Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Monday, September 22nd 2014
Episode Date: September 23, 2014Crendor and Jesse have watched Divergent and Rage. Please to enjoy their retelling of these "fantastic" movies... oh and a woman is sold for an iphone. ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello everybody and welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning!
Hello everybody and welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
To the redo.
The Cox and Crendor redo.
Man.
Uh.
I need to, I need to address the elephant in the room.
Address the elephant.
That's not an elephant sound.
That's a pretty terrible elephant sound.
I was like, is he trying to do an elephant sound?
Because if he is, it's pretty bad.
It sounded like, you know when you get your CD or Blu-ray stuck in the player
and it makes that weird noise?
That's what it sounded like.
Or your Uncle
Jeff at Thanksgiving.
Just all the funks.
So
we had a problem.
And by we I mean I.
We recorded episode
stuff and
I guess my file just deleted or got corrupted.
I don't know what happened, but it's gone.
So we are redoing everything.
Yep.
All of it is being redone.
We've done this all before.
And now we're just going through the motions.
It's not even going to be humor.
This will be zero humor.
Zero humor.
This will be two grown men. Just go it's like us
Making license plates on an assembly line now. Yep, we're just clank
Clank back right
Got no joy
Got no money. No families. No home. No family. No home
Just license plates just license plates. That's something a good song
I can't got no family.
I can't sing that.
You're just, you're failing all the sounds today.
I'm desperately trying to make up for the fact that I screwed up bad.
You did.
So, hold on. Let's try to retract our steps.
Literally, you missed nothing.
Thankfully, what happened was nothing.
And we have really easy stuff to talk about. Literally, you missed nothing. Thankfully, what happened was nothing.
And we have really easy stuff to talk about.
So, right off the top here, we promised we would go watch Divergent.
And we also ended up getting the movie Rage.
Rage.
With Nicolas Cage.
Cage Rage.
It was fantastic.
I feel like we also need to talk about Divergent in detail because that movie was bonkers.
Yeah.
So Divergent, it's a movie.
It's a movie.
I love how we just brace ourselves like, okay, so Divergent.
Divergent, it's a movie. You know, it's not the greatest.
It's not bad. No, it's bad. Okay, it's a movie you know it's not it's not the greatest it's not bad but uh no it's bad okay
it's pretty bad but you know it's not the worst movie it's harry potter fan fiction is what it is
yeah it's harry potter fan fiction with lore behind it that doesn't make any sense in a real
sense okay the world has ended no clue why the has ended. And in its place is the city of Chicago.
Yeah.
That is like the last bastion of man.
Which makes no sense.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Why they'd pick Chicago, who knows?
It's because she wrote it here.
That's like when Dan Brown gets into like super detail about Italy.
He's like, as Robert Langdon ran through the back streets in Milan,
he thought to himself, wow, what a fantastic drink you can order at Frank's on Fifth Street.
It's only $4.99, and it reminded him of a better time.
As he ran through Arrivederci's bookshop, with the bookcases on the right, standing eight feet tall,
he looked up and said, I wish I was eight feet tall,
much like the Da Vinci's statue of Da Vinci.
You know, something like that.
Okay, I think they get it.
That went on way too long.
I think that might have been the first time Crendor jessied me.
He was like, yeah, no, they get it.
Shut up, dummy.
They get it.
I don't even know what we were talking about anymore.
Anyway, so it's in Chicago, and for some reason in the post-apocalypse,
in order to keep society going, they've divided it into five factions,
which are basically the houses of
Hogwarts.
You have the Gryffindor and the Slytherin and all those guys, except they're Dauntless
and...
It's really the only one I remember the name of.
Yeah, because they said it all the time.
The people who only wore gray, the lawyer people.
The people that help everyone, the science people.
Yeah, there were five.
And then there were this weird group of outcast people that made no sense why you would need every member of the human race in order to keep your society going.
And they were just, you know what?
Screw those people.
Yeah.
Why?
Screw them.
Who knows?
They don't need them in society.
So we're told at the beginning that this is the way society runs and it's very effective and it's going to help them in the future.
Our main girl is one of the, oh God, it is, like, take the basic plot of Twilight where it's like
a very plain girl is thrust
into a world of intrigue and sexy
vampires and so they're in love
with her because she's so
plainly beautiful, like that kind of thing.
