Dumb People Town - Jonah Ray - Bear Caves and Beer Caves

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

This week Jonah Ray comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about an unusual wedding situation. The second story finds a terrifying creature under someones house. The final story takes place in a beer cave!

Skypains Avenue Hey, Daddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Ray. Jonah Ray, welcome to the show. Our first ever guest of a live Dumb People Town. Remember that? Oh my God, we did it at the castle. Oh yeah, remember that? It was May of 2017. It seems like it was so much longer ago. That was the first time we had- That was a cavernous room. Huge room, but the laughs were fantastic.

I wasn't sure what it was going to be. We had no clue, and you were so good. I'm picturing there was a picture of some weird house. I can't remember the story, but I think it was a story of something. We were in a little shed of the green room. Oh, yes. That was great, too. Anyway, it was super fun. I kind of got meltdown vibes of that place a little bit,

kind of like the room in the back room. Yeah, that's the best part about those places. It's like, should it exist here? It doesn't matter. It's working. It's here. It's here. And people showed up, and it was just so much fun.

It's so nice to have you. You're not hearing Jason. Jason is working. Thank God we've gotten rid of Jay. We got rid of him. We finally got rid of the dead weight. No, Jay's working on a movie this week. So instead of saying, hey, we're not going to put out a show, Dan and I said the show must go on.

And who better to have than one of our favorite guests of all time, Jonah Ray. New season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. We'll talk about that later. We don't have to talk about that now, Dan. Plus a whole bunch of other great stuff. Oh, my God. A bunch of other great stuff that you're doing. We'll talk about that later. We don't have to talk about that now, Dan. Plus a whole bunch of other great stuff. Oh, my God. A whole bunch of other great stuff that you're doing. We'll talk about all of that with Jonah Ray.

But first, we've got dumb to deal with. There's dumb happening all over the world, and we need to deal with it in a comedic way. You send the stories at DanielVanKirk. Hashtag dumb people town. He knows who sent it first. Let's get into one. I don't know if in this story the people are dumb, but it is like a thing that would happen in this town first of all it was sent in by we we talking about practice we talk about practice at not a game

ai underscore between not a game and i'm not sure if you should really consider it a real person if ai comes in well it fits so much for this story okay here's the headline fictosexual you guys familiar with that term fictosexual i don't know but let me try and fictosexual okay so fictosexual you guys familiar with that term sexual i don't know but let me try and fictosexual okay so ficto fiction fiction uh so someone who is uh sexually attracted or uh it falls in love with yeah falls in love with uh fake uh characters you're 100 correct oh my god that's so good fictosexual i thought it was gonna be someone who thought sex was fictional I mean for them it is there you go married hologram bride

so you're 100% right married a hologram do you want to be a hologram bride but now struggles to bond with her well she's a hologram remember in Blade Runner 2049 where Gosling's character kind of has like feelings.

Did you not like it? No, of course. That's one of those movies I can just put on like aesthetically when I'm writing. I don't need sound or anything. That movie is wallpaper. It's just there all day. Oh, my God. So this is the moment of her when Joaquin Phoenix, spoiler alert, realizes that she's the operating system for many people.

Yes. Jeffrey Baldinger walks out. You know, Jeffrey Baldinger walks out. alert realizes that she's like she's the operating system for many people yes Jeffrey Baldinger walks you know that scene is heartbreaking though she's relaying to him how time operates different for experiences are related to time and time moves so much

faster for her than it does him so she's a lot way more experiences but it doesn't it didn't take away from how she feels about not at all but it did for him because he's like but i mean what he's like yeah but you process time and experience different than i do it's a you know like uh my wife dianne rooney she like says this about her it's um where if a loss in translation is about you can have if you're not actually physically cheating with somebody it's not an affair and i think this is spike jones going yes it fucking is an emotional uh yeah it's a connection you have with somebody else if you're starting something

emotionally it's it's not nothing yes i think what spike jones was saying it's not nothing it's something yeah so you running around with burt reynolds or whoever bill murray was supposed to be so burt reynolds yeah so in Blade Runner 2049, I don't know. She's kind of like a friend. Confidant? Yes, but also I feel like there was also more feelings there. Here we go. The most news-speaky opening headline.

I cannot wait for the sing-songy. She's not real, but his feelings are. I used to have a whole runner of this when i was doing stand-up or it's like uh the guys that like local news guys kind of stuff it's like and that's the way the cookie crumbles from the closed down cookie shop on main street i'm paul and tashki but then it continually gets worse where it's like i guess not all's well that ends well for timmy who fell down a well broke his neck from the abandoned now and now haunted well i'm paul and dash oh that's so good i love that that's your chopper four

a fictosexual man who i i did not know what that term was before i got this article who wed a fictional computer synthesized pop singer four years ago i mean what do you get them for that wedding oh what is that pop what is that I mean, what do you get them for that wedding? Oh, what is that pop? What is that? That's true. What do you get them? Pentium processor. NFTs is what you do.

I get NFTs. NFT of a couch. There you go. Or a parka lavender. That's right. Or an NFT of a wedding gift. Yes. Jonah, what were you going to say?

Oh, the pop singer. Is this that huge, like, what's the AI pop singer from, I think, Korea or Japan? I think so. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Hatsune Miku. Does that sound familiar?

No, I think it's something like Cherry Pop or something. I can't remember. Well, they married four years ago, and he said he's now unable to communicate with his wife, but is still in love with her. So it's a normal marriage. He's got to update her OS. normal marriage gotta update her oh yes can i this i just say this this is what i said to my wife that if you've been married for a long period of time it literally marriage is 95 logistics that's all it is i'm figuring out this person up over here we've got to get this person over here she needs her stuff over here i gotta go did you make the reservation for that we got to get over

here and get this go to the store and get that i got to do this over here it's literally logistics do you think in the course of your marriage you guys have ever gone 24 hours without speaking i'm not saying out of anger but out of out of logistics like being in one place yes yes because i've been gone and there's just 24 hours with kids i'd say that's all logistics like you know diana and i we're not having kids we don't have kids yeah and so it's a lot of speculative logistics it's like what if we did something to the house yeah what do we have to do what do we i mean there's just a lot of logistics that have to get to like my whole day is figuring out how this is literally most of my days is figuring out how am i going to get this done you're a project manager i don't know how i get yeah you're

literally a project manager on a construction site with like a giant gaping hole yeah yeah uh terrible thing to call your wife she's not the gaping hole she creates the gaping hole the gaping holes in my own heart akihiko kondo was dating hatsun miku i'm doing my best and it's all dan you're doing wonderful for a decade before they had an unofficial wedding ceremony i'm sorry that's even for a hologram that's a long time step up hologram. That's a long time. Step up to the plate. That's a long time. Step up to the virtual plate, bitch. Condo. And what they had, they just had

a small thing you said or what was a wedding? Yeah, they had an unofficial wedding ceremony in 2018. Don't you want to make that a virtual destination wedding? There you go. Yeah, I like that. Condo. One of many who identifies as fictosexual or someone who is sexually attracted to fictional characters. That's the gift you get him, a fictosexual.

