Call Music Zero. We'll go through it. Staying Alive, Bee Gees, got to number four in March of 1978. How Deep Is Your Love,

got to number three for five weeks in December 1977 and January 1978. Night Fever, number one, April 1978. More Than A Woman, the Tavares version, number seven this month. A Fifth Of Beethoven, Walter Murphy, got to number 28 in August of 1976. Jive Talking By The Bee Gees got to number five

for two weeks in August of 1975. You Should Be Dancing By The Bee Gees, number five, September 1976. Boogie Shoes, KC and The Sunshine Band, got to number 34 last week. you should be dancing by the bgs number five september 1976 boogie shoes casey and the sunshine band got to number 34 last week disco inferno by the tramps got to number 16 in june of 1977 i mean you could take jive talking out of that because it's not in the film but you could replace it with disco duck by rick dees which is in the. Yeah. Got to number six for two weeks in October of 1976. Ridiculous strike rate.

It's crazy. I mean, as a kid, I think I was barely cognizant of the Bee Gees, even in their kind of jive talking 75 thing, because I was fucking free. But obviously this year, they were just totally unavoidable

and perhaps instantly accessible to kids as well, because they were already being parodied by now yes you know an awful lot i mean i by by you know 78 what i'm five i think they're american i have no idea that they're from manchester for me they look bronzed you know they looked american yes so even though i might not have been aware of saturday night fever certainly i was aware that a cultural behemoth was going on but you know what disentangling it from the bgs was difficult because the bgs just boss this year i mean this song appears in the film as the stripper music all right yeah yeah yeah you know when tony's in the bar having a fag and having his drink and that girl's bothering him

and uh yeah he's too busy watching a stripper and that that was weird i mean like you said neil we couldn't see the film they do a toned down version in 1979 so you know yeah youths could see it by which time it was far too late but you know fucking if i'd have seen that it's like oh is that what happens at discos fucking hell and it's weird as well because you know he's the only person there watching it if you had a disco in nottingham with a stripper on fucking dance floor is going to be there's going to be no men on it and if you could get pie and peas as well at the bar then there you go you're sorted for the night aren't you alan hansen's favorite record this or one of them yeah that

this and billy joel i've got no idea how I know that, considering I don't care. But there's no comparison between this and the Bee Gees version. This is a thousand. The Bee Gees version of this is okay, but it allows a bit too much rock into it. Yeah, right. It's got, like, guitar chords underlining the clever chord changes needlessly and it just ends up showing they're working yeah making the structure too obvious where the greatest thing about this record is

the way it just glides and you don't really notice how complex and carefully and cleverly put together it is yeah until you concentrate on that you're just aware of this magnificent movement and rise and fall and it sounds effortless and natural and it also works better with a woman singing because it's one of those songs that's about uh a tension between emotional strength and weakness and the drama of that is like the key to the song and this is not ideal for preening hairy chested mount olympus residents like the bgs who can only really convey hysteria or heartbreak or self-absorption because great as they are their vocal and visual personality is not complex enough to handle ambiguity yeah yeah which often comes a bit more

naturally to female singers but also more than that it's a question of sound because the unearthly smoothness and like perfect balance of the bg sound it's like it's that versus this record which is more immediate and it's got this sort of glare and movement to it. With the Bee Gees, you're always being transported out of this world of awkward human emotions into like a blissful machine state of physicality and sort of heavenly euphoria or glazed self-pity. Whereas this is the sound of actual energy and feeling, right? There's the wild desperation of the strings and horns

like curling through the air and a voice of a human being rather than the triple glazed impenetrability of the Bee Gees vocal sound. And it's got the Freddie Perron production, which is not subtle, and it's not that technically impressive, but it's just got that sound.

It's direct, and all the important stuff is pushed out front shamelessly. Like the kick drum is right out front, and the horns are blaring out at a level that the BG's might have found slightly vulgar. And that's why this was a colossal hit on AM radio, where it sounded amazing. Yeah, yeah.

Because it's not so proud that it has to be perfect and sound immaculate. And for this particular song, I mean, God knows those BGs records that take that approach are unbelievably good, but it doesn't work on this song. This song needs to sound like this. Definitely, yeah. Because the Bee Gees, they're like sexy lions, aren't they?

It just wouldn't suit the emotion, you're entirely correct. Even though they are castratos when they're singing it having a man singing this song just darkens it doesn't it yeah it leads you into stupid marriage territory if i can't have you yeah yeah yeah there's a brick going through someone's window and potential suicide but when the when a woman's singing it it's more resigned you know yvonne element's probably going to go off and just get about seven cats. Yeah. Whereas a bloke is going to go and clean the streets.

