Circling Back - Feral Hogs & Home Alone
Episode Date: August 7, 2019What to do when 30-50 feral hogs storm your property, discussing Disney remaking Home Alone, The Homie goes back to school, a Steam Room involving The New York Times, and This Weekend In Fun. Support... us on Patreon and receive weekly episodes for as low $5 per month: www.patreon.com/circlingbackpodcast (0:00) Fun & Easy Banter (8:46) 30-50 Feral Hogs (27:15) Disney Remaking 'Home Alone' (40:25) Dillon's Baked Chicken Recipe (43:56) The Homie Goes Back To School (55:12) The Steam Room: New York Times (1:05:07) This Weekend In Fun Shop Circling Back Merchandise: www.washedmedia.com/shop Earlybird CBD: www.earlybirdcbd.com (CIRCLINGBACK for 20% off) Stance Socks: www.stance.com/circlingback (Free Pair!) Fulton & Roark: www.fultonandroark.com (RANDY for 15% off) Postmates: www.postmates.com (CIRCLING for $100 delivery credits) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/circling-back/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
all right we're back circling back podcast live in the early bird cbd studio in austin texas my
name is will defries to my right dave ruff let's do a little feet talk real quick you guys saw the
antonio brown feet pic correct, what the fuck's up with his
feet? I've got breaking news on what
might have caused this. Okay.
Cryotherapy.
What? Apparently, this is per
sources.
Actually, someone sent me the deadspin link.
Apparently, he went into the cryo
chamber without the proper protection.
I don't know if every place does this,
but the place that I go to occasionally,
they give you thick socks to put on,
and they give you mittens to prevent frostbite.
Sure.
I went with Sally once, and she got those feet and hands.
So they're saying that he might have gone in there
and gotten frostbite.
What do they do with your piece?
You wear underwear.
Or I do.
But that's not exactly warm, is it?
I think it's because it's not.
You're worried your balls are going to shrivel into your stomach, Dylan?
There's a joke here, but it's not like an extremity.
Okay.
I mean, maybe for you it is.
Speak for yourself, then.
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
Oh, man.
Man, Dylan.
No one saw that.
Wow.
The man who needs no introduction.
Yeah, the human piece himself. Dylan Shivery. The human piece. Don't one saw that. Wow. The man who needs no introduction. Yeah. The human piece himself.
Dylan Chivary.
The human piece.
No one's called me that.
Thanks for the introduction.
I'm glad to be here.
David, you said that Bernie Sanders promises to show us them aliens if he's elected president,
or at least tell us about them.
Let's see them aliens.
You trying to sit here and act like I didn't burn through that entire thing last night?
Okay.
I didn't know that he revealed it.
How long was the interview?
Was it a short one? It was an hour. Okay. That makes sense. Exactly last night. Okay. I didn't know that he revealed it. How long was the interview? Was it a short one?
It was an hour.
Okay, that makes sense.
It was exactly an hour.
You could tell that they gave it like,
all right, Joe.
Do you recommend?
Yes or no?
How into politics are you?
Not very, actually.
You probably won't like it.
Okay.
It's not, they don't dick around.
It's not, if you think like,
I'm not saying you,
but if you're thinking you're going to get Joe like Elon Musk
and he's going to do some fun shit, it's not.
It's very, very much issue oriented.
Okay.
Healthcare.
I think you should listen to it, Dylan.
But it's only an hour.
It's not terrible.
I think this could be your entry into politics, Dylan.
I don't know if I want to be into politics.
But imagine running for
president and not going on Joe what'd you do while you while you listen to it it was after
bachelor in paradise I honestly sat down uh I was play with Randy a little bit this is in my living
room and then I did some stretches because I have my lower I just always wonder what you like an
hour one's much different than like a three-hour Rogan but I'm like what do people do in their
houses when they're listening to a three-hour Rogan?
It's strictly road trip material for me.
I definitely don't listen to it, most Rogans, at home in my house.
Yeah.
It's mainly a car thing.
Yeah.
Well, you told me you used to watch, like, hockey games or something with, like, a podcast
on, or maybe baseball games.
Baseball, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, like, I just wonder what people do when they're not having, when they don't have something on mute or they're not. Baseball. Whatever. And like, I just wonder what people do
when they're not having,
when they don't have something on mute
or they're not doing a task.
Because maybe you have your laptop open
doing like some work
or sending funny tweets.
The Alex Jones one
is like three and a half,
four hours.
I still haven't finished it
and I don't want to.
He made me uncomfortable.
He made me so uncomfortable.
I was listening to it on a plane
and I like started sweating on the plane
just thinking about it.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Hey, we've got big news.
Let's go.
Launching today.
Circling Batch in Paradise on Patreon.
Actually, you have three options
of how to listen to this.
You can either upgrade your account
to the $10 optimized tier.
You can pay $5 for the Bachelorette tier
or Bachelor Franchise tier.
Or I guess it's just two ways.
Either way, you have to subscribe to Patreon.
Or you could hack our system.
Hey, don't do that.
Did we miss the boat
by not calling it Backers in Paradise?
I don't think so
because I think we need to run
with the circling batch.
Nomenclature.
Someone said that in the comments of one of our posts and I was like,
ah,
yeah,
I'll,
I'll explain why off here,
but I think,
I think what we did is,
is still okay.
Okay.
You can't share that with our people.
Okay.
No,
shut the fuck up,
dude.
Damn.
I'm sorry.
Dude.
If there's anyone in this room who loves leaking stuff early, it's Dylan.
Yeah, that's true. Like, it's so bad.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry.
When we first started circling back, you were like teasing stuff.
And it was like, dude, stop.
I get really excited about this.
You're going to be the watched media anonymous source.
That's you.
No.
A whistle-blowing ass?
Come on.
Have you watched The Big Hack on Netflix?
No.
You're the dude with the pink hair.
Yeah, that doesn't register with me. You don want that what is he a hacker uh he's he's just i don't even know that that i'll be honest that documentary kind of sucks did you ever watch the
movie hackers yeah there was a time where we got kind of obsessed with it and we were like we should
get our desktops and like make them different colors. You know, we wanted like green and pink desktops
instead of like the gray Acer.
It never really happened.
I had one friend who tried to paint his
and ended up kind of like fucking it up.
Like he ruined his keyboard.
There's like two life decisions that I made
that could have led me
to just being a total computer nerd,
I think.
It might've been a pretty lucrative decision had you done it.
Who knows?
It's like the butterfly effect is in full effect with that.
I could have easily just been a nerd.
But instead, I'm doing Friday episodes on Patreon for just $5.
Listener voicemails.
Wow.
And also, as you know, we've got the Party Wave shirt coming out.
It's already out.
We have another shirt that might be coming out once we approve some designs,
and I think that people might like it.
You guys don't even know about this yet.
See, this is where I could leak more upcoming stuff, but I'm not going to.
I'm withholding.
Oh, man, that's so kind of you.
I could not leak this if I wanted to because I don't think I understand the reference.
Man, you just wait, David.
Silly little bitch.
Also, have you guys noticed
seeing or hearing
a bunch of ads for socks lately?
Have you guys noticed this?
Just a few years ago,
no one ever talked about socks.
Socks are hot now.
Why so much noise
about getting something
we never used to care about?
Well, I got some info for you.
It's because stance changed the game
when it came to socks.
New sponsor alert. We got to get a better new sponsor alert sounder than that.
That was really bad. If someone from Stance is listening right now, they're going to be like,
could you not bring any more energy for the new sponsor alert?
It's always exciting when you use a product for a long time because you love it.
And then they become a sponsor. This is true. Yeah. We've been in on them for a while. And
when I heard that we had a little
call with them i was very excited you did get excited you saw me yeah it was crazy i was
straight up cheesing stance brought creativity design and quality to what was once a boring
accessory i've been a noted like uh flashy sock hater in the past at like weddings and stuff
stance's socks are so awesome that like i don't even care
about stuff anymore put socks on me they have like the full spectrum they have your basic crew socks
white gray black no shows no shows but they also have if you want to get a little crazy with the
the crew socks you know you get some stripes you can get some logos will's got the grateful dead
mashup they've got pulp fiction toy story kid cuddy
star wars rihanna grateful dead carhartt wu-tang rick and morty marvel dave billy eilish stranger
things alan ivy like listen to all this it's crazy or if you just want to be a little bit
more subtle like me i just got some subtle stripes on my cruise i got tight as hell i got
some no-shows, some athletic ones.
I love working out in them.
They feel good.
They've got good support.
They don't slide.
That's the worst, when your sock moves once your shoe's on.