Yeah. Yeah. He spent how much money on his nuptials in U.S. dollars? How much money do you think he spent? If you're a friend of his, do you consider yourself part of the condo association? Don't. On the unofficial wedding that they had in 2018, how much money do you think he spent to marry his hologram girlfriend of 10 years in U.S. dollars?

Okay. I'm going to go with $30,000. $30,000. I think like 12,000. $12,000. He spent $17,300 when he ran. All right. All right. I'm kind of in the ballpark. Still a lot of money. You know what I forgot to do? Because you said US dollars, which is probably most likely weaker than the dollar where he's at. He spent 2 million yen. Oh, see? that's what I

was that's probably yeah so I was still smart in another way yeah I mean to me that's always fun to say yes that was when we were traveling through Turkey that was our joke it's like I feel like a million Turkish lira which is about 750. so he spent that much money on the nuptials but his family did not attend yeah which I was like guys guys, come on. He loves what he loves. Nobody's getting hurt. Now married four years, Kondo said his relationship has hit a roadblock. He can no longer speak to Miku due to a technological hurdle, according to the Japanese paper Meinachi. I tried.

While Kondo acknowledges his relationship might be odd. I still get Meinachi just regularly dropped at the doorstep. While Kondo acknowledges his relationship might be odd. I still get may not she just regularly dropped at the doorstep. While Kondo acknowledges his relationship might be odd he understands Miku isn't a real person.

It doesn't change his feelings for her. Since falling in love with her in 2008 Kondo was finally able to interact with Miku for the first time in 2017

thanks to a gate box. Anybody from I've never heard of that in my life. I don't know the gate box. It's a $1,300

machine that allows device owners to interact with characters via holograms and even unofficially marry them. He spent $18,600. If we're going to add that to the box to the price of the wedding. Here's some pics of them. Oh my God, they look great. Oh wow. He got all dressed up.

So is that like a 3D printer kind of thing? No, I think that that's after the fact here's like a real oh i see i see yeah they do all that in post we'll do the wedding pictures in post yeah so he's holding like the tiny marriage in post this is like the tiny nadia from uh what we do in the shadows you know he's got like the doll version but then he's also got this i think that's the gate box oh in his yeah. So it just shows like a 3D thing. I think in his house where she lives. So if you had like, that'll be like if you had Siri, it was an actual little hologram. You can just talk to her.

Right. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Yes. I think that's where we're heading, guys. Well. I don't think you're too far off.

Here's the thing. Would this guy have become frustrated and sad and sad and you know like had it like a worse life if he hadn't married this fictitional character probably probably so it's like so maybe this helped him it's like a coping mechanism yeah some people some people are asexual and it will like and 100 and it will come out in other ways it might you know you just if you don't really feel any desire for any you know a man woman or anything in between like that's right that's right yeah but you still have love to yes right exactly it's like where do i park this love and here is a place to do it it's kind of beautiful but here's where

the dumb people don't think none of it is about being a fictive sexual no none of it about his love it's not even about the amount of money he spent it's not even about it could be maybe about his family but it's this but now his four-year marriage took a turn when support for gatebox software was eliminated meaning that kondo could no longer speak with his wife miku so this is the deal this is all about a glitch in the matrix like you said update the os yeah you've married a hologram and now they stopped making the stuff that allows you to communicate with your wife. Can you go to fictosexual therapy? Oh, sure you can. I mean, I guess that's just the genius bar.

Yeah. It's like, help me. That's the sad part at the end of the movie. That's like the beginning of Up is him looking at the box. And then she's like, I always will remember. And he's like, please don't go. It's a really sad thing. I mean, how about something like this being a way for people who lose people to to cope with that after the black mirror episode

where the woman that was you get the emails and the voice messages and you can get the voice of the person to come back up and then there's like the physical doll of the person and yeah i mean it's a the i guess the question is like we all have probably had pets in our lives have you ever thought about stuffing them and displaying them in your home? No, but I know people, I've heard of people that have. And I find it odd. I think it's odd, but for them it's like probably comforting. Like there's Virgil.

Virgie. What about tattoos? Stuffing them and putting them in your home? No, not a tattoo. That wouldn't even work. Where's your logic there? A tattoo, yeah. I mean, but that's like a, I don't know.

I mean, if anything, like a tattoo, or maybe a stuffed animal, these things are also just grave sites as well. This is like going to a grave and being a gay. They're representative of the thing. But I mean, if there is something that you can interact with, this is fascinating. If there is something that you can interact with,

kind of like I'm thinking of the Black Mirror episode where you can have a conversation with this hologram or you can speak to this and get answers. Because it's an AI. Right, because it's an AI and get answers.

They sort of synthesize all the information about this thing. Like in Her when he talks to Alan Watts. That's right. Well, there's also, I don't want to give anything away so I'm going to try and not,

but there's a very popular movie out right now where one of the actors can't speak. And so they went to a technology company and recreated that actor's voice for the dialogue that they do provide. It's not them, but it is 100% their voice. And so you think in terms of like all of the audio- Also, it could have been his son's voice. All of, it's not though but is 100 their voice yeah and so you think in terms of like all of the audio could have been his son's voice all of it's not though i know but but yes he could but but all the audio recordings with that all of the audio recordings of us well yeah think about all the perpetuity somebody could have dialogues of us they could animate a whole movie that one of us portrays

we never even say a word i think about that a lot with like you know all of us all of our friends have been podcasting and talking about our lives and goofing off and doing so much like recorded content for the over 10 years now. Yes. Yeah. And it's well recorded and it's, you know, it's like someone could easily, easily could just do that. And I think they did that a bit on the Bourdain doc Roadrunner. Yeah. They actually like chopped up a lot of his stuff and then kind of of his stuff and made it work as he narrated his own.

