Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 343 -Florida Man's Big Lie

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

The boys are back with this very exciting and not at all lie filled episode. While Jesse is busy wasting this week doing dumb errands and even dumber YouTube video things, Crendor took his free time to STRESS OUT ABOUT EVERYTHING. We obviously need to get to the bottom of this. Also we learn about a badass fort and Florida Man returns only get get caught in the most ridiculous lie ever. All this and so much more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://hellotushy.com/cox to get 10% off. Go to http://babbel.com/cox to save up to 60% off your subscription.

Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. Babbel is going to get you speaking all sorts of languages. Also today we're brought to you by Tushy. Hello Tushy. It's going to change the way you go to the potty. I don't know why I said potty, but that's what I said. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trenthal.

Ghost on Trenthog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Cox and Crendog in the morning. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. I'll be happy. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Saturday episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning.

It is an exciting episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning. Why do you say that? I don't know. I mean, you said it first. Right, but I always say it. Even sometimes I know that I'm lying. I still say it. You're lying.

Sometimes I just say it. It comes out and I know it's not going to be excellent or exciting. How do we know you're not lying again? How do you know I'm telling the truth? I don't know. Checkmate. No, it's true. Some of these episodes are, you know.

You know how every season of a show has like some good episodes some bad episodes like we have that we have like some like wow that was a five star banger and then some they're like man that was that was one star i think people the other week when we did the asmr they're like that was the worst thing i've ever heard please never do that again what do you mean asmr what do we do the The gum chewing. People hated that. They were like, that was like, I actually skipped ahead. Normally I'm fine, but that was terrible. Well, they'll be happy to know that my fascination with it has already ceased.

I've moved on to other weirder things on the internet. It is how I roll. That is my apparent ADHD kicking in because I was like, well, that was a thing I cared about for two seconds. And now I moved on. I'm just saying that was probably rated as a lower episode by a lot of people for that moment. Or some people probably really liked it. They were like that gum chewing thing. That's true.

That's my fetish. Yeah. So you're welcome. You know, sometimes, you know, and sometimes we're both low energy we're just like sometimes we're just like that's why you know what i'm feeling i'm feeling like today's a powerful episode boy don't do that to us don't put that on us all right uh that's the last thing I need is to, like, really live up to that hype. Well, how was your week of weeks? God, I had so much stuff to do this week.

But most of the time. It feels like every week, though. Right. But it wasn't, you know, every week is usually like, oh, I had a lot of work to do. This was, like, the kind of work that sucks. Like, I have to go to the bank to deal with some stuff because the bank called me and was like there's an issue and i'm like what do you mean and i got to the bank and i realized it wasn't from our main account but it was for the the video game company account so i had to sit there for an hour and a half and wait for some dude and i'm like oh my god so i had to do and that was just a waste of my day like a whole half a day was wasted at the bank

um apparently this new microphone thing that i ordered so that we could do more like on location shoots with stuff i guess whoever sent it sent it through fedex and fedex all week was like we've been trying to deliver it and you're not there and i'm like i am 200 here more importantly there is a call box out front that connects to my phone. And even if I'm not there, you press the damn button and I'll just let you in. And you can put it next to the door. Not a big deal. And they're like, well, we left you several notes.

I'm like, there's not been one note out there. Not a one. I haven't seen or heard a FedEx truck come up or down the street at all. You're out of your damn mind. And they're like, he says he was. I was like, that man is a liar. And I will call him on being a liar. And they're like, sir, if you just, you know, come down, they want me to drive 35 minutes to go to a warehouse and pick it up. And I'm like, no, deliver it to me. Like you're supposed to. And they're like, all right. Uh, so what do we need to make that happen?

So I told them everything, and then I went online to my tracking number, and it was like, package on hold. Please contact the people who sent it. And I'm like, oh, my God. I don't know who sent it. I bought it on Amazon. Am I to contact Amazon? No, because Amazon was just the person that I bought it on Amazon. Am I to contact Amazon? No. Because Amazon was just the fulfiller or the person I bought it through.

The fulfillment people were some other company that I don't know who the hell they are. So I'm like, okay. So all I'm trying to do is get this one microphone. And it's like, no. So I've been dealing with that shit. And that sucks. And then, like, then we're doing Scary Game Squad. So I've been dealing with that shit And that sucks and then like Then I uh We're doing Scary Game Squad

And in Scary Game Squad We're playing the Quarry which is the new Like Until Dawn game and we started Playing it on PC and PC was fine It's whatever However about halfway through we realized There were some problems with the PC build That like were not

It wasn't working for us So after our first recording session before our second one i was like okay i am going to purposefully have one of my lovely staff shout out to alex for going through and watching all the stuff we recorded and marking down every single choice we made and then giving me those choices so i could then play through it all over again on the playstation 5 to get us back to where we were and in the meantime i'm uploading videos but i have to make them shorter because i'm doing i'm like literally interweaving playstation 5 footage with pc footage. And all the comments on one of the videos were like, well, well, well, here we are again. Another video series where Jesse's first video is really long

and all the other videos are short. It's shorter and it's further apart. And I'm like, you have no idea what's going into this. I'm busting my ass over here. And that kind of stuff. That kind of thing where I'm just like, everything I do is unappreciated. I'm just working my ass off. It's like they only care about the final product.

They don't care about me. Yeah, that's where I was this week. You needed that ASMR video this week of her being like, good job. Good job. Good job. Good job. You really did. I really need to find that girl who's just like, good job.

Good job. Good job. I did that so badly i was like oh yeah so i i did all that and then the best part was i came into the office uh yesterday and it like smelled like ass and i have no idea why and i feel like i need to tell everyone to clean up their space and make sure things are scrubbed down or if they make food in the office they clean up and i don't want to be that boss i've already done that once and i don't want to be that strict boss who leaves notes everywhere and is like make sure to throw this out or do i don't know where the smell's coming from and it's ass and i'm just like so over it.

