Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Monuesday, October 21sth 2014
Episode Date: October 22, 2014They boys are back and this time they address why you're all wrong about any P presidents being important to know, and somehow end up creating an all new character. Also we discuss how Matthew Mcconau...ghey is morphing into James Franco.
Transcript
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Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crandon!
Cox and Crandon in the morning.
In the morning!
Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live!
In 4-hour recording studios.
Recording!
Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crandon in the morning!
Cox and Crandor in the morning! Up and up, it's Cox and Crandor in the morning!
Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning.
It's Monday, Monday, gotta get up on Monday.
I don't remember the words to this song.
Driving to work, driving to work, yeah!
Driving to work, driving to work, yeah!
Man, that song is like three years old now.
Pay bills, pay bills.
That's the adult version.
See, Friday is the one that little kids sing to each other.
Monday is the one everyone else on planet Earth sings to each other.
It's Monday, Monday.
Get up on Monday.
A little more depressed, though.
Work my shitty job.
Make minimum wage But it's still gonna have that rapper dude show up
Half of the song and be like yeah we going to work
I'm dropping these little kids around
Everybody taking pills to forget their pain
Of the game that the government
Puts on you to do
That's the lyrics
Welcome welcome to our podcast
Welcome Oh my goodness How was your weekend That's the lyrics Welcome to our podcast Welcome
Oh my goodness
How was your weekend?
My weekend was relatively good
A lot of work
And then in between work
I discovered that I'm an addict
It's been one and a half years
Since I played World of Warcraft
And in the last
Three days I've played like maybe 20 hours since I played World of Warcraft and in the last three days
I've played like maybe 20 hours
that's not what it does
I didn't
it turns out there's so much
in a year and a half that you miss in that game
it's true
and I turned it back on and
discovered that since everyone's really
high leveled
and really powerful they just
blow through stuff and i'm like i'll go to this looking for ray group and we like kill everything
i'm like man i should just quit games for a year at a time as is it makes the best strategy i've
blown through two years of content in like three days i'm doing good that's all you got to do just
wait for everything to come out and then play it.
Yeah.
I've learned lessons.
And so today I realized all that's left for me to do now is the grinding stuff.
And so I started doing it and realized, like, never mind.
So I stopped.
And now I can wait until the expansion comes out.
Exactly.
So that's what I did.
That's all you got to do.
Mm-hmm.
It made me feel good knowing that I could still walk away from it.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
What about you?
What did you do?
Let's see.
I also played WoW, but I'm leveling Paladin.
And let's see.
Oh, man.
What did I do?
I went to a...
I almost went to a restaurant but didn't like okay you literally
have the most boring life i sat around playing video games and did nothing and i did more than
you you i don't even i again affirm my ability say, you don't know how to tell a story, but continue, please.
But only if you're like,
so I went to a thing,
and dinner,
and also some things happened.
This is why I just go to Ikea.
A lot of things happen at Ikea.
And you can pretend like you're in a place in Ikea.
Tell the story in the best way you can.
I got a better one.
I built my computer.
What?
I built my new computer.
It's a really good computer.
It's got a lot of processors.
It's got a video card.
It's got a whole bunch of stuff.
Again, horrible story.
So, I story. No.
So I have an update.
An addendum, if you will.
An update.
Yes.
So last time we made our blues names with presidents and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah.
And I said there was no P president.
Yeah.
Turns out I forgot about 11th president James K. Polk.
Wow.
Here's the thing, though.
Yeah.
Before all you assholes looked it up to make sure I was wrong or not, did you know of James K. Polk?
I feel like I heard of him a long time ago and then forgot about him again.
That's what I'm saying.
Before I said with a firm there's no P president, and then you all him again that's that's what i'm saying before i said
with a firm there's no p president and then you all went to google and googled p president did
you know james k please allow me to enlighten you what did james k polk do exactly um well
mexican-american war uh american war he built the trains really that's nothing really do we use trains did we
get mexico out of that war no we got a bunch of southern states like arizona nothing happens in
arizona all people go there yeah if james k polk were alive today he'd be in arizona all i'm saying
is oh and he fought over oregon and what is oregon giving? Hipsters. Yep, that's all it's given us. Nothing but hipsters. Hipsters
and a weird
state name. You know what else he did in
1846, according to Wikipedia,
which I'm looking at now?
He gave lower tax rates to the South.
