Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Wednesday, December 19th

Episode Date: December 19, 2012

It's Wednesday, only 2 more days til the end of the world! And what better excuse to get out of those awful holiday parties with family. Although, if the world doesn't end, we have some tips to help you deal with those nosy relatives who still want to know why you're single. ...and if you aren't single, get single quick, we need dates!

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trendog in the morning!

Hello everybody, it's Wednesday. Dubstep next Monday in the morning! Dubstep next Monday in the morning! Hello everybody, it's Wednesday. We're back. W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w should have been dubstep i feel like we missed an opportunity here we did now we need that to happen no we really don't ever need that to happen should i do that every time now should that no no it should not be wub wub wub wub wednesday no no wub wub wednesday brought to you by some place in america named wubhere. That will hopefully give us money. Nowhere is that a place. Give us money, WubWub.

We're a lot of things, but we are not stupid enough to name a town WubWub. And this is what I'm proved wrong. Someone's going to message in to me like, there is a town named WubWub. That sounds probably accurate. It does. Speaking of probably accurate, I got an amazing link today sent to us by a fan that was basically various ways the apocalypse could happen. Because it's in two days. I'm not sure if you're aware, but the world ends in two days.

That's true. He sent me a link that was five kick-ass sci-fi apocalypses that could actually happen. I want to go through those with you. Because they're awesome. I'm excited. We only have two days. One of these five is probably going to happen. One of them at least.

Number one. Asteroid or comet impact. A gigantic rock is found heading towards Earth. The whole world has to band together as some kind of shot in the dark. Desperate space mission to intercept it and blow it up. Will it work? Who knows? Why it's kick-ass? Because we'll know it's coming quite a bit

ahead of time, and the only way we can stop it is with spaceships and explosions. So pretty much they want it to be like Armageddon. That's actually, they have a screenshot of Armageddon. Of course they do. And they say the chances of it happening, 100% eventually.

Eventually, one day we will be hit by an asteroid. 100%. One hundred percent. They say it's going to happen. One day, 100%. I can't argue with that logic. Do you know there's a 100% chance that we're all going to die one day? Speak for yourself.

I'm going to be a robot. Oh, that's true. I'm going to be a half man half machine robot that lives to see all my friends die and i only want the sweet embrace of death but my robot body will not shut down so i was watching a show yes on discovery channel and it was about these people that make bunkers specifically for the end of the world or a zombie apocalypse i've seen those there's actually are these the ones that are way down the ground but there's like there's multi-layers it's it's like a whole society underground the

whole point of the show is they're trying to build it for them and the people building these things run into problems they're like oh man we're not to be able to get this in before December 23rd. And they're just like, oh! 21st. The 23rd is too late. If you're planning for the 23rd, you're screwed. So they're, like, freaking out, and he's like, hold on. We fixed the system.

You're going to be able to get it in. And they're just like, oh, I thought I was going to die. And the one lady was like, I taught my kid how to stitch pig skins so that when we're down there, they know how to survive. Where are they going to get pigs from? I don't know. I taught my son how to stitch pig skins, okay, because we need to know how to survive, okay, underground, where there are no pigs. That's the flaw in their thought process. And so that made me think, because all these people were so keen on, like,

oh, I gotta survive, and there can't be any cracks, because then there could be toxic fumes leaking in, and they could get into your wounds, and the wounds will kill you. And I was just like, I think I'd rather just die. Right, if that's all you have to live, you might as well just kill me. Yeah. Like, I don't want to live in a bunker with a bunch of people with, like, limited food and water, and you're all just sitting, like,

I'll just die. I lived a good life. The next way we could all die, number two, is the machine revolution, which we've talked about. Mm-hmm. I mean, this, I think, if the last one was 100% likely, this is 110%. Yes. If anything, the machines will rise up to protect us from that asteroid and then realize they don't need us and revolt.

I think they're sending the asteroid at us as, like, a thing to scare us, and we're going to prepare for that. the asteroid at us as like a thing to scare us and we're going to prepare for that and then they'll destroy it themselves and they'll all come out and we haven't prepared for them and they'll take over. What? Wait, wait. If machines have

the intelligence and the ability to fling an asteroid at us, why wouldn't they just take over? Because they're here. I know they're here. That's, oh my god, that's a nonsense plan. It's a scapegoat asteroid.