It's such a shame when this song is prematurely washed away by the familiar wave of canned applause because it's only for the chart rundown. But that is preferable to her actual appearance on top of the pops when of course she's saying this to the accompaniment of the top of the pops orchestra yes and it sounds like leprosy she was very sniffy about this record apparently at one point not now well yeah but i mean what not now since being arrested for possession of meth she's lightened up a bit about her the greatest achievement of her life but you

know for a while she really she thought this was beneath her which is hilarious really because everything else i mean even her other proper records that she made are like you know it's sort of sub mini ripperton you know there's nothing that amazing about them it's like if you once carried the olympic torch and you're there going so yeah yeah but check out this picture of me holding a cornetto it's much better speaking of which have you had the new cornetto advert no they've got an actual italian to sing it what is this woke nonsense destroying our childhood? When I was a kid, just any old cunt would come in. He's got,

Just a one-night coronet. Yeah, as long as they're fat enough and had a moustache. Yeah. I'm surprised they didn't get a gay lesbian to sing it. No, but this song fucking meant. It is, yeah, it is. And what a shame she didn't carry on in this fame because this song and Love Me are fucking,

what a one-two punch that is. So the following week, If I Can't Have You stayed at number four, its highest position. However, she immediately stepped off the disco rocket. Her follow-up single Savannah failed to chart and she never bothered the charts again. If I can't have you I don't want nobody, baby

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And tell us why they love it. And is this the episode where Daisy's just been for the interview at the Woman's Magazine? Flaps. That's it, flaps! Yeah. Named one of Radio Time's best podcasts of the year. I don't understand people who don't see the joy in drawing the curtains, a mug of hot chocolate and something nice on TV. Like, what could be nicer than that?

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Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! With no introduction from Toner, we're plunged into the opening act,

The Real Thing with Let's Go Disco. Formed in Liverpool in 1970, The Real Thing were the first act ever to be covered on Chart Music when Love's Such a Wonderful Thing got to number 33 in August of 1977. wonderful thing got to number 33 in august of 1977 this is the follow-up to whenever you want my love which got to number 18 in march of this year it's a collaboration with bidu and it's part of the soundtrack to the stud which came out at the end of last march and has been billed as the british saturday night fever the single came out last week and isn't in the charts yet, but seeing as the band actually feature in the film performing the song, danced to by none other than Legs & Co

and their mate Floyd Pierce, here they all are reprising that very scene so the kids get to see a bit of the stud without having to see Oliver, Tobias and Joan Collins having it off in a lift. We're starting to reach peak disco in May of 1978, aren't we? And if you needed any definite proof of that, all you need to do is open up a copy of today's Daily Mirror

and chance upon an advert for Melody Maker. Quote, Fancy yourself as Britain's John Travolta? Saturday Night Fever caused an almighty explosion on the disco scene, and this week we feature a special supplement on how to run a disco, how to behave in one,

and where to find the best music inside. We also talk to Jeff Lynn on the continuing rise of his electric light orchestra, and find out what's happening to rock music in Italy. Spoiler alert, pretty much fuck all. So yeah, even the heads of Melody Maker

are getting on down and trucking to their discos. Trust bloody Melody Maker. It has to be like how to run a disco. Yeah. From the magazine that used to carry, you know, jukebox profits in it. Yeah, I had a cursory flick through it and it's just basically, you know, here are these decks and these are the turntables which you require

yeah some plastic tubing with flashing lights inside it yeah can you imagine the letters they got a week later yeah yes yes i can i think it's safe to say that the song is the least interesting part of this performance. So let's get that out of the way first, Taylor. It's okay, this. Yes, all right. What it reminds me of, when I was a kid, I had a 12-inch single on the TK Disco label, which I won at the fair. And I don't think it had any other identification on it.

It must have been by someone. How did you win it uh i can't remember hooking a duck probably but i don't know what it was i only ever knew this record as tk disco which was the name of the florida based label which released loads of big hits in the 70s in the sunshine band case such a band george mccray but by the end of the 70s it was heading and the Sunshine Band. KC and the Sunshine Band, George McRae. George McRae. But by the end of the 70s, it was heading for bankruptcy, as you might suspect from the fact that their records were being given away for free in West Midlands Fairgrounds.

And I played it a few times, but really it was just some disco. You know what I mean? It was just proficient, but totally featureless. And this is a lot better than that, but there is an element of some disco to it. And I don't know how much of that is Bidu being pragmatic and economical,

and I don't know how much is the real thing. As a seasoned soul funk band who always leaned towards pop and had no problems with extreme commercialism, slightly underestimating the care required to make this new variation work. Yeah, yeah. Or this might just be their level now, you know. It's like a disco version of all those real things singles which aren't you to me or everything, which are okay,

but no one's that bothered about anything. And they've been on the slide for about 18 months at this point. Yeah. Well, you'd never know it to look at them. So maybe there's a slight touch of desperation there, as reflected in that admirably honest and helpfully descriptive song title. But the thing about the real thing is, you know, the Ford Capri was a scaled down Ford Mustang, which they shrunk to fit British roads.

