Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Monday, January 7th 2013

Episode Date: January 7, 2013

It's that awful monday after a long string of holidays. Sure you've got to go back to work, but we're along for the ride today with more nonsense. Today the boys talk about their love for the mysterious 4th member of the Black Eyes Peas, why Americans think fat is fun, and of course Greg Jennings. Also we may have just come up with an amazing idea for a podcast. You know, besides this one. Video Link For Sports Section: http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/minneapolis-reporter-gets-tackled-live-shot-video-164811417--nfl.html

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4 hour recording studios. Recording! Hit me, wake your ass up, it's the next Trendog in the morning! Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, Trendog in the morning! Up and up, next friend, and in the morning!

Hello everybody, it's Monday. Yeah, now all the people are going back to work and school because it's no longer a holiday weekend. And if you had the rest of last week off, now you're back. We're all back to normal. Now you gotta listen to us again. It's all normal, man. Isn't that crazy how most people only listen to us when they're like going to work or school well they have a back catalog now so listen listen listen up do you feel like wasting even more of your time go check out our back catalog of all our episodes we should have little commercials

like that we should do you have too much free time? Do you wonder, wow, I don't do anything with my life? Then listen to all of our back episodes. Do you ever hear yourself wondering, wow, I have absolutely nothing to do right now and can't think of anything? Well, here's a good reason. To not think of anything? Here's a good reason to clear your mind of all thoughts. Listen to Cox and Crenor in the morning. Beautiful.

Mind of all thought, listen to Cox and Crenor in the morning. Beautiful. I like how, in your scenario, someone is hearing themselves talk about things, and they're like, that's a good idea, me. That's a very good idea. That's a great idea, me. Listen to yourself. Someone needs to make a story about a person who is so bored that they end up doing absolutely nothing the entire book.

And then at the end of it, there needs to be a quote where he's like, I feel like I'm dying. And then some other guys just can be like, are we not all slowly dying every moment of our lives? What? What? I don't know. I just had that thought. You have some twisted thoughts, man. Speaking of books and twisted thoughts,

I'm surprised we didn't talk about this. During a live stream event that we did a while back, Jared, aka NotFrodo, a guy if you watch our other event thingies that we do, is a guy who looks like Frodo Baggins. He wrote a book. And you read the first chapter of this book. It was

the craziest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. I feel like we should just take an episode of this podcast one time. Just so you can read that book again. A guy who was microwaving food. Who was trying to ask out a girl. But then, like, a dog died.

And it was written in, like, his thoughts. It was crazy. And then at the end, Jared goes, that's just chapter one. And I was like well You are a mad man We need to do that I promise all these people I'm gonna write the elf story And then I'm gonna narrate it

And then I'll sue you for writing the elf story Without giving me money You can't sue me because I am a co-creator Yeah well then I want my co-creator earnings Well I didn't promise you nothing. You could, because you won't deliver nothing either. I will.

It might be like four pages, but it's going to be something. That is the stupidest, stupidest thing I've ever heard. You know what? It might even be by the end of the week. My new goal in life is to become the quickest writer of high quality non-content ever i don't know i think people in the newspaper have you beat every single day that's true highest quality the quickest writer of mediocre content speaking of of mediocre content i wanted i wanted to bring up something. So today, before we came on air, I was looking through our

messages on the Cox and Crandor SoundCloud page. And we got, every so often we get messages from people who are like, hey, you seem really cool. Do you want to join my network? Hey, can you feature some of my music? Stuff like that. But every once in a while we get these delicious gems. You get

them on YouTube too, or pretty much anywhere on the internet. And it's kind of hilarious. ClaireRegal73 yesterday sent us this message. I listened to some of your tracks and I have to say, they're good. Congrats. I noticed that your songs don't have many plays though. A friend

of mine used SoundCloud Plays service to promote his tracks. From what I know, to a real audience. And now he's gone viral. I think he uses the service from insert link to obvious virus site. Cheers. So I responded, Hey mate, I noticed your spam bot doesn't actually look at our uploads. A friend of yours should have told you that our podcast does pretty well, and we get a ton of views per episodes. Oh, and it's a podcast. I guess

your friend isn't that great. Maybe the only virus he got was just herpes. I'm going to stay away from that service. Love, Jesse. It'll probably respond back with like, I knew your tracks could use more views. Here's the link. Your songs sound really good. I like the beats that you

produce with them they're almost as good as the black eyed peas they went viral hey what viral thanks to our program which you can use following this link then you actually go to the website and it's like a legit website and the black-eyed peas are on it there's like just like yo man. I use this site. It's just the black eyed peas website I use this service. It's just the black eyed peas website. Like buy our CDs Please We need money Fergie's gotta eat. She's like Fergie going to Taco Bell

Meanwhile app the app and the other guy Are in the background like We aren't allowed to say anything We weren't legally obligated to like talk anymore In our contract it says we can't speak Then Will.i.am is just like They're just in the background like Nodding like that is good, Will.