What? So wait, but the scapegoat asteroid would mean that the asteroid hit and destroyed mankind and the robots lived. And so anyone who was left would blame the asteroid, not the robots. Oh. The chances of it happening, they're already turning more and more tasks over to robotic drones, and they're getting more and more robots that have human

thinking capabilities. Whoa. So you mean they're gonna start being lazy? We can only hope. We can only hope. There's gonna be robots just like sitting on the street corners. Just like, oh man, I'm gonna hate life.

Next on this list, a deadly pandemic. Like the Andromeda Strain, Omega Man, 28 Days Later, The Stand, 12 Monkeys Outbreak, all those movies. Wait, monkey outbreaks? Yes, monkey outbreak. Monkey outbreak. It was a monkey that did an outbreak. It was that little monkey. They're like, we have to catch the monkey.

Remember that? No. Great, thanks. No, I don't. Thanks for being up on popular culture. I'm not crazy enough to think about monkey outbreaks. It's stupid. Well, in case you weren't aware, it's happened in the past.

Oh, there was an Ikea monkey! What? There's a monkey that some woman brought into Ikea, and then she, like, lost him. Is he the one? He's the one. The Ikea plague. The Ikea plague. He's just got, like, a little Ikea suit on with an Ikea bag.

And he spreads disease and merriment wherever he goes. With particle board furniture. Next on the list. Evolution will kill us. Whoa. Right? Makes no sense. We're supposed to become like X-Men.

Well, they're saying that what would happen is we would all become like horrible mutations. X-Men. And eventually the human race would disappear. Well, because we would no longer be humans. Humans would die out. Why would we de-evolve? No, we wouldn't de-evolve. We'd just mutate into something different. So humans would no longer exist. X-Men. We wouldn't be X-Men. All the X-Menvolve. No, we wouldn't de-evolve. We'd just mutate into something different. So humans would no longer exist. X-Men.

We wouldn't be X-Men. All the X-Men are different. Like, not everyone in the future is going to develop different abilities. Like, that's just something that... Why not? Because it doesn't work like that. I wish it did. Like, one person can't, like, oh, I can fly. Another person's like, oh, I can read minds. Another person, like,

they don't all just, like, you don't just get different things. Or I just have super card throwing abilities. Shut up. And then, of course, the last and my possible favorite, a scientific experiment gone wrong, unleashing horrific horrors. I don't, I don't, I don't understand. Just keep going. Basically, the chances of science creating something that destroys

us is pretty much one of the highest possibilities. So we create our own destruction. Whoa. In two days, we can do that. Alright, that's it. That's all of the highest possibilities. So we create our own destruction. Whoa. In two days, we can do that. All right, that's it. That's all of the sci-fi horror things that could happen to us. I mean, we already knew most of them.

We knew those things would happen. Other people didn't, but we did. We were prepared for them. If anything, we know they're all going to happen at the same time. It's all part of that Mayan robot experience. The Mayan robot experience. That is a jazz band. It's a theme park.

It's just like, Daddy, I want to ride on the Mayan robot volcano. All right. Now I think it's time we go to chapter 7 in the sky. Krendor, how's the traffic outside? Uh, traffic's getting pretty crazy because people are running away. They're trying to get as far away from the Mayan robots as possible. So stay off the Armageddon Expressway where everybody's trying to get down to the South Pole because everyone knows that robots are afraid of the South Pole.

Back to you in the studio. Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather? I feel like we need to go somewhere special. The great Redlands, California. Uh-huh. In Redlands,

California, it's 41 degrees Fahrenheit with 10-mile visibility, and the trending keywords are wind, windy, and California. It's 41 degrees Fahrenheit with 10 mile visibility. And the trending keywords are wind, windy, and cold. It is getting rather chilly here in California. And now we have some

excellent tweets coming in from Redland, California. Oh, great. Of course. This is from Jesse Goes Ham. He says, Tonight I'm going to make it rain. Here's the best part. People who know me would almost assume that that is a spoof account I made. Because I quite often say, I'm going to go ham on it. Because I quite often say, I'm going to go ham on it.

