Dumb People Town - David Huntsberger - The Walmart Cycle

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

This week David Huntsberger comes to town to hang with Daniel and Randy. This week's story is a chaotic journey through a Walmart!Head over to Brooklinen today to keep your cool at home and on the go all summer long. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code DUMB to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more and free shipping.Go to shopify.com/dpt, ALL LOWERCASE, for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today!Right now, Faherty is giving all our listeners 20% off! Head to fahertybrand.com/DPT and use code DPT at checkout to get this deal.

Star Beams, out of here. Hey, townies. Welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Huntsberger. It's huntsberger and c-town and me and dan jay is working on a movie that's why he's not here but that's okay he's also on probation from the show that's right he's under review double secret probate we're giving him his yearly review no uh so that is what's going on and we want to get this content done because I'm away and everybody

schedules that we're working out but we still want to do this. And so we have the great David Huntsberger with us. Hi Dave. Hey buddies. Good. Good to see you guys. Good to be on the show. Nice to see you in the shed. Get off the shed. It is great.

It's a great workbench you have god damn oh thank you there's a long long story into me building that thing that uh i love you involve some mania mostly just trying to keep my hands busy we might talk about it later we'll talk about on the patreon i love it well and i'm sure there were dumb things done along the way because you're you know when you've stepped in it that's what i love Dave. Building a work bench should never include mania. So I'm interested to hear what that entails. Work bench mania does sound like a K-pop band. Hey, we just got to do something fun.

We just got to do some fun stuff with you. Yeah, we just got to do the sketchy stuff. Well, let's save all that and we'll talk about that when we talk about what he's got going on. But the beauty is that Dave is one of my smarter friends i would say yeah i would agree he knows a lot about science which i think is you know has taken a lot of hits in the last couple of years but i trust in him and i believe in him um and so i'm glad he's here to help us sort through the dumb should we jump into a story ready yeah let's do it okay this was sent

in by derrick shipley at derrick shipley d-e-r-i-c-k-s-s-i-p-l-e-o-n i feel like he should have his own like he should rival ups and dhs and rps is like a shit it's all shipley completely concur shipley automotive also feels like a thing. Everything is sent via ship. Yep. Did you ship it cheaply? I sure did. I used Shipley. I used Shipley.

Well, Shipley now can give you 30% off. All right. Enter the promo code DPT at Shipley.com. Okay. Think of going to the post office? Use Shipley. Use Shipley. Right.

Okay. Here's the headline. Unhappy Walmart shopper causes chaos isn't that what happens all the time at walmart that could go any direction does it start at the carts is it something at the checkout is it in the aisle looking for someone climbing up the racks yes was the greeter too sarcastic was someone trying to work out with the weights you know you're like hey don't work out with the weights walmart in a lot of walmart recently uh when this drops i will have been to a walmart like in the time people hear you ask me that question you will have been i

have been to walmart countless times in the past days have you been dave no no i haven't uh it has been quite some time but see it's all changed though do they like in rochelle illinois huge walmart is like walmart's are like the new town square like you see everybody at walmart and you're constantly going to walmart all the time to get yours i gotta run to walmart walmart Walmart's where everything happens. Dan, my mom went in Illinois. She went to the- Was she in Evansville? No, in Arkansas. The first ever Walmart.

Like the actual Sam Walton's Walmart store that I was like, why are you even going there? But whatever. I am amazed at how huge, like a super Walmart, like how big that- Walmart Supercenter? They are so big. I almost like can't even understand. In college, Roy Marks and I used to go to Walmart at like 3 in the morning and just get fried chicken. You use Supercenter.

You get anything you want, dude. There was a place in Michigan called Meyer Thrifty Acre. M-E-I-J-E-R. Thrifty Acre. And that's different than your regular Meyer? No, it's just a regular Meijer. But, I mean, they had, we used to go study up there because it was like bright fluorescent lights.

You get a thing of Mountain Dew and you just drink as much as you can and it kept us up all night. And then, like, you'd be loopy at 3 in the morning because it was 24 hours. We'd go down, we'd get into the hunting tactical gear, and we would just start running around the store in camouflage gear.

It was insane. I love it. We were just nuts. I always wonder, when you roll into a Walmart between 2 and 4.30 a.m., you have whatever reason you're there for, but everybody has a story of what brought them into a Walmart

in that window of time. The ingredients are fascinating because when you hear these stories, you think, well, this doesn't have anything to do with Walmart. But then you have college educated heading to drink Mountain Dew and suddenly the tactical gear thing makes sense.

