Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Friday, January 11th 2013

Episode Date: January 11, 2013

Jesse and Crendor are once again thrown back into the world of bullying. This time it's even touchier than last time! We await your angry letters! Also they boys reenact "Breaking Bad" if it took place in Canada, start a war between North and South Dakota, as well as talk about why K-Mart is the King Kong of stores. Oh, and Brazilian hookers.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4 hour recording studios. Recording! Hit me, wake your ass up, it's up next Trendog in the morning! Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, Trendog in the morning! Up and up, next, friend, next, in the morning!

Hello everybody, it's Friday. It's not a relaxing Friday, unless you're relaxing. Uh, I'm not. We started to record this episode last night, and my computer, like, had a massive system crash. There was tons of funny assomeness, and you'll miss all of that. And now you get this instead. So enjoy that. Instead, we're going to talk about the dynamics of the C++ programming language. Somewhere, some guy's like, yes!

Finally! Finally! Well, too bad, because we're not. Yeah, we lied to you. Oh, man. Well too bad Because we're not Yeah we lied to you Oh man I'm trying to remember what we talked about last night What was important to us We talked about the flu I think that was our big thing was the flu

We really didn't talk about anything We really didn't get through much It was about five minutes really We talked about how we're in like classy suits And you're in the buff Oh we had a whole bit we had a whole bit now you're making it actually sound like it was good because it was good oh yeah you suck good i forgot about that we were saying like you know because it's classy friday and he was in a like a

classy suit and i was like well i'm in the buff and then i made the joke that i wasn't new but i was they buffed me men had buffed me and there's a guy in glasses, and he was just, like, shining you, like, sunglasses. He's just like, yeah, buff. Some other guy comes over, pats him on the shoulders, like, you did good, Phil. You did good. Right?

We had a whole bit going. It was really quite funny. It was really funny. And now you'll never get to hear it, but I did, and that's all that matters. That's all that matters. And then we talked about how the flu is going rampant throughout the world. Yeah, we just started talking about the flu.

And I said in my I don't believe science way, I was like, the flu is stupid. Either the old get it or the young get it and then they die. But everyone else in between is okay except for a few outlier cases. And they make it out to be bigger than it actually is, that kind of stuff. Crendor said, I know of a secret way not to get the flu. And I said, how? And he goes, and I quote, I know a secret tea recipe. He activated Old Man Crendor, and right as he was about to tell us, that's when it cut.

I demand to know your secret tea recipe. I want to know this. It crashed the world. The entire internet went down when you were like, I'll dispense my old lady tea recipe. Well, I also have extremely high immunity. That's true. That's why the women love you.

Unless, of course, the women have the flu, in which case you are a victim of your own high immunity. Which is why I just need to find another high immunity girl, and then she won't have the flu. I just imagine she's you in a wig. Why is that person so

attractive? Her beauty levels are so high. Uh, oh high. Oh, yeah. So the tea that you drink is a combination of apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, lemon honey, ginger, garlic, and yeah, I think that's it. That sounds like one of those cleansers. Usually women talk about it because I don't know very many guys who are like, I'm on my cleanser diet. Where you drink that, like, every day until all you do is you poop out all your badness.

You poop out all your badness. And then apparently you're supposed to, like, it's supposed to make you healthier. I don't know if that's a thing. That sounds like crazy people. Like, I put maple syrup and cayenne pepper in tea. That doesn't make any sense. It's not that, though. Okay.

It is because every time I feel, you have to drink it before you're sick. When you feel like you're getting sick, that's when you drink it. And it works every time. Then I go to sleep, I wake up, I feel good. I'm like, fought that off. With the power of cayenne pepper and tea. It has worked. No, you also need the apple cider vinegar. Apple cider vinegar

is what does it. You are an old man. Back in my day, we didn't have night queer. Apple cider vinegar would do the tricking one. So, we did have a bunch of articles yesterday. There's one that I found that I thought was hilarious that just... I don't know why I found it so funny, but it made me laugh and laugh.

So, I was clicking around and eventually... You know how it is on the internet. You see one thing and you keep clicking and clicking and clicking. And I ended up at the Canadian.com network national post. But here's what it says. And this is the best headline I've ever read in my life. Brazil prostitutes are planning to learn English before 2014 World Cup. Would you like to know more?

