Goes Without Saying - WARNING: He is NOT His Potential

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on boyfriends, the mediocrity of the dating landscape, potential and attachment to outcomes, narratives of low effort and being the Cool Girl. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hello in Tansi. My name is Joel de Moncran. I'm an actor and I'm indigenous and I've created a podcast called Actors and Ancestors. It's a podcast all about indigenous actors here on Turtle Island and our experience in the industry. So if that sounds like something that your ear balls would be happy to listen to, then check out ActorsAndAncestors.com and go to any of your favorite podcast players and we're there. helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Goes without saying, our YouTube has dropped finally. We have been filming non-stop, hijinks ensued and now the Cepheidon Wing Cinematic Universe is live and ready for you to come and enjoy. There'll be videos all

through July and hopefully ongoing as well but come and just see what's going on. Till the end of time. Yeah. Oh wait where can they find it? Type in Sephian Wing guys you know how to use YouTube. Yeah and it's also on our Instagram Sephian Wing. It's also linked below if you need if you need some help. Oh Nick Miller Nick Miller. Nick Miller Nick Miller. Nick Miller and the like. Honestly and the collective of people that are just a bit similar to Nick Miller. Yeah just the association of a kind of character that you got a bit too into. Also like replaced with Jim Halpert, Jim Halpert.

Kind of any, you know, there are so many I can put in here. Jim Halpert, Jim Halpert is really a deadly one. That's crazy. I was thinking about the office today being like, what the fuck? Jim, are you joking? Oh, I've left my coffee on the other side of the room. I'm just going to run and get it.

Go and get it. Yeah. Good for you. I whisper something to you guys in secret. I have no idea. She's back. Nick Miller, Nick Miller. Nick Miller, Nick Miller.

Who knows where we'll go in this? I don't. Yeah, I'm intrigued. So what are your thoughts on this? If I like fictional boyfriend kind of vibes. Fictional boyfriend kind of vibes. Who knows where we'll go in this? Yeah, I'm intrigued. So what are your thoughts on this? Like fictional boyfriend kind of vibes? Fictional boyfriend kind of vibes and I guess just comfort show in general because I was

immediately just thinking about, do you remember when we went to Amsterdam and then like I think it was the day of our flight or maybe like the night before home, we were like I just really quickly need to watch New Girl for three hours. And we had New Girl on in like the weird kind of lobby. Yeah. In the hotel lobby and also in... And in the room. In the room and also at the airport. I remember sitting like watching the planes like take off watching New Girl. God that's iconic. We like watched it the whole way. That was a really good shout from us to watch it in the airport. yeah specifically we wanted to watch the scene where they kissed for

the first time. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. also new girl's a crazy one because i introduced you to new girl and i actually cannot believe there was a point in our friendship where you did not know who nick miller was. nick miller, nick miller. So the fun- I've said this on the pod before but the funny thing about that is I remember I'd obviously got their names mixed up. So I knew that you were obsessed with a guy from New Girl so I was watching it and I was like it's weird that she doesn't like Nick. Like that's just who everyone would go for. Like why does she like Schmidt? Like that's so weird. I'm really shocked like she's not into Nick Miller, Nick Miller. God, you got that so mixed up.

I mean, I love Schmidt so much. I remember you talking about Schmidt and saying that he would be the most intimidated you would be to meet someone. Out of anyone. Like I never want to meet him. Which is crazy. Ever, ever, ever, ever. He's my one person that it's just like, we've actually recently just behind your back, off

the pod, been talking about the experience of like it doesn't even have to be a deep thing but coming away from an interaction with somebody who maybe like you look up to them or like you've watched them for years or whatever you have an interaction crazy you've somehow ended up looking into their eyes IRL this is a real-life situation maybe quick chat and you come away feeling disappointed and it doesn't even have to necessarily reflect badly on them or you or the situation or anything. It's just the reality of life of like the art, the content will always be better than

the reality. The fantasy will always be better than the reality and it's like yeah, I don't want myself or anyone that I care about really to end up with someone like Nick Millerer nick miller not very good for the soul i don't think not really like and i think i think if you really address that in your mind well i think i've gone for people that are similar to nick miller and broken up with them sort of thing for the reasons that for that same reason exactly that's the reason it's great and that's the reason it's bad i don't want to know that my friend is going to bed with some guy and she's gonna turn over and roll into a kind of jar of peanut butter and like a packet of crisps from two years

ago. Nick Miller, Nick Miller. It's like you're hilarious and you're godly but the reality of that is nuts. No it is actually crazy. It's crazy. The whole thing with him is that he's laid back chill blah blah blah but it's like okay but when a boy says oh I'm laid-back chill it's like oh come off it loser. Right yeah I always think when are they ever even like even the awareness of saying I'm laid-back chilled it's like what you trying to get out of me here? Well exactly it's like okay talk about your bare minimum. Well exactly I think that's the reality is, and I remember saying this before with like, sometimes something like sentimental

or like the absence of something being superficial is sometimes misconstrued or misrepresented as being really romantic when it can actually be like the bare minimum low effort, like lack of care sort of thing. It's like, oh, I don't wanna be wined and dined. I just, it's so romantic that you just like picked one flower off the street and gave it to me and it's like yeah that is really romantic or it's also a sign of them not caring about you or you're not valued in the same do you

know what i mean blah blah blah it's more complex. And it's kind of why the romance genre has fucked us all in so many ways that because i do think it's like in some weird way I would rather have the one Daisy picked off the street than a hundred pound bouquet of flowers but also that is because I literally live in a fictional land in my mind where I'm like that is so romantic like I just I'd rather have the one that had more thought put behind it like I'd if the if the one flower off the street has more meaning then sure but if the 100 pound bouquet the street has more meaning then sure but if the 100 pound bouquet of roses has more meaning then I'll take that. I want the one that tells me more that you love me. Exactly.

Because also there's not one bouquet. There's a bit of that that I think that shows that you don't understand me. You've just done the classic thing that you're supposed to do because I'm not someone that necessarily wants that and you've just done a classic bullshit thing. So in a way, I the little Daisy picture off the side of the road but also have you brushed your teeth that morning? That's also kind of not what you would want either. Yeah so that also shows a lack of understanding. You've rolled out of bed and put on yesterday's underwear and picked me a Daisy off the road

and be like there you go and I'm like oh my god thank you you understand me so well. Right and it does fit into that cool girl thing of like i won't ask for much i'll just get walked all over hee hee because i'm so cool but yeah also the reality of things sometimes this is why like the comfort show is like nothing can get in between you and this safe world that you can escape to with your comfort boyfriend living in tow um whoever that may be for you. Yeah whoever that may be, Nick Miller, Nick Miller, I now speak directly to you. But I really do actually. Jake Johnson, Jake Johnson who plays Nick Miller, Nick Miller. He has a podcast. He does, what's that called? Something like, you need my help. Oh god it would be wouldn't it. Something like that,

are you talking to me? Oh god he's so cute. It's something like that. Are you talking to me? It's something like that um Fuck what is it though? I don't know. I've never seen those like clips that go around. Yeah It's the kind of thing where you my love goes out saying goes that saying and then meets F.E.M. Wing and come away through no fault of anybody's feeling disappointed So would I and I would blow my absolute freaking brains out. same i'll go with you. it won't be nice for any of us but it's also just that sometimes life, the real world, does not always facilitate these fantasy moments. it doesn't. it actually works like it's anti fictional moments like that's the bit that's actually so scary it's like the more that you Okay, I'm not gonna give too much, but I'm gonna go a little bit But so I went on a date recently okay, and I don't know I think we may have mentioned it briefly

But we haven't said too much, but I'm not gonna say too much Me and Wynne before kind of got a bit obsessed with him We'd always seen like some photos of him and we sort of got a bit obsessed with him. We'd always have some photos of him and we sort of got quite like, I think to say we created the perfect man in our minds. We were quite sort of like, we were like he's great, oh my god he's perfect, blah blah blah. But before we'd even met this guy. We were emphasising the potential I think. For sure.

We were like there are some legs here. This could be intriguing. Definitely. And there was some intrigue going on. And there was intrigue happening. As, so this fictional sort of character, I almost had built a bit of an image in my mind of like what this person is going to look like, kind of what their sense of humour may be, purely based on some short stories that me and Wing

were writing in our primes about this guy. And I met him and as soon as he walked through the door the mannerisms were different, everything was not the guy that I'd created and I was like just immediately no, sort of this isn't what I want. And it was a nice conversation, it was fine, but it just was not right. And I really do think what went wrong there was mainly, there were a few things wrong with it, but I think the lesson that is really in there is like, if there is a date that you're going on that's potentially like a week later than you start talking with someone, I think almost like the sooner that you can go on that date, the better. Because he gave me two options as when the date was. One was the Wednesday, one was the Friday. I chose the Friday. But I should have gone with the