The mystery of Walmart, it just, it creates its own ecosystem where people are running around doing very atypical things. It is its own universe. Here we go with atypical. A woman searching for prophylactics. Okay. Okay. So she wants some condoms. That's right.

If you like it, then you should have put a rubber on it. At the Fayetteville Walmart, turned that search into a tirade. Fayetteville Walmart already, that feels like upper-ass. Fayetteville Walmart turned that search into a tirade. Fayetteville Walmart already. That feels like upper-ass restaurant. Fayetteville, Arkansas. Yes.

That's where Three Best Bakery is. No, they're in Benton. Benton, Arkansas. But it is a near thing for them. And I should be playing Fayetteville. I was supposed to, and then we had to postpone it, so we're getting a new date. I'll be back.

Okay. Her actions included running through the store cursing how dare you son of a bitch hitting an employee oh my lay your hands off of taking all of her clothes off oh my god and urinating on the floor i mean she to me sounds like That's hitting for the cycle. That's the Walmart cycle, right? She really needed to have sex, and that poor guy sitting there on the bed, just like, I'm not doing it until you get the condoms. That's right. Only when you're on the way back.

All right. That guy must be great at sex, because she's peeing on floors. She's so upset she can't conclude it. Honey, it's at Walmart. You'll be able to find it. I can't find it. Imagine also the ratchet. Ma' You'll be able to find it. I can't find it. Imagine also the ratchet. Ma'am, please stop running.

Ma'am, could you not curse? Please don't hit employees. Please put your clothes back on. Don't urinate on the floor. There are two employees who are like, remember when we thought the running was bad? Go back to the running. Ma'am. Ma'am.

Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am this is a there are fluorescent lights on ma'am right ready for her name i can't wait april d barrow adb adv april d barrow Sounds like an author. Yeah. James Joyce's side piece. April D. Barrow was charged with two counts of simple battery,

public indecency, and disorderly conduct according to Fayetteville County Jail Records. Well, I think Dave's right, okay, that she just wanted to have... I mean, you're going in for the condoms. Yeah, but at some point she's done with that. That ship sailed. You think so? Yeah, but at some point she's done with that. That ship sailed.

You think so? Yeah, but at what point? Like she hit the employee's – Well, once you hit the employee, go all the way. Yeah. I just like them. They're high on Mountain Dew, obviously. They're laying in bed. They're studying for finals.

Right. And they may be Rochambeau. Like who's going? And she's like, I don't even want to do the rock, paper, scissors. Because I get a little nuts if I get in there and I can't find him. She's like, you'll be fine. No, if I go, it'll be a whole thing. How much of a thing could it be? Well, how much do you think when she was hitting the employee, she was saying the guy's name?

Because she was mad at him. God damn it. I told him. Jeff, God damn it. Well, my name is Mark. Damn it, Jeff. You're Jeff in my heart. April DeBaro is charged with two simple battery, like I said,

public indecency and disorderly conduct. Well, because truthfully, the hitting is a violent thing, and you don't know where she's coming from. I'm glad she stopped hitting and started neuting it out with peeing. She takes her clothes off, and that's another thing. And then she bends down to pee. And so that moment- I love that you think she i think she just

stood flat oh no she's squat dan no she's i have her squatting in my head as well and i have the employees befuddled like what what is this she's squatting down she's trickle down economics she's squatting down and there's a moment where it's not coming yet so like and she's yelling at people to not look at her yeah Don't look at me. And they're wondering, is this a breathing exercise? She's just kind of going compact so she can get herself together. Get really down low.

She's huddled up. That's our bad. We forced her. There's also a moment where they're like, we can mop this up, but thank God she didn't take a shit on the floor. Right. Well, the cops got there.

And then she steps through it and starts running. And now she's tracked it through. Oh, God. It's like a raccoon. You can't trust ADV. She's like a raccoon. She knocks over trash cans. Fayetteville Police Department spokesman Anne-Marie Burdett.

A-M-B. Anne-Marie Burdett. Isn't that who leaves the light on for you? Anne-Marie Burdett. That's Tom. I'm Anne-Marie Burdett. And I'll leave the light on for you. Said that officers on April. That's Tom. I'm Ann Marie Boudet. And I'll leave the light on for you. Said that officers on April 29th showed up at the Walmart in response to this call at approximately what time?

When do you think this went down at a Walmart? I'm going to say the Sklar Brothers due hour, 3 a.m. 3 a.m. Okay, good. I think, yeah, I think this is like 1156. 1156. Approximately. Okay. 3 a.m. Okay, good. I think, yeah, I think this is like 1156. 1156. Approximately. Okay.

All right. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we'll find out what time the prophylactic shenanigans happened. When does it all go down? Plus, we'll talk everything about David Huntsberg, what he's got going on, plus our stuff going on. We'll be right back after this. Stick around. Make a sound sound there's more

hey everybody welcome back to the show we've got the great david huntsberger with us and me and dan and jay jay dan and i participated in something really cool that that he just wrote and did and it was so much fun i I loved it so much. We'll talk about that in a minute. Daniel, let people know this is dropping the middle of July when this drops. Right, so I probably just did some dates. Go to danielvankirk.com to see what you missed out on.

Just go to danielvankirk.com. Supersclash.com is us. We're pushing our, and we pushed our Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase date from the 9th, 10th, to the 23rd, 24th. We are working to put together a couple of live Dumb People talents. We're going to do one in Nashville.

We've got to firm that up. We're going to do that on Thursday, October 13th. We're working on a date in Chicago on the 14th. So I'm just sort of lining you guys up and once the tickets are available, we'll let you know how you can get them. And then we really want to try and do the bell house on that sunday october 16th jay and i have a casino date that we're doing in tulsa on the saturday night and dan might do a date

himself but then we'll all come back together hopefully in new york city uh on that in brooklyn on that night we'll let you know as that happens because we do want to get out and start doing more live dumb people towns we were up in seattle people are like when are you guys coming to do dumb people down in portland same thing we want to do it we're going to do it to get out and start doing more live Dumb People Towns. We were up in Seattle. People were like, when are you guys coming to do Dumb People Towns? In Portland, same thing. Oh, we'd love to. We want to do it. We're going to do it.

Check it out. Again, we'll give you all the information. And in a month, Nosebleeds drops on UFC Fight Pass. It's cheap seats, basically, with the old UFC footage, and we'll tell you exactly. But not even just fights. Stuff from The Ultimate Fighter, stuff from pre-fights, post-fight interviews. Sketches with. It's everything just in the world of

that sport and athleticism that you guys have mined for so many great jokes oh my god dan worked on it was so funny we and we do fake beer commercials and new reality show commercials and you know profile pieces on people who don't exist rob corddry tony hale andy richter john ham marilyn rice cub all these great people participated in it. It's so much fun. The Nosebleeds on UFC Fight Pass coming up. All right, David, we recorded a sketch with you. I love that you're doing these things. They're like radio play sketches.

It was so much fun. Please tell the folks about it. Thanks. Yeah, it started as an idea to maybe do an album. I love those old Adam Sandler albums. Donald McDonald did Ridiculous, which is really great. an idea to maybe do like an album. I love those old Adam Sandler albums. Donald did, um, ridiculous,

which is really great. And then it just doesn't seem like people were really doing that. And so I thought I would try to write an album and then it, uh, it just started creating these little worlds. And so I just kept writing and then it became like a cathartic thing to kind of do daily, just writing stuff and a really good way to reach out to people.

You know, I think like being huddled up and everyone at home it's been an interesting thing to like step back out into the world and some people can do it easier than others depending on what uh like safety concerns you have at home or otherwise so everyone had good gear and and zoom and the ability to kind of do it remotely so it just it's really fun way to, yeah, just check in with people. But it's been great. I'm going to release it as probably a scripted podcast called Intercepts.

It may even be out by the time this comes out. I don't know. It's awesome. Hopefully there's a link to subscribe because, yeah, I'm excited about it. It's been really fun. You guys were great, of course, as expected. Thanks, Paul. A hilarious alien-human interaction,

and your character was so dumb and fun, and we just had a blast, and it was so fun to do something, step outside of ourselves and do something different. I just love it so much. We love this medium. I think podcasting is so wonderful. I interact with my own podcast in a way

that makes it feel so personal. I'm walking around through my neighborhood listening to people in between my ears to hear sketches in that way is just kind of fun too it's just i hope everybody checks it out what else can people hear and see of yours dave i made a right before things shut down i filmed a set at the dynasty typewriter and then a bunch of animators and various visual effects people helped. Like for the first year of lockdown and quarantine and all that, just editing nonstop. And that's on, if you go to davidhansberger.com, there's a link to watch it on Vimeo with no ads. And then it's on YouTube for free with ads.