Is that why you were putting up extra weight yesterday at the gym?
Yeah, actually, I hit my PR and squat.
Wow.
Are you guys aware of how they give back to the community?
No, tell us.
Because it's pretty big.
First and foremost, Socks for Heroes,
which sends socks to deployed military
around the world.
They also do collaborations
that raise money
for clean water initiatives
in Africa,
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And finally,
I think you guys
are going to like this one.
They catch party waves
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That's tight. Yep. Stance is a great offer for our listeners if you go to stance.com circling back you get a free
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they're just socks.
Hey,
did you guys see this
feral hogs thing trending?
Yes.
Has there ever been
like a more on brand thing
for us to talk about
than this?
It's been really,
it's been a really fun.
I don't think it has
much life to it.
Like it's going to,
it's going to be gone.
It might already be dead.
I don't know.
It might be.
I think it was dead yesterday.
It's been a lot of fun. We had, we would be remiss not to talk about it. it's gonna it's gonna be gone it might already be dead i don't know it might be i think it was dead yesterday it's been a lot of fun we had we would be remiss not to talk about
people were declaring it dead like six hours later yeah i was like man this is so fun though
it was it was it was good while it lasted i'm pro feral hog talk in general as a native um i guess
i'm not a native texan but as a Texan, I feel like it's incumbent upon me
to understand the dangers of the feral hog.
Should we explain this for people that aren't on Twitter?
Because this is strictly Twitter.
This isn't like bleeding over.
Yeah, go ahead.
Jason Isbell tweeted, oh, sorry.
No, go for it.
He said, if you're on here arguing about the definition
of an assault weapon today, you are part of the problem.
You know what an assault weapon is,
and you know you don't need one.
Politics aside, we're going to find humor in this
because a guy named William McNabb, or at Willie McNabb,
said, legit question for rural Americans.
How do I kill the 30 to 50 feral hogs that run into my yard
within three to five minutes while my small kids play?
And so looking at this originally i was like i think i might
have actually thought like oh that's a legit question then i was like hold on like this is
absolutely absurd yeah yeah um of course he's implying that like he needs to keep an assault
rifle on hand in case 30 50 feral hogs run into his backyard where his children are playing.
Because he needs to kill all 30 to 50 of them.
He needs to slaughter them.
Man, just a bloodbath.
Just a pile of dead feral hogs while his kids are swinging on the playscape.
Like just mass graves on your property of feral hogs.
If you kill 50 feral hogs in your backyard, what does your grass do?
There's just blood everywhere.
Does it die?
Does it just get sopping wet?
He needs to consider putting up some kind of fence, I think.
I mean, he's got small kids.
If you have that many feral hogs running through your yard
in a place where your kids are playing,
you might want to do something about it.
You might want to block it off.
Did your hometown,
or I guess your childhood home,
have a fence?
A backyard fence?
No.
It didn't?
No.
I feel like that's an up north thing.
A lot of people,
I don't know where this dude's from,
but just as an aside,
I'm thinking like,
a lot of people don't have like,
backyards with fences.
We did not.
That's wild.
I don't think Harbor Springs
had much of a feral hog problem though.
Not yet. No. No. Just don't think Harbor Springs had much of a feral hog problem, though. Not yet.
No.
No.
Okay, for just a second, just imagine that this guy's hanging out on his back porch.
He's watching his kids play, like, t-ball in the back there, like something, maybe catch.
And then one feral hog pokes his head out.
I'm imagining, like, Pumbaa.
One feral hog pokes his head out.
I'm imagining like Pumbaa.
And then 29 to 49 of his closest friends just squat up behind him and just start attacking these kids.
Is this guy just going to take his assault rifle out
and just start lighting everything up?
It seems to be what he...
I don't know.
This is like Boondock Saints type shit.
30 to 50.
So you know what this guy should look into?
And I don't know if this guy's from Texas or not but you know they they'll take you up in a helicopter now and you
can just unload yeah he should buy a helicopter instead i've seen that actually a dude a guy i
went to college with he does that he does like guided helicopter tours now which i don't really
okay it's if that's not your land i guess you just want to go out there and kill some pigs from a helicopter.
Now, the wild hogs,
they do travel in big packs like this.
30 to 50, though?
I tried to look this up.
I've seen 30 run through our property
on our ranch property.
Did you gun them all down with your assault rifle?
We didn't have it prepared to shoot them at the time.
We were just rolling through on our little our uh little mule thing this is second hand but i've under i've been told that uh feral hogs can
reproduce like up to like three or four times a year like litter wise really yeah yeah so i mean
they they they increase exponentially and they are dude i mean this has been a thing for a while
like that they are kind of taking over the landscape across the,
you know, I guess the Midwest, even into the, I don't know,
maybe the Northeast.
But like, I feel like that they're not going to like squat up on your kid
in the backyard.
No, I don't.
I don't.
I think that kids are going to be safe unless they pose a threat to the
hogs and they feel the need to defend themselves.
And then that's when they get ornery, believe that's that's like most animals yeah that's like most any insect or animal like
as long as you're not on its turf and you're not fucking with it like it's probably not going to
bother you unless it's a mountain lion and then it's going to actually murder you in cold blood
i like how he starts the question by saying legit question for a world like he wants to know the
answer so he wasn't like trying to troll he wasn't trolling jason he was like don't question for rural like he wants to know the answer so he wasn't like trying to
troll he wasn't trolling jason he was like don't ask for rural america like you're not covering
all of rural america's bases right now like this is a very concentrated problem yeah concentrated
to where uh the south i'm trying to i'm trying to find i watched some show on like it might have been
like an ancient aliens fake show on national geographic but there was some show about how
like russian hogs are like all like they're now all over the united states russian hogs
they come they're indigenous to russia nobody knows i guess i don't know how they got here
maybe they uh i guess they could have swam right i don't know maybe taking robots I don't know how they got here. Maybe they, I guess they could have swam, right? I don't know.
Maybe taking rowboats.
I don't know if pigs can swim or not.
Yeah, they're spreading,
but I don't think he can claim that he's covering all the bases for rural America.
I think you should start with a fence
and see how that works.
Yeah.
What kind of fence?
Put the...
You gotta think chain link.
Put the high velocity rifle away
while your kids are playing, sir.
That's my suggestion.
Yeah, does he just shrug off his daughter and like, hey, get out of the way?
She's crawling on him.
Dad, they're coming again.
He's just unloading on the hogs that are running through his yard.
They're fast, too, by the way.
Yeah, dude, they're hard as fuck to kill.
Yeah, they're fast.
They're running.
Has he done this before?
No, I think William McNabb.
He's probably got a friend
who's got a ranch
who ranch like any bitches
about hogs.
And so he's just kind of like
taking the torch, like.
Because I'm just,
I don't know what this dude
looks like because his,
his avi is just a picture
of a Arkansas razorback.
But I think he changed it
to that after the hog discussion.
Oh, okay.
After he went viral.
Because I'm just imagining him with a wheelbarrow just taking 50 hogs to a pile behind his garage
and then his kids just going out and resuming their game of catch.
What is he doing?
He's just dumping bodies.
Yeah.
You guys want some fun facts?
He's like, all right, it's safe now.
You guys are good.
You guys want some fun facts on He's like, all right, it's safe now. You guys are good. You guys want some fun facts on feral hogs?
Sure.
So this is per, wow, this guy's name is John Mayer,
feral hog expert and author of Wild Pigs in the United States.
They're one of the world's most invasive species.
Feral hogs, they're a non-native species
introed in the U.S. in the 16th century by explorers,
according to the Department of Agriculture.
For most of the 20th century,
there were about 2 million wild pigs spread across 20 states,
mostly in the South with a fairly stable population.
After 1990, however, that population exploded
and expanded for reasons the author will get to in a moment.
We probably won't.
Now, 48 states have reported the animal's presence,
and the population is believed to be between 6 and seven million mayor calls it the pig bomb six and seven million
yeah i expected that number to be a lot higher i really have no reference for that but i that
seems high to me i'm imagining spread across 48 states i don't know yeah but probably concentrated
in like certain parts
how many people
went to Woodstock 99
imagine
you gotta think
20 million
no
is that a joke
I don't know
you think it's less
or more
probably like
100,000
no
spread out over
48 states
it's a lot of land
I know
so
yeah but
keep in mind
48 states is also like
there's probably like in like some northern state there's probably not that many in that state but
it counts it's very highly concentrated to the lower part of the united states how many they
chill in the south i just i just looked at a map of where they are and it's very concentrated to
the south okay between the years 2007 and 2017 this is worldwide how many fatal pig attacks do
you think there were in what what was the time span 07 to 2017 so a decade 20 um 3 84 really
which is more than sharks we're talking about humans getting killed by a pig yeah okay okay
just making sure um wow but that's still not like it's less than
one a year if you run the numbers i think no it's not it's not oh yeah it's not 84 years
no but it's still i mean still that's hard dave i get it it's actually surprising that i even my
computer is about to explode your computer i just never heard about can you hear this your computer
sounds like a helicopter that's about to take off
and mow down a bunch of feral fucking pigs.