Wednesday because in that Thursday, by Wednesday afternoon, Thursday had passed, by that Friday evening, God, we'd have run away with it in a big way. Okay, you're dragging me into something that I don't know is necessarily true. I was trying to um sorry that I'm trying to make you have a good date. but it's not it's not um but there was only so much we could do between the conversations before and the date there's a huge like oh there's always going to be a big difference. And I think generally, the landscape is so shockingly bad that the only thing that's gonna get anyone to go on a date is the idea of the potential of,

this might be someone who's a bit funny or a bit hot, a bit nice and normal and reasonable because I'm looking around and I'm not seeing anything of the sort. So let's hold out hope that this could be an anomaly of like a decent funny human being and I might have a nice time touch wood and I'm literally touching wood for you now if anyone's got any dates coming up yes I actually I'm really I'm yeah I've got all hands on deck without that what's the point of? I do think that you toe the line always of

finding the fun and the thrill of the adrenaline of almost giving it its space of like, it's really difficult. I think all I see is negativity around the dating world in terms of women dating men, young women specifically as well, dating specifically young men. It's really, it's just giving misery, misery, misery everywhere you turn. It really is though. Like the thing is that's, it's interesting because I, I think generally that is the tone. Yeah. That's really, really not what I feel for myself though. Yeah. I really think I have had such positive experiences dating men. Yeah, I think that's the crucial part of it. Otherwise...

Because the main problem... You wouldn't go ever again. No, you'd never go. No. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap.

Just $0.99 until July 14. It's a treat for you and your wallet. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hello in Tansi. My name is Joel DeMontgren. I'm an actor and I'm indigenous and I've created a podcast called Actors and Ancestors. It's a podcast all about indigenous actors here on Turtle Island and our experience in the industry. So if that sounds like something that your ear balls would be happy to listen to, then check out actorsandancestors.com and

go to any of your favorite podcast players and we're there. Ego se! Watch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. I think the main problem is, it's once again, it's going back to narrative. People get so attached to what should happen before they've even met the person. I think that's the thing is indulge in the fun. But yeah, if you get attached to an an idea you've shot yourself in the freaking foot they may as well be horrific because you've you've done yourself over in the same way that they will yeah but I think the brain is so much better at creating the perfect person for you

than anyone else stands a chance yeah um even living up to that what within like a three hour day a couple of drinks like no one has a fucking chance. I really think like the less you can go in with, the better, obviously vet them if they're a fucking psychopath. But like, I really think the best experiences I've had have been the ones that have like really surprised me. There's never ever, ever gone into a situation like that. And it's played out in the way that I thought it would. It's always been the surprising ones.

It physically couldn't and it's something we've been saying a lot like all of our episodes recently we've been talking about you wanting to go to Exeter and then not going to Exeter and being so happy that you didn't get into Exeter and it keeps coming back for more this story. The endless saga. But it is the classic thing of you can be so excited for Exeter for example, or whatever the date, whoever it might be, whatever, you can be so excited, but the minute you get totally attached to a specific narrative or outcome, you have taken all of the fun out of an experience. And you've taken the power away from yourself completely. Yeah, now you're not gonna have a fun time, which is shit. But I think living in that excitement,

almost allowing yourself to have fun is maybe a bit of a skill as well, not just in relationships but just in life. It would be fun to think about, oh my god, if I go to Exeter, what will that be? And like, oh wow, what can I do? And blah, what will that look like that's fun. But that's not how the human brain works. Well there's a balance. I've now I think that would be fun and now that's the only way that I can have fun and that thing that does not lead me to that path is wrong and is like a misstep. That would be really fun it's a shame I'm not deserving of it and it's never gonna happen to me. Literally. But I think there is a balance that you can live in with a few things in life. Definitely. Which is really important. The main thing with dating, I mean we we've definitely spoken about this back in the day but like there used to be things that would

go around on the internet like oh if I'm not dating with the idea of like marrying you or you being my boyfriend then like what's the point? And I just have a huge question mark around that, like maybe like fun? Maybe like you're living your life? Like maybe just like enjoying being a human on the planet? Maybe that could be the purpose rather than like already going in with this end goal, which is absolutely bonkers to be going into like meeting someone for the first time thinking this will be this person or this will be this person. It's like you actually truly have no fucking idea and if you're going in to a situation like that already with that end goal in mind.