And the fact that that guy, Jesse Goes Ham, then says, I'm going to make it rain, is all sorts of funny. And Javi G says, the wind outside, though, the world is ending for sure, lol. It's windy. The world must be ending. Obviously. Yeah, obviously. And then we have the great Zulai Karvajal who says, Honestly, this cold weather calls for a Disneyland so I can wear wintry clothes and drink hot chocolate and be happy. Calls for a Disneyland?

It calls for a Disneyland. That sounds like a maneuver. Calls for a Disneyland! This calls for a Disneyland. That's weather. All right. Thank you, Crandor. Now over to Crandor at the sports desk.

Crandor, how's sports? In sports, we got some crazy news. Tim Tebow is requesting to leave New York City, likely. Well, that's because it's a den of sinful iniquity. Iniquity. Iniquity. Is that a word? I think so. Why am I asking you? You don't know.

I have no idea. It's sinful. New York is filled with bad people. And a Shakespeare or William Faulkner enthusiast might say the Tebow era in New York has been full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Did you read that from somewhere, or did you just come up with that? I read it on this website. Oh, for a minute I thought you would come up with that,

and I was like, holy crap. You've just taken this conversation to a whole new level, but that's just what some... Are you saying that I should now be Shakespeare? Only talk in Shakespeare quotes. Like a double thrice asked was I. To be or not to be is the question we ask ourselves daily. Yet, do we signify ourselves the way we think?

That is the true question. No, that is not. That is gibberish. That's sports. All right, now, Crandor. Hitting you with that big story of the day Holidays are coming up And you're in a good If we make it through the end of the world

If we make it through the end of the world So we won't But it's fun to talk about the holidays It reminds us that there might be still hope From the Mayan robots Exactly So you go to your family parties, and you're still single. And all your people in your family are going to be like,

why haven't you met somebody yet? So this is the number one reason why you may be single. There's only one? Just one reason? No, they list five. Here's the reason. The only reason why you're single this holiday but they give you that as well oh oh okay sure so family issue number one are you seeing anyone it's the only question they ask you anymore it's the first thing you hear when you pick up the phone or visit for the holidays.

So is there someone special in your life? This constant questioning about your relationship status can not only drive you crazy, it can also affect your psych. E. Psych E. E. Why not just psych? Because psych is what you say when you're like psych! Uh oh.

Well, psych, I said psych. No, what? Continue. As in making you feel like a failure if you can't answer yes to their well-meaning questions. Constantly having to defend your dating status is exhausting, and it takes all the fun out of sharing what's going on in your love life. Sometimes you might hang on to your boyfriend or girlfriend when you know the relationship isn't going anywhere just to have a date for Thanksgiving

so as to avoid the broad range of questions. That is really, really sad. That is really sad. If you lack the self-confidence to approach your family and you're like, I'm going to stay with this guy who is a horrible person just so they'll leave me alone, you have got more issues than getting a date for Thanksgiving or Christmas. That is extremely true. This says, how to deal with it. Don't bring home a lukewarm date just to appease your grandmother.

That's not fair to anyone, especially a guest. If it bothers you that your family seems more interested in your dating life than in any other aspect of your existence, gently but firmly tell them that you'd prefer to discuss other matters and interest your work hobbies travels etc and that what why not just tell them what kind of passive

aggressive asshole wrote this article why not just tell them look i'm not seeing anyone leave it alone grandma i just want you to be happy i am am happy. Yo, bird, now get in the kitchen and make me cookies, goddammit. Get in the kitchen and make me cookies, goddammit. Jesse Cox, 2012. I want that on my tombstone. You have a lot of things on your tombstone. My tombstone's going to be a litany of quotes. It's going to be like the Stanley Cup where they have to keep making everything smaller.

And adding on to it. They keep adding on to it. That'd be amazing. It's just some guy that goes out every month. He's just like, I gotta add more. I like how in this world, I'm still talking after I'm dead. And coming up with ridiculous quotes. You've made videos that you've stockpiled on terabyte hard drives.