It's called Big Nothingness. Great. And that was the last kind of stand-up thing. It's available as an album too, like everywhere you would listen to stand-up albums but i think the visual is pretty fun i can't wait so everybody check it out big nothingness and uh dan before we got away for the break what did we okay we were trying to guess what time woman ran it so speak about big nothingness april d barrel went went after it as i said hit for the. But isn't there, like I said at the very beginning, when you're like someone got angry about something at Walmart,

I'm like, how many people just kept shopping, David? Oh, so many. Especially if it happened when you guys think it happened because that's just people. If you're also in a Walmart at 3 a.m., like David guessed it, they're just like, I don't have time for this. Don't look at her. The only thing I care about like, I don't have time for this. Don't look at her.

The only thing I care about is if self-checkout's open. That's it. And can I read this? Teenagers in tactical gear went sprinting by, slipped, fell,

kept running, no acknowledgement of what they'd slipped in or what they'd seen, just running. Some time out in the wild you're going to slip on some raccoon shit.

Before we go back over at both persons' guesses, I want to do a couple shout-outs for people who support us over on the Patreon. We love all of you. That's one of the perks of doing that. Not only do you support us, that's a perk, but we perk you back by saying thanks so much. Darren Tandberg.

Tandberg. Tandberg. Have you ever ridden a Tandberg bike? Tandberg sounds to me like you see that burned into wood outside of a cabin. The Tanbergs. The Tanbergs were here. It just feels like something I've seen. Again, a Tanberg bike is the front of it is a regular bike, and the back is recumbent.

And then another one, a true local, Melinda. Thank you, Melinda. Melinda. Just a single name. And then another town. Melinda. It's like my lady. Melinda. Joel Deziel my lady. Melinda.

Joel Deziel. How would you say that? D-E-Z-I-E-L. Diesel. Diesel. I like Diesel. Diesel. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Thanks, Joel. Joel Deziel sounds like something that the three villains from Superman 2 who went hurtling through space in a parallelogram would say, Diesel before Zod! I was going to say, it also sounds like a hair product that only existed in 1996. Did you put the Diesel in your hair? Yeah.

Yeah, and I can't get it out. Okay, one time- Who are you more likely to hang out with? Someone with that last name, Diesel, or something like that, that refuses to be called Diesel, or someone with that name who insists on being called Diesel. I think it's the guy who refuses to be called Diesel. Do not call me Diesel.

What's up, Diesel? Only you call you that. Get him out of here. You said 3 a.m., right, David Huntsberg? I did. That's when the prophylactic shenanigans... Huntsberger said 3 a.m., I said 11.56, and that was just a round guess. They were dispatched to the Walmart at Fayetteville Pavilion. Is this 9 a.m i said 11 56 and that was just a round guess they were dispatched to the walmart at

fayetteville pavilion is this 9 a.m i'm gonna start hitting people 6 38 a.m oh this is morning this is a little wow just a little loving the sun's up early in the morning yeah the responding officer arrived at the front entrance of the Walmart to assist a fellow officer already on the scene who had his taser pointed at April D. Barrow. I mean, don't pee, ma'am, because I will light that piss on fire. She was handcuffed and placed in the rear seat of a patrol car while officers investigated the situation. But, okay, for real, this is your patrol car. You've got to drive around all day long. Do you put her in her?

Hose her down. You hose her down? What do you do to this gal? She's got to drive around all day long. Do you put her in her... Hose her down. You hose her down? What do you do to this gal? She's got pee on her legs, guaranteed. Right? Yeah. I mean, like, you don't want... So then you're going to get the car detailed.

It's like... Through the investigation, officers learned that Barrow entered the Walmart and began asking employees for prophylactics. Barrow also used profanity... Oh, do you have a rubber? Do you have a rubber? You guys have condoms! I think she's asking him for them.

Oh, that could work too. What if you're the Walmart creator? I just want to borrow. Barrow borrows. Give me one. Able D. Barrow also used profanity and threw items while running around the store. Which had to be fun. A witness slash employee told police Barrow allegedly struck her multiple times in the arm with a closed fist.

