Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Saturday Nov 1, 2014
Episode Date: November 1, 2014The spookiest November 1st podcast around! Jesse and Crendor eat a McRib and create the single greatest sandwich in the world. ...
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Hello everybody! Happy September, good morning! Happy September, good morning!
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the spookiest episode of the year.
It's time for the Halloween Spooktacular!
That probably won't be up-lated.
Up-lated.
Up-lated, that's accurate Until the 1st of November
That's what we're all about, Uplated
Uplated
We've done the impossible
We've done the impossible
This is the reason it's not up on time
Yeah, we had to make sure
That we really spooked you guys
By doing a very scary thing.
And that is eating a McRib.
Yep, live.
We both went out and bought a McRib, so they're nice and hot.
Yep, as hot as it can get.
I smell the barbecue sauce.
I smell it too.
You know how when you smell something, you're like,
Mmm, that's intoxicating. Yeah. This're like, Mmm, that's intoxicating.
Yeah.
This is just, Mmm, that's intoxic.
It really is.
It's an overwhelming smell.
It's sort of like your nostrils are not prepared for the tanginess of a smell.
It smells a lot like pickles.
Here's the thing, though.
While I was there, I saw they had something else, and I got it too.
What?
Because there's no way I'm going to eat all this McRib.
A jalapeno burger.
Oh, yeah, I've had that.
I haven't.
I haven't been to McDonald's in literally I don't even know how long.
I couldn't even tell you the last time I was at a McDonald's.
You're missing out.
Apparently.
Are you eating it already?
I'm eating fries.
Oh, I didn't get fries.
I, unlike you, want to live another day.
I have
water. I'm ready to go. They're pretty
mediocre fries. I'm not even going to eat a lot of them.
Alright, alright.
Alright. So, the McRib
comes in this. This is very scary,
guys. Yes. One day,
a young girl walked into a room and saw
a McRib!
Buh-buh-buh!
So, the McRib comes in what you would think is a normal little
box.
And
when you open it
Did you get the same one that says McRib Tangy Temptation?
Uh, yeah
and then on the side it says your old friend is back.
Yep. It's the telltale sign
of that tangy barbecue sauce that's left its
mark on your lips.
The fact that the tender boneless pork is
smothered in it means there's no way
of getting away from this love affair.
That's what it says.
That's what it says.
So, yeah,
I open this up, and inside
is a piece of bread,
two pieces of bread,
with whatever the hell meat that is in the middle.
Yes.
Pickles and onion and barbecue sauce, right?
Except the barbecue sauce
is literally all over the place.
Mm-hmm.
It is an impossible task to eat this sandwich
because there's barbecue sauce everywhere.
And it's, well, there's onions and pickles too.
I have two pickles and then some spreaded onions.
Here's the best part.
The sandwich is placed half
on my bun, half off. That would
explain why the box itself is covered
in barbecue sauce. Because the bun
completely devoid of barbecue sauce.
The bun is just sitting here
and the barbecue sauce
is everywhere else. Is your bun toasted?
My bun
doesn't appear to be toasted. Mine feels
a bit toasted. That's probably because it was be toasted. Mine feels a bit toasted.
That's probably because it was under a heat lamp for about an hour.
Probably. I like that.
I like that unintentional feature.
Alright, well, we have to try this.
Alright, here we go.
This is it. I'm gonna count it down.
It's so gross.
It's jiggling in my hand. Come on.
No meat should jiggle.
I'm gonna count it down.
Golly. Five. This doesn. No meat should jiggle. I'm going to count it down. Golly.
Five.
This doesn't even look,
this doesn't even look Crandor.
No.
Gotta do it.
Gotta do it.
Five,
four,
three,
two,
one.
Yum.
Yum.
Yum.
Mmm.
I don't... Mmm. Mmm. I'm not sure what my reaction to that is
It's definitely
All you taste is barbecue
There is no other
There is no meat flavor in there
I don't taste meat
I don't even taste
Fake pork
I taste barbecue
Over a layer of What I mean are you still eating that thing?
