CheapShow - Ep 265: The Black Bin Bag Edition 2
Episode Date: January 21, 2022Behold! It can bring sweet delights, or it can bring terrible pain. It contains tat amassed from the forgotten corners of the podcast and it all reside in one place… The mythical “Black Bin Bag”...! What will Paul an Eli discover this week as they take a deep dive into the unknown? Maybe there will be something delightful to nibble on, or maybe even a toy to tinker with! All the cheap chaps know is that ANYTHING could happen over the next hour. Join them for their 2nd deep dive into the bric-a-brac abyss that lurches from fast food toys, 80’s Claymation mascots, retro gadgets to Scottish snacks, odd chocolate and LOTS more besides. As if to make things more epic, there is a hidden “Price of Shite” game buried in amongst the ephemera, if Eli can find the right number of special items, he has the chance to win a very special prize. If he fails, Gannon’s taking it home. The stakes couldn’t be higher… for a podcast about charity shop treasures, that is! Oh, and apologies for the many uses of the “C-Word”, but unless Eli starts treating our brand-new characters with respect, he is going to get strong blowback! Let the madness begin! See pictures and/or videos for this episode here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-265-black-bin-bag-2 And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at thecheapshow@gmail.com And if you want to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! Oh, and you can NOW listen to Urinevision 2021 on Bandcamp... For Free! Enjoy! https://cheapshowpodcast.bandcamp.com/album/urinevision-2021-the-album MERCH Official CheapShow Merch Shop: www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow/shop Www.cheapmag.shop Thanks also to @vorratony for the wonderful, exclusive art: www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow Send Us Stuff CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Paul, Paul, could you get that?
No.
I'm too busy stroking the sailor's hat.
I'll get it then, I guess.
Yes?
Hello, Governor.
My name is Ben the Bin Man, and I've got for you...
Sorry, you're Bin Man?
Yeah, that's right.
I thought you were Bin Bag Man.
Well, I...
You seem to have a bin bag there.
Yeah, I've got a bin bag for you.
So what's the name again?
Ben the Bin Man. Because I'm not a bag am I
ah but
Ben the bin man
and I deliver bin bags
but do you deliver bins
do you ever deliver bins though
I don't deliver bins
I work for the bins
so wouldn't it work better
if your name was
Ben the bin bag man
no because
I don't deal specifically
who's this cunt
Paul
who's this cunt
who's this ugly cunt?
Sorry, excuse me. Is that...
Right, so, Ben, if I can
call you that. Yes?
Do I have to speak to him? No, you don't have to speak to him if you don't want to.
It's fine. Why Paul's in the room, is he?
Yeah, because I've finished stroking the sailor's hat.
How did the sailor feel?
He was very happy. Now,
bin bag man Ben. That's...
Mate, I only... My deal was to bring down this black bag. Well, thank bag man Ben. That's... Mate, I only...
My deal was to bring back this black bag.
Well, thank you.
I will take that.
That's it.
I didn't expect a fucking...
Can I ask something about...
...third degree from a fucking stupid looking prick?
Can I ask about your credentials?
You know, like...
So, what do you...
Who pays you to deliver these bags?
Paul, who's this cunt?
Sorry, he's my co-host, mate.
He's always like this.
Ben, if I could call you that.
Who's behind this?
Who's making you deliver these bags?
Are you married?
What's the background of this character?
Let's hot seat this character a bit.
He's already insulted me.
You said he was going to be salt of the earth, Paul.
This Ben character.
Really lovely, down-to-earth bloke.
And what?
He called me an ugly cunt
get out
leave the bag
get the fuck out
of my house
you know what
he's nice with everyone else
it's just that
you seem to wrangle people
I didn't
I was only wanting it
to be a realistic scene
that's it
Paul this guy
is your co-host
a cunt mate
get out Ben
listen
I've brought you
this big bag
full of tricks and treats
we'll take that
especially for this episode
but you know what
you couldn't explain its origin.
Who gave it to you?
Paul, mate.
Who gave you the bag, Ben?
Where did it come from?
I don't have to speak to this fucking ugly cunt.
Have you got, like, daughters or something?
What a cunt.
I'm off, Paul.
That's a fucking lot of time, mate.
I'm sorry.
If you're going to wait with a fucking ugly cunt like that,
what an ugly cunt.
Why do you have to do that to all the guests that come by?
He's not just a bin man who's dropping off a bin bag that I asked that. What an ugly cunt. Why do you have to do that to all the guests that come by? He's not a guest.
He's just a bin man who was dropping off a bin bag
that I asked for him to deliver from our house.
Why would a bin man, who is colloquially known, Paul,
as someone who goes around with a refuse truck,
or rubbish truck, or rubbish lorry,
or whatever the fuck they call them,
and collects the rubbish out of people's bins?
That's what a bin man is, right?
It's not someone who delivers a bag of goodies.
In this tough economy, people are taking up all sorts of different types of professions and careers.
And so what app was it?
Bin mag delivery?
Bin, bin, bin.
Is it called Binder?
No.
Is it called Bin Bagder?
That'd be ridiculous.
Is it called Bag One?
It's called Trashter.
Oh, right.
You've never used Trashter before? No, and it gets trash delivered. Beep, bop, beep. Please bring me round a Trashster. Oh, right. You never used Trashster before?
No, and it gets trash delivered.
Beep, bop, beep.
Please bring me round a bag of trash.
Okay, here it is.
Beep, bop, beep.
Ben the bin man fucking brings me a bag of trash.
Yeah.
Out of the goodness of his own art,
he doesn't fucking have to.
I'm going to have to give him a tip now.
Oh, what I'm saying is...
A tip, because you fucking can't...
Well, how are you going to pay him a tip?
Through the app?
I've got him on the app.
I've given him a thumbs up,
and I'm going to have to give him a 20%
tip for this. That's good.
Why are you so horrible to all the people who come by here?
I wasn't horrible. I was just saying.
You had to question him on his fucking background
and upbringing and his profession.
Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck
are you to question an honest salt of the
earth guy who's just trying to make a bit of money in
tight economic times? Who's just
driven in a bag that I've asked him to and you give him the fucking...
I didn't know that, did I?
You ugly cunts!
Welcome to Cheap Show.
I hate you and your fucking noodle posse.
People love noodles.
It's just a fact of Cheap Show
You're gonna have to learn to fucking accept
Cheap Show
Cheap Show.
It's the price of shite.
Paul Gannon.
Eli Silverman.
Welcome to Cheat Show.
And a go and a nuzzle.
I think that might be the most uses of the C word in a cold open desert.
I just saw
some guy at the door. I just wanted to know.
Doesn't matter now. You've ruined him. He's going to make a
complaint. He won't come back again.
You know what? I hope he doesn't, actually.
I hope I have insulted him to the degree that he doesn't appear in Cheap Sugar.
I can't wait for your characters to turn up next.
All your stupid little characters who have just
as much a nebulous background as any of mine. Well, funnily enough
someone did get in touch this morning, Paul.
Yeah? Floella Fanjana
man. And just like
that my point has been absolutely proven.
Right, so this is another
It's a Black Bin Bag episode!
Yay!
Steve Wright in the afternoon!
Sometimes we get tons and tons of PO
boxed up at once and sometimes we have a drought
and sometimes we get leftovers.
And this is a bag of leftovers.
And we're going to play a lovely little game, Mr. Silverman.
A nice rummage through all kinds of random leftover
or didn't quite fit a remit for another episode type stuff.
It's all in this bag.
Could be food, could be toys, could be books,
could be games, could be music.
You just don't know.
All I can tell you is that there are 33 items in our bin bag today.
Paul, could they be described, you know, reasonably as a bric-a-brac?
Or scrabbage?
A sorted scrabbage?
Definitely sorted scrabbage.
I'd even so go as far to say that it is pick-a-mix-tastically fine.
Or scroft ends.
Scrofty ends.
It's a little bit
googly wobbly.
Oh, shut up.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mrs. Falata Chachatos.
Well,
Floella
Bonjana
Fontana
Chana
Barna
Vantana
Chana
Bonvana
has pulled out
of her interview.
Good.
It's of your talk.
Good.
So,
I have a little
wrinkle in this
not only is it going to
be an episode where
we pull out
random stuff
it's a little wrinkle
isn't it
right
it would be a little
wrinkle wouldn't it
it would be with you
yes
yeah well if you've
got a fucking
microscopic helmet
on your knob
a wrinkle in that
would be fucking
sub-microscopic
you know Eli
you've got a
plank length knob
Eli it's very
immature and
derogatory to use a man's penis size as an insult.
It's the laziest thing a man could do.
People are always trying it on me.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
That's because you're a micro-cocked elf.
There are 33 items.
There are 33 items.
But 12 items are part of the price of shite gambit.
Here's the rules.
There's a prize in this bag.
Right.
That you have not seen.
You don't know what it is, do you?
I do not know what the prize is.
But do you remember that thing last week I told you about?
That excellent thing that came in the PO box?
Oh, yes.
So it's that.
It is that.
And that is to play for today.
That is the big prize to play for.
And how are you going to win it?
By randomly getting into the bag. is to play for today that is the big prize to play for and how are you going to win it by randomly
getting into the bag and over the course of the next 45 minutes if you pull out three of the eight
you'll get to play price of shite okay and then it's just normal for twings i'm going to give you
a bit of guides to help you because the price is all over the place but if you can get two for
twings only two between so if i get one item on the nose, then I win the prize.