Now you're the dad that's just like, come on. We got to take this trash out. I'm not doing it again. But then you have to do it again. This is why I'm bad at relationships. It's adding up. Oh, my God. If I have roommates or I'm living with a significant other or whatever,

boy, the little things start to get on me. Like, why? Do you not spit your toothpaste in the sink? Why are you spitting it on the handle? You know what I mean? Ah, geez, that's me. Oh, dude, I can't. I go crazy.

I'm like, do not. Toast Roman did that the other night. She was like, this is why the sink thing is because you're spitting toothpaste. And I was like, I'm just spitting it. Oh, I'm glad Toast and I can relate. I'm like,

I can't do it. I'm just. That. And then after I brush my teeth, I like, I like rinse the toothbrush. And then I like flick the bristles into the sink. But sometimes it gets out.

No, no. So I get the water off. I would. Oh, dude, I used to date a girl who, um, man, I can't. I can't. Boy, this is I'm going to die alone. I used to date a girl who she was like very, very tidy. And like, you know, she she tried to be a, you know, like a dainty lady, right?

Right. But in the bathroom is when she would like, you know, that's when all the farts would rip and stuff. And that's fine. It's like whatever. That's life. I wouldn't mind. But one thing she did, she used to pick her nose in the shower and then like I'd go to turn on the shower and there'd be like boogers on the back. I was like, what is this?

And so I'd have to let the shower run extra hot for a while to sanitize. I was like, I'm not stepping in your boogers. I'm not doing that. No, thank you. Man, that is, I mean, that's another level. I can't, dude, I can't. I like just being around people drives me crazy. I think I deserve to be a hermit and live alone and not. The Internet's the best thing that could happen to me is I can talk to people

through the Internet. I don't actually have to hang out with them. It's actually the best thing that ever happened. Well, that's good. At least you had a fun week. Did you go to your exercise? I did, yes. How was that?

Good. We went for another hour and a half, and basically I went in, and he was like, you lost two pounds. Good, but it could be better. And I was like, all right. And then he had me do you know pretty much just a standard workout routine we stretched it first and then we did some like elliptical stuff and then we went for a walk to like chill out and cool down and then we did

weights and then we did like some track stuff or he had me run my big ass up and down the track a few times and that kind of stuff. It was, uh, it, it was fine. It wasn't as, as weight intensive as the first day. Uh, I see. So I don't hurt as much, but, uh, I, I today for father's day, I hung out with my dad and he was like, you know, you couldn't meet you. Hey, keep your eyes open. You could meet someone there.

And I'm like, dad, there is not one soul who would find the way I looked attractive. I was the grossest, sweatiest, nastiest man who ever lived. I was like, one more. You stink. We've come from an office full of garbage or something oh man i was like okay he's like one more lap one more i'm like all right i'll do it and he's like you're fine you're fine i'm like i know i'm fine i'll do it i got it yeah the thing is is like when i'm in the moment

of working out i'm fine the minute i stop my body is like okay we're done we're done we're done like no we still have an hour and it's like a fucking hour yeah i can't do it so i have to just keep going i'm like keep me keep me going. Give me no downtime. Like, warm me up at the beginning. Give me like a cool down at the end. But while we're in it, bust my butt. Like, keep me going. Or else my body will be like, bro, oh, we're done?

Okay, I guess I'm done. And everything will shut down. And I'll be like, uh. Like, if I go on long walks or if I go hiking or if I go whatever, when I'm in it, I'm in it. The minute we take a moment to pause, if they're like someone in the group is like, I need a moment to pause. I'm done. My body's like, well, oh, we're good. And the rest of the day is terrible.

Yeah. Oh, come on, buddy. We got to go, buddy. And he's like, no, I quit 35 minutes ago, dude. I get that on a smaller scale where I'm just kind of like, I got to start picking it up again. But yeah, I know what you mean. It's partially because after you work out and do everything, your blood pressure drops. So that's probably part of it.

I mean, I guess that checks out. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess that checks out. I don't. Yeah. I'm lucky that driving up there, there's no traffic.

But driving on the way back, there's lots of traffic. So it gives me time to decompress in the car. I see. Which is needed. I definitely need it. I'll listen to music and slowly drive home through traffic. And it's like, all right. Because everyone's trying to like head towards my part of the city on a saturday and i'm like i get it so i'll just like come back and chill out

it's all right well at least you got a at least you got a day every week you're you're working out now that's good yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to do more during the week but at least i'm forced at least one day to work yeah so that's that's good. Get that one day minimum. Yeah. I'm trying to, trying to like force my life into having Fridays free. So this coming week I was like, everyone work at home on Friday.

And my, I told my dad and he's like, but like why? Like, what are you? And I think he assumed I was doing it for them, but I'm like, you know,

it's for me. I just don't want to do anything on Fridays anymore. I'm like, what if I just like streamed and like had fun and like didn't have to be in an office. And like, I made my own schedules on Friday and effort. He's like, oh, well, that's that's all right. I was like, yeah, of course. Your dad's approving of it. Yeah.

Well, it's for you that it's cool. Your dad's approving of it. Yeah, well, he's like, oh, it's for you, then it's cool. You should have double work Friday where they work twice as much. That's what I would do. Yeah, so, I mean, you know, I'm trying to be better, but this past week was not a fun one. It was a lot of, like, BS, and I'm over it. Well, let me tell you about my week. Please please do i'm sure it's better than mine yeah i don't know well we'll see so it started out

last week uh i think it was last sunday because we recorded i was like all right and then i just went downhill oh yeah so i had trouble sleeping because I was like I had like trouble falling asleep or whatever and then I slept like I don't know six hours still so I was like okay so then the next night I'm like this is fine and then I fell asleep fast but I woke up at like 9 a.m which by the way I go by like 4.30 a.m. Wait, why? What? Why did you have trouble sleeping to begin with? I don't know. I think part of it is because I had a lot of little anxiety things all over.

