Chubby Behemoth - Tussin In The Beers

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

SPONSOR: Support the show and get 20% off and free shipping. Go to https://www.manscaped.com and use code CHUBBY at checkout BONUS EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   This week Sam decides he’s Jonah Hill, relives the old firecracker baby days, and watched a special fitting. Sam also got some fan mail through the internet. Nathan tells us about a fella with a top hat, broke some hard bridge news to Sam, and discovered a new Texas rule. The boys also try to figure out the logistics of being hard on stage.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Mutiny Coffee: [e-mail]

hold on and whoa ross jesus smushed her boobs check check we're good hey and we are noir so yeah we're trying an experimental angle this evening we're trying something called where the fuck can we put the camera and the answer was just right there and that's it because they don't trust us in this hotel room to be able to move literally anything because you might pick it up break the window and huck your carcass onto the fort worth streets yeah everything's bolted down yeah it's me the big hailstone i'm just completely nude i'm white i dip myself in in some kind of flour or powdered sugar and just all aboard

what do you mean and then that's the last thing they hear they're confused but yes we've set up the pusher 2 camera angle oh shit very dutch i didn't watch those oh my god truly they're not usually streaming. It's the best trilogy there ever has been. And I'm saying that without thinking about it too much. But it doesn't mean you don't mean it. Pusher 1 and 2 were great. And then 3 is kind of like...

Do you remember that movie? What is it called? Fuck. Parenthood? Remember Parenthood? Rick Moranis and Steveve martin yeah that's parent yeah so pusher three reminds me a weird way of like a dark send-up of parenthood anyway whoa thank you guys that makes me want to watch it's like it's like a badass sequel to muriel's wedding um didn't see that oh man i watch all the good movies dude i watched get him to the

greek the other day the last night pat was at my house i was like hey man i want to watch get him to the greek and it's it's about a fat guy trying to make it an entertainment while his tiny big eyed very pretty girlfriend is in her last year of med school and she has to match and she wants to move him away for her residency but he wants to stay and work in entertainment i'm jonah hill whoa my wife is a peggy from mad men is that her name the little one who they let right for a while so she doesn't burn her bra no i don't know He was with... Or maybe they dated. I think she's hands-made sale. That is a person, Elizabeth Moss, but I don't think she dated Jonah Hill.

Is that what you're trying to say? This is in the movie. Oh, she's a surgeon? Yeah. All right. Yeah, I forgot. I haven't seen it in a while. Well, check out...

Hey, that's a plug. Get them to the Greeks. Semi-pro? Watch Semi-pro instead. Semi-pro's good. It's a little while. Well, check out SemiPro. Hey, that's a plug. Get them to the Greeks. SemiPro? Watch SemiPro instead. SemiPro's good. It's a little much. No, it rules. A little ham-fisted.

It's better than Talladega Nights or Anchorman. What? No, it's not. Repeat or Endurance. I think it's still, maybe it wasn't as funny when they came out, but over time. Watch Anchorman again. Back it up.

It's fine. Semi-pro rules. Anchorman is like one of the best movies ever. No. Old school holds up. Old school and stepbrothers hold up. Dude, so does Anchorman. And semi-pro.

Not as much. The Human Torch needs a bank loan. The Human Torch was denied a bank loan. Denied a bank loan the human torch was denied a bank denied a bank loan yeah see yeah i know it but i literally hear people at the dad lounge older guys are old like me quote it and it's like yeesh you know but somebody quotes semi-pro i'm gonna be like let me buy you a shot hey man to a true connoisseur. Get the funk out of my face. Get the funk out of my face. Mick Foley's obsessed with Walk Hard. Every episode of Foley is Pod, he compares his life or someone else's life to Dewey Cox.

I don't think I've clocked that. Oh, dude. It's his one cultural hallmark that he thinks is the zeitgeist. cultural hallmark that he thinks is the zeitgeist. He tries to break down some real specific wrestling shit and he compares it to a 20 year old movie. Dewey Cox. To Walk Hard.

That's weird because there's no way you've listened to more episodes than me. I started at the beginning. I didn't start at the beginning. Did you start from the end? No. I hit someone with this tonight. They said, hey, if you could meet one living author who would you meet i said mick foley and they went they did elvis yeah they went

they took a cool angle picture with their phone they're like hold on i think it would look cool from across the room if we weren't holding these microphones and we were just watching comics unleashed this would be very cinema verite this would be a great scene for like a harmony corinne film just plow just a fat guy and his legless friend watching earthquake zing talk about how i don't tip that's reservoir dogs just rip off reservoir dogs it a great movie. I can't wait till we make our movie. Oh, yeah. That's the question, isn't it? What?

What would our movie be? We're answering questions, right? We could. I mean, we're riffing right now, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're really cooking. Well, we just did night one here in Fort Worth, and we had two very good shows, and we had a lot of fun.

And then afterward our friend salem who we did a show at his house like what 10 years ago it was a firecracker babies yeah it was firecracker babies tour with toby that was that 2014 well yeah probably 10 years ago i know we had shirts that was like tobias made a bunch of shirts that said firecracker firecracker babies on them and then on the back it out of the tour dates and it wasn't like you know like nashville san antonio memphis it was like talaqua oklahoma eight cities in oklahoma all places that toby lived we did his high school reunion. We did his high school fucking reunion, dude. And it was fucking, it was during the day.

He looks like Charles Manson. He went way long because everybody wanted to talk to him. Yeah. He was very handsome when he was younger. He was a stud. Remember that picture of him holding the salmon on the fishing boat? Yeah, he was classic. And then he turned into a little Manson-esque,

let me show you all my guns kind of guy yeah hey can you he does the thing with the pennies where he drops change on the ground tobias is come play with come play with us and he'd do that we stole the elvis hands from him come play with us it's like toby's like hey i got a jar of teeth and i'll tell you what animals they're from come out to the van come play with us he would say to people as what he thought was a cool way to say like hey check out this show yeah come play with us but he was like beady-eyed manson i mean i love him yeah those were our tours that's what i said in tokyo on wide world uh we i used to go with you to taliqua oklahoma or i said the quad cities yeah We did Ames, Iowa.

I was trying to think of these random towns that we had done together years ago, and then we were in Tokyo. Crazy. How do you say the capital of Iceland in that clip? Reykjavik? You say it in a weird way, like you have gum in your mouth, and I had to watch it 20 times when we were editing it, and I hated it. I hated it, yeah.

