Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Wednesday, January 16th 2013

Episode Date: January 16, 2013

Do you hate having fun? Do you like to sleep in the nude? Do you dream of being sexually assaulted by Oprah? WELL THEN THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU! Sleep deprived Jesse and tired Crendor are back for a Wednesday spectacular.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Hit me! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trending in the morning!

Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me! Trending in the morning! Hello's the next friend of the morning! Hello there everybody, it is Wednesday. It's Wednesday! That's right buddy, it's Wednesday. And yesterday we didn't have a show. It's because I worked about 17 hours. And by the time I got home, and then did the work I had to do for me,

when you work for the man and you got to work 17 hours a day and then you come home and you got to do the work for you, well, then I didn't get to bed until, like, almost afternoon yesterday. So and then I woke up and it was 5 p.m. And I'm still just worn out. I can't even function. I can't even function. When you woke up at 5 p.m., did you realize the day had been wasted?

No. No, I was happy. In fact, if I could have slept until Thursday, I would be okay with that. I see. I really just don't. I was like, I would be okay with that. I see. I really just don't. I was like, I can't. I can't even be assed. There's no ass or bothers about this.

I just don't care. No asses shall bother me. Unless they in pants. Today, Cretinor and I found an amazing music video. If you follow our Twitter, we linked it there. It's just this dude rapping about pants. He's like, pants swag. It's amazing. It's just this dude rapping about pants. He's like, pants swag. It's amazing.

It's an amazing video. If anything, it is what I think all music videos are getting to eventually. I would agree with that. Just a dude sitting on a couch rapping about pants with cartoon women shaking their booties in front of him.

That's what it is. That's what all music videos were we would have a lot more great music videos mtv wouldn't have to put on the jersey shore they could actually still play music videos that people would watch yes does flow rider actually ride Flo. What? His name's Flo Rida. So, like, does he ride his Flo? No, because Flo Rida is Florida. Oh. Did you not know that? No.

Is it all coming together now? It is. The fog has been lifted and you now understand. That's why he's always in Miami. I thought he rode flow. No. He could ride flow. That would have been a lot more exciting. See him like flying through the air. People are like, where's he

going? Like he's riding the flow. Look, I like how in your world there's an imaginary force that flies through the air, not wind, mind you, called the flow. And only the riders of the flow. That's part of the book.

That's part of the book. That's part of the book. It's going in. Guy Hero-Egins. That's how he'll enter the world. Through the flow. Long ago, when night fell upon the earth for 20 years, the flow gates opened and the dark mortals entered the realm. But on that flow, there was another rider.

Guy Hero. Guy Hero. I don't know what the hell I just said. I'm very tired. I don't know what the hell I just said. I'm very tired. I don't know what you said either. But. This is a quality podcast right here. You did.

Uh-huh. I always have to talk about my dreams. Uh-huh. I was like at a lunch table. There was some woman there. She was like in her late 20s. like at a lunch table there's some woman there she's like in her late 20s and she's talking about how she slept with like warm temperatures in her house and i was like you can't do that your body's supposed to be cool when you sleep and she was like no and i got in an argument with her about

body temperature uh-huh That was my dream. Okay. I was like, you need to have a cool environment. I actually had a dream last night. Whoa. So my dream was I met a girl, and she was, like, really into me, and everything was cool. We're just, like, like going at it like super banging right it's a dream so super banging is a thing i wear i wear a cape it's wonderful uh the earth is shaking but at the end of the dream it turns out she's been recording the entire thing and then

she puts it on the internet to defame me and that's when she turns out ready for this she pulled off her face and she was oprah the entire time she pulled off her face she pulled off her face and she was oprah the entire time so when you the entire time. So when you... The entire time I was banging Oprah in the body of, like, a little white girl. Okay. Age appropriate, little white girl. Don't send your letters. Right? And then I was like, yeah.

I found this girl. And then she's like, I made videos. I was like, good. Let the internet see it. I'm cool with that. And then she pulled off her face and she was Oprah. That means... Yes? Deep down... Go on. And then she pulled off her face, and she was Oprah. That means that deep down, you fear that your reputation shall be tarnished by Oprah.

She's going, she's on to us. And you get a ruined career! And you get a ruined career! Ruined careers! Oprah, I don't want to pay tax on this. She's... Listen, Oprah. Uh-huh.

Wait, what? She's listening right now. Okay, uh-huh. Listen, Oprah. In order for you to stop stalking Jesse... In my dreams. In his dreams. She is...

She's like Freddy Krueger. She can In my dreams. In his dreams. She is, she's like Freddy Krueger. She can enter your dreams. Oprah has been seducing me night after night having no way with me.

