Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Thursday, January 17th 2013

Episode Date: January 17, 2013

It's almost the weekend and Jesse and Crendor are back with some beauty tips for the ladies to help catch your crush's attention! But along the way they get lost with the help of their GPS and end up at another creepy Japanese "hotel". That and all the awful Chicago accents imaginable!!

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendom! Ghost on Trendom in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up, it's Ghost on Trendom in the morning! Hello everybody! It's up next Friday in the morning! Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Yes, Thursday. The sky turns midnight. And the flow rides.

Thursday is here. I don't, I'm not sure what's happening now. But hi, welcome back to Cox's Crandor in the Morning. It's Jesse, that's Crandor, and we're back with another exciting day of nonsense, really. Just nonsense. By another exciting day, we mean the last thing you will find exciting in your day. I don't know. I have a pretty exciting story that relates to something that happened to me. So do you?

Yes. The internet apparently knows when fun things happen to me and then create stories based around that. The other day, our dear friend Dodger and I were driving around in a car because we had to go film something and we only knew where we were going we didn't know how to get there so i popped it in the phone i was like siri how do i get to whatever the address was and siri's like all right sure i'll lead you so we get in the car we start driving everything's okay for a little bit until we get to a turn where i know to turn one way to get on the highway. But Siri says, no, no, no. Turn the other way. We're like, okay.

So we listen. 15 minutes later, we end up getting back on the same highway we could have just gone on the first time. We're like, what? So finally we get off. We get back. And we are moving down the side streets to get to this place we need to go to. And Siri's like, turn a left in 500 yards. And then it tells you the streets.

Turn a left. Right, so we turn left. And then Siri says, take an immediate left. An immediate left from the minute you turn until the end of the street where it's like a no outlet is all bushes. There is literally nothing there. We were like, what? So of course then it became Ciri trying to kill us

because then we tried to turn around. Ciri was like, turn left, turn left, turn an immediate right, turn right. It's like, Ciri, there's nowhere to turn this street. You know what your problem was? Uh-huh. You haven't replaced your Siri with an RG4. RG4 is the

newest model, but RG4, when he tries to kill you, he gets it done the first time. He does. But, anyway, that story relates to this article that I found, which is ten times better than any story I could have. Uh, Sabine Moreau, Belgian woman, drives 900 miles off a 90

mile route because of a GPS error. Get ready. This is an amazing story. And her explanations are even better. Sabine Moreau, a 67-year-old Belgian woman, meant to pick up a friend on January 5th in Brussels, less than 90 miles from her house. However, because of a GPS error, she ended up more than 900 miles away in Croatia. The unexpected journey took the woman across

five international borders by the time she hit Zagreb, the capital of Croatia. I hope that's how it's said. Two days after leaving her house, Moro realized she had taken a wrong turn somewhere. She'd stopped several times to top off her tank of gas, had taken catnaps in her car on the side of the road, and still continued driving.

I was distracted, so I kept going, Moro admitted to El Mundo Brussels correspondent. I saw all kinds of signs, first in French, then in German, and finally in Croatian. But I continued driving because I was distracted. What? When I passed Zagreb, I told myself I should turn around. Here's the thing. What had her so distracted that she

spent two days on the road going someplace that she could have gotten to in 90 minutes? How... Exactly. It doesn't make any sense. How? Okay. If you had to go somewhere and it took like even two hours,

wouldn't you hit a point where you're just like, hey, why am I not there yet? Like even four hours in, I might let a four-hour transgression ride. You're just like, hey, why am I not there yet? Like, even four hours in, I might let a four-hour transgression ride. Like, okay, I'm a little lost, and I don't want to admit that I'm lost, so okay. But two days, 900 miles over two days. And many different languages on the signs. French signs, German signs. The map of her GPS journey is amazing.

She goes through Cologne and Frankfurt. There are major cities that are not in Belgium that she's driving through. If you saw that sign, wouldn't you be like, well, I've gone the wrong direction. No, she kept going.

