Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor : Peru n stuff

Episode Date: May 17, 2014

Jesse returns from Peru and Crendor discusses the future of the podcast. It's all good news people.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recorded. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning.

Hello everyone listening. We're back. I was waiting for you to keep going. I didn't know if there was an extended version of that. I could've. version of that like hello citizens of planet earth that is i well crendor here to tell you about haynes men's undergarments that's exactly what i was going for there's one thing i was thinking about it was haynes men's underwear undergarments undergarments Can't say underwear Can't say underwear This is the 1950s Yeah Oh my god So if people can't tell

I am Very sort of like Like reverse winded I don't know what's going on with me right now I don't know I'll tell you about that in a minute Look I'm getting ahead of myself You're probably saying

Why I want to know what he's talking about now Wait a minute Yeah wait a minute Wait a minute Because we have an announcement A lot of you have been saying Make more of these These podcasts, I want to know what he's talking about now. Wait a minute. Yeah, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Because we have an announcement. A lot of you have been saying, make more of these podcasts. And we want to. Like for two years.

Literally forever. Forever internet time. And you've been saying, make more of these. And we want to. We really do. But there's just not enough time in the day. And it takes a lot of time and effort. And despite what you may be thinking listening right now, a lot of work goes into it.

and effort and despite what you may be thinking listening right now a lot of work goes into it and we just wanted to let you guys know that we were thinking many times during the last few months of what we could do and a lot of people approached us a lot of companies that were like hey if you make your podcast like when it starts and it goes like this broadcast brought to you by sam's pizza get it at your local pizza joint. Right? Something like that. Like, come visit my website. Triple X donkey ding dongs. Right? And we, for a while we thought, like, that'd be fun. But I know that when I listen to podcasts, I hate that kind of thing.

It drives me crazy. Especially when they put it in the middle of a podcast. It's like, why are there five minutes of ads in the middle of my podcast? I don't want that. So we decided it might be better to try Patreon. And it's cool because it's all fan donated.

It's like PBS. Except instead of public broadcasting, you're sponsoring us. A lot of people do it. Like Smooth McGroove does it. And Completionist does it. There's a lot of people out there who do it and we were thinking about we contacted them and we don't know really like what it would

end up looking like. We're still thinking about the process of it right now, but we want to get your feedback because we want to know what you guys would think and I think it'd be great if we could do it once a month, like a dollar a month. That's nothing, right? And if you have a lot of money you can pay like five bucks a month

and that way, we're not stealing your money, but you're funding it so that you can keep going per month. And if each of you donates a dollar, why, that's a lot of money a month. A lot of dollars. Crenna and I can make this all the time. And then we would make it from our moon mansion. Moon Mansion. I still think we need the Patreon slot for, like, the $1,000 donator called the Rich Audie Soilprint.

Oil Prince. Yes, yes. If you're... He did not call you an Oil Prince slut. Your royalness. That's not what he said. There's only one person that can be that spot. Slot. Only one.

Slot, he said. Yeah. So that's just something we're thinking about, and we want to get feedback from you guys because you would be the ones actually doing the heavy lifting, not us. Yeah, the heavy listening. The heavy listening. You'd be slowly falling over, you know. I mean, this is a very heavy listening broadcast.

You'd be listening very heavily. You have to. You have to. Because the things we talk about on here are deep. Very deep. Speaking of deep, let's go the reverse opposite. That's a segue. Let's go high.

Okay. So this is a special podcast because I just want to get together with Crandor. We want to make this announcement that we figured we actually should probably make a podcast. And so this is the I Got Back From Machu Picchu in Peru podcast. And I want to tell Crandor all about it because it was hilarious. And at the end of it, can I talk about Godzilla? You can. I haven't seen Godzilla yet, though.

