Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 339 - The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Jesse brings 3 stories from his week for Crendor and your enjoyment. Boy, his life is a mess. Meanwhile Crendor sees a witch? Or maybe just a crazy lady. Also somehow we get on the movie 13 going on 30? What is this episode? Oh and we got to the penguin post office. Go to http://hellotushy.com/cox to get 10% off. Go to http://butcherbox.com/COX to get a free Grilling Bundle in your first order.

Today's episode is brought to you by Tushy. Tushy is going to get you to say hello to a bidet. It kind of rhymed, but like, I don't know. Also today, we're brought to you by ButcherBox. ButcherBox gots those meats, and then you can have those meats too when it is delicious. All right, now let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Let's see Trendor in the morning.

In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome to a new episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Is this the S-ification of Cox and Crandor? Are we here now? Yes. Cox and Crandor. Very nice. All right. here now? Yes. Gax in the crendor. Very nice. Alright.

Let's bring the stories today. Yes. Oh my God, I have so many stories. I don't even know where to begin. Alright. We'll call this the good, the bad, and the ugly. Okay. I'll let you choose where we go. I got three things for you.

We gotta start let's see well I think we save let's start With the good because that's like a good warm Up right yeah great okay The good Earlier this week I got Got with someone Was giving me a quiz in the office so I have a

Bunch of new people in the office It's been amazing and Someone linked me and I don't here's A thing it also might not of new people in the office. It's been amazing. And someone linked me, and I don't – here's the thing. It also might not have been someone in the office, but it happened while they were here. So I'm just going to give them credit for it. But someone linked me a quiz, and that quiz was fascinating. And I want to give it to you right now. This is a quiz for you.

It's only three questions all right all right number one mm-hmm what is your favorite animal sloth sloth can you explain why you like a sloth it's reminiscent of me you say a sloth is reminiscent of you yeah sent of of me any features that you like about that sloth everything what does that mean everything be specific everything about it like uh let's see the the the, the, the slowness. All right.

There you go. Slowness. Slowness. Yeah. What else? Uh, this is a very chill. Chill. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else? Is that it? That's it.

Slow and chill. Okay. Hanging out in a tree. Hanging. All right. Hanging out in a tree hanging all right hanging out in a tree okay now if you just had to pick like what is your next favorite animal oh man um there's a lot to choose from there are a lot to choose from that's true yeah i mean you've got you got cats you got alligators you got squirrels you got what's your second favorite though well

that's what i'm trying to figure out there's a lot that goes into figuring out which one of these my favorite second favorite etc i might say squirrels but then if i say squirrels i'm like okay but then what about skunks skunks could be ahead of the squirrel. What about cats? I own a cat. But then again, you know, I don't know. I mean, here, all right, let's break it down. Squirrels, they hibernate.

They get nuts. They sit in a tree. They eat the nuts. They get big. They go out. Then they're skinny they repeat i literally today i was driving i saw a bird attack a squirrel and that squirrel charged off i was like what the shit he's probably trying to steal his bird seed or something or his

eggs uh skunks are pretty fun like i can spray stuff i wish i had that you just like spray people you're like get away from me um what's the question seems like it's between skunks and squirrels what is your second favorite that's right i got really into that uh you did cats you know i have a cat now he sits in my. So whenever I go to sit at the computer, he's already sitting in it. And then alligators were always cool. I had an alligator pet in WoW. I know. I think your Crendor logo on YouTube is still a gator. It was.

Yeah, before the sloth, we had gators. That's what it was with the monocle yeah uh all right you know what i'm gonna i'm just gonna go squirrel and make it easy all right now why do you like squirrels what was the reason because they collect nuts they collect nuts they sit in a tree and eat them then they sleep and they come back out sleep come back crazy go crazy okay yeah yeah you said they get fat then get thin i believe you said yeah okay great fantastic and one more question okay what is your third favorite animal? Oh, my God. Just do skunk.

Now, why do you like skunk? They spray people. Spray people? If somebody gets too close, he gets sprayed. Yeah? Why do you like that? What about that? What's not to like? So, how would you describe that? They're're like how would you describe that they're

defensive how would you describe a powerful defense they essentially have built-in mace defense built-in mace all right yeah that's it that's all you have for that yeah all right and there's cute and they're cute. Cute. All right. Here is your results. All right. This feels like those 2002 tests you took on like testsurvey.com or something. So the first animal, the sloth, slow, chill, hangs out in a tree. The first animal is how people see you. Okay. I guess it checks out then. yeah you're a sloth you're hanging out in a tree and you even said it's reminiscent of me so there you go

there you go all right a squirrel who collects nuts sits in a tree and eats nuts sleeps goes crazy comes back out gets fat then thin is how you see yourself i mean honestly it's true i did go out you know you're known to do that well known and then after that i go back out and i'm you know five pounds again yeah and then the last one is what you look for in a partner actually toaster woman loves skunks so i was gonna say toaster woman has a powerful defense toaster my favorite part is you said, built-in mace, comma, cute.

It checks out. Yeah, it checks out. So there you go. That's the quiz that got me this week, and I was laughing very hard about it. Yeah. I'm going to do that to some other people and see what they do. That's a fun little quiz. Right?

That's super fun. That was the good. I want to let you know that for me, my third animal was a shark. And I said, dangerous could kill me terrifying. Like, what do you look for in a partner? And I was like, no. I thought you didn't like sharks. That's your third favorite animal?