You go like,ickaby i said something weird the uh at the candy at the strawberry shop what did i say one strawberry candy yes you did strawberry candy yeah dude no you said candy sounded weird dude candy strawberry candy yeah because it's like strawberry candy you're trying to do the voice but not do the voice in a helpful way yeah so he's ended up talking like yoshi one strawberry candy yeah and again we had to watch that until it wasn't funny anymore so yeah until you hated me wide world three coming out monday promise yeah i think so i'm gonna be in the chat pat hasn't slept he's manic oh pat slept because we got him a c-pat machine dude shout out dude you saved his life dude my phone

is currently filming this episode but shout out i'm gonna keep doing fucking elvis i think his name's john saint edmunds you've met him in boston him and his wife are super fans of comedy john saint edmunds yeah he's been to our shows he sits up front he wears like a flat cap and glasses anyway he sent me a fucking c-pat machine for pat boston yeah so pat now has a c-pat machine and it was so much fun to watch emily fit him with this c-pat machine muzzle him yeah exactly so she had to like you know step on his back and like yank the cinches tight and then he's just sitting there breathing so well and then he takes it off and he's like oh it's actually better with the mask on it's like no shit dude no shit bane it actually helps i like it it's good i'm breathing so yes just i mean

who knows if he washed the tube or if he fucked the mask before he sent it but uh he treated it like an egg oh dude hey listeners remember the eggs please quit mentioning please quits okay this isn't a universal thing but someone sent me a dm of a used egg a used tanga egg that they had you mean a picture of yeah a violet a filled egg yeah a filled order a cadbury cream diy style dripping like you can see the yeah like it's cummed in oh yeah god yeah no yeah send them to lund no. Let Lund get a taste. Thumbs down. I barely like dealing with my own jizz, let alone somebody else's that's traveled through the USPS. Pass. I didn't get a piece of mail.

Oh, right. I got a DM. Through the internet. Yeah. That would actually be a federal crime if you send someone a dick pic in the mail. No, I'm going to get one in the mail. Oh, yeah. I hope so.

No. It'll be filled with blood. That'd be cool. Why do you make it worse? I think that's better. I'd rather it be blood in the egg. Like a big duck yolk. Blood within the white purity of an egg, of a sex egg.

And you expect it to be jizz, but then it's blood. That's art. This is like fucking Yoko Ono's art exhibit here that's Yoko Yoko Zunas art exhibit I met Yoko he was so big he was so wide man he was sitting down signing off pictures he couldn't stand up I don't think you know he could be we'll I saw I saw him met him he was living in Vegas. He was done wrestling, I think. He hung out with this local fucking character. You might have even known, I think, Buffalo Jim? No. He looked like shit.

I can't think. I'm kind of putting together what Buffalo Jim looks like. Buffalo Jim, like top hat. Yeah, that was in there. Waxed mustache. Todd, Todd Dukley waxed mustache yeah big beard best with pocket watch yeah biker dude but we all thought of that guy right off the top yeah i think he he had did used car sales and then did uh like two wrestling events before

like blow you know going tits up but yoko wasoko was around. Was that at Sam's Club? Or Sam's Town? Sam's Town? Maybe it was a Sam's Town joint. Yeah, I went to one of those. I met Yoko. I was reading for the role of the biopic. You're going to be his toilet. I'm going to name my...

I'm reading for the role of toilet? How about what I hit you with after the shows in the green room? We smoke eight joints. Oh, yeah. we're high as hell yeah that's why we're doing i'm gonna do jim morrison i can call it the ricky gervais he did do the mic stand he's so up his own ass dude it's crazy that he. It's crazy that he gets away with it.

He was great in TV and shit, but his stand-up was always kind of like... Not everybody can do everything. He's very fucking good at a bunch of shit. And then, dude, they... Not that, but then he's like, nope, it's my thing. And I'm also actually crazy enough. I'm the best at it. Yeah.

The boldest. Yeah. The only brave man alive. Yeah. The bravest. Yeah. the boldest yeah the only brave man alive yeah the bravest yeah have you seen that thing he did is talking comedy where it's him seinfeld rock and louis ck and he's like moderating it because i'm getting right but he's talking so much oh dominating when he should be talking at least like you should shut the fuck up and listen but talking over chris rock yeah yeah i've heard

yeah better to have heard from way more from the other three when you can tell that fucking jerry's like why am i in the room with this guy hey you guys are two of the funniest people alive what are we doing here anyway gervais uh their show that they used to have was exactly like ours really it was kind of like a multi-hyphenate artist, head of his time, former punk rocker, kind of the quieter, more stoic figure who goes on to have a career in television,

and then a bumbling doofus with stupid bald head. And that's Becker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we've... Dude, Carl Pilkington? Does he get better? It's very funny.

Like the funniest. I don't think I finished it, but very funny. Those clips that they post of their old radio show and Carl's like talking about learning how to play chess with like a one-eyed man. It's very good. Before that paved the way for the show. Yeah. No, for Idiot Abroad because he killed it on the podcast. Yeah, but is he

doing a thing that's one of the if he is doing a thing on there is right i don't know maybe it's larry david s like turned up a fake version but very much anchored if it is it's one of the greatest comedic performances it's not even comedic one of the greatest bits of performance art ever is him pulling off the kind of middle class doesn't look inward you know kind of loot lout lout anyway what are we talking about flaneur is this interesting for anyone he's a flaneur they love us well i know i love them but man we're fucking spiking up the charts right now and i don't want any new listeners to come over and think that it's beavis and more beavis double beavis yeah it's like i couldn't even get a butthead in there man uh sorry

i will because we're hyper focused on how stoned we are you are well i just haven't been this high on like actual grass blunts three blunts going around the green room right yes and then i said when we were going up the stairs to leave because you bravely got us out of there but it was like ridiculous because it was god we got so high i was like we could be here until three yeah we could blow it so hard but now you're like gotta go and uh we walk up the stairs high as hell and i said uh sam i'm sorry but i just found out that you have to drive a car uh on a really long bridge right now and um i can come with you but i have to scream the whole time that was fun that was great and then we got outside and that lady's nipples were hard

and that was cool whoa yeah, yeah, that was cool. That was. Allegedly. Yeah, no. We have separate rooms, so that's weird. Yeah, well, and this sucks because I know what you're going to be up to. You have two queens? I have one king. If I had two queens, you'd be in there, dummy.