Yes. I won't spoil it. Don't ruin it for me. I won't spoil it. Don't you, Crandor. I won't spoil it. Okay. Anyway, so first let me tell you that Peru is, like, the coolest place place the people there are wonderful but I

feel like the reason why they're so wonderful is because they are all controlled by canine overlords there are hold on hold on where is Peru on a map South America I know South America below at below Ecuador. I don't know where the above Argentina Hold on next to Bolivia. It's down there feeling. Oh, it's there. Okay. I know I remember learning about this good good good Now, you know anyway, so I want to say that one of my favorite parts about Peru And I don't know if this was just the cities I visited but dogs dogs everywhere just wild dogs like Everywhere and it was the funniest thing because the dogs

controlled everything. They gave no shits. If you were driving down the road a dog would be like in the middle of the road and give you this look like, what are you going to do? You going to run me over? You ain't going to run me over I'm a dog. I'll run you over. Like they had the, it was amazing. Sometimes there were packs of like different dogs together

and it was like One of those family movies From the 80s It was great I was like This is the best place Dogs are everywhere Our different guides Would be like

You know The dogs They just Do their thing They don't really Bother anyone They kill animals Every now and again

And they're very territorial I'm like Wait a minute You can't be like They don't bother anyone But they're very territorial They don't bother anyone They just kill're very territorial. They don't bother anyone. They just kill some people and, you know, control some territories.

You know, just don't go to their territory. It's like gang wars. Stay out of dog town. It's like a dog guarding it with a gun. It's just like, you keep moving. You keep moving, woof woof. That's exactly right. Well, so that was my first impression.

I was blown away by that. But also, I was blown away that a lot of Peru reminds me of L.A. Like, a lot of Peru reminds me of L.A. There's really no difference. I've said this before when I go to different places around the world. America has just ruined it for everybody. My dad was like, we didn't ruin it, Jesse. I'm like, you know what I mean, papa.

Well, I mean, it is technically America. That's true. It is. I mean, it's South America. That's true. It is. I mean, it's South America. It's still part of America. But I mean, like, Murica. Murica has pretty much just destroyed the cultures of the world. We were in Cusco, which is way high up in the mountains.

It's the center of Incan culture. And in the main square is a McDonaldcdonald's a kfc a starbucks this is this is 12 000 feet up in the mountains i don't think you know how excited i would be to get to the mountains and see a starbucks and a kfc and a mcdonald's it was pretty great the best part is is they're in like buildings that i think are maybe 300 years old so it's like the fanciest Kentucky Fried Chicken you will ever see. They just took old ruins that are like ancient artifacts. Yes.

And made them into McDonald's. Luckily, we did not eat at any of those places. But I will say, getting back to my – Because we went to like cool places, and I'll get to that in a second. But did you – oh, did you remember that one episode we did about McDonald's all over the world? Oh. They could have had some crazy stuff. Oh, I didn't even think about that.

Yeah. Well, they probably could have had guinea pig. Or I had guinea pig. I wonder if it's called kui. Is that what it is? I think it's called kui. Kui? I'm sorry if I'm butchering the native language, but that's guinea pig.

C-U-Y is what it is. I just don't know how to pronounce it. It was delicious. Although there's not very much meat on a guinea pig. Also, yes, I'm referring to those cute things that people keep as pets. That's what they eat, and they're delicious. Anyway, so getting back to the point of

why I'm talking a mile a minute now, apparently, when you're 12,000 feet up from where you usually are, which is in L.A. on sea level, turns out you can't breathe at all. It's crazy. Luckily, my dad and I were baller enough that we weren't like those weirdos who had oxygen tanks. There's people who just walk around like...

Like astronauts. Darth Vader. walk around like... Like astronauts. Darth Vader. They're like Darth Vader astronauts. They went to the moon for the Empire. Eventually you get like maybe 8,000 feet and you start to feel like, all right, something's a little different. 12,000, you're like, nope.

Nope. Like going upstairs, you're like, okay, okay, that was the thing. That was the thing. And the best part is my dad and i for months have been just like let's just fucking work out like crazy we're gonna be climbing stairs and be great didn't help at all didn't help at all the worst part was is then there were dudes who were like super buff and super fit who were like yeah i'm here i'm gonna hike the incant trail and do all this stuff. And even they were like, They thought they were going to be walking up,

watching, you know, foothball, banging Incan girls along the way. Nope. None of that happened. Apparently getting very high in altitude makes you lose breath. Or getting very high. I guess that too.

And so coming back down was insane because now that I'm back in LA I'm used to to taking deeper breaths in order to get oxygen and now I'm just like too much oxygen and I just keep coughing like crazy I don't know you're getting like that oxygen like that I can't stop't know. You're getting too much oxygen? Like that. I can't stop coughing. I heard that somewhere, that too much oxygen is bad for you. It's driving me crazy. Ever since I got back in the States, I'm just like, just coughing everywhere, and I can't stop.

