Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Monday, December 31st

Episode Date: December 31, 2012

Uranus moves into your love sector this week as Jesse and Crendor explore heavenly bodies and astrology for the new year... or... at least A year. Also the boys talk about what they did with their week off - spoiler: Jesse becomes a casual racist.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trendog in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome back. We're back. It's Cox's friend, Normator Space. Dun dun dun now. Dun dun dun dun dun dun. Look up on your face. Something about locks and keys and how you left me. I don't actually know anything else in that song. Now go. Walk out the door.

Don't turn around now. You're not welcome anymore. I know way too much of that song. You do. We're back, and it's the last day of the year. We came back at the right time. We did. It's a Monday.

It's the last day of the year. And we're here to celebrate with you the beginning of 2013. Yay. Which I, again, I feel like we as a society should just call it 20-odd-three. 20-odd-three. We in 20-odd-three. It's much more

gangster, I feel. I'm feeling a lot today because of that song. That's the start. Don't turn around now. It's about empowerment. It's about a Power Ranger? Empowerment. Oh. Yes, it's about that dark period of the Power Rangers

when the white ranger left the pink ranger and she shacked up with the red ranger. So racist. Meanwhile, no one gave two shits about the black, the blue, or the yellow ranger. Why'd you say black first? What?

Listen, I'm just saying. I'm drinking blueberry B-Mega drink. If you want to give me some of that Columbia Gorge organic, I will gladly accept it. Columbia Gorge sounds like I will gladly accept it. Columbia Gorge sounds

like the most foul, disgusting... Yeah, work at Columbia Gorge. Oh, we're off to a good start. We're off to a very good start. Somewhere someone's like, why are these assholes back? Just like, oh my god, I gotta

listen to this show again. Why do listen to it i don't even know i imagine we're what they play in prisons to get the prisoners to calm down after a riot they're like oh god my ears they cover up and they run back into their cells like make it stop it's like the thing with dogs where you play like play the really loud shrieking that nobody can hear it, but dogs can. Yes, we're that loud shrieking. We are the loud shrieking of the internet. By the way, guess what one of my friends got me for Christmas? I don't know what that is.

Another bell? Another bell. This one is a brass bell, except it's like one of those where you want like a maid and you're just like, maid? Can you do Carol of the Bells for me? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Bells and your awful variation, how was your holiday, buddy? It was good. I ate a lot of food. I talked with family members and shared stories of old and got gifts. And I slept because it was cold outside.

That sounds exactly like mine, and I think the majority of the world. Wow, you are so boring. Yay. No, for my holiday, I learned a few things. Besides the fact that my mom is the single best movie reviewer ever, Besides the fact that my mom is the single best movie reviewer ever. We went and my parents and I went and saw Les Mis, right? Not a fan of that musical.

I'm not a guy who's like, a musical is a vaginas. No, I can handle a musical. I just don't like Les Mis because the time jumping drives me crazy. It's like, now we'll go 20 years into the future. Like, no, stop that. Stop. Never a fan of that, like, concert. Keeper of the house. Something of the something.

Everyone knows that song. I'm convinced it's because of George Costanza from Seinfeld. Because for an entire episode, he goes, master of the house, like that entire episode. So it's because of him. George Costanza, thank you. Yeah, no, the music gets stuck in your head forever, but I just hate that musical.

But the one thing that was the best, my mom's review of all the people, she's like, I like this person, they were good. I like this person, they were good. Russell Crowe, the weakest of the singers, she goes, he's not a very good singer, but boy, is he powerful. He was, like, really good, he's not a very good singer But boy is he powerful He was like really good acting

Just not a good singer So apparently she loved him Just didn't love him Like you're the best reviewer ever And uh Oh, oh My father told me to tell you And the rest of the world that

Their dog is not a pug But in fact a Boston Terrier. He was very offended by that. He took offense to this. He's like, you should let people know. So I'm doing that right now. I want everyone to know that their dog is not a pug because he said pugs are ugly. They have a Boston Terrier just as ugly but is not a pug. And then I think I found out

I'm a casual racist. I think we already knew that. Thanks. Black ranger. So, on the flight back to LA, I was sitting close to the front of the plane, and this couple

behind, well, there was a woman sitting next to me, and her husband was sitting two rows behind me, and he came up to me, and he's like, hey, can I switch seats with you? I turn and look, and I swear to you, it was MC Hammer. The MC Hammer. And I was like, holy crap.

