Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Monday, January 14th 2013

Episode Date: January 14, 2013

So the weekends over, and I bet it went by so fast. Well today the boys tell you how to managed your time better! Also they create a legendary football team and shoot down the Death Star - with Bear hands and a Monster Truck.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog! Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning! Hello everybody, it's Monday. Monday! I'll be back next Frindon in the morning! Happy Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri-Fri Let's talk about Monday. Monday. Monster Truck Rally Monday. That would be the worst trip to the office ever.

Like, the highway is a mess. Oh, dear God. Unless you live in Alabama where everybody owns monster trucks. That's not stereotyping. That's a proven fact. I actually had a neighbor one time. Well, he wasn't actually a neighbor. He just lived in the city of Chicago.

That is not even close. And he just had a monster truck parked in his driveway. And I'm pretty sure it was just so people would drive down the road and just be like, Whoa, that dude has a monster truck. I remember one time living in Ohio. I saw a dude who had one of those monster trucks. It was just a pickup truck. But it had tires on it that didn't fit the wheel,

I guess like the cutout for where the wheels are. So he had to get a rig it up. I guess he made it himself. But every time he went down the road, it looked like the top of the truck was going to fly off the wheels. It was amazing. I'm like, dude, you could have saved money and just got wheels that fit your truck, but whatever. He went the

difficult way because he wanted to learn something in life. Okay, sure. He's a go-getter. He built something with his bare hands, and that's a beautiful thing. Like his actual bare hands that he used to maul deer. I don't

think he was a bear, no. That makes this conversation ten times less exciting. He was just... A bear bought a truck somehow, and then decided, hey, I'm gonna go make it a monster truck. Is that what you thought? Hold on, I gotta... I'm trying to find...

A picture of a bear driving a monster truck? I'm trying to find bear hands picture of a bear driving a monster truck? I'm trying to find bear hands. They... Oh, my God. You can buy gloves that are like bear hands. I know. I'm aware of that. I want them.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. I thought spirit hoods are the stupidest thing. Or the other things that I said in previous podcasts. No, spirit hoods are bad. Spirit hoods are bad. Spirit hoods are bad, but as bad as bare hands for gloves, which are totally useless. You have no control. You just maul things. You just...

If no one can see what I'm doing, I'm just waving my hands back and forth right now. Just like, ugh, bare hands. You said it was the stupidest thing I've ever said. It's not, because I've said stupider things in the past. Well, today. Stupidest thing you've ever said today. Though the day is just getting started, so who knows. But yes.

Yes, exactly. So far, we're just wasting time. But, speaking of wasting time. Time well wasted is not wasted at all. Sure, okay. Well then, you tell that to everyone who signed this petition. So if you're not aware, people, a lot of people went online to the White House website, WhiteHouse.gov, and signed petitions.

There's a petition thing there where you can petition the president to do certain things. And one of the highest petitioned ones was to create a Death Star. People wanted the president to fund a Death Star by 2016, right? And so the best part is that this is a thing you can go look it up. This is totally legit. It's petitions.whitehouse.gov. And what happens is if these petitions generate enough interest, the White House will respond to them on whether they're going to do them or not. And so, the White House finally responded to the petition for the Death Star.

And I swear to you, this is what they said. It's amazing. This is the single best response to anything ever. The administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons why. The construction of a Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850 quadrillion. You know what that means?

Darth Vader was rich. He goes, we are working to reduce the deficit, not expand it. You know what that means? Darth Vader was rich. He goes, we are working to reduce the deficit, not expand it. Then it says, next, the administration does not support blowing up planets. And then it goes, why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship. Whoever wrote that deserves all the raises. It's this guy Paul Shawcross. I guess he's a scientist there.

He's the chief of science and space branch of the White House Office of Management and Budget. And he responded to that. And he goes on to talk about NASA. You know, it's actually serious. But the start of it is amazing. It's really good. Now, can we have a petition to paint the White House green? That'd be pretty good. But you know what would happen? People would be like, no man, that's the green agenda. That's Al Gore trying to make us all tax our carbons or whatever the hell Al Gore does anymore.

