Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Wednesday, January 23rd 2013

Episode Date: January 23, 2013

Do you like Animals? Do you enjoy Old Wives Tales? Does expensive cheese and and a warm fire sound inviting? Well then today's episode is for you! I'd explain more, but really there is no explanation that can justify it.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog! This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trend Dog in the morning! Hello there everybody, it is Wednesday. Up and up, next friend of the morning! Up and up, next friend of the morning!

Hello there, everybody. It is Wednesday. Welcome back. Wednesday. Take it to the next level. Wednesday-tacular. Ultra Wednesday. I feel like Wednesdays are our best shows. I do, too. Most people are, like, really depressed on Wednesdays. We're not. We're up.

It takes us two days to get into the groove to get to Wednesday. And then after Wednesday we're like, well screw it. We only have two shows left. That's exactly what happens. So Wednesday's our good show because I feel like everything happens midweek. Everything. And we get amazing stories like this.

So right before we came on uh i found an article that is pretty much the best thing in the world actually i found two but i figured we'll start with this one because the second one's even delicious, delicious cheese fire shuts down Norwegian Tunnel. A delicious cheese fire? Who eats cheese fires? A fire made of cheese shuts down a tunnel. Do tell. A truckload containing 59,000 pounds of burning goat cheese has blocked off a Norwegian tunnel for the past six days. The cheese in question is a brown caramelized goat cheese known as Brunost.

It caught fire as it was being transported through the Bratli Tunnel in Tisfjord, Norway. Fire was extinguished Monday, but officials warned that toxic gases emitted from the burning cheese may keep the tunnel closed for the next week. No injuries have been reported. Man on the Scene said, I didn't know that brown cheese burns so well. Now he does.

It's been confirmed. This is the first time cheese has caught fire in norway how do they know i don't there's so many particulars to the story that they just don't tell you it's 59 000 pounds of cheese just somehow it caught on fire and how does on fire cheese sustain its fiery like wouldn't it just melt and then harden how does i guess 59 000 pounds is a lot but how like what is it made of oil what is what is going on there wait is the truck carrying cheese that's on fire already no the the truck was carrying cheese and the cheese caught on fire in the tunnel. It just, like... Exactly!

That's what I'm saying! How does cheese just spontaneously combust? I want to know this now. And it's caramelized, so it's already been cooked down to its, like, brown form. So at one point it was, like, cheesy color, and then they kept cooking it down, so it's already been through like a lot of heat. So how does cheese

just explode? It didn't explode, it caught on fire. It says its flammability is due to its high concentration of fat and sugar. Whoa. Hold on. So by that terminology McDonald's should be like a giant bonfire.

When you leave McDonald's, if you light a cigarette, you will explode. It's happened multiple times since they reported. I'm just going to, yeah, what they do is they collect the body parts and throw it back in the meat grinder. And then you get hash browns. Yes, hash browns. Look, that's the best they can make out of humans. And 50% of the sausage patties. Now you know.

Now you're aware. And I thought that story was nuts. I said, that might be the craziest story of the day. That was pretty crazy. Little did I know I was wrong. When your headline reads, Carlos Romero, man who had sex with donkey, arrested again.

First off, I love this guy, Carlos. His entire life is now known as man man who had sex with a donkey. Again. His portrait is amazing. We're going to use this as the image for this podcast. I'm going to send you it right now, Crandor, so you can see what this guy looks like. Remember, this is a man who had sex with a donkey and then got arrested again. He's so happy. He's so happy. And then got arrested again. That.

He's so happy. He's so happy. Exactly. But wait, but wait, but wait, but wait, but wait. Before you say anything, we need to start with the opening sentence. End quote. A Florida man convicted of engaging in sexual activity with a miniature donkey. Miniature donkey.

