Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Thursday, January 10th 2013

Episode Date: January 10, 2013

Do you find yourself constantly updating your facebook status? Well Jesse and Crendor explain why that is, and why you need help. Also Jesse finally reveals he is in fact 80 years old, and Crendor tells us which cities have the worst traffic. Spoiler: Jesse questions the science behind it.

Hello everybody it's time for Ghost on Trendog! Ghost on Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4 hour recording studio. Recording! Wake your ass up it's Ghost on Trendog in the morning! Ghost on Trendog in the morning! Up and up, next friend of the morning!

Hello everybody, it's Thursday. And my armrest is broken. Right before we were about to go live on air. Fandor's armrest, armbreast, his armbreast. My breast has arms, or wait, my arm has breasts. Your arm has breasts, yeah, your armbreast fell off. I don't even know what's going on anymore. Well your armrest fell off, I don't even know what's going on anymore. Well, your arm breast fell off.

I don't know how that happened. Apparently a screw came loose. Yeah, it popped out. That is a metaphor, if I've ever heard one. That screw was loose, then the other one came out. That is a metaphor. Well, this is the brunch show. It is.

We're a little late today. We decided, like, let's try and film it during normal hours spoiler that didn't work out too well because during normal hours is when we do our normal work so we're gonna have to go back to our like crazy 3 a.m podcast session i mean technically that is the morning for most people yeah technically that's the morning so if anything we're doing it right yeah doing it right. Yeah. Doing it right. Yeah. Doing it.

Doing it right. Speaking of which, when I woke up, I had awesome dreams that I remembered because of my dream theory thing that works still. Go on. So, one dream. Okay. I was being chased by this, like, crazy orc army. It was like a Lord of the Rings thing. And there was one orc where he had, like...

Reach back on the menu, boys! That kind of orc army? It was like a Lord of the Rings thing. And there was one orc where he had like- Rage back on the menu, boys! He had, uh, what do you call it? Like a boomerang. And he threw the boomerang, and it spun around and like chopped off the one orc's head. Uh-huh. And then I managed- I was with somebody else. I don't even know who it was. But I managed to get into this room. It may have been like one of my friends. It may have been, like, a YouTuber. I don't even remember. It was just, it was a nobody.

And I was like, all right, we're in this room. We gotta get out of here. And then there was, like, random people walking into the room. And we were like, oh, we're gonna get them. But then they weren't anybody. We were like, oh, that's just, like, a maid or something. But then the guard walked in. And we knocked the guard over and, like, took his keys, and we locked the door.

And then the giant, like, army with their general came to the door, and they were like, you let us in. And I was like, no, we had a deal. And they were like, you are right. And then they. What the hell is happening? And then, no, then the room started to break off. So, like, it was like we were in, like, a boat or something. So the room started to break off. So, like, it was like we were in, like, a boat or something. So the room started to break off, and then it turned into a crate.

And then we were in the ocean on a crate. And I was like, what's going on? How long is it going to take to get across the ocean on this crate? And they were like, only, like, two minutes. And so it took, like, less than that. And then we were, like, on glaciers. And then we were on a different continent. That was that dream.

Funny thing is, I actually read a study, a fan sent in a study that had to do with the fact that playing video games before you go to bed gives you unusually heightened levels of awareness and control in your dreams. Hmm. I've had in your dreams. Hmm. I feel like that's you. I've had video game dreams.

I feel like that's, well, you don't have video game dreams. By playing them, it gives you control over the dreams that you do have. Oh. I'm not saying, like, you're sitting there playing video games in your dreams, like, man, I am very good at this game and this dream. I've had video game dreams where I'm sitting there playing video games. You have the worst dreams. Well, I just had an this dream. I've had video game dreams where I'm sitting there playing video games. You have the worst dream. Well, I just had an awesome dream. I don't think

that was very awesome. You went on like a field trip. Right after I woke up, I realized it was like 10.30 my time and I was like, I can sleep for another like hour or something. So I went back to sleep and then I had a dream where I was in this like place that was like a war place

like a war place yeah I think it may have been the orcs again but it was like pirate orcs so there's like all these pirates everywhere and we were like sneaking around and I was like you can't you can't like alert them or they to find out. And then it turned into a musical. And I am the Pirate King. I imagine that's what it was. And there was this group of people just, like, sitting there. It was like an MTV Cribs or something where there was just, like, a group of people just sitting there. Globetrot took the TV remote again.