It'd be tight.
It's just about to...
I wish you would just shoot me.
I guess I just never heard of a pig or a hog, wild hog,
actually killing a person.
I know that they can be aggressive,
but I didn't know they actually...
I always heard stories about weird...
I'll say it.
It's kind of weird.
People are like, yeah, my buddy hunts hogs.
He just goes out with a knife and some dogs.
And I'm like, okay.
Then you always hear about the dogs getting gored and shit.
I'm like, that doesn't sound tight at all.
Wasn't there a show about this where they would hunt wild hogs
and they used Great Danes?
Really?
I think Great Danes were actually bred specifically for this,
now that I think about it.
They don't seem like they would...
Yeah.
Look it up, Will.
I'm not...
This is your stat.
I'm not fucking...
I'm not...
There's a Great Dane puppy at my apartment,
and the coloration on this thing is just wild.
I love their color scheme.
I love what they're doing.
No, this is unlike anything I'd ever seen before. It has, like, every single color. Yeah. Okay love their color scheme. I love what they're doing. This is unlike anything I'd ever seen before.
It has like every single color.
Yeah, okay, here we go.
The Great Dane originally was
bred in Germany for the purpose of hunting
the European wild boar,
which at the time was the most savage
of all game on the continent. Holy
shit. This took a powerful,
intelligent, tenacious dog,
and the Dane's personality and breed characteristics
suited him perfectly to the task.
Oh, who knew?
Well, I guess I did.
How close are wild boars to feral pigs?
Oh, wow.
It's the same damn thing.
I thought about the same thing, too.
I mean, a boar is just the male, I believe.
Don't quote me on that, please.
The boar is just a pig that does CrossFit.
Yes, that's right.
So it's just all teed up.
Man, Great Danes.
I love Great Danes, but they're so docile.
I do, too.
I wouldn't want one to go head up with a feral hog.
Yeah, the show that I watched, these things would just tear ass through the woods
and come down with a hog.
My limited experience pig
hunting if you see let's say you see like 10 you shoot one they all scatter you're not getting
all right that's why you need the assault right so you can put multiple clips into them even them
no they're gone they're so gone yeah have you ever here's the thing like you've hunted them with like
a shotgun like have you ever had an assault rifle because it makes it a lot easier to just mow them down.
No, I was actually just hunting them with my bare hands.
It didn't work out well.
This guy should just give his kids assault rifles
so that they can just do it when they're confronted with it.
We need more good guys with guns.
Or at least a knife or something.
Yeah, dude, strap your kids.
It's not that this is a no-brainer.
I picture this guy living in some kind of walking dead dystopian future,
and it's just like everybody's strapped up, just on edge at all times.
It's just hogs feeding on carcasses on the road.
They hear the—
But the kids are just playing hopscotch as the blood runs through the streets.
What noise do hogs make?
You hear this subtle grunting off in distance,
and the kids just look at each other and go,
here we go again.
They're coming for us.
There's walkers out there.
There's hogs out there.
Are you doing a Rick now?
If you've never been out there, you've never seen it.
Right?
That's actually pretty good.
That's a good Rick.
We do what we have to do to survive
the hogs doing i miss that show i'm so glad that show's done yeah it stinks
nothing stinks worse than the hogs though this is just a funny thread too the jason isbell thread
well dude started this whole this guy also tweeted later that he doesn't even own an assault rifle.
Thanks for clarifying, Will.
Willie. He's got a role
with the virility here.
Okay, did he... I checked his
timeline to see if he had figured out
that he was a meme. He did.
He's retweeting stuff. He retweeted
Slate, who wrote what might
be looked at as an irresponsible column, saying that
he has a point because
people are legally allowed to shoot these from
helicopters. Full disclosure, I did
just, that was what I was reading from
that Slate article. Yeah.
Really? I don't think it's
that irresponsible. But like
the headline I think
might be irresponsible. Definitely.
No, because it's like, I mean
the guy's right.
There's a lot of hogs out there,
but I feel like your kid in the backyard is not going to 30 to 50,
30 to 50 is what made the tweet.
Had he just said feral hogs.
Yeah.
If this doesn't happen,
if I'm imagining six of them rolling up,
then I'm like,
I'm not,
I don't think it's as absurd,
I guess for some reason,
but like maybe he has a better point because it is 30 to 50.
He's just trying to mow these things down.
Let's say anywhere from 30 to maybe, like, 50.
Okay.
Like, that's an assload of feral hawks.
So he doesn't even own an assault rifle at this point,
which means that he's just exposing his kids to this.
I'll just say this.
If 30 to 50 roll up on your house, it's over for you.
I don't care what you got.
You're not doing anything.
They're going to fuck you up.
All it takes is one to get away and just bite your kid.
Like that's their yard now.
That's not your kid's yard.
Yeah.
They're going to fuck up whatever.
If you're having this problem, that's not even your property.
Your crepe myrtle is over.
That's owned by the feral pigs now.
You're done.
Your begonias are gone.
The rosebush, it's over.
What do they eat?
Crops.
Grass.
Why don't we just do what they do in France
and just train these pigs to hunt for truffles instead of kill kids?
What do they eat?
Wouldn't that be easier?
I know they eat from our corn feeder.
I think that's smart.
At the ranch.
Okay, that's why a lot of dudes with ranches hate hogs
is because when the feeders go off,
the hogs get out there and eat the food before the deer can can get to it and they really hate that they eat meat and fish
wild hogs will gladly eat a vast range of animals well also they're omnivores they also eat plants
and vegetation okay okay fish how do they get the fish? They're expert fishermen.
They can't catch a fish.
Yeah, they do guided fly fishing tours.
Oh, they do?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I didn't realize that.
They're actually pescatarians.
Many of them.
Yeah.
They're super aquatic. They actually do a lot of whitewater rafting as well.
Wow.
It's hard to find a boat that can support them because they're so heavy in the weight.
These are very capable animals.
They are. I didn't realize that. And they roll in such big packs that they usually have to find a boat that can support them because they're so heavy in the weight. These are very capable animals. I didn't realize that.
And they roll in such big packs that they usually have to get a guide
because they'll disturb the fish otherwise
when they're fly fishing.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Dude, this poor dude Willie
is going to look out on his pond
and he's just going to see 30 to 50 out there
just overfishing his shit.
What if, like, dude...
What do I do about the 30 to 50 hogs fishing my
stock tank out there?
What if the internet shames
him to being like, alright, I don't need an assault rifle
for this. And then like it comes out
like two years later, it's like
Arkansas man, two
kids killed by 30 to 50 feral
hogs. It's like, oh shit, that's
out of America. We should all
get it. we shouldn't
have shamed them we should have strapped them and said it turns out willie was right one of the
vineyards i went to in italy i noticed like they had a guy and he had a shotgun just kind of leaned
up against like his i don't know if it was like his cubby or locky locker area like kind of off
in the back and the guy like saw me looking at him he was like yo we have a hog don't just look at it touch it hog problem i was like you're gonna you're
gonna take care of that hog problem with that little uh shotgun there all right that's fine
i mean i don't know maybe it's more like the loud noise scares them they all run off but like
you can sting them pretty good with those pellets but you're not yeah from a distance you're not
gonna kill them there are ways so you have to have to have a certain caliber to pierce their skull and kill them, right?
They're fucking notoriously thick.
You can use just a deer rifle.
Are they the thickest animal?
What do you mean?
They're just thick.
Two Cs.
I feel like hippos got to be in the discussion.
Pound for pound.
I'm still going to ride with hippos.
Wild hogs can be pretty lean, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
How fast are they?
You're thinking of a traditional pig that you raise for pork,
but a hog doesn't eat like that kind of pig does.
Oh, my God.
Guess how fast they can run.
35 miles an hour.
I've seen them run.
Up to 30 miles an hour.
I know they're fast.
That's very close.
That's quick.
Yeah.
Bears are surprisingly super fast, too.
Oh, do bears chop? They can chop. Yeah. Bears are surprisingly super fast, too. Oh, do bears chop?