This room would be for podding. That one would be for podden that one would be for a rough house and horseplay the way that uh my room was uh i got a king it seemed like i there was a chance i would have had two queens so i thought maybe we had two rooms four beds and you were you wanted some about some space no no i turner hit me up today and was like by the way way, they got Lunder room. He called you Dolph Lundgren. And I laugh reacted it. Yeah. Shout out.

Shout out to you, T-Man. I'm not going to see you for like three weeks. It sucks. You have to go to Europe. Mm-hmm. I have to go to Belfast with aolic homosexual it's not gonna be easy bleach blonde summer loving yeah having me some fun you're gonna be greased uh you guys are gonna get skid marks all over a whole continent oh i'm there by myself for a day so i'm gonna be able to experience

belfast what yeah tim gets in at like 6.45 for his 7.30 show. In Belfast? Yeah. And you know what that means? If he doesn't get there by 7.30, I have to go on. I have to go on and guess people's birthdays like we did in Sacramento. You have to stretch? Oh, dude.

That's the worst. You may end up doing 55. An hour and 10 maybe? In Sacramento, he was 70 minutes late. How much did you do i did 45 and then they like were like hey we got two local comics and i was just like hey coming up a comic i didn't know their name that brought them up yeah and they did time then another comic did time and then tim showed up and i was on stage and in the front row there was a guy just going

tim please and i was like no shit dude of course you think I want to be up here no Tim wasn't there yet okay yeah I thought he saw him and you know didn't know when Tim came in the door I was like you know you know mid singing grand old flag it's a hell of a flag or whatever you know I was doing favorite corn i was doing fortunate son you know polish polish gemini no all right well march 31st my big old ass but it is march correctly whether a couple has lost a child yeah what are you three for three two for two maybe three yeah i swear it's three yeah you're, I think it's three. I think it's three, dude. Thank you, guys.

It was like, what, your mourning the death? You look like you're mourning the death of your child. You look like you've said three, I think three different times. If not, it was two, which is still crazy. Anniversary of your son's death. You two look, because they didn't laugh for your first couple jokes, whatever. They didn't laugh for my, hey, how's everyone doing tonight? I immediately. They didn't give it up enough yeah you would turn on them yeah when i said party people say hey they did not say hey yeah that's right but yeah i was there for at least one one was ames iowa

no yeah it was ames it was the it was the blamed whiskey festival no no no it was i know because it was in that bar i know exactly where that was because i remember smoking cigarettes with that woman outside in ames iowa because i i did ames a hundred times you know that's hilarious yeah before ficken cash it in yeah fico mm-hmm david melendez the grossest apartment oh my god god and we slept i put my head on the cat hair infested thick l-shaped couch right i was on the ground i think because the couch was fucked god that is so gross dude remember we were drinking beer with robitussin poured in it what yeah that was very drinking no because i was like this is let's try this out i like saw it in like a currency music video or something so we got a bunch of mgds and robitussin and we're doing tussin in the beers got thwacked watched like

jake the snake highlights like the nasty boys we watched some flair for sure yeah it was good iowa but yeah you correctly have said to a couple, you look like you're mourning the death of a child. And they nod. Or a woman once got up and ran out of the room crying. Oh, my God. Yeah, that happened for sure. Yeah.

And I'm like, and then you don't go any deeper. You don't double down on that. You go, I'm so sorry. That's what you say. Which you learned eventually, but not the first time. Yeah, you don't spike the football and be like, I knew you fucking pussy smelled like a dead baby oven or whatever. Yeah.

It's not what happened. Oh, you're saying maybe miscarriage uh i don't know i always pictured a four-year-old they got hit by a truck on a bicycle or something yeah for sure like a bunch of birds took their boy away on a camping trip oh dude i just remember this little kid named gavin that i uh when i worked in college at a middle school uh he had was in the same grade as the kid i worked with who i think i've talked about he was big and i had to restrain him a couple times oh yeah your buddy prone to freaking out a little bit love to talk about ed ed and eddie yeah that was your thing right no yeah totally not tech decks and he turned out okay i caught

up with him a couple years later he was doing okay he's the governor of new mexico that's like a goth kid and i was like he's gonna be all right actually is he huge no i think he had a girlfriend i think you know you get laid then you're not as uh full of hate you get off the spectrum yeah you wean the rage my pills boner pills uh and then the tussling comes out of here and then you feel better but you're just full-on crotch to that camera this kid gavin got hit by a drunk driver like walking to school one yeah a couple years before i worked uh at that school and it was so sad because he was like half colton you know like he'd seen the other side i think yeah and he came back he was a very

sweet kid i hope he's okay he was half like burpo by some fucking dick yeah drunk driving through a school zone that's not during the balls on that guy during kids going to school. So it's like 6 a.m.? Yeah. No, 7.30, even later. I don't know. Yeah. We were in northern Nevada. Oh, yeah. He's fucking been dipping crystal all night.

Hadn't slept in four months. Yeah, yeah. Drank a whole bottle. I didn't realize he was driving. Oh, yeah. He's just drinking 151 and burping fire. And then he fucking thumps little Gavin. And now Gavin can't be near anybody's pets. He wasn't a dog.

So that's good. He wasn't a full dog, but man. Dude, I think I'm done smoking weed and driving because I'm so afraid of that happening and then going to jail. And then you know what happens after that. Thinking that a kid on their way to school is just like points. Forgetting that you're,

you think you're in a game. Yeah. VR where you're supposed to hit kids. Yeah. You think you're augmented reality, but no, you've just been up for a couple of days cause she won't call you back. And you thump Gavin off the hood.

Do that. Like you said, you don't do that smoking weed. It's math. No, I know. But just the thought of like accidentally hitting anyone with my car and then they're like okay we got a blood test you and then you're stoned and then they're like oh this was you know

what attempted vehicular manslaughter or like no yeah manslaughter yeah right yeah yeah or man's laughter as you were doing laughter was a thing yep glad those days are gone i put it down it was the same but on the way to 50 first jokes i came up with man's laughter and mine so-called comp and you were like i'm done for the year i hit him with one two and it was pretty fucking fun yeah and then yeah i was like all right see you guys next year i'm only doing those two and then some hits it's so funny to say bye to a bunch of jokes i hadn't done it and it feels good yeah feels good i gotta say bye to some more put out your juice off you're just banging out bits left and right you're on on fire out here. Dude, we're having fun. Bunch of great bits. Well, and like you say, to make me feel bad maybe, to fuck with me, mind games.