That's extremely easy.
Well, you know.
I've got this in the bag.
It's in a bag over there, but it'll be in my bag.
I've got this in the bag.
I'll easily get two per twings.
How many items is it?
How many items is it?
Three all together.
I will easily get two per twings.
Yeah, but let's just say.
I am nuzzling.
The prices are quite erratic because there are basically three different price of shites in this bag all mixed together.
So you're not going to know which one was bought where, how, how much it compares to the price it was bought with.
It's just an item.
It's just an item with a price.
It's an item with no context.
Yes.
Maybe I won't get two between.
So that's what I'm saying.
I think my expected between value might be about 1.3.
Yeah.
I need to nudge that up.
You do.
I need to nudge it right up.
So you've got a little pad there don't you Mr Silverman?
I beg your pardon?
You've got a nice big
chunky pad there
haven't you Mr Silverman?
This is a thing of beauty
who sent these in?
Now I think it was
Mark Honeyborn
but if not
I will stand corrected
if someone corrects me
in the future
but we were sent a load of pads
and they are
specifically made
price of shite
tally scoreboard
paper pads
What a lovely
lovely thing
you've got two columns.
Paul Gannon, one column.
Eli Silverman is the next column.
Below is a subdivision for price and a between column.
Between has little stars.
It's important that we have a between column.
Price of shite, branded at the top.
Aye.
Lovely thing.
So I'll be using this, shall I?
The Virgin page.
Yes.
Please break it in because you're going to be keeping track of your own scores.
Whenever we find an item
and it falls into our Price of Shite category,
mark it down.
We'll come to it at the end.
You won't price it during the show.
You'll price it at the end, okay?
Okay, yes.
Now, you might not even pull out
three Price of Shite items over the course of this.
But how will I get the betwings then?
Exactly.
You will maybe lose before it even starts.
No, you can't do that.
I can.
There are eight items.
So it's a pure roll of the dice
where I get the...
I know.
That's why it's the black bin bag edition.
It's a tombola of trash.
You just don't know
what's going to be in there, do you?
Until we whip it out.
It's a random scruffditch.
So are you prepared?
Are you ready for the prize?
Because if you don't win it,
I get to take it home and keep it.
You keep it.
Yeah.
And I'm quite...
I actually hope I get to keep this one.
Oh, I...
Yeah.
I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm get to keep this one yeah i'm ready are
you ready i'm gonna are you ready to dive into lucky are you ready to dive into my dirty dirty
dark bin bag of bric-a-brachian mystery yes then ladies and gentlemen open the bag Begin the clock.
It is time to search inside the bag.
Eli, are you ready?
I'm ready, yes.
Between 1 and 33, pick your first number to remove from the black bin bag of doom.
Are you going to be crossing these off?
I will.
So you've got between 1 and 33. What number you like 23 please 23 let me just search for this number here now
23. i have a feeling it's going to be a price of shite item and i'm going to get it on the nose
what an interesting first gambit but it is not a price of shite item here i I go. Oh, it's right near the top, this one.
He's passed it to me.
It's got my name written on it.
Yeah, because it was
given specifically
for you in a P.O. box.
It's a Wendy's
paper bag.
It's a Wendy's
as in the American
fast food chain.
Yes.
Have you ever been to one?
Once a long time ago.
I've never been.
And all I know is
they gave me the shit.
Really?
Yes.
Their thing is square.
Although that was a day
full of Taco Bell Wendy
and 30 cent burger day.
Where?
In McDonald's.
McDonald's had this,
I don't know if they still do it.
Why did you eat in three of those places
in one day?
We were travelling around in a car
and rather than get a meal later
we were stopping off
and it just ended up being
absolute carnage in my pants
the next day.
No wonder.
No wonder.
So you can't really blame Wendy's for that, can you?
No, but you don't want to get stuck on the PCH
with a gut full of fucking rumbly mess.
So it's a Wendy's bag.
They've got square burgers.
That's their thing, isn't it?
Square patties.
Square patties, yeah.
You ever been?
I've never been.
Isn't that strange?
If you ever go to America, we should go to a Wendy's.
Yes.
But I seem to remember they were launching over here,
weren't they? There might be one or two, to be go to a Wendy's. Yes. But I seem to remember they were launching over here, weren't they?
There might be one or two, to be fair, but I don't know.
I think it's sort of a half launch that didn't really take off.
Because Taco Bell has come over in a huge way, hasn't it, in the last year or so? Now, this did come from someone, but I've long since lost the notes.
Are these like Wendy's equivalent of Happy Meal toys?
This is a selection of Wendy's Happy Meal type toys.
But I believe they're based on the board game Cranium or something.
These are called Cranium Brain Breaks.
So there are four.
And they are little different coloured plastic.
I'll open one of these.
It's basically, imagine a brain separated into four sections.
And each section's got a little puzzle in.
So I don't know what kind of puzzle they are, to be fair,
but I guess they're cranium based
so they might be some kind of challenge
Each one's like a little box, isn't it?
And I've got one of all four
Yeah, you've got the whole set there
So what's in that one then, out of interest?
I've opened a sort of lemon yellow
almost fluorescent yellow one
It all slides together in a modular fashion
Yes, it does, doesn't it?
You know what you could do?
Put little fairy lights in it
and have like a glowing brain thing.
Should I open it up and just slot it all together?
We'll see what's inside one.
Just see what's inside.
I always put, look at that.
It slots right together.
Oh, what a lovely thing.
How they're opened.
I don't know either.
Maybe there's some kind of,
is it a lid on the bottom that you can pull?
Like that plastic thick bit, can that come off?
There we go.
Yeah, like a Tupperware.
So what is that then?
Because I've honestly not looked in these, obviously, because they're all sealed.
This first one is the sort of lime, come to think of it, it's more of a lime yellow one
that I've opened.
Lime brain.
And it has a spinning top of some sort.
Aye.
Spin timer, it says.
So what does that mean?
Does that mean what?
It's part of a game?
No, and there's a little booklet,
sort of fold-out booklet come with it.
What does the booklet say?
And it's got different games you can play
with the Spintimer on them.
So one is called Holiday Sing-Along.
Work together to complete the challenge.
I'm the performer for this activity.
I spin the timer.
Yeah.
And hum one of my favourite holiday tunes.
Everyone else tries to guess the song
before time's run out.
It's just a timer.
But I don't understand.
Does it do the same time?
Does it spin it?
And then does it land on like,
oh, you've got to sing while it's spinning?
Yes, but doesn't the time that it spins for
vary depending on how hard you spin it?
Or give it a twist at the beginning?
But I guess that depends on how hard the song is
you want to try and get across in the spinning time.
We might be in the universe of Inception if it never stops.
We could be in this moment forever.
Am I Leonardo DiCaprio?
No, I'll be Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, you're not Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh, they're the two of us.
Shit, I thought it was a bit boring.
Wasn't Cillian Murphy in it?
Oh, yes.
You could be him.
I don't want to be Cillian Murphy.
But everyone likes him.
He's a peaky blinder.
And it stopped.
Well, there we go.
That's the spin timer,
which is another way of measuring time, I guess.
I'm going to open up all of these and see what's in each.
All right.
Remember, you're four minutes in and you've still got...
Oh.
Oh, while he's looking at that,
pictures to accompany this episode will be on our website,
thecheapshow.co.uk,
so you can see what Eli is pulling out of the bin bag today what's
that one crayon a crayon so it looks very simple toys but i mean they did come with a oh is this
some kind of this looks like it's all component parts to make a big game so if you had all four
you could probably have more challenges and games yeah that is literally just a crayon and a little
pad to draw on cranium it's a nice little thing actually it's a cranium branded yeah instead of
where they'd have the crayola brand brand, it says Cranium.
Mint on card.
It is all mint on card. Let's just quickly pull it open.
There's a blue brain he's pulling out now.
Can I open one?
There's one more left.
Yes.
The red one down there passes it.
You open that.
Cranium...
I may have played it.
What is Cranium?
It's all different tasks, so it includes sort of Pictionary style things. Pictionary and moulding and puzzles. It depends on the
version you buy. There's different age groups, it's like an adult version isn't there?
Yeah, so this one's got a kind of fold-up cardboard dice so you can make one to
six, so that's a bit of, you know, building. And this one has some modelling clay in
it I believe. Oh this one's just another little pad with a crayon in it as well. Yeah.
But you've got modelling clay.
Oh, oh.
What's the sniff?
It's...
Oh, God.
Is it that familiar?
I'm having a nostalgia.
It's Play-Doh.
It's the same colour crayon.
Oh, it's all purple.
Everything's purple, isn't it?
I have a crayon.
Same as yours.
Oh, smell that, man.
Sniff it.
Oh, it's really giving me...
It's melting my brain.
Oh.
Oh, there's memories back.
Play-Doh. Oh. That really transported me for... It's melting my brain. Oh, there's memories back. Play-Doh.
Oh, that really transported me for a second.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
This used to be my playground.
Do you know what I mean, though?
Oh, what a...
Such a nostalgic smell, that Play-Doh smell.
Right.
It's like a perfumed Play-Doh.
So that's...
