Dragon Friends - OKC #1.05. Everything Happened Normal Style

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

The troubleshooter's most dangerous mission lies ahead of them, and so they'll need equipment just as dangerous. Equipped with weapons that are as powerful as disguises as they are weapons, the troubl...eshooters are dropped right behind insurgent lines.Editor's Note:Tom's mic was lost for this session, meaning his audio needed to be recovered from other microphones. Normal audio will return next episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Everyone good? Everyone got a mince pie? Everyone got a little glass of water? We're all... Yeah. Alright, the year 214, deep underground, ha ha ha, friend computer, maybe darkened fence, but depending on your security clearance, this is paranoia. What are you doing? What was that? Do it properly, Dave.
Starting point is 00:00:14 Fine. First, the bad news. The world is no longer habitable to human life. Now for the good news. Your new life starts today. Down even deeper down than normal, you have found yourselves in the RAND department in the service, or at least an audience with the head of the RAND department,
Starting point is 00:00:43 a clone known as VictorILX57. Not a typical clone, very into his job. Very, very into the gear that is laid out in the tables in front of you. And he has a question for all of you at this moment. You with the orange jumpsuit, what's your name? My name is StrawberryRCY42. I have an important question for you. Yes. That orange jumpsuit, What's your name? My name is StrawberryRCY42. I have an important question for you. Yes. That orange jumpsuit,
Starting point is 00:01:08 is it stiff? Because this one I got a huge stiffy. Once you get the indigo, it's stiffy bloody central. And he has another question for you. If you could have, and this sounds like a little bit of sedition, so bear with me.
Starting point is 00:01:26 I'm looking at your loyalty, officer. He says with the comfort that only a scientist in an indigo jumpsuit could have. If you could have any mutant power, what would it be? My only mutant power would be to serve friend computer better than I already do. Okay, that sucks. You. You. I guess you would have the power of super suction. You know, because you're sucking up so much.
Starting point is 00:01:49 That would be your power. You'd be a big suckbot. You'd be the suckbot 9000. Now, just understand from my perspective, leading a team here, you have flagged that this kind of conversation is obviously potentially seditious. In an abstract scenario where i was so misfortunate to be outside the system and benevolence of friends he looks he sees you and his eyes light up and he puts a finger to his lips and then he walks runs into what this is like a
Starting point is 00:02:15 milk crate full of strange inventions he grabs when he slams it down on the table written on it on tape on top of it is dead zone dead zone generator and he flicks a switch and then he looks at you again and also as he does that everyone's heads up displays the trees and stars the names plates all suddenly disappear and they go they become like variable not found and things like that okay great i've got so many questions to my penis and balls. Oh, yes, that's right. Why don't you have a little peek? Because you can.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Oh, can I? Yes, there's no pixels here. Can I peek down? Yeah, you see unpixelated junk. Is that your penis? Is that your balls? This has really made me understand my character a lot more fine specimen he's activated a
Starting point is 00:03:08 small dead zone which means that you could talk freely this is the kind of wildly inappropriate privileges that one as brilliant
Starting point is 00:03:15 as Victor can make for himself it's funny this is the most contraband item probably in the whole of alpha complex but by activating it
Starting point is 00:03:22 computer can't know about it so So it's not quite a paradox, but it's silly. Go on, have a squiz beetle. I'm sure you've got a handsome hog. You didn't want me to check out my hogs, sirs. My hogs? My hogs?
Starting point is 00:03:37 Did you say hogs, plural? I imagine I have multiple penises or whatever. There's a mutant in our midst. Check out your hog and butthole. Oh, look! And he starts to put it like he's. Check out your hugging butthole. Oh, look. And he starts to put his hand just over everyone's dicks. Don't look.
Starting point is 00:03:49 No one's to look. Just cuffing everyone's balls. Please don't. Please don't. Okay, he's freaking out. How about you? Boingy legs. Boingy legs.
Starting point is 00:03:59 He's just been like holding that in this whole time. But I actually, one of his little assistants comes up, whose name is, I guess, Igor B721. And he goes, there is, of course, the Peripulatron. Yes, there it is. There is that. I will go and get it.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Igor will go and get it. Igor, you go and get it. Oh, very exciting. And he runs away. And then he pulls back a cart and on that cart is a pair of what looks like
Starting point is 00:04:28 exoskeleton legs. You sort of hop into it like a pair of mechanical trousers. Yes. And he says, quick, quick, the troubleshooter should just get up on this stepladder
Starting point is 00:04:36 and hop in. I do it. Okay, you do it. And he tightens some belts and he goes, just try a small jump for now, but a small one. I do a small jump? You small, and and you go you jump eight feet in the air and you land down again my head on anything no you don't
Starting point is 00:04:51 because he says um they're actually in a dangerous room that has been created by the ran department for testing these this equipment oh um it's very important it builds up pressure so you see that little button on the side? Press it now. It will vent the pressure. And all of this hydraulic steam just dissipates instantly out of the legs. Okay, so that means my legs are back to normal? Well, it means that it's vented the energy that was stored by you doing the jump. And yeah, you can walk around in it now.