They can chop.
If you, okay, 30 to 50 bears, it's over, right?
30 to 50 grizzlies in my backyard, what do I do?
My kids are playing back there.
Have y'all gone on fucking Google Pick photos, whatever, in the last day?
They switched their format, and it's absolutely terrible.
What is it?
Don't even tell me that.
Google Images.
If you go to it, they changed it from the image appearing under where you click
to being on the right of where you click.
And I can tell you, it's not great.
It's going to take some getting used to for me.
I don't like it when Google changes these things.
I need a grandkid I can call to ask if you can switch it back for me
it's like the new Twitter layout
people are not happy about it
I'm fine with it
it's not affected my user experience at all
I'm already used to it
hey do you guys want to talk about some news that no one wanted or needed
sure
Disney is to remake Home Alone
for new streaming service disney plus
or disney plus disney plus so that's why i'm never going to see this movie things have been
taken off netflix things have been getting taken off netflix regularly and other streaming services
because disney is going to end up putting them on disney plus
and so like i'm sure that like anything like i'm sure
a lot of stuff on abc that's on hulu is eventually going to get taken off and put on disney plus
instead they're already doing a package deal where you can get disney plus espn plus and hulu
all right i guess hulu's probably in cahoots with them never mind take i take back what i said
but disney plus is about to become a thing.
The homie's going to need it.
I don't like this at all.
You're going to see this
because the homie needs it.
There are too many streaming services, man.
Why can't we just consolidate all this shit?
To like something called cable?
No, cable doesn't stream though.
You know what I'm saying?
How do you feel about the idea
of doing a new Home Alone?
I feel like I'm going to need 10, you know, subscriptions just to cover all my bases at some point. I'm saying how do you feel about the idea of doing a new Home Alone I feel like I'm gonna need
10 you know
subscriptions
just to cover all my bases
at some point
I'm learning that
as me now
a guy who hashtag
cut the cord
yeah
I am a stream guy now
and there's many
there are many applications
you're gonna need
for your smart TV
that you just acquired
by the way
you get it
you had a dumb TV
for your entire life
yeah I finally got into
the smart TV game
took me way too long
but I'm in it, Dave.
I'm living it.
I can tell you this, though.
Disney Plus has no place on my smart TV.
Why?
I don't support this.
I don't support this.
I don't like this bullshit.
They're going to remake Home Alone.
Nobody asked for this.
It's not going to be as good.
By the way, I really like the people who...
So I was looking up why Home Alone was trending,
and I just popped it open.
I was scrolling down to see more information on this.
I like the people that are the bot accounts
that find what's trending,
and they just throw it in a sentence,
and it's like a nude chick or something.
I just passed some boobies on my timeline.
They'll tweet just every single thing that's trending
so that their tweet comes up.
Yeah, that's just...
I don't like that.
It's cheap.
Yeah, but it seems like the public does not like this Home Alone thing.
And I don't either.
We don't need it.
Where's the creativity?
I want to know who the, I need to know who the kid's going to be.
Like Macaulay Culkin crushed that role.
And then they put that other kid in there for Home Alone 3.
Jonathan Lipnicki.
Who the fuck was that?
I didn't even see that stupid.
Yeah, I didn't either
because it's not Macaulay Culkin.
What if they get one of the Stranger Things kids?
They're too old.
Yeah, they are too old.
They're too old.
If they get the,
what's his name's little sister,
that changes things.
Are people going to get mad
when it's like a kid
who's not a white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid?
It should be a black girl.
I think they need to get, okay, that's when i'll give this a chance get the girl from stranger
things she'd crush that role i feel like that she's already like 16 now though she probably is
well it gets in the show's age like five times faster than everybody else be like that
yeah i will only give this a chance if they get creative with it if they like do something
different i'll watch it with the homie one night.
If it's not Christmas themed, I'm out.
I don't know if the homie's even seen The Orig.
What the f...
Dude, you might just need to give your kid to Dave.
Dave would have showed him The Orig.
Dave, would you like to adopt my son?
I feel like there's a lot of paperwork involved.
I don't want to fuck with that.
I gotta talk to Randy.
I mean, he does like parks. I just don't know if he wants to live with that. I got to talk to Randy. I mean, he does like parks.
I just don't know if he wants to live with parks.
I get that.
You got like friends that you're like boys with,
but you don't want to live with those guys.
You don't want to be roommates with them.
A lot of people lose friendships that way.
Yeah, like I don't even think
Home Alone 3 was Christmas themed.
And I think part of the reason I love those movies
is because they're so Christmas specific
that it's like a feel good thing to watch around Christmas.
I would not mind a Thanksgiving Home home alone it'd be tight that's
different but it's still in the ballpark yeah that's fair i think you could do that i think
that's the only holiday that you could do it with president's day home alone four doesn't really work
flag day yeah so this is going to be a remake of the original i don't know we don't okay there's
no info yet okay gotcha i don't know look here's the deal dylan it's trending they're also remaking
some of dylan's other favorite movies too armageddon there's no way that dylan has seen
any of these night at the museum no diary of a Wimpy Kid no
Cheaper by the Dozen
who's in that
is that Lindsay Lohan
what's his name
Steve
Buscemi
nope
Martin
yeah
he was in it
I haven't seen it
oh
hey on the
on the mail in sometime
you need to have Sally
tell her dad's story
about Steve Martin
okay Steve Martin.
Okay.
Steve Martin almost treated Sally's dad like a feral hog when he thought he was invading his home.
Shut the fuck up.
That's amazing.
It's really, it's a good story.
It's a good story.
It was 30 to 50 members of the Young family.
Yeah, and they all just squatted up.
And Steve Martin was like, nah, fam.
30 to 50 Youngs in my heart.
Dude, my kids are out here.
Hey, I've never seen
any of those movies either.
I've never seen them either.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
I feel better.
Wait, what's the significance?
They're going to remake
those movies too, potentially?
Yeah, I think they're going
to try to draw people in
with these remakes.
Yeah, just put the originals on.
We'll probably watch them.
They need to remake
The Avengers.
Like, I think it's time.
All 60 of them?
No, just the last ones.
The last two that I've seen.
They're pretty recent, though.
How did people handle your talk about Marvel?
Man, a lot of people on Twitter, man.
I was walking downtown to do some work.
People were stopping me on the street left and right.
Like, dude, you crushed that. Dude, you murdered your marvel segment they're like man you killed it and
then it's funny because like a couple people on twitter were saying like the opposite and i was
like well numbers don't lie people more people stopped me on the street and personally thanked
me for bringing that up then tweeted me actually didn't even tweet they tweeted they see a spike
in like streams or rentals yeah
people that's why they come out remaking it people on twitter were revolted by our conversation
they need to remake they need to remake the marvel thing with the stranger we just we just got some
like some some facts wrong i think like we're not marvel nerds but marvel nerds take it seriously
apparently were people mad that i said i i'll be honest i didn't see anything like no one tweeted
at me so i'm not sure if my take that Groot is the
modern day Chewbacca
if that even had like legs
I feel like that was the least egregious thing
I think one girl said that she was like projectile
vomiting from our conversation or something like that
how did I miss this
it's funny
I do avoid our notifications on circling back
when the bachelor's on because
most of it's just like interactions
with those tweets and not people actually talking to us about what we talked about
so like i don't see as much but i don't know i think we should enter the marvel universe
look it's it's entertaining as shit i'm just not like into it i think like some people are
they should not even like a full remake have the same cast but do another one where the stranger
things kids are actually just a part of it like they show up to like fight like theranos or They should not even like a full remake, have the same cast, but do another one where the Stranger Things kids
are actually just a part of it.
Like they show up to like fight like Theranos
or whoever it is.
No, Theranos is the Elizabeth Holmes company
that had to get shut down.
Thanos.
No, that's what I'm saying.
Like, so they all show up to like defeat
like the corporation, the evil corporation.
Oh, no, Thanos is.
Yeah.
Oh.
What's the guy's name in the Avengers?
The villain.
I don't fucking know. I've never seen it. It's Theranos. I do Avengers? The villain. I don't fucking know.
I've never seen it.
It's there.
And I do want to see it.
I just haven't.
The reason that they're after him is because he's been like he promised the world some
kind of like revolutionary blood transfusion device.
OK, it is Thanos.
The Elizabeth Holmes company.
Yeah.
And then like so Robert Downey Jr.
is like, no, dude, you've been defrauding your investors and shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People don't realize that Thanos is actually the biggest the biggest like it's good that they shut that down
i think us saying pronouncing it thanos is going to be the most hated thing i'm a big
theranos guy the elizabeth holmes company is theranos so we got really yeah oh man i've had
it wrong this whole time oh man, man. We are awesome.
