Dumb People Town - Paul F. Tompkins - Stagno the Magnificent

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

This week, the King of Podcasting, the venerable Paul F. Tompkins returns to Dumb People Town! Story 1 brings us a heated brawl that ensues when McDonald's worker has had enough with water cup shenanigans. In Story 2: an unusual case involving a stolen car. Story 3 is the tale of one man's abrupt reality check with regards to Planet Fitness judgement-free zone.

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, Dirk, don't be a jerk. That's when the music gets the funny hits and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population. Tompkins.

PFT. One of our most requested. We threw it out to the Facebook page. We said, who would you- Who do you want to see come back? Yep. They said, not me, for some reason. They didn't want Jason back.

We do not want to see Jason back ever. That's weird. Isn't it weird? Isn't it weird? I feel like I contributed. There was the same emotion of, we don't want to see Jason back, with we want Paul F. Tompkins back. I feel like you can't,

this makes me, it's almost insulting, because you cannot trust Facebook results. You're right. Facebook has proven themselves to be unreliable. The police do. So much so. They sure do.

So much so, that they had to put out a commercial that says, we are sorry for what we've become. I love all the commercials now of every corporation being like we did some bad stuff. Hey man, we fucked up. Do you know who doesn't get credit for starting that trend?

It's Domino's. Because after those videos were going around of kids blowing their noses on pizza and stuff like that, I was like, hey, we get it. We've heard some things. You've heard some things. You've heard some things. It's not great. We're trying.

But hey, they kind of ignore that. They're like, we're trying to make our pizza better. Right. Like admitting, hey, you know what? We just noticed our pizza's not that good. But there's an element of shh. Everybody. Everybody.

Shh. How about this? What if we made our pizza taste better? Well, to your left is a man who loves what they've done with their pizza. I've told this story numerous times. I was at a birthday party, and it was a very nice birthday party in a very nice house. Everyone got a gift bag. No.

And this woman was deceptive. As I recount the story more and more, she practiced in the art of deception. Crust don't lie. You're judging the pizza. Crust don't lie. She judging the pizza Trust don't lie She had a beautiful green marble slab The pizza was naked on the slab I didn't see any boxes or anything like that

I had a slice of the pizza I said this is the best thing I've ever had I went directly to the host And you specifically said What artisan pizza shop did you get this pizza from Or did you make it I wanted to give her credit if she made the pizza. She said it's Domino's.

That's when the camera crew comes out. I swear to God. The walls fall down. It was such good pizza I had to reevaluate when is a baby a baby. Because whenever Domino's had that pro-life stance I'm like maybe it is Conception. I don't know anymore. This pizza is that good.

It's on the slab. Everything is on the slab. It worked, Paul. Everything is on the slab. We're in a different studio today. What's great about the lighting is you are backlit like you are a whistleblower and I'm doing an interview with you. Well, I don't know. They're going to pixelate.

It was Domino's pizza the whole time. They tried to pretend it was regular party pizza for the party place. I just didn't know. It was on a slab. Hey, that guy has an accent. It was on a slab.

That's what they also do to your voice? I'm changing my accent. I don't trust your voice modulator. We can countrify it if we need to. Paul F. Domgans is here and listen, Jason you know, Jay was an

example of maybe the world getting dumber. The world is getting dumber. That's what we believe. I think it's beating global warming at this point. You know, it's like there's like a dumb iceberg that just crashed somewhere in Antarctica. Into the dumb ocean and it's rising. It's rising. So we have to beat it back through comedy.

That's right. And you know, Paul, we get these great stories sent to us from our awesome fans. And Dan, you've got one. Let's jump into one right now. He's in a seersucker suit. We can't waste it. It's the summertime. It is.

It is. Okay, here we go. Sent in by Perla at PX Caballero. Love this lady. Caballero. I love this gal. Caballero. Caballero. I love this gal. Caballero. Caballero.

I don't know what the real word is for that song, but I love it. I think it's Bumbleleo. Bumbleleo. Bumbleleo. That song was inescapable for a while. When? When that song came out? When was it?

If you had to guess. Well, there was, okay. Late 90s? Late 90s. Was it Gypsy Kings? No. Gypsy Kings? Yes, it was. I thinkpsy Kings? Yes, it was.

I think it was. Then it made... I think it was. Rusted Root. Rusted Root. Rusted Root. I don't know Rusted Root. I wouldn't want to be living a world of ecstasy with you.

Do you remember Rusted Root? Do you think that's the same people that did the song we were just talking about? I don't know. Bumbleleo? Bumblelea? Matchbox 20 did Bumblelea. Did you just call it Bumblelea? Did it push? Jumblelea? Yeah bumble-lay-a. Matchbox 20 did bumble-lay-a. Did it push? Did it push?

Jumbo-lay-a? Yeah. Jumbo-lay-a. He just called it bumble-lay-a. I did not. How dare you, sir? Rewind 15 seconds, everybody. Bumble-lay-a.

Matchbox 20 did bumble-lay-a. It's day and I must be bumble-lay-a. Bumble-lay-a sounds like a dating app. All right, let's get to this. Sounds like a dating app where you only eat jambalaya. Cuisine from New Orleans. This is the story of a girl. Person in the service industry.

Yeah, you're right. She, you're right. They're buoyant. She had had enough while she worked at McDonald's. Oh boy. Sick of these customers. Oh no. The brawl.

The brawl. This is the opening line. The brawl was posted to Facebook and Instagram by Nevada resident Marie Dayag. I think I've seen this. Who said the fight started when the customer tried to put soda in a free water cup. We've all done it. We've all said look Sprite's cool.

We haven't all done it. Sprite has thought about it at the very least. At the very least we've all thought about it. We've all said, look, Sprite's cool. And we haven't all done it. Sprite is cool. We've all thought about it at the very least. At the very least, we've all thought about it. It's been a thought. You said Sprite is cool. There is a word. I've got this. I've seen this, and it is, I don't know what to think.

I actually think watching this video winds up saying more about you than it does about what happened in your, how you want to keep watching. In how you feel internally. You cannot deny how you feel internally when you watch this. Well, I've got some images we'll show. People can go to the Facebook page to get the link to watch the video.