And so, yeah, that's always the worry with British bands playing American music, you know. I love the fact that the real thing were a British group and they were like, just, oh, fuck, we're just going to do this. But, yeah, you know what I mean? There's a lot of pretty minor disco singles from the States that actually sound better than this. But the best thing about it is that you can see why loads of people would have really reacted violently against this at a time when the text and the message of a record

was the main criterion by which a lot of people would judge it, right? Like, it's okay making dance music if you've got political lyrics like Curtis Mayfield or whatever. But the lyrics to this are brilliantly vapid. It's literally just about going to the disco for some mindless escapism. That's fucking great great if nothing else yeah and it has none of the kind of i mean you know this is 78 not 77 so i think what we're seeing

with a fair few disco records this year is you know disco has by now got moneyed up it's got tacky in a kind of genuinely grimy nice way that i actually really enjoy it's got exploitative in a sense and you hear that on this i mean this would antagonize rock fans to an enormous degree not just for the lyrical simplicity i mean musically as well what it's got two chords in it i think or three chords in it it just does it just it just stays on one groove but i i love that that sound that scratchy kind of clavinet sound with a nice solid groove i'm always a sucker that. So even though there's not a lot to this, I do like it. Yeah, it sort of breaks into a bridge section where it threatens to become a soul record

and then just goes back to the finger clicking. It's great. The trouble is, you know, fantastic real thing documentary on BBC4. Yeah. And everyone liked it, so I can't watch it now. I can't watch things that everyone likes. If I open up Facebook and everyone's going on, you've got to watch this.

Yes. No, of course, I'm not going to watch it. Yeah, I'm like that. And that's what happened with that. I will get to it, you know, like two years from now, probably. But no, no, the instant... That is terrible, isn't it? You know what I've never seen?

The Wire. No, nor me. Game of Thrones. People fucking wanging on about it. It's just guaranteed to put my back up, so I just don't go near it. It's terrible, really. I haven't even started Secret Army.

They're going for the disco thang, but Chris Amu, the lead singer, his voice is too soulful for it. There's still too much of that gritty catch in his voice that betrays a band who aren't made for this. It's kind of like funk music, in a way. It's sort of half funk, half disco. It hasn't quite got that robotic smoothness.

There's still a slight, nice bit of frictive edge to it. But that's precisely what I enjoy about it. It is a band playing at disco, perhaps, slight nice bit of frictive edge to it yeah but that's precisely what i enjoy about it it is it is a band playing at disco perhaps more than an authentic disco record if you like or a band who have been booked to play discos yeah it's like oh shit we got to do this now yeah haven't had a hit for a while not not a big one no yeah but expecting a lot from this i guess i think they're on for about eight minutes in the stud it's a good section that bit

which is, this is a complete recreation of where it's you've got Legs & Co and I assume it's Floyd doing the same dance routine to this song, with the band in the same outfit, still got flares I notice

yeah this is obviously something we're meant to recognise, but they can't or won't announce it as what it is because The Stud is a naughty X-rated film which can't even be mentioned on a family show. Tony wouldn't watch it. He'd be bored, wouldn't he? Yeah. We've already learned in previous chart musics

that Tony Blackburn is bored by pornography and but what is a shame is that they have deviated slightly in costume choice for legs and yes because in the film they got their glad rags on because they're in a nightclub whereas here they're wearing those horrible dance class leotards like people wore to train as disco dancers. Yes. Or to roller skate down 7th Avenue. Yeah. With a Coke and a styrofoam beaker with a straw. They're very pineapple studios, aren't they? Yeah, it really is.

And it's about sexiest old ladies drawers. They look like the green goddess, Diana Moran. Well, the real thing themselves look really cool. In like a really sort of appealing late 70s way they're all sort of overdone and kinky you know and it's a it's like the difference between a prosaic unimaginative visual representation of of disco dancing right and a and a freer more interesting thing like what kind of crazy or slick or freaky image you might feel inspired to create by the feel and the sheen of the music. I'm wondering whether every member of Legs & Co.

would have been old enough to get in to see The Stud when it came out, right? I think Rosie might still have been 17. Yeah. And Lulu too, although Lulu isn't on this week. Also too young to have actually been in the nightclub in the 17. Yeah. And Lulu, too, although Lulu isn't on this week. Also too young to have actually been in the nightclub in the film. Yeah. Anyone who's ever spent time in nightclubs will understand that that's just realism.

But it is funny because when you see the stud, they're in a would-be erotic film rather than an early evening BBC show. Some of them take advantage of the absence of the Top of the Pops smiles only rule to give it some sexy face. Yes. And some of them don't, like Rosie, who is probably my favourite leg,

is just still doing that jolly hockey sticks thing that she always did. She's got this big daft grin, which sort of looks cheeky and appealing on top of the pops. But in a nightclub setting, it just makes you think someone should check her ID. It's like she's doing the sand dance at a birthday picnic with a couple of chums.

It's really goofy. You just picture a load of blokes leaning up against the bar watching like lions at the watering hole. Watching out for the youngest, most defenceless gazelle. I mean, according to the stud, Legs & Co spend their weekends

on a busman's holiday, don't they? Oh, we spent all week dancing. What are we going to do on Saturday night? Oh, we're going to go out for a dance. Altogether. Let's prepare a routine for it. And Floyd, of course, the much maligned Floyd of Ruby Flipper, who's making appearances on Top of the Pops around 1978.

He plays the part of the only man in the stud who can dance. Yeah. We've got to talk about the stud because just to show you pop crazy youngsters, the measure of our commitment to you, we've all watched it. Haven't we recently? Not together.

