Chubby Behemoth - Dollar Signs AND Crowns

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are joined by Nick Rochefort. They reminisce about old tobacco, manic furniture changes, and when steak should be with eggs. Nathan talks about all the good food on Federal, forgetting who he’s talking to, and his ideal birthday meal as a child. DMX loved bowling. Sam shares that his grandpa watched him at buffets for fun, learning about oysters during shutdown, and his couch based fear. Everyone agrees that red-bean chili dogs are too much. Meetings can be hard.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

Have you ever had those beady cigarettes they have yes, those are gnarly dude We smoked those in high school like we were early on BDs They were so that I think ten cigarettes or something. Yeah, they're like little Indian blunts. Yeah, you're like mainlining The amount of nicotine that would be in three cigars and it's wrapped in like wood papers like oh You're breathing it in as hard as possible. Yeah, it's i smoking or making fuck what are we doing here catching cancer acute cancer yeah and they smell terrible like I'm close cigarettes get me horny because I remember going to Paris in the plat on den in Denver and you know going to get

coffee when I was like 17 and yeah I'm a jock but I read Hemingway you know and then you go in and there's just like short-haired girls this was like before non-binary but they definitely would have identified that way now I just love short-haired gamine girls and they would always smoke clove cigarettes and they're like big novelty glasses And I'd be like under those glasses. They're perfect, you know, so now the smell of clothes. I'll be like Jar 11 senior old horny. Yeah, the jar. Yeah. Yeah god. Yeah, that was a That was a foot. That's a fun that we did a black black close cigarette the jar and closed cigarettes when you say when I first met and then yeah Heavy set girl that smoked him and loved him. I understand that I mean RISD is sponsored by

Cigarette you get them free when you like this welcome late parents are gone. Here's some cigarettes part of your tuition Are we doing over there Lundy? Oh, I think we're good now I know you love producing the audio levels on this like doing stuff. That's something to do while you talk While you don't shut up, yeah Yeah, I think so All right. All right. Well, yeah, we're here. Of course, you know who I am. It's me, John Popper. There's a jalapeno popper. Yeah. You've gotten hit with that.

Oh, recently, the Internet's mean. The Internet is so good, though, because, you know, the ones that really stick in your car, the ones you're like, fuck, I should have been saying that about myself during roast. Oh, sure. Yeah. Sometimes there's some good stuff amongst the trash. The low hanging fruit. Yeah, that's John jalapeno poppers great. Low-hanging fruit

I love a short homosexual and we're joined with the straightest homosexual I've ever met. Nick up here in Providence everyone. Yeah the power of a thousand the power of ten gays a pile of ten gays is what my my homophobic father used to say yeah your whole house is pretty much like no I swear I'm straight I know I know what this looks like but no no it's just I love drapes no my dad ironically used to say that like he would like change out the furniture and he was a car salesman who's changed up the furniture like a like a manic rich gay guy yeah because

he got a friend at a furniture store but he would do like the lamps the rugs the tables every four months yeah and it was it was true like a manic and he would kind of like openly say really funny cuz my aunt Denise was a like a quote-unquote like 90s I think it was the term so I wouldn't say I want so you can believe that or by the way I mean if you blast any hard ends we're gonna have to go It was a self-proclaimed but um And so it's a lot of gay guys just hang out the house and she'd be like all Robbie and my dad I'd be like, you know Robbie, I've got the taste of ten gay men. I Was like that's a it's a weird

Weird flex that he couldn't say that he was the equal to one very talented, right? Yeah. Gay dude. He had to be exponentially better. And Robbie's in the corner pulling his bull out tie. Be like, mmm. Aggressive mincing is my favorite gig I move. Yeah. He's right. It's like through gridded teeth, you know, having to admit that I do have some taste. It's fair though. That's high. That should be seen as highest praise though.

Well, dude, like this walking around in your, just your testament, your living shrine to how great your tastes are. We're here at your home and outside of Providence. And you guys all know Nick, of course, from a scuff realtor, MDE back in the day, PGL now. And it's just like, I have such a hard time admitting that I like these things, because I come from like the jock, like,

no, courts is gay, you know? Who cares? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, no, I'm gonna sleep on the ground on a deflated air mattress, because that's what men do. So it's just really nice to like be in this place that is so just, I keep saying appointed in Tony.

Yeah, Tony has been the word of the last five days. Ever since I bought that house. That house, it changed you. I've been trying to, because I would send the listing to my friends, they're like, where are you living? And I'd send them a listing and it says, $500,000 or whatever,

and I would say it's a Tony neighborhood. To try and deflate whatever ideas they have of me. Tony Danza neighborhood. Tony Danza, yeah. Tony Dan's Dance Extravaganza. Remember them? They were a power violence band out of Colorado Springs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get asked if I like them a lot.

Interesting, what do you say? I never heard them and I never looked them up, but Chris likes them. They're cool, right? Oh, Chris for sure would like them. Yes. When he puts down the daughter's LP. soon as that one's done yeah yes but yeah dude I put on a cool shirt because I was nervous about meeting your wife

in your beautiful home no so I wore like a nice shirt just in case. It was a nice shirt but no please God that's that's easy you beat you beat of course it's nice but no no you have to buying antiques is where my wife and I met and it just snowballed into a full-blown heroin Addiction when you walked into and met her at that Syracuse antique mall. Yeah, she was back there twitching You know half of her hair was braided. Yes, I was shaved. Yes, and you're like these rugs Wow, are these Moroccan rugs and she's like they're Algerian stupid She coughed up her tooth. And then you bought the tooth.

And then I obviously came right away, trying to buy her dinner as fast as possible, but she couldn't hold on food. She needed the nutrients so bad. Yeah, she looked so malnourished, her eyes fucked out of her by a drummer. Fair enough, you know, hey, we all like our bad boys, so I get it. I can't get mad at her for that.

What was the line you guys both said something Oh Jenny and Johnny. Yeah You had the same burn. I can't remember. It was a Jenny Jenny. We're at a Jenny Lewis show and Jenny Oh, yeah mid show was like I was like leaning on a pole. She was just across from me and uh, She was like shout out to my straight-edge friends and her rules like oh, yeah, he just both gag Jesus and then like she looked up. She's like hey, you're Nick from the antiques mall, right? I was like, yeah, I was trying to find Jesus. And then like she looked up and she's like, Hey, you're Nick from the antique small, right? And I was like, yeah, I was trying to find you for a couple of weeks. Not just what I do though, honey. It doesn't define me. My whole thing. I

dabble. I'll sell you a Chrysler. Do you smoke cigarettes? I got all the time. Then we got married. Well, you know, yeah, we're similar. You got us beat by a couple years I think because we both started dating our wives in 2012. And I think you mentioned 14 years together. Yeah. Oh really?