Starting point is 00:05:20 It's large. It's a bit awkward. Have I got a little spring in my step, though, when I'm walking around? You've got an almost uncomfortable amount of spring in your step. This will blend in seamlessly, I hope, to your jumpsuit, so that you will appear, as is the mission, to be one of mutant powers.
Starting point is 00:05:36 But it is just science. Thank you very much, sir! I cannot tell you how happy I am with two of the things that have happened to me in the last two seconds. I would love to be able to manifest fire. See?
Starting point is 00:05:52 That's not bad. I'm going to have to report you for sedition. And he pulls out a pair of gauntlets that look like heavy insulated gauntlets. He slaps them down on the table. Now this is not quite fire, but it is fire of the gods. This is electricity. You see?
Starting point is 00:06:08 These are electroshock gauntlets. Put them on. There are micro-tactile switches just underneath your middle finger inside the glove. So it turns on from the inside, so just flick that bad boy on. Uh-huh. Yeah, exactly. Blue arcs of lightning cone out. And he goes, and if you push it forward
Starting point is 00:06:24 you can even fire small little globules of energy. Give it a go. Hit Ego. No. Hit Ego. He doesn't mind. I actually think he likes it. What's the range on these bad boys?
Starting point is 00:06:34 Well, why don't we get Ego to start running and you can see. He goes running. He goes running. We hit him in the back. He collapses forward. There's a hole in his back. Collapses against a lot of equipment that is destroyed. And Victor doesn't seem to care.
Starting point is 00:06:49 And then just stops dead on the floor. Keep running, Igor. He's not running. We need a scientific test. Stop being such a big baby, Igor. So I move backwards and start getting the range. Yeah, you keep shooting at the corpse of Igor. You're just able to, it seems, hurl electricity out of the gauntlets.
Starting point is 00:07:08 They start to get a bit uncomfortably hot the more you use them. And what's the distance? Would you say there's a maximum range? Oh, I would say maybe... Yeah, 10 metres. Okay, great. The distance of a Nerf gun, basically. That doesn't help me.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Yeah, 15 metres. We'll say 15 metres. That's good. I can imagine that. Yeah, great. And as you do that, there is. We'll say 15 meters. That's good. I can imagine that. Yeah, great. And as you do that, there is a ding and the doors open and two figures enter. A very slimy, very wet, very reproachful looking Igor too walks in. And next to him is the figure of your friend, Buffcon.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Hello. Buff. And Buffcon, you're there and there's a sort of apologetic orderly next to you with a screwdriver. And you're either, I don't know, weary or fury, but there's something going on in your face. And you're dragging alongside you a large portion of the machine that has been disassembled to allow you out. But it's still strapped like a huge piece of sort of mechanical dead weight around your wrist. It's like when you get your hand stuck in a vending machine and then they can't get you out, so they just cut it off
Starting point is 00:08:10 and then you're just sort of one with that machine. You guys... I am so sorry about this. You guys don't have... Never happened to you guys? That has never happened before with the machine. We're going to get it fixed. Did you put your arm in there with like a slap band or something?
Starting point is 00:08:25 Yeah, I didn't realise that that was disallowed. Okay, well, that should have been... I'm going to have to have a word with Quattro. And so, anyway, come back to PLC tomorrow. We'll be able to get that thing off you. Okay. You know, sorry again. It's very strange.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Wait, you there. Yes. Boy, what day is it? You there. What rank are you? Well, I'm red. I'm like you, but I work for technical services. My name's Milo R. MBX1.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Let me tell you something. If I ever get to yellow, you're fucking dead. Well, I don't think this is... You are fucking dead. I'm the one that took the thing off you. I didn't put... Oh, no. Did you? Because it's still here, you fucking idiot. You fucking dead. I'm the one that took the thing off you. I didn't put... Oh, no. Did you?
Starting point is 00:09:05 Because it's still here, you fucking idiot. You're dead. Generous gallant. He turns white and he disappears, but you can now meet the figure of Victor. Oh, I liked this one. He's got some fire in his belly. Oh, hey there.