Then what do you keep your soup in when you bring it to your work site?
That's a thermos.
Oh.
Yeah, not the same company.
I got it.
Did y'all see the-
You thought that she just made thermoses for the company?
Yeah.
I thought it was just a giant soup thing.
No, it's different.
And it serves it to you.
So I didn't watch all the old Marvel movies like Ant-Man and all that shit.
But one that I did watch was Theron Height 9-11.
And it's pretty interesting.
It's good.
That this dude potentially did 9-11.
Yeah.
If you're not familiar with that entire situation.
No, it wasn't Matty B.
It was this guy.
Matty B, he did 9-11.
Was Matty B, was he one of the stockholders in Thermos?
Yes.
Whoa, is Matty B. Theramos?
He's got a serious feral hog problem, too, in his backyard.
Oh, he's got a hog problem.
That could be the new Avengers.
Like, it's just them pulling up.
Like, there's a couple kids out back playing hopscotch,
and they just pull the fuck up.
They just get smoked by feral hogs?
Well, that's like the villain.
Just imagine 50 Pumbas just getting shot.
How does that make you feel inside?
Pumba was so well-meaning.
Yeah, it was Seth Rogen.
He can't even fart at the watering hole anymore.
We've done enough to him.
Let him live.
Damn.
Now I'm just mixing things in my head
and I'm just mixing things in my head and
I'm imagining like the
the hog guy just saying
the speech from home
alone before the guy
shoots the guy through
the door.
I'm picturing the hog
guy giving Al Pacino's
any given Sunday speech
before he goes outside
him and his kids but
just SKS rivals and
just unload.
Inch by inch, hog by hog.
How do we...
That was a...
I need a cigarette.
That was chaotic.
You need a cigarette.
Hey, if you have any issues with anything
that was just done in that prior segment,
make sure you email dylan at washedmedia.com.
Again, dylan at washedmedia.com. Again, Dylan at washedmedia.com.
That's where all your complaints should go.
Let us know if we got anything wrong.
I don't think we did, but just let us know.
I think we crushed it.
I hope somebody tweets me and says that this was cringeworthy.
It'll happen.
Yeah.
Hey, shouts to Kyle Bandujo's column on BuzzFeed
trending right below Ellen.
You went double vie. No one goes double vie. That's very hard BuzzFeed trending right below Ellen. You went double vi.
No one goes double vi.
That's very hard to do.
Put that man right.
I missed this.
He wrote something a while ago about being a single father,
and now he's just getting completely shit on on Facebook
by people being like, cool, you raised your kid.
Like, come on.
Thanks for doing what you're supposed to do.
Come on.
It's so funny how the two different, I guess what four years can make.
Was it three or four years ago he wrote that?
And everybody loved it back then.
And it's a good column.
You should read it.
But now it's like people are so cynical and miserable.
It's like, oh, we got to shit on this now.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
Probably the same people.
Yeah, it probably is.
They've just gone downhill.
Where can they read it?
If you type in BuzzFeed single dad,
I bet that's what comes up. He wrote it for BuzzFeed, Kyle Banduzzo. Single dad. I bet that's what comes up.
He wrote it for BuzzFeed?
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Cool.
Hey, do you guys know when you need red wine at 4 p.m., sushi at 9 p.m., and a breakfast
burrito at 8 a.m., and ibuprofen at 10 a.m., you can just Postmate it?
I do know that.
Yeah.
Because I do that.
It's your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever kind of delivery service
all year round.
We've all used Postmates.
I can just imagine a guy coming up to Dave's door
with a thing full of fried chicken
all through an app.
Tell me about it.
Anything you're craving, Postmates can deliver.
They're the largest on-demand network in the US
and offer delivery from all the restaurants,
grocery, and convenience stores,
and traditional retailers you could possibly want or need.
I reckon that if you went to a wedding
and you forgot to pack your bow tie,
I bet you could get one of these guys
to stop by Nordy's and get one for you.
That's a bad feeling.
I've done it.
I don't think any app has changed my life
for the better more than this.
Wow.
I'll say it. That's big.
No more trips to the store. You don't
even have to know where the store is. Postmates will deliver
anything to you. You can download the app
for iOS and Android
free and browse local restaurants
and businesses and track your delivery
in real time.
It's like almost too convenient that
you can track it in real time.
It's problematic. It's like watching the microwave heat something.
It just feels longer, and you're so excited for it.
I love it.
I'm just sitting there like that kid with the veins bulging out of his head.
Yep.
Actually, that was a good impression.
People won't see what Dave just did, but he did a pretty good job.
For a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free
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Dylan, you have some big news coming out of the Shivery family.
Hey, before you hop into this, can I get a tea break?
Oh, take a tea break, David.
Go ahead.
Go ahead, dog.
Dude, I knew you needed to do it.
You do this thing with your hands?
Yeah.
You get really nervous.
He gets antsy.
So, Dylan.
Hey, man.
How's it going, man?
I like these moments that we have together when we have to go to the bathroom.
They're nice.
We have some music.
Nice bonding moments over the tinky bricks.
What'd you do last night?
How was your night?
Did you watch anything special on TV?
Did you have any drinks?
What'd you have for dinner?
I cooked chicken.
Oh, wow.
For me and the homie.
I'm sure that was seasoned amazingly.
It was actually pretty good.
It was baked, but it was good.
Didn't I just get roasted on this podcast for baking chicken recently?
Yeah, this is a recipe that I got from Parks' mom.
Okay.
Did you brine it?
No.
So if you take French's fried onions.
Yeah.
Put an egg in there?
Yeah.
You've done this?
Oh, yeah, baby.
It's good.
It is fucking good.
My mom used to do it.
It's fucking good.
Yeah, it's easy as shit to make, too.
The French fried onions along with the, and then you just put it in the egg batter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What I like best about it is the homie absolutely loves it, and he doesn't like many things,
and he just eats the shit out of this chicken.
I don't think I was a picky eater when I was a kid, but my mom used to just do an Italian
dressing and marinate the chicken.
I hated it.
Yeah.
Italian dressing stinks.
It's really easy to make just bland chicken.
Really easy.
What's your favorite chicken salad dressing?
I like a balsamic vinaigrette.
You ordered balsamic at a Mexican restaurant the other day.
Yeah.
That's what I like a balsamic vinaigrette. You ordered balsamic at a Mexican restaurant the other day. Yeah, that's what I like.
Dude, Dylan just admitted to baking his chicken breasts last night.
I'm sorry for cooking dinner for me and my son.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure Parks really enjoyed whatever you whipped out.
Dude, he loved it.
Yeah, Dave, I'll give you two guesses on what he seasoned it with.
You're not going to guess.
Salt and pepper?
You can't guess it because it was nothing.
No, I'm just kidding.
Anyway.
What did you season it with?
It's French's is the brand.
It's fried onions.
And you use an egg.
Oh, so you battered it?
It tastes fried.
You battered it?
Yeah.
Dave, you should try this, honestly.
It's really good.
My mom used to do it.
It's really good.
No, I know how to do it. I've never done it myself. I really good. My mom used to do it. It's really good. No, I know how to do it.
I've never done it myself.
I understand it.
My mom used to do that, too.
It's kind of similar to Shake and Bake.
Remember Shake and Bake?
Yeah, but this is so much better for some reason.
I actually didn't like Shake and Bake.
My mom used to do it with pork chops.
I think I ever had it.
That was the worst.
A little hack.
If you're a big chicken strip person, get the stripped up tenders,
you know, at the store, the frozen ones.
Instead of using breadcrumbs,
use panko breadcrumbs, Japanese style,
and then do them in the oven.
You get like a good chicken strip sensation.
Yummy.
Highly recommend.
I used to do it all the time.
Haven't done it in years.
That was pretty good.
Thanks.
So, anyway.
That's cooking talk. Cooking with the good. Thanks. So, anyway. That's cooking talk.
Cooking with the boys.
Actually, that has legs.
But yes, as you...
Should we do a Tasty rip-off
that's just cooking with the boys?
Dude, is Tasty still doing Tasty?
Yeah.
That shit was huge.
I'm amazed by how many views those videos get.
Never watched one in my life.
I hate them.
I don't hate them, but I have no need for those in my life i don't i hate them i i don't hate them but like i
have no need for those in my life i'm too addicted to gordon ramsay videos at this point not proud
i'm not proud of it but dylan what's the homie doing yeah back to me um oh so man the homie's
growing up and it's it's kind of hitting me hard he's not not a baby anymore. He's not even a little kid.