I'm excited because I don't know about this at all. Okay. I will say this, though. Yeah. Even if some... I don't break the water cup rule but i don't either but if i did a gentleman must have a code right look there's a line if i did and the person was like hey hey you stole whatever you're stealing soda i would say yes you're right i'm in the wrong

but i would also ask that person why do you care so much so but if i'm mcdonald's i'm in the wrong i should not be doing this if i'm mcdonald's you want to beat me up you're gonna beat you own the soda machine that much that you want to beat me up but if you are mcdonald's you are trying to empower your employees to be like you well yeah you oh you have to treat this place like you're the owner you know and so if you're in this case if you're the owner. And they did. In this case, they did. If you're Ray Kroc, you're proud of this person. The person who wrote this article said, the lady asked for, or she wrote in her comments, I guess,

the lady asked for a water cup, and the supervisor shut down the soda machine because she wasn't letting her get any free soda. So maybe this is a repeat offender. Oh, yeah. So this person comes up to the counter. Can I get a water cup? Can I get a water cup?

What for? What's that? What for? Well, it's a water cup, right? Yeah, it is. But I'm asking you to have a water cup. I can give you one. But what do you put?

Are you going to? What do you put? I mean, what do you think I'm going to put in there? Okay. All right. Here's your cup. Thank you. Machine's off. What do you? I Are you going to? What do you put? What do you think? I'm going to put it there. Okay. All right. Here's your cup. Thank you. Machines off.

What do you? I turned the machine off. Why? Because I know you're not going to get water. I do. You know it and I know it. I do want. What did you do yesterday when you were in here?

Yes. Let's see. Ma'am, can I have a soda cup? I just want to get some soda. No, I can't. What do you guys think? This is a free-for-all? I'm sorry.

I'm just asking for the cup. What, are you charging for cups now? No, I'm not charging for cup. Here you go. Free cup. Boom. Soda's off. Can I get a 20-piece McNugget?

I'm sorry. There is a line. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm first, by the way. Can I? But you haven't ordered anything. You just already got a water cup.

I just wanted a water cup. Maybe I'm in the middle of my order. Sorry. Maybe start with the beverage. All I heard was water cup and that was it. Yeah. That's all you heard. So you have your cup.

Take it easy. You have your cup. Thank you. Do you want soda? Because the machine's off. Right. I asked for a water cup. Okay.

You gave me that. I appreciate that. I think it would be in the best... I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job, but it would probably be the best interest to turn the soda machine on because other people want soda. They'll come up here and say they want soda.

I just want a soda cup. There is a goddamn line. I'm sorry. And a 20-piece McNugget. This seems an inconvenient way to do business that turning the machine off and on all day long. Well, I wouldn't have to if every time you came in here, you didn't take soda.

I don't know that I've been to this McDonald's before. I don't trust your eyes. I will put my sunglasses on. And I will humbly request that you turn the soda machine back off i merely want just by the way it's word for word i don't think there's this confrontation i don't think this woman has ever humbly requested anything in her life i will say this is kind of how the conversation went between them the lady asked for a cup the supervisor shut down the soda machine because she wasn't letting her get free soda then the video shows the two women arguing

before the fight breaks out so they're so it doesn't immediately launch into fisticuffs right which is what you would expect in a mcdonald's no while the audio is difficult to hear the fight appears to be over money that would be that would be amazing if the audio was amazing can i have a water cup uh yes here it is. I'm shutting the soda machine down. Bam! Just like a punch is thrown. Hair being pulled.

Not even a what did you say. I'm going to show you guys a photo. You'll see the woman who wanted the cup goes straight for a tray and wrecks it. Oh, my God. I mean, grabs the tray at hand and runs it right upside the lady's head. Oh my Lord. That is an upscale looking McDonald's, by the way. It is.

Well, it's a McCafe. It's a McCafe. Oh, a McCafe. Oh my, this happened at a McCafe? I know. Of all the unsingled. Think of all the people eating salads at that moment who looked up and said,

Oh, eating salads. Enjoying their lattes. Enjoying the lattes. While the audio is difficult to hear, the fight appears to be over money. At one point, the woman behind the counter can be heard saying,

quote, since you can't afford one. Which is me. That's the moment. There we go. And she's saying, it's not that I can't afford one. I enjoy stealing.

We're pushing buttons. The customer can also be heard saying, that's why your ass is behind the fucking counter before throwing a french fry across the restaurant. Now, here's my thing. Is that one single fry? Across the restaurant. Which I hope isn't even in her direction.

She's like, it's more of like, well, look at this. Again. Throws one fry across the entire restaurant. It hits no one. It hits no one. It just lands. That's a fry across the restaurant. It's like a shot across the bow.

That's right. And the truth of it is, we can't really call it a restaurant if the tables and chairs are nailed to the ground. Yeah, it's not a restaurant if the food is listed on a board above the thing. But those in the Met Cafe, it did look like you could pull those stools out from the counter. That's right. She can also be heard repeatedly shouting, fight me, from across the restaurant. Which one? The customers. The customers have fight me.

And I have to say, customer is always right. So now I have to fight her. After she was denied the free soda, did she go sit down and then they, are they yelling across the restaurant? Yeah, and then came back up. Fries thrown.

Fries thrown across. And then she came at her with a tray and then smacked it. This woman who videotaped this, her Facebook page says that she lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and was born in San Mateo, California. It's not known where the fight took place. I'm going to guess Vegas. I'm going to guess. This feels like a Vegas. This feels like a.... This feels like a...

You don't think they met in the middle somewhere? Laughlin? Yeah. I'm going to... I'm going to see you in Victorville. We're going to meet in Victorville. I'll see you...

And if you want to fight me, you fight me. Yep. A second piece of footage shows the fight breaking out after the customer hurls a milkshake at the employee. Okay, so much is happening.

I throw your milkshake. I throw your milkshake. I throw it out. As the staff member storms towards her. That must have been what did it. You're wasting milkshake? Let's go. You want to fight? I made that. The customer picks up a metal tray

and hits her in the head with it, but she barely notices. That's like some Terminator stuff. The woman who works there is like, that's it? The size differentiation differential is notable, by the way, of the two people. Yes.

The woman who works there is like a head and a half taller. differential is notable, by the way, of the two people. Oh, yes, yes. The woman who works there is like a head and a half taller than the man. Instead, the worker grabs the customer by the hair and begins raining punches down on her head and face, which is exactly... By the way, that is what the customer ordered. Let me just say this.

She did say fight me. Coming up. You ordered one fight? It's McDonald's, so it's going to come fast. Customer order. Let me just say this. She did say fight me. She did. Coming up. Customers. You ordered one fight? And it's McDonald's, so it's going to come fast. Bludgeoning, 23. Bludgeoning, 23. Who ordered it? Who had a bludgeoning?