Not even a real one. A miniature donkey? He found like a little baby donkey. So he's a pedo donkey rapist. Oh, my God. Has landed himself in hot water again. But this time not for having sex with a donkey I want to point out

If you're into animals Right? Why a donkey? I have to assume that there are a lot There are like sexier animals out there, right? Like the donkey I would say is the least sexy of animals In fact, when I think of a donkey

I think of Eeyore And I don't imagine Eeyore being like, Alright, let's have sex, Carlos. I don't imagine that. Eeyore. I'm just saying, if you're gonna bang animals, at least have some taste, some high standards.

There's a great tombstone quote. Go for a puma, like a sexy black panther. Right? Donkey? That's low-hanging fruit. You're just settling at that point. Carlos is a special person.

He looks special. He does look very special. Oh, my. Okay, so it says, Carlos Romero, 32, was out on probation Thursday when he was arrested for allegedly stealing 16 train batteries valued at $10,888 on the Florida Northern Railroad, according to Ocala.com. So you know what we're going to do. Steal train batteries, man.

Here's the deal, though. He stole $10,000 worth of train batteries, right? Mm-hmm. Police said that Romero admitted to taking four batteries and bringing them into a recycling company to sell for scrap. Recycling company's official told the authorities he was paid $161

for the batteries. This guy sounds, like I said, very special. Romero, who had been arrested on bestiality charges in September, pleaded guilty in December as part of a plea deal and was sentenced to one year probation and a $200 fine. Well, he needed the money to pay the fine. It makes sense now.

That's why he settled for $161. He was going to come back with the rest of the batteries. Yeah. Yeah. If anything, it's the government's fault. It always is. It always is. Always is. Ocala.com reported that since his release, he has been

living in his pickup truck or in the woods and eating food from dumpsters. Wow. And that he stole and sold the batteries because he needed cash to pay for his truck's insurance. That is a responsible crazy person.

You gotta have truck insurance. Of all the things that are valuable in your life, he's like, look, I need my truck and I need my insurance on my truck because who knows what'll happen. But on truck insurance, like, dude, eat a sandwich. Take 99 cents and go buy yourself a sandwich

He's like no Truck insurance I gotta be honest, that guy might have his priorities straight He's paying insurance, who knows what will happen If he gets in a crash It's good I might be on this guy's side now I might actually be on his side

That's what happens when you get pulled over When you're just trying to get to the donkey farm. Speaking of which, his plea deal also required him to give up his donkey, undergo psychosexual evaluation, and avoid any contact with children? Wait, what?

Would you want him around your children? Well, I mean, he's not going after kids, he's going after animals. Would you want him around your children? Well, I mean, he's not going after kids. He's going after animals. Would you want him around your children, though? And I guess you have a point. But he is a safe driver. So, I mean, you know, I'm not going to judge him on that.

And it says the last part of his deal was to avoid any unsupervised contact with animals. When asked, he waxed poetic about his preference for animals over humans, explaining that critters do not seek other pleasures and their feelings are 100% honest as opposed to promiscuous humans who stab you in the back and give you diseases and lie to you. A girl broke this dude's heart. That's what happened here. Yep. A woman broke his heart and he was like, well, I got nowhere else to go now but a donkey. I guarantee he didn't read it like that. He's like, well, the critters,

you know, they just come on up and they're like, I ain't got no promiscuity. I imagine I imagine that he sounds very cultured. Like, oh, they do not seek the pleasure that other humans do,

but they are 100% honest in their emotional capacity, unlike promiscuous humans who stab you in the back and give you diseases of the venereal kind and lie to you. That's him drinking his tea. I had my pinky up, too. You couldn't see that, but it was up. It was up. I assumed that. Thank you. And then here's the best part

is at the end of the article, it then has a photo of the top 10 bestiality accusations of the last 20 years. Of course it is. Like, we need to know that. Like, do you know someone who's banged an animal? It's like Mari at the end. They're like, do you know somebody who's

this? Give us a call. So I'm clicking through these links at the bottom, these pictures of people. Out of the 10 people that they have listed, how many are from Florida, you think? I'm going to guess eight. A little too high. Six. Five. Half of the people on this bestiality thing are from Florida.

