Chubby Behemoth - Little Donnie Wilson Road

Episode Date: February 11, 2024

SPONSORS: Factor - Support the show and get Factor for 50% off at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50 and use code CHUBBY50 BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week the boys are joined by a surprise auditor. Nathan resides in wallets. How old is Sam? Bucket to butt procedure. Sophie went full Leno and hid in a closet. Sludge is back! Sophie shares her one woman show. Mom didn’t want him on the deck. Snow day shenanigan.    Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth    Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

so uh thank you for listening becker is actually inside of a glass cube right now and we can only talk to him that way because we don't want to infect him with all this riz we've got too much as my belly pokes out yeah under my triple xl shirt look at all that riz for one shirt too much ridge you're my ruffles you're risen out of the goddamn seams baby we uh we're doing this podcast from my home here in

colorado undisclosed location yeah shout out to the guy who found my home address and posted it on the subreddit thanks for getting to the bottom of that that was that was very

necessary thing for you to do i didn't tell my wife so if you were trying to terrorize her nice try jerk i shouldn't say that please don't send headless bird carcasses to that address listener we're having this episode audited by an outside firm today uh to make sure we hit enough laughs per minute that we cover all of our bases. Get out of here. Get out. Close the door.

You're off the pod. The auditor left. We were going to have my sister on the pod because she has a bunch of new accents she's been doing. She's been doing Leslie Jones. She's been doing Awkwafina. But she says the real Awkwafina, which is very problematic. Very Asian.

Very Asian. Yeah. She's like, dim some huge titties. Sophie. So do you want to come say hi to the people real quick? Or do you just want to sit over there like a freak off camera? You do look crazy. I was going to say earlier, your glasses look like a pair that Larry David's dad wore on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And this is the same upholstery of a couch they had on season three. This is Sophie, everyone. She's a full grown woman. I've had her. That's not true. That was that was one of like that was like episode five. Yeah, we were talking about you and I said I've had her. So that's a little blast from the past.

Do you have you ever had romantic feelings about nathan no well really thought about it huh i didn't want to hurt his feelings i would say yeah i'm i'm not a lot like either of your last two boyfriends yeah but you're a lot like me and i'm her ultimate crush yeah but that that goes into brother. We've always been sibling like I would say. My friends always had the hots for you. Hell yeah. How could you not? Who? Who's had the hots for the last? Back when I was a single

XL. Nicole, Ashley. Oh, they'll break it wide open for anyone with a bus pass. Those two sluts. Come on. They're both upstanding young women. Yeah, they're never standing up. They're always on their backs.

So that's true? Your friends say, hey, we want some lunch. Yeah, Nicole used to have your senior picture in her wallet. Yeah, well, she called her pussy her wallet. She would just tuck it in there. God, she had it in a protective sleeve. She laminated. Yeah.

Like a baseball card. They have a type. What's the type? Large and in charge. It's just me. Big and loud. I was the first sex object for all of her friends. Yeah.

They used to come over. They'd be like, can we put on his leather jacket? God, I'm sure it reeked so bad. let's get in the town car and smell the seats that's what they would say you did drive us around a lot do you remember that time why don't you sit down pull up that chair it's not good you can be in the middle if you want no that doesn't work okay stop trying to get sophie involved sophie wants to be on the pod she's begged to be on the pod for a long time yeah she's like give me my chance sophie literally said give me the ball i'll do some damage well it's not really gonna be easy do you i'm just gonna ask her if she remembers certain things if you spill a puzzle piece on the ground your sister-in-law will whip your little ass. This is what we do.

Emily saves lives and puts together puzzles. Yeah, she comes home. She's like, oh, my God. Some guy had his head shoved up his buddy's ass. I had to remove it. Eight-hour surgery. Time for a puzzle. I'm going to stand up and stare at miniature pieces.

One time, Sophie picked me up from the light rail. I think you were still in high school. You picked me up from the light rail. I think you were still in high school. You picked me up from the light rail off Lincoln, and you had like a giant bong in your car. You remember that? Yeah. I was like mad, but also

like interesting, because I didn't know that you were some low-down, dirty dope smoker. You picked me up. You were blasting Cottonmouth Kings. It wasn't even it was twisted. You were listening to twisted nicotine smoking camel crushes

and you had a gigantic bong in the back and I was like, what is this? And you started laughing really hard. I did hit it in the car. Yeah, glass bong. Yeah, big like huge dude like 18 and like taller than I did hit it in the car. Yeah. Glass bong. Yeah. Big, like huge dude,

like 18 and like taller than stool. Jesus. Yeah. I think you were like 17 or 18 cause Sophie and I didn't really chill when I was in high school. Yeah. She was like, he was a dick. Speak your truth. He was really mean and thought he was really cool.

He ran for me. things yeah i used to try to get into his poker parties and he would slam the door in my face while all of my crushes were inside yeah sorry i didn't want my little weird sister hanging out and all your crushes were there. Chris White, David Borey, Stephen Williamson, Andy Quinn, Sam Gamgee. Yeah, Sam Gamgee was in there. Who were all your crushes? The McVickers

would come over occasionally because they were Pat Sutton adjacent. Steve Reed. Oh my God. He looked like a lizard. He had a gecko face. Every girl was so obsessed with Steve Reed. He had the eye patch. What? Even when he had the eye patch, he was still so hot.

He did have an eye patch. Was it needed? Yeah, dude. Okay. He had Bell's palsy. Oh, damn. From going down on Tina Kirby. That's not how Bell's palsy works.

He literally got it because he got thrush and it spread and he got Bell's palsy. Wow. Because he went down on Tina Kirby and then one side of his face was just like slumped. And he still had to be like hot dude Steve Reed. He pulled it off. Wow. He was still, you know. Still had that riz.

Top tier. He played guitar in our band. I remember we had a show. account of the palsy who's this guy playing enter sandman again steve reed who else did you have a crush on jesse kendick never bubba hoss no ben gross Never? No. Bubba Haas? No. No? Ben Gross? No. Clay DeHaan? No. But my friend did.

