Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Monday, September 22nd 2014

Episode Date: September 23, 2014

Crendor and Jesse have watched Divergent and Rage. Please to enjoy their retelling of these "fantastic" movies... oh and a woman is sold for an iphone. ...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello everybody and welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning. Welcome, welcome, welcome. To the redo. The Cox and Crendor redo. Man. Uh. I need to, I need to address the elephant in the room.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Address the elephant. That's not an elephant sound. That's a pretty terrible elephant sound. I was like, is he trying to do an elephant sound? Because if he is, it's pretty bad. It sounded like, you know when you get your CD or Blu-ray stuck in the player and it makes that weird noise? That's what it sounded like.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Or your Uncle Jeff at Thanksgiving. Just all the funks. So we had a problem. And by we I mean I. We recorded episode stuff and
Starting point is 00:01:23 I guess my file just deleted or got corrupted. I don't know what happened, but it's gone. So we are redoing everything. Yep. All of it is being redone. We've done this all before. And now we're just going through the motions. It's not even going to be humor.
Starting point is 00:01:41 This will be zero humor. Zero humor. This will be two grown men. Just go it's like us Making license plates on an assembly line now. Yep, we're just clank Clank back right Got no joy Got no money. No families. No home. No family. No home Just license plates just license plates. That's something a good song
Starting point is 00:02:06 I can't got no family. I can't sing that. You're just, you're failing all the sounds today. I'm desperately trying to make up for the fact that I screwed up bad. You did. So, hold on. Let's try to retract our steps. Literally, you missed nothing. Thankfully, what happened was nothing.
Starting point is 00:02:24 And we have really easy stuff to talk about. Literally, you missed nothing. Thankfully, what happened was nothing. And we have really easy stuff to talk about. So, right off the top here, we promised we would go watch Divergent. And we also ended up getting the movie Rage. Rage. With Nicolas Cage. Cage Rage. It was fantastic.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I feel like we also need to talk about Divergent in detail because that movie was bonkers. Yeah. So Divergent, it's a movie. It's a movie. I love how we just brace ourselves like, okay, so Divergent. Divergent, it's a movie. You know, it's not the greatest. It's not bad. No, it's bad. Okay, it's a movie you know it's not it's not the greatest it's not bad but uh no it's bad okay it's pretty bad but you know it's not the worst movie it's harry potter fan fiction is what it is
Starting point is 00:03:15 yeah it's harry potter fan fiction with lore behind it that doesn't make any sense in a real sense okay the world has ended no clue why the has ended. And in its place is the city of Chicago. Yeah. That is like the last bastion of man. Which makes no sense. Maybe. Yeah. Why they'd pick Chicago, who knows?
Starting point is 00:03:34 It's because she wrote it here. That's like when Dan Brown gets into like super detail about Italy. He's like, as Robert Langdon ran through the back streets in Milan, he thought to himself, wow, what a fantastic drink you can order at Frank's on Fifth Street. It's only $4.99, and it reminded him of a better time. As he ran through Arrivederci's bookshop, with the bookcases on the right, standing eight feet tall, he looked up and said, I wish I was eight feet tall, much like the Da Vinci's statue of Da Vinci.
Starting point is 00:04:09 You know, something like that. Okay, I think they get it. That went on way too long. I think that might have been the first time Crendor jessied me. He was like, yeah, no, they get it. Shut up, dummy. They get it. I don't even know what we were talking about anymore.
Starting point is 00:04:34 Anyway, so it's in Chicago, and for some reason in the post-apocalypse, in order to keep society going, they've divided it into five factions, which are basically the houses of Hogwarts. You have the Gryffindor and the Slytherin and all those guys, except they're Dauntless and... It's really the only one I remember the name of. Yeah, because they said it all the time.
Starting point is 00:05:00 The people who only wore gray, the lawyer people. The people that help everyone, the science people. Yeah, there were five. And then there were this weird group of outcast people that made no sense why you would need every member of the human race in order to keep your society going. And they were just, you know what? Screw those people. Yeah. Why?