I hasten to add, cause that would have been awkward. That film's never not playing in my head, to be honest with you. But actually, I mean, to be fair, just to that scene,

I think legs are great in that scene sue menhenick in particular um are really going for it and and um they feel free in the stud in a way that they don't in the top of the pop studio plus they're just wearing ace clothes in the stud that they're not here yeah oh the stud is such a good film though isn't it it's a great film and it's an interesting film because although it's billed as a disco film or, you know, up to date, it's really what it is, is a last hurrah for that 1960s ladder pulling, Chelsea supporting Cockney glam. and as hard to read as the late 70s themselves. Because a lot of the time, you've got no real sense of how camp this is meant to be, or how seriously you're meant to be taking it, right? Or how much you're meant to be rooting

for yet another narcissist psychopath hero, you know? Yeah. All those lines are really badly blurred. psychopath hero, you know. Yeah. All those lines are really badly blurred. And the main thing that comes across in the stud is that wonderful English 1970s razor edge between class and trash.

So everything in the film is expensive and glossy and elite. And it's meant to be the high life life but there's a fundamental vulgarity and shittiness to all of it um and a sort of grimy earthbound feel to everything like the introductory shot of joan collins who is being sold to us here as the sexiest woman in london is there in a dressing gown with a fag on the guy and it's not meant to be a visual joke or you know something clever they genuinely think that's a glamorous image like when after they have it off in the lift and he goes down in her and then he meet in the club later and he gives

her a kiss and she says my do i smell mouthwash she's classy she's a classy lady so you can take it as a camp satire of aspiration and social climbing and bullshit but really you think no this film has emerged from the world of jackie collins and various veterans of the british film industry now in its darkest days. This really is their idea of the high life. There's nothing funny about it. The thing is, though, with The Stud, I mean, I remember the first time I watched it, and inevitably, like, it was like in the 80s, right, when it got repeated on telly or whatever,

and I recorded it on video and used it for various purposes, as you can imagine. But because it was recorded on video, it had this horrible graininess to it whenever i watched it and and that's i don't kind of want to watch it on dvd do you know i mean i i want to keep that horrible squalid graininess to to oliver to bias's ass that um that you only get on vhs and the squalor of the stud is one of the most important elements to it. I think it's enjoyable to watch it. Precisely, I mean, it is a rich people being utterly fucking miserable film.

You know, nobody comes out of it in any way sort of happy. No. And I think that's what's so relishable about it. Yeah, yeah. And the portrayal of the disco in the two films is telling, isn't it? Yeah. The disco in Saturday Night Fever is portrayed as the only good thing in a working-class Brooklyn lad's life,

whereas the disco in the studies where Roddy Llewellyn goes of an evening. Disco is being seen as an elite kind of thing. I mean, it was in America with Studio 54, but it's more of a class thing here, isn't it? Yeah, even Studio 53. But that tension between the glossiness of the shittiness is central to everything

in the stud, right? The essentially second rate being held up as remarkable and aspirational. It's got Chris Jagger in it. Basically impersonating his own brother. Like, how clearly do you want to signal that this film is second rate?

Even in the plot, you're setting this story in the high life of the swinging Chelsea set, and yet everything turns on something overheard in a public toilet. Yes. You'd assume that was quite clever if you didn't know better. Yeah, but I mean, the thing is,

I think it sexually, right, the stud, I mean, the sex scenes, the Joan Collins one in the lift, notwithstanding, it's that orgy in the pool. I think that's a really key moment to understanding the stud. As Oliver Tobias dimly becomes aware of somebody groping for a minute, it's a male.

And just the frenzy of it. Accidentally, they hit upon this just really squalid, depressing heart that I find really, really enjoyable whenever watching that film. I'm so glad, in a sense, although the stud was kind of successful, I'm so glad it wasn't a triumph if you like and it wasn't you know um sort of uh our saturday night fever it's a horrible little document of horrible people um and you know actually in a sense i think if i watched it now yeah it would it would put you off fucking i mean it's just so and even the supposedly beautiful sex scene the one shining moment of where sexuality isn't horrible and

corrupted is the scene with oliver tobias i think and the younger girl yeah um david jacobs's daughter it's just horrible it's just really gross they don't do anything gross but it's just revolting that's the worst of all. It is, yeah. They're both scheming there. No, but when they have that mini orgy in the pool, and then when Oliver Tobias has to run away from a gay blowjob, thus showing the camera his ball sack.

Also, it's got the least realistic representation on film of what it's like to have taken too much amphetamine as well because i don't know what they were thinking but oliver tobias is is funny there's a sense in which he's the archetype of that coarsely dishy square jawed pillock you know but the thing I like best when I watch The Stud is imagining how badly Patrick Moher was drooling when he watched it. Yes. Moher must have been second on the shortlist, right? I reckon the shortlist went, in order of preference,

Oliver Tobias, Patrick Moher, David Essex, Alan Lake, Paul Nicholas. Oh, can you imagine? Nicholas Ball, Carl Hellman, Jim Davidson. What, I'm Robin Asquith, the last resort, maybe. Dave Bartram. Don't say that. Why did you have to say that?