Clay, people had crushes on Clay? Dude, I got to say, Clay, when he was in high school, stork man, total big bird. And then he got out of high school, and he was fucking hot. Remember Clay? Remember Hot Clay? Yeah, good looking. Dude. Tall, very tall. Tall, vegan cut cut he has those

like long spindly like pirate not tying arms aloof yeah aloof distant can't hear but people think it's a mystery he's deaf from rock and roll oh good we have another guest everyone and he's a gentleman you've been begging to have some more latino influence miho everybody do you have any questions for sophie we're having a full-on do you know about do you know about uh sam's recent uh don't be gross no i'm not you have a bunch of uh uh beauty health and beauty industry followers and we don't know why do you guys really he recently has had esthetician and esthetician adjacent accounts following to give you advice i think that i was like on i think someone mentioned me on like a salon podcast or an esthetician podcast because i probably had like 400 to 500 like girls like pretty girls with like that like kind of like

ring hair you know i'm talking about just curly hair well no like they have like you know when girls like are going to like uh like a cattle auction when they dress up you know like a claire's is opening in the mall oh yeah and then they have like the ring yeah montana hair i've had them all come in to follow me i don't know why are they giving you advice no i don't talk to them no one ever is like hey i've been counting your pores on the special here's something you can do well that's interesting because i googled you one time and on reddit they just go in on how you're they can't believe you're 36 years old they all think you're like 55 that's what reddit says you're getting you're getting slapped around on reddit

i had after the special came out i had to quit looking at my name on reddit because people were like look at those teeth his teeth are so yellow it was tough and small which i had i had a couple people said they thought it was the blue color correction that made your teeth, because your teeth aren't yellow and gross. They aren't. I'm right up against them. He's never had a cavity. Never had a cavity. He got the good teeth.

Not true. I've got one cavity, and I want you to find it. What's in there? There's a bunch of gum. Yeah, fudge and gum. Sophie, you cannot be on the pod and your phone. All right? People love this.

This is America's number one podcast. Get off TikTok for fucking 12 minutes. She's got jello brain. She's straight Swiss cheese cabeza. Queso cabeza. Cabeza de queso. La Junta's getting into your brain. Stop.

Sí, cómo no, güey. We have had a lot of Sam's perspective of when you were real young with the... Oh, you were the terrorizer, weren't you? You would try to scare him by saying to come near the stairs. Yeah, Sam was scared of everything. He was scared of heights. He wouldn't go to the top bunk of his bunk bed. It was too high, so I would go up there and taunt him.

Not why. Yes. No, it was too close to the ceiling. No. Yes. Foster public. Mm-hmm. He was scared of ventriloquist dolls yes so my dad had one and i would always

that would be at the top of the stairs and you would say hey sam come over here and then he'd go to the bottom of the stairs and look up and shit his diaper even though he was seven it was a big diaper did grandpa wipe you until you were reading books i don't think my grandpa ever wiped me grandpa ova yeah grandpa ova never wiped you no my my clean ass he never wiped you no yeah remember when grandma held the bucket to your butt did she capture your yeah your stool it was coming out of both ends. And she had to grab a bucket. You were puking into the toilet.

And you were like, it's coming out the other way. No, I didn't say it's coming out the other way. Grandma grabbed the bucket. I just went, ah, ah, ah. My grandma came in. She was cleaning the fucking whale cage at the zoo. She put on her gloves and held the bucket. and she said that i was moving around a lot so she had like follow my hole with the bucket yeah and that was because grandpa thought it was funny to feed us a bunch of grapes and then put us on the giant swing he had in the backyard yeah yeah i was wiped by my mom uh until i was way too old so we have have shared in that

what about do you remember uh him chewing on toilet paper was that an issue that affected you at all he said he'd put it into his mouth and like chew on it and he wouldn't swallow it but he would you had pica do you remember do you remember aunt julie and uncle tom's first apartment by grandpa and grandma's and parker no you don't remember that it was a town home i used to eat toilet paper over there all the time dr t yeah i used to just like and I would like fruit by the footed off the roll. Like watching a giraffe eat leaves. Just how? I'd just sit in there on the toilet and eat toilet paper.

Classic Sam story though. He ate goat poop three times as a kid. Three times. This whole three times is not true. It was one time. No, you were caught by mom. You were caught by Uncle Tom twice. Uncle Tom loved it.

Uncle Tom didn't do anything to stop it. My mom saw it and was like, oh my God, and ran down there. And my Uncle Tom just saw me eating goat poop and probably sparked another J. Because Uncle Tom was like 24, 25 when I was a kid. Sam was raised by two moms and two dads. That's why I'm so needy emotionally. Hey, everyone, look at me. I'm about to have a thought.

I'm about to wiggle my little rumpus somebody get a bucket and a and a camera they would literally put me in outfits and dance me around the bed like a doll my aunt julie and my mom he looked like elvis okay i wanted to ask you a question do you remember when zach toll was over one time I wanted to ask you a question. Do you remember when Zach Toll was over one time? Zach Toll spent the night. Oh, grandma? Yes. Well, two things.

Grandma. Well, kind of. Yeah. My grandma, like, wouldn't tell any of us she was blind, but she would still drive us around all the time because she was too proud. This is bucket grandma. Proud to be. Yeah.

Mi abuela de los cañons. Off your phone. And, uh yeah one time zach toll came down the stairs and she thought it was me and she thought it would be fun to hit me with her cane so zach toll came out the curtain into the kitchen and just fucking started whacking him he was scared do you remember the go to the bathroom sam taunt you would hit me with no you don't remember this no you don't remember this no but i'm sure i did it when you were little i because i used to hold my turds in and stand in the corner until it hurt yeah well it also like it felt good though yeah you were an advanced civilization that uh was able to or you know the way that dogs will eat

goat turds like sam no no they're just their sense of smell and taste is so strong that they can enjoy gross smells and gross flavors like shit that was you well yes so i was eating the shit and then i was digesting it and then i was holding it in because i don't know what happened i don't know why i held it in so much but you would always try and taunt me with that when you were little one time zach toll was over and i was like at the bottom of the stairs remember that y in the staircase you were up by our rooms and i was on the bottom and i was like standing there and i don't think i would let you come in and play mario party or something so you yelled at me go to the bathroom sam sam go to the bathroom and zach toll still talks about that that was

such a tear you were a nightmare he had a freestanding like vanity closet thing and i used to hide in there behind his clothes when he had his friends over. Yeah. Would you pop out? No, I'd be in there for a long time. You'd be eavesdropping? Yeah. What?