Of course they are. What have we said about Florida? What have we said? It's not stereotypes. Crazy people live in Florida. Stating facts. Yeah, all this does is prove a point, really. That if you are nuts, Florida is where you belong.

We are using science. This is science. That's 50%. That's math. That's mathematics. We are using science. This is science. That's 50%. That's math. That's mathematics. We're using all things. Now, here's the problem. Would a guy in Florida try to bang a cheese fire? What are

you doing in there, sir? You can't go into the cheese fire. You can't stop me, Norway. I'm gonna have sexual rights with this fire! Now, there's a story about cheese fires. It should have been a Polish sausage fire. Where Polish sausage is a lot better than cheese.

Yeah, but that would just cook it. And then Dicka would be in there, and he'd be like, I'll put out the sausage. I'll put it out with my mustache. He just pats it down. Jab done. That again was my

awesome action. Jab dead. Alright, well, I guess now is an excellent time to move on to Chapter 7 in the sky. Grendel, how's that traffic out there? Today's traffic's pretty good.

Got some I-08s, some I-010s, I-04s. All of them are clear. You can take the back roads. Those are clear, too. There's a guy. He's really happy. He's smiling. I think he's just happy he has truck insurance.

And then down there, there is an accident on the 408. You might want to avoid that. And don't forget, the best bet is a Chevrolet. Chevrolet, sponsored by the best coconut water in the world. Send us free stuff. Really? Coconut? Of all the things they could send us, you want them to send us coconut water?

The least delicious of all waters? I threw in Chevrolet, too. They might sponsor us. All they're going to send us is the new Chevrolet Coconut. Which is like this little tiny smart car. I drive this Chevrolet Coconut! It runs on coconut water.

That is officially the douchiest car ever. Okay, well then let's go over to weather desk. Crendor, how's the weather? Today's weather is going to be from Lanigan, Missouri. And it's 29 degrees, 9 mile visibility, 30.25 inch pressure with 75% humidity. Why do you keep telling us the pressure? We don't know what it means.

All we know is that someone's like, you're going to be humid today. 75% humid. And if you ain't, if you ain't humid, oh, I'm coming back for you. I'm coming back for you. I'm coming back for you. Pressure. Pressure. Under pressure. That's the weather.

All right, now let's go over to sports. Sports. Hey, it's sports. We got some crazy news. Tim Brown, an old receiver for the Raiders who played 15 years, Brown, an old receiver for the Raiders who played 15 years, says that head coach Bill Callahan sabotaged the Raiders in the Super Bowl in 2002. What?

He says that they planned the entire week for one game plan, and then within the last, like, 24 hours before the Super Bowl, he changed the entire game plan. The coach was, like, friends with John Gruden, who was the coach of the other team. And so he feels that he threw the game just so his friend could win the Super Bowl. And he apparently didn't like the Raiders because he was, like, going to get fired from them or something. That's scandalous! It is. It's very scandalous.

I don't know what to say except for the fact that I don't think anyone really cares. Except for the Oakland Raiders fans. Yeah, if you're an Oakland Raiders fan, and you're the guy who's dressed up as, like, a future Viking, what do the Raiders fans dress as? Because whatever that is is not a thing. What do the Raiders fans dress as? Because whatever that is, is not a thing. They look like if a character from Mad Max the Road Warrior somehow met a giant vat of gray paint and then got into professional wrestling.

It's like one of those things. I don't know what they're supposed to be. They have a thing in their stands called the Black Pit or something, and it's supposed to be like the Raider fans go there, but I think it's just where they go to sit in their stands called, like, the Black Pit or something, and it's supposed to be, like, the Raider fans go there, but I think it's just where they go to, like, sit in their depression. I remember for a while the Raiders were actually kind of good. They were, like, coming back and being good again, and then that ended real quick.

