Chubby Behemoth - Quarterly Boner

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

Support the show & get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/CHUBBY50 with code CHUBBY50   Pop-Up Book. Imagine Knowing 3 Songs. Toe Jam & Steve Earl.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth      

When we flew from Paris to Lisbon to Boston, the Paris to Lisbon leg got delayed, so we had to stay the night in Lisbon. And when we got to the airport in Boston, they were like, yeah, the bag should show up. And we haven't heard anything. Probably a bunch of very destitute Portuguese families wearing all your clothes.

Those Adidas were in there that I wore for an hour and a half in Tokyo. What are you talking about? What happened to you? What happened is exhibit A and B. You got some more flimsy glue shoes. I got Hoka's dipshit. Those Adidas were a bill of goods you sold me. No way.

You liked them. You rubbed a hole in them. Initially, yes. You rubbed a hole underneath the insole somehow in Australia. So you're blaming the victim because of what I was wearing? Rock in there, yeah. Terrible. I think you got a rock in your shoe and just lived with it for way too long.

Are we going? Are we ready to rock? Oh, okay. Well, Becker, you owe me an apology. I'm sorry I talked you into Adidas. Yes, they were terrible. They were 3D printed, and I lost three of my toes like coach prime i don't even have uh generations of diabetes to blame it on yeah i there's still definitely

better tech than those say sorry i'm sorry you owe me 180 dollars okay i'll buy you new shoes that are built more for big guys thank you look. Look at these. I'm wearing the Rugrats ones now. Those are cartoonish. I look like a little boy. These are the only colorway they had in the 12 wide at the Runner's Roost in Central Park, Denver. Now I look like a fool. They are. They're a little loud.

They're High Plains colors. They are. Whoa. You're a company man. And you know what? God, High Plains Comedy Festival just booked with some of the funniest comedians who really do stand up all the time. Real blast from the past.

Real retro lineup. Remember when this guy did stand up in 2010? Well, he's back and he's rusty. Buy tickets. A lot of, no, a lot of good. It's real who's that. A lot of friendly faces. Yeah, for sure.

A lot of Denver comics piss that they aren't involved. And it's like, yeah, it can't be everybody. So many legendary crowd work comics on this lineup. John Novosad. Christy Buechle. The masters. People who love talking to people on and off stage. Working the crowds with their mouths.

I had to fill in for Chris Gethard last night because he's faking COVID. His arm fell off. Yes, he went for a cop's gun He closed the door really hard and his arm just stayed attached to the handle. Josh Blue was trying to get in my head because he had to follow me he's buried avalanche of goodwill for sam t crushed him supposedly i wish i would have

seen that i was in the basement yeah you were downstairs i was doing crowd work in the basement with other comments she went to bed early yeah and then you woke her up late. I said you up. You up? I'm hard. It's my quarterly pony. It must be a full moon in Thailand. You had fun on stage. I had fun on stage, and Josh Blue could not follow the wake of my comedic acumen. He made fun of me all night for having huge legs,

and he kept taking pictures of me from down low, so it was forced perspective. I don't think it's that they they're huge i think it's that the one is rotting no it's not rotting bro i have stasis dermatitis your whole body is wrecked everyone looks at you and they throw up in their mouth we should have maybe we should have raced at the park so i could shut your ass up look at this this was the photo that he was showing everybody i love it it's so good are on trial for a different thing yeah it's not it's not a bad picture of you i have i look great of you yeah you have you have all the fucking awful all the photos you take of me and show to people are the chris farley death scene photo god yeah he was so massive oh he's terrible he had the bloke going that sex worker really got her money's worth yeah she never sold those for a date with jim belushi

jim get some of that cvs money accordion to jim when he played polka uh it's a big weekend here we're actually coming to you live from Dude IDK Studios Dude I Death Kill it's a mix up mash up and an ode to the BTK himself Dennis Rader it's also an ode to the former dangerous aspects of this neighborhood that this studio is proudly gentrifying

they said get out of here black church we need a place for comedians to do their podcasts get out of here black church we need a place for comedians to do their podcasts get out of here get out of here muslim element so yeah hopefully coming in this will be one of uh the episodes that people can't bitch about the audio or video quality yeah that'll be great so suck it not be inundated with uh freaks and geeks up my ass. With incel death threats. Oh, that's IDK. Incel death knowledge.

Damn it. It's okay. It's early still. Let's work on it. Take two. What are you laughing about? I'm giggling at the fun. I'm waiting for you to submit a formal apology for wasting my time with my feet for two months.

You liked him other than the hole you wore in the one shoe right you know why i got a hole in there because you got a shoe in your uh rock in your shoe shoe in your pocket i got a shoe in my pocket and i'm not happy to see it yeah you got a rock in your shoe and wore it through the through the soul take the rock out you probably wore him into the ocean or something stupid i did i walked on the great barrier reef and you're like why are there holes in this these shoes are all fucking wet i heard that you finished the job when it came to the dying great barrier reef i did you went down there my body wrecked all the algae that is a they taught us about the reef and it turns out that the history of coral that's alive

is very boring so you sped up the process yeah just hawking loogies dropped a bunch of ramen seasoning packets in there 40s yeah i had a pockets just packed with bouillon base and then i went in there i was like good night good night the earth's lungs you tucked them in read them a story and then put the pillow over their over its face i called it an amazonian choke job you know what you guys should do in bolsonaro finishing what uh henry ford started airdrop me into the amazon with a gas can and a whole bunch of matches they're turning they're turning the amazon into fucking toilet paper yeah well i want to just torch it speed this whole thing up i want to be the angel of cataclysm yeah i want to be the ultimate villain okay are you what's that what's happening why why have you become villainous well

all my friends have failed me you bought a pair of shoes that you didn't like also how much were you walking in australia that because i feel like. Also, how much were you walking in Australia? Because I feel like you have high expectations for a shoe. Yeah, I really need them to give it their all. You want to walk 30 miles a day and have them be just fresh, brand new, like reform themselves each night and become brand new in the morning. What I need is a living alloy. I need the stuff that coated Wolverine's bones. Adamantium shoes.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. I want Deadpool on my feet. Whoa, Becker having a revelation. That would be rad. Beep, beep, beep. Back out of Dork City for a second and come back to the present.

All right? That would be cool. We couldn't get Becker on camera. Well, we could, but we declined to. Well, we could have, but Morgan, who's here, our producer Morgan, said that whenever she looked at his face, all of her eggs died. Yeah. She became barren in that moment.