Yeah. No way. That's what little sisters are for. Did you come in through the closet we shared? Oh, no, but I'd hide in there too. What? Yeah. Who were you eavesdropping on? I don't remember. Casey Boulding. That was another one. Oh, my God. What'd hide in there, too. What? Yeah. Who were you eavesdropping on?

I don't remember. Casey Bolding. That was another one. Oh, my God. What a dreamboat. Woo. Gee whiz. See, all my friends loved that I had an older brother because you had all the boys over.

I would have the camp twins over. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I let them convince me to throw rocks inside our glass clubhouse because they were so cute. Damn, yeah. But they were bad. Getting away.

Yeah, bad touch. They were both the evil twin. Double trouble. Well, it's because they were both spies. Yeah. Well, she was literally a spy. Yeah. Yeah, they were from Illinois,

but they pronounced it Illinois when they moved to Elizabeth. And they both had big fat thumbs. Yeah, they were dumb as hell. God bless them. When you live there, yeah, you don't say the S. But yeah.

Oh, JR. On your football team when I was little? Loved him. Garbage? Yes. John Randolph? Yep. Did you ever hear the rumors about him and his sister and dan uh what was his buddy's name dan fuck well it sure doesn't matter but he had a friend and i can't remember right but anyway there was a rumor that their older sisters, Heather was very pretty, as you remember, and Dan's sister was even hotter,

that they took them into Cimarron Park by the trees, by Cimarron Baseball Park, and did a switch and deflowered them as young men. That's what I heard. No. No. Yeah. What was the word in the closet? What'd you pick up in the cupboards?

You were like Roach and the people under the stairs. You're just in the house somewhere. It's like, where's Sophie? I don't know, but she's around. Sophie. Oh my God. Do you remember how often I ran away? Oh yeah.

I ran away like every day and I'd pack snacks and- Pack a bag. I would write a note. It would just say B Y. Bye. You'd make it to like the mailboxes and be like. I would sit though for a long time. You'd sit for a while.

Yeah. You sick of his shit? Sick of your parents? Yeah. Talking to him and mostly sam he was he was mean sophie i was so good to you as a young man and then i was like who cares she'll figure it out from the time you were like 13 until probably 18 yeah i started hanging out with you when you lived off curtis curtis above the fisherman bar Curtis. Curtis? Above the Fisherman Bar. No, you would come to stuff at the ministry.

I would. And Alameda House. Yeah. I went to a lot of parties there in high school. Yeah, because J.R. lived with me. She was trying to hide in his closet. Kim and I did not get close until I went to college, and we talked on AIM.

We talked a lot online, and I realized how cool and funny she was and yeah there just wasn't that weird competitive thing of like i don't know it's just living in the same house fighting over food or attention or what to watch i don't know but yeah we we got real close after uh after i moved up to re Well, what's the age gap between you two? Two years. Because I think that there's a certain level of like, when you're like, when I'm 15 and she's 12,

that's 100 years. But when I'm 24 and she's 21, that's like no difference whatsoever. Yeah, that's part of it. And I was kind of nervous about her coming to parties at these houses because I was like, my little sister, little sister she gonna be able to fucking take care of herself then i remember seeing her talk to my friends and tell them off and call them stupid and fat and i was like oh she'll be fine yeah yeah i've always held my own yeah that's you're very scary no i'm not am i crazy uh not scary but definitely uh an alpha i would say

formidable and you're a little beta cuck i'm not a beta cuck it's not true um sam was never ever allowed to like hit me though when we were growing up and dad he really you never did i never scratched the shit out of you oh yeah oh man but he would do other things uh one time i was taking a bath and he drew a smiley face on my butt and sharpie yeah my mom was so mad yeah and then i and i brought her in i I had a hat on her butt. And I was like, Mom, I think I said, Mom, meet your new baby or something. Meet your other daughter. And Sophie, like, bent over and showed her the smiley face with the hat on. And my mom, who just worked 10 hours, you know, my dad, God bless him.

Who knows what he was up to. He was Lord of the Flies. My mom was like, what the fuck is going on around here when i'm gone yeah i was raised by you too yeah remember your remember your outfits just a big t-shirt tied off at the hip my hair wouldn't have been brushed bugs bunny wearing a backwards hat and jeans no dude probably like a a Visit Santa Fe or something t-shirt. Some free Winston cigarette shirt that Uncle Tom got. Just tied off at the side,

and then her hair would be a big whale spout up here. When she would take naps, we used to have to make a pillow fort around her because she rolled out of the bed every fucking day. Dude, I hit that floor a lot. Just constant head trauma oh remember the hot tub remember how many times you fell off the side of the hot tub into cactuses yeah i got stuck we've heard about that not too long ago we talked about that you're always biffing it off the off the side yeah um i learned how to ride a bike before sam and he was

pissed i was i it took me a while i had my training wheels longer than i wanted to have them yeah until you got your license learner's permit i was 15 and a half not 16 no i don't know if everybody was riding free at like six or five, I was like eight. I don't remember, but it was a little, I was a little nervous because I was smart. I was good at things. That was Sam. But the bike thing, yeah, I don't know,

was not doing it for me. I was scared. Yeah, Sam was a video game kid. Yeah, I was a video game kid. I taught you how to play Magic the Gathering so you could play against me. One time I erased your Super Mario file. Oh my God.

You were so mad at me. I'm pretty sure you told me you hated me. Yeah, you started over. Yeah, you saved over my file. Oh God. There's three slots. Three slots, stupid. You idiot.

I'm still reeling with you hiding in the closet. How old were you? You were probably in like early middle school. So I was young. Second grade. Wow. Whoa. So that would have been Casey Boulding.

That was prime case. Remember when Casey Boulding was stuck at our house during that blizzard? It was theed in. It was the best three days of my life. Where were you? In the closet. In the closet. But she was very straight. It was weird.

No, that was a legit snowing. We were eating beans from a can by the end of it. Whoa, you had gone through. The food. All the cupboards. Mm-hmm. Shit, Roach style. Well, it was Roach, right?

Yeah. Okay. Jordan Peele's remaking that. Oh, thank God. I can't wait to, yeah, I can't wait to act like it's my whole thing. Yeah, finally, an all black people under the stairs.