That tell you to talk. They're doing the robot. I feel bad because it's Aptiap and then the Indian guy. Like, no one knows his name. It's just the Indian dude. We're going to find that out right now. Black-eyed peas members. This part is, you're going to look it up and it's going to be like Fergie, Will.i.am,

Aziaf, and Indian Guy. Indian Guy. His name is Taboo. Of course it is. Also known as Jamie Luis Gomez, his actual name. Oh, so a little Hispanic.

He's the Indian guy, though. He is 37 years old. Is Will.i.am in his late 40s? How old is that dude? Will.i.am is 37 as well. Apple.dapp is 38, and Fergie is 37 as well.

Will.i. learned something today. I learned nothing. I learned nothing. I learned nothing that I didn't already know. You knew all the Black Eyed Peas' ages and names. Are you kidding me? I follow them religiously. Wait, who are these people? Kim Hill and Sierra Swan?

You're not in the Black Eyed Peas. They're the pre-Fergies, I bet. Wait. Best known for their work with the hip-hop Black Eyed Peas They're the pre-Fergies I bet Wait Best known for their work with the hip hop Black Eyed Peas She left the band in 2000 Oh yeah Those are the pre-Fergies So she sucked I don't know if she sucked

I just know that they're the pre-Fergies Saying that they sucked compared to Fergie Seems really like we're getting down on them That's true Yeah it seems like we're hitting them below the belt there, and I'd rather not do that. Yeah, you make valid points. Thank you. I try.

That's one of the few times I do. I don't try normally, but when we're talking about washed up music groups, I try. I like how we're like, yeah, they're so washed up and stupid. Meanwhile, they're rolling in money. Like, yes.

We're so rich. All right. Well, I mean, I don't know. Do we have anything else to talk about at the top of the show here? I mean, it is Monday. Yeah, I think we've hit all the high points. We're rusty. Making fun of the black eyed peas.

Talking about people who spam mail us, and talking about books that we'll never write. But I will write by next week. I would hope for the benefit of literature that you just don't. I contemplated starting a dream analysis show. Dude, oh my god. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Okay. Is it possible to set up some form of, like, phone number where people can call in and tell us the dreams they had, and then we interpret those dreams? That would be amazing. That would be an amazing show idea. I'm gonna look into that. I'm looking into this. Yes. We can easily be the

best dream interpreters in the world. That may have to be an entirely different podcast. We're just like, welcome to dream state. My name, we'll make up fake names. We'll be like, my name is Archibald Crucible.

I'm your dream host. Oh, dude, we're doing it. We're doing it. My name is Imaginary Thought Walrus. Holy shit! That's happening. It's done. Archibald Crucible and Imaginary Thought Walrus host a show where we analyze dreams.

Holy shit. And we analyze dreams. Holy shit. And we're the best at it. I don't know about you, but I didn't get some worthless communications degree in college. I got a dream analysis degree. Holy crap. This needs to happen so badly. So badly. I'm looking into this. People can call in,

leave their mess, like, leave what happened in their dream, and then we analyze it. Ah, it's your ball crucible. And the message, thought walrus. That we may have created the best idea for a show in history.

Holy crap. Maybe this time tomorrow we'll actually have a phone number, because that might happen. I'm looking into this. Holy crap. Maybe this time tomorrow we'll actually have a phone number because that might happen. I'm looking into this. Holy crap, that's funny. Oh my god. I'm so excited now. I only thought of this because I like analyzing dreams and I had dreams the other day where I analyzed them. Oh, great.

