Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor in the morning: Beta Episode 1

Episode Date: November 19, 2012

We're testin' stuff out! Let us know what you think before we actually make this a real thing!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cogs and Crenn-Dog! Cogs and Crenn-Dog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! Before a recorded studio. Recorded! Meep, meep, wake your ass up! It's Cogs and Crenn-Dog in the morning!

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop! Cogs and Crenn-Dog in the morning! Hey there everybody, it's Jesse Cox along with the Crenn Dog. That's me. And we're broadcasting live in the very first beta version of our new morning show. The very first ever, actually, the first ever morning drive time 30 minute podcast on the internet. You can listen to it while you're driving. You can listen to it on your way back from where you're going. You can listen to it while you're driving you can listen to it on your way back from where you're going you can listen to it while you're going to sleep you can listen to it when you're

exercising on your morning jog you can listen to it wherever you're getting dressed maybe you're getting dressed right now you're looking good feeling great looking sharp ready to go take on the day and we're here to bring you all the morning news you can use and commentary to go along with it we also have sports, weather, and traffic. But as we mentioned, this is in fact the beta version of the show. The real one will not start for some time, probably next week. And in that time, we're going to get a lot of kinks worked out. We're going to work out all the sound issues.

We're going to try and get some actual legitimate music, and try to get an actual real sports reporter. It should be fun. So thanks for sticking with us, and let's get this thing started. It should be fun. So thanks for sticking with us, and let's get this thing started. If you want, you can submit your own creation things that we might use for stuff, if that makes sense. It all makes sense. And so here's what you need to do, because right now you're watching this either on YouTube or on SoundCloud or from the feed that we have, the RSS feed.

But we're actively right now this week trying to get it all set up with iTunes and all the other places on the internet you can download from the RSS feed and get this podcast. So, just bear with us for this week, and everything should be set up by the next Monday, and everything should be good! Everybody's ready. I think everyone's ready to go. I think everyone's ready.

I think everyone's ready to go. I think everyone's ready to go. I think this is good. And greedy. So you know what that means. It's time for the big morning story. What's our big morning story brought to us today by Yahoo News, the number one news site on the internet.

Yes. Yahoo's brought us some quality content for best-selling books with bad dating advice. This way, we don't have to waste our time buying bad dating advice books. Why would you buy bad dating advice books? What's the point of that? Well, this article is going to tell us the bad ones so we can avoid them. But then, how does the article know which is the bad ones? Isn't that sort of biased?

Because Matt Schneiderman has gone out of his way to find them. Oh, well excuse me, who is Matt Schneiderman? I don't know, according to this article he's written, he doesn't mention anything. Oh wait, he's a New York City based freelance writer, and he's written for Stuff and Sync. Well then he knows his dating advice clearly he does and there's a picture of this old man reading a book which doesn't even look like a dating advice book and he's like i'm in the field reading a book right now and it's relaxing okay so what does this article tell us he talks about some stuff that doesn't really matter and

then he says here are the books that you got to avoid. Number one, The Rules. Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fine and Sherry Schneider. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Pause. Pause. Is this an article about books for women, but a guy's writing the article explaining why those books for women, to pick up a men are wrong I don't know yet I think it's for both okay continue continue okay well this is just number one the gist a woman who plays hard to

get will snag a quality husband typical advice limit phone conversations with a suitor to ten minutes to to to encourage the notion that you have a busy life publication in 26 languages four follow-up books themed calendars notebooks and ankle bracelets a rap song coined the term rules girl what what i don't even know what he's talking about anymore uh-huh okay fame divorced her husband of 16 years shortly after releasing their third follow-up title, The Rules for Marriage, in 2001. Okay, so there's a woman who made a book about how to date who then went on to leave her husband and then start dating.

It makes sense. I'm not saying it doesn't make sense. Well, she wrote The Rules of Marriage and then got divorced. Well, because she couldn't follow the rules. Because she was stuck on the rules one and rules two. It's true. It's like the guy that makes an apple pie. He's really good at making that apple pie.

But he can't tell whether or not other apple pies are good. Because he's just good at making them what what how is that a thing you can't just well she wrote a book on the rules of marriage so she's writing about what you need to do to have a good marriage. Uh-huh. But herself does not have a good marriage. Uh-huh. So that means that... She's baking apple pies? Wait, no. It would be like the cook is really bad at making apple pies,

but he writes a book on how to make apple pie. Why are we still on apple pies? How does this... Well, it's a good example to make apple pie. Why are we still on apple pies? How does this work? It's a good example to use. No. No, it is not. Okay, let's just move on. Okay, moving on.