So I had like... What do you mean? What did you have anxiety with on a Sunday night at post podcast? Well, I had... Well, I think it started from the tick thing. But now I'm over the tick thing. It's gone. You were still worried about the tick thing, but now I'm over the tick thing. It's gone. You were still worried about the tick thing? The tick thing got you.

I think it put my body in a heightened state from that moment. So when all this other stuff hit, I was like, all right, I had to get like, I had to take my car for a thing. I had to have jury duty, maybe. So I was like, there was one of those things like the standby. They're like call on tuesday to see if you gotta go in wednesday yes i was like oh god i might have jury duty and then i was waiting for my warhammer books to get here for the skaven and the sylvaneth so i was like anxious about that because i'm like dude i want to look at these books no get out of town

oh they may never arrive i may never get my my Skaven. Oh, no. You are freaking out. First up, I get them early because I'm a cool Warhammer person. Okay. So I wanted to look at them early so that I could get my review going for them and then put it up and then be like, Oh, here we go. Plus, I like playing Skaven. So I was very excited because their old books suck. It was okay.

But new ones are very good. All right. So I was anxious because I'm like oh man it's coming early but I don't know which day this week it's coming in because they emailed me Sunday like the books are coming in and I was like oh boy so I was anxious about that but like anxious excited not like oh um paired up with the other things where I'm like gotta get these things done and then I might have jury duty and then this thing's gotta do and I gotta call this person like i had like like appointment i had so many things going on so i was just like okay so i got woke up at like 9 a.m and i couldn't fall asleep and i was like you know what all right four and a half hours i'll just be tired tomorrow that's fine so i stayed up that day being like

there's your problem the next night i fell asleep fast and then i woke up at like i want to say like 10 30 so i was like i mean it's like five and a half hours i get sleep i was like i mean it's better than nothing but i'm still like can i would just go back to sleep for another hour and a half that's all i need another hour and a half and body's like nope so i was like all right whatever so that day uh also our blackout curtains had like some light shining in i think this was part of it too it was like 100 degrees here all right actually it was like 104 so it was like bright it was hot we have the air conditioning but like air conditioning when it's like 104 still like chugging all day. And so there's like four.

Yeah. So I went to Home Depot. All right. I bought some like Velcro tape. And so I like Velcro tape the blackout curtains to the wall. So when you're not using them, you just like and then you like slide them over. And then when you're going to go to bed, you just go like and then you put them back on the wall it's fantastic uh so i did that so i was like okay so that helps and then i called for the jury duty and they were like you do not have to report for

jury duty and i was like all right okay i don't have to do jury duty that's good uh and then i got i went to the weed store and i bought some cbd thc gummies because i like the ones where they got both in it i think it just it's more relaxing so i took uh a fraction of one of those because it just you know i don't take a full one i just take some seriously like yeah and uh i think i slept like six and a half hours that night so i was like all right you know what if it's over six hours at least that's like tolerable i don't feel like i'm dying in the day and then the next day it was like thursday my books came in i was like dude my rat book so i was very excited looked my rat book and then i was just uh you know i got a bunch of

stuff done i think a lot of my anxieties were going away and then i slept like seven hours and then i slept like seven and a half hours yesterday so now i'm back on track uh but that was a it was not a fun time when you just keep waking up you can't go to sleep or you just can't go to sleep in the first place oh that's the other thing i started doing so i was like looking at all these sleep tips and the one that i like the most was you just do a like you write before you go to sleep like a journal and so i literally just go on my laptop with like f lux so it's like super you know not blue light uh and then i just write for like three minutes just like i'm worried about this thing but i'm gonna get that done and i'm doing this and like this feels good or like i have this but whatever and you like write out all your thoughts and then

when you go to bed you don't like sit there worrying about it because you're just kind of like oh yeah i wrote it all out and then you go to sleep and it's actually been helping i uh have never done that but i have had those nights of sleeplessness and usually one stop to youtube and i think i just type in rain car drive asmr something like that and it'll literally be just like the amount of dudes who record themselves driving in the rain is insane. It's so high. And it's just like eight hours of me driving in the rain. And it is, that is sleep fuel for me. That I am down.

That is pretty good. There is one, what is it called? There is one sleep rain car. There is one that is, oh, it's called Cars Driving in the Rain at Night, two hours ASMR by Yoga Duke. Shout out to Yoga Duke. Yoga Duke. This thing has 2.3 million views.

It's 10 years old. It straight up is like a camera pointed at a highway in the rain. And it reminds me of when I used to live in New York and I, there was a big major road near where I lived and when it would rain, I'd open the windows and hear the cars driving by and like the trucks in the rain. That is, it gets me every time shout out to

yoga duke in that video because that is like every time i put that thing on and just pass out it is like sleep fuel for me yeah i do like asmr for that maybe i should try that maybe i should try yoga duke i don't i mean i don't, I mean, I don't know anything else about Yoga Duke except that one video, so I can't make any promises, but I do love it. All right. Although I've been sleeping better now, so I don't know if I need it, but if I, if I can. Yeah. I mean, one time I did, like I had a bunch of stuff in my mind and so I went and wrote down like pen to paper wrote down a list of things to do the next day and that made going to sleep easier i will say it does help to get shit out

of your head yeah because that's the big thing i think people go to bed and especially nowadays where like you don't have time to sit down and like process everything you've been doing throughout the day because you're constantly like keeping your mind occupied so when you lay down that's why everyone does the meme of like oh man i'm so tired and then they lay down and they can't fall asleep because their head's just racing and so when you write down everything it kind of just gets it all out and your body's just like all right nice sleep time nice nice and then when that all fails then i got my like emergency zionics oh well i don't i mean i would never do that i only take two edibles well that's true well that's that's why i said it's emergency zionic that's like

i have the smallest dose it's like 0.25 milligrams which i look up online people like that doesn't even do anything that's a placebo effect i'm like i don't give a shit yeah it works for me i'll take yeah yeah it works for me so i'm like either it's a placebo or it's working but i think it's working so i don't know and then uh they give me like 30 and it lasts me like a year so then whenever i go to renew it my doctor's like you addicted to these and i'm like uh no no. And he's like, oh, okay. I love your accusatory doctor. You addicted to these?