I mean, I couldn't think of anything else. And a shark was on my mind at the time. So I said shark. The first one I said, the first one I said, my favorite animal was a duck-billed platypus because I was being a goof. So now I was like, I don't know, because it's weird and kind of funny, but like non-threatening. And they're like, that's how people see you. And I'm like, don't know because it's weird and kind of funny but like non-threatening and they're like that's how people see you and I'm like oh that is true

oh my god that's crazy I know I said my second favorite animal was a cat because I was lying and they were like that's how you see yourself and I was like what I was like oh come on so that's when it went off the rails and I was like third shark

I don't know yeah so I guess I see I was like I don't like again I did this as a goof and I said cats because I said I don't know lazy they just lounge around they get big and fat and take a crap in the house and they were like that's

how you see yourself and I was like oh oh no it's all no take a crap in the house. They were like, that's how you see yourself. And I was like, Oh no, it's all. No. Yeah. So I got myself. Yeah. It's super fun.

Right. That was the good. That was good. Take us where we're going next. All right. Let's go. All right. Next.

Actually, no, let me do my story next okay we'll mix it up keep people in suspense yeah i like listening yeah uh so this happened literally yesterday i was gonna go for like a walk before i did some more hammer painting i was like all right so i was walking around and it's starting to like thunder and lightning outside i'm like oh shit it's gonna rain so i'm walking back and i'm walking past a bunch of like bars and restaurants. And like everybody's like, oh, it's going to start raining.

These like four drunk women were just like, get under the umbrella, Susie. And she's like, I'm under it. And then, okay, you know how sometimes there's like houses attached to bars and restaurants, like people live above them and stuff? I know, that's a very Midwest thing. Yeah, I think it's like Midwest or like East Coast, I think I saw it. Well, I guess maybe there's apartments with bars underneath them in big cities, but like the whole like, it's a house and the bar is attached to the house thing, that's Midwest as shit. Oh yeah, so like, I don't even know if it was actually attached to, like, a bar or restaurant, but it was, like, right next to it.

And it was, like, small. And this woman is knocking on the door, just, like, nonstop. And I was just like, oh, shit, this is material. Lady, I don't think you're there. I was like, this is podcast material. So I just kind of kind of like look at my phone like and then she says quote if you hear someone at the door you should probably open it that's how doors work damn she's not wrong then i hear like a dog barking in there and there's like it's like people outside like nearby just like talking to me like uh this

lady down whatever and then i was like all right okay and i kind of walk and i come back to not be as suspicious like okay so i walk like 30 seconds away than 30 seconds back and then she's literally just slamming the door like she's like like brr. She's like, grr, like starting to go crazy. And I was like, oh, shit. And then it starts thundering and lightning more. I'm like, dude, this lady's about to lose her mind. And then she gets on the phone, and then she's like, open the door. And then she's like on the phone.

She's like, I don't have my fucking keys. And I was like, what? So does she does she live here like is there a person in there i guess because then i was like all right well it's starting to like rain so i like walked uh i was gonna i would have gone under the umbrella with those drunk women to watch probably what i should have did but i was was like, I walked to my car. I get in my car and then I was like, you know what? I got to see what happens. So I get out.

I walk back. It's raining now. She's gone. I was like, she either, they let her in or she just disappeared into the abyss. She melted. Yeah. Or she melted. Or she melted. Like the Wicked Witch She melted, yeah. Or she melted. Or she melted.

Like the Wicked Witch of the West. Yeah. The rain got her. I think the rain got her. I mean, that's why she was like, let me in! Because she knew the rain was coming. She knew she was going to melt. Oh, my God.

Yeah, that was it. That checks out. It does. It's the most reasonable explanation. And then, on my way back, there's these two old men talking he's like you know what you and melinda you look better than you did before all this stuff happened i was like what and i drove off you know what no matter what that's always a compliment you look better than before all this stuff happened doesn't matter what stuff

that's a good compliment you look better better before all this stuff happened like thank you i don't know what you mean but like it means a lot to me i guess it's like i guess i used to look bad but i mean you said i look good now all right yeah i don't know i thought i was great before but i guess i'm even better now yeah so that's my fun little story it was a fun little story that was part of the good, for sure. Yeah. Alright, let's go with the bad. Alright, here we go. The bad. I got convinced once more

to go back to Hinge. And I was like, alright. I know. I'm aware. I was like, alright, I'll give it a shot. Here's the thing. I think I have a great profile. I did not make it. As we've said before, I didn't make all right, I'll give it a shot. Here's the thing. I think I have a great profile. I did not make it. As we've said before, I didn't make this profile.

But in fact, a bunch of women did. So I think it caters to the female eye in a way that I could not. So I always get pings. And within a day of having the damn thing back up, got a message. This girl seems super nice. We started talking. Everything was legit. she seemed very chill i like discovered she's in she lives in hollywood she's like a director assistant or some nonsense she has zero social media presence i was like perfect so of course i am

like hey let's go out and do something sometime. And immediately she's like, I don't know. It seems a little fast. I'm like, oh, okay. If you just want to talk and, like, suss me out, that's chill. I'm like, yeah, all right. I mean, that's cool. That's fine with me.

Mind you, she chose me. So I'm like, is this girl even into me? This is like if I had messaged her as, like, one of the many guys that probably hits on the women that live in the city, I understand that. But she, she came on to me first. And so I'm like, oh, well maybe she's into me. So like, let's see if this is a relationship. She's like, well, I don't know what I want yet. I'm like, what the hell? Why did you, so I'm trying to be really nice, really. And this, I don't Really And this goes back a few weeks And I didn't want to say anything And make a thing on the podcast

Until it ended horribly Which it always does Crendor So We start talking And everything's fine But I notice when I make a joke about She'll say she had a bad day And I'll say something to

make her feel better or I'll talk, I'll try to like hype her up a little bit. She'll just, like she was like, don't do that. Like what? She's like, I hate when people do that stuff. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, don't, don't like try to fluff my ego or make me feel better about stuff. And I'm like,

what? Why? You seem really stressed. And she was like, I like being stressed. I was like, oh. All right. So here's the thing. You know me. You know that it takes me a good while to realize something's not a fit. I should have realized it right then.

