Dumb People Town - Doug Fager - Fear The Walking Dead Seeds

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

 The Sklars and Dan Van Kirk are joined by Doug Fager (Roast Battle) for a DPT minisode! In this week's story, a family-owned sunflower farm is permanantly closed to the public after way too many instagrammers show up. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan. And jerk, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, on your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a mini episode of Dumb People Town.

Population Fager. We have on a guest today. That's me.. Population Fager. We have on a guest today. That's me. That is Doug Fager. It is. Great young comic who helped us a lot when it came to Roast Battle. A lot. He's one of the best battlers. I mean, all right, Dan.

Dan, Jesus Christ. But no, I will say this about Doug Fager. We were turned on to him by Brian Moses, another friend of the show. As we were saying, who would be a good person to work with who's a great battler? And we've judged some of Doug's battles, which he's amazing. And once we connected with you, it was like I would get texts from Doug at all times of the day and at night with just jokes. Even like after the battle was over. We kept riffing.

We kept riffing. He started roasting everybody and everything. Who were we roasting the most? Pete Davidson. Yes. We went on a Pete Davidson riff fest that was so fun. And now he's married to Ariana Grande. It doesn't matter.

No. He's doing all right. But I call him Ariana Vente. No. But someone that he's married to Ariana Grande, it doesn't matter. No, he's doing all right. No, he can't lose. Can I call him Ariana Vente? No. Yes. But someone said he was in recovery, and I was like, someone should tell the bags under his eyes. Hey!

It was a roast fest! Roast fest! Pete Davidson, by the way, you're welcome to come on this show. Yes, we would love to have you on. He's so funny. I'll come back for that, too. Please come back for that. Maybe Pete will come back for that, too.

Hey! Anyway, we get in the roast mode. Doug Fager, great young mind, and we are introducing the DPT audience to this guy. You will love him and check it out. But we have a great story right now. Because what we do is roast the dumb on this show. We do roast the dumb. We learned that from when

Jeff Ross, the roast master, came on the show. We have another roaster with us. Daniel, how are you, sir? I'm doing great. We might hit it up later. Before we jump into this, I just want to remind everybody that the Drip campaign is up and running. Oh, it's up! And running. People have already signed up. Yes, there's just so many opportunities for you,

the townie, to become even more of a part of this town. Check it out. You can go to our Twitter, TPT Podcast. It's pinned up there. You can go to the Facebook page. It's pinned up there. You can go to the Facebook page. It's pinned up there. And you can see what level you want to become a bigger part of this town. It's a way to get Jan Flato his money back, too.

And right now he's the founding member. For the first 30 days. Yeah, you only have 30 days. Become a founding member. Here we go. Ready? Yes. Let's do it. This is sent in by Stephen.

How do you know when it's Stephen or Stephan? This is S-T-E-P-H-E-N. Stephen. I think a P-H-A-N would be Stephan. For sure. A-N is Stephan. Okay. Right?

Well, I think it can both be Stephan. Ah, it's like dealer's choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the A is like for sure a Stephan. I call him Stephen Curry. You do? Steve Curry. Steve Curry.

You call him Steve Curry? Steve Curry. Yeah, Steve Curry. You do? Steve Curry. Steve Curry. You call him Steve Curry? Yeah, Steve Curry. Stephan Ramsey at shabbyd s-h-a-b-b-y-d-e-e He's the overweight love of shabbyd. It wasn't me. There's one thing

You combine two things. Yep, I know. Go for it. Dig it out. Dig it out. You combine Shaggy and Heavy D. I know. Who have never collabed on anything. They should have.

They did collab on- It might be too late, right? Well, it was interesting because they did collab on something, and as they were collabing on it, like you can listen to it. You're asking Shaggy, did you collaborate with Heavy D? And Shaggy said, it wasn't me. Right. Did we lose Heavy D or just big pun?

I think we just lost big ton. Big ton? We're still roasting. There's one thing the Boggle family wants to make clear off the top. They can't spell. Anyone in this room love Boggle?

Yes! Boggle might be my favorite board game. Is that a board game? What? Did you play or no? I'm reasonably excited about Boggle. Yes.