Number two is The Code. Time-tested secrets for getting what you want from women without marrying them by Nate Penn and Lawrence LaRose. Wow. Nate and Lawrence giving up the secrets of how to get laid, alright. What do they got? It doesn't even sound like a book title. It's just like, Hey, we've got some secrets on how to get women without marrying them if you wanna like read it. Chapter 1, Roofies. The gist. The male responds to the rules, only this time it's played for laughs.

Typical advice. Date married married women they won't expect presents new and used copies of the paperbacks are available and authorized from amazon.com partner sellers wait that's what they had to say about that that is the least informative like you know you know you can actually go buy this book i don't want to spoil it just go buy it if you want to get laid go buy this book but no no but these are books with bad dating advice you shouldn't buy this book why is he advertising he just said go to amazon get it that's all you need to know number three the Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss. The balls.

What? Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists? Yes. Go on. The Gist. A man can bed any woman he wants by using rehearsed seduction techniques that have been developed within the pickup artist community. Typical advice.

Deploy the neg, a backhanded compliment meant to encourage a woman to seek the pickup artist's approval as opposed to the other way around. Like what? Why would he say that and not give an example? Why would he not give an example? What's a backhanded comment?

Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, no. Pause. What's a backhanded comment? Like, I guess something's gonna Like, slap you in the face With your backhand No, no No, it's It's something like

It's like how women normally talk to each other Right, rather than Congratulate each other, it's like Wow, you certainly don't look fat in those jeans Right? That's what it is. Mm-hmm. I think we figured it out.

We've penetrated some pickup artists right now is what we've done. And we've given amazing advice. If you want a woman to like you, just go up to her and be like, hey, you almost don't look fat in those jeans. Right? And then she'll marry you. She'll be like, wow, I want to date you. We've done our job. We've done our job here. It only makes sense. I don't even think

we need to read the rest of the stuff. I don't think we do. You know what I think we need to do, though? What? I think now we should cover the weather! Weather. Weather. We're going to enter in a random zip code. Random zip code weather.

The weather for Berwick, Iowa. Right now it is 46 degrees Fahrenheit, partially cloudy with winds from the southeast at 7 miles per hour. There's 10 mile visibility in case you're playing golf or going on a picnic where you'd like to see very far. 71% humidity, so it's gonna be a little bit humid out there is 37 degree dew point i don't really know what that means but it's a thing i like how you're now getting bombarded with people from iowa skyping you there is someone from iowa right now

who's just like can you please like never report the weather for Iowa again because actually right now it's 81% humidity you ass. That's why we leave our Skype lines open so you can contact us and let us know about the weather as it's happening. We will be the weather channel. We are the weather channel. Look, look, I'll just

do what they do. I'll just make up weather. Right now in Fort Lauderdale it's 65 degrees with a partial chance of sun and clouds. Chance of sun, chance of rain, chance of clouds. Who knows what you're going to get. I think it's time for our next segment. It's time for sports.

Yes. Jacobi Jones. Sports. Jacobi Jones. How's Jacobi doing this week? Jacobi had a punt return for a touchdown. Sports! Sports! Sports! And now let's go

to Crendor up in the helicopter above the morning rush hour freeway in Traffic Copter 7. Well, it looks like there's a backup on the I-84. That one's going pretty far. There's an accident down on, uh, Washerman and Electroville. So I mean, you're gonna have to watch it there if you usually take that to work.

You might want to take a different route. It looks like the Nepal lane is gonna be pretty good. But I mean, as for the I-84 opening back up, it's not looking good. Thanks for that, Crendor. Keep us informed about the situation out there. All right, Crendog, what do we got left in the news? Here's another amazing Yahoo article. Walmart Black Friday TV deals kick off on Thanksgiving.

Nice. Hey. Nice. Do you not want to eat with your family on Thanksgiving? Well, you can go buy a TV at Walmart and get trampled over. Wait, whoa, whoa, Black Friday starts on Thursday now? Well, kicks off on Thanksgiving. Wait, Black Friday's on Black Friday, not...beige Thursday.

Not in Walmart's calendar. What idiot wor- alright, look, if I worked at Walmart, I what idiot work all right look if I worked at Walmart I would not work at Walmart anymore in fact aren't people wanting to like walk off the job that's probably there's gonna be more people take the jobs I guess you're right Walmart will open its doors for Black Friday shopping at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving two hours earlier than last year what so wait Walmart's don't close though 90% of the Walmart's are open for Black Friday shopping at 8pm on Thanksgiving, two hours earlier than last year. What? So wait, Walmarts don't close though.