I really, uh.
You love it, don't you?
You love.
It has a very yoga mat texture like we once talked about.
Mm-hmm.
But barbecue sauce really covers all that.
Yeah, it covers it, literally.
That tangy barbecue sauce flavor that we were talking about that permeates everything about the sandwich
definitely covers up the fact that it is an awful sandwich.
Yeah.
But I like that barbecue sauce.
I can't do that.
Oh, I've taken, like, two bites and I'm already, like, mmm.
You gotta at least get halfway.
What if I try this jalapeno burger instead?
All right, you can try it.
Because it's, you know, they can't screw that up, can they?
I don't think so.
All right.
Well, I opened it and it literally...
How is this food?
All right.
The burger itself is, it looks like a dried lump of coal.
The cheese is two white slices of what I assume is pepper jack, but I don't know.
And then it's jalapenos with what looks like a cream sauce on top of it.
Well, I don't want cream sauce.
I want a hot burger, not a creamy burger.
Well, maybe it's jalapeno cream.
It definitely is something.
All right, let's take a bite.
God almighty.
You've got to stop eating that thing.
You're going to die.
McRib.
People travel the world for these things.
Okay.
Woo!
It's not shit.
It isn't as awful as a McRib, but it's still quite bad.
Okay.
It's, you know, it's the hamburger patties.
You know what this reminds me of? Have you seen that advertisement with Grant Nimahara from Mythbusters?
Eden McDonald's?
No.
There's a whole website where it's him like, I'm going to go investigate like Mythbusters style McDonald's.
Totally paid for by McDonald's.
At the end, he's like, okay, so what you're saying is this is real meat.
All these are real ingredients.
He takes a bite of a Big Mac and he's like, that is so good.
I was like, no one has ever said that, Granny Mahara.
No one has ever said that.
Well, Granny Mahara got to eat.
We get it.
But no one's ever said that.
He's not spending his money he got from that deal on McDonald's.
I'll tell you that much.
Why is there lettuce in this?
Well, here's what it says on the website.
Jalapeno double.
Two mouth-watering, 100% beef patties topped with both crispy
lettuce. There's lettuce in this sandwich
yet I did not ask for lettuce. But here's
the thing. It's not like they put lettuce
in there on purpose. It's like there's three strands
of lettuce. Like, lettuce just crawled into
this sandwich. I mean, it doesn't
say it includes lettuce either. I'm sure it
doesn't include lettuce. I'm just saying to you
that lettuce showed up in this sandwich
and I don't know why or how.
It just appeared.
I mean, it's Halloween.
I made it about halfway through that sandwich.
It says it's got crispy and sliced jalapenos, white cheddar gooey goodness, and our classic ranch sauce.
No, it doesn't have—I don't know what crispy jalapenos are, but it don't got them.
Really?
It has 12,000 normal jalapenos on it.
I mean, the one I got had crispy.
I don't have crispy.
I'm eating the jalapenos, though.
Those are good.
Jalapenos, delicious.
Jalapenos on whatever this meat is, not so delicious.
Pour mine the McRib.
Oh.
Oh.
May have just invented something new.
You just blew my mind.
You know how there's the gangbang?
Mm-hmm.
This is going to be called the McCox and Crandor.
Oh, man.
The jalapeno double.
Oh, no.
I'm taking the jalapenos back off.
What?
We're making this the McCox and Crandall.
Sorry.
So if you don't know what a gangbang is, a gangbang is when a bunch of drunk idiots took
a double cheeseburger and then put a chicken sandwich inside of it.
This, I'm taking a McRib and putting a jalapeno hamburger inside the McRib.
Mm-hmm.
Do it.
It's happening right now.
It's got to happen.
It's happening right now.
Oh, my God.
This thing is so big.
Oh, man.
I can't even.
Where's my phone?
Take a picture.
I am. That's got to be the cover thing. I'm totally taking a picture. I am.
That's got to be the cover thing.
I'm totally taking a picture.
It's so ridiculous.
It's so disgusting.