Or people who you lose, you could hang with Brody whenever you want. Just go back and there's thousands. Let's get even more technical. You've directed movies. You've been in stuff, Dan. So you've directed movies. You've been in stuff, Dan. We've all been in shots of stuff where there's an over-the-shoulder shot and you need to ADR a line that wasn't in the script that you realized

as you're cutting the thing together. Hey, we need a line to connect this thing. You do the line. And there are people like Chris Cox, who's an amazing voice actor who does stuff on our podcast, who if they can't get Charlie Sheen, will do Charlie Sheen saying a line. Yeah. Wow.

I did it for Wahlberg on a movie. Okay, so over the shoulder, that's happening in the... That's essentially what this is. Yeah. Except you're... But it's already your voice. But it's like meeting somebody in a dream.

Right. Because when you talk to somebody in your head, they only know what you know. There's no new information. But here's my question. Is it like trying to tickle yourself? Is it like trying to tickle yourself? Meaning like we can't tickle ourselves

because we see it coming. Unless you have a good shower. Thank you. The beauty of being tickled is you don't see it coming. You don't know. That's to me what life is. So I guess there has to be an element with this. And I just don't understand fictosexual.

But like as I just haven't experienced it. Right. There's got to be an element of surprise here that you don't know what is coming. And so you can experience it in the way that people would experience life. We just don't know. But maybe it's not like tickling yourself. Maybe it's what if it it's more like masturbation? Sure.

You know, it's like, it's not, of course, it's not as good, but it is. Gets the job done. Gets the job done. Yeah. Something. Kondo insists that this hasn't lessened his feelings, that he can't speak to his wife. No. Of course not.

My love for Miku hasn't changed, he told the newspaper, which noted he now carried around a life-size version of Miku. So maybe those are real photos. carried around a life-size version of Miku so maybe that also maybe those are real photos yeah the license I held the wedding ceremony because I thought I could be with her forever condo is far from the only person in the world in a relationship with a character thousands of fictive sexual people in Japan have become similar unofficial with the same character a variety of fictitious figures but maybe some of the same yeah well while some relationships are just for kicks, Kondo's is to him very real.

For a long time, he said he knew a human partner just wasn't for him. Due to his intense attraction to characters like Miku, a popular figure in anime Japanese culture, created as a synthesized voice using Yamaha's Vocaloid technology, Miku entered mainstream media as a human. Isn't that the thing that people say? What's next you're gonna marry your pet i mean that this is one step away from yeah people are like ah my cat gets me in a way that people just don't get but we we i have been sent a story of a woman who did

marry her cat and the reason she did it is so that the landlords can't evict her for having it for not at the building oh because then it's her partner. Yeah, yes. That draws in. It's funny. This one topic is making us go into weird ethical conversations. This is like a Sam Harris episode. This is so good. I love it.

The one thing about the animals, though, the pets, is that it's like you cannot prove consent. 100%. That's right. You can't. In 2017. Unless they roll over and just open up the belt. I mean. You know 100%. That's right. You can't. In 2017. Unless they roll over and just shut, just open up the belt.

I mean. You know what? You're right. That is like, that's consent. Yeah, exactly. So back in 2017, his relationship blossomed with Miku

thanks to Gatebox. The machine gave Kondo the chance to propose to Miku and he invited his family and coworkers to the ceremony, but none of them came. How many people do you think did attend? Just for fun.

Four. Two. 39 people did attend. Just for fun. Four. Okay. 39 people did attend. Good for him. He's got friends. Yeah. Including strangers and online friends, some of whom are also fictive sectional.

There are two reasons why I had my wedding publicly, he told the BBC at the time. The first one is to prove my love for Miku. The second is to get on the BBC. Because there are many young people like me falling in love with anime characters. I want to show the world to support them. This world, this is what any stories like this have come out. I'm like, this world is hard enough.

Right. Is this making them happy? And then this is where we're going to get out. Guess who weighed in on this on Twitter? Alex Jones. Gene Simmons. Oh, great. Well, this makes sense.

He is like a fictitional character. Yes, that is true. Right, he was fictitious. And wasn't he in like, what was the, he was in that movie with, I can't believe I'm wrong, with the- Phantom of the Paradise? No, the Robot Spiders. What was that movie? You know that, Gene Simmons.

I don't. Wait, the one, the Kiss in the Phantom of the Park? Long Can't a Spider Kiss the Girls? No! I'm going to look it up. You keep talking about Gene Simmons. No, because it's our last thing. I don't mind.

Gene Simmons, Spiders. What did he say? What did he say in support of it? I'm going to tell you. One sec. Okay, Gene Simmons, Spiders movie. As long as he made money. Runaway?

Yes. A 1984 American film? Yep. About what? Starring Tom Selleck? Yes. Ooh, I thought he was only in Quick Beat Down Under. way okay it's so much here we go this is we'll get out of here on this this is gene simmons on twitter ready it doesn't matter if you understand this relationship it only matters

that this otaku man is happy wait gene simmons Simmons said this? Yes. Are you kidding me? Where have you been? Gene Simmons is not an evolved human being. Otaku is a person. He's a closed-minded Israeli. Who is a magna. Magna? Am I saying it right? Why do I feel like I'm not?

Magna cum laude? Magna. Manga. Manga. Manga. Magna cum laude. Otaku is a person who is a manga and tech fan. Good luck to him.

Hey. I know. Kind of nice. Genemons is all about the you know free enterprise yes yes yes also if you can make money on it how deep are you down a rabbit hole you're on runaway randy i'm down i'm watching the trailer runaway and i know that there's a moment where there are no one's doubting you lots of metal spiders coming at people. Who in your headphones said that's not true? There they are. They're the robots.

