Dumb People Town - Gareth Reynolds - How High is Too Far?

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

This week, Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a drunk tourist has a rough night after he gets lost on his way back to his hotel and finds himself climbing the Italian Alps. In Story #2, a...

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And don't be a jerk. That's when the music hits the funny hits. We are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk or down. It's Dumb People Town.

Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. I almost forgot the word town. I know, I lost it. I'm like, dumb people, what's the word? We're on brand. Population Reynolds.

Yeah, Gareth Reynolds. Reynolds Rap! Hello. It's lovely to be here. That would be... You created Reynolds Rap, is that correct? I did. You talking to youth at risk.

Yeah. Gareth Reynolds walking down and talking to youth at risk. You bent down. Guys, what it is is a Reynolds Rap down and talking to youth at risk. You bent down. Guys, what it is is a Reynolds rap. And no, it's not the foil, jokers in back. When you approach down at the knees to get right on their level, to that real closer of that Reynolds rap. I'm on your level, man.

In the puddle of blood, I saw my own reflection. And I said, this ain't a life. I brought a boy here today who's been through a lot. That boy is me. I'm going to bring him out right now. Guys, that boy is me. That boy is me. He turns around.

Yeah, hey. That's hard to react to, isn't it, gang? We had a high school assembly where this guy talked to the whole school, which was like 400 people. Okay. And he did a whole thing about this kid that he knew. And he went through all the trials and tribulations of that kid. Oh, no.

He brought that kid with him today. And that kid is here and he wants to meet all of you. He wants to meet all of you. Oh, no. No. And you're going to see this. You've heard about his struggle. And maybe some of you can identify with some of that struggle.

There's too much buildup. I bet it's him. Dude, I am not lying to you. And it built and built and built. And I'm like, I can't wait till this kid gets out. This kid? Who is this kid? He's also wearing khakis.

How about that? Guys, he went. He went. And I'm going to bring him right now. Get out of here. Nothing. Nobody. Nobody.

Empty. Did someone not? Stared at the door. Nothing. Nobody. Nobody. Empty. Everyone stood up. Stared at the door. Nothing. Silence. Dan, for the record, Dan is holding a finger. Dan is holding a finger out and worried about him.

That kids me. Oh, boy. Jaws on the floor. Yeah. Jaws on the floor. Well, maybe that's a good lead into our overarching theory on the world and that is that the world is getting dumber

or dumb is getting louder or dumb and smart are fighting and dumb is getting dumb. And Gareth Reynolds is a good person to kind of speak to on this subject

because, well, no, you're a big dummy. No, but you and Dave Anthony on your amazing podcast, The Dollop,

if you're not listening to it, you should listen to it. Pause this right now, subscribe to that one also and The Dollop. If you're not listening to it, you should listen to it. Pause this right now. Subscribe to that one also and just enjoy it. But you go through the kind of insaneness of history. Yeah. It's kind of the greatest way to study history ever with YouTube boobs. Yeah.

Trying to figure it out through a crazy story. No, but you are getting some answers. And I do believe that when I get done listening to a dollop, I am a little bit smarter. I know something about something that's happened. You carry away some facts, and obviously you laugh a ton, but I do feel like that's entertainment. It's infotainment a little bit. Our podcasts are similar in that you guys focus on the idiocy of now, and we focus on the idiocy of then. And they haven't heard the stories.

Just like you haven't heard the stories. The three of us are in the dark right now. Dan's got a story. Should we start with one? Yeah, let's do it. Let's jump right in. Okay, here we go. Ready? Yes. This was sent in by Jake Magnuson at Jake Magnuson. Do you remember the world's strongest man, Magnuson? Yeah. Magnuson.

Big for big. He had to go one way or another with his name. Those shows, how the hell were those on for so long? They're still happening. What the hell? I just don't think they're televised. Guys are still just lifting rocks. It became CrossFit. No, but originally what it was, there was-

Did you say originally? Regionally. It was more of a regional event. No, when we- You could have played it off. I liked that. I didn't even pick up on that. I caught it.

I rolled with it hardcore. I caught it. Randy went up against the wall to get that one. I climbed the wall. At least you're not nitpicking. Are you sure I'm not nitpicking? At Randy Sklar with a plus one.

That was a plus one. A funnier more parallel thing would have been nitpicking but fine. So I was, back when we did Cheap Seats, we did an episode about a World's Strongest Man competition where there was like an actual evil villain. Like one of the guys, Bruce Wilhelm was his name. I can't remember him.

And he wore like rose-colored like transitional glasses. And he beat the nicest guy, Don Reinhout and Bruce Willem. The stuff that is in your guy's head. Don Reinhout was like a guy. They could also start naming indoor soccer league players. Don Ebert. See? Carl Rose.

Jeff Ketchum. Ketchum and Torrey. It's all in there. Tony Gravitt. The Pocket Rockets. Slobo Iliyevsky. That's not from Chiefs. No, that's from our childhood.

That's just dumb stuff. You and Naz, or Han. Like, what does my son have to do this week? I don't know. But I can tell you every steamer from the 1980s. I can tell you that Steve Jungle was a cherry picker. All right. All right, anyway.

Stay by the gold. But it was this guy. I encourage you to go back and watch that episode of Cheap Seats. Brent Musburger was calling it. And this guy, Don Reinh was the could not have been a nicer guy i think he was like playing for like a sick kid and the other guy bruce wilhelm such a dick with like there was a there's like a tug of war at the end and he like one-on-one he like pulled him into the mud like it was the saddest moment screw you and your kid hope the kid dies soon yeah

they did the thing remember they would carry just those enormous spheres, those weighted spheres? Kegs. They had like a keg toss. Yeah. And then when you'd find, like one guy would just buckle. One guy was like, I didn't know we were doing that. And then like the guy would be like just overdoing it with those rocks. His anus would prolapse and it would just be the end of it.

In my dreams, it's one of those things where I say to somebody, hold on, i want to go see what's going on over here and it's that yeah there are times you've been like at a park or something what are all those people looking at and it's that so so this guy's name is reminiscent of that and we haven't even got to the jake magnuson that's jake magnuson m-a-g-n-u-s-o-n jake is common a this is in all caps just the first two words. A, which should be because it's the beginning of the sentence.

Second one, a drunk tourist. Oh, God. Which is what you want to be. That was my favorite William Hurt movie. It's a touching one.

The accidentally drunk or tourist. My cousin Ben Doherty, one of the prides of my life, is visiting right now. I don't think I'm doing a good job of keeping him a drunk tourist. He's not drunk enough.

No. He's not drunk enough. He could have a beer like some of us. He could man up. Gareth Reynolds takes a beer and a long sip. A drunk tourist had a very rough night after he got lost on his way back to his hotel and found himself climbing the Italian Alps. Okay.

Wait. What? Okay, wait. I know my room is here somewhere. Surely we all relate to the first part. Drunk being like, where is it? Where the hell is it? Where's our hotel?

Where's our hotel? I remember passing a yodeling man. Okay. All right. Well, look, we're at 7,000 feet elevation. Hey, goats. Hey, goats! Goats! Where's your room go? Do you have a key?

One of those keys? You know where Hotel Jolie is? Is that around here? I don't remember her coming down. Why am I going up? No, we did this. Yeah, we went up here. Yeah, your friend was always like, I remember that tree. You don't fucking remember that tree. Do we pass a Yeti on the way to my room earlier tonight? 90%. I think

we're close. Either we're close or we're fucked. I think the Yeti works here. Floor two is the gym. Where is the snow cap floor? Okay. This might be the dumbest person ever. You have leaned in. That is drunk on a level that I can't even understand.