90% of the Walmarts are open 24 hours a day. Well, the deals will start at 8pm. So can you camp out? Can you have Thanksgiving? Can you functionally take your family and camp out at Walmart, in Walmart, in the sporting goods department

and eat turkey and stuff while you're in Walmart, in the sporting goods department, and eat turkey and stuff while you're in there? I would love to see that. From the Mega Walmart? Can you just go to the Mega Walmart grocery section, get food from there, and eat it in the Walmart, and then go shopping in the Walmart? That seems like a deal. There's going to be that one family.

It's going to be like the Honey Boo Boo type family. It's just there. And there's like Cletus the dad, and like the five kids. Let's gonna be like the Honey Boo Boo type family. It's just there. And there's like Cletus the dad and like the five kids. Let's be honest, they never left. They never actually left. They were always there. They're just like oh boy, now I'll get some deals.

Right? They did. They were always there for the deals but since last year. They were just like, they got the deals then and then they went back home for about a day and a half, and they went back. Like, we gotta get it on for the first day of Cletus! My

favorite is most of these deals you can get already on Amazon. Like, I bought like, they're like, oh, you can get a 50-inch TV for $500 or something.

Or like $400. And I was like, I got my TV that's like 47-inch for like $500 on Amazon and there's no taxes because it's Amazon. And then you'd get free shipping and

the taxes you pay to buy that TV on Black Friday are like $40. So it's like, oh, I could have just stayed at home and bought it on Amazon and not went out of my way to get run over. I was actually listening to some guys talk about Amazon the other day and how Amazon and small businesses are freaking out because Amazon's just destroying companies, especially like small businesses had to deal with like Walmart and Target and Best Buy and those stores like that. And now Amazon's like coming out of nowhere and taking everyone on.

And so everyone's sort of freaking out and small businesses are like, we just can't compete, we just can't compete. And they're like, we need to come up with a strategy to get people back in because Walmart and everyone, they're stealing our customers. And I'm like, no, no. The people have decided to leave you. It's not Walmart or Amazon being insidious. It's people have left you because you can't compete with what, you know, they provide low prices.

If you want to compete as a small business, what you have to do is you have to give them something big companies can't. And that is up to you to figure out. Wait, what were we even talking about? Oh yeah, Black Friday. Black Friday. Oh yeah. You know what I hate? The frickin' Christmas decorations are up.

What? Have you gone shopping and you see all the Christmas decorations are up? In California, there are no Christmas decorations. We legally cannot celebrate one holiday. Because we are all godless heathens here, we cannot legally celebrate anything. Oh. Right, so...

Except 420. Except 420. Even that's up for question. Yeah, because that's going to offend people that don't celebrate 420. Exactly. And everyone has to be happy. Everyone. That makes sense.

Which means no one's happy. We'd rather have no one be happy than one group be happy. Is how California rolls. Oh. Yeah. That's how the governator ran it. That's right. Schwarzenegger, that's how he ran the government, but it was because he only believed in the riddle of steel. He had no gods but Chrom.

It only makes sense. And he's like, Chrom, if you don't help me, then I don't believe in you. And Chrom really didn't help him that much, so he's like, To hell with you, Chrom! That was my Schwarzenegger. Anyway, there's a store here. Because there's so many Christmas decorations up And this one store is just like Hey, we don't put our Christmas decorations up yet

So shop here That's their advertising campaign That's great Like look, we aren't going to pander to you Come shop here, so we can pander to you It's like, oh That sounds like a place I want to go Right? Sounds good to me

Yeah Alright, alright We're getting close to the end here, so we need one last news story a place I want to go right sounds good to me yeah yeah all right all right we're getting close to the end here so we need one last news story what is our big new story of the day do you have a big story how can we go out with I do all right we have the 10 most addictive foods these are the most addictive foods you will ever, ever, ever eat in your life. Number 10! White bread. You already knew that white bread was one of the worst things you have in your fridge. It's made with refined flour which has been stripped of the bran, the germ, and all the nutrients normally present in bread. What a shame that restaurants tempt you with the entire basket before every meal out.