Starting point is 00:09:21 You boy. Yes? What day is it? It's year 249, I think. It's close enough. If you could have, for this mission, you will need to appear as a mutant. If you could have any mutant power, what would it be? I would like something that makes up for my inability to do athletics or throwing.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Can I have an exoskeleton, please? That's interesting. I think we an exoskeleton, please? Oh, that's interesting. I think we might have something. Victor, too? Oh, yes. Oh, you're all... Igor, too? Yeah, I really enjoyed being shot in the back.
Starting point is 00:09:56 You know, they say that after you die, you can't feel repeated shots, but I feel like I felt them. Yeah, stopping such a baby. This is you. Wah, wah, wah. That was my impression of you. What did you think?
Starting point is 00:10:07 Well, how can I help you, sir? Could you go get the experimental manual operations extensor, please? Oh, yes, immediately. The Mach 5. And he goes and he lights up and then he wheels in a trolley. And the trolley has what looks like a belt harness, like for a steadicam. It kind of goes over your shoulders, goes around your waist. what looks like a belt harness,
Starting point is 00:10:22 like for a steadicam. It kind of goes over your shoulders, goes around your waist. And there is a huge metal, kind of almost a version of a utility belt, but hanging off the segments of it are little fibrous strings made of what looks like a very strong, thin, mechanical segment structure.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Kind of like tendrils, I guess, or mechanical tentacles. They're really like... Like Doc Ock, but really thin. Really thin. Filaments. You'd miss them in certain lights. Yeah, yeah. But you can only see it when they sort of move.
Starting point is 00:10:55 And he takes it and he straps it around your waist and then he presses a button and suddenly all of the tentacles float in the air. And then he takes a head piece and he puts it around your head, Bufcon. And you suddenly get this weird sense that you can control these 600 tendrils. Individually quite weak, but you can... So go ahead. You're an enemy.
Starting point is 00:11:22 With your mind, think about picking up Igor and throwing him across the room. I don't think that that's necessary. I have bought a baseball bat. Igor, I'm picking you up now. And I'm putting you in this chute here. No, no, no. Not this chute. Not this chute.
Starting point is 00:11:36 You put him in the chute. And then the doors open and a very wet and reproachful Igor 3 walks in. And he's like, you know, we have the target practice dummy for this. Yeah, you're the target practice dummy, dummy. Yeah, Beetle. What about you, brother? I wouldn't mind being made invisible sometimes. Oh, say no more.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Igor. Yes. Oh, yuck, you're so gooey. It's not my fault. It's the VAT. There's something strange and itchy in the compound. Yeah, get the auto-response imager off your hop. But it's so heavy.
Starting point is 00:12:08 I know. All right, and he walks forward, and then he takes a... You sort of hear some tinkering, but then he brings out what looks not too heavy, another belt. This one is a sort of belt harness, and it has... Most of my technology is belt-based. It has a gem in the center of it that sits in the middle of your torso. What you need to do is let me just take this and set the frequency. All right, press your hand over the lens,
Starting point is 00:12:29 and I want you to think of a portrait of a puppy. You do that, and then suddenly blink, and there's a sort of, the light around him, you don't sort of see anything, but for the rest of you, the light seems to shift around Beetle, and then suddenly there's an easel, and there's a portrait sitting there of a quite cute puppy yeah so the way this works is it just projects images onto you that blend into the background so you're not actually invisible you know technically
Starting point is 00:12:56 speaking oh what do i look like right now you look like a portrait of a puppy okay so just another question i did ask before if i could be invisible you just given me a way to look like a portrait of a puppy. Well, no, no, no. Depending on the catalogue, you can become many things. Yeah, like for example, see the wall next to the training area? That brick wall? Think of the wall. See if the wall texture is in your catalogue. Does this mean that if I want to move invisibly, I have to think of every single part of my body as I walk? Frame by frame, maybe 24 a second the camera perspective will work with you so people walk around you they will see it from the correct yes but if you move you're fucked
Starting point is 00:13:34 now this is not a weapon of violence but would you like to take a couple of swings at eagle with a baseball bat? He's cracking me, he smacks across the wall. He's like, thank you, sir. Yes, wonderful to work in the RAND department. Okay, so now we have all our equipment. Everyone's got their Christmas presents. Everyone knows what they've got.
Starting point is 00:13:59 I'm responsible for everyone's equipment, okay? Yes, you need to sign here. Okay. It's just last time they tried to put my hand in a machine. Yes. And, um, it got stuck, so now I can't quite write. Oh, we actually have the new, weren't you working on a new system that would solve that problem? Who has a four-colored pen?