I'm coming up on five years married. They got married in 2016. So you're coming up on eight. 2016 he got married? What date? June 18th. Oh, what date June? 18th He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He said Emily. I'm the one No, you're not you're a fucking realtor. Quit hanging out with those Portuguese in Providence

You know, I feel it's brutal Steaks shouldn't be with eggs That's disgusting beef it Portuguese is a breakfast meal Don't they do like a like a soft boiled egg on top of a steak? And you're supposed to like break it up and run it through yeah and rice over rice like beef beefa bife Terrible their language sucks. It's cruel. It's like it's like if Bjork went to Spain It's totally made up and no one takes it seriously. Lovely people. Yeah. Musical. You know, great history of

piracy. Really? Everyone kind of sweeps Portugal under the rug because they're just like California of Europe, but they were raising hell out there. Yeah. They had the giant armada fleets of ships just going and grabbing whatever, bringing back yeah they like protect the west coast of europe really yeah i don't know from who though here i was so they're just having great hair yeah that's what i thought they left the world was just lots of hair growth and girls with body hair oh yeah cute though cute stuff it is interesting when you meet a woman and

she has just like thick thatch on her lower back yes And you're like, man, your country really fled some turmoil. Man, you know how to put an egg on top of a steak. Portuguese girls, they're like a special, and they're like oddly beautiful. They're like almost unethnic, where it's just like, they look Italian, but there's like less of an ethnicity. They have like less of a bone structure,

which is beautiful if you are if you are over 210 pounds Oh, yeah, like oh just in 19 to 30 percent body fat. Yeah Now we're talking. Yeah, if your body mass index is question mark winky face Yeah, Portuguese women kind of look like if you had like a racist draw their idea of like what a You know like a lesser than woman would be and then they render a Portuguese woman. You're like, oh you mean this beautiful princess Yeah, yeah, yeah, great cook. Yeah exactly. Yeah with a great body And yeah this woman who will like open a clamshell with a toothbrush Yeah, they I used to smoke a lot of weed with my friend Diane who was like a fresh off the boat Portuguese chick

beautiful girl beautiful sisters and like model gorgeous like truly awful with their money You know like love with the like bags and shit and I speak you know you meet your hairdresser You make like two grand a week put some fucking money away. They're like I know I know I just can't But she would tell me she'd go home with her mom and like scrub pig intestines with lemon juice. Sure, yeah. They'd make chadis and then they'd store it

in a Home Depot pail and lard to the top. Yeah. Beautiful girls telling you they're scrubbing pig intestines. So they can lard them. Yeah, and then they'd clean, like a nice clean lard top and then store them. I was like, wow. We don't have Portuguese out West.

What's your, do you have anything? We have Mexicans in Colorado. We also have a fairly big, like Somali Ethiopian population up in Aurora, North of Denver. Really? Was it like a needle? Vietnamese. Yeah.

We got the Vietnamese. Yeah, Federal Boulevard is still like the old like good restaurants in Denver that don't get mentioned no one talks when it's called the number one fucking pizza city they're ignoring yeah some of the best Vietnamese and Mexican food all up and down federal Korean Chinese all the doors on yeah yeah yeah some we have a lot here yeah they're everywhere now they're really making a push yeah they're there they're and Chinese dim sum. El Salvadorans. Yeah. Oh, you have El Salvadorans? We do. We have a lot here, El Salvadorans. They're everywhere now. They're really making a push.

Yeah, they're, well, once they switched to Bitcoin. That's right. Yeah, they jumped on the Concord and came over here. Yeah. Yeah. They're all like Wolf of Wall Street now. That's right. Sous chefs, they're gonna take over the world.

I'm fully convinced that they, you know. We're fucked. I remember when they switched to Bitcoin, my dad was like, it's all gonna be okay Sam everything's gonna pay off because he was a big crypto pirate guy. Really? Yeah my dad got in early on Bitcoin and shit and he's like it's that it's a Jack Nicholson gif of just... He's looking at like the the cooks differently now he's like this. Yeah same team. We're all in this together, brother. HODL, mother fucker. Yeah. Big card, Ethereum only, baby. I'm seeding a fucking, yeah. I've got a fucking node of

Ethereum seeding. And it is funny to like have like a guy who's been fairly incompetent in every investment he's ever made. God bless him. Just smack a God, smack a grand slam on crypto. Yeah, just because he had Wired magazine. Hmm, digital currency, huh? He's like half of the bag. He's like, this is it. Yeah, I can buy my Frank Zappa LPs without any money line. This is good. Perfect.

What else do they have with the Black Web? Oh, no! Oh, god! Wait, what else can I? Betsy, cancel my call! What else can I invest in on here? Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, Jesus. No. Well, people are going to be spending this money, though. Yeah, eventually. That's untr be spending this money though. Eventually. Untraceable. Is he a Bitcoin maximalist? No, he dips his toes. But I think his biggest

holdings are definitely Bitcoin. And he won't tell us how much, but he always will just be like, don't worry, when I die everything will be okay. Everything's okay right now. It's fine. I'm like, you're being alive, Dad. I know, everybody from Bitcoin never says the amount of money.

No, no, no, no. That's gauche, Sam. I guess so, yeah, I guess so. I'm like, no, it's not. Dad, where do you learn the word gauche? Call me Buddy again, man. I've been hanging out with this guy in Rhode Island. He said he's like 10, he says he's like 10 of them.

I've been hanging out with them. They Rhode Island. He says he's like 10 of them. They love the lamps. I like lamps too. Anyway, he's mincing at your wife. Emily, put a bra on. Stealing my son away from me. We were best of friends. No, she loves my dad.

They get along. They have like long phone calls that I don't know about. Really? Yeah. And then my dad or my wife will be like, yeah, I talked to Emily the other day She's uh, he'll tell me something that I didn't know about her and I'm like, why won't she open up to me in this way? Wow. Yeah, it's very strange. She doesn't want to bother me. She says she's like, I know you got a lot in your plate So that's that's sweet and sweet when my wife talks to my parents I there's like a nice warm feeling of like cool someone called them, right? Yeah

Yeah, yeah, it is a nice like thing as you I can only imagine what my car salesman father's like turn Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know like that. Uh-huh. What is your dad and your wife talking about? Like what the fuck? I don't know because my dad's whole thing is like Hey, did you hear the new black keys? You know, yeah like my dad just is in retirement and he like listens to cool music and bakes his weed cookies.

And then Emily will be like, we had twins die on the table. You know, they don't have anything to talk about. Crazy, what else? Have you ever seen a bad car accident? Yeah. I like the gruesome shit. Anybody's like head ever gonna have to get peeled

out of a guardrail but lived? She's like, well I want a fractured skull. This woman, he's sending you pictures. It's like fireable pictures from the ER, like a woman's face caved in. He's like, man, did you see what happened to me? Sick. She's so fucking cool. Yeah, I didn't, Dad.

Yeah, fuck. Last Thanksgiving, I was at his aunt and uncles and his dad was there. And I was very stoned trying to talk to him about like how we had gone to Tokyo and what we were hoping to do with like the footage, you know, sell it, whatever. And I, you know, halfway through I'm like, God, you're so stoned. And I almost got embarrassed or like weirded out.