Fuck, it just fell out of the thing.
It just fell out.
Ew, gross.
Well.
All right. Put it back. Put it back together.
My hands are covered in
barbecue sauce now, Crandor.
It almost fell on my floor. That's what it's all
about. That's not what
it's all about.
Gross.
This is disgusting.
Alright, we need
the McCox and Crandor. Yeah. A We need the McCox and Crendor.
Yeah.
A photo of the McCox and Crendor.
That is disgusting.
Ask for it at your local McDonald's.
If they won't make it, just order both of them and make it yourself, and then take a picture.
Send it to us.
The McCox and Crendor.
Can I do a selfie with it?
You gotta do a selfie with it.
Yeah, no, that's horrifying.
Okay, here we go.
I am going to attempt to eat this.
Okay.
That photo shows you how disgusting this is.
The problem is one is long and one is circle,
and so you have to eat to get to the part that is both.
No, yeah, that's a good logical.
No, that's not.
Oh.
Oh.
Crandor.
Okay.
You're going to have to take a shower after this.
I don't.
It's not pleasant.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
The first official bite of a McGang.
What is this?
A McCox and Crandor.
McCox and Crandor.
Okay, here we go. The first official bite of a McGing. What is this? A McCox and Crandor. McCox and Crandor. Okay, here we go.
Three, two.
Here's the thing.
That barbecue sauce is so overtly tangy that I can't even taste the jalapenos or the other
meat or the cheese.
Just barbecue sauce.
Whoa.
But I mean,
does it give it an after kick?
No. All you can taste is still that barbecue sauce.
There's no new flavor.
There's no new flavor profile on this.
To be every chef on TV,
it's lacking a flavor profile.
It's literally just, you bite in and you get barbecue sauce and that's what you get.
That's what we're all about.
We're all about that barbecue sauce.
It is so disgusting looking.
I imagine you've eaten your McRib already.
Mm-hmm.
I have.
I still have three-fourths of a McRib and other sandwich left.
But it's like people track these down.
Yeah, those people are idiots.
I could go to any barbecue place in the city and get better barbecue than this.
I mean, you could.
But not McDonald's barbecue.
You could even go to the store and just make your own.
That's true.
Oh, Gwendolyn, I can't do this anymore.
You can't do it.
You feel your arteries clogging?
Oh.
Oh.
All right, one more bite of the
McCox and Grendel.
Then I'm throwing this away.
Yeah, all right.
Here we go.
Three, two, one, Cox and Grendel!
Yeah, no, fuck that shit.
Yep.
Oh, man.
However, if you want to go out and get a McCox and Crandor.
Yes?
Send us your pictures.
Send us your pictures.
Get both of them.
Put them together.
Put them together.
And you're going to take a picture and send it to us.
And we'll retweet it and favorite it and all that stuff.
Oh, that is i'm
gonna put that back in this little box i just drank like half a thing of water it's not gonna
be enough i'm gonna put it back in this little wrapper here yep and get rid of it i ate about
uh seven fries yeah now this entire room's gonna stink That McDonald's stink But you know what?
Your old friend is back
That's all that matters
That's true
The best part is this
Oh, the bag has McRib stuff on it
Oh, what?
It's time for my love affair
With the McRib
It's starting all over again
It's time for my McRib love Wait, what is this. It's time for my McRib love. Wait,
what is this? It's time for my
McRib love affair.
This isn't even
a real sentence. It's time for my McRib
love affair with to start
all over again.
McRib is back for a limited
time. Tender, boneless, real pork,
smothered in delicious taste. There's nothing
real about this pork. There really isn't.
There's nothing.
I've never tasted pork that tasted like that.
There's nothing real about that meat.
I don't even.
Really?
You know what I would like?
I would like to go there and get a McChicken and just have them dip it in the McRib barbecue sauce.
Yeah.
Nope.
Can't do that.
They will not let that happen.
What if they just put it on the McChicken?
Can I let you in on a secret?
All right.