The robots are coming at them. And Gene Simmons is controlling all the robots with his crazy, wispy hair. He looks crazy. Wow. I've never, never heard of this. Gene Simmons. Neither have I. How about the fact that he's a rock and roller and his name is Gene? Uh-oh.

Someone put a thing on Tom Selleck. I'm going to really describe this whole thing. And then who's that? Oh, there's Gene Simmons just shooting at the ground, looking like a businessman. Gene Simmons in the tie. I thought you said you were going to describe the whole thing, not just give us fragments.

Eddie Hudson, I believe. And there's Kirstie Alley. Oh, my God. Okay, someone just dumped them. All your favorite people. Wow. All your favorite people from the pandemic. Kirstie Alley looks good.

Takes off her top. Kirstie Alley looks good. Takes off her top. Kirstie Alley in the trailer. We'll put the link in the Facebook. I'm fascinated. It's very computerized. You know when you- Streaming on Roku Free. This came out in 84?

Yes. 84. Odd that I have never heard of this. I never heard of it. There's Gene Simmons. Did this come out the same year as Chopping Mall? I don't know. Ooh, Chopping Mall's good. Chopping Mall's come out the same year as Chopping Mall? I don't know. Ooh, Chopping Mall's good.

Chopping Mall's great. I don't know Chopping Mall. Right over here at the Galleria. Sherman House Galleria. What came out? Spider. Oh, nice. Inside of Sherman House Galleria.

The outside is the Beverly Center. Oh, it is? I'm sorry. Did you guys want more electronic spiders? No. I'm going to let you. They're gigantic robotics. Anyway.

All right. That's story number one, my friends. And who, maybe Gene Simmons married one of those robotic spiders, and that's why he has empathy in his heart for this guy. Alright? There we go. Alright, story number one down. When we come back, we're going to find out how and where you can see the new season

of Mystery Science Theater 3000 with Jonah Ray as the host, Hampton Yunt, Baron Von Black. I love him so much. So many good people involved in it. We'll do all that on the other side of the host. Hampton Yunt. Baron Von Black. I love him so much. So many good people involved in it. We'll do all that on the other side of the break. It's Don't People Tell. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Don't People Tell. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We're here. Before we get into what the hell Jonah Ray is doing, Daniel Van Kirk. Yeah, go to DanielVanKirk.com. You can catch me on tour.

It's the Together Again Tour. I will be in and around Texas and Oklahoma, maybe like western Louisiana, and then also on the West Coast in Vegas and Phoenix and California in August. All those dates should be announced by the time this comes out. Everything is subject to change, but go to danielvankirk.com. Not only is it a super fun evening to go out and see comedy

and to see Daniel perform an hour of comedy, which is so much fun, and he's doing a really fun thing where at the beginning of the show, he comes out and you bring a headline or something from your life. I'll open the show, tell some people to move up into that front row,

and then we'll goof around a little bit, and then I'll get it started, and then I'll come back out later. I love it. What a great idea. It's like the whole, he thinks of, and this is what I love about Dan, he thinks of the whole show. It's a good time. It's a really good time.

Everybody who's come to see him and then come to see us said, I loved, I just saw Dan recently, and I love seeing him, so go out and see him and support him. We've got our dates in the fall that we're doing. Of course, Nosebleeds is coming out. Of course, our Patreon where we're doing new episodes of Chiefs. You're going back to Ann Arbor? We're going to go back to Ann Arbor, but that date moved from the 9th and 10th

all the way to the 23rd and 24th of September. We'll put all that out there. But really, Nosebleeds. Not just watch Nosebleeds. Tell people to watch Nosebleeds and then go online and tell UFC Fight Pass. We'll let you guys all know how to get that done because that is super, super fun. Jonah Ray, it's a great lead into what you're doing

because we're doing the nosebleeds on UFC Fight Pass, which is something that maybe our fans don't know about. It's a streaming service for them. Just like Mystery Science Theater, 3000 is on the Gizmo Plex. You can catch on the Gizmo Plex. Explain, first of all, explain the new season, what you're excited about in the new season, and then how people can get it and see it.

Yeah. So, you know, Netflix didn't want to do more than two seasons of the show, which is fine. You know, very common. It's amazing to do that. Very common. Very common. And so, but the audience still seemed there for it. So Joel Hodgson, the creator, said he took another gamble and did another Kickstarter, very common um and so uh but they're you know the audience still seemed there for it so joel

hodgson the creator said he took another gamble and did another kickstarter even though we broke a record with the first one you guys did it was amazing and we did it again like we like made more money than the last time which was kind of validating you know as like the new guy because i was like at first i was like an unknown quantity in regards to the show and then to like make that much money means and it was like it's like a movie almost where you're like we're're going to create this stuff and people like, well, there's a market for it. So here you go. Yeah. And so, you know, we kickstarted it independently with the help of all of our Kickstarter backers and fans made a 12 episode season.

There's a new crew coming in. So like I'm in some episodes. Emily Marsh, Connor and Kelsey are like the new crew doing this stuff. And then there's and then Joel's come back for a couple of episodes. Yeah. So it's like it's super fun and it's real like real DIY. Like, yeah, I remember when we were doing the Netflix seasons, I was like, this is too big. We were on these big sound stages for everything was just too complicated, too big for no reason for a show like that. Right. You know, Cowtown Puppet Show.

Yeah, Cowtown Puppet Show. And so we went down, made it real cheap as we could so we could pass along the savings. Yeah, no, that's smart. Felicia Day is back, Patton's back, everyone's back. And it's super fun and funny and I directed some of the episodes. Awesome, dude.

And I think it's some of our sharper material, with like these like it's we just had great writers and give me the name of a movie that you watched on there that you just loved so much loved or because i love to hate you know loved in the reason of like there's so much what's the new cry wilderness that would probably be uh the one we just like uh we just did a couple weeks ago which was a munchie yeah yeah so like munchie which is of course not munchies munchies was one of the gremlins ripoffs but then thank you roger carmen decided to make a family version of it was munchies the one with the coming out of the toilet that's ghoulies that's all part of the grimcore movement where you have critters i know ghoulies hobgoblins. Yeah. Yeah. Arthur. I'm sorry, that was not.