Of course I would. So it says, Prostitutes in one of Brazil's biggest cities are beginning to sign up for free English classes ahead of this year's Confederations Cup and 2014 World Cup. Cida Vieira, president of the Association of Prostitutes in the city of Belo Horizonte, said Tuesday that 20 have already signed up. I don't know how many that is relative to other prostitutes, but she's like, but she expects 300 of the group's 4,000 members to follow suit. The association is organizing the classes and seeks volunteer teachers. And then

she goes, I don't think we'll have problems persuading English teachers to provide services for free. Wink. Then the best part is it goes, she said classes are expected to begin in March and last up to eight months. And is it goes, she said classes are expected to begin in March and last up to eight months. And then it says, and for the same reasons,

we're also thinking of offering free French and Italian classes, she added. Here's the final sentence of the article. Prostitution is legal in Brazil. This is like the lonely man's guide to getting laid. Like, that's what this article is. It's like, look, if you're really hard up and you want to go to Brazil, here you go. This isn't really English now. This isn't even an article. This is like, did you know there are whores in Brazil?

You can go there. And it's legal. And they speak English. And it's legal. And it's legal. Did I mention it's legal? Here's the best part. Here's the best part. Here's the best part.

It's in a Canadian newspaper under sports, under soccer. That has nothing to do with soccer. Then it just shows Pele giving a thumbs up. Pele! That's actually why I was looking for this, like, why I stumbled upon this article. Because I was looking for this, like, why I stumbled upon this article. Because I was looking for Pele. Because after our conversation yesterday, I was really like, he can't be that old. There's no way.

How do I know him so well? Right? And so I started looking, and then I typed in Brazil soccer, and this was the number one thing to pop up in my search. Number one. Number one. So that was the big article that I had from yesterday that I really wanted to talk about because it just made me crack up. But today we found one that was pretty amazing.

Usually we don't touch tough subjects on this show, but there's this article. Apparently yesterday there was a 16-year-old boy shot another boy in school. I'm not sure what the circumstances are here, but what we do know is that the boy who got shot

was bullying the other boy. And when you see the two of them, the boy who was bullying the kid is like this huge, buff football player, and the kid who shot him is like a half his size. And it's bad that someone shot someone. Like, that is never the

answer for anything. But as you scroll down to the bottom and you get to the comments literally every comment is that damn kid deserved it every single one of them there is like usually in situations like this it's like this is this is a horrible situation but when bullying is the catalyst no one gives a shit about that kid. Here's an example. William says, as an adult, if I harass, threaten, push, shove, hit someone,

the police get involved with a quickness. When a school bully is reported to law enforcement, they do nothing. This is pathetic. Why do we even have a juvenile justice system? 1,200 thumbs up. This guy says, my high schooler intervened with a large male bully who was choking a sobbing girl with his face against a locker.

My son was suspended for fighting. 981 thumbs up. I have four teenagers, and every time I tell them to stand up for themselves, the bully gets treated better than they do. This is impossible. Bullying should be the crime, not what this kid did. 854 thumbs up. This is amazing. The teacher who stood in the way who stopped the kid eventually, they're saying that, like, good on him, he deserves a raise,

like, this guy was the best teacher. No, like, an amazing thing, right? If they aren't talking about that teacher, they're talking about the kid. And it's serious things like, hmm, the victim was a football player, huh? Anyone want to make a wager on whether or not we find out that he was the head bully? The nerds, weaklings, gay kids are unable to fight the bullies like

so many on here say they should. Why don't the normal kids help the weaklings by stopping the bullies? Everybody just wants to fight the bullies like so many uh on here say they should why don't the normal kids help the weaklings by stopping the bullies everybody just wants to look the other way so this was this kid's last resort 195 thumbs up most of the comments on here are like good f that kid it's like damn and see people are like our culture is what it's what's at fault here well the reason nobody wants to help is because they know like oh well i'll help like fight the bully but then they're always like hey you're suspended for fighting the bully that's the problem is like nobody takes those things seriously like i'm getting bullied they're like oh well try talking to them and a lot of people on here are like back in my day when

people got bullied they would stick up for themselves and they would fight back and even if they lost and i was like did you see these kids the one dude is this big buff ass football player and the other kid's this little tiny kid there's no way he like in his mind i knew he like probably just gave up and was like this is it i i'm tired of being bullied every day like they drove that kid to this because the team one of the teachers approached him it was like hey what the hell are you doing put the shotgun down and the kid's like i don't want to shoot you the kid knew right from wrong he was just pissed off at the bully again shooting anyone's stupid like i don't think the kid was justified in what he did. I think he's a dumbass for doing it.