Oprah, stop. You're gonna like it. You're gonna like it, Jesse. No, Oprah. Stop. I almost fell

out of my chair. Oprah, I take bribes. It's definitely a thing. Or is it a thing? Is a dream a thing? I don't know. Has it happened in your mind? But how do you know it wasn't real somewhere?

How do you know that in an alternate reality, I didn't have sex for months on end with a short white girl who ended up being Oprah? Huh? How do you not know that? I wonder if that girl is the one I argued about body temperature with. Right? Because she likes it hot. Probably.

We're making strides today. I don't even know what's going on right now. We have entered a weird world, my friend. Pants. As you can see, you didn't miss much from us not recording yesterday. Yeah, nothing really happens to us, really. Wake up, 5 p.m., make videos, eat food, cry in a corner, and then... Worry about Oprah.

Worry about Oprah. Worry about Oprah stalking our dreams. I can't sleep. I can't sleep or she'll get me. Enough of this stuff. We're just rambling. Okay, let's move on to chapter 7 of the sky. Krendor, how is that traffic out there?

Today the traffic's kind of mixed. You got some fish in the sea. You got some aardvarks eating up the trees. You got a whole box of Legos just sitting out there. Some guy just dumped them in the street. There's janitors cleaning up the street now. It's a backup on the I-04 because

of it. There's some guy yelling at the road. I don't know what the road did to him, but he's pretty angry out there. That's all I got for today. Back to you. I don't know if that had any actual traffic in it. It did. But there are Legos, so. You had to listen closely.

It was buried in the meaning. We're one of those episodes again, huh? We got to have one every once in a while. Gotta just look for the meaning, man. Now, let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather? Today we're gonna check out Absaroki, Montana. And I didn't actually know people lived in Montana.

I didn't actually know there was a place called Absaroki. Absaroki! That's my new word for the day. You were Ab-Soroki true. Get it? It's like absolutely, but it's Ab-Soroki. If you could see the smile on my face, you would know that I'm nodding with approval. No one can see it right now, so. Well, it's 24 degrees Fahrenheit. You got some wind, 21 to 28 miles per hour. 60% humidity with a lot of pressure going on. Trending keywords are. A lot of pressure, like, you'll be human. You'll be human and you'll like it. Please, stop. You're going to be human and you'll like it. Please, stop. You're going to be human.

Snow cold and storm are trending keywords in the area. Let's check out some local tweets. There's one. Oh, great. Ironically, the last time I checked, there were none. So this happened five minutes ago. The one person that lives there decided to say, did not need to see that Friday forecast.

Snow. That's the only guy that lives in the area. That's it. I like how he's tweeting to nobody, too. Snow. And there's just an echo. Echo. The first ever echo on Twitter.

All right. Now let's go over to Grendor at the sports desk. Grendor, watch out for those yetis How is that sports looking? How's that sports looking? How's that sports? I am tired as shit How's that sports looking? Why, sports is looking good, Jesse

Thanks, Crendor Well Well, sports is looking good, Jesse Thanks, Crandall Well Uh-huh I'm just gonna breeze through some headlines today Okay Scott Rowland hasn't made a retirement decision And the Bears hired Mark Trestman as their new coach Well, that's nice

It's not Ditka, but okay Yeah, I mean They're gonna keep's no Ditka But okay Yeah I mean they're gonna keep losing Without Ditka People were mad at me cause I didn't do a I didn't do justice To the Chicago accent So I figured I'd try again

You gotta do a lot of D's It's all the D's You gotta be like these guys They don't know Ditka. Oh, I can't do that. So the best you can get is Ditka. Ditka. Ditka.

That sounds like native people in Indiana Jones. Like Ditka. Ditka. They were summoning forth their god Dinka. He'd come through and be like, I bring sausages. Dinka, Dinka. And he walks in and he's just like, Get these Polish sausages.

Sausages. Oh, God. Sausages I want that I want that image Drawn so bad We have the best Fan artists in the world I need an image Of a bunch of Like the guys

From Neon Jones Last Crusade Like the Kali Ma guy Like sacrificing a dude And then my Myka in the background like holding sausages like yes, my children killed for me.

Coach Ditka. And uh at sports. Alright, well, what is our big news story of the day then? I'm gonna let you choose this one. These never end well, okay? Okay,

one is from Cosmo. We did talk about it. We did talk about the Cosmo one. Or, not talk about it, but we hinted at it. Yeah. The benefits of like sleeping naked. And they said... Oh, yes. Oh, oh! That, yeah, okay, don't spoil it.

Alright, just give me that one. This is the actual quote of it. The benefits of like sleeping naked. It's the title of the article. The benefits of like sleeping naked. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay. And?