Yeah, that's when all this happened. That ended real quick. Oh, oh, so it's the reason why they were good is because they cheated? No, they were decent enough to make the Super Bowl, and then their coach was just like, screw it, I don't want the Raiders to win the Super Bowl, even though I'm the coach. The Raiders are all about self-pity, so this is perfect.

Exactly. And, uh, Ursanity is back. Ursan Ilyasova with the Milwaukee Bucks scored 27.16 boards, and it's called Ersanity. No, no, no. Okay, Linsanity, that's catchy and cute because it has insanity in it. Ersanity is the stupidest. Rather than being like, it's insane and crazy, it's like, yes, this is very sane.

This is very sane. This is very sane. This is very ursane. It's stupid, and I don't like it, and that's sports. All right, well, what's the big news story of the day? Today's big news story is 13 health rules you can break. Okay. I guess these are rules that we're going to break. Let's break them.

Let's break them. Let's break them open You've heard them before eat your veggies get eight hours of sleep each night Don't cross your eyes or they'll stay that way Many health rules are grounded in science and should be followed as part of a balanced and healthy lifestyle But others not so much. I know don't cross your eyes. This is fake Yeah, I know I also like if you make that face, I'll stay that way. I know don't cross your eyes is fake. Yeah. Also, like, if you make that face, it'll stay that way. I know that's fake, too.

I think that is fake. You probably just have a sore face. Yeah. If anything, you might get, like, a few more wrinkles because you move your face around so much. Like, when you smile, you have laugh lines when you're older, if you laugh a lot. But if anything, i don't think well anyway what are they let's see if anyone proves that theory it's the la women oh yes that's just oh my okay here's the thing i have a question this is to everyone ever in

regards to plastic surgery okay at what point do people go crazy, especially women? I get that they want to look young forever because society says they have to be constantly beautiful. I get it. I get it. But what snaps in their minds where they have so much plastic surgery they end up looking like cat people? Have you ever seen that person where their lips are all puffed out and their cheeks are all swollen and their face is just like a like solid mass and you're just like what happened to you what man i don't understand who made you like this who broke your heart and made you want to be perfect because baby you ain't perfect yeah nobody's Nobody's perfect. Except for our podcast. It's true.

All right. So let's hear these things. Don't crack your knuckles. The myth is that this habit will cause arthritis. It may be annoying, but no. Medical studies prove cracking or popping your fingers will lead to arthritis. However, some doctors say cracking your knuckles repeatedly may hurt your fingers in other ways. No, wait, wait, wait.

So it won't lead to arthritis? It says, but no medical studies prove cracking or popping. Oh, no medical studies prove that it's going to lead to arthritis. So it won't lead to arthritis. Okay, I was about to say, you're like, no medical studies prove it, but it will. I was like, what? Yeah, I got confused. They kind of just wrote this better.

Thanks a lot, Yahoo. I learned the other day, I think I was reading Maddox, the guy who posts, like, incredibly reverent, I guess you would call it. Very sarcastic things on his blog. Very sarcastic and offensive. Yeah, very offensive, but it's meant to not be taken seriously. Although it is, like, one of those, it's funny because it's kind of true things. And it was him talking about sites like 9gag and I'm trying to think, like BuzzFeed

and all those other sites that they just aggregate stuff from the internet. Like Huffington Post, where they just take stuff from the internet and just put it on there and say it's their own content. like Huffington Post, where they just take stuff from the internet and just put it on there and say it's their own content. But really, people send them stuff like, hey, here's 12 things that you should do. Like Yahoo. I was about to say, I have a feeling that we have stumbled upon the fact

that Yahoo does the exact same thing. Yahoo News is this. It is. Yahoo News is just an aggregation of all the garbage on the internet, which is why I like it. Continue, please. Exactly. When you stretch your fingers, you pull the bones,

creating an air bubble around the joints. When the bubble bursts, it makes a sound. So that's what happens when you crack your knuckles. Interesting. For twos, don't go outside with wet hair. It may make you feel chilly, but it won't make you sick. Colds are caused by a virus that is usually spread by droplets from someone's cough or sneeze. To avoid the virus, you're better off washing your hands often and avoiding crowded places or close contact with someone who's sick.