And then, of course, there's the guys who you look at their profile picture, and you can tell they were the bullies in school. Yeah. And they're like, this is uncalled for. There's this girl who was an obvious, like, even her profile picture was like a cheerleader, and she's like, whatever happened to punching a guy in the face? These are fists, not guns. You have never punched a single person in your life.

You don't even know what that takes. Shut up. When people are getting pushed to the edge, just like normal people are getting pushed over the edge by things like bullying,

that's when you know it's probably time to look into it and change things. Yeah, I think the focus here shouldn't be, I mean, the kid who shot the guy, he needs to go to jail. That's a fact.

The guy who was bullying, spoiler, he probably won't bully anyone else anymore. And that teacher, give him a thousand raises and let him not ever have to teach again. Give him a lot of money. Other than that,

everyone in this thing It all comes down to bad school policy No one here took responsibility for the fact that Hey kids bully other kids And no everyone always push it aside Always there's that movie Bully It's ridiculous Watching like those kids go through

Like horrible traumas And it's a documentary If you haven't seen it. It's like real bullying. These kids have gone through a ton. And you feel really bad for them. The best thing is, is then the bullies are like, you just don't know what it's like from my point of view.

And I guess I understand because most of the time when you bully someone, you are a lot of the time those kids have messed up things. I think I talked about this a while ago on a previous episode. They have a lot of things messed up with them, usually. Either something at home is messed up, or something in their head is messed up, or something at school is messed up.

And they're overcompensating by being mean to someone else, so they don't, you know, they're taking their anger The same as like internet bullying. Yeah, yeah. YouTube kind of like, this video sucks, you suck. And then it's just like, if you look at their life, they probably have a shitty life. Right? It's one of those things where like,

I hate you because you're being really mean to me, but I need to also understand you. I can imagine the weird letters we're going to get like, oh, violence is never the answer. I agree with you. I agree with you. I'm saying that this is one of those things where it's like, this kid was pushed to this point. Cause no one did

jack shit for him. Like, where were all the adults there who should have been like, hey, football guy, you probably should leave this little kid alone. No one cared. And when no one cares, that's when people get to this point You always find out that the guys who go crazy

And start shooting up the place In their life no one gave two shits about them And they're like he's such a smart boy Right and that's what they say about everyone Which makes me think that they never really knew them And that's just like their go to When they interview someone like he was such a smart silent boy Why was he silent?

He seemed okay. Yeah, like, he never really talked to anyone. Like, well, did you try to talk to him? Yeah. Like, it's insulting every single time. Like, he kept to himself. Well, did you try to bring him into a conversation, talk to him maybe? No.

No one ever does that crap. And that's, it's society's fault. Society is messed up. There's a great tombstone quote. I wish there was, I wish there was some tea that I could drink that would make society better. Come on, get on that, Crandor. Uh, all right. We'll just mix some garlic.

Garlic does it. Garlic is what'll do it. And, uh, hopes and dreams. Again, very tangible. Yeah. And then, uh, sprinkle in a little bit of celery salt. Sounds delicious. I just made it already

feeling like a better person. Oh my god. Okay, you know the internet is filled with, like, bitter nerds? I reloaded the page and clicked newest, and most of these are hilarious. Like, offensive. It's like watching Django again.

Like, it's offensive but funny. You're like, I don't know if I should laugh at this. Like, every single one of these are just like, he deserved it. Some of these are really mean. Wow. You see? This is what bullying does to people. Yeah.

It makes them so bitter. Because it's like when you bully someone, people like get to the point where they don't even see you as like a human being anymore. They just see you as like a douchebag that just causes like problems. I don't know if we mentioned it earlier, but I think we need to be clear. The bully, like the people involved lived. So I don't want you to think it earlier, but I think we need to be clear. The bully, like, the people involved lived. So, I don't want you to think that makes me justify it, but, you know, I don't want anyone... Look, I don't want your angry letters. Because I know someone out there is going to be really mad at me because they think I'm trying to, like, convince people to go shoot bullies.