Anything else, Sophie? I don't remember when I met you, Lund. I moved to Denver June of 08. Sam and I didn't hang out a ton right away. But I remember wanting you to think i was cool like at mouth house before i lived there when i would like go hang out over there i was like come on don't blow it uh before that i don't know how much we would have run into each other because that was obviously before the compound when we were all hanging out more regularly. Yeah, you were my neighbor.

For a long time. Long time, yeah. Do you remember when we made all that hash lemonade? I'm drinking weed tea out of a bean can. Yeah. Sophie said that to me a hundred times after I said that once. Man. Yeah, Casey was snowed in and we just listened to matchbox 20 over and over again no i gave casey one of my green day cds that you wanted and i gave it to him right in front of you and you were so mad at me what you were so mad at me what cd was it like dookie i was gonna say it was dookie but

it was dad had dookie special you were so pissed damn that sucks i can't believe you did that damn oh that's all right how did that make you feel probably overlooked like always as soon as sophie along, Sam was done. They canceled Sam season four. And they launched Sophie. It was not a soft launch either. That's not Sophie. She was on every channel.

That was the best thing to happen to you. Yeah. You were getting bored. I'm glad I'm not an only kid. Because when you came along, mom went back to college. i'm glad i'm not an only kid because when you came along mom went back to college mom was in uh at cu denver getting her landscape architecture master's or degree master's master's and you came along and i remember like mom working at her drafting table that used to be in the living room remember and you being like mom like you couldn't talk yet but you were like stumbling around and her being like oh sophie and turning to you and i'd been sitting there next to her drawing

at her drafting table being like mom mom look at this and she didn't give a shit and then you like and you stumbled up like holding like you know like a stick with some ants on it yeah yeah you had a fresh turd in your hand like mom i made pie and the first uh time sam ever saw me he thought i killed mom that was a fucked up thing to do to a little boy i was at my aunt theta's and my grandpa you know came in grandpa over kicked in the door and was like the baby's here and aunt theta knew that you were inbound. So I made my mom a popsicle stick version of her. And I carried it to the hospital, my grandpa.

And then they brought me into the delivery room. And the floor was covered in blood. Yeah. And there was blood everywhere. And my mom was in the bed all gray. Because she never had any fucking tone in her skin anyway yeah but when she lost like you know four and a half gallons of sophie blood when she fucking pushed this thing out i just walked in and my mom was like who is that sam is that you and i was like mommy i made you this and she was like too weak to grab the popsicle stick thing

out of my hand and then lo and behold bangus was here they had to vacuum me out my head was shaped all weird mom gave up pushing you had a box head you're a blockhead like on gumby i was Gumby. I was so yellow. I had to stay extra nights in the hospital. High yellow. Mom giving up. Such a mom move. I know. She's like, fuck it. It was so mom. Get a wet vac

because this is not dry at all. There's a lot of fluid. As I said in the Patreon, amniotic fluid is cum. That's a lot of fluid. As I said in the Patreon, amniotic fluid is cum. That's a lot of jizz. I see. I'm going to throw up. Go throw up?

I'm just thinking of mom being like, that's good enough. Like, who cares? You got her head out? Cool. Yeah. How did, did you read about this recent story where a baby, a couple was in the hospital giving birth to a baby and it got decapitated and they're being charged with murder the doctors are oh yeah i think they reached up in there they yanked it okay i was like how the fuck can you i thought the parents

and then they tried to hide it that it wasn't like their fault but emmy's told me you can pop a baby's head off real easy when they come out yeah yeah yeah their skin's like crepe paper yes were you vaginal uh i think so were you giant like sam no i think i was eight pounds six ounces i was normal that was me eight six i was i always thought maybe it was 6'8 or 8'6". I think it was 8'6". 5'10 when I came out. I was long and strong. No, I think I was vaginal.

I was a C-section, but you were normal, right? Yeah, mom was a C-Vac, right? B-Vac. V-Vac. Vaginal birth after cesarean. I wish she was through the butt. That would have added up. V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V- Oh, man. I know, because you were a lot closer with Mom's dad than me. I was. I was his favorite. He didn't give a shit about boys, but he loved you and Annie. Well, he loved me the most because I was a little redhead.

Yeah. And he liked Mom more than Julie. Oh, yeah. Well, Julie got her revenge, didn't she? My mom. So that might be it. But Grandpa Talent takes the cake on just grandparent of the world he was so cool he gave us each 20 bucks a month there was five of us that's a hundred bucks we gave out twelve hundred dollars a year just to like so we could like not bother him to buy us

fucking toys he still would he used to buy us whatever we wanted. It is his fault that I'm such a fat guy. Oh, yeah. I tell people all the time, their fridge loaded with every soda. Perfectly lined up. So whatever grandkid liked, you know, Mountain Dew or RC Cola. And there was also another soda in there. Oh, God. Home made sludge.

It was legit sludge. And you you know dad has started doing his own version what yeah what do you mean he's turned into grandpa dad's making his own homebrew yeah he puts his soda water soda stream stuff and then he puts some weird other additives and like textured berries he's doing some weird stuff. Dude, dude, have you, you know that like a travel,

like thermos he carries around? Never been cleaned. It's all, it's never been cleaned. And also it's just whatever he's drinking at the time. He pours in there. Yeah. So there'll be like monster left at the bottom.

Monster, sugar-free, diet Coke, coffee, coffee, a seltzer water, orange juice. Oh my my god he's grandpa what was the sludge like a cola i swear there was coffee grounds in it

it was he put milk in there yeah it was so gross milk pop good old milk pop it was so fucked and yeah and he would just keep it going it was like a mother broth in the fridge at all times just constantly tinkering and adding to it. And he would just keep it going. It was like a mother broth. In the fridge at all times. Just constantly tinkering and adding to it. I think he would put all spice in there. Gross. You know what I'm talking about?