He was in favor of slavery.
Wow! So there you go.
All of you James K. Polk fans, you like
a slave driver
who didn't win Mexico and gave us hipsters. Wow. You're K. Polk fans, you like a slave driver who didn't win Mexico and gave us hipsters.
Wow.
You're welcome.
He's no Lincoln.
He's no Lincoln.
He's no Lincoln.
He's James K. Polk.
He doesn't even have Lincoln logs.
He's got like polka dots.
Polk has been called the least known consequential president.
You know why no one knows him?
Because.
Gave us hipsters. He gave us hipsters. He's the consequential president. You know why no one knows him? Because... Gave us hipsters.
He gave us hipsters.
He's the hipster president.
They were like, we were into Polk before it was cool, and everyone was like, ugh.
It's like Mumford and Son, no one cares anymore.
I bet if he was alive right now, he'd be like, I'm the only president.
So like...
And I will Polk, what poke will poke on you
poke will poke on you he's one of the bad members of mumford and sons it's true
poke will poke on you vote today see it says here during his presidency many abolitionists
harshly criticized him as an instrument of the slave power.
So there you go.
There you go.
He loved slaves.
He did love slaves.
But, I mean, he was a president that was a hipster and lost a war.
So, I mean, that's all he had.
He won a war.
He won the war with Mexico.
The Mexican-American War, he won.
That's why we have Texas.
Way to go, asshole. Oh, wow. That's why we have Texas. Way to go, asshole.
Oh, wow.
That's why we have Texas and California.
And really, all the states destroying America, we got from this guy.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'd be on the West Coast.
We wouldn't even have any Western things.
Chicago would be the West Coast.
You would be on the West Coast.
You'd be the West Coast.
Yep.
Everyone would want to move there.
That's where Hollywood would be.
Hollywood, Illinois.
Yep.
There's probably five people in Hollywood, Illinois right now.
That's a thing.
Yeah.
Look at this.
Cletus.
They talk about us on the internet.
His Secretary of State, James Buchanan.
His Vice President, George M. Dallas.
Whoa, that's... Dallas, Texas.
I know.
It's almost like favoritism. Wow. Right? Right. Whoa, that's... Dallas, Texas. I know. It's almost like favoritism.
Wow.
Right?
And, and, check this out.
Robert J. Walker, Secretary of Treasury.
Walker in Dallas, and they got Texas.
Walker, Texas Ranger.
I'm not saying they made a TV show, but the ghosts of a dead president and his cabinet members are behind Walker, Texas Ranger.
And you're saying that those three
have combined to form Chuck Norris.
I'm saying their
three souls reside in Chuck Norris.
Wow.
I think we just solved a crime here today.
Also, did you know that from 1845 to
1849, the postmaster general was
Cave Johnson? Cave Johnson?
That's awesome!
Who's gonna get that mail there? Cave Johnson. He'll awesome. Who's going to get that mail there?
Cave Johnson.
Cave Johnson.
He'll be the sidekick of Guy Hero.
That's fantastic.
So yeah, we've all learned something here today.
We had some good band names as well.
Like Gonorrhea Dragonfruit Jackson.
Oh, I like that.
Typhoid Mango Johnson.
See, the problem is typhoid.
Something Mango Johnson works.
Yeah.
It needs to be a little bit better than typhoid, though.
Like Malaria Mango Johnson.
Yeah, I like that.
Malaria Mango.
Alliteration.
Alliteration.
Or like, I don't know.
Yeah.
Just like alliteration.
It's like how you get...
We could make Buffalo Wild Wing wing names.
What do you mean?
Like, who wouldn't eat a malaria mango flavor?
Dude, mango is...
Well, first off, the malaria would not...
I would not eat that.
I mean, the fact that they come out and say,
oh, yeah, no, this is malaria.
If you eat this, you will probably die.
But what if you named your restaurant for Halloween a bunch of disease names?
Ooh, like Malaria-manga?
What?
Malaria-manga?
Malaria-manga?
Malaria-manga sounds like the president of a third world country.
The president, man.
Malaria-manga.
Welcome to my country. I... Malerio Manga. Welcome to my country.
I am Malerio Manga.
I'd play him in Civ V.
He is definitely a civilization character.
It's one of those warlords you never heard about,
but you're like, I mean, I'll take Civ's word for it.
This guy existed in Africa in, like, the 3rd century AD.