I mean, it's also L.A. I mean, I guess that's true. I was in the pristine mountains of a jungle. So, I mean, I guess that's the truth as well. How was your plane ride there? It was fine. I mean, on the way down, I slept most of the way. On the way back, oh, dude, dude.

So there's one plane that leaves out of Lima, Peru to go to the United States. It leaves at 1.40 a.m. So we flew. Well, let me tell you the whole. Stop skipping ahead. Stop skipping ahead. It leaves at 1.40am. Let me tell you the whole... Stop skipping ahead! Stop skipping ahead! We land in Peru and we spend our first night

there, which is literally like four hours. We have to get up the next day and travel to Cusco, which is not just the name of the guy from the movie, but is actually a real place. It's the center of an entire culture's, like, universe. And so, um, we get to

Peru, and we stay at a hotel, and I wish I could remember the name of it, but it was the fanciest effing hotel I've ever been in. Ever. Cusco Hotel. No, no, it was in Lima. It was beautiful. Lima Hotel. And it was wonderful. But there's also a lot of casinos in Lima, and a lot of chicken restaurants, which I thought was very fascinating.

But the chicken restaurants have the cutest little, like, chicken mascots. It makes you not want to eat them. So it's like Vegas and Mississippi combined and then got put in South America. A little bit, yeah. And so we end up going. The next day we wake up bright and early, And we end up getting on a plane to go to Cusco up in the mountains And when you take off it's a little tiny plane

But you know it's like a jet plane a normal plane You take off and because Cusco's in the mountains Up in this like huge It's like in I guess A former lake Like a lake used to be there So it's mountains mountains mountains mountains lake bed That's now a town and so you have to fly up Into the mountains and then like a lake used to be there so it's mountains mountains mountains mountains lake bed that's now a town and so you have to

fly up into the mountains and then like a bomber or like a jet fighter fly through the mountains and land and so the last 20 minutes of your flight is the most horrific thing you will ever experience it's like the guy flying the plane is using all of his old jet

fighter experience from like back in the war cause the dude's just like and the plane Usually you can't feel when your plane's making Like very big turns Cause they're broad turns and slow This guy's like your body is all over the place in this thing It was insane

It reminded me and I did this And I don't know if anyone heard me on the plane but I imagine someone did It reminded me of Jurassic Park When at the beginning They start to lower the helicopter That drops like rapidly And they're bumping around inside the helicopter And so the entire time I was going

Right? I was doing the Jurassic Park theme song Because I thought it was very funny Did your dad think it was funny? We weren't sitting together Apparently the entire trip We were booked in different seats. So he was always like either a row in front of me or like two rows behind me. How many people were on the plane?

It was always packed. It's a massive tourist spot. Like it's really popular. Like are there a lot of seats? I don't know how many rows, but there were six seats per row. And maybe like 20, 25 rows. That's pretty big. Did you get to sit next to some cool people?

No, look, no one cool was there. We were the coolest people traveling there. Everyone else was a damn hipster. Everyone. Oh, my God. Everyone was a damn hipster or filthy rich old person those are the two types of people there hipsters who were like had their backpacks and were dressed in like this skunkiest clothes they had and I had it showered in weeks and we're just like

amen we climbed up much beach man whoo and then which by the way when we were at Machu Picchu you could tell who the Americans were because they were always the people who would yell at each other from across the site. All the people there who were Americans were just very loud and obnoxious. And I was like, no wonder the rest of the world thinks we're all assholes. Cause everyone here is like a young American kid. Who's just like, I just climbed a mountain. I'm the best MFR on the planet. And then, and then everyone else there is old Europeans and old Americans and old, like, South Americans.

I do not envy them having to climb up a mountain. That must have been the worst thing in the world. But they did it. Whatever. Let's get started. No, it's true. There were people who had, like, walkers and stuff. And it was like, I don't think they knew what they were getting into.

Yeah. Like walkers and stuff. And it was like, I don't think they knew what they were getting into. Yeah. Of all the current world wonders, which, you know, as always, there are seven. Out of the seven current ones, this is probably the one you have to work for the most. Because many years ago I went to Chichen Itza, which is the Mayan pyramids. Yeah. And so literally that's like you take a bus, you get off the bus, you walk into this open plane with pyramids,

and you take photos, and you're like, yay, this was fun, and you leave. Right? I assume the same thing is for the Colosseum in Italy or like – Library of Alexandria. Nope, that doesn't exist anymore. Oh, damn it. Sorry. Like the Taj Mahal, right?