It's so good. I was in a thrift shop in Texas, found like a 1968 version of Boggle. That was my mom's birthday gift that year. All the words that pop up are racist because it was okay back then. The 68 version, well, it's probably okay now. Our president is making it okay now. But the idea of you press the thing down. No, you're thinking of something else.

Right? You're thinking of double trouble. No, you shake it up. You shake it up. This is the shake. What's the one where you press down? Double trouble has a press down in the center, the little poop. And then everything just pops all over the place and you have to do that.

Oh, that would be a different game. Boggily shake it up, then make sure they all fit flat. There's always two or three that are diagonal and you're like, what are you doing? Flatten out and flip it open. This will never happen, but for our drip campaign, in the meet and greet, I might want to play Boggle with people. Bring a Boggle. I thought Boggle

was also the portmanteau of beer goggle. Yes, it is. I was more of a Boggle Junior man myself. Excuse me, Doug. With the stylings of Boggle Junior, it's. I was more of a Boggle Junior man myself. Excuse me. With the stylings of Boggle Junior. It's just like Boggle, but smaller. But travel size.

But Junior. I love it. But Junior. Okay, here we go. The Boggle family wants to make one thing clear off the top. It sounds like I wrote this and I'm angry about it. Or that they've been, this is like they've had enough. Or they have a game that involves a top and they're about to release it.

Here it is. This is what they want everybody to know. Colon. That's how serious they are. Yeah. It's like a sequel to a movie. They're like, we don't even want to start a new sentence. No.

This is part of the original thought. No more pictures. What is going on in your life that you're like- Guys, we've had enough. You're right. You're Alec Baldwin-ing it. Yeah, I was going to say, Brad Pitt is a guy who can say no more pictures. Like, Howie Mandel is a guy who can be like, don't shake my hand.

This is a story about why we can't have anything nice and dumb people all the time. Okay. You ready? This is a common theme, Doug. It's like, you just can't have nice things. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a common theme in my house, too. You just can't have nice things.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's a common theme in my house, too. Their sunflower farm, the Boggle Sunflower Farm, is closed to Facebookers, Instagramers, Snapchatters, or Snappers, and all the other social media looky-loos who tromped over their crops and plugged local roads for kilometers around over the weekend. and plugged local roads for kilometers around over the weekend. You know how most social media people are just jamming up the sites with sunflowers. They're crop chompers. All the new influencers are just big on sunflowers.

How many crop shots do you got? Where are you sitting with crop shots? Right. Are we going to subsidize this soybean field? What are we doing? Hashtag subsidies. Quote, ready? Yeah. Okay, here's what they say.

We're closed forever. Closed not just for today, this week or this month. Quote, we're closed forever, says Marlene Boggle. Actually, she yells it politely to yet another minivan full of sunflower seekers stopping at the edge of her Millgrove, Ontario driveway on Tuesday. I'm going to show you her. If you don't want people taking pictures, do not grow the crop of one of the most photogenic flowers ever. Oh, it's on them. Yeah, it's like Cindy Crawford saying, no, stop looking at me.

I think you're victim blaming. Stop looking at me. I'm not blaming the victim. Also, if you're putting out something, anything close to picture worthy in Millgrove, Ontario, then you need to expect crowds. Yes. A lot of them. Big time crowds.

Everybody knows. That's where Kodak was thought of. Not invented, but thought of. It literally boggles the mind that she wouldn't be. Oh, at Sklar Brothers. It's going to go dandy. I'm going to show you guys a picture of Marlene Boggle. And it will scramble you.

There's two things funny about it. One, for someone who hates what's happening, was this the right place to take the photo? Two, she looks like somebody that you have to really try to piss off. Ready? Alright, let's see her. Look at her. Aww. She's also doing the one thing she hates right now. She's getting a picture in her sunflower patch, you dummy.

But do you know how many likes this got on her Instagram? She's constantly refreshing. You know what else she looks like? Somebody he used my own name when scolding me. Like on the paper I turned in in fifth grade, she was like, did you understand the assignment, Dan? Dan's like, no, I didn't. Right.