Sure, yeah, okay.
They call me Malerio Manga.
Malerio Manga.
That guy is definitely...
You know how every hero has the rich overlord guy who, like, runs the city?
That's who runs Guy Hero's city.
It is.
Malerio Manga
Oh man
Guy Hero just gets better and better
Good people are dying every day out there
He's like I do not care about this
All I care about is making profits
He's like that's why you'll never be one of the people Manga
That's why you'll never have my vote
He's like I don't need your vote
Guy Hero
I rig elections He's like, I don't need your vote, gay hero. I read elections.
He's like, no.
And then Cave Johnson's like, I'll deliver you to hell.
What?
Because he's the postmaster.
He's going to deliver him to hell.
That's his catchphrase.
I was going to go with portal, too. But whatever. That's fine. You can go. That's his catchphrase. I was going to go with portal too, but whatever.
That's fine.
You can go with he's also the postmaster.
Yeah.
I'll deliver you now.
That's his catchphrase.
He dresses up like a postman.
Yeah.
Nice.
We've created a good story here.
We've created like three good stories in this show.
I know.
Really?
That's all we should.
We should go to Hollywood and just offer stories to story people.
Yeah.
We should just have a story day.
Hey, story people.
Yeah.
Where we just make up stories.
Yeah.
That should be Monday because everyone's just uncreative and down.
Be like, you know what?
It's story day.
Speaking of diseases, did you know that Polk died of cholera?
Cholera?
Like cauliflower?
Mm-hmm.
Is cauliflower named after cholera?
I don't think so.
Cholera.
I don't think so at all.
Wait.
Cholera is an infection of the small intestine that causes a large amount of watery diarrhea.
Did he die of watery diarrhea?
Oh, man.
He probably did.
Dude, that's gotta suck.
That sounds really bad.
Yeah. You'd die on the toilet.
That's not good because it just shoots out your butt.
Oh, man.
Die on the toilet. That's not good because it just shoots out your butt.
Oh, man.
Worldwide, it affects 3 to 5 million people and causes 100 to 130,000 deaths a year as of 2010.
Oh, my God.
Dude, now I'm worried.
I'm going to get poop butt.
That sounds like the worst kind of butt.
Oh, gross.
What?
The poop butt stuff is called rice water because it comes out your butt looking white.
Ew.
Ew.
That's horrifying.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Right out the butt looking white.
Well, I don't have that problem.
No.
My poop never looks white.
What are we talking about?
That's a great, great quote.
I mean, my poo never looks white.
People also search for typhoid fever, malaria, yellow fever, infectious diarrhea, and diarrhea.
You know what?
Here's the problem.
Diarrhea.
That sounds, you know what?
Here's the problem.
Is if I went to like WebMD or one of those websites and said, I have runny diarrhea.
I would think I had cholera had I not looked up what it looked like.
Think you'd have like 8 billion things.
Yeah.
Every time I go on one of those websites, I'm like, oh my God, I'm dying.
I know.
That's why.
I think I'm dying.
Just like, oh, I have a weird, red mark on the back of my neck.
It's like, you have Lyme disease cancer.
That would be the worst. You're going to die tomorrow.
Like, spread by a tick?
Yep.
Lyme disease cancer spread by the ticks.
I would not go anywhere near the forest.
What if we lived in, like, a magical world where, like, there were things like Lyme cancer ticks,
and then we had to, like, cast spells on them to get rid of it.
I would say you were on drugs.
What if we all had to take drugs in this world?
We didn't know if we weren't on drugs.
What if we're on drugs right now and we don't know?
What if we're born into drugs?
What if when we dream, it's reality?
I mean, if it's reality?
I mean, if it was reality, I'd be in jail.
Some of my dreams, as we have discussed, are very weird.
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah, I tweeted about that after I watched Donnie Darko.
You ever see Donnie Darko?
Did you?
Oh, God.
You're not one of those people who's like, I saw a movie about reality and time travel,
and I'm like, you know, man, are we real?
Is this our only reality?
Don't do that.
Don't be that guy.
Don't be that guy. Don't be the guy who sees an inspirational movie, then quotes the movie for weeks to come.
Don't do that.
Don't be that guy.
Don't be the guy who's like, I just saw a movie and it altered my mind.
Don't be that person.
Don't do that. Okay, I just saw a movie and it altered my mind. Don't be that person. Don't do that.
