Goes Without Saying - sex & situationships: bestie ~u~ were the one that got away

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

it's not me, it's you. sephy & wing are back again to meddle with your relationships, and this week we're not holding back. in this episode of Goes Without Saying we're diving into your dating drama and giving you the advice you never asked for. why isn't your scrappy boyfriend texting you back? how can you avoid anxiety over the socially imposed time limit on 'virginity'? is clear communication actually attainable in sex and situationships? it's time to (say it with us) ~dUmP hiM~. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram! you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/zwhf4g4ayH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying that you are back for another episode of Goes Without Saying. I am Sefi and I'm with Wing. Here is her voice. Hi, this is Wing's voice. Just to clear up any confusion, that with Wing. Here is her voice. Hi, this is Wing's voice. Just to clear up any confusion, that's Wing. And today we're talking about, to be honest, everyone's favourite subject,

love, dating, romance. And so this one's for the lovers, for the little lovebirds listening through the little headphones. For the lovebirds in the back. We asked on Instagram for your sort of dating dilemmas sit shoes sit shoes i think that's actually what i write situations um dating drama stories and all of that sort of fun amazing stuff juicy goss um so we're talking about all of that we're breaking down your things and i think we're giving some good advice maybe but also don't fucking believe a word we say so this one goes out to all the lovers on the other side so basically i've just been informed that my housemate has just tested positive with covid so this is weird energy coming from me right now because i guess i'm isolating for 10 days now is it 10 days 10

days i seem so i've got to get my hands on a test but i mean i'm isolating either way so weird energy coming from me right now we're honestly i mean as long as you're feeling good and like you're not ill that's all we care about not at all i think i just need to get my head around it because also i just got back home like i like i don't even know where to start but the whole eviction thing that's going on right now we just had to leave to do our fucking for our floors in our house to be redone we planned to go camping we're like what else do we go where do we go sorry wait wait i'm i'm lost in the story already wait do we know if you're getting evicted or not people need an update on

that i think now we're in the clear for at least a few weeks because one of our housemates is changing in for another housemate like one of my friends from uni is moving in so we need them to clear that because they're threatening to evict us over that as well god it's just a total mess basically if you're a landlord or an estate agent i kind of hold a grudge towards you massively especially if you are seffy's landlord and seffy's letting agents if your name is i think his name is now you're definitely getting evicted if this is speak directly to you please what are you doing to me i had to go camping i hate camping you love camping no i do love camping in the right conditions i don't love being thrown out of my house and being told go camping yeah fair enough but we packed everything

into the little honda jazz weather's originals on the go sexual healing playing in the background nice but the fucking nightmare of it all is we got back it was a fucking tip there were flies everywhere oh yeah what the hell it's a bug's life honestly i'm living in a bug's life ant man it's a bug's life step he's just living in it but i quite like spiders and i really wasn't wanting to kill any of the flies there were spiders there were spiders though question mark yeah there were yeah there was all sorts of shit it was just like dusty are you making this up as you go along you really sound like you just get your story straight there weren't an excess of spiders there wasn't there was a huge excess of flies that's for absolute sure certain but there were

a few spiders just because it was like dusty well if there's an excess of flies the spiders will be loving it it's exactly where a spider wants to be true so maybe the flies attracted some spiders but i didn't walk in and think jesus i'm in a web i'm aragog's in here friend of agrid over here i didn't think that but then so my housemate went out to get a fly swatter because we didn't know what else to do oh right against my vegan wishes and then he couldn't get back in they'd fucking fucked the door and my neighbor came out my scary neighbor i'm whispering that in case he hears came out and said oh yeah they someone came back at like 8 p.m after all the builders left and were like was like drilling your door like eight and eight at night the night before so they fucked the door or something don't know who that was that's what i find suspicious yeah that's what's weird so then

we were trying to phone the fucking landlord fucking estate agents not he lived in singapore he's not he doesn't give a fuck you're never getting through to him no fucking way we were phoning them and being and being like he's literally stuck outside and we're stuck in the house what do we do no one was answering so we just had to call a random locksmith kind of sandor clagane oh god locksmith to me is like an old like ye old locksmith i wish it was sandor clagain where's the hound when you need him you could just break through that door where's my boy fucking locksmith charges 450 quid so we're just invoicing them to them for that now and now you've got covid to top it off woke up this morning turns out we've all got covid i'm supposed to be going on a date just cancelled it and then it's like press record off we go time to talk about some romance

but how are you um should we just get straight into it let's get straight into it okay let's get straight into it do you have one that you want to start with um i did screenshot some that i really liked you guys came through with so fucking much people sent some really good things thank you to everyone who sent a message i don't think we're gonna get time to like go through i mean there were just so many we're definitely not gonna get time to go through all of them but even the ones that we like even the really good ones like we want to talk about we're not gonna have enough time there was one here that i really liked this girl said i've been having casual sex with my best friend is that a bad idea

neither of us have feelings and everyone tells me it's a bad idea is it just part of the queer experience or an absolutely foul idea oh yeah i saw that um okay what do you think i i think it's an absolutely foul idea to be honest do you just in terms of your best friend your best friend you're having casual sex with and neither of you have feelings it's effing wings that's not gonna fucking happen that's an absolutely foul idea it's gonna be a disaster yeah an absolute disaster you and your best friend are having casual sex and neither of you have feelings i think you might yeah and is it part of the queer experience i definitely think it's part of the queer experience to have sex with your friends casually but i don't think with your best friend best friend i think there must be feelings involved but that's why i think it is a kind of rites of passage for the queer

experience i know so many best for actually interestingly one of my friends at uni had had had sex with her best best friend like when they were a lot younger and she the the friend like essentially denies ever happened i mean this is what i mean it's just a recipe for disaster it's pretty painful yeah it's tough isn't it i'm yet to hear a story where that's happened with someone that's closer than kind of just like friend at a party sort of thing where it's actually gone well well it's gone well for the friend the friend who can admit that it's happened doesn't really care has it gone well though because your your best friend who you've had sex with is denying it ever

happened that to me doesn't sound that way like that went well well they've just they're kind of just they won't acknowledge it they've like forgotten it but that's so weird she's kind of unbothered it is really weird it's not like she's in love with her and just everyone's cut up about it i think if you're the one who's like unbothered then it's fine but it's kind of the same with i guess it's the same with any casual quote unquote casual sex relationship but this is also the thing that i don't necessarily think that the the standard way that that would go wrong is one of you would be more invested than the other. It causes a heartbreak. But I almost think the more subtle ways that that could go wrong are really bad as well. Like someone pretending it never happened.

