Heavyweight - #36 Brandon

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

Throughout high school, Brandon was a misfit. Then one day, out of the blue, one of the school’s prettiest, most popular girls asked him to prom. Fifteen years later, Brandon wants to know: why him? Credits Heavyweight is hosted and produced by Jonathan Goldstein. This episode was produced by Stevie Lane, and Mohini Madgavkar. The senior producer is Kalila Holt. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Blumberg, Sharon Mashihi, Mimi O’Donnell, Jessica Yung, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord.  Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Michael Hearst, the Jacobi Family Band, Podington Bear, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jackie? Hey, Johnny. I have some good news. Yep. Well, it seems like there's some interest in turning the heavyweight podcast into a TV show. So I was just calling to see who maybe, you know, who you want to play Jackie. I was thinking, you know, maybe Rita Moreno. John, John, John, no one's going to watch your show, baby.

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From Gimlet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is Heavyweight. Today's episode, Brandon. Right after the break. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio.

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His wife, Megan, is in a sundress. And together, they're about to enter the new Palestine High School prom. Cool. Mosey on up there then. Let's go. Let's go. prom. Megan is the school's art teacher, but tonight, she's chaperoning, with Brandon as her date. She introduces him to the other teachers. At a certain point, they're interrupted by the announcement of prom king and queen. Hey, hey, you kids, you're students.

We're going to announce the prom king, queen, and queen. While Megan congratulates her students and makes small talk with her colleagues, Brandon wanders off and observes the kids. Some are dancing, some are lined up for the photo booth. There are kids talking to teachers, and others gossiping among themselves. But then Brandon's gaze lands on another subset. Those aimless kids, wandering along the margins, alone. They remind Brandon of himself when he was a teenager, in his own prom.

remind Brandon of himself when he was a teenager in his own prom. Brandon thinks about his prom a lot, and the improbable path that led him to it, which began when he was just a little kid. Through middle school and junior high, I had a lot of bullying problems. I was kind of an easy target. There were a number of things that made him one. First, I'm like still a big guy now, but I was at my biggest in high school, heaviest. Second,

Brandon tried too hard to fit in. Like the time he shaved a Nike swoosh into the back of his head. I just thought like sports, that's cool. So it made your head look like a running shoe. Exactly. Yeah, I sat in front of this kid named Cyril, and he said it looked like a hockey stick. And that was enough that everyone was like, that's a hockey stick, that is not a Nike swoosh. Finally, Brandon was a CODA, a child of deaf adults. His family attended a deaf church and spent a lot of time in the deaf community. He says he was brought up with different social norms.

Like, volume. Like, volume is not a concern around deaf people in a deaf environment. And then, of course, it is around hearing people. So what does that mean? Like, any examples? Yeah, like school, where it's like time to be quiet.

I was just constantly talking to myself or just vocalizing my thoughts, you know? Then, in middle school, Brandon's parents divorced. There was less space for him, less attention paid to him. He drew inward. I think I wanted to put off a harder, like, you can't hurt me exterior than I really had on the inside. So wearing Hot Topic clothes, spiky things, black clothes, and trying to just like keep your hoodie on and get through the day. And for the most part, Brandon succeeded in going unnoticed.

And for the most part, Brandon succeeded in going unnoticed. Until the spring of his senior year. Brandon was sitting at the back of a classroom during a free period, eavesdropping on a conversation from across the room. Some classmates were talking about prom, and among the group was a girl named Allie. She was going on about what a great night it was going to be, how excited she was.

She had, like, long blonde hair with highlights, big features, big eyes. She had a big smile. When she smiled, she looked really happy. And I think she kind of pulled me into the conversation by directing some of those questions at me. Like, are you going to prom? Who are you going to prom with? Brandon had no intention of going. He hadn't a girlfriend nor any prospects for a date and he was confused about why ali was talking to him brandon says they'd barely ever spoken they were from totally different social worlds ali was in student government she was popular and beautiful. She was just really well put together, clean.

And you? No, that's not a word I'd use to describe myself in high school. I mean, like, I would, like, smell my clothes before I put them on in the morning. You know what I mean? Like, I got dressed from the floor of my bedroom. You know what I mean? Okay, yeah. And yet, Allie kept throwing questions at him.

Why wasn't he going? If he And yet, Allie kept throwing questions at him. Why wasn't he going? If he did go, who would he take? Brandon answered in monosyllables, hoping she'd turn back to her friends and leave him alone. But instead, she rose from her seat and began striding towards him. Inside, I was, like, inflamed. Do you know what I mean? Like, my heart rate was rising.