We'll just cut now and then. Erwin Beggar speaks. We'll cut to a potato with some toothpicks stuck into the top. Okay. I like shoes. Ninja turtles. 28 hot dogs. Get off your phone. This is where I'm keeping notes for the show

oh yeah we can't go without the notes people say they like the notes more than the pod that's fair I had pop tarts when I was home with COVID last week and I had two brown sugar cinnamon and two strawberry and then I thought about you

and I thought about the idea of eating 20 more and i was like of course why why how how and why could i you liked the idea i can't imagine eating 24 it's not like you set out to do it i don't just like pile them up on the table ready to go you're just like hi you keep wandering into the kitchen while watching cartoons. He doesn't walk around when he eats. I sit on the toilet. He says, this is the pipeline. I clock in. I'm sponsored by a bidet company slash pervert site. PervCam. Yeah, chuckberry.org.

I get in there. I put some work in. I take requests. Yeah, no 24 uh must have been insane well in the reality of that doesn't set in till you go into the dark pantry to grab another one and both the boxes are empty you wanted 26 and you're like i'm a piece of shit i've done it all yeah and i'm sure if you uh if you put into a pile all of the food that I eat in a night, it would be gross. But at least it's different stuff. I don't know.

It would feed a favela for like four days. It would feed a junta. Yeah. It would sponsor a coup. It could feed the troops. It could take the power back. Yeah, no, for sure. But it was also one flavor, wasn't it?

It wasn't even like mix and match. I think they were all blueberry. I really like a blueberry Pop-Tart. Your shit must have looked ridiculous. Insane. I think it was like black, basically, from all the blueberry jam. You really pissed me off. What is wrong with you?

The fucking shoes? What is wrong with you? God. Let it go. You know what? When you were eating all those Pop-Tarts, did anyone send me one? Did anyone go to the post office and send me a Pop-Tart? No. You're like, oh, Sammy

wouldn't want one. He's not hungry. Out there trying to fucking put this pot on the map. You're eating on duet. Okay, I'll start mailing you more Pop-Tarts. Well, you'd have to have my address and I don't have one. That's right, folks. I'm living in a hole somewhere in the desert.

I am. You're a wanderer like Dion. I might be the most. That's right, folks. I'm living in a hole. You're unhoused. I am. You're a wanderer like Dion. I might be the most successful homeless person in the world. Take that, Christ. Take that, Gandhi. You've wandered for six months and you're comparing yourself to Jesus. Yeah. What did he do?

I hang out with sex workers. You've got a cult of psychopaths as well you've got an incel collective being formed militias in most most of the states and some of the english-speaking countries in europe yeah mine are armed they had rocks and slings imagine that yeah taking out andre the giant you have a bunch of Goliaths to go up against a bunch of Davids. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Yeah, I'm glad I'm on your team for now.

Yeah, for now. I don't know. You've been aligning. You've been hanging out with Becker too much. We're neighbors. Yeah, we're going to train the Bears in our neighborhood to attack. Now, to everyone last night, or not last night, last week, who was saying, where's Lund? We miss Lund.

Why isn't Lund on the pod? First of all, he doesn't care about you people number two he had covid and he refused to come to austin texas to open for me even though the whole thing's a hoax and no one cares ask your doctor wife she was what she would have thought about me taking a flight two flights because i would have gone springs to dallas dallas to austin and would have hung around you allegedly you think you had it even though you tested negative so i probably would have given it to you i was sick as hell on sunday yeah you had the squirts because you were used to like non-processed food from being in australia and europe and then you had the chill while i was

in a hot shower which is pretty indicative of being very ill. Wait, but you were very ill, but COVID is just the flu now. I was sick for like eight hours, and then I woke up, did all my chin-ups, got in the steam room. Shut up. I was fine. But no, I'm not going to test positive for COVID and then take a flight. If you wore a mask, you would have been fine, right? That's not the point.

The point is to try. If you're sick, you stay home. CDC? No. You're Fauci now. I wanted you to come down there. I wanted to be down there, but I had to stay home. The issue was you would have worn a mask in the green room at the Joe Rogan Comedy Club. Yeah, I would have been mocked.

I would have been pantsed. I would have rather you killed Ron White than wear a mask. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I thought like ideally yes, I. Yeah. Also, I thought ideally, yes, I could have gotten down. I thought about trying to drive down there, but I could barely go let the dogs out without being tired.

No, it was different. And Megan got sicker than me, so it would have really been bad if I would have been like, all right, I'm going to go hang out with Sam some more. Feel better. You know that guy that you hate secretly you take me away from her yeah so yeah there is and you hate her because i picked her over you insanely jealous that's what i'm saying yeah you guys are struggling for my love and god forbid

well it shouldn't be you share me it should just be you are you just declare your your fail tea to me no yeah she gets a little peace when i'm not hungry when there's scraps left over she can chew you up and slurp you down no you should check in twice a month go get your gorp on lay some pipe put a little food in the dog's bowls and then hey i'm out of here toots on the drive up here i thought about like trying to be up here more and spending more time here, but she would kill me. I don't care. Also, you don't live here, so it wouldn't... I haven't talked to my wife in a month.

Yeah, right. You guys talk four times a day. We talked last night. You jacked it. Easy. To her. Easy. Like a real psychopath.

What happened here? Nothing. Last night, me, Chris, and Sam go to a hotel, and he's horny. He was horny at Illegal Pete's because there was a 14-year-old there that bent over, and he was like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. Yeah, but that kid looked good. He played. He was a cross-country runner.

Yeah, it was Chris's nephew. Chris's nephew apparently is he's breaking hearts on the uh track and field no i was literally sprung for my wife all day yeah like a total psycho goes my wife yeah she's great he's a sweet but it's it's funny the idea of masturbating to your wife is funny to me, and allegedly that's what you did. You've never done it? No. I mean, she can get into the... Oh, to Emily, yeah, sure. But yeah, he was like, oh yeah, also he goes, me and Chris go into our room.

He comes in with us and he's like, you know what? I'll be right back. Time me. And I'm thinking, oh, this will be funny because it'll be like two and a half minutes maybe four minutes if you know the internet's being weird 21 minutes he comes back 21 minutes i thought he fell asleep with his dick in his hand treat it what was this involving i don't really use that aspect of my carnality you know me yeah he's like a boxer but with a big fight coming up yeah save he saves it so yeah i had to do some digging because i knew that there were some uh lurid uh documents on my phone and i went through facebook i went through my photos i went through instagram and then old whatsapp delivered a cachet of crude pornography nice made by my one and only uh I went to Australia last year.

And I dabbled. That's crazy to me. 21 minutes. Because you have a whole plethora of pornography you could choose to indulge in. And you jacked it to your lady. This is funny. It's not cheating. Shut up.