But so, yeah, like we did Munchie, which is a typical kind of cry wilderness thing. It's like a mac and me, any of those things. It's a boy and a thing. It's like there's that genre. A boy and a thing. A boy and a thing from the 80s. There you go. And this mystical creature named Munchie voiced by Dom DeLuise. Oh, God.

And it was hard because it's a little self-aware at times, which is troublesome for when you're riffing on a movie. Because you're like, one time- Because that's the great thing about Cry of Wilderness. No self-awareness. No self-awareness. And they're doing it with the utmost earnesty. And that's what you want.

Yeah, because that's who you take the air to. As silly as Maccamy was, and as much as it was a funded, corporate-funded movie to sell more beef right um like it was at least it's like they were trying to tell like an emotional story that's right this one is just a bit like you know we kind of know what we're doing here yeah exactly and then the puppet for munchie is just this animatronic nightmarish looking thing his fingers are always gesticulating just because I think they could. We need more finger movement. Someone definitely

was looking at it going, we need more finger movement. We're not getting enough finger movement. Yeah, but should he contemplate? Yeah, the fingers should always be moving. And Dom DeLuise is nonstop. So that one was tough because it was like, not only was it a bad movie, I think done in bad faith, it was also just super tight because of Dom DeLuise.

So it's like, there was no space for us to like bring in riffs and that becomes like like kind of hard to do yeah yes and he's just talking and it's it's and he's not funny in it um it's like this is literally one of the jokes it's like uh he's he's like he's like hey kid i'm old i'm real old you know my dad he paper trained a brontosaurus my dad now there's a guy there's. My dad, now there's a guy. There's a guy. That was the end of the joke. There's a guy. There's a guy.

There's a guy. Yeah, just the extra emphasis so that we're supposed to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And so that one was super hard to do. But the fans really just like, they're like, this is the new, this is the one. This is the one that we all- Isn't it funny?

You do them and you're like, okay, I like this, but I wonder which one, what's going to be the one that just jumps out? Well, they always, and this is the thing I notice, they always speculate. They're like, you guys must have tried really hard for this. And we're like, no, we tried really hard on all of them. There's no time to go, hold on, guys, slow down. Guys, let's pull back on this one. Let's give ourselves a couple extra weeks of riffing on this thing. God, that's so funny.

It just happens. It's the way it falls into place. And it's all these different things that have to work. The sketches and the movie itself has to be interesting. Which is what makes so much of the charm of the show. So is it gizmoplex.com? Well, the gizmoplex.com. Is it an app?

It's an app, so you can get on any of the app store stuff. Great. You can become a subscribing member. We have a lot of old classic episodes you can watch the new episodes you can either vod them you rent them just to watch them you can become a member it's all like there's like lots of different tiers of stuff you can uh you know like i think to rent a new episode is like five bucks which is nothing phenomenal yeah it's like what are you gonna watch an amazon movie yeah exactly and then you can watch the live

streams we'll always do these things where it's like we like we'll stream it live and there'll be a chat room so it's like everyone gets to watch the new episode at the same time that's great and it's kind of like the Joe Bob Briggs thing

when he came back on Shudder and like everyone was just watching at the same time it's amazing and it's really beautiful well no it's that group mentality of like an experience

that we're all doing at the same time it's what we experienced when we did Dumb People Town in the pandemic on at Nowhere Comedy Club yeah and it's like

and everyone has like everyone is there at the same time, so the reference points, you know which ones are hitting, and people kind of hive mind what they like, and then it becomes the inside jokes for them for a lot longer than if you just kind of parse stuff out. Everyone's like, oh, I haven't gotten to that one yet. I haven't seen that.

It builds the community. So gizmoplex.com or just grab the Gizmo Plex app. Yeah, and you just look up MST3K on Google Store, Apple Store, any of those stuff. It's like you can get on your computer, your phone, Apple TV, Google Fire Stick, all that stuff. And it's all there. It's a really well-done app. I was concerned. I was like, we're not a technological company.

No, and that's a whole other world. It's a whole other thing. And Ivan Asquith, who's the guy who ran ran our Kickstarter campaigns it's like this guy's just a genius and just is able to and like everyone kind of working together it's real bare bones it's like a real DIY that's like the company kind of what it was at the beginning when it was in Minneapolis or St. Paul

public radio and it was just as many things went wrong I'm sure because like we were on set and I'd be like alright next sketch is this one where's the prop and we get the problem because we had to shoot on green screen it's like a prop shows up and i'm like there's green in this why why like yeah oh my god that's so funny and you're directing it i do yeah i do it so i have to like deal with all that stuff too we got tim rider who's also directing stuff on there it's like but it's super great but we the one i'm most excited about there's a uh there's a halloween

episode so first halloween special oh the shows that were done, I get to host that one. Oh my God, that's perfect. I came up with an idea for some of the costumes where we do a trick-or-treating sketch. And then the thing I'm really excited about is the movie itself is the mask from Canada. It's Canada's first

3D movie. So there's 3D elements in that. You can go and get glasses. 3D glasses and see it? Yeah, you can decide if you want to do a 3D or not 3D movie. Wow. So there's 3D elements in that. You can go and get glasses. 3D glasses and see it. Oh, my God. You can decide if you want to do a 3D or not 3D, but then it's also just a great movie. I love it. It's a great movie.

I'm very excited. Oh, that's awesome. So I'm very excited about this, and fans, as you sort of say, how do I want to support the artists that we love? Or just bring more joy into my life. You know, yes, and get something really wonderful out of it.

And I also have to say it is so difficult to create a show that then goes through many different, and we were talking about this with Baron, that like,

when the cast changes is usually when people are like, well, it's not the same as it, no, it's not the same, but it's still awesome and it's great

and then the cast changes again and it's still great. Yeah. Like, I love Bill Corbett the same way I love the original guys. I love, you know. Trace and Bill and everyone in Hampton, like they all, it's hard to. They're all great for different reasons.