It's like a purple perfume Play-Doh plug.
It's a pug of purple perfume play-doh, Paul.
It's the perfect play-doh perfume pot of precious...
You can't do it.
Plasticine!
Ah!
It's not.
It's play-doh, though.
I know, but fucking give me a break.
That's gone a bit hard.
It's gone a bit hard and rubbery.
It's gone a bit hard,
but the smell takes you all the way back, doesn't it?
Oh, oh, oh.
Right.
Here's the lid for that one.
Right, that's your first item you can
keep that if you want i well it could be quite useful actually as storage yeah and you can put
it all together as a brain yeah and just keep a load of random bits of crap odds and ends
audio connectors i've got a lot of things like that yes there you go so that's item one down
eli what's next remember we've got to get through a lot of these if you want any chance of winning
the prize just get the obvious one out of the
way and go for number seven, please, for this one, Paul.
Number seven. Oh!
This is yet again not a
price of shite item. I really have to hit those price of
shite items. Here we go.
This is number seven.
He's thrown me an egg shake. Ooh!
Yeah, what is it?
Oh, I like this.
I like this, Paul. This is from Marta, who sent us a load of stuff a long time ago.
I do remember.
Marta sent some of the stuff we used in the Walkabout episode,
you know, when we had all the snacks and bits.
So that's a manual calendar.
Is it a 50s, 60s kind of retro futuristic?
Very much space age, they call it, that design.
Look, it's a fucking thing of great beauty.
Cream manual calendar, so you can change the day on it,
so you know what day it is yourself,
as opposed to looking at your phone or your watch.
I love this.
I love the design of this.
Well, as I say, anything that comes out the bag, Eli can keep.
And what, you change the day yourself?
Yeah.
But how do you know what day of the...
All the designs on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. know what day of the... Oh, all the designs on the...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Funky designs on the numbers,
like on the 14th,
the four is on a little...
The four is on a little slant there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's very stylish.
It's very nice.
It's a lovely little bit of...
I wonder how it works, though.
So it doesn't work.
Down here, it doesn't work.
I mean, it's manual.
You have to turn it yourself.
So daily, you'd have to turn the calendar over.
Yeah, by just clicking the button at the top once.
Yeah, there's a dial at the front and a dial at the bottom, isn't there?
So, but what?
You put it on which month it is at the bottom, do you?
I mean, I don't know.
I haven't looked at it all that much.
It must be that.
So we're in number one, yeah?
January, yeah.
Is there a dial right at the very front of it on the glass panel?
There's a dial at the bottom.
See there?
Yeah.
I thought there was one at the front.
Oh, no.
I'm just looking at the six.
So set it on January, please.
Oh, look at all the different styles. The different styles'm just looking at the six. So set it on January please. Oh look at all the
different styles.
The different styles
of cow.
That's wicked.
They're all really
pretty.
But I want to use it
so can you set it up
for me please?
There you go.
Oh I see.
So what's the date
today?
It is the 16th.
17th.
So you've got one
showing at the bottom
now?
Yeah, it's the 17th.
So I have got,
there you go,
17th of January.
I wonder how it deals with a leap year.
You just move it on yourself, don't you?
There's no 29th of February.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Well, then you're just going to have to not press it one day.
I love this.
You can have it.
I love that.
Do you want to go crack on?
I really love that.
We're 10 minutes in and you've got 35 minutes left.
Amazing thing.
And that goes with my space age clock.
Have you seen my...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a nice little bit
of space age
I think this is a bit later
this is more like
feels more 60s-ish
than 50s-ish
doesn't it
I don't know if that
faded paint style
is because of its age
or just because
it's definitely yellowed
from light
or from nicotine
maybe at the top
which is kind of nice as well
it kind of gives it
a bit of character doesn't it
it's gone well beige
at the top
right well you've done
23
and you've done
and you've done 7.
Yes.
So what do you want to do now?
Let's go for my birth date, 16.
16, let's have a look for 16.
I really want to see a price a shine item here.
You've got one.
Here we go.
Now I've got to have a little bit of a hook to this.
It's all here somewhere, I'll find it.
I've got a good chance of picking up one of those precious petwings here.
So I really want to win the whole game.
Paul now, if you might be able to pick up on that,
is having a good old scummage around, scuffing about,
scrubbing all his little bits and pieces together
while he scribbles and scrabbles around in the bag.
And he's scruffled.
It's the smallest item, apparently.
16 is the smallest item
He's chucked it to me
It's a brooch
And it's a starfish brooch
It's a starfish brooch
With blue rocks
Looks like a piece of costume jewellery
Paul that's all I can say really about it
Yes
I'll have number
Oh I have to guess the price
Well not right now
Hold on to it
Put it aside
Put it aside
We'll deal with it at the end
If you even get If you even get two more items from the bag, all right?
So that's your first one.
A nice little metal silver.
What is it?
A little metal brooch?
Little, yes, silver style starfish.
Well, that's your first price of shite item.
With blue rocks on it.
Right.
Here we go.
Next number then.
We can move straight on.
15.
15. Where is it? Here we go. Next number then. We can move straight on. 15. 15. Where is it? Here we go.
Oh, it's our first snack from the bin.
Oh, a snack.
Not that one.
He's having a real scrubbage around in there.
It's this one.
And he's chucked me what looks like a packet of crisps.
They are chips of some sort, I can tell you.
Funny Frish is the manufacturer of these things, and these are yoghurt gherkin style.
I'm in love with these crisps already.
And these are from Marius in Deutschland.
Oh, mate.
These look to be yoghurt and gherkin flavour
chickpea triangles.
Tortilla type things?
What are they?
They're chickpea crisps. Oh, I don't think I've ever had a chickpea crisp. Have we type things? What are they? They're chickpea crisps.
Oh, I don't think I've ever had a chickpea crisp, have we?
No.
We might have on this show.
We tend to steer clear of these more healthy type of options usually, don't we?
But let's get the huff on this.
Let's get the huff.
I feel my nose is a bit blocked up today, so I don't feel totally 100% huffing.
Well, if ready.
Give us what you can with the huff.
He's giving it a deep huff.
I'm getting the...
That's a really...
It's a real gherking, yeah.
Gherking?
It's a real gherking huff coming off.
Garlicky gherking huff.
They smell lovely.
I'm going to have one.
They are triangles.
They're very interestingly shaped because they look like brain matter They smell lovely. I'm going to have one. Oh, they are triangles. They are.
They're very interestingly shaped because they look like brain matter
that's been squished into a triangle shape.
Yeah, very light, aren't they?
Oh.
They are a lot nicer than I thought they were going to be.
Those are lovely.
Really, really nice.
You know what they'd be great for?
Go on.
Dipping.
Because they've got ridges.
Nice guac.
Yeah, or whatever you like.
They were a lot nicer
than I thought they were going to be.
I thought they were going to be
a bit kind of,
you know with some yoghurt crisp,
they kind of taste stale almost.
Yeah, there's not.
There's not a lot of that there.
It's nice.
The flavour disappears quite quickly
once you get to the crunch of it.
It's not a very overwhelming
amount of flavour.
Not too much flavour.
Yeah.
Good, very good.
I'd say 3.5 up to 4 maybe.
3.5 up to 4.
I think I might join you on that very score.
And they're in date as well.
Yeah.
Well, I've checked.
I threw out anything that was like out of date.
Which meant a lot of stuff got chucked out.
Well.
Because people, sometimes people send us stuff and it's like,
eat these crisps.
And I look at them and they're already like six months out of date.
And they're like horse dick flavour. And I'm like, you know what?
It's fine. Well, I would just, I would eat
out of date horse dick flavoured crisps for this
show. Yes, I would, Paul. Why?
Because I think people deserve, they've gone to the
trouble of sending out of date horse
dick flavoured crisps to us. Yeah.
I mean, if there was an actual... Because I've got a
bag of cat ass snacks in here.
I will eat some cat ass. Yeah? Yeah.
Cat ass and horse dick snacks. I will mix cat ass snacks in here. I will eat some cat ass. Yeah? Yeah. Cat ass and horse dick snacks.
I will mix cat ass with horse dick
and I'll have an old big animal
orgy. In your mouth.
Right, next number. What do you want to go with?
I would like to go, let's go for three.
No, number three. Oh,
I was hoping you'd get this one. Is this a price of
shite item? It is not a price of shite item.
But it is an item
I think you will enjoy.
I've built the big brain, Paul.
I've built the Wendy's brain.
Oh, it looks kind of cool when you put it all together.
Looks like a big jelly.
Is this number three?
This is item number three.
Now, this appears to be a complete set of California raisin figures.
Yay!
Oh, I remember people I knew used to have these.
I used to love them when I was a kid growing up because I liked the stop-motion animation of it all.
Didn't they have a TV series as well?
I know they had a Christmas special.
They did lots of songs, but they first appeared on an advert, right?
I think so, yes.
And what was it? Heard it through the grapevine.
I mean, I would guess that would be the one you'd do, wouldn't you?
If you were like, raisins.
Do you know of any songs specifically
about raisins off the top of your head? No.
No? Give Me A Raisin To Believe.
Yeah. What's that
called? That Ian Dury one.
Raisins To Be Cheerful.
They should have done that, yeah.
So I've got a skateboarding raisin.
They're all doing different things.