I don't like him. Yeah, it was like a group of those people sitting around of mtv and with orcs there was one girl with a guy and the girl slapped him she was an asian girl i think and she slapped the guy and then i was like why are you slapping him and she was like i don't know and then somebody did something. Like, I think my friend, like, shoved a giant vat of, like, nuclear waste. He shoved, like, a giant vat of, like, nuclear waste into their pool. And they're like, oh, my God, you're banned from this party. And then we just, like, the musical started again, and we just walked out. And you sang your way out of the party.

Yeah, and then I woke up again, and I was like, did I just have a... We're leaving your party. Yes, yes, we are. We're sang your way out of the party. Yeah, and then I woke up again and I was like, did I just have a... We're leaving your party, yes, yes we are. We're leaving your party, we will go real far. Where we go, we don't know, that's why we are. Crandor and his friend will leave your party.

Then I woke up. The R is because you're pirates. Oh. That was my song. That was my song for you. I really liked it. You're welcome, world. But then I woke up and I was like, that was a really cool dream, actually. Uh-huh. That's why I just force myself to wake up early now just so I can remember my dreams. Because I'm pretty sure all these dreams are going to meld together into like a feature

film one day when I'm a director. That's what I did today. That's going to be your single greatest and worst contribution to society. If anything, you've doomed us all. Thank you. Hooray! Thank you.

Hooray! I had the worst sore throat last night and was like, I'd rather not lose my voice. So I was like, let's record this thing during the day. It'll be good. It'll be fun. And I guess the price I pay is listening to the crappiest dream that ever was. You wouldn't have heard that if we recorded it last night.

I know, right? You're lucky. Apparently there's a news article online that I'll read it after we're done here. Maybe we'll do it on tomorrow's show. The oldest Roman hairstyle recreated for the first time I want to see what ancient Romans used to How they used to wear their hair Whoa

I bet it was ponytails I bet it's like normal hairstyles In ancient Rome they were exactly like us I like how people just assume That people in the past are just like these Mythical creatures or something. They did fight Hydras, bro. I mean, you notice there aren't any Hydras around now.

That's true. That's because they killed them. They went extinct. Yeah, dragons don't exist anymore because the Knights of Old killed them. It's like Guy Hero just killed them off. Guy Hero is the lineage of Hercules. He got it on with um shiva although i think shiva technically could be a guy as well but look don't question it and then um they had a

child who was arthur and arthur got it on with let's say uh valkyrie and and then Wood Elves fit in there somewhere, and then Guy Hero. Yes. It all makes sense. It made all the sense to me. We are starting out very good today. We have a very good show. We're starting out very well. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you. Speaking of grammar and

spelling, there was an article today that I was reading about spelling online and how people perceive you if you spelling correctly. And they were saying that years ago, like five, 10 years ago, online spelling mistakes were perceived at a higher level of like, this person's an idiot compared to now where almost everyone overlooks spelling mistakes or they or their brain automatically puts the words together, even though it's spelled wrong. And they just scan over it and miss it.

And before, they would freak out and be like, this person is a moron. Now we accept morons. Society is on an upward curve, I think. We're only going to get better. I've seen that, where they put together a paragraph, and as long as the first and last letters are there you can still read it

yes yeah yeah I think that's a thing that went around the internet for a while there it was an entire sentence about a study or not a sentence but a paragraph about a study and it was an entire sentence about a study this is a sentence about a study period

I was going to say the exact same thing. Oh, we are on the same wavelength. Great minds. But that was a good article and then I clicked another one and it was why Facebook users constantly update their status.