No. Stop it. Grow up. Don't shoot anyone, you idiot. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying the problem, though, is that this bully got shot and then no one gave a damn. And the reason why is because kids are picked on all the time and people are like, you know what? Bullies deserve it. That's what happens. Bullies in high school, here's what happens.

Bullies in high school bully kids and then they sort of like grow up out of bullying. Like, huh, well, that was just the time of my life. Meanwhile, those kids that they bullied are forever scarred by that bullying. And so they don't understand. So, you know, everyone on here, I'm looking at this, it's like, victim looks like the arrogant bully type. Maybe this will enlighten him to change his ways. And then there's this guy who's like, this is very disturbing.

I will never understand what drives someone to these drastic measures to solve a problem. I don't condone bullies, but whatever happens to sticks and stones, be comfortable in your own skin. Like, you, sir, were a problem. I don't condone bullies, but whatever happens to sticks and stones, be comfortable in your own skin. Like, you, sir, were a bully. Like, that is an up. You just gotta, like,

be comfortable in your own skin when you're getting punched in the face. It's really, yeah, like, when someone is abusing you physically, you just gotta be

comfortable with yourself. Sticks and stones may break my bones. Dude, sticks and stones hurt, dick! Here's a great quote. Sticks and stones hurt, dick. Here's a great quote. Sticks and stones hurt, dick. I feel bad that I feel like I have to explain myself when I talk about this subject.

Yeah. Like, I feel like that's a problem in itself. Like, I have to. Welcome to current society. Yeah, I have to explain it because I know someone's going to be like, that was very insensitive. Screw you. It's probably, what's his name from Chili D's? It's probably that guy.

It is. It's probably that guy from Chili D's. Like, yeah, three fat chicks are here. They're fat. What? What? I'm just saying. Why?

Sticks and stones. I'm just saying. You know, I'm just calling it like I see it. You're an insensitive prick. That's what you are. All right. Well, that was a tangent it like I see it. Like you're an insensitive prick. That's what you are. Alright, well, that was a tangent if I ever heard one. Yeah. Yeah.

Alright, well, I guess that brings us to traffic. Up in Chapter 7 in the sky. Crandor, how's that traffic looking out there today? Well, today it's Friday and it's the afternoon again since we didn't record in the morning. So it's just afternoon again since we didn't record in the morning So it's just it's all empty roads again except for that one truck who's uh carrying Twinkies So he has about 15 cars following him hoping to buy some Twinkies But I don't think he's going to be selling them anytime soon back to you I like how the assumption there that I had what it wasn't a hostess truck

It was just a dude in a truck with Twinkies. This is like, come on, Twinkies. He's just driving down the road with his Twinkies, and there's like a wacky racer's band of people behind him, like, trying to track down the Twinkies. I found it, ma! There's like Snidely Whiplash. Yeah! Gonna get me those Twinkies. I found it, Ma! There's like snidey whiplash. Yeah! Gonna get me those Twinkies, eh? Twirling his mustache.

You know there's still people like that. I'm well aware. I'm well aware. Get those Twinkies. Gotta get those Twinkies. I saw on eBay they were selling a bunch of those for, like, thousands of dollars. Like, for some reason they assume that no one's going to make Twinkies again. Mm-hmm.

They will be made. You can make your own Twinkies. They're not processed shittiness. Yeah, you can actually make your own Twinkies. There's a lot of recipes out there on how to do it online on YouTube. There's tons of people who are like, hey, no more Twinkies, so make your own now. Yeah. There will be Twinkies again.

If someone doesn't buy that brand name and make them, that's foolish. There's some hope. There's always hope for ways to kill yourself. Yeah. You just got to eat a bunch of Twinkies. And if you can't find Twinkies, eat some Ho-Hos. There you go. If you can't find Hoinkies, eat some Ho-Hos. There you go. If you can't find Ho-Hos, eat some Ding-Dongs.

How come every snack cake sounds like a metaphor for your dick? I think we're onto something here. It's a conspiracy. Just gonna eat this Ho-Ho. Alright, well, I'm gonna eat this Ding-Dong. Just call in to Coast to Coast AM. Be like, George, how come all the snack foods sound like a penis? George, this is the slutification of America.