It is, yeah. Okay. Haven't you read the Koran? Yeah, there's some good stuff in there. I got a pop-up book, and I almost lost an eye because of the shrapnel. But that's not really fair to a lot of the peaceful Muslims around the world. I apologize. Yeah, they listen.

We have a big Muslim following. We're selling out Dearborn for sure if we ever do a live one sorry mo the guy who loves huge jays uh yeah and then after i uh you know 21 minutes later he joins the party and what did i do i brought my mat he brought his back he's threatened to do it a couple times when we've had separate hotel rooms or he'll try to he's tried to have me bring mine into his room yeah i'm like no let's just be apart while we are unconscious it's so much better and instead well last night it was great but yeah he and he also tried to play us where he was like i guess i'm gonna go to bed i'll see you guys tomorrow you guys are over me yeah nobody likes me in this room took a one episode

of fraser to jack off yeah three acts of acts of Fraser for you. Well, I want the day new mom. He when he came back in, so when he left Sharpie was like, I wonder if he's getting his mattress, you know, and we didn't know for sure. I figured he was because he was setting us up with the sad goodbye. And then when he came back in,

Incredible Hulk when he came back in Sharpie hit him with the best. good i've ever heard and that's coming from somebody who's pretty good at it he fucking nailed it as soon as we saw him with the mattress sharpie goes oh good it was even better than that i can't even do it was it your mattress that you lifted off your bed and dragged in or did you get a rollaway no i had one ordered from amazon becker they have rollaways at hotels i brought my mattress okay i'm sleeping on a rollaway at the warwick he was directly across the the hall so it was a straight so four he's in 605 it was a straight shot yeah right in the kisser i yanked it over laid it on

the ground i was the dog they were my owners they gave birth to me oh my god we turned the lights off i went to the bathroom and then tried to get back into bed and both of the beds have the like bench in front of them like metal bent oh my god i blasted my fucking chin so hard i'm surprised there's not a giant bruise it actually doesn't even feel like there will be one but it hurts so fucking bad we We thought he was doing it. I got an egg? Yeah, it's not very dark. You have an egg?

I could have used that last night. Shit, man. Yeah, it sucked. Damn. Sam felt bad instead of laughing. That's how painful it was. I was on the ground. How did Chris feel?

He felt bad. Wow, okay, because he really likes watching people get hurt. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He liked it briefly, but then, yeah yeah he could tell how bad it hurts chris is five to 230 he's built like jerome bettis he's the bus driver he just when he's in bed and he has the blankets pulled up to his chin it might be the most adorable man alive it's like watching uh one of santa's elves not be able to sleep on Christmas Eve. When's daddy coming back?

It's not your daddy. You did it too. You were just ahead for a little bit. I do just ahead. That's a good bit. That was cute. Yeah. God, I miss Chris.

Watching it whoop Sean Jordan's ass was pretty fun. Yeah. So we just were at the fucking park and we had to come here to do America's Favorite Podcast. Had to get to. We wouldn't have wanted to do it tomorrow because we were doing the live one. This made sense. But at that High Plains Comedy Festival, the revered institution that it is.

It's brought to you by Zappos. Get some shit shoes that don't fit on Zappos.com. Do you want to talk to a call center employee who wants you dead more than anything in the world go to zappos.com don't do the ad read yet go to harpos.com yes he's alive yes the best mark's brother there was brought to you all right the sega dreamcast do you want to play neverwinter Nights and that's the only game? We got a console for you.

I like the NFL 2K Dreamcast game. In a Yusha. Everybody was tall, maybe a little too tall. Did you ever play in a Yusha? No. It was like a crazy Japanese game where you were this dude who was a butcher who went against the Yakuza. It was a dope game.

Dreamcast? Yeah. It was like the first open world game, like the later Grand Theft Autos and stuff. Sam would love it. Cut to the potato. Yes. So yeah, what were you saying? We were at the barbecue. Oh racing yeah so steve we had to

leave before anybody fell while racing which is what everybody wants i just wanted to see a big fat guy fall over i wanted mitch jones to accidentally run into a tree and have the tree knock over yeah fall onto several comics i don't want to say who, but... Well, probably one of the comics who totally still does stand-up, you know? It's comics who sell tickets all over the country. You're such a fucking bitch about this.

You always love to say nobody sells tickets, which is such a fucking shitty thing to do. Hey, man. All the money. Huey Bono. You too. It's like saying, who did he ever beat

if you were a jaded wrestler? They also talk about selling tickets. Hasn't sold, hasn't drawn a dime. Yeah. He couldn't draw a dime if I gave him

a truck and a board. Couldn't draw a dime if I gave him a nickel and four pennies and said, keep the change. It's not even... It's nine cents, no shit.

It's saying that he would only have to come up with it. I think Becker sold more tickets than some of these comics. Hey, Penny. And that was to the Hey, Watch Becker Eat a Bunch of Pop-Tart Show. Yeah. Brought to you by Sega CD. You know those things that always scratch? We're going to make you spend 60 bucks on them make we put a game on it and sold it to

12 year olds they're responsible we put earthworm jim on there remember that game yeah it's coming back says who says the the people that own it now they're doing a remaster and a new game speaking of worms salma zacki was so wasted last night she was uh in the basement doing the worm you know she was like i I'm a worm. And she put her hands in her shorts. And then she said, feed me to a bird. She didn't do that. But I accused her of doing that this morning.

Yeah, you tried to tell her things that she did. I don't remember, yeah. I was like, hey, Salma, remember when you said that the only good Jew was a dead one? She's from Egypt. So it was funny yeah how about you said that you tried to do your typical shtick of uh painting the host of the show in a in a racist light via humor hateful misogynist right abusive uh but you said it was over because the crowd liked shanak more than you no no no they loved the joke shanak was worried because afterwards he was like so people keep coming up to me and being like did you say that no they loved me okay i thought you said they didn't

really work like they usually do no no they worked great he was worried because they worked so well okay and he was like yes people are wondering i love shanuk i love shanuk too i love shanuk and i love jeff stonic what about that shanuk and stonic we should get them together you know what you should go sit in the potato chair no i'm on camera i'm an on-camera talent get over there i. I'm not behind the scenes. I'm in front. You're not the one who's so far away. Feel the snake fight. That's Godsmack. Speaking of Godsmack, I get to see Chevelle tomorrow.

He's blowing off High Plains Day 3. Yeah. Because I got him backstage passes to Chevelle. That rules. Yeah. There's two, but I think I'm going to go solo. Nice. Did you hawk one?