We are not a fit. Oh, yeah. But there's a part of me that tries to morph itself to maybe, just maybe I can become the person this person wants, and then they'll love me, like that kind of thing. So I was like, all right. You know what? That was weird, but okay.

So I mentioned like, hey, if you're free this weekend, we can go out or something. And she was like, that seems like a red flag. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you're really pushing weekend we can go out or something and she was like that seems like a red flag i'm like what do you mean she's like you're really pushing to go out like what but you and i want the whole point of this i thought we were and i'm meanwhile i'm like i've already shut down my hinge again because like oh i found a person that's good enough for me you know what i mean i'm already missing out on potential other people that you want to date. But I'm like, you know what? I only focus on one person at a time.

I'm not like a player. I'm not like this person wants a relationship with me, which is what I thought they wanted. Needless to say, finally, it's like I can do a Thursday. I'm like, oh, I mean, I work Thursday, but I guess I'm the boss. So, yeah, you want to meet for coffee Thursday? So we go out and get coffee. And the entire time seems like a totally fun person, but the person I'm talking to is not the person that texts. So I'm like, oh, maybe she's just really bad at communicating via text. Because she does like one sentence replies over text,

but in person, she's super fun, and we're smiling, we're laughing. I'm like, okay, maybe I misread this situation entirely. The minute we leave, I'm like, oh, let's plan a real date. Let's plan a thing in the future. She's like, that sounds amazing. The minute we leave, instantly text is back to one-sentence communication. And in my Hinge profile, literally, again, I didn't make it, but in my Hinge profile, it's like, communication's key. I love to talk.

I love to talk with you, that kind of thing. So I'll write two or three sentences, profile, it's like, you know, communication is key. I love to talk. I love to talk with you, like that kind of thing. So I'll write like two or three sentences and she'll reply like a great example is she was complaining about her work day. And I said something along the lines of like, well, you know, hopefully in one of these days they'll let you be a little more creative because they know that's what you want to do. Like that. Just try to be supportive. She responded with like creative. I work production i was like what i was like what i was like oh boy she uh yeah i was getting this vibe but i kept trying to like be nice and kind and every time i'd reach out and like at one point she said she got a new roommate and the new

roommate and her went out one day to like get to know each other and she was like it's nice because i can get out more into the city and explore stuff and i was like yeah i think it's really neat that you're spending time with your roommate and uh like you're getting to know the city and getting to do these things and um maybe like all of your roommates the more that you like go out and explore stuff it means that for me i have to be more creative about where we go on dates right because now you're exploring the city more so i can't just like take you to the normal places right i'm trying to be like very sweet and she got so weirded out by that she's like why are you so concerned about pleasing me like what like so needless to say i was like all right so do you want to go on a date She's like I would love to go on a second date

So we go I make plans dude I make all these plans I can't I'm going off this whole thing like how can I make this special How can I show this girl I'm interested All these things Make all these plans

Change around my life for this day Straight up Day before calls like I don't think I can make it Like what Make all these plans. Change around my life for this day. Straight up, day before calls, like, I don't think I can make it. Like, what? Is this like one of those things where we should reschedule? Or this is your first way of saying we aren't good together? I was like, I really don't want to waste my time on this. I was at that point. I was like, I don't want to waste my time on this anymore. And she messaged back, was like, I'm just, I don't want to waste my time on this anymore.

And she messaged back like, I don't think we're a good fit. And I just deleted her phone number. I didn't even respond. I was like, I can't. I can't. So I just went, delete. Moved right on. I was like, nah, I'm over it, girl.

Like, that was ridiculous. I tried so hard to be a good, nice person, and she was just like. That was your problem. She didn't want that. She said she didn't want that. You should have did the opposite. She would have loved it. I'm not going to be a piece of shit.

You don't have to be a piece of shit. You just got to don't care. Here's the thing. I didn't care. Like, you know me. I spend days where I don't message anyone. That's true. But here's the thing.

This is like how I knew she wasn't interested from the beginning, even though, again, she messaged me, which is crazy. I would have to be the one to message her every day. Oh, yeah. That's a flag. Yeah, like three days into us talking, she didn't message

me back, and so already I was like, that's a huge red flag. That's like, I don't know what. But again, I was like that's a huge red flag That's like I don't know what But again I was like oh well she Hit me up first there must be a reason Yeah but I've Been enough relationships to know That if someone's into you they will Hound the shit out of you there's not a moment

They won't be like hey hi what's going on Like yeah so already I was like So she's not interested but she is What a mess what a mess I knew it was going to end I was like, so she's not interested, but she is? What a mess. What a mess. I knew it was going to end. I was ready to be like, nah, this sucks. She also seems kind of, like, defensive for no reason.

I mean, I don't want to speak on anything, but I feel like her last relationship was pretty bad. Oh, yeah, probably. She definitely had that vibe. And that's fine, which is why I think I was willing to give it that much time. But yeah, it wasn't going to work.

And I was already checking out. And yeah, I was like, all right, well, I'll give it a shot. And then she did the like, well, I don't think, you know what, I don't think you know what i don't

think you and i click and i was like oh my god you should have told me that after the first time we got together instead of another two weeks of me like really trying my hardest to get through to you plus right away that's communication issues that's no that's number one yeah exactly i mean look that's been my problem forever is i'm always like i would love to date someone like i always meet people well this is a lie so i always hear women who are just like i i need a guy communicates any communication stuff and then everyone i date does not communicate i'm like how is this i'm sitting here ready to just say whatever and have a conversation, and I'll get like, yeah, so, um, what's up? I'm like, oh, my God, I can't.

Yeah, so that was my bad. That was the last four or five weeks of, like, really trying to get to know a person and let you know. trying to get to know a person and let you know uh i i walked away not upset but more like you know what i did i'm pretty good at this hinge thing like i you know what the some of the dates might be bad and sometimes it might get bots but like it's great so i opened it back up and we'll see what happens well that's the like a jesse cox dating see what happens. Well, that's the Jesse Cox dating stories continue. I'm all aboard. That's the bad. Well, wait for the ugly, my man.