Yeah, I think that's actually quite painful to be like, you're literally denying. An experience. I agree. It's almost like even if you break that down on a normal friend level, someone denies eating the last slice of fucking pizza that you they said you could have or something like like a basic fucking thing it would be really like no you fucking did it i fucking saw you eat it i agree but then also it's kind of so many experiences might go sour in the future so do we just deny ourselves everything i don't think it's a case of denial though if it's casual sex and you've got no feelings yeah then just stop doing it it's like have sex with someone else then not your best friend yeah true that to me is like

god you're causing unless it's like god we actually really like each other i've got to have sex with my best friend if it's just a casual thing honestly pick someone else i just think there are so many different people that you can have casual sex with rather than someone that you're invested in in that way can you though can you though because the security there is it can be really casual because so much of the relationship has already been unfolded and and sussed out like i get why that's very easy and comfortable for people but i agree with you just if i'm projecting my own experience on if on this if i wanted to have casual sex with someone i genuinely think the last fucking person i'd be thinking is should i go through my friend group me too who here am i

really close with and there's a lot wrapped up in oh maybe i'll have casual sex with you that can't go wrong i think i'd be thinking right who's who do i know the fucking least here yeah who's fit that i don't know who this if this can if you want it to stay casual I think absolutely like I know people that have slept with their friends and it can be really um no I don't it's always a mess always a fucking mess I have quite a similar one I have a similar one can I tie this in yeah this person said I'm sleeping with my uni housemate no one knows and I think we're both catching feelings and it just reminded me of this person because it's kind of yeah you just better hope that we're both catching

feeling you better just better hope and hold on tight that it's a mutual whether it's a mutual experience that you both don't care about or you're both mutually um catching feelings basically you either have to be mutually agree in the mutual agreement that this is casual or mutually like all right should we give this a go then it's basically relationships only get messy when there's like an imbalance in some way or like um yeah you're just feeling different yeah but humans don't work like that because also it's kind of you could be coming from different angles i think then the only way that that works is if someone wants something and someone wants something else you are fucked unless you can open up some sort of communication so your perspectives don't necessarily have to align if your communication is still going to

align but if that is over then the whole thing is going to fall through i completely agree i think it's absolutely um within the range of healthy to have um a natural imbalance because that is just how things work i think the actual stem of when relationships go sour is when people stop communicating oh my god goes without saying goes without fucking saying but especially with romantic situations the second things change i think you absolutely have to communicate that in just in terms of wait i actually think i am starting to catch feelings i think i am starting to like you or i think i'm starting to get a bit impossible impossible do you think impossible i think it's the only way i think out of however many listeners that i agree with you it's the only way it's never happening like yeah yeah maybe i just think

statistically how often does someone have the bollock to be like oh actually i don't fancy you anymore or like oh actually i really quite like you like i don't know if you like me like blah blah we never do that we're fucking liars like if or if you do you've been working your way up for like two weeks to say something do you know what i mean like you've had to hype yourself up for like a month to finally be like i'm gonna i'm gonna talk to them tonight i'm gonna talk to them tonight i'm gonna tell them tonight and then you see them tonight you don't say anything and you're like fuck next time i'll say something yeah completely i have been in so many situations where i'm helping someone script out their message or even myself i'm scripting out the

message of like right okay how am i gonna exactly say word for word but then i do think that is just so necessary you know i don't know if you're going to want to bring this up is this one a script a scripture that we created this was this was one of the scriptures that we we created and it was for um the love of my life yeah to put it bluntly yeah it's only the love of your life and we you basically were like i just have i'm gonna have to say it like blah blah blah this was like off the back of probably one too many boba and flex episodes you're like i just have to say how i feel truly i think also when i was seeing this guy which i have told the story many times it was the the the crux of my life the crux is the crux and if you ever listen to this

it's not about you um you got it all wrong what was i gonna say god i just thought of him and i've lost everything already i've crumbled into nothing what was i even gonna say he's swooning the night away we were saying but you were like i have to say i like him and then when did you decide to do it oh my god so i basically we've been dating for like honestly what six months at this point it was like right okay i think i need to at least say by the way i like you i need to like i like you okay is that okay to say but what were you gonna say about that that it went all wrong i was gonna say well you don't have to put it's up to you whether you want this but i was i think it's a

really good example of like having to hype yourself up to have an honest communication with someone and then it kind of falls through i you described it as you had like quite a good like heart-to-heart moment like it was quite like not even a deep combo but just like you were in kind of a pillow talky vibe which would have been perfect to say it then but two minutes later he's fingering you and you decided to say it then like by the time you'd registered this is the perfect time it was like it was like 120 seconds too late too late and it definitely did catch him off guard like kind of oh right we're still in the serious talk vibes are we okay it's like do i stop god awful awful which this is why i just think it's funny that we're on a podcast being

like no guys like communicate like you have to come forward and say how you feel and say you've got the ear can say that you like them and say how you feel and blah blah blah but in reality it's like no you've been working your way up to that combo for like a week with your mates and then you finally see them and it's like oh fuck how the fuck am i supposed to say it now what's your fucking face i can't i don't want to say anything that's going to put you off of me i don't want to say anything that's going to give you an excuse for being scared off to be real that's the fear but then i do think it's like i the the content i needed at that time was the content that would say you have to do it because if you don't do it you are fucked yeah so you have

two options right now okay you don't say anything and are fucked yeah so you have two options right now okay you don't say anything and you're fucked or you do say something and it's a crossroads between you're fucked and you're great there is no other option than to say literally exactly how you're feeling because if you say nothing you are honestly doing yourself not even a disservice you are literally sending yourself to the depths of hell and you will never recover you have to be honest to yourself and say i'm seeing you and i like you is that so outrageous no well that's what i was going to say is the funny thing about that situation is the person who decides to be honest and say look i like you at the wrong time or whatever blah blah blah is seen is we're like oh that's the weird one but

actually the other the fucking guy is the weird one for spending six months with someone and never being like yeah i like you well this is the problem with modern dating i guess that you're you have to keep up this pretense that you're unbothered and unfazed and you don't care if you never takes me back i don't really give a fuck don't give a shit about this person yeah but it's actually like of course you're both invested in some way otherwise why would you bother there is some kind of weird it's it's kind of a momentum a building of this thing the longer you spend with them the more you like them of course it is it's coming to some point where of course you need to tell them it's weird that it's it's kind of a momentum a building of this thing the longer you spend with them the more you like them of course it is it's coming to some point where of course you need to tell them it's weird that it's like keep it hidden keep it hidden seem unbothered basically they're gonna

act like they don't like you at all that's fucked to me that doesn't actually compute in my brain if i try and like practice kind of being honest in every other element of my life why when it comes to dating is it like well keep that part of me hidden if i'm on like a mission in life and i hope we all are to be like authentic without the fucking care in the world and free in yourself why would it's like oh my god but that boy's cute he can never see the real me he can never know how i'm feeling it's like fuck this fuck this i agree it's the kind of the funny thing as well of like well it's just kind of how little we're willing to settle for really and you're saying like the more and then the more you see them the more you like them and blah blah but