Starting point is 00:05:26 Screw them. Who knows? They don't need them in society. So we're told at the beginning that this is the way society runs and it's very effective and it's going to help them in the future. Our main girl is one of the, oh God, it is, like, take the basic plot of Twilight where it's like a very plain girl is thrust into a world of intrigue and sexy vampires and so they're in love
Starting point is 00:05:52 with her because she's so plainly beautiful, like that kind of thing. This is a plain girl from an even plainer cast in society that doesn't wear anything but grey and they don't look at themselves in the mirror. And they don't have vanity and all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:07 And then she chooses, essentially, I guess it's thrust into this world of, like, big, buff, sexy dudes. Who are just like, you'll never amount to anything but God, are you hot. Like, what is going on? Like, even when they don't look at each other in the mirror. I was like, there's windows all over and water and, like, reflections and stuff. Like, they just go over there. Like, if you're in a society that is like, we hate reflections and seeing
Starting point is 00:06:31 yourself, they should, like, not have any of those things. You make good points. Good, crazy person points. So, you finally meet we're, we're, we're, I think we're like seven minutes into this podcast, by the way. We haven't even gotten past the first like, ten minutes of this movie. You meet these groups for the first time the day that everyone goes to take their test.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Yeah. And in this world, you take a test when you reach a certain age. Who knows what age? 16, I guess? Where you are chosen for whatever cast you're going to be. Yeah. You take a test that just determines all the things. But you don't have to follow it.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Everything about you. Oh, yeah, we'll get to that. So everyone's standing in line outside for this test, and the lawyers are all like, did you see that those peasants over there are just peasanting? Everyone is a stereotype, right? Hey, don't talk about us peasanting. You everyone is a stereotype, right? Everyone is a stereotype. Hey, don't talk about us peasanting.
Starting point is 00:07:27 You're over there lawyering. Yeah, and it's very ridiculous. And then all of a sudden, a train. How a train is running in the post-apocalypse. Why they would waste resources, need electricity, to just run a train constantly. I know. A train that doesn't stop, by the way. It just runs constantly.
Starting point is 00:07:45 So it's already an insane plot point. Mm-hmm. All these Dauntless dudes just start jumping off the train. Yeah. Like, little kids are just jumping, like, woo! Woo-hoo! It was at that point that I realized I hated this movie. I know.
Starting point is 00:07:58 I was like, oh, God. It's like, do you see that they're showing how crazy and wild they are and how they love adventure? It's like, no. They're they're showing how crazy and wild they are and how they love adventure? They're jumping off a train. They're great. She goes into this testing facility and Maggie Q, aka the woman who Bruce Willis kicks down an elevator shaft and die hard, whatever the fourth one is. Yeah. She is administering the test and she's like all tatted out. Like, okay, so I'm going to put you under and whatever you see, just react or whatever.
Starting point is 00:08:25 And then it gets bonkers. Okay. This is my favorite part. So she's in the chair and they're just like, boom, you're in the test now. So she's in the test and she wakes up in the test and there's a thing of meat and there's like a knife. And she's like, what's going on? And there's a dog and this dog's running at her like, and it's like, she doesn't know which one to choose, the meat or the knife. She's like, what's going on? There's a dog, and this dog's running at her like, blah, blah, blah. She doesn't know which one to choose, the meat or the knife.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Obviously, the meat is so you can throw it at the dog, and he stops, whatever. The knife is you kill it, but she doesn't do either one of them. Can we point out we get the premise here that the knife means if you fight back, you're probably a Dauntless, right? If you throw it at meat, you probably are using some other different skill, right? Whatever, fine. I'd be like, I'd do the same.
Starting point is 00:09:05 I'd be like, I don't know what to do. I'd be like, what the fuck is going on? And I'd just run away. Yeah, no. Agreed. So then the dog stops chasing her. It's just like, and she's like, oh, a donkey. And then some little kid version of her, I don't know, whatever, some little kid appears.
Starting point is 00:09:20 And they're like, and the dog starts chasing them. And she's like, hey, stop that. So she starts chasing after the dog. And then all of a sudden, she just, like, falls through the world or whatever. And that was, like, the whole test. And then I was like, that's it? That wasn't even, like, David Lynch movie crazy. That was just, like, a really dumb test.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And then she wakes up and Maggie Q is all like, you got to get out of here. You can't stay. I'm just going to say that you're one of the gray shirt people. Just go. Just go. She's like, what happened? What happened? She's like, you're divergent.