And I was like, he's the last, he's higher than you. And he doesn't care. And yeah, it was so funny. It was like, oh, this is his dad. And you know, I forgot who I was talking to. And then it was like, yeah, no, this is the perfect guy to talk to. And like, be incoherent or whatever.

Elders are the best to be hyper stoned around because they don't care. No. They're the only ones that don't, like our age folks would call you out faster. Right, oh God, how high are you? Yeah, yeah. You reek like weed.

Yeah, that kind of shit, that passing drug. Like biker, like my mom smokes high are you? Yeah. Yeah, you reek like weed Yeah, that kind of shit that passing driving like biker like I don't smoke a biker weed Yeah, you can fucking like shit your pants in front of her on like letting your body go You know like smoking like some weed that makes your body higher something like literally like loose shit So you got a little shit in your pants Rocky's probably got some shorts. It'll fit you Rocky's been living in the shed for a while. He's a good guy. Lock your trunk.

He's fine. It's good that they eat the weed, huh? Oh yeah, my dad eats weed. And then he'll smoke weed, and then he's just very quiet. And everyone's nervous that he's having a stroke or something. Because he'll just like sit and be on his phone. Touch your nose. Raise your hand. I'll just look up. Raise your hand.

It's so nice here. Back to his phone. Wow. He's a weird old dude. That's interesting, like liking cool music and being in the bit for your dad's definitely cool of an audience. Dude, I mean, I've talked about it on the pod a lot,

but my dad always, he like ruined cool music cause he gave me the real version of it. It's like I'm trying to like rebel by listening to blink-182 and he's like you like the buzzcocks you like the buzzcocks like slide a buzzcocks album underneath my door trust me the record player he bought me yeah yeah yeah he's setting you right down the road he's correcting you as you're making mistakes he'll listen yeah color me bad Yeah, he's a good guy. He will get him on the pod sometime.

He would hate that. Yeah, but we could tell him that he could talk twice in the hour and it would be fine. And then I think he maybe would be into it. He probably want to wear a costume and be digitized. You know, like maybe made as pixels or something. That'd be fun for him. It's a brilliant idea.

If he came up with that idea, like, yeah, that's it. Your dad's going to write you. That should just go to LA It's not producing TV. You should go to Milan Where the real action is Sam? Yeah You know, he's telling me where the real stuff is going on. It's true. He's dead accurate. He's like the Greek banks You want to invest in Portuguese real estate and Poland's on the come-up? Yeah, that's the that's the other give you a golden passport You just got to own a little bit of land. I already did it three hundred seventy five bucks. I filed you for one. I said an s Corp

My dad loves s Corp's I'm an s Corp and he wants to set up a shell s Corp. Yeah trust wait till he I'm sure You're actually what am I talking about? He knows trust. No one cooks the books like Dave T And he's really excited cuz he wants you to start making more money so that he can do your taxes because he needs another project. Really? Because he figured out my taxes, how to do it and streamline it. And he's like, yeah, I just want to get, I want to get under the hood on Lund's books. I asked you and you didn't know if he would be into it. That's great.

Well, he's got a girlfriend now. He's got a few years that he could do with my taxes. Catch me up. Good news. I did unemployment during COVID. It was sick. And they were like, you can do, you know, we can take it out or you can, you know, pay us eventually.

And I was like, yeah, I'll pay you eventually. Give me the lump. You'll get it. Yeah. Give me the lump sum. They call me lump. So I fucking... They're like, what?

And I can fucking... I'll give it back. It has nothing to do with what? Let me hold it for a while. I'll give it back. Let me wet my whistle. Dave can I'll give it back. It has nothing to do with love? Yeah. Let me hold it for a while, I'll give it back. Yeah, let me wet my whistle. Dave can help me give it back. And if he wants to do mutiny and Megan? No, no, no.

Taxes? He only wants to work on thriving businesses. Shut up. He can get creative with it. Yeah. They're sexy, accounting's sexy again. I had like, I had a half of a thought because I had such a good time setting up all the accounting

and I was hanging, like I have like, when my buddy, my a good time setting up all the accounting and I was saying like I have like my buddy when I got some grownups in county works for a firm and he has mergers and acquisitions. The conversations are always the coolest because they buy and sell companies. Right. But they're not pretentious like you know Wolf of Wall Street dickheads but they business is fun to talk about if it's not delivered to you by a fucking coked out dickhead. Right. It's kind of pure. It doesn't have to be pure evil or whatever. Yeah. It doesn't have to be like, just like, oh, this one guy sold his flooring company for whatever, $6 million. He started buying farmland in Indiana and like buying existing not like corn, uh, like widows. Like already subsidized corn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like,

cool. You know, like I bought three bowling alleys for this guy. Like I figured out how much. They're coming back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah people love people love bowling. Yeah DMX love bowling There's a local bowling hero Yeah early everybody knew him So like but yeah DMX used to come up and like stay at a campground like I'm not like a not even like a fancy one Yeah, and DMX is like a local hero. Everybody like knew him as Earl and he was like a great Man, that's that's so cool. But yeah, I think he started off

the bowling renaissance in Rhode Island. Yeah. He's like, argh. Why was he so smitten with Rhode Island? Clams. Clams. Seafood clams. New York rap loves rams.

Black guys love shellfish. Adore it. Yeah. My brother-in-law is like, he thinks shrimp is the coolest thing. And he's got good taste otherwise. But it's like, shrimp stinks, Mel. Lobsters too. We don't have them. So it is still a treat. I was last night at the Comedy Connection, I was trying to keep riffing on lobster pots and how the Portuguese are always stealing the lobsters from the pots and it didn't work. And then you told me, because you don't have lobster here. Yeah, we did, we did cohog clams. Yeah, and I was lobster. Like, look at this rich guy talking about the rich lobsters.

There's a place that has unlimited lobsters called the Nordic Lodge. I've waited my whole life to go. It's 175 bucks a plate. All you can eat lobsters. I get in there, my wife and I finally take some of my birthday two years ago and And I'm like it was 90% black. Yeah, and I was outside having a cigarette I walked up I was like I gotta ask I was like As I feel you know, and she's like we take the bus from New York every week Wow, and she's like there's a huge bus that comes in and she's like we all come out and I was like She's like it's a huge deal. You can't eat this much fresh New England lobster. No fucking way. I ate nine lobsters What the fuck? Yeah, I had nine I got to nine

Whoa I made the mistake of having like but me it was me and the Asian guys clobbering the the Nometrix The Asian guys knew right there was like king crab legs and lobster. They're money balling the buffet They were literally Literally we're both like we're both doing numbers in our head Like the lady with the geometry and the cone Yeah, you're a beautiful mind Yeah, yeah.

But it's just getting more lobster. Smelling like filth. You're like weighing the shells afterward. Oh, man, I mean, I clearly, that was $9.950 worth of $75 a pound meat. So I got my word. Again, Mel, his grandmother is Korean. He's half black, half Korean.