No, that like featuring is so fun. Yeah. Like I better do something good with it. What would you think if I hadn't put out the thing or I was just doing like a bunch of old stuff still? You'd be like, what the fuck, dude? like a bunch of old stuff still you'd be like what the fuck dude well i'm always i'm always conscious of the fact that you do well so then no one thinks that i'm bringing a weak guy to go behind oh yeah which is so like i want you to like do really well it's good for the show and then also i don't this is what i keep thinking about is like after midnight that show yeah all the

podcasts that i do like all the very successful podcasts that I've been lucky enough to go on, none of us would go on that show. And these are people who are very much a part of modern comedy. You know what I mean? But they would never deign. And I think most of it is because they know that somewhere Shane Gillis would just say,

he did After Midnight? Gay. You know? It's just like, I don't want Tommy Pope to make fun of me. So it's like, that's why we're all not doing this stuff. Certain things? Yeah, because Chris O'Connor's a little hot piece of ass. He could go on that show.

He'd do great. You know what I mean? Like H. Foley, he's a human cartoon. He could go on there. But there's just like the idea to have numbers like what? Sorry to cut you off. No, you're good.

Sorry. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. You ran Barna clowing. Uh, uh, somebody just told us how you can have 10 times the draw of your, Oh,

Shane with SNL. Yeah. Yeah. His podcast is bigger than snl's viewership yeah of a draw an audience already yeah that it doesn't even it doesn't matter it doesn't matter yeah they don't have to it's why uh i guess that's like most celebrity hosts like you know tom hanks has more followers i don't anyway wrestlers have tons of followers yeah well did you see that built into this giant WWE wrestlers.

James Ellsworth. James Ellsworth. Remember him? No chin. He was around like eight years ago. No. No chin. He was with Carmella for a while.

No. Anyway. His whole thing was that he didn't have a chin. So that was fun. And he has 450,000 followers on Instagram. Sure. Today. Yeah.

And I was like. He's probably selling tickets. tickets all right he's not paper in the late show he doesn't have a chin do you know what's crazy so here's here's a little peek behind the curtain can't wear bonnets what you can't wear one of those conical birthday hats no he's never celebrated his birthday years old he tries to go horseback riding but the helmet comes off and falls on the horse's eyes what were you gonna say i don't remember i just read a crazy short story about a lady who got arrested because she rode on the back of a horse without like, like in like broke the horse. You're talking about Catherine the Great. Fuck to death by a horse. That's the kind of propaganda that I want to like be able to control and

wield when I'm older. There's just say like, Oh, yeah, yeah. He put his dick in a snapping turtle's mouth. Now he doesn't have a dick. Kind of like the Bobby doesn't touch black people thing.

Yeah, that's endured. Yeah, that was great. Luckily, just a very funny, you set it up. You set it to a couple of Troy and Steve and AJ, and then Bobby walked up and high-fived us, but just kind of said hey to everybody else it was perfect tim it looked funny and accurate because bobby doesn't after you said it bobby was like new in comedy you alley-ooped your own ass oh yeah and i knew it i was like

penny hardaway and shack yeah it was like when uh dudes lose their pivot foot so they just throw it off the backboard and then slam dunk it yeah that was me bobby you know bobby doesn't touch black people oh hey bobby's here 40 seconds later he showed up anyway didn't touch anyway and then it hung on for 12 years no it didn't oh i mean i'm still purporting it this does barely counts hasn't been a running thing that has permeated people's uh consciousness about the denver comedy scene so no hey all you book dorks i'm gonna plug this robert stone dog soldiers holy shit this guy cooks man it's proto dennis johnson no i won a national book award back in the day in 34 you know 47 it's a vietnam novel no i think 47 was

what was that ironweed i think by william kennedy can't help you no you can't but i can help you that's not good for youtube yeah we're gonna get in trouble we're not gonna people aren't gonna be able to watch this in texas yeah because unbeknownst to either of us jacking it is set to impossible jack off challenge impossible yeah the long arm of the law does not reach your own penis here. What? There's recently a thing where porn websites have to go above and beyond to ensure that no minors are able to access porn. Well, you know what?

If I worked underground 12 hours a day getting black lung, dodging dead canaries, I'd probably want to jerk off when I got home. So those miners should be allowed to pull a putt. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. They're as hard as anthracite. And they have nowhere to splooge. That's my favorite response to a riff is, oh, yeah, gotcha. Oh, yeah, okay.

It's right there Come on I'm not selling Yeah I'm not selling I know You're sabooing me I'm Sandman

I keep kicking out You remember that? Yeah It was the best Foley yeah Dude Sandman He blasted Sandman And then he kicked out

Way more times Yeah he'd kick out on one From a double under DDT And then when they Finally count it The ref's like it was a texas death match so you had to be pinned in order to then have a brief rest period and then a 10 count to reach your feet and so sandman was fucking it up by not even allowing a pinfall yeah the whole thing was to build the drama by okay now can he make it to can he answer the 10

count right he's kept getting up so foley's solution was to try to knock him unconscious with pile drivers and ddts on the floor yeah onto chairs which is so reckless and almost unconscionable yeah you know like to like okay choke him out, you know? Give him a blood choke like we used to do in sixth grade. Did you guys have those guys? I thought it was supposed to be air, not blood. Oh, dude, there was this kid named Billy Johnson. God bless him. You were blood choking?

He was like three foot tall until we were 15, and then he got to 3'5". Adorable. Looked like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Adorable kid. But he was in my grade, and his whole thing, well, he almost, he sent me up to see Burpa.

I was waving through the glass. You got blood choked? Yeah, he blood choked me and I hit the floor and I woke up. I mean, I just like, he put his arm around me and then I was on the ground

and my teacher was standing over me. Like, it was very scary. Saying that you were in trouble? Yeah. No, I never got in trouble. You're supposed to get blood choked, Sam. Sam, you know the rules. How do you differentiate blood choke, air choke?