Yeah, you brought this up in a previous chart music. I did, I did. I'm now picturing it, those scenes with Tate Partridge. Fucking hell, that would be gross. But of course, you know, a soundtrack, like all disco films, there's a soundtrack. And oh, what up-to-the-minute disco tunes are on there you get. Love Is Like Oxygen by Sweet.

For a Few Dollars More by smoker i'm not in love by 10 cc sorry i'm a lady by baccarat making up again by gold there bang up today and moonlighting by the old sailor i mean i've been selective there because it's got boogie nights on it and car wash and native new yorker but yeah it's a mixed bag isn't it it is a bit yeah yeah i mean god bless bidu but if bidu is your musical director it's not quite like having the bgs in charge is it no no i don't think it was stud soundtrack i just like the fact that one of the artists is called ken lazarus yes it would have been good if he'd had a load of hits in about 1973 and then just gone down the dark i mean the front of the studio's been block booked

by legs and co for this performance but as we'll see that turf never truly gets reclaimed by the kids does it it's like the camera crew's gone, oh, we like this. Yeah. Keep the fucking kids out of the way. A lot of times in this show, in this episode, it's genuinely like being at a gig in that kind of, there's big spaces. You know, just people listlessly wandering about.

There's none of what, I mean, I kind of prefer this to what Hurlwood usher in, in a sense. Five years later, we pack it out and make it i like the spaces it's it's it's an interesting episode in terms of the crowd because we do get to see quite a lot of them and they're nicely spaced out but isn't having legs and cone getting involved in this isn't this the precursor to zoo wankerage a little bit and and they start actually doing that zoo thing of dancing at people in the crowd. Yes.

Which I don't think... Legs and co. should be sort of slightly above that, I think. So, yeah, there is a bit of that creep in there. So the following week, Let's Go Disco entered the charts at number 66. And two weeks later, it crawled up to number 39, its highest position. The follow-up, Raining raining through my sunshine only got to number 40 in august but they righted the disco ship the following year when can you feel the force got to number five for three weeks in march of 1979 the follow-up should have been called let's

try post-punk The follow-up should have been called, Let's Try Post-Punk. The night is still young Keep on dancing till the morning Let's go, disco Let's go, disco There it is, that's the real thing there. And let's go, disco. Welcome to Top of the Pops, indeed. For the next 40 minutes, all the hits right now number 16 here's blondia and i'm always touched by your presence

dear was it destiny i don't know yet was it just by chance A revolving circular wipe reveals Blackburn singing along to the chorus before he realises the camera's on him and he does his gormless joker smile. No, no, no, he's singing along the same way that kids in the pop round on quiz shows would very deliberately sing along with the lyrics just so everyone knew that they knew the words to that it's the volume you can see it that ending with him it's one of the most terrifying things i've ever seen there's something there's something kind of claymationy about his face sort of like it's harry by Star Turn on 45 pints.

After he welcomes us to Top of the Pops, he pivots to a video of the next act. I'm always touched by your presence, dear, by Blondie. We've covered Blondie a time or two on Chart Music, and this, their fifth single release, and the second track from the lp plastic letters is the follow-up to denis which got to number two for three weeks in march and april of this year denied its place at the top by wuthering heights by kate bush and match stalk men and match stalk cats and dogs by brian and michael it entered the charts three weeks ago at number 35, soared 16 places to number 19,

but somehow dropped one place the week after that. But this week it's leapt another 10 places, making it this week's number 10. So yeah, Blondie, it seems so weird watching this and trying to get yourself back in that sort of zone where this was a brand new band and this was only the second tune you've heard because they're just part of the soundtrack of the late 70s, aren't they? Yeah, definitely. As is, you know, I mean, Parallel Lines is. And it's probably an album with, you know,

I don't know about you, but I have massively played that album over the years. So I haven't really gone near it for a while. And it's almost like, yeah, I was listening to this and watching this appearance and just thinking, am I going to be boringly rhapsodic about Blondie again? But fucking hell, it's just a great song from a great album.

Parallel Lines is kind of like nothing sort of musically similar. But it reminds me of Hunky Dory in that it's one of those albums that I've probably gone through a period in my life where I've overplayed it too much. So I've not been near it for years. So it might be time for me to come back to it. But this is actually, yeah, this is one of my favorite blondie songs i think it betrays a really heavy roxy music influence and um i thanks to clem burke it just has this dynamic to it and this excitement to it beyond most um new wave bands and you know debbie doing what debbie does she's a front person to one of those types of bands those new wave bands

those bands that should be a little bit shambolic normally but she's just got this steely professionalism of a proper pop star and there's no cuteness here there's no pretend or playing at pop and no snottiness about it either there's there's no smirking it's just there's there's a humor behind this song um but it that stops it being just sappily sincere. But yeah, I mean, I'm sorry to be boringly rhapsodic about it, but yeah, it's just a great song delivered with total and utter authority. God bless Mike Chapman for polishing up Blondie in this period because they've just got this beautiful thing.