You addicted to these? Yeah, I don't know. It's like my last ditch resort thing. I love that. Yeah, so that's fun. What else did I do? I recorded Binding of Isaac with Sinvicta. That was fun.

Amazing. I'm sure he's a master at that game by now. Oh, yeah. Sinvicta, that's like all he does on his channel for his main stuff. And then I was like, I will say he learned from Northern Lion. That's like free views. Yeah. lion that's like free views yeah if you if you produce like a lot of that content the the the binding of isaac fans eat it up dude oh yeah i've seen that from his youtube channel uh so i was

like synvicta teach me binding of isaac's i've played about eight minutes of binding of isaac in my life and i don't know why it's like everyone's like dude every run is different i'm like i want to see why and so he's like all right i'll teach you so we did a series of like on his channel and my channel so on his channel he is like i'm just kind of gonna let you play and commentate and then on my channel he's doing more coaching and so it's funny because when he just let me play and didn't coach i actually almost like won i almost beat the whole level uh like got to the end boss thing and then when he was coaching me i did worse well i was like oh all right that's because you're trying to both listen it's like when people stream You're trying to both entertain and play right

Same thing there is you're trying to listen And do what he says and you're second guessing your own Intuition to sort of like Get what he's telling you So until the two of you are on the same wavelength They're always going to be worse because you're trying to like Catch up to what he says Yeah plus I play fast

I do that with card games too I play way too fast. I hate when people take 10 years to be like, alright, this is the optimal play to use the breath of magic. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out.

Don't do that. I don't want to have to call you out on this. Every time we've ever played any game, you're the guy who's like, the optimal, when we play Civ, the first two turns, nothing happens, game you're the guy who's like the optimal when we play civ the first two turns nothing happens and you're like hold on i'm planning my civilization that's different no it's not yes it is turn one of civilization is plant your flag move on to turn two no you're like that's one of the most important parts of the game. That place, you plant that flag, you're there for the next 10 hours.

So I'm going to take my time and I'm going to find a good spot. Alright, with Hearthstone, if I lose, I'm on to the next one. That's funny. So, listen, there's people, even sometimes I'm like, alright, this this person wins and then they're

like hmm do i win though let's see the other mathematical possibility i'm like i'm out so it was like in my one sinvicta's like all right don't pick up the okay you picked it up all right if you're gonna go into this room don't do the okay you did it i was like listen you gotta tell me faster but i actually had a good time i thought it was pretty fun game that's good that's good i i think it's very fun as well i just realize i'm not great at it like i like you know how you play fast yeah i play fast but i don't use foresight i will literally just be like oh that without thinking, without thinking, and I'll pick up something that's way worse than what I had

just because I'm like, it's new. That is a problem I have always had, and I always will have. The other day, I was playing Teamfight Tactics, and I was so obsessed with finding one character that I completely ignored the fact that another character that I needed popped up, and I clicked next,

and I was like, no! Oh, yeah, I've done that. It happens to me all the time. I've done that a lot. The amount of times I'm, like, looking for Jinx, looking for Jinx, then someone's like, you rolled a Jinx, and they're like, you rolled another one. I'm like, what? That's like me with Lulu. I'm like, I need a Lulu, and I always skip past Lulu.

I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, yeah, been there there been there uh that was yeah so that was fun and then today uh today for father's day went by my parents house and then my dad was like let's order portillos so then we got portillos and we went to pick it up and the order wasn't there and we went to pick it up and the order wasn't there. And we went to pick it up and we were waiting. And then this lady got her order. And then she was like, good luck.

Took me like 30 minutes. It's like, all right. And then the guy comes back. He's like, hey, so we don't have your order. I think DoorDash took it. Oh, my God. So they had to remake it and it took like another 20 minutes so i was like all right uh i mean at least you got the fresh and hot version

that's true we at least got the fresh hot version so and uh you know it's still good still got my my hot dog and my chicken sandwich good good uh so you know that's the main highlight of father's day yeah we today father's day for us was literally i went over to my parents we ate food and then watched the local news for an hour and a half and i was like all right gonna go do cox and grendor. Why did you watch the local news? I don't know. My mom had it on when I got there, and we just didn't change the channel. And then, I don't know, an hour and a half went by.

And we saw, you know how the local news is like the 4 o'clock Sunday local news? And then it's like the 5 o'clock, and it's the exact same news. And they just redo it. That's where we were on the same news again. The point where they then changed the channel. We watched another local news station at five to see what their stories were. That's yeah. It's just the same thing, but a different type of light.

It's like pretty much alligator down at the old festival would bit uh the guy that thought it was a dog and then you go to the other station and they're like breaking news alligator bites man could it be a dog the funniest part was is that uh both stations had two stories about father's day both featuring mariachi bands, both in different locations. So one of them was a mariachi band walking up and down the street with a bunch of fathers celebrating Father's Day. And the other one was a Spanish-language grocery store in L.A. invited a mariachi band to play in the store

for all the shoppers. And both stories featured really old ladies dancing with the mariachi. It was so good. I love this. Local news always does that too. They're like, and there were many fathers out here. And then they're like, hello, sir.