One cuts off your whatever this artery is. Yeah, your Juggalo. Yeah, your JRB, Juggalo writer's bitch. We should do The Gathering. Juggalo's five, Eva. That'd be huge. You would be huge at The Gathering. gathering no i'll bet it's fun but man they party and i'm not i'd be too old i know i wouldn't be able to get gold weight did it that's

cool yeah uh i watched a review of the wrestling show they had there where it was just wild assortment of a bunch of names but they're so old and then the matches are like 45 seconds long so the crowd is shitting on everything except Mick Foley what did a great like was funny as the announcer right with him well no big cactus sack was for those home no I. I was just showing that I was listening. Cacti Sacco. Cactus. Talked to a lot of cactus at the show. Texas Deathmatch. A lot of that talk.

With the fans. With you. The consumer. The friend, kind of. The weird friend listener zone. How about that chick at the first show who had a major? She had so much of them that she had to share it with the table next to her. But she came to our show last time with her boyfriend.

What? And they came back and they sat in the same seats. Oh, to the right. On the wall. On the glass baby blue oh yeah and i was a baby too because i wanted to feed you your new thing is saying that you may eat someone yeah i did i did that this week yeah that's brand new yeah it's brand new city no that was tonight yeah tonight both shows yeah i'm a because i say i said i was a predator and then i cleared it up and i said yeah no no i mean that i'm gonna eat you not that i'm gonna essay

you as they and that's a promise everyone if you remember one thing about sam talent uh remember that joke that everyone did did they what do you call a little paragraph? Or what do you, what do, no, sorry. What do you call a midget Latino paragraph? Oh. Instead of essay? Hmm. Yeah? I don't remember.

Oh, I heard that a thousand times in Vegas. Oh, shit, on stage? Oh, a bunch, yeah. On stage and off. All the time, yeah. Everybody had, somebody had to say it at every show every show good luck thing yeah yeah wow it was an incantation that led us through the barbaric savage days of vegas comedy that was like a kid schoolyard thing like homes Like Holmes was about like, was a Mexican. John Holmes.

Call his house. Hey, Holmes. Yeah. Like, damn, they were doing that in 2017. On stage. Vegas. I see it. Every time I've done the Dirty at 1230, I've seen that joke.

I think I saw it once at the Dirty at 1230 from two different comics on the same show. No. Yes. show. No. Yes. Yeah. Wow. Because those weren't just random local Vegas comics. Those were good comics. Good comics.

Yeah. Good show. Well, I guess it was every week for 22 years. It's a great show. Ralphie May ran it. It was the only good show in Vegas. Gabe Lopez. Shout out to Gabe, who gets absolutely trashed.

I think his name is Gabe. Yeah. Gabe Lopezopez gave his all so did ralph he gave us all no it was the only good yeah the only like solid uh destination show in vegas the one you wanted to headline it kind of felt like a nice check mark i always liked it but yeah gabe and his lady just get fucked up and they're like do you what do you want to drink and i'll be like yeah can iabe and his lady just get fucked up and they're like do you what do you want to drink and i'll be like yeah can i have a beer and they'd show up with like six pack in the rings there's what like 350 people who are all being like fairly polite you know yeah there wasn't a ton of wrangling because yeah and you went up after some of the hackiest shit you've ever seen and you try and do your thing did i do it with you no i'm just saying that i saw you do it twice maybe gallagher and amazing jonathan were hanging

out yeah it was great gabe kaplan was on the show hey back connor into the crotch well that's for your uber then my balls ate it will you see the ad that we have uh wait till you see my oh what do what were we gonna say where was there so how long have we been doing this 12 minutes no we're chugging all right we're chugging i'm chugging with the chug what'd you ask i don't remember wait i'm uh i'm like i literally it's like i have a helmet on and the visor is fogged over you know i'm seeing out but not in oh did i tell you about the guy's hat in traverse city no said save a kid kill a pedophile jeez and then he gave me one no i don't know yeah yeah the guy who owns the bar wore that hat and he's like yeah the the club owner hates it but this is my building and i

think he hates it because he's a pedophile you know and then i was like well it's a cool hat cool that you work together then yeah he's like that's a cool hat yeah well that's i said it was a cool hat he said it like that that's a cool hat hey man that's a hell of a fucking skull cover you got right there whoa that's i'd like to cover my brains and skull with that for a little bit god damn in it i ain't got much hair left but i want i want what i got to die inside that hat you know he's wearing that to the airport because there's such a move where people feel like they need to tell everybody at the airport how they feel. Yeah, they're apologizing.

Via shirt, hat. Yeah, they love it. What are you cold? Yeah, I'm freezing. I'm still wearing my wet t-shirt from the show underneath this. Oh, good. You're sweating into where I'm going to sleep. This is...

You're wrecking my bed. I'm not wrecking it. I'm sorry you didn't get a whack earlier. I know that was tough on you. Oh, I whacked. Oh it. I'm sorry you didn't get a whack earlier. I know that was tough on you. Oh, I whacked. Oh, yeah. Oh, we didn't finish that. Okay.

Well, maybe we did. I mean, I finished that. Ew. It's hot. I just. But yeah, it was insane to try to go to my mainstay, Pornhub.com, and get a note that says, hey, there's this whole crazycom, and get a note that says, hey, there's this whole crazy thing, and so we're not going to allow,

we're not going to jump through those hoops when a bunch of other sites aren't going to and won't. This isn't the solution. And then it was like every site I could remember from the last 12 years, they're all like doing that same thing. It's like RedTube, YouPorn. Did you go to X Hamster? No Brazzers, no.

What about XY and X, I think? No, I remember like four of them and I think they're all owned by the same. They're all owned by DuPont. Yeah, the Heinz company. Yeah. Lining Kugel. Whatever owns Lining Kugel. Oh yeah, BlackRock. Yeah, you're lining kugel whatever owns lining kugel oh yeah black rock yeah you're going to

like big tits round asses dusting off some hits man dog farts no like you yeah dog farts browsers yeah uh was they were all inaccessible and i didn't know what to do so what was your solution i googled anna nicole smith and was like no this can, you can't just go to 12 pictures of her from the span of her whole life. Some of those pictures involving the old guy. I can't just jack it to that. Yeah. Both of them being dead. So, yeah, it was...

I went to Instagram and I just fucked around on there. But what's funny about. Name names. No, what's funny about looking at random shit on Instagram. Yeah. Was that, I've said this, my search, you know, my random shit. Your algorithm. Page is way more wrestling than cool chicks.