I seem to think,
I remember them being extremely successful
at selling their records or something.
They had big hits or something at the time.
I'll have a quick look for it,
just as you're describing what you're seeing.
We've got roller skating raisin,
skateboarding raisin,
so they're not even musical raisins, those two.
They're just out having leisure time.
There's a saxophonist
raisin there. Yeah, he's got all of them.
There's a trombone
playing raisin there with some
natty... The California
Raisins....light blue keds on his feet.
We're a fictional rhythm and blues
animated musical group,
as well as an advertising and merchandising characters
compounded of anthropomorphised raisins.
These vocals were sung by the musician Buddy Miles.
Does that name ring a bell to you?
Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Buddy Miles was...
He was the drummer in Jimi Hendrix's group.
Really?
Yes, after Mitch Mitchell left.
Or after the band broke.
The experience broke.
Is it that Buddy Miles?
Let me have a quick look for you now.
Was an American composer,
drummer, guitarist, vocalist and producer.
He was a founding member of the Electric Flag.
I've got an Electric Flag album.
Brilliant. Member of the band of
Gypsies. That's Hendrix's band.
Miles also played
and recorded with
Carlos Santana
yes
and was involved
with the California Raisins
which won an Emmy
that's what I mean
it won an Emmy
yeah
it was created for the 1986
Sun made
California Raisins
it was made for an advert
for them
then they released a song
heard it for the Grapevine
which was a success
and then they turned that
into a claymation series
so it was a series
yeah
yeah
well actually no
I'll rephrase that
it was
they made the award winning
a Claymation Christmas celebration
which had a segment
of the Californian Raisins
in it
I see
they released four albums though
that's what I mean
87 and 88
and their version of
Heard it for the Grapevine
did reach
84 on the Hot 100
well
there you go
but I wonder where these non-musical characters cartoon series Their version of Heard It Through the Grapevine did reach 84 on the Hot 100. Well, there you go.
But I wonder where these non-musical characters... Cartoon series lasting 13 episodes, by the way.
They must be skateboarding and roller skating ones
who seem to be smaller than the musicians.
They're like children raisins, maybe.
Yeah.
Interesting stuff.
Nice little bits of objet d'or again.
You know, you love a little bit of our California raisins
because I remember it.
Oh, I heard it through the grapevine.
And they were moving like this and they were moving like that.
Are you just trying to do a bit here?
No, I'm just trying to tell you how my memories are of the Californian raisins
because I love that stop-motion style, the claymation style
that was popular in the 80s.
Because you remember there's that, was it Mark Twain claymation adventure
where they meet the devil
and there's this mask
and it's just like talking
and it speaks in this
kind of sociopathic
flat tone
and it's written
the freakiest fucking thing
you will ever see
in your life
do you not remember that
these kids fly around
with Mark Twain
in like an airship
or something
and one day
they land on this planet
which is
why are they going around
with Mark Twain
I can't remember
was it a series
no it was like a movie
or an animated movie.
And there's a whole segment where they land on a planet
and they basically meet the devil or death
and he's just kind of this white mask.
He's an empty mask.
Yeah, I remember.
He's quite scary, isn't he?
Really genuinely haunting.
But, you know, not in a nosy bonk way,
which is just creepy, dirty, don't touch me.
It's more of a kind of existential dread.
The oncoming void that we're all going to experience.
Okay, good.
In a kid's film.
Yeah.
California raisins.
And they're funnily, they're the same colour.
As raisins?
As the cranium.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
The purple Play-Doh, they've got a sort of purplish colour.
You can make your own purple Play-Doh people eater.
Right.
I wonder if there are any other purple items that might pop out today there's
a very hot purple item i think that might pop out a bit later if you do well oh yeah yeah i saw the
little eye look you gave down to my crotch i did not give you a look i've got a great big hot purple
people splurter turtles in a half show i fucked up right next
next next number um let's go for number 10 i don't think i've had number 10 yet you haven't I fucked up. Right, next. Next number.
Let's go for number 10.
I don't think I've had number 10 yet.
You haven't had number 10 yet.
Hit me.
All right.
Number 10.
I'm going to go for the even numbers.
It's another snack, but it's not a price of shite item.
Come to me.
There's so much in here, Eli.
I know.
He's having a big scrummage now.
I'm hoping it's something a big scrimmage now. There's cream in here, Eli.
I'm hoping it's something to complement the yoghurt and gurgle flavoured crisps.
No, it's not.
It's a Chupa Chups mini pizza fun to eat candy pizza.
It's gone crazy.
Oh, mate, that's fucking excellent.
Look at that.
It's a little cardboard box, pizza shaped box. It's a proper little cardboard pizza shaped box there, that. It's a little cardboard box. It's a pizza-shaped box with a little...
It's a proper little cardboard pizza-shaped box there, Paul.
It's a proper pizza box, but it's shaped like a cardboard...
Purple, purple, purple squirt of people eat a box.
With a little pizza in it.
With a little pizza in it.
Just a gummy one.
And because it's chirp-a-chops, it's probably of a decent quality.
Do you want to taste some of this?
Yeah.
Because unlike some of the pizza snacks we've had in the past,
it's like they're vile and made of low quality shit.
What's the European company,
Trolley,
that do them,
aren't they?
Oh yeah,
Trolley are alright though.
Trolley are kind of on the ups,
aren't they,
in terms of their reputation?
You know what,
I never knew of Chupa Chups
doing anything
except lollipops
and bits and bobs.
Yeah,
I mean they must have.
I've never seen.
But you know like Jolly Rancher
has all these things now.
You don't see like
Churpa Churps,
lots of different products.
No, you don't get
like a Churpa Churpa.
Maybe you do.
This is obviously one of them.
Now, oh, by the way,
this is from Lisa and David
in Norwich.
So thank you for them.
Now, the effort
that they put into
the facsimile pizza box
hasn't gone into
the production
of the actual gummy pizza.
No.
You can see here, Paul,
because what they've got here are pizza slice sweets.
Yeah.
That's quite cool.
Nice.
But then it's just like...
They've slapped a load of things.
Bananas around the outside.
And fucking...
I hope someone got fucking five for that decision.
That doesn't look like a pizza, does it?
And there's a fucking fried egg on that.
So what they're trying to say, it's a Florentina.
Yeah. No, I don't think so, mate. Four seasons. What's that pizza that has an egg on it? I there's a fucking fried egg on that. Yeah. So what they're trying to say it's a Florentina. Yeah.
No, I don't think so.
Four Seasons.
What's that pizza
that has an egg on it?
I like that one.
I don't know.
Isn't that a Spanish pizza
of some kind?
No, I think it's called
a Florentina.
What about a dog egg?
Pizza with a dog egg
in the middle.
No one would eat that
because it would be poison
and it would smell bad
in the oven.
Be galena.
You could fucking clear
the whole of the fucking
Pizza Express, couldn't you? Stick a dog egg pizza in the oven and it cleaner. You could fucking clear the whole of the fucking Pizza Express, couldn't you?
Stick a dog egg pizza in the oven and it starts belching out dog egg smell.
Yeah, but that would ruin your date.
£500 it would cost for that pizza.
That would ruin your fucking date, wouldn't it?
For a dog egg pizza.
You'd pay £500 for a dog egg pizza.
That can be arranged.
A puppy fecal pizza.
I hope it's a deep pan.
Now, do you want to try one of these pizza,
pizza slice,
there's fucking gummy bears on this.
Yeah,
it's,
I reckon they've outsourced this.
You know what I mean?
It's like delivery
when you think you're buying
for a restaurant.
Now,
what do you want to taste?
Buying from warehouse.
Do you want to taste
an actual pizza slice?
give me a pizza slice.
a small percentage
of the fucking actual.
Can I take a picture of that
before we demolish it?
Because we need to show people how slapdash it is.
How fucking sad.
They made such a not an effort.
Look at that.
I've got it like that.
I've got it.
There we go.
Yeah.
That is a sorry, sorry.
Give us a slice.
I bet the gummies are actually fine.
Yeah, it's a tiny pizza slice surrounded by bananas, an egg, and a teddy bear, and a raspberry.
I don't understand that.
Just standard gummy sweets.
Egg, you go,
alright, raspberry,
banana, deep crust patty.
No, teddy bear.
A fine gummy.
It's a fine gummy.
I'll taste one of the
banana ones
because I'm quite intrigued
because you don't
usually see banana ones
that are half clear gum
and half gummy.
Half milky gum
or whatever it's called.
Milky gum.
We're 24 minutes
in mate
talking
are you talking
though because it
doesn't seem like
you're actually
managing
oh you dribbled
down your mouth
as well
oh you snorted
you fucking
cretinous goblin
you far don't
use the wendy's
bag
you cretinous
slime beast.
You fucking trotter-based
humanoid. Fuck me.
They're actually really nice, those
banana ones. Really nice.
Are they bananary? Yeah. Oh, I'll try one
later. You don't like banana, though.
I'm not a fan of fake banana flavouring. I like
bananas. They're fine. I know, that's got
that fake banana flavouring, but it's just interesting
because the clear gummy
gives it a different, almost more acidic.
Yeah.
Mate, come on.
But works.
Works for me.
We've done...
Talking of gummies, Paul,
because I will just get this pointer out.
All right, go on then.