He's like a big kid now.
He starts.
He's got crutches on chicks.
He starts pre-K in 13 days from now.
Shit.
Yeah, pre-K.
Like real school.
Did you give him a Trapper Keeper?
No.
He's got a little Paw Patrol backpack and a lunchbox.
It's fucking cute, man.
He does not really care for the one that you got him, by the way.
Yeah.
What did he say?
They've got him a Cars 2.
What exactly did he say?
They've got him a Cars 2 backpack, and he told me he likes it a lot more.
I was texting with him last night.
I know it's not my place, but I did get him a Yeti one, though.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Wow.
How much did you spend on that?
A few hundred dollars.
Instead of a backpack,
Parks is just going to bring one of those Yeti bags to class every day.
I know it's not my place, and I don't want to show you up,
but did you get him a Thermos, too?
You can't have him in there.
Yeah, I got him a Theranos.
Yeah, he's got a Theranos thermos.
It's a Theranos with Thanos on the thermos.
Anyway, like I was saying, it hit me hard.
I had to go to a school yesterday and today, this morning,
before we recorded to sign his enrollment paper
and get all that stuff squared away,
get his vaccine record and all that stuff sent in.
But you didn't vaccinate him.
You ended up doing it?
Shut up.
Didn't you get a home kit or something?
We were never anti-vaccine.
You told us that as long as he takes apple cider
vinegar every day, he'll be fine.
If it has the mother in it.
Weren't you making his
breakfast with
bulletproof
like coffee creamer and stuff?
I figured that was enough.
That'd be pretty sick.
Yeah, I didn't want him getting polio,
so I just gave him
a little apple cider.
Anyway.
Yeah, I got like a little bit emotional
like walking through the hallways
of his school.
I'm like, oh my God,
my kid's about to be
in like actual school.
It was wild, man. And when you walk into an elementary school that they're all they're all the same
they all smell the exact same way and it just like brought back so it was weird you can smell
like crayons and stuff my kid's about to go through all the stuff that i went through when
i was in school and it's just it's just surreal why'd you why'd you only get him a 12 pack of crayons
though, for real? Stop it, Dave.
You know he's got the 64.
You could have done the 64.
He needs all 64 colors.
So in two Tuesdays
from now, which is
13 days away, it'll be his first
day of school and
I might be a wreck that day. I don't know.
You gonna take the day off yeah i might have
wait will you gonna be gone that day what day is it the 20th i don't know i don't know where i'm
gonna be honestly my schedule's off dude freaked up man the homie like did you feel like a giant
walking through the hallways and going into the classroom?
I didn't go to the classroom.
I just went to the office.
Yeah, I'm going to be gone, dog.
I felt like I was in trouble being in there.
I'm going to be long gone.
You've got to suck it up.
Actually, it's a Tuesday.
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah, we're good.
We're not even recording that day.
I heard you tried to interrupt a kickball game
that was going on in the back out at the field.
No, that didn't happen.
I heard you pushed some kid over and grabbed his Easton
and was like,
no, let me take a few cuts, bitch.
Isn't it weird how
sense of smell
just triggers so many memories?
Like certain things.
I believe they say
it's the strongest sense
tied to memory.
It is, yeah.
And it's very true.
Like, going in there, man,
it's like,
God, I feel like I'm in school again.
It's weird.
The homie.
Kid's growing up.
He's cute as shit.
Good kid. Dude, can he invite us to the book fair? It's gonna make so many friends. Kid's growing up. He's cute as shit. Good kid.
Dude, can he invite us to the book fair?
It's going to make so many friends.
I'm going to just hit him with like a five.
Yo, can we chaperone?
I already told him that.
Can we chaperone?
The book fair?
No, just anything.
Like if they go to like the zoo or something.
Can we chaperone?
I don't see why the hell not.
Put us down.
Okay.
Three men and a baby.
He's not even a baby though.
He's essentially a baby. Soas is so bad at funding like education
and teachers i can remember uh when i was a kid they would and this is like second grade it's
pretty important years right like they would have parents come in like a few parents who volunteered
and they would walk around while we're doing like our grammar stuff and like check our work
but like none of these
none of these parents
were qualified
yeah
so like half the time
they ended up just like
fucking us up even worse
they'd be like
oh actually no
the apostrophe goes there
like oh okay
then like an hour later
Miss Gump's like
oh that was not right
like dude
can we just get some
actual help in here
there's no
there's certain subjects
I'm not gonna be able
to teach my kid anything
I'm gonna do more harm
than good yeah for sure.
When it comes to English class, you know, because that's my shit.
But it's Dylan.
No one's better at me than that.
We all know that.
Dylan Scott Fitzgerald over here.
We get it, dude.
It's actually pronounced Gif.
Yeah.
And I was watching Peaky Blinders with the captions on, and they used the wrong your
the other day.
Oh.
And I was so put off by it.
Yeah, I was watching.
I actually was watching this morning.
I was watching a YouTube video about a sushi chef, and they were closed captions, and they
used an incorrect.
I forget what.
There, I think.
And I was like, well, you can't fuck that up.
I threw up all over my living room.
It was bad.
Do closed captions people just.
Is it automatic?
And they just like.
No.
People type that shit out.
See, that's what I don't get.
I don't get how they're so bad at it.
That job has to suck.
Yeah.
You see it in books, too.
When you're reading a book,
you'll see something incorrect
once in a while.
And it's like,
how does this slip by
every single person?
Weird.
Idiots.
The homie, though, man.
If we can get on the list
of people who can chaperone,
I'd love to, like,
I don't know,
go to, like, a lumberyard
one day with them or something.
Who knows?
A lumberyard?
I don't know if I want to do
the lumberyard.
You want to take a four-year-old
to a lumberyard? We went to a lumberyard when we were, like, young. knows? A lumber? I don't know if I want to do the lumberyard. You want to take a four-year-old to a lumberyard?
We went to a lumberyard when we were like young.
Really?
Yeah, it was tight.
No, I just kind of want to chaperone field day.
Oh, hell yeah.
I just want, I want to see like,
I want to start, you know, scouting these athletes.
Well, they're having a field day at Zilker Park.
Really?
I'm going to be gone for it later this month.
I sent you guys the photo.
He did.
We played a little catch yesterday just at the crib.
How's his gun?
Inside?
He can't catch for shit yet, man.
What an idiot.
Kids just can't catch.
Catch the ball.
Sally can't catch.
I was trying to show him, like, put your hands out in front.
It's a little football.
Put your hands out in front.
Did you give him little receiver gloves?
Yeah, they're Nike.
You put them together.
What were y'all throwing?
It puts the check. Were y'all throwing? It puts the check.
Were y'all throwing a baseball or football?
A little football.
And he just can't catch, man.
I'll work on it.
Yeah.
I'll see.
I mean, I don't know.
The concept is just weird to little ones.
Yeah.
I taught him how to speak, so I feel like I could teach him how to catch.
Dave puts out cornerback vibes, so I feel like Dave could be a good person to let him run routes.
The homie running routes against Dave?
Wait, why do I put out cornerback?
Yeah, seriously.
I guess because I'm 5'9".
I don't know.
I'm just imagining you like...
I think you would enjoy being a cornerback.
That's what I played in high school.
You don't put off left guard vibes, you know?
Why not?
Well, you're almost...
Like left guard for like a...
I would be small... your frame is not as a
sixth grader you're not gonna move any uh defensive there are sixth graders in texas that are bigger
than you thousand percent when i went to that that state championship game no i got sideline
access that's cool those kids are so fucking huge granted they're like 15 16 17 but they're
also wearing cleats shockingly large they're wearing cleats on turf in front of you too it there's still there's still like that gives them
like a half an inch i'm just patrolling the sidelines my arms cross like what the fuck
i felt really weird going to the state championship games and just sitting alone
i just had nothing to do that day you should have worn like a michigan hat or something and people
would have been like oh it might be a scout yeah i should have worn like Michigan hat or something, and people would have been like, oh, he might be a scout. Yeah, I should have worn athletic gear.
I should have had pullover and a cap.
Yeah, that's on me.
And a lanyard, even though it didn't say anything on it.
That's on me.
I was excited to go.
Wasn't yours at Cowboy Stadium?
Yeah.
I went to NRG for it, so I kind of enjoyed that.
I'd never been to NRG.
They do it right here.
It's fun.
I recommend going to it.
It honestly was really fun.
It was a really fun day.
I shouldn't have eaten the nachos before I sat down for the 4A game,
but hey, people make mistakes.