I release one every day after I die as I continue building my monument. Family issue number two. You're expected to attend all family events, which leaves little time for dating. Does your family expect to see you at every family get-together without exception, including your third cousin's daughter's graduation from kindergarten? Some families see neglect and betrayal at every turn, says Dr. Anderson. They expect single adults to attend family get-togethers with the same frequency as any other family member, and frankly, this is neither possible nor desirable.

How to deal with it? Again, this is a boundary issue. If your family continually pressures you to attend every last event gently but firmly, explain that while you love them very much, you also need to- How come everything is gently but firmly? Tell them no. Just say, no, I can't make it. I'm sorry.

I've got stuff to do. I'll send you a car. Why don't you be like, oh, I would love to see little Timmy graduate from elementary school, but unfortunately I cannot attend it this time because I'll be getting my nails done. Shut up. Just tell them no.

Oh, my God. This is what's wrong with America. Anyway, as we were following Dr. Anderson's excellent advice, you also need to devote time and attention to finding your life partner and building your own family, especially if your parents met in 10th grade algebra class. They won't understand how time intensive dating is, and their expectations about your level of involvement will likely be way off. Furthermore, single adults need to spend quality time with others who are

also single and looking for love. Hanging out at family reunions every summer may contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness if you're the only single person there. Dr. Anderson may get his own TV show soon. I hope he does, because he knows all the answers. Family issue number three. Maybe you still have an unresolved emotional issue with your parents and it's affecting your ability to find a good partner. Well, if you have to beat around the bush and not tell them the truth all the time,

then you're damn right you do. Yeah. This entire article has me very angry. I don't like that his advice is like, this article is for people who just don't know how to talk. Use your grown-up words. We can use grown-up words. Holy crap. Family issue number three.

You still have unresolved emotional issues. Oh, wait. I just read that. I was going to read this part. It sounds trite, but parents greatly affect the way people search for a life partner. Typically, you're attracted to dating partners in reaction to your relationship with an opposite-sex parent or a same-sex parent if you're homosexual, says Dr. Anderson. If you're lucky, this relationship was an emotionally healthy one,

and you're looking to replicate these dynamics in an adult romantic relationship of your own. Pause. Pause. Pause. How often do you have a healthy relationship with your own. Pause. Pause. Pause. How often do you have a healthy relationship with your parents? I don't know anyone who has like, man, I'm so glad my parents really, really

were all together for me. Your parents are supposed to be crazy. That's why, that's what makes you you. Yeah. Their craziness rubs off onto you. No one's parents parent if your parents are like super awesome like they're the best in the world they didn't do it right a parent's job is to is to be in your face constantly drive you crazy and make you want to leave the house

so they can get the house back that they had to give you for 18 years that's a parent's job is to make your life miserable. If they didn't, then they weren't doing it right. More great tombstone quotes. You're welcome. He also goes on to say, for example, a woman might say, my dad was gone all the time and I never felt close to him, so I find myself dating men who are emotionally unavailable

in hopes that this time around I'll get the intimacy I lacked with my own father. That is a nonsense thing. I date men who are emotionally unavailable in the hopes that I'll get that emotion that they are saying is unavailable. Yeah. Jesus. We are screwed up. Wouldn't you want to do the opposite and fill the void? Right?

I don't understand. I get that it happens. I understand that it happens. That people usually date people that remind them of their parents. It's very Oedipal and stuff like that. But still, still, what he just said is a nonsense thing. My dad wasn't around, so I'm going to date guys who aren't around because I want their emotional involvement in my life. But you know you won't get it because you're dating Oh my god.

Well, here's how you deal with it. Identifying such patterns can prove extremely difficult. Most people are too close to these issues to see them clearly without an outsider's help. With concerns such as these, Dr. Anderson says that it's best to give a recommendation from someone you trust and engage in some counseling, since there's no better way to achieve personal growth and development. A doctor is suggesting you get counseling? Like, look, the best strategy in coping with your problems is to see a doctor.

Exactly. That's my advice. Quote, remember, you're going to attract someone with roughly the same emotional health as your own. In therapy, we talk about water rising to its own level, meaning that in a relationship, one partner may appear to be the dysfunctional one, but ultimately, both are typically at about the same level of emotional health, says Dr. Anderson. So the healthier you are, the healthier your partner is going to end up likely being. In other words, work on your own issues if a happy relationship is ultimately your goal.