So, here are the benefits. Oh, I thought we had a choice. Oh, I'm just going to do them both. Oh, okay. Because this one isn't that long. Okay. Okay. Uh-huh.

A recent study showed that less than 10% of Americans sleep in the buff. What? Not only is it dead sexy, experts swear naked sleep is actually good for you. We asked them to spill on the top reasons why you should ditch those pajamas for good. Why is that? Number one, no joke. Not joking with this. Oh, I thought, I With this I thought

I thought I thought that number one was No joke I was like what Number one No joke Number one is you'll air out your hoo-ha I'm sorry what

You'll air out Your hoo-ha You're a JJ No your hoo-ha. I'm sorry, what? You'll air out your hoo-ha. Your vajayjay? No, your hoo-ha. Your vajayjay. Well, it says Jennifer Landa, author of the Sex Drive Solution for Women, says that sleeping naked can be healthier for your vajayjay. There you go. See? Thank you. While it's normal to have a yeast bacteria down there. Warm environment can sometimes cause an overgrowth. Uh-huh.

So it benefits your hoo-ha. Uh-huh. Number two. Okay. Moving on very quickly. You'll sleep better. Why is that? Well, you might like being cozy and warm at night.

It's actually important to have a cooler environment when you sleep. That's what I told that woman in my dream. Yes, but Oprah doesn't listen to you. You should. Oprah doesn't need to listen to you. She'd sleep better. Herba JJ be painting. I'm sorry.

That was way out of context. There's a video There's a video of Of Oprah like in a harness For like some trapeze thing And she's like Momma JJ be painting And I'm just saying That's where that's from

So Take it out of context that doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense. Granted, this entire podcast today has made no sense. My vagina's getting painted. My pajama's already painted. Number three. Yeah?

You'll look hotter. You'll look hotter? According to someone... Known as a man. Being too warm at night disrupts the release of melatonin and growth hormone, your main anti-aging hormones, into your body. So sleep naked is what this is trying to tell you. In a cool environment. Number four is you'll lose belly fat.

They say that sleeping naked helps you sleep more soundly, which allows your levels of stress hormone cortisol to decrease at you rest. Decrease at you rest. Decreased at you rest. Decreased at you rest. Decrease. Oh, decrease at you rest. Decreased at you rest. Yes. Decreased at you rest. RG4, bad at grammar, still observing English language. RG4 is in, like, the huddle.

He's just like, all right, team, you run a route of ages. And they're just like, what are you talking about, RG4? He's like, I do not know the word that I am looking for. Does not compute. Does not compute. And then he just breaks down. He's just like, RG4 need oil. They're just like, damn it.

Time out. Get the oil. The oil boy is a little robot. RG4B, little robot buddy. I'll come help you. He's like Wally, and he rolls out. He's like, and he rolls out, and he dumps the oil on him. He's like, RG4B, what the hell are we talking about?

Continue with the article. I don't know. Number five, you'll feel more confident because you tune in to your inner self when you're naked. What? Okay, okay, sure. And number six is you'll have better sex because you're naked. Clothes do get in the way. They do.

They do. Yeah. It's like you gotta just ask yourself. I don't even know. You just gotta ask yourself. I was always like, yeah, what do you have to ask yourself? What do you have to ask yourself? You just gotta ask yourself, you know?

No, I don't! Sometimes, you just gotta be like, self? Uh-huh. That's what I do. Do you ever do that? No. Never. That's probably why you're having Oprah dreams.

Uh. Here's the other article I add. Okay. Foods you should cut from your diet. Oh, so then these fit together because you want to look sexy when you're sleeping naked and people watch you while you sleep. All those demons who are in your room who haunt you like in the movies, they need something good to look at.

Exactly. It only makes sense. Number one is swordfish problem. One of Dr. Landrigan's number one warnings to women pregnant or looking to become pregnant is make avoiding mercury fish. Oh, apparently fish have a lot of mercury and swordfish. Can I ask a question? Is this article for pregnant women?

No. Why is he talking specifically about pregnant women? Because you might be pregnant or wanting to get pregnant. One, I am neither. And two, that doesn't affect me at all. Well, maybe you should stop being so selfish. Maybe you should get pregnant, Jesse. Maybe I will. Maybe you should stop being so swordfish. Is that the second time you tried to make a pun with a word that was not even close to the word you were trying to make a pun with?

Number two. Non-organic strawberries. Why? The problem. While filming Food Inc, Kenner says he wanted to film strawberry farmers applying pesticides to their fields. The workers wear these suits to protect themselves from dozens and dozens of known dangerous pesticides applied to strawberries. He says, When I saw this, I thought to myself, if this is how berries are grown, I don't really want to eat them anymore. I haven't been able to eat a non-organic strawberry since forever.