Right. An Estonian tourist known as Pavel. Okay, here we go. One name. He doesn't even have a last name. One name. He's like Estonian Madonna. You got a name on the tab, known as Pavel. Okay, here we go. One name. He doesn't even have a last name. It's like Estonian Madonna. You got a name on the tab, dude? Pavel.

Like a last name for the tab? Pavel. Okay. An Estonian tourist known as Pavel has been enjoying a few drinks at Servinia, a resort in Italy's Valle di Astoria. I don't know. A few drinks. A few drinks.

And this is a guy in Estonia where there is no drinking age. You can probably start at like 13. It's recommended, yeah. A few drinks for this guy is like 16. So he's enjoying a few drinks at Servinia when he decided to call it a night. When he decided to call it a night.

At Gareth Reynolds at Sklar Brothers. He's being Servinian. There we go. When he decided to call it a night. Over-Servinian. At Gareth Reynolds at Sklar Brothers. I'm over-Servinian. Go more. When he decided to call it a night and head back to his hotel, do you think he's the one

that decided to call it a night? He's definitely the one that called it a night. I think there are a lot of people who are like, has he had enough? Hey, buddy, I think we're going

to call it a night. I just want one more before I go. You guys closing? No. No, we're not closing. Hey, why don't you tell me. If you can stand up right now and put your dick back in your pants, you can have another drink.

I'm so sober I could hike the mountain. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. Hey, tie my dick. Hey, I got an idea. You tell me your last name and I'll give you another drink. Pavel. Nope, that was your first name.

It's both of them. Get your hands off me. Hands off. Pavel, Pavel. Pavel, Pavel. Hashtag. Hashtag. Hashtag bubble, bubble. I was in a bar in Rochelle and there was a guy.

Some people pass out. He was taking a nap. I mean, he was. And no one cared. Nobody was like, you got to go, man. They were like, yeah, let him sleep it off. Just let it be. The longer he sleeps, the more likely he'll be the one to drive.

Yeah, jeez. A baby. I mean, really, the policy that you have with a baby with booze. Don't, do not wake him up. Do not wake him up.

We're just happy that he's napping. That would be great if you did that as I cry it out. Like a bit, like a hidden camera bit where you try to get bars to turn the music down

because you're afraid. Guys, could you please? Guys, can we just keep it down? My friend is sleeping. Can you guys not play pool? Yeah. Can you not play pool? Do you play so loudly?

Do you guys have white noise on the jukebox? What's going on over here? You walk over and unplug the pinball machine. Was anybody playing it anyway? Come on. Yeah, we were playing it. Personally, that would make me the most mad.

Okay. He decided to call night and head back to his hotel. Boy, did he. Where are you going, Pavel? To the hotel. To the hotel. It's that way. However.

He'll figure it out. It seemed that Pavel may have had a bit more to drink than he thought. Isn't that how it always goes? It's the walk home where it hits you. You go, ah, an extra shot of JMO is a bad idea. You're talking to your ex-girlfriend. You're like, it was you. Yeah.

Because you didn't love me. Your stuff's still there. We can do this. A lot of sentences start off with, gonna tell me. I think I'm supposed to turn left. Are you still talking to me? Yes. Should I go left?

Mountain. I'm going to lose the reception. I'm going into the mountains. Why would you? That's not where your hotel is. My hotel's near this. Oh, okay. There's that tree.

The guy I broke up with for no direction, his life seems to have found some. Finding one direction. I'm going up. I'm going one way. I'm going up. I'm going up. I want my hotel to know that I'm going in the snow. I'm going up.

The dehydration factor with drunk mouth singing. Jay, so when we were in Israel in college, we got drunk and we're going to go camping. And we're in go camping and like we in a lot which is down kind of feels like a European city it's right down on the Red Sea

sure way down we ran in mopeds sure we were cruising around on mopeds hell yeah we did we parked them

at this like field school you guys never want to rent mopeds when we're on the road doing DPT I would do it in a heartbeat it's so fun so we ran in mopeds

and all we had were backpacks and like Tevas it's like we were in a third eye blind video oh and all we had were backpacks and like Tevas. It's like we were in a Third Eye Blind video. Backpacks with sleeping bags on them and Tevas. Like we didn't have any hiking shoes.

We got drunk. We had no water and we hiked at night up in a mountain so we could sleep. It was, and then we slept outside. Every single thing

that we did was stupid. Remember that when your kids want to do crazy stuff. Everything we did was stupid. Everything was okay. You were with good people stuff. Everything we did was stupid. Everything was okay. One of us could have fallen off a mountain. That's right. But you were with good people, right?

Yeah, but we were just dumb about it. You guys had Tevas. Yeah, you were fine. You're fine. You guys make good decisions. Not the grippiest of shoes. Anyone on a moped makes good decisions. Anyone on a moped with Tevas. Alright. So he short walked back to his room,

soon turned into a mountain hike. According to Italian newspaper La Stampa, Pavel seemed not to notice that he had taken a wrong turn and was heading up the mountainside until it was too late. What? What is too late?

I don't know. That's what I was going to say. I don't have the answer. I wish I knew how high is too late. We could just decide for ourselves. How high is too late? I don't know. That's what I was going to say. I don't have the answer. I wish I knew. How high is too late? We could just decide for ourselves. How high is too late is a great t-shirt. Isn't that a Method Man movie? How high is too late?

How high is too late? That's Pavel's question. How high is too late? Because that's what I did. I tell you, this is too late to be this high. This is what I love, too. This is when your person writing the article is just kind of like, they're in the pocket here. By the time 2 a.m. rolled around.

Oh, here we go. Oh, God. 2 a.m. And Pavel was still climbing. So if he decided to, quote, call it a night, whether he did or someone else did. You should never be scrambling up to your hotel room. But that also means he left before the bar closed. Yeah.

Well before. Yes. It's 2 a.m. now. Two hours? Three hours? What are you doing? In darkness, just heading up the mountain. Hiking.

Just hiking. Oh, no. I don't know if I can scale this one. Animals that would kill him are like, let him kill himself. It's less work for us. He's so dumb, he'll just bleed out like a deer. I don't trust this guy. He becomes a deer.

By the time 2am rolled around and Pavel was still climbing, he realized that he had made a grave mistake. Okay, so he is human. He's Job from Arrested Development. And by grave mistake, you mean he's dug his own grave. Literally. I thought it was my room.

You'll be sleeping, though. Now, if you are a drunk guy climbing a mountain in a foreign country, so you've been throwing caution to the wind for days, right? I'm here for the experience. I'll try it. Whatever. You're drinking alone in another country. You've already thrown it out the window.

What is the best thing that could happen to you? Drunk climbing up a mountain. You meet someone else up there. Camping. People are camping and they take you in. You're right. Your hotel is there. But through sheer luck...

There's like a Swiss Miss convention. But through sheer luck, Pavel stumbled across a closed restaurant and bar. What? He's found another bar. What? Up in the mountain. But you think clothes

is going to get in his way? No. No way. He's so drunk. He's going to sleep in there. Right. It's like one of those deals where he thinks he's lost,

but literally like 20 yards through a tree line is a whole town. I'm picturing a hobbit. He's a hobbit. Yeah, for sure. This is his journey. Right.

Okay. Right. That's his Mordor. Right. Little Pavel. He came from thebit. Yeah, for sure. This is his journey. Right, okay, yeah. That's his Mordor. Right. Little Pavel. Came from the Shire. Yeah. He's Samwise to himself, like being like, you'll keep going.