Right. So, when you're looking around in all those squares, you'll see one cool boob, and then you see you see fucking Goldberg holding Kevin Nash up in the jackhammer, and you're like, it kind of looks like they're 69ing.

Standing 69. And I think of you, and then I'm as hard as I've ever been. Problem solved. I told you what i wanted to do this weekend yes go on stage hard yeah we've never done that yeah and and i never will why not do whatever you want i think it would be a fun experiment because you'd have to work yourself up and then go to the stage i would have to well i'm not'm not going to do it for you. It's blood choke.

Our dicks. We cut off and then they're so filled. Yeah. And then we run on the stage so there's no time for it to be worked away. Right. So you'd have to get hard in the hallway. You'd have to be like slowly tugging on the way to the stage. While you're walking, you are tugging and pulling on it

i think you should tie it off brent gill filmed his thing at helium erect half hard on half of a viagra he said he wasn't yeah he wasn't rock right he said but he said he was feeling him so he was doing this yeah he felt powerful he was i think him and daveorey and another person are going to Bangkok and Vietnam on Sunday. What? Because I was going to go with them, and then I can't because I have to go to old Europe. You have to go to Greece. You're doing Crete and Macedonia. Tim Dillon live in Ibiza.

He's just on the beach. You're all right god that's dude you said it in a way that was like i will say it like everyone watch it and you get pissed off for a change i feel like i say it correctly when i say it is where i'm from and I'm a little tiny butterfly person. I am just a larval human and I exist inside of the wood pulp that my mommy chews up. I am God and I am a, my mother is God and my daddy was a tree and they made me. And then I made music for you. And the music.

Have you watched her shit? The music lives in your ears and that's where i live too she's nuts man she's like yeah the most talented person ever but then also just like an a like an alien right freak that some people don't understand and just were like no just said no to her right pass i'm imagining you like me, ran through a couple of Bjork girls in your day. No. Oh, yeah. I had some Bjorks, and then there was a couple Godspeed You Black Emperors.

Some Dorks. There was some Bjorks, some Dorks, some Gold Fraps. I lost my Denver virginity to Gold Fraps. Who's that? Remember the band Gold Frappe? No. Oh, we'll put some on and leave the camera running. You want me to go?

I could get hard on stage if I listen to Goldfrappe, I bet. Oh, yeah. That's my first short hair. The last thing I would want to do is wear my stupid Walmart pants, my joggers that I've never jogged in hard because they show everything. You don't. You wouldn't leave anything to the imagination either those are for your dick to go except for out right yeah out and up

down periscope i don't know why you want that well it'd be funny because in those those joggers over there the only time you jog in them is we're running to miss a bus to a suboxone treatment what those pants those are walmart joggers they're for uh people who are between opportunities as we is we're running to miss a bus to a Suboxone treatment. What? Those pants? Those are Walmart joggers. They're for people who are between opportunities, as we say. Currently figuring it out. Yeah, yeah. They're in their larval stage.

Jackie Moon says, oh, laying low. He's like, what do you do for a living? Or where do you work? What are you doing for work? He's like, nothing right now. He's like, okay, laying low. He's so funny jackie earl haley so i'm not a pro i just thought it'd be a fun little thing to know that you were on stage hard and then you're gonna watch me and know that i'm up there hard and i would have tied it off like i

said we would have banded it like uh like we're trying to amputate that would have been fun yeah i mean i want you hard the whole time i don't want you getting up there and it wearing off oh well i think i've dabbled in being hard on stage one time to consult my doctor on whether i should call emmy and see if you can quote tie it off to entertain your husband. Can I have Viagra for sex? No, no, no,

of course not. No, what? No, I'm wondering it. Can my heart handle Viagra and crushing while also being scared? Crushing poo nanny? No,

no, no. Emmy, listen, it's Nathan, Nathan Lund. Was there a woman who just talked through your whole set at the late show? Are you talking about back right corner?

Back left. When you're on stage, back left. To the left there. Yeah. Just a woman talking, doing her own show. Right. So was she doing it for you? But not loud.

No, I think to her friends. No, no. She was Byron byron allen right she was holding court asking her friends all right setting up her friends right and then like we'll be right back like it seemed like she was doing a podcast her podcast she will be right back then they just turn and they watch you for 30 seconds yeah they're like all right break and then back to the that was an ad for ozempic time to make the donuts i it was yeah so here's what happened so i didn't pay attention i was standing in the hallway and a woman came out and she was like excuse me um can you help me and i said what's going on and she was like well there's a woman talking in the back and like we keep looking at her yeah uh she's really derivative she just did the paragraph joke and then she called back to it and she said

i'm calling back um yeah but she and i was like well i can't help you because i'm going up next and she went oh god i hope she shuts up that'd be so i would hate to be up there and someone's just talking she's just talking and i was i said well is she funny and she laughed um but yeah then they said you know head was busy uh crushing cans with his forehead there's a guy here who god damn you could put a fucking steel drum out in front of him and he could just use gravity to smush it down to the width of a penny with his massive cranium. Was he a pro hockey player? No, he didn't tell me that.

He was talking about traveling to Denver for hockey, so I don't know. Did you do... Semi-pro. You hit him with the heed pants now, right? I said to you when you were smoking weed, head, plants, now. Yeah. And I thought that was pretty funny. It was good.

But you no sold it. Yeah, like you no sold me earlier. Yeah, you did it first. Takes one to know one. Hey. Hey. Look, I'm not going to dig that out. Come get it.

Come get it now. Bow now. Bow now. Yeah, I don't know if he heard it. He probably didn Come get it. Come get it now. Bow now. Bow now. Yeah, I don't know if he heard it. He probably didn't like it. I'm sure he's heard it before. He's talking about how he's a size 8. So that woman, one of the people that we were hanging out with,

no soul, a size 8. She rolled her eyes. She's like, who cares? She said, I'm a size 7 shoe. He's like, all right, well'm a size seven shoe it's like all right well ma'am stay stay present she said that a size she was a size seven shoe but a size eight would be fine it wouldn't be a massive uh unwearable leap and you said in shoes quit yapping bitch and i said your feet aren't your head and she had she didn't know what to say and i said what

no it was great uh but yeah he has a size eight and then she didn't she no sold the size eight head which i always uh respect because i if i had uh the wings if i had um a bunch of hair as i did now and again i could be like a seven and three quarters but an eight i think still would have been with like a ton of hair i would maybe not look weird with an eight but he said he's just and he was bald chrome uh shiny and an eight be funny if he had a hat and he was bald, chrome, shiny, and an eight. It'd be funny if he had a hat and it had wings built into the side of it. And then he just wears that all night. And at the end of the night, he's like, all right, boys, be safe out there.