Who ordered it? Randy and I have spoken to this. We watched, there was an old video out about like bull fighting or like running with the bulls, like a bull tape. At the beginning, you're like, these beasts, they're crazy. Da, da, da, da. You go on and on and on. By the end, you're're like these people are taunting these animals i am rooting for the animals oh yeah i want the animals to win yep i want to so whoever is taunted in many ways i'm

like at some point you understand that a person or an animal or anything can only take so much before they just you can't snap a metal milkshake at somebody and not expect to get punches. Imagine grabbing your water cup, filling it up with orange high C and being like, what is the worst that's going to happen to me? Punch, punch, punch. Or they're going to come say, pour it out, or I owe them 99 cents. I'm not going to get beaten over this.

This is insane. She then, she being the employee from McDonald's, then picks the woman up and throws her over a nearby table as other employees and even a customer runs over and tries to break it up. Even a customer. And by the way, think of the people who are eating at McDonald's. They don't want to be involved in anybody else's trouble. They don't want anyone to see them in there.

There's a shame spiral. This is like eating that's like, they're like, I can't. It is a McCafe. I like that the writer presupposes that this is just for the staff to deal with. Yeah. This is now like a human problem. Right. This is no longer just like-

Not my department. A company, like a corporate issue. Yeah. Well, this isn't the shake machine is on the fritz. You know what I mean? Exactly. This is one human attacking another human. No one's saying I need the key.

This is a huge person who is pummeling a tiny person. Who was asking for it. Yes, absolutely. Who did everything she could to get the pummeling. Yes. I feel like all parties are being served right here literally and figuratively the truth of the matter is mick cafe is getting it right the pair are eventually separated as another mcdonald's worker tries to move the customer away but the customer then begins fighting that person instead

so bring it bring it on someone needs to put this woman down to the point where she's not going to fight anyone else. That restarts the brawl with the customer beaten in the head and face a second time before the original employee comes over and throws her over another table. At this point, there are people, like you said, Paul, in this McDonald's that just want to see how this plays out. Sure. There is somebody who, there's definitely like a husband and wife who walk by the McCafe and see all this happening. And the guy turns to the wife completely getting it wrong and says, see, I told you they should bring the McRib back. Shamrock Shake should be year round.

If I was sitting in this restaurant with the Sklars, they would both be like, damn. Did you say the Shamrock Shake should be year round If I was sitting in this restaurant with the Sklars They would both be like Dan The Sklars would both be like Dan you just let them go Do not insert something Dan would be walking by across the street And be like I gotta go in there Dan you are not life's bouncer Can I say

I honestly don't know what I would do If I saw this take place I would call the police this woman throwing this person over tables we would watch the yelling about the soda machine we would watch the french fry and be like guys

everyone needs to be a pay attentionist because we're brewing something here I think there would be a lot for me of like whoa whoa hey certainly when the tray goes to the head hey milkshake when the milkshake comes across ladies guys hey come on hey what are we doing here guys we're all family at the mick cafe oh my god that is it this is some mick bullshit at one point a lot of mixing at one point the staff member can be heard shouting

Quote My mama ain't dead You respect my mama Though that is not clear what this is in reference to My mama ain't dead You respect my mama Like if she was dead you could just rip her To the high heavens

Cause she can't hear it My mama ain't dead You respect my mama By the way i actually think when the person is dead you need to respect them more that's because they can't find that thing right i usually the fighting words are you know she's dead my mother's dead yeah you know you respect that my mom's a lot you don't talk my mama ain't dead you respect my mom you respect me alive which does that mean the woman we've always been taught to respect the alive. You respect my mama. Which does that mean the woman in this fight. We've always been taught to respect the alive.

Her daughter works at the McDonald's with her? No. No. No. I think she said. I think this woman said some inflammatory things. Your mother this. Your mama's a this.

You. Got in some snaps. And then it was like. And then it was like. The woman throwing her over the tables is telling her. How dare you say that about my mom. She's alive. And also.

And in. She's alive. And also, she is fine. Now, but also the idea. My mama is thriving. Well, Paul F. Tompkins, you called this next line. The customer also picks up a chair. See, you said those two were ready to go. They are removable. And makes if she's about to hit the employee, but is quickly disarmed,

having apparently given up all hope of winning. And by the way, there's an employee at McDonald's or someone high up in executive who sees the chair being picked up and is like, see, we have made changes. We have made changes to the McCafe. You can clearly see those tapes. We flew too close to the sun.

But the idea of this woman picking up a chair, then slowly putting it back down and being like, I've lost this. I thought she was disarmed. Did somebody take the chair away from her? Here's the impression I got. Quickly disarmed. She picks up the chair and in her mind she's like, please someone

take this chair away. Please disarm me. It says though, quickly disarmed, having apparently given up all hope of winning like someone like she picks up the chair somebody's just like gently this is gently passes it to another i'm going to show you another photo of the employee and the woman going at it this is during the second fight you are going to be drawn to what is the focal part of this image but there, but there is someone in the background who proves our theory of we're just here to watch.

They're into it. And then there's a guy in the background who's like, I don't want to see that. Headphones on? Yes. He's got the headphones on. She's getting beat by Dre and he's got his beats. Now, when you see this picture,

you have to wonder what did that little woman think was going to happen when she hit her in the head with a tray like if this one move doesn't work but if I were to through the magic of Photoshop

the magic of Photoshop if I were to remove the small woman who made fun of her mom and slid through a metal tray and I just put a bunch of McDonald's McCafe biscuits it looks like she's really working

hard at making some biscuits. She's using whatever technique they give to get the batter. She's not even frowning. This is very business-like. Oh yeah, so what I'll do is I will grab her by the hair and I'll smash her head against the table. Probably do that

a few times. That usually does it. Usually does it. I have a theory, though. I've talked about this in W-Town a lot. Some people, and this also comes from having I worked

you know in bars for so long some people don't want to beat you up they want you to beat them up absolutely just looking

I totally agree she wanted to get beat up this is a form of you don't get into this fight well you don't you don't start throwing fries across restaurants and stealing soda

this is a form of self-cutting. This is a woman who wants to feel pain so she can feel. She got it. She's not even dressed for a fight. She's showing too much midriff. She's got athletic shorts on. She's showing too much midriff. She does have athletic shorts on.

In our scenario where we were like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This guy did not even take his headphones off. This guy's not even looking. Maybe he doesn't know this is happening. Or he's really into Pod Save the World and he does not want to miss this episode. Wait, are they saving the world now?

Oh, no. They've started with America. They figure if they save America, they'll get to the world. We are the world's greatest superpowers. We're the world's greatest superpowers. Okay, then she said, my mom and dad, the customer picks up a chair then puts it back down a few more angry words are exchanged but no more punches are thrown before the footage cuts out and that's it that's

all we know other dumb people taunt mcdonald's tale so there is video there is video we'll have that on the face i thought for a second Maybe somebody just Old school photo Photo journalist style Just was snapping away That would be amazing Listen You can take the McDonald's

Out of the McCafe Look Herbritz was there Maybe you can take the McDonald's Out of the McCafe Did I say Herbritz Did I get that right Herbritz Yeah

Herbritz was He was like a fashion photographer Right I believe he was I think so Margaret Bork White You know who took those pictures Ansel Adams.