Nice to know. I analyze them Oh great Nice to know One of them I was at like this hotel And there was a bar and they were like Would you like to try this Like super awesome wine And I was like sure and they were like

Look at the prices and I looked at the bottle And it said like $150 And I was like you know what I'll try it And then they were like that'll be $1500 And I was like what And then that was one of them I don't know what, I'll try it. And then they were like, that'll be $1,500. And I was like, what? And then that was one of them. I don't know what that means.

Here's what that means. It means that you are afraid of being scammed dealing with money. Deep down you have a fear of being scammed and someone's going to take your money. Oh. That makes sense.

I do have that fear. See? See how good we are at this? This is amazing. We're very good at this. We're going to be hired by professionals. Oh, we're going to be on Coast to Coast AM by the end of the year. That's my goal.

I want to be on that show and I want people to call in and be like, I had dreams. And George will be like, so what was your dream, caller? And they'll be like, I had a dream that an alien leprechaun came and poked my butthole with a banana. What does that mean? It means that in a past life, you were probed by the great space Mayan robot

who was testing whether or not you'd be alive in this period. And you were alive. Also, you may be gay all right enough of this that's a great idea but we need to move on we're running out of time here okay now I think it's time we go to chapter cup to seven in the sky to see Crandor Crandor how's that traffic out there? Woo! People are going back to work and school. It's back to the grind. The grind of gears. The gear grind. And there's uh, there's some school buses down there. Watch out for those.

I hear school bus drivers are pretty dangerous when they're driving the school bus. So, avoid those. There's some trucks. They might be sleeping at the wheels. So watch out for those too if i were you i'd just take the back roads like i always do thank you thanks crendor now let's go over to crendor at the weather desk crendor how's that weather well we haven't gone to france in a while i think we have actually oh maybe why don't we go to somewhere in asia all right all right we can let's go to can we go can we go to somewhere in Asia? All right. All right. Let's go to, can we go to like Thailand? All right.

We're going to Thailand. Bangkok. Nice. Today in Thailand, it's 91 degrees. Wow. What? Yeah. 91 degrees.

I am kind of super jealous. 36% humidity, 5 mile per hour wind, 6.2 mile visibility, 61 degree dew point. And do they have local tweets? I really hope they do. I hope they do. I hope all the tweets from Thailand are going to be like, help, an Asian hooker kidnapped me. Oh, where they would have tweets, they have an ad for Kellogg's mini wheat crunch.

And one of the Kellogg crunch things is saying, I am really, I really am filling. And then the other one's like, crunchy, isn't it? For some reason, I feel like that still relates to Bangkok. I don't know why, but I feel like it does. It does, as well as Pest Control Cabbage Looper. It's the worst sequel to the movie Looper ever. They call me the Cabbage Looper. I send cabbage back in time and kill it.

I make salads out of future cabbage. And eat your cabbage. And I eat it. I don't think you understand. We don't really care. We have a bunch of cabbage here. You don't get it. It's future cabbage.

It comes from the future. You just wait. That's weather. Now let's move on to sports. We got sports stories, but first off, we got to talk playoffs. Uh-oh. Packers, they won because Greg Jennings. Greg Jennings.

He's going to carry the team on his back. Now he's heading on down to San Francisco where he's going to beat the 49ers. I know Will tweeted me and said he likes the 49ers and that he thinks I'm wrong. He obviously doesn't understand Greg Jennings. When he sees Greg Jennings on the field, he will become a convert. Very easy. Greg Jennings. He wasn't even playing the last time they played San Francisco in the opener,

which it explains everything. It does. And I actually have a prediction for Greg Jennings. He's going to put the team on his back next week, and I'm calling 10 catches, 15 touchdowns, and 1,500 yards. See, he only has 10 catches because he's going to have four touchdowns being a running back, and then they're going to put him on defense, and he'll get an interception and return that for a touchdown.

All with a broken leg. All with three broken legs. How is he doing that? And then the whole time he's running, people will just be, like, in shock and awe. Just mesmerized. And he'll just be like, Greg Jennings. mesmerized and he'll just be like Greg Jennings and so

I mean Packers obviously keep on winning and Baltimore Ravens they won with Jacoby Jones he didn't really do a lot but I guess the fact that he's just there they had Ray Lewis who like he's like I'm retiring and then he's playing with like a super

arm like torn bicep but he's just like i'm ray lewis and then uh who else well yeah houston cincinnati the bangles lost because they suck really strange apparently although i did think the bangles would win because the bangles i figured would be on a roll but nope no bangles have apparently lost their last three playoff games and haven't won a playoff game in like 30 years or something. Are you saying the Bengals are bad? I am. That's nonsense.