That's like a two for flinching type thing. Multiple times in the arm. Hey, at least she didn't hit her in the meal ticket in the face. Witnesses reported to police that at some point, Barrow took her clothes off and urinated on the floor. They don't specify if we're talking like a crouch or a straight up flat footed locked knees, which is what I think. It's a crouch and everyone had to wait for her. Like is she gonna do is she gonna like pounce and punch someone

else in the arms and and burdette said a store employee walked Barrow out of the building with the employee saying that Barrow continued to scream and hit on the door sure walk of shame once outside Barrow put her clothes on I love that fine it's over okay over i'll put my fucking clothes on it's over she definitely tripped you guys got the barrel hope you're all happy so you know yes it was a high school crush we stayed up all night it was magical we shared our first kiss around 2 a.m things really took off and i was reliving an alternate world where I was this person's girlfriend and it was magical and then we took an edible that made me kind of hot and also

have to pee and I said I'll go get them they're just right in the door and now here I am putting my clothes back on that dragon over there yelled at me where are my culottes you know she tripped over her pants Barrow put her clothes on outside the store prior to the officers arriving.

She tripped over her pants and fell into the firewood. But they noted. Right. And then leaned against the ice chest. Hit the firewood and then it all fell down. Then she tried to play the claw machine for a while with no quarters. Then she wrote. Okay.

So she just put on her top and then she beat the Simpsons arcade game. Pantsless, she tried to ride one of those things. Like the Amazant ride. At that time of day, people are coming in to sort of start their day and I love her standing there detained,

naked, and having to kind of nod to, oh, hey guys, now this is nothing. What's up, Gary? It's wild in there. It's wild in there. It's happening today. Don't ask them where anything is in there. Right.

Hopefully you guys are looking to raw dog it tonight because if you want condoms, this is what happens, I guess. I guess everyone's getting pregnant in this world, huh? They noted that even though she was outside in dress by the time cops got there, her conduct inside the store was observed by officers on video surveillance footage. We will get out of here on this. Unless you're a Patreon member, you should stick around or switch over to that because we're going to get some fun, dumb story,

probably about the building of a workbench. Oh, yeah. But before we do that, I'm going to ask you guys, how old is April D. Barrow? And I'm going to show you a picture of her first. We'll put this picture on the Facebook page. Oh, wow.

36. That was my guest pre-picture. I think I'm sticking with it. A youthful 36, I would say. Considering the condition of things here. She's like, are you serious? She here. She's like, are you serious? 36. She's got the face of, are you serious?

36. Dan, I think- Hold on, Jason? Oh, Randy? Yeah, Jason's not here. I would say she is 28 years old. 28 years old. But is not aging well.

Okay. So 28 from Randy. What'd you say, David? 36. 36? 36? Yeah. Townies, if you're listening to this after the posts have already come up on the Facebook

or the Instagram or the Twitter, go and look, then make your guess. Yeah. Okay? Pause the podcast. Give me a second. Go look. Now you're back. So glad you're here.

Join our Facebook page. I hope you made yourself a sandwich. We're like the cops. We put funny stuff on Facebook. Right. Ready? Mm-hmm. April DeBaro. DeB? April DeBaro

is 40 years old. Oh, man! She looks good, David. She looks good. I like it. Perfect age for a midlife crisis. This guy was the prom king. He was second team all-conference in a

number of sports. Almost asked him to the Sadie Hawkins, and she didn't. Almost. She's lived with that for so long. Snowball. So close. Hey, Judd Apatow, this is 40. Yeah.

She will not stifle her emotion anymore. There you go. Hey, guys, what a fun Friday romp. Agreed. We don't need Jason. This is a real treat. Again, congrats to Jay working on the movie. It's so nice to have David Huntsberger here.

Check out Big Nothingness on YouTube. Yep. And you can listen to it as an album, but I definitely think you should see the visuals. Leave a comment. Nice comment there for him. And then when these things, Intercepts is the name of it, right?

Yeah, plural. Intercepts, plural. And so these might get released as a podcast. Just look it up. DavidHuntsberger.com will have everything for you to let you know when you're doing that. DanaVanKirk.com to check him out live. Nosebleed's coming out also this month.

Jason and I happen to be starting a several episode arc on a very popular series on FX that involves supernatural things that I don't know if I'm allowed to say it if it's out yet, but I'm just saying it it's out there we love you guys and oh shit we gotta get back to work bye dum dum dum dum

dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum stick around make a sound

it's dumb people town Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.