I will tax your carbons. Man bear pig. But I want a Death Star. I want a Death Star very badly. Maybe we should Kickstarter it. We should Kickstarter a Death Star. For 800 quadrillion dollars. I don't even know if that's the exact

number. It's like 850 and then it's like 8 Groups of zeros It's a ridiculous amount of money I don't have the page in front of me anymore But it's a ludicrous It's a sum that doesn't exist What about a mini Death Star

Right, no ship can fly into it What if you have little tiny Death Stars Death balls They fly around in pairs. Death meteor. So just a meteor. Really what we need to do is harness the power of meteors. If we can throw meteors at our

enemies, then we're good. And we can use them as resources. That seems like a stupid plan because we're throwing our resources at enemies. That doesn't... Or currency. Then it't... Or currency. Then it'll turn into currency. Meteors, like, I'll give you three meats for a... Hell no.

Hell no, for a shekel. Three meats for a shekel. What are you doing? Don't you want the shekel? I'll give you three meats. Three meats for a shekel. Meteors are called meats in the future Just like dollars are called bucks Meats

Hashtag three meats for a shekel By the way, by the way Never go into a butcher Because if you say I'll give you three meats for a meat They will not know what you're talking about That's good advice That's very good advice That's good future advice

That's good life. That's very good advice. Good advice. That's good future advice. That's good life advice. Yeah, I think so. So did you do anything fun this weekend? Did you have any excitement over the weekend? I saw the Packers lose. I heard. We probably should say that for sports, but it is a big deal because someone, not naming any names, wasn't allowed to play much.

Yeah. It was awful coaching. Awful coaching. Number one, Packers only use Greg Jennings in the slot. Okay? Greg Jennings should be hiking, throwing, catching, running the ball. If they could clone Greg Jennings to be at all of the positions. They did. He did have a play where they threw the ball to be at all of the positions. They did.

He did have a play where they threw the ball to James Jones for an amazing catch. I'm convinced that was Greg Jennings putting on his teammates jersey. Right? He put the jersey on his back. Yeah. It makes sense. And then the Packers were doing well, and then the guy fumbled the kickoff. I was like, why isn't Greg Jennings getting the kickoff or the punts?

He wouldn't fumble punts. I know. And so more terrible coaching. Terrible coaching. And then on defense, they never used him at all. I know, right? I was just like, this is awful. I couldn't even believe it.

They didn't even give him a chance to put the team on his back. Not even a chance. They wanted to squelch his legend. That's what they wanted to do. But I know that he's going to keep going, even with his three broken legs. No, you know what's going to happen? He's going to leave. He's a free agent.

He's gone. He's gone. Dude is gone. He's going to retire. No way. It'll be a sad day. He won't retire. He'll move to a different place. He's gone. He's gone. Dude is gone. He's gonna retire. No way. It'll be a sad day. He won't retire. He'll move to a different place. He and Tim Tebow will start their own team. That would probably be the team of the millennium. It'll be called

God's Good Guys. It's only them on the team. It's just them. Greg Jennings snaps the ball to Tim Tebow and then the other team just like stands there in amazement. And Tebow throws the ball, and Greg Jennings just runs down the field. That would be the single greatest team to ever play any sport. They could play any sport.

That's the thing as well. They don't have to just play football. They could play, like, actual European football. They could play basketball. If anything, they could do that duo figure skating. They'd be very good at that. Yeah, that'd be amazing. Oh, wow.

They would win the horseback riding. Tim Tebow would ride Greg Jennings on his back. And Greg Jennings would jump over everything. They'd be so good together. We need to, like, get rich enough to make that happen. That's true. God's good guys. And their shirt's just like, G-G-G.

G-G-G. Three G's. G-G- GGG I forgot how many G's were in that and that's it and and they wear all white and their outfits never get dirty that sounds amazing and they're really good I know I'm telling you that's great Greg GG GG 20 2014 that's it that's what's gonna Greg G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G still like, what the hell? I don't understand. And the score is like 500 to nothing. And now there's the people out there just like, stop talking about sports. Well, that was an amazing conversation. You're missing out by not loving Greg Jennings.