This is
a plain girl from
an even plainer cast in society
that doesn't wear anything but grey and they
don't look at themselves in the mirror.
And they don't have vanity and all that stuff.
And then she chooses, essentially, I guess it's thrust into this world of, like, big, buff, sexy dudes.
Who are just like, you'll never amount to anything but God, are you hot.
Like, what is going on?
Like, even when they don't look at each other in the mirror.
I was like, there's windows all over and water and, like,
reflections and stuff. Like, they just go over there.
Like, if you're in a society that
is like, we hate reflections and seeing
yourself, they should, like, not have any of those things.
You make good points.
Good, crazy person points.
So, you finally meet
we're, we're, we're, I think we're like seven minutes
into this podcast, by the way. We haven't even gotten past the first
like, ten minutes of this movie.
You meet these groups for the first time the day that everyone goes to take their test.
Yeah.
And in this world, you take a test when you reach a certain age.
Who knows what age?
16, I guess?
Where you are chosen for whatever cast you're going to be.
Yeah.
You take a test that just determines all the things.
But you don't have to follow it.
Everything about you.
Oh, yeah, we'll get to that.
So everyone's standing in line outside for this test,
and the lawyers are all like,
did you see that those peasants over there are just peasanting?
Everyone is a stereotype, right?
Hey, don't talk about us peasanting. You everyone is a stereotype, right? Everyone is a stereotype.
Hey, don't talk about us peasanting.
You're over there lawyering.
Yeah, and it's very ridiculous.
And then all of a sudden, a train.
How a train is running in the post-apocalypse.
Why they would waste resources, need electricity, to just run a train constantly.
I know.
A train that doesn't stop, by the way.
It just runs constantly.
So it's already an insane plot point.
Mm-hmm.
All these Dauntless dudes just start jumping off the train.
Yeah.
Like, little kids are just jumping, like, woo!
Woo-hoo!
It was at that point that I realized I hated this movie.
I know.
I was like, oh, God.
It's like, do you see that they're showing how crazy and wild they are and how they love adventure?
It's like, no. They're they're showing how crazy and wild they are and how they love adventure? They're jumping off a train.
They're great.
She goes into this testing facility and Maggie Q, aka the woman who Bruce Willis kicks down an elevator shaft and die hard, whatever the fourth one is.
Yeah.
She is administering the test and she's like all tatted out.
Like, okay, so I'm going to put you under and whatever you see, just react or whatever.
And then it gets bonkers.
Okay.
This is my favorite part.
So she's in the chair and they're just like, boom, you're in the test now.
So she's in the test and she wakes up in the test and there's a thing of meat and there's like a knife.
And she's like, what's going on?
And there's a dog and this dog's running at her like, and it's like, she doesn't know which one to choose, the meat or the knife. She's like, what's going on? There's a dog, and this dog's running at her like, blah, blah, blah.
She doesn't know which one to choose, the meat or the knife.
Obviously, the meat is so you can throw it at the dog, and he stops, whatever.
The knife is you kill it, but she doesn't do
either one of them. Can we point out
we get the premise here that the knife
means if you fight back, you're probably
a Dauntless, right? If you throw it at meat, you probably
are using some other different skill, right?
Whatever, fine. I'd be like, I'd do the same.
I'd be like, I don't know what to do.
I'd be like, what the fuck is going on?
And I'd just run away.
Yeah, no.
Agreed.
So then the dog stops chasing her.
It's just like, and she's like, oh, a donkey.
And then some little kid version of her, I don't know, whatever, some little kid appears.
And they're like, and the dog starts chasing them.
And she's like, hey, stop that.
So she starts chasing after the dog.
And then all of a sudden, she just, like, falls through the world or whatever.
And that was, like, the whole test.
And then I was like, that's it?
That wasn't even, like, David Lynch movie crazy.
That was just, like, a really dumb test.
And then she wakes up and Maggie Q is all like, you got to get out of here.
You can't stay.
I'm just going to say that you're one of the gray shirt people.
Just go.
Just go.
She's like, what happened?
What happened?
She's like, you're divergent.
So dumb.