You'll do it. We'll return to the hotel. You've got this one, Pavel. Keep pushing. He's stepping on the roofs of all the houses. Yay. The bar, named Igloo. Sure.

So, no questions. Yeah. No. There's nothing that says the Italian Alps more than an Eskimo dwelling. No, that needs a bar rescue. He would come there right away and be like, the hell are you guys doing? You don't care about owning a bar.

Your fish is cooked. Now look at Blake here. Blake doesn't know how to cook anything, but you care, don't you, Blake? I want this place to work. I have for 10 years. See, Blake cares. Blake cares, and the baby he's expecting was Sherry. That baby cares, too.

Right. Oh, I've watched so much bar wrestling. Oh, yeah, falling down that hole. Oh, my God. It's a whole day. Yeah. But it's paint by numbers. And right when you think you're going to quit, there's one in California.

There's one in the valley. And you're like, well, I have to see what they do. I got to go there. I can drive by there and see how they're doing after this thing. You know you've watched a lot of Bar Rescue when you're watching. You're like, this bar doesn't need rescuing. You can make that statement with confidence. Oh, yeah.

You're just shooting the shit with a bartender. You're like, what are your margins? That's interesting. How many months are you behind? And what is your liquor cost overall? You should have those numbers. You should never say to a bartender, let's go open the books. Let's go open the books. And your mom gave you the loan? How often

is she in here? Does she know what you're doing? Are you bar rescuing me right now, dude? Don't cry, dude. She just dressed me and I messed it up because I'm a 45-year-old party animal. If I ordered six orders of mozzarella sticks right now, are they going to come out in time? Absolutely. Back in the kitchen. Fuck, we're out of snacks. The oven doesn't work.

Six orders? They shouldn't be in the oven. Put them in the microwave. They'll know. Bar Rescue has taught you that whatever you're afraid of in that shitty bar you're in, whatever you're afraid of in that kitchen is what's happening. That's what's going on. The guy on Bar Rescue is like the NBA playoffs. Your weaknesses will get

exposed. Everything's a seven game series. The worst thing in every Bar Rescue is what's supposed to be the best for you. Don't order anything chicken. Don't order just a straight burger. Literally. Just order the poppers or the mozzarella sticks. That is your safest bet and you're not even in the clear

there. No, because they're touching everything. The chicken is always not at temperature. Stop, stop, stop. I can't. This chili's going to kill someone! It's been on the floor! It's not chili. It's killy.

Now, look, I've brought in a chef here. He's ran 16 Vegas restaurants, and he's going to teach you how to make salmon spliters. Caipiri. Yeah, he is. They always bring in someone. Boom! Boom! That's a flavor.

Yeah, let's take this thing to Flavortown. The bar named Igloo was nestled on the mountainside at an altitude of how high do you guys think he had gone to find this bar? Now, Gareth, you can go first. I don't know what the town is to begin with.

Do you know that? It's just Igloo. It's not a town. No, no, no. The town itself might be at like 6,000 feet and then now you're up to like... This is it's just Igloo. It's not a town. No, no, no. The town itself might be at like 6,000 feet, and then now you're up to like... So this is the elevation of Igloo. Yes. But we still don't know how high the town is. No. So you can either go first, Tig, or...

But he started at the bottom of the mountain. I'll go third. I want to hear what you guys say. Go ahead, Jay. I think it's 8,500 feet. 8,500. So I think he may have... It's in kilometers.

It's in meters. Oh, in meters. Jeez. In meters? Do you want me to try and convert it? No. 8,500. It's in kilometers. It's in meters. Oh, in meters. Jeez. In meters? Do you want me to try and convert it? No, no, no. I'm going to say it's like, this is how little I know. Yeah, what?

2,800 meters? 2,800? Meters. Well, if you give me one sec, we can go feet. Okay, I got feet. What do you want for feet? Go feet. I said 8,500 feet. 8,500 feet. I say 7, go feet. Okay, I got feet. What do you want for feet? Go feet. I said 8,500 feet.

8,500 feet. I say 7,200 feet. 7,200 feet. I'll go one foot. No, it's not Price is Right. Oh, sorry. I misunderstood. I'll go 9,000.

9,000 feet. Okay. I think it's going to be even more. The bar, Igloo, was nestled on the mountainside. What if it's in the death zone? Have you read any of those Everest books? Oh, yeah. Over 27,000 feet, it's in the death zone?

Who has a restaurant in the death zone? He's up there trying to get a pizza. He's like, this air. I'm either drunk and can't breathe, or the air is bad. There's planes below me. Hey, man, you sleeping on the side of a mountain tonight? Is there room for two? Because I have a room, but I don't know where it's at. My key doesn below me. Hey, man, you sleeping on the side of a mountain tonight? Is there room for two? Because I have a room, but I don't know where it's at.

My key doesn't work. Should my nose be black? And off. Jay says 8,500. 8,500. Randy said 7,200. 7,200. Gare says 9,000.

Which actually is closer to 2,800 meters. Thank you. A total of, get your answers in, Townies. Because Igloo sits at 7,874 feet. Randy. Randy. Randy? You said, what'd you say?

I said 8,500. And I said 7,200. Oh, yeah? So I'm only 600 away. It's me. I know, dude. That's impressive. I don't know.

Maybe it's a split. So this lucky son of a bitch walks up there and that's there. And he's saved. Well, Pavel, seeing it as his only refuge, the tipsy tourist forced his way in and bunkered down for the night. Staff discovered Pavel in the morning, passed out on a makeshift bed made out of a bench and a few cushions. If we could hear audio and video of him, because you know he talked to himself the whole time he was in there.

Just making a bed. Gotta move this over here. If anyone deserved to get to that point and then get raped by a bear, I think this is the guy. This is the guy. Staff discovered Pavel in the morning passed out on his makeshift bed.

Being the responsible guy that he is, Pavel made sure he drank two bottles of water to help with his hangover the next morning, which were sitting beside him when he was found. A search party made up of a fire brigade, police, and drones had to be dispatched to locate the lost tourist

before he was found safe and sound in the bar. That's not a waste of resources at all. No. Local police said that he will be fined for his drunken escapade, but will not be charged. So yeah, no, he's got to pay for what it cost for the search party. I will ask the three of you now. Once again, you are a guest. You can go first.

I want to go first this time. How old is Pavel? Oh, damn. See this. He's got to be young. I mean- How so? Well, just because- Because he climbed the mountain.

He climbed the mountain, and he's naive enough to not... When you're young and you do dumb things, sometimes it falls into place for you. If I'm at that bar that he left, there is a new drink called Climb the Mountain. It's whatever the last thing he drank was. It's called the Pavel Mountain Climber. Or just your last drink of the night is called Climb the Mountain. Hey's whatever the last thing he drank was. It's called the Pavel Mountain Climber. Yeah. Or just your last drink of the night is called Climb the Mountain.

Hey, last call in 10 minutes. Who wants to climb the mountain? Well, then now they have to put a sign up there that's like, your hotel's not near here. Oh, good. Your hotel is not elevated. Like an open well. Yeah. Just an arrow saying, other way, dummy.

Okay. All right. I'm going to guess that he is 23 23 years old I think he's 28 28 from Jason Sklar I think he's 51 and you know there are those

he found a stick you know how people from another country just like the guy's like 67 years old and he just swims in like ice water. Yeah, like that's, they're those people. Right. You know what I mean?

And he just, I don't know, he owns a cat whose skin is on the outside. Because if you're drinking alone, you're either young enough to not care or so old no one likes you anymore. That's right. Yeah. Okay. Pavel. Get your answers in at home. Scream at your ham radio.