Are you a father? He's like, yeah, I'm a father. And they're like, what's it like being here on Father's Day? It's pretty good. I like eating there. And they're like, what's it like being here on Father's Day? It's pretty good. I like eating here. And they're like, how about you? What do you think of this? And the other guy's like, yeah, you know, my family decided to come here.

We all decided to go. It was a good time. They're like, well, everyone's having a great time here down at the place. Back to you guys. That is exactly what it was. Oh, my God. I just forgot to tell you something that's completely unrelated to all this. Yeah.

So the other thing that happened to me was on my second night of not being able to sleep and being like, oh my God, I can't sleep, whatever. I was like, you know what? I'm just going to get up. Literally when I got up, I pulled my neck. How are you still alive honest question i literally got up are you all right oh and i was like oh my god i strained my neck so i was like not only am i just tired and anxious i'm like now my neck is strained so i was like oh i can't turn it uh can't turn it so that just added to everything but now it's like it's like 85 better oh well

that's good because i couldn't lift i wanted to lift because lifting helps you're like everything you know you get rid of that anxiety get the blood pumping you get done so i was like wanting to lift but i couldn't so i just did cardio. Dumb. My man. I think you're going too hard. I think you're going too hard. I don't know anyone who strains themselves as much as you. Honestly, I think it's strained because my neck is weak from years and years of sitting at a computer with terrible posture. That checks out.

You know what? I buy that completely. You don't even need to explain that to me. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. And also currently sitting with terrible posture. So I think I just need some, I need to strengthen my neck, actually.

I need to do more of the exercises they told me in physical therapy how do you strengthen your neck what is this neck strengthening physical therapy you do chin tucks so chin tucks is where you tuck your chin in like you kind of like you're making a double chin sounds like self-evident yeah yeah and that strengthens it you also there's like exercises where you like lay down flat and you like lift your neck back. There's some where you like take a ball and you like push the side of your head into the ball and that strengthens like the side of your neck muscles. I gotta do that one.

There's like some other ones. They gave me a bunch. And then you also strengthen your back muscles for posture. Do you worry about when you do stuff like that you end up being older with like one of those flabby necks? Uh... Because you keep giving yourself a double chin and all that stuff. Are you worried that you're going to end up with one of those necks that droops down? I don't give a shit.

As long as my neck doesn't strain, I don't care less. You are the most pragmatic person I know. You're like, I don't care. How do I care? Hey, I just don't want pain. You kidding me, I don't care. How do I care? Hey, I just don't want paint. Kidding me? Whatever. My man. I learned so much living through you.

Vicariously through you. I'm like, yup, yup, that checks out. So, that was my week. It sounds like a wonderful week. You know what else is wonderful? What? Hello, Tushy.

Whoa. Hey, imagine you're walking down the street, Crandor. Mm-hmm. A bird poops all over your arm. Yeah. Are you just going to pat that off with a dry napkin? No, definitely not. No, you're going to wash your arm.

Yeah. No, definitely not. No, you're going to wash your arm. So why are we treating our buttholes any differently? Stop smearing your business around with toilet paper and start washing with water with the Hello Tushy bidet. Everyone knows that bidets are the way to go. And if you don't, that's because you've never tried one. Hello Tushy's Bidet makes it so easy to get yourself started on that path. It washes your bum with fresh water for way better clean than toilet paper. Simply spray and then pat it dry. It attaches to your existing toilet.

You don't need an electrician or a plumber. It installs in literally eight minutes, maybe less if you're a smarty pants. Cuts down on your toilet paper usage by 80%. You save money. You don't waste a lot of paper. I know a lot of people, I know I used to use those like wipe things that they would sell. Those are apparently terrible for the environment. So, I know. So, oh, I know.

So this helps with that. Make the restroom your best room with the complete Tushy system, including a Tushy bidet attachment, a little ottoman, and a toilet brush. Hello Tushy has cleaned over one million happy bums. Join them and take care of your business the cleaner way. We want you to have a clean bum. That's true. That's what we want.

Visit hellotushy.com slash cox to get 10% off plus free shipping right now. Also, if you want, for hilarity's sake, tag us and at HelloTushy on Twitter, for example, and let them know. Let them know that you heard about it. That's HelloTushy.com slash Cox to get 10% off at HelloTushy.com slash Cox. Also today, we're brought to you by Babbel. Summer's here. And for all of you who are finally starting to travel, you're not traveling out of LA.

They canceled like 42 flights today. But if you're traveling anywhere else, domestic or foreign, if you want to immerse yourself in a culture, if you want to just get away, Babbel is the best way to be prepared. Babbel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. Thanks to BABL's addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons, there's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination. With BABL, all you need is 10 minutes to complete a lesson,

so you can start having those real-life conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks if you want to. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans, real-life conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks if you want to. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans, but Babbel has lessons created by over 150 language experts. Their teaching method has been scientifically proven to be effective. Plus, Babbel has speech recognition technology to help you improve your pronunciation and accent, which is, truthfullyfully like half the deal, you know?

You can be like, hola, habla espanol. And, you know, that's not, they're going to look at you like, who is this goober? Speaking of espanol, you can get 14 different languages, including Spanish, French, Italian, German, whatever your heart desires. There are so many ways to learn with Babbel. You've got podcasts, games, videos, stories, even live classes.

And it all comes with a 20-day money-back guarantee. So if you aren't happy with your new language journey, they got you covered. Right now, save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to babbel.com slash cox. That's babbel, B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash cox to get up to 60% off. What? 60% off is what I was going to say. Boy, I need that pronunciation software. Babbel language for life.

Let's go to chapter. Whoa. See, I need that. Oh, that's softer. In's go to chapter. Whoa. See that. I did that. Oh, that's softer in the sky with Grendor. Uh, Hey,

yep. He needs it. Uh, so here we are up in the sky. Uh, it is definitely getting crazy traffic. They're canceling flights. There are people who got to walk places.