Which Krednor and I both agreed, like, if that's all it takes, we'd be divergent.
Yeah, we'd definitely be divergent.
I'd be like, oh.
So, I mean, obviously, we are superior minds to all people.
So, of course, now we discover that she is essentially the one of this world.
And she's divergent.
Until you realize.
Hold on. Hold on.
I was thinking about it. I was like, your whole life,
the whole rest
of your life and choice comes down
to whether or not, or what
you do to a dog in, like, a
dream.
That's it. Your whole, like, there's not
even a part, like, three-part series
of choices. It's just like, bam's not even a part, like, three-part series of choices.
It's just like, bam, what do you do with the dog?
That's it.
But what's so insane about that is the fact that it makes, like, the premise is like, oh, she's the one.
She's the one who's going to save them all, right?
She's different.
Except there are, like, plenty of other divergent people.
It's such a big problem, They're actively trying to find them all
Yeah
So like they make it out to be like she's this super special person
There's like Divergents walking all around
It's like one in every twenty people
So the premise is already wonky
But then
Then after you take this test
Then they say well you have the choice
To choose what you want to be.
So, really, the test is...
It's like guidelines.
Yeah.
This is probably what you want to do.
They say most people choose what the test tells them to be, but some people, they don't.
They're the rebels.
So, she and her brother on, like, the choosing day, which is basically...
So, you already had the hat sorting day, right, from Harry Potter.
Now they slit their palms and, like, put blood on rocks to simulate their allegiance.
They could just be like, yeah, no, I'm with that group.
But instead you just slit your palm because, you know, they're hardcore like that.
I'd throw rocks in a bucket.
Yeah, that makes just as much sense.
Everyone in the city is there watching you do it so you
know no one's gonna be like oh that guy he didn't slit his he didn't split his palm he's not he's
not in it the the parents are from like the the the people who take care of other people class
and so the brother becomes a lawyer guy and she becomes a dauntless which are basically these
city protectors they're the guys who watch out
for the city they're the guys who take care of
the wall
that protects them
they're basically like the army
like she joins the army that's what happens here
and when she
finally gets to the army base which is
by the way they all have to jump back
on the train no I'm sorry
they all have to climb scaffolding to get up to the rail tracks to then jump on the train,
which couldn't they just wait for that damn train to come by that hill they all jumped off of the first time?
But whatever.
They could do that.
Or they could just, you know, make it easier on themselves.
They could just run through the streets of downtown Chicago all hooting and hollering like,
Woo!
Woo!
But I mean, it is downtown Chicago.
You probably will die.
Just saying.
And so they climb the scaffolding
and they get on the train and they go to this...
Like, they have to jump off the train onto a roof.
Mm-hmm.
Why?
Who knows?
That's just how they do it.
I don't know.
And then they get to the roof to have this big test, like, jump from the roof into this big hole.
Oh, yeah, the test is administered by Macklemore.
Yeah, Macklemore is given the test, like, buffed up Macklemore.
Some dude looks like 38-year-old Macklemore.
He's like, who's gonna jump?
So now all these people that were just climbing shit and jumping on trains and jumping off trains are like i don't want to jump in the hole no god no and so the girl who let's let's keep in mind the
girl who to this point has never done anything exciting in her life who up until like an hour
ago we had no knowledge that she knew how to climb she could barely climb the scaffolding right she
can't even look at herself in the mirror she's afraid to jump. Suddenly she's like, I'll do it.
Oh, okay, sure.
No, that's such a dumb.
There's got to be one guy that would have been like, who wants to do it?
And she's like thinking about it.
And then like crazy man Carl's just like, I'll do it.
I love being crazy.
Especially since some of them were born dauntless.
Yeah.
You have to imagine that they would be the first ones like, well, let's do this.
But maybe it was
only the new people.
No.
No, because when they landed
they split everyone up.
Yeah.
What is going on
in this movie?
Okay, so anyway.
Oh my God.
We are now 15 minutes in.
We are maybe
we're 15 minutes
into a podcast
and we're maybe 15 minutes into the movie
That's how freaking long this movie is
Because he spent 5 minutes talking about Irima Nershi
And then Robert Langdon ran past
The Sistine Chapel
A place he had been many times
And jumped into the hole
So anyway
Now she's in this world of the Dauntless
And they're all soldiers and stuff.