Okay, I won't.
But, if I was.
If you were.
What if we are time travelers and we forgot, we had to wipe our memories clean.
And we came back and we changed the world so that James Polk won the presidency.
And we could talk about him on this podcast.
Crandor?
Uh-huh?
I'm about to blow your mind.
Oh, man.
Close your eyes and think about this.
All right, eyes closed.
We are time travelers.
We travel through time into the future.
I know.
I thought there was going to be more.
No!
We travel through time.
That's supposed to blow your mind.
Yeah, well, I already knew that because we went back to change James Polk to win the presidency.
That's not what I meant.
Oh.
Wait.
Oh, man.
Now my mind is...
We travel through time.
You and I, right now now are traveling forward through time.
Oh, right now?
Yes, right now.
Whoa.
Yeah, we're all time travelers.
We're traveling through time to the future together.
That's my mind-blowing statement.
Oh, because we are.
Yes.
Yeah, but we're going really slow.
You always have to complain, don't you?
I do.
I mean, if we could just speed up the process.
I mean, that's what humans do.
It's like, Mike, I don't like walking.
I want a bike.
I don't like this bike.
It's slow.
I want a car.
I don't like this car.
I want a jet.
Oh, man, now I got diseases from another country because I got there too fast on my jet.
This sucks.
That's humans.
I don't want to get diseases no more.
What's the next step, Grendor?
You have all the answers.
What's the next step?
No diseases.
How do we get rid of diseases?
Magic.
Great.
We have to locate the leprechauns.
So really, we have to get to the end of the rainbow.
The end of the rainbow, according to an Imgur post I saw, is a soccer field and like connecticut that's where the leprechauns are they're all playing football
football oh saints preserve us we're all playing football i bet pele is a leprechaun that's why he
lived so long that's what we all know about him he's like a legend whoa i know i don't even know
how we've gotten to where we are right
now now speaking of getting where you're going let's go chop the covers out of the sky the
crendor crendor how's that traffic out there traffic's kind of not happening today because
i decided to fly over the uh soccer field at the end of the rainbow looks like uh ethan needham
and james jamo are down there uh fighting over the pot of gold that's down there.
I mean, I think it's just chocolate coins, but I'd fight over it too.
We also have Spencer Bissell.
And it looks like he's fighting with a leprechaun trying to figure out his time-traveling secrets.
But it's not going so well since the leprechaun has portability that allows him to port all over the world.
And now he just teleports.
Maybe we should fly into the portal one day,
but not today because I'm not feeling
very
worried about doing stuff.
Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go
to Crandor at the sports desk. Crandor,
what's going on in sports? Usually I do weather
first. Crandor, what's going on in weather?
Welcome to the weather.
Today let's go to Connecticut
since that soccer field's there.
I don't know how to spell Connecticut.
Great.
Connecticut.
Connecticut.
Connecticut.
Hold on, I gotta type this in Twitter.
American education!
It does great for your kids!
Why would you name a place Connecticut?
Cause, I think it was like an Indian name?
Oh.
Oh.
You know what, I gotta look that up now.
And then Columbus.
I don't want anyone to be like, wrong, Cox.
Connecticut.
Why do we say Connecticut?
Yes, the word is derived from various Anglicanized spellings
Of an Algonquin word
I like how I can say Algonquin
But I can't say Anglicanized
For Long Tidal River
So yes, it is in fact a Native American word
No, I feel like a lot of places are
If it isn't a Native American word
Or a South, like a
A Mexican word
Like a South of the border,
sort of like Spanish, I guess is what I should be saying.
If it isn't Spanish or Native American, it's usually named after someone.
That's how we do it.
Yeah.
We're very lazy.
Or like New England.
Yeah.
Or we just take a place that exists and add stuff to it.
Or we get very descriptive, like Long Island.
Yeah, Long Island.
It's almost like there are people here before us that we killed off.
I don't remember any of them.
I don't either.
If they were here, why aren't they around to speak up for themselves?
Exactly.
Doesn't make any sense.
We found this country and it was empty.
Just animals, animals animals and uh
mormons mormons no no mormons came later oh yeah and the spaceships
yep that's what i learned in religious class i mean i didn't learn about them all right this
is the weather andover connecticut Connecticut. We have 53 degrees.
It's cloudy.
It's going to be cold, 50s.
You got some PM showers, you know.