Hostess, hostess is trying to make all our children into prostitutes. That's why they're going out of business. That's why. The devil's going down. That's why Jesus put them out of business, George. That'd be amazing I need to do that very badly I'm surprised our favorite caller, JC, hasn't done that already For those of you who don't know, Coast to Coast AM has a caller named JC who calls in all the time

I guess most of you don't listen to that show, but we do And there's a guy who calls in named JC. You can actually look him up on YouTube. He is a crazy person. He is legitimately crazy. And he said that Star Trek is furthering the homosexual agenda. George is like, I don't even know what that means. JC, what are you talking about? You don't understand.

He's like, Captain James T. Kirk. Did you know he's Canadian? It's Canada. It's like, oh, crap, he's Canadian. All right, then. Yeah, so that's our goal is to get on that show and become the next JC. Jesse Crandor! Whoa.

Wow. Maybe he is us from the future and the past. That sounds like 100% accurate. That sounds like the truth is what it is. It does. I feel like if we were from the future and we could go back in the past, that's what we'd spend our time doing. It's calling a radio show.

And I do like crazy people. We're already halfway there. We're doing just fine. Now let's go over to weather. How's that weather looking over there, Crandor? Today we're gonna go to Kadoka, South Dakota. It's, uh,

21 degrees there, and it's snowing. They're probably gonna get a lot of snow. Really? Watch out. Really? All right. So if you live in South Dakota, all one of you. Well, there's some local tweets.

Great. I need to hear these. Trending keywords are snow, storm, and snowing. And the local tweet. Oh, it's loading slow because so many people are tweeting in Kadoka. You're just waiting for the cows to deliver the internet from one side of the state to the other. There's some guy sitting on his porch. It's like a snowstorm.

And he's just got like a shotgun. It's just like the cows are coming he tweets he tweets and then hands the phone off and then a cow takes it to the person he's tweeting the guy's like well what do we have here that's how i imagine it works oh there they are okay uh miram alexis says it's beautiful outside but i want to play so it should stop snowing now yeah it's beautiful outside but i want want to play, so it should stop snowing now. It's beautiful outside, but I want to play, so, you know, stop being beautiful. Yeah.

Trina Marie says, where's all this snow at? So, obviously, she is, like, she doesn't have windows. Logan Avatar says, why is everything closed? It's not even snowing. Dumb. Well, because it will snow. And then people who are like, I want to get to the store real quick so I can get some water before it snows. They'll get trapped in the snow and freeze to death with their water.

Well, he's from Box Elder, South Dakota. Oh, he's not even close to where we're at. I assume that's the case because I don't know anything about South Dakota. I don't think anybody knows. I don't even think people that live in South Dakota know anything about South Dakota. I don't think anybody knows. I don't even think people that live in South Dakota know anything about South Dakota. I imagine South Dakota is as boring as it sounds. I'm going to start a war here. South Dakota's boring, but damn, North Dakota?

Super boring. I once heard, I once drove through South Dakota where a South Dakotan said, we're so boring, but not as boring as those bastards in North Dakota. Wait, which one has the presidents? South Dakota and said, we're so boring, but not as boring as those bastards in North Dakota. Wait, which one has the presidents? South Dakota? I don't know. We're the guys who messed up Maine and Minnesota yesterday.

You're the history major. Yeah, but no one cares about states. Nobody cares about states. Yeah, Mount Rushmore's in South Dakota, I think. That's what separates them from North Dakota. Yeah, the country cares about South Dakota, unlike those heathens in North Dakota. They're almost

Canadians. You might as well just go a few miles north, traitors. Well, isn't Minnesota north of them? Oh, wait, no. Minnesota's east of them. I was wrong. Yeah, North Dakota's right on the border with Canada. I wonder what the border between North Dakota and Canada's like. I bet you could just walk across that.

Probably. I bet that's where... Probably just, like... Probably just a fence. That's where the illegal maple syrup smuggling comes in. There's just, like, one guy that monitors it. That'd be amazing. I want to know if Canada has a Breaking Bad show,

but it's like we've got to get the maple syrup, eh? Like, Jesse, come on. We've got to make more maple syrup. That's how enthusiastic he is, too. He's very nice. Nothing happens in that show. A lot of hands shaking and nodding and people buying each other dinner. Smiles all around. It's a very nice show. Not lot of the hands shaking and nodding and people buying each other dinner. Smiles all around.

It's a very nice show. Not necessarily bad, but I guess... Jesse, help us get the maple syrup. Jesse, were you making maple syrup without me? That's like the dramatic point of the show. You're just like, yeah, I was. But I did it as a gift for you, Heisenberg.