And that's when we see something that makes no sense.
They're told right off the bat, based on these tests, the bottom ranking ones of you, after this couple weeks of training, will be kicked out of Dauntless.
And basically go live in the weird outcast people area.
Which, again, let me state, makes no sense.
They can't go back to their former groups.
They are outcast.
Why?
You're trying to rebuild society.
Why would you make an underclass of people who are infinitely homeless,
that are purposefully made homeless?
And you have to take care of them.
Yeah, there's a whole other group.
Their job is to just take care of those people.
It's freaking nonsense.
Let them plant crops.
Yeah, make them like,
oh, there's a farmer class?
Like, why not make them farmers?
Yeah.
If they're going to be homeless,
put them to, like,
it's a nonsense thing.
That makes no sense.
Like, look at Game of Thrones.
They send them to the wall.
They still have a purpose,
even though they're outcasted.
Right?
Like, it's insane.
So, they're told,
here's what's going to happen.
The ones who are lowest ranking, you're kicked out.
You're going to go be out in the wilderness or whatever and die.
Everyone else, you'll either be sent to the wall or a city guard.
Or, you know, you'll be a captain or you'll be a trainer or whatever.
Then, after this initial thing, in order to, you know, make themselves all tough, they go get tattoos. that's what I imagine a 20 year old girl who thinks tough
is. Yeah.
I don't know. They go to get a tattoo
and there, of course, is Maggie
Q again. She is the Dauntless
tattoo artist.
Here's my question.
In a world where
the Dauntless are supposed to
be the security for the entire
remainder of the population, why does this woman have time not only to be the security for the entire remainder of the population
Why does this woman have time not only to be a test giver
But also a tattoo artist
What is her real job?
What does she do?
I don't know
Like I don't know what she does
Like what are you doing?
Shouldn't you be on the wall?
Our main character walks in
I don't remember this girl's name
That's how little I cared about her
She walks in and she's
like, oh, it's you again. And the girl's like,
ugh, so you decided on Dauntless,
huh? Alright, sit down.
Up on that point, she had just been chilling out
in her tattoo parlor. So again,
I simply ask,
what is her role in society?
Maybe she's a Dauntless person
undercover. There's a lot. She
was in Dauntless. She was in Dauntless.
Oh, yeah.
In the tattoo parlor in Dauntless.
So anyway, she gets a tattoo and it's three birds.
The hardest tattoo possible.
And of course her instructor is like this hunky guy who is maybe ten years older than her.
He's best friends with 38-year-old Macklemore,
so I assume he's pretty old.
And she, I think, is 16, maybe 15.
Like, there's no way this girl is over 17.
No way.
No way.
And he trains her, and she trains hard overnight,
and he gives her instructions,
you know, like that weird hip-holding instruction.
Basically, half the movie is them training and her becoming very very good under the tutelage
of this dude who like just wants to bang her and everyone gets jealous and people like try to try
to kill her because you know they don't want to be crazy homeless people so again let me remind you
people are murdering people so they aren't crazy homeless people out in the wilderness
because in this society, that's an option.
F them.
Put them out with the crazy homeless people.
It makes sense.
It makes so much sense.
So they're killing themselves.
Like, oh, god damn it.
So they take these tests.
They take more tests to determine, like, if they really are a divergent or a belong where they are.
Oh, yes, because what's her fate?
Kate Winslet from Titanic is the bad guy, except she's old in this movie.
She's the bad guy, and she's like, I lead the lawyer class, and we always tell the truth.
Spoiler, the truth is that they're trying to take over.
And so they're trying to find divergence, and yeah, it's poop.
So they try to do this, and then there's more tests, and she's really good at the tests,
which are just really dumb quests and boring
Speaking of those tests though, they're based off your fear so everyone's test is different
And they're all talking about how like one person had bugs all over them and in their mouth and stuff
And hers was like birds and fire
Maybe she just had really easy tests compared to everyone else
Because everyone was like wow you can do that so quickly
I mean running away from fire,
not that hard. Much
harder to get bugs out of your mouth,
I would assume. Oh, and she,
of course, because she's divergent,
can think outside the box. Apparently in this world,
no one has cognitive thought.