Starting point is 00:14:16 No, the other system. Oh, yeah, go get it. And he pulls out and he's like, yes, unfortunately we've heard reports of clones having their hands stuck inside the signature machine. Yeah, right here. You fucking idiot. This fucking thing here.
Starting point is 00:14:29 We've removed the shielding. You just need to take your hand and you need to place it on the glass and without the shielding there's nothing to catch your hand. Okay. Sorry, he places his hand
Starting point is 00:14:38 on the thing. Alright. There's a white shock and your hand sort of comes back off and you look at it and your fingerprints are gone. Your entire skin is sort of white, and your sense...
Starting point is 00:14:50 The senses of it are all sort of very, very strange. Did you just steal my fingerprints? Oh, steal is such a silly word. Okay, you guys... I need those! How am I going to access my bank account? You've got five others. Get over it.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Wow, wow, wow. That's you. Also, I would for the next 12 hours try not to operate any heavy machinery, use a pen, or do anything that requires manual dexterity. Okay, thank you very much. Goodbye. Can I just say, Bovcon, you're being a real ego right now.
Starting point is 00:15:19 And just out of anger, out of anger, Bovcon just shoots ego. Ah, yes, very just shoots Igor. The laser pistol. Ah, yes, very good, sir. I'm sure you had perfectly good reasons to test that. He dies. And as you all leave,
Starting point is 00:15:31 you hear a vroom as a little Igor starts waddling back into the room. So you all have your experimental technology. By the way, Hing, you've got two large weapons. So are you going to share? Because you obviously can't wear
Starting point is 00:15:44 both of them on your back. I'm talking about your rocket launcher and your cone rifle. Oh, I think that is the cone. I think, didn't I use the cone rifle last time? Yeah, so you left it in your barracks for now? That means you can use it whenever you want. Yeah, I'll just have the rocket launcher. Can I ask a question, Dave?
Starting point is 00:15:56 Yeah. Is Beetle required to fulfill the outcomes of the mission, or is his mission only to be a big,ch of it no he's a troubleshooter he he responds he works for you and he works for the mission so he's still one of your troubleshooters now as you make your way up to plc you see that quattro is still there and he and two other orderlies are working on a quite large clone um with sort of the strange features and the sideburns that you recognize and the big black and yellow patch of the mutant leader that Insec has codenamed Firebrand. His name is Sykes.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Sykes, sorry. Oh, and as they're doing this, they're actually, one of them is getting him to sign something and another one of the orderlies is taking the black and yellow patch off his shoulder so that he can go undercover. So you say there's four colors in one pen? Is this what you... That is incredible, he's saying to Quattro. Yeah, great. 300 credits is a bargain. And he spends his only 300 credits,
Starting point is 00:16:56 and he gets a four-color Bic, which... Yes, but that's like four pens in one pen. Didn't he also invent one? This isn't Victor. You would be forgiven. Sorry, my mistake. This is Sykes, an entirely different character.
Starting point is 00:17:11 One's German. This is your mutant. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Can I ask a question, Dave? Sure. If they are posing as mutants
Starting point is 00:17:19 with Sykes... Wait, isn't that Firebrand? Firebrand? Who the hell is Sykes? Firebrand is the codename. Is what the insect used to call him. Sykes is his actual name. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:17:28 They're posing as mutants and wanting to pass as mutants. Why is Sykes going undercover as not a mutant? He's not going undercover as not a mutant. He's himself, but he's taking off the black and yellow patch that they use for their safety to identify him as registered because he's not meant to be registered. Taking off his yellow star. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Basically. Comfortably close. I don't like it saying it like that, but yeah, he's taking off to be registered. Taking off his yellow star. Yeah. Basically. Uncomfortably close. I don't like it saying it like that, but yeah, he's taking off his identifier. Cool. This is what a world. You know, you work underground for so long, fighting the fight.
Starting point is 00:17:57 You come to the surface and you see these technological wonders. Blue, green, red, black, all in the one little caption. I'm getting sick of this joke. Mr. Sykes, here's your backpack with your mission equipment. That's good. You will know that your red laser pistol and any other weapons have not been assigned to you due to the unique situation you find yourself in. Sign here.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Mm-hmm, I will. He signs, and then he grabs a backpack and slings it over his shoulder. Alright, I am Sykes. You may call me Firebrand. You are? And you, you've got that mutant power where you can talk to machines? I have a certain amount of empathy toward machines, yes.