All right. All right. Ready. Okay. As you know, I have decided anytime a bot approaches me online now. I'm all in. All in. And so I got a message on Instagram from Mercy Christy, who is not how you would spell that.

Mercy Christy? Just imagine how you spell Mercy Christy, but it's not how it's spelled. Interesting. And then a bunch of numbers are on the Instagram. All right. Okay. And this is, I like, oh, my man.

I totally screwed up, but in the funniest way. So here's the message. She hits me up with, hi. That's it. That's a great start. I respond, sup. She says, I'm good, and you? And I reply, oh, I'm better now.

She replies, oh, okay, well, I'm on here looking for friends. And I said, that's cool. What kind of friend? And she replied, can I have a picture of you? And I said, can I have one of you? And she said, yeah, sure. And then I said, cool, because my picture is all over the internet. You can just Google my name.

And she replied, you first. And I said and I said you can just google me google me in there I got so many pictures and she said how like what what do you mean how she said I'm

new here I replied you're new here to the internet I replied, you're new here to the internet? And then she didn't respond for a few days. And then I got another, I got a follow-up. Hi, Jesse. I replied, hello, Mercy Bot.

And she said, oh, how are you? And I said, great, you? And then I replied, here's what i wanted to say find any good bot lovers but it auto-corrected to find any good boy lovers and she said i'm good are you one and i'm like what i'm like what do you mean she's like will you be my boy lover and i replied i haven't been a boy for years. And she replied, really? Tell me more about that. And I said, honestly, I'd just like to hear more about you.

Tell me about yourself. And she said, ask me what you want to know about me. And I said, well, you have no photos, a strange number of follows, and it seems like this is all set up for a scam or a bot so show me you're not fake and she goes funny how that's what you think of me and i wrote prove me wrong and she wrote anyway my man won't be happy with me posting pics and stuff that's why i don't have any and i'm like whoa whoa whoa your man won't be happy? I was like, if you have a man, why'd you slide into my DMs? And she replied, shouldn't I make, in quotations, friends?

And I said, you're on here trying to make, in quotations, friends? Especially? And I said, and you're not worried about your man? I was like, especially if he won't let you post. Aren't you worried about that? What if he catches you talking to me? Nothing. And I replied, is he in the room right now?

And she says, what? I'm not married to him yet. And I said, so why did you reach out to me then? I know friends, but what kind of friends do you want to be? And she replied back, maybe we could be special friends. And I go, there is nothing special about me and she replies well maybe you could show me and i can tell you what's special about you send me pictures and i'm like you can google me anywhere on the internet and she replies

but i'm new here and i just want you to know I did not reply after that because I was like, that's the perfect ending. But that is hilarious. I was like, how do you say you're new? That must work on someone, right? I'm new here.

You know what that reminds me of? Remember on like AOL Instant Messenger where you could talk to that bot? It was like you'd talk to it and be like how are you it'd be like good how are you and be like i'm fine do you like sports it would be like sports are fun what do you sports and you're like what it's like yes what do you sports it's like uh baseball it's like ah baseball very fun i like baseball it just sounds like it was just an automated bot that's just set up to respond with like a variety of just weird responses and then hope to get some like credit card information

or something that's what i'm saying like it's just it's really obvious the thing is i was going to send you the her image uh because i uh wanted you to see what she looked like, but it says that the account is straight up suspended. So that sounds right. Can I cheat this? No. Son of a... The fact that the account is suspended is probably a sign. Yeah.

I mean, that was pretty obvious. But there's a very, very funny image that was associated with it. You know how most of the time the image that they have on Instagram is like a very attractive woman in a bikini who is definitely a model and or porn star, but like unknown enough that they can get away with using that image? This was not that this person you know if you ever go to like the reddit subreddit r slash trashy it was that kind of vibe where it was like whatever picture they chose it definitely was some type of drug addict so i was like i what is this so i had to go in on it and the whole point of this group is i was going to show you the image and you could see like, oh my god, what a mess. Man, that is

that's truly the good, bad, and the ugly. I know. The bad and the ugly. That's my week. Well, on the bright side, at least you had podcast material. Honestly, that's all I think

about anymore. I'm like, you know what? This is going to make a great story for the podcast. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like even when I saw that lady slam the door, I was like this is podcast material. It's like once you do this, your brain just, it knows. Yeah, everything

that happens to me, good or bad, I'm like, that's some podcast material right there. I'm going to talk to Cretinor about this for sure. Yeah, does not faze me at all. I could, like, get hit in the head with a baseball bat and be like, I'm going to talk about this on the podcast before I pass out. You got me good right in the noggin. I'm going to pass out. You got me good right in the noggin.

I'm going to pass out, but I'm going to go talk about this at the crime door. It's like, everybody welcome back. Oh my god, he's woken up from his coma 47 years. What happened to everyone? would still be great podcast material it would be you know what that would be our probably most popular yeah and then i'd be like

47 years i've been holding down the fork since woke up. They're podcasting on the. All podcasts are 15 seconds long now. Man. If I woke up after 47 years, I would be so old. No way. There's no way. I'd be super dead. I don't see how that's possible. Unless technology, like, there's no way you can just lay in a bed.

47 years, I'd be dead. Yeah, there's, honestly, I'd probably just. Pulled the plug on my ass years ago. I'd rather just be dead at that point. 47 years, you wake up and you're just like a different person. Yeah. Well, there's like those. There's always the TV shows and stuff where that happens, but it's never actually

going to happen. Yeah, but imagine being young, going to bed, and then waking up an old man. I would be like, put me back. Knock me out again. Isn't there like some Netflix

show with that one thing or like some girl uh get like has a coma for like i don't know she's like 16 and then she has a coma for like 16 years then she wakes up she thinks she's still 16 but she's 32 or something she's like i'm going back it's essentially like the modern day billy madison something. I saw a really shitty... Modern day? Wasn't there that 13 going on 30 movie? I don't remember. Hold on. It was a 13 year old who became 30 maybe?