Apparently not. There were never
critical thinking questions on any exams
they took when they were younger. None of that
happened. They're just all like, oh
I can't believe
I'm in a test and can't realize
it. It's like, wouldn't everybody be like, oh yeah
I'm in a test if she can realize she's in a test?
Who knows? Are they that dumb?
And
God.
They go on a capture the flag
thing and she beats up Macklemore in order to
Oh, there's a of course there's a big, strong girl who's 10 feet tall, and she beats up on her all the time.
And then, of course, in the end, she gets revenge.
Look, it is every possible...
I can't even talk about this movie anymore.
It angers me to talk about it.
Let me just get to the end.
So it's like her mom rescues her.
They start injecting people with serum that makes them easy to control.
Her mom, spoiler, was originally a Dauntless and still knows how to use all the weaponry and is very good with it.
So her mom's like, we're breaking out.
Let's go.
She's like, boom, boom.
And then her boyfriend guy is just like, oh, no.
The bad guy is the lawyer people.
They're just like, we're going to take over.
They go back.
They inject people with mind control drugs.
Yeah, but it doesn't work on the divergent people.
So some guy's like, hey, why didn't the serum work on me?
They just shoot him.
They're like, he's a divergent.
They're like, dun, dun, dun.
So then all things start happening.
You get to the end.
Oh, and she does the thing like every comedy zombie movie does where, like, a dude runs into a wave of zombies and is like, brains.
And the zombies are like, brains.
And they just keep walking together.
She does that except for these guys who are like, must kill all the gray-shirted people.
And then she's like, oh, yeah, let's do that.
And then we get to the end part where they capture her boyfriend and everything.
And she finds that they captured him.
And the discs started skipping.
Yes.
Our discs started skipping.
I think if you recall, I tweeted out how mad I was at Redbox because it was ruining our
movie, but it didn't matter because Crandor accurately guessed everything that was happening
on screen as it froze.
It was amazing.
So then her boyfriend starts attacking her, and I was like, I bet he's going to be a divergent,
and he's not actually attacking her, and that was true.
And then it skipped to the lady.
Was it? Was that true? true yeah i don't remember that that happened because it skipped so hard and then we got to the lady who's evil wait is that true yeah he was an divergent the entire time
yeah i thought he just got beat up by his dad a lot no he's he's a divergent, too. Was he? Yeah, because... Yeah.
Oh.
Well, that's even worse.
I almost thought
the ending was just bad.
Now it's terrible.
That was just awful.
Yeah.
So then,
they inject the lady
that's all the evil leader
with the serum
so that they can convince her
to, like, stop doing
all the things she's doing,
which I would have
stabbed her in the head.
Yeah, I was just like stab her in the head. Stab her in the head and then everything, which I would have stabbed her in the head. I was just like, stab her in the head.
Stab her in the head, and then everything's over.
But she stabbed her in the arm instead,
and then injected her with the mind control serum.
And, oh, God.
Then it's like, take that powers away from the soldiers by whatever.
And then they turn off the power,
and all the soldiers are like,
we're the best that we are in this movie. And then they turn off the power. And all the soldiers are like, You can tell how invested we are in this movie.
And then the lady gets away.
So obviously the evil lady is going to come back in the sequel.
Dumb.
They could have just stabbed her in the head.
And then it started skipping again.
And it got to the end.
And they're all like, we need to get out of here.
So they all start hopping on the train.
And she's like, come on, guys.
Get on the train.
And then it skips again.
And Krender is like, there's going to be someone left behind.
They got to grab him.
And the minute he says that, there's a face of a guy reaching out going like, don't leave me.
That's so great.
It's like, yep, called that exactly.
Divergent.
And then it goes to that weird end thing that's like, we didn't stop them now, but they can't mess with me because I'm Divergent and I'll be back.
And it's like, no, no, you don't deserve a sequel.
And that's Divergent.
That's what we get.
That's Divergent.
Look, we left out a lot because a lot of it was garbage.
There's a subplot about a man beating his son, about how the gray-shirted people are awful human beings, really.
I just don't care about any of the characters.
None of them were likeable.
The only character who was likeable was the asshole kid who kept picking on the girl.
Yeah.