Starting point is 00:10:04 So dumb. Which Krednor and I both agreed, like, if that's all it takes, we'd be divergent. Yeah, we'd definitely be divergent. I'd be like, oh. So, I mean, obviously, we are superior minds to all people. So, of course, now we discover that she is essentially the one of this world. And she's divergent. Until you realize.
Starting point is 00:10:25 Hold on. Hold on. I was thinking about it. I was like, your whole life, the whole rest of your life and choice comes down to whether or not, or what you do to a dog in, like, a dream. That's it. Your whole, like, there's not
Starting point is 00:10:42 even a part, like, three-part series of choices. It's just like, bam's not even a part, like, three-part series of choices. It's just like, bam, what do you do with the dog? That's it. But what's so insane about that is the fact that it makes, like, the premise is like, oh, she's the one. She's the one who's going to save them all, right? She's different. Except there are, like, plenty of other divergent people.
Starting point is 00:11:06 It's such a big problem, They're actively trying to find them all Yeah So like they make it out to be like she's this super special person There's like Divergents walking all around It's like one in every twenty people So the premise is already wonky But then Then after you take this test
Starting point is 00:11:22 Then they say well you have the choice To choose what you want to be. So, really, the test is... It's like guidelines. Yeah. This is probably what you want to do. They say most people choose what the test tells them to be, but some people, they don't. They're the rebels.
Starting point is 00:11:39 So, she and her brother on, like, the choosing day, which is basically... So, you already had the hat sorting day, right, from Harry Potter. Now they slit their palms and, like, put blood on rocks to simulate their allegiance. They could just be like, yeah, no, I'm with that group. But instead you just slit your palm because, you know, they're hardcore like that. I'd throw rocks in a bucket. Yeah, that makes just as much sense. Everyone in the city is there watching you do it so you
Starting point is 00:12:06 know no one's gonna be like oh that guy he didn't slit his he didn't split his palm he's not he's not in it the the parents are from like the the the people who take care of other people class and so the brother becomes a lawyer guy and she becomes a dauntless which are basically these city protectors they're the guys who watch out for the city they're the guys who take care of the wall that protects them they're basically like the army
Starting point is 00:12:33 like she joins the army that's what happens here and when she finally gets to the army base which is by the way they all have to jump back on the train no I'm sorry they all have to climb scaffolding to get up to the rail tracks to then jump on the train, which couldn't they just wait for that damn train to come by that hill they all jumped off of the first time? But whatever.
Starting point is 00:12:57 They could do that. Or they could just, you know, make it easier on themselves. They could just run through the streets of downtown Chicago all hooting and hollering like, Woo! Woo! But I mean, it is downtown Chicago. You probably will die. Just saying.
Starting point is 00:13:10 And so they climb the scaffolding and they get on the train and they go to this... Like, they have to jump off the train onto a roof. Mm-hmm. Why? Who knows? That's just how they do it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:13:23 And then they get to the roof to have this big test, like, jump from the roof into this big hole. Oh, yeah, the test is administered by Macklemore. Yeah, Macklemore is given the test, like, buffed up Macklemore. Some dude looks like 38-year-old Macklemore. He's like, who's gonna jump? So now all these people that were just climbing shit and jumping on trains and jumping off trains are like i don't want to jump in the hole no god no and so the girl who let's let's keep in mind the girl who to this point has never done anything exciting in her life who up until like an hour ago we had no knowledge that she knew how to climb she could barely climb the scaffolding right she
Starting point is 00:13:59 can't even look at herself in the mirror she's afraid to jump. Suddenly she's like, I'll do it. Oh, okay, sure. No, that's such a dumb. There's got to be one guy that would have been like, who wants to do it? And she's like thinking about it. And then like crazy man Carl's just like, I'll do it. I love being crazy. Especially since some of them were born dauntless.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Yeah. You have to imagine that they would be the first ones like, well, let's do this. But maybe it was only the new people. No. No, because when they landed they split everyone up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:32 What is going on in this movie? Okay, so anyway. Oh my God. We are now 15 minutes in. We are maybe we're 15 minutes into a podcast
Starting point is 00:14:44 and we're maybe 15 minutes into the movie That's how freaking long this movie is Because he spent 5 minutes talking about Irima Nershi And then Robert Langdon ran past The Sistine Chapel A place he had been many times And jumped into the hole So anyway
Starting point is 00:15:01 Now she's in this world of the Dauntless And they're all soldiers and stuff. And that's when we see something that makes no sense. They're told right off the bat, based on these tests, the bottom ranking ones of you, after this couple weeks of training, will be kicked out of Dauntless. And basically go live in the weird outcast people area. Which, again, let me state, makes no sense. They can't go back to their former groups. They are outcast.