No, because I could come back on. Nick wants to go. Nick said he wanted to blow off the fest. Is Chevelle head? Yeah. See, this is the thing. I thought about trying to. There's a lot of losers here.

I thought about trying to put it out there like, hey, if anybody wants to go to Chevelle with me, but I would want them to actually like Chevelle. I wouldn't want a comic to come because they think I'm going to have them open for me. I wouldn't want them to be like, oh, yeah, I want to be able to hang out with you and then we'll make fun of Chevelle. No, I'm going to probably cry a little bit watching Chevelle. There's nothing ironic about your enthusiasm. No,

I'm excited to see them. I, I saw their set list. It's not like, uh, uh, it's not an ideal selection of songs. Three songs on Chevelle.

They're seeing red. They's Send the Pain Below. Seeing Red was Unwritten Law. The Red was Chevelle. Oh, okay. That's how stupid you are. Look at me. That's how little you paid attention. Yeah, I thought that people knew more than those two songs but they don't

and those two songs are from like 2002 so yeah dude they're from like the fucking cool borders soundtrack they're from like the sfx tricky they are yeah pretty much but nhl street had those on there but yeah i'm excited i'm so excited man you have to come back and report back to us immediately though of course i'm not gonna and i'm not i'm so excited man you have to come back and report back to us immediately though of course i'm not gonna and i'm not blowing off so they play first because they're touring with three days grace and they are closing out alternate nights so i'm gonna see chevelle from like 7 30 to 9 and then go join my friends on south broadway before they get the whack of jesus christ himself back to hanging with the unwashed peasants yeah a bunch of lazarus backstage too what if they're like oh no our

singer has strep throat does anyone know every single fucking word i couldn't hang man uh i'm right here boys no i can't sleeves off i couldn't't sing like Pete can sing. Yeah, you can. I've heard you sing. Yeah, the last thing you said was that I don't sing good. You're like, you don't really sing good. Thanks so much. Shout out to the dude that helps us with clips because that musical clip I thought was very funny. Did you listen to that? Did you watch that?

No. It was us singing songs. Oh, it's good. You liked it? It was fun. I like a lot of it. That was a good one yeah i don't watch a lot of them because i don't like watching our own stuff yeah but i liked that one because yeah it was like nine different little clips of either you or me singing something i uh i wish i could go to chevelle with you honestly i do you could but you have to what network you have to talk about who's selling tickets and who's not in a bitchy way you have to go be a cunt about who's a real who's that

well bro who's gonna defend comedy if no one else does yeah oh yeah you're gonna be on the industry panel yeah so throw some shade about me the industry throw some shade yeah you're gonna power leeches their vestigial tail waiting to die you're gonna power bomb adam through a table that was one of the good ones yeah yeah but you're gonna prove a point and you're gonna sacrifice them yeah well i'm not i'm gonna hit him with a 3d one man three i'm gonna throw him up in the air and then jump off the ladder oh shit no i don't know why they want to have me on the industry panel you're gonna tell them about how you go to LA, you shake hands, you press palms. Post clips. You go to a busy intersection

and you throw your CD into open windows. Yeah. Passing cars. Go stand out in front of AEG and say, give me a career. Who do I have to suck? I'll suck anyone. Use me as a human Muppet.

Put your hands inside of me till I'm on mad TV I do impressions I'll do one right now tell me who it is so black eye or hairy carry black hairy black hair carry

what's up young blood I like it to basketball with an italian inflection hey i'm a meatball basketball black guy you said what you said one of the comics on the last night he said one of the comics on the fest his most recent credit was being a basketball in a wmba game so that was a fun little hotel giggle for sure. Just the idea of an acting gig

where you're the basketball in a game. It's great exposure. Like 1200 people will be watching. And then you're just dribbled around. I don't remember who it was. It's the issue.

Oh, I do. That's fun. You know, it was fun today. Was Steve. I haven't had any fun yet, so this will be a surprise to me.

You had fun. Yeah, it was great. Great gossip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, the trees great. You had some great gossip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. AJ went to the Aurora Mall and got hats made for the foot races,

which we've been calling race wars forever. I didn't see that. And then we stand over there and we yell, race war, race war. It's a great little park giggle. Race war, Elin Stribling versus Sammy Anser. If you lose, you have to tell us what race you are, Anser. You have to pick a side finally in front of everyone. The hats say race war?

Steve got hats made that say race wars 2023. And he got one. Well, of course, Brian Sullivan got one because Steve needed a ride. But he got one for Borey. He got one for himself brian sullivan and then adam you know black guy manager or whatever he got one oh i wanted i why didn't i get the hat you're on you're out i'd wear the hat i'm with the movement no i've been down with the fellas you're not invited to the cookout anymore i am the cookout you only want to perform in white countries it sounds like no i was in

japan japan loves me they're kind of white whoa if you had to pick a side which which side of the race or there are two sides they'd be with the whites there's only one race since the human race and uh the other ones very good definitely. Deftly navigated. Yes. I want a hat that says Race Wars that I can wear all over town. I'd sleep in that thing. That is fun. They were pretty cool.

Adam's not going to wear that hat. I didn't see him. He has to worry about representing people. He's not going to wear it on the industry panel tomorrow. Ask him if you can wear it. I did, and he was like nah i gotta i gotta keep it i stay cool in front of my clients you know what keeps me cool yeah zappos.com they've got shoes with holes already in them so that you don't have to wear them out yourself yeah so you're the guy

who knows shoes the best can't sell you a bill of goods that leave you hobbled. You know, guys, you know what sucks? Everything, literally everything. Every waking moment is a cursed existence, man. I'm glad I have six months to live. That's been a fun bit. The last couple of days, people ask what's up. I was trying to dad pretty good. It's got to keep a brave face on couple days people ask what's up. How's Trinidad? Pretty good. Gotta keep a brave face on. I got about six months left. And then they don't ask any follow-up questions. They're just like, I'm gonna go get some more food. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I'm dying. They just buy it. So maybe for the next six months, give us a break if the audio quality isn't up to snuff, because I'm about to be snuffed myself. I'm gonna go to Sweden and get assisted death. Just call Emmy. She can do that? She can put a bubble in my veins?

Oh, fuck yeah. Well, but I could go see Sweden. No. See the homeland. Let Emmy kill you. Let her practice on you instead of me. Yeah, they could brush up against me while she injects the bubble. What? What? You don't know what i'm talking about you don't know who they are i meant her nurse her nurse assistants could fondle talking about the carlisle group what's the read

hit me with it steve earl what about this toe jam and steve earl speaking of killer ip the devil's my only friend toe jam i'm a joker i'm a smoker that's ste Steve Miller. I'm a caveman. Really? Yeah. What's Steve Earl do? I don't know, but he is like alt-country bad boy. I don't know. Steve Earl? Earl. Earl.