Oh, yeah. Whoa. And he just looks like the judge when he was in middle school. This thing's a monument to neck strength. This thing's a monument to neck strength. Yeah, he mentioned going to Denver, going downtown. He didn't say where he was playing, and I was going to ask. He mentioned that.

Seven joints. Well, he mentioned that whenever he got a beanie, he had to stretch it out for a couple of days on a basketball. That's right. Which is asinine. No one's doing that. He didn did it beanies are built to stretch not as much as he needed them to they're like the vagine well i i wanted to call it bullshit on that but i didn't want to block out the sun forever with his head if he if he headbutt someone it would be man's laughter for sure oh yeah he'd be headbutting that that that guy's kids

would feel the headbutt would have a migraine yeah oh daddy eat your mushrooms uh yeah people god uh watching david tell's special there's a couple, maybe three, two times where people say stuff, and it's like, dude, you know, the least necessary thing is for you to talk when David Tell is on stage. Recording a special. Yeah, recording a special. Because, like, yeah, I understand. Tonight, you don't know who I am. You kill it.

You have a podcast that's somewhat successful. So you murmur, you talk the whole time or a bunch, and you think you're, like it you have a podcast that's somewhat successful yeah so you murmur you talk the whole time or a bunch and you think you're like getting your shit in but man you're it's so crazy to be like i should definitely get in there like what yeah what if they just me too me too if they just stop talking and then i'm right there to help and then get them going again oh my god yeah a lot of that but still fun such a fun room it's like when you're watching your favorite band you're like you know what would make this better if i blew up a beach ball and batted it around if i got up there and jumped off the stage 50 times

if i turned on my guitar hold on i don't i don't mine's not amplified i haven't i have actually a ukulele in comparison to what they're pushing. But yeah, let me just strike this up. It is funny to think about someone in the crowd at a show playing their guitar and being like, hey. I'm doing some shit too. Pretty cool, huh? Is Pete Townsend, windmilling.

You're plugged in. Yeah, you're over. You're playing through 12 stacks. That's the equivalent as a drunk woman. You got a little guy. Hey, hold up.

You don't even have a microphone yeah but the guitar's plugged in yo hey real quick hey i don't have a cord but i brought the guitar i love the tell kept he would say to people there yeah wait i notice you're tuning up. Let me take it from here. Yeah, he would say, let it out. Yeah, that's really funny. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's perfect. It's just like, that's the best road comedy is ever going to be. And he has all those jokes about like,

he's doing like regional bits. He has bits about Sacramento and Bakersfield. That's where the almonds are from yeah he when we were watching it megan and i i asked about where i wonder where this is you know because i had didn't see anything hadn't read anything and then he says san diego like twice and so megan was like he's in san diego and then halfway through he says yeah san francisco punchline yeah or no cobs cobs yeah where we're gonna be dear listener in june whoa and it will not be as full as that i'm opening for a tell it's gonna be fun to see a bunch of

new comics doing a tell cadence again you know but doing shane gillis arm so they'll have they'll have fucking you know what's behind my back and then doing the voice i'm dave gillis because we've been doing comedy long enough that people forgot about it tells cadence but dude when i was in vegas when i was very new i was definitely doing headberg a little bit not like real hard but i thought that that's what i wanted was uh kind of talking to myself there's a not short one-liners not his style but the not i didn't want to be uh fuck my big old ass like catchphrase right shiny fun crazy it's a party uh i definitely wanted to be more not intellectual but i don't know and it's i wasn't i wasn't dave i was like dave but

didn't try to be him as much. And then eventually it was like, you have to sell this shit a little bit. Right. You're not funny enough to just be like, eh, so anyway, it'll pay off. It's going to be four minutes long, but it'll be funny at the end. Yeah. You know. And then everyone started doing Canaan.

And then everyone started doing Canaan. I'm Canaan. That's not it. I'm Kyle Canine. Party Crashers is up next. Not bad. Not bad. Next up, Lawn Order S for you.

Liv finds a baby in a microwave. What happens next? Tune in to find out. Hey, next up, the State of the Union Address. Child's Play 3. Surf Ninjas. Up next on the USA Network. Hey, do you have mesothelioma? He's everywhere.

Bummer. Johnson and Wales can get you a degree in culinary arts. I don't know what I'm doing now. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Well, should we do an ad? Do we have one? I believe so.

All right. Well, Lone's getting that ad ready. I just want to tell everyone that I will be gone for two weeks, but then I'll be over there in Arcata, California at Savage Henry, 418. First show sold out. Second show, still some tickies available. Hood River Comedy Festival.

Bloomington, Indiana. Hey, this is the only Indiana date that I'm doing this year. So if you guys live anywhere around Indiana, come to Bloomington, the Comedy Attic, and see me. Lund will be there, too. He's doing Tara Hoth the night before. That's right. That's right.

There's an Eventbrite. Ticket Link. It's doing Tara Hoth the night before. That's right. That's right. There's an event, right? Ticket Link. It's, yeah, the 24th. Is that an old spaghetti factory or some shit? It's at a steakhouse. A nice steakhouse. There's going to be some free hors d'oeuvres. Yes.

Before the show. And there's a- Black Tie Affair? No. You do not know Black Tie Affair? Yeah. I was just about to say that but i thought better of black out affair yeah hey we're high as hell black gout affair it's when you eat nothing

but blood pudding i'm on allopurinol so i'm literally bulletproof yeah i'm gonna perform at a steakhouse in indiana oh yeah you're gonna eat up i'm gonna take the wheelbarrow challenge yes they're gonna need one to get you out of there. Well, no, that's the challenge. You eat a bunch of steak that comes out in a wheelbarrow, and if you can walk out on your own power, it's free. If you need the wheelbarrow to get you from farm to table, from table back to farm. You have to pay for the wheelbarrow.

You just buy yourself a wheelbarrow, fella. Uber surge prices. Yeah. Providence. Providence is going to be hot. I love it up there. I don't know if I'm going to Boston this year, so if you're. Uber surge prices. Yeah. Providence. Providence is going to be hot. I love it up there. I don't know if I'm going to Boston this year, so if you're in the Northeast, come down to Providence.