I'm sorry. Why some constantly update their status. And the reasoning for this is they said that most people on Facebook are you ready for this? This is groundbreaking.

This is a groundbreaking study that most people on Facebook, are you ready for this? This is groundbreaking. This is a groundbreaking study. Most people on Facebook are, wait for it, lonely. It's amazing. They're like, the reason why they got 100 college undergraduates to participate in the study at the University of Arizona, and they found out the people who filled out their Facebook the most, who updated their status, filled out their Facebook. Old man Jesse. Filling out my Facebook.

Old man Jesse talks about Facebook. Those kids filling out their Facebook forms. Maybe if they filled out their job forms instead. Hey! So it turns out that the people who updated their status more often were people who were very, very lonely. So the people who you see spam your Facebook, send them a little message about how much you love them

because they just want your attention very badly. That's why those people have like 5,000 friends. It's like nobody has 5,000 friends. Yeah, no one does. And then it's this idea that the people who do that, then they looked at the people who responded, and the people who wrote the most often

had the least responses, which then made it a cycle, so they kept writing more and more and more in order to get more attention, but got less of it because they were spamming people with their, like, today I had a nice poo, and then I had breakfast. Like,

no one cares about that, no response. And so they're saying that the people who do that all the time are just in a cycle of depression, because they just want people to love them, but at the same time, they're like, why won't anyone acknowledge me? No one acknowledges me, so they do it even more. It does make sense.

It's like the people that talk all the time, and people are just like, shut up. It's like those idiots who have to make a podcast in order to get attention, and they do it every day. But the less you say, the more people will listen to you when you talk. It's like, whoa, they don't normally say anything. I agree. Thank you for tuning in to KBB Jazz Radio in the morning. Afternoon. Because here, they play that song probably like 95% of the time.

Because it's a great song. RG for understands musical emotions. Rhythm and blues. Rhythm and blues. Rhythm and blues, baby. I remember, is that still a section? I guess I would say at the CD store, but I don't even know how many CD stores are left. What's a CD store?

What the hell are CDs? I had one of those or I went into one of those the other day and there was just like a bunch of DVDs and CDs and everything and there were some people looking at them and I was like Who are you people? People actually buy things? Here's the thing

that's crazy. I maybe for two bands that I like that I've listened to for years and years and years I'll buy their CDs just cause I support them but I'll just Put it all on my computer anyway and then never use the CD again Other than that If I hear a song either I'll

Borrow it wink wink from the internet Or I'll go to iTunes if I can't find it anywhere And I'll just buy it there I mean really Hard copies of anything is sort of pointless Nowadays I know more and more stuff is being moved to the cloud I mean, really, hard copies of anything is sort of pointless nowadays. I know more and more stuff is being moved to the cloud.

And I know people are like, I want to have the physical copy in my life. I was like that at one point until I had to clean up around my apartment and realize that I had copies of stuff that I had not used or seen in years sitting in boxes. And was like, well, I think I'm on board with this whole. I don't necessarily own it. I'm borrowing a license for it. But I can play it whenever I want kind of deal. I'm okay with that now. I'm willing to give up that freedom.

Look I'm willing to give up the freedom of trash. Is what I'm willing to do. It's like with Steam. Where they're like well if you don't have the internet. You're not able to play your game. It's like well if I don't have the internet, I'm probably panicking and sitting in a corner, like, hyperventilating. Right? We can make fun of people who don't have the internet, because they aren't listening to this.

Yeah. Yeah. Nerds. Nerds. We did not have the internet. Yeah. Now, it's nerdy to not have the internet because you're the subsection of society. I was waiting for what you were going to say there.

I was a little worried. I was like, oh, boy, we might have to edit that out. All right. Well, then, I guess it's time to go to Krendor in the sky and chop chop to 7. Krendor, how's that traffic looking out there this afternoon? Right now, it's not rush hour yet, so there's no cars, and it's not the morning, so there's no cars. So it's actually pretty peaceful. You just look down, you see a lot of nature. Well, if nature counts as like empty roads, I guess you could say that. There's one car.