Matt Brady. Diane Arbus. Diane Arbus took it. You're right. Dan's going to play the fight for us right now. And I'm telling you... I don't know how much of it is here. It will all be here.

It will all be here. Again, I did see this. You did a great job I don't know how much of it is here. It will all be here. It will all be here. Again, I did see this. You did a great job of describing it, Dan. Dan, no one's taking that away from you. It feels like it's gotten away from me. No, no, no, no. No.

You did a great job, honey. Will this be the kind of thing, Randy, since you've seen it, that you question who you're rooting for throughout? Like several times you will flip sides. Once you bring a weapon into a fight, like a tray. Once a tray gets thrown, and you can't really see it get thrown, but from the photo you see, oh, my God, that is a tray. All right, so there it is. So she comes around, boom, tray.

And then, okay, now it's hitting. Wow, just crazy. She's got it. Come on. This guy's like, come on. There Trey. And then, okay, now it's hitting. Wow. Just crazy. She's got it. Come on. Break out. Come on. There you go. And boom.

Right onto a table and a chair. And then the other employee comes in. This guy's breaking up like he's trying to break something. And even a customer. Oh, even a customer. So she bought her. And now this employee, she starts throwing. Oh, she starts hitting.

Whoa. And then another shot, and then boom. God, she turns her back over. This is the best episode of GLOW I've ever seen. The second employee turns the woman back over to the first employee for more punches. Right. Now, now. She's going to pick up the chair. Like, I kind of pick up a chair.

What are you going to do with it? You're not going to do anything with that chair. Give it up. She took it away. She took it away. Then lion tamer style. Shoves it at her. Wow. She did put it back as a good employee.

Why is she walking towards her? Why at the end is she walking towards her? I'll be up on the Facebook page. Of course the TMZ title is I'm loving it. You're not loving it. That is terrible. Customer is not loving it. That is terrible. Customer is not loving it. That is absolutely terrible.

That is story number one. And then how many people just stayed and finished their meal? Yeah. Do you go back to your seat? Let me tell you something. I do not like to eat in restaurant at any fast food place. No. And this is why.

This is precisely why. This proved your theory right there. This is it. All right, story one, down in the books. It is. Oh, my God. Paul F. Tompkins is with us. We salt that one away.

It's done. Put that into the history. You shall be inscribed in the book of life. Stick around. We got more Dumb People Town with PFT right after this. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town with PFT right after this. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Thank you.

Our guest is Paul F. Tompkins. He has a fantastic podcast, Spontaneation. Spontaneanation. Spontaneanation. It is wonderful. Always forget to put the other end in. I know. Everyone does.

You know who didn't? Who? This is the weirdest thing. I was in Philadelphia for the We the People Improv Festival. I had a great time. I was in Philadelphia for the We the People Improv Festival. I had a great time. I was in the hotel. I have Spontaneanation involves a sound effects board, which I carry almost handcuffed to my wrist in a bright yellow Pelican case. And there's a sticker on the side.

And I always forget there's a sticker on the side that has the name of the show. And a guy who worked at the hotel was in the elevator with me and he said, Spontaneanation, what's that? Of all the people, the guy who didn't know what it was, did not know had no idea what it was, never seen this word before, immediately like, oh, what's Spontaneanation?

Because it's not a word that is readily flies off the tongue It's not a real word That's on me, that's my fault This guy spoke it like it not a real word. It's not a real word. That's on me. That's my fault. But this guy spoke it like it was a real word. Abs knew where every syllable went. There's that spontaneanation

that I've been looking for. The other thing I have to talk about because you know my son loves you. We've got to talk about this. My son loves Paul F. Tompkins so much. We go to your Instagram feed and when you follow cars and make up songs

about their license plates, my son goes crazy. To him, it is the... It's funny because... Burger King Eye is a song that we still sing to each other. Speaking of fast food... She's a wabba. You ain't got to stop her.

She's got a Burger King Eye. I said, oh, she. Oh, I forgot about the big finish. I forgot about the big finish. Burger King. Okay, so this is that in my mind. By the way, this is the genius of Paul Tokens because your son is just laughing because it's the silliest song in the whole album. It is so silly. And we are dying because we are imagining you in your car.

Oh, I see this. I gotta get this thing out. You're recording and in your brain you're coming up with the song and the big finish. And the other thing about it that's so funny is because we're sports fans, I know that the license plate means Buckeye. It's like the Ohio State Buckeye fan.

So they think they're being so cool and like repping a sports team, and you've just completely changed the meaning of their entire life. The challenge of the license plate song is I know what this is supposed to be. Can I change it? I have to change it to something else. Mine-ays. I've got to reinterpret.

It's almost like, I don't know. Man-eyes. Man-eyes. Man-eyes. Man-eyes. My experience with it. I highly, highly eyes. My experience. I highly, highly, highly recommend it. It's a great follow.

It'll make your day. Please. By the way, did you, new season of BoJack? September 14th. September 14th. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. You're so good.

You're so great. Thank you. Thank you. Great stuff all the way around. And just so happy to have you back. We have another story. We do. Let's jump into it.

Sent in by Bill Zilch at below zilch. B-E-L-O-W-Z-I-L-C-H. I would have gone for too low for zilch. C-H. Right? Yeah. Or grab that zilch. Get with the hilch.

Or ground zilch. Ground. You got another one? Ground zilch. when constant is good Randy loves it that's a great joke Jay thank you I give credit where

credit where credit's due or are you still living in it I just imagine if during 9-11 someone called a disrespect of calling where it all happened ground zilch just terrible when constable tommy mack k tommy mack k got the call that a woman had tried to return a stolen car to an ontario rental company he knew he wasn't dealing with a normal case. So a woman has gone into a rental car company and tried to return a stolen car.

That's when he knew this wasn't normal. So this is not one of their fleet. She's just bringing a car in. That's been reported stolen. Okay. My initial thought was, I'm going to have to find out where she got this vehicle from. Or my God, how am I going to put cuffs on an elderly female? You're a police officer.

This should not be. You should know how to do that. I have to figure this out? Yeah. You don't have to walk us through the entire thought process. Like you're answering a question on who wants to be a millionaire? Yeah. Well, I know that she's elderly.