They got to take trains. It's getting crazy out here. Uh, also, I forgot to mention that i've been watching spongebob episodes me and toast woman watched the entire first season of spongebob and you know what it actually holds up pretty well i thought you mentioned that last time did i well we finished the entire first season though and there you go so uh we're on the season two thank you all right let's go to weather uh we have a weather request for let's see they said either my city of groningen netherlands or bertange netherlands the latter has a population of only 450 people but has a gigantic star fort which might be interesting for krendor seeing as he talked about being interested in castles and forts and how they were constructed.

Ooh, this is the famous star fort. Oh, is that the Bertange? Yes, it looks exactly like all the pictures I've ever seen of it. It's beautiful. Let's see, Bertange Fort. Oh wow, That is crazy. Look at that. Yeah.

It's like multiple stars. It's like stars on stars. Wow, yeah. That is stars on stars. Admittedly, if I had to outlast a siege, this is where I would do it. This place looks dope. Oh, yeah. Bertange, Groningen, Netherlands.

51 degrees. It feels like 50 degrees. High, 65. Low, 46. Humidity, 91%. Pressure, 29.93 inches. Visibility, 10 miles. Yeah, your winds at 5 miles an hour.

Dew point at 49. UV index, 0. And a moon phase of a waning gibbous. Sunrise, 5.04 a.m. Sunset, 10 p.m. You've got a daily forecast of 65 degrees, partly cloudy, 10 to 20 mile an hour winds at night. Tuesday at 73, partly cloudy.

Wednesday, 74, mostly sunny. Thursday, 80, mostly sunny. Friday, 77 with thunderstorms. Saturday, 74 with thunderstorms. Saturday, 74 with thunderstorms. Sunday, 73 with showers. Monday, 70 with showers. This place is super interesting. I guess this was constructed on the only road between Germany and a city controlled by the Spanish during the 80 Years War.

And so it was kind of like a choke point. Oh, that is cool. And I guess that's why they made it such a total badass location. Yeah. Wow, that's even crazy to look at on Google Maps. You're just like, whoa, stars. It was built under the orders of William the Silent, which I think is just...

What a great name. William the Silent. One of the main leader of the Dutch revolt against the Spanish that set off the 80 Years' War resulted in the formal independence of the United Provinces, which I guess is supposed to be like the Dutch Republic, the Netherlands. Oh, yeah. I'm looking at a restaurant inside the fort.

Yo, I want to go to that restaurant. What is that restaurant? There's a cat on a chair. Uh-huh. He's just sitting on a chair. It looks like there's a cafe. Uh-huh. He's just sitting on a chair. It looks like there's like a cafe. This is Cafe... I didn't even say this. Landy's

Hughes? Cafe Restaurant Landy Hughes. Yo, I love... That cafe has got like a look to it. Yeah, it actually looks really cool. I can't tell what the hell the food is. Yeah. Some of the food is like... It looks like croquette stuff kind of yeah friend or

On Tripadvisor, I'm just gonna send you this image on Tripadvisor. There is an image of a young girl at this cafe of a young girl at this cafe. Hold on, let's see. What the shit? There is on this TripAdvisor page, it's a bunch of photos of the food. And then just one photo is of a girl face down on her plate. And I don't know what's going on in this image.

Is she like licking the plate? Is she like falling asleep in the plate? I have no idea what's going on in this image. It's so funny looking. The craziest thing is on the plate is like a dust powder. And I don't know what's happening in this image. It's so funny. Yeah, I don't know.

That is weird though. The fort now is just like some restaurants and hotels, and then probably you walk around and see the forts, though. That'd be cool. I'd be down for that. It actually does look pretty neat. They have a vegetarian burger that looks like just a bunch of vegetables on a bun. That's what I'm looking at right now.

Interesting. The bun looks like a rye bread, but the bread looks like it was baked in 1832. It's crazy looking. It's crazy looking bread. Crazy looking bread. But that's because the rest of the world got that crazy looking bread. Well, we're over here with our, like, wonder bread. So, I mean, I get it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's pretty neat. Yeah, I like that. That was cool. Yeah. That's the weather. All right, let's go neat. Yeah, I like that. That was cool. Yeah. That's the weather. All right, let's go to sports. Sports.

Welcome to sports. Hello. Hello. So, we had the NBA Finals. The Golden State Warriors won, defeating the Boston Celtics to go 4-2 in the series and win the entire thing. So, good for the Warriors. So good for the Warriors. Good for the Warriors.

I did not want them to win, but, you know, it's whatever. Then in the NHL, the Colorado Avalanche currently up 2-0 in a seven-game series against the Tampa Bay Lightning. So it's looking pretty good for them so far. Then we have baseball, where we have the Yankees in first, the Twins in first by a game over Cleveland. You got the Astros in first, you got the Mets in first, the Cardinals and Brewers tied in first, and the Dodgers in first by half a game over the Padres with the Giants three games back. And it's pretty much sports.

Actually, I think NFL's doing some training camp stuff. So that's pretty neat. We're only a couple months away from the NFL. Starting up again. So that's pretty fun. Oh, boy. Oh, geez. And then golf, I think, also happened.

Matt Fitzpatrick got his major moment on the last hole of the U.S. Open. And then golf, I also think, happened. This is the most accurate statement I've ever heard. I think it happened. Yeah. It did. That it did. That it did. All all right let's go to our fact of the day yep fact of the day

fact of the day all right fact of the day australia contains a number of pink lakes, but the most stunning is the Pepto-Bismol-colored Lake Hillier. The color may be the result of certain algae. I got to look it up. Whoa, it really does look Pepto-Bismol color. Whoa, it does. Oh, what the shit? That's crazy. I would not step foot in that lake.