It's this slight 60s-ness. A lot of Blondie fans, because Parallel Lines has become such a sort of totem of them, would argue that albums both before and after parallel lines are better but i i think it's a masterpiece and this is one of the best songs on it where this performance actually happens in time and space though i don't know um it's a really odd thing this performance i can't quite tell where it's taking place but the songs it's smart it's dry it's sincere it's it's it's modern but it's also looking back only harry debbie harry could make this convincing and i just think

it's wonderful yeah a sudden wave of relatability crashes over the show like not that there was much wrong with what's gone before but after all that blackburn and all that slick american nightclub style and the weird clash of slick american moves and curious british attempts to cop them there's something refreshing and recognizable here because it's americans attempting to cop a cheap british style and getting it absolutely right and adding something to it. But suddenly you feel at home here because these are people who seem like they come from the same galaxy as us, for better or for worse. And they're not being cool or aloof to freeze you out.

They're being cool and aloof towards other shit that you don't feel part of either. And you're there with them uh relaxing around them and you're getting each other's jokes you know even though they don't have the same background as any of us apart from the in terms of general experience of pop culture but that's precisely it because it's a sort of a shared understanding of the world that's not based on national or racial or psychological identity it just speaks to people who have one thing in common that they sort of get it you know what i mean like they're piss takers and they're they truly love things yeah it's hard to explain but it's if you understand what i mean that's all that needs to be said um this is not

a better record than if i can't have you by any measure but it connects with your humanity just as deeply but in a completely different way right yes seems to be a superficial way because this is sort of contrived and trashy and has a sense of irony but it's actually just as deep because it doesn't aim at your raw emotions it aims at everything else and it's a funny thing if you resist the temptation to go for people's heartstrings you can hit an awful lot of the rest of them in one go i mean this was constantly on on the radio that was listening to, which at the time was Radio Trent. And already they're being billed as Debbie and the Kens by the radio stations and the newspapers and everything else,

which is a bit unfair, isn't it? I mean, yeah, especially considering who wrote this particular number. You know, Guy Valentine, who's no longer in the band. Thank God, Clem Burke insisted that they did it. And perhaps, you know, if Valentine had sung it himself, valentine is no no longer in the band thank god clem berg insisted that they did it and perhaps you know if valentine had sung it himself it would not be as as amazing as this is and the you know you know the doubling effect on the video that they keep doing where they double people up yes i mean i know that's probably you know now of course it looks massively dated but just seeing two debbie

harris on the screen it's not even about fancying her that's a lovely screen with two Debbie Harris on it I want to look at that screen I know we've discussed before because Taylor's in that odd position of being one of the few human beings who didn't fancy Debbie Harry but no god I love all the split screen stuff in this because yeah it's two Debbie Harris who could who could not want to see that i mean at the time i didn't fancy debbie harry well you know the people would talk about who she never came into the conversation because she was a bit scary yeah and she's unreachable in a way isn't she she's because she flashes that little snarl yeah when she shows it when she

says it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah there's almost like a sense of this person is beyond being debased by me. Me and my mates would have seen Blondie as a punk band simply because of that snarl and, you know, the choppiness of the guitars and all that kind of stuff. To us, this was what punk was, or at least one facet of punk. You know, I don't think we'd cheat Debbie Arre or try and chat her up in case she might gob on us. She's just got authority.

I mean, she's 33 at this time, you know? She's, I think, like any of the other people fronting any of these new wave bands at this point. So, yeah. This is also a great record from a critic's point of view because it has this sort of pan-historical pop cultural awareness right like there's a a 50s sci-fi thing with all these zooming noises and sense of dumb wonder and musically obviously it's rooted in the 60s

uh but it's set in the 70s with all these lyrics about the occult and the unexplained and the sort of musical acknowledgement of punk. And it looks ahead to the 80s in its command of commercial postmodernism and its understanding of image and the intelligent pose. I mean, there's hundreds of thousands of things you could say about this record and which might be inspired or suggested by this record. And it's not even really one of Blondie's best singles. No. I mean, you shouldn't pat Pop on the head for being smart,

but managing to get theosophy into a lyric but not make it stand out, not make you stop and, you know, and think, oh, isn't that clever? It just flows, which is a pretty remarkable achievement for a pop song. So the following week, I'm always touched by your presence, dear, dropped five places to number 15.

The follow-up, picture this, got to number 12 for two weeks in September, and they close out 1978 with hanging on the telephone, getting to number five in the first week of December. I'm still in touch with your friends in here. I'm still in touch with your friends in here, here, here your presence, dear. That's the sound of Blondie at number 16. I'm delighted at the moment on Radio 1 to have as my record of the week