Yes. I have the cuffs in my hands. And I don't want to put cuffs on an elderly woman. The car must have come from someplace Not the rental place Because it's stolen I'm going to have to find this out We don't sell stolen cars

Can I use a lifeline? No, just do it This is what the Cornwall Community Police Service officer told As it happens, guest host Rosemary Barton Again, we had this a few weeks ago Somebody's on one of these talk shows and they have a guest host because these are not the

stories they give to their animals. As it happens. The saga began in late June when a woman rented a black Nissan Sentra from an enterprise rent-a-car company in Cornwall, Ontario. Okay. About an hour west of Montreal. So far, normal. Yes. Nothing weird. This is a normal story.

After renting the car, Officer McKay said the woman drove three or four minutes to a local Walmart where she did some grocery shopping. This is immediately after getting the car. That's a lot of information. Shortly thereafter, she exited, walked over to the area where she had parked her vehicle. She saw a shiny black vehicle, hopped in, and drove away. she saw a shiny black vehicle hopped in and drove away.

It turns out the car she thought was her rental vehicle was actually a 2015 black Infiniti QX50, a hatchback not close to the sedan she had rented. So how was she able to drive away with it? Both cars use a key fob

which doesn't require a key to start. The owner of the stolen Infiniti, an elderly man, had accidentally left his key fob, which doesn't require a key to start. The owner of this stolen infinity, an elderly man, had accidentally left his key fob in the vehicle. So she gets in this other car. This is just two old people helping. Their oldness was the accomplice. Leave a car, take a car.

Their age was the accomplice to the crime. And by the way, I feel like everyone is to blame here. The guy who left his key fob in the car you you deserve this absolutely yes and the woman shopping at walmart yes do you think that we're does it say that the cars were parked even remotely close to each other nope she just walked out saw a black car that's me yep and if we've learned anything black cars matter yes they do this woman every And every black car looked the same. Do you do editing on the show? Yep.

This allowed the woman to drive off completely unaware that it wasn't her rental. She drove around and did her daily business in this stolen vehicle. I'm going to ask you guys, how long do you think she drove around in a stolen car not realizing that it had personal effects this is where intent comes into the mix i'm gonna say three days three days from from paul f tompkins jason's i'm gonna say she rented the car by the way it's a hatchback versus a regular backed car i'm gonna say a week i to say five days. You guys got any regular backs? Five days. Five days.

Oh, hatchback. Why was she? I'm over regular back. You know a regular back. That's too much back for me. Yeah, I only drive regular backs, and I'd like that to keep pickup anonymous. I got a lot of junk in my back. I can't hear what you're saying.

You need to go right into the microphone. I got a lot of junk in my back. What did you say, Jay? Yeah, I thought to go right into the microphone i got a lot of junk in my back what did you say jay yeah i thought you were talking into the microphone no yeah i mean what was your guess oh i said five days five days i i don't know why she's renting a car clearly she lives here so my guess is that her regular car is having some work done i think she did it for two weeks okay two weeks that she's driving around and and after a while, you're like, this is my car. It's a long time to have a Ford. You're going with a Fortnite. Knowing the two of these people, you would think that at some point, they would both be at the same sizzler and then reverse.

If it's long enough, they'll just get back into the right car and then go home. It'll just happen. 5 p.m., dinner's over. Also, full disclosure, Paul, if Tompkins Fortnite is a trigger word for Jason Sklar. My son will not stop playing. Okay. Goddamn it. All right.

It is the biggest thing happening in the Sklar, in the Jason Sklar house. I apologize. If it would only last just a Fortnite. I mean, what's the fallout for something like that? Thank you. There we go. Well played, sir.

She drove around doing her daily business in the stolen vehicle for Get Your Answers In Now, Tony, because the number is two weeks. Oh!

Wow! I got it right! You got it right. That, to me, is a person, again, you have work done on your car,

you got to rent a car, it's kind of a pain in the ass. But that's a lot of days. It's like, so there is a story in our family that is famous in our family that no one knows unless you're in our family which is that randy and i when we were six weeks old our mom took us to the doctor um they weighed us in a different room where then while she was having her consultation with the doctor sure the only way she could tell us apart at the time because she took us out in the only matching outfits we ever had, was the color of the diaper pins on our diapers.

The nurse said, I did you a favor. I changed their diapers and put pampers on it. I thought it would be easier to hear the diaper pins. My mom was like, you did what? She was freaking out. She brought us home. In truth, there are pictures from this period of time where I look at the pictures of both of us,

and I'm like, I can't see me in either of these kids. I'm like, I just don't know who I am and who Jay is, so I get it. I'm seeing pictures of my little brother when he was a baby, and it looks exactly like me. I don't know if that's me or not. And that six-month period is like a time when just babies just look the same. So we were like, so our mom brought us home, sat us down on the couch. And freaked out. And freaked out. And freaked out.

Didn't know who was who. Put us in what she thought was the right cribs and said, when our dad comes home from work. He'll either come home and be like, what's Randy doing in Jason's crib? Or he'll say nothing. And then everything will be fine. You're literally like weeks old at this point? We're six months old. Six months.

Okay. So our dad just came home and said nothing. Now, she could have gotten us confused, and we don't know, and there really isn't any way to find out, but it's only six months into our life. I think the same thing happened with this woman in the car. She only had the car for such a brief period of time that she immediately started assuming that the other car,

when it became familiar over the two weeks, was her car. It really doesn't matter to her at that point, and the same thing with us. So if I am her car. It really doesn't matter to her at that point. And the same thing with us. So if I am technically Randy, then it doesn't matter because I've lived my entire life for six months. But we could be each other. She just accepted her new reality. Yes.

I'm tripping out on this. It's a crazy story, right? Isn't that a crazy story? Yeah. It's nuts. So you guys could be... I could be jason you could be each other we could be each other or we could have had each other yeah 100 we could be each other and we just all just kind of lived with it we're like yeah this is a movie i think it's a movie i think this is a

movie show well what we were saying is if what if what if there was a birthright situation where one of us kind of as the older child received more you just had a better life and the other one didn't and then all of a sudden it flips and now how do you what do people usually do like put a little marker on one one of their feet or something like that oh maybe no i mean we take a sharpie tattoo tattoo baby tattoo pierce one of their ears baby tattoos i don't know but they our parents didn't do it and that was a crazy moment oh your mother she was freaking out i feel like i'm giving a long time jay's forgiving this woman i'm forgiving the woman because she was in she was in the other car for such a short period

of time okay well it was the manager at the car rental company who finally pieced together what had happened the man whose car this is the part that's weird to me. The man whose car was stolen came into the same enterprise rent-a-car after realizing his car was no longer in the Walmart parking lot. How did he know to go to Enterprise? Why would he think to go to this Enterprise? I thought he went to get a car because his car was stolen. No. He walked out of Walmart. His car is gone.