It's stifling. You're actually suffocating yourself. Yeah, it's very strange. It also is the thing that we recently spoke about about I'm looking for a short-term relationship. Yes, mental. It really is, it's like any kind of, you've already written the ending, you've already written the ending of I'm dating you to marry you, I'm dating you to spend the next 80 years with you, I'm dating you to have a four-week relationship with you. You don't know to have a four week relationship with you. You don't know this person. How on earth would you know what your future looks like? Within reason. How on earth would you know? It's absolutely bonkers and that's why that short term

one really stands out I think because it's like I'm looking for someone to spend the next six months with. Like it's so bonkers. Like what does that even, how can you place this stuff on human beings? Like it's actually so insane. Or like no relationship that I would ever have, would ever, I'd be putting like weird time limits on. It's so strange. There are obviously like nuance and like specific scenarios where things like that might be appropriate or certain people or whatever. There are certain groups where that might work. Go on, what do you mean? Well, like, I think I used the example last time of like, if you knew you were gonna be

in Bali for four months and then you were leaving and then you wanna come back home single, whatever, blah blah blah, you're moving on to something else or if you were- But even then you've got no fucking clue, like- No, you don't have a clue. That's kind of what I went into. I was like, I've got five weeks here and let's see what happens. I've got five weeks, there can be nothing. And that ended up going on for fucking ages.

Yeah I know, but you didn't necessarily want to come back single for a specific reason. Or like if you were No, because I could never hope to guess any of these things. No, but certain people might have different ideas of what they want for themselves, I think. Or a certain boundary, or if you are in an open relationship for a certain amount of

time, you're polyamorous, you're in a different experience than just like, I'm dating a few people and we'll see where it goes sort of thing. I think there are certain times where it might be appropriate for someone to be like I'm looking for like a short-term thing to have someone you know a short-term relationship whatever but generally yes it's a bit fortune telling. What's with the limit like what's you I just think it's like you can't hope to guess you cannot hope to guess like and almost like through and the universe will laugh in your face. It mean when is that ever works for anyone? I want to know you for two months. I

Think it's worked. I think it's worked Like I think that has worked loads for loads of people you go into something thinking I'll just have a quick little thing Oftentimes you're surprised it goes on longer. It becomes way bigger than oh my god That turns into something else But sometimes yeah, you go into something thinking this will be a quick little fun thing and that's exactly what it is and then you move on. No, that's perfect, that's perfect. But that's like, you've set it up with the narrative

once again, which I kind of feel like cuts all of the fun away from it. Well, I also think it's the kind of thing where people say I'm looking for a short term relationship. I think this is the other thing that I said, but what they really mean is like, I'm looking for someone to have sex with and it's not really serious.

Literally, that's it. They don't wanna say like, I'm looking to have sex with somebody because it's not gonna bode well necessarily with their demographic. And so they'll dress it up as, I'm looking for a short term relationship, which reading between the lines is like,

I'm looking for something more casual than a long term relationship, but I want you to think that I value you more than just somebody that I'm just having sex with even though that's probably just what we are. Exactly what it is, yeah. But I think as well that's why the Nick Millers, Nick Millers of the world can get away with so much rolling over into Krispy Kits etc because they live in this world where they'll never be held accountable for any of the crazy things that they do and they don't have to be they just get to

live so safely. Well you can still be hot whilst having crisp packets in your mouth. Yeah, in the harrowing confines of your crazy mind. It's really, it also is kind of the only way where that balanced level of like I can have fun up until a certain point with Nick Miller because he isn't real but you stop. To be honest that's probably the only reason he can be so hot because it's like okay so you're not actually living with that sort of man like it's quite a crazy character that is the hottest guy we can imagine

yeah yeah actually quite a weird weird person it's like of course that wouldn't work in real life he's like an absolute weirdo I think that's the thing is the reality of life can be just as fun and Just as amazing and just as whatever blah blah blah if you take away the comparison of fiction and fantasy Like reality actually isn't that bad When it isn't contrasted by all the things that you're hoping for from your wildest dreams. Reality is great. I mean they're not even comparable in the way that one is real and one is fake. One is the only thing you've got and one is like entertainment. It's not even comparable but I do think it all bleeds into each other. There are some reasons why

I don't know, you grow up, we've spoken about this loads, but you grow up watching Twilight, suddenly you think jealousy is the most attractive trait in a man. They all bleed into each other. Or the history of romance all being around the marriage plot. There is so much going into all of this. There's a reason why we want all of these things and it's not, a lot of it is from fiction. It is want all of these things and it's not, a lot of it is from fiction. Like, it is from all of these weird virtual boyfriends. Oh my god, it's all for narratives. But everything as well that we think we want is also just narratives.

And it's kind of the thing of, try and actually experience it and then get back to me and tell me what you think you want. Sometimes I think people think they want a certain thing. I'm attracted to a person who does this, this and this. Spend two weeks with someone like that and get back to me. Literally, literally. That's actually great advice, okay? Like you think you want this kooky quirky guy whatever. Is that what you think? Okay.

Why don't you, you know. Go on then. See how that goes. Go on then. All right, stunning. Summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer. That was fun. Yeah, oh no, I was gonna say if you don't hear from us, this seemed the worst, but no.

Don't you dare. Hold on to that. Yeah, summer, summer, the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.