Damn.
They got that fake-ass cheese.
They just squeeze on there.
Oh, they were so bad.
They weren't even good.
And actually, this is similar to what Dylan said about going back to elementary school.
Those nachos took me back to elementary school. It was like the big clumps of meat that hadn't
really broken up yeah i hate that yeah the ground beef that is not like finally how hard is it to do
it's not hard that's the thing yeah that's that's not come on man come on yeah so when uh what's
his first day outfit you know it's the most important of his life. Supreme shirt. You got to go Supreme shirt.
Yeah, you got to set the tone early.
He'll go Supreme.
Hey, have you gotten him like mini Yeezys or anything?
No, but I'm going to get him some new shoes before school starts.
I don't know what kind he's getting yet, though.
You could slide him into some Js.
Yeah, he's been wearing these Adidas for a long time.
He needs to upgrade.
I'll slide him into some Js.
He has plenty of Js.
He told me that he doesn't wear Nike anymore.
I don't understand.
I didn't want to read too much into that.
He said Yeezy, Yeezy, Yeezy just jumped over Jumpman.
He did say that.
Yeah, I remember him saying that too.
He's gone off that seaside that day.
I don't know what he's going to wear, man.
You've got to get a fit pic off for him, though.
Oh, you know I'm getting pics.
This will be your most like Graham.
I'm going to call him.
No, I'm getting pics.
This will be your most like.
If you don't get a fit pic of him on his first day of school,
like, it's done.
What's the point of even having a kid?
I don't get it.
Oh, man, this is going to be great.
He'll be in his backpack.
What's that girl's?
He's a little nervous, though.
Is he in the same class as that girl?
Emma?
Yeah.
It ain't hard to say.
I don't know where she's doing pre-K or if she's even doing it.
So you and Emma's mom stopped talking?
No, I'm just kidding.
God.
Hey, is pre-K free uh no what i thought school was free kindergarten is covered by your taxes
kindergarten and up obviously is that weird that pre-k is not covered i don't know i don't either
but yeah it's it's like it's cheaper than the school he's going to now. So it's like... Oh, okay. Yeah.
But yeah, it's not free.
Yeah, he's nervous about it, man.
He's like, I don't want to have to make new friends.
Dude, I get it.
I was like, don't worry about it.
I get it.
You're going to get comfortable so fast.
You're going to make all these friends.
What if he doesn't, though?
You're going to learn cool shit.
My memories of pre-K, which I don't have many because I was in pre-K,
I feel like we didn't actually do anything. It was just like go up there and fuck around
and they made sure you weren't going to hurt anybody.
It's like half day, right?
Yeah, it ends at two.
It ends at two.
What time did you go in?
Eight.
Oh, see my pre-K,
they had an afternoon shift and a morning shift.
And so it was essentially daycare.
It's like storytelling and you learn letters and stuff.
And it's,
it's very,
very basic.
They've already taught him how to read.
Yeah.
I don't want to take all the credit for that,
but most of it,
they were reading the Indian,
the cupboard together,
the cupboard actually.
Well,
he's going to do great though.
He's,
he's smart kid,
man.
I guess smarter than you.
You damn right.
Yeah.
He didn't get it from you.
That's for fucking sure. Yeah. I'm. Smarter than you. You're damn right. He didn't get it from you. That's for fucking sure.
I'm very smart.
Hey, can we do something we haven't done
in a little bit?
Turn it on, bitch. You sure?
Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah.
Are you sure? Yeah. Let me hide. I got
my towel ready.
Aw, feels good in here.
Let me slip into this towel real quick.
What?
What?
What? What? Oh, it feels good in here. Let me slip into this towel real quick. Get over here, Dave.
You know what time it is?
I don't even know why I respond.
It's a steam room, baby.
Oh, yeah.
This might be a mini steam.
This might be a really pointless steam.
But I've been steaming.
This has been a slow build for me.
I'm very upset.
So about two months ago,
I was looking for a New York Times on a Sunday.
I like the magazine and there was a magazine that I wanted.
I went to the store.
Someone had stole it out of the print.
Sunday Times.
And I was like, you know what?
Screw this.
I'm just going to go.
I'm just going to go subscribe.
It's cheaper to do it every like to get one issue every single Sundayay than it is for me to go buy it at the store if i
want it so i was like i'm just gonna do it if i don't like it i can cancel it anytime and as you
guys know because of this cancel nyt was trending yesterday because of me and then uh yeah it's been
eight weeks i have not seen one single newspaper. Eight weeks, two months.
The New York Times is called... If you had to say,
oh, what word precedes the New York Times,
you'd say failing
because of Donald Trump at this point.
All they have to do right now is not fail.
And they somehow can't manage
to get one single newspaper into my mailbox
where we have a mailroom.
Do they have a customer service line
that you've notified them? Yes, I've been in contact with them every single week so i've been talking to
customer service once a week for eight weeks they refunded you i have not paid one cent i've gotten
free digital access which has been great and everything the lady even realizes how absurd it
is and she's like we're going to talk locally apparently locally they they work out these issues
on a more local basis because they you can't do it somebody in new york's not going to figure out
how to get this delivered oh so they're not delivering it from new york correct everyone
correct yeah and so she's like we're gonna get this sorted out and i think that at this point
subscribers to them are like insanely important and if it's evidenced by like by the retweet game that they have all their
writers and personalities doing on Twitter today.
They're really trying to get their numbers up.
How the fuck does someone like New York Times
not deliver a newspaper for eight
straight weeks? It sounds like this is on the
delivery guy or gal.
I live in an apartment
that has a mail room right at the entrance.
What if it's just getting stolen?
That's the thing. I think somebody's just stealing your shit.
That's my theory, is that they're lazy.
Whoever the delivery person is,
they're just lazy and they're like,
whatever, I'm just going to throw it out
in front of the apartment.
It doesn't matter to me.
I'm not personally benefiting from them
getting or losing subscribers.
I just don't get it.
And the reason I want it is because of the magazine.
I know that I can read everything online, but I want the magazine. I know I can probably't get it. And the reason I want it is because of the magazine. I know that I can read everything online,
but I want the magazine.
I know I can probably read the magazine.
I just like having physical things.
Is that weird?
No.
No, it's not weird.
It's a little old school, but it's not weird.
Eight fucking weeks.
It's...
Yeah, that's...
I read so much shit on my phone
that I don't like reading long-form content on my phone.
I would rather...
Yes, I would rather read something if I'm sitting down for a long time. I would rather not spend form content on my phone. I would rather. Yes. I would rather read something.
If I'm sitting down for a long time,
I would rather not spend an hour on my phone.
I'd rather spend an hour looking at like,
I feel just better about myself.
The last exchange that I have with the lady,
I was like,
I've started to actually joke around with her because we've built a
relationship at this point.
And I was like,
I got bad news.
Strike two.
I was like,
you guys have one more week to figure this out.
And I've started joking with her and she's kind of like friendly back,
but she's just like, I don't know what to do anymore.
This is over.
And it's not like you live in some strange building that's in a weird part.
It's just a basic apartment building.
Yeah.
We have a very like.
So if you're having this problem, a lot of people are.
There's like a very structured system of how to get packages and mail in our apartment.
It's very easy.
My concern is that because it's Sunday, that when they're delivering it, it's like 6 a.m. or something,
and they don't have access to the building or something.
But that shouldn't even matter.
Just figure it out.
Just figure it out.
That's very frustrating.
This sounds a lot like when I dealt with uh the direct tv issues
yes where they just didn't know what they couldn't figure it out so they just kind of they gave me a
discount on like hbo or something and i stuck with them for a little bit but then i cut the cord
so you might have to cut the cord will i cut the cord you did cut it i actually cut i took one of
their papers and i cut it in half and I sent their customer service a thing of it.
Now I'm like,
all right,
am I going to have to,
I'd still want my Sunday magazine.
I'm going to have to start doing the weekend edition of the wall street
journal so I can get the wall street journal mag.
But even then they're going to fuck that up too.
Yeah.
I'd be frustrated.
Like I said,
dealing with customer service people is already miserable and I already feel
like I feel bad talking to them most of the time because i'm like they hate their lives
they know that i'm i wouldn't be here if i was happy with the service like no one calls and is
like damn dude great great work this week delivering my newspapers so it's like you feel
bad but at the same time it's like take your head out of your ass yeah i would think doing like a
paper route as a i don't know in like the town of austin where you
have to like get out and go into apartment complexes that would suck way worse than just
like in the suburbs where you can just fling them out and that's kind of part of the fun is just
throwing them out of the vehicle have you ever i remember in high school the first time like i got
home really late and like 5 a.m or something something and I saw like the paper people
driving by flinging papers
and it scared the shit out of me
because I didn't know what they were doing.