You got some rain.
You got some light rain.
Going to get cloudy.
But you know what?
Next week, it's going to be sunny and 60.
That's not too bad.
Yeah, it's pretty good leprechaun weather. Especially for the Northeast.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not bad.
All right, what's going on in sports?
Oh, man, sports today. All right. What's going on in sports? Oh, man.
Sports today.
All the football got played.
Seattle lost to St. Louis, which is really sad for them.
Because, I mean, St. Louis is really bad, and Seattle is really good, but apparently not.
Then Peyton Manning broke the all-time passing touchdown record.
He was trending on Twitter.
Yep.
Last I looked, he was still there.
He passed Brett Favre for the all-time touchdown.
Favre?
Brett Favre.
You know what's going to happen?
You know what's going to happen?
One day, Peyton Manning will be as nutty as Brett Favre.
It's true.
And we'll all look back and be like, remember when he was someone we cared about?
And there'll be some other guy coming up with an even more ludicrous name
like Malario Manga.
Yeah.
I feel like Peyton Manning is just going to take even more brand deal things.
2025, guys.
Malario Manga is going to come get the highest passing record.
Peyton Manning.
This is going to be on the new thing, Twatster,
and they're going to be
on Twatster.
Mind robots.
And they'll be like,
hey,
remember when Peyton Manning
was a thing?
Now it's all Malario manga.
Yep,
and it'll be a bunch
of mind robots,
and then Peyton Manning
will be driving around
in his Buick
with his Papa John's pizza
and be like,
Papa John's and Buick,
I'm driving Malario manga
around in this car.
You should buy. And then Malario manga around in this car. You should buy.
And then Malario manga would just be like, yes, you should buy the car.
Can I ask a fundamental, very important question?
Yes.
Why do they pay Peyton Manning to be in things?
Because every time I see him, he is the most stiff, like, uncomfortable.
He's like, I like Papa John's pizza.
It's the taste you can feel
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, I like this car
Uh, blue 42, I'm driving with OnStar
Like, ahhh
It's true, he's very just like stiff
And like, I could throw a football sometimes
It's literally like, you can tell he spent his entire life
Training to be a football player and not to do anything else.
He's learned nothing else.
He's learned nothing else.
He walks out of the football stadium like a bunch of people run up to him and he's like, we'll help you in your beer, Mr. Payton.
He's like, I know.
Don't drive.
It's like, we'll drive you.
And he's like, food, food.
You know what?
You know what is an amazing commercial i'm glad
south park spoofed it because it's great go online find the oh god i need to i need to link this to
you if you haven't seen it hold on i mean i'm online right now i gotta go to the googles like
i say to people i go online like we're always online you know what don't try to be as deep as
me when i said we were traveling through time matthew Matthew McConaughey is in a ton of Buick commercials, right?
And they're all hilarious.
There's one where it's him just like, I used to drive Buicks before.
Oh, I saw that.
Right? And there's one that is him and a bull.
And I want you to, everyone, I'm going to link it in the description to this podcast as well.
I want you to watch everyone, I'm going to link it in the description to this podcast as well. I want you to watch this because it is fantastic.
I don't understand what they're going for with it, but I know it's amazing.
Go watch this.
It's him and a bull.
Okay.
It's Matthew McConaughey in a car with a bull.
That's a big bull.
The shit.
Like, this commercial is fantastic
Like that's big old Cyrus
Like even I couldn't make a commercial this crazy
Like it literally is just
Him in a car
He sees a bull
And then he's like
That's a big old bull
And the bull's just standing there like
I'm a bull
And he's like
That's 1800 pounds of do whatever the hell I want
And he's like
I can respect that.
And then he just drives away.
He just drove away.
That's the commercial.
These are commercials.
Matthew McConaughey's commercials are amazing.
It's just him driving around in a Buick, and he's like, yeah.
It's like he's such a good actor that he just makes it feel like an awesome commercial.
I'm telling you, there's one, I think it's called I just liked it where he's
just like yeah I saw that one he's
like I was driving them before they were
cool
what are you doing
what are you doing you're such a crazy person
here's the thing I love
him I will fully say
I love that
he is that James Franco level of like i don't give a
shit about anybody i'm gonna do what i find funny and cool yeah it's like what It's amazing
It's just
Power
I just
Like to feel the power
I'm gonna go
I'm gonna click this one called
Intro official video
Okay
So it's him
Driving down the road
And it's dark
And the city lights are on him And he he's looking out the window, and he's like,
Sometimes you gotta go back to actually move forward.