Heatwave and Mind-Blowing Decisions. I'm even more delighted because they're here right now on Top of the Pops. Go away, go away on Top of the Puffs. Suddenly, and without warning, another new video effect makes Debbie Harry's face open up to reveal Tony Travolta, who licks his lips awkwardly. That was fucking insane, wasn't it? Really disturbing. I didn't really notice how Meg Clark was

until you sent me a still of it tonight. It was fucking alien-like. Yeah, I leapt out of my sofa. Then he brags on that the next single is his current record of the week and implies subtly that he, puppet master of the pop scene, will once again impose his will upon the charts. It's mind-blowing decisions by Heatwave. We've already covered Heatwave in Chart Music number 13,

and this, their eighth single release, is the follow-up to The Groove Line, which got to number 12 in February of this year. It's the second cut from the LP Central Heating, which was produced by Barry Blue, and has already been made available to the pop craze youngsters in a form of extended remix as the B-side to Always and Forever, which was released in late 1977 and failed to chart. It's not going to be tidied up and released as an A-side until next month, but that's not stopping Top of the Pops from getting them in the studio. I mean, that's weird, that is, because remember watching this episode

and going through the chart rundown and just thinking well look at all that there's absolutely no way this episode's going to be shit but as we'll discover there's so many stuff that's in this episode that isn't in the charts yet i mean before we go into this song i've got to put my hands up and admit that i fucked up when we last touched upon heat wave in child music number 30, because I said that always and forever was on the B side to this. And I was totally wrong. I saw a DJ only promo copy of it on the internet and assumed it was the

actual release. So please pop crazy youngsters find it in the art to forgive me. I hate being wrong to the pop crazy. Clearly because you've drawn attention to it. You should have shot the forecourt. Nobody would have said anything. No, no, no, no. People listen to the old episodes.

So, you know. No, good on you, Al. Good on you for your honesty. A bastion of honesty in a cuntish world. Well, it's two superb song titles in a row, if nothing else. Mind-blowing decisions. We've already seen a soulful band taking the disco shilling and here we have the inverse you know a band who got in on disco very early with boogie nights and doing it really well and proving to be capable of it with the groove

line and stuff like that and now they're going all smooth on us yeah very smooth i think the smoothness would have put me off as a kid. Definitely. I mean, now, obviously, such a beautiful voice on Johnny Wilder. And it's just a beautifully smooth record. But as a kid, I would have wanted more boogie nights. Yeah. Or boogie nights as we used to sing at school. Of course, yes.

You know. Although, you know, his falsetto is gorgeous. Yes. It reminds me a lot. Actually, less of a soul thing. It reminds me of the Mighty diamonds or the gladiators it sounds almost jamaican that falsetto it's really sweet the performance though yeah it probably would have bored me as a kid but what would have massively intrigued me was i mean a the smoke

machine obviously is going completely out of control yes it's in danger of totally obscuring their stage wear which would have been my main obsession, what they're wearing. Yes. Are they wearing flares or not? Ooh, are they? I wouldn't have even been... Well, you don't know because of the dry eyes. This is it, yeah.

And I... Maybe they turned up with absolutely massive fucking Saxons and just had a word, said, look, we can't be seen with these on. Can you get the dry eyes on? Perhaps. But even if the dry ice on perhaps but even if the dry ice wasn't there and they had massive flares on it's that it's those t-shirts that's

matching t-shirts those matching tops that say heat wave on them in blazing leather sweaters on there the polo neck jump yeah i can't tell whether they're jumpers or t-shirts pulled on on top of jumpers because the lead singer appears to have a turtleneck version of it no no no let me let me put you right here they're crew neck sweaters yeah but johnny wilder is wearing a polo neck underneath his i see toasty warm in the studio lights i would imagine oh he's got a love bite yeah they do look almost knitted excellent stage right i mean obviously in the middle of lockdown i'm thinking of getting out and about so i was thinking of if we ever do like a live chart music, we should all have chart music podcast T-shirts on. Perhaps with our faces on it, like our individual faces on it. Of course.

When I picture a chart music podcast T-shirt, by the way, it looks like the front cover of the hymn book, Come and Praise, from the 80s but with our faces on it i think we should do that and i if we with the urchins on it like like in the sunday gang but but um i think if we do ever do uh chart music live by the way one more thing we've got to aim stupidly high um like steph and dennis we've got to book the NEC or something and you know 54 people will turn up or something it'd be lovely before all this shit happened I was thinking

of a chart music road show where we played in the sort of caravan parks and didn't even announce it we'd just turn up on some pallets and just talk about the old sailor while people are going to the standing tap and filling up the kegels. Totally ignoring us.

Maybe next year. But yeah, heatwave sweaters. Back to the important things. Look, for anyone who hasn't seen this, they're black sweaters with a like a orange band around the chest that says heat wave on it yeah with a load of sequins around it yeah it's like a graduated fade isn't it so it's like fire yeah almost certainly made on a knitting machine one of the great mystical items of the 1970s right we never had one i never knew anyone who had one or anyone who ever saw one

no but the story was always that these were like like the 3d printer of the olden days like you just you got a picture of the the triptych of the temptation of saint anthony put that on one side and stick some wool on the other press a button and there's your jumper i i looked this up i went on the internet to see what they actually look like just look how deep we go for you pop crazy youngsters just to check that they actually existed and they weren't a myth and yeah they they look like a telephone exchange yeah and i mean they only reproduce pictures to a like a 16k spectrum level anyway but it is johnny wilder's look here is great he's got a yeah he's got the sweater

on with a black polo neck under it and a big silver medallion over it I had that look for a while in the mid 90s like a black polo neck medallion over it a big corduroy sheepskin coat over the top Dennis Wheatley book club amulet

a winner's image. But yeah, that decision to wear a polo neck under this thick jumper is... A mind-blowing decision. Possibly inadvisable because I really doubt those

jumpers are going to last more than a couple of washes. At least without all the sequins coming off. You'll be finding them in his socks for the next six weeks. But yeah, I mean, we've always touched upon the leaps and bounds in jumper-making technology in the early 80s, but this is fucking next-level shit, isn't it? There should have been more bands with jumpers with their own names on it,

I think. Yeah, definitely. I can't think of many apart from this one and perhaps the goodies. Yes. You know. I mean, imagine Sid Fishers could have had a nice swastika jumper about this time. But it was a bit code. And he was standing outside the methadone clinic.