Starting point is 00:15:29 Why? You're trying to rebuild society. Why would you make an underclass of people who are infinitely homeless, that are purposefully made homeless? And you have to take care of them. Yeah, there's a whole other group. Their job is to just take care of those people. It's freaking nonsense.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Let them plant crops. Yeah, make them like, oh, there's a farmer class? Like, why not make them farmers? Yeah. If they're going to be homeless, put them to, like, it's a nonsense thing.
Starting point is 00:15:54 That makes no sense. Like, look at Game of Thrones. They send them to the wall. They still have a purpose, even though they're outcasted. Right? Like, it's insane. So, they're told,
Starting point is 00:16:05 here's what's going to happen. The ones who are lowest ranking, you're kicked out. You're going to go be out in the wilderness or whatever and die. Everyone else, you'll either be sent to the wall or a city guard. Or, you know, you'll be a captain or you'll be a trainer or whatever. Then, after this initial thing, in order to, you know, make themselves all tough, they go get tattoos. that's what I imagine a 20 year old girl who thinks tough is. Yeah. I don't know. They go to get a tattoo
Starting point is 00:16:30 and there, of course, is Maggie Q again. She is the Dauntless tattoo artist. Here's my question. In a world where the Dauntless are supposed to be the security for the entire remainder of the population, why does this woman have time not only to be the security for the entire remainder of the population
Starting point is 00:16:45 Why does this woman have time not only to be a test giver But also a tattoo artist What is her real job? What does she do? I don't know Like I don't know what she does Like what are you doing? Shouldn't you be on the wall?
Starting point is 00:17:00 Our main character walks in I don't remember this girl's name That's how little I cared about her She walks in and she's like, oh, it's you again. And the girl's like, ugh, so you decided on Dauntless, huh? Alright, sit down. Up on that point, she had just been chilling out
Starting point is 00:17:14 in her tattoo parlor. So again, I simply ask, what is her role in society? Maybe she's a Dauntless person undercover. There's a lot. She was in Dauntless. She was in Dauntless. Oh, yeah. In the tattoo parlor in Dauntless.
Starting point is 00:17:29 So anyway, she gets a tattoo and it's three birds. The hardest tattoo possible. And of course her instructor is like this hunky guy who is maybe ten years older than her. He's best friends with 38-year-old Macklemore, so I assume he's pretty old. And she, I think, is 16, maybe 15. Like, there's no way this girl is over 17. No way.
Starting point is 00:17:57 No way. And he trains her, and she trains hard overnight, and he gives her instructions, you know, like that weird hip-holding instruction. Basically, half the movie is them training and her becoming very very good under the tutelage of this dude who like just wants to bang her and everyone gets jealous and people like try to try to kill her because you know they don't want to be crazy homeless people so again let me remind you people are murdering people so they aren't crazy homeless people out in the wilderness
Starting point is 00:18:25 because in this society, that's an option. F them. Put them out with the crazy homeless people. It makes sense. It makes so much sense. So they're killing themselves. Like, oh, god damn it. So they take these tests.
Starting point is 00:18:37 They take more tests to determine, like, if they really are a divergent or a belong where they are. Oh, yes, because what's her fate? Kate Winslet from Titanic is the bad guy, except she's old in this movie. She's the bad guy, and she's like, I lead the lawyer class, and we always tell the truth. Spoiler, the truth is that they're trying to take over. And so they're trying to find divergence, and yeah, it's poop. So they try to do this, and then there's more tests, and she's really good at the tests, which are just really dumb quests and boring
Starting point is 00:19:07 Speaking of those tests though, they're based off your fear so everyone's test is different And they're all talking about how like one person had bugs all over them and in their mouth and stuff And hers was like birds and fire Maybe she just had really easy tests compared to everyone else Because everyone was like wow you can do that so quickly I mean running away from fire, not that hard. Much harder to get bugs out of your mouth,
Starting point is 00:19:30 I would assume. Oh, and she, of course, because she's divergent, can think outside the box. Apparently in this world, no one has cognitive thought. Apparently not. There were never critical thinking questions on any exams they took when they were younger. None of that happened. They're just all like, oh
Starting point is 00:19:46 I can't believe I'm in a test and can't realize it. It's like, wouldn't everybody be like, oh yeah I'm in a test if she can realize she's in a test? Who knows? Are they that dumb? And God. They go on a capture the flag
Starting point is 00:20:02 thing and she beats up Macklemore in order to Oh, there's a of course there's a big, strong girl who's 10 feet tall, and she beats up on her all the time. And then, of course, in the end, she gets revenge. Look, it is every possible... I can't even talk about this movie anymore. It angers me to talk about it. Let me just get to the end. So it's like her mom rescues her.