He's not married. He's 51 and not married. No, he's alone. For obvious reasons The age of Pavel The mountain climbing drunk Which is a great children's book Pavel the mountain climbing drunk Is one of my favorites

It's an unbelievable book It's a story of will Welcome to the Reynolds Wrap guys We're going to talk about My man Pavel Let me get down He's here today Oh snap

My nickname was Pavel He was a character from You can give a Bear a Sedative. That'd be a good one. I'm going to welcome that guy in right now. That guy's you. And then it's them. What? That didn't happen to me. No. It did happen to you. It did now. Pavel the Mountain

Climber. I'm like this all the time. Good. Pavel is 30 years old. Oh! All right, yeah. 28. 28, Jay.

There he goes. That's one story down in the books. Down in the books. Is there a picture of him or no? Nope. All right. We just have to think of him in our brain. I like to think of him wearing one of those Alps-y type hats

with the feather coming off, so maybe some later hose, and even though we're in Italy. Probably a pan flute or something like that that he played most of the way. I found a magical one up there. Yeah, absolutely. Pavel the Mountain Climbing Joint. That's a great first story.

When we come back, we're going to talk to Gareth Reynolds a little bit more about the DALP and some of the other projects he's working on. This is Dump People Town. Stay with us. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT.

Our guest, Gareth Reynolds. As we mentioned before, he is one of two brilliant parts of the dollop. You guys were just in Australia. Is that relatively recently? Yeah, relatively recently. Are you going somewhere this fall? Yeah, we'll probably go back to Australia.

We have a bunch of tour dates, too. What do you do every year, every year and a half? What do you feel like your rotation? It's kind of like every year. Oh, jeez, I keep hitting this thing. That's okay. There's no reason to be mad. I'm so worried.

We probably do it about once every just over a year around that, like 13, 14 months, something like that. And now you have an audience. I mean, you had an audience, but people are excited to see you come back. It's a different show every time. I mean, it's a lot of fun. No, yeah.

I mean, it has gotten to the point over there where it's really weird. But, yeah, it's great. I mean, they have a lot of crazy shit in their country that we talk about. I mean, they are an aisle of convicts essentially. Which, you gotta love.

Just people are aisle of convicts on Fox. People are born out of bad decisions. Yes, yes. Their whole island is an episode of Prison Break.

Yeah, but yeah, it's great. That's awesome. It's great that you do that and then you're writing on the show You're the Worst right now.

Yes. Which is a fantastic show. It takes place in my neighborhood in Silver Lake. Yeah. Our buddy Desmond Borges is on that show. Oh, yeah. He's great. He's phenomenal.

Great Chicago dude. Yeah. Yeah. And then the last season of Arrested Development, which comes out May 29th. Come on. Which we kind of were talking a little bit about. Mitch Hurwitz, who has done our podcast before.

Just a brilliant individual. The greatest. Like, I don't think people understand. I mean, Mitch Hurwitz, who has done our podcast before. Just a brilliant individual. The greatest. Like, I don't think people understand. I mean, Mitch Hurwitz, also the man behind, along with Maria Bamford and Lady Dynamite. Yep.

His brain works in a way that I don't think people fully understand the level of genius that he works on, which is both amazing and can be maddening if you're trying to get home

and see, like, a family member and you're working on staff. you he wants to work on it till like till it's done which sometimes could be like very early in the morning yeah no he definitely I mean he is an absolute genius and yeah he you know he makes sure that he's you know that you get to write the stuff when it's done this is your first season on arrested yeah yeah what was that like coming into the room being like alright I just gotta do as good as one of the funniest shows ever. It's crazy.

I mean, truly, we all know that feeling when you're not comfortable around people you're intimidated by and you've got to try to hang. But yeah, anything you'd pitch, you'd just be like, I mean, so half-assed. You'd be like, or you could go home or that's dumb. I mean, never mind. Sorry that I said that. Did I speak out loud yeah and then spill some wheat thins you're like i'm so dumb no i'm not like this i appreciate it though i love the show you're leaning over to your writing part and be like read what i wrote

down yeah you read it you read it you just like slap you have confidence do it take this i'm bombing but then i get a picture with you guys they do the same thing to you because they're like i don't want you So let me ask you though, because your ability to create comedy in the moment, especially off things that you don't even know, again, when Dave's reading a story and you don't know what it is. Yeah.

You have to create comedy in that moment and sometimes in front of several thousand people. Yeah. If you're doing it live or a couple thousand people, that's a lot of pressure. Were you able to transfer the credits from that into this experience and be able to deliver in that moment? Yeah.

I mean, you know, essentially when you're writing in a room and you're writing in a room like that, I mean, you're pitching ideas, you're pitching jokes. But yeah, I mean, a lot of it, especially with Mitch, is like, you know, you're just riffing dialogue. So you'll just be like, it's very similar in the sense that, like, you'll find a joke in the moment, and that'll just get jotted down and put in. That becomes the riff. Yeah. And he also is like watching him work when, you know, like he, you know, he's come up with all these characters that you know, so well. So then he'll be writing and then he'll be doing that that he'll be narrating what he's writing in their voices that he's created and that's got to be unbelievable it's almost like you're watching the process of something that you've loved for so long and it's

surreal i mean you can get one joke in there it's gonna feel so fucking good yeah oh the best that's brilliant so that's coming out and that should be out in may 9th may 29th may 29th yeah i love it that's's a pretty amazing show to be a part of and well worth it. They were lucky to have you on it. That's what I kept saying to them

and they were like, stop saying that. Yeah, I don't know if I was a weird thing to start. It's a weird thing to start every pitch, every joke that you guys with it.

You're lucky that I'm here but I think Job should leave before that and you guys are welcome. Yeah. Let me say you guys are lucky to have me here. I don't hear a lot of people. Gareth Reynolds, just to have me here. I don't hear a lot of people.

I don't hear a lot of people thanking me. Whatever, you guys can get to it later. Just because it's month six, it feels like we're not thanking me or respecting the fact that I'm here

and how awesome that is, but I'll keep pitching anyway. Whatever you guys say. That's the end of my Reynolds rap. That's the end of the Reynolds rap. I know someone who's got a great pitch and he's about to walk

in that door. Who's that person? It's me. It's me. Oh, sorry, it's Mitch. Hey,. Who's that person? It's me. It's me. Oh, sorry. It's Mitch. Hey, Mitch. How you doing?

Hey, Mitch. Hey. All right. You want to do a second story? Let's do it. Here we go. Sent in by J Sneed at I'm Jake Schneider. A couple of Jakes open out on the first two of these.

I am J-A-K-E-S-C-H-N-E-I-D-E-R. I'm Jake Schneider. This is going to give the two of you, Jason and Randy, as parents... So much anxiety. Oh, jeez. And Gareth... Yeah, make me happy. A couple of Cavalier fellas like us, we're going to be like, good kid.

Yeah, rub her up. Cool kid. Very Calvin of that kid. Rub her up. All right, ready? Buttercup. Rubber up. All right, ready? Buttercup. An adventurous, and then in parentheses, and mischievous. This is Pavel.

12-year-old boy. My daughter's 12. Yep. 12-year-old boy. Watch. Stole his mom's credit card and booked an escape to Bali for four days. What? Yes. That's where I had my honeymoon with my wife. Yeah. credit card and booked an escape to Bali for four days. What?

That's where I had my honeymoon with my wife. This is where a kid ran away to. Is he going on a honeymoon? After getting in a fight with his mom, the boy identified by the pseudonym Drew. Has he been identified? The pseudonym Drew. He comes when you say Drew.