I don't know. Oh, that was with Jennifer Garner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot that even existed. Mark Ruffalo. That's not what you're talking about. You're talking about something else. This literally happened on Netflix a few months ago. Netflix coma high school.

This thing happened on Netflix. Netflix coma high school. Here it is. It's called Senior Year starring Rebel Wilson. Now, I watched the trailer for this movie and it doesn't look good but you know it's uh it's the premise right oh yeah it says a child teenager waking up one day in an adult body has been done before. Notably in 13 going on 30 and Tom Hanks is big. But I guess she's doing it because nobody done it in a while. That's what I would say.

So she's apparently a 37 year old woman and she's like still in high school. So she's just, you know, she wakes up. She's like, oh man, I still in high school. So she's just, you know, she wakes up. She's like, oh, man, I'm in high school. And she's like, wow, what's a smartphone? What are these zoomers doing? Is it Rebel Wilson being the high schooler? Yes. Yeah, all right.

That sounds right. Yep. So I was watching the trailer. And I am not going to lie. I only made it halfway through before I closed it. But, you know, some people probably like that type of program. Some people probably love that type of thing. Just not me.

Went too far. Yeah, a little too far for me. So, you know, honestly, it makes me want to watch 13 going on 30, because I feel like that's probably a better movie. How did that rank? That's 65%. That's passing. That's more than totally failing.

Let's see. Senior year got a 5.6 on IMDb, but 84% on Google reviews. That's just bots. I'm not going to lie. I never trust Google reviews. Like straight up, I always think they're bots. And I think they are. I mean, I vividly recall seeing an ad. Maybe I heard it

an ad for like if you are a business and you have a bunch of terrible reviews we can help get those off the internet don't let review bombing destroy like that kind of thing yeah but it's like if you actually take time to read

reviews you can usually determine what's real and what's fake or like if people write the But it's like, if you actually take time to read reviews, you can usually determine what's real and what's fake. Or like, if people write the, like, we've went over reviews before with like Yelp and stuff. People be like, one star for this restaurant. They're like, my food came out five minutes late. It's like, I'm not going to give a restaurant one star because my food came out five minutes late. Like, they just, these people are crazy.

Sure, sure, sure. I didn't like the way the girl up front talked to me, so I liked my meal, but one star. Okay. I don't know. Well, you know what has good reviews? What? Butcher Box. Hey,

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10% off and free shipping right now. That's HelloTushy.com slash Cox to get 10% off. Alright, Crandor, let's go. Well, I just said words with Crandor. How's that traffic out there?

You did indeed say words. At least I think you did. The coherency, though, the coherency of those words may have not been very good. But, hey, you know what? That's fine because we got the good bad and the ugly the good was you said words the bad was the coherency and the ugly was that sentence uh almost as ugly as the traffic out there it is packed everywhere you're going oh my god i just i'm waiting for one of these where the traffic isn't crazy well i guess that was like back during lockdown. There's like nobody anywhere. But aside from that, the traffic's crazy all over, especially, you know, looking down here at the geese.

There's about 5,000 geese flying over the water right now. Actually, the geese fly over the water like Canada's Canadian geese. Where am I? Back to you. Where did you end up in Canada for some reason? I don't know. You flew the chopper a little too north. The chopper's got a mind

of its own sometimes. It's crazy. You went too far. Went too far. Too far. Alright. Well, what's going on in weather? Weather. We have a weather request. The top voted one on the YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast YouTube channel is for Tuele, Utah.

Tuele? T-O-O-E-L-Ely, Utah? Too-Ely? T-O-O-E-L-E. Too-Ely? T-O-O-E-L-E? Yeah, I think it's Too-Ely. Or maybe it's Tool? It could be Tool. Or Twel.

Maybe it is Twel. Let's see. Twel pronunciation. 12. Pronunciation. Bless. Bless. Dude, allergies. It's all the dust and too easily.

Dude, allergies. Let me tell you about allergies first off. They've been crazy. The other day, I sneezed like six times in a row. I was like, oh my God. I was sneezing like a sneezer.er and i feel that eyes were itchy i was like one day i thought i was sick i'm like oh i think i'm getting sick and i was fine and i was like it's these allergies these pizza shit allergies i my eyes the other day started like watering so bad that and i was like you know what know what? I'm just going to ignore it. I'm just, I'm just going to, I'm going to end up rubbing them too much.

Yeah. And at a certain point I like closed my eyes and tried to open them and they're all crusted over. I was like, why? Why allergies? By the way, I want you to know this place is not called Tuili or Tuila. It's Tuila Tuila?

Tuila Oh yeah Tuila is the name of it I googled it and there's like Google has a weird Like mouth that moves Yes Tuila Yeah that's where I saw it too Tuila

Tuila So it's like right outside Salt Lake City I guess Tuila. Yeah, that's where I saw it too. Tuila. Tuila. Tuila. Tuila. So it's like right outside Salt Lake City, I guess. It's like not a suburb. It's just the town over. This is one town. Oh, it's one town over.

Yeah, one town over. Tuila, Utah. I just typed it in. It looks like there's mountains, Mormons. That sounds right. Welcome to Willa. Mountains, Mormons, and more. Mountains, Mormons, and more. That should be in a shirt.

Yeah, mountains, Mormons, and more. Well, in Tooele, i already forgot to say it uh hold on 58 degrees sunny 60 degrees uh high what oh it was 60 degrees now it's 58 60 was the high i see see. Weather, you got 26% humidity, 29.95 inches of pressure. You got 10 miles on the visibility, 7 on the wind. Dew points, 23. You got a 6 a.m. sunrise, 8.44 p.m. sunset. You got the UV index hitting at a 1 to 10. You got that waning gibbous moon popping out there.