Greg Jennings. Greg Jennings. All right. Well, I think that's good enough time to go to Chop the Cup, the 7 in the Sky with Crendor. Crendor, how's that traffic? Today the traffic's back to normal and we're doing the show at our normal time again so I can see all the cars. There's a guy, he's driving to work. Maybe he's not. Maybe he's driving to go to the art institute and analyze some paintings.

There's another guy driving. He might just be going to Wendy's to buy himself a mozzarella burger. And there's a person. I don't know what they're doing. They look homeless. So hopefully they can find a home. Unless they're evil. And I hope they don't find a home, douchebag.

Back to you. Wow, Crandor. That was very informative. I think it was. I learned a lot. I don't know that I did. I learned that apparently Wendy's is open in the morning, so you can get a mozzarella burger?

Whatever the hell that is. Mozzarella la la la la la. I thought that was a chicken sandwich. Oh. Oh, they need it on a burger, too. Stupid Wendy. You just gotta ask for it. They're stupid. It's the secret. Good looks and red hair. I hate you, Wendy. You can on a burger, too. Stupid Wendy. You just gotta ask for it. They're stupid.

It's the secret. Good looks and red hair. I hate you, Wendy. You can hit me up, Wendy. All right, now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather? We're gonna head on down to Pataskala, Ohio. Uh-huh.

It's 38 degrees there. And there's some stuff happening like wind, humidity, some visibility. Some weather. And trending keywords are 143 for rain, then some wind and snow. Check out these tweets. Now, there's a lot of tweets. This is Pataskala's active. I almost thought it said Pakistan. Someone said, no, there isn't that much snow. Yes, you still have

to go to school. That was a mother. That was a mother tweeting her son. And then Rianne loves TW said, snow outside, happy face. It'd be awkward when TW leaves Rianne. Then she has a really bad screen name. That's going to be really awkward. Official Miss Payne said, you are all talking about snow. Now I am scared to open my shutters to check how the roads are outside in my town. She's an old shuttered woman. Oh, I gotta open my door.

Oh, so much snow. Frank, don't you open those shutters. I'm gonna do it. I told you, woman. I'm gonna do it. It's gonna be fine. And he, like, opens it up. And he, like, gets sucked into, like, a tornado.

What? She's like, Frank, damn it. I told you to keep them shut. Freedom. Sweet freedom. Take me to God, tornado. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

All right, now let's go over sports, even though I think we talked about it already. Well, we got some other news aside from that Oh Jacoby Jones We forgot about Jacoby. How's he doing? Well Ravens were down by a touchdown with 30 seconds to go through the bomb Did Jacoby Jones? Yeah save the day Jacoby Jones saved the day with a 70-yard touchdown. we got caught up in the Greg Jennings hype. We were with Jacoby from the beginning. We should have stayed with that horse. We should have.

I feel like I shouldn't be calling football players horses. I've done that a lot today, and I don't know why. Gotta put the money on the horse, eh? It's a metaphor that I'm not sure is apt in this case. So, either way, congrats to Jacoby Jones. It was a great play. 70-yard touchdown. Blown coverage. Probably because he was too busy being distracted by how awesome

Jacoby Jones is. And then went to overtime. And then Baltimore won in double overtime. Oh, Jacoby Jones. You're my man. Alright, the only hope we have left now is Jacoby Jones. That's it. I'm rooting for him. I don't even like Baltimore. In fact, I hate Baltimore.

But Jacoby Jones is a champ, so I have to root for him. And they're playing New England. Oh, well, then I like Baltimore. If it came down between a choice of, like, New England versus anything, like New England versus the Bubonic Plague. Bubonic Plague wins every time. I don't think anyone likes New England versus the Bubonic Plague. Bubonic Plague wins every time. I don't think anyone likes New England. I'm sorry, Patriots fans.

They are the Cowboys of the 90s. They are. Well, I guess they're the Cowboys of today. You know, like in the 90s, everyone hated the Cowboys. Same thing. Same thing with the Patriots. I still hate the Cowboys. Well, so do I, but that's okay.