Like that high sodium seasoning they used in everything? Spice. He would put that in there. Grandma. What was grandma? Why didn't she do anything? She knew her place. Grandma just sat in the corner. You gotta let men make their own soda or else there's hell to pay god grandma was so funny she wouldn't talk she would

just laugh all the time she was in the corner she was the shyest person ever yeah you were a lot like her yeah because you didn't like talk until you were four yeah maybe i was autistic you did have a pretty good bit that you would do as a little girl though how did that happen you ripped it that wasn't us we had you've been into my parents all the house we grew up in yeah we did a tour so there's the kitchen and then there's the living room, and there was a cutout in the wall. And there was a bench in the kitchen side, and then we would sit in the living room side,

and Sophie would do her one-woman play, which was, why don't you tell us what it was, Fi? Well, I found a wicker basket that I'd put on my head. A conical basket. Uh-huh. And I'd push up my cheeks and say, China Girl. It was like a party trick. We'd be like, Sophie, hit it.

And she'd be nude, of course course because we were always naked as kids and sophie would pop up and go china girl we were always nude it was crazy because she's like she wouldn't talk all day then she'd be like i'm ready shows her at four six and eight run don't walk to the box office these will sell out very limited seating there's a couch and two lazy boys do you also remember your other gag you would do no singer come out oh yeah i was a i was a pop star she was a diva couldn't tell me anything between the pantry and the kitchen we had curtains hanging up because of the rats the pantry was underground our house was so weird that part of the house is underground

the toilet was underground yeah and it was like super cold in the pantry and yeah sophie would uh have us set her up and she'd stand behind the curtain and then she'd say you know we'd say singer come out and then she would come out of the curtain and like sing some fucking olsen twins bullshit brother for sale only 50 cents histories of life waiting to be solved. Here I am in my trench coat. What's in your brother's dresser drawer? Underwear!

She loved the Olsen twins. Who didn't? Well, I didn't. I thought they stunk. I was like, we should be watching Turtles. Let's watch the Turtles VHS. We played a lot of ghostbusters because of sam nice yeah you guys should put that on the patreon yeah those were hits and sam always had the cutest little boy voice like i don't think he hit puberty until he was 19 his voice was so

high pitched i've never told you this but when i broke my knee remember when salazar tackled me from behind i had that cast on dad used to have to give me baths and one time i remember he was giving me a bath and he yelled hey bets he's got pubes it was fucked that's so great i hated it so much. Never tell mom that. I don't know. And she came in. No. Yeah. What?

Oh, yeah. How old were you? I was in sixth grade. That's terrible. Yeah, they were weird people. What's terrible? What's terrible? His mom came to check out his pubes?

I mean, yeah, that's not. That happened to you? No, but I mean, there's that ownership. Like parental, they don't care. They saw every inch of you your whole life, so it's not weird to them. Oh, man. And it's not like, I don't know, it's not sexual. It's not really gross or weird, I don't think.

And it was necessary because of your injury. So it's not like you got baths from your dad you know every day i mean if grandma was still able she would have been in there with that bucket dumping it over my head a little mexican grandma do you remember when chester and ted our great uncles my grandpa ova's brothers would come over and they would just sit in the living room at grandpa's little house and tell that same story about punching the fucking uh bull in the balls? Yes. Oh, my God.

And they would barely get through. It would take them two and a half hours. Do you remember when our weird family would come in from Missouri? Yeah. Grandpa's cousins and shit? Mom was scared to let him walk on the deck at the clubhouse. What? Clarence?

Clarence Jr.? He was so big. Mom didn't want him on the deck. These people were huge. Huge. Bacoderms. I got you. And their name was Clarence Jr.

Camel people. I never really knew them. You know, they would just come into town, say hi. I thought that he wasn't allowed on the deck. Too risky. You don't want the premiums to go up oh yeah they were they were weird they would come to town like every 18 months and grandpa would take him in the backyard and get out the bb gun and show him the thing how he could shoot over his shoulder and still hit the targets without looking nanny oakley oh Oh man, Grandpa was so cool.

Annie, are you Oakley? Are you Oakley? Annie. Sam was scared of everything. So one time like a FedEx driver. Constantly terrified. A FedEx driver. He was always whining? Was it like a whiny cry? He couldn't go downstairs and use the bathroom at night

because he was too scared. He was a real... You were really scared of everything to be fair our house was horrifying it was really scary yeah it was weird and i was scared when i was in there but i still would have whizzed if i needed to whiz what if you're eight years old i would have been fine no i was scared of stuff so where did you pee sam creative. What's in your brother's dresser drawer? Piss. His own urine. I filled a couple of two liters with pee. Mom was disgusted.

She was so mad at me. She was worried about his future. Yeah. She thought it meant that I was like never going to know love. It was like the gamer caves they have on reddit and 4chan oh that was so fucked up my room was such a mess so gross i moved into it after you went to college yeah and there was two bottles everywhere by the radiator yeah spitters everywhere underneath the bed oh that was bad that clubhouse was fun, though. Yeah.

Can't believe they let us have that. Yeah. Remember when that barn burnt down? Do you have that memory? Christmas morning. Yeah, so here's my question. Mom's dead. We can talk about this.

I think that the statute of limitations is gone. We never went over to Aunt Julie and Uncle Tom's house for Christmas Eve. We would go over for Christmas Eve, but we wouldn't spend the night. We would come home, and we would have Christmas in the house. Yeah. Except for one year, when it just so happens when... We were on hard times. We were super poor. My dad is just getting sober.

He was working at Walmart overnight. My mom was back in school, so no one was making any money. I remember when she got that job with the county. She got the phone call, and we danced in the kitchen and saying we're in the money i know yeah but we came home from aunt julie's house and the barn just so happened to burn down the one gone gone and mom was like the barn's gone the barn's gone at the bottom of the hill on 150 all the neighbors were there fire trucks. It's Christmas morning.

Yeah, and it was just weird because we never... Do you remember when the other building burnt down, the outbuilding? It's really weird. There's been a lot of fire on that property. I know. We were in Pensacola. Uh-huh. And Burkhart called you.

Yeah, the youngest Burkhart. And said, hey, I just want to let you know that your outbuilding is on fire. Yeah. Completely gone. Yeah, dude. I remember mom, even when she had limited speech, she managed to communicate to me that she was cleared of arson charges. The insurance company came

and she was like, hmm. Yeah. Do you remember how mom would laugh at Asian people after her stroke? Sam. What? Yeah. Do you remember how mom would laugh at Asian people after her stroke? Sam. What? Yeah. Hey, you know, she was diminished capacity.

So little things would tickle her. That's okay. I think. Yeah. Can't judge her until that stroke. Can't judge her. And then she became a big crier. Yeah.