And I can talk now.
I've been getting well into those fucking drumstick squashies.
Fucking hell.
Different flavours.
Oh, yeah.
Different flavours.
They've got the bubblegum flavour,
as well as the original raspberry and vanilla or whatever it is.
They're very Moorish, aren't they?
Talk about Moorish.
Mate, come on, we've got to crack on.
We're 25 minutes in.
And they've got a sour one out.
They've got a sour one out as well.
Sour cherry and something.
Those are worth checking out.
What number do you want to go for?
Because I am not here for the gummy update.
21.
I'm for the red hot bin bag action.
21.
21.
Give me a price a shot. I really need to win the prize at the end of red hot bin bag action. 21. Give me a price of shite.
I really need to win the prize
at the end of the show
with a price of shite.
And it is
a price of shite-em.
Yes, come on.
Hopefully it'll be
a bit more easy to guess
than the starfish brooch.
Oh, it's a little snow globe
of some sort.
It's a tinky-winky
little snow globe.
Because you tossed it over to me. The snow is so thick in this globe, it's a little snow globe of some sort. It's a tinky-winky little snow globe. Because you tossed it over to me.
The snow is so thick in this globe,
it's obscuring the figure in the middle,
which is only now revealing itself to me.
As the glitter falls, what do you see?
As a slowly emerging from the mist,
it's a pet...
Not a pelican.
You monkey brain twatter.
This is the hot pink thing you were talking about.
No, it's not.
Oh, that was the end of your norm.
The hot pink is the hot rod topper.
The policeman's helmet of bliss that is coming your way.
It's hot pink flamingo.
You don't often get to see a hot pink flamingo snow globe
where the glitter is the snow.
No, and I do like a snow globe.
And it's not murky.
It's not one of those dirty snow globes we often get with yellow water
and half drained
no
remember that drowned dwarf
from Riverwood
I don't even know
what you're talking about
there was like this
sort of kneeling over
it was a teddy bear
that was sitting on a present
and it looked like
he was drowning himself
but it looked like
he was also shitting out
Christmas toys
yeah he was swimming
in his own gravy
wasn't he
the big way
he was sitting in his
old old gravy.
Right, so that's your second. So I get no context
about how to guess this. Nope.
That's your second. How many Pies of Shite
items are there altogether? Twelve.
Out of the thirty. Wow, I said there's a lot.
I've got almost a fifty-fifty chance of getting it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Okay.
Let's go now for
thirty-two. Thirty-two,
he says, looking at the list.
Where is 32?
Here we go.
It's a bit
bag I go.
It's another one
from Marta.
Sucked it over.
Marta gets the
coolest stuff,
doesn't she?
Marta did get
the coolest stuff.
Fucking brilliant.
I love that
calendar thing.
And always
really well labelled
as well,
Marta's stuff.
With a little bit
of information
attached to it.
Marta is described as Marta.
No, by Marta.
Yes.
It's not her herself
in this little package.
Although that'd be interesting.
Your brain's working
tippity-top today.
It's really not.
I'm sorry, everyone,
for the lack of quality
for me today.
Okay?
Whereas I'm reasonably sure
this is part of the course.
Right. Marta says,
Absolutely terrifying dog figurine.
Oh, God, not more scary dogs.
All about this item screams it's cheap.
Well, that would be on message for our show, Marta.
Thank you.
I bought it years ago.
No idea why.
Please kill it with fire.
We'll be the judges of that,
whether it gets killed with fire or not.
Yeah, well, we'll try.
And it looks to be in a little,
almost like a milk carton-shaped box.
Yeah.
With a little tag on the top,
and it is called Natalia Collection.
Natalia Collection,
which sounds like erotic lingerie, frankly.
It's a weird sort of...
It's sort of like the head is anthropomorphised,
but the body remains quite dog-like. Do you see what I mean? You know what? It's like a like the head is anthropomorphised But the body remains quite dog-like
Do you see what I mean?
It's like a doll's face
On a sort of more realistic puppy dog body
I quite like this
Yeah
And look, it's got a really cute little pink
Dog bowl
Dog bowl
And a little bottle
And a bottle
And a little bow, it looks like
A little bow to put on the doggy wogs, eh?
And you can dress up the doggy wog.
What kind of doggy woggy is it?
I don't know, but it looks like a puppy dog of some sort.
Actually, I do not like the look of that.
That is a fucking horribly demented psycho dog.
I do not like it.
I don't get it, why you find it disturbing.
Because it reminds me of those unsettling children's books
from the 70s,
where it's like Patches the dog
goes to the funfair
and gets kidnapped by the circus master.
What is this little thing?
It's a bow for the dog's ear, isn't it?
No.
Or is it a piece of rope that you can play with?
Oh, yeah, you put it in the mouth, pull it, tug it, tug.
You tug the dog off.
You tug the dog.
What do you do to the dog then?
I tug it off.
And does someone report you then and put you in jail?
No.
I always put things in dogs' mouths and tug them off.
Tug what off?
The thing you put in its mouth.
The heavy rope that I slip into the dog's mouth.
And then I tug it out.
I don't know what you're getting at.
Now.
Anything I say and do is completely innocent.
I can't believe you had a new character.
You had a chance to make the character at the top of the show.
A nice guy.
He was.
You fucked him up.
No, he fucking went straight to ugly.
You don't go straight to personal insults about someone's fucking appearance.
It was because he opened the door and here's the bin bag and you went,
What's your fucking name?
What's your job?
What's your backstory, you cunt?
Can you imagine if you went to someone's fucking house and dealt with that?
Listen, mate, I just didn't know who the fuck he was.
So you say, hello, how are you?
How can I best get to know you?
I didn't even know where we were meant to be in that scene.
In your house, which you made abundantly clear was important.
Now, Marta, thank you very much for Natalia.
You've got ten more minutes.
Figlaki, that is, apparently.
Which sounds like some kind of Greek dessert.
But it's probably...
Where is that from, do you think?
Where was it made?
I don't know.
It could be anywhere.
Japan.
It could be Germany.
It could be Switzerland.
In Switzerland somewhere.
Does it really matter,
or do you want to try and find your third and final thing
so you can play for the prize?
Well, can't I play for the prize,
so I have to find three items?
You have to find three.
You didn't say that.
I fucking did.
You fucking didn't.
Well, why can't I just play with one item?
Because if I get it on the nose, I get the two drinks.
Because I said at the beginning, didn't I?
The only way you can qualify for Price is Right is finding three items
or the game is over before it's begun.
I even used that phrase as a signifier.
29.
No, I'm going to waste time, Mr. Sondheim, explaining the rules.
Fuck you!
Because you didn't hear them.
So let's cut into your precious time
to find out just exactly
how long I can milk this expostulation.
And I'm milking it quite well at the moment.
Like you milk dogs.
Like you milk dogs.
As I milk a fucking dog off
into my frothing beardy mouth pipe.
I had another sweet.
Have you stopped now?
Yes.
29, you say?
Yes.
Right, let's have a look for 29.
Eh?
Oh?
Eh?
Oh?
Oh?
Is it?
Is it?
No.
Oh, I'm gone.
Where is it?
Oh, yeah, here it is.
Chupa Chups gummy bear wasn't all that, but the banana one's quite nice.
Mr. Silvermanman it is your
third price of shite him yes i did it i've got a chance now for the game i'm eligible for the
special price of shite game which gets the mystery prize which he's been hyping for over a week
ah i remember this it's a cassette walkman certainly a an off-brand walk Well, it's a modern sort of knockoff Walkman, isn't it?
I mean, it would have been out at the same time as a Walkman,
but obviously it's just not so rebranded.
Oh, it's in a vintage item.
That's got to be from the 80s, early 90s.
Yes, definitely.
Well, you know, there's one way of telling if it's from that era.
Go on.
And that is by looking at the mechanism.
Yes.
As we know.
Oh, yes, that's a proper mechanism in there.
Yes.
Oh, this could be quite good. It could be quite good. We don't know if it's got Dolby Surveyor. It's a proper mechanism in there yes oh this could be quite good
it could be quite good
we don't know if it's got
Dolby Surveyor
it's got a radio in it as well
it's got a nice radio in it
as well
yeah
and a clip on the back
to clip on your belt
yeah
this is
who's the brand
GPX
never heard of them
never heard of GPX
I thought that was Iowa
or Iowa
whatever it's called
must be yeah
and sort of second tier
sort of brand from the time
yeah
but that's the funny thing
even a second tier brand from the time is going to have a better tape playing mechanism.
Than anything you buy right now.
Yeah, it's no wire.
You can see this is a proper old one on there.
Yeah.
From Techmoan has taught us over the years.
Techmoan has told us how to keep an eye out for a dodgy cassette mechanism.
And that doesn't ring the alarm bells for me.
Is there a cassette in it?
Sorry, I didn't even look.
There's no cassette, but there are batteries.
Oh.
I wish we had a cassette to test it.
I do have a cassette. You can reach over to the
Yamaha and take the tape
out. But we can't listen to it anyway because
there's no headphones or speakers. So let's
just presume for now it's fine.
Mate, you've got ten more minutes.
Well, I've got all my Price is Right items, don't I?
Let me just see if
these batteries are turning the
head, as it were.
Yes.
Do they turn heads?
No, it's not.