I wouldn't either. Oh, my God. That is... It straight up just looks like a lake filled with Pepto-Bismol. Yeah. That's like a weird dream lake. Like, what? That's...

Look at that. Look at us. Look at us looking at that. Oh, my God. There's a guy, like, bottling the water, and it's pink. It's in Western Australia down way in the like. Down way under.

Way under. Yeah, that is way under. You're right. The shore of the lake is terrifying. No. No thank you. So I guess in 1802 it was already pink.

Wait, it was already pink in 1802? So it was just, how long has it been pink? Matthew Flinders, I assume that's who it is, or Flanders, expedition on the 15th of January 1802 found it, and it's the first written records of the lake. He observed a pink lake, and he says, in the northeastern part was a small lake of rose color, the water of which, as I was informed by Mr. Thistle,

which absolutely sounds like a guy who'd be on an expedition, Mr. Thistle, who visited it, was so saturated with salt that sufficient quantities were crystallized near the shore to load a ship. Specimen he brought back aboard was good quality, required no other process than drying to be fit for use. So maybe that's where, like, I don't know, maybe it's the same, like, thing as Himalayan sea salt, that whole, like, pink salt.

I don't know. Yeah, that's weird. Oh, it does say, despite high salt levels, comparable to those of the Dead Sea, Lake Hillier is safe to swim in. However, it is not advised nor allowed without previous approval from the Western Australia Department of Environmental Conservation. So, I guess they don't want you swimming in there, but you can. Well, that's good to know. At least if I ever had to go swimming in there for a reason yeah you could be

fine weird as hell looking it's so neat yeah yeah definitely look it up lake hillier that's your fact of the day wow all right what is our big news story of the day uh this news story is actually a few weeks old but i feel like it is definitely worth talking about. Florida bodybuilder pulling a $245,000 scam told the VA he could lift only 10 pounds. Wait what? Wait what? Okay. All right, here we go.

Vanity prevented a Port St. Lucie, Florida man from getting away with taking 250 grand in veteran administration disability benefits by claiming, among other things, combat experience and arm and leg weakness that prevented him from lifting weights since 2010. While pulling the scam, bodybuilder Zachary Barton and his wife were posting pictures and videos online of Barton pushing heavy iron to build his physique and flexing in the gym on stage and contests.

Investigators began tracking the muscular moves of Barton, such as moving furniture and regular workouts at gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where Barton and his wife moved. Eventually, prosecutors had enough of a case against Barton that the 35-year-old U.S. Army vet pleaded guilty in West Palm Beach Federal Court to theft of government funds. Okay, so basically he lied to the VA. Like, he actually could lift stuff. Oh, alright.

I thought it was the reverse. I thought he was, like, lying. I thought he was tricking the weightlifting organizations. Like, he couldn't lift weights, and he somehow tricked them all. I was like, whoa! No, he's... He was just like, I'm so weak, I can't do anything like whoa no he's he uh he was just like i'm so weak i can't do anything and then he's like at the gym lifting like 300 pounds gotcha yeah uh barton submitted a benefits claim to the va in april 2012 that stated he was dealing with

several issues including gillian bar syndrome and anxiety over the next five years his percentage of disability, which is used to determine the amount of VA benefits, decreased, so Barton's benefits decreased. But on May 22, 2017, Barton's percentage evaluation for PTSD and persistent depressive disorder jumped from 30% to 70% after Barton said his symptoms were getting worse. His guilty plea said he claimed increased social impairment

with deficiencies in work, school, and family relations, depressed mood, memory loss, anxiety, chronic sleep impairment, and total social occupational impairment and other mental health problems. Physically, he said he had limited motion of the arm at the shoulder level and painful movement of the arm. Barton showed up for an August 7, 2019 exam using a cane, which he said he's been using for nine years. He dropped a small book on the floor, indicating he had no strength to hold it. He claimed erectile dysfunction. He said his gym activities were limited to stretching,

using bands, sauna sitting, and weights of only 5 to 10 pounds. And he went only twice a week. Asked by the doctor about the size, or about his size, Barton dismissed it with, I am fat. But when asked about his muscle mass, he said, I guess I have good genetics. But the previous month, law enforcement began collecting photos from the Facebook and Instagram accounts run by Barton and doing what he told the VA he could not. Such activities included strenuous weightlifting,

executing bodybuilding poses, and competing in a bodybuilding competition. None of the posts, images, or videos showed Barton using any assisting devices at any time. When investigators learned Barton was moving to Colorado Springs, they put a pole cam outside of Barton's Florida home. They saw Barton walking and, on August August 23rd moving furniture without any problems. Still, the VA granted his claim as having a spine degenerative disc disease related to his service, a problem that Barton said made it painful to even walk. That jacked his PTSD disability percentage to 100%. Barton would enjoy those full disability benefits only a short while on june 23rd the day after agents saw barton walking and playing with his dogs barton skipped a scheduled

va examination but he did hit up a planet fitness early that morning at which of course another man working out fitness advice he told the man he'd been lifting the last years, usually did cardio training in the morning and weights in the evenings. He told the man to meet him later at Flex Gym and Fitness for a workout. Before the workout, Barton warned it would be grueling, but he was a gym rat, a serious bodybuilder, for two and a half to three years during the workout. Barton discussed performance-enhancing steroids and bragged he didn't use, or bragged his use didn't even affect his ability to get an erection which ray encountered what he told va

doctors i oh my god time out time out this dude all right i was i was waiting to see where this is going this guy he straight up is just like yeah doc i i need this cane and my you know i my dick doesn't work anymore and i'm so fat like look at me i'm so fat and the doctor's like are you sure that seems like a lot of muscles like no no i'm just big bone doc i'm just big bone i can't i can't work out or do it i'm just just so fat. Oh, yeah, I got dick problems, doc. And the doctor's like, all right, we're going to help you out, dude. And then he goes to the gym and tells a random dude at the gym, he's like, my dick is a fully functioning weapon.