I've told this story a few times. There was a time when we were still all living at Albeck and I came out and was going somewhere, walking, and your mom, I think, was waiting for you in the car and the window was rolled down and I was like, Oh, hey, Betsy, how's it going? And she just rolled the window up. This is post-stroke?

No, she was driving. Pre-stroke. I thought it was post-stroke. No, she was driving. She was behind the wheel. Hey, Betsy. she like waved but she rolled the window up she did i don't think she recognized me or she wasn't in the mood because she always liked me i think she liked you mom just didn't care yeah she didn't give a fuck yeah i think she gave like a smile and a little wave, but she rolled the window up, so I kept walking.

That's hilarious. She didn't like any of our friends. No. She probably liked yours more. She liked Nicole. She liked Clay. Other than that, she didn't like anyone. Oh, my God.

She liked Sharpie. She liked you. She didn't like Bobby. She would always describe you whenever after her stroke she'd try and ask like how you were and she would go describe you and then for sharpie she would yeah little boy little boy yeah oh man she was a fucking card. Dude. She was the goat. Well, you know what else is the goat, guys? You know what else?

You know, I miss my mom. You know what I miss more? Factor meals. Factors back. Sophie, will you read this? Yeah, I'm keto. Oh, yeah. Well, they have keto meals for you

um start at the top yeah there are where are you gonna start the middle yeah yeah freestyler there are better ways to waste time than searching for the perfect head of lettuce at the grocery store while you've been standing in long lines, comparing prices and clipping coupons, you could have been eating amazing meals from Factor. They send ready-to-eat meals prepared by chefs straight to your doorstep. You know how many fucking days of my life have been wasted at the grocery store

just holding up heads of lettuce to the light and wondering, will this make the perfect Cobb salad? Will this save my marriage? This is the same size as her head. All I need is a little hat and sunglasses. This is how big the baby was before the miscarriage.

And then you're just in there until you're asked to leave because it's closing time. Yeah, just crying into the lettuce. The sounds of the thunder will mask my pain. Dude dude i used to love that grandpa used to take us over when it would rain in safeway in the produce van and he would put his head under it i just read that the guy that wrote that killed himself at 22 he was like heartbroken over uh i think he was married and then uh quickly divorced heartbroken young man wrote that song

i think and even before it was big he offed himself i just saw that on stupid twitter has all these like fun accounts like historic vids or fun facts you know you know i'm talking about no it was one of those i don't know what song you're talking about. Oh, how I wish it would rain. It's an oldie about if it rained, then people couldn't tell he was crying, which is insane. But that's what they used to do. Pray for rain so that a man could grieve without being ostracized. Oh, yeah.

That shed on the outskirts of town, that's where old Tommy lives. He cried once and it wasn't raining, so we caught him. We had to ostracize him from the church. Sophie, what does Factor have to say about this? Remember this ad read? Well, they have plans for every lifestyle.

What? They make it easy. Homosexuals? Yeah. Men who wear wigs in secret? Men, male criers. John Cryer. He's got a new show.

Really? They're giving him the ball again? Him and Donald Faison. What? John Cryer is the ex-husband of a woman who is currently married to Donald Faison. And then for some, I guess because the two of the exes have kids together, he's a part of the family. I don't know. I haven't seen much about it.

Where does Faison love factor in? He's not on it. Oh, fuck. Two different people. Sophie? Tell us more about Factor. Well, if you want to find out more, head to factormeals.com. Wait, did you read the whole ad?

Yeah. You didn't? You're on one episode and you're already half-assing the ad? No, I did it. Every lifestyle. Yeah. They make it easy to eat amazing foods that won't derail your goals. And I mean, you're talking keto.

You're talking burrito. Paleo. Enchirito. Amphibians only. Vegan, like me. Although I had a big American breakfast. Yum, yum. Yum, yum.

All you have to do is just heat them in the microwave or on a skillet for two minutes and you have yourself an awesome meal. Now, dad's been eating these factored meals. In no time. He loves them. I've been giving them to dad, I know. Dad's not keto. No, I just get dad whatever he wants

because they send them to us. And I'm like, all right, here you go, dad. Then he drinks the juice. Then he calls me. Dad's fucking... Do you remember grandpa's weird soups he would make when he was starting to go Alzheimer's? Yeah.

It would be like that weird hobo stew he would make. But then all of a sudden there'd be marshmallows in it. And we're like, oh, Grandpa, you're trying it out. Shit was fucked. We had to just eat it. It's like, oh, this isn't rice. This is sand. Good work, Grandpa.

He emptied his boot into the pot. It's just a bunch of dirt. Yeah. Well, head to factormeals.com slash chubby50 and use code chubby50 to get 50% off. What a deal. That's code chubby50 at factormeals.com slash chubby50 to get 50% off. Factor's good. I like it.

You'd be a total moron not to take advantage. It is nice. Even if you, this is a good move. If it's a temporary thing, you know, you're going to be busy for X amount of time. You get Factor, and then you save, you know, there's probably a little recipe card or something that you can set aside and recreate it on your own if, you know, you end up having more time, you want to cook your own stuff, whatever. I'm thinking of HelloF hello fresh which is a factor

uh family they're they're same company so i'm i'm not in breach of uh of our contracts so yeah uh it is a nice way to just get some ideas for some meals that you may want to make on your own in the future is all i'm saying all hell all hellactor. It saved my marriage. It saved my left foot from being amputated. So I owe a lot to Factor. I owe my soccer career to Factor. Do you want to tell them about the results that Emily got for you? Yeah, I'm a cold, hard bitch.

My cold, hard bitch levels are through the roof. I don't remember. The chode thing. Remember that great bit from breakfast sophie what about this bit okay last night at the comp real quick remember that i don't want to cut you off but since we're talking about food and dad how much fun is it for dad because you're keto and i'm vegan for him to whatever bit of food is in front of you, whether it's a big plate of bacon or for me, a head of lettuce that I stared at

in the store underneath a microscope, for him to point at the head of lettuce and go, so you can't eat this? I know. Or you'll have like a steak in front of you and he'll be like, oh, so you can't have any of this? I know. What? This morning he's like, so you can't have any of this. What?