Yeah, of course, sure, yeah, I'll switch with you. So I switch with him, right? The entire flight As they're taking off on the runway You can go look at my Twitter, I'm just like Yo, it's MC Hammer, oh my god I'm super excited, having like the best time ever And I was like, get a picture with him, dude

So the entire flight I'm planning How do I get a picture with this guy? How do I approach him? What do I do? How do I talk to him? Five hours! I'll be like, what if I make an idiot of myself? How do I approach him? What do I do? How do I talk to him? Five hours. I'll be like, what if I make an idiot of myself? How do I approach him? So after the flight, D embarks. I don't know what the word is.

When you get off the damn plane. Not embargoes. So when you get off the plane and you're in that sort of terminal area, he was standing there and his wife was, I guess, going to the bathroom. And I approached him and was like, can I get a picture with you? Just, like, really earnest and honest. And he looks at me, and I swear to God, he goes, I'm not MC Hammer. And I'm like, what?

And he's like, I'm just not MC Hammer, bro. I'm like, oh. All right, thanks, then. As I'm walking out, like, walking away from him towards the baggage claim, I go to my phone, I look up MC Hammer. Dude looks nothing like MC Hammer.

He looks absolutely nothing like him. For some reason in my mind, I thought, like, he looked like MC Hammer looked back in, like, 1994. Like, MC Hammer now looks totally different.

I think my favorite part is still the fact that, like, he got asked to get so many pictures with people because of that reason. Right? You know, other people had that same thought as you. And what's so funny about it is, like, in my mind, I just accepted the fact that he looked like MC Hammer, so he had to be MC Hammer.

But the fact that MC Hammer doesn't look anything like that guy, I'm like, that is borderline racism. MC Hammer doesn't age. No, MC Hammer did age. MC Hammer is bald now, and he's like at least 50 pounds skinnier. He's a little tiny dude. And he hasn't produced any good songs still. Strangely enough, the guy on the plane produces lots of good songs. Huh.

It's weird. Although, for a split second, I thought it could have been Bobby Brown, but again, that also makes me racist. Because I know somewhere someone's like, dude, Bobby Brown and MC Hammer look nothing alike. You're just like, well, what

if you went up to him? He was like, no, I'm not MC Hammer. And you were like, okay, Bobby Brown. And he's like, I'm not Bobby Brown either. Oh my god. And then you were just like, I'm sorry. I just started were just like, I'm sorry. I just started rattling off celebrities. I'm just a casual racist.

Mike Tyson? Just keep going? Holy crap. When you think about it, it is kind of offensive. I'm like, I didn't. What? It's a casual racist. It's not even racist. That guy in the background is so happy.

Oh my god. What else did I do this week Uh so After everyone told me That I should finally watch Breaking Bad I broke down and the night Before my flight out to my parents I got Netflix and I was like

Balls to it I'll watch it on my iPad Holy crap I got through two seasons in two days I was like oh my god This, this show's the best. I get to season three, and suddenly I'm at that house level. Where every episode of House sort of follows a convention, right? Every episode of Breaking Bad is sort of starting to follow that same convention for me. Even though they're drastically different every episode At it's base point it's

I want him to be a badass He's so close to becoming a badass Then his wife does something that makes him not a badass And then that kid Jesse's like Oh man everything I do doesn't work out And then he becomes a badass but then doesn't become a badass Example I know that doesn't make any sense. I'll give you an example. Okay.

This kid Jesse, his entire life goes upside down. And he goes into therapy and he's like oh, you know, how do you get over yourself? And the therapist is like you just have to accept who you are. And so his acceptance is I'm the bad guy. Like that's what he accepts, right? And when a character says that line

at the end of an episode, like, don't you get it? I'm a bad guy. You, in your mind he accepts, right? And when a character says that line at the end of an episode, like, don't you get it? I'm a bad guy. You, in your mind, you're like, yes, this is it. This one shit's going down again. I waited an entire half a season for stuff to get crazy again. Right? It's like, yes.