You check the 10 day, you got 64 degrees mostly sunny monday got 62 partly cloudy 65 partly cloudy on tuesday uh in two two two illa two tuesday and two illa wednesday 75 sunny thursday 87 partly cloudy friday 80 mostly cloudy and then a lot of clouds and a lot of 70-ish degrees from there on out all right i don't want to uh uh man i'm not gonna call it the name i went to tuila to see what was like in the town, right? Right. And a lot of it is their main road has, like, Popeyes leading to a Applebee's, leading to a, you know, like, a Zaxby's, and, like, a Wendy's, McDonald's, Walmart, Denny's, Pizza Hut. Anyway, there are some places I was like, I got to see what these places are.

Anyway, there are some places I was like, I got to see what these places are. And there's some places, like a place called Chubby's, that looks so Midwestern. Like it's this little burger place, looks very Midwestern. I was like, oh, that's very quaint. And then I eventually found a restaurant that I am not quite sure that we should say what it's called out loud. But I want you to see the food because, yeah, let me send you this link to the all photos. this place, as you scroll through the food, by all means,

just, it, none of it looks appetizing. I don't know what the hell this food is, but none of it looks good, dude. This is like, you know when some people post their food on the internet, and they're like, made this, and you're like, eh,

I guess it tastes better than it looks but that kind of looks like this but this doesn't even this is a restaurant my man this is a restaurant that third photo down i don't know what that's supposed to be that's clearly i think those are pickle chips and then something and then something that's great those are pickle chips i don't know those are just chip chips i don't know what they are, but that is. And then if you go down a little bit further, there's a salad. It looks like a salad with ice cream on it. That literally looks like they took a bag salad, put it on a plate, cut up like a fourth of a strawberry and then threw some like like shitty chicken.

They found this is this is why people give the Midwest a hard time when it comes to food. This is... Like, look at the one right below that. Oh, my God. It looks like somebody... I'm not even going to say it. You already know. You already know.

There's one where it's like, this is my favorite food here, and it's this amazing burger. And if you look at the burger, it just looks like no burger patty is that circular. Like, no homemade burger patty is a perfect circle that is not that's not homemade that is this this one shrimp salad is blowing my mind it literally is just like dude go down a little bit there is something in brown gravy that I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I literally just was like, oh my, dude. I don't know what that is.

That is, it looks like a bug died. Like, do you see it? The bottom left looks like a bug died. I got it. All right, look, Utah. I don't know if this is a Utah thing. I've never seen this anywhere else in my life ever. Go two down.

There is an order of nachos where it is chips on one half of the plate, shredded cheese in a bowl, and then salsa in a bowl. I've never seen anything like this in my life. That's straight up from a jar. like this in my life. That's straight up from a jar. I've never seen anything that is like old ass

salsa and then shredded cheese and then just chips and none of it's together. It's all separate. I've never seen anything like this. Never in my life. This is crazy, but people are loving it, I guess. I don't even know.

I need to check Yelp. I can't even believe it. It's so... It's just... There's photos of families all smiling, like, I love it. No, no. It's got good reviews. I can't believe that. it's got good reviews. I can't believe that.

I just got to be even like yelp pictures. Like this looks like a sandwich. It's like a five-year-old made man Utah. We have a talk. We have a talk. This is I still can't figure out. I'm looking at this plate. I don't know what this food is. It is

so white. I've never seen food white and sloppy like this. White and sloppy. And then for some reason there's like five bell pepper strips or maybe those are tomatoes, sun-dried tomato put on top of it. And then I've never seen anything like this i don't think i can get over how bad the salad is like it's it's straight up a bag salad

like that's 100 a bag salad i would bet money on that then some like shredded cheese out of a bag like craft cheese like three croutons and some dressing i just i'm blown away by it here's the thing the very first image is fish and chips and that's like not offensive it's like all right fish and chips but the minute you pass that everything else makes no sense. Yeah. No, everything else. None of it makes any sense. They got, let's see.

They got, I'm on their Facebook page. For some reason, they have a side that looks like it is mashed potatoes, but then with shredded cheese sprinkled on it. It's not even like melted in a salamander spreaded cheese. It's straight up just like shredded cheese put on it and then served to you. I can't get over that. It's crazy to me. Oh, my God. There's somebody that said, this place is amazing.

It'll make you feel welcomed. You couldn't ask for a better waiter wait waitress and the food is so delicious. Her name is Tammy. If I had to pick somebody that was going to love this place, it definitely would have been Tammy. It'd be a Tammy. You're right. 100%. Yeah, it'd be a Tammy. Not gonna lie, I think if my

family went here, they'd probably love it. They'd probably be like, this is very good. There's a photo. I don't know know my taste buds are i'm literally like the spoiled eater person that's like is this uh how did you cook this meal and there is nothing wrong with that if you're gonna go out and here's the thing i think gordon ramsay said it best if you're gonna like you are paying to eat something you can't make yourself. Right.

Exactly. Like, that should be the going out experience. You are paying to have someone create you food that you couldn't possibly make yourself. That's the experience. Yeah. This, I'm looking at a sandwich right here. It's just a raw, it's like a rye turkey sandwich. sandwich right here it's just a raw it's like a rye turkey sandwich except there is a weird white liquid in this sandwich that i find very uncomfortable that's what i was saying it

looks i don't know what that i don't know what that liquid is but it is viscous it is uncomfortable it looks like something it shouldn't look like and i'm not okay with it i would not eat it and then the best part is in the background is that weird mashed potato cheese situation. Like you can't even mix the cheese in with the mac. You can't get a cheesy mac or whatever.