This morning he's like, so you can't have any sugar? No. Oreos last night. Oh yeah. I asked if I could have like mega stuff. Can you not have an Oreo because of the sugar? Yeah,

that I don't eat carbs. He's like, oh, so you can have like a big handful of flour. Oh dad. God bless him. But yeah yeah last night we were going to uh yeah we had our our responses locked and loaded if the comedian if you want to hear about the comedy show listen to the patreon that's right we went to a comedy show last night in la junta it ended up being fun we kind of hoped it would be a train wreck you know for our

uh schadenfreude but it was a good time the headliner was funny and then afterwards we were giggly because i said that if he would have asked me where i worked i was going to say i'm the foreman at the blowjob factory and we laughed let's try it out. Ready? Yeah. Oh, so hey, fat guy, where do you work? I'm a foreman at the blowjob factory. Wait. What? Oh, yeah.

They got me working doubles. So you suck guys' dicks? No, no, no, no, no. We produce blowjobs. The act. All right act all right well where's we put it in a can where's your where's your friend work i work at the dick measuring factory all right a couple of blue collar guys yeah we had that ready to go for the comedian we were very high so this was hilarious last night today in the morning sun in the cold light of day, not as... She didn't even laugh.

She no-sold it. She laughs at everything. She's high as hell. She's just yearning to get into these walls and hear about what's really going on. It's all about the snoop. Did you tell them about your DNA results? No, I didn't. You want to break that news?

Go ahead. Sophie, we got 23 and me. I got it for you for Christmas. Yeah, we're Lebanese. Kim did it too. Lebanese and what? Something else. Moroccan, Nigerian.

Moroccan to boots. Basque? Basque. Basque? Whoa, separatists. Well, you know why? Because my grandma's a mestizo, and they colonized North Africa first,

and then they brought it over to Mexico, and they, yeah, we want the funk. That's what the Mexicos, nosotros queremos los funk. Yeah. Yeah, so, and this means now that we can use different words we couldn't use before. I don't think that's true. You can barely get away with it.

It's Black History Month. It's Black History Month. Yeah, Kim got 23andMe, I believe, which they can use your DNA for some... It goes into a database that's like accessible by the military or something stupid something awful of course naturally because they're looking for the weapon x program yeah they're looking for somebody that can live forever so that they can weaponize you and clone you something nuts but it was interesting because we always thought and i i think it's just the way it was for a lot of

people is uh our parents were each like mostly one thing they as far as they knew so we thought we were four things you know irish and norwegian on my my dad's parents ukrainian and armenian for my mom's parents but it was so much more than that you know ashkenazi jew and mongolian because of genghis khan or whatever we had no jew everyone know ashkenazi jew and mongolian because of genghis khan or whatever we had no jew everyone has ashkenazi but we didn't know jew so we're pure we had like cyprus yeah that's weird yeah i looked at it there was a lot of countries that don't exist anymore on there it's more like vibes. Do you have any questions for me from growing up? Any like things you've been pondering?

How could you? How dare you? Yeah. That's a good question. Where do you get off? No. Were you... Did you fuck any of her dolls?

Shut up. God. up no that's terrible yeah did you ever sneak in my room try to find my diary sneak in your room i would go in your room and i would take that lauren hill album that was the only time i went in your room was to take the lauren hill cd and secretly play it in my room and i'd play drums along to it and missy elliott why didn't you just ask i didn't want to talk to you you were below me at that point oh my god yeah you were a wee girl god do you remember that fundraiser we had for that tsunami in the house yeah we had a big punk rock show in that house and there was that kid's name didn't he kill himself he will he wore like the tight

pant not man not van masters the other kid sam schneider no no different kid total dorkus had a sister a grade older than me yeah clubhouse not the masters there was a big tsunami in like 2005 maybe none of the money made it all that money went right in all that money went right into my pocket i'll tell you that right now yeah 123 dollars i pocketed it oh i'm not saying it's good but i got a lot of grass i think i gave it directly to jordan berry so he could go get me an eighth for 123 dollars do you remember when my friends robbed the gas station? No. Yes. All those cigarettes. Oh, my. I was the stash house.

Yeah. Statue of Illumina. So we were going to have a snow day. So my friends thought it would be a perfect time to rob Gieson's. What's that? Corner store? The only. Sorry sorry my dog the only gas station in elizabeth is like a little corner store yeah kind of like that but they had to go in through smoky jack's the barbecue restaurant crawl through the ceiling

and shimmy into geesons yeah so anyway they steal all the cigarettes all of them only the cigarette and we're and not good so this is geese ends before it closed so i remember it was a shitload of cools and a shitload of camel wides and like winston soft packs and shit there was like no marlboro's there was there was but they took that the you know not what they left at our house. But my friend went back because he was on a high. Kenton? Ethan. He went back to steal candy and the Korean man lived in there and woke up and beat him with a broom and zip-tied him.

Whoa. Yeah. Did that cause everybody else to get taken down? So he went to jail that weekend, the whole weekend. And then they ended up coming over to Kenton's. Kenton knew they were going to come over to his house to look for the cigarettes yeah so he showed up at my house he called me and he's like i need to come over i'm like okay sits me down and has two giant trash bags full of cartons of cigarettes that we stored in the clubhouse closet probably the next

day the cops went over to kenton's and there wasn't any cigs. Ethan never snitched, so no one else got in trouble. And then when me and Clay and Bonzo and Garbage went on that trip to Tijuana to San Diego, right after we graduated, we were smoking on cool soft packs and Winston soft packs the whole time because I grabbed some of those cartons and took them with me. I was trading those cartons for like eighths of weed. I was rich. You were that always uh i feel like i often biffed it when i was younger because i wouldn't pay well some habits some habits uh stick around because i blew it when i bought that frozen tuna sandwich but when i went to one of the first times i went to mexico with like friends not a school trip uh i was like oh i'll get a carton of smokes and i

got a carton of marlboro reds but they were fucking soft packs and it was just like every time i you know have to go into my soft pack i felt like an idiot you know there's a cool way to do it though right where you like tap the bottom and one just pops up? Yeah, you click the bottom. Yeah, but I wasn't used to them so I didn't know what to do with them. I just knew that they were

going to get fucked up in my pocket. Yeah, we would put them in our pocket right here and that was the trip that we had that little green bong

and we were smoking weed out of it but instead of water we were putting Lipton brisk ice tea in it. We were doing fucking Lipton bongs all the way across Utah and Wyoming and Nevada. It tasted good.