And then the next two episodes, he just mopes about. It's like, son of a bitch. Do something. I tried watching that show, but after like an episode and a half, I was like emotionally too high strung for it. I was like, I can't, I can't do this. The first season is stellar. The second season, the entire season, I'm like, what the hell is that bear? What's that, what's that damn bear?

What's that, what's that pink bear? What does that mean? What, what? It's like borderline lost levels of obsession. And then the payoff at the end, I was like, that was kind of a douchey payoff. Like, that wasn't nearly as cool as I thought it was going to be. And then, because every episode is sort of like a continuation, so it's that serial where every episode is connected,

so you kind of have to watch everything. And third season starts, and I'm like four episodes in, but now I'm taking it a little bit slower. And you can see where all the threads are going, but it's like we're going to take our damn – it's like watching the second season of Lost, where you know what's about to happen, but they're like we're going to take an entire season to get there.

It's like F you. Thankfully, I don't have to watch it like normal people had to watch it. Like the norms, the normies as had to watch it. Like the norms. The normies, as I call them. The norms. The norms. Are you a norm? Yeah, for those of you who don't know, Breaking Bad is basically a chemistry teacher who finds out he has stage 3 lung cancer and not much time to live.

And his family has no money. And so he becomes a drug dealer with one of his former dropout students and they create like the greatest crystal meth on the planet because you know he's a chemistry teacher and insanity ensues and it's crazy it's like you can see him becoming a total badass and every time he's about to become a badass something in a stupid ass family i don't care about your family heisenberg you get your shit back on the streets and you deal drugs that's the best part of the series another quote for the tombstone i don't give a damn about your family heisenberg someone just read your tombstone

just be like what's that even mean? That's amazing. I'm not going to go down about your family Heisenberg. Oh my god. That's it. That's all I did. Anything cool? Any cool stories? Oh, I did see your dad's picture of him as a hipster. He is a total

hipster, isn't he? We went to this Asian restaurant and he has this like hipster Mario isn't he? We went to this Asian restaurant and he has this like hipster Mario hat and he has he's drinking that like chai tea and he's looking around like, what up? I got my bead bracelet. What's going on, ladies?

That's him. That's wonderful. Yep. That's him. Meanwhile, my mom's like, what an immature ass. That's the Cox family. Remember, remember, it's not a pug, it's a Boston Terrier. Boston Terrier. That's

the one message I had to get across. I want to make sure everyone understands that. I promised him I would say that. I want everyone to know that it's a Boston Terrier named Molly, which is why it's cute, because she's apparently Irish. I would say that. And I want everyone to know that it's a Boston Terrier named Molly. Which is why it's cute. Because she's apparently Irish. I don't know. It's a dog.

It's a dog. It is a friggin' dog, man. It is a dog after all. It don't matter that much. Pug, Boston Terrier, whatever. But just to be clear, it is a Boston Terrier and not a pug. That's that.

Perfect time to go to chapter 7 of the sky for a look at the traffic. How's that traffic out there, Grendor? Well, it's New Year's Eve, so that means there's just a bunch of people being like, yeah, you don't have to go to work for another two days. So it's backed up pretty much everywhere. I'd stay inside and wait for the new year to hit where the alien ball drops and smashes the earth or whatever happens.

Back to you. Do you not leave the house on New Year's? I'm pretty sure that alien ball smashing the earth is not how it works. I thought that's how it works. That's what happens in Men in Black. Oh, that's right. Shit. Then they just erase your memory. Wow, you pulled out

a reference to Men in Black 2 of all things. I don't even remember if that's what happened. Or was that Men in Black 3? What was Men in Black? No. Men in Black 2 was the one where Johnny Knoxville was the annoying head. No, wait, that's where Johnny Knoxville was the annoying head. No, wait, that's every Johnny Knoxville movie.