I don't mean going back to the East Coast.
I mean going back to see where you came from.
And then it's just him driving in a car.
And it's him just talking about, like, random crap in a car.
And people are like, God damn that man.
Oh, Matthew McConaughey.
Here's the thing, though.
With all that said, Matthew McConaughey lately has been killing it.
And, like, everything he's been doing is fantastic.
That's true.
I can't wait for Interstellar.
Interstellar's going to be great.
That looks like a really good movie.
It's basically Earth is dying, and he and basically the cast of the Dark Knight.
No, Batman Rises, whatever.
The cast of the Batman franchise are trying to blast off into space to go to a different, find a different Earth.
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's cool.
I'm like, that's awesome.
I can't wait to see that.
That is really cool.
I want to see that now.
When's that come out?
November.
I think it comes out during BlizzCon, so we can go see it BlizzCon night.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
At Disneyland.
We can go to the Disneyland movie theater and see Interstellar.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That sounds amazing.
That does sound amazing.
All right.
That's weather.
That's sports.
Sports.
Sports.
Whatever it is.
I don't know.
All right.
Crenna, what's our big news story of the day?
All right.
So I got two.
Both are.
You can never pick. You're so indecisive. They right, so I got two. Both are... You always come... You can never pick.
You're so indecisive.
They're both so good.
So the first one is Florida Man Pocket Dials 911 While Cooking Meth With Mom.
Uh-huh.
And the other one is It Appears That Nicolas Cage Does Not Want You To See His New Movie.
What?
All right, first off, Nick Cage, we need to know. Okay. Because his new movie what all right first off nick cage we need to know okay because
his new movie is is the one where he fights the devil dying of light oh no that's not it i mean
he's got like eight movies yeah no the new one is the new one coming out is uh left behind isn't it
uh probably it's probably like three of them so why doesn't he want to see this movie that he's
bad in uh well you may have recently seen the trailer for Nick Cage's newest movie, Dying of Light,
in which he plays a CIA officer diagnosed with dementia on the hunt for a nemesis he believes is still alive.
Oh, we talked about this one.
Oh, yeah, we did.
Okay.
He's hunting down like a terrorist, I think, yeah?
Yeah, I think that's what it was.
I mean, they're all pretty much the same concept.
Like the dude tortured him, and now he's what it was. I mean, they're all pretty much the same concept. Like the dude tortured him and now he wants revenge.
Yeah.
But he has to do it before he loses his mind.
Well, as Deadline reports, Cage co-star Anton Yelkin credited writer-director Paul Schrader
and executive producer Nicholas Wyndon-Riffin appear to be protesting the action thriller
due to some behind-the-scenes battles with Lionsgate Studios.
Schrader says he was forced off the film when the producers kept him
out of the editing room. The producers assert
that Schrader quit after turning in a cut that
didn't align with the script. Said producer
Gary Hirsch, we made suggestions
with Paul to a large extent
didn't, uh, so apparently they
didn't approve of the suggestions
and they
were just like, whatever, we're just going to do it our way.
Can I ask a fundamental question then?
Yeah.
Are we to assume that most Nicolas Cage movies, by the time they get to the studio executives, are fantastic,
but the studio executives ruin all the Nic Cage movies?
Oh, man.
Is that the conspiracy we're uncovering right now?
All Nic Cage movies are fantastic until studios get a hold of them. movies oh man that's a nice that's a conspiracy we're uncovering right now oh man all nick cage
movies are fantastic till studios get a hold of them it's and look at this there's a picture of
nick cage and these other people protesting it no publicity issued by artists or lender
whether personal publicity or otherwise shall contain derogatory somethings. Yeah.
Dude, that must be part of their contract.
Yeah.
Dude, I love Nicolas Cage.
I love him.
I know.
He's the insane person we need in our lives.
He really is.
He should just run for president.
We need to have a shirt with Nicolas Cage's face on it. Like, Nicolas Cage could be like,
I'm going to be voting for uh, bringing
the...
Uh-huh. I don't know.
It's going something there. He can
do some crazy laws and I'd be like, I'm voting
Nicolas Cage. I would vote Nicolas
Cage all day. I would too.
Do you imagine him as president? He'd like come out and give a speech
and be like, hello everyone.