Like Toe Jam. Like the Duke of. But Steve, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I don't know any of his songs. I don't either. By name, but he's good.

Hey, you know what's been a fun game that i've been playing here at high plains what so running into someone that i barely talked to ever in my life and then being like so how was japan it was good all right they move along that's all you tell them yeah well no i mean the first 18 people i was like it was great i had so much fun a transcendent experience we had a lot of great work done. We filmed all this killer stuff. And then, you know,

a person 25, I'm like, I wish I was in Nagasaki on that fateful day. I wish I was turned to glass by American bravery and ingenuity. Turned to glass. Yeah. You think, you think they all.

Yeah. Yeah. And then we went in with a big net and sold them. Yeah, that'd be great. I'd like to turn you into crystal and sell you off. What is up with you? For your crimes in Japan. Oh, what did I do in Japan?

You know what you did. I don't think I did anything. You pushed that old woman down and she fell hard. Yeah, but that didn't hurt Sam. Sam wanted to push her. Oh, yeah. I had dibs. Yeah, she was giving me the stink eye. Well, but that didn't hurt Sam. Sam wanted to push her. Oh, yeah. I had dibs. Yeah.

Read the thing. Well, guys, look. I don't know about you guys. When you can barely find a minute to grab drinks with the guys. In this crazy workaday world, I'm a hamster on a wheel. If I can get away from my bitch wife for a half hour to hit a happy hour with the fellas, I call that a win. As long as I don't have a gun in my mouth, I can maybe get down to the Chili's for a

second and catch some of the game with a wolf pack. If I can't see Toe Jam and Earl every two weeks, I'm fucked. Well, yeah, when you can't't do that let alone cook a full meal you know what it's time to do dude i got factor and i gotta say it's pretty good and we love factor they're allegedly america's number one ready to eat meal according to sources I don't know what sanctioning

body bestowed that upon them and they help you fuel up fast with chef prepared that's right they send you a little chef in a box does he breathe in there we don't know he has gills their chef prepared chef in a box how does he breathe in there we don't know there's no holes in the box

their chef prepared and their dietitian approved what chef there's one chef making 20 million meals a day and then an inspector that has a monocle that says good good good the nutrients bountiful his throat is rubbed raw from approving 26 million meals a day on their way out the door it's a mom and pop shop factor no i finally got some they weren't gonna send us anything and then uh they did yeah my dad my dad's been crushing them okay yeah i gave him all the duddy i had a juice and i had a chicken and uh veggie meal everything was great chicken and veggie meal that's what factor is all about oh there's no we got a bunch of shit they got they got some vegan stuff they've got some meat stuff the best part is they're always fresh they're never frozen i froze mine right away oh no factor is gonna be pissed or knows

factor i'm gonna have you with its judgment beam i'm gonna have to sacrifice a goat to factor you just heat them up for two minutes and get on with your busy fucking day get back down to get back down to the fucking bar with your boys hey you know what when your bitch wife is getting happy when your dickhead boss asks you to work overtime hey when your kids want them to want you to remember their names you know when your buddy's selling you bunk shoes in japan because he gets a cut just throw a factor meal in the microwave and two minutes later you wouldn't have to think for six more minutes they have over and get this guys i don't want to brag over 34 options what a very specific number to have more than they have 34 options to choose

from each week there's always something new to love because you're you don't even loved your wife in years you know you're disillusioned with your government your god and your fucking family but yeah your community forgot who you are factor government your god and your fucking family but yeah your community forgot who you are factor remembers your birthday and your favorite color you're just a fucking cog in a wheel down there at the foundry all right he was trying to exploit more resources from mother gaia well factor didn't forget you want to go down to the amazon and burn down some trees finish the job yeah you're gonna need fuel factor is there trash can man from stephen king's the stand in the amazon and just burn out the last vestige of any kind of life on this earth

fuel up with factor first now what is your favorite meal mine's the juice the juices are really good they're cold pressed juice there's not a lot of added sugar, which is nice. I watched my dad eat a whole kielbasa. Yeah. And I've never been harder. Undo yet? They have undo yet on Factor. I was like, hey, daddy, treat that thing like a noodle.

Show me what mommy taught you before she went to heaven. And he's like, she's not in heaven. There is no heaven. Oh, your dad's going through it. He needs Factor. He needs Factor. The bowling league is only once a week, so he's going through it. He needs factor. The bowling league is only once a week, so he needs something else for the rest of those six days.

He's been cutting himself higher and higher up on his thighs. And this is their emphasis. If you are underlined and italic, really looking to save time, check out factors lunch to go option. If every waking moment you you are you

are committed to some fucking dickhead job that you hate yeah then you really then you have to go to the to the pre-chewed chef option where it's just mush that you have to swallow hey take your teeth out and swallow, you pig. These lunch-to-go options are wholesome meals like grain bowls and salad toppers. They don't even require a microwave. That sounds good. Finally. Because, yeah, that two minutes could be spent sending an email or improving quarterly financial goals. Well, I had to pawn my microwave so my kid could have crutches so we could get to work at the Applebee's.

You know? Those newspapers are going to deliver themselves. You better contribute if you want to sleep under my roof. Head to factormeals.com slash chubby50 and use code chubby50 to get 50% off. That's code

chubby50 at factormeals.com slash chubby 50 to get 50 off eat your food hey well we're back we are back and i feel like i just had a hearty meal thanks to the commercial sustenance that factor provides i really uh am enjoying podcasting live with you guys becker you said that you've missed this yeah i miss us all being in the same room yeah we've never done this reminds me usually one bed this reminds me of three years ago when we started this podcast we would be in the same room basement of mutiny yep surrounded by musty books and then next door a comic book collector called the professor the professor would uh flaunt his hot girlfriend around and act like she loved him not for his comic book collection but for his charm and we fed the lie

because you know he's a good nice enough guy he has a whole run of gen x yeah he does have a lot of gen x yeah god you just burp no i said oh it reeks dude reek god it does why am i getting hit with it did you blow it at me this is uh mutton flavored yeah that lady sold you a bill of goods she did she's got a box of off-brand elf bars that are burp and fart flavored, and you've bought one because she probably had them. I went to see my cousin Annie's baby. Awesome. Yeah.