And we go to the buffet with her. And you're going to be there for three hours. Because she's from a war-torn place where food was like, you know what you wanted for your birthday It was like an extra portion of rice Yeah And she goes in and she'll like sit down and the first plate is like jello cubes and mushrooms It's like big mushrooms and you're like, what are you doing over there? And she's like setting the base You figured it dude you would be made to look a fool trying

to eat next to her. Yeah. Because she does it like no one else. We've talked about, you know, for birthdays growing up, a lot of times I'd want to go to Old Country Buffet. And my grandparents would take their time and probably eat more. Well, especially because I'm 10.

But I'm like just fried chicken and mashed potatoes. And they're just like salad. like salad my mouth is the plate And yeah, they they did damage for sure And I just thought that I thought they were blowing it because I didn't pay attention and thought that them going slow meant They were eating less, but they we were watching them. You know dude Extra plates my hobo grandfather's idea of opulence was old country buffet at the park meadows mall really and he would be like After football practice, you and David Borey, your cousin, we're all going to go out

to the Old Country Buffet. How's that sound? I'd be like, great. Time with Grandpa. And we'd just get there. And then he would just eat soup and watch us eat. And every time we came back with a new plate, he'd be like, that's a good plate.

He wasn't even in it for the eating. He just wanted to see that we could eat as much as we want. Yes. You know? Because he had to make sorghum to survive in the 30s. Look at us now. Look at us now catching diabetes.

That's right. That's a fat boy. It's my boy. He's a fat boy. I made him that way. I can make him even better with this here buffet. Those were around, but knowing the seafood gluttony is known when you're kids.

You make friends with clamors and you eat like 500 clams in a. Holy shit. Everybody's got an uncle who ate the 50 oyster. Yeah. Just gave himself iodine poisoning. Just in a backyard somewhere drinking Corzolite. March of 2020, my wife was doing a rotation

in a hospital in New Orleans. And we'd known about it and my mom and dad, it's our favorite city, we went down there and then obviously the world stopped. And about a week into the pandemic, my mom who was in a wheelchair and couldn't talk that well was like, oysters. And we're like, I know mom, but the world's over,

you know, go out to Bourbon Street. Like there's no one on the street, it's crazy. And she's like, oysters. And we're like, yeah, that'd be great. And she's, so she fucking puts her scarf around her neck and then just starts wheeling herself to the door Yeah, and she's like oysters, so we're like okay, dude We get it so Emily sourced oysters from like a dude down the street And we would just buy bags out of his truck now talking 20 bucks

You know for all the oysters we figured out how to open them and like how to like you know Rockefeller them and everything I just remember my mom sitting there just eating so many oysters that she like literally shit her chair that night Yeah And the next day my dad was like taking a like a pillowcase out and I was like where you going? He's like we gotta do some laundry. I was like what happened and my mom just pops her head out and she says I shit Like smiling. Like the work is done. Oysters. Yeah.

Good for her. Yeah. Emily had to learn how to make a mojito and we had to figure out oysters or else she was going to like, you know, she'd start prostituting herself. She would have left in the night. Or did some bourbon street to no one. You would have been sleeping for eight hours

and it would have been enough for her to get a few blocks away and then you wouldn't have known which direction to go It's a street person Don't get me this seafood. I'll go on girls gone wild This is where my son fed for a lot longer than he showed up Now that's you like you like Bourbon Street the the they do the crawfish boil They do they do do the crawfish boil and it's okay but it's a lot of sodium. Yeah. I just always feel really bloated after a crawfish boil and I

think it's a waste of time honestly. It's so much work for that little bit of flesh. Have you gotten, you've been eating well, have you gotten the cunt oyster like treatment yet where you know people won't eat big cup big oysters like horse pussy? Oh yeah the big ones. Yeah yeah yeah. Like people don't touch big oysters around here. So that's like warm water I ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah like people don't touch big oysters around here Mm-hmm, so that's like warm water. I guess yeah Okay, we see if he's because the little fat ones are in cold water because they're more compact and dense and yeah Yeah, better flavor like minerality and Brian is that like viral Long Island like rich lady

It's like I like the well these massive equal oysters Like that's everybody's brain up here. Yeah, Tim Dillon spirit animals that woman. Yes. Yes. No, no, no, those are big and disgusting Like when Michael Douglas ate that horse pussy fist size oyster a month ago like a month ago I didn't see it a fucking oyster the size of like your fist Yeah So I was like how is a millionaire this misguided in his oyster info like that's disgusting like you should throw that oyster away Yeah, there's no nothing to them They're no shells bigger than your palm. You shouldn't eat it. That's what they always say

Yeah, and if it fits into the divot right there, that's the one you want lucky limes Prince Edward Island Canada Cups Prince Edward 80 and once you the Canadian ones are like if they're on the menu you there's a place in a Main there's five but there's one place that's like, oh, well, of course And yeah, they get like the deep the cold water the cold water small small cups and they're like gotcha gotcha yeah just fuck me like I would shit my that's the best pants shitting most deserved out of any of the pants by far I mean last time I shit my pants horrifically was in Australia when I ate Burger King after drinking 15 pints and I woke up awash in my own fluids no that was your was your mom. That was your mom checking in. But it was the other side

of the coin. Well, you were on the other side of the equator. It's my toilet spins though. The water spins another way. The toilet didn't spin enough. The bed shit the other way. It looked like the bed shit me out. That's how much shit was in the bed. And I was just like wash in. Maybe the bed ate oysters the night before. I hope so. I hope someone else shit that bed. The bed was smiling face down. You couldn't see that it had a face. The bed had a full grown man's face underneath it and it was like, he thinks he shit himself. Dude, Pee Wee Herman used to

scare me because all the couches had faces. Yeah. I would like be a kid and be like, well, when's he gonna start? No mouth on this chair. I have fucked the crack. God damn it. Fucking a grown person. You've really had a cavalcade of up and coming comedians in here. You had Ben Avery and Devin Costa. Yeah, they had a blast over here. Yeah, we were getting fucked up. I thought it was the best idea to get really fucked up. Devin was drinking gasoline. Yeah. I don't know what I, I don't know. I stopped liking drinking like two months ago. I'm like, I don't like drinking. I really, I really actually fell out of love with it

after being in love with this since I was 12, you know, really well. And then I was like, oh, I just had fucked me up for two days after I'm cloudy headed. Like I saw you guys yesterday. I was like, I barely, I'm like, you cloudy headed like I saw you guys yesterday. I was like Barely I'm like you're getting 30% of me. Yeah, you like hail Mary to cheeseburger after three hot dogs That's what you do. You know, I couldn't find my headphones for two weeks, you know Like like your life just goes into a spin cycle of shit. Yeah watching you and Sam Heidi cheeseburgers. I was like this is surreal After the I didn't even know we order one. We had the same exact order. I'm just like, God damn it. It's like our periods are synced up or something. A lot of times he'll let me order first and just go, yeah, another one of those.