So he's like, Enterprise. And he went to this Enterprise. Unless he found... Wait, well, how did they find the... He went to the Enterprise and said, did anyone try to return my car to you? Or... I need a car.

Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Right. He might need a car, Dan. Oh, you're saying he went in again? He went in and was like, I need a car. He doesn't have a car now. I thought he went in being like,

did you just give somebody a car like mine? Because they took mine. But by the way, the fact that he went to that enterprise. That guy should be the detective. Yeah. Not me. This other guy who couldn't find, like how big is this town?

He couldn't find this stolen car in two weeks? Yeah. In conversation with the manager of that establishment, it came out that he was the owner of the Black Infinity that was recently stolen. Two weeks later, when the woman tried to return the same vehicle, the manager clued in. He should be

the detective. Yes. He figured it out. I think we need the mentalist to figure this out. So she returns an Infinity. He uses his brain You're going to get comments. He uses his brain to solve crimes. Unlike any other detective in the world. He is the mentalist. He uses his brain to solve crimes. Unlike any other detective in the world, he is the mentalist.

He uses his brain to solve mysteries. But I thought the thing about the mentalist was that he's kind of a con man. That he makes people think he has psychic powers, but he's really just like a Sherlock Holmes level deductive reasoning guy. Full honesty, has anyone in this room watched an episode of The Mentalist? No, of course not. Absolutely not. We never will. Simon Baker hasn't even seen it.

I don't even know if it's still on the air. It's not, right? I don't think so. But it's CBS. Jag was on for 13 years. That's right. Les Moves has run the network for how many decades? Yeah, he did. Still there. No, he's not. Well, we'll see. He's taking a break. He's taking a little break. At the time of this recording, who knows what will happen with this?

Yes, we don't know about less. Sometimes less is less. Yeah, sometimes less is moon best. Okay. So the manager figures it out. The woman comes in and tries to return this Infiniti QX50 or whatever. At first, he tried to tell her

that the enterprise company doesn't even rent that model, but she was having none of it. No. She's like, what are you calling me, a thief? This is where it gets good. This is where it gets good. Yeah, this is where it gets great.

She was upset. She was also, not only did you rent me this goddamn car, she's upset with Enterprise because the ashtray was dirty. There were papers in the glove box, and there were golf clubs in the back. When you rent a car, they walk you through all of it. By the way, and also a rental car looks very different than a regular car. That's true. This is a person who does not travel. She was giving the manager the business on renting her a dirty vehicle.

Yes. They show you the whole car when you rent it. It was full of golf clubs. I mean, filthy with golf clubs. It was full of golf clubs. Filthy with golf clubs. There were golf clubs all over the truck. None of this this is the conversation I wish we had based around the sentence

I'm about to read. None of this tipped her off until the manager drove with her over to the Walmart parking lot to show her the Nissan she had rented and that it was still parked there. Two weeks. Get in the car.

Pick one. Whatever you want to go. Do you want to go in a Chrysler 300? Whatever you want to do, I'm about to drive your ass to the truth. Let's go. Pick one. Pick one. I'm going to drive you to the truth.

That is tremendous. So they get it. By the way, that's a t-shirt. Two weeks later, I'm about to drive you to the truth. Imagine this conversation where she is pissed about golf clubs and an ashtray. And he's like, man, just get in the car with me. Come on. You can keep telling me what a bad place it is.

Yell at me all you want. We're going for a ride. And then open it up with her signature on the thing. And she got in and then he takes her to Walmart. That reveals. It's like the end of Usual Suspects when you realize that Kevin Spacey laid on Anthony Rapp. Was that the end of usual suspects when you realize that kevin spacey laid on anthony rap was that the end of that movie you were but when you put her all together he laid on anthony rap that's right when they pulled up to that nissan and she was like now what do you want me

to do about it she turns it back oh who's mr proud of himself yeah but that reveal for that guy you know was the most satisfying part of his job. He was the only person there. He closed down the shop. When was the last time you rented a car? I feel like not that long ago. Probably last year. Every rental car office that I've ever been into

is filled with people who have problems with whatever is going on. So the people who work behind the desk, I feel so sorry for them because they have to bear the brunt of, well, I didn't want this one. And then you're charging me for this. And they get it.

So for this guy, this was Christmas for him to be able to walk it, just to be like this. I am right. I am right. And you are wrong. I cannot wait to show you like all the times he wanted to say it to people.

He gets to do it right here. It says that after showing her, the Nissanan was still parked in the walmart parking lot that's when the manager called the police which i hope he did without saying a word no on speaker you hang up on the car i gotta make a quick phone call right mckay mckay said he'd been an officer for 11 years and has never experienced anything like this but is glad it had a happy ending in a facebook post the Cornwall Community Police Service wrote in all caps, which we need to settle down with.

Please do not leave your key fobs in your vehicle when not being operated. That's what I said. You never know who might take it. I didn't realize this was a widespread thing. I was listening to a baseball game and it was a Phillies game so it was great because the commercials

everyone had a Philadelphia accent. It was the best in industry. It was this detective who was saying don't leave your keys in the car. It's something like they call puffing where if you leave your keys

in the car with the car running someone just jumps in and steals your car. People are going to go home and drive your car home. You're going to go down to Cherry Hole. Don't even mean a car. Nothing is serious. It's something that happens. You got to make sure you take your keys out of your car.

When you go in the store, don't leave the keys in there because someone's going to steal it. Someone's going to go down to shore. Then I got a problem. I got a problem. They'll puff in Mount Warrell. They'll puff over in Cherry Hill. They'll puff anywhere.

Maybe you're like, I just got to get a bottle of water. I don't have time. Get in a wall of 15 wokens and go grab the water, but take the key fob out of the car. I don't have time to turn my car all the way off. Everybody has time to take it off. Cop. It's insane. my car all the way off. Everybody has time to take it off. Paul, you... Cop? It's insane. Billy cop character

needs to be... He needs to make an appearance on Spontaneous Edition. Look, I don't have time. Just basic things. I got three things to do. I got to arrest people.

I got to watch the city beat and I got to swallow my L's. Feed your kids. Feed your kids. Remember, this summer, don't starve your children. They got kids. Feed your kids. Remember, this summer, don't starve your children. They got to eat food every day. It's great. Just PSAs.

Of the most obvious stuff. Philly cop PSAs. Remember, don't walk down the street waving your money around and saying, I got so much money, I dare you to take it from me. Because people will take that money from you. Take it from me. They'll take it. Take it from me. They'll take it from you. take it from me. Because people will take that money from you. Take it from me. They'll take it.