Like, oh, Jesse, you're so good to me. I don't know what accent that was. It's like a little combination of Spanish and Nord. That's Canadian for you. I just went to Google Maps to look up the border.

And it's just, it's a dirt road. That's what I'm saying. With trees. I feel like since no one's just, it's a dirt road. That's what I'm saying. With trees. I feel like since no one's in that part of Canada or America, that's just open wilderness. That's probably where the Bigfoot live. Probably. Bigfoot lives in North Dakota.

Son of a bitch, that's way cooler than Mount Rushmore. Oh, that's right. So that's how the war starts. Big feet fight giant heads of presidents. I don't think the giant heads are going to win unless they have laser eyes. This is the new apocalypse. The Bible always said the world would end with giant president heads and Sasquatch. That's weather.

That's weather. Sports. That's weather That's weather Sports What a difference the year makes for Demarius Thomas and Eric Decker The two Broncos wide receivers But guess what their nickname is Shake and bake Black and Decker Holy shit Because Eric Decker is also white

uh huh and Demarius Thomas is not really really and so their name is Black and Decker that is racist as shit well they came up with it on their own this is their name they call themselves

oh well it's okay then yeah setting back equal rights well, it's okay then. Yeah. Setting back equal rights 20 years. It's okay then. Black and Decker. Oh, my God.

Uh-huh. Someone said if somebody else posted this, Yahoo would bash them for being racist. That supports. All right. You had one quick article. Let's do this thing. What is it? I did. What is it?

The places you might not get to shop at in 2013. What? Why is that? Because they're closing. Because they're bad sales and closing stores. Okay. Let's hit it. Is one of them Kmart?

Because that place has been closing for like 20 years. Every year it's on the list of places that are shutting down, and every year I still see it existing. It's mainly in like random locations too. Like, oh look, there's a Kmart. Yeah, it's like in the middle of nowhere. It's like, what? We got Fashion Bug. I don't know what that is.

Fashion Bug? They've closed 600. It looks like it's at a strip mall. It probably is. Probably is. They've closed It looks like it's at a strip mall. It probably is. They close 600 stores. The fashion bug sounds like you go there and you get crabs by trying on the outfits. I got the fashion bug! That's what it looks like. There's no signs

or logos. It's just text on a wall that says fashion bug. Fashion bug. That sounds about right. Blockbuster? Those are dead That sounds about right. Blockbuster. Those are dead. There's literally one Blockbuster within 100 miles of me in L.A. In L.A. there's one Blockbuster that I found. I haven't even seen a Blockbuster by me.

I actually had to go there once to rent a movie because I was like, I need to watch this movie, and it wasn't on anywhere on the Internet. You couldn't even torrent the damn thing. It wasn't on Netflix. It wasn't on Hulu. I wasulu i was like yep i'm gonna have to go rent a movie for once then you like walk walk up to it there's like tumbleweeds blowing oh i was i was the only person in there and it was really awkward because like hey do you want to sign up for a blockbuster card i was like well i'd rather not like uh well you need to rent one i was like okay so i signed up and they're like can we have your information? I gave them, like, the wrong address, wrong phone number.

I was like, I do not want to be part of this system. They're just like, please, you're the only one. Just let us contact you, please, sir. They would contact you, like, 50 times a day. Be like, did you hear about our latest releases? It's like that came out on Netflix like a month ago. It's like, yeah, but you could have the hard copy. Please, please, sir.

Please, sir, come back. Please, sir. Please, sir, may you rent another. Abercrombie & Fitch closed 180 stores. You know what? The only thing that I know, I've never shopped at an Abercrombie & Fitch. I feel good about that. Abercrombie & Fitch and 180 stores. You know what? The only thing that I know, I've never shopped at an Abercrombie & Fitch. I feel good about that. Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister, I've never entered one of those

stores ever. I feel real good about that. You seem like a Hollister type, though. I haven't been to those. I go to American Eagle. Oh, that's close enough. That's just as douchey. Yeah. But it's slightly less on the tier. That's true, yes.

I don't, was it you who told me this? Someone was talking to me about how when they go shopping to those places, they will like watch the people work there and how they sometimes turn away customers. I think it was at Hollister. I'm trying to remember who told me this. But basically, they will say stuff like, you just don't meet the Hollister apparel standard. Like, they'll turn people away because they don't look good enough to wear their clothes. Excuse me, sir, you don't have high immunity. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

What do you mean? I haven't been sick for years. Sir, I think we both know what we mean. I always say that when I walk past Abercrombie, it's drenched in like that cologne perfume. And it smells like teenagers in the spring. It also has the loudest music you have ever heard. Ever. The other day I was at the mall.