I'm glad that I didn't curse the child. Do you remember that? Uh-uh. I was like, Annie had a baby, and Len just looked at me without any enthusiasm I didn't curse the child. Do you remember that? Uh, I was, I was like, Annie had a baby and one just looked at me without any enthusiasm and went, she's dead. That was,

that was the night dinner. And when we had the undo yet, or when Bonzo had the undo yet, Hey, this just in my cousin, Annie had her baby. And I said, it's dead with no enthusiasm.

Cause I was tired clocking in. I was tired, but I wanted, I wanted to say it, but I also didn't, I don't know. I didn't want to like yell it in a restaurant. Baby is alive and well. Thank God. Another person to take up space in this nice wide open country that we have. And we can't all be in your death cult down near the New Mexico border. Come down to Trinidad where we got some space.

That doesn't rule. It does rule. We were just in Paris.. Come down to Trinidad where we got some space. That doesn't rule. It does rule. We were just in Paris. You can't say Trinidad rules. Too many people in Paris. Yeah, too many different people with different ideas. Oh, yeah. It's not just dudes who think just like you.

They have a lot of different ideas. 7,000 people chewing Factor and watching AEW. You piece of shit. You're the worst guy. There's some WWE people down there. We've got diversity. We have Chevelle fans. We have Three Days Grace fans.

We have Shinedown heads. Some people like Five Finger Death Punch for some reason. Yeah, those people for sure hit their kids. I see a Death Punch fan, I'm like, ooh. We got the Buck Cherry clan out in the hills. Matt Crane's a bench. Yeah, Trinidad is the opposite of Paris. Is that really a knockoff?

What? Your elf bar. It's a monkey bar. He said he asked the woman working at the gas station, what's the new hot flavored nicotine sucker that the kids love. It was a vape shop. And she said, a monkey bar.

Yeah. And he was like, give it to me. I want to feel 22 again. I slicked back my hair. I put on a fedora. He put on a bowling shirt that like Matthew Barry on friends. What?

I cranked the cherry popping daddies. What flavor is that? This is raspberry mint. like Matthew Berry on Friends. I crank the cherry popping daddies. What flavor is that? This is raspberry mint. Why are they all mint now? I like mint. They're all ice and they're all mint and it's too icy minty in the back of your throat. It sucks.

Listen to this. I'm glad I'm nicotine free and I'm seven years sober. I'm kind of the healthiest fat guy ever listen to this what i want to get this patreon up all right you guys are great guys are going to be off the payroll we just did an ad read so this is the free one i know i'm saying please join the patreon patreon.com show behemoth gotcha we're doing great stuff over there yes We love our legion of fans who are all about it, and they feed us. I want to take the money from the Patreon, and I want to buy my old middle school in Elizabeth, Colorado.

What, to relive your glory days? Dude, it has a cafeteria in there. It has a basketball court. It has three stories of brick-lined walls. Three stories. The kid that got hit by a drunk driver the kid that od'd the kid that fucked around with his dad's gun that's the three ways that you end up if you grew up in elizabeth colorado it's for sale and i think that we should start a podcasting empire in elizabeth colorado

how much is it you guys can move to another shithole yeah i'll do that i love that no i don't want to i don't want a new shithole. You can buy a different failed business. Also, Elizabeth is too close to Parker, which is suburban hell. Fucking strip mall. There's eight Panda Expresses. There's a bunch of Zappos. No, not exactly.

It's soulless. His eyes lit up. Parker's fucked. He's tired of pretending that where you live is for people. But a short drive away. It's not for people. No, it's not. It's for the bears.

We just allow ourselves as much comfort as we can uh when the bears let us and then when it's time the bears will take us think of the antics we could get up to we could sleep on center court too close to the springs we could put on our own shows on the stage that's also in the gymnasium talent shows talent shows t.a T-A-L-E-N-T. Dave talent shows. We'll have him host. Dave T could just reign like some kind of like feudal lord in there. He'll host while behind a drum kit like Max Weinberg.

He could have topless Tuesdays. Widow Wednesdays. Him and the fellas. Eating factor and talking about how lonely they are. I miss her. I got a pillow that still smells like her but it's fading sometimes i wear her robe i pretend to be her because i also want to be dead without it'd be funny if my mom's house still smells like my dad's like the bathroom still reeks she won't clean it he wrecked that bathroom and i have to preserve it don't open it if you turn that fan on i'll fucking kill you

yeah i think we should do it oh fun moment last night elliot weber uh mentioned because tell the folks at home who elliot weber he's a comic and an up-and-comer from durango he's been in denver for a few years he's very funny wow uh he and i had talked a few times because uh his parents bought a house in trinidad and uh some comics stayed there during the festival in 2021 i guess something but i hadn't talked to him for a while and so when i saw him i was like hey what's up he was like i was he asked how trinidad was i said it's good he's like oh yeah so i don't know if you know this but like um my dad died last thanksgiving and so my mom is like she just sold the house in trinidad so like probably won't ever be back down there whatever it'll be it would be

weird and i was like oh that sucks noah comes over and heard like some of it and he he goes oh yeah you're so your dad had a heart attack how's he doing it was like dude what the fuck how did you hear he had a heart attack and then didn't hear he died which was in the same sentence it was like he heard every other word and tried to like tried to riff and it back it was so funny no it was like oh god i was like what the fuck dude he was like what like people don't survive heart attacks and i was like they don't if they died from them and which elliot said and you would have heard he wasn't fucking if he didn't have the looney tunes song going through his brain 24 7 you wanted to have noah on this pod that's how desperate you were to fill the third chair he wouldn't have been on the camera he is he would have been in the becker zone yeah you've been

over there on the bench i would have loved that nobody could see him he was gonna be on because uh they were i thought they were recording noon to one but that might be tomorrow so yes so noah it's just in noah's doing his podcast noah biffed it again well i'm explaining i'm glad breaking news uh your shirt matches your one of two uh shirts that you have yeah your shoes and your shirt thank you not your shirt and your shirt you're right are you having a hit a wall i have to get back in the bathroom no i'm healthy i don't smoke or drink so i can can be 300 pounds forever. He's right. This just in. I think we should do a weight.

You want to cheat death? You can only do like two of five things that kill people. We should do a weight loss challenge on the pod. No. Actually, we should because I'm sick of this thing. Also, my umbilical hernia, my pregnant lady disease, I think is making my organs press down into my sack. Yeah.

And my balls hurt often, early and often. Yesterday, I tore my sack like twice. Remember? I tore it one of those times. Yes. I moved a chair slightly, and he was like, my sack. And I was like, how could that have affected your balls at all? It was up on the chair.

It was on the chair. I moved the chair. You did that, and it put you into a world of hurt? What a delicate little flower you are. Always on guard. I'm always protecting it. Especially after all the pranks that I've suffered in my day. Yeah.