Starting point is 00:18:38 So, I've got an exoskeleton on now. Yes. Can you make it, um, do stuff? If I chose to, I might be able to. Prove it. I do not choose to. Prove it now. I do not choose to. I don't believe you can do it. You feel a slap across the face. One of your tendrils
Starting point is 00:18:54 slaps you. Was that you? Did you do that or was that a malfunction? It could have been an incredible coincidence. Perhaps we will never know. I guess we just don't know. It's great to do this mission with you, Mr. Firebrand. My name is
Starting point is 00:19:10 Clancy. Clancy? Yes. That was me saying hello. He's not a conversational guy. I am the leader of the team Strawberry RCY42. Glad to have you aboard.
Starting point is 00:19:26 And you're a double agent, you say? This is correct. So you were born a mutant. You've now been recruited by the Alpha Complex. And now you're going back there to betray your own kind. You must feel like a fucking loser. Like a real piece of shit. He sort of sighs and looks down. I have wrestled with my conscience on this for a long time.
Starting point is 00:19:47 And where'd you come to? Why did you settle on? Well, you have put it very succinctly that a part of me philosophically feels like a real piece of shit. And the rest of you? The movement has lost its way. I was a commander in a Scion cell for a long time. in a Scion cell for a long time and I saw some things that made me question whether our means justifies the ends.
Starting point is 00:20:10 What kind of things? I saw a man punch a dog. What kind of dog? You just punched me! Yes, but you are lower than dog. This was a dog in a blue suit. It was a dog. He had a little suit on
Starting point is 00:20:22 and some shoes. And the man, he said, for the revolution! And then he punched a dog. He had a little suit on and some shoes. And the man, he said, for the revolution. And then he punched the dog. And I said to the man, why? What's for the revolution? Wait, it was a man or a mutant? It was, we do not make this distinction. Mutants are men. Men are mutants. No, it works one way.
Starting point is 00:20:42 All right, you have your mission equipment. You have your experimental gear. You also have custody. And actually, at that moment, the blue coat goes and says, you have a loyalty officer on you? Yeah. All right, you're prepared to take custody for this very dangerous criminal being responsible to make sure that they are maintained
Starting point is 00:20:59 as a high-priority asset of Alpha Complex. They will not escape. They will not be killed. They will not lose those abilities that make them an asset. You will be issued with a single syringe with a dose of Ultronox, which is a powerful sedative that can incapacitate and paralyze its user. It must be administered in a single stab to the neck in close quarters. Only use it if you feel it is necessary.
Starting point is 00:21:22 It gives you a little plastic case that has a syringe in it. Wow, Clancy, you and I could have bought a party with these. Oh, that's right. Do you want to? A bit later, back in the parish.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Very small doses of Ultronox are sold on the grey market because it is a powerful recreation drug in entirely small doses. But, of course, you would never dream of using it that way.
Starting point is 00:21:40 And he says... Just use it to kill people, right? Sleep them to sleep. A little bit for mummy, a little bit for the baby. Great. The baby's the one you're putting to sleep. Sign here. And he gives you a clipboard for a signature.
Starting point is 00:21:55 All right, you sign and you now have custody. As you fulfill all of the little meetings that you need, your HUDs, because you've stepped out of the dead zone, all light up and you can see a destination that you're heading to inside the sector which is hab complex lime tree tango lime three tango can i just quickly clarify our mission yeah so we're taking firebrand which is his internal code name i'm gonna get i was gonna be really clear yeah you should be clear about this yeah yeah firebrand is what we call him, not Sykes is what they call him. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:26 So we should be calling him Sykes. If you call him an insect codename in front of another mutant, that would suggest that he is in insect custody, which he is. But they could just be like, if that happened, I'd be like, yes, these are my new friends. I have a new nickname. They say, you are strong like Firebrand. So they give me this nickname.
Starting point is 00:22:42 It sounds like he wants you to call him Firebrand. It sounds like he came up with firebrands. I'm just saying if it came up, we could work with it. But the mission is just to get him to the same house. What about Hot Rod? And then use him to identify the new mutant leader, take out all subversives,
Starting point is 00:22:58 and also hopefully take out the cell of free enterprisers that are helping them escape. Okay. El Fuego. the cell of free enterprisers that are helping them escape. Okay. What the... El fuego. It means the fire. Yeah, I'm just not seeing it. Okay, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Sykes is fine. But it raises a good point. Perhaps we all need mutant names. Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:23:22 My mutant thing is Boingy Legs, if anyone's got any ideas. Springo. Or the gazelle. Springo. I like gazelle. Gazelle. All right, I will be gazelle.