Solution, opt for organic. I guess. I mean, no one's dying from strawberry poisoning, so, you know, I guess they're being watched. That's what you think. There's an epidemic of strawberry poisonings. All right, Sherlock, get on the case. I just don't understand. Number four is diet soda, or three. Number three or four.

Diet soda. Problem. Of course, because it's diet soda. Stay away from diet soda or food, sugar-free candies, and gum-containing artificial sweeteners such as sucralose, apsipedamide, exflame K, and neo... Exflame. Exflame K. Oh, exflame K? Yeah.

Exflame K sounds like the douchiest dubstep remixer. It's A-Soo Flame. A-Soo Flame. A-Soo Flame. A-Soo Flame. A-Soo Flame K. If you can't pronounce... We got there eventually.

If you can't pronounce it, you probably shouldn't be drinking it. The safety data on these sweeteners is shrouded in controversy and conflicts the interests of manufacturers of these chemical compounds. The solution, if you're craving a soda but want to avoid shady sweeteners, fake food dyes and preservatives found in popular brands, try a bottle of STEEZ, zero calorie green tea or soda. But okay, but then how do they get those zero calorie? I don't know. Oh, a fermented soda that is popular in Europe.

Of course. Of course it is! Number four is anything from McDonald's. Really? Yeah. Really? McDonald's isn't just about food. It's about food mentality. According to Salatin, it represents pinnacle factory farming and industrial food. It's pretty much the common sense thing about McDonald's.

Okay, well, okay, yeah, good, because I haven't been to McDonald's in a long time. Not even the lore of a McRib will get me back. Don't say that. The solutions learn to cook. Number five, canned tomatoes. What? Canned tomatoes? The thing that a lot of people use all the time.

Apparently, the resin linings of tin cans contain a bunch of chemicals that are bad for you. Of course. Who wrote this article? Like, Greeny Greg and the Ruin Your Fun Coalition? Leia Zerbe and Emily Main. I hate them. I hate them. I hate very few people, but these people I hate. Their number six is bread. Jesus Christ.

Don't eat bread, because that contains bread. And number seven is industrial-produced hamburgers. Where is my fun, then? What are their alternatives to industrial is industrial produced hamburgers. How where's my fun then? What are their alternatives to industrial produced hamburgers? Solution quote, I love hamburgers but only eat them when they're grass fed and ground by a butcher. So basically you just don't eat fast food hamburgers. Okay, that's smart.

Why'd it have to say industrial? Like yeah, we're smarter than you. Industrial hamburger. The only hamburgers that I eat are industrial. Number eight's corn. Don't eat corn? Don't eat corn. Or as the Indians call it, maize.

Number nine's white chocolate. What? I guess because it's not chocolate. It's fake. So I understand. It's probably true. It's fake. So I understand. It's probably true. It's like American cheese. But American cheese is so good. It's not real cheese.

Just like America. We're not a real cheese. Yeah, we're not a real cheese. We're not a real cheese. That should be America's new slogan. We're not a real cheese. I want that on a flag so badly. America, we're not a real cheese. I want that on a flag so badly. America, we're not a real cheese.

Number 10's artificial sweeteners, probably because they've mentioned them throughout this entire article. Yeah, I guess. This is probably one of those articles that was put together by people who were like, let's really get on artificial sweeteners. At the end, number 10 will be artificial sweeteners to hammer home the

point. But number 11, sprouts. What? Sprouts have been the source of so many major food recalls that they're not worth the risk, Powell says. Whether bean or broccoli, elf, alpha, or pea, sprouts have been the center of at least 40 significant outbreaks of foodborne illness over the past 20 years. 40 over the past 20 years.

40 outbreaks. What is an 40 outbreaks what is an outbreak what does an outbreak consist of like three people so maybe like 120 people and it's probably like old man jenkins that's like 102 years old and he's like i ate the sprouts i knew this would be my downfall over 20 years they're like maybe like 200 people have gotten sick over 20 years. Shut up. The statistics of that alone are nonsense. And then butter flavored microwave popcorn. Screw you.

Screw you. Go back to China, you communist. Yeah. Get out of here. Get out of here. The last one's food dies. How will I enjoy my Easter eggs? Now they hate Jesus too? This article should be called

Foods You Should Cut From Your Diet and Fun You Should Cut From Your Life. Basically every type of food was hit. Like water. You shouldn't drink it because there's bacteria in it. Get on your flow and write it out of here. And that was the end of the Flow Rider. He never returned again.

And it's just like... As he rides away. Anyway, guys, that's it. We will see you tomorrow. Thank you for listening, and as always... I want some hot chocolate.