I think he's heading to a subway to eat fresh, even though nothing's really fresh there. They just have a bunch of like pre-packaged stuff that looks fresh because they have it out and ready for you to select. So, I mean, Subway, if you want to sponsor us, that'd be great. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather looking?

Let's check out some weather for a place called Olam... Olamin. I'm sorry, where? Lamin M-E I don't know what M-E is. Is that Massachusetts? No! I don't know what it is.

Oh, God! Alright, let's go through this. M-A is Massachusetts, M-O is Missouri. What does that leave left, buddy? Mexico. Yep. Yep, that's it. That's it.

That's it. Wait, Maine? It's Maine. No, Maine's M-N. No, it says Maine. What were you thinking? I was thinking Minnesota. What's Minnesota?

Is that M-N? No, Minnesota's M-N. Oh, shit. Neither of us are good at geography. We are horrible. We are horrible. Oh, shit. We're the best weather show.

I like how I was so supremely confident. I knew it was up. How do you not know that, you idiot? You're so supremely confident. I knew it was up. How do you not know that, you idiot? You're so dumb. Anyway. In Olamin, Maine. I only found Olamin, Maine because I typed in OLA and that was the only place that popped up for OLA. Besides an opera from Los Angeles.

OLA. That was the joke. 32 degrees. Los Angeles. O-L-A. That was a joke. Ha ha. Anyway. 32 degrees. Ha ha ha. Wind, snow, rain are trending keywords. Let's look at the tweets from a lamb in Maine. All4Jury says, also to be sure, I think weather plays a key role in crime rate.

Warmer equals more crime. We just talked about this. We did. He watches our podcast. He does. I bet he does. And then Brackish says, You never alone.

We are birds of a feather and will never change. No matter the weather, this is my oath to you. Did he say that to the world or to a specific person? He said that to the world. Oh, that's good. I'm glad he's there for everyone. That person typing on Facebook now is a friend. Yeah. He has a friend.

We're making friends. It's a shame he's on Twitter and they'll never meet. It is a shame. Oh, well. We're done. That's weather. All right. Now let's go over to sports.

Crandor, how's that sports looking? In sports, I know what everybody's thinking. Where's Tim Tebow at? Well, the Jaguars... Is that it? Is that it? Yeah. The Jaguars GM says he can't imagine Tebow in Jacksonville, even though that's apparently

where he was supposed to go. Jermaine, if I was Jacksonville, you just... I would take any one. Jacksonville's like prime Jesus territory, though. You figure he'd fit in perfectly there. Yeah, and they've won like five games in the past five years. Yeah, they need a miracle. They need a miracle. A miracle.

A miracle. America is going to change its name to a miracle. This is wonderful. Maybe, I know what we need. We need some soccer or football news for our European fans. The only one I know is Pele is Pele back then I can relate Pele soccer it looks like Pe. Pele! He has a game for Atari called Pele.

Atari! Holy shit! And Pele is actually 72 years old. Jesus Christ! How do I know about Pele? Pele! Last time he played was 1977. Holy shit! How do I know he... How do I know about him then?

I wasn't even alive! How do I know about Pele? Because he's just so famous from his Atari game. Is that why? Holy shit. Maybe he will make a comeback though. Pele, that's the last guy I know.

And he didn't play for like 40 years. Here's a picture of Pele in Africa though. And here's a picture of Pele with the president of Brazil. And here's Pele showing off his soccer skills or football in, uh, more Brazil, Rio de Janeiro. Pele appeared in the closing ceremony of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Ah, that's sports. All right, now let's go to the number one best section of this podcast. Mm-hmm.

The Daily Big Story. What is it, buddy? The 10 most traffic-congested cities in North America. Good topic. Very good topic. Here are the top 10 most congested cities. Number 10, Chicago. Hey, that's because everyone there is trying to get sausage.