Starting point is 00:23:34 You will be gazelle. This is actually great. By the way, Cray Culture Clubs, because they're so secret, our membership try to hide each other. Sykes may not even be his name. A lot of mutants will use nicknames. So this is actually a really smart thing to do. Will they be able to see our um um our screens out like no everything the reason they're all harnesses and stuff is afterwards you put your jumpsuits back on over them even
Starting point is 00:23:53 your petted pedo masculine what what was it called it was the boingy legs your boingy legs even yeah you're just imagining cubing like now no double o looks like a regular watch does keep the time but press this button and you become a pedophile and do try to bring it back in one piece the pedipulatron the pedipulatron so even that um you've had to get a bulkier jumpsuit, but you're able to conceal them underneath your legs. Yeah, so our stars, our real identities won't be flashing around? No, actually, no. As you left... Well, you just can't see those. Oh, yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:24:34 Only troubleshooters can see them. Oh, cool. Okay, what do you want your nickname to be? I guess, let me think. I'm shooting bolts of electricity. I guess something like... Pikachu? Pikachu. Writing down Pikachu. I'll take Pikachu. So electricity, I guess something like Voltron.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Pikachu. I'll take Pikachu. Now, if no one else is taking it, I'll take Firebrand if that's okay. Okay, cool. Great, Firebrand and Psych. No, that's so confusing. What about Stinkface? What about the spider?
Starting point is 00:25:05 Redback? What about the spider? Red back? What about anemone? Mortal anemone? Daddy long legs? This is a hard word to say. Jellyfish. Jellyfish is fine. Jellyfish is nice. Alright, roll out, Autobots. And he says that and so Autobots helpfully go out of the way revealing the exit to the PLC
Starting point is 00:25:22 as the four of you start to follow the path. Now, of course, if you want, this is a great opportunity for you to send any messages that you want, make contact with anybody that you need to send messages to. Have these guys checked their rumours? I've sent their rumours. Have you had a chance to check my
Starting point is 00:25:37 email before? Was there anything? Yeah, no, no, nothing for you. As we're walking, can I ask to be healed by Alex, please? Might I have one of those medkits, please? Well, I can certainly administer it to you. As we're walking, can I ask to be healed by Alex, please? Might I have one of those medkits, please? Well, I can certainly administer it to you. Great, make a brain science check for me. Me? Yep, every success that you make
Starting point is 00:25:53 is how many levels of healing are administered to your friend. One. One, so you heal, you go an entire level. And actually, as a byproduct, your tingly hand sort of goes back to normal. The other, unfortunately, no amount of healing. My fingerprints are back.
Starting point is 00:26:11 No, no, no, no. Your fingerprints are not back. Your sense of feeling has gone back to your hand. So you can use dexterous stuff again. The other hand is still encased inside metal. Anyone else? Do you guys want to make contact? I'll do a quick little chat if I could, Dave.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Oh, yes. You're going to get some messages, in which case I would ask everybody to leave. I'm going to call the mutants. Yep. So you can blink in and Fred and Frasier. But the reason you have two minders, by the way, is that also your mutant leader has a head on the back of their head
Starting point is 00:26:43 and they have a complicated mirror arrangement on their neck so that you can talk to both heads at once. But it's a two-headed person. Sure, sure, sure. Oh, hello there. Yes? You sound different to last time. Well, it's part of my mutation.
Starting point is 00:26:57 What, your voice changes? No, every 24 hours or so. Yeah. Okay. There's something in the water here in this sector. The mutations are strange, but they're also volatile What about you? We wanted you to zero in on what your mutation was
Starting point is 00:27:11 I feel like I could Spend moxie points to make people move their limbs Oh You're a puppeteer It's a very rare mutation I have some info I want to give you guys though I'm about to deliver A scion by the name of Sykes. You might know him as Sykes, but his insect code name is Firebrand.
Starting point is 00:27:37 And we're meant to be busting him out as part of our mission. Sykes? Sykes was killed. He was killed in a mission two weeks ago. That's the thing. He's not dead. Busting him out? Yeah, he was captured or something, and now he's a double agent, and I'm returning him to you guys. You're taking a double agent back to a secret Scion safe house? Well, that's what they've asked us to do. Now, here's a little thing. I've got a rocket launcher. Do you want me to just kill this motherfucker?
Starting point is 00:28:07 No, no, no. You can't kill Scion. Scion is holding a high-priority asset for the Brotherhood. What has he got? You really shouldn't be knowing about this. This is top-level stuff. He's come into possession of something. It's a black box with a strange symbol on it.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Okay. He picks it up from a double agent working inside AlphaCom, a central processing. Now, he's holding it in a safe location, somewhere in a safe house. We haven't found out where. You need to find out where that box is before anything happens to him. You understand? Okay. You get your hands on that box.