it's actually like the more you don't see them the more you like them yeah the more they don't text you back you like them because it's their absence that kind of keeps you going because it ends up being a whole um it's it's the idea of that person rather than literally who they actually are as a human or what you've actually experienced with them it's the potential absolutely because i don't think it's even that you like them it's that you build a narrative of what your future looks like identity so many people in the in the dms and in the when we ask the question on the story we're actually saying that they're with their boyfriend because they've got a picture of themselves it's actually an ego thing and an idea of that what their future will look like with this person rather than actually about the person date

one you kind of like them date two date three by date fucking ten you're you're hooked you're fixated on what your imagined future looks like with this person and actually i think that is the delusion of dating and love it's not actually about this person it's very easy to slip from a genuine like of this person which comes from your own sense of self-esteem of like oh this person would be a great addition to my life and actually into like a desperation i need them i need them my life is shit without them i have to have them to fill some kind of void and my future is fucked if it goes a different path which romance could be such a more fun um sort of landscape if we all just were like right okay like what would be a great

addition right now like i don't actually need this person but they'd be great to go to the fucking cinema with they'd be great to um go on a date with blah blah blah rather than it's like i need this person to be my boyfriend i need him to meet my family does he like me does he like me it's like look we're barking up the wrong tree here do you like you does he like you do you like you yeah no because also in my depths of liking someone in my depths of needing this person to like me and validate me it was completely completely coming from a place of i wouldn't even say self-hatred but it was coming from it was definitely coming from a place of like needing them rather than wanting them by the end this sounds really like just a like redundant point just sounds like a cliche to throw out but i actually think it's really true of what you put out is what you will get back so if you're putting

out any sort of like desperation or like fear and like if you're putting out anxiety when it comes to like dating and sex and romance and love and relationships. If relationships put you on edge, you're going to get back relationships that you feel insecure in. Because you'll be not even it's not even like as simple as you'll be attracting insecure relationships it's just when someone comes into your life and they make you feel insecure you'll keep them around because you you won't have it in you to move on and move past it or identify and see it for what it is yeah do you know what i mean it's not just like oh i'm feeling a bit purple so i'm gonna attract purple things it's like i don't even mean it in a wishy-washy way even though it kind of is I'm thinking of a white butterfly then I'm waiting for my white

butterfly to appear I'm gonna see one yeah but it's kind of the the fact of like if you're feeling really anxious and insecure in relationships and in yourself like in relation to others then of course you're gonna slip into those routines with other people and sustain them and even in like a more kind of tangible way of like literally what you do will allow them to treat you as you have shown them that you will be allowed to be treated did that make sense i don't know yeah you set the standard if you allow bad communication to come to you or almost like abusive sex that you don't enjoy and if they think that you will allow that they'll do what they can get away with in a way like if you set the precedent that a text every two days is acceptable

then that is what you shall receive like your wish is my command yeah that is exactly what you will be served if it's a guy that kind of is in the early stages of dating finds out that um they can just wank into you leave it after they finish wanking into your vagina and not text you for two days and you then when they next text you when they're next horny you reply being like oh yeah yeah that date would be really good okay well brilliant you've just set the precedent of that is exactly what you shall get the next time um which is so fucking hard like i completely understand when you're in that thing of like oh like i kind of really like them and it's like exciting to get a text and you're just kind of almost in some state of denial that it's like worship the ground you they will come yeah and it's almost you're in a state of denial that that wasn't that and that it was actually you did get

something out of it and it's blah blah blah but actually if you break it down to what actually happened or i think the a great way to look at it which we've spoken about loads of times in terms of sex but also in romance is like who got more out of that experience say you went on a date you had sex you had like a cup of fucking tea with them whatever who got more out of that i'm sure when you look back on it if we're talking about heteronormative relationships fucking don't know what percentage but more more more than often it is the man that got way more out of that and i think when you actually start breaking that down dating looks pretty bleak um loads people said something similar to this this person said being

21 and never had a boyfriend lol but i feel like a lot and a lot of people we always get messages about people feeling aware of like they haven't had a relationship and their X, Y, Z age or they haven't had sex and their X, Y and Z age. I feel like you know what's coming. You know what we're going to say. Like doesn't matter. It's the weird like box checking thing yeah yeah it's so interesting when people have specific hooks on this because especially virginity i feel is a huge thing that people get very like i just need to tick the box and they'll kind of have some kind of mediocre sex which is kind of the dick kind of goes halfway in they're like bang finally

i've done it i've done it i'm free i'm free free free but it's like i'm free i'm free god like the pressure we put on like young girls to um water and boys like there is just a societal pressure to like have a little penis in your vagina and then you're done it's like oh my god like can we actually calm down like it's it leaves no room for what actual sex is meanwhile all these girls are all having sex with their friends anyway literally it's so fucked up it's like okay so what that you've been now validated by the kind of tip of a man's penis inside your body thank god thank god i'm part of the club now it's like really it means nothing like truly cannot explain how nothing it means i think it comes down to that thing of like the just the worst thing in in like human existence just feeling like everyone else is in on

something you're not you're not a part of it like just a real like hyper awareness of how you don't fit into what everyone else is doing they've all done something and you're you're abnormal that i'll just die then yeah like worst feeling i was talking to my school friends about this the other day we actually it was so nice we we were actually gonna start a book club i think um not public private members only just the three of us sorry you say that i wouldn't be surprised if she started charging you a fee to be like it's members only unless you give me 25 quid on the side inbox only dm me on instagram my like little capricorn comes out yeah you're starting a book club but um we were talking about virginity like just around our little dinner um and because we all went to school together and we were talking about like

how i don't know i i think in my a lot of my friends lost their virginity like incredibly young i hope i'm not gonna name. I hope they don't mind. Kind of 13 kind of vibes. And I genuinely thought that was kind of normal. I didn't lose my virginity until later than 13. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a Field Guide to Gay Animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find a Field Guide to Gay Animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com But I remember we were all sitting there like kind of, probably we were like 14, maybe, I don't know how old we were, 13, 14. And we're all sitting there like having a conversation about sex and stuff. And there was one girl who was super mean. She left and I never liked her.

But one of these girls is still friends with her. Was she the one that said you couldn't be a slut if you tried no that was a different girl she wasn't even cool that was just fucking rude that was outrageous oh i thought she was a mean girl yeah yeah this is a different mean girl there were so many mean girls i think that's just people are fucking mean so mean it's outrageous they were talking about sex i think someone was saying that they gave their boyfriend head with a Dorito in their mouth. You know, the kind of combos, you know, the kind of vibe. Someone was saying, oh my God, someone had sex with a plastic bag. What do you mean had sex with a plastic bag?

Instead of a condom. They had sex. Oh no, they had sex with their boyfriend using like a fucking Sainsbury's bag. Wow. It's like you're being raped. I'm so sorry. The infections. Could you imagine? Could you imagine? It's where COVID started. like a fucking sainsbury's bag wow it's like you're you're being raped i'm so sorry the infections could you imagine could you imagine it's where covid started and we were all having

a conversation about like these kind of sexual encounters and i think i must have piped up with something and being like blah blah blah you're all getting raped i don't know what i was saying what did you like what kind of thing like i piped up with something something of your experience or just like a thought no no because i i had had no experience i was just talking from the heart i guess this doesn't you were prepping for goes out saying yeah yeah yeah i was just talking i said how can i be of service in this conversation to my friends and i came out with something and one of the mean girls who were also my friends said uh sorry but you don't have any experience so you don't know what you're talking about i don't think you can comment oh my god and i remember that that

feeling of feeling like oh i'm not in the club i'm not in the club as a 14 year old um virgin i'm not in the club i can't make a comment but obviously i was really indignant and thought i don't need fucking experience to comment bitch i can comment i had sex with the guy from the naked brothers band in my head when i was nine i just told you that i've been having sex with zach from zach and cody since i was in my mind but i do think that there definitely is that idea and then that pressure builds more as you get older and there's an idea that you're um falling behind and things like that. But yeah, I was going to say though, I feel like it's not that interesting or like surprising that if people have a hook on this,

because if you don't have that hook, it just looks slightly different for you or it just changes as you get older. All my friends are having babies and I'm not having a baby. All my friends have got a proper job with a great salary and they're getting big promotions and I don't have that. Everyone's getting engaged and I'm not having a baby all my friends have got a proper job with a great salary and they're getting big promotions and I don't have that everyone's getting engaged and I'm not engaged everyone's moved away and I'm still here it's just comparison it's yeah it's

just just because it's not it doesn't look like oh everyone at school has lost their virginity and I haven't anymore it is the same thing it's all rooted in that same feeling of feeling left behind i think and feeling different and othered and yeah and really um aware of how you're living your life and you must be living it wrong but it's a feeling of lack it's a feeling of um everyone else has this thing and then i think a lot of the quest a lot of the things we were getting in the dms were that people felt there's something wrong with them oh my god that's what people were saying i i remember someone saying i don't know they said like in their 20s like never had a relationship like no one's ever loved me so i must just be unlovable oh my god yeah no i know really horrible no no no no we don't have anything to say apart from just

like tears just not it's just so it's like we just went silent it's actually quite painful that i do think this pressure is on girls more because there's the idea that i don't know it's the if a guy hasn't been in a relationship um by a certain age then he's a fuck boy he's fucking around which means no one notices no it's not even a thing it's like if he's in a relationship he's tied down whatever if a girl hasn't it's like she's um kind of the last left on the shelf kind of no one asked her to dance at the prom and she's one of those girls in greece tapping their feet at the side that's exactly what i was thinking of it's just not it but it's also the problem is then you take that kind of fear with you because then you won't even then you will push away like dating someone because it's like oh they're not going

to be like my first boyfriend like this old guy i don't want this guy yeah you end up rejecting you lose out on situation or you lose out on the experiences that would have shaped you that you lose out on the experiences that would have been a bit of fun maybe because yeah you want to prescribe to like a certain narrative and you want to tell the story a certain way i completely agree i was literally about to use the phrase like personal narratives i do think it is about your personal narrative of what i envisioned as my first boyfriend oh well this guy i'm talking to doesn't really look like that fucking zach efron that i've always imagined so it can't be right it's not him yeah it becomes an identity thing for example if you um were worried about virginity

or worried about not having a boyfriend or you're worried about um there are you're queer and there's no queer people in your town and how you ever it becomes almost like um a narrative of like i will always be like this that's the role that i fit yeah but it's almost like there is no evidence to suggest that just because things have been a certain way that they will always be that way there's just nothing to suggest that's going to happen like i always say this but when things change they when things start changing they change really quickly you need to be prepared for that narrative shift to happen in yourself that it's like okay so if you've always identified as a girl without a boyfriend okay well you could meet someone on fucking tuesday and they could be your

boyfriend by the fucking following tuesday like obviously that's a fucking quick turnaround but boyfriend, okay, well, you could meet someone on fucking Tuesday, and they could be your boyfriend by the fucking following Tuesday, like, obviously, that's a fucking quick turnaround, but I've seen, I've seen it happen quicker, like, if you've always been identified, or even within a month, whatever, and you've got to be prepared for that to change, as soon as you have a narrative hook on, I am a virgin, I'm a virgin, oh my god, I'm a virgin, okay, well, you have sex, it lasts, what, fucking 30 seconds sometimes, god knows, Then you'll change forever. Are you okay with that? What are you going to do then? I think it's really important to be fluid with these things and also, like, hold things really lightly. Like, if you have an attachment to one of these things, it's like, that will be gone in a

second. It will be gone in a second. Oh my god, it's what my therapist said. Choose what you want to take with you and pack light. Pack lightly pack lightly don't be carrying around the weight of like i'm a virgin can change in an instant what let's open this case up what the fuck have you put in this big old suitcase of yours what's going on in here it's a mess you've packed fucking snorkels we're going to the himalayas you've packed all the wrong shit you packed a fur coat for the bahamas and also kind of um i'm gonna run with the metaphor just because everyone in the room was packing their suitcase and they were packing big snow suit and big old boots and ski outfits never been skiing but you get the vibe i don't know what you guys bring when you go skiing but ski

what do you bring salopettes i believe they're called with the big fucking trousers everyone else is packing fucking ski shit that doesn't mean you have to pack ski shit you're going to a different place pack your bikini it's fine just because everyone else is packing the same shit you're not going to the same destination so don't bring the same shit with you you choose also this is the thing like with i'm gonna use virginity because i think it was one of the most common things we got and also it just works there's the pressure to have sex even when you don't want to have sex that is rape culture that is a girl feeling like they should do something that they don't want to do they are essentially not consenting to this or the only

reason they are consenting to this is because there is a coercion a pressure i.e it's not consensual from a societal lens that society is essentially fucking raping you and telling you to have sex with some scrappy boy around the fucking corner who's 14 that wants to have sex with you behind the bike sheds that's not okay you don't have to have sex if you don't want to there was no way at fucking 14 i was ready to have sex there is no fucking way and that's fine yeah it's more than fine because there'll be a day when you think oh actually i kind of want to do that and even if there's not a day that's fucking fun then you don't want to do it why are you being told you should do it i never want to go into the fucking cinema again i believe me i won't be going it's it's sad that there's this weird fucking societal

pressure that you've got to do something that you literally don't want to do that is called rape oh it's so true god that's powerful that is called rape end the podcast end i thought this one was quite interesting i don't really know what i think um so i wanted to ask you someone said i've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and he has yet to tell me about any of his exes red flag or green tick i also screenshot that one and i don't think i know my thoughts either let me look they've been dating for a year almost a year but he's yet to tell me about any of his exes good or bad i need more info there same i need everything i'm desperate for crumb more i need names i need images i need email addresses i need addresses even even if i don't need names and email addresses

and images i kind of want to know like have you asked and he's been reluctant to say are there any exes does he just not have any like is this something that he's actually denying to speak about or have you not brought it up at all obviously this is don't take any action based on my advice which i don't know anything about this again i'll need an email addresses i'll need photos photos, I'll need info. But I, from that, as a small one sentence kind of little bite-sized treat that you've given us, I would be- It's a little bombshell. Little bombshell. I would be veering on the side of red flag if, that is a big if, it has been a

topic that has been, I declined to speak about, i.e. you've said, please could you tell me about your like dating history? Like who have you dated? Like what have your ex has been like and he's like i will not be disclosing that information with you but but let's have sex it's kind of is he joe from you yeah yeah it's like is he he murdered them they don't exist anymore they're all dead you start to get shifty about your next it's kind of you're finding old like teeth and tampons in a box above his bathroom oh my god i love that show so much i really want that to come back i hated season two such a bad aesthetic season two i thought la vibes season one so grimy in new york beck's her name or something so stunning beck yeah then season two grocery store yeah but i thought that girl

was so stunning what's her name victoria is that her name well her name was love in the show yeah but i think her name irl is victoria because i love you love i have no idea why i'm making that up anyway so stunning um dump him next question i'm joking don't you dare dump him well i don't know maybe maybe just ask him i would say actually ask him if you haven't already and be like right actually we need to initiate this conversation of because almost it's like why is it bothering you i think with with my thing of like this is about communication i think it's not i asked him and he didn't say anything but it's almost like could you just explain to me why you go a bit shifty every time i talk about exes like are there a

box of teeth above your sink like I do need to have some information on your history just because if there was any topic not even about exes or anything like every time that I bring up the topic of Sainsbury's my boyfriend says I don't really want to talk about it I would be like right okay what happened in

Sainsbury's there's something going on here yeah I think with lots of um like dating stuff relationships just anything involving more than one person a lot of it comes down to like the principle exactly yeah as in it's not even that you needing to know about his ex that his past experiences is important it's not necessarily important at all but it's the principle of if you are asking to communicate honestly and openly and you are giving everything quite generously to him and that is not being reciprocated or there are pieces of information that are being emitted by him then it's the principle of that dishonesty and like potential

betrayal more than you just deserving to know about this one ex that he had you know it's the principle completely because also with the principle it's like that is a valid thing to fight for the most and i almost think there is no reason even if it's like right i don't want to give specifics for some reason he doesn't want to say names but almost like i think what's actually important isn't necessarily the specifics of okay so there was jessica then there was michelle i don't think that's actually what you're asking for I think there would be a valid thing in being like I don't want to talk about this because I actually have some trauma around it it's almost like what is the reason that you can't tell me oh I find it because most likely

I would feel that a likely thing would be oh I feel like it makes me uncomfortable talking to you about this because you're my current girlfriend I would assume you wouldn't want to hear it I would be unsurprised if that's what he came out with if this was an honest convo but i almost think it's like more importantly than actually knowing okay so she had brown hair and she had big tits like whatever like actually knowing the the details what i would actually want to know is why are you withholding info from me like is there a reason why like if it's too big for me to know that's fine but like could you just give me some clue as to why this hasn't been a convo yet i agree perfect solved

mischief managed sorry i solemnly swear that i am talking shit um okay can i bring something up actually because it kind of ties back to what we're talking about earlier in a weird way this person said and i just thought it sounds like it would be good for our podcast this person said when a friend is dumped in a fling that only lasted around a month and is still upset a few months later it's like are you asking for a friend it's kind of hypothetically speaking a friend was dumped but they said when a friend is dumped in a fling that only lasted around a month and is still upset a few months later many other friends comment she's being ridiculous and

they're invalidating her feelings it's fascinating to see how a girl's heartbreak is only seen as valid if she's been dating someone for years i've often felt like my shortest relationships have had the most impact on me maybe because i always think about what could have been if things had worked and there is more opportunity for fantasy i'd love to hear your thoughts xx love the pod how nice love that thank you so much that's a great question and i completely agree with every word yeah i thought we should raise that because we've had many a convo on this about how um when something isn't given like a title or isn't deemed serious on like a societal level maybe even wasn't deemed serious by one of the parties it must mean that you're not allowed

to be upset about it you're definitely not allowed to be upset about it for a long period of time or what other people would consider to be a long period of time you really shouldn't even remember them you should never think about them you should have closed the chapter they never crossed your mind you've completely moved on but actually i agree with this person in saying like it's those relationships where you didn't get closure you didn't get to see something through you never got to communicate honestly it all feels like what is it like ships in the night like it all feels like some sort of foiled plan some sort of abolished mission it's kind of your potential has been cut off it's kind of ned stark being killed in series one spoiler i'm so sorry it's like

jesus he was supposed to be my main character how dare he die in season one uh-huh i was rooting for you we were all rooting for you now your whole family's in a fucking mess that's actually just specific to game of thrones doesn't relate it's gonna take us 10 seasons to get out of this mess now to get out of this mess every bad decision you made right now ned is the whole fate of everyone else well that's the perfect example though someone that was there for such a short amount of time and you thought you were following bang cut and now it's going to take you season after season after season to slowly move on from them to rebuild to get over that moment yeah that pov shot little mazes in the background we can't cope with it oh don't it's

too gutting it's too gutting oh my god sans is like you promised him mercy that's now i'm just on my game of thrones but that is it you you envision someone as um going further than season one you see this as okay okay okay and then it gets cut off prematurely in your eyes you weren't reading the fucking script you just were like oh my god okay i assume you're my fucking protagonist more heartbreaking their fucking head gets chopped off aree they break up break up with you whatever it doesn't work out it's so much more jarring in a way that had its chance than a relationship following the like traditional route of destruction i.e it plays out you're not working even if that breakup does come as a shock it's almost like okay well we tried