And then I started doing it to him. Sometimes you just don't care and I trust him. And like, yeah, he got three with fries and I was like, yep, three with fries. But you were right to do four no fries. Four no, yeah, fries are a waste. I would have rather done four with no fries. Fries and extra dog you could have had. Right, yeah. The dog was, you know, they could have been done,

they could have been done a minute longer on the grill. I would have liked a little more snap. They were a bit soggy. Yeah. Bit tubular. Yeah, you know, no snap. What's the chili? That's like a hit of meat sauce,

like a celery salt loaded meat sauce. It was dark. It was dark. So fuck your shit up, it's so good up. It's dark brown. Yeah, I wasn't sure what was like the color of like it was good tar It's like yeah, yeah, that wasn't People like really that coffee milk is usually eat them together. We had that we did Oh did you started with a coffee milk? This is first time here? Yeah, I've had coffee milk once or twice before but I haven't been to Rhode Island before. No we've eaten that embarrassing amount of times you know if you live here but it's weird when you travel places and you're like this is our thing right. You're like it's a fucking... But it's from you know his

grandpa's time like our ancestors would have you know the four things to make the the chili dog and it got you through the the 30s so that you went into the mine Catches you know you ate out of your helmet But there was some to it that I liked, you know, just onion and celery salt, you know I'm a little bit of chili but not crazy It's not a pound of it slopped on like I got I got over the red bean chili dog a long time Yeah, I don't like red beans in a chili on a dog. It's a big mess too much too much fucking just filler Yeah, yeah, you know, it's't like red beans and a chili on a dog. It's a big mess. Too much fucking slop. It's just filler. Yeah. You know? It's like messy. I like the simplicity of the...

Exactly. Core components. That's what we need. And what do you call them? Just a hot wiener? Wieners. Wieners. Four all the way. That's kind of like the order. Four all the way. New York System. That place obviously got bought out. I don't know which one is the one. We went to Baba's. Yeah. Which is the one where like, that's the one, but I think there's a better one. I just don't know, I haven't been to them in years. Sure, sure, I believe you. You make them at home.

Not really. No, I don't know. I know, we're like, what the fuck would I know on eating them, shit. Oh dude, I posted him eating at New York System, and Foley, I'm an area out here buddy, but H. Foley from R. RU Garbage hit me up. And he's like, did, how many did you have? And I was like three. And he's like,

when we were in town last year, I told the guys, I was tired and I had to go to bed and I went to New York system and had six secretly ate hot dogs. I'm shocked. You guys can only have three and six, six, eight. That's normal. It was middle of the day. Yeah. You know, two shows that night. I didn't bring my pills Yeah, I was a little worried I've been pretty good the last like four days So I was like, yeah I could have three and then I was I tried to have a fucking impossible patty

At the club and they gave me the real thing and I ate those so I might be my Gout real bad. Yeah the real thing and I ate those. So I might be, I might, I might have a little gout real bad. Yeah. I can get, I can get some gout. Digital tapeworm. Yeah. Fuck man. The burger was good. I didn't send it back. I just ate it. Of course he didn't. Let's see what happens.

Yeah. I would've liked to see what you could do on these eating pills next time. He's juicing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I could see it in your eyes. It wasn't, I didn't, I wasn't, uh, taking enough allopurinol to prevent me from getting a flare up. Yeah a couple weeks ago because I thought I could go hard Yeah, and then not worry about it. I was wrong. Yeah, your wife's got me on two pills. I'm bulletproof It's like dude those you ate yourself into needing these pills. These are the pills now. This is this is like your spine He's Barry Bonds My head's getting bigger. Yeah, it head's swollen up. Like you're eating four of them. You

look at me. You remember the program when the coach realizes that Latimer's on steroids and it's just like uh like you're eating eight and you like I look at you and instead of being sad, I'm happy for you. I'm like, yeah. Haven't you watched the program again? It's been a long time. It's a program any given Sunday. We could do those back to back. Even Sunday doesn't hold up. Oh yeah.

Is it too stupid? Cause it's a 99 or whatever. Right. When you were a kid, you're like, oh yeah, football must be this way. And now I know football so well that I know that that's not how it is typically. That's a Salverstone. Cameron Diaz doesn't own football.

Right. Oh yeah. Cameron wasn't punting. Yeah. Yeah. Al Pacino was doing his thing and Jamie clock LL Cool J fighting in real life. Dude, Willie Beeman? That was the lady, Steeman?

I got the same tattoo as him, because I thought it was so cool. I got two guns tattooed because of Willie Beeman. What? Yeah. I thought the two guns in the back was the coolest tattoo, so the second I could afford a Willie Beeman tattoo, you know when I was 16,

I got the guns tattooed because of Willie Beeman Holy shit steaming really, really beaming. He's ladies creaming creaming. Oh God, it was a good tattoo Sam without. If it came out, it's inspired by a hundred percent. I didn't find in ninety nine. When did you get him? Ninety nine. Okay, it came out Friday. He? 99. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It came out Friday, he got it on Saturday. Yeah, you guys have tattoos. How old were you when you got your first tattoo? I went on my 18th birthday.

My mom got me an Against Me song lyric tattooed on my leg. An Against Me song, yes man. You're like memento. Oh yeah, for sure. I only have words. I have words all over. Good for you, I have words too. I have a, yeah, I got this one.

I got the ethic and optimism, which is my two parents. I was a real poet when I was 18. Yeah, of course. Right, yeah. I mean, dude. It says progress. Progress. That says progress.

How stupid was that? In the essence, I have a crown on. They have a dollar sign. Dollar signs and a crown. Yeah, and crowns. Because I liked graffiti too. Yeah. I got this one when I was 14, this was $50.

No way! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the guy, I went to go get old English and he goes, I don't know how to do that. So he's like, I'll just do custom. And I got him on a weight bench

while he cooked macaroni and cheese. Yes. Uh. He's died, he died of hepatitis. You have your last name. Yeah. As a trap. because of the flies song. Oh sure. Remember the flies got you where I want you?

Got you where I want you. That was a cool tattoo on his back that I was inspired by. His last name. Holy. His was lower, a lot of people did the shoulders, he did lower because that dude did lower. Yeah I thought the shoulders looked like a football jersey, even though I played football and I wanted, I thought it would be cooler because if I played middle linebacker where you would cut your jersey,

it would be intimidating. If you're Brian Bosworth, that is hard as hell. It was very, I was obsessed with Brian, my family was a big Brian Bosworth. He was killing people. My dad gave me the haircut. I did that math in my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the motorcycle, yeah. Stone Cold was the best movie of all time that no one knew about. Oh dude, Stone Cold. I remember that being fun. It's been a long time but I remember it being fun. I thought it'd be fun. They flew a motorbike into a fucking helicopter

and blew judges up in canoes and shit. It was like ruthless murders. It's like if the IRA was cool. Yeah, yeah. I think the movie opens up with a judge fishing with his grandson, and they were like, pshh, like a child immediately. It was like nuts. And I was like, damn, this movie. My dad took me out of school to go see like a child, like immediately. And it was like nuts.