Starting point is 00:20:22 They start injecting people with serum that makes them easy to control. Her mom, spoiler, was originally a Dauntless and still knows how to use all the weaponry and is very good with it. So her mom's like, we're breaking out. Let's go. She's like, boom, boom. And then her boyfriend guy is just like, oh, no. The bad guy is the lawyer people. They're just like, we're going to take over.
Starting point is 00:20:40 They go back. They inject people with mind control drugs. Yeah, but it doesn't work on the divergent people. So some guy's like, hey, why didn't the serum work on me? They just shoot him. They're like, he's a divergent. They're like, dun, dun, dun. So then all things start happening.
Starting point is 00:20:52 You get to the end. Oh, and she does the thing like every comedy zombie movie does where, like, a dude runs into a wave of zombies and is like, brains. And the zombies are like, brains. And they just keep walking together. She does that except for these guys who are like, must kill all the gray-shirted people. And then she's like, oh, yeah, let's do that. And then we get to the end part where they capture her boyfriend and everything. And she finds that they captured him.
Starting point is 00:21:19 And the discs started skipping. Yes. Our discs started skipping. I think if you recall, I tweeted out how mad I was at Redbox because it was ruining our movie, but it didn't matter because Crandor accurately guessed everything that was happening on screen as it froze. It was amazing. So then her boyfriend starts attacking her, and I was like, I bet he's going to be a divergent,
Starting point is 00:21:40 and he's not actually attacking her, and that was true. And then it skipped to the lady. Was it? Was that true? true yeah i don't remember that that happened because it skipped so hard and then we got to the lady who's evil wait is that true yeah he was an divergent the entire time yeah i thought he just got beat up by his dad a lot no he's he's a divergent, too. Was he? Yeah, because... Yeah. Oh. Well, that's even worse. I almost thought the ending was just bad.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Now it's terrible. That was just awful. Yeah. So then, they inject the lady that's all the evil leader with the serum so that they can convince her
Starting point is 00:22:20 to, like, stop doing all the things she's doing, which I would have stabbed her in the head. Yeah, I was just like stab her in the head. Stab her in the head and then everything, which I would have stabbed her in the head. I was just like, stab her in the head. Stab her in the head, and then everything's over. But she stabbed her in the arm instead, and then injected her with the mind control serum.
Starting point is 00:22:33 And, oh, God. Then it's like, take that powers away from the soldiers by whatever. And then they turn off the power, and all the soldiers are like, we're the best that we are in this movie. And then they turn off the power. And all the soldiers are like, You can tell how invested we are in this movie. And then the lady gets away. So obviously the evil lady is going to come back in the sequel. Dumb.
Starting point is 00:22:51 They could have just stabbed her in the head. And then it started skipping again. And it got to the end. And they're all like, we need to get out of here. So they all start hopping on the train. And she's like, come on, guys. Get on the train. And then it skips again.
Starting point is 00:23:02 And Krender is like, there's going to be someone left behind. They got to grab him. And the minute he says that, there's a face of a guy reaching out going like, don't leave me. That's so great. It's like, yep, called that exactly. Divergent. And then it goes to that weird end thing that's like, we didn't stop them now, but they can't mess with me because I'm Divergent and I'll be back. And it's like, no, no, you don't deserve a sequel.
Starting point is 00:23:29 And that's Divergent. That's what we get. That's Divergent. Look, we left out a lot because a lot of it was garbage. There's a subplot about a man beating his son, about how the gray-shirted people are awful human beings, really. I just don't care about any of the characters. None of them were likeable. The only character who was likeable was the asshole kid who kept picking on the girl.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Yeah. Because he was basically Malfoy. He was like, so, you think you're going to do something stiff, or whatever he called her? He's like, you're going to die out here. Like, wow, these kids are so young and they're so mean to each other. Why? I don't even know.