Hey. What's the capital of Thailand? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Bangkok. That's right. You never hit your cock. We got two balls.

It was Mushu Nads. Yeah, the balls were. And if you were swatting the way you did yeah it would usually go south to north and yeah your balls were the first line of defense we call it getting pilled yeah yeah you pill somebody red pilled god damn oh you're uh what's going on over there my balls are great i'm wearing sheath so they're all you burped again tucked i ate a bunch of barbecue so did i mixed it all into a pile and i took i took it i took it i took a dump like an adult you keep burping like a child i haven't used the toilet in weeks whoa yeah really i'm saving it

for my wife his balls are too much i'm saving it for emily his sack will explode I haven't seen her since September 1st and I took a vow of silence. That's terrible. I cannot wait to see her on Sunday. Susu, you're taking a sleeping pill because daddy needs to wake up. Were you able to do stuff when you're hanging out with that other couple or was it two close quarters?

Oh, no, no, no. Okay, there was quiet time. He's very European. Same couch? Same hole. couple or was it two close quarters oh no okay there was quiet time very european same couch same hole yes you're swapping no i would never do that that sucks it's actually kind of cool it sucks bro now yeah you live this fucking weird bigamist lifestyle. No, we do not. I try and take a ride on any pole that has some factor. I tried to put it out there because I was in like a three and a half year relationship was single for like a month and a half. And then Megan and I started dating and it was like, hey, what if we kept it cash?

Shut up. And she was like, no. And I was like, fuck. Yeah, I tried to have it all. And she shot it down. Because she'd know you'd be out on the road with me. Because I'm selling tickets. You're breaking in some new saddles.

Yeah. God, when you were horny, it was hell on earth. I like you single for like two months. And then be in another three to twelve year relationship that time when we were both single was truly atrocious it was such a mess well it was crazy when we sounded like that was the bad kill me the uh the barista at pablo's knew us which was cool me sharpie and sam went in there and she was like where did you guys do a show at deer pile and i was like fuck yeah that was six years ago but the legacy continues kendall none

of us have lived here in a few years that was like seven years ago 2017 was the end yeah so the heyday was like nine years ago wait yeah people will remember 2023 yeah but yeah shout out kendall she was very um nice and fun like a vivacious gray-haired woman she had that she had a cool amount of gray yeah yeah which is tough to pull off people have been remarking at my tuft oh yeah it's too gray it's so great yeah that's that's an example of the wrong amount of gray i think it's stately no it's not i think i look like the gordon's fisherman yeah it's a state yeah it's maine it's stately it's maine it's fucking isolated and insane look at that look what i have for you guys you should shave that i don't want to wax it he likes when oh no that was brent what he likes when it's rubbed after sex

why would why would he tell you that and then why would you tell us that i because i i was trying to remember if it was him or brent that said it hey guys if you see me out on the road come up and yank my tuft see i would never say that why would you put that out there people are gonna do it don't yank my tuft please. People are getting pretty familiar with me out on the road. Yeah. Yep. I need to just retreat into the back and let you guys sell the merch. No, people want to meet you.

People want to M-E-A-T-U. No, they do not. They bring you pastrami. Becker, I'm going to start bringing you on the road. Okay. Not. You have to sell my merch on the road. Okay. You have to sell my merch. And dresses me.

Okay. And throw my catchphrase. Silver Fox. Rhyme a couple of things. Say, hey, hey. Smile for a photo and then let them leave. Quit reducing me down to a series of ones and twos. That is you.

Hey, hey. It's definitely you all over. Hey, hey. It's definitely you all over. Hey, hey. I like saying, hit me. Someone will be like, can I tell you something? I'm like, let me have it. All right now. Hand it over.

What do you got? I'd sell merch. Well, I just can't get my tough yanked every 10 seconds. Yeah, we need to protect it. Yeah, button it up. It would be really funny if i dyed my tuft you show up for a weekend it's purple oh you go different colors like big mood hair yeah exactly okay yeah if you see me at skank fest next weekend say hi to my tuft and also i've been

like hugging people you know like like emily panic claire okay and these shorter women you give them a hug and they're just in the tuft. They're just straight in the Brillo pad. Yeah, I'm sure that's delightful. Sharpie kissed the tuft. Yeah, you got a mouthful of that hair. Hey, look, you have a beard. You're Santa Claus for a moment. Yeah, that sucks.

Yeah. That's got to be a nightmare. I'm glad I don't get in there. Someone like farted last night or something in the basement at the high dive. It was me and Claire and Josh and Sharpie. And someone walked in and was like what's that smell and i was like oh claire's got a bunch of shit in her pussy god awful she loved it i'm sure she did she laughed so hard and then afterwards she was like i am actually on antibiotics that's a side effect shit in your bus oh that's rough i'd rather just be sick this festival man i love it every year and it's fun to make fun of people but that's okay

that's what we do in this business sure remember the old days yeah but it is to hold your feature at knife point so you're splitting gas or i'm leaving you an amarillo i'm it's funny when younger comics act like it's still like that because it's not and it's better or that that it's uh just accepted across the board it's like no that comes from like knowing a comic for more than a few minutes some people will try to do it too soon and it's like less is more maybe just shut up for a little bit or get out of the green room also if stand up was the way it was when we started no one would be in stand up

they would have all quit because it was like dangerous and problematic you know I guess yeah it's not like that but a lot of those guys are fucking still around which is annoying. Yeah.

I wish they would succumb to their fucking demons. I mean, they have. They just die. No, they don't. They endure. Coming up on the 30th anniversary of Lori Callahan's death. They take pills. Lori was one of the good ones, and then she dies.

Like, come on, Lori, you fucking bitch. What the hell? Should have been Jake. Yeah, there's a lot of guys I wish would have gotten sick instead. But he doesn't do stand-up, so that's good. Yeah, what's he do? He has that tattoo of a turd on his arm. He sells paint.

You know who we're talking about? It's a Sherwin-Williams guy. Oh, me? It's a Sherwin-Williams guy. No, not you. No, not that Jake. A different guy that used to take us on the road and talk non-stop and make us listen to his sets after the show so it was bad oh man

yeah imagine if noah started standing up in october of 2005 well noah is a perfect example where it's like oh comics would be like oh everybody in denver makes fun of noah so i should too and it's like no you should fucking know him first. Also know is funnier than you. Yeah. That's part of it too. Yeah. Yeah. Like we could make fun of Noah,

bully him, but we also like helped him and like support him. So it's more nuanced than just, Oh, comics are always mean to each other. It's like, yeah, you read that in the fucking how to do standup book.