Take it from me. They'll take it from you. Take it from me. They'll take it from you. This is just a service from the Philadelphia Police Department. McKay said the woman who won't face any charges, so he didn't have to put those cuffs on her. Of course she wouldn't. This is a mistake.

Was, quote, a bit embarrassed, but shrugged it off. And the man whose car was stolen, quote, had a good chuckle. Did he? Just another tale in dumb people's hands. Two weeks of panic? Two weeks of like my car. Two weeks of no golf? I mean, this guy's probably, I told you I don't golf. What's he gonna do? I suffered

massive golf withdrawal. I mean, look, I keep in the truck for a reason. I had to talk to him. I'm always ready to go. Yeah, if someone says, do you want to golf? I'm like, ready to go. Those are my trunk clubs. I have my nice clubs at home. But to be without my trunk clubs for two weeks. It was traumatic in a way that I can't even explain.

Story two. Can we put that down in the old record? All right. That's down. That's part of it. Down in the books. We have one more story. Dan, give us a little teaser before we go to break.

There is no such thing as a judgment-free zone. We will find out why. Oh, my us a little teaser before we go to break. There is no such thing as a judgment-free zone. We will find out why. Oh, my God. On the other side of this break. We'll see you on the other side of the break with Paul F. Tompkins. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. As we mention every week, we have a new Patreon system called Drip.

We want you guys to be a part of it. It is really special. There's a wonderful way to get more content, to get ad-free shows, to get extra stories, to get all the merch and a part of it. It is really special. There's a wonderful way to get more content, to get ad-free shows, to get extra stories, to get all the merch. And a part of the fund is going into the Jan Flato Fund.

The man who was bilked out of $50,000 and we did the story on the show, we're going to raise him back his money through you guys. You guys are going to help us

raise him back the money. We're going to give him a giant novelty check. We're going to invite him to a live show and give him a giant novelty check. Could we give it to him in a regular size check? No. Absolutely not, Paul. You still have to do that.

We will have to do the regular check. But you do have to make him giant. We will make him a novelty check. I didn't realize that. You can't take those. He's trying to put it into the ATM. It's gigantic. I didn't realize that. No, but here's the deal. We are going to, as a community, right a wrong that happened in this world. And then after

that, after we raise his money, because I believe we're going to, all of the money. We are going to, as a community, right a wrong that happened in this world. And then after that, after we raise this money, because I believe we're going to, all of the money actually will be donated to charities that make the world a smarter place. Teach for America, Venture America, all those things. It is our job. That's terrific.

This is how you, this is the point of this podcast is to fight back. Or I'm going to use it to buy a miniature golf. No. Come on, man. Or yes. Why would you?

Or maybe, hold on a second. Hear him out. At least just buy miniature golf clubs to put in a second. Hear him out. Hear him out. At least just buy miniature golf clubs to put in your trunk. There you go. Wouldn't that be hilarious? My trunk clubs. I have miniature golf.

I have golf clubs for my son in my trunk. They're miniature. All right. Let's get to story number three. Okay, ready? Yes. Sent in by Morgan Day Nert. This is so useless.

Which is how she feels about Twitter, which is fine. I love it. I will say this story but without twitter we would never get this story from you so it's not fully so people send me stories by tagging them at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town i just because this story was sent to me so much i decided to see how many times in a row was this sent to me without being interrupted by another story at one point it was wow 15 times in a row. And it was like one story and then 10 more times of this story.

I just love that things happen in this world and our fans are like, Dan, Dan. They see it and they get excited. Thank you, Morgan DeNert, because you, like so many others, sent this to me. And I believe you were first. Plaistow. P-L-A-I-S-T-O-W, New Hampshire.

Plaistow. Plaistow a massachusetts man apparently learned the hard way that the quote judgment free zone philosophy at philosophy at planet fitness only goes so far police say eric stagno those are that's two negative things in your life stagno is like stagnation and like yes stagnation there you go please say eric stagno was walking around naked at the place to planet fitness gym before settling in on the yoga mats officers arrived at the planet fitness to find him nude on his knees in a yoga type position. Yep. Doing some cat stretches. I actually heard about this guy.

Oh, this blew up. Naked. He was in Warrior 3 posts. He was in Trichinossi. Do you know how they say at like naked bike rides or like nude beaches and stuff like that,

it's never the people you would choose to see naked. This is that man. Yep, here he is. He's the best character that Jason Manzoukas has ever seen. He is what you would expect, though. Some sort of wizard. I'm like part-time magician. Part-time Manzoukas impersonator.

He looks like an evil hobbit. He looks like one of the dwarves, actually. Yeah. Right? Yes. He looks like if a dwarf was trying to be... We must get our treasure back. This guy, he looks like he should be floating around in a parallelogram in space.

He looks like Superman put him in that, and that's where he belongs. He definitely wants to kill Harry Potter. Like right before Cat Stevens was like, I'm going radical Islam. This is exactly how he looked. It's a lot of hair. It's a lot of hair. It's a lot of hair. This guy should be talking about how when the bag one first started, it was all about love. It was all about love.

Look, I liked wearing maroon. I mean, so what? At that point, he only had three Rolls Royces. So what? The Haverhill Man, which I just love that. Haverhill. Haverhill. Haverhill. what the haver hill man which i i just love that haver hill haver hill was arrested without incident and charged with indecent exposure lewdness and disorderly conduct

the only we're being lewd the only statement that he made was that he's like rude but with consequences yes the only statement he made is that he thought it was a quote judgment-free zone apparently referencing the chain slogan said police captain Brett Morgan. Apparently, that's exactly

what he was doing. How many times do you think he asked? He's like, are you going to say judgment-free zone? It's like, cool,

everything's cool. No, he definitely asked it in this way. So, as is getting the cuffs on. So, I'm just getting my

facts straight here. So, this is definitely not a judgment-free zone. Because I'm feeling a lot of judgment right now. Look, it is not a Burning Man like Planet Fitness. Right. By the way, did I tell you guys I'm going to Burning Man this year? Are you really?

I'm going to Burning Man. Why are you doing that? What in the world would make you do that? Is it in like two weeks, three weeks? Say Adam Moshe Kasher. I think he's going to go. It's coming up. And so my wife really, really, really wanted to go. Now, she went to and followed the Grateful Dead around.

You know Amy. She followed the Grateful Dead around for years. She went to rainbow gatherings when she was younger. She's been to the Oregon Country Fair. All right. She's been to a lot of those things. All right. These are the prerequisites with which.

These are the building blocks that you set up and then you burn it all. Those are the pillars that people lay out. I'm not familiar with the Oregon. It sounds very regular. No, it's not regular. It is crazy. It is nuts.