Because he was basically Malfoy.
He was like, so, you think you're going to do something stiff,
or whatever he called her?
He's like, you're going to die out here.
Like, wow, these kids are so young and they're so mean to each other.
Why?
I don't even know.
It was dumb.
Yeah, it was pretty ruthless.
You might even say they were filled with rage.
Oh, speaking of rage.
Mm-hmm.
Speaking of rage, guys, that movie is a phenomenal work of art.
I'm just going to say it is up there with Da Vinci's Mona Lisa,
the same Mona Lisa that Robert Langdon passed every day.
On his way to the Sistine Chapel.
So, yeah, where do we start with this bad boy? All right. Nicolas Cage is in it. That's all you need to know Sistine Chapel. So, yeah. Where do we start with this bad boy?
Alright. Nicholas Cage is in it.
That's all you need to know. Alright, so
Nicholas Cage is
a former mob
enforcer slash like gang
member? Yep.
And he now
leads a straight life. He's got a new
wife. Who knows what happened to his old wife? I guess it doesn't matter
for this story. He's got a new wife. Who knows what happened to his old wife? I guess it doesn't matter for this story. He's got a new, attractive
wife, and
his daughter is also gorgeous
for some reason. Who knows? But she's like
in high school and looks like she's 30.
Oh, yeah. She's that weird
Hollywood version of high school,
and she talks like she's
who's the girl
from The Amazing Spider-Man?
Oh, yeah.
I don't remember her name Emma Stone
Talks like her
In that very forward and sort of flippant sometimes
And always joking voice tone
Dad
She's really entertaining to watch
She's in the movie all five minutes
She's one of the best parts of the movie
And she's in the first five minutes
So what happens is he goes out Nicolas Cage goes out with his wife to dinner with some business clients or whatever for his new job.
His daughter is going to stay at home with two guys, she knows, which I think is a little strange.
Yeah.
If I was a father, I'm not sure how I'd feel about my daughter spending the night with two guys.
Yeah.
But whatever.
And they're like, we're just does he stay home and play video games?
And Nick Cage goes up to one of the guys
and is basically like,
so you want to do my daughter?
And the guy's like,
I think she's beautiful, sir.
And he's like,
here are some tips on how to do my daughter.
It's like, oh.
He's like, oh, okay.
So while he's out to dinner,
Danny Glover shows up as like a cop
and he's like,
oh, I'm going to do all this shit. And he's out to dinner Danny Glover shows up As like a cop and he's like Oh I'm getting too old for this shit And he's like so
I guess he knows his name I don't know
What's it called rage
He's like rage
He's like rage
Something happened at home
I need you to come quickly
And we discover that while he was out at dinner
The home was broken into.
And the two boys are all beat up.
And they're like, some masked men came and they took your daughter, sir.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
That kind of stuff.
And Nick Cage goes full rage mode.
Full rage mode.
He's like, I need to find out who did this.
So he goes and he finds his two best friends who are basically stereotypes.
You have tough, like super fit, but maybe 65-year-old British guy.
Yep.
You have old, slightly fattening Hawaiian shirt friend.
Yep.
And they're like, how can we help?
We'll do whatever it takes.
You helped us out in a fix and we'll help you, man.
He's like, I can't give you any money.
They're like, we don't want your money.
They're his old mob friends.
We don't want to take your money.
This is personal.
So they go around town while Nick Cage has to keep up pretenses that he's not hunting him down
because Danny Glover, the cop, is like, please don't go back to your old ways.
I remember, you know, what you were like.
Why they're friends, they don't explain any of that. They don't go back to your old ways. I remember, you know, what you were like. Why they're friends, they don't explain any of that.
They don't.
And even his old boss, which is the actor who plays pretty much every Russian in every movie ever.
Yeah.
He was the guy in the Call of Duty commercials that was like,
I'll take over as you while you play Call of Duty, that guy.
Yeah.
Except he's playing a southern dude.
And I can't tell what his accent is because it sounds like he still has a Russian voice.
He's going like, he's like, don't do this, Frank.
You can't do this.
Or whatever his name is.
Hopefully it's Frank.
Hopefully it's Frank.
That sounded great.
And so.
That's pretty great.
That fake line of dialogue was pretty killer.