She also looks like a crossing guard for her sunflower seed. Like she's just expecting school children to travel for them. She wears the orange vest in situations that don't require safety. So she yells at a minivan, we're closed forever. They reply, forever, says the startled driver, who drove an hour from Toronto with a van load of kids.

Kids, get in the car, we're going to the sunflower picture place. By the way, every kid in that car is in their brain. If they could say it, they'd be like, what the fuck? Why are we going here? No kid wants to drive from Toronto to look at sunflowers. Personally, I was going to propose

to my girlfriend at the sunflower field. Now the relationship is off. Now you have questions about the future. By the way, you can do it. You just can't take a picture of it. She says, what's the point? But it is like they-

If a man gets engaged and it's not on social media, does it happen? It's a great question. That is a great, great question. Like, it's not like it's a field of poppy. It's not like it's a field of cocaine. Right? Like, it's not that. It's a field of sunflower seeds.

It does, it seeds. So the driver yells, forever. And then Marlene yells back, yep, for good. This feels like, by the way, it feels like an exchange with Holden Caulfield. Yes. You know what I mean? Catcher in the Rye. Yes.

Just J.D. Salinger. Forever for good. For good. Well, this wise guy. Just J.D. Salinger. Forever for good. For good. Well, let this wise guy.

Add the majestic sunflowers of boggle seeds to the list of good things spoiled by social media. This is what I'm saying. We can't have nice stuff in dumpster. No, we cannot. The same fate has fallen some of the world's most renowned attractions. Tourists taking Instagram-ready selfies have clogged up Santorini, Greece. That's a weird comma. Santorini, Greece, with its distinctive blue rooftops. The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

White rooftops and blue ocean. And the Great Wall of China. Now they're taking over the family farm. Oh, blue rooftops on White House. Brad Boggle, Marlene's son. Brad Boggle. Brad Boggle. Brad, you still working at the car dealership?

Double B. Double barrel. Quote, I can only describe it as a zombie apocalypse. I think Brad needs to think about what a zombie apocalypse is. No one is coming there to kill you, Brad. Right. Fear the Walking Dead Season 7. Yes.

I thought you were going to say Fear the Walking Dead Seeds. Yeah. It started mildly enough. The Boggles opened up their farm to photographers on July 20th. This is how long it took. So they opened the Pandora's box. Yes. They're the ones who screwed this up.

But this story was sent to me on August 2nd. So literally it was like seven days and they're like, we're closing the farm forever. It started mildly enough. So clearly these are people who can't handle. They were at the end of the rope when they opened the doors. So like my oldest daughter's drama teacher. I'm not going to say the rope when they opened the doors. So like my daughter, oldest daughter's drama teacher. I'm not going to say her name. Sure. At school

is a. Cynthia Nixon. No. She is a fantastic drama teacher. Meryl Streep. She's unbelievable. Yes. Teaching public school in LA. She's an amazing drama teacher. Chris Kattan. But there are moments Yeah. There are moments where like if one extra thing gets put on her plate, she loses her shit.

Like can't handle anything. And I like use this as an demonstration to teach my daughter like, okay, this is a person who can't handle much. Right. So you have to be careful around this. Like don't give her something extra. Right. These are people. This is can't handle anything.

You give them one extra thing and they can't handle it. They're done. PTA meeting is going to be a little awkward. They opened up their farm to photographers on July 20th, charging $7.50 an adult, just to get in and walk around. What? They'd done the same thing three years ago with a few hundred

visitors providing a modest boost to their main business of farming sunflowers, corn, millet, oats, and barley, as well as selling various kinds of bird seed from their big red barn, which remains open for business. This year, they hired staff at $22 an hour. That's a pretty good job. They're paying good. A little part-time summer job.

Yeah. And rented some porta-potties to accommodate the crowds. Their parking lot holds 300 cars. For the first week, it was never more than one-third full. They met families from as far away as Dubai, New York and Australia and learned that many cultures They drove all the way from Dubai? That's incredible.

Consider the sunflower. Good luck. Quote. By the way, if you're coming from Dubai to in Ontario, get a life. Or I was going to say, people's sunflowers. Get a life. Yeah. Or I was going to say, you're doing it great. Get a life.