So those batteries are gone, I think.
Well, that's fine.
You might want to take them out.
It might not work at all.
Yeah, true.
But I don't know.
I haven't looked at it, so I don't know.
The volume and everything is on the front of the lid, which is unusual.
Yes.
So there's your third item for Price of Shite.
But when are we playing Price of Shite? We keep on going, because at the end, if you've got third item for Price of Shite. But when are we playing Price of Shite?
We keep on going because at the end
if you've got a few more Price of Shite items you can pick three
of those ones out. Which ones I think I might be able
to... Oh that's a nice little wrinkle.
That's a wrinkle. And it keeps us playing the game.
Okay I will go for
17 please.
17 is another Price of
Shite item. Here we go. I've got
a choice choice I'm
smacking the items down lining them up coming round here he's having a good old
scribble scrabble scrummage and he's pulled out is he's pulled it out and
he's flung it over and oh what is it mr. Silverman our next item appears to be
some kind of obsolete technology. This and the
Kowartman are from
Hojack the Spanless Gamer.
Whatever that means.
Thank you.
Yes, this just looks
like an 8-track
of some sort.
Rook is a game
and when you open it up
it's got cards in it.
It's a card game
that's for some reason
put in some kind of
weird faux cassette box.
Yes, it says
it looks like a cassette
of some sort.
Like a double cassette box.
That's what it looks like. Wow, I like, yeah, it looks like a cassette of some sort. Like a double cassette box. That's what it looks
like.
But it, wow, it's a, I
like this.
And it's by Parker
Brothers.
Parker Brothers.
So it's legit, so to
speak.
And that's like an old
Parker Brothers, different
old Parker Brothers logo
there with the sort of
joined up writing.
They dropped that now,
haven't they?
I believe so.
But then they might
even be Hasbro these
days.
Who fucking knows?
I don't know.
No, I think Parker
Brothers still exists as
a brand.
I hope so, because
they want to be all
fucking Hasbro.
Oh, and it looks complete, this. Yeah, it looks all like it's together. No, I think Parker Brothers still exists as a brand. I hope so, because they want to tip me all fucking has broken. Oh, and it looks
complete, this.
Yeah, it looks all
like it's together.
Wow, I love this.
I do love card games
and vintage old card
games.
I don't know how
Rook is played.
We saw that one that
looked like a sort of
prototype Uno in the
shop the other day,
didn't we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think Uno is based
on that.
It was a French game,
I believe.
I haven't looked at
the rules.
I just pulled that out very quickly. Why is it French game, I believe. I haven't looked at the rules. I just had a quick...
I just pulled that out very quickly.
Why is it called the Game of Games?
Weird.
Because you have to kill your family when you play it.
This is strange.
This seems to be like playing cards
in that there's suits...
Yeah.
...which are colours and numbers.
So they're like playing cards.
I don't get it.
But for some...
I mean, maybe because of the way they're designed.
It's a bit like Uno cards as well.
So maybe there's an element of Uno to it, a kind of for some, I mean, maybe because of the way it's designed. It's a bit like Uno cards as well. So maybe there's an element
of Uno to it,
a kind of rummy thing
going on maybe.
Four suit numerical card game
it says.
Four suit numerical card game.
Which is like normal card games
because there's four suits
in normal cards.
Yeah.
You don't really get
alphabetical card games,
do you?
Are they trying to reinvent
the wheel here with this?
Weird.
How do we sell this?
Wow, it looks,
oh right, there's lots of different games. You can play sell this? Wow, it looks... Oh, right.
There's lots of
different games.
You can play with
those cards.
Still, there you go.
That's the next
nice thing.
Very strange.
It's like they've
tried to reinvent
playing cards.
Yeah.
What would be the
advantage?
None.
Well, it's to sell
a type of game
that they're promoting
whenever a look is.
No, look, there's
a game in here
called Kentucky
Discard.
Is that a sex act?
No, it's what I did
in the toilet.
Is that what ran
back at KFC?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had a fucking, that vegan burger,
and then the next day I was doing a Kentucky Discharge
or whatever it's fucking called.
Discard.
Discard.
There's lots of different games.
Yeah.
Short Pack 600.
That's what they call you, isn't it?
Boston.
That's a steamer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I shit on your chest.
Right down the fucking cleft of my...
All the sweet corn, rubby, rub, rub, into the hairy bits.
I want you to poo directly on my belly button so it stands up.
There's loads of games.
This is a really interesting item.
Well, you can investigate it in your own time.
Okay.
And it does have a very vintage old sticker saying love on the cover.
Which is something else.
So there you go.
Mate, you've got six minutes to find a few more items. I'll go for number one, which is something else. So there you go, mate. You've got six minutes to find a few
more items. I'll go for number one, please.
Number one.
Oh, this is interesting that you pick
out this one.
Oh, I felt
just thinking then. I hope it's some food
because I feel peckish
after that disappointing gummy
bear and the lovely
chips. They will see some service
Going into my belly
He's having a he's having a little shuffle around in there
The the light is fading outside now.
He's got it, apparently.
Here we go, Mr. Silverman.
Say what you see.
I've seen this in shops.
I've been wanting to try this.
What is it?
Swizzlers.
Don't they make those things we were talking about earlier?
Drumsticks.
Yeah, it is a drumstick thing.
Oh, it says drumstick on it.
Are they called drumstick squashies?
Squishies are the ones you get, the foamy ones.
Squishies. Are those drumstick branded as well? Yeah, because they're the same root flavour as drumstick squashies? Squishies are the ones you get, the foamy ones.
Squishies. Are those drumstick branded as well?
Yeah, because they're the same root flavour as drumstick.
Yes, but do you remember drumsticks used to be really tough, chewy things?
They still are.
You can still buy those drumsticks.
But they're bullshit.
No, they're great.
The squashies are much better.
I mean, they would pull out your teeth.
I don't like that whole pulling the teeth out hard work.
No, but you're meant to suck it, aren't you?
You're meant to suck it and just take the edges off
and get it nice and slippery and smooth
so you can keep sucking it.
Yeah, I don't like that.
I like a squashy.
It's not something you really bite into.
I bet the squashies are outselling
their original drumsticks these days.
Who knows?
So this is a chocolate bar version
of that same basic flavour.
Drumstick chocolate.
So is it chocolate with a drumstick centre?
Seems to be.
Here, I'm going to eat some.
This does not seem like a good idea to me, flavour-wise. It's nice. Seems to be. Here, I'm going to eat some. This does not seem like
a good idea to me,
flavour-wise.
It's nice,
I like it.
Oh, fuck.
What's wrong with that?
Coconut and raspberry,
that's the flavour.
No, I have to spit it out.
No, you don't have to spit that out.
What?
Don't, not in the bin.
Oh, my God.
Paul.
He's really gagging.
Paul, have a glass of water or something, mate.
Wow.
How did that set you off so badly?
It's fine.
It's not a good combination.
What are you talking about?
It's fine, everyone.
He's being a big baby with that.
It's not.
It's a fucking horrible, dirty, dirty mixture.
What's so dirty about it?
Nothing.
The sweet fucking fruity fruit centre cream
with the horrible, piss pissy awful off chocolate
combines in my mouth to make a fucking cat scat action in my tongue.
It's fine, everyone, honestly.
Next item.
Fuck it, Al.
Number, pick a number.
Six, I've had six.
I don't know if you've had six.
No, you haven't.
Oh, and it's my favourite item from the bag.
Oh, it's a gun, toy gun of some sort.
It's a spud gun.
It's a nice vintage looking spud gun.
It's a traditional spud gun.
It looks like one of those spy guns.
It looks like one of those spy guns.
It is, I think it's designed to be like one of those spy-
And what do you plug it in a spud?
You take a potato and you stick the end in
and then when you squeeze it, it fires it out
because there's pressure behind the spud.
No, but don't I need to cock it?
I do need to cock it, yeah.
I might didn't have to cock back in the day.
This one is a bit more of a...
I never had to remember cocking it.
There you go, cock it.
You have to cock it.
Yeah, but what we used to do is
we used to go to the bushes
and get like thorns from the branches
and put them in the tip of the spud that we put in.
So when you fired it, the thorn would get attached.
It would stick into someone's eye.
Yeah.
Oh, that's lovely, Paul.
Really lovely.
You never aim for an eye.
Did you look at each other's willies when you were in the bush as well?
Only once.
God.
This is lovely.
So there you go.
It's a spud gun.
What an image.
And Mr. Silverman,
it is another
price of shite-em.
Yay!
I've got loads now.
You've got five now
and we're heading
into...
No, four.
We're going to add
a minute on for injury time
so you've got four minutes,
Mr. Silverman,
to pick another item.
Number five, please.
Number five.
Oh, this could be
a bad one.
Why?
Is it smelly in some
way? It's not
a dead animal or a stuffed
animal, no.
It's in a brown envelope because it
has dustings that get everywhere.
Oh, God. I'm scared now.
These are called, and they're from Ferguson
Ann in Scotland, they're called Lucky Tatties.
Old fudge shop.
These And in Scotland, they're called Lucky Tatties. Old Fudge Shop. These Lucky Tatties, Paul, are from the Old Fudge Shop in a place called Calendar.
Right.
It's a place called Calendar.
I didn't know that.
That's another link with the desk calendar I got earlier.