Hey-o. Hey-o! I don't remember. But no, I do remember the reference. Good call. I didn't even get that. I didn't even get it. That was so referential that no one understood what you were talking about.

I didn't even understand what I was talking about. That is usual, though. That's usually the case. Usually. Speaking of not knowing what you're talking about, now let's go to weather. Hey. Hey.

So, weather. We're going to look at Herrick, Illinois. Oh, nice. A fellow Illinois place, except it's not a place that doesn't have corn. What? What? It's not a place that doesn't have corn. What the hell does that even mean?

Wait, hold on, hold on. It's not a place that doesn't have corn, so it does have corn. All right, good. Continue. All right, good. I got it. It's just making everyone think out there. You've got to wake your brains up from the holiday.

You realize like eight people just died in car crashes because of you. They're like, I don't understand. Well, maybe you should have done some more math so you could understand. I'm pretty sure that wasn't math. A little bit. A little bit. Anyway, today's weather is 34 degrees with some snow showers. Then there's going to be more cold and more cold.

And some trending stuff. The area's snow wind cold. Let's check some local tweets. That's what they're called. AD Phi Guy says, why are skunks out in this weather? I love that that's his main concern.

Why are there so many skunks? Where does he live? He lives in Champaign, Illinois. Oh, dude has got a problem with skunks. That's where University of Illinois is. But apparently there's skunks there. Don't go to the University of Illinois.

You've learned your lesson. You've learned your lesson today, or you're going to smell bad. Smell like skunks. Yep. I like that. Thatell like skunks. Yep. I like that. That's how, that's his big problem.

Our skunks. It's like freezing cold. He's like, why are there so many damn skunks? Just like walking down the street. He sees like a skunk and then he just sees like another skunk. He's just like, there's so many damn skunks out here.

It's like a horror movie. He turns like, bum bum. He turns again, there's another skunk, and then he just sees, like, another skunk. He's just like, so many damn skunks out here. It's like a horror movie. He turns, like, bum-bum! He turns again, there's another skunk behind him. It's like The Walking Dead, but with skunks, is what I'm saying. That's the weather. Alright, now let's go over to sports with Crendor at the sports desk. Oh yeah, sports

today was intense. It was the NFL's final week, so all the bad teams got to go home and not play football anymore, while all the good teams got to advance to the playoffs. Let's be clear. Not all of them are good teams. That's true. There are many awful teams that are going to the playoffs. So some teams going to the playoffs are the Broncos, Patriots, Falcons, 49ers.

They all got bye weeks. And the games are going to be the Bengals, Texans, Colts, Ravens, Vikings, Packers, Seahawks, Redskins. Bengals, Texans is going to be the single worst game ever. No offense to those two teams. They aren't very good in my book. Houston has lost pretty badly the last three weeks so that's not good for them and the bengals are just the bengals i think the bengals are probably gonna win i think if you're on a losing streak of three weeks your team's just declining i'm gonna

give us the bengals or it's just your little dip and then this is their up Well, maybe they were doing so good they put in the B team. I don't follow anything in Texas. I'm sorry, Texas. You're just too big to follow. And then they were like, we don't want a bye week. We want to play three weeks in a row. And then that's why they didn't want to win. Right.

It makes total sense. And then Colts-Ravens. Ravens got Jacoby Jones. So they're going to win. That's a win. And then Colts-Ravens. Ravens got Jacoby Jones. So they're going to win. That's a win. And then Vikings-Packers. They just played today, and the Vikings needed to win to get into the playoffs. And they did.

But the Packers. All for revenge for the Packers, though. Yes. And this one's in Green Bay. Well, today it was in Minnesota. Then Green Bay was kind of like, oh, we're in the playoffs already. We don't care. Now, next week, they're going to be pumped up.

That's how it's going to be. Are they going to do anything different for the temperature change? Green Bay is kind of like, oh, we're in the playoffs already. We don't care. Now next week, they're going to be pumped up. That's how it's going. Are they going to do anything different for the temperature change? Green Bay is not in a dome. So you go from 70 degrees and air conditioning to. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So that means Adrian Peterson, you can't run 180 yards, you douche. Yeah, your legs will get all frozen.