Would you drink it? Oh, yeah. We drank it for sure because we got pulled over in Utah and we had to fucking chug it. Yeah. It was so sketchy. Those were the days. That heist was like big news too. It was.

I never knew Ethan got zip tied by a Korean fella. Yeah. The cops showed up to our house and dad was like, don't ever step property on my, or don't ever step foot on my property again. Was it your graduation party or my graduation party where the cops came and Aunt Theda and mom had him off at the top of the driveway

and were like, come back with a permit, pigs. It was for grandpa's car. Yeah, for grandpa's car for parking on the road. But Aunt Theda ran out. She said, everyone underage, hide the booze. They were fun, dude. Yeah. God.

It would have been really fun to be at a party that like dad, Aunt Theda, Uncle Tom, Aunt Julie, mom, the fucking Hatfields, like that whole weird, yeah, Jay and Jane. Remember that legendary Jay and Jane duo that we've never met? And dad would be like, you know Jay and Jane. They live in the Virgin Islands. He's a coconut farmer. We'd be like, what are you talking about? Dave, right?

Guess who dad brought up yesterday? If you had to think of one person, me and dad are on a big walk in Rocky Ford. We walk by a cattle yard. Who does dad bring up? Little Donnie Wilson. Little Donnie Wilson. Yes. Who's a guy we've never met.

We met him once at dad's like 60th birthday or something. Yeah. My whole fucking life I've been hearing about this little Donnie Wilson character. We have a road named after him donnie wilson road which which route are you gonna take you're gonna go road three are you gonna take little donnie wilson little was part of it yeah what he saved he What, he stopped a big fire? What did he do to get the road? It's the road he lived off of. He used to live by there. Little Donnie Wilson.

Our whole lives. And he said, he was like, yeah, my 70th birthday is next year. I'm going to throw a party. You guys got to invite little Donnie Wilson. Virgin Islands? I islands no idea oh he does he lives in like uh like uh like uh eid or similar eaton i think he lives in eaton colorado now dad talks to his mom still that's cute dad's whole life was remember when we found out he was married yeah i had to call you mom was laughing i found his wedding album. I was like, whose wedding is this?

And my dad's at the altar. I'm like, this is yours? Did you know about this? I never told you about this. His high school sweetheart. Tell the story. Kareem. Uh-huh.

No, I just found the album and started flipping through it and was like, what? And then my mom just starts laughing. It was post-stroke. Yeah. Just laughing. And dad immediately was red and laughing. It was post-stroke. Yeah. Just laughing. And dad immediately was red and like, I was trying to protect you. My mom was the other woman.

She was. She went to the divorce lawyer with him. Yeah. They were married briefly and then he said immediately when they drove away from the wedding, he knew he made a mistake. Mrs. Robinson style. The graduate. No, no, because he was.

Well, I mean on the. He was in high school. She was in high school. And they married after high school. Yeah, but yeah, I guess I just meant they almost immediately. The excitement is like gone and reality sets in like when they get on the bus, like right after the ceremony or whatever. Dad told me a fun story yesterday on our walk where he said that uh because i asked him about playing basketball

at rangely because he got a scholarship offer to play basketball and he was like yeah and i had to figure all that shit out myself like i couldn't go to my dad i couldn't go to grandpa and be like i think i want to go to college because he just wanted me to go work for the fucking phone company right out of school you gotta learn how to make sludge like your old man you have to learn how to trick shoot over your shoulder so you can impress kids um but he said that he had an exit interview with the guidance counselor and she was like so what are you gonna do you have very good test scores and he's like i think i'm gonna work at the phone company and she was like if you marry karina and work at the phone company, your life will be a waste. Yeah.

Yep. He did. He did. He married her and didn't work at the phone company, though. No. He went to college. He went to college. Dude, I asked dad yesterday to name all the Colorado universities because we were in a restaurant and they had the penance for every school on the wall.

And he could see all of them. And I was like like all right dad name all the schools and he was like metro state cu boulder csu i was like dude they're all right there i was like regis where you went to school community college uh well. Sophie, you were just a tremendous guest. This went so much better than Lund said it was going to go. Your fans are going to hate it. No, they're not. They love when there's someone.

There was plenty of Lund. Also, Lund's been shining on this pod. I sang O Rio Rancho, and that has been climbing the charts. Shout out to whoever put some music behind it. I didn't make it easy for you. It is a real cacophony of sound. Very experimental. If you want some coffee,

why not consider emailing my dear wife, Creech? That's C-R-E-A-C-H. It's Megan with an H. And if you email her at Mutiny on Main Street at Gmail, they've got a few different roasted beans. And look, if you don't buy this coffee, we're going to have to find mom's

arsonist and burn that fucking place to the ground. That's right. That's plan B. But plan A is to ship tasty coffee to wherever you're at. So hit her up and she'll let you know what's available uh i would really appreciate it speaking of appreciating please uh rate the pod on itunes or spotify the comment yeah uh that would be huge we have a bunch of five-star

reviews but more is more some people say less is more i'm a fan of telling comics less is more but when it comes to reviews more is more so please get on there it's very helpful last night the host at the show was some young comic and uh joe mckenna joe mckenna and lund was like talking to him and joe made a joke about like yeah i i was i was joking and what did you say to him oh yeah i forgot you're five years in so you know everything yeah do the kid's face yeah yeah uh if you want to support the podcast go to patreon.com slash chubby behemoth uh prayers up for becker peas and teas for old beck man he needs a head and butt transplant yeah and they keep mixing it up uh come see me in London, West Nyack, New York this weekend.

Timonium, Maryland the following weekend. Phoenix, Arizona. Levittown, that's Long Island, baby. Lance, Michigan. Traverse City. Fort Worth. Get your tickets at samtalent.com. And Sophie, anything you want to plug?

Jalon Facial Spa. Uptown. Denver. How do you spell Jalon? J-A-L-A-N? J-A-L-A-N J-A-L-A-N Come get facials Body services

So dudes come in And give you facials Is that what it is? Thank you everyone Yeah It's a great I get my face done there All the time

And my face was a wreck And now Sophie Your face was a rock Yeah We love you guys Thank you