And I was like, damn, this is moving. My dad took me out of school to go see it. Oh, dude. Yeah, my dad took me out of school to go see like, fucking Kill Bill. Wow. Yeah, Kill Bill 1. I got to miss school.

Damn, your dad is cool. He's really the man, dude. You would love. I mean, I would say that about my dad, but he's one of those guys who can just talk to you about anything. And whenever you're into, he'll be like, oh yeah, I remember in Pace magazine, you know, like sites his source, but it's like a hipster source, you know. Pace magazine.

Yeah, my subscription to Nylon was really good, really. Yeah. And that's how I found out all Grimes really early on. My dad turned me onto the streets, dude. Really? Remember all that British rap? Blinded by the lights? Yes. My dad was like, bum, bum, bum. Yeah. My dad was like, here's the streets, here's Dizzy Rascal. Awesome. Thank you, dad. What?

Yeah. It was crazy. Who's your dad? Like fucking Virgil Abellow? It's like holy shit. My dad was just like a hipster, but he had to get like maximum rock and roll to be turned onto shit. But then we were the first house to get the internet in our community.

So he was in deep. I heard something over there. And I was downloading pornography. What's up? I heard like a little chime over there. You think we're full up? What's this? internet, like in our community. So he was in deep and I was downloading pornography. What's up? I heard like a little chime over there. You think we're full up? What's this?

It was some tinkling down here. Nick's been fidgeting. No, it was like a ting. Well, the phone's on airplane mode. And if it tings, it tings. That's the thing that Streets taught me. If it tings, it stings. You're all here.

It's a good idea. Streets was like 16 year old kid or whatever. He was young, wasn't he? No, I don't know. He was a white guy from like Birmingham or something. I remember when he came around, but I didn't listen to him. And that first album was so good.

When your head's getting blurred, I know you can't stop thinking of her. You're no fit and you know it. You all fit and you know it. Yeah. I had this, I bought this, that was a great, that was a, Streets is good. Damn. That's like real good for a father. That's like the most, it's the best recommendation I've ever heard a parent give ever. Oh dude. Yeah. We had a drink and drive. We had opposite dads. My dad was listening to fucking Aerosmith and he put bullet hole stickers on his motorcycle.

He was a fucking idiot. My dad loves Aerosmith so on four times. And I was like, cool. It's the worst answer. I just always imagine your dad begging your tiny mother with his hands behind his head. She's just batemanning her trying to make it through one song. It was sweet emotion. And we were in Fort Worth, a hyena's a few weeks emotion and we were in Fort Worth at Hyenas a few weeks ago and we didn't care. The guy was like, yeah, as far as walk-up music, we have a weird little, I can't add, download new songs, so there's just these random songs that we play.

The A.B. system runs on coal. Yeah, it was weird, but yeah, it didn't make sense, but we were like, yeah, fine, so we don't care. Whatever you play, you play. And I came up to sweet emotion, and it fucked with me. Because I think of my parents, the locked door to the bedroom, and hearing sweet emotion and thinking, well, fuck. I was going to ask if we could go get checkers.

But now I have to go fuck myself until they're done. It's just sweet emotion. And then your mom muffled saying I don't want to yeah your dad just being like shut up I work really hard give it to me there's no worse there's Aerosmith is a bad time he's a piece from around there from around right aren't they from Rhode Island or New Hampshire right there though to there from like and they they sting like because they're so strong. You guys have any like big Colorado strong like like everybody loves like when New Jersey people like Bon Jovi. Right. Hurts your feelings. So

hard. No because it was like Big Head Todd but that wasn't... Big Head Todd dominated Colorado when I was a kid. KBCO was always having Big Head Todd on. And I was in Chicago till I was 12, so there wasn't like, I don't know. I guess the Lumineers are as close as we come. Wow. Yeah. That like Stomp and Hay music. 303 was big. Yeah, but they're good dudes. I bet they're good. Yeah, dude. I f*****g opened for Gillis in the Paramount theater in Denver, you know, the big theater. Yeah. And, uh, and like on the last show of the four sold out shows he did, I went up before him and I great set. And I, you know, during that moment, the handshake moment, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, the four sold out shows he did, I went up

before him and I, great set. And I, you know, during that moment, the handshake moment, I'm like, ladies and gentlemen, the man you've all been waiting for, the voice of a generation, Shane Gillis. And I turn and I shake his hand. I said, that's how you fucking do it, pussy. So I just rock Shane that way. And then as I'm walking off stage, I hear him say, Sam, Sam, sit down and like watch, you know, like watch me do this. So as I'm sitting over there he's feeling he was pissed he was serious because he's a jock too. I said it to fuck with him of course and as he would tell a joke he'd be like doing his thing they turn to me and go but the Lumineers came out and I introduced the Lumineers so I put on the guest list to

Shane and I was like hey Shane these are the Lumineers and Shane goes, ooh What a little climber you are, huh Sam? Wow introduce me to the Lumineers. Before he said hello to them You flick their song on I they're uh, yeah, that's that they're famous as shit though aren't they they're huge man They're huge. That's like the Decemberists selling out in hours. That's right, dude I've heard one song from them didn't I never I like I remember them I remember then I saw their towards somehow the tour and then five friends like him Lucy the December Yeah, and I was like, wow, they're monsters like that. I don't like celebratory music I like music made by like mad people. Yeah in a concrete room cutters. Yeah, exactly adult grown men cutters, right?

Yeah, suicide freaks. Oh,, yeah. People who want to taste it all. Yeah, they want to eat, yeah, they want to eat the microphone to hear their own teeth break. And then chew all of it anyway. Oh yeah. Go ahead, sorry. I was just going to, just, we always talk about killing yourself, you know, where you're just like, you take control. It's like, if God thinks he's calling the shots, yeah, check this out. Look how brave I can be, God. Fuck you. Yeah, I'm not gonna play this

fucking game. You're Keanu Reeves and devil's advocate. You're looking out Pacino dead in the eye and Charlize Theron talking. How do you have a devil's advocate tattoo anywhere? Yeah, that's this one right up here. It's the Maltese cross from DK bikes, which looks like a white fucking, it looks like it's the most like, I remember I was changing my shirt when we were doing World Peace and some kid people's like you're not like a Nazi are you? I was like no why? Just when the cameras are rolling. Yeah exactly the only time I'm being recorded but I was like no why he's like that

cross is isn't that like a symbol I was like it was a West Coast choppers and DK bicycles and I really liked BMX and I thought it was a good idea I got all my tattoos for me 14 to 19 Yeah, it's when you should be getting tattooed clearly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah grown men going in and being like I want to get like Like starry night on my arm. You're like, hey man, just do some pushups Couple chin-ups you'll figure it out drink or so go to the gym in your neighborhood or drink or take a walk I always thought it was I thought it always so it was crazy when people had a lot of tattoos.