Today, America's a really great
day. Everybody would be like hello everyone today america's a really great day everybody like everybody be
like wow nicholas cage he'd be like i'm gonna go save the world if you want to see what president
nicholas cage would be like go watch the movie i think it's kiss of the vampire something in the
vampire oh yeah the vampire one kiss of the vampire yeah no that's not it is it Kiss of the Vampire? Yeah. No, that's not it. Is it? Kiss of the Vampire.
Kiss of the Vampire. No, that's not it.
That's not it at all. 1963.
Daniel Goddard.
Something of the Vampire. Something of the
Vampire.
Nicolas Cage.
Vampire's Kiss.
1988, Nicolas Cage.
Whatever. Same damn thing.
It is fantastic.
You need to watch that movie.
It is the best.
Is that the one where he makes the face?
Yes, it's the famous.
If you've seen the meme on the internet, it's the famous face one.
It is really good.
Here's the storyline.
A publishing executive is visited and bitten by a woman and starts exhibiting erratic behavior.
He pushes his secretary to extremes as he tries to come to terms with his delusions. A publishing executive is visited and bitten by a woman and starts exhibiting erratic behavior.
He pushes his secretary to extremes as he tries to come to terms with his delusions. The woman continues to visit, and as his madness deepens, it begins to look as if some of the events he's experiencing may be hallucinations.
So basically, his story is he is a crazy person who thinks he's a vampire.
Sounds amazing.
This movie is a comedy fantasy horror.
That's right.
It made at the box office $700,000.
Well, you know, should have made more.
How is this even genres?
Comedy, fantasy, horror, mystery, thriller.
It's like every genre.
And then it says taglines.
Seduction, romance, murder, the things one does for love.
What?
That doesn't make any sense.
It sounds like a type of movie that would go on a YouTube video and they're just throwing a bunch of tags on it.
It is, I think, pretty much that.
Man, Nicolas Cage, you're the best.
You are the best, Nicolas Cage.
Alright, so what's the first, go back to that first story.
Yep, Florida meth makers arrested after 911 pocket dial.
Police in Florida arrested three people after learning about their meth operation thanks to a most unfortunate pocket dial the smoking gun reports that after receiving the accidental 9-1-1 call which included the sound
of bubbling as if something were cooking deputies with the volusia county sheriff's office ventured
to the deltona florida home discovering a shed in the backyard which housed a meth lab
when volusia county Sheriff's Office deputies
peered into an open window,
they spotted material indicating that the shed
housed a methamphetamine lab,
including a bottle that appeared to be smoking.
Additionally, white smoke billowed from the shed.
During the ensuing raid,
55-year-old Donna Knope,
her 32-year-old son Jason Knope,
and 41-year-old Thomas Stallings were arrested in charges of possessing and manufacturing meth.
While police aren't certain which of these three geniuses pocket dialed them, they're certainly grateful.
That is almost as good as the story I heard this week on the radio while driving home.
as good as the story I heard this week on the radio while driving home.
So police
in, I think it was
Ohio, but it could be Georgia.
Columbus is where it
took place. One of those two places.
Have a police
blotter that they put on the internet that is
like, we're looking, you know, we have warrants out
every, I guess, week or so
they put it on their Facebook. We have
warrants out for these people and they post pictures of people
And it's just like have you seen them
You know let us know we'll try and track them down
So
A few weeks ago they posted
One picture of this woman
And they're like we're looking for this woman
She owes a ton of money and we need to find her
So
They get a phone call
And the other person Or the person on the other line is like, excuse me, the photo you posted on your Facebook is hideous.
Can I give you a better photo?
And they're like, who is this?
She's like, it's the woman you're looking for.
Can I give you a better photo to post on your Facebook?
And they're like, sure.
Do you want to come on down and give it to us?
She's like, sure. Do you want to come on down and give it to us? She's like, okay.
So she drove down to the police station and they immediately arrested her.
What?
What?
It's a totally true story.
That sounds like something a crazy person would do.
That sounds like something a butt-dialing meth dealer would do.
Yeah.
I don't like that picture.
Let me just bring some meth down while I'm eating.
That's an ugly picture.
Let me give you a better picture and some meth.
It's meth, kids.
And that's the podcast.
Thank you guys for listening.
We'll be back tomorrow with another exciting episode.
And as always, to be
continued.