Starting point is 00:28:42 You get it to us. You might find yourself moving up in the Brotherhood. And what do I get for doing that? Well, we can get you Xavier implants. I don't know what that is, but I want it. Big bazongas. You're going to get me huge mummy milk titties? Oh my goodness.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Xavier implants. We use them to enhance and give you a measure of control over your mutant powers. Essentially it's free moxie that you get every fight you can spend on using your powers. Damn. I could use it to puppeteer my huge titties. We have a grey market doctor who's the only person in this sector who knows how to install them. Alright, I'll get you your damn box
Starting point is 00:29:18 and I'll kill this man as well. Well, I didn't wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you can get the box, you don't need to kill him, but make sure he doesn't die without us getting the box. Okay, but if he does die... Well, that would be bad because he is your brother. He's also a mutant, right? No, but he's a traitor.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Well, that's a good point. If you think that he's a traitor, you're sure that he's a traitor. Look, we haven't had contact with him for almost two weeks. I assumed he was dead, but if... This is the Sykes I grew up with playing... I mean, look, if you guys already thought he was dead, it doesn't matter if I kill him, right? But hear me when I say this.
Starting point is 00:29:54 I would be very surprised indeed if he turned. So you think he's a triple agent, then? Well, I don't know what to believe. Also, he's a machine empath, you know what that is? One of our most powerful weapons against friend computer. If we could get a machine empath inside the central core, we could maybe fix this society. So you want me to...
Starting point is 00:30:12 Okay, okay. Don't kill him unless you have to. He's important to the movement. Okay. And, obviously, if you can help the rest of the mutants escape, we would consider that a personal plus. Okay. They're your brothers, too. Don't forget that. Your brothers and sisters. Alright, let's do it. Alright. We gotta go. We got mixed doubles tennis. We did really well in the tournament, by the way. Okay. They're your brothers too. Don't forget that. You're brothers and sisters. All right, let's do it. We've got to go.
Starting point is 00:30:26 We've got mixed doubles tennis. We did really well in the tournament, by the way. Oh, yeah, thanks for asking. Bye. All right, everyone. Don't worry, I wasn't talking to anyone, okay? Okay. I wasn't doing any secret stuff.
Starting point is 00:30:37 Nearly one second passed. I looked at a bug, and then I stopped looking at a bug. Circle of trust. I was also looking at that bug. It's us. We trust in a friend computer and they slide. Hello.
Starting point is 00:30:48 In circles. Did you? I just heard a couple. Did you trust in friend computer? That's excellent. Have a commendation. It is a absolutely valueless, but it will make you feel better tonight.
Starting point is 00:31:00 And suddenly, where the trees and stars are, you get a smiley face. Oh, I feel better right now. Thank you, Frank Computer. Everybody is part of the circle of trust already. The only thing they can do is to betray it. Now, of course, I'm still here.
Starting point is 00:31:11 What's this circle of trust? It's a circle of trust that we feel implicitly in the system that we live in, which is under your benevolent control. Sounds wonderful. How's the mission going while I'm here? Very good. Very good. Everything happening normal style.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Is there anything that I can do to help you, my favorite team of troubleshooters? Cool hats? Cool hats? I can work on... You want cool hats? Yeah. Cool hats will be...
Starting point is 00:31:40 Let me work on that. That's interesting. I will dedicate some subroutines to coming up to an adequate solution for you. Cool hats you want, cool hats you will have. And it blinks out. Great, so you're making your way to the mission unless anybody else has any other messages. They want to check their messages, do anything like that.
Starting point is 00:31:55 I might just check my messages. All right. Inbox zero. Very quickly. Alex is going to check her spam. They're all immediately taking all of their shirts off. Very, very strange. The figure of Moira shows up,
Starting point is 00:32:10 and you notice straight away that her arm's in a sling, and she's got bandages down the side of her face. She looks filthy. Oh, let me tell you. A rough game of tennis, Moira. You were there when I was attacked. Ah, yes. Oh, so I did as you asked.
Starting point is 00:32:29 I got the box and I gave it to the computer. I know you did, and that was good. Priority number one, complete. Yes, and I can't fault you on that, although I did say it would be better if you gave it to me, but I know that wasn't possible because a building fell on you. Exactly. Okay?
Starting point is 00:32:46 Listen, our plan was to get an agent within AlphaCom to snatch it once you deliver it to the computer. It seems that by the time they went to snatch it, another faction had. Now, it's cost me not insignificant resources to find out what that faction is, and it's the Scions. They've got the box. Scions. The Scions? Aren't they something that I've heard in this episode?