Cause I, once I knew how much they were for like color for big ones, I was like, man, that's so much of your money. Like, yeah, what are you doing? And it seemed like, how do you have that much money? But then you're acting like you're like, you know, tough or whatever. Where's that money? Yeah. That's what it was.

Or like, I used to buy vintage video games, but now I get tattoos. Yeah. You bartend enough, you enough, you blow a few shifts worth, and you know that you're going to make more. Yeah, like a tattoo artist can't cover his bills. He's like, come in, I'll do your thigh. But I did get them five scales up. A lot of girls got a lot of hot guys because they got a lot of tattoos and vice versa.

Girls got free brownie points as early 20s. You're like, whoa, tattooed. She could be like a full on fucking heroin addict thief with like bad more bad morals rotten person with bad morals from a bad family. No guilt. And somehow she's like a solid. She has one starling tattoo on her clavicle. Yeah. I must have her. She was like a bitch, like a mean girl bully bitch. And somehow with the tattoo, she was like a bitch like a mean girl bully bitch. Yeah, and somehow with the tattoo She's like a new person how smaller her nipples. I must know I'll find out. Yes, are they tattooed? I wanted to say this I first met you after long admiring your stuff and Joe Hatfield

My little bro is gonna be geeked about this cuz he's a fucking freak for you But I met you at skank fest and I was like fuck Like it was you and violent J These are the two guys I can't blow it with So I approach cuz I'm not Sam hide. I'm scared of him But I walked up and we were talking and you said that thing about wanting to like step on your wife until she was an Inch and I was like how this guy's so funny I thought it was shrink her down and then stand on her By standing on right either or

Manipulated her freezer, you know dig holes Just interesting ways to yeah, listen, you know, I was going through it. I was in Las Vegas. I was having a baby in three days. So I flew home from Skankfest and had a child that next day. And a lot of people got pregnant with children at Skankfest. Yeah. Some of them consensually. Some of them lived. Some of the children made it out of the boy who lived. Some of them were queefed out into a toilet and some of them And some of them were sadly I know I shouldn't had heart attack grill Wow damn it looks kind of like Luis J Gomez Um, but we were talking we were hitting it off and I was like Somehow I brought up niece and I was like, yeah you like the south of France, right?

and I said there's that iconic photo of you with a rose in your mouth and your shirts unbuttoned from your honeymoon and you were Like like I saw it on your face be like oh no I was like fuck what have I done? because there's a great picture of you where you're like you know it's like a smoky picture you can tell you're like a beach bar somewhere yeah yeah it was fun that yeah I was the night we my wife and I we went to niece for we did our honeymoon my wife's like a shed mad hotel points from her job nice so we're like Marriott Bonvoy and she's really good at credit

she was like she sat playing the fucking honeymoon more than the wedding yeah and the wedding was great but then we flew out did Paris for two days which is great and then I went to Nice for like five mm-hmm that sounds like the right move yeah and then we went to Positano after that but nice we got really fucked up yeah that night. And I was like, do you guys have any weed? And these MMA guys are like, we'll get them weed, we'll get them weed.

I'm a cordial guy. But I realize I'm sitting with Albanian MMA guys. With banged up ears. And I know, as soon as you see the ears, you stop being crazy. But then I'm like, I'll buy hash. I was like, I bought hash. And I do this joke with drugs where if someone puts

any drug, weed, or anything on the table, I'll take them out I was like, I'll buy it. I bought hash and I do this joke with drugs where if someone puts any drug, weed or anything on the table, I'll take them and put it right in my mouth right away. So this guy dropped a hash ball and I put it in my mouth. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. I liked that they were tough guys, but they were panicked for me. And I was like, I'm just fucking with you guys. The guy spins.

And they're like, he's crazy. He's crazy. He's the machine. And then a fine hour later, they let me ride those street things. I was so fucked up, I was riding their motorcycles. And I was like, this is crazy! You guys get to do that! I'm all fucked up on Hash.

I'm like, rolling cigarettes with Hash rails in them. I was hallucinating that night. I remember staring, I was taking these weird pictures, like these weird pictures of my wife. I was taking pictures of her in the moonlight, and I was like, You'll never believe what I'm seeing right now. Yeah. It was good hash. It was a fun time.

Nice was gritty. I like Nice, yeah. As long as you get away from the water, you're in Marseille or whatever. You're no longer in the opulent place. You're just in a place where people live and eat fish heads. Yeah. You know?

It's like the eyes on. But yeah, I was like, yeah, there's that iconic photo of you with your shirt on button, and you have a flower in your mouth. And I was like, what are you doing? Literally in the moment, I thought, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the eyes on. But yeah, I was like, yeah, there's that iconic photo of you with your shirt on button and you have a flower in your mouth. And I was like, what are you doing? Like literally in the moment, I thought like, what are you doing? That's way worse than me with a tell.

What'd you do? Oh yeah? I biffed it with a tell after doing a guest set. We were in the small room in Cleveland. He was in the big room. Yeah. Did a guest set. And then afterwards we were in his green room.

And I was like, when you did Skanks for the Memories, was most of that album from like one of the sets or is it like you know a little bit from everything and he was like I don't know grab some pizza on your way out and I was like fuck yeah I blew it I blew it and he loves it but I didn't say you're you were mesmerizing in that one photograph the first time I met Dave I did say I think you're wonderful and he was like what and I was like I know I know your friend Julie and he was like, oh, all right, you know, I say I say I saved it Because I was and I was there with her. So he was excited to see her and she was in Vegas

I was doing stand-up in Vegas. So I Saved it, but I did say I think you're wonderful. I didn't know what to say, but I really, you know, insomniac was huge. It's going to happen. I mean, I blew it with Juliette Lewis. No, no, no. I had a, I remember one time I had a meeting with David Wayne's wife.

Oh yeah. For adult swim. Zandi Hardig. And I wanted her to like play in world peace. And she was already in like children's hospital and shit. And right. And I was like, meet me for lunch. And we'll just go over some things. As soon as the launch sat down, Heartache and I wanted her to like play in world peace and she was already in like children's hospital shit and right and I Was like meet me for lunch and we'll just go over some things as soon as the launch sat down a fucking beetle this big landed on her forehead like I've never seen one this big to this day

I didn't know what to do and I was like you have a fucking this thing Look at who would have gave her like like bald cancer. Like it was going to rip her fucking teeth out. And I just threw it up and it was like the most awkward. She didn't like the fact that I did that. I was like, I saved your life. And then I was like, all right, well, I gave her a hug after. I was like, bye. And I went home tomorrow.

I was like, that was the fucking worst meeting of all time. I fucking gave her a hug after I picked a bug off her head. Like, what the fuck was I doing? Man, I had a meeting one time in LA, like the first time I ever had a meeting, and I didn't have any money, and they put me up at the Roosevelt Hotel, but I didn't have a credit card.