And Kelsey, the new crow is like, you know, it's a woman and it's like, and she's like doing this like, you know, almost kind of like weird crazy Bart Simpson kind of voice. But it's like, and everyone at first was like, like no like because it's just change it's different right but then you realize it's like these are you know they're literal joke machines they're robots that tell jokes yeah yeah it's a joke drop my joke bucket into this little gumball machine and then here we go well i hope everybody goes and checks it out man the gizmoplex.com or just look for the app wherever you get your apps all right you guys ready to do another story let's do some more

we'll do a couple of shout outs before we do this I want to start thanking people when we get into these do it Steven Witt Young is a townie to wit

Steven Witt Young wasn't that one of the original cast members of SNL Steven Witt Young yeah no and then to me he feels like

someone who's a daredevil Whitney Young what was that person A. Whitney Brown A. Whitney Brown not just any Whitney Brown A Young? What was that person? A. Whitney Brown. A. Whitney Brown. Not just any Whitney Young. A. Whitney Brown. A. Whitney Brown.

A. Whitney Brown. Which Whitney Brown? Frank Vestfall? Sounds like a comic book character that is like a deep cut that Sony owns the rights to. Yeah, it would only be a Sony one. His chest is also a bulletproof.

Vestfall. And then Patrick Draper. Patrick Draper, the Mad Men reboot. Yes, yeah, yeah. It's like, did you know Don Draper had a brother named Patrick Draper who also stole an identity? There you go. Lovely. Okay, here we go.

This is sent in by Atlas Haggerty, who's now going by the detective of Dumb People Town. Atlas Haggerty. There she goes. P.I. You live in a home, correct? Yes. Home. Nice little house.

And you as well, right? I know for firsthand knowledge. Yes. Here's the headline. Homeowner discovers bears living under her house. Nope. Whoa. No.

Could you imagine? And how long did it take? This is the Kurt Braunler bit of like. Oh, yeah. How many bees? Yeah. How many bees? How many bears have to be under your house before you're like one bear you know if there was one bear that's how it's a very good kurt braunheller right there i had to direct his last special so it's like i'm very into it one one bear that's so good i love

it uh i just saw a tiktok where somebody was like a bench, like a window bay, whatever you call that, like bench seating. And they pulled up the top and there was a whole hive, like the honeycomb underneath it was insane. Infested their entire house. It was wild. What do you, do you just- You move.

No. Because you could, to gas them is, I think would be a crime against climate. So you've got to – They had to like get the queen and then put the – and then they all followed the queen. But the Jubilee is now. How would they get the queen to help out? Did I tell you this? I was – so I parked behind the building where – next door to where my wife's office is on Rowena.

And it's like a big red brick building. And in the back there are two pipes that lead in, I don't know if they're air conditioning vents or whatever, but they're like metal pipes on a brick thing, and I go back to my car, and I'm hearing all this buzzing, and I look over, and there are thousands of bees.

Thousands are circling around one of the pipes. Really? And inside, I mean, it looked like- There are hundreds inside. Candyman. Maybe. Thousands of bees in there. Did you tell anybody? I go to get my car, and I said- What was inside? Candyman. Maybe. Thousands of bees in there. Did you tell anybody?

I go to get my car and I said- You have to say a thing. How many bees, man? How many bees does it take? And I brought Kurt Braun all around. No. And I went to swap out my car for- Sure, sure.

And I then told her, I was like, be careful. Yeah. Literally, be careful because there are so many bees in the back back there. Be careful. Be sharp with your- Be, yeah. Be minor. careful yeah literally be careful because there are so many bees in the back back careful be sharp with your b yeah b minor and so she and then she went back to get her car in the afternoon she's like there were no bees there they're there did you think i thought this is maybe i'm hallucinating that just bees are everywhere like it's like a yes video yeah you're in the wicker man okay that

is wild that i mean like we're we're told We're told that we're running out of bees. And then multiple reports are just thousands of bees. They're hiding more. And by the way, what if the bees are just playing tricks on people like me? And they're like, okay, guys, let's get over here. Let's get over here. And then when he leaves, let's everybody get out of here. This takes place up in Lake Tahoe.

A California homeowner who heard a rumbling coming from under her house during the winter was shocked when spring arrived with an answer there were bears living underneath her home this would be I mean bears are insane like I've watched so much alone and then Life Below Zero

Life Below Zero is like my favorite show to watch just when I just want to see just people up in Alaska just trying to make it. I live off the grid and I don't have a boss. You mean Mother Nature isn't your boss because she's about to break up the river that's going to ruin all of it.

Just putting you to work every day. Right. And like, I don't have to do it. Yes, you do. Those are the people that like, they always say, I don't like the rat race. It's like, dude, your whole, every day and every moment of your life

is more of a rat race than the rat race.'s like just staying alive yeah it's like it's like that's a rat race yeah so you're so your fish wheel is just working fine and no one's gonna take a look at no and the pieces of the wheel are not gonna fall down yeah I just making sure that's right right you have to go get firewood every meal takes about three hours to make right let's myself. I know where it's coming from. How many bears do you think were underneath her house? Four. Okay.

Well, I mean, I got to go classic fairy tale. Three. Three? Five bears were living underneath her home. The homeowner told animal rescue group, the Bear League, that she and other residents of her house had heard a rumbling sound under the home during the winter that sounded like snoring. The amount people will let things go.

Yeah. Right. And just be like, I'm not doing that. There's probably this thing in Sleepy Ghost. Right. Sleepy Ghost. Sleepy Ghost. The neighbors said they were imagining it because they didn't hear anything.

So they told their neighbors, like, you're making that up. We don't hear anything. Yes. So not only are the bears living under their house,'re making their name them seem crazy to the neighbors right yeah also the thing is it's like i would because they're if they're during the winter then they're hybrid any so that snoring is going on all the time yes just crazy snoring the homeowner discovered the sound was not her imagination when spring arrived and she heard the unmistakable sounds of a mother bear waking up

under the house which is to be very loud yeah oh my god that's like we've got to get out of here we arrived immediately but you do go through the machinations of saying there are ghosts in this house yeah yes you're growling i don't believe in ghosts i would believe ghosts before bears thank you we arrived immediately we uninvited mama bear not yet aware that there were four more bears under the house which is also now it gets even like her kids right yeah the group that's the bear league said the mother had given birth to three cubs last year and ended up adopting a fourth cub that had been orphaned and you know the and you know the adoption process for bears is ridiculous it takes so long because They take winters off, much like Hollywood.