You get there, you take photos photos and you move on like even Ishtar gates No, that's a star gates. What is the Ishtar gates? Oh my god? Ishtar gate that heard of the Ishtar gate sounds like you just played civilization and you're just shouting out things you remember Listen, it's our entire earth. Okay, whatever I learned by random We're going to go to those yeah the Ishtar gates can go to those. Yeah, the Ishtar gates. Look it up. The Branden...

What? The Ishtar gates. How have you not... You're a history major. What are the Ishtar... Tell me what the Ishtar gates are, please. The Ishtar gate

was the eighth gate to the inner city of Babylon. Oh. It was constructed in 575 BC. We should just go to Babylon then is what you're saying. Yeah.

Just go to Babylon. Sure. All right. That seems what you're saying. Yeah. Just go to Babylon. Sure. All right. That seems like that's feasible. Yeah, that seems feasible. You know, over the bridge and through the woods to grandmother's house. To the eighth gate of Babylon we go. Yeah.

So that first night we get on a plane, we fly into Cusco, and it's just immediately you go from sea level to 12,000 feet. And getting off the plane was just like, okay, just got to keep going. This is intense. And eventually you get used to it. But like that first like hour or so, you're just like, whoa, everything's lightheaded. All your joints start to hurt all of a sudden. It was very weird.

It was an intense, intense feeling. We did the normal touristy stuff. And then finally it was time to go to Machu Picchu. Before that, we stopped at a village. It was mind-blowing. It's a native village up in the mountains that doesn't have basic, like, even the most basic of things. But at the same time, they have things that completely blow your mind. Like, they have garbage collection.

Like, a garbage truck comes to their place and picks up garbage. Oh, damn. I mean, how else are they going to get rid of their garbage? Right, but still, but still, like, they still make all their clothes, they still make all their food. Their houses are literally like guinea pigs running all over the floor

of the house because they're the trash collectors. Do they have an Ikea? No, they don't. No, their house, one of the houses that we visited was literally a table shelving a uh gas stove they had and then uh what we thought was a bed but there were potatoes in the bed so we didn't know what that was potato bed and so we couldn't figure it out we were very confused but my dad of course loved it i think my dad, of course, loved it. I think my dad, he was so happy. He was playing with all the little kids.

He was going around showing them his iPad. I thought you just meant the potato bed. No, no, no. That's one damn nice potato bed. I'm sure he would have loved it. No, he was showing them, like, the iPad, and he convinced one of the, like, one of the elderly women to come get a photo taken. And she was blown away by it. It was incredible.

It was an incredible experience. And I was like, man, this trip has been so worth it. Like, that was really life-affirming, right? It was pretty great. And then immediately afterwards, like, now you climb a mountain. And everything after that point was like, nope, I don't care what we did before. This is the most horrible thing.

Apparently, climbing mountains, not necessarily the funnest thing in the world. Who would have thought? If you do that for fun, you're an asshole. Yeah. One of the crazy things was, is there's a bus that you can take up to Machu Picchu, right? And going down on that bus was

scarier than getting up to Machu Picchu. Is it one of those buses from the like, the movies, too, where it's this old, like, No, no, no. They're very, they're super fancy buses. This is, like, there's money being thrown at Machu Picchu. But, like, you're always riding on the edge of a cliff. Horrifying. You're always looking down, and there's, like, 1,200 billion feet down.

You're just like, nope. Nope. Just look forward. It's like we could die right now. You could. And then it was raining at the time, or at least it had rained, and so it was a mess. We get to Machu Picchu.

It's gorgeous. It's wonderful. But it also has like 12 million steps. And at that point, it was just like, you know what? Screw it. And you just like, you did it because you had already gotten that far, and it was like, these aren't going to stop me. It's one of those ones where it's like you have to work for it.

And I was like, I feel good having earned this one. Meanwhile, you can, like, literally have people carry you through it. I was like, I should have done that. So you have, like, you hire a person, they carry you? Pretty much I would have did that too But one of the things I thought was funny I don't know if it was true or not

Because I can't imagine that it would be Before I went everyone said Watch out for the nudists There's nudists there like crazy now They're everywhere They're all over Machu Picchu It's like the new thing Having been there

I question the realism of that story. Because I don't know how you could be a nudist or streaker just taking off your clothes. Where would you do that? Like, it's packed. There's so many people. Like, you're just going to strip down in front of everyone? Fine. But then, suddenly, you're surrounded by sharp, jagged rocks.