What does make you more vulnerable to a cold virus? Fatigue, stress, and certain bad allergies. This reminds me of, there was an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit, an amazing show if you haven't seen it. of, there was an episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit, an amazing show if you haven't seen it. Uh, they test on this little boy all the myths or whatever your parents tell you, and one of them is like if you don't go outside with the jacket, you know,

don't put on a jacket, you're gonna catch a cold. And they like stick him in a freezer. And the boy is just fine. Yeah. I think it's cause it's like people think like, oh, you caught a cold. It's like, it must be from being cold. No, but there's probably something

before that, like you said, fatigue or something, where you were worn down. Yeah, and someone else who you were with when it was cold outside had bad immunity. Bad immunity, which the ladies, of course, key in on. That's why, uh, you can have, like, a really bad, it's not like when you get cold or, like, really weak or something,

you just, like, a cold just pops up in your body, like, aha, I am grown in here. I am a cold. It's like you actually got to get it from somewhere. Yes, that's exactly,'s like if you got a gate and then your gate gets really weak people can invade your city but if you got a strong gate people aren't going to invade your city but people aren't just going to appear in your city randomly if your gate is weak i don't know what the hell you just said. The gate.

The gate must be weak. The gate is weak. People cannot appear in the gate until they break it down. That's my point. Thank you, David Lynch. I'm the rings of consciousness. All right. Let's go. Keep going. Don't swim after you eat.

Sorry, Mom, but there's no evidence that this causes cramps, which could possibly lead to drowning. While it's true that eating diverts some blood to the digestive system, most experts agree your body can still provide enough blood and oxygen during exercise to keep cramps from happening. Eating a big meal may make you feel too full to knock out a bunch of laps, but it won't make you drown. I've always wondered where that came from originally. I feel like in the 50s, some little boy or girl drowned after eating, and because science was to the point where it was like, smoke cigarettes, they'll cure your cancer. I figure they just assumed eating led to that,

because science never did anything. I don't know. I have no clue where that came from. But yeah, I was told the exact same thing. Like, don't do it. You'll get super sick and die. Yeah. Get super sick. You'll get super sick. Drink eight cups of water a day.

As long as you're drinking enough so that you don't feel thirsty, you urinate often, and your urine is nearly colorless, you're probably getting enough water. And remember that magic eight cups a day includes water you get from foods and other beverages, so those help you gain nutrients, too. While water is necessary, some healthy alternatives to H2O include broth-based soups, water-laden produce such as grapes, cucumbers, and melon. There you go.

So really, the people who are like, I drink, like, 15 cups of water a day. I think I read somewhere that that's actually probably really bad for you. Probably. To drink way more water than you should. Like, I'm sure your body can become overhydrated, which makes no sense, but whatever. Well, it's like moderation. Once again. Yeah, just don't overdo it on the water.

Don't drown. Yeah, don't drown. Don't drown. That's our tip of the day. Avoid reading in dim light. You may get a headache and strain your eyes, but experts say poor lighting will not cause permanent damage to your eyesight. Ditto for sitting too close to a television or computer screen.

To reduce eye strain, sit at a comfortable distance and take breaks off at least every 20 minutes. You gotta figure that's a more modern thing, because in ye olden days, going, I would say the 1700s, maybe all the way back to caveman times, there was like one candle. People were doing just fine. They were writing, like, notes.

Like, the Constitution, I'm pretty sure, was written in, like, the candlelight. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they handled themselves pretty well. They didn't lose their eyesight then. So, yeah. Take that. Take that, myth. Yeah.

Use birth control that follows your monthly cycle. Yeah. dosage for women with painful or heavy periods. But, with the advent of extended cycle birth control pills, you can skip your period altogether and just have it a few times a year. Talk to your doctor! Okay. I have no experience in any of that, so I'm gonna defer to the article. But I feel like we're helping people.