But that's just his pseudonym. It you say Drew. Stole his mom, but that's just his pseudonym. Yeah. It's by Drew. Stole his mom's credit card and booked a spiteful runaway flight from his home in Australia to Denpasar. Denpasar? Denpasar. Denpasar.

So he's not coming from America. Australia to Bali is much closer. Would you feel that way if your kid went to Hawaii? It'd be Hawaii. No. It's Hawaii. It's Hawaii. Absolutely not. I would be pissed. Would you feel that way if your kid went to Hawaii? It'd be Hawaii. It's Hawaii. It's Hawaii. Absolutely not. Would you feel that way if your kid went to Arizona?

No. It'd be more like if my kid went to Mexico because it's another country. It's true. Hawaii is still America. Okay, Vancouver? You're like, all right, at least it's Vancouver. This kid had to get a passport together. Yeah.

This is... 12 years old. 12 years old. Drew planned it all out he tricked his grandmother into giving him his passport and packed a backpack with some t-shirts and shorts instead of going to school in the morning drew took a train to the airport nope he checked into his jet star flight through a self-service kiosk and then passed through security without any problems. That's Australia.

And that's also, you know Australia, but that's also like automated life. Like you only see one person if you're going through with a group. My dad's coming. The other way. My dad's coming right there. My dad's right there, mate. You think a TSA is like going through so much shit they deal with as well? He's right there, mate. Not even going to turn around. I'm so much shit they deal with as well? He's right there, mate.

Not even going to turn around. Not that I see that. It's just a nine-year-old flying by himself. What's he saying? He's the pilot, he says. We're going to let him fly the bed. Thanks, I need you to move over. Move over.

You sure you're the pilot? He's the pilot. Yeah, he says he's the best. All right. He's the best. Prepare yourselves for a water landing. We're still on the ground. Prepare yourselves for a water landing. We're still on the ground. Oh, sorry.

It's premature. Prepare yourself for a water takeoff. Alright. Now everyone remember your pilot's 12. So expect some turbulence. This is also the point in the episode where I tell all of our fans, we don't care what you think of our accents. We could get it here. Well, only one guy's

doing it right. The guy who sells out theaters in Australia. You better get it right. No, Australians would hear that and be like, he's awful. He's awful. All right. Okay, so then. He's like a 12-year-old flying a plane. I think so, too.

I'm just going to start doing worse and worse. All right. Mind if I open the window and have a cigarette? Yeah. This isn't a Southwest flight. Kids 12. Kids back at 12. That's what they announce when you fly in Australia.

They announce that. There's no smoking on this flight unless you roll the window down. Unless you're willing to punch the window out, there's no smoking on the flight. If you are punching the window out, kudos to you. Punch it out with a koala. Punch it. With the out with a koala. Punch it. With the skull of a koala. Christ, he's punched it out.

Well, it's the policy you're allowed to, love. He wanted to smoke. He's having a fig. Okay, ready? Yeah. He checked into the Jetstar flight through a self-service kiosk and it passed through security without any problems. This is Home Alone 6.

Except he's doing it to himself. Home Alone 7. This is away from home alone. They just asked for my student ID and passport to prove I'm over 12 and that I'm in secondary school. Drew told the Australian television show

A Current Affair. Newsflash show A Current Affair Newsflash A Current Affair Is still out there It's still hot there Hell yeah Super hot Very big That was Maury right?

Wasn't that Maury? Australian Current Affair What was that guy? Maury Povich was a current Maury Povich was Bill O'Reilly at some point Yeah Really?

It was like the It was that and Hard Copy Oh that's what I remember Yeah Right Yeah but A Current Affair had the pyramid. Yeah, which was some sort of Illuminati shit. Jay, get A Current Affair on there.

Fucking fire it up, Jay. All right. Get that A Current Affair on there. Someday we're going to get cameras in the studio and everybody's going to get to see all the times Jay looks things up while we keep doing the show. No, I mean that as a good thing. Checked out.

Okay. Remember we had Allison Rose in and you both were on your phones. I'm like, tell me you're both looking for whatever. I was just running through some emails. I'm just kidding. There was a second where they were in it, but to Allison, I knew that she was like, I think they just both checked out of the show. Just me and Dan.

One time I did Sam Tripoli's podcast and he had to go get his computer charger. Sorry. That was it Here we go Before you hear yeah What is that? What is the song for a married with children? Love and marriage? Yeah Yeah, just hear that be, God, the triangle. What were you going to say on Sam Tripoli's?

Oh, it doesn't matter. Come on, we were there. There's people who are going to be mad at Will. One time, I was on his show and he had to go get a computer charger while we were doing

a show live, and he's like, dude, I'll be right back, and I hosted his podcast for like five minutes alone, just like, so this is pretty weird. It's pretty great.

That's great. Yeah, it was great. He trusted you. He did, and I totally lost the audience. What else is going on? Immediately. What else is going on in the news?

Drew, who has a pseudonym, that also means he's on camera talking. They just, another time where someone doesn't want to be identified except by face and voice. Right. Sure. How in the world could you have never? Who would know who I am? This happens all the time. I know.

People in news, like a news story, they're like, a witness who didn't want to be identified, and they're on camera. Yeah, just change the name, because that's how just change the name because that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. The name remains the same. The only time Drew was questioned about traveling alone was at Bali Customs, but he told the immigration officer that his mom was waiting outside, and off he went. There you go.

That easy, man. Confidence. There we go. Confidence of a good 12-year-old liar. Once in Bali. Once in Bali. Drew. Over Confidence of a good 12-year-old liar. Once in Bali. Once in Bali. Drew overwhelmed. Yeah.

12-year-old. Drew rented a motorbike. Sure. Moped. By the way, when I was in Bali, the amount of furniture guys were carrying on mopeds was staggering. I felt like if Bali on the flag should just have a picture of a guy on a moped with a mattress. Crushing it.

Just moving a house. Straight up mattress. Moving an entire house. When I was with my wife there, and I remember we were swimming in the water, and we were snorkeling a little bit. And I was like, man, this is so amazing. Imagine being here when you're 12. So beautiful. It's like incredible.

There was one point where I was like, God, this is so beautiful. We're seeing all this amazing wildlife. Look at that right there. It's like incredible. There was one point where I was like, God, it's so beautiful. We're seeing all this amazing wildlife. Look at that right there. That's an eel. And then I reached down and I looked closer and I was like, oh no, that's just a belt. Just a belt floating in the water. That's still cool.

12-year-old belt. 12-year-old boy's belt. Could have been a boy's belt. Braided leather. I got belt fish, hon. Straight up belt fish. Once in Bali, Drew rented a motorbike and scooted around town despite not having a license

and bought beer. How many of the people in Bali really have licenses? Yeah, that's true, too. That's a long way to go to buy beer. I guarantee you, you can give someone in Australia eight whatever Australian money is. And by the way, most Australians are going to be like, that's not beer. Fosters. What are you drinking?

That's beer. Well, he wasn't drinking good beer. He says. What if he went there to get a Fosters? That would have been the most. That's a great commercial. He went a long way to get a Fosters. This kid's 12.

You won't believe how far you'll go to get a Fosters. Just as suited him drew here. Though he says he didn't like the taste. This kid, though, is living his best life. It's like the plot of Yes Man. Imagine his parents around this time. Oh, my God. He's on a moped in Bali, and they're like, what do you mean he's not at school?

Yeah. They're losing their goddamn mind. He's out of the country. We have reason to believe your boy is on a moped drinking beer in Bali. A what? He's renting a motorbike. He's with my mother. He's gotten married.