Ride or die, bitch. So, quote, everyone was laughing. Dubai to these sunflowers, my friend. Everyone was laughing and having fun. Then all of Toronto showed up. Says Barry Boggle, Brad's father. Barry Boggle. So there's Brad Boggle, double B, and there's Barry Boggle.

If they have a daughter, you know it's Brittany. Wait, so which one is the sunflower seed? Brad or Barry? Brad is the sunflower seed. The seed of... Barry's the seed of... Barry's seed produced by Brad. You were right. Barry is the dad. Brad's the sunflower seed. The seed of... Barry's seed producing Brad. You were right. Barry's the dad.

Brad's the seed of Barry. Gotcha. Yes. The seed is strong. The apocalypse, settle down Canada, arrived on Saturday the 28th. Oh, there's an apocalypse. Oh my god, it's the end of time. There's so many people coming out to the sun.

Listen, I heard Drake posted there. Drake came out and it all went to hell. He's got a really big team. There you go. A few pictures of people posing among the roughly 1.4 million Sunflowers. That's pretty cool. Had gone viral on Instagram. Cars began rolling up the driveway at 5.45 a.m.

I was up at 5 this morning. It was like a can- If you grow it. It will come. I said it's a Canadian field of dreams. Quote, we knew something was up, says Barry, who called Hamilton police for help. It's 5.45 and people are coming up his driveway and he doesn't waste any time. He's like, Ma, call the cops.

They're coming. They're coming, Mom. Call them. Have you ever had a garage sale, by the way? Of course. Have you ever had a garage sale, by the way? Of course. Have you ever had one in L.A.? People hear about garage sales in L.A., and there's usually seven people that show up that are garage sale veterans. People, yes.

These are the people. They're looking for a scratch. They're like, their fingers, usually like, all right, we're going to open this garage sale at like 7 in the morning. Their fingers are under your garage, like helping to get the thing up. And like you're helping some people out. And then suddenly like they're wanting to buy things. They're like picking up things that aren't for sale. Can we go on in and look around?

No, you cannot. They're like holding your baby. And you're like, let's put it down. It's not for sale. Will you go five on it? No. That's my child. Do you ever get the people who want to know the story behind it too? It's not for sale. Well, you go five on it. No, that's my child.

Do you ever get the people who want to know the story behind it, too? Like, what's the emotional value of this thing to you? Because that's what I'll be doing. I bought it at a garage sale. Get out of here. Take it. Dan, I'm just thinking of the news report of this, the sing-song. What happens when the field of dreams becomes a field of nightmares? Boom.

By noon, the hordes were coming from all directions. People were parking as much as a kilometer away. The crowd started ignoring the overwhelmed farm staff strolling into the fields without paying. Police told the Boggles that parents were crossing four lanes of traffic with strollers. Police were getting into fender benders. One driver had his door ripped off by a passing car. One officer told the family they would be fined for all this. Okay.

That is crazy. It is out of hand. I apologize. There are strollers being pushed along four lanes of traffic. Doors are being ripped off. The Boggles have a point. See, calling the police was a mistake because do you know how many sunflowers a Mountie can tear up? The horse is going to take that out.

The Boggles tried their best to ward off the trespassers. We asked one guy to leave and he said, make me and wanted to fight. Yes! Now we're in zone people town. Make me fight! And then he pulled his shirt over his shoulders and started punching him.

This is what happens in Dumb People Town. You try to do one nice thing for the community and they're going to rip off car doors and fight your There was a guy and

he tried to fight us. Others were nicer. One man came out of the field holding an armload of garbage he'd picked up. Oh, that's nice. Which is nice, but that also means there was an armload of garbage in their field.

Others were nicer, like I said. Hamilton police said the Ontario Provincial Police showed up to help with traffic. Around 2 p.m., they asked the family to shut it down. Shut it down. They later closed. The cops closed Safari Road, which led up to the field. And they later closed, the cops closed Safari Road, which led up to the field. One officer told a neighbor police had estimated that the crowd had how many cars?

How many cars? It's not even how many people, it's how many cars. You almost have to multiply it by three or four. Well, there was a van full of people from Toronto that they said were closed forever. Right. You are our guest. Would you like to go first, Tig, or third? Tig went in between the two of us. So choose the second spot.