Spot on.
And he's like, don't go crazy.
Don't seek revenge.
Meanwhile, while all this is going on, his two friends are destroying the town.
They're roughing up homeless people.
They're beating up drug dealers.
There's this one guy that they go to his crack den, I guess.
Yep, crack den.
And beat him up and find his girlfriend, tie his girlfriend to a chair, and almost jump kick her out a window for no reason.
And it's like, showed him.
It's like, what'd that do?
It did nothing.
No one knows anything.
No one knows anything about it.
So eventually they find her body.
She was shot with a Russian made gun
And that's when you learn that way back when
Nicolas Cage and his two buddies
Were basically
In a war with the Russian mob
And they hijacked
This car filled with cash
And they let one guy live
And so they assume that's the guy who did it
And he did it for revenge
And they're like why would he have done it so many years later
No one knew it was us.
We had masks.
Like, there's all these weird plot holes that make no sense.
Yeah.
Rage goes ragey.
Goes rage.
Full rage.
And destroys everyone.
Just starts murdering people left and right.
And he goes insane.
Like, he and his wife become estranged.
And she's always crying.
And he's like, I've got to do this for her. And she's like,
do what you have to do. And then later
she's like, why are you doing this? He's like, you said
I had to do what I had to do.
Right? And his friends are like,
you got to calm down, bro. Meanwhile,
the Russian mob, who's led by another
actor who's really famous, who always plays Russian guys.
Yep.
He shows up. And so
now the Russian mob's in on it
And a whole gang war breaks out
And vengeance is everywhere
And everyone's trying to murder everyone
And just gunfights and all sorts of crap
It's madness
And
Then Nicolas Cage goes crazy basically
And turns on his own friends
It's insane
And then the ending
Which we will not spoil
Is so bonkers.
Insane.
It's next level crazy.
Blows your mind.
Your mind will be blown.
It was three in the morning, so our mind was probably very susceptible at the time.
But I do remember vividly us being like, the what just happened?
I was half asleep at that point, but my body was keeping me awake and it was still just like, wow.
This is madness.
It was rage.
It was rage.
It makes you think about life.
It makes you think about life.
It does.
It really just, it changes your life.
I guess that, we just did an entire podcast of just talking about those movies.
I know.
It's on Netflix.
Go watch it.
Yeah.
We need to do something related to our original podcast premise or else this is insane.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Now let's go to Choppy Driver 7 in the Sky with Quentin O'Quinn.
How's that driving out there?
Traffic out there is pretty crazy today.
We got some stuff going on.
It's a Monday.
People are all driving all around, so that's pretty fun.
I see Martin Whitley down there.
He's shaking hands with Nicolas Cage at his book signing.
It appears he has a lot of rage from that movie he made.
There's also David Hillbarroth, and he's writing Divergent 2.
He's going to be sued for copyright.
That's all we got down there.
Back to you. Thanks,
Crandor. What's going on in the world of
sports besides violence against women?
Uh,
people being yelled at
for not doing stuff
against it right. Here's the thing. I feel like you
should have just stopped.
Been like, uh, and then
stopped.
There is nothing. Nothing else has happened. Just, uh, like, uh, and then it stopped. Just edit that. There is nothing.
Nothing else has happened.
Just, uh, here, uh, edit that.
I'll get right on that.
Okay.
Okay, and then what do we have?
Weather.
Weather today.
Apple, Applebee, Texas.
Did you just type in Applebee's? Yep. Applebee's. We're going to go to Applebee, Texas. Did you just type in Applebee's?
Yep.
Applebee's.
We're going to go to Applebee's.
We got 88 degrees right now, 84 degrees tomorrow, 87, 87, 86, 85, 87, 90, 89.
Hike.
Hike.
Omaha, Omaha.
Red 42.
Red 42.
So that's fantastic. Good job with the heat applebee's uh-huh do we have any news
stories do we have any we don't have time for a new story do we uh we got two news stories there's
eff it i quit tv reporter charlo green quits live on air in spectacular fashion or man desperate for iPhone 6 rents out girlfriend to fund Apple handset. Hello? Second one. What?
We got it.
Okay, so the new iPhone 6 is one coveted piece, but would you sell your girlfriend to buy one?