Now with Scottish Lucky Charm.
What on earth are these?
I don't know.
These look like chocolate things
Shall we eat them?
I believe
We've got a letter
Hang on
Ooh
They're cinnamony
They smell extremely cinnamony
So there's a little letter
It goes
Hi Paul and Eli
Lucky Tatty's one of those things
That traumatised me as a kid
I vividly remember being given
A big version of one of these
That was around 90% cinnamon powder
It was the
cinnamon challenge of its day and still haunts me.
I'm going to take the cinnamon challenge
with one of these tatties right now. So it's effectively
what? A fudge coin covered in
cinnamon. Yeah. Good luck.
I'm not having any. I'm not in the mood.
Oh, they're quite tough. I thought they'd be soft.
Uh-oh.
He's doing all kinds of faces. He's not
going well.
What's going on? They're very cinnamon-y.
Yeah.
You should try this.
Alright.
They're very hard, so just be careful, but they do give.
Oh, fuck me.
They're really cinnamon-y.
They're extremely cinnamon-y.
Oh!
I bit my tongue.
Ah, my head. Oh in I can't eat them either
Oh god
What's wrong with them?
Very sweet, very cinnamony
Just sugar with cinnamon
He's spitting that out
No, they're white inside
Yeah
Right It's injury time You get one What's going on? Alright time. Yeah. Right.
It's injury time.
You get what's going on.
All right.
This is the last one before I have to seal the bin bag.
What item would you like to end on?
25.
Have I had that one already?
I don't know.
Let me have a quick look.
No, you haven't had it.
And it is a, oh, where is it? Oh, shit. I can pick again if you. No, I had it. And it is a... Oh, where is it?
Oh, shit.
I can pick again if you...
No, I found it.
It's just like I put 26 and 25 and they look very similar.
It's a magic snake.
Oh, I've got one of those.
What a crap ending to this bag.
One of those Rubik's Snake things.
No, that's quite nice.
That's a proper one.
No, it's exactly like mine, but it's different colours.
So it will complement the one I already have.
It's mint on card.
Mate, shall I pick...
Yeah, you pick...
Come on, get a highlight out.
I'll tell you what, I'll pick this one.
Not because I think it's great,
but I think it's quite a nice way to end this.
Okay.
Does it count as a price of shy item, this?
Or was the rules dispended for this?
Magic Snake. What about this one you're picking out now? Does it count as a price of sight item, this, or was the rules dispended for this? I bought it.
Magic Snake.
That was random.
What about this one you're picking out now?
They're not dirty knickers,
although I thought it did look like them.
Oh, my God, these are terrible.
Oh, these are blindfolds.
No, they're sleeping masks.
Yeah, they would work as blindfolds, though, wouldn't they? And these are from Eric in Indiana,
who also sent the California
raisins, should you wish
to know that as well. Thank you for those raisins.
So he sent... I don't know. Eric has sent
one for us both. Mine has Ghostbusters
logos on the front and says,
what is it? I fucking hate you.
And yours has pickles on, and it
says you're a fucking cunt. Oh, they've been...
Yeah. They've been
customised. They've been made for us.
Here, I'll hand your one to you.
I'm going to put it on.
It's got a nice bit of bendy fabric,
but on the back it's got, like,
London Underground sort of base design
with black cabs and...
I've got buses and stuff on mine.
I've got buses.
Oh, look.
Yours is exactly the same.
It's got buses and black cabs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now I'm wearing it.
And it says I fucking hate you on it.
And mine, what, says I hate you on it. And mine,
what says I hate you?
And what does mine say, Paul?
You're a cunt.
I know.
So there you go.
You know what's repeating on me
real bad?
I know.
Those cinnamon wafers.
What are they called?
Lucky tatties.
How are they lucky?
Because I haven't been sick yet.
That's it.
I must now seal the bag.
Oh.
Is he going to come down
And pick it up
Yeah he'll come round in a bit
Maybe I could sort of
Make my peace with him
In a bit
I hope you do
But now it's time
Eli
For us to play
The Price of Shiso
The Price of Shite segment with Eli.
This is what's really important for me, because I really want to see what's in the bag.
The lovely prize here.
I've got a good chance of winning it.
How many?
I can only choose three of these to play with.
Is that what you're saying?
Right.
You have got one, two, three, four, five.
Five items there, right?
Yes, five Price of Shite items.
You have the spud gun, the snow globe, the starfish brooch.
You have the rook thing and the walkman, right?
Which of those five items do you want to pick three of?
What rook?
The game rook, the card game.
Oh, is that one of them as well?
Yeah.
Spud gun, snow globe, starfish, rook, walkman, right? to pick three of. What rook? The game rook. The card game. Oh, is that one of them as well? Yeah.
Spudgun, Snowglobe,
Starfish, Rook, Walkman.
Right?
Now, out of those five,
I want you to pick three that you think you're
going to have the best
chance of having a crack at.
There's no context
whatsoever with these.
I'll give you a little
bit of context once you've
picked the three items,
I think.
I think that's fair.
Mark Cunnybourne
supplied those,
and Hojack,
the Spanless Gamer.
So those are the games.
All of those? Yeah.
Those two. Yeah. So,
what do you want to go with? Tickety-tock.
I'll go with the Snow Globe. Snow Globe.
I'm going to make a note of this.
Where's me pen?
Rook and the Walkman.
Snow Globe.
Rook and Walkman.
Right. So here's an important bit
of information. Hojack is from America.
Yo, Hojack.
And Hojack has said that when it comes to these prices,
they are adjusted from American dollars.
So the conversion rate, now you're fucking with my mind.
Well, no, here's the thing.
No, no, no.
He's already done it.
No.
He's already done it, so the prices here are locked in.
I can feel the fucking price drifting out of my fingers.
Slipping through them.
Not drifting.
Right.
Being out of space, they'd be drifting.
Here's three items.
I can feel the prize floating away.
Yeah.
As Sandra Bullock comes around.
Into my lovely back pocket where I will take it home.
Will it fit your back pocket?
No.
It's big.
It's a big thing.
It's bigger than my balls.
Right.
You want to keep with that snow globe?
Rook Walkman, yeah?
Yeah.
Here's what I will say.
Adjusted for everything.
American to British pounds.
These weren't all American items.
No, the snow globe was from Mark, so that's a UK item.
Right.
I'm going to tell you this, right?
Between those three items, it comes to no more than six pounds all three
items all three i got the ceiling there yeah okay so that's where that's your basis so all three of
these items together combined are no more than six pound i'm gonna go for so he's going for the
snow globe flamingo snow globe flamingo snow globe what are you going to give that? I'm going to save for that 60p. 60p. So these are the classic price of sight rules where if I'm 25...
Back on.
You get two per twings.
25p either way.
You're going to get one per twing.
Okay.
So you're going to say what?
60p for that one?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
Now...
These are the American items.
Yeah.
No, that's the British item.
Now you've got two American ones.
The Rook and the Walkman.
The Rook card game and the Walkman.
So what, you want to go with the Rook?
I'm very interested in this Rook
because it's funny how games manufacturers
really got desperate.
They're trying to basically resell playing cards to people.
Well, just say, here's a deck of playing cards.
Here's how you can adapt them to play this game.
They do that with things like Tetris or whatever.
They try to keep reinventing everything.
You know what I mean?
They sell it in every conceivable way.
But I've never heard of
Rook as a card game full stop.
It's not a game.
It's like those Star Trek cards
they play poker with
on those episodes.
Do you know what I mean?
Until we looked at them
because we don't know
if there's any face cards.
There's no king or queen
or anything in there.
No, but they do seem to go up
to like 16
so that's all that
that's all that a king
a king could be
10
yeah
not 10
the jack is
the 10 is 10
oh sorry
jack is 11
oh so what's king and queen
are they 11
jack is 11
queen is 12
king is 13
oh I never knew that
one or
yeah
and the ace is one or 14
one or 14
but do you see what I mean
there's no need to have
their face cards.
That's just a sort of tradition.
You could represent them by having a higher number.
But for the brain to have a quick glance at cards,
that's all you need, the information's all you need.
I just think it just makes it...
It's nice.
It's pretty.
But do you know what I'm getting at?
Yeah.
So all they've done is sort of taken out that tradition
from playing cards.
And adapted it for something else.
Have a look at it later, then.
We can have an update.
Yes. So Rook,'ll have an update. Yes.
So, Rook, then.
In America.
Yeah.
I can see he's...
Forget about the American prices.
He got it from a Goodwill.
Yeah.
Ah.
Because there's a bit of a
fragment of a price sticker
still on this.
As well as the fucking
totally 60s love sticker.
Woo!
I'm Goodwill!
And I'm in a good mood!
And I'm going to give you this!
But not bad, Will.
Hey, I'm Badwill. And I ain't going to sell you nothing.
They're called Will.
The Will's.
The two Willys.
Good Will and bad Will.
The two Willys.
Have I got two Willys?
No.
I say, I say, I say.
Yes.
I've got two Willys.
What do you do with them?
Oh, well, when my wife gives me one on a Sunday,
it's like ski Sunday, because she's... Absolutely abysmal. Moving on.
What's the price?
What's the price?
Like Ski Sunday! Like holding
one of those things in each of her hands.
What are they called?
What are they called? Sticks?