and it didn't work i do think that's something particularly painful i'm not saying it's more painful because in a way i don't think it's more painful i just think it's a specific pain and almost like a pain that's easy to be like gaslit out of of like oh okay that was casual i'm so sorry but why does it feel so fucking painful the label of casual doesn't necessarily mean painless hurts in itself yeah uh-huh well that even just someone calling it casual is like oh well it wasn't casual to me oops that in itself is pretty heartbreaking it's kind of you're wearing a ball gown someone's like i'm glad to see you dress casual it's like i've really actually tried fucking hard actually it's what we used to say about um you turn up to a party with a script you turn up as if it's office hours yeah you've turned up as if it's someone's fucking office hours i haven't heard that in so long yeah but it was just a party

but you turn you made it fucking office hours it's not office hours can you re-explain the mantra to us i've kind of forgotten it right so it was it was us writing the scriptures for sephie i'm not gonna lie for sephie's one that got away the love of her life oh i was scripting out to um the love of my life and there would have been like an event like you were going on a date or you were he was maybe gonna be at a party or blah blah and it's like you're coming to this party or you're coming to this meeting with a whole script that he has to follow and i said it's like you're you're coming to a party with your fucking essay ready for him to mark as if it's office hours like as if you're

going to see your uni lecturer and get him to talk through what went wrong in the seminar yeah it's like you're at a fucking party it's casual but you've literally brought a fucking binder full of fucking notes yeah and i'm this well then he shall say blah blah blah and then i shall reply yeah exactly i'd written and i was attached to as bobo would say i was attached to outcomes the whole time outcomes i really was office hours and then we would flip that metaphor sometimes and say you're treating this like a party but now you're actually at office hours like you're coming with casual vibes oh like what well i think we did we used to flip it around all the time we always used to say we always we also brought in you're going to the ice cream shop oh god it's just the most chaotic metaphor it's ice cream party but you're coming with office hours i don't know well like what is office hours i haven't i honestly haven't heard

that phrase in office hours if i was a lecturer i'd say my office hours are like 11 a.m till one on tuesdays and it's like you're outside their fucking door shaking like please tell me i got first otherwise i'm gonna have to die like honestly sweating your nut off out there and you come in and have to act really naturally your hand shaking around your coffee like oh my god it's like can i bribe you with sex or no like genuine question i've cried in many office hours just not good i've actually i've cried in one office hours do you remember oh yeah with sue with sue with fucking sue sue honestly should get sued for her lack of acknowledgement she crossed you over public speaking and now you roast her on

your podcast what a turn of events i'm actually gonna have to say what she said because i just find it outrageous and i still think should i email should i fucking email oh i absolutely think you should i'll write it for you if you want i've said it before i had quite crippling social anxiety to do with seminars at uni it's all good it's all good now i don't have to ever set foot in one again but also i think i overcame a certain amount of it during my therapy but i had to present which presenting if you've ever um been in a seminar you'll know that presenting is kind of the worst thing in life and i had to present and i went in i was like so i just don't think i can fucking do it like the idea of standing at the front of the

class and fucking presenting is gonna make me bomb so i and then i started crying and said so please can i just write an essay or anything instead? Please, please, please. I will cry. Because you thought it was just a general thing that you're doing in seminars, but it was actually a graded thing. I remember you finding out. She was like, this is graded.

This is like a piece of the module. But so many people, like, for example, I knew other people that had written essays and stuff. And I was like, please, can I just get in on the essay thing? But then it turns out she was like, no, you can't do that. Sorry, because I put you with this girl and she's really shy so you need to be the girl with her and i was like this seems quite unfair but whatever and i remember one of the phrases she said to me she was like

um what are you gonna do in the real world the real world here it comes again back to bite us in the ass and i thought i'm gonna fucking start a fucking podcast bitch turns out now public speaking is my whole thing the real world the real world but i went in and i honestly nailed the presentation nailed it oh my god and then you came back and said from now on in my life i only want it's only amazing things i said i'm only doing amazing things from now on because i got over my biggest fear in that moment and stuck it to sue's fucking face bitch face there you actually super intelligent i actually do you know what was so gutting about it i really admired her i think that's what was so gutting about it it's kind of it's kind of you are a man who saw this woman thought she was super hot came onto her in the street so i'm doing a cat calling

she turned you down now you're like you're fucking bitch you're not even that hot anyway yeah genuinely sue you're not even that clever anyway she is actually but it was just gutting i really admired her i went with her to her with a real kind of mental health issue and she went no what are you gonna do in the real world and i just thought i'll fucking die in the real world then sue i'll fucking die if that's what you want but you actually went well looks i'm doing the presentation then i guess i actually thought actually kind of fight or flight kicked in i fought and i won yeah yeah this isn't to do with romance though this one made me laugh so much like well just even in terms of i want to know what you would say it's just kind of i don't know what i would do but also not kink shaming you do you but i just don't know what i would say to this

okay someone said i was on a first date a guy asked me what my kinks were and he said he was into blood and biting that's all the details they've given and i just want to know what you would say to that if you're on a date with someone who said i'm quite into blood and biting like edward some guy drew blood on you no someone drew blood on me no no I don't mean drew blood on you I mean they drew blood from you they bit my mouth but I think that was more of an accident from them it surely had to be an accident it wasn't a move I don't think it was a move no I think it was an accidental you really just bit me actually I think it depends it depends, like, what... If they were giving me... I don't know.

It depends what their whole vibe was. Do you know what I mean? Is that a straight no from you? I think that's like, you're biting me till you bleed. They took Twilight too far. It isn't... Well, yeah, it literally is Edward Cullen. Well, it's kind of the opposite of Edward Cullen.

He doesn't want to bite. He doesn't even want to be in the same room as her. He doesn't even want to be in science lab with her. He's like, your smell. Your smell is repulsive. Yeah. It's actually too good for words. Yeah, I don't know.

I think I would find, like, do you know what I mean? That's not a straight no from me. Really? Blood and biting. Yeah, for sure. I don't really know what would be, do you know what I mean? A straight no. What would be a be a

like i have to call this off now like i can't go any further with the date i think i think it would be more about them like i think it is it doesn't necessarily matter what the specific thing is if i get you as a whole do you get what i mean what if it's shit what if it's i want to shit on you oh well then it's gonna be look i don't think i can do that personally so if that's a big thing for you then yeah you should look for someone else but like if you're fine to leave it out of the relationship then yeah that's the thing if this is the only way you can have sex is through blood oh the only way you're kind of picturing it sebastian stan and you're like well fine i'll fucking do it then no i'm i'm not i'm not at all

yeah if it's the only way that they ever want to have sex then yeah we're not going to be sexually compatible because i'm not bleeding i think i bleed pretty easy i'm not doing that every time it's knackering i'm exhausted i think it's just a bit army hammer oh well that is disgusting it's a bit cannibal that's horrific yeah that's the vibe it gives me it's like you want to bite just a bite or do you want to bite into my me it's like you want to bite just a bite or do you want to bite into my skin yeah no they just want to bite you they don't want to bite into you they're not taking a chunk out of you but then what suck the blood i think they want to smear the blood well they're gonna pierce the skin which i just think you're fucking mitts off my