It's a big Hollywood break at the end of the year. It's crazy. It was quite the scene to watch the four-yearling cubs. And to get a polar bear is just impossible. Emerge from the opening and join together on the other side of the fence to venture north into 2022. That's story number two. Jesus Christ! Bears under your house.

Are you sure this is a real story or just something like a studio seeding in the gritty reboot of the Berenstain Bears? Yes. The Revenant 2. The Revenant 2 in the house. No, but I mean like- Bears coming from inside the house. What if you're watching The Revenant and suddenly you hear all this sound and you're like, turn off The Revenant.

Who let that go on a loop? Because you've had rats. I've had rats. And when we were up in Tahoe at my friend's house. No snakes. When we were up in Tahoe at our friend's house, they have like their house is on a hill in the basement bottom area. A bear came in there.

A bear came into their basement area. You could see where the claw marks were on like the side of the door frame. And insane. It was nuts. I mean, I was like, I can't believe there's a bear in there. But, Jonah, you've never had any animals? I mean, like it's a- Critters?

We had termites and had to tent the house. It had to be one of those houses. You did? Like Breaking Bad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you still lived in it. And you still were selling meth out of it, which I think is really nice. I just sat in there and I got so high.

High. I know. It's really good. Up good but the cabin we had a goat once i told this story on the crab feast years ago but we had a goat that just started hanging around our family we loved it and then i mean the first time you ever did yoga here's a weird thing so not like we have like a fence around our uh place but like it's like there are coyotes in our neighborhood because we're yeah yeah yeah yeah but what i found once from the neighbor side of the fence or a little bit above us, I found a headless chicken. And it looked like it kind of came through some of the plants. And I was just like, did they have a chicken?

And then maybe- I think they're trying to send you a message that you got to clean up the fence. No, I bet you it just got away from them and they lost i thought maybe like they had a chicken and maybe like a coyote got into their yard and then maybe flung it over or something like that but then like i saw i bag it up and then i go around i was just like i was like i i don't know what to do i want i'm concerned about like this is there first of all it's running around like crazy yeah that's how it ended up there like in itself with it's head cut off like in itself but but you know I

my neighbors are literally from Mexico and I'm a white gentrifying type and I come in and I'm asking this guy if this headless chicken is from his yard in the middle of it

you're like this is just a proximity question in the sky if this headless chicken is from his yard. In the middle of it. In the middle of it. You're like, look, this is just a proximity question. This has nothing to do. We live next to each other. I would ask anybody who lived here. Yes. Was it? No, it was not, and he seemed a bit confused and upset.

You did that. Well, no, this is like when on nextdoor.com, when they said there's a chicken running across hyperion road to which my wife then amy responds how funky is it and i was like do not wade into this do not wade into these waters yeah these people are gonna get well it wasn't very funky it was having some problems uh and this is not a thing to make a chicken it is an animal and it has serious problems, to which my daughter then read that and was like, I'm putting that on our quote board.

It is a chicken. It's an animal. It's got serious problems. That was on our whiteboard. That's story number two, my friends. Story two. Give us a little taste of what we're getting in story number three. Something that goes down in the beer cave.

In the beer cave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a man cave that's just- No, you've never seen a beer cave at a gas station or a liquor store? Oh, yeah. It's like a walk-in refrigerator. Oh, really? Yeah.

I've never seen that. All right, well, I'm excited. Tiggly Wiggly in Partyville, Wisconsin. I didn't realize that there were beer caves, and now that stuff is going down in beer caves. All that, and then we get a little story of something dumb that Jonah did, although he just gave us one, a hilarious one. We'll get another one from him. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. a hilarious one. We'll get another one from him.

Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Alright, Dan, let's get back to it. A couple of shout-outs. April Dawn, who's a townie. April Dawn, doesn't that sound like a book about not having to be monogamous? April Dawn in the new world of throuples yeah april dawn what's that flower you have on oh who is that what are you spoofing delta dawn that's right uh meg smith is a townie as well thank you meg smith smith and meg the meg

the meg the meg and then amy chelsea who I feel like is one of those people that people forget her last name isn't her first name. Yep. Chelsea's like, it's Amy. Is Chelsea coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Amy. It's Amy Chelsea.

Amy Chelsea. Thank you, guys. Love that you are Patreon members. Okay, here we go. Ready? It sounds like Anna Maria Savard, which you know always has to come with a what? Hey. Thank you.

At least them and April Marie used to date. No, it was April Dawn. April Dawn. April Dawn. You know what? I don't care. Thought that it was April Dawn. April Dawn. You know what? I don't care. Thoughts count. It was an April Dawn wedding. Married her in the morning of their life, but in the springtime of their existence.

You ever been to a breakfast wedding? No. One of our fans, Elisa Blanc, had a breakfast wedding. Really? Yeah. I love her. It's not a bad idea if you do, right? Because you do like a brunch wedding, and then everybody has their whole day to go sleep it off or do or i mean do

you party super hard do you just keep going i wonder what her wedding was that'd be so it was she had a like a waffle bar oh mimosas what yeah you think about the food is pretty great for a brunch wedding brunch wedding could be the way to go. Build your own omelet station? And you know you get the venue so cheap. Yeah. Why do the omelets have like the tallest? Why do they have like, again, to the rat?

Yeah, exactly. Are you ready? This was sent in by Atlas Haggerty, aka the detective of Dumb People Town. Florida man takes leak in store's beer cave. Are you ready? This was sent in by Atlas Haggerty, a.k.a. the detective of Dumb People Town. Okay. Florida man takes leak in store's beer cave. This is Rockledge, Florida. So if you put a walk in anything, people are going to think it's a bathroom.

Well, or just not care. Or a toilet. A Florida man was arrested on allegations of urinating on cases of beer inside a brevard county store according to rockledge police or police arrest if you have a walk-in just understand people are going to go in there and pee on saturday the man walked into the hop and pop convenience store on eister boulevard and tried to enter the restroom but it was. This is where most people would wait. The Hoppin' Pop restroom was locked? This, to me, sounds like the worst Dr. Seuss thing. Pop, pop.

Restroom door was locked. Oh. The man went into the store's beer cave and made it appear that he was looking at merchandise. This is one thing. You can always tell when someone's peeing. Yeah. No one is so casual in their stance that you're like, somebody could be far away like, I think that guy's peeing.