I just think bands like, you know, I don't know, Can should have had jumpers. Loads of bands. Susie and the Bans know can should have had jumpers um loads of bands susie and the banshee should have had jumpers loads of bands would have been improved massively with this kind of merchandising i mean top of the pops have really fucked up with the dry ice here because the band's got heat wave written on their jumpers and they're giving them dry ice when it should be bits of red cloth being blown about by fans to to create a fiery image the thing is with the producers they're presumably thinking they're not going to get a lot from this are they they're not going to get because it's a dead smooth dead slow song so yeah the dry ice is there but it's haywire

it's completely haywire yeah anything else to say about this we haven't talked about it we haven't talked about the song at all no it's a grower and as such a dubious choice for a single but i'm sure it makes more sense as part of the agreeably titled central heating album yes but it's no it's got that very smooth and twinkly barry blue production on it like a yes like a disney night sky but it sort of drifts a bit i think in fact the actual b-side to this record is more immediate and striking the actual b-side to this record being i'll beat your booty which is according to the song is apparently what rod temperton's mum used to say to him when he was a kid. Oh, right. I'll beat your booty if you ain't been doing your duty.

Yes. Because it says, she didn't take no jive, like a lot of women in 1950s Cleethorpes. Yes. But I'd rather have seen and heard that one, you know. But, I mean, this is all right. It's just a slightly odd track because it sounds simultaneously old-fashioned and ahead of its time.

Do you know what I mean? It's like it would have made more sense in 1974 or 1981. It's sort of caught between eras a bit. It's not funky and it's not really disco either. I'm struck by the lyrics, though, which go, If you think long, you think wrong. So don't think too long. This is an intriguing philosophical approach.

It's a bit like the wisdom that I've tried to force into my own stupid head whenever I'm facing a mind-blowing decision, which is whichever option you choose, you're going to regret it and wish you'd chosen the other. So just fucking pick one. Stop wasting time. The language in it is strange. I mean, Mind Blown Decisions is a great title. To rhyme that with head collisions, that always strikes me. And factors is in this lyric as well, I think. Will these be the factors that will make our lives a trip? lyric as well i think will these be the factors that will make our lives a trip i mean it's it's quite strange managerial speak almost yes for what's the slow sultry soul song you know yeah

they should have rhymed it with uh sternum to naval incision and of course this song always reminds me of must decide how to flow nice and smooth are good to go oh yeah it's hard to flow nice and smooth fucking tune it's been sampled a lot i think mind blown yes so i've heard on a couple of things i've heard on a tribe called quest remix i think yes so it sounds like that already that's the thing and i you know obviously you know i didn't nobody knows in 78 that this is even about sampling to a certain extent, but it already sounds like that. It already sounds like some producer 30 years from it

is going to, yeah, twist the little good bits out and use them. So two weeks after this episode, mind-blowing decisions enter the charts at number 56. And four weeks later, it went all the way to number 12, staying in the lower reaches of the top 20 and four weeks later it went all the way to number 12 staying in the lower reaches of the top 20 for four weeks good job heatwave have yourself another jumper meanwhile always and forever was picked up on big style by black american radio soaring to number two on the r&b chart and number 18 on the billboard hot 100 was put out again over here and got to number

nine for two weeks in december remember when we watched that song on top of the pops in that in that chart music and they've gone from wearing their slinky black jumpers to to full-on 70s um horoscope signage mental oh yeah yeah well. Yeah. They all look like they're in a pot noodle advert from the 90s as you put it Taylor. And of course it's had a second life

in the 90s as the advert music for options the hot chocolate drink for people who were too fucking lazy to put some milk in a pan

and heat it up. You don't need to put milk in a pan anymore Al you know to make cocoa you don't need to. Yeah or a pan anymore oh you know to make cocoa you don't need to yeah or a microwave or a microwave yeah we want to watch liquids and microwave superheated milk is no joke that's some valuable consumer advice though we're just like old men going off down a fucking dead end there, aren't we? Forget it.

Whoa, well, I don't know about you pop-crazed youngsters, but all this red-hot chat about late-70s jumper technology has about knackered me out. So we're going to stop, we're going to rest, we're going to come back hard tomorrow for part three of Chart Music 54. So, on behalf of Taylor Parks and Neil Kulcone, my name's Al Needham, demanding that you stay pop crazed. Chart music. GreatBigOwl.com

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