skin but they're not chewing it off you would hope i. I agree. I agree. By choice, no. But then I also think a small bite is fine. Well, a small bite, but I don't like the idea of drawing blood. I think it just depends on the whole person, the whole vibe for me. To me, what I'm getting from that is that they love blood. It's less about the bite and more about the blood. Because I think if you just like biting, I don't think you'd mention blood i don't even like the word blood i think they love blood right you think if they've said biting and blood what the truth of it is is actually like tearing one of your limbs off i know i just think they they they're not so much the biting is a means of a means of an end to get to

the blood yeah yeah yeah well it's kind of um if i thought i wasn't going to be vegan anymore if i thought i'm going to start eating real steak and shit i would ease you lot in by saying oh i'm just i'm having i'm reintroducing eggs back into my diet right but the actual the aim of the game is blood you're going in for the full steak yeah i get that i'm going in for blood i agree i don't think you mentioned blood and it's like oh sometimes i bite you without blood i think i can give or take it yeah it's basically you're kind of getting like needles out and you're getting blood out of me like you're into you're into like blood fucking hell well yeah i wouldn't love that

i would go so far to say i would hate that getting needles out is quite extreme yeah maybe i've taken it too far he didn't actually say anything about needles but i think i think i honestly think it's more about the person and like their i hate to always talk about communication because it's so boring but like but it's so fucking true if you can communicate effectively and like you're being honest and open about what you like then it could be whatever like within reason do you know what i mean yeah that's the main thing is like you're mature and like confident and safe yeah that's the main thing i think okay this is gonna sound like me digging up graves and going back to what we were talking about 10 minutes ago but i just really i

just saw this message and i really wanted to say it and we can add in there's whole new layers to dig into i love the sound let's go grave digging well it's a sad one okay let's go digging there's no one else i'd rather dig graves with no it goes without saying this person said it's honestly weird being 20 and never having a boyfriend or girlfriend and not even had someone who seemed like a possibility this is the bit that i think is particularly interesting they said it's hard to tell if i have standards or if i'm just awful at connecting with people at all that's really interesting yeah i just feel like yeah because i think whether or not you've had a boyfriend or girlfriend on like you know regardless of that i think someone

feeling like okay do i have do i just have standards do i have like an idea of what i want and what i'm not willing to negotiate on or is there just no one here for me to connect with like am i am i actually alone on this rock that i'm floating on i think the crux of that first crux of the episode potentially how many more would there be well the other crux was um oh your crux the crux of life as we may say it's the second crux he's actually so not a crux i was actually not giving him the fucking credit to be a crux he's actually just like no but you made him a crux let's give you the power it's not about him what he did it's about you it was your i told you he's away how do you know my friend looked on his facebook yeah did i tell you this he's gone so basically i have not looked at any of his social media

luckily he's kind of not on social media yeah and he my friend was like can i just look and i was with her and i was like yeah fuck it look what's he fucking doing kind of expecting to see radio silence he's in misery yeah fucking picture he's like gone on holiday to like he's in america basically having the time's life posted kind of what i would say is like a topless photo which was quite out of character i thought it's kind of a photo of his back well you don't know this guy anyway it's a different person now i know and i just thought god you god this is um yeah wasn't really expecting you to be out of the country i kind of had built an idea of that your life has fallen to a shambles

well it's like oh you still exist yeah i think that's a hard thing honestly the the hardest thing is their life continues well and also even if you are at peace with things it would be it's just weird how humans are set up like you can't just kind of i don't know sometimes you just want to check in on yeah like just on people do you know what i mean but i don't think i can check in i genuinely think for me i cannot oh no i don't think you can check it i cannot check it i don't think you can check in i don't think you need to to be honest it's not worth it but that's why it's like that was the first ever check-in yeah of my friend looking at his social media and it was not what i wanted to see yeah quite a stunning i would say back photo of him in the ocean and i thought jesus this isn't what i needed to see yeah not what i needed to see but anyway this girl what was i gonna say about having standards or connecting with people

oh the crux of what i think this would be is that i think did she word it as in i'm awful at connecting with people i don't think that is the case i thought is that i can't connect with people no she said it's hard to tell if i have standards or i'm just awful at connecting with people at all awful at connecting with people i think that is the bit those aren't the two options that's not option a you have standards option b you're awful at connecting with people i I don't think that's the case. There's a grey area in between. There are people around you now that may not match the energy. They may not match what you are giving out and what you want to receive. I don't know, you can spend a lot of your life around people that you think, am I just awful at connecting with these people? Or am I just connecting in

a different way? Like, communication is weird. And there's only so much you can do to be a good communicator if your communication style is different from the people around you and if you're what 1920 or something did she say yeah she's 20 20 20 come on you're at work you're at uni whatever you're doing you're at college you've just been at school i'm guessing like what are the chances that people just born in the same area to you are gonna one match your standards be good enough for you and two be people you can connect with in that like quite difficult romantic way i don't think it's like you're awful at connecting or communicating i think it's that these people are just not the people that you can connect or communicate with not right for you i think that goes across all relationships it's kind of um it seems to be the theme of my theme of the episode i keep saying going on and on about feeling like um you're just

you're not here to connect with everyone you're just not yeah no you're not gonna be every like you're not gonna like everyone i think this and not everyone's gonna like you it's kind of that simple yeah i think that takes a lifetime though to learn as in like if you die at like 101 years old it will have taken you the whole time and it's only on your deathbed that you're like oh shit it just clicked it actually doesn't matter if people do or don't like me just the theory about death that i used to have that kind of relates to that in that the idea that you work that out when you're 101 potentially or you work out on your deathbed me and my friend used to have a theory what if the moment you die is the moment you like work something out like that like as soon as you work

out you die like that is you ascending to the next level oh right kind of like the moment you work out that communication is not everyone's gonna like you die like that is kind of you move on to the next level god well we better stop this because we're leveling up every week we're gonna be on our deathbed soon we're about to find it out and then we just die that's a scary thought i know we were really young when we used to say that so like kind of like year five sort of like young that what if when you die you figure something out oh like you kind of figure out the meaning of life that sort of thing you figure out like the the crux third crux like a kind of universal crux yeah and then you you like that's it you level well yeah you can't be a human anymore yeah that makes sense that's kind

of the vibe that gives me of like some things take a lifetime to unravel you will never get and to be honest you will never get to the to the fucking crux like well i think a big part of the human condition is having a real awareness of like what others think of you because you were born to be in communities yeah which is why i also think i don't know there is so much reluctance around it's kind of what we're talking about like a few episodes ago um where people um are more scared of like being codependent than they are um being isolated or whatever it's it's kind of just um i don't know like not all relationships are harmonious obviously but you are meant to find happiness in other people because because also you deserve to do that yeah and it's not supposed to be um