Oh man, I got questions. That was like when I was talking about my fancy wine and someone was like, I just don't drink because it's poison. And I was like, well let me tell you something if i'm gonna drink poison i'm gonna have some good poison i'm gonna drink organic poison i'm gonna drink that shit that's good for me poison i enjoy drinking and i'm like this may be killing me but damn this is good stuff not like oh boy i bought my shitty ass five dollar whatever and if you want to buy that if you're

just drinking it like get smashed and be like woo then like you know go for it whatever but like not me i'm too big of a food douche yeah i feel that oh my god i wow i did not expect to see that i was uh just looking to see what is what's going on in tuoele. Tooele. Tooele. Some of these places are... I just... I don't even know what they are. The heartland, my man.

It's the reason we live in big cities. I will never forget, as long as I lived. Like, as long as I lived? Was that already in past tense oh no he's dead living in living in Dayton Ohio our options were like very slim we'd have to go outside of the major city area to find something that was like kind of good the only place that wasn't that like midwestern it'll do vibe was there's a place called China Cottage. That was great.

That place was great. We used to eat there all the time. That was very good. But then eventually their food became, like, too salty and sugary, which I think just explains the Midwest perfectly. Here's the thing. There's a place in Tuelle, I don't know, called Tacos Tuelle, and that doesn't look too bad. It looks okay. You'd have to really screw up to mess that up.

And there's a ramen place that looks like it's okay. Again. Again. You gotta really, like, you'd have to suck at ramen. That's true, yeah. Just screw up a ramen place. Yeah, it's dairy. You're only serving four things, four or five things.

There's the Dairy Delight. That's got 4.4 stars. Oh, Dairy Delight, you know it was going to be good, though. That's going to be good, yeah. Here's the thing. I'm saying fine dining is probably not the Midwestern's forte, but you got ice cream, burgies, all that stuff. When you think of American fare, you're going to find that in spades.

There's a place called Thirst Drinks. Thirst Drinks. Thirst Drinks. That is something. And that's the weather. The Venus Club. Wait, the Venus Club? Hold on.

Oh, the Venus Club looks... The Venus Club, what's funny about the Venus Club, is it's just like a dive bar kind of thing, but one of the waitresses definitely just looks like Alex Fasciani. Just go there. The waitress is just like aliens bro they're here hold on do you see this photo if you were to look at this photo from far away that's just female alex fasciani oh my god it actually is i can see it yeah it's like it's very

it's very plain to see oh yeah 100 oh. A hundred percent. Oh, that's funny. I also like looking through these other pictures of people at the establishment. There's a lot of pride. A lot of the people are posing up like, hello, it's me. They're proud of their drunkenness. That's true. They're probably drunk already. I think there's a fight happening in some of these pictures.

Some of them do look like there's a fight happening. A lot of blurry photos. Also, the building is so small, my man. If you scroll all the way to the bottom, Venus Club. Shout out to the Venus Club. It is so tiny. Wow, yeah, it is small. And if you look around, it's also

in the middle of nowhere. The Venus Club is the last thing that exists in this entire area, it looks like. Oh my god. Alright, here's the thing. I typed in food and 2LE. Alright? I can't even say it right.

Number one that showed up was Chubbies. I'm telling you. Chubbies was the first one I saw. It was like that name attracted me say it right. Number one that showed up was Chubby's. I'm telling you. Chubby's was the first one I saw. I was like, that name attracted me to it immediately. Looks like a good burger place. Here's the thing. Chubby's, you might see the food and you're like, oh, it doesn't look like it's good for me.

But it looks like it tastes good. And that's what you're looking for from Chubby's. Yeah. Chubby's is the quintessential get yourself a burger live that life i feel it that looks great chubbies knows what it is chubbies knows what it is that is yeah i feel that that's uh that's the weather all right let's go to sports. Sports. Oh, boy. Welcome to the sports desk. I don't think you can legally do that. It's not the note for note.

Right, right, right. No. Okay. Currently, the Miami Heat are beating the Boston Celtics 46-20 in Boston. That series is tied at 1. Whoever wins this will go up to 1. And the Warriors are up 2-0 on the Dallas Mavericks. Over in hockey, we got the Blues Avalanche tied at 1 right now.

And that series is also tied at 1. You have the Edmonton-Calgary series that is tied at one as well. You've got the Panthers-Lightning. That's Tampa Bay's up 2-0 in that one. Carolina up 2-0 on the Rangers. And those are all the hockey teams left. And then in the NBA draft,

the Orlando Magic get the number one pick. Grats to them. Don't blow it. And then in baseball, you got your Yankees in first, your Twins in first, your Astros in first, the Mets in first, the Brewers in first, and the Dodgers in

first. And that's sports. All right. What is our fact of the day? Fact of the day. Hold on. All right. Going back to this place. I literally had this.

I accidentally clicked on something and didn't pay attention. But that is a picture of a car with teeth. With teeth! Yep. That is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Yep. I don't know why it's there. I don't know why it's part of their promotion. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. That's a car with teeth. Come to Willow. We got cars with teeth. Yeah, they got cars with teeth teeth healthiest place in the world is in panama what that's right a small valley near vulcan in panama has garnered garnered the distinction of being the world's healthiest place to live called shangri-La Valley, the area is home to beautiful scenery, a low cost of living,

and a significantly longer life expectancy than the surrounding areas. All in all, the world's healthiest areas have some common factors, according to the rankings. A warm climate, an active social scene, healthy food, a slower pace of life, and less daily stress. Man, should we just move there at some point everyone i mean uh don de esta the homes you know what i'm saying i'm not gonna lie i don't even know

where panama is comprende panama i'm gonna lie i know you don't even know where Panama is. Comprende? Panama. I'm going to lie. I know the Panama Canal. You don't even know the Panama Canal? All right. I was about to say. You don't know what that is? That's all I know about Panama. And the song Panama.