I'm going to trust you, GPS. Does it say which GPS it was? It does not say which GPS. In fact, it just shows a generic GPS in the picture, too. It doesn't even say. You would think, shouldn't she even just, like, get a feeling? Like, this doesn't feel right? Again, again, we're missing the key factor here.

For two days, she was distracted by something. What can distract you in your car? I don't know. Maybe. Okay. I have a feeling she was rocking out. She, like, had Kiss playing, and she was rocking out. She's like, I want to rock and roll all night.

And party every day. I imagine that's what was happening. I like how she's singing it in English. Like, her, like, whatever accent that was put into English. Belgium accent. That's what it was. Yeah. I like whatever accent that was put into English. Belgium accent! That's what it was. Yeah. I like this part of the story. Moreau's friend found other transportation

to her house, and her son had reported her missing to the local police, who tracked her down by following her bank statements. She had time to go to the bank! That, or they used the bank to track where she was going. But even then, even then.

So she was stopping places too. It says, yeah, she stopped to eat. She stopped to like take naps in her car. Well, how distracted are you that if you're stopping to eat and take naps? Again! It's not too distracted. I imagine she was having a very philosophical discussion with herself.

Like, something is wrong. Like, something on this entire story is just crazy. To the point where, like, she's eating her food, still thinking about her philosophical theories in her head. I really am going the right way,

and it's just telling me that I'm going the wrong way, but the wrong way is the right way. It goes on to talk about other incidents about how three Japanese tourists vacationing in Australia drove off a pier into a bay because the GPS told them to do it. Like, wouldn't you stop at some point? You're on a pier. Wouldn't you see the water and be like, we need to question this.

Hold up. They're like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. They think they're going to, like, go fly into a different dimension. He's just like, just keep going. He's like, but there's water. He's like, no. That's what they want you to think. It's like Harry Potter.

Yeah. Just keep going. We'll end up at Hogwarts. Australian Hogwarts. That's probably what they're doing. They're just like, dude, it's like Hogwarts. Australian Hogwarts. That's probably what they were doing. They were just like, dude, it's like Hogwarts. That's what this GPS is telling us. Then they just fly into the water.

In August, a man drove straight into the Alaskan harbor. After claiming his GPS told him to turn right, the directions took him down a launch ramp and into the water. Again. Again, I have a feeling every time you talk to these people, either the Japanese tourists or this guy, no matter what, it's going to be, I was distracted. This may be one of the funniest yet craziest things I've ever heard.

How do you drive 900 miles? Maybe the GPS is controlling the human. Thanks, David Lynch. You've done absolutely nothing to help us here. Yeah, so that was pretty crazy. And I thought, okay, that's a crazy story. That's pretty funny. Until I read this next story.

Japan's first cuddle cafe lets you sleep with a stranger for 6,000 yen an hour. How much is 6,000 yen? Uh, I know 3,000's like $38 or something like that. I think something like that, yeah. So, yeah. Sometimes, after a long, stressful day, there's nothing more comforting than crawling

into bed with your significant other and falling to sleep in their arms. But what if you don't have anyone to cuddle with in the first place? You can go to Soap Land or some other kind of brothel, then you'd have to deal with all that sex that you really don't want, when you just want to close your eyes and rest in the warmth of another's body. But wait!

Before you resign yourself to another lonely night shedding your tears, why not stop by Soineya, Japan's first co-sleeping specialty shop, where you get to sleep in the arms of beautiful girls with no strings attached. Opening its doors September 25th

and none other than Akihabara. I'm going to get messages about that. Great Akihabara. Tokyo's electronics district, hub of otaku culture and birthplace of other eccentric establishments like maid cafes. And then it goes on to say they have a menu.

Admission is 3,000 yen. So in order to get in, you have to pay like 40 bucks. Okay. Then the standard course, 20 minutes, is 3,000 yen. 60 minutes, 6,000 yen. Two hours is 11,000. And then it goes all the way up to 10 hours. So if you want to cuddle with someone for 10 hours,

besides having real mommy issues, you also would have to fork over 50,000 yen. I think 50,000 is like a couple hundred bucks. $563. All right. So $563 is 50,000 yen. So for 10 hours, you get the comfort of a nice young lady, and I don't, that's it.