With each question, Allie moved closer and closer until she was sitting at the desk in front of him, facing him. Then, she did something that still flummoxes Brandon 15 years later. She just kind of outright said,

take me to prom. Like, go to prom, take me. Let's go together. said, take me to prom. Like, go to prom, take me. Let's go together. I immediately had questions. Questions like, why? Why me? What's going on? I guess I was skeptical this was some kind of trick. You know, why would you be asking me this other than to set me up for a punchline or something like that. But no punchline really came, so I just agreed.

On the big night, Brandon met up with Allie and her friends for a pre-dance dinner at her friend Jen's house. He was in the fancier part of town. Brandon showed up wearing his rented suit with a corsage and a bright blue necktie that matched Allie's dress. Before leaving

to the dance, everyone lined up for a group picture. Did you just feel like saying, why the heck am I here? What happened? Was this a mistake? Yeah. I would have loved an answer to that question, but I would never have thought,

couldn't fathom saying it. Do you still have that prom photo that you guys took? No, to be honest, I'm not even sure I ever got it. So I don't think I ever even saw that picture. Hmm. What do you think you would see in that photo? I don't know. I mean, just imagining it makes me laugh.

Yeah, why? It would be a line of, like of beautiful high schoolers, you know, and me there. It just feels like if your eyes set on me for a little too long, that maybe you'd be able to see that I didn't fit in. Allie and her friends looked like the girls in those movies about prom. And those girls always had guys who gave them the time of their lives. For Brandon, a sense of duty kicked in. It felt like a huge responsibility. It was like, this is going to be a big deal in Allie's life

forever. And I have a big responsibility as her date to make sure that I live up to this position. I was really, really nervous. Did you guys nervous did you guys did you and Allie slow dance? I'm pretty sure I feel like when I ask these questions I feel like Hannibal Lecter yeah

like I'm asking these questions from a straitjacket in a cell did you slow dance? did you slow dance? I do remember slow dancing because I remember thinking like, it's funny that in TV shows and in movies, this is such a big deal, but it's just standing. Like you're kind of just like stepping slightly.

Yeah. Like that's not hard. Like I was in like a hip hop dance crew and youth group, you know, that was hard. Wait, you were in it. Sorry, repeat that. You were in a hip hop dance youth group. What? Yeah. So the church I went to was just like, there were a lot of performances and hip-hop dance that happened. Did you ever at any point break out any of your Christian youth group hip-hop moves on the dance floor?

Did you do anything like on the floor, like where you spin on your back? Or you didn't want to ruin the rental? You wanted to get your deposit? Uh-huh, uh-huh. At the prom, Brandon popped for the Lord and locked for the Lord. He made Allie's friends laugh. And it was right there on the dance floor, the place one might expect a high school boy to feel the most self-conscious, that Brandon felt most at ease. He was a part of a

group. Of a group. It kind of felt like a resolution of what all of grade school was like for me. You know, I never felt safe enough to bring my true self into that space. But like dancing around at prom with your peers is one of the most vulnerable things you can do. And it came out on the other end of it okay. At the end of the prom, Allie and all her friends headed to one of their classmates' houses

for the after-party. But having never been to a house party, Brandon decided not to go. Do you remember saying goodbye to Allie? No. And then what happened after that? Do you recall speaking with her, seeing her in school after that night? I had to have because we both went back to school, but I don't have any specific memories of talking to her again. Prom is supposed to stay with you for the rest of your life.

And for Brandon, it has. But eclipsing the dancing, the music, the last night out with his peers is a lingering question. Which was like, why me out of all the people that you could be going with? Maybe it was one of those situations where all of these people out there

are thinking, well, Allie's taken. She's totally going to prom with somebody already. I'll have to ask somebody else, you know, and then leaves her without a prom date. If that was what was going on, maybe she just had a breakup. Maybe I was part of a charity case. So you want to ask her why. Why did she pick you?

Yeah, exactly. I want to ask her why. Why did she pick you? Yeah, exactly. I want to know that. Yeah, without her, I wouldn't have gone to prom. It would have just been another thing on my list of things I regret from high school. But it's not on that list. It's on the shorter list of things that I feel went okay. Yeah, I'd like to thank her. I'm just nervous which is why

Brandon has reached out to me if you get nervous I mean I can always jump in sure I've just assumed I'm gonna be coming along to chaperone

after the break I chaperone Brandon back to high school. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino. Where winning is undefeated.