He's got two wives, which we'll get into in a minute. He's now a shaman. He's a legal polygamist. He's a shaman. He does ayahuasca ceremonies. He's 30 years old now, by the way, man. Man, he aged 18 years the last day. It ain't even any explanation.

But he's not a boy anymore He's a bit older than you now Got a real interstellar situation He's got a boogie boarding business He's an ordained minister He's actually the president If they have one He was staying at

The four star All seasons hotel This can't be real Where he checked in By the way all seasons Not quite the four seasons All seasons The all seasons The four-star all-seasons hotel. This can't be real. Where he checked in. By the way, all-seasons, not quite the four seasons. All-seasons is what? All-seasons. The lawyer was like, legally, you'll be fine.

It's seasons. Yeah. Where he checked in by telling staff that his sister would be joining him. He's wrote so many of his family members into this story. This is unbelievable that it's working. Meanwhile, back in Australia, his family was frantic. They alerted police who tried to track Drew down. Like most kids with a smartphone, Drew took videos and photos of his spree.

When he posted them online, police were able to track his location. Dummy 12-year-old. You dummy. You had it. You were brilliant until you had to brag on it. Share it after. Share it afterwards. His parents then flew to Bali to retrieve Drew and bring him back

to Sydney. As I'm in the air, I am thinking about ways I'm going to end his life. I'm going to get that ocean belt and beat him with it. You know what I'm thinking? I would go to Bali, yell at him, then put his ass back on a plane and be like, you know how to get home. We're staying in Bali. Yeah.

I would call every single hilarious black comedian telling a story about their mom beating the shit out of them as they were growing up. I'd get those moms to come and beat the shit out of this kid. I'd be like, I'm not going to do it because I can't hit you as hard as this woman. Earthquake, the comedian's mom. Earthquake's mom is going to come in here and just give like a 7.9 on the Richter scale. And make you wish that not only that you didn't make this trip, but that you were born. Make you wish that you hadn't been born. Enjoy.

I'm going to ask you guys now, and we're going to get out of here on this. Oh, boy. In total. How old? And in U.S. dollars. Oh. Drew spent how much money on his adventure? Jesus.

Now, let's work it here. Plane ticket? Yeah. First, train ticket. Train ticket? Plane ticket. All Seasons Hotel. Rented a moped.

You're going to convert this to American dollars? It is already, yes. Rented a moped. And had the all- Bought beer. At the All Seasons Hotel and bought beer. How many days, though? He's there for- Five days, right? He doesn't make it the whole time, though, does he? Four beer. At the all-seasons hotel and bought beer. How many days, though? He's there for...

Five days, right? He doesn't make it the whole time, though, does he? Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days of hotel at an all-seasons, I mean. Shit. I'll do the all-inclusive breakfast.

I'll take the... My vacation. Room service. While you're thinking about it, I will tell you, this isn't the first time Drew ran away. At the age of two, he packed his bags and made his first attempt. He was apprehended in the neighborhood park. At two?

Yes. I'm off to Bali. In an interview, Drew said he now regrets. I'll show you when I'm older and I go to Bali. Drew said he now. Honey, he's really talking about Bali. I'll show you when I'm dead. Honey, he's really talking about Bali.

I'm going to go to Bali the second you turn your back on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll show you. Yeah, just get him back in the pen. In an interview, Drew said he now regrets his Balinese jaunt and the drama it caused. Sorry for all the drama, guys. He now regrets it. Yeah.

Bullshit. You know how for four days when you thought your son was dead? Four days. Sorry. Four? Whoops. My bad. Hashtag my bad.

Here's the thing When you're the parent I'm imagining That's not four days No That's four mornings Of not waking up It's four nights

Of not sleeping at all It's four dinners Of whatever you're eating By day three You are making peace With the fact that He's gone This thing that you raised

For twelve years Paid for Taught I know The thing that you You're trying to But if he's such a dick That he almost ran away at age two, and then he's gone at age...

Ten years later. Ten years later, he's gone. There is a moment where the dad says to himself, in the deepest, darkest moments of his inner thoughts, good, maybe we can have a new life. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm just... Dan, it was like when you lost your computer.

You're like, who not? I could be a whole new person. It might be a blessing. Yeah. Meanwhile, he's getting foot massages. On your credit card. Do you want to go first, Tig, or third, Gareth Reynolds? I'm going to go third on this one.

Okay. Jason or Randy, how much money in U.S. dollars did this Balinese adventure cost? We don't know what he flew. I'm going to say $1,800. We do know what he flew. What did he fly? Jet Star. Jet Star.

Okay, what did you say? I said $1,800. Okay, do you want to change it? I feel like you're resident. I just realized that... No, resident. You're a resident. You're a resident of reticency.

You know what? I just realized I didn't really factor in the flight enough. Go ahead. Well, I'll allow it. You haven't heard anybody else's? $2,200. $2,200. $2,200.

Okay. Four days in Bali and in all seasons. He's eating, too. Please. And a ticket and a train ticket. Randy Sklar. $3,800. $3,800.

Okay. Yeah. I'll go $2,900. That's a good guess. Yeah. $100. I said $3,800. You said $2,800. $2,200. $2,200. You said, okay, good. We's a good guess. $100. I said $38. You said $28.

You said $22. $22. You said, okay, good. We're all covered it. Drew. Wait, are we in the range? Can you at least say that? No.

No? We're not even close? It's going to be way more. No. It's going to be more. How? Do you want to re-guess? No.

No. I want to know. It is what it is. We could all re-guess and be that much farther away. Or I could be lying, but I'm not. Drew. Come on. Sude but I'm not. Drew. Come on. Soudaname Drew.

Right. Drew. Ran away for four days to Bali. Oh, boy. He bought a plane ticket day of, so that's how it starts. Well, plus first class. Yeah. You know it's first class.

Yeah, for sure. Now my mom's in coach. You pay to enter the Young Flyers program. Drew. My dad's underneath. mom's in coach. You pay to enter the young flyers program. Drew. Dad's underneath. He's a dog. We tranquilized him. Added years to his parents' life by spending four days in poly.

I want to smack him so hard. Literally took, and I'm not joking, like eight years off of both of those. So as a parent, this is just a service that I think. As a parent, you know, let that I think as a parent you know let's put an end to hitting kids and you don't believe in abuse but as a parent could you pay a bully to kick the shit out of your kid and then you're not doing it

it's not you doing it. You know what you would do maybe? Hire a bully. Leave him somewhere for a little time. He doesn't care. Go to Bali. I don't know if I trust it. I don't know if I trust leaving this kid i think it's you gotta create him i think it's too resourceful i think you hire a bully and you go and you go look here's a hundred bucks just kick the shit out of him for an hour we'll come in at

the end and say things like your parents love you no no no within an inch of his life all right and then we'll come save him, and then he'll be so glad that we're here. A goon for kids. Right, and you know what? Goon Junior! 1-877-GOONS for kids. I'll come over. I'm also a kid, but I'm a goon!

1-877-GOONS. How much? It's like the price is right. In total, of US dollars, Drew spent $6,100. Wow! Jesus! Okay, so he's doing what I'm hoping he's doing, which is he's dumb and dumbering the place.

He's just handing out the hundreds. So do you do this? Do you make him work summer jobs until he pays you fully back for all that? You go three summers, man, $2,000 a summer. You're going to work 40-hour weeks. He doesn't go on any family trips, and you deduct the cost it would have been to bring him. Totally.