Starting point is 00:33:09 The mutant heathens. The mutants have got our box. Now, Intel is sketchy here, but it may be at a safe house in Lime Tree Complex. Do you know what that is? That's where I'm being sent right now to complete one of my other missions. Well, that is for Judas. Her eyes perk right up. Tell me more.
Starting point is 00:33:31 Well, I've got to deliver Sykes to the mutants. He's a double agent for Alpha Complex. Otherwise known as Firebrand. The heathen who likes to smooch computers. Oh, he. Otherwise known as Firebrand. The heathen who likes to smooch computers.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Oh, some sort of... I thought... I suspected as much, yes. Right, well, listen here. Your priority number one is to retrieve the box from the Scion. Word on the street is that they're using it as currency with the Free Enterprise for their extraction. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:04 And the Free Enterprise are another group, aren't they? Look, I'll get you up to speed, but really I'd like you to do some extracurricular reading. Yes, the Free Enterprise are a group of, well, largely unaffiliated thugs, frankly. They're mercenaries for hire. Hypercapitalists. They believe in a currency
Starting point is 00:34:20 that should be able to pass from hand to hand, something called the Three Markets, which is an almost religious-like belief for them. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. They've made a currency out of hacked gift cards that most of the other great culture clubs use to trade between the culture clubs. And they will do things for the highest bidder,
Starting point is 00:34:36 in this case, extract mutants out of a home that is no longer safe. So listen, should the trade-off happen between the Scion and the free market, and the box changes hands, it's not impossible for us to get it back, but it's a lot harder. Got it. So get it before they give it to the free enterprise. If you will. And yes, that's priority number one. Usually I just deal with one task at a time, but is there anything else you need me to do?
Starting point is 00:35:01 Have a lovely day. Thank you so much. I was being sarcastic. Goodbye. Blink and the screen goes dead. Why do I follow her? Alright, you make your way down towards Lime 3 Tango, a hab complex
Starting point is 00:35:18 at the very back of sector CYN. This is in sort of the poorer, more run-down areas of the sector. There's spotty power over here and the computer is in the process of moving people out so a lot of these help complexes are abandoned technically for repairs which I'm
Starting point is 00:35:34 sure are coming any day now and it seems for month cycles nothing has occurred. As you do as well, all of you receive a priority message as your achievements for the mission are uploaded from the computer which I'm sending to all of you now. The achievements range from Receive a priority message as your achievements for the mission are uploaded from the computer, which I'm sending to all of you now. The achievements range from help a Red Clearance citizen realize their full potential,
Starting point is 00:35:55 find an unrealized application for approved experimental equipment, de-escalate a tense situation without violence, escalate a calm but seditious situation with violence, and for 125 125 credits retrieve and lodge a pre-reckoning artifact from a grey culture club so again these are ways that all of you can earn extra credits you've been emailed they've all gone to your tablets and they've all gone to your actual email addresses as you find yourselves outside ham pap Lime 3 Tango, and you realize as you do that your outfits look wildly out of place. Although there are a bunch of sort of rough-looking operatives,
Starting point is 00:36:34 mostly reds and oranges, a couple of infrareds as well, loitering down around the central lifts of this abandoned Hab Complex, none of them are wearing weird punk gear. They're all basically just wearing their uniforms. They look at you as you look at them, and you realize that you are here. You are deep inside the belly of the beast, near an outpost of Scion,
Starting point is 00:36:54 those despicable mutants that wish harm to Friend Computer. Your mission is simple. Your mission could not be clearer. Infiltrate, exfiltrate, assassinate, and find whatever you can to stop Scion in their tracks. Such is the way of troubleshooters and such is the way of
Starting point is 00:37:12 Alpha Complex ba-da-ba-da, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boo. The cast of this week's episode of OK Computer is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hing, and Tom Carty. Our Dungeon Master and friend Computer is Dave Harlan. of this week's episode of okay computer is alex lee simon griner michael hing and tom carding our dungeon master and friend computer is dave harman the mpc voices provided by ben jenkins and music
Starting point is 00:37:30 provided by tom carding shakira khan is our producer and the podcast is edited mixed and mastered by me you guessed okay computer is brought to you by contributors to the dragon friends patreon who get early access to ad-free episodes as well as other exclusive content for just five dollars a month until next time i'd just like to point out at this juncture that the dragon friends are reading ferreira rochers so if you do hear some unauthorized crinkling not related to the story it is the metallic packets of ferreira rochers. I can fix this. Oh, and take these Ferreira Rochers with you as well. Oh, yum. Red-flavored Ferreira Rochers. What about?

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