If I remember correctly, and this is from when I was a kid,
for a brief short period of time when I was a kid,
I worked at McDonald's.
That's how I know that their fries are coated in sugar
before they're sent to the stores.
Yeah.
Yeah, so that's why your kids love them.
But one of the things I do remember is when McRib was there,
and mind you, this was in the 90s.
McRib has been around that long.
The McRib was cooked in the sauce, and you'd pull it out with tongs.
Oh, so they boil it in the sauce?
Or it was cooked before and then put in the sauce,
but whatever the case may be, it's in the sauce when they get it for you.
And so they pull it out of the sauce and then put it on the meat.
Oh.
So you can't dip anything in it. It's cross-contamination.
Although it's McDonald's, I don't know that they care
about that, but...
No, they gotta have, like, a ladle.
They just drizzle it on the McChicken.
I guess that's true. There's probably some guys that go,
I want more of that sauce.
I just want some more of that sauce.
It really is not sitting well with me, that meat.
You realize when you give up fast food and then you go back to it,
you realize how awful it truly is.
You really do.
Just the worst.
It's like when you eat real food, it tastes like real food. But when you eat fast food it kind of tastes like kind of tastes like a
chemical flavored
monster.
That is perfect for Halloween.
Exactly. Chemical
flavored monsters. Those chemicals
and flavors are created
just for you to like it.
So you can have your love affair
with to start all over
again.
This picture is some guy like, oh, yeah, I've been waiting for this.
He just pulls it out and starts making out with the McRib.
Like, oh, yeah.
That's the only way you can eat that thing.
So drippy and nasty.
You just got to be like, oh, McRibby's so drippy and nasty.
I just want to eat some.
I just want to eat some McRib because I got some of that barbecue sauce.
I'm just going to eat up that barbecue sauce.
I'm going to do it.
I can't wait to get that McRib.
He's going to go on Dr. Phil and his wife's going to be like,
My husband had a love affair with a McRib. The guy comes out.
The guy rolls out and he's like,
I just want to rub McRib all over me.
Oh, why do you love the McRib and not me?
Oh, it's so drippy and nasty.
Only one of you is drippy and nasty.
Fifty Shades of McRib.
Fifty Shades of McRib.
So yeah, I really want to see pictures of the McCocks and Crandor.
I do, too.
I want to see that so badly.
People are going to do it.
I know they will.
I trust you.
I trust you, fans, to do this.
If you don't have the McDouble whatever it is with jalapenos,
go out and buy a McDouble, then go buy jalapenos and put it on it.
Yeah.
Simulate it.
It's really the same thing. It's pretty much the same thing. Actually, probably better for you because those jalapenos are actually buy jalapenos and put it on it. Yeah. Simulate it. It's really the same thing.
It's pretty much the same thing. Actually, probably better for you
because those jalapenos are actually fresh jalapenos
and not whatever the hell was on the sandwich.
Yeah, exactly. Yep.
I'm out of water now and all I can taste is tangy barbecue.
It's going to stay with you for days.
I imagine it will.
And that's the McRib.
That's the McRib.
We talked about that like two years ago
Uh huh
And now it's full circle
Full circle
That's how you know we're back baby
That's how you know we're back
Baby back McRib
Oh no
Let's go
Let's go
How's that traffic out there?
Uh, I can't really tell you
because I ate a couple McRibs
and now I'm just...
Oh man, I shouldn't have done that.
All I know is that Chad Cunningham,
he's down there and he's just trying to get a McRib.
I mean, good for him, but I'm...
I gotta go throw up at the side of the window.
Thanks,
Crendor. Now let's go over to the weather desk.
Crendor, how's that weather looking?
Weather today? I mean, I tried to look up
McRib last time, but there wasn't a place
called McRib. What about Halloween?
Oh, Halloween.
Is there a Halloween town?
There's a
Halo United Kingdom. That, Halloween. Is there a Halloween town? There's a... Hallow...
There's a Hallow United Kingdom.
That's fine.
All right, let's head to Hallow UK.
In the Hallow UK, it's 55 degrees right now, partly cloudy.