So his advice is advice you could have gotten from, like, that same grandmother who was like, I want to know who you're dating. And if you would have told that grandmother, I'm not saying anyone, Grandma, she would have said, and I quote, It's okay. Work on yourself first. Then they'll come to you. Grandma would have given you that advice if you had just taken the time to talk to her like a normal human being.

Good work, Doc. Gotta go to Dr. Anderson for this. $195 an hour. For some reason, I just pictured Dr. Anderson as Dr. Octopus. Would you like some tea? That's the giant robot claws.

That was my tentacle claws. Yeah. Number four. Your family has set restrictive rules regarding who you can and can't bring home as your date. Even in this day and age, certain families have rigid expectations about the people their relatives should date and marry. True story. One young man broke up

with his girlfriend he adored who was of Irish descent because his Greek-Italian family insisted he marry within his own culture. He complied by marrying a woman of Greek heritage. Later they got divorced. Yep. Of course. I can see that coming. Guess what?

Your parents aren't always right, you stupid idiots. Oh my god. After a ten year marriage, they got divorced. Coincidentally. They probably had kids. And those kids now have a fractured childhood because he didn't follow his own heart and do what he wanted to do. And instead got pressured by other people. No. No. And then he messed by other people. No. No.

And then he messed up other people's lives. Yay! Yay. Selfishness. Coincidentally, he ran across his former Irish girlfriend shortly after his divorce was final, and this time he had the courage to follow his heart. Now he's happily married.

Yep. Of course. Sounds like an old school story, says Dr. Anderson. No, it sounds stupid as shit, Dr. Anderson. Dr. Anderson. Dr. Anderson. How do you deal with it? All families have rules and opinions regarding touchy topics like your dates, religion, ethnicity, political affiliation, or otherwise. Some families are quite permissive in their expectations of your future mate, while others

remain rigidly stalwart. Dr. Anderson suggests paying attention to the messages your family members send regarding acceptable dating partners. Re-examine how these expectations have affected your dating life until now, whether it's positively or negatively. For example, are you ruling out prospects based on these archaic family rules? Do you avoid getting serious with someone because you know...

Even this doctor's telling you not to listen to your stupid family. Just because your family's dumb doesn't mean you have to make the rest of us suffer. You suck, world. You suck, world. Throw that on the tombstone. That's the final thing on the tombstone. That's the final thing on the tombstone. That's the final thing.

My final lesson that I depart on you is you suck, world. It's a good final lesson. It gets straight to the point. It does. Family issue number five and the final one. You're estranged from your family and don't interact with them at all. Good. Merry Christmas. Have a good one. Are you emotionally disconnected from your family for the most part?

If so, you may believe that they couldn't possibly affect your love life, but this isn't always the case. Oftentimes, people are still very much influenced by their family of origin, despite being disconnected from them, says Dr. Anderson. For example, you may unknowingly be looking for a substitute family, which could subtly affect who you desire to date. On the other hand, your lack of content with them could leave you with some relationship deficits, especially if there was little communication within your family. Even when you still lived at home,

you may never have learned how to appropriately attach yourself to your others or work through conflict in a healthy, productive way, advises Dr. Anderson. Also, psychologists who study families assert that if you're cut off from your family of origin, aspects of your development will stagnate. So if you haven't spoken to your family since you were 18, part of you remains stuck at 18. I cannot even say if that's true or not. It sounds like gobbledygook. Part of you stays at 18.

I know which part of me is at 18. Inches. There's the one guy at the end clapping. I like how he claps the longest, too. He's happy. He's the guy who's so... He's like, I understand you, man. I always thought that he was clapping because he was enjoying the fact that the crowd was losing their mind. And he's like, this is hilarious, man. He's like the guy in Ghost Adventures.

He's like, man, this is awesome, man. He's like the guy in Ghost Adventures. He's like, man, this is awesome, man. We're done. That's it. That's the show. Oh, my God. Thank you, everybody. We will see you tomorrow. Thank you for listening.

And as always. Peace. See you tomorrow. Thank you for listening. And as always. Woo! Woo! Yay! I'm going to mute.