So what kind of dumbass is like, let me get naked. Oops, I've impaled myself. Probably one of the hipsters on the plane it was amazing and then if you're a streaker where do you run to cuz like our tour guy was just like so follow me down this way my dad and I would look at him and he just frolic down some steps meanwhile those same steps that he's for all king down one side is jagged rock facing you and the other side is like a 12,000 foot drop And you're like um

No we're gonna take it slow is what we're gonna do And so we just Like go down the stairs And there'd just be a cliff face And it was super intense and I was like Who's the asshole who's streaking here Cause no one no one is streaking here Because you would be like Woo and you'd fall right off.

Actually, it solves, maybe that's why there was no one there. It solved its own problem. It's just natural selection. Yeah. Idiots kill themselves off. I heard that streaking down Machu Picchu, it's a really spiritual thing, you know? It was definitely a spiritual thing thing I'll give you that it might have been cause it was

so high up and we had no oxygen and everything felt really wondrous we were just like wow look at we were seeing faces in mountains the tour guide would be like do you see the face in the mountain we're like yes we do what like Jesus grilled cheese sandwich yeah but with faces

like ink in faces in mountains there was one where if you laid on your What? Like Jesus grilled cheese sandwich? Yeah, but with faces. Like ink in faces in mountains. There was one where if you laid on your side and then stared out at it, like if I took a picture and then turned it sideways like 90 degrees, it looked like a face coming out of the ground, like a man was coming out of the earth. It was mind-blowing. It was so cool. Looking at it back where I can actually focus, probably not really a face.

But at the time, looked like a damn face. Much like Jesus grilled cheese sandwich. Yep. You just got to look at it from the right angle. There he is. There's grilled cheese Jesus. But the best part about the entire trip was the food was incredible. Incredible.

What did you eat? I didn't really, like most of my breakfast was like, I'll have a piece of bread with jam on it. Because I didn't really want to eat much because I follow strict guidelines when I travel. No, shut up. Shut up. I don't like pooping in public toilets. I'm not sure why, but they always are urine covered whenever I go look at them. And I just don't feel like that's for me. So, I don't eat a big breakfast, so that's why during the day, I won't have to go take a dump somewhere.

That's why you drink coffee in the morning. No, but then you automatically have to poop everywhere! Yeah, you go in the hotel. No! No, me, that doesn't work that way. It's like a good two hours. So by then I'm already in the convention or already out on the trail. It's a problem for me. Your body's weird. A little bit, a little bit.

And so, yeah, so I didn't have big breakfasts. But the rest of the time, like the first night we were there, or I guess the second, we went to a ranch. And it was just like those um brazilian barbecue places but it was in peru and they served us stuff like like heart and uh chicharron heart yes it was like like heart heart like what heart i don't know an animal's heart what animal i don't know like a cow maybe i don't know. Like a cow maybe? I don't know. It could have been a human. Well, now I have powers. Now I have powers. We give you heart.

It was delicious. It's that guy that fell down the steps. They just collect all the dead hipster bodies. Serve us heart. Oh, heart is now in stock. I mean, it's possible. I think they said they have 4,000 varieties of potato. Something insane like that. And the crazy thing is, it's not just I think they said they have 4,000 varieties of potato. Something insane like that.

And the crazy thing is, it's not just, like, them hyping it up. Every single potato we tasted was different. Every time we went anywhere, the potatoes we tasted were all different. Some tasted like bread. Some tasted like, like, I don't even know. Bread potato? Like bread. It tasted like you were eating a piece of bread, right?

One tasted, like, very bland, like a crappy potato you would buy at like Wendy's, right? Yeah. And then one, it looked like a little turd. A lot of poop talk right now. It looked like a little turd, but it was so delicious. It was so good. So if you go to Peru, eat the turd potatoes. Can you buy them anywhere but Peru?

I don't know. I don't know they ship them out anywhere like that. I know that we went to a bunch of markets, like open-air markets. There's just people going around selling all sorts of stuff. One old woman tried to sell me chia and she kept rubbing her belly. She's like, make thin, make thin.