19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Before Brandon can ask Allie the question that's been on his mind since senior year, we first need to track her down.

Her last name is Schmutz. I'm just making that up. Brandon's part of a Facebook group for his high school graduating class, and Allie is a member of the group as well. Does that mean that you can have a better chance of messaging her through that group? I mean, like, if I were going to use the group,

it would be making a post for my whole graduating class to see. Oh, might as well go big. Like, say, hey, I'm just going to put this out there to everybody. Yeah, if you're not Allie, please don't read this. But Allie, I just want to say, hey, hit me up. Here are my digits. Everybody else just lose this number.

Maybe Facebook friend her. I could do that. Yeah, I'd have to change my name on Facebook. My name hasn't been my real name for a long time. What's the name that you operate under? Oaktree. Just Oaktree? Just Oaktree.

I can't even find you as Brandon. I'd have to look up Oaktree? That's right. I was kind of playing with what kinds of words it lets me have as a name. Can you change your name from Oak Tree to Brandon? Probably a good idea. Then you don't have to start with a whole rigmarole about how

like, my name's not really Oak Tree, this is Brandon, by the way. You remember from high school? And so the mighty Oak Tree sheds his leaves and his name and the mighty Brandon sends Allie a friend request. A week later, Brandon texts with an update.

Allie has accepted his friendship. Now he just needs to send her a message. Okay, so you've crafted something already? Yeah. Could you read it? Sure, yeah. Hi, Allie. Good so far?

Good. Casual? Okay, cool. Go ahead. Yeah. Hi, Allie. Maybe you'll remember me. We were prom dates.

As Brandon reads me his draft, I focus my keen podcast producer's ear. By my recollection, it was your idea for us to go to prom together. Now, let me pause. Now, let me hit pause there. Like the way that you're underlining your idea. You're not actually

underlining that, though. I did italicize it. It was your idea for us to go to prom together. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it sounds accusatory out loud. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe we'll de-italicize that part. Okay, keep going. Brandon tells Allie that he still

thinks about their prom. He says he wants to talk to her about it. Would she be up for that? Okay, okay. Let's take a look at this here. Okay, so maybe you'll remember. As Brandon and I pour over the message, a worry suddenly pops into my head. I wonder if there's a way to work in the fact that you're married, you know? How about just, I'm married, but I'll just start with it. Hey, listen, I'm taken. Speaking as a married man, me and my wife were wondering, that is, my wife and I, we were wondering the other night after making love.

Yeah. making love. Yeah. You seem to be doing good work, and I hope you're well. All the best. Once we've crafted the perfect message, Brandon readies himself to hit send. Should I go ahead and do it? Yeah, let's do it.

Go ahead. Hit send. Enter. It's sent. Congratulations. Thank you. Enter. It's sent. Congratulations. Thank you. A week later, Allie writes back.

She's willing to talk. So that's good. It's a positive response. I, um... Look at you. You're giddy. You're giddy with expectation. Yeah. Can you tell? Because I keep. You're giddy with expectation. Yeah. Can you tell because I keep wiping my face and touching my eyes? Would it be fun to do it on a video call?

Sure, sure, yeah. Do you still have the suit that you wore to your prom? Yeah, I'll be like, I never took it off. Any things that you want me to bring up, just kind of like conversationally, awards or any upcoming projects that you want to promote? No, keep it organic, whatever. Cool, cool. I can keep it organic.

Cool. Yeah. Cool. Hello. Hello. I'm getting a little bit of static on your end. Yeah, hello. Better? Yeah.

On the day of the video call with Allie, Brandon and I get on early and wait. It feels like I'm getting back into the psyche of my high school self. Like I'm... Hi. Hi, Allie. Hi. How are you? Good.

Allie smiles a big smile full of big white teeth. She's wearing a blue pattern blouse that matches the blue of her nails. I'll just tell you what I've seen on your profile. You live in Carmel and you have a baby? I have two daughters, a three-year-old and a two-year-old. Awesome. They're right here on my wall. Brandon and Allie catch up.

The Midwest is just such a nice place to raise a family. It's recruiting, but there's like a sales element. And then, of course, the grandparents are here. Yeah, I figured that was part of it, being close to family. It's a huge resource. They're always willing to help. Brandon's question hasn't gotten any easier to ask since high school. In fact, it's gotten harder.

After a pause of a few minutes or even a few days, one can feign casualness. By the way, why'd you choose me? But to ask after 15 years, there's no way to buy the way your why'd you choose me? But to ask after 15 years, there's no way to buy the way your way through it. But eventually... So can I ask you some questions? Absolutely. I guess first, like, what are your memories of me in high school?

Yeah, so I was trying to think of this. Did we ever have any classes together? Probably not. Yeah, so we met senior year, right? I think so. Allie doesn't remember much, but one thing she does remember is that day in the back of the classroom. We were talking about prom, you know, as seniors do. And I think you had, you were like not into going to prom, right? You're like, no, I'm not going to go. Yeah. I remember like you had to really spell it out. You were like, are you going to prom, right? And you're like, no, I'm not going to go. Yeah, I remember you had to really spell it out. You were like, are you going to prom?

You're not. Okay, if you were, would you be going with someone? No, okay. And then eventually you were like, you and me can go to prom. Why don't we go to prom? That's funny. And then Brandon asks this question, sort of.

Like, at any point point did you consider having Having someone else as a date? Well, I would have been totally comfortable going by myself So I don't have any memories of thinking like I'm gonna ask Brandon And then if that doesn't work, I'm gonna ask so-and-so They're just gonna like I'm gonna ask Brandon That is surprising I'm going to ask so-and-so. They're just kind of like, I'm going to ask Brandon. That is surprising. I guess because I thought that it was spur of the moment,

like your friends were hearing this for the first time too. No, no. I was very obsessed with my friends, so I'm sure that I ran it by them. So you passed the friend test. Brandon grows quiet. It wasn't a prank. It wasn't pity.

Allie planned to ask him. What's more, she wasn't going to take no for an answer. I do remember, like, you did say no. I remember you saying no, and I'm like, oh, yeah. Give him a day. I'm going to make him go. He's going to go with me. But, yeah.

You were just surprised by the fact that I asked you? I mean, yeah, definitely. You made me laugh a lot. And I remember that you were just, you know, fun to be around and goofy. And you smiled at me a lot. I remember that, you know, fun to be around and goofy. And you smiled at me a lot. I remember that, you know, like I liked being around you. And if I made a joke, you would laugh at it. You know, you'd be like, that was funny, which is a great quality. You got me a corsage.

I remember that. I remember not expecting you to get me a corsage. I remember that. I remember not expecting you to get me a corsage. I'm thinking that was really nice. I do remember that. Isn't that silly? That, like, I don't remember a lot, but I remember that. So, you know, I'm going to be a little blunt here because... Sure. Was there anything else to it?

Like, was there an element of something romantic? So we probably flirted, right? But I don't know. I mean, friendship is really just the main feeling that I can recall. I'm not saying that there wasn't, you know? I mean, I don't know. You're a teenager. You're feeling all kinds of things.

I'm sure there were moments where I was like, oh, is this a thing? You know, is this turning into this? Yeah. That I think that I would have found that really hard to believe as a kid, you know, that would have gone against the narrative of school and what people thought of me that I had. I don't know. I guess to some extent, I knew that we were, I want to be honest. I knew that there, that some people were surprised by the fact that we were going together. Right. I do remember one time when I told some dude in my physics class, I can't remember,

that I was going with Brandon and they're like, wait, what? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, that's weird. And I'm like, you're weird. While Brandon remembers himself as a misfit, Allie remembers someone who is different than a lot of the other guys in high school. Brandon made wry jokes. He was sweet and self-deprecating. She remembers things that Brandon doesn't. She says there was one time Brandon did a whole monologue about how he found it hard to drive because of his fear of hitting birds. In other words, Allie asked him to prom for the one reason Brandon never considered. She just wanted to go with him. Did you have a good time at prom?

Because I really wanted that for you. I spent a lot of time thinking, like, that's my role. I'm the date. Here I go, you know? Yeah. Allie grows thoughtful. I guess I didn't even think that because, I mean, I talked you into it, right? So then here you are kind of not stuck, but like, yeah, feeling like you wanted to make it special for me because I was the one that was all about it. Yeah, I guess I never even thought about that.

I just think, Brandon, you're just so much more thoughtful, you know, just thoughtful about the whole experience. And I do want to thank you because that's so nice that you were thinking it was your duty to try to make sure I had the prom I wanted to have. Yeah. I honestly didn't even expect to be thanked from you for anything. I feel like I have to thank you because there's something really simple and superficial about this. But it felt really real that I finished high school as a person who went to prom. I got to go. I got to have a fun time and forget the misfit feelings I was having. That's awesome.

That's so awesome to hear you say that. That's really nice. My life started to really just like blossom and grow like from like the moment high school was over. And I guess I can't say for certain what that part of my life would have looked like had I not had the problem experience, but I can't say it was totally irrelevant. Was it out of that and kind of like into that period

that you ended up meeting your wife, Megan? Yeah, it was like that phase of life when Meg and I met. Her dress is so cute. She looks beautiful. This is Megan, Brandon's wife, looking at a photo of Allie from prom night. She looks amazing. She looks beautiful. This is Megan, Brandon's wife, looking at a photo of Allie from prom night. She looks amazing. She looks great. After getting off the video call, Allie sent the group photo from prom. Megan studies it while seated beside Brandon.

It's also, like, so cute to see you flanked by these, like, I mean, I'm sorry they're in high school. I don't really feel like I should be calling them hot babes, but you know what I mean? Like from the high school perspective, you lucky, lucky man. But as Brandon looks at the photo, I imagine it isn't his date or the other kids that he's focused on so much as he's focused on the big guy in the middle and all the baggage that guy was carrying. There's a lot of weird stuff about like my weight and, and growing up, like dieting and my mom putting me on a scale. And it was like, you're over this line, you know? You're unattractive. And what does it make you feel like, Megan, to hear that?

It makes me feel very protective, for sure. I think if we don't, we rarely really get into squabbles but if if ever we do what really disarms me is like thinking about that like little like young Brandon I feel like that it happened not even that long ago do you remember we were like standing at the kitchen and I started crying I was just like I had been so resentful and mad at you for a minute and then I just like was imagining you being like a little kid and having other like adults in his life not really tend to like the difficulties of that as well as they should have. I think about him just having to like navigate those insecurities alone. But Brandon no longer has to navigate them alone.

A few weeks ago, before chaperoning the prom with Megan, Brandon went to the tailor. He wanted to wear his wedding suit and needed her to let it out. She was like down on her knees, like looking at it, pulling the pants in different ways, and then said, okay, go ahead and open the pants up so I can see how much we can let out. And I don't know why, but I wasn't wearing underwear. I didn't wear underwear to the tailor.

I guess I didn't think that she was going to be asking that. So, yeah, she asked me to open the pants. And I was like, right now? And she was like, yep, go ahead. And I just said, I can't do that right now, if you know what I mean. Wow. I know.

I know. And I don't think, I'm honestly not sure if she knew what I meant, but she dropped it and said, okay, I think we'll just let it out all the way and that'll probably be enough. It was awful. It was awful. Brandon was spiraling. So as soon as he left, he sent Megan a text at school asking her to call him. And when she called me, I was fixing a flat. I got a flat tire on the way home. It was just like a shitty afternoon. So I was fixing a flat and telling her

what it was like at the tailor. And then, um, we hung up and then she texted me later and just said, like, I, I, I love you and I love the way your body looks. Um, and, and I, I, I don't think it's weird that you didn't wear underwear. I don't wear underwear either. It was just like a, you know what I mean? She was supportive. That fixed it almost immediately for me. Hmm. Well, I taught him to go commando, so I feel partially responsible.

What did you make of Brandon's question that he's had through the years? Why did Allie invite him to the prom in the first place? It didn't have to be a mystery. It makes perfect sense to me. That somebody who looks like Allie could like the person who she's standing next to. You. Brandon says the biggest difference between his two proms was that with Megan, he didn't spend the whole night wondering why the person by his side had chosen him.

He's just happy she did. I was comfortable the whole time. How could you not be comfortable? I mean, you weren't wearing underpants. The ultimate comfort. I'm going to use a little bit of a brush to paint the leaves. Now that the furniture's returning to its goodwill home Now that the last month's rent is scheming with the damage deposit Take this moment to decide This episode of Heavyweight was produced by Stevie Lane, along with me, Jonathan Goldstein, and Mohini McGowker. Our senior producer is Kalila Holt. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, Sharon Mishihi,

Mimi O'Donnell, Jessica Young, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Michael Hurst, the Jacoby Family Band, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website, gimletmedia.com slash heavyweight. Our theme song is by The Weaker Thans, courtesy of Epitaph Records.

Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight or email us at heavyweight at gimletmedia.com. We'll be back with a new episode next week. Like, we just, like, goof real easy. Like, making up weird songs, doing weird shit. Like, slap, just, like, I was going to say slapping each other's asses. But just, like, being stupid together, which sounds so corny or something, but, like, playing around all of the time.