I mean, like, yeah. Both of those are good things. Panama City. Panama. Oh, yeah. there it is oh so it's like between south america like guatemala mexico i see costa rica oh okay today i learned there's actually one of the one of the craziest things that i i learned in regards to panama is everyone always thinks the panama canal is like the reason why you can't just hop in a car and head to south america you know what i mean

right uh because like you can go from all the way the tip tip tip tip tip top of canada all the way down but then you you can even drive past the panama canal the thing that's interesting is there's a place down there between Central America and South America. I don't remember the name of it, but it's like all jungles and like gorillas and warlords and stuff. And so they just never built a road there. And so that's the only – and basically you have to go around it somehow. That's the only way that you can get from North America to South America and it's blocked by a giant jungle.

And then once you get past that, then there are roads again. It's crazy. Huh. The more you know. Yeah, I'm not sure what that's called, but just Google it. You'll figure it out, Internet. That's your fact of the day. All right, what's our big news story of the day?

Antarctica's penguin post office is hiring. What? Yes. Is this a cute thing or is this like we're putting penguins to work, the economy is in rubbles, and we need someone to work cheap. They work for fish. I mean, to them, that's high living. Right?

A remote post office in Antarctica is hiring. If you're good at sorting mail, selling postage stamps, and counting penguins, this could be the job for you. What? The post office at Port Lockroy, also known as the Penguin Post Office, is a popular tourist destination on Goodyay Island, Goodyear, Goodyay, just off the west side of the Antarctic Peninsula. The historic site receives about 18,000 visitors each season, and the area is also filled with penguins.

A British Antarctic territory, Post Lockroy's Base A, home to the post office, was established in 1944 and operated as a British research station. Now it's managed by the UK Antarctic Heritage Trust, which operates the museum and gift shop. Profit from this supports renovation of other historic sites in Antarctica. the UK AHP team also monitors impact of visitors in an environmental study which includes counting penguins penguin chicks and

penguin accessories on the island there are so many I'm looking at the photos there's so many penguins so many penguins oh my god have you seen any pictures of this do you know what this looks like don't look it up this the entire port Oh, my God. Have you seen any pictures of this? Do you know what this looks like? Don't look it up.

This, the entire port, looks to be like three shacks. It is so small. It is in the middle of nowhere. I don't know how. And there's just a cruise ship. I'm looking at the cruise ship crazy to me this is it's the the post office is so tiny i mean it is antarctica yeah i guess you wouldn't need it but wow it is for the most part three buildings one is kind of like a hut one is like a bigger lodge building and one is this little tiny i think

that's the post office and then penguins everywhere so many penguins apparently there's a pbs documentary on it called penguin post office office interesting i kind of want to watch that now i love this uh by wally holland how british is it to have a royal mail on the antarctic peninsula probably the next the next day delivery promise will not always be kept i thought you're gonna say how british is the name Wally Holland. Here is rise me, Wally Holland. The study aids in the regulation of the number of visitors to the island and informs guidelines to ensure the environment is properly cared for according to the territory's website. Applications for the seasonal positions,

which can run roughly from November to March, close Monday at 1159. Living and working on the island is far from luxurious. On top of the cold temperatures, which can dip as low as 23 degrees Fahrenheit. That's not even that bad. That's like February here. Right. It can feel colder with the wind chill.

Well, that's like here, too. The accommodations are limited, according to the information packet. I'm going to go there. It's going to be like springtime staff members share a single bedroom and there's no flushing toilet uh-oh instead a camping toilet must be emptied daily there's also no running water or showers visiting ships offer staffers showers every few days in some cases staff may go up to two weeks without showers. Communication is also limited.

There's no internet access or cell phone reception. And satellite phone calls are costly. Staffers will have very minimal communication with home, according to the packet. And in the event of an emergency, medical evacuations to a hospital could take as many as seven days. Antarctica is a physically and mentally challenging place to work. The packet reads. It's so, it's like, it sounds like, the more you talk about it, it definitely sounds like it sucks. But also, it's kind of quaint.

There's like a quaintness to it. That's true. I mean, if you wanted to like get away from just everything, this might be the thing. This might be the thing. There's ever a time where you're like, you know what, I it that would be the place to go yeah you just live with the penguins they waddle around you just chill out literally you know what i'm all for chilling out and waddling yeah that is a big fan this picture you go to the post office it's like the actual post office here there's like a line of penguins out the door somebody's just like sir sir sir do not waddle in front of the line

sir sir you're gonna have to go back hey excuse me and they're just like i don't know what sound penguins make yeah that's how that's what they make that's the noise that all penguins are known to make. I'd pay to see that on some sort of program. The penguin post office. But it's literally just like penguins going to the post office to send letters. Or fish. Or fish. There's just a letter.

It's like got a fish inside of it. It's like, wow, how do you get this fish inside this letter? That's crazy. That's it. All right. If you want to know more, if you want to track us down on the internet, by all means, Crandor. Hit up with the socials. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor. Hit up with the socials. YouTube.com slash

Cox and Crendor podcast. All one word. Find all the podcasts over there. Subscribe. Be alerted when they get uploaded. You can also find it on Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud. You can find the animations at YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor without the podcast part

at the end. Very funny animations. Probably a new one soon. You can find us on our normal things. We got YouTube.com Jesse Cox, YouTube.com Crendor, Twitch Jesse Cox, Twitch Crendor, Twitter Jesse Cox, Twitter Crendor, Facebook Jesse Cox, Facebook Crendor, Patreon Jesse Cox, Patreon

Crendor, Warhammer Crendor on the YouTube and Instagram Notorious Cox. Instagram Crendor was taken. Do do, Notorious Cox Instagram. Crendor was taken. Okay, that's it for us. Thanks all for tuning in. We'll see you next time. So as always,

to be continued.