They're all driving around like, go get me some sausage. I can verify this. I see those people every day. Just like a Polish sausage. They're just like, Coach Ditka is selling the Polish sausage. Oh, my God. Got to get the sausages.

If you listen to like sports radio, all they do is like talk about the bears. If the bulls are good, like, talk about the Bears. If the Bulls are good, they'll talk about the Bulls. And then they talk about Coach Ditka. They're just like, no, Lovie Smith is gone. We should get back Coach Ditka to take the Bears to the Super Bowl. That's, like, all Chicago radio. Even, like, welcome back to Classic Rock. Next Next up we're going to talk to T-Cop T-Cop

We're going to talk to T-Cop But Pretty much if it's classic rock radio It's just like We're going to have Coach Ditka on To talk about That's not classic That's not the classic rock DJ Classic Rock Radio is just like, we're going to have Coach Ditka on to talk about some classic... That's not classic.

That's not the classic rock DJ. We're going to talk about classic rock. Welcome back to Meditor Metallica. Nine and five, the five and nine, and the ten and ten. Like that. Like I said, it's all Coach Ditka. Wait, I didn't even read the thing. Traffic in the Windy City rarely moves as freely as the above image suggests.

coach Ditka. Wait, I didn't even read the thing. Traffic in the Windy City rarely moves as freely as the above image suggests. Residents can be expected to take an average 24% longer getting where they want to go when the roads are as clear as they seem here. That's why a lot of people in Chicago just take public transportation too. Number 9 is Montreal.

Montreal residents. Quebecois? Francois. Quebecois? Alright, so Montreal, Quebec. I assume it's because all their snowmobiles can only go so fast. That is part of the reason. All the moose crashes. It says Montreal residents can breathe a sigh of relief as their beloved Canadians head back to the ice after a prolonged NHL lockout, but it'll take them as long as 24% more time than it should to get to the game.

All the Zamboni breakdowns. San Jose is number eight. Yes, we know San Jose, and it's crowded. On average, residents spend 25% more time in their cars than getting around town during times when traffic is clear. I'm sorry, what accent is that? Strongbad. I never thought Strong Bad was French.

I thought it was more like really bad luchador Mexican. With the email. I remember I watched that all the time in high school. For those who don't know what we're talking about, we're talking about Homestar Runner. Home of the amazing Teen Girl Squad. Teen Girl Squad! The ugly one! That was a great show.

This is what it was. Strong bad. I'm so mad that they just stopped making videos. They just disappeared. I don't know what happened to those dudes. They just stopped. Maybe we should get them on our show. We should.

We should ask them what's up, because that was amazing. Old Star Runner, man. Back in the day, they were the... I think the guy had a kid and then became an adult. What a dick. What a dick. Yeah. What a loser. What a dick. Yeah. What a loser.

Number seven is New Orleans. We prefer walking through the French Quarter of New Orleans leisurely sipping a hurricane to driving through this congested burg. 25% higher than during off hours. It's because all those damn bands, like, going down the streets all the time, like, ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. People love it during, like, Mardi Gras, but then it just happens all the time. people love it during like mardi gras but then it just happens all the time it's just like part of new orleans you're just walking down the street

you see the best like oh another band roving bands of horn players the roaming bands they're everywhere everywhere you have to watch out for them they're just as bad as hyenas they are they're just like timmy watch out Timmy, watch out for the bands! Watch out for the bands, Timmy! He's just like, Mom, I want to go see the band. Like, no, Timmy, no! No! And they just, like, consume him. They're here! They're here!

He just gets consumed into the band and disappears. And then the next time you see the band, he's one of them. He's this little kid playing the drums in the background. She's like, yeah! She goes to the police like,

he's in with the wrong crowd. There's nothing we can do. He's lost to New Orleans. It's like zombies. It just wants to get you. You're one of them. That's it. You're one of them.

Yep. Number six, Toronto. Toronto will take 26% more time on average than during periods when traffic is about as clear as shown. That surprises me. I guess because it's a huge city, but every time I've been to Toronto, it's been really nice.