Can you get jam there? You can get jam there. And jam bands. Everything is beyond vegan. Is she on vegan? jam there yeah you can get jam there okay and jam bands um it's uh yeah everything is so if there's a level above vegan she has always wanted to go to burning man she is turning 50 next this next birthday is she really wow younger than me so she's and i was and she's like i really want to go and we have friends that are like we will do whole setup. We are setting the whole thing up and they're going to put a, create a really nice camp and a really whole thing. And she's like, I'm going, she's like, I'm going for the whole week.

And I said, I will meet you in the middle. And then one of our daughter, our oldest daughter said, I want to go. And I was like, okay, this will be 13. I was like, this will be crazy and fun. And I guarantee you, we're going to get a hell of a bit out of it. At least. But like, it's one of those things where in my mind,

I was like, I'm on the fence. Cause I don't know if I really want to do it, but then I'm like, I, we have to open ourselves up to all these experiences. So if any townies are going to be at Burning Man, like,

please let us know and let me know. I'm sure there will be people who listen to this podcast. I will, I will be there, but isn't that crazy? That's nuts. That's wild. I don't think I even told you that. No, I didn't know.

So that's great. You'll see this guy there. It seems like the guy from Planet Fitness. This guy from Planet Fitness. I'll see so many of that. Oh, you'll recognize him. Stagno. Yeah, Stagno's a big time.

He's big time. Hey, I remember you from Planet Fitness. He does seem like his name should be like Stagno the Magnificent. Or the Stagnificent. So you will see a lot. We're going to see a lot of stuff. That is what this guy I think thought that Planet Fitness was.

A Burning Man. No, this is one of those people who's like. Let me see how far I can push it and see if I can make fun of their. To me, this is the type of guy that like will go to and go to try and sue the improv because like,

Liza Schlesinger or someone's having like an all-female show with all-female, like, well, First Amendment, I should be able to sit, it's like, yeah, that's not what this... You said judgment free! That's what I'm saying. Like, it's technically you're right, but you're kind of being an asshole.

Exactly. In exact words, Greg. Charged with indecent exposure, lewdness, and what else? A disorderly conduct. Disorderly conduct. Okay. And an awful downward dog. Gym goers who saw Stagno's exercises reported feeling quote disgusted sick and unsafe

oh unsafe is right safe is not right unclean i i know i think i'm safe is right because you don't know what it's unsettling exactly you see that wait unsafe what else disgusted and sick and sick disgusted and sick is hurtful yeah you don't need to commentate on him. You can be offended. You can be offended. But come on. That's where you are going into a judgment. That is kind of judgy. That is judgy. That is judgy.

For sure. Guys. Guys. Arrest me, but don't make a judgment on how I look. Just arrest me without judgment. You've got to be fixed about it. Arrest me without judgment. Stagno was released on a $1,000 bail and is due in Plains Toe Circuit Court on September 21st.

I'm going to ask you guys, having seen his photo. Which we will post on the page. How old is Stagno? Oh, boy. So, now look. When you join our Facebook page, because if you haven't, we have a large portion of our audience, but the rest we need to join. We want to hear your magician names for this guy. Please.

Below this guy. Stagno's magician names. All right. You. Below this guy. Stag knows magician names. I would go Stagnerock. I'm going to say he's 41 years old. He's got a little gray in his beard and he's losing a little bit of his hair. 41.

This is where a picture can be deceiving. That's why I showed it to you. Also, yoga people. You never know. picture can be deceiving. That's why I showed it to you. Also, yoga people. You never know. You can be extremely old. You're 21 or you're 70. I think he's 49. I'll go in the middle. I'll say

he's 45. I say 49. You say 41. I'll say he's one years old. We're doing Price is Right. No. I think I always misunderstand. Paul says 41. I say 41. Jason is Right. I think I always misunderstand. Paul says 41. I say 41. Jason says 45. 45. I say 49.

49. Okay. Townies, if you want to, go to the Dumb People Town Facebook page and get a look for yourself before making your guess, but get your answers in now because Stagno, the man in search of a judgment-free zone while doing yoga naked in the middle of a gym is 34 years old.

Oh, it was terrible. Paul wins. Jesus. He looks way worse. Paul wins, but not in a respectable way. Nobody wins. Stagno doesn't even. Stagno doesn't win. Let him do yoga

if he looks that bad. 34. Let him do naked yoga. But it is. Like that beard is, it's a big beard. And I bet he would look much, if you got that beard off, he would look much better. I'm going to tell you right now. He needs to get on this guy. He may have been struck by lightning like a minute ago.

If he shaved that beard and put some clothes on, he would look great. Maybe. You look younger with clothes on. With a pair of yoga shorts on. Oh, my Lord. Oh, that's three stories. There we go.

Put them in the books. In the books. Paul F. Tompkins, it's so great to have you back. Take it from me before they take it from you. It's over, and I want you back for the next episode. That's how much I love you both. We'll have you back again, but people need to listen to Spontaneanation. Thank you.

Are there any live shows coming up? Largo or around? Yes, Detroit. We will be at the Detroit Improv Festival on August 9th, and then August 10th, the very next night, I'll be doing Paul F. Tompkins and Friends, which is just regular old improv with Eugene Cordero,

Tony Newsome, Mark Evan Jackson, and Jamie Moyer. That's going to be a blast. Two shows both nights at the Magic Bag Theatre August 9th and 10th. Check that out if you are in the Detroit area. Sorry, then London.

Spontanean Nation Live and Super Ego Live at the London Podcast Festival. Look at that. September 14th and 15th. I'm very excited about that. We do have fans in London. No doubt. Yes, we do. And go see that.

At Dumb People's Shire. We hit Dumb People's Shire. We love it. And we will be live at the Petalama Comedy Festival in Petaluma doing a live Dumb People Town at the Mystic Theater in Petaluma, California on the 17th of August. That's at 6. Then later at 8 p.m. we do a stand-up show,

and then Dan's going to headline his own stand-up show on that Saturday night. So just get a ticket for the fest, and you'll see lots of posts. Sane's going to be there. Crab Feast is going to be there. Lots of great podcasts. Will Karen Kilgareff be there? That's where she's from. I know. I know they want her. What about Winona Ryder? That's where she's from. I know. I got to call her.

What about Winona Ryder? That's where she's from, too. I don't know. Is she from Petaluma? Yeah, she's just south. She's from the Bay Area. We're talking about Petaluma. Why don't we say I love it. Say Burlingame. Tony Bennett. Is he going to be there?

He left his heart there. Alright, guys. That's it. Oh, shit. We got to get back to work.