Locations nearby are reporting rain.
So if you're going outside, make sure to wear a raincoat or bring an umbrella.
That's true.
By the time you hear this, though, it probably won't matter.
No, it will, because tomorrow is going to be partly cloudy with a chance of rain 59 degrees.
Then Sunday it's going to rain 57 degrees.
And pretty much just on and off rain 50s throughout the week.
So there you go, hollow UK.
Not bad, UK.
Yeah, not bad.
Holler.
Hollow holler.
Holler, holler.
UK? Alright, what's going on
with sports? Uh, so
I got the sports news.
Uh, so tonight...
Who was that?
I got a...
I was trying to make a new intro for it.
Who was that guy?
I wanted Crendor and said
I got like some weirdo of I got some weirdo
I got Sparta
I have Sparta for you
So the NBA started
Derrick Rose already hurt himself again
He sprained his ankle
So it's not good for him
Phoenix, Isaiah Thomas
And the Suns rose against
The Spurs.
Are you just reading a headline?
Because I don't imagine that you would ever say,
Phoenix Suns rose against the Spurs.
Because if that's something you say, we need to have a talk.
Because that is stupid.
That was a headline.
Okay, good.
I was about to say, that is the craziest.
Whatever sports site you got that off of
you know there was a guy who was very proud of him nba.com he was like get it
oh wow i didn't even get that till now
and then steve ballmer uh he owns the Clippers now, and he was very excited.
And I guess the Clippers won, and then his son stood up, and he was like,
and he shook his son, and his son was like,
and now everybody's talking about it because his son freaked out.
But, I mean, it's Steve Ballmer.
If you don't know who Steve Ballmer is, he's that guy.
He's that guy that worked at Microsoft.
Here, here's the gif of it.
There's a gif of him?
Oh, I need to see this.
I need to see this.
And his son stands up.
He's like, woo!
And his son's like, well, that was it.
And he's like, ah!
Yeah.
His son looks like my cousin Jake is who he looks like, but with long hair.
Oh, your cousin Jake.
Maybe that is your cousin Jake from State Farm.
Could be.
Cousin Jake. Cousin Jake. I want to your cousin Jake from State Farm. Could be. Cousin Jake.
Cousin Jake.
I want to know what he thought was going on.
If you watch this GIF, he's basically grabbing his son, and his son, I don't know that he
knows what is going on.
I don't know that he understands what's happening.
I don't think he does either.
He's going to look.
He's like, oh, where am I?
Oh, God, yeah.
Whoa.
Like, you just won a basketball game. He's like, where am i oh god yeah like you just want to basketball games
he's like i was asleep the entire time father oh yes father i cannot wait to go count my stocks
and portfolio i'm going to be very rich when i'm older father once you have died i'll have all your
money and girls will pay attention to me like look up steve ballmer he's that guy who's like we're selling microsoft today oh i'm aware who he is so what is what is our big news story of the day what is our
we have to do you've been saying we have a halloween story what's the halloween story so
the halloween story is eight super weird things you didn't know about halloween oh by the way did
you see people sent us drawings?
I retweeted one of them of the different Halloween demons.
Oh, yeah, I did see that.
Yeah.
That was pretty great.
That was great.
We received nothing, though, about like...
Actual...
Yeah, like real crazy Halloween things.
Like, we got a few things, but that's like stuff we do here.
I'm talking real crazy things. Yeah, like got a few things, but that's like stuff we do here. I'm talking real crazy things.
Yeah, like I was hoping,
like at least some demons,
at least like a ritual,
like a Swedish ritual
where you sacrifice fish
to the demon lord.
Yeah, apparently none of our fans
are into the dark arts.
That's weird.
Nerds.
Yeah, guys.
You would figure they would,
if we did have dark arts fans,
they would have sacrificed
a few kittens to get us fame and fortune.
Yeah, you would think so.
Yeah.
Don't go sacrifice kittens, though, please.
Yeah, don't do that.
But fish.