I was like, why is this white van?
Did you ever have a paper route?
No.
My buddy's dad made him get one
when he was like really young
and so we would split it
so we could get it done faster.
Wow.
I would just do,
because I don't even know if like,
he might have gotten paid like $5 a day
or something for doing it,
but we would just split it and go do it ourselves and i would help him out so that we could uh
go play yeah i always like to call me a paper route
yeah i don't think i'm gonna be doing papers much when he's old enough to
you're delivering those i also feel guilty for getting a print edition but like i don't really
that's just what i wanted. Oh yeah.
It's not necessarily green.
Yeah.
It's against our initiative.
Do you think I do live in a green apartment complex?
Do you think that they were personally trying to block this as part of their
initiative?
I mean, that's probably likely.
I even talked to the management of my apartment complex and I was like,
I know this is an absurd request uh or like conversation
but have you spoken to anyone at the new york times or anything and they were like no we haven't
heard anything from them and i was like yeah i don't even think they're trying at this point
i think they're just hoping that i forget that i have like a membership you get the
austin the statesman american statesman no okay so this is your only paper delivery no i do get uh
i do get the the harbor light harbor springs weekly newspaper that comes out on Wednesdays.
I usually get it about two weeks late,
but they get it there or do they,
they just mail it to you.
It's it's,
it comes in my mailbox.
Like,
Oh,
I don't know.
Interesting.
I don't know what to do about that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway,
I told you guys it was a mini steam.
I know I've noticed trivial steam.
I noticed though that you've,
you've not really been up and up on a lot of world events.
It's hard.
This is probably why.
It's hard to keep up on Twitter and stuff.
Just listen to the Rogan, Bernie.
He'll be good.
I'll tell you everything you need to know.
Dude, let's see them fucking aliens.
Let's see them aliens, dude.
That was Rogan's last question as they ended the interview.
He said, hey, before I let you go.
I don't want to spoil it, but yeah.
Bernie pretty much outs his wife as a UFO guru.
Yes.
He tries to backpedal, but it's like, oh, Bernie.
If Bernie Sanders changed his campaign slogan to let's see them aliens,
there's a chance that he would actually, like his stock would go up.
Oh, that'd be funny.
Should we talk about our friends over at Fulton & Rourke right now?
Oh, I love it.
Love Fulton & Rourke.
Wearing it right now.
This morning, I was in my shower, took my loofah, got a little moist,
took that Fulton & Rourke, went wild, did a double pump.
No one's doing double pumps.
Double the pumps.
Yeah, you don't see that. It's unnecessary. All you need is one. You don't see that. Traditionally, did a double pump. No one's doing double pumps. Double the pumps. Yeah, you don't see that.
It's unnecessary.
All you need is one.
You don't see that.
Traditionally, I do one pump.
Two, you know, sometimes you got to get real clean.
If you guys haven't tried their two-in-one body wash,
it's hands down my favorite product they even have.
I like them all.
Mine might be the face wash,
but I do understand what you mean by the two-in-one.
It's just dope.
It just hits every single morning.
Don't forget. It's a staple in my routine. W my routine wax-based cologne oh have you smelling good wax-based
cologne david well some people might man are you wearing one right now dave it's time to load up
on your false sense dave yeah you know sterling i'm a sterling in the fall guy yeah we're getting
into fall season we're like you to start getting those cooler stuff going.
Yeah.
We got a little ways to go, but we're getting there.
Your Sterlings, your Shacklefords.
You got to think about that.
But you know me.
I'll go Palmetto year-round.
Yeah.
We are still in Palmetto season.
I don't care.
Hatteras.
Captiva.
Dude, Captiva sold out.
Sorry to all the haters
at home
you guys gotta choose
another one right now
yeah sorry
no one was expecting that
either way
you guys know
everyone knows about
Fulton and Rourke
at this point
it's one of our
favorite companies
you guys know
we have a new promo code
with them
yeah
it's Randy
Randy
what does Randy get you
Randy gets you
15% off your order at FultonandRourke.com.
That's not just for first-time purchasers.
It's for everybody.
So if you already bought from them, don't worry.
You can do it again with the promo code.
Yeah, don't feel bad.
Run it back.
Hey, 15% off.
Randy.
Randy.
All right, it's time for This Weekend in Fun.
As always, presented by Eisenhower's in Austin, Texas.
If you're on Rainy Street, if you're in for a bachelor party,
bachelorette party, maybe a wedding,
maybe you're just here to just rage your face off.
Who knows?
I highly recommend going for a cool beverage at Eisenhower's.
Someone tweeted at us this morning saying he was going to be in town
for a bachelor party this weekend
and has already planned to stop by Eisenhower's.
I get Snapchats almost weekly of people visiting austin from eisenhower so it's a true story
wow they're always like where you at i'm like i'm at home yeah i'm not at eisenhower's right now
i was just there yesterday bad timing on y'all's part sorry what do you got doing i will start uh
friday i will have parks. We have no plans.
Might catch a dinner somewhere.
I don't know.
Saturday and Sunday.
Saturday and Sunday, I have absolutely nothing going on.
And I can't wait.
It's going to be a good weekend.
No plans, baby.
How do I top that?
Yeah, what do you even do there?
Well, I don't have anything on the books, but I do that? Yeah. Yeah. What do you even do there? Well,
I don't have anything on the books,
but I do have some ideas.
I do want to try to hit yoga Saturday.
I hit yoga yesterday for the first time in a while.
And let me just say it was difficult and I'm feeling it and I'm still the
sweatiest person in class.
I'm thinking maybe like a Saturday morning yoga sesh.
Depends on what I do Friday.
I have to think Friday will involve potentially getting some dinner
and then maybe some drinks, maybe both.
Maybe dinner and drinks at the dinner, but then following that, more drinks.
Whoa.
A lot of people have been doing that lately.
It's pretty much life after 25.
And, yeah, Sunday, no plans.
I'm going to hang out, rest, do some golf activities.
I don't know if I'm going to play.
Maybe I'll get out and get like a late nine in on like one afternoon or something.
But still a little bit hot to go full 18 in the heat of the day.
Oh, yeah.
We'll see.
We'll see.
But, yeah, nothing major yet.
But, you know, it is still, what, let's say Tuesday?
This is going to be the hottest weekend of the year.
Is it really?
Friday, 104.
Saturday and Sunday, 103.
Yikes, folks.
Barton Springs might be an option if I get out there early.
See, I'm not leaving the house.
You'll probably leave.
I won't.
Okay.
I think you're going to have to.
Make me, bitch.
All right.
Will?
I don't have much going on.
I'm leaving town next week on Thursday,
and I don't think it would serve me well to hit it hard this weekend.
So I'm going to intentionally scale things back, not too much.
I do have a dinner on the books for Friday night,
but as for Saturday and Sunday, they're wide open.
I do want to look bronzed as hell
for this wedding I'm going to.
So I'm definitely going to get some sun this weekend.
Catch me at my pool, catching rays.
Maybe with Micah, who knows?
Micah and I got a conversation off at the pool just yesterday.
I took my lunch break there, got a little sun.
I saw him walk out and he was taking a conference call
at the pool.
No one's doing that.
Yeah, most people do that inside.
Yeah.
So major shouts to Micah.
But yeah, I don't really have anything going on.
We have a new runner coming for our kitchen on Friday.
So I'm going to put that down and test it out.
Maybe it makes it.
Dude, it's lit.
It's truly lit.
I talked about how you're going to go find one last week.
But we went to a couple of places. There wasn wasn't any good options so we had to order one online
i'm pretty excited do you guys want to come over for the runner installation kind of
kind of want to watch this happen if the homie wants to come over too he can absolutely
but that's it not much going on we don't need much
do we have anything else today i don't need much.
Do we have anything else today? I don't think so. I think that's it.
That was fun, folks.
If you
are watching Bachelor in Paradise, we
really urge you to sign up on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash circlingbackpodcast
so you can hear
our breakdowns. We're about to
record our breakdown for the week
this week. Because it's on
Monday and Tuesday nights, we are releasing
these on Wednesdays, which is not
ideal for really our schedule or anyone's schedule,
but that's just the way it is.
Keep your head on a swivel. We've got hella
pods coming to you. Double features on Wednesdays.
Big pod about to be recorded. I'm
excited. Big time pod.
Okay. Big time.
Let's get out of here guys thank you bye