That's a better hatred. I wish they just had cool names for players. Like, if one player was named, like, One Sock Steve, and he only wore one sock. So, like, 1920s baseball names? Shoeless Joe Jackson. One Sock Steve picking up the ball, tossing it over. Like, that's how you know, that's how you remember people like people like oh look at the guy with the weird hair he's a good he's a good right and they call nobody

remembers the normal crazy hair carl yeah oh that's what i would do if i started a sports they don't have everybody be named like that yes chubbs mckenzie tosses the ball over the slinky sleeve slinky crackhead kevin he's gotta stop doing that crack slinky sleeve. Slinky sleeve. Crackhead Kevin. He's got to stop doing that crack. Slinky sleeve. Slinky sleeve. I meant slinky sleeve, but I just, alliteration, man. It got me. Slinky sleeve.

Slinky sleeve. He wears slinkies for sleeves. It always works against him until he needs to bounce. He's like, I can't move my elbows. Until he needs to bounce really high, then he's very good. Also, he always, you can push him downstairs, but he'll always end up back on his feet. It's like, damn it, slinky sleeve. He's like, I can't open it.

I'm wearing slinkies. That sounds like the single worst Batman villain. Slinky sleeve. Batman, you can't catch me. Slinky sleeve. This is the worst villain I've ever faced. He's like, I'm not a villain. I'm just misunderstood.

Why won't anyone help me get these slinkies off my sleeve? This is Monday. Oh, God. It's definitely Monday. All right. Well, what is our big news story of the day? Ten easy ways to get more done. So this is how not to be a lazy bastard.

I can use this. I can use this. Okay. What do we got? Exactly. I can use this. I can use this. Okay, what do we got? We got number one, avoid meetings that lack an agenda. So every meeting I've ever been in. Yes. Meetings can only be productive if people know what they're meeting for in the first place.

An agenda provides a focus and purpose. The lack of an agenda guarantees meandering conversations that dive into rat holes. Watch out for those rat holes. Your place of business is not the best if you have to watch out for rat holes. Yeah, you're like heading to your meeting and just like falling a rat hole. Yeah, that's because people are diving into them. This is not a badger hole. You're just making it worse, guys.

Stop diving into the rat holes. They'll turn into badger holes, and then they'll fall in, and all your dwarf people will die. They have to look like Chef Gordon Ramsay, though. They do. Wow, that was a callback to a long episode. I don't know when we did that episode. It didn't seem that long ago. Here's the deal.

If you don't know what that joke is, tough. Go listen to an old episode. Yeah. You gotta go listen to our past shows. Yeah. Chef Gordon Ramsay. Take that.

Take that. Down a badger hole. After doing porn. Yep. Number two. Now that you're intrigued. Okay, number two. No, we gotta leave him

with that. They're gonna be like, what's he talking about? Number two. Number two, never pick up on an unknown caller. Unless you're working in telesales or product support and hate your life, there's no reason why you should ever take a call from somebody you don't know. After all, when was the last time you took an unexpected call that was truly important?

Days? Weeks? Months? That's true. I usually go by the rule of, if I don't know who's calling me, just let it go to the message, the answering machine, which I guess doesn't exist. Voicemail. It's not 1984. That's what I do. So voicemail. The answering machine shall accept my phone calls that are missed.

Just let it go to voicemail. If it's that important, they'll leave you a message and tell you how to get back to them. If it's not, then you don't have to worry about it. Our robot assistants will pick up our calls that are missed. Yeah, and they'll get back to you. Like, you have dialed, Jesse Cox. RG4 has accepted your voicemail and will turn it into Jesse Cox. That's what my voicemail answering machine does.

I don't know why your voicemail will be delivered to me, but you probably should get that RG4 looked at. I probably should. He needs more oil. Number three, permanently turn off your voicemail. What? That's the only way I can agree to number two is if I have my voicemail on. Well, a voicemail message consumes minutes of your time to communicate information you can absorb from an email in seconds. Are you kidding me? Emails are just walls of text sometimes. That's an immediate turn off.