Opt for substantial breads that you can't squish into the size of a marble. Number nine. Okay, yes. Number nine is donuts. Shocker, right? Science has proven the crazy addictive potential of sugar. Studies have shown that every time rats eat large amounts, dopamine is released. That's not normal, says study author Dr. Nicole Avina, PhD,

a research neuroscience and expert in food addiction. Wait, no, but sugar is a natural thing. Well, so is, like, tree bark. Yeah, but idiots don't eat tree bark. Well, unless they deep fry it. That might be delicious. That's true. That might be delicious. Have you ever tried deep fried birch wood?

I've never tried deep fried any tree. Birch wood's got a little tang to it. What? Okay. Moving on. Number eight, pasta. We eat way too much of this starchy childhood favorite,

and then we drench it in butter, salt, and cheese. The typical Italian portion can fit in a teacup. I was about to say, Italians eat pasta all the time. American portions are closer to plate size. Okay, so this guy's complaints are Americans eat too much bread, donuts, and pasta. So far, all of one food group, really. All right, continue. Guess what number seven is.

Cake. Cake. Of course. Of course. Of course. There's something irresistible about the spongy buoyancy of a sugary cake. Don't even get us started on the frosting. Frosting!

If you eat too much of it, though, you might not accumulate as many candles on that cake as you'd like. I think he's saying you're going to die if you eat too much of it though you might not accumulate as many candles on that cake as you'd like I Think you saying you're gonna die if you eat cake. He's saying you're you get obesity diabetes and metabolic syndrome Is that our keyword for the day What actually know what they're excited Hold on. Actually, you know what? They're excited. Thank you. That's right. Good job.

Metabolic syndrome. This is awesome. It's like I'm on one of those shows like The View. Continue, please. Chips. Chips are ridiculously high in fat and salt, but that doesn't stop with the notoriously greasy brands. Even big veggie chips are packed with fat and mainstream chip brands with sugar on their ingredients list. Who is this fun killer?

Is this a woman who wrote this article? It has to be a woman. It is. It's Mandy. Of course. Only a woman would write something so sinister and evil. So against American values. I bet she's a communist.

I'm just saying. She's probably a communist. She probably is. Mandy the communist. Mandy the communist. You know what else she doesn't like? Number five, which is cookies. Of course.

There's a reason the cookie jar is never full. Wait, wasn't five chips? Six was chips. Well, why are we back at five? Because five's cookies Oh we're counting down? Yeah I thought we were counting up

Whatever Alright continue please No we're counting down Look Look don't make this any more confusing Than it has to be Just continue Oh we got a new one

Okay continue Number four is chocolate Oh see Okay So basically this is for like This is the skinny bitch's guide To being a skinny bitch Is is what this thing is. Yeah.

Okay, continue. Sure, dark chocolate with high concentration of cocoa imparts some health benefits, but most commercial chocolate packed with milk, solids, oil, fat, and sugar would not make the cut. So eat dark chocolate, is what she's saying. Oh, okay, great. Yeah. She's like, I'm gonna kill all's saying. Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to kill all your fun. Continue, please. Well, there's, she's Mandy the communist.

Number three, french fries. Forever beckoning from its hot oil baths, french fries are a dieter's nightmare and a food industry's dream. I know that I had a nightmare the other night about french fries. Uh-huh. And what nightmare was that? I was sitting at home.

Uh-huh. Just relaxing. Acting all cool. A couple of guys are at school. Yeah, okay. Continue. Yeah, well, then some french fries. Who were up to no good?

No, they were on the ground. Oh, okay. I'm not going that far. Did they start making trouble in your neighborhood? A little bit, because I reached down, and I was like, I'm going to eat these french fries. And I ate them. They were poisonous. And then I died.

That is a really boring dream. Your death is really boring. Even your dream is your death is boring. And then, when I was dead, it was just all white. Like just a white like canvas of emptiness. Were you

on the canvas or were you just looking at it? No, I was like in a room. Were you like that painter guy who's like, little, little apatries. I probably could have started like imagining things. They would have popped up. Why didn't you try? You were a lazy dreamer. I didn't know.

I was just like, hey, friggin' here. You're a very lazy dreamer. But on the bright side, now I know what happens when you die. You are in a white room being bored shitless. Great. Great.

Looking forward to that. Now we know what to do. We got to start imagining stuff for it to pop up. Imaginations for nerds. All right. Next on this thing. Number two is candy. Mark Gold, MD, chair of psychiatry at the the University of Florida has been researching food addiction for 30 years

He found that the sugary foods you're supposed to in utero and throughout childhood make kids love and crave more sugar I'm sorry. What was that? We feed our children in taro you mean in utero? What did you say in utero? Oh. In tarot! What did you say? In utero! I said utero. I thought it was like Spanish. In utero! In utero!