Greg Jennings is going, it's time for him to put the team on his back. That's what he does. Greg Jennings is the Santa Claus of Green Bay. Yep. He's going to carry the team like a bag of presents. And carry them around. Exactly. To victory.

And then Seahawks Redskins. I don't like the Seahawks. I don't like P. Carroll. And Redskins have RG3. RG3! That's all I got. Look at that. They have a droid on their team.

They have an astromech who will pilot them to victory. Robert Griffin III RG3 activated. Holy shit! Imagine that's how he starts up every game. He's like an actual android. They gotta go into the locker room and some guy's working

the android controls and then he just like starts booting up he's just like rg3 activation oh god yeah that makes perfect sense to me yep oh my master Luke. I imagine that's what he's like. He's just C-3PO. Oh dear. And that's sports. All right, now let's get down to the big news story of the day. It says since we're going to 2013, we can see our horoscopes.

So I thought we would look at our horoscopes. That's a wonderful idea. Yeah. This is important. This is newsworthy. It is. Sure, our country is about to go off a physical cliff into horrible decline, and we'll all be living in the new stone age, but whatever.

This is great. Yeah. Yeah. And the important thing is in life is what this is. Exactly. So when were you born? May 18th. So, you're a Taurus.

I am. All right. Let's go to Taurus. Do you just want to go through all of them? I feel like this is a thing everyone should enjoy. Okay. Yeah. But there's a lot.

Okay. Start with Ares. There should be 12 of them. Yes. Yes. But there's, like. Okay, start with Ares. There should be 12 of them. Yes. Yes. But there's, like, a lot of text in them. Okay, hold on. There's lots of read here?

Here's the daily overview. What about that? Okay, all right, that's fine. Okay, Ares, your terrific personal energy is great for getting things done today, especially if you're finding that physical labor is required. You're up to the challenge, and it can be quite fun. Now, does it have a year-like-a-year-ahead look? Uh, it has yearly, and it's like your quest-

Well, this is the one with a lot of text. It's all like, Your quest for radical love and self-knowledge continues in 2012. Never has- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. For radical love? Dude, the quest for radical love and self-knowledge continues in 2012. Never has the... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. For radical love? Dude, the quest for radical love sounds like a... Radical self-love.

Radical... Oh, self-love. I guess that can be radical. Radical. Radical self-love! You know? You know? Get ready to work your horns off this year With Uranus upping the ante

And your stars for another round Holy crap that's amazing Oh shit I'm sorry what What was that? Uranus. With Uranus upping the ante. It's upping the ante. Holy shit.

Why is that so funny? Or it also says Uranus continues to energize your stars and promote the rebellious side of your nature. I'm not going to lie. That was funny in eighth grade, and it's funny right now. Any Uranus jokes never get old. Never. And then the teacher would be like, Uranus is not funny. Everyone would laugh.

Uranus is big and bulbous and filled with gas. I'm just going to stop talking about Uranus. Why do you kids keep laughing at Uranus? Uranus is a wonderful place. If I could live in Uranus, I would. But we never will. Uranus is off limits. All right, we're moving on.

You don't want to go digging too deep into Uranus. You don't know what you will find. Taurus. Wait, why are we on Taurus all of a sudden? Because that's the next one. Really? They start you in April? Apparently.

All right. Taurus Daily Overview. Your sense of entitlement may be entirely legit, but that doesn't mean everyone else has to like it. In fact, you may find that you're better off keeping any complaints quiet until well into 2013. Oh, God. So I have to shut up, huh? All right. And Jupiter is blessing your stars.

Thank you. On the contrary, as soon as Jupiter moves into Gemini in June, your luck continues to build while grounding you in positive energy. Wow. Oh, 20-odd threes, a good year for me so far. Yes. And money and finance take center stage for most of the year

as you experience several gains and losses. That is the exact opposite of a horoscope. This year you will gain things and lose them. Thanks, politician. Yeah. Don't worry. You will gain and lose. But in the end...

You will have a good year, but also a bad one. Awesome. Great. So that's your horoscope. Awesome. So this year, it's going to be like every other year. Some good things will happen and some bad things will happen. Great.