Starting point is 00:24:12 It was dumb. Yeah, it was pretty ruthless. You might even say they were filled with rage. Oh, speaking of rage. Mm-hmm. Speaking of rage, guys, that movie is a phenomenal work of art. I'm just going to say it is up there with Da Vinci's Mona Lisa, the same Mona Lisa that Robert Langdon passed every day.
Starting point is 00:24:39 On his way to the Sistine Chapel. So, yeah, where do we start with this bad boy? All right. Nicolas Cage is in it. That's all you need to know Sistine Chapel. So, yeah. Where do we start with this bad boy? Alright. Nicholas Cage is in it. That's all you need to know. Alright, so Nicholas Cage is a former mob enforcer slash like gang member? Yep.
Starting point is 00:24:58 And he now leads a straight life. He's got a new wife. Who knows what happened to his old wife? I guess it doesn't matter for this story. He's got a new wife. Who knows what happened to his old wife? I guess it doesn't matter for this story. He's got a new, attractive wife, and his daughter is also gorgeous for some reason. Who knows? But she's like in high school and looks like she's 30.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Oh, yeah. She's that weird Hollywood version of high school, and she talks like she's who's the girl from The Amazing Spider-Man? Oh, yeah. I don't remember her name Emma Stone Talks like her
Starting point is 00:25:30 In that very forward and sort of flippant sometimes And always joking voice tone Dad She's really entertaining to watch She's in the movie all five minutes She's one of the best parts of the movie And she's in the first five minutes So what happens is he goes out Nicolas Cage goes out with his wife to dinner with some business clients or whatever for his new job.
Starting point is 00:25:51 His daughter is going to stay at home with two guys, she knows, which I think is a little strange. Yeah. If I was a father, I'm not sure how I'd feel about my daughter spending the night with two guys. Yeah. But whatever. And they're like, we're just does he stay home and play video games? And Nick Cage goes up to one of the guys and is basically like,
Starting point is 00:26:09 so you want to do my daughter? And the guy's like, I think she's beautiful, sir. And he's like, here are some tips on how to do my daughter. It's like, oh. He's like, oh, okay. So while he's out to dinner,
Starting point is 00:26:22 Danny Glover shows up as like a cop and he's like, oh, I'm going to do all this shit. And he's out to dinner Danny Glover shows up As like a cop and he's like Oh I'm getting too old for this shit And he's like so I guess he knows his name I don't know What's it called rage He's like rage He's like rage Something happened at home
Starting point is 00:26:39 I need you to come quickly And we discover that while he was out at dinner The home was broken into. And the two boys are all beat up. And they're like, some masked men came and they took your daughter, sir. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. That kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:54 And Nick Cage goes full rage mode. Full rage mode. He's like, I need to find out who did this. So he goes and he finds his two best friends who are basically stereotypes. You have tough, like super fit, but maybe 65-year-old British guy. Yep. You have old, slightly fattening Hawaiian shirt friend. Yep.
Starting point is 00:27:19 And they're like, how can we help? We'll do whatever it takes. You helped us out in a fix and we'll help you, man. He's like, I can't give you any money. They're like, we don't want your money. They're his old mob friends. We don't want to take your money. This is personal.
Starting point is 00:27:32 So they go around town while Nick Cage has to keep up pretenses that he's not hunting him down because Danny Glover, the cop, is like, please don't go back to your old ways. I remember, you know, what you were like. Why they're friends, they don't explain any of that. They don't go back to your old ways. I remember, you know, what you were like. Why they're friends, they don't explain any of that. They don't. And even his old boss, which is the actor who plays pretty much every Russian in every movie ever. Yeah. He was the guy in the Call of Duty commercials that was like,
Starting point is 00:27:59 I'll take over as you while you play Call of Duty, that guy. Yeah. Except he's playing a southern dude. And I can't tell what his accent is because it sounds like he still has a Russian voice. He's going like, he's like, don't do this, Frank. You can't do this. Or whatever his name is. Hopefully it's Frank.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Hopefully it's Frank. That sounded great. And so. That's pretty great. That fake line of dialogue was pretty killer. Spot on. And he's like, don't go crazy. Don't seek revenge.