Yeah. Yeah. You read that in the, or you heard that on a podcast called judy tenuti's how to kill by pete holmes and friends it's like yeah you have to be me night moment to moment what it's like to be in the mind of a psycho murdering comic uh yeah no there's a lot of bad advice out there young comics you gotta be careful you gotta sign up for my class go to zappos.com

slash Nathan Lund teaches comedy to the young bucks and you'll find out the right kind of crowd work when to mention the troops and when to shut up you're in a college town don't give it up for the troops you're in fucking Appalachia

early and often give it up for those troops yeah you're in uh fucking appalachia early and often give it up for those troops and the coal miners which troops white american troops yes male specifically dudes not troops dude idk troops and you know what remember i'm in denver and i'm itching to record a podcast you know where i go do you have an awful idea for a podcast and you live in Denver or Aurora? Do you want to do a podcast about the WNBA and Mongolian grills? Oh, I was like, come on. Mongolian girls. I would tune in,

especially if it's professionally produced by Dude IDK Studios. Dude IDK Studios is the only white-owned and operated podcast studio in Park Hill, Colorado. Back when this was a thriving neighborhood where Chauncey Billups reigned supreme, they put an end to that period. Now they're in here next to the Brazilian Waxing Clinic and the Leave a Baby, Take a Baby stand.

Is Blazin' Chicken Shack still up here? I think it's nearby here. I'll bet it's still a thing. Hopefully it's holding on. They don't know. They've been in the studio for two weeks. I know, but it's been around. Becker, you should start a bunch of pods up here and drive up every week.

What if we drove to Denver every week? What if I flew in once a week? From wherever the fuck. Yeah, if I was more detached where are you gonna be god you're so proud clip it so you blew it but that one doesn't smell really because it tasted like hell on earth it's like i ate a bunch of tires oh there it is there it is yeah i want to let it linger i want to uh i will be all over this big fucking country of ours have we done a podcast well we've been speaking for it becker that's your role we've done a podcast you're right at it like right now right now right now i still got it baby i'm gonna be in indianapolis

at let's fest on thursday at White Rabbit Cabaret, I believe. Get those tickets at samtalent.com. Heading over to Skank Fest after that. And then I'll be dipping into the Des Moines Comedy Festival for a Wednesday night slam. Nice. Followed by the Comedy Club Kansas City featuring one Nathaniel Hackett-Lund. I'll have antibodies so I won't be able to skip out and stay home. I'll be then going down to Key West, get those tickets if you're running away from something

and you live in Key West, followed by a big weekend. Actually, I'll be at the, I'm doing the last show at the Sparrow in Charleston in August or October. Get those tickets, and then, hey, Tampa side splitters. Big weekend. Lund's coming down for that. I'll be in Tampa. The weekend before that, I'll be in tampa the weekend before that

i'll be in uh denver doing lucha libre and laughs october 20th that's going to be a very fun show and then uh saturday night three shows at the denver comedy lounge with the very funny ran barnaclo uh semi-frequent guests on chubby behemoth uh so check those out picking all the time yeah it calls me out on my picking I haven't picked at all this episode I've been very conscious of it because I don't want to leave a bunch of DNA on this couch hold on I have more than two shows

Sunday October 22nd I'll be in Colorado Springs at the Oscar Blues Brewing Company thanks to Jason Wilhite no he's not involved that's huge and I'll be in Pittsburgh for the first time end of October, the 29th, the week of the 29th.

I'll be down there. Thanks to Will Hancock, Shannon Norman, doing King Fly or Kingfish Brewing. Which one is it? Fly King. King Fly Brewing. And probably do a couple of Don't Tell shows there as well. So stay tuned.

Pittsburgh Heads. Also in October, Janesville, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota for 10,000 laughs. and probably do a couple of don't tell shows there as well so stay tuned uh pittsburgh heads also in october janesville wisconsin minneapolis minnesota for 10 000 laughs that's a theater show buy those tickets and then europe i'm coming back because i can't stay away stockholm sweden helsinki finland talon estonia tartu estonia prague vienna budapest bradislava dublin sold out and then we're coming to london old nasty lund coming through with the hammer gonna be laying it down thick up there at the leicester theater i helped sell out the dub dub dublin show i think no no in fact you detracted from it yeah so please if you're in london or you want to fly into london go to that show because we still got 220 tickets left to sell in that big old room.

Denver, Colorado for Thanksgiving. Support the podcast by going to... Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth. I was going to say, Denver, get the tickets for those comedy work shows because they will sell out quicker than you would imagine. Sam's never here, so when he is, people get ticket crazy. It's going to be like Chevelle levels of ticket selling when it comes to Sam and me at Comedy Works Thanksgiving weekend.

Becker's hosting. Becker's doing crowd work. You'll see the return of Jake Becker. Insult comic. Jake Becker. The reincarnation of Don Rickles himself. Jake Becker will be doing dabs and breaking hearts. Becker, anything you want to plug?

Yeah, listen to Broadcast Geeks podcast. No, don't listen to them. Oh, Becker. It's me and Mitch Jones. Mitch begged me to plug it. No, fuck Mitch. That's not cool, Mitch. Mitch sucks.

Don't bring down our good podcast with a mention of your bad one. God, Becker, how embarrassing. It used to have nine hosts. Now it's down to two. Hey, do you want to hear Becker talk over four other people? Well, no, we got rid of everyone who talked over people. Now it's an organized, not drunk

podcast. So it's you and Mitch? It's me and Mitch and Matt Oren. You be Matt Oren, you be Becker, I'll be Mitch. Okay. What show have you watched? Well, I've been watching The Boys on Amazon and I must

say it tickles my funny bone. And you're like, hey, I like it too. No, Matt's more abrasive. Matt talks real loud and he's new york and uh he's got two kids so i don't watch as much i'm more of a factor guy now i don't have a lot of time with the kids and the work uh mostly eating factor and uh watching old episodes of marvelous

mrs mazel i like that show it makes me smile. It's pretty accurate. It's pretty close. Yeah, Mitch has such a funny voice for his giant body. So if you want to hear that, listen to Becker's secret bad pod that he's never plugged in four years of this one. Yeah. So wait for that apology. I apologized at the beginning. No, now you have to apologize for being on Broadcast Geek.

I know. You need to declare your loyalty to us and us alone. I have a tattoo for us. I'm more loyal to us. You cried during that tattoo for us. Yeah, I went crazy. You said, they'll never bury me in the cemetery. Yeah.

I'm out. No more tribe burial. We're good. Oh, I thought you were pointing. We're doing a fist, not a point. Bye.