You just sleep. For an additional 1,000 yen, customer sleeps in the girl's arm. For an additional 1,000 yen, girl pats customer on the back. For an additional 1,000 yen, customer gets to pet the girl's head. For another 1,000 yen, customer and girl stare at each other. For another 1,000 yen, girl changes clothes. Only one time, though. For another 1,000 yen,

girl gives customer a foot massage. For 2,000 yen, customer gives girl a foot massage. For 1,000 yen, the customer sleeps with head on girl's lap. For 2,000 yen, girl sleeps with head on customer's lap. Only three minutes. Only three minutes. Only three minutes.

They have like a stopwatch. Look, you only get three minutes of that. The website doesn't specify what customers are and are not permitted to do during the standard course. But it's safe to assume that your options are limited to close your eyes and be quiet. Did they also say a maid cafe? Yes, this is actually really famous. You can look this up on the internet. It's very like this area of Tokyo is known for like it's

sort of wacky, crazy stuff. And I know someone's gonna message me and be like, Jesse, you can't judge all of Japan by just one group of people. So I won't. But this area, like where all the otaku crazy, I sleep with a stuffed pillow that has an anime girl on it. Like those guys are at.

They have a cafe there that the women dress up like maids. Really slutty looking maids and serve you food. Interesting. I feel like we should go to Japan. Interesting. I feel like we should go to Japan. Isn't there a place in America that's like the cuddle? What's it called? There was a woman.

I know there was a woman somewhere in the northeast, and that was her thing. She would cuddle with people, and she was like, I assure you we are not having sex. And she would get a ton of money, like several hundred dollars for an hour. I remember that article. I remember remember people being like this is nuts but now that it's japan it seems less nuts it's called the snuggery the snuggery yeah okay and she's a professional cuddler and she makes up to 260 a day with up to 30 men a week. That is apparently a dollar a minute. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. That is actually a better deal than you have to pay 30 bucks to get in to this place and then 40 bucks to get in another 40 for 20 minutes. You're already out 80 bucks by the time you get 20 minutes of sleeping. Yeah. This girl's America. Doing it the way it should be done. Doing it the way it should be done. That's entrepreneurial spirit right there.

And then you can pay $100 to get a 45 minute session of double cuddle. With her with two girls. Yeah. What is going on here? America. why are we so much better than the rest of the world? We thought it up first and we did it right the first time.

Japan, you're doing it wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Take that. Other countries. That's how we're gonna end that. Yep. Alright, now let's move on to chapter 7 of the sky with Quendor. And how's that traffic out there, man?

Well, today it's Thursday, so there's a lot of cars out there. I see a car. There's another car. I see a few more cars. Oh, no, there goes a car. He's flying off the bridge. I think he's trying to listen to his GPS system. Oh, he's falling.

He's falling. He's falling. He's falling. And... Oh, he's fine. He just poured it into a different dimension. Back to you. For once, his GPS was right. You know what the thing is? I bet those people who fell into the rivers

and oceans and whatever, I bet they got scared at the last minute and didn't have the conviction to keep going. Probably not. You have to believe. That's how portals work. You've got to believe. Clap your hands if you believe.

All right, now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather out there, man? Today, we're going to Yatesville, Georgia. Right now, it's 59 degrees with light rain. Oh, delightful. Just a smittering of rain. Yeah, it's a smittering. It's 99% humidity, while in my place, I have a humidifier.

It humidifies my air. It's right behind me. So if you ever hear the like, glub, glub, glub, that's my humidifier. Okay, but what does that have to do with anything? Oh, I thought it related to humidity. Trending keywords in Yatesville are snow rain raining and some local tweets. I'm chillin' Josh says, at the end of the day, I still wish I could do the dance Michael Jackson did in the rain on that one music video. That was pretty dope.