And then the other playoff game was RG3 taking on the Seahawks, and RG3 got shut down. His bionic legs gave out. And that sounds like the end of the saddest robot movie ever. Like, he discovers his humanity, but he still loses. And he's like, but I have learned a more valuable lesson. As he's, like, being dismantled. It was so disappointing, too, because, like, he started off well,

and then he tweaked his robotic leg. And that was the only reason I wanted Washington to win. Otherwise, I didn't care about them. And then he was trying to take his team back, and he just, like, broke his robotic leg. And he went down, and it was just like, RG3, shut down. And a guy walks out on the field and shoots him in the head. And then they boot up another one and then back in the locker room like

RG4 Let's go. Oh god. And we have this awesome story. Yes, we have a very funny story. Here's what we're this awesome story. Yes, we have a very funny story. Here's what we're going to do. In the description to this video is a link.

I want all of you really quickly to go to that link. Hopefully it's still up by the time this goes live. You can see it. It's a woman reporter, and I guess they're on the Minnesota Vikings news show yeah and just go watch this and come back you can pause this if you're in the car tough tatas yeah yeah don't watch this while you're in the car that'd be bad yeah all right they're back now yes they are yeah sure okay sure they are well that woman got tack Well, it was more like she got stiff-armed. The best part is the music that's added.

It's like... This dude just goes up behind and just pushes her down. And she's like... She is a hardy Minnesota woman. She's like, I'm okay! The best is the... I just don't like how the dude that knocks her down is so into it. He's like, I'm okay! The best is the, I just don't like how the dude that knocks her down is so into it.

He's like, I caught the ball! This is my time to shine, coach! The best part is that the other guy who's in the shot with her, the really tall skinny guy, he walks over and you can see he's got this smile on his face that's like, don't laugh. Don't laugh. Don't laugh, dude.

That's amazing. Meanwhile, back in the studio, Santa Claus or Kenny Rogers. Minnesota version. Minnesota Kenny Rogers and his wife, I don't know who that is, on their Minnesota coffee table

are just like, I hope everything's okay over there. That's their news show. It's just these two people in their living room hope everything's okay over there. That's their news show is it's just these two people in their living room. That's the Minnesota news. Oh, my God. That is amazing. That is amazing.

Oh, I like how right before that happens where he throws the ball, she's just like, oh, go ahead. I'm not going to get in any trouble. And then she gets in trouble. I guess that that's sports it's sports all right well then that brings us to our big story of the day Crandor hit me with that news well you might say this really is a big story poll few Americans know all the risks of obesity that was a a very good segue. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, well, continue, please.

What are the risks? Heart disease and diabetes get all the attention. But what about the many other ways obesity can damage your health? Carrying too many pounds may lead to or worsen some types of cancer, arthritis, sleep apnea, even infertility. But a new poll suggests a few Americans realize the links. Oh, few Americans actually realize the links. Only about one quarter of people think it's possible for someone to be overweight and still healthy,

according to the poll by something. Ask about the most serious consequences, and more than 7 in 10 Americans can correctly tick off heart disease and diabetes. Heart disease is the nation's leading killer, and diabetes and obesity are twin epidemics. As rates of both have climbed in recent years, the other consequences aren't so well known. People are often shocked to hear how far-reaching the effects of obesity are, said Jennifer Dimitriou, a bariatric dietician. Only 7% of people surveyed mentioned cancer,

although doctors long have known that fat increases the risk of developing cancers of the colon, breast, prostate, uterus, and certain other sites. Plus, being overweight can make it harder to spot tumors early to treat them. Then there's the toll on your joints, especially the knees. About 15% of people knew about obesity contributing to arthritis, a vicious cycle as the joint pain then makes it harder to exercise and shed the pounds. High blood pressure, high cholesterol strokes were fairly low on the list. Infertility didn't get a mention.

Also, 5% put respiratory problems on the list. Studies show people who are overweight are at an increased risk of sleep apnea and asthma, and that dropping pounds can help improve their symptoms. Here's something that I think this stems from. I think the big story here is people not knowing, right? Like, people in the U.S. not understanding. Is that what the article's about, really? Yeah.