Starting point is 00:28:32 Meanwhile, while all this is going on, his two friends are destroying the town. They're roughing up homeless people. They're beating up drug dealers. There's this one guy that they go to his crack den, I guess. Yep, crack den. And beat him up and find his girlfriend, tie his girlfriend to a chair, and almost jump kick her out a window for no reason. And it's like, showed him. It's like, what'd that do?
Starting point is 00:28:57 It did nothing. No one knows anything. No one knows anything about it. So eventually they find her body. She was shot with a Russian made gun And that's when you learn that way back when Nicolas Cage and his two buddies Were basically
Starting point is 00:29:11 In a war with the Russian mob And they hijacked This car filled with cash And they let one guy live And so they assume that's the guy who did it And he did it for revenge And they're like why would he have done it so many years later No one knew it was us.
Starting point is 00:29:25 We had masks. Like, there's all these weird plot holes that make no sense. Yeah. Rage goes ragey. Goes rage. Full rage. And destroys everyone. Just starts murdering people left and right.
Starting point is 00:29:38 And he goes insane. Like, he and his wife become estranged. And she's always crying. And he's like, I've got to do this for her. And she's like, do what you have to do. And then later she's like, why are you doing this? He's like, you said I had to do what I had to do. Right? And his friends are like,
Starting point is 00:29:53 you got to calm down, bro. Meanwhile, the Russian mob, who's led by another actor who's really famous, who always plays Russian guys. Yep. He shows up. And so now the Russian mob's in on it And a whole gang war breaks out And vengeance is everywhere
Starting point is 00:30:09 And everyone's trying to murder everyone And just gunfights and all sorts of crap It's madness And Then Nicolas Cage goes crazy basically And turns on his own friends It's insane And then the ending
Starting point is 00:30:21 Which we will not spoil Is so bonkers. Insane. It's next level crazy. Blows your mind. Your mind will be blown. It was three in the morning, so our mind was probably very susceptible at the time. But I do remember vividly us being like, the what just happened?
Starting point is 00:30:42 I was half asleep at that point, but my body was keeping me awake and it was still just like, wow. This is madness. It was rage. It was rage. It makes you think about life. It makes you think about life. It does. It really just, it changes your life.
Starting point is 00:31:00 I guess that, we just did an entire podcast of just talking about those movies. I know. It's on Netflix. Go watch it. Yeah. We need to do something related to our original podcast premise or else this is insane. Oh, yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Okay. Now let's go to Choppy Driver 7 in the Sky with Quentin O'Quinn. How's that driving out there? Traffic out there is pretty crazy today. We got some stuff going on. It's a Monday. People are all driving all around, so that's pretty fun. I see Martin Whitley down there.
Starting point is 00:31:30 He's shaking hands with Nicolas Cage at his book signing. It appears he has a lot of rage from that movie he made. There's also David Hillbarroth, and he's writing Divergent 2. He's going to be sued for copyright. That's all we got down there. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. What's going on in the world of sports besides violence against women?
Starting point is 00:31:51 Uh, people being yelled at for not doing stuff against it right. Here's the thing. I feel like you should have just stopped. Been like, uh, and then stopped. There is nothing. Nothing else has happened. Just, uh, like, uh, and then it stopped. Just edit that. There is nothing.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Nothing else has happened. Just, uh, here, uh, edit that. I'll get right on that. Okay. Okay, and then what do we have? Weather. Weather today. Apple, Applebee, Texas.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Did you just type in Applebee's? Yep. Applebee's. We're going to go to Applebee, Texas. Did you just type in Applebee's? Yep. Applebee's. We're going to go to Applebee's. We got 88 degrees right now, 84 degrees tomorrow, 87, 87, 86, 85, 87, 90, 89. Hike. Hike. Omaha, Omaha.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Red 42. Red 42. So that's fantastic. Good job with the heat applebee's uh-huh do we have any news stories do we have any we don't have time for a new story do we uh we got two news stories there's eff it i quit tv reporter charlo green quits live on air in spectacular fashion or man desperate for iPhone 6 rents out girlfriend to fund Apple handset. Hello? Second one. What? We got it. Okay, so the new iPhone 6 is one coveted piece, but would you sell your girlfriend to buy one? The man in Shanghai offered to rent out his other half reportedly to generate cash to buy Apple's latest gadget.