So I just had to like lurk in the lobby, like, because I couldn't check in, you know? So like my wife like finally faxes her credit card information in, I can check in, and then I wake up in the morning I have to be this meeting and I'm like I'll walk so I try to walk in LA just uphill through like a canyon and I'm just soaked in sweat and I'm like fuck I have to I have to take a car I can't show up like this so I get in an uber and in the uber I cancel whatever debit card was on the uber account so I can't get charged I had no

money and I show up to this meeting just with my shirt stuck to my body Like transparent like a camo long-sleeve shirt in LA and like shorts oh, and it was and I walked in the room and the guy who was like pitching me was like I Just like saw his face like deflate like oh no, and I was like hey everyone No, it's not I wouldn't take in the train but you don't have one and they're like correct like I was just bombing right away before I sat down yep god damn those are fun and I feel like in LA they like doing that to you a little bit oh for sure it's gotta be part of it yeah they're coming like you you know at an antique store with a guy who doesn't know what he's got yeah and they're like how cool yeah I wish they

actually said something I mean we did one meeting in it in a like a building where the so-called so I was having this kid we got this kid like give us a deal and we showed up to like a movie studio to like pitch them and we used to pitch in construction paper mmm because we thought it was cool yeah they didn't it's that Rizzi coming up with Sam yeah it was like it's got to be like this like we dumped like a manila folder full of like fucking it looked like a something something retarded yeah it was that they were like oh god and like I could see the kid who got me the meeting was like we thought we like nailed they're like well we're gonna be at the

fucking Oscars this year so let me start getting my tux Like well, we're gonna be at the fucking Oscars this year, so let me start getting my tux ready. And then we're in the- You're gonna use a bunch of beetles loose? I'll save you. Bring in the ferrets. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. They're gonna love this shit.

So they hate, and then we're in the bathroom pissing after the kid. Dave was like, guys nailed it. And I was like, Is this serious? I thought we did pretty good too! And they were like, Never talk to us again. Oh god.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. I mean, I think LA's like born to make you feel like that. They want to put you in your place right away. Yes. It doesn't matter if you've done anything outside of the confines of that city.

Cause if you haven't done it in there, they don't give a fuck. Yeah. If you're not, you know, Jennifer Aniston, which is a kind of a falsehood is that they also hang on to their like gigantic one thing that they were part of right yeah and I'm like well you haven't made a fucking movie in like seven years I was set dresser on Dharma and Greg oh you shit you were I didn't know oh no one fucking cares you

know do you want me to park it covered or uncovered yeah and I we got a lot I got a ton like I meant John Taffer's agent one time in my backyard. Don't you have a signed picture of John over there? Yeah, I did. I couldn't think of his name earlier. I was going to ask. How could you forget his name? I didn't want to look like a dickhead, so I didn't, yeah.

You're embarrassing yourself. John Taffer's going to watch this. But his agent was like, it was like the cockiest guy I'd ever seen in my, he was like the like it was like the cockiest guy I've ever seen him I like he was like the entourage show in my backyard like yeah, we just signed him up 50 million dollars It was like holy shit agents really are like this. I wanted like push my dick inside my body Too late There was there was a lot of that you shoot your dick first I pushed it in with the gun

Blew it two times Third third way. Oh my phone's ringing. Boom! He's dicks inside. Oh it says his dad's calling. Damn. He was good. You should have green lit it. We could have put it on right after the new spin-off. John Taffer just got a new deal. And it's, I think it might be

hotels. Oh no. Oh shit. He's going to go tear it up. Did John Taffer do anything in Denver? He did he did. He did. What was the name of that? Was it like Inglewood? No, no, no. There was one downtown that a bunch of comics got to be a part of. Like Zach Reiner was in there and Preston Tompkins. Uh, I don't remember how it was put out there, but yeah. Uh, now it's out of business. I think so.

It's impossible to keep a business going in Lodo. It was like a small bar. Yeah, it's really tough. I can'todo. It was like a small bar downtown. Yeah, it's really tough. I can't think. It was like by Tarantula Billiards, but it wasn't that far. Which is for sale now. Yeah.

So yeah, it was downtown and I've never seen the episode, but I've meant to look it up because I want to see who's in there. You have often been like, oh yeah, we're supposed to watch that bar rescue. No, I'm so busy. I meant to look it up, you say it up. I wanted to watch it. I want to see the bar. There were so many bars downtown that we didn't go to because

we went to three bars. If they had a show or a mic, we would go there. Our friends would bartend. So we would go to those bars. Or where there were mics. What are those three good bars in Denver? Squire Lounge. Love the Squire Lounge. 715 is my favorite bar in Denver. Right there at the old Five five points right there on the points By the old DMV. Yeah, and then I like what is it the matchstick the candlelight over there like Alameda and Logan or something I Don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I only go to the 715 club now when I'm in town. My sister's there. She's dancing to Earl

my sister's there she's dancing to Earl. Not Earl Sweatshirt, no old demo. Yeah he loves it he's good. Oh yeah yeah I like a bar where you can be on the patio as much as you want because inside it's like a throbbing open wound you just go out in the patio and hang out. Yeah. 715. Can you smoke butts in Denver? Oh yeah it's not in the bar no. But on the patio you can. Oh fots eggs weed. Oh, that's great I see people like do lines off of the man's bald head there Yeah, some of the better bars closed which sucked, you know, they couldn't keep up with the You know just prices going up. Whatever. Well, mr. Mr. A's or mr C's that one that cam likes to go to that like black guy and like a, you know, with like they have like felt hats on, you know? By his house, yeah.

It's like classy and grown. We got food from there. That's good. Like from the truck or whatever, the smoker. No, if you were gonna buy in Denver, what'd you buy, Nick? Are you aware of the market? No, I'm not aware.

Outside, probably by Colorado Springs or Boulder. Springs is blowing up. Cause Denver got so expensive, I think now Springs is gonna get the runoff over there. Denver's so small. It's really hard There's not a lot of space to carry the people who want to live there But I think the terrain of uh, I don't know some of that some of that mountain terrains not bad But I remember read I brought a read a Brad Feld book, which is Brad Feld is like a startup

Guy he sold Boulder hard Colorado Springs are both they near each other color Colorado Springs Boulder you have Boulder up here Denver than the Springs Okay, I think it's actually wherever Bradford he wherever those books were what I read eight years ago those had my eyes on them as far as the You guys have all the only things I know about Denver are the fun the funny story I can think of is my buddies in the weed my buddy Pat globally owns a weed dispenser called the green Goddess in Venice Beach, California.

Shout out Pat. Hey Pat. Great dressing. Great weed. Superior dressing, eat better weed. It's healthy, there's vegetables in the dressing. It's minced with a Vitamix, a $500 blend. I'll get to it later.

Hey everybody, Becker here. We had to cut this episode short. The boys were having some audio difficulties, but I was able to stitch it together and I'm gonna put the other 26 minutes up on the Patreon. Thank you everybody so much.