If there are any Swedes out there who want to sacrifice fish, by all means, they're less cute.
So that's fine.
Yeah, sacrifice a fish to your local dem your local demigod demon or demoness
yeah or demoness so yeah what is the what is give it give it give me the news i gave it loose
number one originally you had to dance for your treat what most experts trace trick-or-treating
to the european practice of mumming or guising, in which costume-wearing participants would go door-to-door performing choreographed dances, songs, and plays in exchange for treats.
According to Elizabeth Plek celebrating the family, the tradition cropped up in America, where it would often take place on Thanksgiving.
Can I just say?
Yeah?
I love the idea that in America, we took the idea of trick-or-treating and dumbed it down to the most basic level of, give me candy.
You want me to dance for this? Give me the candy or I'll egg your house.
Well, in some early versions of trick-or-treating, men paraded door-to-door and boys often followed, begging for coins.
Most of these early trick-or-treaters were poor and actually needed the money but wealthy children also joined in the fun door-to-door
begging was mostly stopped in the 30s but re-emerged later in the century in the century to distract
kids from pulling halloween pranks oh interesting yeah so it was created to keep kids out of trouble
yep and it had been getting them all
hepped up on sugar that works yeah good work good work guys uh number two halloween is more irish
than saint patrick's day what cause sam hayne what oh yeah halloween's origins come from the
celtic festival for the dead called sam hayain. Celts believed the ghosts of the dead
roamed Earth on this holiday,
so people would dress in costumes
and leave treats out on their front doors
to appease the roaming spirits.
Granted, the Celts were not solely based in Ireland
when these customs started taking shape
around the first century B.C.,
but as will be talked about more in later section,
the Irish Celts were the ones
who invented the jack-o'-lantern.
That's because, I want to point out, America steals a ton from the Irish.
We love it.
Really?
Actually, we steal as much as we can from everywhere,
but most of our holidays have a little Irish flair to them.
Yeah, exactly.
I think, yeah.
Got a little bit of it.
Got a little Irish flair.
Especially the alcoholic part.
Look, that's my favorite part.
That's the part of my Irish heritage I love the most.
I mean, that's how they deal with going trick-or-treating.
Yeah, have a beer, kid.
Thanks, mister!
My first beer!
Number three.
Uh-huh.
If you'd been around for the earliest Halloween celebrations,
you might have worn animal skins and heads.
I know some people who still do that now.
Yeah.
According to ancient Roman records,
tribes located in today's Germany and France
traditionally wore costumes of animal heads and skins
to connect the spirits to the...
Oh, wait.
To connect to the spirits of the dead?
Yeah, man.
Whoa.
Yep, I'm all about that.
On this day, merrymakers often dress as evil spirits
simply by blackening their faces.
The leader of the Samhain parades wore a white sheet
and carried a wooden horse head or a decorated horse skull.
Young people also celebrated by cross-dressing.
What?
Wait, what?
Where is this at? What is going on? A decorated horse skull. Young people also celebrated by cross-dressing. What? Wait, what? Where is this at?
What is going on?
So in these parades,
kids are cross-dressing and a dude in blackface is leading everyone.
In a white sheet.
A dude in a
blackface in a white sheet
is leading a parade of cross-dressing
kids that would not fly in
America. Leave it to the Europeans.
That's all I'm saying.
There's nothing racist about this.
Number four.
Jack-o'-lanterns were once made out of turnips, beets, and potatoes, not pumpkins.
Wait, what?
The jack-o'-lantern comes from an old Irish tale about a man named Stingy Jack.
According to folklore...
Uh-huh.
According to folklore, Stingy Jack was getting sloshed with the devil
when Jack convinced his drinking partner to turn himself into a coin
to pay for the drinks without spending money.
Jack then put the devil, shaped like a coin, into his pocket,
which also contained a silver cross that kept the devil from transforming back.
Jack promised to free the devil as long as the devil wouldn't bother him for a year,
and if he died, the devil would never claim his soul.
Jack tricked the devil again later, getting him to pick a piece of fruit out of a tree
and then carving a cross into the bark when the devil was in the branches.