What? You know, that one. That one music video. That was pretty dope. What? You know, that one. That one music video. That one. He also capitalized dope. The one where he's like, hey, and he's got the white shirt on. You know that one? Yeah, that one. Yeah, everyone knows that one. And then Aspralix

says, apparently it's supposed to snow, so I'm going to go beat my meat. What? How is that on the weather page? I don't know, but it is. You know the best part about that? If there was a meat page, that would also be on that page, too. He's not from Florida, though.

But he's from Georgia. That's very close. That's true. He probably moved there from Florida. He's a stone Florida though. But he's from Georgia. That's very close. That's true. He probably moved there from Florida. He's a stones throw away from Tallahassee. That is crazy town right there. And then Tony Monitonary says

living life snow go. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means either. Live the snow go. He also tweeted man who uppery and phone ringing at 1224 booty calls. Yeah, this guy sounds like a class act. He does. He's Tony.

Got that snow, go. Uppery. Booty call. Got that snow, go. Oh, dear God. Yep. All right. Now let's go over to Crendor at the sports desk.

Krendor, let's talk about sports. Sports. Today, LeBron Bekaye becomes the youngest to 20,000 points. You know what? I'm glad that that happened, because now he can only go downhill. Exactly. Eventually, he'll fade away to obscurity. I hate you, LeBron.

You left the Cavs. He'll tear some ACLs, some MCLs, some BCLs, some GCLs. And then you can start getting all the TV announcer deals. I hope he gets to sit down and be like, I took a lot of time to think about this. Oh, my God. By the way, the Bears hired their new coach. And I was watching the local news today. They were all like, the Bears have a new coach and I was watching the like local news today they're all like the Bears have a new

coach and then they're like we're gonna find out what coach Ditka thinks of the new coach and they brought him on the tv and his no joke his title was da coach and he is like this guy looks like a winner. I think he's going to be good for the best. And I like it. And they're like, well, if the coach approves, then he's good. Exactly. That's sports. I imagine in Chicago whenever there's a problem, they're like, call D-Con.

Go get Ditka! Go get him! It's like, we can only summon Ditka with Polish sausage. And they, like, line up this Polish sausage in, like, a ritual. With our sausage

combined! And he just appears out of the ground. I am Mike Ditka. Ditka. Ditka. I can't tell if I'm laughing because the scenario's funny

or how bad my Chicago accent is. A little of both. A little of both. Holy sausage. A little of them. Pauly sausage. Pauly... I don't know what voice that is. Pauly sausage.

You gotta say sassage. Pauly sausage. Sassage. I seriously can't even breathe. Oh, my God. I'm bad at that. I am real bad at that. I will say that you tried.

Not very hard. Exactly. So that brings me to a great article about stay pretty pretty do-it-yourself beauty tips. I'm totally down for this. Yes. So these are also submitted by readers. Oh. Oh, so they're legit.

Mm-hmm. Reader tip number one, a spoonful of sugar. Didn't we learn yesterday that that's bad? Well, she says, my grandma told me to scrub my face with sugar to keep it soft, then moisturize afterward. What? Wait, you take a spoonful of sugar and then just rub it on your face? Yes, sir. Wouldn't you get like horrific, I guess that's not grease.

I don't know how the pimples work. What the expert says. Grandma was definitely on to something. Sugar, which dissolves easily, is one of the gentlest exfoliants around, says Flormural. Really? Yep. A pinch of sugar mixed into your regular facial cleanser is a good way to go. That is nuts.

If only I facial cleansed. My face is so dirty. Yeah, don't facial cleanse. Yeah, if only I did that. But I bet there are a few ladies out there, and guys. I guess there are guys out there who are like, gotta get my one scrub in. Tip number two is

cute curls. My grandmother taught me to curl my hair using only bobby pins. What the expert says. Pin curls are still an effective way to get a natural looking wave, says Katie Marshman, a senior stylist at Salon Capri in Newton,

Massachusetts. Oh, that's legit. That's legit. Salon Capri? That's legit. After washing and drying your hair, take one-inch pieces, spin each one away from your face until it spirals up into your scalp and pin it in place with bobby pins. That's a good tip.