I don't think you want to turn your back on Sudan and Drew. No. Sudan and Drew. I don't like it. You don't ever want to turn your back on them. No. I'd say fit him with a low jack. Yeah, definitely.

Put up his picture all around, everywhere. Get him one of those Scared Straight programs. Yeah, yeah. See what one of those scared straight programs. See what happens. And that kid was me. No. That was you? Yeah.

It was me. No, it was my brother Drew. But he's passed away, so I've taken his story. A bully beat him within an inch of his life, and we couldn't get there in time. It's not his real name. It's his pseudonym, Drew. All right, that's story time. It's not his real name. It's Satan named Drew. That's story three. That's story two.

Story two. Can you give us a little taste of what we're going to see in the next segment here? I will read you a quote that is six words. I cannot wait. I could feel it moving around. Hey! That could be so many things. You're going to have to stay with us through the break to check it out. Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop is here.

This is Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back. Final segment, DPT. We should mention for us, guys, we check out our stand-up special on Starz. You can stream it on the Starz app, Hipster Ghosts. Check it out. Please, the Audible thing.

You can go to audible.com and check out our audio documentary called Sklars and Stripes. That's another thing that we've done that we're super proud of. Please leave a rating and leave a review. Rate it and leave a review. That always helps it out. It's almost like podcasting that way on audible.com. You can get a free 30-day trial and then just listen to it for free. And we have exciting things coming up next month.

We're going to roll out a really special Patreon system that will give you guys more content and more DPT in ways that we hope you will be really if you so want it follow Gareth Reynolds on the old Twitters you are

at Reynolds Gareth on Twitter I think you should be at Reynolds Rap that's just me I'm getting closer RAP probably taken

two hands one hand over a fist sort of run the Julesy vibe one hand over foiled hands squash it he's squashing all the conflicts at Reynolds Rap one hand over a fist. Sort of run the Julesy vibe. One hand over. Foiled hands. Foiled hands. Squash it.

He's squashing all the conflicts at Reynolds Rap. All right, you ready to do this? Oh, I want to remind people, June 24th, I will be at the Siren Theater in Portland, and July 15th,

I will be at the Bug Theater in San Francisco. Bug Theater is in Denver. Sorry, that's what I meant to say, in Denver. It looks like I'm going to be in San Francisco in August. So follow me at DanielVanCurk.

We're going to be in San Francisco with you doing a live DPT. Oh, yeah. That's actually I'm going to say. In Denver. It looks like I'm going to be in San Francisco in August. So follow me at DanielVanKirk. We're going to be in San Francisco with you doing a live DPT. Oh, yeah. That's actually Petaluma. At the Petaluma Comedy Festival. Comedy Festival, which will be awesome. Yeah, that's like the 17th and 18th, I think, of August. That'd be amazing. And we've got dates in Salt Lake City, June 22nd, 23rd.

And Cleveland. And Cleveland at the end of this month. Oh, heck yeah. Go out. And Hilarities. Please see us. All right, here we go. Yep.

Sent in by Mrs. sack at mrs underscore sack we've we've had mrs yes we have melbourne florida oh i thought we were gonna see how we could beat that accent today we still can okay four words start this one out. A nightmare became reality. Wow. Guys, I'm sorry for the, yeah. By the way, that's every moment in Florida. Yeah, right. A nightmare became reality. I just was going to a Verizon store, and then all of a sudden I was in. A nightmare became a reality.

That's right. That's it. We were driving to go see a spring training game, and a nightmare became a reality. We were in Daytona. I was having sex with an alligator, and a nightmare became a reality. We were in Daytona. I was having sex with an alligator and a nightmare became a reality.

I went to Florida and a nightmare became a reality. That's their license plate. Florida! A nightmare became a reality. But it's becomes.

A nightmare became a reality last month for a Melbourne woman who found herself with a cockroach in her ear. Oh! Brutal.

That is my fear of sleeping. There's so many bad quotes in here. Quote, Katie Holly said, I could hear it. It was crunchy. It's a bug. Sure. So she's an etymologist, obviously.

Yeah, those are all technical terms that you may not understand. Enough with the- To the layman. Right. Holly, this week, wrote in an essay for self.com about waking up one night in April feeling a quote, feeling quote, a weird movement in her ear. Didn't your modern neighbors talk about this? Listen, if we're talking about a movement,

and I don't want to tread too heavily on the Me Too movement, but if you're going to have a cock in your ear unwontedly, let it be a roach. Yeah, let it be a roach. That is probably the best of all scenarios. Oh, thank God.

You can take it out and kill it. Oh, thank God. It felt as if something were burrowing inside. That's because it is burrowing in her head. It was almost as if there was a bug in my... There was a bug in your ear. She is talking in hypotheticals. It's hard to explain, but hyperbolically,

it felt like a bunch of little legs attached to a bug. And it was in my head. I don't know how to explain it. It is not hypothetical. I'm trapped in a metaphor again. It's real. A cockroach was in my head, if you will. No, it's not if you will. Of course we will

because it was. You wouldn't get it. I will. There's no simile. Let me draw some pictures and I'll show you guys what I mean a little bit clearer. Ma'am. Here's a song that doesn't rhyme. Put it back in. I'm in for that song. Put it back in. I'm in for that song. Put it back in.

I should say at this point in the story, this happens from time to time. I don't know that anyone is dumb in this story, but this is what happens in dumb people town. The cockroach is a genius. What sent Katie to the emergency room at 2am was a palmetto bug that not only crawled into her ear, but got in deep

and hung on with all its might. He loves it. He's like, this is perfect. They poured lidocaine in my ear to numb my ear and also to kill the palmetto bug, which was pretty awful because I could feel it moving around dying in my ear.

You know in Florida they start with Coors Light first. You get the taste of dying in my ear. Oh, man. You know in Florida they start with Coors Light first. Yeah. Coors Light in that ear. You get the taste of the Rockies. You get the bug out of your ear. And twins.

And twins. The eye. Okay, so they drown it. They drown it in chemicals. In poison. Uh-huh. The doctor. Feeling it die in your ear

is essentially like going to an Ariana Grande concert. doctor feeling it die in your ear is essentially like going to an ariana grande just feeling it die in your ear the doctor thought he'd pulled out the bug in pieces which what was that old like rap rock song like here's my life in two pieces it probably wasn't but let's never look it up. And no one tweet at us. Cut my life into pieces! This is my last reason! So he cut the bug into pieces.

It is about the roach! It is about the roach. Pull that small metal bug out of my ear! But Katie realized that funny feeling in her ear wasn't going away. It was her period. Oh, sorry. She was exploring the news. Days later,

at her own doctor's office... This better not. Days later, it laid eggs. Holly explained her ordeal and said she still had some lingering discomfort and hearing loss.

An examination of her ear revealed something dark still wedged inside. Oh, no. I'm going to ask you guys, how many days did she wait with hearing loss and still wedged inside. I'm going to ask you guys, how many days did she wait with hearing loss and still feeling something inside to

go to her own doctor? When someone looks in your head and says there's something dark inside there. I'm a comedian. Enjoy your life on the road. Do you want to go first, take her third. She went to the ER. They thought they got it all out. How many days was she like? I don't know.

I'm going to say four days. Four days. Four days was still. You knew there was a bug in there. But I think that you could buy a little bit of like, maybe it's just like the residual. Residual of something being pulled out of a bug. Yeah, like indentations from the bug or the odd surgery that was performed. Four days, Jason and Randy.

We're in Florida. I think she kept thinking it would go away and she waited nine days to go. No way. I think she waited 11 days. No! 11 days and was like, it's gonna be fine. Four from Gareth. Her friends are like, why are you turning your head to the side? I'm really losing if this...