Why are both of his hands around the crotch area? Right. Yeah, I mean, we've all had to do it on a hike or a park or something like that. Of course. I look at my phone. I look at my phone and I kind of just like, and I pop my elbow out and I just kind of like, huh. Huh. Yeah, and then, would you look at my phone. I look at my phone, and I kind of just like, and I pop my elbow out, and I just kind of like, huh. Huh. Yeah, and then, would you look at that?

Yeah. And then I'll make it look like I'm doing something, or I'm trying to figure out, I'll have like, you know. These are great tips. Yeah, yeah. If you're got to pee inside of a- Well, no. Don't do it in the beer cave.

Do not. Don't. Yes. There's no pee in the beer cave. So we talked about bear caves and beer caves. Yes. In this episode. The fourth story is about a bear that gets in a beer cave. So we talked about bear caves and beer caves in this episode. The fourth story is about a bear that gets in a beer cave. And pees in it.

With peas. It made it appear that he was looking at the merchandise. According to the affidavit, store video shows the man facing towards the shelves, unzipping his pants, and urinating on cases of beer. Why do you think this is okay? And just because the bathroom door was locked. Like, start knocking. The store owner said. Why do you think this is okay? And just because the bathroom door was locked.

Like, start knocking. The total loss of beer damaged and sold equal how much money? How much in damages? So if you can pee on the beer. It depends on what type of beer he's peeing on. Well, that's the thing. If he's peeing on the beer, that means it's on the floor. Right.

So it's not high show. It's not going to be. Well, unless it's racks. But the racks, it's still like, you know. Yeah. You would put the millers on the bottom. You know, make them work for it. Which people say that it's racks but the racks it's still like you know yeah you would put the millers on the bottom you know make them which people say that it's is it arrogant water anyway is it racer five it's that's gonna be natty ice that's good yeah it's gonna be natty ice it's

gonna be down low it's all the racer five stuff is gonna be the high delirium ice house yeah that's what's an angry it's an ice house is an angry angry stepdad Icehouse is the choice of beer We had a friend growing up And his dad crushed icehouses And he was mean Cans of icehouse No Steel reserves

Yeah steel reserves Every taste of steel reserve No matter how much of it you drink Tastes like the first time you ever tried beer That's every single Great joke Jonah I don't know if you've given up on Twitter

But you should tweet that out. Every taste of steel reserve is the first time you drank a beer. I can't believe that that's the official beer of Steer Polk. What's the value in beer that he damaged, gents? I'm going to say three. This Florida's cheaper maybe. $350. Yeah, I's cheaper maybe. $350. Yeah, I'd say about like $96.

$113. Oh, man. You went all close. So close. He urinated on six cases of beer. So what would that come out to? That's expensive beer, right? Six cases for $113?

They could be 18 packs. Some people said it actually enhanced the taste of the Michelob Ultra. Yes. One Bush Light fan said, tastes the same to me. The affidavit. We're a Bush Light family. I shouldn't have said that. I'm going to have people mad at me in Rochelle.

Turned the red stripe into a yellow stripe. The affidavit said police identified the man from his license plate, which was captured on surveillance video. Police made contact with the man on Wednesday, arresting him on a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief. We'll get out of here. Is it criminal mischief? They've got to come up with another name.

Yeah, being a jerk. Like beer caffeine. How old do you think a Florida man who goes into the, what is it called, Stop and Pop? Hop and Pop. Hop and Pop. Hop because of the beers and the pop because that's what they call soda. It's stupid.

Hop and pop. He went into the hop and pop. Couldn't wait for the bathroom to be unoccupied. You got to stop doing it at the hop and pop shops. So there you go. That's like a young person with a strong bladder can hold it. Sure. I like your reasoning, counselor.

But they are also impulsive people. There you go. Knowing about the consequences of what they do. They wouldn't know to, hey, I should probably go to the bathroom. Or there are ways that I can do that. But I also like Jonah's reasoning. That old guy's like, what do you want me to do? I'm peeing somewhere.

I don't have a choice. I'm peeing somewhere. It's not going to be in my pants. You should be glad I went to the beer cave. Glad I didn't do it on the Funyuns. Two choices. The hop or the pop. And there is no pop cave over here.

There is no pop cave. Pop cave would be dope. Pop cave is a new Dave Holmes podcast talking about all the pop music. I was going to say it's K-pop cave, which is literally all Korean pop bands in one small area. Jonah, what do you feel on our Florida man peeing in a beer cave? The kind of guy that just goes, fuck it, and that starts, I think, in like early 50s okay I'm gonna say the guy was 53 53 years old okay um I think he's 68 68 yeah just an old guy who's like again like you said Dan you you portrayed him and I could be completely wrong it could be 23 but I think he's just an old guy who's like I keep there's nothing I can do

about this. Okay. It's coming whether I want it or not. Okay. And he doesn't even have a cell phone to look at. Yeah. All right. We'll get out of here on this. TheGizmoPlex.com.

At Jonah Ray Rodriguez. Just at Jonah Ray. Okay. But yeah, Rodriguez, yeah. Yeah, that's my name.

And then- Just, we'll let you know about the nosebleeds, but Scalabrothers, patreon.com slash Scalabrothers for new episodes of Cheaper Seats. At DanielVinker, DanielVinker.com. Alright, ready? The man is 61 years

old. Seven and eight years apart. Finally. There we go, but we were right. We were in the right direction. I just had to think about when my dad started pissing wherever he felt like it. Also, isn't that like a Hawaii thing? Take your phone out. Make it look like you care.

Yeah, then the big gray brick phone comes out and pulls out the antenna. He's just looking at it. It's hard to flip with one hand. I'm working. I'm trying to get the antenna out. That's hilarious. That's a show, friends. There you go.

It's a show. Hey, sorry we didn't have Jay here today. I loved it. Are you kidding me? I think it's the way we go. There was a lot less terse arguments. Yes. It was not Yeah it was not

Tense in any way Shape or form Hope you guys enjoyed it Jonah Ray we love you And oh shit We gotta get back to work Boom Dum dum dum dum

Dum dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum Stick around Make a sound On your downies Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Stick around, make a sound Come here down, it's Dumb People Town