these easy breezy kind of quote-unquote casual things because it's almost like one of the most beautiful things in kind of human connection is that intensity is that kind of like um devotion almost a feeling of dependence i guess like you do require certain people it's like yeah my family i require you like i actually it's beyond kind of you add things to my life it's like no like biologically i require you kind of you are my room of requirement again in that thing of we're more scared of codependency than isolation i do think some kind of codependency not in the like therapy view of codependency yeah it's a fucking issue no just just healthy relationships it's not even codependency not in the like therapy view of codependency yeah it's a fucking issue no just just healthy relationships it's not even codependency it's just having some working relationships but like the intensity of it as well i think like the complete intensity of some

things some things are not supposed to be kind of just like a mediocre healthy uncomplicated um beautiful on paper thing no strings attached yeah just like a beautiful little simple thing it's like all my friendships are perfectly healthy and working and everything is like no relationships are a fucking mess but some of my best relationships are the most intense and kind of confusing and messy and like and have meaning and and deep like deep rooted like in my bones i don't know if it's a societal thing. I think it might be like a generational thing. We're just very jaded when it comes to relationships

and our view of other people, even the like carrying the sentiment with you of like, okay, what are you going to add to my life? Or like who got more out of that exchange that we had, you and I, like viewing everyone like a transaction in the kind of life sum of your experience on earth is so dark in a way it's capitalist it's literally like a capitalist individualist like you are the center of the world and what can i like kind of give to

you in exchange for you to give this to me like it's like when did we learn that oh yeah capitalism yeah yeah yeah a lot of our responses to a lot of the messages that we got about this kind of episode in general would also just kind of be um to it's really hard it's again one of those things it's like oh it was easy fucking said than done like go and do it then but i think a lot of it comes down to i would even say relinquishing all control and trusting the timing of life but not even in in that deep of a way but literally just to just think or to um just act a bit more freely a bit more freely the banana girl but just actually act like stop assessing everything yeah like it's the fucking gcses like chill out too much noble gazing it reminds me of the thing you were saying that was a stunning instagram reel that you made

out of it that was it doesn't matter that you can intellectualize all of these things how what you know doesn't really impact how you feel and i think sometimes it's like labels are amazing you know what we think about labels they're amazing but also like the label of like um even like codependency anxious attachment style all of these things they're so useful they're so crucial love languages it's it's vital in a way but also they do hinder freedom the like just they're like well i know that this is it but i feel like this is healthy or like sometimes it's like okay well all of the the world is telling me something but i do think this is healthy or like sometimes it's like okay well all of the the world is telling me something but i do think this also enables you to go back to like kind of toxic

exes just trust how you feel basically if you feel bad you probably it probably is bad but if some things it's like okay this feels good this feels like i am living like how i want to live this feels authentic to me i feel good in myself it probably is good for you then it probably is good for you and if it feels bad it's probably bad for you because I think that's one of the things with dating as well the idea of like complication and confusion is normalized and even kind of romanticized that when you're like oh does he like me does he like me he probably doesn't then the brutal thing is and I wish someone had told me this if you find yourself questioning oh why does he not say this

why oh I just don't know if he likes me ask him just ask him because he might but also the the probability of he's treating you like he doesn't like you he probably doesn't and even if he does is that what you want you want to be with someone who likes you but treats you like they don't is that really what you want literally no it's not what i want for you who wants that who wants that who wants that who would do such a thing and who would choose such a life a half-life a curse life the unicorn blood does look delish though doesn't it yeah it does silvery goo i've really liked this episode i feel like we we got some cruxes as usual we've been it's just great i just feel like most of our dms and stuff we get

are about romance i feel like everyone wants to fucking know about love do you think well just in the terms of for example when we we used to sell tarot readings this is really going back we used to sell tarot readings the two of us oh my god and we sold like general readings and romance readings and the only ones that ever fucking sold were the romance readings and it just kind of taught me that lesson of people only really fucking care about love it's like the only thing really that people were like i agree but i also think our audience really again obviously like we wouldn't be doing this episode if it wasn't relevant to people it obviously is but i also think we have a shift on that audience in the way that a lot of

our audience is much more focused on like self-development and like their identity and like their loss like how do they yeah like do you know what i mean which obviously romance really slots into that it's like a self-actualization rather than my boyfriend won't text me yeah yeah but i think we have a slightly different the venn diagram is like literally entirely but i agree everyone loves love or hates love yeah everyone hates and loves love whatever the things i do for love push fucking brown out the window things i do for love push ned stark's head gets cut off these are all spoilers for game of thrones if that makes no sense funny you should

say that i'm literally sat my microphone is sat on my game of thrones book really a game of thrones a game of thrones a song of ice and fire ice and fire have you read it yeah it's great have you i just don't think i could get through it i remember specifically actually you saying about bran the moment where bran that chapter where they talk about bran coming out of the window and there's birds and i literally had goosebumps reading that and i was in like 35 degree heat when i read it like i was shivering to my core it's giving me shivers it's so i hate to say because i i'm i'm like so unimpressed by the majority of books. But that one chapter, I will say he wrote beautifully and everything else is shit. But I love that one chapter.

Really? Well, I don't like when he's talking about like Daenerys is like 13 year old nipples and stuff. I can give or take that, to be honest. Weird old man. But Bran kind of a child dying dying like a child falling to that child being um yeah a child developing a disability as a result of an incest couple pushing out a window that was great yeah but it really did give me shivers to my core but anyway well just one last thing on brand brand is um watch game of thrones google brand whatever. When we were watching Game of Thrones together,

you'd already seen it, but you were kind of guiding me through the Game of Thrones experience. Forcing you with a gun to her head to watch it. The whole time we were watching Bran, we used to be like, we would be so proud if this was our son. There's something about Bran that is so like,

God, I would be so proud of you. You're so beautiful. You're such a little actor. That's my son. A beautiful boy. You're acting your soul out. I'll just be so proud of you you're so beautiful you're such a little actor my son a beautiful boy you're acting your soul out like i'll just be so proud of you bran oh his poor little face yeah and just one bit where he goes sweet boy theon please oh god i just i feel so proud of you the cutest i love that we're spending our valid moments shouting out a series that really

needs like no recommend like does not need any more advertising it's like is that not the whole um thing of goes about saying though we're talking about harry potter it's like yeah everyone's seen it yeah we should not be promoting anything to do with this bad news bad news oh god i feel exhausted exhausted okay let's go well i'm about to do my covid test who knows what will happen oh wish me luck guys if you don't hear from us god it's a bit too real truly assume the worst