In utero! Like we went far and wide to get to utero i was like wait when this become a spanish circle then i realized i was like childhood what comes before childhood in utero is that oh crendall it's like it's kind of like vertigo, but Spanish. Vertigo. Continue, please. But Mark Gold says that we need to pay attention to what we feed our children, and that we may be setting them up for, uh, to become food addicts. Hmm.

Hmm. That's, that's troublesome. You definitely don't want to eat food. You know, in other news, that if you walk into a street, you might get hit by a car. Yes, so you don't want to become a street-walking addict. Yeah. But now, but now, we have the number one most addicting food to ever grace the earth. I know it's pizza.

Pizza. Is it pizza? It's not pizza. I know it's pizza. Pizza. Is it pizza? It's not pizza. I have no idea what this is. Is it... Honey nut cereal. Is it honey nut cereal? It is not.

Is it beer? It is not. You're missing it out now. Is it cocaine? That's very addictive. No, you're not it out now is it cocaine that's very addictive no you're not not no I don't know what is it what is it all right I was getting angry I give up the crowd the crowds turned on me what is the answer I'm turning it's ice cream what it's ice cream why would why would why would this communist just take a dump all over an american treat well

she says ladies and gents say hello to your biggest food addiction it's no wonder ice cream is the go-to breakup binge the creamiest celebration treat and the perfect hot summer day refresher the more comforting this is written for women this is written women. There's no man who's like she probably got with me. Binge on ice cream. That has never happened in the history of men. Never. But she says animal studies have shown that

high consumption of processed treats like ice cream may reduce the appeal of foods that were once considered rewarding like watermelon. heel of foods that were once considered rewarding, like watermelon. I hate this woman so much. So much.

That's because it shifts your brain's hedonic set point. Hidonesto! Hidonesto! Hidoniche. I feelonesto. Hidoniche. I feel like from now on, every time there's a word that's just eight syllables long, just make it Spanish. That'll be our motto.

Yeah. Whenever I don't understand a word, it's Spanish. But once your Hidoniche Set point is set Then the only way to get your fix Is more ice cream Okay great I will say there's sometimes I'll be like

I need some ice cream It's not even ice cream it's a frozen yogurt See in California we got that pink berry And it's I'll go there and it's me and women I changed my mind about my previous statement I'm pretty sure at this point in my life In California we got that pink berry And it's I'll go there and it's me and women I think I changed my mind about my previous statement I'm pretty sure at this point in my life

If I ever broke up from a really bad relationship It would be just like Oh god At pink berry I'll be there alone At pink berry With women around me Looking at me cry

As I eat a pomegranate frozen yogurt They would comfort you They would They'd actually be like, what is this loser doing? I'd be like, oh, it's so good. It's so good. You have no clue. I have a Pinkberry by me. I never went there.

It's delicious. Should I go there? You should. You should join me. And the next time we can talk about Pinkberry. You need to go there today, though. Oh, yes. That's your job today. Today, go to Pinkberry. I'm going to put this on my whiteboard. Goals for Monday.

Go to Pinkberry. That's it. That's your goal. That's your goal. And that way tomorrow we have something to talk about right in the morning. I can ask you about your day. Everything will be great. There we go.

I wrote it. Excellent. I'm ready. I'm ready for the day. Some people have goals to climb Mount Everest. Some have goals to move up the job ladder. My goal is to go to Pinkberry. It's not going to be easy, though.

But I think I can do it. Well, if that's your goal today, I hope everyone else has set up their goals as well. Maybe if there's a Pinkberry near you, you can go as well and you can tell us about it. Tell us about your experience. Or, if Pinkberry's listening, you can sponsor us well And you can tell us about it, tell us about your experience Or, if Pinkberry's listening You can sponsor us and give us free Pinkberry

I would love that Love that fro-yo Is what I'm saying I will shamelessly promote you, Pinkberry Anyway guys, I guess that's it I guess that's how we're ending this show I know, we're ending a few minutes early here But we just wanted to make sure we could do the whole 30 minutes

Give you guys the best possible show We'll come back tomorrow, we'll talk about Pinkberry, I guess, and all sorts of other news topics from Yahoo, the sports, the weather, all the fun stuff. So thank you for watching, thank you for listening, and as always, to be continued.