SamTalent.com. And Wide World's coming out Monday. That's right. Monday, Monday, Monday. New Epi. I'll be live in the chat from Belfast, 6 p.m. Mountain Time. Oh, I could do that. Yeah, you can get in there, buddy.

Monday. Monday, 6 p.m. And then, of course, Patreon.com slash Chevy Behemoth. $5 a month gets you hundreds of thousands of hours. We've been podcasting since they first invented the microphone. When we started, it was just I would roll up an old newspaper that said Coolidge wins, and I would scream through it, and people would hear it in the town square. When they ran out of tomatoes.

They'd let me talk after badgering with me. Are you jacking? What are you doing? Shut up. I'm rummaging through my chest hair. Rummaging. Yeah. Well, you are. I'm in the junk drawer.

You are cleaning your chest. Yes. And our sponsor is Manscaped. Oh, shit. So, yeah, maybe you thwack that thing and say goodbye to the thicket, the Margaret Thatcher. The Thatchmo?

The trumpet player? Oh, Thatchmo, yeah, I like that. Did you watch Rugrats? A little bit. I was a little old for it, I think. I was getting laid while you were watching Rugrats. That's what you always say. I could be like have you

seen the 88 summer olympics and you're like no as soon as you're getting slurped off blindfolded couldn't see the tv yeah uh no but there was a joke on there that i always stuck with me which was they're they're looking for a sasquatch s creature and they say sat they call keep calling satchmo and he's like satchmo and then the grandpa says the trumpet player and they say no the monster the monster anyway manscaped that's funny that that's in your brain it's been there forever it's so weird i know all the lyrics to the hey dude intro do you remember that yeah who could forget yeah ben stiller doesn't forget it even went out and married uh she was on hey dude who his wife christine mccormick what i think that's right holy shit anymore of a salute

your shorts guy well yeah it was the same block uh yeah you were a little kid i was getting laid and watching hey dude you were saluting your shorts you were jerking off to hey dude right now i'm not doing that i'm digging spring has sprung and so has your little boner because you're doing a dry run for the shows tomorrow it's not a dry run for long um but yeah while you're spring cleaning your apartment because you rent forever. Spring clean your balls while you're at it. Meanwhile, I own several properties. I own a Whataburger outside of Garland. Dude, isn't it so funny to find out that you were taking all the Patreon money and opening Whataburgers?

Yeah, I'm killing it. Yeah, you're like Rick Ross. You shaped the exact... I'm Freeway. With your shirt off, you look like Rick Ross. i'm noriega yeah i'm def jim i was in def jim vendetta god what a great game oh yeah everyone forgets those play that again oh yeah but yeah manscape man they have everything you need to clear out that winter bush you gross fuck especially with the lawnmower 5.0 ultra finally five fingers 5.0 oh yeah michelob lawnmower 5.0 ultra not a lot of calories while you're shaving down there oh yeah pubes that's what you like

they're like celery you burn more calories eating them it's healthy you'll lose weight if you get rid of that fucking margaret thatch but yeah the lawnmower is a trimmer that has tons of amazing features if you hate making a mess the lawnmower is waterproof so get in the shower yeah get completely nude in the shower and make a mess when your wife's coming home stop up the drain yeah and then step try to stomp it down, but it doesn't go anywhere. It's stuck. Shave only half of them and say, hey, baby, I'm Two-Face. And then flip a coin. And depending on what it lands on, anal or vagin.

It's a fun game. Keep it fresh. Manscaped. What about this? Hit me. I know you like to shower in the dark. Have you done that? You've pulled. It's pretty fun yeah it's scary dude yeah you definitely freak out your own ass dude in the basement at our house dude showering in there in the dark yeah it's biblical we uh yeah it's an ancient thing always a good uh prank you're in

there you turn the lights off you're fucked you. You can't get out. You're going to slip and break your ass. Right. So you're stuck in there, and you are at the mercy of your brother. Alita! Alita, turn the lights on! Who will help you? Who will save you? Antheeda.

But no. If you want to shower in the dark, there's dual LED spotlights to help you see what you're up to. So why not? Fuck it. You know what? Just drive out where the stars are bright. I guess you don't need it out there. By the Alamo.

Mm-hmm. The stars are big and bright, so you're underneath, you can see, but you also have the North Star down there, well, the South Star. Yeah. You know what that's good for? Is if you rob a bank completely nude

and then on your getaway you know some people will like uh put a different costume on oh yeah or like shave their heads you just shave your bush and then they like arrest you and you're completely nude and you're like that's the that's the first uh sketch in the new kids in the hall did you watch that no damn two guys rob a bank and then they're like they'll be looking for people with clothes on and so they get fully nude nice crazy it's a good angle i should have jacked it to that since i couldn't jack it are they dressed like chicks so porn no their dicks are out you get to see what dave and bruce's dicks michael McKeon's hog? No, it's... Dave Foley?

Kevin McDonald, and I think Dave. That's who I meant to say, not Michael McKeon. Anyway. Shower in the dark, you psycho. Hey, Hitchcock, shower in the dark, you Dutch fuck. And the lawnmower also comes with two different blade heads or whatever one standard for taking a little off the top for being flirty with your bush your mound and then there's a foil blade for a super smooth shave if you want to bat your

cock's lashes across the bar use the first blade but you want to go your cock's lashes across the bar, use the first blade. But if you want to go down to the bone to trick someone into thinking you're a baby. We love Manscaped. We love shaving our shit. I use it on my face. It's great. It's good for all over. I'm going to shave you in the dark.

That's my favorite Bjork album. Shave me in the dark. Oh yeah, and on top of all of that. No way, there's more? We're not even close to being done. If you're on the go a lot, you sure are. You're about to go to europe and where nobody has pukes never be extradited yeah and get away with it again if you're traveling way too much trying to

spread out your fucking sperm you're in luck because lawnmower 5.0 even comes with a compact case that's perfect for travel i have it in my bag right now hey bjork why don't you read this next part yes so you get 20 off and free shipping with the code chubby at manscaped.com that's 20 off and free shipping with the code chubby at manscaped.com nothing like a little spring cleaning in your pants. Bjork, get in here. Get back in there and make these cookies. Thank you, Bjork.

Time to make another album. Get in the tree and make the fudge-dipped cookie. Fuck your tree, Dad. Is that it? Yeah.