This trick bought Jack another ten years of devil free living i'm sorry
what when jack finally died god decided he wasn't fit for heaven but the devil had promised never
to claim his soul for hell so jack was sent off to roam the earth with only a burning coal for
light he put the coal into a turnip as a lantern and stingy jack became jack of the lantern or
jack-o-Lantern.
Based on this myth, the Irish carved scary faces into turnips, beets, and potatoes to scare away Stingy Jack or any other spirits.
That is the most Irish.
An old Irishman named Stingy Jack.
This was his drinking partner.
Drink the devil, his drinking partner.
And then he made him stay up in a tree for ten years.
Carved potatoes.
That is almost a stereotype.
That's a lot of stereotypes.
Oh, God.
Okay, what is number five? Number five is Halloween used to be a great day to find your soulmate.
Okay, what is number five?
Number five is Halloween used to be a great day to find your soulmate.
In some parts of Ireland, people celebrated Halloween by playing romantic fortune-telling games,
according to Nicholas Rogers. What? Can we do that? Ladies!
I want to do romantic fortune-telling games with you!
Well, these games allegedly predicted who they'd marry and when,
and since Halloween, like Valentine's Day, was one of the main celebrations of the year
where young people could mingle with the opposite sex,
it was also considered a good day to scope out a sweetheart.
In America, young people, particularly girls,
continued the old Irish tradition.
Games like Bobbing for Apples tried to predict future romances,
according to Oxford Encyclopedia of Food and Drink in America.
Look, if you can dig your face into water and get an apple,
you can get a girl.
Exactly.
Or I guess man.
I guess the case is man.
Because the girls would be doing it, right?
Yeah.
Ladies, if you can get your mouth around a whole apple,
you can get a man.
Is that what that was saying?
I think that's what it's saying.
I hope that's what it was saying.
I guarantee that the guy was just like, she can mob for my apples.
I got two apples for her mouth, if you know what I mean.
Which no one did because they were like, dude, you should see a doctor about that.
That sounds like you have cancer.
It sounds like you have a problem.
Also, ladies, I am more than willing to tell you your fortune.
Here's your fortune if you're listening right now.
You're going to meet me in a secluded area.
And then we're going to get it on.
Like Donkey Kong.
Like Long John.
Like Genghis Khan.
Like Billy Bone.
Like Jimmy John.
Jimmy John.
I don't know.
Jimmy John.
Jimmy John.
I don't know what's going on anymore.
And if you get it, I'm like Genghis Khan.
You're going to die.
Well, whatever.
You got to die something.
There you go.
That's your fortune, everyone.
That's my fortune.
That's your fortune, ladies.
It's going to be Genghis Khan and Jimmy John. Guys. Whatever. You gotta die or something. There you go. That's your fortune, everyone. That's my fortune. That's your fortune, ladies.
It's gonna be Genghis Khan and Jimmy John.
Guys.
Something about Jimmy John's for you.
Yeah.
You get a free Jimmy John's sub courtesy of not us.
Me getting it on.
Number six.
In a few American towns, Halloween was originally referred to as Cabbage Night.
I give up.
This came from a Scottish fortune-telling game where girls used cabbage stumps to predict information about their future husbands.
What is going on with Halloween and girls trying to use predictions?
I don't know.
Especially cabbage stumpsumps Cabbage stumps
There's one thing
There's just a bunch of girls around cabbage stumps
Like cabbage stump cabbage stump
Tell me who I will hump
And the other girls are like
Your cabbage fortune is
Billy from school
And Billy from school is just like oh i don't know i was
hoping we could date billy but the cabbage stump said so
uh anyway this occurred in early frammingham massachusetts of course it did teens skipped the fortune telling and simply went around throwing cabbage at their neighbors houses
now that's the american way like what are we gonna do with stupid cabbages you know there's
you know that's billy from school who was like, stupid cabbage.
Stupid Carol.
She didn't like me.
Start chucking cabbages at Carol's house.