You can take the Tig spot. When you guess how many cars. I'll take the Tig spot. I'll go first. Randy would like to go first. So how many cars? Now, the parking lot can hold 300. Yes. I'm going to say there were 3,000 cars. Wow.

No way. 3,000 cars. Wow. No way. 3,000. All right, sir, you are going second. I'm going to say that it's a weird under. Like it's a surprising under. Like a clown car situation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's actually 225.

Again, the boggles are, they just can't handle it. It just went nuts. Jason Sklar. 875 cars. 875 cars. 875 cars. All right, Townies, get your answers in now on our wonderful little mini episode. Shout at your earbuds. Because one police officer told a neighbor police had estimated that there were 7,000 cars.

Oh, my God. What? Yes. Oh, my God. Oh my god! What? Yes! Oh my god. This is insane. That was my next guess. You said under, and it was. Under 10,000.

7,000 cars. Oh my. That night. By the way, 7,000 is like 20,000 people. That's not all of Toronto. Guys, here's what's fun. This is Saturday. Oh my god.

That night, the family barely slept as they fretted about the horrors that might await them on Sunday. Because there's nothing they can do to stop it from coming. And people just start walking. I just keep thinking of the sunflower continuing to turn as the day goes to, just watching the destruction. So this is such a Canadian story. Like, it's such a Canadian problem. We opened up a sunflower thing, and then all these people came, and's such a Canadian problem. We opened up a sunflower thing and then all these people came and it's a real dilemma. Well,

Brad spent the next day going up and down the road asking people to leave. Some didn't take it well, telling him they had ruined, he had ruined their vacation. A few fingers gave him the finger for their traffic woes. Just a Canadian bird. As of Tuesday, the traffic had died.

The traffic had died down on Tuesday, but the boggles were still standing by the driveway like sentries. Now their full-time job is keeping people out of their fields. Well, did they make some money? 7,000 cars? No, because people eventually just started walking into their fields. They didn't have any scarecrows. Yeah, yeah. Scarecrows.

Yep. No, you're right. They put up no trespassing signs everywhere. Quote, it reminds me of an exhibit in Toronto, says Chelsea Caruso as she emerges cheerily from the field on Tuesday. It's Instagram that brought people here. It was a top post. There's such good vibes here. Yeah, unless you're the Boggles.

Yeah, Boggles ate it. Brad and Brittany and Barry and Bolton and Bike. Bonnie. Bonnie. Thank you. I went way down. The sunflowers are notorious fragile crops. So what they're saying to you, I'm going to wrap it up here, but

the leaves at the bottom, if you damage those, it can ruin the entire flower. Of course. So people just walking through the field are like killing these flowers. Stepping on the things on the bottom. The same weekend the boggles were overrun, a Winnipeg area farmer said around 2,000 people showed up at one of his fields knocking over flowers in search of the ideal shot. So now it's like taking over other farms.

What are you going to do this weekend? You're going to go take pictures? We're hitting a farm and we're going to trample the shit out of those flowers. Let's go kill some wildlife. They don't want us on their farm. We're going to find one. We'll find one. There's one in Winnipeg.

There's plenty up there. Marlene, we're going to find one. We'll find one. There's one in Winnipeg. There's plenty up there. Marlene, we're going to leave on a quote from Marlene Boggle. God. I used to love these flowers. She said, waving a Tesla away from the driveway. Now, I can't stand them. I used to love her, but I had to kill her. Wow. That's a many, friends. Jeez Louise. had to kill her. Wow.

That's a mini, friends. Jeez Louise. Way to go, dummies. Instagram, you ruined everything. Doug, what's your Instagram? Doug's got jokes. Okay, follow Doug on Instagram. He's got a ton of sunflower pictures.

So many. Not one less than I would like. Twitter also ruined everything. What's your Twitter? DougFager, at DougFager. At F-A-G-E-R. Dudes, that was a phenomenal mini. Good little mini.

Once again, guys, sign up for the Drip campaign. Support this podcast. Support Jan Flato. We're going to get him his money back. We're going to right a wrong in the universe with your help, the townies of this town. And oh, shit, we've dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb