Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #67 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

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Oh, jeez. Show me muscle again. Oh, Hercules, Hercules. Oh, you think that this is your ally? Who the fuck is that guy? Have you never seen me before? Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station.

Disgusting! Follow us on social media at Have A Word Pod. And don't forget to watch our very funny podcast videos on YouTube. You can subscribe at youtube.com forward slash Have A Word Pod. They go by Alan and Dave, Aaron and Dean, Granddad and the Yeti, or even Chanel and Denise. But what's for sure is they are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Don't be a Tory. Down your tub or shandy and tell a friend.

This is Have a Word. I've just got myself in a little fucking flap. Laura's in a bad mood with me. I've just, I've been, I've got loads done then. And then I looked to the time. In my head I was like, doing really well here. And then I looked to the time and was like, shit, it's pod time. And I realised I hadn't done like five minutes of just this. Like you said, when you had the studio and it wasn't set up it's a

ball lake in it this is all set up but there's still five minutes of stuff you need to do anyway and then just at the end there i literally this the pod started and i'm fucking fighting my my lead oh adam nightmare drum him why is laura pissed off for you what have you done it's a good job right she's behind on the podcasts because I get to just have this little like and don't listen anyone who's listening

yeah but I bet you're a bell end as well yeah of course I know that everyone fucking you've listened to how many episodes of course I'm a bit of a bell end but she's not got a podcast

in her hair she just i don't know man like she went away this weekend she went to her sister's so officially i suppose she's got a bubble with her sister but i'd say her sister might have three bubbles so it's a load of shit really in it but uh she went to nottingham and woke up on saturday she was like oh well becca was thinking about coming but she can't now do you think i should go to nottingham and i was like yeah yeah you should yeah she was like should i take her or should do you think she should stay here and i paused long enough that without actually saying it i'd said it i just paused and she was like right maybe i'll take it and i had the radiator kick off because on wednesday

the radiator nearly fell off and it it wasn't my fucking fault but the best bit was i didn't boot off about it so i um like it's like, that's the whole thing, isn't it? Just pick your fucking times, win some points, and then you can be like, Daddy needs some fucking time on his own. So Daddy got some time on his own and got shit-faced on his own. It was a fucking embarrassment. I just had, like, a one-

Oh, Saturday. Just got fucking hammered mate absolutely hammered my mate ben from newcastle was like maybe i'll come down i was like no because i'm getting shit faced i almost want to do it on my own and then collapse anyway she got back yesterday and i'll tell you what i did do i did a bit of gardening fucked around and i just literally the house was perfect. It was so weird, because I got, I was really OCD about the house,

made it dead tidy, then got shit-faced, but I woke up to a tidy house. You know when you're hungover? I was like, oh, I don't feel good. I came downstairs. This is when you know you're hungover, when you click the TV on, and it's on kids telly and you realize you've been watching it for 25 minutes that's how hung over i was i was like

i was cbb's fucked oh mr tumble i've never experienced that because i don't like they're not saved channels on my fucking box and i don't watch them normally but i remember about five years ago or something and me and pa and Paul Smith had been out the night before and I went round to his to just discuss our actions and he was going to be a dad at this point. And Helen and the kids had been out all day and he was in the living room with Fireman Sam on. And when I got there, he started talking to me

about Fireman Sam. You know how your mum talks to you about Coronation Street? He was like, this fucking Norman, if he just fucking moved out the village, there'd be fucking 90% less fires. That's when you know you're hungover. He's like, look at the structural integrity in a fucking kids cartoon he's trying to

he's literally writing to the producers like you could fix a lot of the issues health and safety wise yeah I got myself there and she was sound about it

but I you know like I said it to you on the other pod the house is dead tidy and then I woke up this morning when she went to work

I was like this is fucked. But how? How? You got back at three in the afternoon and it was tidy. I'm full of fucking hangover, full of hay fever. That was the best as well. Came back and she was like, we need some fresh air.

Look at you. You need some fresh air. And I want to see what that lane does, you know, when you go around the corner and it goes into a field. So I was hungover enough to be like, one, you're not wrong, I did need some fresh air. Followed it into a field next to fuckloads of crops and had the biggest hay fever attack ever.

You know when you're on your 18th sneeze, but you're already hungover? You're like, a sneeze, how much, like, life source does it take up? Like, I don't know how many sneezes you'd have to do in a row before your body just went... It's a bit of an orgasm, isn't it? Do you reckon? Do you reckon if you sneeze eight times,

it's like having a big cum? Right, right. Well, I jeered about three times. That's what your doctor will tell you. If you have eight sneezes, kids, it'll feel like a big cum. Well, I walked through three fields, nearly fucked two shoes, and then nearly died on the 24th

sneeze in a row i was so hungover and since and i had a whinge this morning over the i just woke up you know you're like still a little bit hungover i was like brother i've fucking tied it again and she's come back with her right like fuck you fuck yourself and I can just feel it. It's just bubbling away. So, let's not have an eggy one, you and me. Sometimes we go for a bit of edge. Let this be my supportive safe space, and I'll have egg with Laura. How are you, man?

How's life with the Premier League back? It was a shit game. We don't talk too much about it, but Liverpool played Everton yesterday, and that's one of the biggest games of the season every year for Liverpool. And the game was shit, and it was still the highlight of my lockdown by a fucking distance, lad.

Treated myself to a ribeye steak with a baked potato and a side salad, and I had four beers and two large whiskeys. And I woke up this morning. I had a load of water before bed as well. And I woke up and I was like,

I feel a bit groggy there, but I'll be all right. And it's just slowly. I haven't got like a, I haven't got a hangover hangover where I feel like shit and I just need to be horizontal all day and tell everyone to fuck off. That was me yesterday.

Do you know what I've got? I've got the devil in me head. There's, there's a little man and he's living in me fucking brain and he's going, why don't you just get a takeaway? And I'm like, shut the fuck up. I had my cheat day yesterday.

I had four beers and two whiskeys. Fuck off. And he's like, yeah, but like there was two more beers in the fridge and another bottle of whiskey how much calories could you have had see there's another 700 there you could easily get salt and pepper chicken then i'm like listen lad shut up and get out me fucking brain will you you horrible little rat i looked in the fridge before and i seen a can of coke and i was

like well i had beer yesterday so i've already had fizz. I'm like trying to talk myself. I've become schizophrenic. I've got a schizophrenic hangover. I've got two voices in my head. One of them is, get back to it, lad. You're doing well. Carry on losing weight. Have some water.

Fill your belly up. You'll be sounding a bit. And then the devil's just there trying to fucking convince me to do shit. So what I'm going to do after this podcast is I'm going to go and have a proper healthy meal and then I'm going to take, I'm going to go to the doctors,

I'm going to tell them, or maybe I'll just go straight to pharmacy or I'll go to my dad. I'll go somewhere I can get fucking sleeping tablets from and I want to knock myself the fuck out and wake up in two days when this cunt's fucked off out my brain. I wondered what you were going to say there.

I was like, I'm going to go to the doctors and I'm going to say I've got a devil in my head and they're going to go, right, well, you don't need tablets. It's crazy. The thing is with the cheat day is it is so bad for knocking you off the tracks, isn't it? If you can get through the next

whatever, however many hours without using barbiturates. I think it's today and tomorrow. I think I've got today and tomorrow and after that I'll be back on. But that's why I didn't eat shite yesterday. So my original plan was I'll diet and train

and whatever and no alcohol until Liverpool play a game of football again. And then on that day I was going to have a load of ale and also get myself like a chippy or a Mackey's or something. I was just going to do that. And then I said to Jade midweek,

I was like, do you know what? I'm not going to let myself go full hog. I'm going to just let myself have me booze. Just a bit dirty. Just a bit dirty. Bit of a treat, not full full i still feel like a treat yeah because it did it felt great um yeah but the the next day is just all it's so weird how your body works when you've had booze the day before you're just like i want things i want it bread and i want

it to be salty and greasy i don't yeah yeah it's It doesn't make you feel better. It makes you feel better, but it doesn't. Like a cheesy garlic bread with doner meat on from a pizza place. Oh my god. I... I can feel the heartburn that that would give me

and I'm craving it. Like, cheesy garlic bread with doner meat that's already been cooked, but then you put it on the pizza and the pizza oven goes all crispy. Oh, Adam, you're doing it. This is not... You're feeding the devil inside your brain, boy.

Man, I'm going to have to do something about it. I got on the fucking scales yesterday with a hangover. Why would you do that? I've not done it the whole show. Why would you do that? I've not done it the whole show. Why would you do that? I don't know. That's a bad... I mean, I got on the scales this morning because I was like...

Because yesterday, for the first time in ages, I've dropped yesterday just below 15 stone. So I'm now 14 stone, 13 pounds, 0.8. You never want to go back. You never want to go back. No. So I weighed myself yesterday. And then I was like, today I was like, just weigh yourself.

Because if you've gone over it, that'll piss you off. And you'll be like, no. And you'll be able to fight this fucking devil in your brain off all day. But I haven't as well. So it's given me more motivation because I've stayed exactly the same. Despite having a bit of booze yesterday, I weigh exactly what I weighed yesterday. 14 stone, 13.8 pounds. I'm 0.2 pounds below 15 stone, but I'm

still below 15 stone. You're like a UFC fighter, desperately trying to get yourself under 15. If it's over 15, I'll lose the purse. Yeah, you just... You've got to keep that momentum. Oh, mate, that's how you keep your head in the game. When I was doing the Cambridge weight plan and going to see Kay Garrett every week,

I tell you what, that didn't half help. Just having to stand in front of someone and get on scales, because with the Cambridge, with the CWP, it's not like the classic Weight Watchers, because that's been taken the piss out of in comedy, hasn't it? Like, you all sit around and like, oh, what are you doing, you fat bitch?

All of that. It's just a one-on-one. And then you buy your space food and your shakes and your bars. But just having to get on the scales in front of someone. So with the Cambridge, you cut out carbs and everything. The first two weeks, I lost a stone. It was amazing. It dropped off and you're like, oh my God, I'm going to blitz this. I'll be fucking 10 stone in about five weeks. Then your body works it out. And it slows down by about the third month, maybe the second month or whatever. I was,

you having to fight every week to lose like a pound but you wanted to keep the momentum going and i got so obsessed with pooing i was like you need if i have to set off to to get away in and if i haven't had a shit the day before or that morning i'm gutted so i started using laxatives like two days before the weigh-in i'd be taking laxatives and then obviously your body gets used to laxatives, so you have to take more. Like classic fucking drug addict tendencies, like, no, I'm just having three. It's fine.

Laura, it's fine. I know my body. All right. I can buy more underpants. You don't know me. Fucking so weird. Then I couldn't poo some mornings, and I went there fuming.

I was like, oh oh for fuck's sake when you went to get weighed though who was there watching you get weighed k it's just me and k in her little weight loss uh office you know if you if you hadn't lost weight were you allowed to like take more clothes off like they do in the ufc we're allowed to go and jump in the sauna for half an hour and come back. There you go, bitch! Honestly, middle of winter, I would go, I would go, I bought, this is how mental you go,

I bought a fucking vest, a jogging vest top, you know, made of the material that football shirts are made out of, with no arms. Laura's like, what the fuck? I have not got the arms that you want to get out. One, I've got pathetic little white skinny arms, I've got hair on the top just below out. One, I've got pathetic little white skinny arms. I've got hair on the top just below my shoulders. Plus I've got psoriasis.

These arms need covering the fuck up. But in my head I was like, sleeves is extra weight. If you can drop that. I stopped wearing underpants. I just went in the smallest running shorts you've ever seen and a running vest. It was like fucking start of December, freezing, the north of England, and I'm turning up in jack shit.

And sometimes you'd get there and you'd walk down. As you were coming up the stairs, and it was always a woman, I never saw a guy there, I saw the woman that was having the meeting before me, and there'd be women with all the clothes on and a fucking snood and then you'd be like girls get competitive so I hadn't got more clothes to take off in my head I was like you oh it was weird how but I think getting competitive about stuff is how you get it done. It's whatever works for you,

whether it's shame, fear, or fucking competitiveness. Keep the ball rolling. I only wear myself in my undies. Like, I don't have any T-shirts on, no socks. I'm just in my undies in the bathroom. Like, I'm waiting in for UFC 342. Row against row. I wish I could be there for you,

because I could pretend to be what's the commissioner called Dana White I could take my hat off and I could stand behind you and like do the oh you should come and do that today between me and the fridge get Dave

I'm trying to get the fridge no no fucking leave it it's so sassy and you doing to get the fridge No no fucking leave it It's so sassy And you doing that with the fridge Just pushing it On the top door And you have to get a Corona t-shirt Which by the way will be fucking well cheap

For Jade and she can stand at the back Like with a Corona t-shirt just looking cute That would be amazing Every way in leave it Adam, leave it leave it for the fight oh fuck it Al, I know it's

coming, I know I've got to do something differently but it's just I think the shutdown the gigs coming back and everything is going to help so much because a lot of the reason i don't give a fuck is because i don't have to stand on stage in front of 200 strangers like apparently left to my own devices i'm just fucking disgusting like

cake cake cake biscuit biscuit biscuit as soon as i'm like all right strangers are going to look at me from the side right then i'll fucking go jogging left to my division i'm like drink a drink repetition come back fucking gorgeous make me teeth are going to be straight because my braces will be done by then they're going to be white because they're getting all the composite bonding done i'm going to be skinny as fuck and you know what if we get another podcast sponsor i'm getting myself a new eye i'm going to be fucking perfect on that Facebook What? Come on Vision Express Come on Vision Express Hey, talking about

new sponsors, we've got a new sponsor Oh Adam I am so chuffed I am so chuffed after all of that bullshit about Millennium Lube going how good would it be if like Beer 52, which by the way, we've just done a new Beer 52 advert as well.

It feels very fresh around the pod, different adverts, new sounds. I know if you've got OCD, you're like, it's not exactly the same. Breathe in, breathe out, you'll get through it. But the Beer 52 is amazing. And I did keep the subscription. I've got my second case. They're really, really good beers. I love Beer 52.

I know it's still around. If you've tried it already, we appreciate it. If you've been thinking, yeah, I don't think it sounds that good, it's such a good deal, definitely give it a go. 5.95 for the postage. You just get a case of beer, and then you can cancel. But we wanted the same deal with Millennium Lube, and in my head, I'm like like i kind of want that sort of

sponsor we talk about shagging and wanking so much and then joe rogan used to be sponsored by fleshlight which is basically a male sex toy and today we launch a new advert with tell him adam it's called let's be naughty.co.uk And let's hear from them right motherfucking now If you need fucking eggs Get on this Sticking right up ya They're from the north as well They're from the north

Let's be naughty you dirty bastard We're shipped to fucking anywhere Wigging the lot Today's episode is brought to you by We're shipped to fucking anywhere. Wigging the lot. Today's episode is brought to you by Let's Be Naughty.co.uk. Even though lockdown is easing, passing the time can still be hard. So why don't you shake things up and put a bit of kink into your quarantine? If you're looking to stock up on Millennium Lube or buy your mates some chocolate dildos,

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Got some questions. I've got a story. Got a couple of would you rathers. We had an email come in that says, a little question to start us off. If lockdown goes on much longer and you can't get back to gigging this year or in the first half of next year,

let me just say at this stage, that is a fucking terrifying notion. However, for the purposes of this, I will continue. Will you consider getting yourself a hobby to combat the boredom? And if so, what will that hobby be? Now, I've got a hobby that I'm starting dead soon,

and I'll tell you about that in a minute but over to you first you got any ideas? I think it would have already happened by now wouldn't it? It really would have happened by now and you know what hobby I need to do? I need to get the hobby of getting my fucking notebook out and

reminding myself what jokes I have and what jokes I'm going to be using because I think gigs are around the corner. I think I would have done it already and I don't know. You get aspirational, don't you? Like, I could have learned a language. I should have learned an instrument.

I should have just been more of a giving lover. But in all honesty, there's shit loads to do around the house and Laura wants nothing to do around the house and laura wants now to do with me so yeah i don't know man i i've said this before if you have got to this point of the shutdown and then you come out of it going one day i'm i really do want to do this if i could just have the time any of those plans that you've been bullshitting about that haven't been done at this point you just need to stop

talking about i'm like i should maybe one day i'll write a book if you've not done it in a shutdown you're never gonna fucking do it everything i'd want to do now in my spare time would involve me leaving the house to do something else like like any hobby that i took up would be me fucking off somewhere that's that's the what the shutdown's done at this point. It just makes me want to go and fucking do something else. Before I tell you what I've been getting into, I'll say this. If anyone is listening

and you've sort of tried to start a hobby in the lockdown and quickly realised that it was fucking bullshit, let us know. Tweet us it. Instagram us it, send it in to haveawirdpod at gmail.com the email is always the best way and the quickest way to get your stuff read out on the podcast, so prioritise that

but if you are a lazy bastard and you send it to Twitter if it is good enough, it will get used but it has to be a lot better if it gets sent there Laura, if you just want to admit that Jigsaw's not getting there, you can just tell me in person. All right. There's that button.

I fucking pressed it. I started doing a bit of golfing, didn't I? And I'm still doing that. I go to the driving range a couple of times a week, getting better, getting longer, getting straighter, doing well. I saw one just around the corner, Adam, and I thought of you. I didn't even realise it was there. I drove past it this morning

and it's fucking there and I thought maybe I could get into it as well. Are they open, driving ranges? Yeah, and not only that, the one that I go to, the fucking bistro is open and they're selling pints and you can go in to each booth two at a time so you

could go to the driving range with you and three of your mates two of you in one booth two of you in the booth next year and four years have a pint oh i want your hobby i think i want your hobby i think without sounding unoriginal that's the best fucking idea it suits me it's got it's down the road it's out of the house there's booze in i've only got one mate i could take etta we could have some beers daddy i don't like you're gonna have to drive kids um but i was talking to Jade because I got in a bit of a funk last week just like

a bit of a can't be arsed doing anything mode and Jade was like you need a hobby and I was like I've got a hobby I've started golfing and she was like no you need an inside the house hobby because when you're not doing your podcast and when you're not going on driving range and you do the podcast

three times a week you go on the driving range twice a week for an hour and a half each one, you've got fuck all to do for the rest of the time and you need to get into something. And what I've been weirdly doing more of lately is watching YouTube. I've just been scrolling through YouTube because I've put those social media apps on the last page of my phone. The first app I opened now is YouTube and I've started watching some stuff. So, I'm going to start and I've already bought all the stuff for it. I'm going to start making custom sneakers.

Custom trainers. Oh yeah. I've been watching YouTube videos of these kids in America. They're all fucking multi-millionaires now. From hand-painting white trainers to give them a a custom look yeah yeah is this a bit i'm gonna start doing that it can't work out if it's real

you're doing arts and crafts with fucking trainees are you fucking mental you need gigs to start. I got some white nightcare masks. They're worth £90. And I draw rainbows on them. And the butterflies. And I put LSD forever. And now they're worth £4.50.

Are you shitting me? Are you doing arts and fucking craft with trade? Oh, my God. I can't handle it. This has been your reaction. You're not going to be invited to the sleepover at my big shoe-shaped mansion. You know for yourself.

I'll come to the driving range. I'm not putting glitters on Converse that's not how Adam when did he eat anymore more glitter my custom base love glitter that's so fucking funny I bought two pairs of

white Air Force Ones and I've spent about 200 quid on leather paint oh god oh god and I've spent about 200 quid on leather paint. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. So you're basically going to be walking around in dead expensive trainers

that look like they've been fucked by a five-year-old's art class. No! I'm going to do them properly. All right. What are you going to draw on them, love? It depends. Do your face like Bernie Mac on those jeans.

When Bernie Mac did that Def Jam, he had his own face on his jeans. They look really good, you know. Wait there, let me show you this. Please draw your face on some trainers. I'll buy... I won't buy them. God almighty.

Can you imagine? You're going to look fucking stupid when I've got the nicest fucking shoes. Why am I going to be wearing them? Oh, it's so funny. Look, look how nice they are.

They look like, they look like cartoon shoes. They just look like cartoon shoes. Look at that. They look, the first pair look like, shoes. They just look like cartoon shoes. What's that? The first pair look like... Do you remember the AHA video? Take me on. It's not like someone's animated your foot.

Look at him going... Tell me these aren't cool. They've got fire on them. Imagine how fast you can run in them. My God. They are so Polish. they've got fired on them imagine how fast you can run in them my god they are so Polish mate they're sick

yeah they're well sick you better literally I'm telling you right now if you're selling these you better sort out postage and packaging to Poland lad you can charge like fucking two grand for these you know yeah yeah like a bit of paint on an air force one

yeah very cool get the fat he's again added to the merch stand at the have a word live shows we're gonna have hoodies we have a way separate caps and then the row i think i'm gonna call it roweys webs i think that's gonna be the name of my company. Separate stand. Separate stand. It's the have a word merch stand. And then all, yeah, that's fine. Then there's a gap. And then all the Polish people trying to buy fire on shoes.

Very good. Look, why you want a shoe with not fire? That's shit. You get this shoe. I didn't even come for fucking shit podcast gig. I came for shoe. Fuck me.

Are you going to do commissions if people send in? Right. So if people... Now, do you have to buy the shoes or can people send in their own shoes that you can do for them because i think we i think a lot of listeners the whole business fan out yeah but i imagine people will be able to send me them but they'll have to be like white so that i can paint easily onto them all right yeah. Okay! I am looking forward to

the first efforts, and I think listeners get in touch if you have any white clothing that you like, white fronts, just send them in. Wash them first. No, I'm not doing fucking undies! It's all about the shoes! It's called Rowie's Webs, it's not called Rowie's Webs and Undies!

Rowie's White Fronts. Times it, Sace. webs it's not called rowe's webs and undies rowe's wife runs times it says oh look at how i'm into it i did not look at me trying to answer this question seriously i just think you know if you'd have done the hobby you'd have done it by now and i just want to gig again like taking it all dead seriously forgetting forgetting this is a comedy podcast. What would you do as a hobby dad? Oh, I don't fucking know, Adam. I've got an annoyed wife.

I've got loads on. What would you do? I'd start a company that drew on trainers, and I would do smiley faces and butterflies. Do you not believe me? I put it this way, though. If I ask for something for the podcast and I think I'm not getting it back from you

because you're drawing on fucking Dunlops, I'll be well pissed off. Adam, can you send us over that? Can you send us that stuff for the podcast? I would, mate, but my fingers are covered in glittery stars. I've already bought the stuff fuck deck what have you bought I'm

the bullshit bell's out the bullshit bell's out what have you wait there what wait there you're gonna have to edit about 30 seconds

to a minute out here you just fucking went there I don't need to edit anything I'm gonna talk over it I'm gonna commentate on the lunacy that is this I'll go with the driving range.

Now that he said it, now that I've seen there's just one round the corner, I don't want any more hobbies at home. I don't want, I fucking record the podcast at home, we edit the podcast. We have a family time at the podcast. I love my wife, I love my life. The garden's got loads

to do. I need to sort out a massive cunting flower bed that has just gone wild, man. There's so loads to do, I need to sort out a massive cunt in flowerbed that has just gone wild, man, there's so much to do, but I'm gonna get a hobby out of here, this is beautiful, shut down, love it, it's been great, God bless everyone, I need to be somewhere else if I'm gonna do a hobby, fucking driving range, amazing, don't even want to go on a golf course where there's gonna be some bell sniff behind me oh come on you're really slowing things down and then have to meet up with someone who doesn't really want to play but i've just blagged them driving range just me banging banging bells

and then there's adam at home oh my god he actually fucking has bought stuff. He's just brought them back onto camera. Oh my God. Oh my God, Jade's so right. You always buy shit without thinking about it. He's got to put his earphones back on. Adam. Jade's so right about you. You literally have an idea

and then eight seconds later you've bought all the shit from amazon oh oh he's got blue dark blue good orange yeah scarlet red oh yeah bit of black How much did it cost you? About £10 Fucking hell Please Boris Johnson Bring it down to a metre

Social distancing because Adam is one of the Best acts on the circuit And he's gone fucking mental this is the matte acrylic finish oh for fuck's sake he's gonna do this art attack on shoes there's me paint yeah

christ I bought as you see, two boxes. Yeah? And they're just there. Crane-wise Air Force Ones. Adam, were you any good at art and stuff at school? Not really.

I can't wait to see these fucking shoes oh god here's the thing A God loves his trier eBay doesn't I tell you that B I've watched all the tutorials

and it looks dead easy cool as ever your unbridled confidence is one of my favourite things about you fork and piece of purse like that YouTube loads of paint bought them

amazing how much a pair of Nike Air Force 1s? 80 quid 80 quid good solid solid investment you'll make that back you'll make that back I'll be able to charge like 8, 5, 900 quid for these anyway

8, 5, 900 quid the bidding went up there didn't it 8, 5, 900 quid because I'm not stupid so The bidding went up there, didn't it? Eight, five, nine hundred quid. Don't know what. Because I'm not stupid. So, what? Go on. I'm not stupid.

So, I'm not going to make these my first attempt. So, what I am going to do is go to, like, Asda or Sports Direct later today and buy some, like, shit white shoes to have a crack on first. Yes, but now i'm on board go to george as they're at george fake white like converse or something they'll do them won't they have to be leather they have to be oh they have to be leather yeah there'll be something like that though won't they yeah seven quid and then uh then i'll move on to them and make me millions right can we come for the one of the can you do

a podcast based pair of shoes you've got orange you've got blue can we have a have a word we'll have a word but not on the air force ones on the spanish shoes from from georgia asda can we have a giveaway because someone would love to get these and never fucking wear them. But please, for the sake of the pod, I want you first go. And you can do little quotes like, who the fuck is that guy? And you can draw Freddie Quinn's head on the side of the shoe. Okay. And then Chanel and then a grey parrot. And then the Have A Word logo.

I might not be able to put all the faces in that on, but I'll put the quotes in that on. I'm not good at faces. Yeah, no, but that's why. Freddie Quinn's face. Who the fuck is that guy? A grave parrot. Come on, mate.

We don't need it to be good. We just need it to be you know, and we can have a prize giveaway. I don't know. And in like the toe box on the front, we can have one on the right foot can be me, on the left foot can be you. I'll draw me and you i'll draw me yes mate yes oh my god i'm so excited he's accepted the challenge everyone yeah i don't know what the competition's gonna be but fuck a doodle fuck i am looking forward to seeing that yeah that's that's a really good idea nice i'll make that my first craft right and that's not one of those ones

where I'm going to be asking in two weeks and people are like, where's these trainers? We're going to... This is happening, isn't it? Yeah, it might take me two weeks. Oh, yeah, don't. You can't rush genius.

How long did the Sistine Chapel take? Hey, Leonardo! You've had three fucking weeks there, kid! Fucking hell. Fucking hell. I'm looking forward to it. I think it's just going to take me mind off stuff. It's quite soothing just painting a shoe.

You're sat there with your shoe and just paint her shoe. You're sat there with your shoe and you paint her shoe. If you want really cheap shoes, you could get... Kids trainers are dead small. They'll be cheaper just because of materials. I'm getting the word

nonce on a pair of kiddies trainers. If that's not illegal, I'm not the word, numbs, on a pair of kiddies trainers. And if that's not illegal, I'm not sure what is. We're grown, man. Speak for yourself. Oh yeah, you're shrinking. I'm growing.

I'm still hanging. We've got here growing we've got here we've got a couple of would you rathers that have been sent in by the guys, I haven't come up with either of these today, I normally, I like doing the would you rathers myself but I found a couple of good ones so I thought we'd just go

with them would you rather you ready? yeah this is from James through F-R-E-W

writing quite a lot we appreciate y'all James would you rather your name contained an actual fart noise

in it and the general embarrassment would and shame would never get any easier as life went on your name would never be shortened and you wouldn't have nicknames

so like your name would never be shortened, and you wouldn't have nicknames. So, like, your name might be Dan Pfff, or you'll, that would be, and, like, you'd have to use yourself as that. Dan Pfff Nightingale. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Or, every 30 minutes of your life,

you did a loud and inconcealable fart, no matter what situation you're in. Fucking hell. Dan Nightingale. And you can't fart every half hour. You just can't. I do. I'd never do. Yeah, but not loud.

Have you ever farted on stage? That's one of my big fears is really... Do you know, actually, on stage, it's funny what adrenaline does. Because I've thought just before I go on the stage, God, I really need the toilet. That's come out of nowhere. And then you hear your name called

and it's amazing what that bit of adrenaline will do. You're like, oh no, I'm fine now. But one of my big fears is just, is letting rip just before I have to walk onto the stage. We were talking about hot water the other day. You have to walk past so many people and you're in such close proximity. Then they know it's you, don't they?

If all of a sudden you're walking past them and then it stinks i just feel like that's oh imagine you were at hot water and you're seeing like your ex and she was on one of those seats on the way to the stage just as you walk past you just oh excuse me and just get on stage, just fart on her leg. Yeah, but that's not... If you're wearing denim, though, I mean... She's not going to suffer, is it? Cut a hole on your arsehole of your jeans. Cut a little fart hole on your... Right, nice.

I used to have some jeans like that. They were ripped. Ripped at the gooch. Yeah, it's so brutal. But I would go for Dan Nightingale i'd be dan nightingale and i'd just say i was welsh see i i think i'd fart every 30 minutes loud and inconcealable yeah just be that guy wouldn't i look look there's a case on me. It fires every 30 minutes. Did you see Joe Biden farted during a fucking... during a TV appearance?

He's literally answering questions and just went... I know we don't do much politics here. The guy answering the question was like, Okay. What do you expect? He's ancient. I'd love to know Texas Julie Bean's input on this, but that looks like that's going to be the most

mental presidential race of all time. It's two dementia sufferers both running for president of... To be the man in the most powerful office in the world. Yeah.

It's funny how they picked Joe Biden. I reckon Andrew Yang's going to step in, don't they? And he's going to be an independent runner. Who? Andrew Yang. I don't know who Andrew Yang is. He was one of the Democratic nominees. Right.

It's very hard to run against the Democratic candidate, though, isn't it? In a two-party system, you've got to have the backing. I'm sort of like... They're doing one. Right. Did they? Yeah. One sec, I'll check how it is.

But when? A while ago? Because Obama was Democrat. George W. Bush was the Republican candidate. Clinton was Democrat. Bush. Reagan. Who was before Reagan?

Jimmy. Carter. That's quite good history. You don't... Who have you got? That's not come up with anything, has it? Mate, Joe Biden. He's got to be nearly 80 he's farting on tv inadvertently and he's old enough that everyone's like oh yeah bless him and he's potentially going to be running the world and and uh potus is absolutely fucking

bonkers that did you see the rally in tulsa? No one's won it, apparently. It's just been the party. It's always been... I thought I'd seen it today that someone had won. Bob Dole was an independent, but he was like a billionaire and he gave it a good few goes

in the 90s, late 90s. Ross Perrott or Perro? Ross Perro. Ross Perro. Perot Ross Perot he was a billionaire Texan and he won 19% of the popular vote in 1992 which is fucking big

it's not enough is it you're fighting the system two old mentals and Joe Biden was Obama's vice president and so are they trying to just basically beat Trump with, do you remember how good it was? Do you remember the nice guy?

But he's got some dodgy shit in his past. And there's Trump in a pan. The proper non-C rapist. He sniffs fucking kids hair. The weird old cunt. He's fucking got smelling kids heads. How can you vote for him? Send him some of your shoes.

From Adam, stop sniffing kids' hairs, you fucking nonce. Please write nonce on a pair of trainers. Yes, Air Nonce 1. Oh my god, I'm into it. I will do that if you promise to wear them for at least three gigs.

I will wear, if you get a size nine air force the non-shoes um i love non-shoes they have to be like fucking flip-flops or sandals yeah i sometimes think about jilly bean in uh in texas and think that is a red state and i and i don't know if us slagging off Trump is like pissing her off, but if she's listened to this much, she must know that we're not like, we're not doing it with any real venom,

but Jesus Christ, he had a, he had a rally in the middle of a pandemic. And then he's like, we love Julie and I don't know which way she leans politically at all, but I've got no problem with telling anyone. I think Donald Trump is an absolute fucking helmet of epic proportions. And if you support him, then support him.

But I think it's an odd thing to do. I love the fact that apparently it was K-pop fans on TikTok that applied for all these tickets. That's why a week ago they were like, there's a million tickets been applied for the Tulsa rally so we've got a million applications and it was just loads of TikTok fans. K-pop

takes responsibility or take K-pop Yeah, K-pop fans. They've basically been all around TikTok and they mobile they mobilize it was phrased like you know when like there's a terrorist attack in london claims responsibility it said kpop claims responsibility for lack of attendance at trump rally and i was like is this the new isis kpop

kpop claim responsibility for eminem's show selling out in record time, but no one turning up. Oh, my God. Fucking funny. Would you do that? I've often thought that. You know, like, let's say I won the EuroMillions. Yeah.

And I invest in a few things and I become a billionaire. Like, would you fuck with people? Would you, like like who's your like a musician or band who you think are dog shit but have got a big following oh I don't like Maroon 5 okay so Maroon 5

if you were a billionaire wouldn't you just for a laugh just one of their tour dates just buy every ticket and just you turn up or not or not no it'd be well better

if you go yeah but you'd have to still watch it wouldn't you or would you not yeah but yeah well you wouldn't you want to do that even someone's shit

just you and your missus no just stood there oh no because she'd go do you know what we're here now oh it's mean

I think I'd rather take you. You and me sat, not even in the front row, bang in the middle of the front row, and they'd come out all confused, like, what is going on? And then as soon as they play the first note, just stand up and go,

no fucking thank you, and then just walk off. Amazing. I'd fuck with so many people if I was a billionaire. I wouldn't be running for president or trying to get us to fucking Mars like Elon Musk. I'd just be like, let's just take the piss. Yeah, out of as many people as fucking possible.

Yeah. The temptation to fuck with sport is always there what was that old louis ck bit about just buying like buying a baseball team and just making them wear pink skirts because he could because it was fucking his his baseball team are you still supporting them well yeah i am but i'm not happy about them being called the pink skirts. Yeah, but the thing is, if you are a billionaire, you haven't got there being a childish bellend, have you? That's the thing.

Having said that, though. You've spent all your life not being a childish bellend so that when you're there, you can be. Do you know how hard it is to spend a billion? Even if you spend most of it and you just keep it under a million in a fucking current account, and then when you've fucking spaffed the rest up a wall, you go, oh, I'm just keep 100 million in a fucking current account and then when you fucking spaff the rest up a wall you go oh I'm just 100 million here again now. I wonder if you're

allowed to keep a billion pounds in just your current account You have to at least put it in like an ISA. No I don't mean you have to put it in an ISA but I'm just saying like how many phone calls would you get from NatWest every day if they were like hello Mr Nightingale could we please put at least a little part of that in a savings account

i reckon i'd do that you know no no i need it i need it i need it for chip and pen if i won the euro millions i wouldn't be listening to any of these fucking non-c bank cunts telling me to invest in stocks and shit it it would be going in me current account. They can advise you all you like. They can't force you to do anything. My 180 million from the order of millions is going in me current account and it's going to fucking sit there

and I will spend it at leisure. I want a house, I'll buy you a house. I want to go to the park, I'll go to the park. I want two fucking white magnums, I'll have two white magnums. I love it Under pressure How a working class lad really struggled to know how to spend a billion then I'll go to the park

You can fucking buy the park I'll go to the park Like you can't do that now No I'll buy two white magnums Not even normal magnums white like a fucking player and you know what when i'm driving around and i need to check the oil in the car i'll do it you know when you're like oh i haven't got a rag or a tissue i'll use a fucking tenner i'll get

the tenner out my wallet and i'll pull the fucking oil thing through and i'd be like yeah, doesn't need any pow. I'm not using a 20, I'm not a dick. Yeah. Fucking sick. Imagine being able to just go fancy Alton Towers today but I don't want any queues. Ring Alton Towers. Hey, I'm coming. Fucking tell everyone else to get off.

Would they do that though? Would they definitely do it just for some random magnum eating though? Would they definitely do it just for some random magnum eating billionaire? Money talks and bullshit walks, kid. It's bad PR for them though to just let you waddle around on your own, isn't it? I'll just pay enough that it won't matter.

Do you think if you're a billionaire you'd keep losing weight? Or do you just be like, what's the fucking point? What am I losing weight for I'll just like get someone to carry me no I'm too vain I would

right I'd probably yo-yo even more though but like I wouldn't be still losing weight the way I am now eating fucking chicken and broccoli for me breakfast

I'd just get liposuction and glue some fucking abs on you know what I mean get ass implants yeah fucking eat whatever I want and then just pay someone to suck the fat out of me once a week fucking abs on. You know what I mean? Get ass implants. Yeah. Fucking eat whatever I want and then just pay someone to suck the fat out of me once a week. Or just run for fucking

president. That's what that bell ended. And won. Should I run for president? It'd be amazing. It'd be the greatest laugh. Bang. Was that a Donald Trump impression? It was terrible. It was absolutely awful. Do you want to have an undergo? No.

Why? Because I can't do impressions. I can do impressions. The thing is, you've got to do an impression. You need the hands. You need the mouth turning down. That's the thing. It's going to be the greatest impression ever. No one knows impressions more than I do.

Nobody. No. My name's Adam Rowe, but I can do a really good Donald Trump impression. Here we go. It is the sign of a shit impressionist, where you just have to keep saying names all the time. My name's Adam Rowe, which is a real fucking faux pas

in the impression game. Hello, I am Adam Rowe. Oh shit, I'm doing Donald Trump. I'm going to make trainers. They're going to be the greatest trainers. I'm going to write nonce. Stop slagging me fucking trainees because they're going to be fucking good and you're going to have egg on your face.

If you sell one pair of those trainers for more than 80 quid, I'll wear the nonce ones on stage. There's the challenge. Okay. You know those 80 quid Air Force Ones? If you sell one for 81 pounds and above, if you sell a pair for 81 quid and above,

I will wear the nonce slippers at Hot Water next time we're doing a live show Swerzies and no-backs? Yes mate Okay, have a word listeners The gauntlet has been set down The second I put a pair of shoes on sale You can all crowdfund it if you want

Oh no no no no We're not doing fucking crowdfunding Okay, we've got enough listeners If I got a bit of money Buy these shoes off me. In some way down the line, I'll make it up to you. But they will be on sale for £81. The first pair I make.

And Dan has got to wear the nonciest shoes with the word nonce written on that I'm going to make for him. There you go. Help me do it. Make sure no one else beats you to it because I tell you right now, these are going to be flying off the shelves, okay? They're going to be fucking lovely. They're going to be amazing. They're going to be

the greatest shoes. I really know shoes. Oh God, I'm going to be wearing non-shoes. I don't know why I fucking jumped into that too easily. Oh God. You forget how much our listeners

enjoy you forking with us. Yeah. And you've just given them an open goal for 80 quid. I'll fucking back someone the 80 quid

and they'll just come buy it off me. Cheater. Have you none morals? Do you want one more Would You Rather

before we have a word? Yeah, man. Would you rather be a famous top tier Premier League striker with all the fame and all the wealth that comes with it, but be known as a bit of a horrible cunt, or be an NHS nurse on the shit wages they get for the amazing job they do, but know you've saved multiple lives and continue to do so.

And just to add to it, you're very well liked and no one thinks you're a cunt. Well, I know what you're meant to say. You're meant to say, of course, I will be an NHS nurse, but I couldn't be a fucking nurse. I mean, I couldn't be a footballer I mean I couldn't be a footballer but I know which one I'd rather go for I'd just

I'd rather like I'd rather be a footballer and be absolutely minted and wear my nonce shoes around town golden oh no what I was meant to be cutting out bread this week I had toast for breakfast

where's that just come from it just fucking popped into my head out bread this week. I had toast for breakfast. Where's that just come from? It just fucking popped into my head. Sorry, carry on. Did you just forget you'd had toast? Did you just do it on fucking... I'm getting hungry, yeah. And I'm like, oh, going eating. Like, you were talking, and I was

listening. I thought you were having food before the podcast. You sent me a message going, give us a bit. I need a snack. Like, you were talking and I was listening. I thought you were having food before the podcast. You sent me a message going, give us a bit. I need a snack. Yeah, but I just had a little bit of chicken because I was like, oh, whatever.

And then in my head, then I was like, oh, maybe I'll make a chicken wrap after the pod. And then I was like, no, you can't have a wrap. This diet does not help your concentration

on the podcast. You being hungry does not help your fucking concentration. What would you rather be an nh fucking toast toast jesus christ what would you rather who would you rather do a podcast with fat adam who can concentrate or skinny distracted like what yeah there is a president who's went no salary I'd rather be a footballer because I can't

I'm not good with blood or gore I just can't do it so I just I know you meant to say that an NHS or anyone who's worked for the NHS great phenomenal and we appreciate you still don't want to fucking do it though do I so i can't

i'm 100% with you especially because all it says is be known as a bit of a horrible cunt i don't know i haven't got a close friend that i don't think isn't a bit of a horrible cunt everyone's a bit of a horrible cunt aren't they there's something that your best mate has done where you're like oh you're an audible cunt at some point. A bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a straight down the line, always horrible. That's a different level of cunt, isn't it?

I'm just a bit of a horrible cunt. I am going to be the best Premier League player of all time and have everyone think I'm a bit of a dick. But you know what? In the big shoe-shaped mansion, because on the side

I'm still painting shoes, everything's going to be fine. You're going to be El Hadj Jouf and that cunt looks like he draws on his own shoes. El Hadji Shoof. Fucking hell. You need more toast. El Hadji Shoof.

Look at him look in place of himself. What's he thinking of? Adam, what are you thinking of? Adam what are you thinking of now? You're trying to think of shoe puns.

You're trying to think of football based shoe puns. Roberto Firmini shoe. No it

doesn't matter. You know them you you love them. It's Vauxhall Comedy Club in that there London. If you're visiting London, if you're going down for the weekend, take your missus, take your fella, take them to go and see comedy. There's some cracking comedy shows in London. Some of them, and I've played them, are a little lacking in fucking soul. Vauxhall Comedy Club.

This is a comedy club done with love and care and done properly in a great room with great atmosphere with brilliant comics some from the tv some up-and-coming circuit talent and the absolute best of it if you're there for the weekend is friday and saturday night and down at voxel comedy club they call it bottomless booze comedy so basically you pay them an entry fee with the money for your booze included it's 25 quid it's a 90 minute show and you also get bottomless booze, wine, beer, cider, 25 quid. There's also a spirit and mix of bottomless ticket.

That starts at £35. And if you're a purist, you're staying sober, you're fucking ziving, the ticket's just a tenner. Once we're done with the Rona and back to normal trading, Vauxhall Comedy Club is usually open Monday to Saturday. It's right next to a street food garden. And between now and then, do us a favour and have a word and follow the Vauxhall Comedy Club online.

You can join the mailing list. It's at Vauxhall Comedy Club on Insta, at Vauxhall Comedy on Twitter and Vauxhall Comedy Club on Facebook. It's an over 18 night out and you never know, come the autumn, you might see me and Adam there.

From Texas to Skem, every lead is listening to the funniest podcast in the game. This is Have A Word. That section started strong and went fucking mental. It's... Tell us all the problems you have with your friends This was gonna be the whole podcast Now it's just a final 10%

It was never gonna be the whole podcast, but I get it. I know what they mean. So we've got a story here that becomes I have a word at the end, so I'm gonna start with that. Is it a sad story? No. Oh, sorry. Well, sort of, but no.

We got this a while back and I just missed it. I think you'll enjoy it. And it sort of might prompt a few more similar stories from our listeners. We did ask for these at one point and we didn't go through a lot of them. But anyway, this is a bad sexual experience story so alright Adam and Dave thank you for getting our names right not many people do

oh you're off Dave fucking disgraceful the respect I just got there oh thanks for getting our oh yeah shit that's the old school fucking with the names all this new school like Adnan and Di. I've been listening for the last two weeks.

I've just finished episode 36. Can I just say, RIP to Adam's broken banjo. Gone, but never forgotten. Like it died at 9-11. They do heal, though, don't they? You have still got a banjo, haven't you? Or have you just got an extra floppy dick? No, I think I've got a banjo.

I haven't really inspected it, to be honest with you. Well, you'd know if you'd not, because you'd get an erection and it'd look like a pig's tail. It'd just all curl round, innit? What's the... What's the little tiny guitar? The ukulele. Yeah, that's what I've got now.

I've got a ukulele. I'm not a banjo anymore. It's a uke. 400 beats. He says, that story of Adam's broken banjo, while fucking hilarious, reminded me of something

I've tried to block out for around five years. My dick has also fallen in the line of duty. Did you have to have a little breather? You're like... I'm just having flashbacks of my dick fucking spray painting the walls, like the back of the butchers.

It's a bit of a long one, but stick with it. It's worth it. I was fucking my Mrs. Doggy style, and it's important for the story that you know she was fucking loving it. So much so that she was strumming her bean like a master guitar player while I was riding the life out of her. There lies my downfall.

I accidentally pulled out a little too far from her. And as I thrusted forward, missed the target and managed to hit her nail, which is about an inch long. Now you might be thinking, fuck, a scratch on the helmet, that's got to hurt. And while I'm sure that would be true, that's not what happened to me. No, it went right down my dick hole and for good measure, cut it up on the way out.

My bellend shot blood like it was out of a Kill Bill film. I've shit myself, fell backwards and watched as my knob shot another stream of blood. Fortunately, I'm a grower, not a shower, and amidst this horror, unsurprisingly, I didn't stay hard. My dick shriveled up like the fat off a bit of bacon when it's cooking. Luckily, the cut this bitch had given me started to close as my dick shrank like some sort of

flat tyre he's got great analogies this guy I like it he has got some similes here like you Adam I had to lay off the sex for a couple of weeks and it's all fine now though I had to turn off any TV or film

TV show or film with a decent sex scene as I didn't want to get hard and risk reopening the cut slash springing my leak in my helmet. I hope you enjoyed my story. It would be great to hear this on the podcast because I know my missus listens to it too. She doesn't know I'm sharing this and will probably twat me if she hears it and realizes she was talking about her. While you're at it, can you have a word? She still won't cut her nails after this and I get the occasional flashback while banging doggy. Keep up the good work, lads.

Jamie. Jamie. Rays for that two weeks. Jamie's helmet. Danger. High voltage. Oh, we've all been there, haven't we? You get a bit excited.

You pull back. No, I mean, but not, sorry, not for the full, the full, but for the pull back and then you're like, oh, misjudged. Cracking into a, oof. But that is unlucky. How long are the nails? Are they like one of those fucking, you know, when you see them and they're like really painted and dead long?

That's nasty. Yeah, can we just say, with regards to the half-awaiting here, no man is influenced on the attractiveness of a woman by the length of their fucking nails. Like, no one's like, I was not interested in her. But then, I saw these fucking talons sticking off

her hand, and then I was like, that's the bitch for me. That's never happened. And right now, I'm telling you, if this was the other way round, and for some reason he had fucking long something and it cut her clit, there'd be no conversation. He'd be shaving whatever it was forever, wouldn't he?

Also, who's frigging the clit with a fucking inch-long nail? No, but she's doing it with a finger, but the nail is obviously on the finger. Like, she's not using her nail. I mean, that's a level... facts not in evidence but i'll go with you right okay good i'm just i'm just using common sense like here's my nail how fucking scary would that woman be i grow them long and sharp because mama lacks an edge but mama like that mama like that um i think what is the thing with nails women are meant to have them long if you see men with long nails you're like

oh my god you're a pedo wizard oh there's nothing i dislike do you be honest like if women are like oh i've got long nails you're like. But if you're at the level where you can't tap on things, like, I can't tap because of my nails, you need to sort it out. But I'm not bothered. If you want to look after your nails, that's fine. But fuck me, blokes that let their fingers grow, like, long,

like, alright, but I play guitar, you're like, ugh, you look nasty. It's a weird, it's like a weird inverted sexism that isn't it also if you've got long nails you can't have a good scratch of your bum because you end up with shit on the day do you know what i mean oh god like that's why i bite my nails so there can be no poo stored in there oh i wasn't ready rummage don't you yeah but I just feel like

oh man I wasn't ready for where you were taking that then you're just pre-snack how can you even talk like that um you know black guys get their like they get their nails looked after don't they proper

they go and get them touched up, don't they? I've seen that in a few films. What do you call them? Were they all documentaries? A pedicure. They get a proper look after their nails. Would you get a pedicure? I've never heard

that be a thing, that black people get pedicures. In films that I've seen. Pedicure is your feet, isn't it? pedicures? A lot of films that I've seen. Manicure, you mean? Pedicure's your feet, innit? I think you get a bit of both. Look after the nailage. Yeah, but this is a manicure. Your feet's a pedicure. Pedicure downstairs,

manicure upstairs. Yeah, sort your nails out. If you're going rummaging. What about this woman? Should she have to cut her nails now that she's broke his dick? He knew the risks. You mean? I don't know.

You're getting to bang a beautiful lady doggy style. You know the risk. How do you know she's beautiful? Jesus Christ. You're so argumentative by the time it gets to other words. How do you know she's fucking beautiful? She's a fucking nail fiddler. She's a wrong nail fiddler.

She's a wrongan. I don't get to do doggy style anymore. Laura's just taking it off the table. She's like, there's nothing in it for me. Don't like it. Don't know. I love it. It's your favourite, though.

Is it? Yeah, and I'm the other way around. Right. What, you... Sorry. But I like over a table. Bent over a table tape i don't know why i quite like that but over a table like in an office situation i think it's partly because i i've never worked in a fucking office but then again i've never worked in macadies i don't fantasize about macadies i'd be a very specific hanging from the ceiling on rope. What? I hang her from the ceiling.

What do you mean? Is that what you like? Yeah. Hang Jade from the ceiling with some rope. Right. And then I get on a step out. I love it. How in your fantasy, you still hang her too high

like the whole thing about being hung is you can hang her where you want yeah I hang her from the ceiling but erm I didn't want to spend

on the extra large one so we actually have a bit less rope so she's a bit too much high so I have to get these step ladders and then I

fucking bang her off the step ladders and the great thing is about the step ladders I've used them for plastering and painting so if I jizz on them you can't tell And then I fucking bang it off the stepladders. And the great thing is about the stepladders, I've used them for plastering and painting. So if I jizz on them, you can't tell. Oh.

It's really ended weird this episode today. Weird, but in a good way. Yeah. Enjoyed it. Oh, I do. That's been my favourite one for ages holy shit what? something's booting off downstairs

well, lucky for you you can go and check it out fuck me, I have to leave my happy place goodbye Adam these bitches are crazy we've got a song it's called No Name and it's from a band called No Vacancies.

If No Vacancies are listening, which I hope they are with us playing their song, I want to know, did you get your band name from the film School of Rock with the band No Vacancy? I wonder if it's connected. No Vacancy! Is it?

I'm hot, sir. I love it on School of Rock. I'm hot, sir. Oh, hey, my energy, oh. I love it on School of Rock where he pretends to be his teacher mate when he's like, no, he's not in. He's like, oh, we were hoping to pay him to come and do something. Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.

Hello, this is Ned Schneebly. Fucking love that bit. I love that. Hello, this is Ned Schneebly. Fucking love that bit. I love that. Hello, this is Ned Schneebly. You know when I'm proper hungover and I want to just watch a film, School of Rock, it's a fucking great hangover film.

That and Armageddon. See you guys. See you on Wednesday or Friday. Stick around until after the song if you want to listen to the Patreon producer list, which is all our £10 legends. And we'll see you on Friday if you're a regular fucking muggle.

And if you are a wizard, a member of the Patreon, we'll see you on Wednesday in a bit. See you guys. Good work, Laird. See you later. Sir Arlott, can you do the Patreon list I'll get this video over ASAP cheers mate bye

Cause you left me in the day And I'll get by I wish you would have stayed Just another night I wanna be someplace else I don't know How you leaving me And I don't know How you leaving me And I don't know And I need to fly

Before I leave Kiss me goodbye And I know my inside and out I need to let them out Cause you left with no name And no goodbye I wish you would stay Just another night

I wanna feel something else I don't know Are you leaving me? And I don't know And I know we've grown apart It's not the same You had a change of heart Look like this is hard to fight

It's only in my mind Bye. I wanna feel something So I don't know Are you leaving me? And I don't know so as ever thanks so much to all of the patrons, and especially the £10 patrons, who are our executive producers. And as ever, they are, in alphabetical order, no name at the... Whoever's the patron who's given us £10 a month

and is refusing to say his name. I love it. Who's anonymous? Anonymous. Anonymous. Anonymous. Thank you to Aaron Ledbetter, Adam, AJ Gregson, Alex Jones, Alexis Bly, Ali Richardson, Amy, Andrew Boyle, Andy Mannix, Andy T, Anthony Duran, Anthony Jollies, Barney Wood, Barry Parsons, Becky Hale, Bethany Griffith,

Bunny Whitehead, Chris Chubbs, Chris Jones, Chris Townsend, Chris Watson, Colin Pugh, Colette Hine, Curtis Charlton, Dan Lindsay, Daniel Newman, Daniel Pugh, Danny Gilligan, Dave Checkley, Dave Everson, Dean Cochran, Donna McCauley, Ella Knight, Emma Armstrong, Emma Donnelly, Emma Green, Fiona, Frank Hughes, Frog and Bucket, George, Gerard Keane, Graham Cashel, Graham Owens, Ian Pringle, Ian Chadwick, Jack Robert, Jack Rush, James Fuchs, James Hall, Jamie Moores, Janet Roskell, Jason Hopkins, Jason Reynolds, Jay Kyle, Jen Wilson, Jennifer Ridding, Jess Yarwood, Jill Bushell, Joanne Parr, John Barrowcliffe, John Ryan, Johnny Armstrong, Johnny Edwards, Jonathan Bagley, Joseph Moore, Josh, Josh Holt, Fluesk, Julie Smith, Kate Bidwell,

Kai, Kate Hamilton, Kathleen Simon, Catherine Wells, Kira Tan, Kenny Gard, Khadija Mir, Kiefer Gallagher,

Kieran Woodall, Kieran Gibson, Kirstie Leonard, Lee Aitchison, Lee Bramley, Lee Grant, Liam, Louise Grimes,

Mark Cowan, Mark Hammond, Mark Hollenbach, Mark Kennedy, Mark Pugh, Martin Matt, Matt Delmayne, Matt Flannery, Max Prenti, Maxine Eyre, Megan, Michael Woods, Mike Kivy,

Mike Pugh, Mike Quirk, Mike Sullivan, sorry Mike, Mike Sullivan, Morgan Blix, Muttley, Nathan Sherricks, Nick Stanard, Owen Badman, Paul McDonald, Pete Graves, Peter Vincent, Rachel Herron, Rachel Whiteley, Rebecca Thomas, Richard Palmer, Rod Barker, Rob Bell, Rob Knowles, Rob Upton, Robin Kerr, Russell W, Ruth Poore, Ryan Farrow, Sam Crow, Sam McGuire, Sam Snook, Sammy Taylor, Saz Green, Scott Brickcliffe, Simon Bissett, Simon Martin, Steve Woolley, Steph Keeling, Stefan Billick, Stephen Byrne, Stephen Royal, Stephen Theobald, Steve Boris, Steve Green, Stephen D Malone, Stephen Thompson, Terry Burke, Texas

Jilly Bean, Thomas Sivita, Tom Chadwick, Tom Lazarus, Tom Rowe, Tom Simpson, Tom Twisselton, Tony P, and Wes Coakley. Thank you so much, guys. Appreciate you. All the patrons. We'll see you Wednesday. Everyone else, see you for Fridays. Spectacular.