Four from Gareth. Nine from me. Nine from Jason. I say 11. It's gonna be more. I mean, we weren't even near it on the money. No, I know. One of you is exactly right. Now we get to play a second level of this game. We call this going Westworld.

It's the game within the game. Who do you think is right? Gareth, do you want to go first? Take your third on who you think is right of the three of you. I'll go first. Okay. I think Randy's right. Okay.

Yeah. Just because I feel like we're living in the most absurd version possible. Okay. All right. Jason? I think I'm right. Jason thinks he is right. That's why I said it.

I think Jason's right. Randy? Randy, I don't know. I know, but it's... Randy! Here we go. Let's see what it is. The amount of times she went with lingering discomfort and hearing loss after already

knowing that it was broken into pieces and taken out of her ear. Gareth is going to be right. No. Was a total of, get your answers in, Townies, because that answer is nine days. Yay! You're right. Yes! It feels good, doesn't it?

It feels good to not only guess it, but then believe that I guessed it. And rub my face in it. It feels good to get that bug out of your ear. Nine days, guys. Nine days of not being sure. I'm going back two days. Four for sure. Be paranoid.

Nine days if you didn't know there was anything in there at all, and you're like, I think something's weird in my ear. I could see nine days maybe. Who are her friends? Who are out just hanging in there? Keep drinking, bitch. Even if I feel fine. Keep drinking, idiot, the next day I'm coming back on. Did you get everything?

She didn't go to her doctor. You go to your doctor. Hey, quick update. Hey, bugs live in my head now. Hey, it's in my ear. So what did they pull out, Dan? Okay. Nine days later at her own doctor's office, after having all that, an examination of her

ear, as I said, revealed something dark still wedged inside. Sounds like a Stephen King line. The physician assistant said she saw what she believed to be a spiky insect leg. My physician proceeded to remove the leg and flush my ear again, only to examine it and see even more remnants. She ended up pulling out six more pieces of the roach's carcass nine days after the incident. They left a lot of that bug

in there. That is. A lot. That's half doing the job. I'm going to show you guys. Six pieces of a roach's carcass. This is a picture of the pieces. Oh my god, that's so much. Taken out. There's the first big piece. This will all be on the Facebook page. Join us. we're almost at

20,000 people please join this that's crazy hold on we're almost done what do you think I mean listen

for the bug most bugs in Florida if they don't get stepped on or zapped live a full life and then that's it yeah

this is not fun for the bug to get pulled out of somebody's ear. No, it's scary. Drowned in lidocaine. Yeah. That bug was just looking for its hotel room. That's right.

Hello? Just started climbing the mountain. Hello? Climbing the mountain, mountain girl. Hello? I'm going to keep going. Hello? Feels right.

Hello? Mom? This is my Bali. This is my Bali. This is my Igloo. This is my Igloo. This is my Igloo. Holly's physician referred her to an ear, nose, and throat specialist who pulled out the rest of

the bug. She's being passed around doctor to doctor. I'm going to save a little for the next doctor. You know, I actually put a couple legs in there as a goof. Yeah, is that weird? Why would you put them in? I'm having fun. I'm not a doctor, but I am hilarious. You are.

Alright, give me that one. The ENT doctor said this was not unusual. No. That this... Nope. This guy's seen some shit. Like, I imagine her doctor looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter. It is Florida. Hell yeah. For sure. Just comes in with, like, fluorescent... Medically speaking, the bug

fucked your head up. We're gonna get this bug, okay? It's bar rescue. We're going to get this son of a bitch. Got to get that bug out of your head. Ridiculous. He switches. He takes off his Oakleys and puts on Dr. Oakleys.

Wraparounds. Wraparounds. Of course wraparounds. I saw they don't drop in any open patients. The doctor said this is not uncommon and that she was the second person that day

who needed to have a bug removed from their ear if you need reasons to not go to Florida get your shit together if you're looking for it well let me give you

one last one or go to sleep with airpods in yeah we're gonna close it out with this how many times a year oh no

did the doctor in Florida say on average this is the amount of times a year someone comes in with a bug in their ear? Gareth Reynolds, do you want to go first, take your third? This is the most ridiculous question ever. How many? It's a Florida doctor's expertise. He sounds like Trump's doctor, so I feel like he's just going to say some crazy stuff.

It's going to be a round number. Here's the crazy thing. This is just his number. Not everybody in Florida is going to him. I think he's buffing the numbers. Is second person that day? Yeah. I'm sick of removing bugs from people.

I'll go first. Okay. And I'll guess that he says this happened. I mean, if he had two in one day, I guess that he's going to say it happens 200 times a year. Okay. Jay? I can tell I'm over. No, I said 100. In my mind, I say 100. 100? 100. I'm going to say

300 times a year. 300. Yep. Okay. Because that's not even twice a day. No, I'm assuming this is a little bit of a hectic day. You know, I can't believe we didn't say this to you. Thanks for coming back to Dunkey. Oh, thanks. Well, I can't believe I didn't say this to you. Thanks for coming back to Ducky. Oh, thanks. Well, I can't believe I didn't say thank you for having me. Seriously, it's been a joy.

It's been a joy. And I wanted to say that while people waited for this. Okay. The amount of times, the second and that day, the amount of times the doctor said that this happens in a year. This doctor. Is 12 times. What?

What in the sky? Once a month.? 12 times. What? What? This guy? Once a month. An average of once a month, which if you think about it- We got happy. I know. We got excited.

We got drunk on Florida exaggeration. I knew that the two in a day would throw you off. I knew it, but still to me, if you just are reading that, you're like, that's still a lot.

That's one doctor saying once a month. How many other doctors are getting one a month? That's so many people in Florida getting a bunch of nurses. And then like a nurse assistant come over and is like, I stuck a leg up the nose just for a minute. Just to once a month. How many other doctors are getting one a month? That's so many people in Florida getting bugs in their ears. And then like a nurse assistant come over and is like, I stuck a leg up the nose

just for fun. Just to have a laugh. Just for fun. Hey, I left a little bit in there for the next doctor. Everybody wants to see this shit. No, I want it all out of my head. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're under. You're under right now. You will know me by the trail of bug in my ear. Hey, I dropped my sunglasses in her ear. Fuck it. Fuck it. She's going to go to another doctor and get it out. Oh, boy. Look at that. my sunglasses in her ear. Fuck it. Fuck it.

She's going to go to another doctor and get it out. Oh, boy. Look at that. I got a bounty out on that bug. Is that a show? That is. Do we have a show? Those are three stories, friends.

Three stories. Jesus Christ. Damn it. I'd be loving it. That's so... That's the best title for this show. I'd be loving it. I'd be loving it.

No, no. What was the thing about how high? How high is too far? How high is how high? How high is too far? How high is too far? How high is too far? How high is too far? Let's come up with a couple. To end the show,

let's come up with a couple of how high is too far. How high is too far? I ask you, Dan, how high is too far? Just answer it any way you want. How high is too far?

Apple pumpkin pie. Okay. Gareth, how high is too far? Apple pumpkin pie. Okay. Gareth, how high is too far? My dad. Okay. Jason, how high is too far? Two furlongs.

Okay. Nice, nice. That's what I think. Randy, how high is too far? How high is too far? Doug Benson in the North Pole. That is how high is too far. That is how high.

That's very high. I brought it back to the end. That's the show thank you guys for tuning in again join us on the Facebook page if you want to see these grotesque pictures

we would love to have you be a part of it a lot of bug pieces oh shit we gotta get back to work it's a good show