I was like, thank you. Thank you for looking out for me, old lady. I make you thin. Make you thin. Make you thin. Right? Like, if you go to, say, like, Chinatown or something, and there's just chickens in the window, right? Here, it was every animal ever was just hanging out. But you could tell what they were because they kept all the heads in front of the meat. So, like, you'd be walking down an aisle, and it's like, oh, that must be pork, because there's a pig head there.

Like, oh, that must be a llama, because there's llamas' heads there. Things like that. It was an experience. It was definitely the most un-United States thing I've seen. We're too hoity-toity for that shit. We'd be like, oh! Is that blood? Oh!

Oh, dear. What are the old people like? They're all like little tiny ripped dudes. Like maybe four feet tall and just all muscle. Even the old ladies were like carrying 50 things on their back. Like just super ripped, like little super ripped people. It was great. I assume because they have to climb damn mountains all the time. Yeah.

The elderly grandmas, the bigger your white hat, like the taller it is, the more lands you own. Oh, wow. So we saw these old ladies just walking down the street with giant white hats, and we were like, oh, she must be filthy rich. Speaking of ridiculously large things. One day we went to a restaurant in the middle of this town.

I wish I remember the name of it, but it was like just a local restaurant. And I tweeted a picture for you specifically for you, where it was like, I want your specialty, whatever it is. I want it. And they were like,

okay. And they brought me this plate of just meat potatoes and just random vegetables thrown in the corn there dude the corn in peru is not like the corn we have here we get little tiny like baby kernels right they have giant man-sized kernels these things are huge. I can't even imagine what the popcorn pop from these would look like. It would be the size of your fist. It was incredible.

And they were just like, eat up. I'm like, okay. Crunch, crunch, crunch. It was amazing. Everything there tasted great. Although I will say. I'm trying to find the tweet, but I don't see it. It's also on my Instagram, NotoriousCOX.

Oh. Oh. You can also go there to view some my Instagram, NotoriousCOX. Oh. Oh. You can also go there to view some other pictures, like my dad with the children, playing around with the children in the village and things like that. I did see your dad with someone photoshopped him. Yeah, no, I didn't photoshop the guy, and my dad met this guy who was dressed up as, like, an ancient Incan. Your dad looks like an old Steve Jobs. my dad looks like a lot of things it was it was intense it was an intense trip with him because he was just all about everything he was like oh I want to play with those kids and oh I want to go this and then he talked to the tour guide about like um how I wasn't giving him grandkids and

how he loves kids right and then he kept trying to like set me up with girls in the local areas like he's like jesse jesse i like these round face girls they're very cute very cute i like them and i was like structure hey seriously he's like it'd be nice if you brought one of them home i'm just saying i wouldn't mind if you were these kids running around like dad what is the matter with you? Also, I'm putting him on blast because he drove me crazy, and he swears he does not snore. He swears he does not snore. And I have the email evidence of me emailing my mom four times in one night

because I couldn't get to sleep because my dad was snoring so loud. Why didn't you just record it? I wish I did. I wish I did. But my phone was charging, and there's no battery anywhere. So once you find a charger, you're just like, plug it in and pray. And so let me reenact it for you. It is hilarious.

And I don't know if it's because of the altitude or what, but it was like this. It was amazing. And it went like that over and over and over again. I told my mom, I was like, I swear to God, if he does this tomorrow, I'm going to push him off the damn mountain. I don't even care. There was literally one night where I got no sleep. And my mom was like, Jesse, just remember, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Don't let a lack of sleep prevent you from enjoying yourself. And I was like,

alright, fine. Fine. Don't let the lack of essential bodily needs stop you from enjoying yourself. So I was like, fine, fine. Oh, I just found the food. It does look good. It was just a plate of food. Wait, is that a potato?

Uh, yeah. It's a skinned, deep-fried potato. Oh, wow. What's not shown there is under the meat was a stuffed hot pepper with meat and other hot pepper, which was delicious. And then they threw just random vegetables on the plate to make it seem like it was healthy. Yeah. Zero health there. I will say, though, going to Machu Picchu,

and everywhere we ate, we ate like that. There was no place that didn't serve you like that. Like, if you got food, you got more than you could possibly ever eat. It was intense. And so every night you went to bed like, I don't feel like I ever need to eat again right now. And then by the time you got to that point where you were having dinner the next day it was like oh my god i'm so hungry

because all you're doing is going up and down and up and down and up and down no joke eating like that for six days or five days however long we were there lost four pounds that's how intense it is there i was like you guys inkens are too fit for me You guys are too damn fit It's like America but they exercise Yeah they have to Oh my god the hills You go to Cusco Cusco is like maybe a little bit of flat land in the middle

And the rest of it is just giant hillside And so there's times where you're driving around Like the streets are like Maybe 89 degree angles Crazy things That shouldn't exist And there's people where you're driving around, like the streets are like maybe 89 degree angles. Crazy things that shouldn't exist. And there's people just walking up the streets, like power walking. And everyone there is just fit as shit. Ladies of Cusco, you are fine.