Brushing causes frizz. I'll do that from now on. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do at least. Number three is the lipstick trick. Oh, well, this is definitely up our alley. It is. My mom used lipstick on her cheeks, and I do the same. Whoa!

Hold up, crazy person. What? That's what she says. My mom used lipstick on her cheeks, and I do the same. What expert says? This is a great way to create a realistic hue, says Christina Vogel. When you're a robot, if you're looking to become realistic, this is the perfect way to fake out humans.

This is a very realistic look. RG-4 can now infiltrate human social functions. He just has, like, lipstick all over his robot face. RG-4 looks real. Hello, boys. RG-4 is looking for a good time. Number four is smart slumber. Sleep on your back as much as possible, my mom said.

It helps prevent face wrinkles. It's apparently very true, says Dr. Mayoral. Consistent pressure on specific parts of the face creates lines, and some people who always sleep on one side of their face will develop a large number of wrinkles there. I sleep on one side of my face. Does that mean I'm going to be like Two-Face in about 20 years? Sure. I'm going to have a horrifically wrinkled side of my face like, yes, greetings, ladies.

Perfect. Perfect. They'll look at you from one side and be like, wow, look at him. And then he'll turn around and they're just like, ugh. That's what it'll be. Didn't the other article say sleeping on your stomach would give you good dreams? Like, sexy dreams? Yeah.

So, look. You just gotta pick what you want. I'm willing to sacrifice half of my face for sexy, sexy dreams. I mean, as we learned yesterday, I'm having an awesome time banging Oprah in the body of a little white girl. White woman, white woman, no letters. Here's Luscious Locks. My mom told me to use beer for shiny hair. What the expert says.

The hops in beer add smoothness and shine. After shampooing, simply rinse with a bottle of any type of room temperature beer. I'm going to let you know right now. I really, desperately, more than life itself, want to get a woman in like a shower and just be like, yeah, girl, we about to get freaky. And just spray her down with beer. And then when she's like, why did you do that? I'd be like, it helps your hair. Didn't you know?

She'd be like, you're so handsome and smart, Jesse. And I'll be like, yeah. And I'm going to spray her with more beer. I think that's exactly how that would go. That's exactly how that would go, I think. There's no other way. No, no other way. Fast facial.

Mom would make a paste out of avocado and olive oil and use the mixture as a facial mask once a week for her dry skin. Barbara Feltus Jones, Alexander City, Alabama. What the expert says, avocados are very rich in fat, notes Dr. Mayoral. Together with extremely hydrating olive oil, they seal moisture into the skin. Good to know. Yeah, use avocados because, you know, dad didn't want that

for his guacamole, so, you know, whatever. He's just like, where's the avocados I bought? I used it for my facial, dear. Aw, shit. Aw, shit. When a blemish pops,

I reach for toothpaste, just spot treat the area and let the toothpaste set, then rinse away. It helps to quickly dry up the imperfection thanks mom I like to imagine that if you're using like a whitening toothpaste your skin would just be a little bit lighter there my mother told me to wipe off eye makeup with face lotion for a more gentle, less trying approach. Okay.

And my mom warned me to not over pluck my eyebrows when I was younger. Now I appreciate that mine are still full and I don't have to worry about filling them in. At least not yet. That's the caveat. Like, look, one day I will, though, because I'm going to keep plucking. No, that's the caveat. Like, look, one day I will, though, because I'm going to keep plucking. Well, I know that this is the number one podcast for learning beauty tips.

I think so. I think the last two days alone we've given more beauty tips. That's because we, look, we have a lot of lady listeners. We do. And every once in a while we have to throw them a bone, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And every once in a while we have to throw him a bone, if you know what I mean. Anyway, guys, that's it. Thank you for listening.

We'll be back tomorrow for an amazing Friday show. My favorite type of show. Yes. And we will see you then. To be continued. Yeah.