I don't want to see that either. I bet number four is going to be like, don't turn on your email. Hone your email program sorting rules. Is that number four? Yes. So what does that mean? It takes time and energy to change gear to sort through a long list of disconnected messages.

Most email programs later route different types of messages into folders where you can review and respond mass and mass rather than piecemeal. Yeah, but that's when you get screwed and you send your hot, dirty message to the secretary, to your boss. Like, hey,

Diane, you're looking pretty hot in that outfit. I'd like to take you to lunch. By which I mean have sex. And your boss is like, this isn't Diane. Next day you're fired. You're gonna have to stop emailing my wife.

RG4 does not understand human relationships. Number five. Periodically disable email and texting. See? What did I tell you? It only took... I was one off. I was one off.

This isn't... So basically this is like... You know that thing I told you to do before? Now do this as well. In fact, just live off the grid. Just throw away all your stuff and live in the woods. Exactly. You'll save lots of time then.

Uh, when you must do creative work or absorb complex information, the last thing you need is your computer and phone chirping and beeping for your attention. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Unless you need to be on the computer, but okay, sure. Give social butterflies short shrift. For some people, a day at work means an endless coffee clatch. They wander the halls searching for somebody to discuss business,

but really just to chat. Yeah, those people are known as people you should fire. Yeah. If you run a business and you have people who are just like hey what's up you uh hitting the gym later you want to like uh go work on a pex maybe like shouldn't you be working that's why i just watched another steve job i watched steve dot steve jobs lost interview from like 1995 and he talked about how it was like right before he turned up, like returned to Apple and made it a non shitty company that was about to die into like amazing. And he was just like, you need to hire a players because when you hire a players, they want to work with other a players.

And when you hire like a C player, they're going to do like shitty at their job and slack off and everybody's gonna get mad at them instead of having a bunch of average people that when you get a good person, they're like, why is that guy working? Right? It's just like school when you have a classroom full of people who don't work and then the kids who actively work

and try to be like the best student they can be, they're made fun of. Number seven. Reward your body with high-quality fuel. I like how this isn't reward your body with, like, good-for-you stuff. It's high-quality stuff. So, by the way, step whatever, like 6.5, become rich.

Number eight is take a five-minute walk every hour. Every hour? Wait! Every hour. You just got done saying, don't wander around, meander around the hallways looking for conversations, and now you're like, hey, every hour take a five-minute walk. But you're not supposed to talk to anyone.

Oh, of course. So just every hour walk around for five minutes and just stare at people. That's how to get along in the workplace. Like, hey, Phil, how you doing? I can't talk to you. I'm on my five-minute walk, you dick. Number nine, make your decisions more quickly. Oh, okay, good.

That's easy to work on. Most people waste an extraordinary amount of time obsessing about their decision making. However, you're always better off making good decisions quickly than waiting for an imaginary best decision. I don't even know. I don't even know. That seems like it would backfire on occasion. Usually in the movies, waiting to the last possible minute works out the best. It's true.

And the movies are just like real life. So... Well, what if you're like, sir, we need to investigate this case and make the best possible situation for our business model. And then he's like, nah, we'll just wing it. He's like,

but we should really look into all the studies we've done. No, no, I'm pretty sure this is the right choice. Like, sir... It's like, well, we haven't done any market research or anything. No, no, it's right. We're the right choice. Like, sir. It's like, we haven't done any market research or, like, anything. No, no, it's right. We're just going to do it. It's our choice. Three months later, they're closed.

Yep. Number 10. Completely disconnect for 12 hours every day. Okay. I don't. So, I assume he takes in the time. I assume sleep time is accounted for in that. Unless he's saying, like, when you're asleep, add the time you're asleep to that.

In which case, you will get nothing done. Like, you have a good four hours of work that you can do during a day. After that, you're done. I like, in the comments, it says I should stop wasting my time reading these articles. Perfect. That is the perfect ending. Alright, that's it. We'll see you tomorrow. And as always, to be continued.