I was walking by all these different stores. Everything was good. And then I heard this. Boom, boom, boom, boom, everything is good, and then I heard this Well I turn and look and and coming like as we're walking down one of the aisles coming up on us is a Hollister And the music is so loud. It's deafening. I was like how do you shop for anything in there? I was I think we must be old because the kids love it I can't hear what the clerk is saying when I'm trying to shop in the store How much do you want for it?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

1999? What is this? The year 2080? What do I look like? That rich bastard Barack Obama? He's ruining the country. I want it back in the old days! Back in my day, we paid a nickel!

We got 15 jars of mayonnaise and a cup of coffee! That's what happens when you let the Mexicans in! Oh, God. I can't wait to be old. You need to say those things. I'm going to have the most fun. Old people have it easy. These people don't even judge you.

Yeah, they're just like, he's old. Because they're just like, they're old. Yep, they're old. They just nod like, okay, Grandpa. I'm convinced old people are just messing with us. They probably are. They go home and they write letters to each other like, Oh, today was the best.

Actually, that's not even their real voice. They go home like, Oh, Reginald, today was the best day. I messed with this young boy. Oh, the confusion on his face. If that's not how being old is, that's how it will be. It will be. Now I'll make it. All right, we need to continue.

More. Okay, there's Sears. They closed 172 stores. Wait, company continues shuttering Sears and Kmart. Locales amid poor sales. So Kmart still exists? I'm telling you. See?

Yep, it still exists. Every year they talk about stores closing. Kmart's always on the list always that is the beast that will not die kmart is like it's it's it's like king kong at the end after he's been shot like 50 times on his planes he's still hanging on it's like kmart live kmart will not go down uh collective brands such as Stride Right and Payless. Okay, so shoe stores. Yeah.

Pacific Sunwear. Glasses and crappy bathing suits. Gap. The Gap, I remember the Gap was super popular. I remember shopping at the Gap and being like, oh, I feel so cool. Now no one shops at the Gap. The Gap became so hipster that it became mainstream. Right?

Yeah. And then there weren't enough mainstream people to shop at the Gap. And so it just, they just went down. Well, that's because they tried to, like, recreate their hipster cred by making everything, like, size zero. Like, look, you can't shop. Even the guys are like, only skinny jeans, please. Like, nope, nope, nope. What did you get when you shopped there?

Like, shirts. In size zero? Well, no. I said eventually. Yes, yes, in size zero. I would walk around in my size zero shirts like, hey, ladies. They just rip off of me like the Hulk. Rip.

Good thing I got a crate of these I have to like strap five of them on me Wrap them around me And finally is eSpirit I don't even know what that is Luxury apparel seller shutting down In North America's altogether

After losing over 200 million over a four year period. That sounds horrible. I don't even know what that is either. The fact that I don't know what that is just proves how bad of a company it was. It does. Spoiler, if you want to start a business you have to market yourself constantly. Marketing helps you. Right? Spending money on getting your name out there

is a good thing. As quoted by your videos advertise like shameless whores. That's how you do it. That's how you become big. And that's how we're going to end this episode. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for listening, and we will be back on Monday. Go subscribe

to our radio shows or YouTube channels. Twitter.com slash WildCrendor. Facebook.com slash Crendor. YouTube.com slash WildCrendor. Disaclides.com slash WildCrendor. Buy my mugs, buy my shirts. I'm sorry, did you say jessicox.com Is that a thing on my website?

Do I even know about that? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. And uh, what else can I plug? I don't know. Just go find stuff that I made. Jesse Cox on the Twitter and YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox or slash OMFG Cato, whichever one you prefer.

Vote for us on that thing. Podcast. Shorty Awards. We are decimating everyone. But I did find out that they decide who the winner is in the end. But the person with the most votes gets the Pox Populi Award. So I want that. I don't even need the man to appreciate me.

Yeah. We need one that's just like Cox and Crandor. The people chose them. The people's choice. And that's when we rise up. Because the people's choice, we're the Rudys of this event. We're the Al Gores. Let's go.

To be continued.