Starting point is 00:33:20 He advertised the girlfriend share on a place card near the campus of Songjiang University with deals available by the hour, day, or month. Wait! In what capacity? Like, a sexual girlfriend? I have no idea, but it's the sign said, sharing girlfriend for pocket money.
Starting point is 00:33:40 10 RMB, which is... Wait! Hold on, who's his girlfriend? If I was his girlfriend, I'd be pissed off. Like, sharing girlfriend for pocket money? For pocket money. One pound per hour. I'll give you for a little bit.
Starting point is 00:33:54 It's the equivalent of one pound an hour, five pounds for a day, and 50 pounds for a month. Wait, that's like 10 bucks. So for $10, I can get his girlfriend for a day? Two days. Wait, but Ten dollars is probably two days. Five bucks. I don't That's, but Why? I don't know. There's a problem
Starting point is 00:34:16 with this story. There is. This sounds like he's a pig. The woman I want to know the woman's point of view. Yeah. I don't imagine she's too happy with this. No. I highly doubt it. Actually, the more I think about it, I'm not sure he even has a girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:34:33 I feel like she's just, like, she's been captured, and he's doing this. We need to go there and save her. Yeah. And, look, if she wants to do it, go on a date. Yeah. If she's down do it Go on a date Yeah If she's down with it I will gladly pay Ten bucks for a date
Starting point is 00:34:47 But like he's taking The money from this Oh yeah Oh whoa Oh well then we'll Take her on a date And while we're on the date We'll be like
Starting point is 00:34:54 What are you doing with this guy Or we'll be like Do you want to get free Yeah like No we should be like Look if you're into this Why are you letting him Make the money
Starting point is 00:35:03 You make the money Yeah Get out Cancel out the middle man This guy He's using you We should be like, look, if you're into this, why are you letting him make the money? You make the money. Yeah. Get out. Cancel out the middleman. This guy is using you to get an iPhone. Use your own money. You can get out of his house.
Starting point is 00:35:13 You can go live your own life. This is what you're into. And if she's not into it, we free her. Yeah. Yeah. Because I just don't understand. Like, this. Besides.
Starting point is 00:35:26 Like, it's the most douchey thing on every level. So, asshole rents out woman to other people on campus for, quote, unquote, pocket change. Mm-hmm. And then uses it to buy an iPhone? Yeah. For himself? Yeah. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:35:46 I want to find this girl and be like, oh, honey, you can do so much better. Mm, honey. Mm, honey, you can do so much better. You can do so much better, girl. Oh, we got to do the other story. What was the other one? A dude just quits live on air? This woman, KTVA reporter Charlo Green, quit her job on live TV last night, outing herself as the owner of an alaskan cannabis club and declaring effort in a jaw-dropping twist to the end of a segment she was presenting she said now everything you
Starting point is 00:36:18 heard is why i the actual owner of the alaska cannabis club will be dedicating all of my energy towards fighting for freedom and fairness, which begins with the legalizing of marijuana here in Alaska. And as for this job, well, that I have a choice, but F it, I quit. Do we have a picture of this woman? Yes. We have the... Oh my god, I need to see this photo.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Are you kidding me? I love her! Love at first sight. She wants her cannabis. Dude, she's gorgeous. I'm in. I'm in. You're in.
Starting point is 00:36:55 Daddy like? He found another future ex-wife. Future ex-wife. The leader of the Alaskan cannabis. Look, she's from Alaska. Her standards are very low. Very low up there, eh? There's so few people in Alaska that the person running the news segment is also the person who runs the cannabis club.
Starting point is 00:37:17 There's so few people to hold positions. They're like, do you sell drugs? Yeah, okay, you could be on the news. We won't even test you or anything. Yeah, no. What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do? Quit on air?
Starting point is 00:37:38 Yep, that's how we end that episode. Oh, I didn't get to talk about Maze Runner. I'll talk about it tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Okay, no, I'll go see Maze Runner then. Yeah, talk about Maze Runner. I'll talk about it tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Okay. No, I'll go see Maze Runner then. Yeah, go see Maze Runner. We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Our podcast is slowly becoming just us saying movies. Movie reviews. What happened to us? I don't know. Okay. All right. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Thank you for watching.
Starting point is 00:37:55 And as always. I want some hot chocolate..

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