Let me tell you, ladies better watch out. These muscles that are on my body are not fat. My bones are actually very, very small. And I have all muscle. And did I mention my dick works very well? I can't believe this guy. The steroids are supposed to make it weak, but it's very strong. If anything, it's made it way better.

My giant magnum dong is... I lifted. I mentioned I just moved. I lifted so much stuff. I saw these guys put out a camera outside of my house, and I thought, that's weird. They probably want to get footage of me moving because I'm so muscular. It's probably for my new video called How to Be Muscular and Have a Giant Dong. A Fully Functioning Dong. Right?

And the guy's like, what? Yeah. Well, during the interview, Barton admitted to faking his disabilities to receive VA disability compensation benefits. Barton's guilty plea admits. Barton stated that he was not in combat and made up stories of combat to obtain a disability ranking. He was not in combat and made everything

up. This guy besides lying to the VA to get money, he's also stolen Valorant the hell out of this whole thing. Bro, I was like, I was in combat, dude. They were coming in left and right, I was like, I was in combat, dude.

They were coming in left and right. I was making moves. And I just saw my friends die before me. And I was like, oh, man, PTSD now. Plus, my dick doesn't work. Yeah, and then he goes to meet the other guy. And he's like, yeah, actually, I saved everyone's lives. And then the enemy retreated when they saw my fully functional giant thing They said let's get out of here. That guy's dick is huge

And it looks like it totally works. Also his muscles are very big It looks like his uniform barely fits and his body armor doesn't cover all his muscles He's got a body armor on his body armor. They tied two bulletproof vests together to wrap around his amazing muscles. He's so strong. And then the clouds parted, the sun came out, and God appeared,

and he said, wow, I'm glad I gave you the biggest dick of any human ever in history. I said, hey, thanks, God. I can't believe. I can't believe verbatim. He was like, oh, doc, I have erectile dysfunction. I'm so ashamed.

And then he's like, he's the next day is in this room like, bro, have I ever told you about my weaponized dong? I tie weights to it. It's the best. So you get powerful erection. You tie weights to it It's the best so you get powerful erection you tie weights to your dick Plus if you I mean if you look at this guy you will see oh do you have a photo this man? Oh is is there? Here you go. He's got the most powerful neck beard. Dude, all right.

Two things. One. One. He 100% has the Amish style of neck beard. He has no mustache. He just has the beard. But it doesn't go up to his lower lip. Where he has no mustache. He just has the beard. Yeah. But it doesn't go up to his lower lip.

It's just around his jaw, which is already hilarious. Two, his upper body is ripped to hell. How anyone said this, like how he convinced anyone that he was fat is insane. Yeah. But three, and the funniest part, this dude has never done leg day once. Oh, yeah. No. This dude's legs are so thin.

He's got, like, my legs. His upper body, his, you know how, like, in the 90s, they would draw comic book superheroes really distorted with, like, massive muscles? That's his upper body. And then his lower body is, like, little twigs. Like, his upper arms are, like like three times the size of his legs. It's this dude. I don't know if it's the glasses and the backwards hat.

Or if it's like the shorts with the little skinny legs. But something about this dude screams like, nerd who just wants to be taken seriously. That's the other one. Is this his girlfriend? Who is this person? That's his wife. That's his wife?

Yeah. You know what? There's no way you could convince. His wife looks like a girl who has never left the gym. Like she is ripped. And you're telling me that she like, you know what? That fat loser with no dick i'm

definitely gonna stay with him there's no way no there's no way she knew the secret that he wasn't a fat loser with his dick not working he had the super dick he's roiding up it all checks out and then he was making bank he was bringing in like 250 grand. That's incredible. How, man? How? That's insane. Yeah, that's crazy.

That's Florida. All right, my dude. That's fine. It's sad, though. This guy is physically fit. He clearly has a loving relationship. Why does he need to lie so much? And more importantly, why did he need to be like, I fought in combat. Like, you don't need to do that.

Why? What made him think he needed to? Maybe because he got more money? That's so sleazy. I don't know. I mean, he could have been like a trainer. Like, so many things. Yes, dude.

Definitely could have been a trainer. Yeah. So, I don't know. He's that guy. He's that guy. He is that guy. That's what you are. Oh, my God. Well, you don't be that guy.

Instead, keep listening to Cox and Crandor so you can get caught up on, I don't know, whatever the hell Florida man's doing, I guess. Anyway, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening and watching and enjoying this podcast. Crendor, hit them with the socials. We've got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. All the podcasts up over there on YouTube. Subscribe, like, comment, all that stuff.

Also, we got the YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor without the podcast at the end. That's where all the animations go up. We also have Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud. If you want to listen up uh we also have spotify itunes soundcloud if you want to listen there uh we also have our main things we have youtube.com slash jesse cox youtube.com slash crendor twitter jesse cox twitter crendor twitch tv jesse cox twitch tv crendor facebook jesse cox facebook crendor instagram notorious cox instagram instagram instagram instagram crendor was taken patreon.com slash jesse cox patreon.com. Crandor was taken. Patreon.com slash jessicox. Patreon.com slash Crandor.

And YouTube.com slash Warhammer Crandor. Listen to me review the rat book for an hour and a half. Hell yes. Even if you have no idea what I'm talking about. What a rat book is. Oh my god. He's got plus three to cast. Plus two to unbind.

Three D6 to two D6. Plus four. You gotta be shitting me. It's great. Yeah, you think that's a joke, but that's exactly what will happen. It actually is. It's me just freaking out for an hour and a half.

Like, they gave Warp Grinder d6 attacks 3x3 minus 2d6 damage? Are you kidding me? So, yeah. All right. Well, that's it, everybody. We'll see you all next time. And as always To be continued