You are very good looking. And they're just like strutting around. I'm like, damn, girls. Meanwhile, all the American tourists were just, like, looked a mess. Looked a hot mess. I mean, when you come here, people are like, my parking spot is really far away. I got to walk an extra 100 feet. There was none of that.

There was none of that. The people in Peru were just like. I looked up the ladies of Cusco, and there's just Asians. There were a lot of Asians. Apparently, Chinese is the second largest. Maybe I'm getting it wrong, but it's one of the largest minorities there. Oh.

So yeah, a lot of Asians, which is fine by me. So yeah, that was pretty much my trip. It was great. It was wonderful. Sounds fun. It was fun. Did you see any llamas?

I did. I saw all of it. Did you get to ride a llama? No, but I got my picture taken with one. I need to post that. That should be the thumbnail. It should, because the llama's looking at me like, I don't, who is this asshole?

Pretty great. It's like how everyone in LA looks at you. Yep. Who is this asshole? So, tell me, friend, how was Godzilla? I wanted to go see it, but I was in another country and couldn't. Although the ads, the billboards in Peru were great. They're like our billboards, but like electric colors.

Electric colors? Like Spider-Man, for example, was a billboard for Spider-Man, but Spider-Man was outlined in neon lights, and he was fighting Electro, who was shooting neon lights from his hands. I saw that movie, too. Which, it sucked, by the way. But let's move on. I thought it was good.

Nope, it sucked. We don't have to talk about that. Let's talk Godzilla. Don't spoil it. I won't spoil it. So, in Godzilla, it was, I'd give it, like, a C+. A good C+. It was decent. I felt it like a C plus. A good C plus. It was decent.

I felt it was too focused on the military. They're all like, yeah, we're the military. We're here. And I felt like it didn't focus on Godzilla enough. What about Bryan Cranston? Was he in it a lot? He was in it. I felt like he needed to be in it more.

I was, see, this is my hope. And I haven't seen it yet. He was like the secondary character. I was like, no, you need my hope, and I haven't seen it yet. He was like the secondary character. I was like, no, you need to make him the main character. So the military guy from the commercials is the main character? Yeah. Who's on the phone with his wife, and she's like, honey, baby, where you going? Don't go fight Godzilla.

And he's like, girl, I gotta go do this for America. Yeah, he's like the main guy. I was like, no, make Bryan Cranston your main guy. That was part of why I didn't like it as much. I felt like if Bryan Cranston was the main guy, I would have liked it a lot more. I was hoping it would just be him versus Godzilla. Like he throws on his Walter White hat and goes to fight Godzilla. That would be a badass movie.

Yes. Fights him with the power of Mothra. Godzilla's like. And there's like weird bug monsters instead of Mothra. Well, maybe they'll call it Mothra. They didn't. They didn't call it Mothra. They were like, you know, it's...

Don't you spoil it. Don't you spoil it. They called it something else. I thought they should use Mothra. I thought it would have been cooler. That's what I thought. I thought they needed a cooler villain monster. I thought it would have been cooler.

That's what I thought. I thought they needed a cooler villain monster, and then Bryan Cranston whole movie, and less military focus, more Godzilla. Now I think you'll see it. That's what we'll talk about next time. We'll talk about it next time. We'll talk about Godzilla.

All right. It'll be the Godzilla spoiler show. The Godzilla-ramathon. And then we'll have more info on the Patreon. Oh, my God. Patreon thing. The Peter Piper pageant. Pick a pack of Patreons. Peter Piper picked a pack of Patreons.

If Peter Piker. Piker? God. You know what? I'm going to bed. I'm going to bed. I'm going to bed. Peter Parker.

Spider-Man. Peter Parker can't do shit. Peter Parker, you can't help anybody. All right. I think that's it, guys. We will see you next time Thank you so much And as always

To be continued