Gemini, Daily Overview. You've got opinions. Who doesn't? Still, right now, they are larger than life and ready for conflict. So see if you can find someone with a like mind who doesn't object to playing the devil's advocate. What's Gemini? What's the... 521

to 621. Oh. Okay, so that's my mother. She is very opinionated. It's true. She does believe that Russell Crowe, while he can't sing, is an amazing talent. Yeah. Yeah.

He's not very good, but he's very talented. Very talented. Very talented. Another year of sweeping changes are in store, Gemini. If you thought last year was a whirlwind, hold the line. With the encore round of eclipse patterns hitting your constellation this summer, you're gearing up for the next level of transformation. Your personal image and intimate relationships will continue to change over the course of

the next 12 months, so be ready for anything. Again, like every year. Yeah. Things will change over the course of 12 months. Holy crap, this is right on. The other big news is that Saturn is finally leaving your romance and creativity sector in October. After many hard-earned lessons in love over the past two years, you're ready for a serious reprieve. You've certainly upgraded your standards, haven't you?

Use this year to live the words that you preach in your relationships. Many people look up to you as a role model. Good to know. All right. What else? Cancer. That's me. Daily overview. You can't help model. Good to know. All right. What else? Cancer. That's me. Daily overview.

You can't help yourself. You're showing off a little. Yeah. You may be naturally humble, but sometimes you know that you're on a roll and you want the world to see it. Yes. New beginnings have indeed arrived in your favor with the onset of 2012, Cancer. Although the biggest changes in the love realm won't arrive until autumn. Whoa.

Just when you started to give up hope for anything new ever returning to your life. I was giving up so much hope. You are so hopeless. Although, Pluto has been working on deeply transforming your partnership sector since 2008. Okay, Pluto. I'm just shaping this partnership sector. Your partnership sector. You are running a business, the business of love.

Saturn has been weighing heavily on your family and home sector over the past few years, bringing plenty of challenges your way. Saturn has been weighing heavily on your family and home sector over the past few years, bringing plenty of challenges your way. On one hand, this has been an incredibly grounding time filled with enough reality checks to put you firmly in touch with truth. It's also revealed the importance of your roots. Although it may have brought a wake of suffering, either through loss of relatives or a major strain on family relations, take heart.

All is about to lighten up as Saturn moves out of a difficult aspect to your stars. When this cosmic taskmaster moves into your love and creativity sector in November, you'll get serious about making more time for self-expression and romance. Expect to stay remarkably

connected with others throughout 2012. Crandor's getting married in November! Apparently. Your love sector is blooming. Wait, what the? Hold on. Mars will be activating your communication for the first half of the year, keeping all your communication gadgets continually buzzing.

During the first four months, the red planet will be retrograde. I thought it said retro-gatorade. Retro- Gatorade. Retro Gatorade. Sucks the old Redcon, bro. Fruit punch. By the way, this weekend I had a McRib. I saw you tweeted about it. You were so excited you tweeted about McRib.

I saw it. It was just one night, and I was like, should I get a McRib? And I was like, probably not. And then I went and got one, and it was good. And then I told someone else should I get a McRib? And I was like, probably not. And then I went and got one. That's amazing. And then I told someone else to go get one, cough, cough, genie. And she went and got one. And she was like, thank you for introducing me to this. And I was like, the funny part is we just talked about how it's made of like 150 ingredients and like yoga mats.

And I was like, I mean. Don't even care, huh? I don't even care. Look, look, I just don't even care. Look, look. I just don't even care. Next, we have the Leo. You should find that you're being treated like a rock star, but in a good way, not in a scary rehab way. You don't even have to stress that.

No one, when you say you're going to be treated like a rock star, no one goes, you mean like rehab? Yuck, yuck, yuck. No one. No one stress that. No one, when you say you're gonna be treated like a rock star, no one goes, you mean like rehab? Yuck, yuck, yuck. No one. No one says that. Dude, you're like treated like a rock star. It's just like, oh man. Oh man. I gotta go to rehab. Enjoy your newfound celebrity and see if you can turn it into something

long term. This year's fabulous fortune for you, Leo. Especially in the career realm, Mars will activate and give you energy into making money. When the eclipse season begins in May, it's just in time to shake up your romantic sector for the summer.