The man in Shanghai offered to rent out his other half reportedly to generate cash to buy Apple's latest gadget.
He advertised the girlfriend share on a place card near the campus of Songjiang University
with deals available by the hour,
day, or month.
Wait! In what capacity?
Like, a sexual
girlfriend? I have no
idea, but it's the sign said,
sharing girlfriend for pocket money.
10 RMB, which is...
Wait!
Hold on, who's his girlfriend?
If I was his girlfriend, I'd be pissed off.
Like, sharing girlfriend for pocket money?
For pocket money.
One pound per hour.
I'll give you for a little bit.
It's the equivalent of one pound an hour, five pounds for a day, and 50 pounds for a month.
Wait, that's like 10 bucks.
So for $10, I can get his girlfriend for a day?
Two days. Wait, but
Ten dollars is probably two days.
Five bucks. I don't
That's, but
Why? I don't know. There's a problem
with this story. There is.
This sounds like he's a pig. The woman
I want to know the woman's point of view.
Yeah. I don't
imagine she's too happy with this.
No.
I highly doubt it.
Actually, the more I think about it, I'm not sure he even has a girlfriend.
I feel like she's just, like, she's been captured, and he's doing this.
We need to go there and save her.
Yeah.
And, look, if she wants to do it, go on a date.
Yeah. If she's down do it Go on a date Yeah
If she's down with it
I will gladly pay
Ten bucks for a date
But like he's taking
The money from this
Oh yeah
Oh whoa
Oh well then we'll
Take her on a date
And while we're on the date
We'll be like
What are you doing with this guy
Or we'll be like
Do you want to get free
Yeah like
No we should be like
Look if you're into this
Why are you letting him
Make the money
You make the money
Yeah Get out Cancel out the middle man This guy He's using you We should be like, look, if you're into this, why are you letting him make the money? You make the money.
Yeah.
Get out.
Cancel out the middleman.
This guy is using you to get an iPhone.
Use your own money.
You can get out of his house.
You can go live your own life.
This is what you're into.
And if she's not into it, we free her.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I just don't understand.
Like, this.
Besides.
Like, it's the most douchey thing on every level.
So, asshole rents out woman to other people on campus for, quote, unquote, pocket change.
Mm-hmm.
And then uses it to buy an iPhone?
Yeah.
For himself?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I want to find this girl and be like, oh, honey, you can do so much better.
Mm, honey.
Mm, honey, you can do so much better.
You can do so much better, girl.
Oh, we got to do the other story.
What was the other one?
A dude just quits live on air?
This woman, KTVA reporter Charlo Green, quit her job on live TV last night, outing herself as the owner of an alaskan cannabis club and declaring effort in a jaw-dropping twist to the end of a segment she was presenting she said now everything you
heard is why i the actual owner of the alaska cannabis club will be dedicating all of my energy
towards fighting for freedom and fairness,
which begins with the legalizing of marijuana here in Alaska.
And as for this job, well, that I have a choice, but F it, I quit.
Do we have a picture of this woman?
Yes.
We have the...
Oh my god, I need to see this photo.
Are you kidding me?
I love her!
Love at first sight.
She wants her cannabis.
Dude, she's gorgeous.
I'm in.
I'm in.
You're in.
Daddy like?
He found another future ex-wife.
Future ex-wife.
The leader of the Alaskan cannabis.
Look, she's from Alaska.
Her standards are very low.
Very low up there, eh?
There's so few people in Alaska that the person running the news segment is also the person who runs the cannabis club.
There's so few people to hold positions.
They're like, do you sell drugs?
Yeah, okay, you could be on the news.
We won't even test you or anything.
Yeah, no.
What are you going to do?
Yeah, what are you going to do?
Quit on air?
Yep, that's how we end that episode.
Oh, I didn't get to talk about Maze Runner.
I'll talk about it tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, no, I'll go see Maze Runner then. Yeah, talk about Maze Runner. I'll talk about it tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Okay.
No, I'll go see Maze Runner then.
Yeah, go see Maze Runner.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Our podcast is slowly becoming just us saying movies.
Movie reviews.
What happened to us?
I don't know.
Okay.
All right.
We'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
Thank you for watching.
And as always.
I want some hot chocolate..