You want cabbages, Carol?
Here you go.
Carol, why didn't you just date the boy?
He seems nice.
Mom, he's throwing cabbages at the house.
Yes, but his family can afford so many cabbages.
Yeah.
If you learn how to cook the cabbage, you'd be set for life.
You know what they say.
Feed a man a cabbage, he'll eat the cabbage.
Teach a man how to cabbage, and he's got a new skill.
Yep, how to cabbage.
Sounds like a really awful dance from the 60s.
Teach me how to cabbage, y'all.
Teach me how to cabbage.
Yep.
Also, the late 19th century America country boys reportedly rejoiced in throwing cabbage corn and assorted rotten vegetables.
Yep, country boys.
Yep.
Number seven.
Some animal shelters won't allow the adoption of black cats around Halloween for fear they'll be sacrificed.
What?
It's unclear whether black cats are actually sacrificed, but various animal shelters refuse to let people adopt these cats in the lead up to the holiday.
Linda Garabaldi, director of the Cats Cradle in Morganton, North Carolina, told the Huffington Post that the shelter does not adopt out black cats
during the month of October because of the superstition
and concern that the wrong people might adopt them.
So they're afraid people are going to sacrifice black cats.
Yes.
Is that really something we're afraid of?
I don't know.
I mean, she is.
Oh, God.
I don't think there's many people that are going to sacrifice their cat, but I may just be optimistic.
Not crazy.
Yeah, you may not be crazy.
Yeah.
And finally.
Finally.
Number eight.
Studies have shown that Halloween actually makes kids act more evil.
Go on.
As io9 points out,
putting some costume-wearing kids into groups...
Really? As io9 points out?
io9.
As io9 points...
That is the tip-top of research study right there.
Okay.
Putting costume-wearing kids into groups
and introducing a clear object of desire,
such as candy,
has been shown to lead to deindividuation.
This psychological term explains what happens when a group of maturing young minds begin to care less about the consequences of their individual actions,
leading them to do things they might not do alone.
One study in particular found that unsupervised costumed children in groups were far more likely to steal candy and money than both non-costumed kids and children not in a group.
Another similar study found that masked children
were significantly more likely to take more Halloween candy
than they were supposed to
if they believed there was no adult supervision.
Yeah, no.
So, nice study.
I09, you did it.
So you're saying that people in groups
are more likely to do things
than people not in.
And people in groups who are in disguise are more likely to do things and people in groups who
are in disguise are more likely to do things without fear of getting caught wow wow you
figured it out never been discovered ever you just i it almost makes me wonder how we let all
those crimes where people dressed up in masks how we let them get away with that yeah i mean i mean
every kid and that goes trick
or treating in a group is going to become a drug addict.
That's what
I am getting out of this.
All druggies.
You replace the candy with
drugs. You replace
the costumes with
with
I don't know.
I was going to say ratting. Prostitution. I was gonna say ratted
prostitution
I was gonna say tattered clothes that's the word I was looking for
well tattered clothes and prostitution
go hand in hand
they can't afford the new clothes
so they just wear the same ones
they're on the streets doing tricks for five dollars a piece
yeah
you start doing trick or treats
now you're doing tricks
yep you started trick or treating, now you're doing tricks. Yep.
Started trick-or-treating and now you're just
tricking. According to io9.
And the only treats you give are ones
in the bedroom. You don't even make it
to the bedroom, you're an alleyway whore.
Because you went trick-or-treating.
As a kid in a group.
As a kid in a group. They got you.
They got you hooked. They got you hooked on the sensation
of stealing candy. First thing, you're stealing
candy. Next thing, you're
licking up the McRib barbecue
sauce off the side of the road.
Oh, God, that's so good.
I just want to kill myself
with McRib barbecue sauce.
I just can't wait to get it.
Oh, yeah.
I just can't watch so bad.
Oh, that. I'm just gonna walk so bad. I'm so nasty.
Alright, that's it.
Thank you guys for listening.
We will be back soonish.
And as always...
To be continued. I'm I'm I'm