Shake it up, Leo. Like prey in the mouth of your lion. Shake it up. Shake it up. Shake it up. Virgo. Virgo. Virgo. Try not to worry too much about being under the gun or low in these standings. You may find that you are in a much better position after the new year begins. So relax and enjoy tonight.

That's it. That's it, Virgo. You have no future. Tonight's it. So you better go out and have fun or you're done. This year is all about nonstop action for you, Virgo. With Mars spending the entire first half of 2012 in your sign,

you may start to wonder if there will be any break in sight before 2013. Well, you have a day, so you better hope harder. Yeah. Better hope Uranus gets to work. You better.

Give yourself physical outlets. Realize how important Be sure to give yourself... Be better. Give yourself physical outlets. Realize how important it is to satisfy the longings of your soul. That is the douchiest thing I've ever heard. Satisfy the longings of your soul. Libra. Libra. Your ambition, hopes, and dreams are clearer today, which may make you feel a little strange.

Because usually you are scatterbrained and just stupid. Yeah. Libra is what it's saying. There's something about unalloyed desire that makes you nervous, but go for it anyway. Although many have secretly been dreading the arrival of 2012, you've been looking forward to it. 2013. Well, this all says 2012. Did you find something from 2011?

This is... Are you... Are you... Are you reading horoscopes that are a year old? Wait, hold on. Oh. It looks exactly the same well now you can look back on that and say was that me You have got to be kidding me So really we learned nothing We just wasted 10 minutes

I think we wasted more than 10 minutes We're back baby But like I said You didn't look back on this year And be like did those things actually happen to me? Did you have good times and bad times? Did Uranus give you realization of your self-being and your soul? Did Uranus develop star power and fill your bowl full of knowledge?

Or was it simply flushed away? Because if you're Scorpio, this isn't the best day for dealing with work issues, especially if you're not actually scheduled. Oh, my God. And then Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces are just like. Something happened there. Uranus, whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Look, it's for the best that you don't know what happened last year. We don't want to give away the future of last year. But, oh, wow, we have to read Capricorn. People are so demanding. With luck, that just means you've been invited to one party too many tonight.

But it could also mean that all your relatives need favors from you at the same time. What? Did your relatives need favors from you at the same time? Last year? A year ago? Yeah. Did that happen? Or did you go to a great party?

Let us know. One party too many, even Actually, because this show is on early in the morning If you are not out tonight Or you can listen to I guess you can go try and find the old version But every year, the greatest crazy radio show ever Coast to Coast AM

Does a New Year's prediction show where people call in and predict things that are going to happen, and then the host reads off the predictions from last year. Spoiler! Like, one of them out of the hundreds they get is actually true. Most of them are like, this year is the year when aliens will land and Obama will be proclaimed as the Antichrist. It's like, this year's the year when aliens will land, and Obama

will be proclaimed as the Antichrist. It's like, ooh, sure it will. And then, it's like the one that's right, and they're like, that one's right! And I'm like, oh my god! You knew it! Yes, that's exactly what it is. That's the show, in a nutshell.

And they do it every New Year's Eve, and so, if you are driving around, just find out, like, what channel that's on, just listen to it. It is hilarious. I need to write that down. It's amazing. So you definitely need to listen to that show,

because some of them are mind-blowingly funny. And it's always bad things. It's never like, this year's the year we'll achieve world peace. It's like, this year, we finally invade Iran and then nuclear war takes place

and the devil comes and kills us. It's like, what? Yep, that's the year. This is it. This is the one. I'm so glad you've been given this vision. I think... It's almost like Uranus

moved in front of your face and then you proceeded to invade Uranus with your head. That should be our goal. We need to watch that tomorrow or listen to it. That is an excellent goal. And we can talk about it. Yes.

Oh, my goodness. All right, guys. That's it for the show. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And we will see you tomorrow with a, I assume, hungover version of Cox and Quinto in the morning. See you then!