Knobs? Willies?
Ski Sunday's round one.
I've got two penises. Yeah, when you do the old favourite one where I've got two penises
yeah when you do
the old favourite one
where I've got two dicks
so they call me
the space hopper
I know man
he's got five penises
his underpants
fit like a glove
fuck off
rook
how much is rook
so this is in a
British pound sterling
price that you're looking for
these have been adapted
into British pounds
you're not converting
them yourself
I'm not asking for dollars.
How much is that?
I'll go £1.75 on that.
£1.75.
That's too much, isn't it?
Oh, I'm not going to get two for twigs, am I?
How much is the Walkman then?
The cassette, well, the cassette, personal cassette player.
Not the Walkman because it's not a Walkman.
It's a personal cassette player.
How much do you think that is?
£2.50.
£2.50. £2.50.
So are you happy with those prices before we go any further?
Yeah.
You've said 60p for the Flamingo.
Yeah.
You said £1.75 for the Rook and £2.50 for the Walkman.
Yeah.
All right.
You're locking those in.
I'm going to lock those in.
Can you please do the official locking movement?
Right.
Mr. Silverman,
would you like to see what you're playing for
now that the prices are locked in?
Oh, he's going to reveal the prize.
It's like Bullseye or something.
It's what you could have won.
This is what I could have won.
Right.
Oh, do they show you?
They don't show you before.
No, they don't.
So it's not like Bullseye at all.
No, not at all, really.
But it must be some game show where they show you it before.
Most of them.
It was Bullseye who was the odd one out.
So if you're on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,
you've got an idea of what you're aiming for, right?
Yeah, but they show you the top prize before you play for it.
Not on Bullseye.
Not on Bullseye, they don't.
They have the ball-y special prize in the middle,
but they don't have the special, you know, the gambling prize.
Yeah, the star prize.
So this prize came from Marius.
Again, he gave us the crisps, so this is for Marius.
Thanks, Marius.
So here is the prize.
Oh, crisps are very nice.
Mr. Silverman.
Oh, he's handing it to me.
This could be mine if my guesses were...
Get the betwings.
Big Smythe's toy soup store bag.
Oh.
What is it, Mr. Silverman?
I've seen noodle, cup noodle branding.
Yeah.
I'm talking to the mic so all the audience can hear your expostulations.
What is it?
Wow.
It's like a model cup noodle.
Yeah.
And it's got actual noodle in it.
Yeah.
You build.
But you don't. It's got warnings here not to try and eat it. Not to eat it because it's got actual noodle in it yeah you build but you don't
it's got warnings here
not to try and eat it
not to eat it
because it's all made of plastic
it's a plastic cup noodle
yeah
what flavour
original flavour
of course it is
standard
I had the
you know our 50th anniversary
special one
yeah
I ate them
the original
it did have dehydrated prawns in it
dehydrated shrimp
whole dehydrated shrimp
so that guy was right.
Who said that they had seafood in that flavour.
So you're lucky you didn't.
I didn't have any.
I didn't have that.
You had the drink though, didn't you?
I don't think the drink had any fish in it though.
No.
Okay.
Fine.
It was slightly different.
Yeah.
But that was just what I mentioned that.
But anyway, there you go.
It's a cup noodle building kit.
Plastic model kit.
Fucking bandai made it.
So it's official.
It's a proper thing. That's what you're playing for. Plastic model kit. Fucking Bandai made it, so it's official.
It's a proper thing.
That's what you're playing for,
Mr. Silverman.
How many betweens do you need?
Two out of a potential six.
It's mint on card, this.
Beautiful, isn't it?
I don't know if I'd want to open it.
Well, don't worry,
because you might not win it,
so let's find out.
Eli, you said... They're delicious, by the way.
Can I just say, it was one of the best
pot noodles I've ever had in my life.
Is what?
The original Cup Noodle 50th Anniversary Edition
that I ate. It was so good.
With little dehydrated... The way they
do the dehydrated food bits, Paul.
Little dehydrated potato bits
in the curry one and everything.
Can we move on from your least popular segment of the podcast, please?
I thought it was Source Report that
was the least popular.
Either way, I don't
like them.
Fuck you.
Do you want to know
what the points are?
We're getting to it.
This is the big
moment.
I haven't fucking
won this.
I don't know.
Eli Silverman,
Snow Globe, you said
60p.
The price?
50p.
Blow!
There's a
petwing.
That's a petwing.
Oh no, it's going to
make this even more painful
when I fail to get another petwing on the next two items.
The Rook.
How much did you say on the Rook?
I said £1.75, adjusted from American prices.
The price is £2.50.
Oh, shit!
And that's what I said for the Walkman,
so it won't be anywhere near that.
No, because the Walkman was £3.
Ah! So Eli does not get to take home the cup. And that's what I said for the Walkman, so it won't be anywhere near that. No, because the Walkman was three pounds.
So Eli does not get to take home the cup noodle bandai selection. Oh, no, that's what I'm going to waste of my life.
So on that bombshell, it is now time to say goodbye.
Fuck this.
You know what's made me sick as well?
That cinnamon potato flake.
Yeah, I feel like I've got to barf it
right
so that's all we've got time for
on Cheap Show
this week
I've been Paul Gannon
that's been
who is it Mr Silverman
Eli Silverman
thanks for listening everybody
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Eli Snowid
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E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D
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And I am in a great mood
because not only have I gotten rid of half of this shit,
but I'm taking home that kit to build myself
and Eli's unhappy and feeling ill.
So this is a great episode for me.
Can I just say though,
thanks to everyone who contributed to this episode as always.
I like the black bin.
Has he come to collect it then I guess
I'll go get the door
then I guess
you get it
alright mate
yeah I'll come get that bag
Ben
Ben hi
I met you earlier
yeah
I just wanted to say
yeah mate
sorry
you know about being
so nosy
and everything
I just wanted to
I just didn't know
why you came at me like that
I didn't realise you were just
I don't know
I was just doing my job I own the app know why you came at me like that. I didn't realise you were just... I don't know. I just do my job.
I own the app.
Trashster.
I make a little bit of money extra.
What were you trained in, though?
Fucking questions again.
Fucking keep your nose out.
Keep your nose out.
God, he's really gone to rage
quite quickly.
Mate, you upset him, obviously.
Oh, you ugly cunt.
Oh, he's calling me ugly again.
Get your bin back.
I better get a tip.
Get your fucking... You're not getting a tip from me, you cunt. Fuck off.'s calling me ugly again. Get your bin back. I better get a tip. Get your fucking...
You're not getting a tip from me, you cunt.
You fucking ugly cunt.
Fuck off.
I tried to be contrite.
You fucking ugly cunt.
Fucking get out of my house.
You fucking...
You cunt.
You ugly cunt.
Paul, I'm going to call the police.
I've got a...
Calm down, you two.
Stop this.
Don't come to blows.
For fuck's sake.
You cunt.
Get out of my house.
I'm not inviting anyone over again for this, because if you're going to be like this of all our fucking guests, it's sake. You can't. Get out of my house. I'm not inviting anyone
over again for this
because if you're going to be
like this of all our fucking guests
it's over.
He was hostile.
Was he?
Yes.
No.
You asking him questions.
Tell us a little bit more
about your background.
You fucking massive racist.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
You're a hate monger.
I'm not.
You're a fucking hate monger.
New people coming around here
airing a little bit of scratch to get by,
and all you can do is question them.
You monkey sick.
Monkey sick?
Yeah.
Fucking turn the thing off.
You rhino plonk.
I have got a rhino plonk.
No, you don't.
You have a monkey micro phallus.
That's it.
Why are you getting all safari themed?
No, Paul, Paul, can we just pick your favourite item
from all the items we opened today?
I think my genuine favourite from all of them
might be the spud gun.
Really?
It brings me back nice memories.
I remember fun.
It's always nice to have a spud gun.
Are you going to take that away with you then?
I am going to take that away with me.
It is quite nice.
It's got a nice weight to it.
I think my favourite item has got to be probably
the noodle model thing.
Or the...
Yeah, the noodle model
like you're not going to
have now because that is mine.
Fine.
So, on that note,
we'll see you next week
on Cheap Show.
Take care.
Lots of love.
Tattie bye.
And...
Oh, don't say tattie.
I've got a cinnamon repeater.
And I hope you have
lots of fun on your
holly bobs this year.
Fucking don't say tattie. Oh, I think they're out of date, those tatties, man. I've got a cinnamon repeater. I hope you have lots of fun on your holly bobs this year. Fucking don't say tatty.
I think they're out of date, those
tatties, man. I think they might be. And
once this finishes, I might try and make myself
sick in the sink. Really? Because I feel awful.
Why? It was just a bit of choccy.
Yeah, but all the choccy and the thing.
Chocolate was fine. My belly's got this
wobbly wobbly wobbly going on now. Just have
a glass of water or something. My belly feels
like the inside of that snow globe. It's got a flamingo in it.
Yeah.
And some glitter.
Mate, I'll be honest,
it's not the best way
to end this episode.
No, there is no good way.
There is no way.
We should start
the whole episode again,
in fact.
All right, Ben,
everything back in the bag.
Here we go.
All right, they won't go
anywhere.
He's back.
Oh, fuck off.
You ugly cunt.
See you, everyone.
Bye.