Like, disturbingly nice. Let's just Canada. It makes American cities look like we live in slums. The image that will last with me forever was a dude, like, under a bridge. We're, like, under this overpass waiting at a red light. And there's a guy sweeping the street and another person painting under the overpass. And I asked my friend, I was like, was something just, like, really awful put there? He's like, no, no, dude.

They, like, do that all the time. I was like, wait, they actually take care of their city? That's crazy. Like, a man was sweeping a sidewalk that is nuts you would if that happened in new york for example they'd just be covered in urine by the time they were done it's like what are you doing sidewalk urinate that's new york Number five, Seattle. Might as well hit a Starbucks drive-thru window to help stay refreshed for what amounts to an average 27% longer commute. That's probably why, because so many people are trying to get to Starbucks in Seattle.

Yeah, there's so many damn Starbucks, and everyone wants to get to one. All the drive-thru lanes are all clogging up the roads. In fact, I would be almost positive that every road is, in fact, just a drive-through lane to a Starbucks. That is quite possible. Everything is just named after Starbucks, like Starbucks Drive, Starbucks Way, Starbucks Pass. 32 Starbucks Ways.

No! Number four, Honolulu, Hawaii. Okay, it's an island city, so it's no wonder residents spent an average of 31% more time sitting in traffic than necessary. What? Why is that the reason? Because it's an island? Duh. Duh. I don't know. I don't know anything about Hawaii except that getting laid is a term for having flowers put around your neck that people use way too much to make innuendos about. Other than that, I don't really know anything about it. Oh, it has beaches. And that it's like far off

in the ocean. And apparently being a pig sucks there because they always roast you. And they have pineapples. Yes, lots of that. And volcanoes. And we did destroy their culture for sugar. That I know. Oh yeah. And volcanoes. Really? If that's what their city's like, just a giant

volcano, it explains why getting around so hard. Volcanoes. I've seen that 2012 movie. When earthquakes and volcanoes are going off, that seems like hell to drive through. Oh, that's true. That's probably why. Yeah. And before they go, there's earthquakes and volcanic ash.

Volcanic. Volcanic ash. It's sugar cane and volcano ash. Volcanic ash. And so little kids stick their tongues out and they simultaneously choke to death and get a sugar rush. That's what RG4 is made out of. Volcanic ash. Don't let him get too close to fire because he will melt

but he'll taste delicious. The more you know. Yep. Number three. San Francisco California. Expect to spend an extra 33% more time behind the wheel on average traversing through San Francisco. Oh, I see where this is going. Spoiler, number one. Number two, New York.

Number three, or number one, LA. I'm calling it now. Go. Number two is Vancouver. Vancouver? What? Vancouver's like everyone, the reason why it takes so long to get anywhere is because everyone's riding damn bikes around. They're trying to get to Seattle.

Vancouver is like, it's like Portland, Oregon. It's all hippies, hippie dippies. It's like the hippie capital. With their marijuana's and their, they're like, I'm going to wear my hemp shirt with my hemp hat, man. I know Vancouver. All I know is the Vancouver Canucks are stupid because they don't like the Blackhawks, and I like the Blackhawks. That's our answer. Yeah.

And number one, Los Angeles. Wait, New York? Was New York even on the list? Nope. Really? Have they ever been to New York? I don't know. It's not on the list.

Okay, well, L.A. was an obvious number one. Driving here is an impossible task. If you're going to be anywhere, you don't tell them how long it's going to take you. You tell them how many miles and let them figure it out. If you say, like, I'll be there in five, you mean you're down the street. Or, like, you're parking. Like, I'll be there in five is I'm parking. You cannot drive anywhere in five minutes here

it's impossible this city is a mess those are the top ten wonderful alright that's it guys thank you for listening we'll be back tomorrow with an exciting Friday edition those are always the best and by best I mean worst

always without fail so we'll see you then. And, as always, to be continued with hot chocolate.