I feel like we are. Yeah. Sure. Sugar makes kids hyper. Oh, don't tell me that's a lie because I know it is true. While too much of it will cause teeth problems, it's a common myth that sugar creates hyperactivity in children. What? This theory was tested in a variety of children, including those believed to be sensitive to sugar.

of children, including those believed to be sensitive to sugar. Research found that although children consumed well over their average daily intake, neither table sugar or aspartame, an artificial sweetener, negatively... Aspartame? Is that how it is? Okay. Sure. Yeah, that. Yeah.

It's negatively... It's all myths. I don't believe that one bit. I don't either. Don't believe that one bit. I've watched that show where the girls dress up in toddlers and tiaras. Those moms give those kids pixie sticks, and they go crazy. Unless it's a placebo effect, and those girls were always crazy,

which explains future girls gone wild. Well, it makes sense. It's like the insulin thing. Yeah. It spikes your sugar levels so that you get really hyper, but then it drops them so you get really depressed and low. That's what I'm saying. Are they telling us this isn't legit? Because I know it is.

If it didn't make you hyper, you wouldn't get diabetes. I don't understand. Whatever. Okay. That one, I assume. They have an agenda. This is probably sponsored by the Sugar Company. Probably is.

The Sugar Company. Sugar Company. Run by Ma Sugar. And Willy Wonka. And Willy Wonka's married to Ma Sugar. Yep. And they have all the Oompa Loompa children. Good day, sir.

I said good day. The five secondsecond rule. We've all heard this one when someone scoops food off the floor as if germs stand by with a stopwatch to wait to latch onto the food. In 2004, a college student named Jillian Clark tested this theory and found that it was nothing but a myth. However, her research found that food dropped on carpet attracted fewer germs but more cat hair.

Ha! Actually, that's something they did on bullshit, too. They tested it by taking two sandwiches, and they dropped one on the ground and picked it up right away and dropped another on the ground and let it sit there and then picked it up and had the exact same amount of germs on it. Yeah. I think it depends on if it's something that something that's going to like pick up like dirt,

like a wet rag is going to pick up a bunch of germs. But like if you drop like a paper towel, it's not going to pick up as much because it's like, you know. Well, the wet rag is a breeding ground because it's water. And water, germs love that. It's like if you drop a cookie on the ground compared to like a slice of ham, like it's going to pick up germs on the slice of ham. Exactly. Exactly.

It makes sense. It makes sense to me, at least. Yeah. Is that it? You need eight hours of sleep a night. Not everyone needs eight hours of sleep a night. Some people run fine on six, while others can barely function without nine. In fact, there's historical evidence that humans used to sleep in intervals two hours at dusk, a two-hour waking period, and then a second sleep.

The amount of sleep you need varies on a variety of factors, including illness, stress, physical activity, and more. As a good rule, if you awake feeling tired, you probably need more sleep or better sleep. Yeah, I usually do good with about like six, so... I get it. Makes sense to me. Seven's about my ideal number. I'm glad we learned that. We are very smart.

And finally... I wouldn't say that, but okay. And finally... Gum stays in your stomach for seven years. That always sounded like a lie. It did. Every child has swallowed gum at one point in his life. Chewing gum, just like anything else you swallow, will get picked up by the fluids and other food in your stomach and move through the digestive system.

It doesn't even take seven dog years to get through it. It usually only needs a few days at most, just like everything everything else I figure that your stomach acid could like burn the gum yeah it's not like it's rubber and even then acid can I guess it's made from rubber trees but still you know I mean yeah and even then it's stomach acid stomach acid is designed to eat everything yeah that's what it's there for it eats things stomach Stomach acid. The more you know. Less that. Alright! That's it, everybody!

Thank you for listening, and we will be back tomorrow. So, see you then, and as always, to be continued. continued