Follow me here. All right. really yeah follow me here all right it seems like the whole uh i am beautiful no matter what they say like that or they like big is beautiful or those kind of things where it's like it's okay the whole it's okay to be yourself i think goes goes against this but i think that also works with smoking and and anything else else that's bad for you, where people are like, be you, be you, be who you want to be. Be okay with yourself.

Sometimes you shouldn't be okay with yourself. I heard George Carlin, he did that thing on the self-esteem movement. He's like, the self-esteem movement is BS. He's like, you know who has high self-esteem? Sociopaths. Because it's like, you know who has high self-esteem? Sociopaths. Because it's like, you can only have, like you have to have some self-esteem, but like

when you have too much, you can't actually like improve as a person. And I think I think like it's that idea of I'm okay with me. Like, you can have that. You can be okay with yourself, but there are certain things that you. Like, you can have that. You can be okay with yourself. But there are certain things that, like, you should be trying to fix about yourself constantly.

And, like, getting in shape should be an active goal. You shouldn't be like, I'm okay with not being able to do, like, play with my kids. Like, no, you shouldn't be okay with that. That's, like, the of like having our bodies like for the past like not like it's only in the past like 50 years we've gotten fat. So all the other times we were out like doing things. I don't know. I

think Chester A. Arthur. No wait not Chester. President Garfield. Who was it? Which hold on. I gotta look up our president. We've had some big ass presidents in the past. Well those people are like the rich and the famous ones that don't have to actually do anything. Like the kings of the medieval ages were like, he's fat, he must be rich and powerful. So all he did was sit around and rule the kingdom. You do make a good point.

Yeah. But with that said, though, I think you're right in the fact that we are very, like, we don't really move. We don't really do a lot. And so when people are like, improve yourself, this whole, like, I'm fine with who I am. You can be, I think you should be fine with your personality and fine with who you are. But you should actually, like, care about your health a bit, I would think. I would hope so. I don't, you know, whatever.

Or you can watch, like, Honey Boo Boo and... Well, what else does this article say? That's all it really said. That's it. That's it. Americans are dumb. We just don't get it. I can go to this Cosmo article that says eight foods to avoid before sex. I don't know if that's going to help us. It might help you lose some weight. It might, but I don't know.

I don't think that eating a bunch of food before sex is really going to be helpful. Number one is beans. All right. That's it. We're done. We're done. Artificial sweet. really gonna be helpful number one is beans broccoli red meat black licorice skip add cheese alcohol gum didn't really say you should have beans before sex it said avoid them oh I thought it said you should I was like that sounds horrible No, that was those don't

Like look if you want to have really great sex a bunch of beans I mean it makes it makes sense. They're like makes a protein in them right? Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah. Oh. It would just stink is what I'm saying. What else does Cosmo say? Cosmo also says why we don't like when guys cry.

Two magazines later, it'd be like, why men should cry? It will. And then everyone will be like, I can relate to this article. Like this article. Like this woman. I think it's normal and okay if a guy cries for a legit reason, but I'm totally turned off by a sensitive type guy who over-evaluates his feelings and moods from day to day. Then the next magazine will be like, I like it when guys cry because it shows their sensitive side and allows me to understand them better.

That's funny because it's exactly what's going to happen. Oh, Cosmo, you're so predictable. I like how we're two grown men, like, we know everything in Cosmo. Like, I'm practically a writer for Cosmo because of how much I know. And that's where your short story will appear. Yes. Oh, my God. Speaking of which, as in Target, and they had the book section,

and there are now, like, parodies of Fifty Shades of Grey. Mysterious consequences. And then it shows, shows like right under it. Let's just like, sometimes it's, it's fun to not know about what's happening or like some stupid shit. Why is it that it's suddenly okay for books to be made for housewives? That's like, Hey, I know your life is boring as shit. Here's all the crazy kinky sex you should be having. Enjoy. Why can't there just be like a number that's like my phone number and they call me up and I'm like, look, I know your life's boring.

How about some of that crazy kinky sex you should be having? There's the tombstone quote. Why can't there be a number where women call me and I go bang them? be a number where women call me then I go bang them. Because when you think about it that way, the number has to be dialed and then we dial into our

consciousness. David lynched. That's how we're ending. Thank you guys for listening and we will be back tomorrow. Chocolate. God, I want a hot chocolate. And as always, to be continued. Woo!